All language subtitles for Will & Grace (1998) - S03E08-E09 - Lows in the Mid-Eighties (480p DVD x265 Silence)

Bad news, the hostess says it will
be at least 45 minutes for a table.

Did you tell her you were with the
star of Jack 2000, soon to be Jack
2001?

Yes I did. She gave me a similar
hand-gesture, but with a different
finger.

I don't know, maybe we should do
this another night?

- Nooooooo.
- Sweetie, we talked about that sound.

I knoooooooow.

But we're all leaving tomorrow,
I want us to have dinner

together before thanksgiving.

You mean tonight isn't thanksgiving?
Oh, crap. Now I have to spend all day

tomorrow, watching Stan gorge himself
on thighs and breasts... and turkey.

Well, if we have to wait, um, why don't
I get a bottle of champagne?

- That's a nice idea.
- What would you guys like?

Can I have another one of those,
only bigger?

Oh, tears, booze... I love the
holidays, too.

Do you think that men can't be
trusted?

Honey, I've always said, if your genitals
are on the outside, you're hiding
something on the inside.

I should warn you. Further
conversation with her will

only lead to more tears.

- Are you ok?
- I'm fine.

Grace, leave her alone. She obviously
doesn't want to talk.

It's my boyfriend, Tom. I mean,
I don't know what happened.

You know, just when things started
to get kinda serious, he

starts to pull away.

Which is so weird because we have so much
in common, like, we're both dance majors

We both know all the songs from
"The Wiz"--

And we both collect Victorian dolls.

- What's your name, dear?
- Pam.

Pam. Hi, I'm Jack McFarland,
of course.

Come, join our little circle of
love and dysfunction.

This is Karen Walker.
This is Will Truman, right here.

And this is your sorry ass future, if
you don't dump that boyfriend of yours.

Jack! Will, defend me!

Come on, man.

Yeah, guys, our little Pammy's
in a pickle. And shouldn't we

help her find her way back to
a place called hope?

Honey, she's wearing synthetic plaid.

It's a 4-day drive and a boat trip
to a place called hope.

What are you talking about?

Well, I think you need to hear a
little story about when these two were
dating.

Or as I like to call it, "When
Mary Met Sally."

Jack...
No. No. You are not telling that story.

It was an incredibly difficult
time in my life

and this is not the time or
the place.

The year was 1985. My freshman
year in college...

I am so into you.

I am so into you.

I am so into those earrings.

Aren't they great?

Aren't they great? Someone really cute and
sexy who smells like Paco Rabanne left them
under my pillow.

Really? Who could have done that?

I don't know, maybe the earring fairy.

Will, help me pump the keg.

Be right back.

So, um, ahem, Ellen didn't know... But she just
accidentally brushed her hand up against my unit.

Cool. Hey, Rob, tell me, does my butt
look huge in these jeans?

- I don't know.
- No, seriously, am I shaped like a pear?

Dude, I'm a guy, I don't know. Just get
some pants that fit and leave me alone.

So, uh, this is the big weekend, huh?
You going to her house for Thanksgiving?

- Oh, yeah.
- It is a scientific fact that

college girls love getting it on in their
folks' house.

- You have nailed her, haven't you?
- Oh, please.

I've not only nailed her, I--I've sanded,
buffed, stained and spackled her.

Ok, what do you mean you and Will
have never done it?

Well, he wants to take it slow,
and I see his point.

I mean, we're soul mates, so there's
no rush.

Yeah, I taught her a few things. Let me
tell you, my friend, she's an excellent student.

Like he taught me how to scrunch my hair
to keep the curl.

You know me, nothing I love more than
sex. Wi-wi-with a woman.

And he's so handsome. He reminds me of
those old Hollywood movie stars,

Like Rock Hudson or
Montgomery Clift.

Ok, fine. Do what you want.

Just afraid you're gonna miss your window.

Oh please, don't be insane.
What window?

Ok, you know my psych professor,
Dr. Bonami,

he says if you don't do it with
a guy right away

- you just end up as friends.
- Did he really say that?

- Yeah.
- Do you-- Do you really think if you're--
Friends...

I would die if that happened. I mean,
who wants a guy as a friend?

Thank you. If I want to take this
relationship to the next level,

we have to make love soon.
Like this weekend.

Don't say, "make love". It sounds,
like, totally gay.

Yo, beer's gone.

- Bye, sweetie. I'm gonna pack.
- Bye.

That's ok, I'll clean up.

Hi.

- What are you doing in the closet?
- I could ask the same of you.

- What? Who are you?
- Oh, how quickly they forget.

Oh, how quickly they forget. We met
at Matt Stokes' party. My card.

"Jack McFarland. Since 1969"

What are you even doing here?
Aren't you in high school?

Well, I prefer the college parties
'cause the

fellas tend to be less uptight about
their homosesuality.

Oh, yeah, now I remember you. You were the
one going around telling everybody you
were in Duran Duran..

Yeah, that's right. That's right. Yeah.

Oh, a-and you think everybody's gay.

No, not everybody, just me... And
you and a dog named Boo.

Hey, hey. Heh. I'm not gay.

Well, this well-worn copy of the "Dreamgirls"
soundtrack begs to differ.

- How would you like it if I kicked your ass?
- That depends on the spirit on which it is
delivered.

Hey hey hey! Gimme my clothes and get
outta here. I've gotta pack.

Oh. Where you off to,
Captain Crumbcake?

- Not that it's any of your business, but I'm going
away for the weekend with my girlfriend.
- Yeah, me too.

- What's his name?
- Her name is Grace.

Have you two had what the straights call
"intercourse" yet?

- Yes. A lot. Tons of times.
- Hmm. Well, I stand corrected.
Yet, as I sit, you become a liar again.

How 'bout that? Bet you every time she
wants to, you have some kind of excuse
like, "I respect you."

"We'll do it next weekend, I promise."

Lend me 20 bucks.

- What?
- Well, the last part was for me. Come on,
I'm good for it.

Ok. Out you go. We're done. Janet and Chrissy
are waiting for you at the Regal Beagle.

All right, ok, fine I'm leaving. You have my
card. Call me when you get tired of all this,
and want to talk about it.

Oh, and one more thing, burn those jeans,
your ass looks huge.

Some things never change.

My boyfriend has a rock hard butt.

Then again, he spends all his time
in aerobics class.

Anyway, what does this have to
do with Tom and me?

Let me shorthand it for you,
honey.

The Sultan of Boran?

- What does that have to do w--
- Your story was boring.

Anyway, after my little talk
with Ellen

I decided that it had to be
that weekend.

So, we took a train up to my
parents' house in Schenectady,

where Will learned the answer to
that age-old question:

"What ever did happen to Baby
Jane?"

Mom.

Honey, you're home.

Grace, I always forget how
beautiful you are.

- Mom giveth.
- Why do you have to cock it up
with that hair?

And mom taketh away.

- You must be Will. Lovely to meet
you.
- Nice to meet you, Mrs. Adler.

You have a beautiful home. Your
interior decorator did a great job.

- Oh, no no no no. I did it myself.
- Wow! It looks so professional.

Oh, aren't you a darling?

- Your mom's good.
- No, you're good.

- Say hello to Julius, my arranger.
- Hi.

Hell-ooh.

So, Julius, what do we think about Will?

I think where there's a Will, there's
a way.

Isn't he clever? Why some woman has never
snatched him up is beyond me.

- Where's daddy?
- He's in Connecticut.

Grandma Rose threatened to die.
Joyce, your sister's here!

- Big whup.
- You get down here or I'll knock you
till Tuesday!

- Would you like a little juice?
- I'm fine, thanks.

Hi, Joyce.

Don't you be all nice just 'cause
your boyfriend's here.

I know that you stole my poncho,
you skank.

I wouldn't touch that poncho. You blew
chunks all over it that time at Playland.

Uh, Joyce, hi. I-I'm Will. Grace showed
me that drawing of a unicorn you

did at, uh, Camp Yes-I-Can. Yeah, it was
beautiful.

- I wish I could draw like that.
- It's no big deal.

- You've an older sister don't you? Janet?
- No.

Why don't you two go on upstairs and put
your things down. Joyce, you'll stay down here.

Will, you'll stay in Joyce's room.

- Grace, you'll stay in your room.
- What? No, Will's gonna sleep in
my bedroom with me.

- No, no, no, he isn't.
- Grace, it--it's fine.

Nooooo! Nooooo! Mom, you can't
do that. This is so unfair.

Well, so's my cottage cheese ass,
but...

Why is that always your answer
for everything?

Me?

Will and I are adults. We've been
going out for nearly three months now,

- and I think that we should have--
- Grace, there are two rules in this house.

Number one: boys and girls don't sleep in the
same bedroom, unless they're married. And Will,

always light matches in the bathroom after
poopie-doos.

I guess that would be number two.

So, then, we have dinner, and we look at a
zillion pictures of a nude 2-year-old

Grace riding the family dog.

Oh, you like that do ya?

Well, maybe you'd like a little of this,
huh?

- Yeah, you do, don't ya? Huh, huh?
- Karen, what are you do-

- Are you-- Are you flashing that woman?!
- She started it.

She's nursing.

Hmm. That explains the little
bald man.

Anyway,

later that night, I'm getting
ready for bed,

I figure, now I'm safe.

- Shh. Shh. Relax.
- What are you doing here?

- Nothing.
- Wha--you shouldn't be here, you know.
We're gonna get in trouble.

Not if we're quiet. But if you play your
cards right,

might not be.

What are you suggesting?

Well, you, me... A bed...

I thought that we might...
Don't make me say it.

Grace, I don't know.

Mmm. Come on. What are we waiting for?

Well, I'm just-- I'm kind of tired.
All that turkey... Made me sleepy.

Really? 'Cause it made me horny.

- J-J-Just a sec.
- But I said I was horny.

Just a minute, I--I think those new
potatoes weren't so new.

Oh, poor baby. The matches are under
the macram� turtle.

Thank you.

Mom, phone!

Mom!

Su-su-sussudio.

- Hi, Jack, it's-- it's Will Truman.
- Oh, right, from Queens College?

- No, I go to Columbia.
- Missy, anywhere you go is Queens College.

Yeah, oh-- You know what? That-- That's why
I called. You know, what you said really
bugged me. I am not gay.

Mom! There's chicken on the rug!

I was saying... That you--you know nothing
about me, because if you did know me, you
would know that-- that--

That what?

That I love you, Jack.

I've always loved you...

From the moment I laid eyes on you--

I never said that!

You see what happens when I let you
tell the story?

Well, if I had let you tell it, you
would've left out the chicken.

What really happened was...

I'm saying you know nothing about me, because
if you did know me, you would know that I'm
not gay.

Oh, yeah. Now I get it. Ahem. You're in stage 3--
You've bought the short shorts, but you're afraid
to put 'em on.

- Yeah, put 'em on, Will. Come on. Put 'em on.
- Would you stop? Stop saying that.

- Ok, I am not g-
- You're gay, Will, okay?

You're gayer than the day is long.

You're Marvin 'Gaye'.

And let me tell you somethin'--
Ain't no closet big enough.

This-- this is ludicrous. I mean,
we spent all of four minutes together.

Yeah, and in the first four seconds,
I could tell that you were carrying the
weight of the world on your shoulders...

And about 20 extra pounds on your
hips.

Ha! And why wouldn't you? It's a
drag pretending to be something you're
not.

Yeah, if I'm pretending, then how come I
can't wait to get back in there

and have sex with my girlfriend?

Well, if you can't wait to get
back in there and

make muskrat love to your girlfriend,
then why are you on the phone with me?

Yeah, that's what I thought. You're
my new best friend. Call me every five
minutes.

Crap. Why today?

Hi, I was starting to get worried
about--

What-- What-- What's with you?

Let's have some sex.

- Enough already
- Shut up!

You were losin' her. I had to
do somethin'.

But you know, for a sultan,
dude knew how to party.

Later we did Jell-O shots with one
of the guys from Hall and Oates.

- �Hall?
- Oates.

Back to my story.

Honey, I've got some bad news.

As much as I would love to be Mrs. Habibi Shoshani
Padush Al-Kabir, I'm afraid I can't marry you.

I'm just not in love with you. I'm in love with
another man. Sure, he hasn't got your money,

but I really think that with my help,
we can make it work.

Just come back to my house in Fort Lee
and make love with me one more time.

Sorry, sultan. Save the tow.
It's midnight at the oasis.

Send your camel to bed. Listen, honey,
I'm a little emotionally drained.

I think I'm just gonna go home and
cry myself to sleep

Karen, where have you been? I've
been lookin' all over for you, baby.

Oh, Clayton, I got some bad news. I
can't marry you. I'm in love with
another man.

But does he have my moxie? Can he make
love to you all night long?

Well, the way he does it, he makes it
feel like it's all night long,

but I really think with my help,
we can make it work.

Karen, I don't know what to say. I'll
never meet another woman like you.

Oh... That's so true.

Listen, honey. I'm emotionally drained.

I think I'm just gonna go home and cry
myself to sleep.

Oh, Martina.

Karen, where have you been?
I've missed you.

Oh, honey, listen. I've got some bad news.
I can't marry you. I'm in love with someone
else.

But, Karen, I was straight before I met you.

Well, that's the way the cookie crumbles,
Marti.

Well, then who? And can she give you what
I give you?

You mean companionship, vitality,
a sneaky drop shot?

No, no. No, he's a doughy thing with
squat little legs and a bad case of
recurring psoriasis,

but... I love him, and with my help... Oh!
Who am I kidding?

I just love him. Who knows why?
I love Stanley Walker!

Now that's a story! Ha ha!

So Will comes back from the bathroom...

Right. So, Will comes out of the
bathroom. We start getting into it.

I take the lead, because you know,
I've done it three and a half times.

- Ow, ow, ow. You're on my hair.
- Oh, sorry.

- Mmm, you feel so--
- Ow, ow, ow! You're on my hair.

- You just elbowed me in the eye.
- I'm sorry. Sorry.

Just let me...
Damn. Let me... Ok. Ow!

Ow! Aw! Oh! Ok, that's it. We're done with
foreplay. Come here.

What? Are you ok?

Yeah. I---I think we should wait.

- Noooooo!
- Yeah.

- Why?
- Are we ready?

Are we ready? This is a really big step, and
I just-- I don't want to-- I want it to be right.

- I don't want to rush into it.
- Oh, my God. Are you--

- You are.
- What?

I mean, I sort of suspected it. I mean, it
certainly would explain a lot of--

- Oh, no, no! Oh, no!
- Oh, no, no, no, no, no, no. It's ok.

ou don't have to feel bad. My dad was
one all through the army.

He-- What?

- You're a virgin.
- Virgin, yes. No! Oh, no! No, no, no, no
I'm definitely not a virgin..

In fact, uh... I've been known to be
something of a lady man--Ladies man!
Ladies man. Ha. A man! You know. Yeah..

- Well...well, then why are we waiting?
- Because...

- But why?
- Because I love you.

Oh my god.

You are so sweet.

That's so like you, to say
it first.

I love you too.

- Okay, I have to have you right now.
- Whoa! No! Wait, wait, wait, wait!

- Hold--hold--hold! Didn't you hear me?
I--I--I love you.
- Yeah, yeah. Love you, too. Let's go.

- Grace, Grace!
- What?

- Grace, just-- God! God! I think we really,
really should wait.
- What? Oh, but why?

- I mean, what are we doing? Are we waiting
till we're married?
- Yes! Let's get married!

- What?
- Let's get married and let's wait
till we get married.

You want to get married?

Oh! Oh, my god! Will.

Yes, I will marry you, Will Truman.
Ha ha!

Well... Well, great!

You asked Grace to marry you?

I panicked. It was either that
or have sex with her.

I mean, God! Put yourself in my--
Ok.

Will, you know what I think
your problem was?

I think you were afraid of
loving yourself.

Where the hell did that come from?

Can you see me?

Anyway,
the moment I said yes,

he turned two shades of green
and ran into the bathroom,

which I found incredibly romantic,
because my father

did the exact same thing after
he proposed to my mom.

So I'm in there for, like, 20 minutes.
So I come up with a perfect plan.

Grace, Grace?

(Singing MY FAIR LADY)
I'm getting married in the morning,
ding dong, the bells are gonna chime!

pull out the stopper, we'll
have a whopper

and get me to the "shul" on time.

Will.
Oh, there he is! Congratulations!

Welcome to the family, son...
I want her knocked up by spring.

- Grace, we, uh, we need to talk.
- Congratulations.

- Thank you.
- I've been engaged twice.

-Yeah. Grace...
-Will, come on, come on. Meet everybody.

Meet the mishpokhe.
This is Aunt Ida, diabetic...

Uncle Coppy, gambler...

Aunt Reba and Uncle Joe--
colitis, colitis.

-If I could have one moment.
-Oh, moment shmoment.

Give your new mother a big kiss
right on the lips.

Wh-- yeah. That was uncomfortable.

Now give your new sister a kiss
right on the lips. Here. Hold this.

- Oh, no, no, no, no! Stop. Stop.
Everybody stop.
- We need champagne. More champagne.

Yes. I'll go. Let me get that.
In fact... We'll get that.

Ok. When we get married, I'm
not only gonna take your name,

I'm gonna take your family,
too. Ha ha ha ha!

I can't believe we're actually
gonna do this.

Look, um... I don't really know
how to tell you this, so I'm just--

I'm just gonna tell you. Um, you
know before when I said I loved you?

I really, really meant that. I do
love you. You're the best.

I can't imagine my life without you.

Well, now you never have to worry
about that.

Yeah, well, actually, I... I'm
feeling a little lightheaded.

Um, see, there's this one teensy
little complication...
Actually, not so teensy. I--

- I'm gay.
- Are you hungry?

- What?
- What?

- I'm gay!
- Are you hungry?!

- What?
- What?

- I'm gay!
- Are y-

I'm gay.

Hey, now. Not exactly the reaction
I was expecting.

Ha ha ha! You kill me. Ha ha ha!

- Oh, my God.
- Grace, I...

- Oh, my God.
- Grace, I can...

- Oh, my God.
- Grace...

- When did you... We're getting married.
- Yeah, you know, I don't think I can
go through with that, either.

I can't-- I don't even know--
How long have you known this?

I--I think on some level I've
always known.

You know, I mean, the guy toweling
himself off in the Zest commercial

always did a little too much for me.

Oh, great. Great. The Zest guy
knew before me.

No, no, no, no. Listen. That's
not what I'm saying.

I don't think I really knew for
sure until we were in bed together.

You know? And I took one look at
you in your sexy underwear, and
I just went...

"Whoa. I am gay."

You know? I mean, do you know
what I mean?

Yeah. Yeah, I think I do.
Just one thing.

- Ow! Hey! Hey! What are you doing?
What are you doing?
- You bastard!

I'm in love with you, and you're
treating me like some sort of test
drive?!

You take me out for a spin, and you go,
"Hmm, I don't really like the feel of

this one. I think I'd rather
have a stick."

But... don't you see what a
compliment that is?

I mean, I mean, I love you, so
if I can't make it work with you,

- then it'll never work with any woman,
because you're perfect for me.
- That is not a compliment.

A compliment is "You're sexy,
you turn me on,"

not "one look at you proves
I'm a queer."

Look, I understand that you're upset,
but I mean, this is-- this is a
very big step for me, you know?

- How about a little support here?
- Well, you probably would've gotten a lot
more support from me

if you hadn't asked me to marry
you first.

Okay. In hindsight, not a good move.

Oh. Hindsight? Is that, like,
one of your gay words?

What? Look, I never meant to hurt
you, but it's not like

- I planned to be gay.
- I heard yelling. Is everything ok?

- What's going on?
- Nothing.

- Will's gay.
- Oh, sweetie, oh.

- Julius, I owe you 20 bucks.
- Oh my God.

- What's going on?
- Nothing.

- Will's gay.
- Grace, you ruin everything!

Oh my God!

- Get out.
- What?

I want you to get your things,
and I want you to leave.

You know, I always knew this
would be hard.

I--I guess I just hoped that because
it was you,

it wouldn't be the worst moment
of my life.

- Ok, so she threw you out? Then
what happened?
- Well, then mother and I went to the DQ

for some Brazier burgers and a
Dilly Bar.

High fat? High fun.

Not you, Dairy Queen.
She means us.

Yeah, what happened?

- Then, um...
- Then we didn't talk for a year.

Good times.

A whole year? You didn't talk for
a year? What were you doing all
that time?

I was instrumental in bringing Cats
over from London.

Oh, not the musical. Ethan Katz,
a Jewish hottie from Piccadilly.

Oh, it's not me again? Oh.

Grace didn't really want to deal with me,

and I had a lot of my own stuff to deal
with, you know,

like telling everyone
in my life who I really was.

- So, uh, have you been gay this
whole time?
- Pretty much.

Were you gay when you put that
Coppertone on me in Fort Lauderdale?

Rob, I know what you're thinking,
but I don't want you to worry.

You know, last night when you
passed out... And I made love to you,

I was totally straight. Ha ha!

Then of course, I had to tell my mom
and dad.

And then I had to tell everyone
in my life.

How could I not have known?
He was Boy George for Halloween.

He has a diffuser on his blow-dryer.

And he's prettier than me.

Oh, baby. This must be so
hard for you.

It is. I knew you'd understand.

Oh. For a guy to do that to you.
It's humiliating.

I would die. I would just die.

You must not feel sexual...
Or pretty.

Then there's that gnawing question.
God, did I turn him gay?

- I mean, am I so gross that--
- Ok.

I get that you get it.

- Think you'll ever talk to Will again?
- Oh, no way.

People already think I'm weird
'cause of my haircut.

You add a gay friend to that,
I might as well be a drama major.

Man, I was so pissed at you.

Pissed? Honey, you don't know
the meaning of the word.

If you'll remember, the last
time we left the interesting story...

I had 3 different people dying
to marry me

including a 9-time Wimbledon
singles champion...

And I left them all behind to
be with the man I love,

and then it turns out...
The bastard's married.

Stan is married.
Can you believe that?

I had three different people
dying to marry me,

including a 6-time Wimbledon
singles champion.

Oh, shut your trap, barfly.

- What?! Who the hell are you?
- Listen, Boozo the clown...

You're bringing us down. If it was
meant to be with this man, it was
meant to be.

Huh? Who asked you to pop your head
out of your conch shell?

If I want advice, I'm not gonna ask for
it from a cigarette-slinging,
tray-carrying, mint wrangler.

I like you. Why don't you
come work for me?

Ok.

And although it was ten years
before Stan and I officially hooked up,

Rosario and I have been together
ever since.

Yeah.
Damn it! My story sucks, too.

Anyway... A year goes by,
Thanksgiving rolls around again,

and then one night at D'Agostinos...

- Should we do sweet potatoes or mashed?
- Mashed, and I'm in love with you.

- What?
- Will, why are we pretending?

We spend every second together.
We call each other a hundred times a night.

I saw the way you were lookin' at me
the other day when we were at that
place shoppin' for shoes.

Look, Jack. I owe you everything,
you know?

I mean, this past year, coming out.

You've been like my sherpard through
the Himalayas of...

Of him-a-laying.

But I just don't feel that way about you,
you know?

I love you the way you love a
cherished family pet...

...that you never want to
have sex with.

We're meant to be girlfriends,
not boyfriends, you know?

It's better that way.

Brava. You've passed the test.
I was worried your feelings might

get in the way of our friendship,
but I'm glad we've cleared that up.

I really had you goin' there with
the "I'm in love with you thing," didn't I?

- Yeah, you did.
- Me, in love with you. Ha ha ha ha.

Me, in love with you? Ha!
Craziness. If you'll excuse me,

I'll be in the frozen foods section.
I thought it'd be nice if we started
Thanksgiving with some Jeno's eggrolls.

- Will.
- Grace, hi.

- Hi.
-How've you been?

- Good. Great. I've been great.
You?

Great. Great, uh, haven't seen
you in months.

- It's been a year. I moved off campus.
- Why'd you do that?

People kept writing "Grace plus Liberace"
on my memo board.

- You still mad at me?
- I'm not mad at you.

I mean on some level I knew.

- You did?
- Yeah. I mean, girls know.

- I knew.
- Well, if you knew,

why didn't you tell me?

- We could've saved ourselves a
hell of a lot of--
- I didn't really know.

I just swore that when I ran
into you, I would say that.

You know, I left about a dozen
messages.

And I wrote you a letter.
Did you get the letter?

- Wait a minute. What was that?
- What?

That woman that you were hiding from.
What was that all about?

Well, the last thing he wanted to
do was run into Diane.

Heh. Yeah. So, uh, then we,
um... we made up,

and we have been best friends ever
since. Right, sweetie?

- Right.
- Well, you're all boring and I'm fun.

I better get back to the kids.
Smell you later.

- Who's Diane?
- You know, the girl Will slept with

after you two broke up.

- What?
- You know, the kids will be fine.

I cracked a window in the limo.

You knew that.
You've told her.

You didn't know that?

You didn't tell her?

- What is he talking about?
- Nothing. It was this-- this girl--

Listen, it was nothing. Nothing.
Anyway, best friends! Huh?

- Don't. Will, don't--don't.
- Grace, Grace.

When I get home, I'm gonna rip your
heart out through your foot.

Oh. We should do this every year.

Are they coming back, because I
still don't understand

what this story has to do
with me and Tom.

Oh, cripes. Honey, let me
give it to you in a nutshell.

Your boyfriend's a big flaming
feather-wearing,

man-kissing, disco-dancing...

Vermont-living,
Christina Aguilera-loving,

Mikanos-going--
Honey, take it on home.

- Tom's queer, dear.
- Merry Christmas!

Would you hang on,
please? Gracie!

- How come you didn't tell me?
- Because I thought it would upset you.
- Well, it did.

- Well, that's why I didn't tell you.
- You're unbelievable. 15 years later,
and you're still lying to me.

- Need a cab, miss?
- No.

- I was gonna get around to telling you.
- When?

- Right after you found out.

- That's not even funny.
- Why is this such a big deal?

Because I thought that I was the
one that helped you come out.

- You were!
- I thought that I was the one that
changed your life.

- You did!
- I thought it was my naked body

- that did nothing for you!
- It didn't! It still doesn't!

- Don't try to make me feel better.
- Grace, come inside.

I don't want to come inside!

-�Taxi?
-No.

After what happened with us, I--
I was... 99% sure, you know.

But it was that one little
percent hanging over me, so I...

I met this woman at a party,
we got stinking drunk, went back
to her room--

it was awful.

So it could have been awful with me.

Why didn't you make it awful with
me?

Because I love you.
I cared about you.

I--I--I-- I didn't want to put
you through that.

I needed to try it with someone
I didn't love.

-It was awful, huh?
-Beyond awful.

Remember that nature special with
the elephant seals flopping all over
the place?

Needed to picture the cute guy that
hosted that show just to make it through.

Ok, is this it? Or are there any other
sordid heterosexual stories I should know
about?

I swear, like walking through the kitchen
of a Chinese restaurant-- something I only
needed to try once.

-Cab, lady?
- No! God, it's amazing.

When you need one, you can never get
one...

-and then when you don't-
-Actually, you know, Grace, um...

it's raining and we're 40 blocks
from home.

We--we did need one.

Taxi?

-Come on. So we okay?
-We will be.

Are we okay?

We will be.