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- ♪ MTV ♪
2
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[chuckling]
3
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[rock music]
4
00:00:12,229 --> 00:00:19,062
♪ ♪
5
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[chuckling, splatting]
6
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- [grunts]
7
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[both chuckling]
8
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- [grunts]
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- Ketchup kicks ass.
10
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- You know, it just doesn't
get any better than this,
11
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Butt-Head.
[chuckling]
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- These are the times
we will always look back on.
13
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[squelches]
- Hey!
14
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- Uh--
15
00:00:50,920 --> 00:00:52,313
- You do this?
16
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- Well, Butt-Head
didn't mean to, um--
17
00:00:54,141 --> 00:00:56,665
he was, um--
18
00:00:56,752 --> 00:00:57,709
Butt-Head?
19
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- Kick his ass.
20
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[chuckles]
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- Uh-oh.
22
00:01:02,192 --> 00:01:03,802
- You little punk-ass bitch!
23
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You and I are throwing
hands after school.
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3 o'clock in parking lot B.
See you there.
25
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- That guy is cool.
26
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Maybe him kicking your ass
will be on Worldstar.
27
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[chuckles]
28
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- It's important that,
whoever you're photographing,
29
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to understand that posing is
actually gonna bring out--
30
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- So who is this guy?
What's he doing?
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[chuckling]
32
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- Uh, well, he says
he's a photographer,
33
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but I don't see a camera.
[chuckling]
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- So you have a guy
in front of you
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and you think,
where on Earth do I start?
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- Yeah.
37
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"Where on Earth do I start?
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His whole body is a feast."
[chuckling]
39
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- "I mean,
do I have sex with him?
40
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"Do I murder him?
"I mean--or how about both?
41
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I mean, why choose, you know?"
[chuckling]
42
00:01:49,718 --> 00:01:51,198
- Now, body language
will suggest that
43
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he's feeling uncomfortable.
44
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- "He's probably uncomfortable
because he just
45
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saw me lock all the doors."
46
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[both chuckling]
47
00:01:57,769 --> 00:01:59,989
- And actual posing, and
getting people to mirror you,
48
00:02:00,076 --> 00:02:03,862
is the easiest way for someone,
uh, to understand posing--
49
00:02:03,949 --> 00:02:06,822
- "For example, right now,
I'm posing as a photographer."
50
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[both chuckling]
51
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- We've only met once before.
We have--
52
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- "Now, we've only
met once before.
53
00:02:14,308 --> 00:02:16,614
"It was at a bus station.
54
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But I've met a lot
of men like you."
55
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- "Young, good looking,
just ran away from home,
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didn't tell anyone
his whereabouts."
57
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- "Just ripening
into manhood."
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- Now, here's the
before and after.
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By the way, this is Jacob.
I call him a Disney prince.
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- "See, Mom?
He calls me his Disney prince.
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He wouldn't do that
if he was a pervert."
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00:02:37,418 --> 00:02:39,028
[both chuckling]
63
00:02:39,115 --> 00:02:41,161
- So maybe just undo that.
64
00:02:41,248 --> 00:02:43,163
- "Maybe undo that,
maybe undo your belt
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and drop your pants."
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- "Again, I'm not
doing anything.
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You're doing this
of your own free will."
68
00:02:49,081 --> 00:02:50,430
- "You know what?
Just for kicks,
69
00:02:50,518 --> 00:02:51,432
"let's have you take off
your clothes.
70
00:02:51,519 --> 00:02:53,999
Yeah."
- "Yeah, let's get all crazy."
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00:02:54,086 --> 00:02:57,873
[chuckling]
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- "Oh, you know what
would make a cool photo?
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If you were tied up
in my trunk."
74
00:03:03,008 --> 00:03:04,314
- "You know, let's just try it.
75
00:03:04,401 --> 00:03:06,447
"You know, if it doesn't work,
it doesn't work.
76
00:03:06,534 --> 00:03:08,318
But I think
it's gonna work, yeah."
77
00:03:08,405 --> 00:03:09,580
- Framing the boys right now.
78
00:03:09,667 --> 00:03:11,191
We don't want to
frame the boys.
79
00:03:11,278 --> 00:03:13,018
- "Yeah, my next video
is gonna be how to pose
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00:03:13,105 --> 00:03:15,891
"a dead body.
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00:03:15,978 --> 00:03:19,242
You start out by posing
as a photographer, see."
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- Uh, didn't you go to
a photographer's house once
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00:03:22,114 --> 00:03:23,942
to take pictures?
84
00:03:24,029 --> 00:03:25,814
- Yeah.
85
00:03:25,901 --> 00:03:27,207
Yeah, he didn't have
a camera, either.
86
00:03:27,294 --> 00:03:31,079
- Uh, OK.
87
00:03:31,167 --> 00:03:32,603
Where'd you meet him?
88
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- It was just on the highway,
you know.
89
00:03:35,780 --> 00:03:36,564
I was just,
you know, walking along,
90
00:03:36,651 --> 00:03:38,000
and he pulled over.
91
00:03:38,087 --> 00:03:40,045
[both chuckling]
92
00:03:40,132 --> 00:03:43,223
- OK, Beavis.
93
00:03:43,310 --> 00:03:45,964
- I helped him bury this,
like, big roll of carpet
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00:03:46,051 --> 00:03:48,140
he had wrapped in a blanket,
and, uh,
95
00:03:48,228 --> 00:03:50,404
he said I deserved
a reward, you know, so, um,
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00:03:50,491 --> 00:03:53,581
I went back to his place,
you know.
97
00:03:53,668 --> 00:03:54,973
Then it gets a little
blurry from there.
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00:03:55,060 --> 00:03:58,454
[both chuckling]
99
00:03:58,542 --> 00:04:01,023
But then when I left,
he did ask me to forgive him.
100
00:04:01,110 --> 00:04:02,851
I do remember that, yeah.
101
00:04:02,938 --> 00:04:04,940
Yeah, good guy. Yeah.
102
00:04:05,027 --> 00:04:08,726
- Uh, cool.
[chuckling]
103
00:04:08,813 --> 00:04:09,901
- Hope you enjoyed that.
We'll see you soon.
104
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- I'm scared, Butt-Head.
105
00:04:14,776 --> 00:04:16,690
That guy's gonna kick my ass
at 3 o'clock.
106
00:04:16,778 --> 00:04:18,214
- Yeah.
107
00:04:18,301 --> 00:04:20,216
This is gonna be cool.
[chuckling]
108
00:04:20,303 --> 00:04:23,175
- Damn it, this sucks.
[chuckling]
109
00:04:23,263 --> 00:04:27,267
- Uh, why don't you just
kick Steve's ass instead?
110
00:04:27,354 --> 00:04:29,356
Kicking someone's ass is easy.
111
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- Yeah, yeah.
You do it to me all the time.
112
00:04:32,183 --> 00:04:34,012
- I can, like,
teach you everything
113
00:04:34,099 --> 00:04:36,624
you need to know to be good
at fighting before 3 o'clock.
114
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- Whoa, really?
115
00:04:38,234 --> 00:04:40,236
Yeah, thanks, Butt-Head.
116
00:04:40,323 --> 00:04:43,283
- But if I am to train you,
I need your total commitment.
117
00:04:43,370 --> 00:04:44,806
I need to know that
you're willing to do
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whatever it takes,
no matter how difficult,
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to kick this guy's ass.
120
00:04:49,724 --> 00:04:52,988
Otherwise,
I'm not going to waste my time.
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[chuckles]
122
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- Yeah, yeah.
Yeah, I'm ready, yeah.
123
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- All right, then.
124
00:04:59,386 --> 00:05:02,040
I'll meet you in the gym
after my second lunch.
125
00:05:02,127 --> 00:05:03,085
[chuckling]
126
00:05:03,172 --> 00:05:05,653
[dramatic music]
127
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♪ ♪
128
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- Here I am, Butt-Head.
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00:05:08,699 --> 00:05:10,571
- Are you ready to
do everything I say,
130
00:05:10,658 --> 00:05:12,312
without question?
- Yes, I am. Yes.
131
00:05:12,399 --> 00:05:14,488
[chuckling]
- Very well.
132
00:05:14,575 --> 00:05:18,753
Then go to Maxi-Mart
and buy me some nachos.
133
00:05:18,840 --> 00:05:21,190
- Um, wait a minute.
How's that gonna--
134
00:05:21,277 --> 00:05:22,757
- Do not question me.
135
00:05:22,844 --> 00:05:25,412
My methods are, like,
unconventional.
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00:05:25,499 --> 00:05:27,544
- OK, OK.
137
00:05:27,631 --> 00:05:30,547
♪ ♪
138
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Butt-Head!
139
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Butt-Head, I see why
you made me do that.
140
00:05:33,985 --> 00:05:36,205
Paying for the nachos
is the exact same motion
141
00:05:36,292 --> 00:05:38,729
I can use to block a punch,
142
00:05:38,816 --> 00:05:42,298
a-and carrying them over here
gave me the exercise I need--
143
00:05:42,385 --> 00:05:44,909
- No, that's not it.
144
00:05:44,996 --> 00:05:46,520
Better go buy me
some more nachos
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00:05:46,607 --> 00:05:50,132
until you figure it out.
[chuckling]
146
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- [panting]
147
00:05:52,439 --> 00:05:54,571
♪ ♪
148
00:05:54,658 --> 00:05:56,312
Here you go.
149
00:05:56,399 --> 00:05:58,314
Butt-Head, I still can't
figure out why you're making me
150
00:05:58,401 --> 00:06:00,011
buy all these nachos.
151
00:06:00,098 --> 00:06:01,752
- Uh, that's OK.
152
00:06:01,839 --> 00:06:03,624
I can't eat anymore.
153
00:06:03,711 --> 00:06:07,192
OK.
Let's see what you've learned.
154
00:06:07,279 --> 00:06:08,803
Lesson one.
155
00:06:08,890 --> 00:06:10,544
- Ah! Ow!
156
00:06:10,631 --> 00:06:12,415
- You dumbass, you got
to hold your hands up
157
00:06:12,502 --> 00:06:14,374
to protect your face.
158
00:06:14,461 --> 00:06:15,810
Come on.
- Oh, yeah, yeah.
159
00:06:15,897 --> 00:06:18,421
Yeah, like I'm paying
for nachos, yeah.
160
00:06:18,508 --> 00:06:19,901
- Are your hands up high?
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00:06:19,988 --> 00:06:21,859
- Yep, they sure are, yeah.
162
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- Good.
163
00:06:23,600 --> 00:06:25,950
- [screams]
164
00:06:26,037 --> 00:06:28,518
- You didn't learn anything.
165
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[chuckling]
- [groaning]
166
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Damn it.
167
00:06:31,869 --> 00:06:33,305
[grunts]
168
00:06:33,393 --> 00:06:36,134
Steve's gonna kick my ass
pretty soon.
169
00:06:36,221 --> 00:06:39,050
Maybe I'll just go, like,
hide until everyone leaves.
170
00:06:39,137 --> 00:06:40,487
[chuckling]
171
00:06:40,574 --> 00:06:41,879
Yeah.
Yeah.
172
00:06:41,966 --> 00:06:43,098
Yeah, let's find some
place to hide here.
173
00:06:43,185 --> 00:06:44,665
Here we go, yeah.
174
00:06:46,841 --> 00:06:48,190
Whoa!
[chuckling]
175
00:06:48,277 --> 00:06:51,323
What have we here?
176
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Cones.
177
00:06:53,325 --> 00:06:55,589
[shoes squeaking]
178
00:06:55,676 --> 00:06:58,983
Check it out, Butt-Head.
179
00:06:59,070 --> 00:07:03,118
[snickers] There's no way
Steve can kick my ass now.
180
00:07:03,205 --> 00:07:06,556
He can hit me as much as
he wants, and I won't feel it.
181
00:07:06,643 --> 00:07:08,297
Come on, Butt-Head.
Hit me anywhere.
182
00:07:08,384 --> 00:07:10,734
[grunts, chuckles]
183
00:07:10,821 --> 00:07:12,867
Damn it.
Wait a second, wait a second.
184
00:07:12,954 --> 00:07:15,609
Um, Butt-Head,
my stick's stuck.
185
00:07:15,696 --> 00:07:17,741
I can't fight without my stick.
186
00:07:17,828 --> 00:07:19,700
- I think one of these buttons
can, like,
187
00:07:19,787 --> 00:07:21,702
lower the basketball hole
or something.
188
00:07:21,789 --> 00:07:23,399
[chuckling]
189
00:07:23,486 --> 00:07:25,053
Uh--
190
00:07:25,140 --> 00:07:26,271
[whirring]
191
00:07:26,358 --> 00:07:27,055
That should do it.
192
00:07:27,142 --> 00:07:28,099
- Wait a second.
193
00:07:28,186 --> 00:07:29,449
Ah!
194
00:07:29,536 --> 00:07:31,276
Help, Butt-Head!
195
00:07:31,363 --> 00:07:33,235
- Let go of the stick,
ass-munch.
196
00:07:33,322 --> 00:07:34,889
- I'm too high up.
197
00:07:34,976 --> 00:07:37,195
You got to lower it.
[grunting]
198
00:07:37,282 --> 00:07:38,501
Damn it.
Ah!
199
00:07:38,588 --> 00:07:39,807
Stop! Stop!
200
00:07:39,894 --> 00:07:41,678
Ah!
Help, Butt-Head!
201
00:07:41,765 --> 00:07:43,027
- Dumbass.
202
00:07:43,114 --> 00:07:44,725
- Ah! Stop!
203
00:07:49,294 --> 00:07:51,253
- Stop!
- Hold still, Beavis.
204
00:07:51,340 --> 00:07:53,690
I got to get you down
so you can get your ass kicked.
205
00:07:55,170 --> 00:07:56,650
- Ow!
206
00:07:56,737 --> 00:07:57,694
Ah!
207
00:07:59,522 --> 00:08:02,133
- Good job, Beavis.
208
00:08:02,220 --> 00:08:03,613
Time to get going.
209
00:08:03,700 --> 00:08:06,573
Do you feel ready
to fight that guy?
210
00:08:06,660 --> 00:08:08,879
- Yeah.
Yeah, I think so.
211
00:08:08,966 --> 00:08:11,099
Yeah, I think I'm ready.
[chuckling]
212
00:08:11,186 --> 00:08:12,753
- That's right.
213
00:08:12,840 --> 00:08:14,624
You're a different man than
you were at lunch, Beavis.
214
00:08:14,711 --> 00:08:16,582
- Yeah, that's true.
215
00:08:16,670 --> 00:08:19,194
Thanks for believing in me,
Butt-Head.
216
00:08:19,281 --> 00:08:20,935
- I believe in you, Beavis.
217
00:08:21,022 --> 00:08:22,589
I believe you're a wuss.
218
00:08:22,676 --> 00:08:25,287
[chuckles]
219
00:08:25,374 --> 00:08:26,288
- Is it time?
220
00:08:26,375 --> 00:08:29,291
[dramatic music]
221
00:08:29,378 --> 00:08:30,684
♪ ♪
222
00:08:30,771 --> 00:08:32,599
- 3 o'clock, Beavis.
223
00:08:32,686 --> 00:08:34,601
It is time.
224
00:08:34,688 --> 00:08:36,602
3 o'clock.
225
00:08:36,690 --> 00:08:38,126
[chuckles]
226
00:08:38,212 --> 00:08:45,089
♪ ♪
227
00:08:51,574 --> 00:08:54,490
Um, where is everyone?
228
00:08:54,577 --> 00:08:55,926
Where's Steve?
229
00:08:56,013 --> 00:08:57,885
- Uh,
230
00:08:57,972 --> 00:09:01,192
he must have chickened out.
231
00:09:01,279 --> 00:09:03,455
He probably heard about
how I trained you up,
232
00:09:03,543 --> 00:09:05,196
and he got all scared.
233
00:09:05,283 --> 00:09:06,807
- Yeah, yeah!
234
00:09:06,894 --> 00:09:08,025
Yeah, that means
I'm the champion, Butt-Head!
235
00:09:08,112 --> 00:09:09,287
I'm the champion!
Yeah!
236
00:09:09,374 --> 00:09:11,551
I'm the--ah!
237
00:09:11,638 --> 00:09:15,119
- You were the champion,
dumbass.
238
00:09:15,206 --> 00:09:17,078
- Damn it, Butt-Head.
[both grunting]
239
00:09:17,165 --> 00:09:18,427
- Ow!
240
00:09:18,514 --> 00:09:21,517
♪ ♪
241
00:09:27,218 --> 00:09:28,176
[chuckling]
242
00:09:28,263 --> 00:09:31,179
[rock music]
243
00:09:31,266 --> 00:09:38,142
♪ ♪
244
00:09:43,452 --> 00:09:45,062
- [chuckling]
245
00:09:45,149 --> 00:09:47,630
Community service sucks.
246
00:09:47,717 --> 00:09:51,112
Public urination is,
like, a dumb law.
247
00:09:51,199 --> 00:09:52,766
- Yeah, really.
248
00:09:52,853 --> 00:09:55,203
Plus, we mostly just peed
on ourselves, you know?
249
00:09:55,290 --> 00:09:58,467
So like--so like,
where's the crime, you know?
250
00:09:58,554 --> 00:10:01,905
[laughter]
- Oh, no!
251
00:10:01,992 --> 00:10:03,385
- Did you hear?
252
00:10:03,472 --> 00:10:05,256
Diane is having another kid.
253
00:10:05,343 --> 00:10:06,693
Can you imagine?
254
00:10:06,780 --> 00:10:07,955
- No, thank you.
255
00:10:08,042 --> 00:10:09,347
The three I have are enough.
256
00:10:09,434 --> 00:10:11,219
both: Mm-hmm.
- Yeah.
257
00:10:11,306 --> 00:10:14,396
- Oh, I told Roger, if you ever
want to have sex with me again,
258
00:10:14,483 --> 00:10:16,006
you better get a vasectomy.
259
00:10:16,093 --> 00:10:18,139
[laughter]
260
00:10:18,226 --> 00:10:19,444
- Whoa, Beavis.
261
00:10:19,531 --> 00:10:21,316
Did you hear that?
262
00:10:21,403 --> 00:10:24,014
If we get vasectomies,
we can score with those chicks.
263
00:10:24,101 --> 00:10:26,016
- Whoa, that's cool.
264
00:10:26,103 --> 00:10:29,541
But like, um,
what's a vasectomy?
265
00:10:29,629 --> 00:10:32,196
- It's an operation
on your nads, dumbass.
266
00:10:32,283 --> 00:10:33,850
- Oh, OK.
Yeah.
267
00:10:33,937 --> 00:10:36,157
Yeah, that sounds
pretty good, yeah.
268
00:10:36,244 --> 00:10:38,550
- Maybe that's why
we never score.
269
00:10:38,638 --> 00:10:40,857
What's in our nads
is too powerful.
270
00:10:40,944 --> 00:10:42,467
It scares the chicks away.
271
00:10:42,554 --> 00:10:44,121
- Whoa!
272
00:10:44,208 --> 00:10:46,341
You know, it's amazing
our nads are so powerful,
273
00:10:46,428 --> 00:10:48,996
because we've been hit
in the nads so many times.
274
00:10:49,083 --> 00:10:51,999
- That only made them stronger,
Beavis.
275
00:10:52,086 --> 00:10:53,914
We trained them up.
276
00:10:54,001 --> 00:10:55,915
- We've got super--
[screams]
277
00:10:58,396 --> 00:11:01,269
- And now your sperms are
getting even stronger.
278
00:11:01,356 --> 00:11:03,271
- Yeah, I can feel it.
279
00:11:03,358 --> 00:11:05,273
It hurts a lot, yeah.
280
00:11:05,360 --> 00:11:06,404
[chuckles]
281
00:11:06,491 --> 00:11:07,667
- What's up, gentlemen?
282
00:11:07,754 --> 00:11:09,146
So before we get started,
I would just like
283
00:11:09,233 --> 00:11:10,974
to give you
an alpha M knuckle bump
284
00:11:11,061 --> 00:11:13,194
for being so damn incredible.
285
00:11:13,281 --> 00:11:15,152
No disputing the fact
that you're incredible
286
00:11:15,239 --> 00:11:17,764
and can accomplish
great, amazing things.
287
00:11:17,851 --> 00:11:19,548
But the only way you're
gonna be able to truly--
288
00:11:19,635 --> 00:11:21,811
- Uh...
[both chuckling]
289
00:11:21,898 --> 00:11:23,726
Uh...
290
00:11:23,813 --> 00:11:26,033
- Commit yourself for the next
30 days to the alpha M--
291
00:11:26,120 --> 00:11:29,079
- You think this guy knows what
he's talking about, Butt-Head?
292
00:11:29,166 --> 00:11:30,907
- Uh, you can tell
he's an expert
293
00:11:30,994 --> 00:11:33,954
'cause he, like,
talks into a camera,
294
00:11:34,040 --> 00:11:37,653
and he's all loud,
and he makes lists.
295
00:11:37,740 --> 00:11:39,263
- Yeah, yeah.
296
00:11:39,350 --> 00:11:41,613
Yeah, maybe he knows what
he's talking about, yeah.
297
00:11:41,701 --> 00:11:43,050
- Six things that you
need to pay attention--
298
00:11:43,137 --> 00:11:45,748
- Uh, I know six things
299
00:11:45,835 --> 00:11:48,577
I'd like to pay attention to
right about now.
300
00:11:48,664 --> 00:11:51,101
- In my opinion,
to truly reach alpha status,
301
00:11:51,188 --> 00:11:52,712
you need to be spiritual.
302
00:11:52,799 --> 00:11:54,496
Now, whatever that means
to you, it means to you.
303
00:11:54,583 --> 00:11:57,499
Whether or not you believe
in Jesus, Krishna, Buddha,
304
00:11:57,586 --> 00:11:59,414
it doesn't matter to me.
305
00:11:59,501 --> 00:12:01,416
- Are those all the chicks
he's scored with?
306
00:12:01,503 --> 00:12:03,113
- Uh, yeah.
307
00:12:03,200 --> 00:12:05,463
They all sound like strippers.
308
00:12:05,550 --> 00:12:06,856
- Yeah.
[chuckling]
309
00:12:06,943 --> 00:12:09,163
I want to get a lap dance
from Krishna.
310
00:12:09,250 --> 00:12:10,730
Ooh.
[chuckling]
311
00:12:10,817 --> 00:12:12,906
- 30 days, I want you
to write down something
312
00:12:12,993 --> 00:12:14,124
you are grateful for.
313
00:12:14,211 --> 00:12:16,823
- How many years is 30 days?
314
00:12:16,910 --> 00:12:18,999
- Uh, I don't know.
315
00:12:19,086 --> 00:12:21,871
But the landlord said
to vacate in 30 days.
316
00:12:21,958 --> 00:12:26,920
And that was about two years
ago, and we're still here.
317
00:12:27,007 --> 00:12:30,184
- Yeah, 30 days is a long time.
[chuckling]
318
00:12:30,271 --> 00:12:32,708
- Now if you're somebody who's
already, like, exercising,
319
00:12:32,795 --> 00:12:33,927
I'd like to give you
a knuckle bump.
320
00:12:34,014 --> 00:12:36,190
- Oh, yeah.
Gotta exercise.
321
00:12:36,277 --> 00:12:38,496
Time for my 12-ounce curls.
322
00:12:38,583 --> 00:12:40,629
[slurps]
323
00:12:40,716 --> 00:12:43,719
[sighs]
Feel the burn.
324
00:12:43,806 --> 00:12:45,460
- Butt-Head, spot me.
325
00:12:45,547 --> 00:12:48,376
[slurps]
Mmm, yeah.
326
00:12:48,463 --> 00:12:51,335
Never skip arms day,
you know what I'm saying?
327
00:12:51,422 --> 00:12:54,121
- The sixth pillar
of the alpha 30-day plan--
328
00:12:54,208 --> 00:12:55,731
- What's alpha again?
329
00:12:55,818 --> 00:12:58,690
Is it like, something with
the alphabet or something?
330
00:12:58,778 --> 00:12:59,866
[chuckles]
331
00:12:59,953 --> 00:13:01,650
- Uh, no.
332
00:13:01,737 --> 00:13:03,870
Alpha is like the gorilla
that gets to score
333
00:13:03,957 --> 00:13:05,697
with all the other gorillas.
334
00:13:05,785 --> 00:13:07,134
- Whoa.
335
00:13:07,221 --> 00:13:09,832
So he scores with
a lot of gorillas?
336
00:13:09,919 --> 00:13:12,313
- Uh, I guess so.
337
00:13:12,400 --> 00:13:14,837
- He just like,
goes down to the zoo
338
00:13:14,924 --> 00:13:17,492
and just like, does them all?
339
00:13:17,579 --> 00:13:20,451
- Uh, yeah.
340
00:13:20,538 --> 00:13:23,846
He's an alpha.
[chuckles]
341
00:13:23,933 --> 00:13:26,109
And then the other gorillas
try to stop him,
342
00:13:26,196 --> 00:13:28,329
but he just beats them up.
343
00:13:28,416 --> 00:13:29,852
- Oh, yeah.
344
00:13:29,939 --> 00:13:31,723
Yeah, he spanks
his monkey, see?
345
00:13:31,811 --> 00:13:34,726
[both chuckling]
346
00:13:36,641 --> 00:13:37,991
- Gorillas aren't monkeys,
Beavis.
347
00:13:38,078 --> 00:13:40,558
They're apes.
348
00:13:40,645 --> 00:13:42,822
So that joke doesn't work.
349
00:13:42,909 --> 00:13:45,215
Try to be more careful
next time.
350
00:13:45,302 --> 00:13:47,043
- Oh, well.
351
00:13:47,130 --> 00:13:48,392
- If this means that you've got
to make up with some people,
352
00:13:48,479 --> 00:13:50,307
or deal with some things
that you've been, like,
353
00:13:50,394 --> 00:13:52,875
harboring and hanging on to,
gentlemen, it is worth it.
354
00:13:52,962 --> 00:13:56,009
- Uh, Beavis, there's something
I've been meaning
355
00:13:56,096 --> 00:13:58,272
to get off my chest
for a long time.
356
00:13:58,359 --> 00:14:00,840
And I just didn't have
the courage to say it,
357
00:14:00,927 --> 00:14:02,580
but here goes.
358
00:14:02,667 --> 00:14:05,583
Beavis, you're the biggest
dumbass in the world.
359
00:14:05,670 --> 00:14:08,108
[chuckling]
360
00:14:08,195 --> 00:14:10,371
Ah.
361
00:14:10,458 --> 00:14:12,808
Felt good to get that out.
362
00:14:12,895 --> 00:14:14,810
- Yeah, OK.
363
00:14:14,897 --> 00:14:17,639
Yeah, up yours.
[both chuckling]
364
00:14:17,726 --> 00:14:19,119
Yeah, I'm glad we connected.
365
00:14:19,206 --> 00:14:21,730
[slurps] Ah.
366
00:14:21,817 --> 00:14:23,819
- Me too.
367
00:14:23,906 --> 00:14:25,342
Now let's have another beer
368
00:14:25,429 --> 00:14:28,128
and watch this guy
bone a gorilla.
369
00:14:28,215 --> 00:14:30,826
- Say it, sister. Yeah!
[chuckling]
370
00:14:30,913 --> 00:14:32,480
[slurping]
371
00:14:32,567 --> 00:14:33,655
Amen.
372
00:14:33,742 --> 00:14:35,222
- Ever reach alpha status.
373
00:14:38,094 --> 00:14:39,139
- So you're interested
in getting vasectomies?
374
00:14:39,226 --> 00:14:41,271
- Well, obviously.
[chuckling]
375
00:14:41,358 --> 00:14:44,100
- Yeah, I mean, you know,
we want to score, you know.
376
00:14:44,187 --> 00:14:46,929
- Well, let me walk you
through the procedure.
377
00:14:47,016 --> 00:14:48,409
Your body generates sperm--
378
00:14:48,496 --> 00:14:51,107
[both chuckling]
379
00:14:51,194 --> 00:14:52,674
- Right here in the testicles--
380
00:14:52,761 --> 00:14:55,111
[both chuckling]
381
00:14:55,198 --> 00:14:57,331
- Which are located
here in the scrotum.
382
00:14:57,418 --> 00:14:59,855
- Yeah.
[both chuckling]
383
00:14:59,942 --> 00:15:02,118
- It then travels through
the vas deferens--
384
00:15:04,338 --> 00:15:05,817
- Uh...
- Huh?
385
00:15:05,905 --> 00:15:07,210
- On its way to the penis.
386
00:15:07,297 --> 00:15:09,299
[both chuckling]
387
00:15:09,386 --> 00:15:12,520
And then through the urethra.
388
00:15:12,607 --> 00:15:14,174
- Uh...
- Huh?
389
00:15:14,261 --> 00:15:16,741
- That's in the course
of a normal ejaculation.
390
00:15:16,828 --> 00:15:19,483
- [chuckling]
391
00:15:19,570 --> 00:15:21,790
- Um...
392
00:15:21,877 --> 00:15:24,706
- That's like...
[whispering]
393
00:15:24,793 --> 00:15:25,968
- Oh!
394
00:15:26,055 --> 00:15:29,363
[both chuckling]
395
00:15:29,450 --> 00:15:32,540
Ejaculation.
396
00:15:32,627 --> 00:15:35,630
- The procedure is simply to
cut and seal the vas deferens
397
00:15:35,717 --> 00:15:37,632
right here,
and then you should be able
398
00:15:37,719 --> 00:15:39,503
to return to your current level
of sexual activity.
399
00:15:39,590 --> 00:15:40,940
- Yeah.
400
00:15:41,027 --> 00:15:43,159
Or more.
[chuckles]
401
00:15:43,246 --> 00:15:44,465
- If you'd like,
we can schedule
402
00:15:44,552 --> 00:15:45,901
your procedures for Monday.
403
00:15:45,988 --> 00:15:47,076
Any questions?
404
00:15:47,163 --> 00:15:48,599
- Yeah, yeah, um,
405
00:15:48,686 --> 00:15:50,862
do you have one of those,
but it's like, a chick?
406
00:15:50,950 --> 00:15:52,603
You know what I'm saying?
407
00:15:52,690 --> 00:15:53,953
- I do, actually.
408
00:15:54,040 --> 00:15:55,302
- Whoa!
409
00:15:55,389 --> 00:15:57,826
Now this guy is cool.
[chuckles]
410
00:16:02,396 --> 00:16:05,138
- Uh, we're here
for our vasectomies.
411
00:16:05,225 --> 00:16:06,791
- Yeah,
our appointment was, like,
412
00:16:06,878 --> 00:16:08,968
an hour ago or something.
413
00:16:09,055 --> 00:16:10,534
- OK.
414
00:16:10,621 --> 00:16:12,928
- So how long is this
gonna take?
415
00:16:13,015 --> 00:16:15,931
I want to score this afternoon.
[chuckles]
416
00:16:18,194 --> 00:16:20,544
These porno magazines suck.
417
00:16:20,631 --> 00:16:23,895
They're just guys playing golf.
418
00:16:23,983 --> 00:16:26,768
- Gentlemen,
we're ready for you.
419
00:16:26,855 --> 00:16:28,465
- It's a quick procedure.
420
00:16:28,552 --> 00:16:30,641
You'll be able to go right back
to your normal routine.
421
00:16:30,728 --> 00:16:32,382
I just want to remind you
to wait a week
422
00:16:32,469 --> 00:16:33,688
before you ejaculate.
423
00:16:33,775 --> 00:16:35,559
- No, that's fine. Yeah.
424
00:16:35,646 --> 00:16:38,432
All we're gonna do this week
anyway is score.
425
00:16:38,519 --> 00:16:39,868
- All right.
426
00:16:39,955 --> 00:16:42,479
Go ahead and lie down,
and in a few minutes,
427
00:16:42,566 --> 00:16:45,700
you'll no longer have to worry
about fathering children.
428
00:16:45,787 --> 00:16:47,441
[echoing]
Fathering children,
429
00:16:47,528 --> 00:16:50,270
fathering children,
fathering children.
430
00:16:50,357 --> 00:16:52,576
[dreamy music]
431
00:16:52,663 --> 00:16:54,317
- Father, Father.
432
00:16:54,404 --> 00:16:58,234
- Yes, Butt-Head Junior
and Butt-Head Threenior?
433
00:16:58,321 --> 00:17:01,672
- Uh, Father, tell us about
all the times you scored.
434
00:17:01,759 --> 00:17:03,935
- Of course, children.
435
00:17:04,022 --> 00:17:05,285
[knocking]
436
00:17:05,372 --> 00:17:08,549
But what's this?
[chuckles]
437
00:17:08,636 --> 00:17:11,334
- Mr. Head,
I'm here to hand-deliver
438
00:17:11,421 --> 00:17:13,815
Butt-Head Fournior's
report card.
439
00:17:13,902 --> 00:17:17,123
Mm.
- [chuckling]
440
00:17:17,210 --> 00:17:20,300
Parenthood is cool.
441
00:17:20,387 --> 00:17:22,780
♪ ♪
442
00:17:22,867 --> 00:17:25,740
[chuckling]
443
00:17:30,353 --> 00:17:33,617
- [snickering]
You're cool, Dad.
444
00:17:33,704 --> 00:17:35,489
- Oh, yeah.
445
00:17:35,576 --> 00:17:37,578
I guess I am.
[chuckling]
446
00:17:37,665 --> 00:17:38,622
- And you can play
with our LEGOs.
447
00:17:38,709 --> 00:17:40,189
[snickering]
448
00:17:40,276 --> 00:17:42,365
- Whoa, cool!
Yeah, LEGOs.
449
00:17:42,452 --> 00:17:43,758
[knocking]
450
00:17:43,845 --> 00:17:45,977
But what's this?
[chuckles]
451
00:17:48,284 --> 00:17:49,981
Hey, look, kids!
It's the Butt-Heads.
452
00:17:50,069 --> 00:17:52,462
- We're here to kick your ass.
453
00:17:52,549 --> 00:17:54,160
- Oh, cool.
[chuckles]
454
00:17:54,247 --> 00:17:56,292
So glad we could get the
families together, you know?
455
00:17:56,379 --> 00:17:59,078
- Get him, son.
[all grunting]
456
00:17:59,165 --> 00:18:01,993
- Hey, can I get
anybody anything?
457
00:18:02,081 --> 00:18:04,126
I've got some Dr. Peppers
in the fridge--ah!
458
00:18:04,213 --> 00:18:09,436
♪ ♪
459
00:18:09,523 --> 00:18:11,655
Um, you know, um,
460
00:18:11,742 --> 00:18:13,918
being dads might actually
be pretty cool, Butt-Head.
461
00:18:14,005 --> 00:18:16,312
[chuckles]
- Yeah.
462
00:18:16,399 --> 00:18:19,750
My kids would kick ass.
[chuckling]
463
00:18:19,837 --> 00:18:21,752
- Are you ready?
464
00:18:21,839 --> 00:18:23,885
- Uh...
- Um...
465
00:18:26,235 --> 00:18:27,367
- All righty, I've applied
466
00:18:27,454 --> 00:18:28,585
the local anesthetic
to your scrotums.
467
00:18:28,672 --> 00:18:31,110
The procedure will be over
before you know it.
468
00:18:31,197 --> 00:18:34,765
- So, um, kids are kind of
cool, aren't they, Butt-Head?
469
00:18:34,852 --> 00:18:36,985
- Uh, yeah.
470
00:18:37,072 --> 00:18:39,118
If they're raised right,
like we were.
471
00:18:39,205 --> 00:18:41,685
[chuckles]
472
00:18:41,772 --> 00:18:43,600
[metallic zing]
473
00:18:43,687 --> 00:18:45,167
- Hey, stop!
- Whoa!
474
00:18:45,254 --> 00:18:46,864
Stay away from our super nads!
475
00:18:46,951 --> 00:18:49,345
- Yeah, the world needs more
Butt-Heads, or something.
476
00:18:49,432 --> 00:18:51,695
[tools clattering]
477
00:18:51,782 --> 00:18:53,654
[both grunting]
478
00:18:57,484 --> 00:19:00,139
- Yeah, I'm gonna have kids
someday, Butt-Head.
479
00:19:00,226 --> 00:19:02,532
Even if I have to
never score to do it.
480
00:19:02,619 --> 00:19:05,405
- Uh...
481
00:19:05,492 --> 00:19:08,059
my nads are numb.
482
00:19:08,147 --> 00:19:10,323
- Yeah, mine too. Ugh.
483
00:19:10,410 --> 00:19:12,151
- Uh...
484
00:19:12,238 --> 00:19:15,023
[grunts]
485
00:19:15,110 --> 00:19:17,591
- Wait a minute, did you
just kick me in the nads?
486
00:19:17,678 --> 00:19:19,070
- Yeah.
[chuckles]
487
00:19:19,158 --> 00:19:21,116
- I didn't even feel anything.
488
00:19:21,203 --> 00:19:22,335
[grunts]
489
00:19:22,422 --> 00:19:26,208
- Whoa, I didn't
feel anything either.
490
00:19:26,295 --> 00:19:27,818
Do it again.
491
00:19:27,905 --> 00:19:29,211
- [grunts]
492
00:19:29,298 --> 00:19:31,126
- This is cool.
493
00:19:31,213 --> 00:19:32,997
- Yeah, yeah.
Yeah, it's amazing.
494
00:19:33,084 --> 00:19:34,782
- Kick me harder this time.
495
00:19:34,869 --> 00:19:37,001
- [grunts]
- Whoa.
496
00:19:37,088 --> 00:19:38,960
- Now do me again, yeah.
As hard as you can, yeah.
497
00:19:39,047 --> 00:19:41,223
- [grunts]
- Wow!
498
00:19:41,310 --> 00:19:42,877
I could do this all day, yeah.
499
00:19:42,964 --> 00:19:45,532
[grunts]
- It almost feels good.
500
00:19:45,619 --> 00:19:46,924
[grunts]
- Ooh, yeah, yeah.
501
00:19:47,011 --> 00:19:49,623
That was right
with the toe, yeah.
502
00:19:49,710 --> 00:19:51,886
- Feels kind of warm.
[grunts]
503
00:19:51,973 --> 00:19:53,192
- You know,
people say numb nuts
504
00:19:53,279 --> 00:19:54,845
like it's a bad thing, but--
505
00:19:54,932 --> 00:19:58,240
but this kicks ass.
506
00:19:58,327 --> 00:20:00,895
- Let's go find a baseball bat.
[chuckles]
507
00:20:02,375 --> 00:20:05,291
[rock music]
508
00:20:05,378 --> 00:20:12,298
♪ ♪
509
00:20:25,398 --> 00:20:27,269
[chiming noises]
510
00:20:27,356 --> 00:20:28,314
- Chirp.
34690
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