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1
00:00:02,036 --> 00:00:04,003
- * MTV *
2
00:00:07,808 --> 00:00:10,044
[both chuckling]
3
00:00:10,111 --> 00:00:13,013
[bluesy rock music]
4
00:00:13,081 --> 00:00:20,154
* *
5
00:00:29,997 --> 00:00:32,200
- These garbage bags are wet.
6
00:00:32,266 --> 00:00:33,934
[chuckles]
7
00:00:34,001 --> 00:00:35,169
- I'm gonna slide first,
Butt-Head.
8
00:00:35,236 --> 00:00:37,971
Me first, yeah.
This is going to be cool.
9
00:00:38,038 --> 00:00:39,573
- Uh, okay.
10
00:00:39,640 --> 00:00:41,675
- Okay. Here we go.
Heh heh.
11
00:00:41,742 --> 00:00:43,211
Wait a minute.
Hang on.
12
00:00:43,277 --> 00:00:45,546
I better back up so I
can get a running start.
13
00:00:48,116 --> 00:00:50,451
I'm gonna back up some more
so I can go really fast.
14
00:00:50,518 --> 00:00:52,120
- Hurry up, dumbass.
15
00:00:52,186 --> 00:00:54,855
We don't have all day.
16
00:00:54,922 --> 00:00:56,457
Heh heh heh.
- Okay.
17
00:00:56,524 --> 00:00:57,925
Okay, here goes.
18
00:00:57,991 --> 00:00:59,560
- Go, butt-monkey, go.
19
00:00:59,627 --> 00:01:02,130
- [panting]
20
00:01:04,364 --> 00:01:05,833
[thuds, yells]
21
00:01:05,899 --> 00:01:09,937
- [snickering]
That kicked ass!
22
00:01:11,605 --> 00:01:15,109
Uh...get up.
23
00:01:16,009 --> 00:01:18,479
It's my turn, dumbass.
24
00:01:19,947 --> 00:01:23,117
Uh, are you, like,
dead or something?
25
00:01:24,051 --> 00:01:26,987
Uh, oh, well.
26
00:01:27,054 --> 00:01:29,789
I guess I'll never know.
[chuckles]
27
00:01:29,857 --> 00:01:32,226
[door opens, shuts]
28
00:01:37,698 --> 00:01:38,699
[door opens]
29
00:01:38,765 --> 00:01:43,371
- [grunting]
30
00:01:43,437 --> 00:01:44,505
- Oh, no.
31
00:01:44,572 --> 00:01:45,506
Ow.
32
00:01:45,573 --> 00:01:47,975
[groaning]
33
00:01:49,477 --> 00:01:50,811
- Whoa.
34
00:01:50,878 --> 00:01:52,346
- Ow, ow!
35
00:01:52,413 --> 00:01:56,417
- That's, like, the
worst sunburn I ever saw.
36
00:01:56,484 --> 00:01:57,884
- I know. Heh.
37
00:01:57,951 --> 00:02:00,588
It, like, hurts and stuff.
38
00:02:00,654 --> 00:02:02,122
- I'm sorry, Beavis.
39
00:02:02,190 --> 00:02:03,991
That must be very painful.
40
00:02:04,057 --> 00:02:05,426
[chuckles]
41
00:02:06,660 --> 00:02:08,662
- [screams]
Come on.
42
00:02:08,728 --> 00:02:10,798
Don't touch my sunburn, please.
43
00:02:10,864 --> 00:02:14,268
- Uh, okay.
44
00:02:14,335 --> 00:02:16,570
[whack]
- Aah!
45
00:02:16,637 --> 00:02:19,473
I didn't touch it.
I slapped it.
46
00:02:19,540 --> 00:02:21,642
- Damn it, Butt-Head.
Cut it out!
47
00:02:21,709 --> 00:02:25,779
[giggling]
- Uh, all right.
48
00:02:25,846 --> 00:02:28,682
[making buzzing sound]
49
00:02:28,749 --> 00:02:30,318
Oh, no.
It's a mosquito.
50
00:02:30,384 --> 00:02:31,885
- Oh, no.
Where is it?
51
00:02:31,952 --> 00:02:34,888
- [buzzing, snickering]
52
00:02:34,954 --> 00:02:36,524
It landed on you, Beavis.
53
00:02:36,590 --> 00:02:37,858
- Oh, really?
54
00:02:37,925 --> 00:02:39,560
Would you, like,
slap it or something?
55
00:02:39,627 --> 00:02:41,128
Because I don't want it
to bite me on my sunburn--
56
00:02:41,195 --> 00:02:42,329
uh, wait, no!
57
00:02:42,396 --> 00:02:43,364
Aaaaah!
58
00:02:43,430 --> 00:02:44,398
- Got it.
59
00:02:44,465 --> 00:02:47,301
[chuckling]
60
00:02:47,368 --> 00:02:51,572
- Butt-Head, I'm only gonna
tell you this once.
61
00:02:51,639 --> 00:02:53,841
I know I've said I'm gonna
kill you before,
62
00:02:53,906 --> 00:02:55,676
and then I didn't kill you.
63
00:02:55,743 --> 00:02:58,746
But if you ever do that again,
so help me God,
64
00:02:58,812 --> 00:03:03,150
I am going to, for real,
seriously, going to kill--
65
00:03:03,217 --> 00:03:04,318
[whack]
Aaaaaah!
66
00:03:04,385 --> 00:03:05,453
No!
67
00:03:05,519 --> 00:03:07,187
Aaaaah!
68
00:03:07,255 --> 00:03:09,857
- [snickers]
Dumbass.
69
00:03:09,923 --> 00:03:12,025
Well, see you later, Beavis.
70
00:03:12,092 --> 00:03:13,261
[whack]
- Aaaaaaaaaah!
71
00:03:13,327 --> 00:03:15,263
Good luck with the sunburn.
72
00:03:15,329 --> 00:03:19,233
- [grunting, panting]
73
00:03:19,300 --> 00:03:22,403
- I warned him,
and he did not listen.
74
00:03:22,470 --> 00:03:25,773
So now Butt-Head
is going to die.
75
00:03:25,839 --> 00:03:28,008
[ominous music]
76
00:03:32,579 --> 00:03:34,882
[uneasy music]
77
00:03:34,948 --> 00:03:36,450
- How am I
going to kill Butt-Head?
78
00:03:36,517 --> 00:03:38,786
- [chuckling]
79
00:03:38,852 --> 00:03:40,187
- Let's see.
80
00:03:40,254 --> 00:03:42,356
I don't think I've ever
done any murders before,
81
00:03:42,423 --> 00:03:45,259
so I'm gonna have
to hire a hitman.
82
00:03:45,326 --> 00:03:47,628
Yeah. Let's see.
83
00:03:47,695 --> 00:03:50,130
What's a hitman look like?
84
00:03:50,197 --> 00:03:53,667
Probably looks like that
guy in "Goodfellas," yeah.
85
00:03:53,734 --> 00:03:55,903
I don't remember
that movie that well,
86
00:03:55,969 --> 00:03:59,740
but I think that guy
lived on that street,
87
00:03:59,807 --> 00:04:02,643
and he had, like,
a tie all the time.
88
00:04:02,710 --> 00:04:05,713
Um...
yeah, yeah, like this guy.
89
00:04:05,779 --> 00:04:07,981
[door bell jingles]
90
00:04:09,116 --> 00:04:10,984
Hey, how's it going?
Hee hee hee.
91
00:04:11,051 --> 00:04:12,953
- Uh, hello.
92
00:04:13,020 --> 00:04:15,323
- I'm looking for someone
to do a little job for me,
93
00:04:15,389 --> 00:04:17,358
if you know what I'm saying.
94
00:04:20,127 --> 00:04:22,896
I stole this picture from
Butt-Head's uncle's house,
95
00:04:22,963 --> 00:04:25,366
so don't tell anyone.
[giggling]
96
00:04:25,433 --> 00:04:26,967
- Do I know you?
97
00:04:27,034 --> 00:04:28,369
- My name isn't important.
98
00:04:28,436 --> 00:04:31,739
Now, let me ask you,
can you do this job or not?
99
00:04:31,805 --> 00:04:32,940
[snickering]
100
00:04:33,006 --> 00:04:34,775
- If you've got
a job needs doing,
101
00:04:34,842 --> 00:04:37,210
why don't you go to
the Home Warehouse?
102
00:04:37,277 --> 00:04:39,847
Plenty of people there
looking for a job.
103
00:04:39,913 --> 00:04:42,516
- Yeah, that kicks ass.
Yeah.
104
00:04:42,582 --> 00:04:44,918
[ominous music]
105
00:04:44,985 --> 00:04:48,622
Yeah, that's going to be cool.
Hee hee hee.
106
00:04:48,689 --> 00:04:51,525
[chuckles]
107
00:04:51,592 --> 00:04:53,427
Okay, this looks like
the place.
108
00:04:53,494 --> 00:04:55,629
Hee hee hee hee.
109
00:05:00,033 --> 00:05:03,937
I was told someone in here
could do a job for me.
110
00:05:04,004 --> 00:05:06,374
- Maybe. What kinda job
we talking about?
111
00:05:08,275 --> 00:05:09,410
- Here's a picture.
112
00:05:09,477 --> 00:05:11,379
It's from Butt-Head's
uncle's house.
113
00:05:11,879 --> 00:05:14,515
- Oh, yeah.
This really needs it.
114
00:05:14,582 --> 00:05:15,916
- Yeah, yeah, I know.
115
00:05:15,983 --> 00:05:18,786
He slapped my
sunburn and stuff.
116
00:05:18,852 --> 00:05:20,488
- Wow. Now, no offense,
117
00:05:20,554 --> 00:05:22,890
but you should have
taken care of this years ago.
118
00:05:22,956 --> 00:05:24,024
- Yeah, really!
Yeah, no kidding.
119
00:05:24,091 --> 00:05:25,393
[snickers]
120
00:05:25,459 --> 00:05:27,361
- You know how many
square feet we're talking?
121
00:05:27,428 --> 00:05:29,129
- I don't know.
He's got, like, two, you know.
122
00:05:29,196 --> 00:05:30,931
They're just, like,
normal foot shape.
123
00:05:30,998 --> 00:05:32,032
I don't know what you're--
- 2,000?
124
00:05:32,099 --> 00:05:33,467
That's about right.
Okay.
125
00:05:33,534 --> 00:05:35,102
Yeah, I can be there
at 8:00 a.m. tomorrow.
126
00:05:35,168 --> 00:05:36,970
The whole thing'll
take about four days.
127
00:05:37,037 --> 00:05:38,406
- Yeah, good. Yeah.
128
00:05:38,472 --> 00:05:41,241
I want it to be slow, yeah.
Heh heh heh.
129
00:05:41,308 --> 00:05:43,711
- Oh, almost forgot.
What color?
130
00:05:43,777 --> 00:05:45,813
- Uh, I don't know.
I guess, um...
131
00:05:45,879 --> 00:05:48,248
I guess white, or something?
132
00:05:48,315 --> 00:05:49,950
- Let me text my guys.
133
00:05:50,017 --> 00:05:51,652
- I'm not racist, I just
want to kill my friend!
134
00:05:51,719 --> 00:05:53,220
Jesus Christ.
135
00:05:53,286 --> 00:05:55,423
- All right. So I'll see you
tomorrow at 8:00?
136
00:05:55,489 --> 00:05:56,690
- Oh, I'll be there, yeah.
137
00:05:56,757 --> 00:05:58,325
I want to watch
the whole thing.
138
00:05:58,392 --> 00:06:01,328
[chuckles]
139
00:06:01,395 --> 00:06:04,732
Butt-Head is going to die.
Hee hee heh heh.
140
00:06:05,966 --> 00:06:08,769
- But here, we don't.
141
00:06:08,836 --> 00:06:10,871
Welcome to Montero.
142
00:06:10,938 --> 00:06:13,073
[Lil Nas X's, "Montero
(Call Me by Your Name)"]
143
00:06:13,140 --> 00:06:15,576
- Uh, I think this is
supposed to be like
144
00:06:15,643 --> 00:06:18,612
that garden in the Bible.
145
00:06:18,679 --> 00:06:22,082
Where that chick Eve, or Eden,
or whatever her name is
146
00:06:22,149 --> 00:06:24,652
eats that fruit that
she wasn't supposed to.
147
00:06:24,718 --> 00:06:27,421
And then it, like,
puts a curse on the Earth.
148
00:06:27,488 --> 00:06:28,722
[snickering]
149
00:06:28,789 --> 00:06:30,123
- Yeah, see, that's one of
those stories
150
00:06:30,190 --> 00:06:31,592
that has a moral, you know.
151
00:06:31,659 --> 00:06:34,094
And the moral is fruit sucks.
152
00:06:34,161 --> 00:06:36,464
Yeah. Hee hee.
- Yeah.
153
00:06:36,530 --> 00:06:38,265
And so do gardens.
154
00:06:38,331 --> 00:06:40,634
[chuckles]
155
00:06:40,701 --> 00:06:42,069
- * I'm not fazed... *
156
00:06:42,135 --> 00:06:44,972
- Uh, then remember that
other part of the story
157
00:06:45,038 --> 00:06:47,941
where, like, God takes
the rib out of that dude
158
00:06:48,008 --> 00:06:50,177
and makes a chick?
159
00:06:50,243 --> 00:06:54,081
- You know, if I could do that,
I would have no rib cage.
160
00:06:54,147 --> 00:06:55,849
- Yeah, neither would I.
161
00:06:55,916 --> 00:06:58,986
I'd just
be a big blob of flesh
162
00:06:59,052 --> 00:07:01,855
with a bunch of chicks
around me and no bones.
163
00:07:01,922 --> 00:07:05,325
Hee hee hee.
Except I'd still have one bone.
164
00:07:05,392 --> 00:07:07,595
[chuckling]
165
00:07:08,428 --> 00:07:10,498
- You know, Lil Nas X
could probably score
166
00:07:10,564 --> 00:07:13,066
with any chick in this video
that he wanted to, you know?
167
00:07:13,133 --> 00:07:16,970
Heh heh. And he definitely
wants to, yeah.
168
00:07:17,037 --> 00:07:19,339
- He's all about the ladies.
Heh heh heh.
169
00:07:19,406 --> 00:07:21,842
Did you know the X
in Lil Nas X
170
00:07:21,909 --> 00:07:25,513
stands for extremely
interested in chicks?
171
00:07:25,579 --> 00:07:27,414
- * What a time,
an incline *
172
00:07:27,481 --> 00:07:29,717
* God was shining on me... *
- Wait, who's that?
173
00:07:29,783 --> 00:07:31,118
Is that Satan?
174
00:07:31,184 --> 00:07:33,521
- No, it's Darth Maul.
Heh heh.
175
00:07:33,587 --> 00:07:36,824
Satan is like part
of the Marvel universe.
176
00:07:36,890 --> 00:07:38,692
- Oh, yeah, yeah.
[giggling]
177
00:07:38,759 --> 00:07:40,761
- Uh, remember
that time that guy
178
00:07:40,828 --> 00:07:42,429
wanted you to be a Satanist?
179
00:07:42,496 --> 00:07:45,198
And then he said he'd take
you to the Satanic Church,
180
00:07:45,265 --> 00:07:47,668
but it was just a room
over his mom's garage?
181
00:07:47,735 --> 00:07:48,736
[chuckles]
182
00:07:48,802 --> 00:07:50,370
- Oh, yeah, yeah.
183
00:07:50,437 --> 00:07:51,772
Yeah, I thought there would
be, like, naked chicks
184
00:07:51,839 --> 00:07:53,807
and like blood and stuff.
185
00:07:53,874 --> 00:07:55,207
But he just wanted
to sit around
186
00:07:55,275 --> 00:07:56,544
and talk about low taxes and--
187
00:07:56,610 --> 00:07:59,913
and libertarianism or
something, I don't know.
188
00:07:59,980 --> 00:08:01,749
It's like, that's not evil.
189
00:08:01,815 --> 00:08:04,317
It's just stupid.
190
00:08:04,384 --> 00:08:06,554
- And it's also boring,
Beavis.
191
00:08:06,620 --> 00:08:08,488
And I don't wanna
hear about it, either.
192
00:08:08,556 --> 00:08:09,757
So shut up.
193
00:08:09,823 --> 00:08:12,092
[chuckling]
194
00:08:12,159 --> 00:08:14,361
- Oh, and-and remind me
to tell you later
195
00:08:14,427 --> 00:08:17,130
what he said about
who controls the media.
196
00:08:17,197 --> 00:08:19,366
You'd be surprised.
It's not who you think.
197
00:08:19,432 --> 00:08:20,634
[chuckling]
198
00:08:20,701 --> 00:08:22,302
Oh, and, oh,
you know what else?
199
00:08:22,369 --> 00:08:27,407
Um, did you know that
7-11 was an inside job?
200
00:08:27,474 --> 00:08:29,342
They don't want you
to know that.
201
00:08:29,409 --> 00:08:30,911
[giggling]
202
00:08:30,978 --> 00:08:32,412
- They suck.
203
00:08:32,479 --> 00:08:35,381
[chuckles]
204
00:08:35,448 --> 00:08:38,652
[ominous music]
205
00:08:38,719 --> 00:08:41,154
- [crunching]
206
00:08:41,221 --> 00:08:45,025
- Look at him,
being all alive and stuff.
207
00:08:45,092 --> 00:08:47,961
But today,
he will be murdered.
208
00:08:48,028 --> 00:08:49,262
[snickers]
209
00:08:49,329 --> 00:08:52,365
- Get me more Count Chocula,
butthole.
210
00:08:52,432 --> 00:08:54,234
Hee hee hee.
211
00:08:54,301 --> 00:08:57,771
- Um, Butt-Head, ha, whatever
happens, just know that I'm--
212
00:08:57,838 --> 00:09:01,008
I'm like, sorry, or something.
213
00:09:01,074 --> 00:09:02,542
- You're gonna be sorry
214
00:09:02,610 --> 00:09:04,978
if you don't get me
some Count Chocula.
215
00:09:05,045 --> 00:09:06,647
[chuckles]
216
00:09:06,714 --> 00:09:08,916
- You know, it just--it had
to be this way, you know.
217
00:09:08,982 --> 00:09:12,552
You know what I'm saying?
I...I had no choice.
218
00:09:12,620 --> 00:09:13,787
[chuckling]
219
00:09:13,854 --> 00:09:15,789
[vehicle approaching]
220
00:09:15,856 --> 00:09:20,493
[tense music]
221
00:09:20,560 --> 00:09:22,863
What have I done?
222
00:09:22,930 --> 00:09:24,331
- [chuckling]
223
00:09:24,397 --> 00:09:26,566
- It's kinda like
messed up or something.
224
00:09:26,634 --> 00:09:27,635
Heh heh heh.
225
00:09:27,701 --> 00:09:29,670
- He said evacuate.
226
00:09:29,737 --> 00:09:32,272
[chuckling]
227
00:09:33,506 --> 00:09:36,944
- Damn it,
I don't think I can do this.
228
00:09:37,010 --> 00:09:40,013
Stop, stop!
I-I changed my mind, yeah.
229
00:09:40,080 --> 00:09:41,381
- Whoa, whoa, whoa.
What?
230
00:09:41,448 --> 00:09:42,883
- Don't do it.
It's not worth it.
231
00:09:42,950 --> 00:09:44,484
- What are you
talking about, man?
232
00:09:44,551 --> 00:09:46,586
I came out here with my truck
and my whole crew.
233
00:09:46,654 --> 00:09:48,922
- Jesus Christ, what were you
gonna do to him?
234
00:09:48,989 --> 00:09:50,523
He's just one guy.
- Hey, man.
235
00:09:50,590 --> 00:09:52,693
If you're canceling, I still
need my commencement check.
236
00:09:52,760 --> 00:09:55,495
- How much is that?
Like $5.00, or something?
237
00:09:55,562 --> 00:09:57,430
- No, 2,000!
238
00:09:57,497 --> 00:09:59,066
Listen, you give me my
commencement check now,
239
00:09:59,132 --> 00:10:00,333
or I'm gonna kick your ass!
240
00:10:00,400 --> 00:10:03,470
- Uh, what the hell's
going on out here?
241
00:10:03,536 --> 00:10:05,338
- I'm saving your life,
Butt-Head.
242
00:10:05,405 --> 00:10:07,274
Go back inside
while you still can!
243
00:10:07,340 --> 00:10:08,608
Hee hee.
244
00:10:08,676 --> 00:10:11,244
- Uh, if you guys are
gonna beat up Beavis,
245
00:10:11,311 --> 00:10:13,546
slap him on his sunburn.
246
00:10:13,613 --> 00:10:15,883
He hates it.
Heh heh.
247
00:10:15,949 --> 00:10:17,417
- Uh, wait-wait
a minute, what?
248
00:10:17,484 --> 00:10:19,653
- And that's exactly
what I'm gonna do.
249
00:10:19,720 --> 00:10:21,722
- Hey, no, no. No!
250
00:10:21,789 --> 00:10:23,056
Aaaaaah!
[Butt-Head laughs]
251
00:10:23,123 --> 00:10:24,792
No, no, no, wait, wait--
- Do it again.
252
00:10:24,858 --> 00:10:26,960
- Aah!
No!
253
00:10:27,027 --> 00:10:29,229
Aah!
254
00:10:31,131 --> 00:10:34,067
No!
- [chuckling]
255
00:10:34,134 --> 00:10:37,170
[ominous music]
256
00:10:37,237 --> 00:10:38,706
[slapping and screaming
continues]
257
00:10:43,911 --> 00:10:45,645
[military marching band music]
258
00:10:50,483 --> 00:10:52,585
- Hello.
I'm Tom Anderson,
259
00:10:52,652 --> 00:10:55,255
veteran of two foreign wars.
260
00:10:55,322 --> 00:10:58,959
And believe you me,
I've got some stories to tell.
261
00:10:59,026 --> 00:11:01,328
But none of them
are quite like what happened
262
00:11:01,394 --> 00:11:02,730
one particular morning
263
00:11:02,796 --> 00:11:05,766
during the Battle
of Heartbreak Ridge.
264
00:11:05,833 --> 00:11:08,535
[gunfire, explosions]
265
00:11:08,601 --> 00:11:10,503
[men yelling]
266
00:11:11,972 --> 00:11:16,009
See, what you got here is
the wipers are all seized up.
267
00:11:16,076 --> 00:11:19,512
If one wiper worked, I'd say
maybe this loosened up on you.
268
00:11:19,579 --> 00:11:21,248
You could just
tighten this down.
269
00:11:21,314 --> 00:11:25,118
But I'd wager we're dealing
with a mechanical issue here.
270
00:11:25,185 --> 00:11:27,387
- Sir, we have to
get to the battle.
271
00:11:27,454 --> 00:11:31,024
- You can win this war quick,
or you can win this war right.
272
00:11:31,091 --> 00:11:32,793
[boom]
273
00:11:32,860 --> 00:11:34,527
Now, of course,
I could get this off
274
00:11:34,594 --> 00:11:38,165
if the last guy who fixed it
hadn't stripped the threads.
275
00:11:38,732 --> 00:11:39,566
[boom]
276
00:11:39,632 --> 00:11:41,001
Oh, boy.
277
00:11:41,068 --> 00:11:42,903
- Sir--
- Uh, now you get
278
00:11:42,970 --> 00:11:45,773
200 miles down the road
and it starts raining on you,
279
00:11:45,839 --> 00:11:47,607
you're gonna be thanking me.
280
00:11:47,674 --> 00:11:49,376
Bingo!
281
00:11:49,442 --> 00:11:51,144
Now, inside the wiper motor
282
00:11:51,211 --> 00:11:54,381
there's what I call
a park switch.
283
00:11:54,447 --> 00:11:56,984
Yep, totally shot.
284
00:11:57,951 --> 00:12:01,922
And I ended up having to
replace the whole wiper motor.
285
00:12:01,989 --> 00:12:04,257
But that little tale
will have to wait
286
00:12:04,324 --> 00:12:07,928
for another one of
Tom Anderson's War Stories.
287
00:12:07,995 --> 00:12:10,297
[military marching band music]
288
00:12:10,363 --> 00:12:13,266
[bluesy rock music]
289
00:12:13,333 --> 00:12:17,337
* *
290
00:12:17,771 --> 00:12:19,739
- And that's the reason
why human beings
291
00:12:19,807 --> 00:12:22,843
have teeth in their mouth
and not in their buttholes.
292
00:12:22,910 --> 00:12:25,278
- Oh, yeah?
I never knew why that was.
293
00:12:25,345 --> 00:12:27,147
Wow.
Hee hee hee.
294
00:12:27,214 --> 00:12:29,149
You're pretty smart, Butt-Head.
Heh heh heh.
295
00:12:29,216 --> 00:12:30,450
- Yeah.
Ha ha.
296
00:12:30,517 --> 00:12:33,821
[grunting]
297
00:12:33,887 --> 00:12:36,824
- Uh, Butt-Head,
the school is closed.
298
00:12:36,890 --> 00:12:39,092
Ha.
What's going on?
299
00:12:39,159 --> 00:12:41,661
- Uh...hmm.
300
00:12:43,096 --> 00:12:45,632
It must be like
spring break or something.
301
00:12:45,698 --> 00:12:47,200
[chuckles]
302
00:12:47,267 --> 00:12:48,969
- Isn't spring break when
everyone, like, parties
303
00:12:49,036 --> 00:12:50,570
on the beach and stuff?
304
00:12:50,637 --> 00:12:52,605
How come we never do that?
305
00:12:52,672 --> 00:12:54,641
- Uh, I think you
got to go to, like,
306
00:12:54,707 --> 00:12:57,811
the Jersey Shore or something.
[giggling]
307
00:12:57,878 --> 00:12:59,679
- Where's the Jersey Shore?
308
00:12:59,746 --> 00:13:03,550
- Uh, I think it's in Florida.
Hee hee hee.
309
00:13:03,616 --> 00:13:05,953
- Oh, yeah.
Yeah, cool. Heh.
310
00:13:06,019 --> 00:13:09,389
So like, um, how do
you get to Florida?
311
00:13:09,456 --> 00:13:10,991
- Uh...
312
00:13:11,058 --> 00:13:13,360
I think most people go
with their bros or something.
313
00:13:13,426 --> 00:13:15,595
- Oh, cool, yeah.
Hee hee.
314
00:13:15,662 --> 00:13:17,697
Do we have bros?
315
00:13:17,764 --> 00:13:21,001
- Uh...no.
Ha ha.
316
00:13:21,068 --> 00:13:23,670
I think we're, like,
too cool or something.
317
00:13:23,736 --> 00:13:25,005
[chuckles]
318
00:13:25,072 --> 00:13:27,140
Whoa.
319
00:13:27,207 --> 00:13:30,543
Beavis, I think I just
thought of the coolest way
320
00:13:30,610 --> 00:13:33,746
to get to Florida.
- Oh, yeah. Yeah.
321
00:13:33,813 --> 00:13:35,215
[both snickering]
322
00:13:35,282 --> 00:13:36,850
- Okay, Beavis.
323
00:13:36,917 --> 00:13:39,252
We're gonna mail ourselves
to spring break.
324
00:13:39,319 --> 00:13:42,389
Hee hee hee hee.
This is gonna be cool.
325
00:13:42,455 --> 00:13:44,057
- Spring break, here we come.
326
00:13:45,125 --> 00:13:47,094
- Just gotta put
a stamp on it.
327
00:13:50,363 --> 00:13:51,899
[grunting]
328
00:13:51,965 --> 00:13:53,266
[thump]
- Aah!
329
00:13:53,333 --> 00:13:56,236
Hurry up, I think
I hear the mail truck.
330
00:13:56,303 --> 00:14:00,908
[both chuckling]
331
00:14:04,277 --> 00:14:06,779
- We're gonna party.
[chuckling]
332
00:14:09,516 --> 00:14:11,551
Spring break, here we come.
333
00:14:11,618 --> 00:14:14,021
- I can't believe
this actually worked.
334
00:14:14,087 --> 00:14:16,389
And it only cost $0.58.
335
00:14:18,058 --> 00:14:21,161
Uh, are we almost to
Florida, Butt-Head?
336
00:14:21,228 --> 00:14:23,296
[truck beeping]
- Uh...we better be,
337
00:14:23,363 --> 00:14:25,832
or this mailman
is a real butthole.
338
00:14:28,001 --> 00:14:32,605
[both grunting, muttering]
339
00:14:32,672 --> 00:14:34,774
- Uh...
340
00:14:34,841 --> 00:14:37,477
Ahh...
heh heh.
341
00:14:37,544 --> 00:14:39,947
Uh, whoa.
342
00:14:40,013 --> 00:14:44,617
Heh heh. Florida's even cooler
than I thought.
343
00:14:44,684 --> 00:14:47,620
- Yeah. Feels really good
to be on the beach, you know?
344
00:14:47,687 --> 00:14:49,089
[seagull crying]
345
00:14:49,156 --> 00:14:52,425
Boy, the ocean really
smells terrible, doesn't it?
346
00:14:52,492 --> 00:14:54,494
- It's all the dumbass fish.
347
00:14:54,561 --> 00:14:56,163
[snickers]
348
00:14:56,229 --> 00:15:00,133
- Well, um, where are all
the chicks, Butt-Head?
349
00:15:00,200 --> 00:15:02,902
- Uh, I think
they all sleep late,
350
00:15:02,970 --> 00:15:05,238
because they're tired
from scoring all night.
351
00:15:05,305 --> 00:15:07,740
- Oh, yeah, yeah.
Yeah, right.
352
00:15:07,807 --> 00:15:09,009
- Well, when they wake up,
353
00:15:09,076 --> 00:15:10,477
they're gonna wanna see
a gun show.
354
00:15:10,543 --> 00:15:12,412
So let's get down to it.
355
00:15:13,913 --> 00:15:15,615
- Here we go. Heh.
356
00:15:15,682 --> 00:15:17,584
Come and get it.
Yeah.
357
00:15:17,650 --> 00:15:19,052
[snickering]
358
00:15:19,119 --> 00:15:23,656
I'm just gonna lay down
here and catch me some rays.
359
00:15:23,723 --> 00:15:24,791
Oh, yeah.
360
00:15:24,857 --> 00:15:26,659
Yeah, this is the life.
Ow!
361
00:15:26,726 --> 00:15:27,961
Ah!
362
00:15:28,028 --> 00:15:30,763
I got, like, a nail in my back.
Ah! Ha.
363
00:15:30,830 --> 00:15:33,033
- This place just gets
cooler and cooler.
364
00:15:33,100 --> 00:15:36,336
Ha ha. Now, let's go find some
Jell-O shots or something.
365
00:15:36,403 --> 00:15:37,670
- Yeah, yeah.
366
00:15:37,737 --> 00:15:39,939
[both chuckling]
367
00:15:40,007 --> 00:15:41,908
[thunder rumbling]
368
00:15:41,975 --> 00:15:45,178
- Yeah, spring break kicks ass.
Yeah.
369
00:15:49,149 --> 00:15:50,117
- Today we are visiting
370
00:15:50,183 --> 00:15:51,118
the Reptile Discovery Center,
371
00:15:51,184 --> 00:15:52,785
located in DeLand, Florida.
372
00:15:52,852 --> 00:15:55,422
This location is also
a Medtoxin Venom Laboratory.
373
00:15:55,488 --> 00:15:57,190
Good morning, Carl.
- Coyote, how you doing?
374
00:15:57,257 --> 00:15:58,325
Welcome.
- Good, how are you?
375
00:15:58,391 --> 00:15:59,559
- Thank you for coming.
- Mara.
376
00:15:59,626 --> 00:16:00,860
- Hey, Coyote.
Welcome.
377
00:16:00,927 --> 00:16:04,264
- Oh, God.
His name is Coyote?
378
00:16:04,331 --> 00:16:06,633
- Coyote is, like,
Native American
379
00:16:06,699 --> 00:16:08,835
for "lives in his car."
380
00:16:08,901 --> 00:16:10,503
[both chuckling]
381
00:16:10,570 --> 00:16:13,340
- We have the capability
to really pile it out...
382
00:16:13,406 --> 00:16:15,008
- Oh, my gosh.
- When they need to.
383
00:16:15,075 --> 00:16:16,409
- We are returning
these snakes
384
00:16:16,476 --> 00:16:18,011
to their natural habitat,
385
00:16:18,078 --> 00:16:20,280
a plastic box
from the Container Store.
386
00:16:20,347 --> 00:16:23,183
[chuckling]
387
00:16:23,250 --> 00:16:25,352
- Yeah, no, no, the snakes
really like it in there.
388
00:16:25,418 --> 00:16:26,853
They do, yeah.
389
00:16:26,919 --> 00:16:29,122
[chuckling]
390
00:16:29,189 --> 00:16:30,757
Check it out, Butt-Head.
391
00:16:30,823 --> 00:16:32,725
You know what I
don't understand?
392
00:16:32,792 --> 00:16:35,728
When they put the containers
in the Container Store,
393
00:16:35,795 --> 00:16:37,330
what do they put them in?
394
00:16:37,397 --> 00:16:39,899
Because, um--because
you know, really,
395
00:16:39,966 --> 00:16:43,503
the Container Store itself
is a container, you know?
396
00:16:43,570 --> 00:16:44,737
Hee hee hee.
397
00:16:44,804 --> 00:16:47,374
What's with these people,
you know?
398
00:16:47,440 --> 00:16:48,575
Heh heh heh heh.
399
00:16:48,641 --> 00:16:52,279
- Uh, are you
trying to be funny?
400
00:16:52,345 --> 00:16:54,347
- Yeah. Yeah, I am.
Heh heh heh.
401
00:16:54,414 --> 00:16:56,049
I'm still working
it out a little bit,
402
00:16:56,116 --> 00:16:57,417
you know what I mean?
403
00:16:57,484 --> 00:16:59,686
You can store things
in the container,
404
00:16:59,752 --> 00:17:01,888
and they sell it
at the Container Store.
405
00:17:01,954 --> 00:17:03,123
What's that about?
406
00:17:03,190 --> 00:17:05,925
Heh heh heh.
What about that, is that--
407
00:17:05,992 --> 00:17:08,127
well, there's something
there, you know 'cause...ha.
408
00:17:08,194 --> 00:17:10,163
Because a store, you know,
and the container--
409
00:17:10,230 --> 00:17:11,397
let's see here.
410
00:17:11,464 --> 00:17:13,665
Yeah.
So the container was in the--
411
00:17:13,733 --> 00:17:15,068
- Uh...
- There's a...
412
00:17:15,135 --> 00:17:17,936
- What are you writing?
[snickering]
413
00:17:18,003 --> 00:17:19,239
- Oh this?
414
00:17:19,306 --> 00:17:22,075
Oh, it's just a picture
of a schlong, see?
415
00:17:22,142 --> 00:17:25,145
You know, it's like a
note to myself, you know.
416
00:17:25,212 --> 00:17:28,281
- I hope this snake
bites you...hee hee...
417
00:17:28,348 --> 00:17:29,882
so you'll die.
418
00:17:29,949 --> 00:17:31,118
- Oh, yeah.
419
00:17:31,184 --> 00:17:33,520
Wow, that is a big
eastern diamondback!
420
00:17:33,586 --> 00:17:35,522
I think I just went
to the bathroom
421
00:17:35,588 --> 00:17:36,923
in my pants a little bit.
Holy--
422
00:17:36,989 --> 00:17:38,291
- There's a bathroom
in his pants?
423
00:17:38,358 --> 00:17:39,726
[both chuckling]
424
00:17:39,792 --> 00:17:41,661
- He went to the
bathroom in his pants
425
00:17:41,728 --> 00:17:43,330
more than a little bit.
- Whoa!
426
00:17:43,396 --> 00:17:47,100
Yeah, yeah. The whole top part
of his pants is soaked.
427
00:17:47,167 --> 00:17:48,701
[giggling]
428
00:17:48,768 --> 00:17:50,237
- I'm just going to
go like this, and--
429
00:17:50,303 --> 00:17:51,804
- I guess it's good to have
a bathroom in your pants
430
00:17:51,871 --> 00:17:53,440
if you live in your car,
you know.
431
00:17:53,506 --> 00:17:55,975
Heh heh heh heh.
Oh, wait a second.
432
00:17:56,042 --> 00:17:58,111
Wait, I think
I got something here. Heh.
433
00:17:58,178 --> 00:18:00,747
Yeah, yeah, you know,
there's a bathroom in my pants,
434
00:18:00,813 --> 00:18:04,384
and I'm in the
Container Store, so my--
435
00:18:04,451 --> 00:18:05,452
no, that's not it.
436
00:18:05,518 --> 00:18:06,553
Oh, oh, yeah.
437
00:18:06,619 --> 00:18:09,722
My pants contain a bathroom.
438
00:18:09,789 --> 00:18:13,193
It's a container of--
of pee, or something.
439
00:18:13,260 --> 00:18:15,094
I-I'll work it out later
on the road, you know.
440
00:18:15,162 --> 00:18:16,963
But, um, heh, wanna...
441
00:18:17,029 --> 00:18:18,298
yeah, but there's
something here.
442
00:18:18,365 --> 00:18:19,932
This is good, yeah.
[giggling]
443
00:18:19,999 --> 00:18:22,369
Gotta draw another schlong
here so I won't forget.
444
00:18:22,435 --> 00:18:24,937
[snickering]
445
00:18:25,004 --> 00:18:26,273
[birds cawing]
446
00:18:26,339 --> 00:18:27,540
Now, Butt-Head, how come
there's still no chicks
447
00:18:27,607 --> 00:18:29,509
here at spring break?
Hee hee.
448
00:18:29,576 --> 00:18:31,311
- They'll be here soon, Beavis.
449
00:18:31,378 --> 00:18:34,214
And when they get here, they're
gonna wanna chicken fight
450
00:18:34,281 --> 00:18:36,416
with two hot dudes in the pool.
451
00:18:36,483 --> 00:18:38,551
And then everyone
falls in the water,
452
00:18:38,618 --> 00:18:40,253
and one thing
leads to another...
453
00:18:40,320 --> 00:18:41,988
[chuckles]
454
00:18:42,054 --> 00:18:43,223
- Oh, yeah. Ha.
455
00:18:43,290 --> 00:18:44,791
Um, Butt-Head?
456
00:18:44,857 --> 00:18:47,460
The water's, like, stinging
my legs really bad.
457
00:18:47,527 --> 00:18:50,029
- Uh, do you need
another Jell-O shot?
458
00:18:50,096 --> 00:18:51,831
- Uh, I don't think that
was Jell-O, 'cause it was,
459
00:18:51,898 --> 00:18:54,301
like, in an old milk carton.
460
00:18:54,367 --> 00:18:56,135
And it was, like, gray.
461
00:18:56,203 --> 00:18:58,471
- Uh, I think it was gray
462
00:18:58,538 --> 00:19:00,173
'cause it had
so much vodka in it.
463
00:19:01,541 --> 00:19:02,809
- Then I guess
I'll have another one.
464
00:19:02,875 --> 00:19:04,944
But, um, but Butt-Head, um,
465
00:19:05,011 --> 00:19:06,746
what if the chicks
aren't coming?
466
00:19:06,813 --> 00:19:08,481
What if they're at
a different beach,
467
00:19:08,548 --> 00:19:11,418
having a wet T-shirt contest
or a foam party or something,
468
00:19:11,484 --> 00:19:13,520
and we're missing it?
[giggling]
469
00:19:13,586 --> 00:19:16,155
- Damn it,
that butthole mailman
470
00:19:16,223 --> 00:19:17,457
took us to the wrong beach.
471
00:19:17,524 --> 00:19:21,228
- Ugh. Oh, boy.
- [snickering]
472
00:19:22,094 --> 00:19:26,733
- Well, Jersey Shore has gotta
be around here somewhere.
473
00:19:26,799 --> 00:19:28,067
- Whoa, Butt-Head!
474
00:19:28,134 --> 00:19:30,370
Let's take that car
to Jersey Shore.
475
00:19:30,437 --> 00:19:32,272
- Oh, yeah. Hee hee.
476
00:19:32,339 --> 00:19:34,173
Arrive in style.
477
00:19:34,674 --> 00:19:37,244
- In our new set
of wheels, yeah.
478
00:19:37,310 --> 00:19:39,312
- Uh, chicks, here we come.
479
00:19:39,379 --> 00:19:41,781
[chuckling]
480
00:19:41,848 --> 00:19:43,783
- Do you think it'll start?
481
00:19:43,850 --> 00:19:45,252
- Who cares? Heh heh.
482
00:19:45,318 --> 00:19:47,754
When the chicks see that
we have our own car,
483
00:19:47,820 --> 00:19:50,423
it won't even
matter if it runs.
484
00:19:50,490 --> 00:19:52,191
[rumbling]
485
00:19:52,259 --> 00:19:53,260
- Whoa!
486
00:19:53,326 --> 00:19:55,995
Whoa, here we go!
It works.
487
00:19:56,062 --> 00:19:59,532
And I think it's flying, too.
Yeah.
488
00:20:00,400 --> 00:20:04,337
- Beavis, we are on our way
to party our asses off.
489
00:20:04,404 --> 00:20:05,838
- Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.
490
00:20:05,905 --> 00:20:08,875
Spring break kicks ass.
Yeah. Heh heh.
491
00:20:08,941 --> 00:20:11,077
- Ladies, here we come.
492
00:20:11,143 --> 00:20:15,214
[metal grinding]
493
00:20:16,549 --> 00:20:19,586
[bluesy rock music]
494
00:20:19,652 --> 00:20:25,958
* *
495
00:20:39,572 --> 00:20:41,474
[chiming noises]
496
00:20:41,541 --> 00:20:42,875
- Chirp.
34481
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