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1
00:00:01,653 --> 00:00:04,395
CAPTIONING MADE POSSIBLE BY
LIONS GATE HOME ENTERTAINMENT
2
00:00:08,834 --> 00:00:10,706
WITH...
3
00:00:39,604 --> 00:00:41,824
HI. I'M RUNNING LATE.
4
00:00:41,867 --> 00:00:44,218
WELCOME TO ALF TALES.
5
00:00:44,261 --> 00:00:46,350
WARDROBE!
6
00:00:46,394 --> 00:00:50,311
TODAY'S STORY IS
THE PRINCESS AND THE PEA
7
00:00:50,354 --> 00:00:51,660
YOU KNOW, THE ONE
WHERE THE GIRL
8
00:00:51,703 --> 00:00:54,880
HAS TO SLEEP ON
A GIANT PILE OF MATTRESSES.
9
00:00:54,924 --> 00:00:57,187
PARDON ME,
MR. SHUMWAY.
10
00:00:57,231 --> 00:01:00,103
I PLAY PRINCE GORDY,
A GUY'S WHO'S ALL GROWN UP
11
00:01:00,147 --> 00:01:03,367
BUT STILL SMALL
ENOUGH TO FIT UNDER
HIS MOTHER'S THUMB.
12
00:01:03,411 --> 00:01:08,416
PRINCE GORDY'S SECRET DREAM
IS TO MAKE PEOPLE LAUGH,
13
00:01:08,459 --> 00:01:10,374
TO BE A JESTER.
14
00:01:10,418 --> 00:01:11,810
WAIT A MINUTE.
WHAT IS THIS?
15
00:01:11,854 --> 00:01:14,552
I'M SUPPOSED
TO BE A JESTER.
16
00:01:14,596 --> 00:01:16,250
GORDON.
17
00:01:16,293 --> 00:01:17,903
OH, NO.
18
00:01:17,947 --> 00:01:20,167
GORDO, ROGER COHEN.
19
00:01:20,210 --> 00:01:21,603
Both: NETWORK
EXECUTIVE.
20
00:01:21,646 --> 00:01:23,387
GORDO, OUR RESEARCH SHOWS
21
00:01:23,431 --> 00:01:26,173
THAT THIS GETUP IS
VERY BIG WITH THE KIDS.
22
00:01:26,216 --> 00:01:28,784
I'M WEARING
THE JESTER'S
COSTUME,
23
00:01:28,827 --> 00:01:30,568
OR YOU CAN
GET YOURSELF
ANOTHER BOY.
24
00:01:30,612 --> 00:01:33,180
GET MR. SHUMWAY
THE RIGHT COSTUME!
25
00:01:33,223 --> 00:01:35,921
GORDON,
THE NETWORK LOVES YOU.
26
00:01:35,965 --> 00:01:37,401
DON'T HUG ME.
27
00:01:37,445 --> 00:01:41,275
I'M SORRY YOU
HAD TO SEE THAT.
28
00:01:51,633 --> 00:01:53,765
THAT'S ME.
PRINCE GORDY.
29
00:01:53,809 --> 00:01:55,289
IF MY MOTHER
EVER FOUND OUT
30
00:01:55,332 --> 00:01:59,162
THAT MY DREAM
IS TO APPEAR ON THE
DAVID LETTERROCK SHOW,
31
00:01:59,206 --> 00:02:02,122
SHE'D GIVE ME
SUCH A RIM SHOT.
32
00:02:03,384 --> 00:02:07,214
SO SORRY, MY P-PRINCE.
33
00:02:08,476 --> 00:02:09,477
THANKS FOR KNOCKING.
34
00:02:09,520 --> 00:02:11,218
YOU'D BETTER GET DRESSED
35
00:02:11,261 --> 00:02:14,264
FOR YOUR ENGAGEMENT
P-PARTY, SIRE.
36
00:02:14,308 --> 00:02:15,657
ENGAGEMENT PARTY?
37
00:02:15,700 --> 00:02:18,442
MY MOM HASN'T EVEN
FOUND THE FIANCEÉE
FOR ME YET.
38
00:02:18,486 --> 00:02:21,271
I GUESS SHE WORKS WELL
UNDER PRESSURE.
39
00:02:21,315 --> 00:02:23,708
SHTICK, CAN WE
TALK AS FRIENDS?
40
00:02:23,752 --> 00:02:28,235
B-BUT I AM
YOUR S-SERVANT, SIRE.
41
00:02:29,236 --> 00:02:29,932
PLEASE.
42
00:02:29,975 --> 00:02:31,151
IN THAT CASE, GORDY,
43
00:02:31,194 --> 00:02:33,979
WHY DON'T YOU
STOP LIVING IN
A DREAM WORLD
44
00:02:34,023 --> 00:02:36,765
AND STAND UP
TO YOUR M-MOTHER
FOR ONCE
45
00:02:36,808 --> 00:02:39,637
AND TELL HER THAT
YOU WANT TO JEST.
46
00:02:39,681 --> 00:02:41,683
CALL ME SIRE.
47
00:02:46,992 --> 00:02:50,996
MY MOTHER ONCE SENT
AWAY FOR A MAIL ORDER
BRIDE FOR ME.
48
00:02:51,040 --> 00:02:54,478
THE POST OFFICE SHOULD
HAVE CANCELLED HER FACE.
49
00:02:54,522 --> 00:02:55,784
[ALL LAUGH]
50
00:02:55,827 --> 00:02:58,656
HER MAJESTY
THE QUEEN.
51
00:03:05,315 --> 00:03:07,578
ENJOY YOURSELVES,
EVERYONE.
52
00:03:07,622 --> 00:03:10,886
REVEL, REVEL. HUZZAH.
53
00:03:13,280 --> 00:03:15,020
YOU ARE A B-BIG HIT.
54
00:03:15,064 --> 00:03:17,501
PEOPLE SAY YOU'RE
THE LIFE OF THE PARTY.
55
00:03:17,545 --> 00:03:19,547
'CAUSE I CAN
TELL A JOKE OR TWO?
56
00:03:19,590 --> 00:03:22,767
ALTHOUGH THEY
MIGHT BE LAUGHING
LOUD AND HARDY,
57
00:03:22,811 --> 00:03:25,292
DEEP INSIDE
I'M BLUE.
58
00:03:25,335 --> 00:03:28,512
I CAN CHASE
THOSE B-BLUES AWAY.
59
00:03:28,556 --> 00:03:30,035
HOW?
60
00:03:30,079 --> 00:03:32,821
THERE'S A COMEDY CLUB
IN TOWN.
61
00:03:32,864 --> 00:03:34,910
I KNOW.
CATCH A RISING JESTER.
62
00:03:34,953 --> 00:03:37,347
TONIGHT IS OPEN-MIKE NIGHT.
63
00:03:37,391 --> 00:03:39,349
POOR MIKE.
64
00:03:39,393 --> 00:03:40,785
ANYBODY WHO WANTS TO
65
00:03:40,829 --> 00:03:43,788
CAN JUST GET ONSTAGE
AND PERFORM.
66
00:03:43,832 --> 00:03:44,833
YOU SHOULD GO.
67
00:03:44,876 --> 00:03:47,836
GREAT. BUT IF MOM
EVER FOUND OUT...
68
00:03:47,879 --> 00:03:50,447
THE QUEEN
DOESN'T HAVE TO KNOW.
69
00:03:50,491 --> 00:03:53,363
RIGHT. WHAT MY
MOTHER DOESN'T KNOW
70
00:03:53,407 --> 00:03:55,235
WON'T HURT ME.
71
00:04:02,329 --> 00:04:03,286
YOU EVER NOTICE
72
00:04:03,330 --> 00:04:05,288
THE KNIGHTS
OF THE ROUND TABLE
73
00:04:05,332 --> 00:04:07,290
WERE NAMED AFTER
THE ROUND TABLE?
74
00:04:07,334 --> 00:04:08,726
ISN'T THAT WEIRD?
ISN'T THAT WEIRD?
75
00:04:08,770 --> 00:04:10,032
IT'S A GOOD THING
THEY WEREN'T
76
00:04:10,075 --> 00:04:12,556
SITTING AROUND
A COFFEE TABLE.
77
00:04:15,037 --> 00:04:16,778
AAH--
AAH--
78
00:04:17,822 --> 00:04:20,434
DID YOU EVER NOTICE
HOW SCARY IT IS
79
00:04:20,477 --> 00:04:24,046
TO BE ESCORTED BY
A GUY WEARING A BLACK
HOOD ON HIS FACE?
80
00:04:24,089 --> 00:04:25,830
THAT'S IT.
I'M OUTTA HERE.
81
00:04:25,874 --> 00:04:27,354
I'M MEDIEVAL HISTORY.
82
00:04:27,397 --> 00:04:29,921
G-GORDY. THIS
IS YOUR DREAM.
83
00:04:29,965 --> 00:04:33,403
ALL RIGHT, BUT
KEEP THE HORSE AND
CARRIAGE RUNNING.
84
00:04:33,447 --> 00:04:35,100
WELL, HE STUNK.
85
00:04:35,144 --> 00:04:37,451
FOR OUR NEXT PERFORMER,
86
00:04:37,494 --> 00:04:41,455
JESTER SAM KENISTONE.
87
00:04:42,891 --> 00:04:45,328
AAH! YOU PEOPLE!
88
00:04:45,372 --> 00:04:46,808
I'M ON THE EDGE!
89
00:04:46,851 --> 00:04:48,418
DON'T MESS WITH ME!
90
00:04:48,462 --> 00:04:51,987
OHH OHH! AAH!
91
00:04:52,030 --> 00:04:53,510
[CRASH]
92
00:04:53,554 --> 00:04:56,861
OUR NEXT VICTIM
CALLS HIMSELF
93
00:04:56,905 --> 00:04:59,429
THE CLOWN PRINCE
OF COMEDY.
94
00:04:59,473 --> 00:05:00,300
IT'S HIS FIRST
95
00:05:00,343 --> 00:05:04,739
AND PROBABLY
LAST TIME HERE.
96
00:05:05,174 --> 00:05:10,440
SO LET'S GIVE HIM
A BIG WELCOME.
97
00:05:23,758 --> 00:05:26,108
AAH! OOF!
98
00:05:26,151 --> 00:05:28,719
[ALL LAUGHING]
99
00:05:29,024 --> 00:05:30,373
THANK YOU VERY MUCH.
100
00:05:30,417 --> 00:05:32,984
MY MOTHER'S A LITTLE
DOMINEERING.
101
00:05:33,028 --> 00:05:34,812
SHE AGREED TO LET ME
GO OUT ON WEEKENDS
102
00:05:34,856 --> 00:05:38,425
AS LONG AS I PROMISE
NOT TO GET A LIFE.
103
00:05:43,473 --> 00:05:44,518
MY MOTHER INTRODUCED ME
104
00:05:44,561 --> 00:05:46,389
TO A GIRL SHE THOUGHT
I SHOULD MARRY.
105
00:05:46,433 --> 00:05:48,478
THE NAME MIGHT
RING A BELL--
106
00:05:48,522 --> 00:05:50,088
QUASIMODO.
107
00:05:51,873 --> 00:05:55,050
YOU'VE BEEN GREAT.
GOOD NIGHT.
108
00:05:58,706 --> 00:06:04,189
I'M GEORGE MARTY,
OWNER AND EMCEE, KID.
109
00:06:04,233 --> 00:06:06,409
AS SOON AS I SAW YOU,
110
00:06:06,453 --> 00:06:08,629
I KNEW YOU HAVE
WHAT IT TAKES.
111
00:06:08,672 --> 00:06:11,675
YOU MEAN HE HAS
WHAT YOU TAKE.
112
00:06:11,719 --> 00:06:13,024
SHUT UP.
113
00:06:13,068 --> 00:06:15,462
I WANT YOU
BACK HERE TOMORROW.
114
00:06:15,505 --> 00:06:17,028
THERE WILL
BE SOMEONE HERE
115
00:06:17,072 --> 00:06:20,771
I WANT TO SEE YOU PERFORM.
116
00:06:20,815 --> 00:06:23,774
DAVID LETTERROCK.
117
00:06:23,818 --> 00:06:24,993
D-D-D...
118
00:06:25,036 --> 00:06:27,169
-DAVID LETTERROCK?
-DAVID LETTERROCK?
119
00:06:27,212 --> 00:06:30,651
GEORGE, MY MAN,
MY CLIENT WILL BE HERE.
120
00:06:30,694 --> 00:06:32,087
YOU'RE A PRINCE.
121
00:06:32,130 --> 00:06:35,743
AND BELIEVE ME,
HE KNOWS A PRINCE
WHEN HE SEES ONE.
122
00:06:40,748 --> 00:06:44,447
THIS IS IT,
THE B-BIG NIGHT.
123
00:06:44,491 --> 00:06:47,494
YOU'RE GOING
TO BE GREAT.
124
00:06:52,194 --> 00:06:54,892
CREATIVE AND
FULFILLING LIFESTYLE,
125
00:06:54,936 --> 00:06:56,633
HERE I COME.
126
00:07:01,551 --> 00:07:03,553
AAH!
GORDY?
127
00:07:03,597 --> 00:07:04,685
MOM.
128
00:07:04,728 --> 00:07:06,730
I HAVE SOMEONE HERE
I WANT YOU TO MEET.
129
00:07:06,774 --> 00:07:10,821
THIS IS
PRINCESS VERMILION.
130
00:07:15,913 --> 00:07:17,480
UH, NICE TO MEET YOU.
131
00:07:17,524 --> 00:07:20,265
YOUR MOTHER'S TOLD ME
EVERYTHING ABOUT YOU,
132
00:07:20,309 --> 00:07:24,052
AND WITH WORK, I CAN
STRAIGHTEN YOU OUT.
133
00:07:24,095 --> 00:07:25,575
[BOTH GIGGLE]
134
00:07:25,619 --> 00:07:27,838
IT'S BEEN AWFULLY NICE
MEETING YOU.
135
00:07:27,882 --> 00:07:30,232
LET'S DO THIS AGAIN
REAL SOON.
136
00:07:30,275 --> 00:07:33,540
I HAVE A WONDERFUL
SURPRISE FOR YOU.
137
00:07:33,583 --> 00:07:34,932
SURPRISE?
138
00:07:34,976 --> 00:07:36,760
SHALL I TELL HIM?
139
00:07:36,804 --> 00:07:37,587
OH, DO.
140
00:07:37,631 --> 00:07:39,589
THANK YOU.
PLEASE.
141
00:07:39,633 --> 00:07:41,939
VERMILION AND YOU
ARE TO BE MARRIED.
142
00:07:41,983 --> 00:07:43,811
THIS CALLS
FOR A CELEBRATION.
143
00:07:43,854 --> 00:07:47,510
SHTICK, PREPARE
THE ROYAL ENTOURAGE.
144
00:07:47,554 --> 00:07:49,947
WE INTENDED
TO BOWL.
145
00:07:49,991 --> 00:07:51,558
BOWLING? NOW?
146
00:07:51,601 --> 00:07:54,517
YOU DON'T
HAVE ANYTHING
ELSE TO DO?
147
00:07:54,561 --> 00:07:56,301
UH, NO. NO, NO.
148
00:07:56,345 --> 00:07:58,652
GET READY,
HUSBAND TO BE.
149
00:07:58,695 --> 00:08:01,306
WE WILL LEAVE
SHORTLY.
150
00:08:01,350 --> 00:08:02,525
AFTER YOU.
151
00:08:02,569 --> 00:08:03,526
PLEASE.
152
00:08:03,570 --> 00:08:05,659
THANK YOU.
153
00:08:08,183 --> 00:08:09,532
PINCH ME, SHTICK.
154
00:08:09,576 --> 00:08:11,099
PINCH ME HARD.
155
00:08:11,142 --> 00:08:12,970
S-S-SORRY, MY PRINCE,
156
00:08:13,014 --> 00:08:14,972
I DON'T THINK
THIS IS A DREAM.
157
00:08:15,016 --> 00:08:16,191
I KNOW IT'S NOT
A DREAM.
158
00:08:16,234 --> 00:08:20,108
I JUST THINK
I'D BETTER GET
USED TO PAIN.
159
00:08:24,895 --> 00:08:26,549
YOUR TURN, VERMILION.
160
00:08:26,593 --> 00:08:29,291
OH, WHY DON'T
YOU GO FIRST?
161
00:08:29,334 --> 00:08:30,988
AFTER YOU.
162
00:08:31,032 --> 00:08:32,337
THANK YOU.
163
00:08:32,381 --> 00:08:34,035
UGH.
164
00:08:43,740 --> 00:08:45,829
OOH! I GOT ONE!
165
00:08:45,873 --> 00:08:47,091
I GOT ONE!
166
00:08:47,135 --> 00:08:50,834
WELL, YOU WIN.
GAME'S OVER. LET'S GO.
167
00:08:50,878 --> 00:08:51,792
GORDY.
168
00:08:51,835 --> 00:08:53,663
YES, MOTHER?
169
00:08:53,707 --> 00:08:54,795
BOWL.
170
00:08:54,838 --> 00:08:57,624
YOU'VE
GOT TO TAKE
A FIRM HAND...
171
00:08:57,667 --> 00:09:00,975
OR THEY'LL TRY
TO GET AWAY
WITH SOMETHING.
172
00:09:01,018 --> 00:09:03,543
EXACTLY.
173
00:09:07,155 --> 00:09:09,723
THANK YOU.
PLEASE.
174
00:09:14,075 --> 00:09:15,859
I THINK
I GOT A STRIKE.
175
00:09:15,903 --> 00:09:19,863
AND YOU CAN STAND
ON MY LEFT SIDE.
176
00:09:19,907 --> 00:09:22,605
YOUR FATHER CAN
STAND ON YOUR RIGHT.
177
00:09:22,649 --> 00:09:26,914
BUT I GUESS GORDY
HAS TO STAND SOMEWHERE.
178
00:09:26,957 --> 00:09:28,611
OH.
OH.
179
00:09:28,655 --> 00:09:30,657
HELLO.
180
00:09:30,700 --> 00:09:31,701
I'M A GHOST.
181
00:09:31,745 --> 00:09:33,616
MOM, PRINCESS
PESTER,
182
00:09:33,660 --> 00:09:35,226
YOU DON'T MIND
IF I EXCUSE MYSELF,
183
00:09:35,270 --> 00:09:38,708
GO TO A COMEDY CLUB
AND START A NEW
LIFE, DO YOU?
184
00:09:38,752 --> 00:09:40,841
I KNEW YOU'D
UNDERSTAND.
185
00:09:48,109 --> 00:09:50,720
YOU'RE 3 HOURS LATE.
186
00:09:50,764 --> 00:09:51,895
WHERE'S LETTERROCK?
187
00:09:51,939 --> 00:09:53,680
HE LEFT HOURS AGO.
188
00:09:53,723 --> 00:09:56,334
GET OUT OF MY SIGHT.
189
00:09:56,378 --> 00:09:58,641
WHERE ARE YOU GOING?
190
00:09:58,685 --> 00:09:59,990
TO WALK OFF
A DRAWBRIDGE.
191
00:10:00,034 --> 00:10:03,864
I'VE GOT 5 PAYING
CUSTOMERS IN THERE.
192
00:10:03,907 --> 00:10:09,652
IF I SCHEDULE YOU
TO GO ON, THEN YOU GO ON!
193
00:10:09,696 --> 00:10:12,263
[DRUM ROLL]
194
00:10:13,134 --> 00:10:15,440
GOOD EVENING, LADY
AND A FEW GENTLEMEN.
195
00:10:15,484 --> 00:10:17,704
MY MOTHER'S
A LITTLE DOMINEERING.
196
00:10:17,747 --> 00:10:19,270
SHE LETS ME GO OUT
ON WEEKENDS
197
00:10:19,314 --> 00:10:21,751
AS LONG AS I PROMISE
NOT TO GET A LIFE.
198
00:10:21,795 --> 00:10:24,362
[SNORING]
199
00:10:25,233 --> 00:10:27,801
MY MOTHER HAS A GIRL
SHE WANTS ME TO MARRY.
200
00:10:27,844 --> 00:10:31,282
THE NAME MIGHT RING
A BELL--QUASIMODO.
201
00:10:31,326 --> 00:10:32,893
HA HA HA!
202
00:10:32,936 --> 00:10:34,677
I BELIEVE
IN LIFE AFTER DEATH,
203
00:10:34,721 --> 00:10:37,680
AND I BELIEVE THIS
PERFORMANCE PROVES THAT.
204
00:10:37,724 --> 00:10:39,813
HA HA HA!
205
00:10:40,161 --> 00:10:42,816
[CRICKETS CHIRPING]
206
00:10:46,733 --> 00:10:47,864
ANYWAY,
I'D LIKE TO STAY,
207
00:10:47,908 --> 00:10:51,302
BUT I HAVE TO GO HOME
AND FIGHT PLAQUE.
208
00:11:02,749 --> 00:11:05,142
THERE'S THE WAITRESS
THAT LAUGHED AT MY STUFF.
209
00:11:05,186 --> 00:11:07,318
THERE'S
THAT FUNNY JESTER.
210
00:11:07,362 --> 00:11:08,537
I THINK
I'LL SAY HELLO.
211
00:11:08,580 --> 00:11:13,063
SHE'S COMING OVER HERE.
I'D BETTER ACT COOL.
212
00:11:13,760 --> 00:11:15,500
WELL, I NEVER.
213
00:11:15,544 --> 00:11:17,807
WAIT! DON'T GO.
214
00:11:17,851 --> 00:11:18,808
WHO ARE YOU?
215
00:11:18,852 --> 00:11:21,419
I'M THAT JESTER'S
INNER VOICE.
216
00:11:21,463 --> 00:11:23,030
HE LIKES YOU.
217
00:11:23,073 --> 00:11:23,900
HE DOES?
218
00:11:23,944 --> 00:11:25,728
YEAH, HE'S JUST
A LITTLE SHY
219
00:11:25,772 --> 00:11:27,512
AND NEUROTICALLY OBSESSED
WITH HIS MOTHER.
220
00:11:27,556 --> 00:11:30,167
GO OVER AND TALK
TO HIM, OK?
OK.
221
00:11:30,211 --> 00:11:32,039
HI. I JUST
WANTED TO
TELL YOU
222
00:11:32,082 --> 00:11:33,214
THAT I THINK
YOU'RE CUTE.
223
00:11:33,257 --> 00:11:34,998
THANKS, BUT I REALLY
DON'T LOOK LIKE THIS.
224
00:11:35,042 --> 00:11:37,479
I'M HIDING
BEHIND A PLANT.
225
00:11:37,522 --> 00:11:39,481
YOU'RE FUNNY.
226
00:11:39,524 --> 00:11:40,961
I AM? I'M GORDY.
227
00:11:41,004 --> 00:11:44,442
WOULD YOU LIKE
TO HAVE A FLAGON OF
PUMA JUICE WITH ME?
228
00:11:44,486 --> 00:11:45,792
I'D LOVE TO.
229
00:11:45,835 --> 00:11:48,838
I'M AVERY
FISHER HALL.
230
00:11:51,014 --> 00:11:54,235
WELL, WELL,
WHAT HAVE WE HERE?
231
00:11:54,278 --> 00:11:57,891
GET ME FULL
COVERAGE OF THIS.
232
00:12:03,461 --> 00:12:05,507
THANKS, BUT I COULD
NEVER MAKE IT
AS A JESTER.
233
00:12:05,550 --> 00:12:09,337
MY MOM WOULD
CROWN ME, OR SHE
WOULDN'T CROWN ME.
234
00:12:09,380 --> 00:12:11,208
WHAT'S WRONG
WITH BEING A JESTER?
235
00:12:11,252 --> 00:12:13,210
IT'S A PERFECTLY
GOOD SOLID JOB.
236
00:12:13,254 --> 00:12:16,257
WELL, CAN YOU KEEP
A BIG SECRET?
237
00:12:16,300 --> 00:12:17,649
SURE. WHAT'S
YOUR SECRET?
238
00:12:17,693 --> 00:12:21,784
I'M NOT REALLY A JESTER.
I'M THE PRINCE OF THE LAND.
239
00:12:21,828 --> 00:12:23,830
WHAT?
240
00:12:24,613 --> 00:12:27,355
ER--UH, OH,
I MEAN, UH...
241
00:12:27,398 --> 00:12:29,792
IS EVERYTHING
ALL RIGHT
242
00:12:29,836 --> 00:12:31,533
AT THIS TABLE?
243
00:12:31,576 --> 00:12:33,883
FINE. THANK YOU,
GEORGE.
244
00:12:33,927 --> 00:12:36,930
FINE. GOOD.
245
00:12:38,845 --> 00:12:41,935
ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
YOU'RE REALLY
THE PRINCE?
246
00:12:41,978 --> 00:12:43,327
WOULD I KID
THE FIRST BABE
247
00:12:43,371 --> 00:12:44,851
I'VE EVER SUCKED
PUMA JUICE WITH?
248
00:12:44,894 --> 00:12:49,246
WHAT AN IMPLAUSIBLE
AND INDEED METAPHYSICAL
COINKYDINKY.
249
00:12:49,290 --> 00:12:50,334
WHAT DO YOU MEAN?
250
00:12:50,378 --> 00:12:52,815
I'M A PRINCESS.
251
00:12:52,859 --> 00:12:54,208
GET OUT
OF THE KINGDOM.
252
00:12:54,251 --> 00:12:56,253
HA, NO, IT'S TRUE.
253
00:12:56,297 --> 00:12:57,428
I WANT TO
BE A WAITRESS
254
00:12:57,472 --> 00:12:58,908
BUT MY MOTHER
WOULDN'T LET ME,
255
00:12:58,952 --> 00:13:00,518
SO I STOOD UP
TO HER.
256
00:13:00,562 --> 00:13:02,825
TALK ABOUT
YOUR ROLE MODELS.
257
00:13:02,869 --> 00:13:04,827
GORDY, YOU'RE
A GROWN MAN.
258
00:13:04,871 --> 00:13:08,004
TELL YOUR MOTHER
IT'S YOUR FUTURE,
NOT HERS.
259
00:13:08,048 --> 00:13:10,398
YOU ONLY GO AROUND
ONCE IN LIFE.
260
00:13:10,441 --> 00:13:13,575
YEAH. SO WHY SHORTEN IT?
261
00:13:13,618 --> 00:13:16,186
SO THAT CLOWN PRINCE
262
00:13:16,230 --> 00:13:17,927
IS A CROWN PRINCE.
263
00:13:17,971 --> 00:13:19,973
DO YOU KNOW
WHAT THIS MEANS?
264
00:13:20,016 --> 00:13:21,409
IF THE QUEEN
DISCOVERED
265
00:13:21,452 --> 00:13:24,847
THAT HER SON WAS
A LOWLY JESTER,
266
00:13:24,891 --> 00:13:27,937
THE SCANDAL WOULD
BE THE MEDIA EVENT
OF THE DECADE.
267
00:13:27,981 --> 00:13:32,855
WE'D BE THE MOST
FAMOUS COMEDY CLUB
IN THE KINGDOM!
268
00:13:32,899 --> 00:13:35,118
I'LL HANDLE THE MEDIA.
269
00:13:35,162 --> 00:13:38,208
YOU GET A MESSAGE
TO THE QUEEN.
270
00:13:38,252 --> 00:13:41,603
SURE THING, BOSS.
271
00:13:41,646 --> 00:13:42,952
THE MESSAGE IS...
272
00:13:42,996 --> 00:13:45,302
IF HER MAJESTY
WANTS TO FIND OUT
273
00:13:45,346 --> 00:13:48,610
ABOUT PRINCE GORDY'S
SECRET LIFE,
274
00:13:48,653 --> 00:13:54,137
SHE SHOULD BE HERE
TOMORROW NIGHT
AT 9:30.
275
00:13:54,181 --> 00:13:55,878
YES?
276
00:13:55,922 --> 00:13:58,663
THAT'S IT.
THAT'S THE MESSAGE.
277
00:13:58,707 --> 00:13:59,621
GO!
278
00:13:59,664 --> 00:14:01,449
RIGHT!
IDIOT.
279
00:14:01,492 --> 00:14:04,495
UNSUSPECTING PAWN.
280
00:14:04,539 --> 00:14:06,410
MILLIONAIRE.
281
00:14:19,423 --> 00:14:20,990
I'M HAROLDO REVIEWER.
282
00:14:21,034 --> 00:14:24,341
TONIGHT WE COME TO
YOU FROM THE SUDDENLY
POPULAR COMEDY CLUB
283
00:14:24,385 --> 00:14:25,995
CATCH A RISING JESTER.
284
00:14:26,039 --> 00:14:27,257
WE ASK THE QUESTION,
285
00:14:27,301 --> 00:14:31,087
"JESTERS--INSANELY FUNNY,
OR FUNNILY INSANE?"
286
00:14:31,131 --> 00:14:32,654
TONIGHT. HERE. NOW.
287
00:14:32,697 --> 00:14:36,440
LIVE ON MY SHOW--
HAROLD.
288
00:14:37,137 --> 00:14:39,008
[GASPS]
289
00:14:39,052 --> 00:14:40,140
YOU SEE THAT CROWD?
290
00:14:40,183 --> 00:14:44,057
I'VE NEVER
SEEN A CROWD
THAT...CROWDED.
291
00:14:45,319 --> 00:14:48,626
I-IT SURE IS
P-P-PACKED.
292
00:14:48,670 --> 00:14:52,152
TONIGHT IS
A VERY SPECIAL NIGHT.
293
00:14:52,195 --> 00:14:56,069
ONE REASON IS
THE QUADRUPLE COVER CHARGE.
294
00:14:56,112 --> 00:14:57,070
BOO!
295
00:14:57,113 --> 00:15:00,943
AND THE OTHER
IS OUR FIRST COMIC,
296
00:15:00,987 --> 00:15:05,252
THAT CLOWN PRINCE
OF COMEDY.
297
00:15:05,295 --> 00:15:08,037
[APPLAUSE]
298
00:15:10,779 --> 00:15:11,736
THANK YOU.
299
00:15:11,780 --> 00:15:14,000
I HAVE A VERY
DOMINEERING MOTHER.
300
00:15:14,043 --> 00:15:16,002
SHE FINALLY LET ME
GO OUT ON WEEKENDS
301
00:15:16,045 --> 00:15:19,440
AS LONG AS I PROMISE
NOT TO GET A LIFE.
302
00:15:21,485 --> 00:15:25,620
THEF, IT'S ALL
GOING AS PLANNED.
303
00:15:25,663 --> 00:15:29,972
HERE COMES
THE QUEEN NOW.
304
00:15:30,016 --> 00:15:34,629
MAYBE HER NAME
RINGS A BELL--QUASIMODO.
305
00:15:36,283 --> 00:15:40,983
AND SO I SAID
TO MY OPPRESSIVE AND
SMOTHERING MOTHER--
306
00:15:41,027 --> 00:15:42,245
MOM!
307
00:15:42,289 --> 00:15:43,507
GORDY!
308
00:15:43,551 --> 00:15:46,293
GOOD NIGHT, EVERYBODY.
309
00:15:46,336 --> 00:15:49,339
AAH!
310
00:15:49,383 --> 00:15:50,688
BY WHICH I MEAN,
311
00:15:50,732 --> 00:15:54,997
WHAT A GOOD NIGHT,
EVERYBODY, HUH?
WHAT A NIGHT.
312
00:15:55,041 --> 00:15:56,520
THIS IS AN OUTRAGE.
313
00:15:56,564 --> 00:15:59,262
THE SON OF THE QUEEN
A JESTER?
314
00:15:59,306 --> 00:16:04,050
I COMMAND YOU TO GO
TO YOUR ROYAL ROOM
IMMEDIATELY.
315
00:16:04,093 --> 00:16:06,661
TOUGH CROWD.
316
00:16:07,227 --> 00:16:10,099
YOUR SON,
GRACEFULLY COMIC,
317
00:16:10,143 --> 00:16:11,579
OR COMIC DISGRACE?
318
00:16:11,622 --> 00:16:14,103
THE PRINCE IS OLD ENOUGH
TO RUN HIS OWN LIFE.
319
00:16:14,147 --> 00:16:17,367
HE HAS A GIFT FOR COMEDY
AND HE SHOULD SHARE IT.
320
00:16:17,411 --> 00:16:19,804
COMEDY,
GIFT FOR SHARING,
321
00:16:19,848 --> 00:16:21,023
OR SHARING FOR--
322
00:16:21,067 --> 00:16:22,590
HEY, HAROLD,
LOOK OVER THERE!
323
00:16:22,633 --> 00:16:26,681
A FAMILY OF NUDIST
MIDGET PSYCHICS.
324
00:16:26,724 --> 00:16:29,379
WHO IS THIS INSOLENT
LITTLE TRAMP?
325
00:16:29,423 --> 00:16:34,341
WHO? HER? SHE'S
JUST A WAITRESS.
CHECK, PLEASE.
326
00:16:34,384 --> 00:16:36,038
GET OFF THAT STAGE!
327
00:16:36,082 --> 00:16:40,303
COME HOME AND MARRY
THE PRINCESS I HAVE CHOSEN.
328
00:16:40,347 --> 00:16:42,697
NO, YOUR ROYAL
MOTHERNESS.
329
00:16:43,263 --> 00:16:44,220
YOU SEE, MOM,
330
00:16:44,264 --> 00:16:46,353
I KIND OF LIKE
AVERY HERE.
331
00:16:46,396 --> 00:16:47,789
SHE UNDERSTANDS ME.
332
00:16:47,832 --> 00:16:51,271
AND, WELL, I WAS
THINKING OF ASKING
HER TO BE MY WIFE.
333
00:16:51,314 --> 00:16:53,795
OH, GORDY!
334
00:16:53,838 --> 00:16:57,059
YOU CANNOT MARRY...THIS.
335
00:16:57,103 --> 00:16:58,843
SHE IS NO PRINCESS.
336
00:16:58,887 --> 00:17:00,410
OH, YEAH,
YEAH, SHE IS!
337
00:17:00,454 --> 00:17:05,372
RIGHT, AND I'M ONE
OF THE GORGEOUS LADIES
OF WRESTLING.
338
00:17:05,415 --> 00:17:08,462
IT'S TRUE,
YOUR HIGHNESS.
I AM A PRINCESS.
339
00:17:08,505 --> 00:17:12,074
IF IT IS SO,
YOU WILL SURELY PASS
340
00:17:12,118 --> 00:17:15,512
THE OFFICIAL STANDARDIZED
PRINCESS TEST.
341
00:17:15,556 --> 00:17:16,687
TEST?
TEST?
342
00:17:16,731 --> 00:17:20,735
TOMORROW, 6:00 P.M.,
THE ROYAL FAIRGROUNDS.
343
00:17:20,778 --> 00:17:23,216
BE THERE.
344
00:17:28,134 --> 00:17:29,135
AVERY FISHER HALL,
345
00:17:29,178 --> 00:17:33,095
A TRUE PRINCESS,
OR TRULY PRINCELESS?
346
00:17:33,139 --> 00:17:34,227
ACCORDING TO THE QUEEN,
347
00:17:34,270 --> 00:17:35,880
THERE IS ONE TRUE TEST--
348
00:17:35,924 --> 00:17:38,883
A SINGLE PEA PLACED
UNDER THE BOTTOM MATTRESS.
349
00:17:38,927 --> 00:17:43,105
ONLY A REAL PRINCESS
WOULD BE SENSITIVE
ENOUGH TO FEEL IT.
350
00:17:43,149 --> 00:17:45,542
SENSITIVE ENOUGH
TO BE KEPT AWAKE
351
00:17:45,586 --> 00:17:48,415
FOR AN ENTIRE NIGHT
BY THE DISCOMFORT.
352
00:17:48,458 --> 00:17:51,722
AVERY AND PRINCE GORDY
HAVE BEEN KEPT OFFSTAGE
353
00:17:51,766 --> 00:17:53,072
IN A SOUNDPROOF BOOTH.
354
00:17:53,115 --> 00:17:56,118
ALL THEY KNOW
IS THAT AVERY IS
TO SPEND THE NIGHT
355
00:17:56,162 --> 00:17:59,469
ON THE MATTRESSES.
IF SHE CAN'T SLEEP,
356
00:17:59,513 --> 00:18:00,905
THE QUEEN WILL
BE CONVINCED
357
00:18:00,949 --> 00:18:02,690
SHE IS A PRINCESS.
358
00:18:02,733 --> 00:18:04,170
IF SHE DOZES,
359
00:18:04,213 --> 00:18:06,389
IT'S BACK
TO WAITING TABLES.
360
00:18:06,433 --> 00:18:08,870
SHE'S NODDING OFF
ALREADY.
361
00:18:08,913 --> 00:18:11,481
DEAD ON HER FEET.
362
00:18:12,221 --> 00:18:15,094
[BOTH GIGGLING]
363
00:18:15,442 --> 00:18:18,532
WHAT DO YOU THINK
I'M SUPPOSED TO DO
TO PASS THE TEST?
364
00:18:18,575 --> 00:18:21,622
WELL, HERE'S A STACK
OF 20 MATTRESSES.
365
00:18:21,665 --> 00:18:23,232
I GUESS YOU GOTTA
GO TO SLEEP.
366
00:18:23,276 --> 00:18:29,195
I HEREBY ORDER THE SUN
TO GO DOWN.
367
00:18:33,677 --> 00:18:36,811
I-IXNAY
ON THE EEPSLAY.
368
00:18:36,854 --> 00:18:37,768
HUH?
369
00:18:37,812 --> 00:18:40,641
LET THE TEST BEGIN.
370
00:18:41,816 --> 00:18:44,471
[PLAYS TRUMPET]
371
00:18:46,299 --> 00:18:48,692
[CLOCK TICKS]
372
00:18:54,524 --> 00:18:57,353
♪ GO TO SLEEP,
GO TO SLEEP ♪
373
00:18:57,397 --> 00:19:00,182
♪ CLOSE YOUR
PRINCESS-LIKE EYELIDS ♪
374
00:19:00,226 --> 00:19:02,793
♪ GO TO SLEEP NOW,
GO TO SLEEP ♪
375
00:19:02,837 --> 00:19:05,187
♪ GO TO SLEE-EE-EE-EE
376
00:19:05,231 --> 00:19:07,320
♪ EEP
377
00:19:10,888 --> 00:19:12,586
WHOA!
378
00:19:14,327 --> 00:19:17,156
[SHEEPS BLEATING]
379
00:19:20,985 --> 00:19:23,466
196...
380
00:19:23,510 --> 00:19:24,772
BAAA!
381
00:19:24,815 --> 00:19:26,948
197...
382
00:19:26,991 --> 00:19:28,254
BAAA!
383
00:19:28,297 --> 00:19:30,821
[YAWNING] 198...
384
00:19:35,261 --> 00:19:38,177
AAH!
385
00:19:42,268 --> 00:19:44,226
[ROOSTER CROWS]
386
00:19:44,270 --> 00:19:46,837
[SNORING]
387
00:19:49,536 --> 00:19:51,015
DAWN. THE QUESTION--
388
00:19:51,059 --> 00:19:52,669
DID THE WOULD-BE
PRINCESS SLEEP,
389
00:19:52,713 --> 00:19:55,019
OR DID THE SLEEPY
WOULDCESS PRIN?
390
00:19:55,063 --> 00:19:57,805
YOU KNOW WHAT I MEAN.
391
00:20:00,503 --> 00:20:03,245
GENTLEMEN,
YOUR VERDICT.
392
00:20:03,289 --> 00:20:04,899
AWAKE!
393
00:20:04,942 --> 00:20:06,292
FULLY AROUSED.
394
00:20:06,335 --> 00:20:08,250
HASN'T SLEPT
A WINK.
395
00:20:08,294 --> 00:20:10,861
I FAILED.
396
00:20:11,993 --> 00:20:13,299
I'M A MESS.
397
00:20:13,342 --> 00:20:17,694
YOUR MOTHER WILL NEVER
LET ME MARRY YOU.
398
00:20:17,738 --> 00:20:18,956
NO, NO, NO!
399
00:20:19,000 --> 00:20:22,003
SCHTICK JUST
EXPLAINED IT TO ME.
YOU PASSED.
400
00:20:22,046 --> 00:20:23,961
WE CAN BE MARRIED!
401
00:20:24,005 --> 00:20:24,832
WHAT?
402
00:20:24,875 --> 00:20:27,313
YEAH, YOU HAD
TO STAY AWAKE.
403
00:20:27,356 --> 00:20:29,837
YOU SEE,
THERE'S THIS PEA
IN YOUR BED.
404
00:20:29,880 --> 00:20:30,751
EW!
405
00:20:30,794 --> 00:20:32,970
I'LL EXPLAIN
ON THE WAY DOWN.
406
00:20:33,014 --> 00:20:36,409
I THOUGHT YOU SAID
IT WAS IN THE BAG.
407
00:20:36,452 --> 00:20:38,367
SOMETHING MUST HAVE
GONE WRONG.
408
00:20:38,411 --> 00:20:41,675
YES. LIKE MY WEDDING
PLANS, YOU COW.
409
00:20:41,718 --> 00:20:44,721
SO, AVERY FISHER HALL
PASSES THE TEST,
410
00:20:44,765 --> 00:20:48,377
PROVING SHE IS
A TRUE PRINCESS.
411
00:20:48,421 --> 00:20:50,901
YAY!
YAY!
YAY!
412
00:20:50,945 --> 00:20:52,860
THOSE MATTRESSES
GAVE THE EXPRESSION
413
00:20:52,903 --> 00:20:55,341
"CLIMBING INTO BED"
A WHOLE NEW MEANING.
414
00:20:55,384 --> 00:20:58,300
THAT'S ABOUT
THE WHOLE STORY, DAVID.
415
00:20:58,344 --> 00:20:59,214
YEAH.
416
00:20:59,258 --> 00:21:02,348
MOM SEEMED
PRETTY DOMINEERING.
417
00:21:02,391 --> 00:21:03,392
YOU COULD SAY THAT.
418
00:21:03,436 --> 00:21:04,959
SHE USED TO LET ME
OUT ON WEEKENDS
419
00:21:05,002 --> 00:21:08,310
AS LONG AS I PROMISED
NOT TO GET A LIFE.
420
00:21:08,354 --> 00:21:09,659
[LAUGHTER]
421
00:21:09,703 --> 00:21:11,661
AHA! YEAH!
422
00:21:11,705 --> 00:21:16,318
PROMISED NOT TO GET
A LIFE. MY, OH, MY.
423
00:21:16,362 --> 00:21:17,754
BUT OF COURSE,
YOU DID MARRY
424
00:21:17,798 --> 00:21:18,973
THE LOVELY
PRINCESS AVERY.
425
00:21:19,016 --> 00:21:21,758
I UNDERSTAND
SHE'S WITH US
HERE TONIGHT.
426
00:21:21,802 --> 00:21:24,761
THAT'S RIGHT. CAN WE
GET A SHOT OF HER?
427
00:21:24,805 --> 00:21:26,850
[APPLAUSE]
428
00:21:26,894 --> 00:21:31,377
I TAUGHT HIM
EVERYTHING HE KNOWS.
429
00:21:32,378 --> 00:21:35,816
IT'S BEEN
A PLEASURE, GORDY.
COME BACK ANYTIME.
430
00:21:35,859 --> 00:21:37,948
ONLY IF I HAVE
SOMETHING TO PLUG.
431
00:21:37,992 --> 00:21:41,387
UH, WE'RE OUT
OF TIME, FOLKS.
432
00:21:41,430 --> 00:21:44,346
JOIN US TOMORROW
FOR RITA RUDNER,
433
00:21:44,390 --> 00:21:46,609
THE SOPHOMORICALLY
SNIDE GUY,
434
00:21:46,653 --> 00:21:49,090
AND A VISIT FROM
THE NBC CENSOR.
435
00:21:49,133 --> 00:21:50,613
GOOD NIGHT.
436
00:21:50,657 --> 00:21:52,615
CAPTIONING MADE POSSIBLE BY
LIONS GATE HOME ENTERTAINMENT
437
00:21:52,659 --> 00:21:57,403
CAPTIONED BY THE NATIONAL
CAPTIONING INSTITUTE
--www.ncicap.org--
438
00:21:57,881 --> 00:22:00,754
♪ GORDON, SEND US
439
00:22:00,797 --> 00:22:01,972
♪ OH, SEND US
440
00:22:02,016 --> 00:22:04,148
♪ INTO OUTER SPACE
441
00:22:04,192 --> 00:22:05,846
♪ OUTER SPACE
442
00:22:05,889 --> 00:22:11,765
♪ 'CAUSE THERE AIN'T
NOBODY LIKE YOU ♪
443
00:22:11,808 --> 00:22:16,770
♪ IN THE MELMACKIAN RACE
444
00:22:16,813 --> 00:22:21,078
♪ TEACH US, GORDON...
445
00:22:25,169 --> 00:22:27,650
HA! I KILL ME!
29701
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