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1
00:00:02,263 --> 00:00:05,048
[ORCHESTRA TUNES UP]
2
00:00:31,901 --> 00:00:36,253
CAPTIONING MADE POSSIBLE BY
LIONS GATE HOME ENTERTAINMENT
3
00:00:38,647 --> 00:00:41,345
[FANFARE]
4
00:00:41,389 --> 00:00:42,607
GREAT PARTY TONIGHT.
5
00:00:42,651 --> 00:00:43,869
PEOPLE EVERYWHERE.
6
00:00:43,913 --> 00:00:47,047
BOY, I'M HUNGRY.
7
00:00:48,178 --> 00:00:50,789
[BABY CRYING]
8
00:00:59,842 --> 00:01:02,540
HI! SOME PARTY, HUH?
9
00:01:02,584 --> 00:01:05,369
I'VE ALREADY HAD
26 FLAGONS OF THIS STUFF,
10
00:01:05,413 --> 00:01:08,198
AND I DON'T EVEN
FEEL FILLED UP.
11
00:01:08,242 --> 00:01:09,330
URP!
12
00:01:09,373 --> 00:01:12,550
MUST BE THAT NEW
NONALCOHOLIC GROG LITE.
13
00:01:12,594 --> 00:01:14,726
THE REASON FOR ALL
THIS MERRIMENT
14
00:01:14,770 --> 00:01:16,728
IS THE BIRTH
OF THE NEW PRINCE.
15
00:01:16,772 --> 00:01:17,686
[BABY CRYING]
16
00:01:17,729 --> 00:01:18,774
SHUT UP!
SHUT UP!
17
00:01:18,817 --> 00:01:20,167
THEY LOVE HIM!
18
00:01:20,210 --> 00:01:22,386
BUT NO ONE
LOVES HIM MORE THAN
THE KING AND QUEEN.
19
00:01:22,430 --> 00:01:24,867
THE ENTIRE KINGDOM--
20
00:01:24,910 --> 00:01:25,781
GORDON!
21
00:01:25,824 --> 00:01:27,522
ROGER COHEN
FROM THE NETWORK.
22
00:01:27,565 --> 00:01:29,132
IT'S A GENUINE PLEASURE.
23
00:01:29,176 --> 00:01:31,134
WE'RE IN
THE MIDDLE OF
A SCENE HERE.
24
00:01:31,178 --> 00:01:35,138
LISTEN, GORD,
THE NETWORK FEELS
THE KIDS AT HOME
25
00:01:35,182 --> 00:01:38,185
MIGHT NOT RELATE
TO A MEDIEVAL SETTING.
26
00:01:38,228 --> 00:01:43,277
OUR RESEARCH SHOWS
THAT--THAT LESS THAN 2%
OF OUR AUDIENCE
27
00:01:43,320 --> 00:01:44,408
LIVES IN THE DARK AGES.
28
00:01:44,452 --> 00:01:46,802
SOMEBODY GET THIS JERK
OFF THE SET.
29
00:01:46,845 --> 00:01:49,544
WE'RE JUST GONNA UPDATE
THE LOOK A LITTLE,
30
00:01:49,587 --> 00:01:54,723
YOU KNOW, GIVE THE KIDS
AT HOME SOMETHING FAMILIAR.
31
00:01:57,856 --> 00:02:01,947
GEE, CAN'T YOU JUST FEEL
THOSE RATINGS SKYROCKET?
32
00:02:01,991 --> 00:02:04,820
THE PRINCE HAS
BEEN GETTING A LOT
OF GREAT GIFTS.
33
00:02:04,863 --> 00:02:07,301
NOW HE'S GOING TO GET
VERY SPECIAL PRESENTS
34
00:02:07,344 --> 00:02:09,781
FROM THE THREE
NICE WIZARDS.
35
00:02:09,825 --> 00:02:13,785
THE THREE
NICE WIZARDS!
36
00:02:16,658 --> 00:02:19,139
[APPLAUSE]
37
00:02:24,013 --> 00:02:26,537
WELCOME, WIZARDS.
38
00:02:27,756 --> 00:02:29,236
IS THIS THE NEW PRINCE?
39
00:02:29,279 --> 00:02:31,412
HE IS LIKE A GIFT
FROM ABOVE,
40
00:02:31,455 --> 00:02:35,503
FILLING OUR HEARTS
WITH BOUNDLESS JOY.
41
00:02:35,546 --> 00:02:37,200
[GIGGLES]
42
00:02:37,244 --> 00:02:37,983
UH-HUH.
43
00:02:38,027 --> 00:02:39,246
I'M WIZARD BILL GRANDALF.
44
00:02:39,289 --> 00:02:41,465
THIS IS MY PARTNER
WIZARD JOE FRODAY.
45
00:02:41,509 --> 00:02:45,426
THIS IS B-B-BUZZ,
JUST OUT OF THE ACADEMY.
46
00:02:45,469 --> 00:02:47,906
OH, HEY, WANNA
SEE MY MANUAL?
47
00:02:47,950 --> 00:02:50,692
WE'LL HAVE TO
GIVE YOUR BOY A FEW
MAGICAL GIFTS.
48
00:02:50,735 --> 00:02:52,650
HOPE YOU DON'T MIND.
49
00:02:54,261 --> 00:02:56,219
IN ACCORDANCE
WITH THE REGULATIONS
50
00:02:56,263 --> 00:02:57,655
PERTAINING TO MAGICAL GIFTS,
51
00:02:57,699 --> 00:03:01,790
I HEREBY BESTOW
UPON THE PRINCE
THE GIFT OF BEAUTY.
52
00:03:01,833 --> 00:03:05,272
HERE'S LOOKING
AT YOU, KID.
53
00:03:06,534 --> 00:03:08,927
YOUR TURN, KID.
54
00:03:11,278 --> 00:03:12,496
OK!
55
00:03:12,540 --> 00:03:15,325
I GRANT THE PRINCE...
56
00:03:15,369 --> 00:03:16,761
WHAT?
57
00:03:16,805 --> 00:03:17,849
AH! I KNOW!
58
00:03:17,893 --> 00:03:22,245
I GRANT THE PRINCE
THE SENSE OF SMELL.
59
00:03:22,289 --> 00:03:25,248
THIS GUY WILL SMELL!
60
00:03:25,292 --> 00:03:26,597
-KID?
-YES, SIR?
61
00:03:26,641 --> 00:03:29,557
THE PRINCE
ALREADY HAS
A SENSE OF SMELL.
62
00:03:29,600 --> 00:03:30,949
BORN WITH IT.
63
00:03:30,993 --> 00:03:32,081
NO FOOLING?
64
00:03:32,124 --> 00:03:34,388
WELL, WHY DON'T YOU
TRY SOMETHING ELSE?
65
00:03:34,431 --> 00:03:37,565
SOMETHING WONDERFUL
AND G-G-GOOD.
66
00:03:37,608 --> 00:03:39,828
SOMETHING LIKE...
WISDOM.
67
00:03:39,871 --> 00:03:42,657
WISDOM! YEAH!
THAT'S GOOD!
68
00:03:42,700 --> 00:03:43,701
WISDOM!
69
00:03:43,745 --> 00:03:45,007
WISDOM.
70
00:03:45,050 --> 00:03:47,357
SMART AS A WHIP!
71
00:03:47,401 --> 00:03:49,533
YOUR SHOT, JOE.
72
00:03:57,846 --> 00:04:00,370
WOW! WHAT A SPELL!
73
00:04:00,414 --> 00:04:03,286
THAT WASN'T ME, KID.
74
00:04:06,333 --> 00:04:07,203
OOH!
75
00:04:07,247 --> 00:04:11,251
THE EVIL SORCERESS
OF DARKNESS!
76
00:04:12,077 --> 00:04:15,690
OH, SURE, SURE.
HAVE A BIG PARTY
AND DO I GET INVITED?
77
00:04:15,733 --> 00:04:19,259
NO! AND SUDDENLY
I'M THE BAD ONE?
78
00:04:22,349 --> 00:04:25,090
I JUST HOPE
I'M NOT TOO LATE
79
00:04:25,134 --> 00:04:27,832
TO GIVE MY GIFT
TO THE PRINCE.
80
00:04:27,876 --> 00:04:29,399
YOU'RE REALLY
TOO KIND.
81
00:04:29,443 --> 00:04:33,534
MA'AM, YOU'RE IN
VIOLATION OF PENAL CODE
764 SUBSECTION D.
82
00:04:33,577 --> 00:04:36,319
WE'LL HAVE TO
TAKE YOU DOWNTOWN.
83
00:04:36,754 --> 00:04:38,930
I'M GONNA LOOK
THE OTHER WAY
THIS TIME,
84
00:04:38,974 --> 00:04:42,630
BUT I ADMONISH YOU
TO WATCH YOUR STEP.
85
00:04:44,545 --> 00:04:46,373
THIS CHILD
WILL INDEED
86
00:04:46,416 --> 00:04:50,028
BE FAIR OF FACE
AND WISE OF MIND.
87
00:04:50,072 --> 00:04:54,424
BUT...FOR
HIS 16th BIRTHDAY,
88
00:04:54,468 --> 00:04:58,776
THE PRINCE WILL
RECEIVE MY GIFT!
89
00:04:59,386 --> 00:05:02,911
FOR BEFORE
HE TURNS 16,
90
00:05:02,954 --> 00:05:05,435
THE PRINCE
WILL RECEIVE...
91
00:05:05,479 --> 00:05:06,349
OHH.
92
00:05:06,393 --> 00:05:08,743
A NASTY...
93
00:05:09,439 --> 00:05:11,354
VILE...
94
00:05:11,659 --> 00:05:13,400
PAPER CUT!
95
00:05:13,443 --> 00:05:14,488
OHH!
96
00:05:14,531 --> 00:05:18,361
WAIT! A PAPER CUT.
THAT'S NOT SO BAD.
97
00:05:18,405 --> 00:05:21,103
AW, BIG DEAL.
98
00:05:22,104 --> 00:05:26,674
AND THIS PAPER CUT
WILL KILL HIM!
99
00:05:26,717 --> 00:05:29,981
HEE HA HA!
100
00:05:30,025 --> 00:05:32,332
HA HA HA HA!
101
00:05:35,596 --> 00:05:38,381
I FOR ONE
AM NOT SURPRISED.
102
00:05:39,904 --> 00:05:42,907
I HOPE YOU LIKE
MY LITTLE GIFT,
103
00:05:42,951 --> 00:05:44,518
CHOSEN ESPECIALLY
FOR YOU.
104
00:05:44,561 --> 00:05:51,394
WHAT, UH--WHAT EXACTLY IS
THE EXCHANGE POLICY
ON THIS GIFT?
105
00:05:51,438 --> 00:05:54,049
SORRY.
THE SALE'S FINAL!
106
00:05:54,092 --> 00:05:56,660
HA HA HA HA!
107
00:05:56,704 --> 00:05:59,402
HA HA HA!
108
00:06:04,538 --> 00:06:06,453
[BABY CRYING]
109
00:06:06,496 --> 00:06:09,543
MY BABY!
110
00:06:15,070 --> 00:06:16,680
NICE WIZARDS,
111
00:06:16,724 --> 00:06:18,943
YOU MUST BE ABLE
TO DO SOMETHING.
112
00:06:18,987 --> 00:06:22,512
WHY MUST HE DIE
BEFORE HE TURNS 16?
113
00:06:22,556 --> 00:06:24,688
M-M-MA'AM, I--
114
00:06:24,732 --> 00:06:25,733
AHEM.
115
00:06:25,776 --> 00:06:28,083
EXCUSE ME.
116
00:06:29,563 --> 00:06:31,042
MA'AM, WE DON'T
HAVE THE POWER
117
00:06:31,086 --> 00:06:34,176
TO UNDO THE EVIL
SORCERESS' SPELL
OF DEATH,
118
00:06:34,219 --> 00:06:35,351
BUT I CAN HELP.
119
00:06:35,395 --> 00:06:38,441
I HAVEN'T YET GIVEN
MY GIFT TO THE PRINCE.
120
00:06:38,485 --> 00:06:39,442
WHAT CAN YOU DO?
121
00:06:39,486 --> 00:06:41,531
WELL,
IT'S A LITTLE
COMPLICATED.
122
00:06:41,575 --> 00:06:45,013
IT SAYS RIGHT HERE
IN PARAGRAPH D
OF SECTION TWO,
123
00:06:45,056 --> 00:06:48,451
"A SPELLS OF DEATH
BROUGHT ON BY A PAPER CUT
124
00:06:48,495 --> 00:06:53,195
CAN BE TRANSFORMED
INTO A SPELL OF SLEEP."
125
00:06:53,238 --> 00:06:56,154
CAN YOU REALLY TURN
DEATH INTO A NAP?
126
00:06:56,198 --> 00:06:58,418
YES, MA'AM.
127
00:07:04,119 --> 00:07:08,253
SHOULD SHARP EDGE OF PAPER
CAUSE BLOOD TO SEEP,
128
00:07:08,297 --> 00:07:11,909
THE PRINCE WILL NOT DIE,
BUT MERELY SLEEP.
129
00:07:11,953 --> 00:07:14,651
THEN THE EVIL SORCERESS
WILL BE FOILED,
130
00:07:14,695 --> 00:07:17,088
BECAUSE ANYONE
WHO THINKS THEY'RE
ABOVE THE LAW
131
00:07:17,132 --> 00:07:19,787
HAS GOT ANOTHER
THING COMING.
132
00:07:28,099 --> 00:07:29,405
WONDERFUL.
133
00:07:29,449 --> 00:07:31,842
NOW, IF MY SON
GETS A PAPER CUT
AND FALLS ASLEEP,
134
00:07:31,886 --> 00:07:33,931
ALL WE'LL HAVE TO DO
IS WAKE HIM UP.
135
00:07:33,975 --> 00:07:35,716
THE ONLY
THING THAT
CAN WAKE HIM
136
00:07:35,759 --> 00:07:38,849
IS THE K-K-KISS
OF TRUE LOVE.
137
00:07:38,893 --> 00:07:41,504
I'LL KISS HIM.
I LOVE HIM.
138
00:07:41,548 --> 00:07:42,462
NO, MA'AM.
139
00:07:42,505 --> 00:07:44,594
THE PRINCE WILL
NEED--HE'LL NEED
140
00:07:44,638 --> 00:07:47,162
A G-G-GIRLFRIEND.
141
00:07:47,205 --> 00:07:52,994
WELL, THIS KING ISN'T GOING
TO TAKE THIS SITTING DOWN.
142
00:07:53,037 --> 00:07:55,779
HEAR YE, HEAR YE!
143
00:07:55,823 --> 00:07:56,867
LISTEN UP!
144
00:07:56,911 --> 00:07:59,783
IN ORDER TO AVOID
THE EVIL SORCERESS,
145
00:07:59,827 --> 00:08:02,264
THE PRINCE SHALL NOT
LEAVE THE CASTLE
146
00:08:02,307 --> 00:08:04,309
UNTIL HE TURNS 16.
147
00:08:04,353 --> 00:08:08,096
THAT WOMAN'S
A BAD INFLUENCE!
148
00:08:08,139 --> 00:08:09,314
[APPLAUSE]
149
00:08:09,358 --> 00:08:13,580
OH, I LOVE IT
WHEN YOU PROCLAIM.
150
00:08:13,623 --> 00:08:17,540
AND TO REMOVE
ALL POSSIBILITY
OF PAPER CUTS,
151
00:08:17,584 --> 00:08:20,543
I HEREBY
BAN ALL PAPER.
152
00:08:20,587 --> 00:08:22,806
THERE WILL BE
NO MORE BOOKS,
153
00:08:22,850 --> 00:08:24,721
MAGAZINES,
OR NEWSPAPERS.
154
00:08:24,765 --> 00:08:29,160
ROYAL SUBJECTS WILL
WATCH TV INSTEAD.
155
00:08:29,204 --> 00:08:31,032
YAY!
YAY!
156
00:08:31,075 --> 00:08:32,337
AND FROM NOW ON,
157
00:08:32,381 --> 00:08:35,253
ALL UTILITY BILLS
AND GREETING CARDS
158
00:08:35,297 --> 00:08:39,257
WILL BE PRINTED
ON CANADIAN BACON!
159
00:08:39,301 --> 00:08:40,650
YAY!
YAY!
160
00:08:40,694 --> 00:08:42,304
NOW WE CAN
REST ASSURED
161
00:08:42,347 --> 00:08:45,612
THAT OUR SON
WILL GROW UP
SAFE AND SOUND.
162
00:08:45,655 --> 00:08:49,746
Alf: THE NEXT 16 YEARS
OR SO WERE PRETTY QUIET
AROUND THE KINGDOM.
163
00:08:49,790 --> 00:08:51,661
IN FACT,
THEY WERE BORING,
164
00:08:51,705 --> 00:08:54,708
WHICH IS WHY WE'RE
GONNA SHOW YOU THIS
COMMERCIAL NOW.
165
00:08:54,751 --> 00:08:57,928
THE COMMERCIAL ISN'T
EXACTLY 16 YEARS LONG.
166
00:08:57,972 --> 00:09:00,583
IT JUST SEEMS THAT WAY.
167
00:09:05,806 --> 00:09:09,723
IT'S BEEN 15 YEARS,
11 MONTHS, AND 29 DAYS
168
00:09:09,766 --> 00:09:13,291
SINCE THE EVIL SORCERESS
ZAPPED ME WITH HER EVIL SPELL.
169
00:09:13,335 --> 00:09:17,078
BUT I'M HAPPY TO SAY
THE SPELL RUNS OUT TOMORROW
170
00:09:17,121 --> 00:09:18,993
ON MY 16th BIRTHDAY.
171
00:09:19,036 --> 00:09:20,777
SO MUCH FOR EXPOSITION.
172
00:09:20,821 --> 00:09:23,171
WHAT'S ON TV?
173
00:09:24,825 --> 00:09:27,218
THUNDERSLUGS.
174
00:09:27,915 --> 00:09:29,656
FLUFFYSMOOCH.
175
00:09:29,699 --> 00:09:31,745
AND THIS GUY.
176
00:09:31,788 --> 00:09:33,747
I'M BORED
WITH THIS JUNK.
177
00:09:33,790 --> 00:09:35,009
I WANT SOMETHING TO READ.
178
00:09:35,052 --> 00:09:39,187
A CEREAL BOX,
A SHOPPING LIST,
A LUGGAGE TAG.
179
00:09:39,230 --> 00:09:41,319
I WISH I COULD
GET OUT AND MINGLE
180
00:09:41,363 --> 00:09:46,020
INSTEAD OF JUST STARING
FORLORNLY OUT THE WINDOW.
181
00:09:55,377 --> 00:09:59,599
WOW! LOOK AT THE SNOOT
ON THAT BABE.
182
00:10:00,687 --> 00:10:02,645
[HEART THUMPS]
183
00:10:02,689 --> 00:10:03,690
[THUMP THUMP]
184
00:10:03,733 --> 00:10:05,996
YO, BABE!
185
00:10:06,040 --> 00:10:07,694
ARE YOU A GIRL?
186
00:10:07,737 --> 00:10:08,999
OF COURSE
I'M A GIRL.
187
00:10:09,043 --> 00:10:10,653
HAVEN'T YOU EVER
SEEN A GIRL BEFORE?
188
00:10:10,697 --> 00:10:15,266
ON TV. BUT THOSE GALS
JUST HAD HEIGHT AND WIDTH.
189
00:10:15,310 --> 00:10:16,485
YOU'VE GOT DEPTH.
190
00:10:16,528 --> 00:10:18,922
I BET YOU SAY
THAT TO ALL
THE PRINCESSES.
191
00:10:18,966 --> 00:10:21,664
YOU'RE A GIRL
AND PRINCESS?
192
00:10:21,708 --> 00:10:24,188
WHEN I SCORE,
I SCORE BIG.
193
00:10:24,232 --> 00:10:26,408
YOU KNOW,
IT'S THE DARNDEST THING,
194
00:10:26,451 --> 00:10:29,106
BUT I HAPPEN
TO BE A PRINCE.
195
00:10:29,150 --> 00:10:30,020
I KNOW.
196
00:10:30,064 --> 00:10:31,108
EVERYONE KNOWS
OF YOUR PLIGHT,
197
00:10:31,152 --> 00:10:32,675
EVEN IN
MY KINGDOM.
198
00:10:32,719 --> 00:10:34,938
GREAT. THE SYMPATHY VOTE.
199
00:10:34,982 --> 00:10:37,680
DO THEY ALLOW PAPER
IN YOUR KINGDOM?
200
00:10:37,724 --> 00:10:38,855
REAMS.
201
00:10:38,899 --> 00:10:40,770
WELL, AFTER TOMORROW,
I'LL BE OUT OF HERE.
202
00:10:40,814 --> 00:10:44,121
HEY, MAYBE YOU CAN
TEACH ME HOW
A BOOKMARK WORKS.
203
00:10:44,165 --> 00:10:45,427
HOW TO TURN PAGES.
204
00:10:45,470 --> 00:10:46,950
IT WOULD BE
MY PLEASURE.
205
00:10:46,994 --> 00:10:49,692
THEN MAYBE
ON A MOONLIT NIGHT
206
00:10:49,736 --> 00:10:52,086
WHEN WE'RE ON
SOME LONELY ROAD...
207
00:10:52,129 --> 00:10:55,698
YES?
AND WE'RE
CLOSE TOGETHER...
208
00:10:55,742 --> 00:10:56,786
YES, YES.
209
00:10:56,830 --> 00:10:59,484
YOU COULD TEACH ME
THE WAYS...
210
00:10:59,528 --> 00:11:00,355
YES!
211
00:11:00,398 --> 00:11:02,749
OF THE DEWEY
DECIMAL SYSTEM.
212
00:11:02,792 --> 00:11:04,838
UH...
213
00:11:14,282 --> 00:11:16,850
APPRENTICE!
214
00:11:30,341 --> 00:11:32,996
[SHOW TUNE PLAYS]
215
00:11:39,263 --> 00:11:40,177
[GRRR]
216
00:11:40,221 --> 00:11:43,050
[ROWF ROWF]
217
00:11:43,572 --> 00:11:46,053
[GRRRGLE]
218
00:11:51,972 --> 00:11:54,191
FROM THE PIT OF DARKNESS,
219
00:11:54,235 --> 00:11:57,804
THE EVIL SORCERESS!
220
00:12:01,111 --> 00:12:04,114
WHAT CAN I
DO FOR YOU, E.S.?
221
00:12:04,158 --> 00:12:08,771
IT'S BEEN ALMOST
16 YEARS SINCE I PUT
THAT CURSE ON THE PRINCE.
222
00:12:08,815 --> 00:12:12,775
THERE'S ONLY ONE DAY LEFT
FOR MY EVIL SPELL TO WORK.
223
00:12:12,819 --> 00:12:14,211
WHAT DO YOU PLAN TO DO?
224
00:12:14,255 --> 00:12:18,389
SO FAR, THE KING
HAS PROTECTED THE PRINCE
FROM HARM,
225
00:12:18,433 --> 00:12:21,436
BUT I HAVE COOKED UP
A LITTLE SCHEME.
226
00:12:21,479 --> 00:12:24,482
I NEED YOUR HELP,
APPRENTICE.
227
00:12:24,526 --> 00:12:27,529
DO YOU AGREE
OR DISAGREE?
228
00:12:27,572 --> 00:12:29,879
I AGREE. I AGREE.
229
00:12:29,923 --> 00:12:32,447
GOOD. "X" GETS THE SQUARE
230
00:12:32,490 --> 00:12:34,449
AND THE WHOLE
BLASTED KINGDOM.
231
00:12:34,492 --> 00:12:37,104
AAH HA HA HA!
232
00:12:37,844 --> 00:12:40,890
THIS IS GREAT.
I GET TO LEAVE
THE CASTLE TOMORROW,
233
00:12:40,934 --> 00:12:44,807
AND I'VE ALREADY
GOT AN ENTRY ON
MY SOCIAL CALANDAR.
234
00:12:44,851 --> 00:12:46,069
WHAT COULD BE BETTER?
235
00:12:46,113 --> 00:12:48,506
PAPER! GET YOUR PAPER HERE!
236
00:12:48,550 --> 00:12:51,161
PRINTED MATTER!
STUFF TO READ!
237
00:12:51,205 --> 00:12:52,815
GET IT HERE!
238
00:12:52,859 --> 00:12:53,903
SOMETHING TO READ!
239
00:12:53,947 --> 00:12:55,862
MAYBE YOU SHOULD
WAIT UNTIL TOMORROW,
240
00:12:55,905 --> 00:12:57,428
WHEN EVIL SPELL
IS BROKEN.
241
00:12:57,472 --> 00:13:00,562
PRINCE TO CHECK OUT PRINCESS
AT LOCAL LIBRARY.
242
00:13:00,605 --> 00:13:04,522
ROYAL COUPLE
OVERDUE FOR LOVE.
243
00:13:04,566 --> 00:13:06,829
I WANT TO READ
MORE ABOUT IT.
244
00:13:06,873 --> 00:13:09,310
I'LL TAKE A PAPER.
245
00:13:21,975 --> 00:13:23,977
AAH!
246
00:13:28,068 --> 00:13:29,939
HEH HEH HEH.
247
00:13:29,983 --> 00:13:32,942
"ATTACK OF THE ELVIS CATS."
248
00:13:35,118 --> 00:13:39,166
"EAT ALL DAY, AND
GET FAT QUICK."
249
00:13:39,209 --> 00:13:41,037
OUCH!
250
00:13:41,081 --> 00:13:43,300
ARE YOU ALL RIGHT,
PRINCE?
251
00:13:43,344 --> 00:13:47,522
NO PROBLEM. JUST
A LITTLE PAPER CUT.
252
00:13:47,565 --> 00:13:48,740
UH-OH.
253
00:13:48,784 --> 00:13:53,180
Evil Sorceress:
DON'T LET THE BEDBUGS BITE.
254
00:13:53,658 --> 00:13:56,879
[YAWNS] WELL,
IT'S NAP TIME.
255
00:13:56,923 --> 00:13:58,968
NO. DO NOT SLEEP, PRINCE,
256
00:13:59,012 --> 00:14:00,883
LEST YOU REST FOREVER.
257
00:14:00,927 --> 00:14:01,971
I'M NOT GOING
TO SLEEP.
258
00:14:02,015 --> 00:14:03,581
I'M JUST
GONNA REST
MY EYES A LITTLE.
259
00:14:03,625 --> 00:14:08,978
YOU KNOW, I'M NO
GOOD WITHOUT MY 300
OR 400-YEAR SLEEP.
260
00:14:09,544 --> 00:14:10,937
WAIT HERE.
261
00:14:10,980 --> 00:14:13,678
LISTEN HERE, YOU WAKE
HIM UP THIS INSTANT,
262
00:14:13,722 --> 00:14:15,680
OR I'M GOING
OVER YOUR HEAD.
263
00:14:15,724 --> 00:14:18,988
YOU ARE OVER MY HEAD.
264
00:14:19,032 --> 00:14:20,337
WELL, I WANT YOU
TO TAKE ME
265
00:14:20,381 --> 00:14:23,993
TO THAT EVIL SORCERESS
OF DARKNESS RIGHT NOW.
266
00:14:24,037 --> 00:14:27,301
MY PLEASURE.
267
00:14:30,173 --> 00:14:32,175
WHOO!
268
00:14:32,219 --> 00:14:34,656
WHOA!
269
00:14:41,706 --> 00:14:44,405
[SNORING]
270
00:14:53,240 --> 00:14:55,503
WAKE UP!
271
00:14:55,546 --> 00:14:57,374
[CLANG]
272
00:14:57,418 --> 00:14:59,420
[BOOM BOOM BOOM]
273
00:14:59,463 --> 00:15:01,901
[TOOT]
274
00:15:12,433 --> 00:15:15,044
[DING DING DING]
275
00:15:16,002 --> 00:15:17,481
OOH.
AHH.
OHH.
276
00:15:19,135 --> 00:15:22,660
WIZARDS. ANYBODY HERE
SEE ANYTHING UNUSUAL?
277
00:15:22,704 --> 00:15:26,447
WELL, YOU GUYS
JUST FLEW IN HERE.
278
00:15:26,490 --> 00:15:30,973
D-D-DID THE PRINCE HAVE
ANY VISITORS B-B-BEFORE
HE FELL ASLEEP?
279
00:15:31,017 --> 00:15:35,978
I HAPPEN TO SEE
SOMEONE WITH THE PRINCE
THIS AFTERNOON.
280
00:15:36,022 --> 00:15:37,414
DID YOU GET
A GOOD LOOK, MA'AM?
281
00:15:37,458 --> 00:15:40,417
WELL, I WOULDN'T
SAY A GOOD LOOK.
A FAIR LOOK.
282
00:15:40,461 --> 00:15:43,681
BETWEEN FAIR AND GOOD,
BUT CLOSER TO GOOD.
283
00:15:43,725 --> 00:15:45,074
OK, GOOD.
284
00:15:45,118 --> 00:15:46,075
UH-HUH.
285
00:15:46,119 --> 00:15:48,773
COULD YOU IDENTIFY
THE V-V-VISITOR?
286
00:15:48,817 --> 00:15:50,079
A PRINCESS.
287
00:15:50,123 --> 00:15:53,996
SHE WAS VERY INTERESTED.
288
00:15:54,040 --> 00:15:55,084
A GIRLFRIEND.
289
00:15:55,128 --> 00:15:57,391
K-K-KISS OF TRUE LOVE.
290
00:15:57,434 --> 00:15:59,001
DID YOU SEE
WHERE SHE WENT?
291
00:15:59,045 --> 00:16:00,307
WELL, THIS EVIL
SORCERESS APPRENTICE
292
00:16:00,350 --> 00:16:02,265
TIED HER UP
AND PUT HER
ON HIS BIKE,
293
00:16:02,309 --> 00:16:04,267
BUT WHERE SHE WENT,
WHO CAN SAY?
294
00:16:04,311 --> 00:16:09,098
HEY, MAYBE THEY
WENT TO THE EVIL
SORCERESS' CASTLE!
295
00:16:09,142 --> 00:16:10,273
BINGO!
296
00:16:10,317 --> 00:16:12,493
[DING DING DING]
297
00:16:15,104 --> 00:16:16,062
THANKS FOR YOUR HELP.
298
00:16:16,105 --> 00:16:20,109
JUST DOING OUR J-J-JOB.
299
00:16:22,546 --> 00:16:26,986
THEY PROTECT AND SERVE.
300
00:16:31,338 --> 00:16:33,253
WHO ARE YOU?
301
00:16:33,296 --> 00:16:34,210
WIZARDS, MA'AM.
302
00:16:34,254 --> 00:16:37,300
GREAT. GET ME
OUT OF HERE.
303
00:16:37,344 --> 00:16:40,042
C-C-CAN'T
DO THAT,
MA'AM.
304
00:16:40,086 --> 00:16:41,478
"ONCE YOU'RE
BOUND BY EVIL,
305
00:16:41,522 --> 00:16:44,612
ONLY YOU CAN
SET YOURSELF FREE."
306
00:16:44,655 --> 00:16:48,268
I DON'T EVEN KNOW
WHY EVIL SORCERESS
IS KEEPING ME HERE.
307
00:16:48,311 --> 00:16:50,705
SHE KNOWS
THAT IF YOU
KISS THE PRINCE,
308
00:16:50,748 --> 00:16:52,402
YOU MAY
WAKE HIM UP.
309
00:16:52,446 --> 00:16:53,751
I MIGHT?
310
00:16:53,795 --> 00:16:57,668
IF YOU HAVE
T-T-TRUE LOVE
IN YOUR HEART.
311
00:16:57,712 --> 00:17:00,410
WOW! WHAT A DATE.
312
00:17:05,415 --> 00:17:07,156
THE BOOK OF TRUTHS.
313
00:17:07,200 --> 00:17:10,464
IT'S THE LATEST VOLUME FROM
THE SPELL-OF-THE-MONTH CLUB.
314
00:17:10,507 --> 00:17:13,075
IT CAN HELP YOU
DEFEAT THE SORCERESS.
315
00:17:13,119 --> 00:17:16,383
TRUTH ALWAYS
DESTROYS EVIL.
316
00:17:17,558 --> 00:17:20,604
"THE TOMATO
IS NOT A VEGETABLE.
317
00:17:20,648 --> 00:17:23,390
IT IS ACTUALLY A FRUIT."
318
00:17:27,829 --> 00:17:30,353
GOOD LUCK AGAINST
THE SORCERESS, MA'AM,
319
00:17:30,397 --> 00:17:31,833
AND REMEMBER ONE THING.
320
00:17:31,876 --> 00:17:32,964
YES?
321
00:17:33,008 --> 00:17:34,792
THAT BOOK'S
ON A 10-DAY FREE HOME TRIAL.
322
00:17:34,836 --> 00:17:38,187
YOU BREAK IT,
YOU BOUGHT IT.
323
00:17:51,157 --> 00:17:55,596
"THE WHOLE IS EQUAL
TO THE SUM OF ITS PARTS."
324
00:17:58,686 --> 00:18:00,601
AAH!
325
00:18:20,186 --> 00:18:21,056
AAH!
326
00:18:21,100 --> 00:18:22,231
OH, SURE.
GO AHEAD AND LEAVE.
327
00:18:22,275 --> 00:18:24,451
NEVERMIND THAT I'VE BEEN
COOKING ALL DAY.
328
00:18:24,494 --> 00:18:27,497
AAH!
329
00:18:30,283 --> 00:18:32,546
OW!
330
00:18:39,248 --> 00:18:44,471
"THERE ARE 42 DOTS
ON A PAIR OF DICE."
331
00:18:46,734 --> 00:18:49,867
THE BOOK OF TRUTHS,
VOLUME SEVEN.
332
00:18:49,911 --> 00:18:52,174
YOU'RE FINISHED,
OLD LADY.
333
00:18:52,218 --> 00:18:55,873
I WON'T BE DEFEATED
THAT EASILY.
334
00:18:55,917 --> 00:18:58,963
I'LL COMBAT YOUR TRUTH
WITH LIES.
335
00:18:59,007 --> 00:19:04,491
MOST BREAKFAST CEREALS
HAVE NO ADDED SUGAR.
336
00:19:07,233 --> 00:19:09,148
WHOA!
337
00:19:11,237 --> 00:19:14,979
"CITIZENS OF NEW ZEALAND
ARE CALLED KIWIS."
338
00:19:15,023 --> 00:19:16,894
AAH!
339
00:19:19,288 --> 00:19:23,249
MY NAILS! YOU'VE
CHIPPED MY NAILS.
340
00:19:23,292 --> 00:19:26,948
ALL RIGHT, TRY THIS
ONE ON FOR SIZE.
341
00:19:26,991 --> 00:19:31,257
THE CHECK
IS IN THE MAIL!
342
00:19:31,300 --> 00:19:34,869
AAH! WHOA!
343
00:19:37,001 --> 00:19:39,482
AAH HA HA HA!
344
00:19:39,526 --> 00:19:43,269
WHERE IS
THE TRUTH NOW,
YOU BRAT?
345
00:19:43,312 --> 00:19:44,705
UH...
346
00:19:45,358 --> 00:19:50,711
LEFT UNTREATED, PLAQUE
CAN LEAD TO GUM DISEASE.
347
00:19:50,754 --> 00:19:52,887
AAH!
348
00:19:54,018 --> 00:19:55,933
AAH! MY PERMANENT.
349
00:19:55,977 --> 00:19:58,632
OHH! MY DIET.
350
00:19:58,675 --> 00:19:59,763
I SMELL SOMETHING BURNING.
351
00:19:59,807 --> 00:20:02,897
OH, NO! MY CREDIT CARDS.
THEY'RE MELTING.
352
00:20:02,940 --> 00:20:05,508
THEY'RE MELTING!
353
00:20:05,552 --> 00:20:08,337
LOOK WHAT
YOU'VE DONE TO ME.
354
00:20:08,555 --> 00:20:09,947
YOU'LL HAVE TO
EXCUSE ME NOW.
355
00:20:09,991 --> 00:20:13,734
I'VE GOT A HOT DATE
WITH A SNORING PRINCE.
356
00:20:23,918 --> 00:20:26,921
OK, WHERE'S
THE PATIENT?
357
00:20:36,409 --> 00:20:39,020
JUST A SECOND, MISSY.
358
00:20:39,063 --> 00:20:40,500
WHO DO YOU
THINK YOU ARE
359
00:20:40,543 --> 00:20:41,979
BUSTING INTO
OUR THRONE ROOM
360
00:20:42,023 --> 00:20:44,417
AND TRYING
TO SEDUCE MY SON?
361
00:20:44,460 --> 00:20:47,811
LUCILLE, THE KISS
OF TRUE LOVE
362
00:20:47,855 --> 00:20:49,509
WILL WAKE OUR SON.
363
00:20:49,552 --> 00:20:53,034
KNOCK HIS SOCKS OFF.
364
00:20:56,037 --> 00:20:58,605
[ALARM BUZZES]
365
00:21:05,612 --> 00:21:06,830
THAT WAS GREAT!
366
00:21:06,874 --> 00:21:10,399
I FEEL LIKE I'VE
BEEN ASLEEP
A HUNDRED YEARS.
367
00:21:10,443 --> 00:21:12,401
WHAT'S THAT, SIR?
368
00:21:12,445 --> 00:21:13,881
A CLOCK RADIO.
369
00:21:13,924 --> 00:21:15,099
SEEMS TO WORK.
370
00:21:15,143 --> 00:21:17,493
I'LL MAKE A NOTE
TO PUT THAT
IN THE MANUAL.
371
00:21:17,537 --> 00:21:19,495
I ALREADY DID, SIR.
372
00:21:19,539 --> 00:21:20,714
THANKS, KID.
373
00:21:20,757 --> 00:21:23,673
IT SEEMS THAT WE ALL
LIVE HAPPILY EVER AFTER.
374
00:21:23,717 --> 00:21:24,587
LET'S EAT.
375
00:21:24,631 --> 00:21:28,287
NOT SO FAST,
SUGAR SNOOT.
376
00:21:34,380 --> 00:21:35,381
[POP]
377
00:21:35,424 --> 00:21:37,731
WELL, I FEEL RESTED--
378
00:21:39,602 --> 00:21:40,560
[POP]
379
00:21:40,603 --> 00:21:43,040
NOTHING LIKE
A GOOD NIGHT'S SLEEP.
380
00:21:43,737 --> 00:21:44,738
[POP]
381
00:21:44,781 --> 00:21:47,654
I'VE BEEN HAVING
THE WEIRDEST DREAM.
382
00:21:48,394 --> 00:21:50,526
[POP]
383
00:21:50,787 --> 00:21:52,963
WHEN THE PRINCESS
FINALLY RAN OUT OF STEAM,
384
00:21:53,007 --> 00:21:57,620
WE GOT MARRIED AND
WE REALLY DID LIVE
HAPPILY EVER AFTER,
385
00:21:57,664 --> 00:22:01,798
EXCEPT FOR AN IMPRESSIVE
CASE OF CHAPPED LIPS.
386
00:22:01,842 --> 00:22:02,843
AHH! AHH!
387
00:22:02,886 --> 00:22:05,889
[SMOOCH SMOOCH SMOOCH]
388
00:22:06,499 --> 00:22:08,631
GREETINGS,
FIRST CLASS FANS.
389
00:22:08,675 --> 00:22:13,897
IT'S TIME ONCE AGAIN
FOR "ASK DR. ALF."
390
00:22:14,724 --> 00:22:16,030
OUR FIRST ONE.
391
00:22:16,073 --> 00:22:17,597
"DEAR DR. ALF,
392
00:22:17,640 --> 00:22:19,990
"I EAT NOTHING
BUT BABY FOOD.
393
00:22:20,034 --> 00:22:21,644
"I ENJOY SENSELESS VIOLENCE,
394
00:22:21,688 --> 00:22:24,647
"AND MY HEAD FEELS
LIKE IT'S MADE OF STEEL.
395
00:22:24,691 --> 00:22:25,996
WHAT'S WRONG WITH ME?"
396
00:22:26,040 --> 00:22:28,390
SIGNED, COLOR ME BLUE.
397
00:22:28,434 --> 00:22:30,087
DEAR COLOR ME BLUE,
398
00:22:30,131 --> 00:22:34,091
YOU'RE NOT SICK,
YOU'RE A ROBOCOP!
399
00:22:34,135 --> 00:22:36,833
ALL RIGHT, MOVING ON.
400
00:22:36,877 --> 00:22:38,052
"DEAR DR. ALF,
401
00:22:38,095 --> 00:22:41,751
"AFTER WATCHING TV
FOR 8 OR 9 HOURS STRAIGHT,
402
00:22:41,795 --> 00:22:44,014
"MY EYES BEGIN TO HURT.
403
00:22:44,058 --> 00:22:45,494
WHAT CAN I DO?"
404
00:22:45,538 --> 00:22:47,191
SIGNED, SOFA SPUD.
405
00:22:47,235 --> 00:22:52,545
DEAR S.S., WORK THROUGH
THE AGONY, ALL RIGHT?
406
00:22:52,588 --> 00:22:53,981
AFTER 12 OR 13 HOURS,
407
00:22:54,024 --> 00:22:57,941
I GUARENTEE YOU, YOU WON'T
BE AWARE OF THE DISCOMFORT,
408
00:22:57,985 --> 00:22:59,508
OR ANYTHING ELSE.
409
00:22:59,552 --> 00:23:03,425
REMEMBER, NO PAIN,
NO GAIN.
410
00:23:03,469 --> 00:23:05,209
NEXT!
411
00:23:05,253 --> 00:23:08,430
♪ GORDON, SEND US
412
00:23:08,474 --> 00:23:09,953
♪ OH, SEND US
413
00:23:09,997 --> 00:23:12,173
♪ INTO OUTER SPACE
414
00:23:12,216 --> 00:23:13,479
♪ OUTER SPACE
415
00:23:13,522 --> 00:23:19,180
♪ 'CAUSE THERE AIN'T
NOBODY LIKE YOU ♪
416
00:23:19,223 --> 00:23:24,533
♪ IN THE MELMACKIAN RACE
417
00:23:24,577 --> 00:23:27,580
♪ TEACH US, GORDON...
418
00:23:33,629 --> 00:23:36,415
HA! I KILL ME!
27851
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