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Becca: Vernon and I just want
to thank you all for coming.
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Ever since I was a small
girl, I've dreamt of this day.
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Vernon: Me, too.
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(laughter)
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Becca: Sure, in my fantasy,
it took place at Fraggle Rock.
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(laughter)
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I was marrying Johnny Depp.
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Vernon: Me, too.
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(laughter)
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(Becca clears her throat)
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Becca: But in all seriousness, it is
so amazing to be surrounded by so many
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people who care about us.
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We really feel...
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so much love from you guys.
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And as the Beatles said,
"All you need is love."
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And a Vera Wang dress.
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(Becca chuckles)
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(laughter)
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Vernon and I are looking
forward to seeing you at our 50th
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wedding anniversary.
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(Becca laughs)
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(crying): Promised myself
I wasn't gonna do this.
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Uh, Jimmy, are you having a-a good time?
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Jimmy: Absolutely.
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Just so glad you invited me.
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Becca: Really?
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Jimmy: Of course.
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Sometimes, well, you just want
to witness the beginning of a
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disaster, so later, when the
house is engulfed in flames,
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you can say, "Yup, I was there when
they installed the faulty wiring."
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- Becca: Unbelievable.
- Jimmy: Just admit it.
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You only invited me here so you
could passive-aggressively rub
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my nose in your happiness.
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At least I would have had the
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decency to rub your nose in it directly.
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Becca: Oh, yes, your commitment
to honesty is so refreshing.
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It must be so hard being the
only one who sees people for
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what they actually are.
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Jimmy: It is.
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It's incredibly hard.
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Becca: Well, it's also gonna
be what keeps you alone,
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because you are ugly and
unpleasant and honestly, Jimmy,
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you're not the original you think you are.
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Jimmy: I'm not original?
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Wow!
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That is hilarious, coming from such a...
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No, you're right.
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This day isn't about me, is it?
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Becca: What were you gonna say?
50
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- Jimmy: Forget it.
- Becca: No, I'm serious.
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I really want to know what does
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00:02:07,746 --> 00:02:11,159
(in British accent): the brilliant
Jimmy Shive-Overly think about me?
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(Jimmy grunts)
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Vernon: You talk to her again, and
me and my boys will mess you up.
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Jimmy: Who talks like that?
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Vernon: I'm serious, Jimmy.
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Jimmy: Fine, not a problem.
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Enjoy your sham of a marriage!
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Vernon: I will!
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Gretchen: You got another one of those?
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Jimmy: Pretty expensive.
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Gretchen: Good job in there.
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Jimmy: Getting married doesn't remove you
from the burden of having to act like a
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human being.
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Gretchen: Totally.
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Those two are doomed.
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Jimmy: Right?
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Has any couple ever had a more
dishonest start to a marriage?
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00:03:06,171 --> 00:03:08,511
I mean, the balls to have a
traditional Catholic ceremony.
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Gretchen: When she's
already had two abortions.
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Jimmy: And can only orgasm through anal.
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(people gasp and mutter)
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Jimmy: Mr. and Mrs. Cottumaccio.
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MAN: Let's go inside.
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Jimmy: Old Cottumaccios.
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(man mutters)
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- You're pretty.
- Gretchen: Thanks?
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Jimmy: How do you know her?
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Gretchen: I'm friends with the sister.
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- Jimmy: Friends with Fat Lindsay?
- Gretchen: Yeah, me and
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Fat Lindsay are hella close.
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Jimmy: So, uh, what you heard about me?
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Gretchen: Nothing, just
that you're the worst.
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Jimmy: Says the girl who just
stole a blender from a wedding.
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Gretchen: No.
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Really?
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Oh, man!
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I thought it was a food processor.
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Jimmy: Who's the worst now?
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Gretchen: Yeah, well...
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Gretchen: I don't know what I'm doing here.
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I'm not even attracted to you.
93
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Jimmy: What does that
have to do with anything?
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Gretchen: Yeah.
95
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Don't look ahead
There's stormy weather...
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Jimmy: What? It's L.A.
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Who doesn't drive?
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Gretchen: DUI.
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I occasionally see this movie director guy.
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Jimmy: Gross.
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Gretchen: One time, he booty-texted
me from some awards show.
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I was already at the bar, so I
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drove over to his house, and
then he texted me he was going
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to be late, so I idly drove
around his neighborhood...
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(chuckles): until I kind of
sideswiped an off-duty cop.
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Jimmy: Do you know, I'm glad
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this is a one-night thing, so
we can reveal all this awful shit
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about ourselves.
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Gretchen (chuckles): Totally. High five.
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I'll get that.
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Okay, I like that.
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Jimmy: All girls do.
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Gretchen: Don't call me "all girls."
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Damn it. That's good, too.
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Don't look ahead
There's stormy weather...
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Jimmy: You know, right before
Becca broke up with me, I
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started reading her e-mail.
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Gretchen: Oh, I've done that.
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Jimmy: So even though I had
warning, when she broke up with
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me, it kind of... just
kind of knocked me out.
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Even though she's clearly a
ridiculous human being, you know?
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Gretchen: Yeah.
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Break-ups hurt.
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I've heard.
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I don't really do relationships.
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Jimmy: Me, neither.
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Anymore.
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Gretchen: So, what, are you
one of those creepy foot guys?
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00:05:38,622 --> 00:05:39,111
Jimmy: No.
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I have nervous hands, and
they have to stay busy.
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(moaning)
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Gretchen: Yeah, that's good.
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Oh, don't stop, you son of a bitch.
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Oh, yeah...
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(Jimmy spits)
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You just spit on it?
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Jimmy: Yeah.
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Gretchen: You just spit on my vagina.
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Jimmy: So?
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Gretchen: Don't!
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00:06:02,194 --> 00:06:02,577
Jimmy: Why?
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00:06:02,577 --> 00:06:04,260
Gretchen: Why don't spit on my vagina?
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Jimmy: It's saliva.
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It's gonna get there anyway.
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Gretchen: Hmm.
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And that's how I got crabs
from my guidance counselor.
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(Gretchen chuckles)
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Jimmy (softly): Hey.
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00:06:20,203 --> 00:06:21,060
Gretchen: Hey.
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Jimmy: Right.
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00:06:28,633 --> 00:06:30,765
Uh, I should get some sleep, so...
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Gretchen: Right. Good night.
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Jimmy: Wait. What?
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Gretchen: Oh, relax.
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I'm just lazy.
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I'll sneak out in the morning.
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00:06:40,594 --> 00:06:43,169
Jimmy: No, there are no sleepovers.
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Gretchen: Oh, too bad.
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Jimmy: I have sleep apnea.
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I have to wear a CPAP machine.
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Gretchen: Don't care.
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I'm a log.
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(CPAP machine beeps, whirrs)
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(Gretchen laughs)
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You look like Top Gun.
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00:07:02,794 --> 00:07:03,964
Jimmy: Shut up.
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00:07:03,964 --> 00:07:05,201
Gretchen: I'm so glad I'm not
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00:07:05,201 --> 00:07:07,542
gonna remember any of this in the morning.
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(machine whirrs rhythmically)
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"Never leave your wingman."
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(both laugh)
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Jimmy: So stupid.
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(Jimmy sighs)
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Edgar: Good morning.
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00:07:28,270 --> 00:07:31,179
So, I've been thinking about ghosts.
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Jimmy: Oh, the things that
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don't exist because there is no soul?
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Edgar: Mm...
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Jimmy: What a great use of your time.
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00:07:35,503 --> 00:07:38,173
Edgar: You know my great-grandfather
Baldemar on my father's side, right?
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Jimmy: What? No. How could I
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- possibly know your great...?
- Edgar: Oh, he was this crazy
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00:07:42,017 --> 00:07:43,402
adventurer guy who owned
a ranch in Zihuatanejo,
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and he sold arms and was a
matador. Jimmy: What was his name?
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00:07:44,654 --> 00:07:46,089
- Voldemort? Never mind.
- Edgar: The coolest guy.
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Because I was thinking, he
sounds like he had it all worked
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out, and maybe if I could learn his
secrets, then I could fix my problems.
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00:07:53,980 --> 00:07:57,119
Jimmy: How would meeting your dead
relative help you move out of my house?
189
00:07:57,119 --> 00:07:59,038
Edgar: No, I'm talking
about my real problems.
190
00:07:59,804 --> 00:08:03,014
Like, the nightmares and the crying,
and how I want to do heroin all the time.
191
00:08:05,055 --> 00:08:06,693
So, anyway, what do you think?
192
00:08:06,693 --> 00:08:08,256
Jimmy: What do I think about what?
193
00:08:08,256 --> 00:08:11,347
Edgar: If I should hold a seance to
contact great-grandfather Baldemar.
194
00:08:11,347 --> 00:08:12,637
Jimmy: No.
195
00:08:14,312 --> 00:08:15,624
Edgar: I think I'm gonna do it.
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00:08:15,624 --> 00:08:17,216
Thanks.
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Gretchen: Why did you let me sleep so late?
198
00:08:21,671 --> 00:08:22,773
I'm famished.
199
00:08:23,356 --> 00:08:24,722
Nice place.
200
00:08:27,109 --> 00:08:27,653
Edgar: Hi.
201
00:08:28,433 --> 00:08:29,163
I'm Edgar.
202
00:08:29,413 --> 00:08:30,410
Gretchen: Mmm. Gretchen.
203
00:08:30,605 --> 00:08:31,931
This is dynamite.
204
00:08:31,931 --> 00:08:33,033
Edgar: Oh, thanks.
205
00:08:33,218 --> 00:08:34,290
Gretchen: So, how do
you guys know each other?
206
00:08:34,290 --> 00:08:35,513
Edgar: Uh, we met in college.
207
00:08:35,675 --> 00:08:36,467
Jimmy: No, we didn't.
208
00:08:36,467 --> 00:08:39,219
Edgar: Well, he was in college,
and I sold weed to college kids.
209
00:08:39,443 --> 00:08:42,802
Then he started giving me books to read,
'cause he saw untapped potential in me.
210
00:08:43,322 --> 00:08:47,231
Jimmy: I gave you books that I stole from
Borders because I didn't have money for weed.
211
00:08:47,231 --> 00:08:48,009
Edgar: Semantics.
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00:08:48,009 --> 00:08:49,373
Have you read his book yet?
213
00:08:49,373 --> 00:08:49,948
Gretchen: No.
214
00:08:49,948 --> 00:08:52,540
Edgar: Sales were flatter than expected,
plus he blew all his money on this house.
215
00:08:52,540 --> 00:08:55,171
That's why he has to do more
magazine work, but you should read it.
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00:08:55,339 --> 00:08:55,961
It's real good.
217
00:08:56,323 --> 00:08:57,577
Gretchen: Okay.
218
00:08:59,674 --> 00:09:01,657
Jimmy: At least buy your own copy.
219
00:09:01,657 --> 00:09:02,827
Gretchen (laughs): Right.
220
00:09:03,819 --> 00:09:07,096
So, which one of you is
giving me a ride to work?
221
00:09:07,096 --> 00:09:11,595
Edgar: I can't drive because I have PTSD and
mild to medium battlefield-induced psychosis.
222
00:09:11,935 --> 00:09:12,815
Gretchen: Bummer.
223
00:09:12,815 --> 00:09:13,491
Jimmy, you're up.
224
00:09:14,901 --> 00:09:16,067
Jimmy: My car's at the reception.
225
00:09:16,669 --> 00:09:17,805
We took a cab.
226
00:09:17,805 --> 00:09:18,698
Gretchen: We did?
227
00:09:20,877 --> 00:09:21,611
Damn.
228
00:09:33,950 --> 00:09:35,020
Lindsay: I can't believe it.
229
00:09:35,020 --> 00:09:36,023
Gretchen: Drive faster.
230
00:09:36,023 --> 00:09:37,026
I'm late.
231
00:09:37,026 --> 00:09:39,032
Lindsay: You slept with Jimmy.
232
00:09:39,032 --> 00:09:40,035
Gretchen: Apparently.
233
00:09:40,035 --> 00:09:42,041
Lindsay: Who used to date my sister.
234
00:09:42,041 --> 00:09:42,534
Gretchen: Yeah, I know.
235
00:09:42,534 --> 00:09:43,959
Lindsay: And on the night of her wedding?
236
00:09:43,959 --> 00:09:46,250
Gretchen: Why are you crawling
up my ass about this, Lindsay?
237
00:09:46,250 --> 00:09:47,422
Lindsay: You know what a jerk he is.
238
00:09:47,422 --> 00:09:49,918
I told you all the time
how he swallowed her up.
239
00:09:50,380 --> 00:09:51,943
She disappeared her life into
240
00:09:51,943 --> 00:09:52,946
his and was never the Same.
241
00:09:52,946 --> 00:09:54,016
Gretchen: Oh, that's 'cause
242
00:09:54,016 --> 00:09:56,022
Becca doesn't have a
personality to begin with.
243
00:09:56,022 --> 00:09:57,025
Lindsay: Well, that's true.
244
00:09:57,025 --> 00:09:59,532
Ugh! Oh, Jimmy's the worst.
245
00:09:59,532 --> 00:10:01,839
Did he say anything about me?
246
00:10:01,839 --> 00:10:03,009
Gretchen: Nope.
247
00:10:04,297 --> 00:10:05,588
Lindsay: You're not gonna
see him again, are you?
248
00:10:05,750 --> 00:10:06,610
Gretchen: No way.
249
00:10:07,752 --> 00:10:08,881
We did have fun, though.
250
00:10:09,215 --> 00:10:09,772
(Lindsay groans)
251
00:10:09,858 --> 00:10:13,243
Oh, God, I hope he doesn't think
it was, like, an actual thing.
252
00:10:13,243 --> 00:10:14,413
Lindsay: No kidding.
253
00:10:14,413 --> 00:10:15,584
Um, get...
254
00:10:15,584 --> 00:10:17,857
Can you be careful where you're
putting your makeup, and can you
255
00:10:17,857 --> 00:10:20,365
take your feet off the dashboard?
256
00:10:20,365 --> 00:10:22,772
This is a lease.
257
00:10:22,772 --> 00:10:23,908
Gretchen: Okay.
258
00:10:23,908 --> 00:10:25,279
(phone buzzing)
259
00:10:25,279 --> 00:10:25,926
Stop the car.
260
00:10:26,442 --> 00:10:26,710
Lindsay: What?
261
00:10:26,710 --> 00:10:28,790
Gretchen: Stop the car!
262
00:10:28,790 --> 00:10:31,632
I'd rather walk than drive in
this sterile, suburban, piece
263
00:10:31,632 --> 00:10:33,939
of shit car with my best friend
being shitty and judgmental to
264
00:10:33,939 --> 00:10:36,447
me 'cause I had sex
with a guy at a wedding.
265
00:10:36,447 --> 00:10:40,077
How many guys did you blow
at our five-year reunion?
266
00:10:41,562 --> 00:10:42,732
Lindsay: Four.
267
00:10:42,732 --> 00:10:43,903
Gretchen: Four?
268
00:10:43,903 --> 00:10:45,039
You told me three.
269
00:10:45,039 --> 00:10:47,580
Lindsay: I might have
left out Tor Borgfeldt.
270
00:10:47,580 --> 00:10:47,984
Gretchen: Ew!
271
00:10:47,984 --> 00:10:50,699
I'm seriously nauseated right now.
272
00:10:50,882 --> 00:10:52,253
Lindsay: Oh, God.
273
00:10:52,253 --> 00:10:53,423
We used to have so much fun.
274
00:10:53,423 --> 00:10:55,229
Gretchen: Yeah, we did.
275
00:10:55,229 --> 00:10:56,399
Why'd you have to get married?
276
00:10:56,399 --> 00:10:57,568
Lindsay: I know.
277
00:10:57,568 --> 00:11:00,244
I'm sorry.
278
00:11:00,244 --> 00:11:01,715
Do you like my new haircut?
279
00:11:01,715 --> 00:11:04,222
Gretchen: No, you look like Ellen Barkin.
280
00:11:04,222 --> 00:11:06,940
If you get your real estate
license, I will stab you in the tits.
281
00:11:21,842 --> 00:11:22,333
Jimmy: Brilliant.
282
00:11:22,732 --> 00:11:24,781
Absolutely brilliant.
283
00:11:26,141 --> 00:11:26,352
Killian: Hi.
284
00:11:32,428 --> 00:11:32,842
Jimmy: What?
285
00:11:33,615 --> 00:11:36,079
Killian: I just moved in... over there.
286
00:11:37,052 --> 00:11:37,566
Jimmy: Of course you did.
287
00:11:38,009 --> 00:11:38,889
Killian: Why do you say that?
288
00:11:38,889 --> 00:11:39,713
Jimmy: Because the death of
289
00:11:39,713 --> 00:11:41,430
any interesting neighborhood is
290
00:11:41,430 --> 00:11:43,670
the influx of white procreators.
291
00:11:43,670 --> 00:11:45,074
Killian: Oh, that's cool.
292
00:11:45,074 --> 00:11:47,080
My nutritionist is gay, too.
293
00:11:47,080 --> 00:11:49,053
Jimmy: I'm not gay.
294
00:11:49,053 --> 00:11:50,056
I'm English.
295
00:11:50,056 --> 00:11:51,059
(Jimmy sighs)
296
00:11:51,059 --> 00:11:52,062
Killian: What's that?
297
00:11:52,062 --> 00:11:59,071
Jimmy: A royalty check
for my book for... $17.43.
298
00:11:59,484 --> 00:12:00,855
Do you know, if there was any
299
00:12:00,855 --> 00:12:04,934
doubt that the book industry
was dead, it is here in my hand.
300
00:12:04,934 --> 00:12:06,740
R.I.P., literature.
301
00:12:06,740 --> 00:12:08,983
2000 BC to this moment.
302
00:12:09,328 --> 00:12:10,082
Killian: You want to hang out sometime?
303
00:12:12,062 --> 00:12:13,634
Jimmy: What?
304
00:12:13,634 --> 00:12:15,415
What are you even talking about?
305
00:12:15,415 --> 00:12:16,786
I'm an adult.
306
00:12:16,786 --> 00:12:18,692
Do you know what that means?
307
00:12:18,692 --> 00:12:22,679
It means that I am beset upon at
all times by a tsunami of complex
308
00:12:22,679 --> 00:12:25,947
thoughts and struggles,
unceasingly aware of my own
309
00:12:25,947 --> 00:12:28,956
mortality and able to
contemplate the futility of
310
00:12:28,956 --> 00:12:33,402
everything and yet still rage
against the dying of the light.
311
00:12:33,402 --> 00:12:38,919
So do you see how monumentally
stupid you, a child, asking me
312
00:12:38,919 --> 00:12:42,830
"do I want to hang out sometime" is?
313
00:12:42,830 --> 00:12:44,836
Killian: My dad designs video games.
314
00:12:44,836 --> 00:12:47,478
We get all the new ones early.
315
00:12:47,478 --> 00:12:49,952
Jimmy: Come over around 8:00.
316
00:12:49,952 --> 00:12:52,225
As rumor has it still
317
00:12:52,225 --> 00:12:53,295
I followed the rules
318
00:12:53,295 --> 00:12:54,901
Of Frank Abagnale
319
00:12:54,901 --> 00:12:56,772
So catch me if you can
320
00:12:56,772 --> 00:12:57,775
There ain't people...
321
00:12:57,775 --> 00:12:59,046
Gretchen: What the crap?!
322
00:12:59,046 --> 00:13:00,778
Sam: You know I get nervous at these shits.
323
00:13:00,778 --> 00:13:03,483
Gretchen: You are paying a guy to take
your photograph, and you trash his studio?
324
00:13:03,483 --> 00:13:04,888
Sam: You weren't here!
325
00:13:04,888 --> 00:13:06,727
Unprofessional as shit!
326
00:13:06,727 --> 00:13:08,265
A publicist who can't show up at
327
00:13:08,265 --> 00:13:09,268
publicity events?
328
00:13:09,268 --> 00:13:11,340
Don't even know what I'm
paying you for, Gretchen!
329
00:13:11,340 --> 00:13:12,343
Gretchen: The label pays me.
330
00:13:12,343 --> 00:13:13,346
Sam: You know it all gets
331
00:13:13,346 --> 00:13:14,751
charged against my end, bitch!
332
00:13:14,751 --> 00:13:16,422
Label is villains.
333
00:13:16,422 --> 00:13:17,726
From now on, I'm just gonna drop
334
00:13:17,726 --> 00:13:21,370
free mix tapes and Vines of my guinea pigs!
335
00:13:21,370 --> 00:13:24,814
Gretchen: You need to apologize
to Nestor so he doesn't sue you.
336
00:13:24,814 --> 00:13:25,817
Sam: Let him.
337
00:13:25,817 --> 00:13:27,823
I'll lawyer the hell up!
338
00:13:27,823 --> 00:13:29,829
Gretchen: Nestor is a great photographer.
339
00:13:29,829 --> 00:13:30,832
We need him.
340
00:13:30,832 --> 00:13:31,835
Sam: Anyone's a good
341
00:13:31,835 --> 00:13:33,708
photographer now.
342
00:13:33,708 --> 00:13:34,844
Shitstain take amazing
343
00:13:34,844 --> 00:13:37,519
Instagrams.
344
00:13:37,519 --> 00:13:38,789
Shitstain: No filter.
345
00:13:38,789 --> 00:13:41,330
Honey Nutz: Yeah! @Shitstain!
346
00:13:41,330 --> 00:13:43,336
Sam: Anyway, bitch, this is your fault.
347
00:13:43,336 --> 00:13:46,680
You need to apologize to him for
being such a no-showing-up bitch!
348
00:13:46,680 --> 00:13:48,285
Get down, get down
349
00:13:48,285 --> 00:13:49,589
Get down, get down
350
00:13:49,589 --> 00:13:50,892
Get down, get down
351
00:13:50,892 --> 00:13:51,628
Get down, get...
352
00:13:52,665 --> 00:13:55,306
Sam: We're sorry we broke your shit.
353
00:13:55,306 --> 00:13:56,777
Gretchen: Okay, good.
354
00:13:56,777 --> 00:14:00,589
Nestor, we'll talk about restitution?
355
00:14:03,430 --> 00:14:05,302
Hey.
356
00:14:05,302 --> 00:14:06,305
You okay?
357
00:14:06,305 --> 00:14:07,308
Sam: Yeah.
358
00:14:07,308 --> 00:14:08,311
Hell were you doing anyway?
359
00:14:08,311 --> 00:14:10,317
Gretchen: Nothing worth talking about.
360
00:14:10,317 --> 00:14:12,323
Sam: You still need to make it up to us.
361
00:14:12,323 --> 00:14:13,527
I'll fire your ass, and it won't
362
00:14:13,527 --> 00:14:14,564
mean shit to me.
363
00:14:14,564 --> 00:14:15,834
Gretchen: Yes, it will.
364
00:14:15,834 --> 00:14:16,837
Sam: I'm serious.
365
00:14:16,837 --> 00:14:18,843
You owe me, Gretch.
366
00:14:18,843 --> 00:14:20,649
Gretchen: Okay, Sam.
367
00:14:20,649 --> 00:14:21,952
What do you need?
368
00:14:21,952 --> 00:14:25,396
Sam: You need to kiss
my quarter-Chickasaw ass!
369
00:14:25,396 --> 00:14:26,767
Then you need to get me some
370
00:14:26,767 --> 00:14:27,736
cocaine.
371
00:14:27,736 --> 00:14:29,809
I'm too famous to get it myself.
372
00:14:29,809 --> 00:14:31,013
I'm not playing.
373
00:14:31,013 --> 00:14:33,353
You on probation now.
374
00:14:33,353 --> 00:14:35,025
Yo!
375
00:14:35,025 --> 00:14:37,298
Ooh! Wait now. Hold on!
376
00:14:37,298 --> 00:14:38,803
High five. Put her there.
377
00:14:38,803 --> 00:14:40,074
She's hot.
378
00:14:44,887 --> 00:14:47,629
(door unlocks)
379
00:14:47,629 --> 00:14:48,967
Edgar: I got your car towed
380
00:14:48,967 --> 00:14:50,003
back here.
381
00:14:50,003 --> 00:14:53,681
And look who I found getting out of a cab.
382
00:14:58,094 --> 00:14:59,565
Gretchen: Don't worry.
383
00:14:59,565 --> 00:15:01,505
I forgot my purse.
384
00:15:01,505 --> 00:15:03,744
Not on purpose or anything.
385
00:15:03,744 --> 00:15:06,720
Edgar: I'm gonna leave you two alone.
386
00:15:06,720 --> 00:15:08,626
Gretchen: He's sweet.
387
00:15:08,626 --> 00:15:09,629
It's nice that you let him live
388
00:15:09,629 --> 00:15:10,632
here.
389
00:15:10,632 --> 00:15:11,768
Jimmy: You know your purse
390
00:15:11,768 --> 00:15:12,939
had food in it.
391
00:15:12,939 --> 00:15:14,811
It was covered in ants.
392
00:15:14,811 --> 00:15:15,814
Who keeps food in their purse?
393
00:15:15,814 --> 00:15:16,817
Gretchen: Whoa.
394
00:15:16,817 --> 00:15:17,820
What's your problem?
395
00:15:17,820 --> 00:15:18,823
Jimmy: Well, I've had a
396
00:15:18,823 --> 00:15:19,826
really shitty day.
397
00:15:19,826 --> 00:15:24,072
And then I come home to find that my
bedroom is a goddamn '50s sci-fi movie.
398
00:15:24,072 --> 00:15:27,583
And why would you stay over, huh?
399
00:15:27,583 --> 00:15:29,589
That's amateur hour.
400
00:15:29,589 --> 00:15:30,625
Gretchen: Here I was worried
401
00:15:30,625 --> 00:15:31,628
you were gonna get the wrong
402
00:15:31,628 --> 00:15:32,631
idea about last night.
403
00:15:32,631 --> 00:15:34,604
So thank you for saving me the speech.
404
00:15:34,604 --> 00:15:36,610
Jimmy: You were gonna make a speech?
405
00:15:36,610 --> 00:15:37,813
Gretchen: Okay, forget it.
406
00:15:37,813 --> 00:15:38,816
Jimmy: Yeah, no kidding.
407
00:15:38,816 --> 00:15:40,455
Save your breath.
408
00:15:40,455 --> 00:15:42,761
Gretchen: I don't know what
planet that you're from, but on
409
00:15:42,761 --> 00:15:46,941
my planet, someone like you
does not just get... this!
410
00:15:46,941 --> 00:15:49,147
Congratulations, you
bagged a weakened gazelle.
411
00:15:49,147 --> 00:15:50,150
That's right.
412
00:15:50,150 --> 00:15:52,223
I'm still stupid-hooked on
someone else who is eons further
413
00:15:52,223 --> 00:15:54,697
than you in the evolutionary
scale in all categories except
414
00:15:54,697 --> 00:15:56,235
maybe unearned ego and back fat.
415
00:15:56,235 --> 00:15:58,877
What? You so value honesty, you
416
00:15:58,877 --> 00:16:00,581
had to chew a bride out on her
417
00:16:00,581 --> 00:16:01,919
wedding day in the name of it?
418
00:16:01,919 --> 00:16:02,922
Well, why don't you face this
419
00:16:02,922 --> 00:16:04,192
giant hunk of truth, Jimmy?
420
00:16:04,192 --> 00:16:05,864
There is a fat asterisk next to
421
00:16:05,864 --> 00:16:07,068
my name on your skank-ridden
422
00:16:07,068 --> 00:16:08,237
little bone list and it reads,
423
00:16:08,237 --> 00:16:10,143
"She probably would've gone home
424
00:16:10,143 --> 00:16:12,551
with anyone that night!"
425
00:16:12,551 --> 00:16:14,122
So thank you!
426
00:16:14,122 --> 00:16:15,894
Thank you for my wake-up call,
427
00:16:15,894 --> 00:16:18,101
Jimmy
Stupid-Three-Names.
428
00:16:18,101 --> 00:16:20,073
You are officially my bottom.
429
00:16:31,274 --> 00:16:33,012
Hey, you.
430
00:16:33,012 --> 00:16:34,250
TY: Kiddo.
431
00:16:34,250 --> 00:16:35,653
What a surprise.
432
00:16:35,653 --> 00:16:37,659
Gretchen: I was just in the neighborhood.
433
00:16:37,659 --> 00:16:39,733
TY: Uh, I have an early call time.
434
00:16:39,733 --> 00:16:41,337
But...
435
00:16:41,337 --> 00:16:43,577
Yeah, come in.
436
00:16:43,577 --> 00:16:44,146
Last time you said you were
437
00:16:44,146 --> 00:16:45,121
coming over, you never showed.
438
00:16:45,842 --> 00:16:46,865
I thought you'd grown sick of me.
439
00:16:47,924 --> 00:16:49,055
Gretchen: Nah, you're all right.
440
00:16:49,391 --> 00:16:51,360
TY: You're so beautiful, Gretchen.
441
00:17:07,817 --> 00:17:09,789
(hip-hop music playing)
442
00:17:15,741 --> 00:17:16,744
Edgar: Hi.
443
00:17:16,744 --> 00:17:17,747
Killian: Hi.
444
00:17:17,747 --> 00:17:18,750
Edgar: You busy, Jimmy?
445
00:17:18,750 --> 00:17:19,753
Jimmy: Yep.
446
00:17:19,753 --> 00:17:21,992
Edgar: Well, could you,
like, pause it for a second?
447
00:17:21,992 --> 00:17:24,266
Jimmy: No.
448
00:17:28,178 --> 00:17:29,683
What's wrong with you?
449
00:17:29,683 --> 00:17:30,459
Give me the controller.
450
00:17:30,459 --> 00:17:30,922
Edgar: No.
451
00:17:30,922 --> 00:17:34,028
I've watched you for two years
now get girls to come home with
452
00:17:34,028 --> 00:17:36,135
you, and they're always
gone in the morning.
453
00:17:36,135 --> 00:17:38,218
Jimmy: Sorry, I can help
it if she refused to leave?
454
00:17:39,779 --> 00:17:40,782
Give me my controller.
455
00:17:40,782 --> 00:17:41,469
Edgar: No.
456
00:17:41,642 --> 00:17:42,665
Jimmy: Fine.
457
00:17:43,423 --> 00:17:45,229
(video game character screams)
458
00:17:45,229 --> 00:17:47,235
Edgar: I'm sorry I have to do this.
459
00:17:47,235 --> 00:17:50,211
Now, I don't mind you being jerky
with me because I know you care.
460
00:17:50,211 --> 00:17:51,214
Jimmy: What the...
461
00:17:51,214 --> 00:17:52,217
No, I don't.
462
00:17:52,217 --> 00:17:53,220
Edgar: Yes, you do.
463
00:17:53,220 --> 00:17:54,223
Jimmy: You're just an animal
464
00:17:54,223 --> 00:17:55,226
living in my house.
465
00:17:55,226 --> 00:17:57,232
Edgar: But Gretchen stayed, okay?
466
00:17:57,232 --> 00:17:59,839
You say she forced you, but we
both know there's not a person
467
00:17:59,839 --> 00:18:02,113
on this planet that's ever had a
good outcome trying to force you
468
00:18:02,113 --> 00:18:04,253
to do anything.
469
00:18:04,253 --> 00:18:06,760
She stayed, man.
470
00:18:06,760 --> 00:18:11,107
And that means something, whether
you want to admit it or not.
471
00:18:11,107 --> 00:18:14,316
I'm gonna let you go now.
472
00:18:14,316 --> 00:18:15,319
Jimmy: Why would I even
473
00:18:15,319 --> 00:18:16,757
listen to you, eh?
474
00:18:16,757 --> 00:18:18,328
You're a mental case.
475
00:18:18,328 --> 00:18:19,465
You're on, like, a billion
476
00:18:19,465 --> 00:18:23,076
medications that all say
"Take for batshit craziness."
477
00:18:23,076 --> 00:18:25,082
Edgar: I was defending our country.
478
00:18:25,082 --> 00:18:26,085
Jimmy: Oh, please.
479
00:18:26,085 --> 00:18:28,291
You weren't defending anything
except for the business
480
00:18:28,291 --> 00:18:29,428
interests of evil men.
481
00:18:29,428 --> 00:18:33,240
Edgar: Jimmy, our country is the
business interests of evil men.
482
00:18:33,240 --> 00:18:36,917
Jimmy: That may be the most
intelligent thing you've ever said.
483
00:18:36,917 --> 00:18:37,920
Edgar: Thanks.
484
00:18:37,920 --> 00:18:39,926
Jimmy: You're still a goddamn lunatic.
485
00:18:39,926 --> 00:18:40,929
Edgar: Hey, wait.
486
00:18:40,929 --> 00:18:41,932
Come on, man.
487
00:18:41,932 --> 00:18:43,003
W-Wait. Where are you doing?
488
00:18:43,003 --> 00:18:45,477
Jimmy: To a bar, where
I can drink in peace.
489
00:18:45,477 --> 00:18:47,550
Come on, Killian.
490
00:18:51,260 --> 00:18:52,263
All right, call the police.
491
00:18:52,263 --> 00:18:53,266
Edgar: On me?
492
00:18:53,266 --> 00:18:55,239
Jimmy: Someone's stolen my car.
493
00:18:55,239 --> 00:18:57,245
Edgar: No, Gretchen took it, remember?
494
00:18:57,245 --> 00:18:57,801
Jimmy: Gretchen took my...
495
00:18:58,078 --> 00:18:59,655
Sorry, Gretchen took my car?
496
00:18:59,823 --> 00:19:00,206
Edgar: Yeah.
497
00:19:00,206 --> 00:19:02,212
I saw her driving it away earlier.
498
00:19:02,212 --> 00:19:03,215
I figured you loaned it to her.
499
00:19:03,215 --> 00:19:05,221
Come to think of it, I did
think that was kind of weird.
500
00:19:05,221 --> 00:19:07,227
Jimmy: She doesn't have a license!
501
00:19:07,227 --> 00:19:08,230
Edgar: Huh.
502
00:19:08,230 --> 00:19:09,233
She must've stolen your keys
503
00:19:09,233 --> 00:19:11,172
from the counter.
504
00:19:11,172 --> 00:19:16,287
You got to admit, that's
kind of a baller move.
505
00:19:16,287 --> 00:19:19,832
(chuckles)
506
00:19:19,832 --> 00:19:21,872
Killian: You guys are fun.
507
00:19:25,884 --> 00:19:28,525
(grunting)
508
00:19:31,433 --> 00:19:34,141
Gretchen: Um, hey.
509
00:19:34,141 --> 00:19:35,880
TY: Yes, Gretchen?
510
00:19:35,880 --> 00:19:38,488
Gretchen: Can we just take a little break?
511
00:19:38,488 --> 00:19:42,488
TY (chuckles): Sure.
512
00:19:42,567 --> 00:19:45,074
(sighing)
513
00:19:48,551 --> 00:19:51,360
Gretchen: So... what's the
514
00:19:51,360 --> 00:19:53,466
worst thing you've ever done?
515
00:19:53,466 --> 00:19:55,339
TY: Gretchen, you know ever
516
00:19:55,339 --> 00:19:56,342
since India I don't dwell on
517
00:19:56,342 --> 00:19:58,548
negativity.
518
00:19:58,548 --> 00:20:00,186
Gretchen: I set my high
519
00:20:00,186 --> 00:20:01,290
school on fire to get out of a
520
00:20:01,290 --> 00:20:03,061
math test.
521
00:20:03,061 --> 00:20:04,466
(chuckles)
522
00:20:04,466 --> 00:20:05,569
TY: What?
523
00:20:05,569 --> 00:20:07,541
Why are you telling me that?
524
00:20:07,541 --> 00:20:09,247
That's horrible.
525
00:20:09,247 --> 00:20:11,253
Gretchen: Never mind.
526
00:20:11,253 --> 00:20:13,526
Kidding.
527
00:20:18,441 --> 00:20:21,015
(moans)
528
00:20:21,015 --> 00:20:24,024
TY: Oh, you're a marvel.
529
00:20:24,024 --> 00:20:25,629
(pants)
530
00:20:25,629 --> 00:20:27,268
Ooh, that's terrific.
531
00:20:27,268 --> 00:20:28,271
Yeah.
532
00:20:28,271 --> 00:20:31,012
(Gretchen spits)
533
00:20:31,012 --> 00:20:33,486
Did you just spit on me?
534
00:20:33,486 --> 00:20:35,960
Gretchen: No.
535
00:20:35,960 --> 00:20:38,534
Yes. Sorry.
536
00:20:38,534 --> 00:20:43,349
TY (chuckles): Oh, Gretch.
537
00:20:43,349 --> 00:20:45,622
Mmm.
538
00:20:45,622 --> 00:20:48,231
That's delicious.
539
00:20:48,231 --> 00:20:51,741
Gretchen: Do you still have cocaine?
540
00:21:15,813 --> 00:21:18,321
(sighs)
541
00:21:18,321 --> 00:21:20,828
(snorts)
542
00:21:20,828 --> 00:21:22,399
(phone rings)
543
00:21:22,399 --> 00:21:25,810
(exhales)
544
00:21:25,810 --> 00:21:28,217
(sniffs)
545
00:21:31,173 --> 00:21:32,611
Gretchen: Hello?
546
00:21:32,611 --> 00:21:35,352
Jimmy: What are you doing?
547
00:21:35,352 --> 00:21:37,191
Gretchen: Nothing. Just...
548
00:21:37,191 --> 00:21:38,294
(sniffs)
549
00:21:38,294 --> 00:21:38,990
reading.
550
00:21:39,287 --> 00:21:43,570
Jimmy: Hey, you won't believe
this. Someone stole my car.
551
00:21:43,570 --> 00:21:45,075
Gretchen: Oh.
552
00:21:45,075 --> 00:21:47,984
God, that's... awful.
553
00:21:47,984 --> 00:21:50,959
Jimmy: Yeah, I have to file a
police report in the morning.
554
00:21:50,959 --> 00:21:52,965
Gretchen: I may have borrowed it.
555
00:21:52,965 --> 00:21:53,968
Jimmy: I know.
556
00:21:53,968 --> 00:21:55,573
Gretchen: Oh.
557
00:21:55,573 --> 00:21:58,014
Well, sorry.
558
00:21:58,014 --> 00:21:59,652
I told you I'm the worst.
559
00:21:59,652 --> 00:22:04,567
Jimmy: Actually, no, you said that I was
the worst and that I was lucky to get you.
560
00:22:04,567 --> 00:22:06,472
Gretchen: Yeah. About that...
561
00:22:06,472 --> 00:22:07,509
Jimmy: No, don't apologize.
562
00:22:07,509 --> 00:22:09,013
It was a great speech.
563
00:22:09,013 --> 00:22:12,279
It was funny and true and mean.
564
00:22:13,080 --> 00:22:14,216
My favorite kind.
565
00:22:17,231 --> 00:22:20,083
Gretchen: I set my school on
fire to get out of a math test.
566
00:22:20,252 --> 00:22:21,790
(Jimmy laughs)
567
00:22:22,350 --> 00:22:23,517
Jimmy: That's genius.
568
00:22:24,174 --> 00:22:27,931
Oh, and... I... lied to you before.
569
00:22:29,586 --> 00:22:30,859
I do have a foot thing.
570
00:22:32,495 --> 00:22:34,301
Gretchen: Seriously?
571
00:22:34,301 --> 00:22:35,504
Jimmy: Yeah.
572
00:22:35,504 --> 00:22:38,246
In fact, I was just trying to
find the right clip online to,
573
00:22:38,246 --> 00:22:42,392
you know... s-so that I could fall asleep.
574
00:22:42,392 --> 00:22:46,672
But... nothing's quite right.
575
00:22:46,672 --> 00:22:48,978
Gretchen: Oh.
576
00:22:48,978 --> 00:22:49,839
Do you want me to try?
577
00:22:52,708 --> 00:22:53,377
Jimmy: What?
578
00:22:53,749 --> 00:22:55,220
Gretchen: Shh. Let me think.
579
00:22:55,220 --> 00:22:57,460
Jimmy: Come on, this is stupid.
580
00:22:57,460 --> 00:22:59,599
Gretchen: Shut up.
581
00:22:59,599 --> 00:23:05,384
I have been walking around
all day in these new shoes,
582
00:23:05,384 --> 00:23:08,393
and they are just so...
583
00:23:08,393 --> 00:23:11,402
hot and tight.
584
00:23:11,402 --> 00:23:12,706
Jimmy: Oh, yeah?
585
00:23:12,706 --> 00:23:19,226
Gretchen: And my socks are so... sweaty.
586
00:23:19,226 --> 00:23:20,496
Jimmy: That happens.
587
00:23:20,496 --> 00:23:23,672
Gretchen: I think I might
just have to take them off.
588
00:23:23,672 --> 00:23:26,247
Jimmy: You do that.
589
00:23:26,247 --> 00:23:31,295
Hey, you're, uh... very
nice for doing this.
590
00:23:31,295 --> 00:23:34,471
Gretchen: I am very nice.
591
00:23:34,471 --> 00:23:37,447
Jimmy... I'm scared of this
592
00:23:37,447 --> 00:23:40,456
shit, you know?
593
00:23:40,456 --> 00:23:42,830
I don't like it.
594
00:23:42,830 --> 00:23:44,367
Jimmy: I don't believe in it
595
00:23:44,367 --> 00:23:46,440
anymore, so...
596
00:23:46,440 --> 00:23:47,611
Gretchen: So if we both know
597
00:23:47,611 --> 00:23:50,920
that it can't work, then there's no harm.
598
00:23:50,920 --> 00:23:53,796
Right?
599
00:23:53,796 --> 00:23:56,270
Jimmy: Right.
600
00:23:59,680 --> 00:24:02,589
What kind of socks?
601
00:24:02,589 --> 00:24:05,832
Gretchen: Mmm...
knee-high basketball socks.
602
00:24:05,832 --> 00:24:08,306
Orange and green stripes.
603
00:24:08,306 --> 00:24:09,544
Jimmy: You're amazing.
604
00:24:09,544 --> 00:24:10,813
You're 19 types of trouble
605
00:24:10,813 --> 00:24:13,488
but... amazing.
606
00:24:13,488 --> 00:24:15,828
Gretchen: Yeah, so are you.
607
00:24:15,828 --> 00:24:18,737
19 types.
608
00:24:18,737 --> 00:24:19,740
Well, it's late.
609
00:24:19,740 --> 00:24:20,743
Did you finish?
610
00:24:20,743 --> 00:24:22,368
Jimmy: I think the moment's gone, isn't it?
611
00:24:22,368 --> 00:24:23,201
Gretchen: All right.
612
00:24:23,201 --> 00:24:24,202
Have a good night.
613
00:24:24,202 --> 00:24:25,203
Call me.
614
00:24:25,203 --> 00:24:26,238
Jimmy: I will.
615
00:24:26,334 --> 00:24:28,925
Synced and corrected by Nsiko
www.Addic7ed.com
616
00:24:28,975 --> 00:24:33,525
Repair and Synchronization by
Easy Subtitles Synchronizer 1.0.0.0
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