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Happy Birthday, Ingrid!
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MUSICAL BOX TINKLES
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Robin, it's perfect.
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Unlike you. Next!
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Happy Birthday, Sis!
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"Peace, Love And Transylvania: How To Be A Happy Blood-free Vampire"!
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You haven't read it already, have you?
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Don't worry, I kept the receipt.
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Presents?!
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Oh, the un-mortification!
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Vladdy, I've forgotten your birthday!
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MY birthday!
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My sixteenth birthday!
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Oh, nonsense. If it was, the castle bell would be tolling to summon you
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for your vampire transformation...
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BELL TOLLS LOUDLY
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I can't hear anything at all,
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can you?
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All right, so it's Ingrid's "special" day!
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Here, have a "vintage" fang brush.
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- Is that it?
- It's more than you got from your mother.
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I see she couldn't even be bothered to show up.
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Happy Birthday, darling!
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Mum!
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My first coffin!
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Just a little something from Patrick and me.
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That's right, just waltz in and steal all the glory!
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Where were you when their nappies needed changing?
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Out. Drinking blood. With you.
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Exactly!
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A shamefully irresponsible mother!
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Whereas I have done everything I could for this girl!
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So you've organised her "Coming of Rage" Party?
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- You have laid on someone to bite?
- Of course.
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- Robin, what are you doing this evening?
- Erm...
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- Pathetic!
- Oi! No-one is biting anyone!
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Oh, you just try and stop me!
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- Ingrid, wait!
- What?
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I just wanted to say...
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- goodbye.
- I'm only gonna be in there two minutes. - Yeah, I know but...
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when Boris "changed",
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he became selfish and evil and...
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Well, I'm already selfish and evil.
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Only now I'll come with added fangs.
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Come on then, let's get this party started!
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This is starting to get boring.
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Great, now I'm talking to myself.
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Patience Ingrid... Bad things come to those who wait.
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Oh, I look so evil.
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Together we will bring darkness where there is light and...
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..death where there is life... Bring it on!
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The breathers aren't going to know what's bit them!
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Hello, Ingrid, what a nice surprise!
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SHE SCREAMS
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Cool.
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Wait, there's more...
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- Will!
- Hey, Ingrid!
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HE YELLS
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But that's my boyfriend!
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He's a breather, Ingrid.
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Surely you wouldn't stoop so low?
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Back off, sister.
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I decide who I go out with.
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Call yourself a vampire?
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Don't you know the more powerful of the two of us will rule supreme?
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So I'll be making the decisions from now on. And I say,
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- Will dies!
- Over my dead body.
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My thoughts exactly.
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Open the door! Let me out!
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Don't do it, it's a vampire trick.
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- Vlad! Help me!
- There's no escape Ingrid!
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Vlad!
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Time for the old Ingrid to die!
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Vlad! Help me! Please!
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I, the son and heir of Count Dracula, order you to stand aside and open the door!
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Vlad!
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SHE SCREAMS, ROBIN SCREAMS
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Where did she go?
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I don't know...
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but I'm coming, ready or not!
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Did you feel that?
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- Feel what?
- Come on.
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I am really proud of you both.
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A whole month without saying the "V" word.
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Yeah, and I feel, um, at peace with the world.
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Er, me too.
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So I shouldn't be worried about
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this then?
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- Ingrid's birthday!
- She's getting her fangs! Jonno, tool up!
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- Today is a slay day!
- Remember the mantra.
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Sure as boy scouts sing round campfires,
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There are no such things as vampires,
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Drinking blood, the living dead, It's not for real, it's in our head.
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Good! This is real progress! I think you're ready to move on to the next stage.
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Oh, wicked! What's the next stage?
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Destroying all your weapons.
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Shouldn't we be getting to school?
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Suddenly maths doesn't seem so scary.
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Shhh! I don't know what it is, but there is something in here, I'm telling you.
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Yeah, a sleeping vampire!
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No, something else...
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- an evil presence.
- Oh, yeah!
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A sleeping irritated vampire!
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Hmm, the instincts are strong in this one.
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SHE HISSES
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HE WHIMPERS
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Sshhh...
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It's Ingrid!
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She's...
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Gone!
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For the love of garlic!
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Gone to wreak havoc at school!
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Robin, she can't go outside. She'll burn.
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Not with sun block 75 , she won't.
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Let's go. We've got to find her!
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You know what, he's actually really superficial.
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And his trainers are so last year.
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Ow... get out of my way!
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You, girl! No smoking!
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Happy birthday!
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- Whatever. Have you seen Will?
- Yeah, he just went...
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That way.
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SCHOOL BELL RINGS
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- Right, we'll meet up at break and destroy these.
- What if we need them?
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Jonno, we promised your mum.
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So it's the birthday girl.
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Or should I say birthday...
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vampire?
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- Looking for your first victim to sup on?
- Dad! The mantra!
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Sure as boy scouts sing round campfires,
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There are no such things as vampires,
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Drinking blood,
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the living dead,
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It's not for real, it's in our head.
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That's it. You're all right. Give me the stake.
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You two really are a couple of freaks!
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You're right, Dad, we need to get rid of these as soon as possible.
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How's this, Mistress Magda?
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Fabulous.
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Waaargh!
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What's going on here?
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I'm organising a party for Ingrid, seeing as you've completely failed to do so.
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What sort of example is that for the kids?
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Says the woman who ran off with a werewolf!
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Don't forget the jelly and icicle scream, serf,
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and wake me when it's done.
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You traitor! You're helping her make me look bad!
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Sorry, Master. Have you tried saying no to her?
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Of course not. I'm undead, not brain dead!
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I just wish I could be rid of her once and for all!
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I could always squirt garlic in her perfume.
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- What? Kill her? Don't be stupid, Renfield.
- Oh, yes,
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even you aren't that evil.
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Mistress Magda said the same thing only today.
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Oh, did she, really?!
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- Where could she be?
- I don't know.
157
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Robin, this is a disaster.
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We've looked everywhere.
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Come on, I thought you were the clever one.
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Think! Think!
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Maybe we should be looking for Will, not Ingrid.
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- Maybe we should be looking for Will, not Ingrid.
- Will?
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That's who she's trying to find, isn't it?
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That's who she's trying to find, isn't it?
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Of course! Robin, you're a genius!
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Ah! All the weapons of the slayers I've defeated.
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I knew they'd come in useful.
168
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So you're gonna stick that great big stake in Magda?
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No, Renfield.
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YOU are.
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- Dad, we've got to get rid of them all.
- But this was
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- my first ever stake! Can't I just keep this one?
- No!
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- We're destroying everything?!
- Look, you said it.
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If we're gonna keep Mum around, it's the only way.
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Will!
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Happy birthday!
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Wait.
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We need to talk.
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About what? Are you dumping me?
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I'm leaving Stokely forever and I want you to come with me.
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What? Where?
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- I don't know. Look, meet me up at the castle at first break?
- But...
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Trust me...
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please?
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No!
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Mmm, he looks good enough to eat...
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You idiots! You've brought it with you!
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Brought what?
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That!
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Look I've got to go. Promise you'll meet me later?
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SHE LAUGHS EVILLY
192
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Vlad, shouldn't the vampire be chasing us?
193
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But she's not a vampire, are you, Ingrid? You didn't go through with the transformation.
194
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If you breathe a word of this to anyone, I'll...
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- well, I can't bite you, but I'll do something evil!
- I don't get it.
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I thought you had to transform?
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I thought so too.
198
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But there's a way out of it, isn't there?
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None whatsoever.
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Run!
201
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So that's it, our slaying days are over.
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Yeah, it feels good to be free.
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SCREAMING
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Eeeergh, stake dust!
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- Ingrid!
- You'll never get me! I'll fight you all the way to the grave!
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The garlic!
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Go, go, go!
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- They attacked us!
- With garlic!
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The final insult! Well, it's lucky I didn't crush this little baby!
210
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Dad! The mantra!
211
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Sure as boy scouts sing round campfires,
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This whole school is full of vampires,
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Biting necks, inflicting pain, I will not rest until they're slain.
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Dad!
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It's not working, Jonno! I need to slay!
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And they need to pay!
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ALARM RINGS
218
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Look, vampires aren't allowed to stake each other.
219
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It's part of our evil code of conduct.
220
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But it's all right for me to do it?
221
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Well, no, but at least this way, it'll be you they execute.
222
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Ready?
223
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I can't do it, Master! I can't!
224
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Renfield, you big girl's corset! Give it here.
225
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One, two, three, go...
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So beautiful... and yet so very cruel.
227
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Argh! Magda! We were just... checking to see you were OK.
228
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How very thoughtful of you!
229
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Come now, let's not settle this with stakes.
230
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You're right. Renfield, get the pistols!
231
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ALARM RINGS
232
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Nice and calm now, nobody panic.
233
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Going somewhere? I don't think so.
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You, you, you.
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Has she gone?
236
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Coast is clear.
237
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- Aaaaaah!
- Aaaah!
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What am I meant to be screaming at?
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Come out,
240
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come out, wherever you are...
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Go!
242
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Hello.
243
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We'll find you.
244
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Go, go, go!
245
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Boo!
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THEY SCREAM
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Looks like this is the end of the line for you.
248
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No!
249
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Stop!
250
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SHE HISSES
251
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(DEEP VOICE) I said leave her alone!
252
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What a time for your voice to break.
253
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Can I come out now?
254
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So, at the request of the Stokely Fire Service, the school will be closed for the rest of the day.
255
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KIDS: Yes!
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Ingrid's presents.
257
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They're still inside!
258
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We might as well go home then.
259
00:19:38,160 --> 00:19:41,520
Dad forget it. We don't even have any weapons.
260
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Apart from the ones at the HQ.
261
00:19:43,760 --> 00:19:46,840
Oh, yeah! There's some real crackers in there!
262
00:19:48,640 --> 00:19:51,480
Well, I'm just going to...
263
00:19:54,000 --> 00:19:56,280
- help the firemen.
- Yeah, I've got to...
264
00:19:57,800 --> 00:19:59,760
go over there.
265
00:20:24,560 --> 00:20:26,200
Hey, Will...
266
00:20:26,200 --> 00:20:29,240
- Where are you two knuckle-draggers going?
- Sorry?
267
00:20:29,240 --> 00:20:31,400
Oh, you will be bog-brain.
268
00:20:31,400 --> 00:20:33,200
Oh, you will be bog-brain.
269
00:20:33,200 --> 00:20:36,360
I'll take you and your ugly sister on any day.
270
00:20:36,360 --> 00:20:37,880
Oi, you leave Chloe out of it!
271
00:20:37,880 --> 00:20:40,600
No, duh! He meant you!
272
00:20:41,400 --> 00:20:45,800
Paul! Don't do it, he's not worth it, bro.
273
00:20:45,800 --> 00:20:49,040
How about you teach him a lesson he won't forget?
274
00:20:49,040 --> 00:20:50,760
Second thoughts.
275
00:20:52,080 --> 00:20:54,800
Let's teach him a lesson he won't forget.
276
00:20:58,440 --> 00:21:02,040
Vampires, choose your ammunition.
277
00:21:02,040 --> 00:21:05,440
Ah, the old-style garlic bullets.
278
00:21:05,440 --> 00:21:08,840
Didn't the Duke of De Montfort try and slay you with these?
279
00:21:08,840 --> 00:21:12,680
Yes, and he was a very bad shot, but a rather excellent dessert.
280
00:21:12,680 --> 00:21:16,280
- Well, let's see how you fare with me on the menu.
- Right...
281
00:21:21,760 --> 00:21:24,200
Erm, Vlad, your Mum and Dad are fighting.
282
00:21:24,200 --> 00:21:26,440
Robin, they're always fighting.
283
00:21:30,400 --> 00:21:32,840
Is this some sort of joke?
284
00:21:35,080 --> 00:21:37,480
Nice work, boys.
285
00:21:37,480 --> 00:21:40,920
Now, let's go party!
286
00:21:40,920 --> 00:21:43,440
OK, very funny.
287
00:21:43,440 --> 00:21:45,240
Jokes over! Let me out!
288
00:21:45,240 --> 00:21:49,440
So if Ingrid's reflection never finds her, she won't become a vampire?
289
00:21:49,440 --> 00:21:52,640
Exactly. Which means there's still hope for me after all.
290
00:21:52,640 --> 00:21:55,360
Oh, come on, Will, you're late!
291
00:21:55,360 --> 00:21:58,360
He is going to come, isn't he?
292
00:21:58,360 --> 00:22:01,600
Of course he is, he'd be mad not to.
293
00:22:01,600 --> 00:22:05,280
And if he doesn't, you know where I am.
294
00:22:08,600 --> 00:22:13,120
Prepare to be dust, you two-timing traitor!
295
00:22:13,120 --> 00:22:17,520
Eat garlic, you pathetic toad!
296
00:22:17,520 --> 00:22:22,080
Your skin is too pink!
297
00:22:22,080 --> 00:22:27,600
Your fangs are too short!
298
00:22:27,600 --> 00:22:30,680
You're so...
299
00:22:30,680 --> 00:22:35,640
fat, we could carpet the castle with one of your enormous dresses.
300
00:22:35,640 --> 00:22:38,480
Yes, and we could sandblast the stonework
301
00:22:38,480 --> 00:22:42,280
with a whiff of your wormy soil breath!
302
00:22:45,120 --> 00:22:47,800
I hate you!
303
00:22:47,800 --> 00:22:50,000
I hate you more!
304
00:22:52,120 --> 00:22:53,160
Fire!
305
00:22:59,720 --> 00:23:04,280
I haven't felt this undead for ages!
306
00:23:04,280 --> 00:23:06,720
You know Patrick's problem?
307
00:23:06,720 --> 00:23:09,600
He's just so nice!
308
00:23:14,320 --> 00:23:17,760
Not too early for the party are we?
309
00:23:19,480 --> 00:23:24,160
Ingrid! You have company!
310
00:23:24,160 --> 00:23:26,320
Will!
311
00:23:28,280 --> 00:23:29,360
Going somewhere,
312
00:23:30,680 --> 00:23:32,520
vampire?
313
00:23:33,720 --> 00:23:37,240
Oh, and by the way, you haven't seen me, all right?
314
00:23:37,240 --> 00:23:39,600
Jonno thinks I've given up.
315
00:23:39,880 --> 00:23:42,680
I won't tell Mum, if you don't.
316
00:23:45,840 --> 00:23:48,840
- You're making a mistake.
- I'm not a vampire!
317
00:23:48,840 --> 00:23:52,680
Only one way to find out for certain.
318
00:23:53,800 --> 00:23:56,240
MOBILE RINGS
319
00:24:06,680 --> 00:24:08,800
Sorry.
320
00:24:08,800 --> 00:24:09,840
Mina!
321
00:24:09,840 --> 00:24:14,000
We're fine. Oh, you heard, yes, they've shut the school.
322
00:24:14,000 --> 00:24:16,440
Slaying? No, of course we're not.
323
00:24:16,440 --> 00:24:18,320
We're just in the car on our way home now.
324
00:24:18,320 --> 00:24:21,760
IMITATES CAR ENGINE
325
00:24:21,760 --> 00:24:24,360
No, we're just at some lights, that's all.
326
00:24:24,360 --> 00:24:27,120
Picking up speed now. See you soon.
327
00:24:38,160 --> 00:24:41,320
It's weird, but I'm kind of gonna miss those losers.
328
00:24:54,720 --> 00:24:57,000
- Will?
- Surprise!
329
00:24:57,000 --> 00:24:59,440
Happy Coming of Rage!
330
00:24:59,440 --> 00:25:01,120
Now let the party games begin!
331
00:25:16,400 --> 00:25:18,360
We've got a gatecrasher.
332
00:25:19,160 --> 00:25:20,640
Who?!
333
00:25:20,640 --> 00:25:22,920
My reflection.
334
00:25:22,920 --> 00:25:25,520
You didn't merge!
335
00:25:25,520 --> 00:25:28,720
Girls, they are nothing but trouble!
336
00:25:28,720 --> 00:25:30,720
Oh, typical, you selfish maggot!
337
00:25:30,720 --> 00:25:32,880
Thanks, Mum, you tell him.
338
00:25:32,880 --> 00:25:36,600
I was talking to you! I promised your hand to Patrick's brother!
339
00:25:39,280 --> 00:25:41,920
He certainly won't want to marry you now!
340
00:25:41,920 --> 00:25:44,520
So that is why you're really here?
341
00:25:44,520 --> 00:25:47,560
You didn't think I'd come to see you?
342
00:25:51,000 --> 00:25:56,240
Well, thank you for ruining my marriage, again!
343
00:26:00,160 --> 00:26:03,880
Families, eh? Always there when you need them.
344
00:26:03,880 --> 00:26:05,760
I don't need them.
345
00:26:07,120 --> 00:26:08,160
I've got Will.
346
00:26:08,160 --> 00:26:11,800
Oh, I think you'll find I've put that relationship on ice.
347
00:26:11,800 --> 00:26:13,520
What have you done with my boyfriend?
348
00:26:13,520 --> 00:26:17,800
Be a good little girl and surrender your body and you'll find out.
349
00:26:17,800 --> 00:26:21,160
This "little girl" doesn't surrender to anyone!
350
00:26:21,160 --> 00:26:23,840
- Now tell me what you've done with Will!
- Never!
351
00:26:23,840 --> 00:26:27,640
Well, in that case you leave me no choice.
352
00:26:27,640 --> 00:26:33,480
- Ingrid, what are you doing?
- I'm taking control. It's the only way I can win.
353
00:26:33,480 --> 00:26:36,560
But I'm the powerful one!
354
00:26:36,560 --> 00:26:38,600
We'll see about that.
355
00:26:40,880 --> 00:26:43,400
BOTH SCREAM AND STRAIN
356
00:26:50,440 --> 00:26:51,600
Ingrid?
357
00:26:51,600 --> 00:26:52,760
Is she dead?
358
00:26:59,720 --> 00:27:02,240
Not quite...
359
00:27:09,280 --> 00:27:12,200
I just hope she's going to be a good vampire.
360
00:27:12,200 --> 00:27:16,480
What with those fangs? She's going to be a really good vampire.
361
00:27:18,040 --> 00:27:21,120
Thanks. I thought I was going to freeze to death in there.
362
00:27:21,120 --> 00:27:22,880
It's all right.
363
00:27:24,560 --> 00:27:27,640
You're safe now...
364
00:27:39,840 --> 00:27:42,000
Subtitles by Red Bee Media Limited
365
00:27:42,000 --> 00:27:44,440
E-mail subtitling@bbc.co.uk
366
00:27:44,490 --> 00:27:49,040
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