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Would you like to inspect the original subtitles? These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated: 1 00:00:16,100 --> 00:00:20,300 In the name of all that's evil, what foul wrongness is this? 2 00:00:20,300 --> 00:00:22,460 It's the school fancy dress dance tonight. 3 00:00:22,460 --> 00:00:25,860 I'm in charge of decorations so I picked the theme. 4 00:00:25,860 --> 00:00:27,900 She chose "horror". 5 00:00:31,980 --> 00:00:35,300 - Horrifying, isn't it? - I wasn't talking to you. 6 00:00:35,300 --> 00:00:38,340 I was talking to Vlad. What are you wearing? 7 00:00:38,340 --> 00:00:41,540 I've joined the Scouts. Is that all right? 8 00:00:41,540 --> 00:00:44,940 Not till there's breath in my body. 9 00:00:44,940 --> 00:00:48,580 No son of Dracula wears a woggle! 10 00:00:48,580 --> 00:00:51,700 But please, Dad! They do all this cool stuff - 11 00:00:51,700 --> 00:00:54,540 fire-lighting, tying knots, hiking... 12 00:00:54,540 --> 00:00:57,460 I'm not having you running about in the fresh air! 13 00:00:57,460 --> 00:01:00,100 You need to stay in your room more, 14 00:01:00,100 --> 00:01:02,260 nurse your psychotic rage. 15 00:01:02,260 --> 00:01:06,460 That's how I was brought up. It never did me any harm, did it? 16 00:01:06,460 --> 00:01:08,660 Nobody answer that. 17 00:01:13,380 --> 00:01:15,420 These aren't very scary. 18 00:01:17,700 --> 00:01:20,980 They are to me. Now get out of here. 19 00:01:26,500 --> 00:01:28,660 Ingrid... 20 00:01:28,660 --> 00:01:31,820 You know, I've been meaning to ask... 21 00:01:31,820 --> 00:01:35,340 why are you dangling from the ropes by your pants? 22 00:01:35,340 --> 00:01:39,060 The twins put me here cos my dad gave them detention. 23 00:01:39,060 --> 00:01:41,220 - Oh, right. - Ingrid? 24 00:01:41,220 --> 00:01:43,540 Please help me down. 25 00:01:43,540 --> 00:01:45,740 Sorry, don't do the "H" word. 26 00:01:45,740 --> 00:01:49,260 I'm supposed to be meeting Dad's girlfriend tonight! 27 00:01:49,260 --> 00:01:51,820 Van Helstink's got a girlfriend? 28 00:01:51,820 --> 00:01:55,620 Where did he meet her - a hospital for the desperate(?) 29 00:01:55,620 --> 00:01:59,460 - Actually, we met on the internet. - Close enough. 30 00:01:59,460 --> 00:02:01,940 So, did you do this to my son? 31 00:02:01,940 --> 00:02:03,540 No, unfortunately. 32 00:02:03,540 --> 00:02:08,780 However, you failed to prevent it. Which means I have to punish you. 33 00:02:08,780 --> 00:02:12,340 Good luck with that - my detention diary's crammed. 34 00:02:12,340 --> 00:02:15,420 I might be able to squeeze you in next spring? 35 00:02:15,420 --> 00:02:18,140 I don't think we need to wait till then. 36 00:02:18,140 --> 00:02:23,660 Tell me...at the dance tonight, who's in charge of the cloakroom? 37 00:02:23,660 --> 00:02:25,420 How should I know? 38 00:02:25,420 --> 00:02:29,380 That job always goes to the most unpopular kid in schoo... 39 00:02:30,620 --> 00:02:33,300 No way! I'm not doing it! 40 00:02:33,300 --> 00:02:37,940 Hmm, perhaps I should raise the STAKES, 41 00:02:37,940 --> 00:02:40,740 talk to your father about this. 42 00:02:42,260 --> 00:02:45,060 All right, I'll do it! 43 00:02:45,060 --> 00:02:47,380 You've learned something today. 44 00:02:47,380 --> 00:02:52,500 Don't play out of your league, little girl! 45 00:03:03,140 --> 00:03:07,500 You see, Jonno? That's the way to deal with her kind. 46 00:03:09,900 --> 00:03:12,940 Er, Dad, aren't you forgetting something? 47 00:03:12,940 --> 00:03:15,860 Yes. Sorry about that. 48 00:03:17,900 --> 00:03:22,620 "World's Best Dad"? I didn't realise your dad had won an award! 49 00:03:22,620 --> 00:03:26,660 It's not a real award, you egg. It's a Father's Day card. 50 00:03:26,660 --> 00:03:31,540 - Father's Day? - It's a breather thing. You have to get your dad cards, 51 00:03:31,540 --> 00:03:36,140 - presents and do lame things to please them. - I hate doing dad stuff. 52 00:03:36,140 --> 00:03:40,820 Flying lessons, biting practice - it's like his only purpose in life 53 00:03:40,820 --> 00:03:42,540 is to stop me having fun. 54 00:03:42,540 --> 00:03:45,580 Everyone feels like that about their parents. 55 00:03:45,580 --> 00:03:48,420 The point of Father's Day is to pretend you don't. 56 00:03:48,420 --> 00:03:53,580 - Softens them up for when you want to get away with something. - Like what? 57 00:03:53,580 --> 00:03:57,140 I've agreed to go camping with Dad and Chloe tonight. 58 00:03:57,140 --> 00:04:00,980 In return, he'll pretend to believe me when I "lose" my school report. 59 00:04:00,980 --> 00:04:05,980 - So Father's Day is basically a way of conning your dad? - Your point is? 60 00:04:05,980 --> 00:04:07,900 Got any spare cards? 61 00:04:10,780 --> 00:04:14,260 - Robin! Finished packing? - Not yet. - Well, hurry up! 62 00:04:14,260 --> 00:04:17,580 Every minute you waste, we lose a minute's camping. 63 00:04:17,580 --> 00:04:19,660 I am aware of that. 64 00:04:19,660 --> 00:04:24,020 You are SO lucky. I'd do anything to get my dad to take me camping. 65 00:04:24,020 --> 00:04:27,380 I'd give anything for a dad whose idea of a good time 66 00:04:27,380 --> 00:04:29,780 isn't singing "Ging Gang Goolie". 67 00:04:29,780 --> 00:04:32,180 My dad could learn a thing or two from yours. 68 00:04:32,180 --> 00:04:34,260 Like how to wear his jeans under his armpit? 69 00:04:34,260 --> 00:04:37,980 No, like how to lighten up and enjoy the outdoor life. 70 00:04:37,980 --> 00:04:41,220 You know what? We should get our dads together. 71 00:04:41,220 --> 00:04:44,700 - They could be a good influence on each other. - Good one, Vlad! 72 00:04:44,700 --> 00:04:48,900 Like Count Dracula would ever go on a Branagh camping trip! 73 00:04:48,900 --> 00:04:53,660 - Are you serious?! Do you really think your dad'll agree to come? - Yeah. 74 00:04:53,660 --> 00:04:57,500 I'll tell him it's Father's Day and I'm doing it for him. 75 00:04:57,500 --> 00:05:00,740 Now you're getting the hang of it! 76 00:05:00,740 --> 00:05:04,540 Hey, Dad, is it OK if Vlad comes camping tonight? 77 00:05:04,540 --> 00:05:06,420 Sure, the more the merrier. 78 00:05:06,420 --> 00:05:09,900 - Good. Cos I asked his dad to come too. - Wait a minute! 79 00:05:09,900 --> 00:05:12,620 Vlad's welcome but Mr Count's a bit... 80 00:05:12,620 --> 00:05:16,700 - What I mean, it's not really his sort of thing. - That's the point! 81 00:05:16,700 --> 00:05:22,780 You two are so different. You could experience each other's cultures. 82 00:05:22,780 --> 00:05:24,940 Or something. 83 00:05:24,940 --> 00:05:30,380 Vladdy, you know I don't approve of weird foreign superstitions. 84 00:05:30,380 --> 00:05:34,940 But Father's Day's different. It's all about how great you are. 85 00:05:34,940 --> 00:05:36,620 You even get presents. 86 00:05:36,620 --> 00:05:40,660 At last, a sensible British custom. 87 00:05:40,660 --> 00:05:44,380 Right, bring me my presents! 88 00:05:44,380 --> 00:05:47,700 You'll have to wait. It's a surprise. 89 00:05:47,700 --> 00:05:49,700 Ooh, can I have a clue? 90 00:05:49,700 --> 00:05:54,340 OK, it's something we can do together. 91 00:05:56,060 --> 00:05:59,260 Something we can do together. 92 00:05:59,260 --> 00:06:01,340 ..No, won't be that. 93 00:06:04,660 --> 00:06:06,700 Shouldn't we be getting home? 94 00:06:06,700 --> 00:06:08,780 Sorry, didn't I tell you? 95 00:06:08,780 --> 00:06:10,860 I'm meeting Lucie here. 96 00:06:10,860 --> 00:06:15,300 - At school? - I've told her that I'm devoted to my work. 97 00:06:15,300 --> 00:06:18,180 She accepts me for who I am. 98 00:06:18,180 --> 00:06:22,620 About that. Dad, you know how every time you go on a date, 99 00:06:22,620 --> 00:06:26,260 the girl goes to the bathroom and never comes back? 100 00:06:26,260 --> 00:06:29,020 Why do you think that is? 101 00:06:29,020 --> 00:06:32,180 A wave of vampire abductions! 102 00:06:32,180 --> 00:06:36,620 Or do you think that maybe your slaying obsession puts them off? 103 00:06:36,620 --> 00:06:38,580 I mean, just a little bit? 104 00:06:38,580 --> 00:06:40,540 What are you saying? 105 00:06:40,540 --> 00:06:43,900 If you want this date to last longer than it takes 106 00:06:43,900 --> 00:06:49,180 to climb out of a toilet window, don't mention vampires. 107 00:06:50,180 --> 00:06:52,460 Mmm. Right. 108 00:06:54,140 --> 00:06:56,420 Is it Father's Day now, Renfield? 109 00:06:56,420 --> 00:07:00,300 No, Master, and it's only five minutes since you last asked. 110 00:07:00,300 --> 00:07:04,660 I wonder where Vladdy's hidden my presents. Maybe I should look? 111 00:07:04,660 --> 00:07:07,780 If you do that, Master, it won't be a surprise. 112 00:07:07,780 --> 00:07:12,020 "Something we can do together." Now, what could that be? 113 00:07:12,020 --> 00:07:14,660 ENGINE HUMS, HE SNIFFS 114 00:07:18,940 --> 00:07:23,580 One...two...three. I knew it! 115 00:07:24,660 --> 00:07:28,140 Vladdy's finally got the thirst for blood! 116 00:07:28,140 --> 00:07:31,900 He's brought me some Father's Day peasants! 117 00:07:35,220 --> 00:07:37,420 I'll just get Dad. 118 00:07:37,420 --> 00:07:41,140 Hello, Vladdy! This is the best surprise ever. 119 00:07:41,140 --> 00:07:42,820 Shall we bite them now? 120 00:07:42,820 --> 00:07:47,860 - What? No! - Oh, very well. Just hide them in the larder till later. 121 00:07:47,860 --> 00:07:52,700 - Dad! The Branaghs are here because we're going on a camping trip! - Oh. 122 00:07:52,700 --> 00:07:58,900 - THEN do I get my Father's Day surprise? - No, this is your surprise! 123 00:07:58,900 --> 00:08:01,380 Surprise! 124 00:08:03,580 --> 00:08:06,500 THIS is my surprise?! 125 00:08:06,500 --> 00:08:09,980 A camping trip with a family of ugly peasants?! 126 00:08:16,620 --> 00:08:18,460 What did you say? 127 00:08:23,980 --> 00:08:28,020 Ugly peasants! 128 00:08:28,020 --> 00:08:30,580 THUNDER RUMBLES 129 00:08:31,260 --> 00:08:33,700 Now look what you've done! 130 00:08:33,700 --> 00:08:35,980 Oh, dear it's raining. 131 00:08:35,980 --> 00:08:38,620 Looks like the trip's off. 132 00:08:38,620 --> 00:08:40,460 Not necessarily. 133 00:08:40,460 --> 00:08:42,300 What do you reckon? 134 00:08:42,300 --> 00:08:46,700 - Camping indoors? Impossible! - You're behind the times, Count. 135 00:08:46,700 --> 00:08:49,740 You can pitch these modern tents on solid rock. 136 00:08:49,740 --> 00:08:52,860 - I'll have ours up in five minutes. - Can I help? - No! 137 00:08:52,860 --> 00:08:57,500 You can help me pitch OUR tent. And we'll do it in four minutes! 138 00:09:00,260 --> 00:09:03,900 Oi, can we get some service round here! 139 00:09:03,900 --> 00:09:08,700 - Ingrid! - You're on cloakroom duty?! 140 00:09:08,700 --> 00:09:10,740 So I am(!) 141 00:09:10,740 --> 00:09:14,900 - Any other blindingly obvious facts you'd like to share? - Hey, Ingrid... 142 00:09:14,900 --> 00:09:17,460 Vee vant to suck your blood! 143 00:09:17,460 --> 00:09:21,380 Yeah. Well, I have to stamp your hands. 144 00:09:21,980 --> 00:09:23,420 Uh! 145 00:09:23,900 --> 00:09:26,180 - Uh! - Enjoy the dance. 146 00:09:29,740 --> 00:09:34,780 Excuse me, can you tell me where I can find Mr Van Helsing? 147 00:09:36,700 --> 00:09:38,900 - I'd be delighted to show you. - Lucie? 148 00:09:38,900 --> 00:09:42,980 - I'm Jonathan. - Oh, hi. I've heard so much about you! 149 00:09:46,980 --> 00:09:52,380 Finished! Ha! We win! Huh! Suck on that, peasants! 150 00:09:52,380 --> 00:09:54,340 Oh, suck on what? 151 00:09:54,340 --> 00:09:57,820 Oh, that. I see. 152 00:09:57,820 --> 00:10:02,460 - Are you sure it's quite safe? - Safe?! Is my tent safe?! 153 00:10:02,460 --> 00:10:04,340 CREAK! 154 00:10:04,340 --> 00:10:06,820 - Renfield! - Yes, Master? 155 00:10:10,020 --> 00:10:13,660 You shall be the first to try out my tent! 156 00:10:13,660 --> 00:10:16,300 Oh, thank you, Master! 157 00:10:16,300 --> 00:10:18,300 Thank you. 158 00:10:21,140 --> 00:10:23,420 Just get in the tent! 159 00:10:24,620 --> 00:10:27,180 Oh, now, this IS nice! 160 00:10:28,180 --> 00:10:29,540 Help! 161 00:10:29,540 --> 00:10:32,340 I think that's 1-0 to the Branaghs. 162 00:10:32,340 --> 00:10:35,100 Master! Help! 163 00:10:37,540 --> 00:10:40,940 Wow. So this is your woodwork room? 164 00:10:40,940 --> 00:10:42,460 This is it. 165 00:10:43,340 --> 00:10:46,500 I kept telling him to take you on a proper date. 166 00:10:46,500 --> 00:10:51,340 There's no need! I'm impressed by your father's dedication. 167 00:10:51,340 --> 00:10:55,620 As a librarian, I think education's so important. 168 00:10:55,620 --> 00:11:00,220 - You're a librarian? - Sorry, boring job I'm afraid! - No... 169 00:11:00,220 --> 00:11:05,060 it's just that, I'm glad my Dad's finally met someone so...so normal! 170 00:11:05,060 --> 00:11:08,260 Well, we normal people have to stick together. 171 00:11:08,260 --> 00:11:13,340 How else can we defeat the plague of vampires that threatens our town? 172 00:11:16,900 --> 00:11:19,380 How's that fire coming along, Vlad? 173 00:11:19,380 --> 00:11:23,700 Rubbish. Yours looks fantastic, though. Doesn't it, Dad? 174 00:11:23,700 --> 00:11:26,340 - Tch! - Dad, the sausages are ready! 175 00:11:26,340 --> 00:11:28,060 Marvellous! 176 00:11:28,060 --> 00:11:32,620 Keep trying. I'll give you some tips after supper. Come on, Robin. 177 00:11:36,940 --> 00:11:39,940 I'll give you a tip! 178 00:11:39,940 --> 00:11:43,660 - Now, that's how you start a fire! - Dad! 179 00:11:43,660 --> 00:11:48,780 - I wanted to light it the normal way! - But that IS the normal way! 180 00:11:50,860 --> 00:11:53,700 This is a number seven stake, 181 00:11:53,700 --> 00:11:57,700 used for vampires 500 years old or less. 182 00:11:57,700 --> 00:12:00,780 I've always wanted to meet a vampire slayer. 183 00:12:00,780 --> 00:12:04,020 I'd keep looking if I was you. 184 00:12:04,020 --> 00:12:07,100 Now for the crown jewel of my collection... 185 00:12:10,340 --> 00:12:13,460 My most recent eSlay purchase! 186 00:12:16,260 --> 00:12:18,820 A garlic juice gun! 187 00:12:18,820 --> 00:12:21,140 Yes. 188 00:12:21,140 --> 00:12:26,220 This little beauty sprays liquid garlic over a range of 30 feet... 189 00:12:27,900 --> 00:12:31,900 Go on, try her out. 190 00:12:36,660 --> 00:12:39,980 What do you think, eh, Jonno? Isn't she amazing? 191 00:12:39,980 --> 00:12:43,860 If by "amazing" you mean "madder than a box of frogs", then yes. 192 00:12:43,860 --> 00:12:47,540 I've got something very special planned for us later. 193 00:12:47,540 --> 00:12:53,060 I thought you might like to help me try out my...garlic gun. 194 00:12:53,060 --> 00:12:56,180 You mean we're going to splat some vampires? 195 00:12:56,180 --> 00:12:58,980 Not the castle. Oh, please not the castle. 196 00:12:58,980 --> 00:13:02,580 We're going to the castle! 197 00:13:05,500 --> 00:13:09,020 Well, that fire's coming along! Nice work, Vlad! 198 00:13:09,020 --> 00:13:14,420 Nice?! It spits on your feeble excuse for a fire! 199 00:13:14,420 --> 00:13:18,380 - Dad! - Why don't we all calm down and enjoy a nice hot dog? 200 00:13:18,380 --> 00:13:23,740 Because we don't want your peasant food! WE will prepare our own feast. 201 00:13:23,740 --> 00:13:26,380 Barbecued slug, Master? 202 00:13:27,340 --> 00:13:30,860 - Not now, Renfield! - Suit yourself. 203 00:13:30,860 --> 00:13:35,380 - Are you sure? It's all black and crunchy. - I said, shut up! 204 00:13:35,380 --> 00:13:40,500 And crawl back to your slimepit, you filthy, incompetent tent-wrecker! 205 00:13:52,500 --> 00:13:55,620 Vladdy, you'll have to get my supper. 206 00:13:55,620 --> 00:13:58,180 After you've sorted out the tent. 207 00:13:58,180 --> 00:14:01,620 Actually, Dad, I'm going to join Mr Branagh's camp. 208 00:14:01,620 --> 00:14:04,220 Why? Why would you do that? 209 00:14:04,220 --> 00:14:07,860 Cos he's not a sulky bully. And he makes a mean hot dog. 210 00:14:07,860 --> 00:14:11,260 If that's how you feel, go to your stupid peasant camp. 211 00:14:11,260 --> 00:14:15,180 - See if I care. - Well, I will. - Fine. 212 00:14:20,740 --> 00:14:23,740 Hey, Jonathan! How's the date going? 213 00:14:23,740 --> 00:14:26,100 Leave me alone. 214 00:14:26,100 --> 00:14:27,740 Whatever. 215 00:14:31,460 --> 00:14:33,100 What's going on? 216 00:14:35,300 --> 00:14:39,220 Look into my eyes and tell Ingrid what's going on. 217 00:14:39,220 --> 00:14:41,700 My dad's date believes in vampires 218 00:14:41,700 --> 00:14:44,860 and wants to go to the castle to look for them. 219 00:14:44,860 --> 00:14:47,420 Oh, she does, does she? 220 00:14:47,420 --> 00:14:50,180 Looks like I've got some work to do. 221 00:14:52,220 --> 00:14:56,260 You've got to stop letting Count treat you like this. 222 00:14:56,260 --> 00:15:00,420 - Like what? - Like you're his brainless, toadying skivvy. 223 00:15:00,420 --> 00:15:02,500 You've got to stand up for yourself. 224 00:15:02,500 --> 00:15:05,300 What do you know? You're just a stupid girl. 225 00:15:05,300 --> 00:15:08,780 Renfield, have you ever heard of feminism? 226 00:15:10,580 --> 00:15:14,980 - The suffragettes? - Oh...! No. 227 00:15:15,980 --> 00:15:19,580 - OK. I think it's time for a history lesson. - Huh? 228 00:15:21,220 --> 00:15:27,420 Now, the first rule of slaying is always be on your guard. 229 00:15:27,420 --> 00:15:30,580 Mr Van Helsing, did you tell a group of Year 10s 230 00:15:30,580 --> 00:15:33,500 - to change the tyres on your car? - No. - Oh. 231 00:15:33,500 --> 00:15:36,900 - That's strange. - My car?! 232 00:15:36,900 --> 00:15:39,060 Wait there, I won't be long. 233 00:15:39,060 --> 00:15:42,460 And remember the first rule, be on your guard! 234 00:15:42,460 --> 00:15:44,500 I will! 235 00:15:44,500 --> 00:15:48,500 So, Lucie, Jonathan tells me you're scared of vampires? 236 00:15:48,500 --> 00:15:52,940 Who isn't? They're the most dangerous creatures on this planet. 237 00:15:52,940 --> 00:15:55,220 Cool. ..I mean, really? 238 00:15:55,220 --> 00:15:59,660 Mmm. My friend Holly says they're worse than zombies, ghouls, 239 00:15:59,660 --> 00:16:02,060 mummies, the Loch Ness monster... 240 00:16:02,060 --> 00:16:06,420 ..Oi, get off! Are you looking for another game of bungee pants? 241 00:16:06,420 --> 00:16:10,860 Ingrid wants to see you in the woodwork room. Urgently. 242 00:16:13,780 --> 00:16:17,140 Ingrid wants to see you in the woodwork room. Urgently. 243 00:16:17,140 --> 00:16:21,500 ..crop circles, bigfoot, mothmen, spontaneous human combustion. 244 00:16:21,500 --> 00:16:24,860 Yeah, but most of all you're scared of vampires? 245 00:16:24,860 --> 00:16:28,220 I mean, if a vampire walked in here right now... 246 00:16:28,220 --> 00:16:32,380 I don't know what I'd do without Mr Van Helsing to protect me. 247 00:16:32,380 --> 00:16:35,420 I'd probably run away and never come back. 248 00:16:35,420 --> 00:16:38,260 KNOCKING ON DOOR (Nice timing.) 249 00:16:38,260 --> 00:16:40,420 I wonder who that could be? 250 00:16:43,660 --> 00:16:46,180 Vee vant to suck your blood! 251 00:16:46,180 --> 00:16:48,300 SHE SCREAMS 252 00:16:53,500 --> 00:16:55,100 See ya, suckers. 253 00:16:55,100 --> 00:16:56,940 What was all that about? 254 00:16:56,940 --> 00:17:00,420 Women. Must be having one of those "bad hair days". 255 00:17:00,420 --> 00:17:02,700 Race you to the sugar-free pop! 256 00:17:05,580 --> 00:17:08,180 Lucie! Run for your life! 257 00:17:08,180 --> 00:17:10,380 I'm not running anywhere. 258 00:17:10,380 --> 00:17:14,380 But there are vampires in the school! 259 00:17:14,380 --> 00:17:16,500 I know. 260 00:17:16,500 --> 00:17:19,220 And next time... 261 00:17:19,220 --> 00:17:22,020 I'll be ready for them! 262 00:17:22,020 --> 00:17:24,820 Let's kick some vampire butt! 263 00:17:26,260 --> 00:17:31,140 You know what? I think that could be arranged. 264 00:17:34,140 --> 00:17:37,580 Well done, Vlad, that's a perfect sheepshank! 265 00:17:37,580 --> 00:17:41,100 Robin, yours looks more like a... a noose. 266 00:17:41,100 --> 00:17:43,700 Don't think that's accidental. 267 00:17:43,700 --> 00:17:46,980 - Maybe that's enough knots for one day. - Oh, yes! 268 00:17:46,980 --> 00:17:50,500 - How about a singalong? - No! - Lucky I remembered my guitar. 269 00:17:50,500 --> 00:17:54,660 - Isn't this great? - Not really. I wish your dad was here. 270 00:17:54,660 --> 00:17:57,380 He won't come, he's in a mood. 271 00:17:57,380 --> 00:17:59,580 Maybe I could talk him round? 272 00:17:59,580 --> 00:18:03,380 - You'd do that for me? You sure? - Of course I'm sure. 273 00:18:03,380 --> 00:18:06,700 OK, how about we kick off with Cliff Richard? 274 00:18:06,700 --> 00:18:10,180 I'm sure I wanna get away from this racket. 275 00:18:10,180 --> 00:18:15,620 We're... We're all going on a summer holiday 276 00:18:15,620 --> 00:18:18,500 No more working for a week or two... 277 00:18:18,500 --> 00:18:21,700 You see, you have to demand recognition. 278 00:18:21,700 --> 00:18:26,020 - That's what the suffragettes did. - By chaining themselves to railings? 279 00:18:26,020 --> 00:18:29,260 - Didn't it make their masters angry? - Of course! 280 00:18:29,260 --> 00:18:31,260 But it got their attention! 281 00:18:31,260 --> 00:18:35,060 Now, they also marched, carried banners and picketed. 282 00:18:35,060 --> 00:18:39,420 I love picketing! All those flies you get in your sandwiches! 283 00:18:39,420 --> 00:18:43,500 - Or bits of dead hedgehog... - Um, that's picnicking. 284 00:18:43,500 --> 00:18:48,580 When they're all split open and maggots and everything. Really good. 285 00:18:48,580 --> 00:18:53,300 Especially if you put them into the fire and they pop and explode. 286 00:18:53,300 --> 00:18:56,780 Oh, Mrs Nosferatu, what WERE you thinking? 287 00:18:56,780 --> 00:19:00,660 - KNOCKING ON DOOR - Wait! 288 00:19:03,140 --> 00:19:05,380 Enter! 289 00:19:06,580 --> 00:19:09,540 Oh, it's you. What do you want? 290 00:19:09,540 --> 00:19:13,300 - Just wondered if you're all right. - Well, no, I'm not! 291 00:19:13,300 --> 00:19:18,140 I gave that boy the best years of my unlife, 292 00:19:18,140 --> 00:19:23,060 taught him everything I know, and he prefers that red-faced peasant. 293 00:19:23,060 --> 00:19:27,580 - It's so unfair. - I know. Who wouldn't want a vampire for a dad? 294 00:19:27,580 --> 00:19:31,740 I know that and you know that, it's obvious to everyone except Vlad. 295 00:19:31,740 --> 00:19:36,420 - I mean, how can I make him see how fantastic I am? - Well... 296 00:19:36,420 --> 00:19:39,620 We're thinking the same thing, aren't we? 297 00:19:39,620 --> 00:19:46,060 - Maybe. - Drain your father's blood and feed him to the hounds. Am I right? 298 00:19:47,060 --> 00:19:50,300 I was thinking more like, use me to make Vlad jealous 299 00:19:50,300 --> 00:19:54,740 - so he appreciates you more. - Hmm. Well, it's worth a try. 300 00:19:54,740 --> 00:19:58,900 If it fails, there's always the blood-draining thing. Tell me... 301 00:19:58,900 --> 00:20:00,980 how do we do this? 302 00:20:00,980 --> 00:20:04,780 Nothing says "jealousy" like a big expensive present! 303 00:20:04,780 --> 00:20:08,420 You greedy, selfish, manipulative boy. 304 00:20:08,420 --> 00:20:12,060 How I wish Vlad were more like you. 305 00:20:12,060 --> 00:20:16,380 ...We're going where the sun shines brightly 306 00:20:16,380 --> 00:20:18,420 We're going where the sea... 307 00:20:18,420 --> 00:20:22,460 Vlad, guess what? Your dad's giving me a coffin! 308 00:20:22,460 --> 00:20:25,980 - What?! - Why? - I told him how I ask for one every Christmas, 309 00:20:25,980 --> 00:20:28,660 but you keep giving me a mountain bike. 310 00:20:28,660 --> 00:20:32,900 - Why are you giving HIM a present? - Because Robin appreciates me. 311 00:20:32,900 --> 00:20:35,780 Go down to the crypt and take any one you like. 312 00:20:35,780 --> 00:20:38,620 It's so cool. Come and help me pick! 313 00:20:40,100 --> 00:20:45,140 Count, look, I, um...respect your culture, but this "gift"... 314 00:20:45,140 --> 00:20:48,260 I mean, we haven't got anywhere to put a coffin. 315 00:20:48,260 --> 00:20:51,660 - Ah, so now the fang's in the other neck! - What? 316 00:20:51,660 --> 00:20:56,060 Well, you tried to steal my son, so I've stolen yours. 317 00:20:56,060 --> 00:21:00,900 I've always wondered, how does it feel...to be a loser? 318 00:21:00,900 --> 00:21:04,380 I don't know! You tell me, Mr Floppy Tent! 319 00:21:04,380 --> 00:21:06,100 Right, that's it! 320 00:21:09,740 --> 00:21:12,020 I challenge you to a duel! 321 00:21:12,020 --> 00:21:15,580 You know what, matey? I accept! 322 00:21:15,580 --> 00:21:17,500 You and me - outside, now! 323 00:21:17,500 --> 00:21:22,060 - Dad! What's going on? - Chloe! Mr Count and I were just going outside 324 00:21:22,060 --> 00:21:27,340 - to talk about grown-up things. - But it's raining! - Ah, so it is. 325 00:21:27,340 --> 00:21:29,900 Why don't we have our talk in the crypt? 326 00:21:29,900 --> 00:21:33,260 Nothing for you to worry about, Chloe. 327 00:21:34,420 --> 00:21:36,220 You're going down, pal! 328 00:21:36,220 --> 00:21:40,260 To the crypt, so we can sort this out reasonably. 329 00:21:43,780 --> 00:21:46,820 I like the oak veneer and velvet upholstery, 330 00:21:46,820 --> 00:21:49,860 but is it as reliable as the old mahogany model? 331 00:21:49,860 --> 00:21:51,700 So much for helping ME out. 332 00:21:51,700 --> 00:21:55,260 All you've done is conned Dad into giving you a coffin! 333 00:21:55,260 --> 00:21:59,340 Relax. It's all part of a masterplan to get the dads we want. 334 00:21:59,340 --> 00:22:01,740 And you get an expensive present. 335 00:22:01,740 --> 00:22:04,300 Oh, yeah, best Father's Day ever. 336 00:22:04,300 --> 00:22:07,140 For YOU maybe! All I wanted was to show Dad 337 00:22:07,140 --> 00:22:11,020 that there's more to life than drinking people's blood. 338 00:22:11,020 --> 00:22:15,220 Well, maybe some of my dad's normality will rub off on him. 339 00:22:15,220 --> 00:22:18,260 Now, peasant, prepare to spill your blood! 340 00:22:18,260 --> 00:22:20,540 Or not. 341 00:22:20,540 --> 00:22:24,540 Dad, we've been through this, you can't bite Mr Branagh! 342 00:22:24,540 --> 00:22:28,660 I wouldn't blunt my fangs on him! This is an honourable duel. 343 00:22:28,660 --> 00:22:31,660 We're fighting to prove who's the best father. 344 00:22:31,660 --> 00:22:33,780 Fighting doesn't prove anything! 345 00:22:33,780 --> 00:22:36,660 It does - it proves who's best at fighting! 346 00:22:36,660 --> 00:22:42,140 Dad? You're not really gonna fight a va... a vastly superior fighter? 347 00:22:42,140 --> 00:22:46,460 When I was in Cub Scouts, I came second in the boxing championship. 348 00:22:46,460 --> 00:22:48,340 Mum said you lost to a girl. 349 00:22:48,340 --> 00:22:51,220 Brownies can be vicious. Bring it on, Count! 350 00:22:51,220 --> 00:22:54,380 Very well! I'll just get my sword. 351 00:22:54,380 --> 00:22:56,780 Sword? 352 00:22:58,060 --> 00:23:01,020 Jonno! Jonno! 353 00:23:01,020 --> 00:23:02,660 Dad? 354 00:23:02,660 --> 00:23:07,420 - What happened? - Some wretched kids let down all the tyres on my car. 355 00:23:07,420 --> 00:23:09,860 Let's get Lucie and get out of here. 356 00:23:11,700 --> 00:23:15,020 Vampires at three o'clock! Let's do this thing! 357 00:23:15,020 --> 00:23:18,260 Lock and load! 358 00:23:18,260 --> 00:23:21,340 Eat garlic, you son of a bat! 359 00:23:27,660 --> 00:23:30,260 - Lucie? - Eric? 360 00:23:30,260 --> 00:23:32,220 - Eric?! - Ingrid! 361 00:23:32,220 --> 00:23:35,900 A word of advice... 362 00:23:37,580 --> 00:23:40,460 ..don't play out of your league, boys! 363 00:23:46,220 --> 00:23:50,820 Peasant, prepare to die by my family's ancient sword! 364 00:23:50,820 --> 00:23:54,300 It is the finest weapon in Transylvania! 365 00:23:54,300 --> 00:23:56,380 It's a thousand years old 366 00:23:56,380 --> 00:23:59,660 and it's... It's, uh... 367 00:23:59,660 --> 00:24:03,780 Totally eaten away with rust. 368 00:24:03,780 --> 00:24:07,780 Come on, then! Not so brave now are you without your sword? 369 00:24:07,780 --> 00:24:10,500 Doesn't matter when I can just... 370 00:24:10,500 --> 00:24:13,140 hypnotise you and drink your blood. 371 00:24:13,140 --> 00:24:15,980 - No! - Now to prove how great I am 372 00:24:15,980 --> 00:24:20,660 by destroying my victims when they're completely helpless! 373 00:24:20,660 --> 00:24:24,180 - Ha-ha! - Dad, why does this always happen? 374 00:24:24,180 --> 00:24:27,420 Why can't we go on a simple camping trip 375 00:24:27,420 --> 00:24:31,340 without it ending up in a life-and-death battle? 376 00:24:31,340 --> 00:24:33,820 Why? Because I'm Count Dracula. 377 00:24:33,820 --> 00:24:37,740 I do exactly... what it says on the coffin. 378 00:24:37,740 --> 00:24:40,060 But I don't want a blood-crazed killer for a dad. 379 00:24:40,060 --> 00:24:43,180 I want someone who cares for my feelings, 380 00:24:43,180 --> 00:24:46,380 who's not afraid to occasionally admit they're wrong. 381 00:24:46,380 --> 00:24:51,060 Now, Vlad, you know I don't go in for that touchy-breathy stuff. 382 00:24:51,060 --> 00:24:54,460 Then perhaps you should change! 383 00:24:54,460 --> 00:24:57,860 Me? The Prince of Darkness? 384 00:24:57,860 --> 00:25:01,820 - Change? - Yes! 385 00:25:04,740 --> 00:25:06,780 I see. 386 00:25:15,900 --> 00:25:17,940 HE CLICKS FINGERS 387 00:25:17,940 --> 00:25:21,780 So, you want some, Count? Ready for a knuckle goulash? 388 00:25:21,780 --> 00:25:27,060 - That's no way to sort out your differences reasonably, Dad! - Chloe? 389 00:25:27,060 --> 00:25:32,340 Yes...I would enjoy some traditional Transylvanian cookery. 390 00:25:32,340 --> 00:25:35,580 - But first, Mr Peasant... - Graham. 391 00:25:36,540 --> 00:25:38,500 Gra-ham. 392 00:25:38,500 --> 00:25:41,740 ..I have to admit I was wrong, to fight you. 393 00:25:41,740 --> 00:25:44,100 That's very big of you, Count. 394 00:25:44,100 --> 00:25:47,340 I must admit, I was a bit embarrassed myself. 395 00:25:47,340 --> 00:25:51,500 So let's set our differences aside. For the sake of our sons. 396 00:25:51,500 --> 00:25:54,700 After all, we care about their feelings, don't we? 397 00:25:54,700 --> 00:25:57,140 Absolutely. 398 00:25:57,140 --> 00:25:58,660 Shake on it? 399 00:25:58,660 --> 00:26:01,940 Well done, Dad. I'm proud of you. You're the best. 400 00:26:01,940 --> 00:26:06,140 Ha-ha! I AM the best father! 401 00:26:06,140 --> 00:26:08,780 In your face, peasant! 402 00:26:12,460 --> 00:26:15,540 I can't believe I thought you were a vampire. 403 00:26:15,540 --> 00:26:17,580 I really am so sorry! 404 00:26:17,580 --> 00:26:21,700 Don't be. Rule two of successful slaying - trust no-one. 405 00:26:21,700 --> 00:26:26,220 - Lucie, you did the right thing. - There you are, Holly! Told you so! 406 00:26:26,220 --> 00:26:27,900 Who's Holly? 407 00:26:27,900 --> 00:26:32,380 My alien friend. We communicate through an implant in my nose. 408 00:26:41,060 --> 00:26:43,060 OK. 409 00:26:45,820 --> 00:26:48,780 As a caring father, I wish you luck 410 00:26:48,780 --> 00:26:54,060 with your twisted habit of sleeping at night. ..How was that? 411 00:26:54,060 --> 00:26:57,900 Not good, to be honest. Dad if you... 412 00:26:57,900 --> 00:27:01,900 Rights for Renfield! Rights for Renfield! 413 00:27:01,900 --> 00:27:06,820 - What are you doing? - I'm picnicking, Master. I'm fighting for my rights. 414 00:27:06,820 --> 00:27:11,700 - Well, stop it immediately. - Never! I demand...recognition! 415 00:27:11,700 --> 00:27:14,220 Of course I recognise you - 416 00:27:14,220 --> 00:27:18,940 - you're that disgusting smelly, imbecile, Renfield! - Oh, thank you! 417 00:27:18,940 --> 00:27:24,740 Now go and put some trousers on. I'm trying to show Vlad that I love him. 418 00:27:33,580 --> 00:27:38,780 Night, Vladdy. Sleep tight. Hope you find some bedbugs to bite. 419 00:27:38,780 --> 00:27:41,900 - Is that correct? - Close enough. 420 00:27:41,900 --> 00:27:43,660 'Night, Dad. 421 00:27:43,660 --> 00:27:46,180 Night. ..Mmm. 422 00:27:57,060 --> 00:28:00,820 Subtitles by Red Bee Media Ltd. 423 00:28:00,820 --> 00:28:04,540 E-mail subtitling@bbc.co.uk 424 00:28:04,590 --> 00:28:09,140 Repair and Synchronization by Easy Subtitles Synchronizer 1.0.0.0 34320

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