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1
00:00:01,906 --> 00:00:03,672
Wouldn't it be crazy
if this plane just...
2
00:00:03,697 --> 00:00:05,266
[Screaming]
3
00:00:05,412 --> 00:00:07,484
Last season on "Wrecked"...
4
00:00:07,509 --> 00:00:10,218
- We crashed, man!
- We're all gonna die!
5
00:00:10,243 --> 00:00:12,644
- Hey, no one is gonna die, okay?
- [Screaming]
6
00:00:13,390 --> 00:00:15,290
All the airline food
and first-aid stuff...
7
00:00:15,315 --> 00:00:17,117
- It's all just gone?
- It's a real nut punch.
8
00:00:17,142 --> 00:00:19,539
The worst kind of
punch... Right on the nut.
9
00:00:21,516 --> 00:00:23,616
Owen: We are one step away
from living like apes.
10
00:00:23,641 --> 00:00:24,840
Why don't we go hunting?
11
00:00:24,876 --> 00:00:26,943
And when it comes...
Boom, boom! [Laughs]
12
00:00:26,978 --> 00:00:29,703
[Imitates wind whistling]
13
00:00:29,728 --> 00:00:31,141
[Imitates gun firing]
14
00:00:31,166 --> 00:00:33,228
- [Roars]
- [Screaming]
15
00:00:33,253 --> 00:00:34,555
Florence: I think we need an election.
16
00:00:34,580 --> 00:00:37,030
The new leader of the island... Steve!
17
00:00:37,055 --> 00:00:38,881
We're creating a new society.
18
00:00:38,906 --> 00:00:41,680
Who's to say what sort of legal
system we should be using?
19
00:00:41,705 --> 00:00:43,289
I just figured we'd do it like on
"Law & Order."
20
00:00:43,314 --> 00:00:44,547
Yeah, I like that show.
21
00:00:44,572 --> 00:00:45,771
Throw him in the pit!
22
00:00:45,796 --> 00:00:48,445
This is effed up! You freaks!
23
00:00:48,470 --> 00:00:50,453
I've done unspeakable things.
24
00:00:50,478 --> 00:00:52,581
Whatever you did, it can't be that bad.
25
00:00:52,606 --> 00:00:55,852
- I ate a dude!
- Holy sh... wow. Okay.
26
00:00:55,877 --> 00:00:58,903
We are all slowly
dying on this hellhole!
27
00:00:58,928 --> 00:01:00,261
[Bleep] you, island!
28
00:01:00,286 --> 00:01:01,852
[Screaming]
29
00:01:01,877 --> 00:01:03,132
I'm sorry!
30
00:01:03,157 --> 00:01:04,768
We're not leaving the island!
31
00:01:04,793 --> 00:01:06,547
- [Gunshot]
- [All gasp]
32
00:01:06,572 --> 00:01:07,771
Did he just kill Turdhole?
33
00:01:07,811 --> 00:01:11,366
- I stuffed up, okay?
- [Sobs]
34
00:01:11,391 --> 00:01:13,124
- There's a ship!
- We're saved!
35
00:01:13,149 --> 00:01:14,796
[Cheering]
36
00:01:14,821 --> 00:01:15,915
The truth is we're not
actually fishermen...
37
00:01:15,940 --> 00:01:16,615
We're pirates, mother [bleep]
38
00:01:16,640 --> 00:01:18,006
[Screaming]
39
00:01:18,031 --> 00:01:20,464
- Danny Wallace?
- You don't know who this is?
40
00:01:20,489 --> 00:01:22,055
His family's worth billions!
41
00:01:22,080 --> 00:01:23,226
Seriously, you need to come with us
42
00:01:23,251 --> 00:01:25,874
or we're going to shoot
all your friends otherwise.
43
00:01:28,558 --> 00:01:30,792
[Waves crashing]
44
00:01:37,515 --> 00:01:39,682
Son of a bitch!
45
00:01:39,717 --> 00:01:41,116
I'm taking another shot.
46
00:01:41,152 --> 00:01:42,384
Hey, come on, Dick.
47
00:01:42,420 --> 00:01:44,162
That's not the way the game's played.
48
00:01:44,187 --> 00:01:46,288
I'm sorry, Jerry.
49
00:01:46,324 --> 00:01:47,756
Did I not bail your company
50
00:01:47,792 --> 00:01:50,769
out of a $300 million
cluster [bleep] last year?
51
00:01:50,794 --> 00:01:52,427
You did.
52
00:01:52,548 --> 00:01:55,933
- I'm sorry. I-I-I-I didn't hear you.
- You did.
53
00:01:56,065 --> 00:01:58,494
Well, then if it's okay
with you two jagwagons,
54
00:01:58,519 --> 00:02:00,663
I'm gonna take another shot.
55
00:02:00,688 --> 00:02:02,588
[Clears throat]
56
00:02:02,856 --> 00:02:04,422
- Dad!
- [Grunts]
57
00:02:04,447 --> 00:02:06,019
God damn it, Margot!
58
00:02:06,044 --> 00:02:07,254
I was right in the middle of a shot.
59
00:02:07,279 --> 00:02:09,338
It's Danny. They're
calling off the search.
60
00:02:09,519 --> 00:02:12,253
61
00:02:12,278 --> 00:02:13,721
Well, that's that, then.
62
00:02:13,746 --> 00:02:16,847
What? Dad, what if he's still out there?
63
00:02:16,872 --> 00:02:18,419
I'm not paying for a waste of time.
64
00:02:18,444 --> 00:02:19,616
He's your son.
65
00:02:19,641 --> 00:02:21,395
I've been losing money on your brother
66
00:02:21,420 --> 00:02:22,842
since the day he was born.
67
00:02:22,867 --> 00:02:24,498
Frankly, that plane going down
68
00:02:24,523 --> 00:02:26,764
was the best thing that
ever happened to our legacy.
69
00:02:27,023 --> 00:02:28,756
[Scoffs]
70
00:02:29,327 --> 00:02:30,819
Now, if you'll excuse me,
71
00:02:30,844 --> 00:02:33,610
I got to go fish my ball
out of a goddamn lake,
72
00:02:33,635 --> 00:02:36,857
like some kind of itinerant [grunts]
73
00:02:36,919 --> 00:02:40,447
- Dad?
- [Grunts]
74
00:02:40,472 --> 00:02:43,608
- Oh, my God!
- Holy shit! Dick!
75
00:02:44,807 --> 00:02:47,808
[Clank]
76
00:02:50,131 --> 00:02:52,811
Oh, thank God.
77
00:02:59,594 --> 00:03:01,427
[Somber organ music plays]
78
00:03:04,900 --> 00:03:07,801
I am so sorry for your loss, Margot.
79
00:03:07,836 --> 00:03:09,190
Thank you, Tom.
80
00:03:09,215 --> 00:03:10,381
I don't mean to pester,
81
00:03:10,406 --> 00:03:12,373
but there's still the
matter of the will.
82
00:03:12,398 --> 00:03:14,423
I need to know how you
want me to classify
83
00:03:14,448 --> 00:03:16,236
the disappearance of your brother.
84
00:03:16,261 --> 00:03:18,866
Tom, my father just passed.
85
00:03:18,917 --> 00:03:20,483
It can wait.
86
00:03:20,777 --> 00:03:22,411
Of course.
87
00:03:22,436 --> 00:03:24,413
As for my brother...
88
00:03:25,176 --> 00:03:27,309
I know in my heart of hearts
89
00:03:27,334 --> 00:03:33,505
that somewhere, somehow, he's alive.
90
00:03:33,888 --> 00:03:36,323
Danny! Get over here now
91
00:03:36,348 --> 00:03:38,643
or I'm going to shove this
gun up your asshole! Whoo!
92
00:03:38,668 --> 00:03:40,596
- [Rapid gunfire]
- [Laughs]
93
00:03:40,620 --> 00:03:44,086
- Synced and corrected by martythecrazy -
- www.addic7ed.com -
94
00:03:44,111 --> 00:03:46,845
Get in the boat, or I'll kill everybody!
95
00:03:47,612 --> 00:03:49,003
Wait, wait, wait, wait.
96
00:03:49,018 --> 00:03:52,085
You know, I think that this is
all just a big misunderstanding.
97
00:03:52,121 --> 00:03:54,621
Yeah, Danny is not the
son of a billionaire.
98
00:03:54,657 --> 00:03:56,523
Wh... What are you talking about?
99
00:03:56,558 --> 00:03:57,714
Look at him.
100
00:03:57,739 --> 00:04:00,961
You don't let yourself go
like this if you've got money.
101
00:04:00,996 --> 00:04:02,996
Right? I mean, look at his shoes.
102
00:04:03,021 --> 00:04:04,902
Nobody chooses shoes like these.
103
00:04:04,927 --> 00:04:06,934
- Ah.
- Look at his teeth!
104
00:04:06,969 --> 00:04:08,635
They're all crooked and yellow.
105
00:04:08,671 --> 00:04:10,480
These are poor-people teeth!
106
00:04:10,505 --> 00:04:12,526
- Also, Danny is fat.
- What?
107
00:04:12,558 --> 00:04:15,277
Not like an, "I love life" fat,
but like a fast-food fat.
108
00:04:15,302 --> 00:04:16,613
You know what? Shut the [bleep] up.
109
00:04:16,638 --> 00:04:19,316
We know who you are. Tell him.
110
00:04:20,907 --> 00:04:22,039
It's true.
111
00:04:22,064 --> 00:04:24,631
- What?
- Really?
112
00:04:24,656 --> 00:04:27,457
- Cool? We good?
- [Chuckles]
113
00:04:27,482 --> 00:04:28,682
Come on.
114
00:04:30,072 --> 00:04:32,125
Hey, hey, hey, hey, hey!
115
00:04:32,161 --> 00:04:33,894
IF you're going to take him,
116
00:04:33,929 --> 00:04:36,533
you're gonna have to kill me first.
117
00:04:37,760 --> 00:04:40,294
Oh! I didn't think this through!
118
00:04:40,488 --> 00:04:42,020
Please don't kill me! Oh, God!
119
00:04:42,045 --> 00:04:44,579
Somebody help me, somebody help me,
somebody help me!
120
00:04:44,604 --> 00:04:45,706
Get ready to die.
121
00:04:45,731 --> 00:04:47,907
You're gonna have to kill me first, too!
122
00:04:47,932 --> 00:04:49,874
- For real?
- For real.
123
00:04:49,909 --> 00:04:51,854
You're gonna have to kill me first,
then him,
124
00:04:51,879 --> 00:04:53,651
and then you can take Danny.
125
00:04:53,676 --> 00:04:56,157
You'll also have to kill me first,
too, as well.
126
00:04:56,182 --> 00:04:58,883
God, okay. You know what?
Who else wants to die?
127
00:04:58,908 --> 00:05:00,385
Let's get that out of the way.
128
00:05:00,740 --> 00:05:01,939
Anyone?
129
00:05:01,964 --> 00:05:04,846
[Whispers] Todd.
130
00:05:04,871 --> 00:05:06,236
[Quietly] No.
131
00:05:06,261 --> 00:05:08,471
- [Whispers] Todd.
- No.
132
00:05:08,496 --> 00:05:09,828
Todd!
133
00:05:09,853 --> 00:05:11,052
Oh, God damn it.
134
00:05:11,077 --> 00:05:14,312
Fine, me too, I guess, after them.
135
00:05:14,337 --> 00:05:15,737
Put me down, too. I'm ready to die!
136
00:05:15,762 --> 00:05:17,812
- All: Yeah.
- I can die.
137
00:05:17,837 --> 00:05:20,671
Okay, okay, everyone just...
Just... just chill out!
138
00:05:20,707 --> 00:05:22,106
Just give us a second to talk, okay?
139
00:05:22,986 --> 00:05:24,886
Yo, man,
what the hell's wrong with this island?!
140
00:05:24,911 --> 00:05:26,277
This is very unsettling, okay?
141
00:05:26,302 --> 00:05:27,807
I don't know that I feel
comfortable executing,
142
00:05:27,832 --> 00:05:29,596
- what, like, 30 people?
- And I got to be honest with you.
143
00:05:29,621 --> 00:05:31,511
I don't have enough bullets in
the gun to handle this mission.
144
00:05:31,536 --> 00:05:33,814
What? Damn it, man.
This is why you can't be popping off.
145
00:05:33,839 --> 00:05:34,852
Well, I'm sorry.
146
00:05:34,877 --> 00:05:36,627
No, you're not sorry,
'cause we have the same talk.
147
00:05:36,652 --> 00:05:38,022
This is... This is me being sorry!
148
00:05:38,057 --> 00:05:39,471
I have a plan.
149
00:05:39,496 --> 00:05:41,533
- Whoa!
- No, no!
150
00:05:41,558 --> 00:05:43,035
Are you crazy?!
151
00:05:43,059 --> 00:05:44,815
You pull that out,
they're gonna gun us all down.
152
00:05:44,840 --> 00:05:45,870
Yeah, not if I get them all in a row.
153
00:05:45,895 --> 00:05:48,273
Boom...
one shot right through all their heads.
154
00:05:48,298 --> 00:05:50,003
- What?
- It could work.
155
00:05:50,028 --> 00:05:51,934
- Thank you. That would never work.
- Todd: It might work.
156
00:05:51,959 --> 00:05:53,776
- That is a dumb idea.
- They'd have to be in single file.
157
00:05:53,801 --> 00:05:55,201
- We're not doing that.
- Boom, boom, boom, boom, boom!
158
00:05:55,226 --> 00:05:56,934
Here's what we're gonna do, all right?
159
00:05:56,959 --> 00:05:58,152
We'll have to get back in the dinghy,
160
00:05:58,177 --> 00:06:00,285
then we go to the boat,
then we get more bullets...
161
00:06:00,310 --> 00:06:01,652
This is a logistical nightmare, man.
162
00:06:01,677 --> 00:06:02,754
- It's very embarrassing.
- Yes.
163
00:06:02,779 --> 00:06:04,616
Jess: They're not at all
how I pictured pirates.
164
00:06:04,641 --> 00:06:05,871
Yeah, I know. Where's
the friggin' parrot?
165
00:06:05,896 --> 00:06:07,762
- Neither one of them has a sword.
- Yeah, no sword.
166
00:06:07,787 --> 00:06:10,011
They're not cartoons. They are
like "Captain Phillips" pirates!
167
00:06:10,036 --> 00:06:12,222
- Mm, no.
- Uhh, sorry to break it to you,
168
00:06:12,247 --> 00:06:14,386
but "Captain Phillips" was just a movie.
169
00:06:14,411 --> 00:06:15,777
It's a true story.
170
00:06:15,802 --> 00:06:16,996
I think you're thinking of "Sully"?
171
00:06:17,021 --> 00:06:18,262
Hanks was good in both.
172
00:06:18,287 --> 00:06:20,087
- Yeah, Hanks crushes every film.
- Of course he was.
173
00:06:20,112 --> 00:06:22,242
Of course he was, but shut the eff up.
174
00:06:22,267 --> 00:06:23,973
- "Road to Perdition."
- Wow.
175
00:06:23,998 --> 00:06:25,831
Listen, and you're not gonna like this,
176
00:06:25,856 --> 00:06:27,599
but I think we need
to call the Barracuda.
177
00:06:27,624 --> 00:06:30,434
What? No! No, this was supposed
to be a simple snatch and grab.
178
00:06:30,459 --> 00:06:32,879
Well, it's not! Okay, I didn't
want to tell you this before,
179
00:06:32,904 --> 00:06:33,840
but look over there at 2:00.
180
00:06:33,865 --> 00:06:35,372
You see that? You see that?
181
00:06:35,397 --> 00:06:36,770
- Is that a body?
- Yes, that's a body.
182
00:06:36,795 --> 00:06:38,543
And look, it's fresh.
There's still blood on it.
183
00:06:38,568 --> 00:06:41,102
What is wrong with these people?
What, are they murderers?
184
00:06:41,127 --> 00:06:43,026
[Grunting]
185
00:06:43,051 --> 00:06:45,320
What are you seeing? Who's shooting who?
186
00:06:45,345 --> 00:06:47,403
Shut up. Just keep still, you big tree!
187
00:06:47,959 --> 00:06:51,770
Okay. They've got big guns... Please!
188
00:06:52,068 --> 00:06:54,617
Karen! Sorry. Sorry.
189
00:06:54,642 --> 00:06:55,872
They look soft. I think we should...
190
00:06:55,897 --> 00:06:57,504
We could make a run for it.
191
00:06:57,529 --> 00:06:59,560
People whilin' out here, man.
I'm getting creeped out!
192
00:06:59,585 --> 00:07:00,718
- Oh.
- What?
193
00:07:00,743 --> 00:07:01,742
- Look.
- What?
194
00:07:01,767 --> 00:07:03,723
Oh shit!
195
00:07:03,748 --> 00:07:05,402
Are there people in that hole?
196
00:07:05,427 --> 00:07:07,068
Are there people in that hole?
197
00:07:07,093 --> 00:07:08,092
There's hole people?
198
00:07:08,117 --> 00:07:09,750
Oh! Oh, they've seen me!
199
00:07:09,775 --> 00:07:12,277
- Okay, let me down! Whoa!
- [Thud]
200
00:07:12,302 --> 00:07:15,070
- There's hole people.
- They have hole people. We ain't prepared for hole people!
201
00:07:15,095 --> 00:07:16,301
I think we need to call the Barracuda.
202
00:07:16,326 --> 00:07:20,371
Okay, fine! Fine. No popping off.
203
00:07:20,396 --> 00:07:21,937
All right, everybody, listen up!
204
00:07:21,962 --> 00:07:23,840
We were gonna be real nice to you guys,
205
00:07:23,865 --> 00:07:25,176
but now it's gonna get messy.
206
00:07:25,201 --> 00:07:29,200
We're going to have to bring
in our boss... the Barracuda.
207
00:07:29,230 --> 00:07:31,263
- [Gasps]
- Very cool name.
208
00:07:31,288 --> 00:07:34,340
- Y'all in trouble now!
- [All gasp]
209
00:07:34,365 --> 00:07:38,593
210
00:07:46,034 --> 00:07:49,836
[Dire Straits' "Money
for Nothing" plays]
211
00:08:00,562 --> 00:08:03,997
[No audio]
212
00:08:10,221 --> 00:08:14,857
213
00:08:17,309 --> 00:08:19,643
[Engine sputters]
214
00:08:19,668 --> 00:08:22,419
[Engine stops]
215
00:08:23,509 --> 00:08:24,963
[Backfires]
216
00:08:30,454 --> 00:08:31,820
[Grunts]
217
00:08:33,147 --> 00:08:35,598
[Bleep] Shit.
218
00:08:35,893 --> 00:08:37,426
Ugh.
219
00:08:48,772 --> 00:08:50,523
What's she gonna do?
220
00:08:50,548 --> 00:08:52,043
Danny: She gonna jump in the water?
221
00:08:52,068 --> 00:08:52,945
[Screams]
222
00:08:52,970 --> 00:08:54,737
She's in the water.
223
00:08:54,818 --> 00:08:56,620
[Screams]
224
00:08:58,024 --> 00:09:00,749
Oh, that's gonna be bad.
225
00:09:08,761 --> 00:09:12,984
- All: Oooh!
- Shit!
226
00:09:14,711 --> 00:09:16,054
[British accent] Jet ski's acting up.
227
00:09:16,079 --> 00:09:17,678
- I hate that thing.
- They sold us a lemon!
228
00:09:17,703 --> 00:09:19,135
- You know, that was a bad choice.
- We should not have...
229
00:09:19,160 --> 00:09:21,794
- We shouldn't have bought...
- We should get our money Ba...
230
00:09:21,819 --> 00:09:24,083
She's so hot. She's so hot.
231
00:09:24,108 --> 00:09:27,093
Now, what seems to be the problem?
232
00:09:27,118 --> 00:09:29,054
- This.
- [All gasp]
233
00:09:29,079 --> 00:09:33,344
Either you take us all home,
or I blow your head off.
234
00:09:37,981 --> 00:09:39,580
W-What is she doing?
235
00:09:39,605 --> 00:09:40,770
What are you doing?
Owen, what is she doing?!
236
00:09:40,795 --> 00:09:41,660
I don't know, man.
237
00:09:42,070 --> 00:09:43,753
[Gasps]
238
00:09:43,778 --> 00:09:47,063
[Gasps, groans]
239
00:09:48,001 --> 00:09:50,132
[Groaning continues]
240
00:09:51,822 --> 00:09:53,719
You're not afraid to die.
241
00:09:56,346 --> 00:09:59,351
And if I shoot you,
then your men will gun us down.
242
00:10:01,991 --> 00:10:06,356
So, what you're saying is,
I should just give you the gun
243
00:10:06,381 --> 00:10:09,191
and then pray that you let us live?
244
00:10:09,851 --> 00:10:12,185
245
00:10:12,516 --> 00:10:14,018
[Breathing shakily]
246
00:10:14,043 --> 00:10:15,676
- [Sobbing]
- [All murmuring]
247
00:10:15,701 --> 00:10:18,070
- What a bitch.
- I'm so sorry.
248
00:10:18,095 --> 00:10:19,961
Ladies, gentlemen,
249
00:10:19,997 --> 00:10:23,765
I am the Barracuda,
and this is my island now.
250
00:10:23,828 --> 00:10:25,628
But that means you're my guests.
251
00:10:25,653 --> 00:10:27,437
No reason we can't be civilized.
252
00:10:27,471 --> 00:10:29,037
I mean, she's, like, glowing.
253
00:10:29,073 --> 00:10:30,648
- It's confidence, is what it is.
- Yeah.
254
00:10:30,673 --> 00:10:32,906
You.
255
00:10:32,931 --> 00:10:35,344
The doughy one.
256
00:10:36,341 --> 00:10:38,875
You're hurt. Bandana,
tend to his wounds.
257
00:10:38,900 --> 00:10:41,475
Tank Top, prepare my quarters.
258
00:10:46,734 --> 00:10:48,200
Who's the dead man?
259
00:10:48,225 --> 00:10:50,292
Th-That's Turdhole.
260
00:10:50,317 --> 00:10:52,569
His name is Turdhole?
261
00:10:52,964 --> 00:10:54,904
Y-Yeah. Yeah.
262
00:10:55,492 --> 00:10:57,372
That's hilarious.
263
00:10:57,397 --> 00:10:59,297
[Sighing] Oh, my God.
264
00:10:59,322 --> 00:11:00,534
Who killed him?
265
00:11:00,559 --> 00:11:02,593
266
00:11:02,618 --> 00:11:04,727
[Grunts]
267
00:11:07,002 --> 00:11:08,674
Oh, God! They're coming!
268
00:11:08,699 --> 00:11:09,799
Pretend we're dead!
269
00:11:09,824 --> 00:11:10,913
- [Screams]
- [Thud]
270
00:11:10,945 --> 00:11:15,881
271
00:11:15,906 --> 00:11:18,261
This is a mass grave.
Everybody, play dead!
272
00:11:22,034 --> 00:11:23,851
Get up.
273
00:11:24,228 --> 00:11:26,336
Damn it, Karen! You blinked, didn't you?
274
00:11:26,361 --> 00:11:27,914
[Sternly] Get up.
275
00:11:30,426 --> 00:11:33,820
You...
You killed the one they call "Turdhole"?
276
00:11:35,006 --> 00:11:36,963
- No.
- Yes, you did.
277
00:11:36,988 --> 00:11:38,578
He came at me, all right?! He was crazy!
278
00:11:38,603 --> 00:11:41,101
I didn't have any other option!
It was either him...
279
00:11:41,126 --> 00:11:44,492
You will dig Turdhole's grave
and give him a proper burial.
280
00:11:44,596 --> 00:11:46,805
You two, let's talk.
281
00:11:47,865 --> 00:11:50,669
Thanks for not playing dead.
282
00:11:54,892 --> 00:11:58,493
The way I see it,
we all want the same thing...
283
00:11:58,539 --> 00:12:00,161
You want to get home.
284
00:12:00,187 --> 00:12:02,721
I want to ransom Danny
here for $10 million.
285
00:12:02,746 --> 00:12:05,016
$10 million? [Scoffs]
286
00:12:07,571 --> 00:12:09,070
A lot of money.
287
00:12:09,106 --> 00:12:12,107
I've been in the pirate
game a long time,
288
00:12:12,142 --> 00:12:13,642
and I'm tired.
289
00:12:13,677 --> 00:12:15,900
My ship is old, and my men are stupid.
290
00:12:15,925 --> 00:12:17,959
I don't even bother to
learn their names anymore.
291
00:12:18,036 --> 00:12:19,769
I just call them by
whatever they're wearing.
292
00:12:20,853 --> 00:12:23,787
This ransom is my ticket out,
293
00:12:23,822 --> 00:12:25,822
and there's no reason to complicate that
294
00:12:25,847 --> 00:12:27,881
by killing everyone, is there?
295
00:12:28,244 --> 00:12:30,097
I don't think so. No, there's not.
296
00:12:30,133 --> 00:12:33,167
We'll call your father,
and after he sends the money,
297
00:12:33,202 --> 00:12:35,095
we'll have you picked up here...
298
00:12:35,120 --> 00:12:36,631
All of you.
299
00:12:36,837 --> 00:12:38,700
I mean, that works for me. [Laughs]
300
00:12:38,725 --> 00:12:39,728
Danny?
301
00:12:40,158 --> 00:12:41,841
He's not going to pay.
302
00:12:41,866 --> 00:12:42,869
- What?
- What now?
303
00:12:43,084 --> 00:12:44,584
You think this is the first time
304
00:12:44,609 --> 00:12:46,342
Dick Wallace has been blackmailed?
305
00:12:46,367 --> 00:12:48,901
He doesn't negotiate with terrorists.
306
00:12:48,926 --> 00:12:51,730
Let's see if he makes an
exception for his only son.
307
00:12:52,078 --> 00:12:56,080
Capri Pants, my phone.
308
00:12:56,185 --> 00:12:57,887
[Whispering] He's got Capri pants on.
309
00:12:57,912 --> 00:12:59,077
[Whispering] I saw.
310
00:12:59,102 --> 00:13:00,346
[Beeping]
311
00:13:00,371 --> 00:13:03,617
[Horns honking in distance]
312
00:13:05,314 --> 00:13:06,713
[Intercom beep]
313
00:13:06,749 --> 00:13:08,649
Woman: Excuse me, Miss Wallace?
314
00:13:08,684 --> 00:13:09,899
You have a call.
315
00:13:09,924 --> 00:13:12,167
It's for your father.
316
00:13:14,128 --> 00:13:16,212
This is Margot Wallace.
317
00:13:16,594 --> 00:13:18,141
Then there's been a mistake.
318
00:13:18,166 --> 00:13:20,275
I'm looking to speak
with a Dick Wallace.
319
00:13:20,674 --> 00:13:23,541
I'm so sorry, but my father's dead.
320
00:13:23,566 --> 00:13:26,704
He, um... [clears throat]
321
00:13:26,729 --> 00:13:29,322
died in a golf cart explosion.
322
00:13:29,347 --> 00:13:30,936
What? Dad's dead?!
323
00:13:30,964 --> 00:13:32,395
- Danny?!
- [Bee]
324
00:13:32,420 --> 00:13:34,041
Margot, it's me! I'm alive!
325
00:13:34,066 --> 00:13:35,565
- I...
- [Gun cocks]
326
00:13:35,671 --> 00:13:37,642
Danny! Danny, where are you?
327
00:13:37,667 --> 00:13:39,333
I'm sorry to hear about your father...
328
00:13:39,358 --> 00:13:40,593
but not as sorry as you'll be
329
00:13:40,618 --> 00:13:41,971
if you don't meet my demands.
330
00:13:41,996 --> 00:13:44,721
What? What... What demands? Who is this?
331
00:13:44,746 --> 00:13:47,510
$10 million, wired to my account,
332
00:13:47,535 --> 00:13:50,622
or I shoot your brother
right between the eyes.
333
00:13:51,364 --> 00:13:53,998
How do I know it's really him?
334
00:13:54,023 --> 00:13:56,461
Ask him something only
your brother would know.
335
00:13:58,188 --> 00:13:59,955
Um...
336
00:13:59,980 --> 00:14:05,417
Danny, when we were 12,
I ate a bad meatball
337
00:14:05,452 --> 00:14:08,472
and accidentally
vomited into your mouth.
338
00:14:08,497 --> 00:14:10,785
Do you remember what you said?
339
00:14:14,312 --> 00:14:16,613
I said...
340
00:14:16,648 --> 00:14:20,016
[Italian accent] "Man,
that's-a spicy meatball."
341
00:14:21,153 --> 00:14:23,386
Oh, my God, it's you! Oh, my God!
342
00:14:23,421 --> 00:14:25,555
You're alive! Ready the funds.
343
00:14:25,590 --> 00:14:27,023
- We'll call in an hour.
- Wait, wait, wa...
344
00:14:27,050 --> 00:14:28,717
[ Phone beep]
345
00:14:28,742 --> 00:14:30,829
Looks like you are going home.
346
00:14:38,999 --> 00:14:40,896
Let me get this straight...
347
00:14:40,931 --> 00:14:43,932
When Danny's sister pays the ransom,
348
00:14:43,967 --> 00:14:46,201
- we get rescued?
- Yeah.
349
00:14:46,236 --> 00:14:48,287
And it's all because his shitty dad
350
00:14:48,312 --> 00:14:50,079
exploded in a golf cart?
351
00:14:50,114 --> 00:14:51,080
Pretty much.
352
00:14:51,115 --> 00:14:52,347
That's amazing!
353
00:14:52,383 --> 00:14:53,549
- [Screams]
- We're going home!
354
00:14:53,584 --> 00:14:56,146
- Finally!
- [Cheering, laughter]
355
00:15:00,357 --> 00:15:01,990
Well, that means...
356
00:15:02,026 --> 00:15:04,529
maybe we can go back to Scottsdale.
357
00:15:04,610 --> 00:15:06,439
It's the greatest city in the world.
358
00:15:06,464 --> 00:15:09,131
[Laughs, sobbing]
359
00:15:09,166 --> 00:15:11,828
Can you believe it,
buddy? We're going home.
360
00:15:11,853 --> 00:15:14,456
My dad's dead.
361
00:15:14,481 --> 00:15:16,181
362
00:15:16,206 --> 00:15:17,586
I mean, he was an asshole,
363
00:15:17,611 --> 00:15:20,879
but he was still my dad, you know?
364
00:15:21,920 --> 00:15:24,967
[Voice breaking] I'm
never gonna see him again.
365
00:15:25,013 --> 00:15:27,530
[In rhythm] Burn in freaking Hell,
366
00:15:27,570 --> 00:15:29,337
- Danny's dumb dad!
- Todd!
367
00:15:29,372 --> 00:15:31,077
Thanks for the ride, pal!
368
00:15:31,102 --> 00:15:32,571
- Whoo, whoo!
- Todd!
369
00:15:32,596 --> 00:15:35,539
What? Oh.
370
00:15:35,678 --> 00:15:37,111
Sorry, Chumbo.
371
00:15:37,146 --> 00:15:39,189
Karen: O-Kay.
372
00:15:39,490 --> 00:15:41,649
We're ready to bury Turdhole.
373
00:15:41,674 --> 00:15:43,741
Steve finished digging the grave.
374
00:15:43,766 --> 00:15:46,067
[Scoffs] Took him long enough.
375
00:15:46,092 --> 00:15:48,326
I mean, four hours to dig one hole?
376
00:15:48,351 --> 00:15:49,616
It's ridiculous.
377
00:15:49,963 --> 00:15:52,370
God, I once buried a Maine Coon cat
378
00:15:52,395 --> 00:15:53,761
in 15 minutes flat.
379
00:15:53,796 --> 00:15:55,596
31 pounds, this thing.
380
00:15:55,632 --> 00:15:57,365
You would not have believed it.
381
00:15:57,390 --> 00:15:59,624
[Rhythmically] A hole through his torso,
382
00:15:59,649 --> 00:16:01,682
a hole in our hearts.
383
00:16:01,707 --> 00:16:04,449
Turdhole, dead from a bullet...
384
00:16:04,474 --> 00:16:07,190
Back to a hole, from a hole he came.
385
00:16:07,215 --> 00:16:09,315
Next up, Turdhole in the sky...
386
00:16:09,340 --> 00:16:11,206
Okay, thank you, Chet. Okay, thank you.
387
00:16:11,231 --> 00:16:12,663
Thank you so much for that poetry.
Yeah. Hell yeah.
388
00:16:12,749 --> 00:16:15,116
I'd like to say a few words...
389
00:16:15,151 --> 00:16:17,190
about Turdhole, if that's all right.
390
00:16:17,215 --> 00:16:19,125
I think you said enough with your gun,
391
00:16:19,150 --> 00:16:20,865
you dumb kiwi bastard.
392
00:16:20,890 --> 00:16:22,143
- [Spits]
- [All agreeing]
393
00:16:22,168 --> 00:16:24,391
Hey, hey, hey. He's clearly sorry, okay?
394
00:16:24,416 --> 00:16:26,082
Let's just... Let's just hear him out.
395
00:16:26,107 --> 00:16:27,672
- Steve?
- Thank you.
396
00:16:27,697 --> 00:16:29,463
[Inhales deeply]
397
00:16:29,499 --> 00:16:31,995
I'll never forgive
myself for what I did.
398
00:16:32,020 --> 00:16:36,659
Turdhole was the best of us,
and I robbed him of his life.
399
00:16:36,827 --> 00:16:38,832
[Sobbing]
400
00:16:41,685 --> 00:16:44,822
[Voice breaking] But
as the saying goes...
401
00:16:44,847 --> 00:16:48,040
"People don't kill people. Guns do."
402
00:16:48,065 --> 00:16:50,635
- You serious?
- [All groan]
403
00:16:50,660 --> 00:16:53,541
Why is everyone yelling at me?
What about Karen?
404
00:16:53,566 --> 00:16:57,166
Karen didn't murder someone
in cold blood, you dick.
405
00:16:57,191 --> 00:16:58,681
Plus, Karen gets us food.
406
00:16:58,706 --> 00:16:59,769
Happy to do it.
407
00:16:59,794 --> 00:17:01,828
Sorry I got weird back there, gang.
408
00:17:01,946 --> 00:17:04,307
Pack: Okay. Well, that's very sad.
409
00:17:04,332 --> 00:17:06,099
But I think we should
put Turdhole to rest.
410
00:17:06,124 --> 00:17:10,432
I'd like to say, uh...
a few words, I think.
411
00:17:11,269 --> 00:17:16,438
Turdhole's death was unexpected,
to say the least,
412
00:17:16,463 --> 00:17:20,198
but this one... really hits home.
413
00:17:20,427 --> 00:17:23,695
I didn't know Turdhole well,
but I know that some of us
414
00:17:23,720 --> 00:17:25,385
had a, uh...
415
00:17:25,410 --> 00:17:28,969
a complicated relationship with him.
416
00:17:28,994 --> 00:17:32,162
He was cold, distant.
417
00:17:32,332 --> 00:17:36,849
Maybe he never told us
that he was proud of us,
418
00:17:37,180 --> 00:17:38,680
and maybe it felt sometimes
419
00:17:38,705 --> 00:17:41,573
like he wanted us to be a
different man altogether.
420
00:17:41,598 --> 00:17:43,606
And now that he's gone, you know,
421
00:17:43,631 --> 00:17:45,798
it may feel like we'll
never be able to say
422
00:17:45,833 --> 00:17:48,400
some of the things that we
always wanted to say to him,
423
00:17:48,436 --> 00:17:51,748
but I know that, deep down...
424
00:17:51,773 --> 00:17:54,207
underneath it all that...
425
00:17:54,232 --> 00:17:57,660
That Turdhole loved us, so...
426
00:17:58,974 --> 00:18:01,441
Okay, I think we've
spent enough time here.
427
00:18:01,466 --> 00:18:03,153
Why don't we roll Turdhole
in this ditch, huh?
428
00:18:03,178 --> 00:18:04,519
- Oh.
- Yep.
429
00:18:04,544 --> 00:18:06,878
[Grunts]
430
00:18:06,903 --> 00:18:10,005
Hold on, what the hell?
431
00:18:10,318 --> 00:18:12,752
Uh, guys, you're gonna want to see this.
432
00:18:13,891 --> 00:18:17,338
- [All murmuring]
- Oh, my God! Are those...
433
00:18:17,363 --> 00:18:21,088
Yep, Nazi symbols,
tattooed all over his body.
434
00:18:21,113 --> 00:18:23,753
The Nazis famously hated the Jews...
435
00:18:23,778 --> 00:18:25,477
- killed a ton of them.
- We know, Karen!
436
00:18:25,502 --> 00:18:26,980
- Yeah, thank you!
- Oh, my God, there's more down here.
437
00:18:27,005 --> 00:18:27,941
What? Ugh.
438
00:18:27,966 --> 00:18:28,905
- Oh, yeah?
- Oh, God!
439
00:18:28,930 --> 00:18:30,097
That looks like Calvin,
440
00:18:30,122 --> 00:18:32,481
from the famous comic strip
"Calvin and Hobbes,"
441
00:18:32,506 --> 00:18:34,378
except now he's wearing an SS uniform
442
00:18:34,403 --> 00:18:36,121
and peeing on the word "non-whites."
443
00:18:36,146 --> 00:18:38,146
- Holy shitballs.
- Wow.
444
00:18:38,171 --> 00:18:39,887
Turdhole was a Nazi.
445
00:18:39,968 --> 00:18:41,769
How did we not see this?
446
00:18:41,794 --> 00:18:43,327
Hey Turdhole.
447
00:18:43,352 --> 00:18:44,833
Heil.
448
00:18:46,445 --> 00:18:49,045
That means I didn't
kill an innocent man.
449
00:18:49,070 --> 00:18:50,980
[Chuckles] I killed a Nazi!
450
00:18:51,005 --> 00:18:52,838
You hear that? I'm not a murderer!
451
00:18:52,863 --> 00:18:54,589
- I'm a hero!
- [All disagree]
452
00:18:54,614 --> 00:18:57,525
- Still a murderer.
- You didn't kill a Nazi.
453
00:18:57,550 --> 00:18:59,650
You killed a guy who
happened to be a Nazi.
454
00:18:59,685 --> 00:19:01,722
- Nah, it's the same thing.
- Pack: It's not the same thing.
455
00:19:01,747 --> 00:19:03,551
- I'm like a war hero!
- You're definitely not a war hero.
456
00:19:03,576 --> 00:19:05,895
Hey, hey, hey, hey!
457
00:19:06,137 --> 00:19:07,550
It's time.
458
00:19:07,575 --> 00:19:10,309
[Phone beeps]
459
00:19:10,830 --> 00:19:12,496
[Ringing] It's ringing!
460
00:19:12,521 --> 00:19:14,155
Shut up.
461
00:19:14,657 --> 00:19:16,324
This is Margot.
462
00:19:16,349 --> 00:19:18,136
It's been an hour. Do
we have an agreement?
463
00:19:18,161 --> 00:19:20,395
I actually have a counteroffer for you.
464
00:19:20,420 --> 00:19:21,686
I'm listening.
465
00:19:21,711 --> 00:19:24,512
How about instead of $10 million,
466
00:19:24,537 --> 00:19:26,070
I give you this...
467
00:19:26,095 --> 00:19:29,460
[Fart]
468
00:19:33,847 --> 00:19:36,915
[Fart continues]
469
00:19:38,181 --> 00:19:39,514
[Fart stops]
470
00:19:39,539 --> 00:19:40,668
[Farts]
471
00:19:40,693 --> 00:19:42,949
- [Scoffs]
- Was that a fart?
472
00:19:42,974 --> 00:19:44,316
You're damn right it was a fart.
473
00:19:44,341 --> 00:19:46,238
And that's all that
you're getting from me
474
00:19:46,263 --> 00:19:49,230
because I'm not paying
you a Goddamn dime!
475
00:19:50,733 --> 00:19:51,832
[Farts]
476
00:19:51,857 --> 00:19:54,293
You think we won't kill him?
477
00:19:54,318 --> 00:19:56,020
We'll kill him right now!
478
00:19:56,044 --> 00:19:57,175
Oh, I hope you do
479
00:19:57,201 --> 00:19:59,395
because I just talked
to our lawyer, Tom,
480
00:19:59,420 --> 00:20:01,613
and it turns out, if
Danny comes back alive,
481
00:20:01,638 --> 00:20:04,222
he's entitled to over
half of my fortune.
482
00:20:04,247 --> 00:20:07,148
What? No. I'm not sharing with Danny!
483
00:20:07,286 --> 00:20:09,980
The best part is that Tom can't say shit
484
00:20:10,005 --> 00:20:12,138
because of a little thing called
"attorney-client privilege."
485
00:20:12,163 --> 00:20:13,816
Isn't that right, Tom?
486
00:20:13,841 --> 00:20:15,274
I loved your father.
487
00:20:15,299 --> 00:20:17,402
Shut your old man face!
488
00:20:17,427 --> 00:20:19,260
Margot, please! Don't do this!
489
00:20:19,285 --> 00:20:21,185
[Mocking]Margot, please. Don't do this.
490
00:20:21,210 --> 00:20:23,894
You're such an idiot, Danny!
491
00:20:23,919 --> 00:20:25,870
When your plane went down,
all I had to do was
492
00:20:25,895 --> 00:20:29,063
get rid of Dad and the money was mine.
493
00:20:29,088 --> 00:20:32,394
But you said Dad died in
a golf cart explosion.
494
00:20:32,419 --> 00:20:34,619
After I poisoned him!
495
00:20:34,644 --> 00:20:36,903
I gave him the heart attack,
496
00:20:36,928 --> 00:20:38,715
and then he died in a literal explosion.
497
00:20:38,740 --> 00:20:41,908
It was so... awesome.
498
00:20:42,776 --> 00:20:44,576
And now the money's mine.
499
00:20:44,601 --> 00:20:47,074
[Laughs]
500
00:20:47,099 --> 00:20:48,433
Bye!
501
00:20:48,458 --> 00:20:50,458
[Dial tone]
502
00:21:01,131 --> 00:21:04,099
So... there's been a setback.
503
00:21:04,134 --> 00:21:06,468
We will no longer be ransoming Danny.
504
00:21:06,503 --> 00:21:08,137
So, then, that means you guys
505
00:21:08,162 --> 00:21:09,568
will be on your way, or what?
506
00:21:09,593 --> 00:21:10,759
[Scoffing] Oh, no.
507
00:21:10,784 --> 00:21:13,005
I've invested too much into this.
508
00:21:13,030 --> 00:21:15,583
We're staying, and we
are going to rape...
509
00:21:15,608 --> 00:21:16,807
[All gasp]
510
00:21:16,832 --> 00:21:18,286
- this island...
- [Sighs of relief]
511
00:21:18,311 --> 00:21:20,822
Oh, yeah, that's fine.
For all it's worth.
512
00:21:20,847 --> 00:21:22,514
We'll start by salvaging the plane,
513
00:21:22,565 --> 00:21:24,129
and then we'll figure out what
to do with the rest of you.
514
00:21:24,154 --> 00:21:27,459
Until then, we're just gonna
have to learn to live together.
515
00:21:27,484 --> 00:21:28,733
Bruce: We can do that.
516
00:21:28,757 --> 00:21:32,302
Or we can take this
island back right now!
517
00:21:32,327 --> 00:21:34,728
[All gasp]
518
00:21:34,753 --> 00:21:36,670
Oh, shit!
519
00:21:36,695 --> 00:21:40,568
[All screaming]
520
00:21:40,593 --> 00:21:42,381
Oh, God!
521
00:21:42,406 --> 00:21:43,939
Oh, my God!
522
00:21:43,964 --> 00:21:46,734
[Screaming]
523
00:21:46,759 --> 00:21:49,324
Anyone else want to try something?
524
00:21:49,349 --> 00:21:52,162
- No, no, no, no, no, no!
- I'm good. I'm good. I'm good.
525
00:21:52,187 --> 00:21:53,999
'Cause I'd hate to have
to tell your Nazi hunter
526
00:21:54,024 --> 00:21:55,490
to dig another grave.
527
00:21:55,515 --> 00:21:57,582
528
00:21:58,293 --> 00:21:59,953
I'm a Nazi hunter! [Chuckles]
529
00:21:59,978 --> 00:22:01,844
It's official!
530
00:22:01,869 --> 00:22:03,869
[Bruce groans]
531
00:22:05,773 --> 00:22:09,679
- Synced and corrected by martythecrazy -
- www.addic7ed.com -
532
00:22:09,729 --> 00:22:14,279
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