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00:00:02,400 --> 00:00:06,400
MUSIC: Mashup The Dance by Major
Lazer ft. The Partysquad & Ward 21
2
00:00:17,320 --> 00:00:21,200
Ashtray.
But also last beer, so...
3
00:00:21,200 --> 00:00:22,480
More! What?
4
00:00:22,480 --> 00:00:23,920
Am I a terrible person?
5
00:00:23,920 --> 00:00:25,000
What? No.
6
00:00:25,000 --> 00:00:28,680
You're Kent effing Blackwell,
the Jaffa Cake of men.
7
00:00:28,680 --> 00:00:31,680
What if no-one will love me because
I've got that weird ball thing?
8
00:00:31,680 --> 00:00:33,400
Everyone has a weird ball thing.
9
00:00:33,400 --> 00:00:36,080
Or pubes that come up really far,
or a hairy tit.
10
00:00:36,080 --> 00:00:40,080
Hey, it's one hair that just
keeps coming back!
11
00:00:40,800 --> 00:00:42,560
What? I don't have any weird things.
12
00:00:42,560 --> 00:00:44,080
He's got a mole on each butt cheek.
13
00:00:44,080 --> 00:00:45,880
It makes his arse look
like a pair of tits.
14
00:00:45,880 --> 00:00:49,880
Judas!
15
00:00:53,520 --> 00:00:54,840
So we are agreed.
16
00:00:54,840 --> 00:00:57,920
Everyone is going to show
everyone else everything.
17
00:00:57,920 --> 00:00:59,840
Yes, it will bring us all closer
together.
18
00:00:59,840 --> 00:01:02,680
We'll have an unbreakable bond for
all of eternity.
19
00:01:02,680 --> 00:01:04,120
Steady on, mate. Yeah.
20
00:01:04,120 --> 00:01:06,920
Sorry.
21
00:01:06,920 --> 00:01:09,680
Three... Two... One...
22
00:01:09,680 --> 00:01:11,600
Draw!
23
00:01:11,600 --> 00:01:15,120
MUFFLED SCREAMING
24
00:01:15,120 --> 00:01:16,520
SILENCE
25
00:01:16,520 --> 00:01:20,440
Right. Your turn, guys.
26
00:01:20,440 --> 00:01:22,880
That was a mistake.
Let's get fucked up.
27
00:01:22,880 --> 00:01:26,880
Really quickly.
28
00:01:27,480 --> 00:01:30,080
Guys?
29
00:01:30,080 --> 00:01:34,080
Guys, it's just an arse.
30
00:01:41,440 --> 00:01:45,440
HE WHISTLES
31
00:01:45,520 --> 00:01:47,160
Everyone was so wasted last night
32
00:01:47,160 --> 00:01:49,680
I guess no-one can remember anything
that happened.
33
00:01:49,680 --> 00:01:52,480
We all remember your arse tits.
34
00:01:52,480 --> 00:01:54,000
Splendid.
35
00:01:54,000 --> 00:01:55,400
Right.
36
00:01:55,400 --> 00:01:59,400
Come-down day, we're going
to need blanket, Netflix,
37
00:01:59,480 --> 00:02:01,480
non-judgmental wank breaks...
38
00:02:01,480 --> 00:02:02,960
Oh, I can't, I've got a barbecue.
39
00:02:02,960 --> 00:02:04,000
Whose barbecue?
40
00:02:04,000 --> 00:02:06,000
That guy from the reggae night
down in Corsham.
41
00:02:06,000 --> 00:02:08,760
He invited me over.
Not that fucking dread-head guy.
42
00:02:08,760 --> 00:02:10,360
He has a name.
43
00:02:10,360 --> 00:02:12,080
What is it?
44
00:02:12,080 --> 00:02:14,520
I can't remember because
we keep calling him dread-head.
45
00:02:14,520 --> 00:02:16,560
Right, so you're ditching us
for a bongo party?
46
00:02:16,560 --> 00:02:19,160
Kent, not all white boys
with dreads play bongos?
47
00:02:19,160 --> 00:02:20,760
Are you sure about that?
48
00:02:20,760 --> 00:02:22,880
Fine. Just us legends, eh?
49
00:02:22,880 --> 00:02:25,280
Well, actually, barbecue sounds
fucking great.
50
00:02:25,280 --> 00:02:27,760
Oh, guys. Come on!
51
00:02:27,760 --> 00:02:29,600
You're disrespecting come-down day.
52
00:02:29,600 --> 00:02:31,080
No good will come of it.
53
00:02:31,080 --> 00:02:33,640
Mate, the only thing I ate yesterday
was half a Toffee Crisp,
54
00:02:33,640 --> 00:02:35,360
and I sprayed most of that
into the till.
55
00:02:35,360 --> 00:02:37,480
Oh! Dirty!
56
00:02:37,480 --> 00:02:39,880
It's actually a select group
of incredibly cool people.
57
00:02:39,880 --> 00:02:41,600
And he only invited me, so...
58
00:02:41,600 --> 00:02:44,360
It's a barbecue - anyone can go
as long as they bring sausages.
59
00:02:44,360 --> 00:02:46,160
Yep. That is the rule.
60
00:02:46,160 --> 00:02:48,240
What's the fucking problem here?!
61
00:02:48,240 --> 00:02:50,320
You're a fucking nightmare
on a come-down.
62
00:02:50,320 --> 00:02:52,440
And I want to make
a good impression.
63
00:02:52,440 --> 00:02:53,840
Better bring your bongos, then.
64
00:02:53,840 --> 00:02:57,840
I promise I'll be fine
the minute I get some food in me.
65
00:03:02,080 --> 00:03:03,240
So I got venison sausages,
66
00:03:03,240 --> 00:03:05,400
but now I'm thinking,
is that really try-hard?
67
00:03:05,400 --> 00:03:07,160
Should I have gone for a Cumberland?
68
00:03:07,160 --> 00:03:10,520
You're overthinking it.
It's just a bunch of pig dicks.
69
00:03:10,520 --> 00:03:12,560
You know it's not actually
pigs' dicks, right?
70
00:03:12,560 --> 00:03:15,160
I mean, you do know that?
But they are, though, aren't they?
71
00:03:15,160 --> 00:03:17,480
Mashed-up pigs' dicks. In a bag.
72
00:03:17,480 --> 00:03:19,640
Alison, they're not...
73
00:03:19,640 --> 00:03:21,640
Hey! You made it.
74
00:03:21,640 --> 00:03:23,600
Hi.
75
00:03:23,600 --> 00:03:27,600
MUSIC: 007 (Shanty Town)
by Desmond Dekker
76
00:03:34,960 --> 00:03:38,000
This is my mate Alison. She wanted
to come because she's really hungry.
77
00:03:38,000 --> 00:03:40,360
I brought sausages.
Oh, venison. Nice choice.
78
00:03:40,360 --> 00:03:44,360
Yeah, I chose them.
79
00:03:51,720 --> 00:03:55,240
Sorry about the mess.
It's kind of a live-work space.
80
00:03:55,240 --> 00:03:57,680
So I'm always getting covered
in paint.
81
00:03:57,680 --> 00:03:59,880
What, just that bit right there?
82
00:03:59,880 --> 00:04:01,960
That one perfectly positioned bit?
83
00:04:01,960 --> 00:04:03,240
SARAH STAMPS
84
00:04:03,240 --> 00:04:04,320
Yeah, I guess so.
85
00:04:04,320 --> 00:04:06,000
So, people relax here.
86
00:04:06,000 --> 00:04:08,760
They crash there, have food there.
87
00:04:08,760 --> 00:04:12,200
That's a yoga mat.
88
00:04:12,200 --> 00:04:13,880
And this is where I do my work.
89
00:04:13,880 --> 00:04:16,400
Oooh, cool. What's it about?
90
00:04:16,400 --> 00:04:18,440
Do you know what? I don't know.
91
00:04:18,440 --> 00:04:20,400
My process is, kind of,
to experiment,
92
00:04:20,400 --> 00:04:24,400
I just get it out there and
the meaning just, kind of...
93
00:04:24,560 --> 00:04:26,320
emerges.
94
00:04:26,320 --> 00:04:29,560
I did GCSE art, so I know exactly
what you're talking about.
95
00:04:29,560 --> 00:04:33,360
I think it's about the impact of
social media on litter.
96
00:04:33,360 --> 00:04:36,240
Hmm. Litter is...
97
00:04:36,240 --> 00:04:39,760
shit.
98
00:04:39,760 --> 00:04:43,760
Exactly.
99
00:04:43,880 --> 00:04:47,880
MUSIC: Money
by Pink Floyd
100
00:04:52,040 --> 00:04:54,400
BANGING
101
00:04:54,400 --> 00:04:58,400
Sitting on a chair.
102
00:05:05,240 --> 00:05:06,840
Nice out. Fancy a bike ride?
103
00:05:06,840 --> 00:05:08,440
Why do you keep trying
to do things?!
104
00:05:08,440 --> 00:05:10,040
Because I don't wish to fester.
105
00:05:10,040 --> 00:05:12,640
It's that sort of attitude that
lost you the job at Bird Zone.
106
00:05:12,640 --> 00:05:14,960
No, it's the fact that penguins
can't digest Twiglets
107
00:05:14,960 --> 00:05:16,280
that lost my job at a Bird Zone.
108
00:05:16,280 --> 00:05:18,200
I just think some fresh air
might sort us out.
109
00:05:18,200 --> 00:05:22,200
The outside world is our enemy
today. It will crush us.
110
00:05:22,920 --> 00:05:26,200
Fine. What are you doing?
111
00:05:26,200 --> 00:05:27,680
Orc Slayer. No.
112
00:05:27,680 --> 00:05:29,520
No role-play games.
113
00:05:29,520 --> 00:05:32,960
I spend the entire day just watching
you customise your characters.
114
00:05:32,960 --> 00:05:36,960
They all look like you,
but with tits.
115
00:05:38,320 --> 00:05:41,080
Fine.
116
00:05:41,080 --> 00:05:42,320
Let's just watch something.
117
00:05:42,320 --> 00:05:44,040
We could watch the
My Little Pony movie.
118
00:05:44,040 --> 00:05:46,000
Stop suggesting that.
119
00:05:46,000 --> 00:05:48,400
Let's just watch whatever's on.
120
00:05:48,400 --> 00:05:49,600
Ah, Springwatch.
121
00:05:49,600 --> 00:05:51,440
Yes! And it's
a Michaela Strachan one.
122
00:05:51,440 --> 00:05:54,000
Fucking A! Oww!
123
00:05:54,000 --> 00:05:57,240
KNOCK AT DOOR
Hello? Shit, it's my mum.
124
00:05:57,240 --> 00:05:59,200
Oh, it'd be lovely to see Denise.
125
00:05:59,200 --> 00:06:01,840
Hello? She's so fucking needy since
she kicked Dad out.
126
00:06:01,840 --> 00:06:04,760
It's Mum. I'm starting to realise
why he cheated on her.
127
00:06:04,760 --> 00:06:07,000
(Kent!) What? She's a ball-ache!
128
00:06:07,000 --> 00:06:11,000
Just cover for me.
129
00:06:11,600 --> 00:06:13,520
Morpheus. Denise.
130
00:06:13,520 --> 00:06:15,480
What a pleasure. Is Kent here?
131
00:06:15,480 --> 00:06:17,840
Sorry, no, he's out on business.
132
00:06:17,840 --> 00:06:21,840
Oh, that's a shame because I was
hoping to take him for a pub lunch.
133
00:06:23,280 --> 00:06:25,400
Pub lunch?
134
00:06:25,400 --> 00:06:27,160
Hmmm.
135
00:06:27,160 --> 00:06:30,480
So, Denise...
136
00:06:30,480 --> 00:06:32,560
..how are you coping...
137
00:06:32,560 --> 00:06:34,160
with the cuckoldry?
138
00:06:34,160 --> 00:06:38,160
Do you know, that is the first time
someone's asked me how I feel.
139
00:06:39,040 --> 00:06:42,040
Well, I'm sure Kent's been
there for you.
140
00:06:42,040 --> 00:06:45,520
Yes. He's been a bit hard to get
hold of now his phone is broken.
141
00:06:45,520 --> 00:06:49,520
Hmm. And I know he's just rushed off
his feet trying to find a job.
142
00:06:50,080 --> 00:06:51,160
Hmm.
143
00:06:51,160 --> 00:06:55,160
'I feel the nation's love coming
towards...'
144
00:06:55,680 --> 00:06:57,320
'I think we ought to move on.'
145
00:06:57,320 --> 00:06:59,120
'I think we should.'
146
00:06:59,120 --> 00:07:01,280
I always suspected Peter
was cheating.
147
00:07:01,280 --> 00:07:02,600
I didn't know it was with a girl
148
00:07:02,600 --> 00:07:04,320
who was in the year below Kent
at school.
149
00:07:04,320 --> 00:07:07,720
He's a fool of a man.
And he says, "She centres me".
150
00:07:07,720 --> 00:07:10,200
And he said she helped him find
himself.
151
00:07:10,200 --> 00:07:12,800
We both know what that means.
Midlife crisis... Hot sex.
152
00:07:12,800 --> 00:07:14,640
Uh?
153
00:07:14,640 --> 00:07:16,200
Midlife crisis.
154
00:07:16,200 --> 00:07:18,640
PHONE RINGTONE: Move Bitch
by Ludacris
155
00:07:18,640 --> 00:07:22,000
Oh...
156
00:07:22,000 --> 00:07:25,200
I'll just get this.
157
00:07:25,200 --> 00:07:27,040
'Mate, where's your laptop charger?'
158
00:07:27,040 --> 00:07:29,560
Mate, are you having a wank?
We said, "No judgment."
159
00:07:29,560 --> 00:07:31,280
Can I call you back?
I'm having lunch.
160
00:07:31,280 --> 00:07:33,760
You can't take a phone call?
Who are you, Theo Paphitis?
161
00:07:33,760 --> 00:07:36,280
I'm with your mother, Kent.
We're having a pub lunch.
162
00:07:36,280 --> 00:07:38,160
She's such an attention seeker!
163
00:07:38,160 --> 00:07:40,840
I wish she'd just get back with
Dad and leave us all alone.
164
00:07:40,840 --> 00:07:42,840
I'm going now. Wait.
165
00:07:42,840 --> 00:07:44,920
Can you bring me back
a chocolate fudge brownie?
166
00:07:44,920 --> 00:07:46,440
Please? Come on, I need this.
167
00:07:46,440 --> 00:07:48,480
My parents have broken up.
All right, all right.
168
00:07:48,480 --> 00:07:50,880
I'll bring you a brownie. Finally!
169
00:07:50,880 --> 00:07:52,920
And make sure it's a squidgy one
from the middle,
170
00:07:52,920 --> 00:07:56,920
'not from the outside -
it's always a bit dry.' Oh!
171
00:07:58,880 --> 00:08:02,760
Hollandaise.
Can I have a fudge brownie to go?
172
00:08:02,760 --> 00:08:06,760
Make sure it's a...
Squidgy one from the middle.
173
00:08:09,760 --> 00:08:13,760
So his phone's not broken, then?
174
00:08:14,120 --> 00:08:18,120
You know what? Screw Kent -
you deserve the fudge brownie.
175
00:08:20,520 --> 00:08:24,520
Tell the kitchen we'll have it here!
176
00:08:25,120 --> 00:08:29,120
MUSIC: Why?
by Annie Lennox
177
00:08:35,520 --> 00:08:42,000
'You don't know what I fear.'
178
00:08:37,000 --> 00:08:41,000
MUSIC: Sadeness, Pt. 1
by Enigma
179
00:08:47,440 --> 00:08:50,320
Yeah, Kent, there is a massive
ginger beard.
180
00:08:50,320 --> 00:08:54,160
Well, there's only one.
And there is a few man buns.
181
00:08:54,160 --> 00:08:58,160
And one sort of early man bun,
but he's gone for it too soon.
182
00:09:00,960 --> 00:09:03,240
OK. Just come back.
183
00:09:03,240 --> 00:09:05,880
I've got all of the duvets
on the sofa.
184
00:09:05,880 --> 00:09:08,120
And I really need someone to make
me a cup of tea.
185
00:09:08,120 --> 00:09:11,360
I can't walk home till I've eaten.
When is that going to happen?
186
00:09:11,360 --> 00:09:13,000
It'll happen when it happens.
187
00:09:13,000 --> 00:09:14,680
This is how cool people work.
188
00:09:14,680 --> 00:09:16,920
It's fluid, it's different.
189
00:09:16,920 --> 00:09:20,440
I mean, in 2016,
what even IS a barbecue?
190
00:09:20,440 --> 00:09:22,520
Oi, Dreadhead,
when's the food ready?
191
00:09:22,520 --> 00:09:25,080
Oh, yeah, hey, we're about to light
the barbecue.
192
00:09:25,080 --> 00:09:26,760
You haven't even lit it yet...?
193
00:09:26,760 --> 00:09:28,720
Kent, I've got to go.
DIALLING TONE
194
00:09:28,720 --> 00:09:31,280
No, no, Alison! Alison!
195
00:09:31,280 --> 00:09:34,120
You know it can take up to 40
minutes for those coals to get white?
196
00:09:34,120 --> 00:09:36,960
I'm sure he knows how to
make a barbecue. Does he? It doesn't seem...
197
00:09:36,960 --> 00:09:40,240
Ignore her. She's just hungry.
Look, there's some bread or something...
198
00:09:40,240 --> 00:09:43,320
Actually, not, no. Sparkle's gluten
intolerant and has no willpower,
199
00:09:43,320 --> 00:09:45,880
so this is a wheat-free house.
200
00:09:45,880 --> 00:09:49,000
So there's no fucking bread?
Alison!
201
00:09:49,000 --> 00:09:51,320
Sorry, you just don't invite people
to a barbecue
202
00:09:51,320 --> 00:09:55,320
and then not have a barbecue!
Well, he didn't invite you, did he?
203
00:09:56,520 --> 00:09:58,800
COD JAMAICAN ACCENT: Me gotta get
da barbecue.
204
00:09:58,800 --> 00:10:00,320
Cool.
205
00:10:00,320 --> 00:10:02,120
Can you just chill, McGee?
206
00:10:02,120 --> 00:10:04,000
Sorry. I know.
207
00:10:04,000 --> 00:10:05,800
I'm just hungry.
208
00:10:05,800 --> 00:10:09,040
I'll be cool. OK.
209
00:10:09,040 --> 00:10:10,120
Here we go.
210
00:10:10,120 --> 00:10:12,040
It's not even built yet?!
211
00:10:12,040 --> 00:10:15,080
MUSIC STOPS, DOG WHINES
212
00:10:15,080 --> 00:10:19,080
MUSIC: Albatross
by Fleetwood Mac
213
00:10:28,160 --> 00:10:30,960
RINGTONE:
'# Move, bitch, get out the way
214
00:10:30,960 --> 00:10:34,960
'# Get out the way, bitch,
get out the way... #'
215
00:10:35,560 --> 00:10:38,880
Mate, where are you? I'm crashing
hard. I need that fucking brownie.
216
00:10:38,880 --> 00:10:41,280
Your mother and I are having a walk.
217
00:10:41,280 --> 00:10:43,960
You're having a walk?
With my mother? Why?
218
00:10:43,960 --> 00:10:46,720
Because she's a bit upset and I
thought it might cheer her up.
219
00:10:46,720 --> 00:10:49,360
She's always upset cos she's a
miserable old bitch. Kent!
220
00:10:49,360 --> 00:10:51,320
Last night you said you felt
like a bad person.
221
00:10:51,320 --> 00:10:53,720
Maybe saying things like that
is why you feel that way.
222
00:10:53,720 --> 00:10:56,160
Fuck off, Dad.
I can say what I like.
223
00:10:56,160 --> 00:10:59,440
Right, I'm hanging up.
No, no, wait!
224
00:10:59,440 --> 00:11:03,320
Come home and we can watch
My Little Pony Movie...trailer
225
00:11:03,320 --> 00:11:05,520
and then talk about it.
226
00:11:05,520 --> 00:11:06,760
No, Kent.
227
00:11:06,760 --> 00:11:09,760
I will not reward
this juvenile behaviour.
228
00:11:09,760 --> 00:11:13,760
Goodbye.
229
00:11:15,320 --> 00:11:19,320
Was that Kent? Yes,
and he had quite the potty mouth.
230
00:11:20,680 --> 00:11:23,880
Should I go home?
And then you can just...
231
00:11:23,880 --> 00:11:27,880
No, we are not going to let him
ruin Denise Day.
232
00:11:27,920 --> 00:11:30,120
Denise Day? Yes.
233
00:11:30,120 --> 00:11:33,600
Denise Day.
234
00:11:33,600 --> 00:11:37,600
I've got something to show you.
235
00:11:38,120 --> 00:11:39,760
Look.
236
00:11:39,760 --> 00:11:43,760
Oh, that is so beautiful.
237
00:11:43,920 --> 00:11:47,880
It was an Abbey before the
dissolution of the monasteries.
238
00:11:47,880 --> 00:11:51,880
Sometimes I come here just to think.
239
00:11:52,400 --> 00:11:56,080
I told Kent that once and he punched
me in the dick.
240
00:11:56,080 --> 00:11:59,960
Let's just forget about Kent
for a while.
241
00:11:59,960 --> 00:12:02,080
Yeah.
242
00:12:02,080 --> 00:12:03,680
Come on.
243
00:12:03,680 --> 00:12:07,320
MUSIC: I'm A Believer
by The Monkees
244
00:12:07,320 --> 00:12:11,320
I thought love was only true in
fairy tales
245
00:12:13,080 --> 00:12:17,080
Meant for someone else
but not for me
246
00:12:19,040 --> 00:12:22,200
Love was out to get me...
247
00:12:22,200 --> 00:12:23,680
Ha-ha-ha!
248
00:12:23,680 --> 00:12:25,400
MUSIC STOPS
249
00:12:25,400 --> 00:12:26,760
All right.
250
00:12:26,760 --> 00:12:29,080
Yes, I saw her face
251
00:12:29,080 --> 00:12:32,160
Now I'm a believer
252
00:12:32,160 --> 00:12:33,280
Not a...
253
00:12:33,280 --> 00:12:35,880
THUNDERCLAP
254
00:12:35,880 --> 00:12:37,520
I think it's about to come down.
255
00:12:37,520 --> 00:12:39,520
We could just make it to my house
if we run.
256
00:12:39,520 --> 00:12:43,520
Yeah.
257
00:12:44,240 --> 00:12:47,920
This is like a bunch of chimpanzees
thrown a Kinder surprise.
258
00:12:47,920 --> 00:12:48,960
Erm...
259
00:12:48,960 --> 00:12:50,720
I think what Alison means to say
260
00:12:50,720 --> 00:12:54,200
is that your friends are so
creative that they don't need
261
00:12:54,200 --> 00:12:57,920
to follow the rigid constraints
of...barbecue instructions.
262
00:12:57,920 --> 00:13:00,200
Exactly.
263
00:13:00,200 --> 00:13:02,040
Baseline!
264
00:13:02,040 --> 00:13:03,480
You made it.
265
00:13:03,480 --> 00:13:06,840
PHONE RINGS
266
00:13:06,840 --> 00:13:08,680
Ooh!
267
00:13:08,680 --> 00:13:12,160
Kent, put the phone at arm's length,
I can see the fur on your tongue.
268
00:13:12,160 --> 00:13:16,160
Have either of you guys ever seen
this man in the village?
269
00:13:17,520 --> 00:13:18,840
Pizza delivery guy?
270
00:13:18,840 --> 00:13:20,040
Yeah!
271
00:13:20,040 --> 00:13:21,200
That's what he said!
272
00:13:21,200 --> 00:13:23,880
But I think it's a trick to make me
open the door so he can get me.
273
00:13:23,880 --> 00:13:25,760
Did you order a pizza? Yeah.
274
00:13:25,760 --> 00:13:27,160
Probably him, then.
275
00:13:27,160 --> 00:13:28,560
You're just getting para.
276
00:13:28,560 --> 00:13:32,000
Roll a spliff. I've run out.
277
00:13:32,000 --> 00:13:33,280
Maybe I'll have a Lemsip.
278
00:13:33,280 --> 00:13:36,280
What flavour of pizza is it? Because
I'm thinking I'd quite like...
279
00:13:36,280 --> 00:13:39,640
Look, we're not leaving now
I've blagged you in. How will that make me look?
280
00:13:39,640 --> 00:13:42,720
Why do you care what these
hippy pirates think?
281
00:13:42,720 --> 00:13:45,680
Are you that desperate to
jump his bones? Alison!
282
00:13:45,680 --> 00:13:49,400
I happen to have real feelings for
Dreadhead. OK.
283
00:13:49,400 --> 00:13:51,720
So you're really into diablo?
284
00:13:51,720 --> 00:13:55,000
Oh! That looks like it takes a
lot of practice.
285
00:13:55,000 --> 00:13:59,000
And he needs to be showing
that much chest(!)
286
00:14:00,320 --> 00:14:02,560
Alison, we just connect.
287
00:14:02,560 --> 00:14:05,920
The guy's cool and spiritual and...
288
00:14:05,920 --> 00:14:09,000
And you can clearly see his penis
through those fisherman pants.
289
00:14:09,000 --> 00:14:10,280
Really?
290
00:14:10,280 --> 00:14:12,520
Look at it, lobbing back and forth.
291
00:14:12,520 --> 00:14:16,520
Like a dirty metronome.
292
00:14:21,280 --> 00:14:25,280
METRONOME ECHOES
293
00:14:34,920 --> 00:14:37,360
You were right. I went cock blind.
294
00:14:37,360 --> 00:14:40,640
There's probably some residual
pill horn too.
295
00:14:40,640 --> 00:14:42,880
There's got to be something in here.
296
00:14:42,880 --> 00:14:44,600
Ryvita, or anything.
297
00:14:44,600 --> 00:14:46,400
There's an Oxo cube. Ooh, beef?
298
00:14:46,400 --> 00:14:49,120
Veg. Nah.
299
00:14:49,120 --> 00:14:51,160
Oh, it's so annoying.
300
00:14:51,160 --> 00:14:55,160
How can someone be so fit and at the
same time so utterly revolting?
301
00:14:55,360 --> 00:14:57,360
Well, you could just overlook it?
302
00:14:57,360 --> 00:15:00,200
Overlook it?
Yeah, you can overlook anything.
303
00:15:00,200 --> 00:15:01,800
Like my mum's hit and run.
304
00:15:01,800 --> 00:15:03,440
I forgot about that.
305
00:15:03,440 --> 00:15:06,880
Just nod along, say that you
lurrrve circus sports,
306
00:15:06,880 --> 00:15:10,880
and get yourself some sweet, sweet,
Jack Sparrow flavoured candy.
307
00:15:11,280 --> 00:15:14,280
Oh, my God, I want to
fuck Jack Sparrow.
308
00:15:14,280 --> 00:15:15,800
I'm going to overlook it!
309
00:15:15,800 --> 00:15:18,120
That's it, overlook it!
310
00:15:18,120 --> 00:15:20,520
Aargh!
311
00:15:20,520 --> 00:15:22,360
Sarah...
312
00:15:22,360 --> 00:15:26,360
I think you need to see this.
313
00:15:29,720 --> 00:15:31,840
Pop this on while your clothes
are drying.
314
00:15:31,840 --> 00:15:34,280
It's Kent's dad's, so it should fit.
315
00:15:34,280 --> 00:15:35,960
This is lovely.
316
00:15:35,960 --> 00:15:37,200
Is it quilted?
317
00:15:37,200 --> 00:15:39,800
And this should warm you up.
318
00:15:39,800 --> 00:15:42,680
Will Peter mind? I don't care.
319
00:15:42,680 --> 00:15:44,720
He's not coming back.
320
00:15:44,720 --> 00:15:46,720
Now warm your cockles.
321
00:15:46,720 --> 00:15:50,720
I'm going to whizz up and
have a shower. Right.
322
00:15:56,600 --> 00:16:00,600
Ooh, that's good.
323
00:16:01,600 --> 00:16:05,600
"Local Myths." Bosh.
324
00:16:05,680 --> 00:16:08,840
Now I need you to be honest with me.
325
00:16:08,840 --> 00:16:12,840
Is it yours?
326
00:16:14,440 --> 00:16:16,120
Yeah.
327
00:16:16,120 --> 00:16:18,160
Ain't she beautiful?
328
00:16:18,160 --> 00:16:22,160
I picked her up when I was in Uluru,
which is Aborigine for Ayers Rock.
329
00:16:23,080 --> 00:16:24,600
OK.
330
00:16:24,600 --> 00:16:28,600
You probably don't even play it.
Oh, I play her.
331
00:16:30,680 --> 00:16:34,040
Do you think there's any way
you could...
332
00:16:34,040 --> 00:16:35,280
never play it?
333
00:16:35,280 --> 00:16:38,120
It's part of who I am, Sarah.
334
00:16:38,120 --> 00:16:39,520
Also, I'm pretty good.
335
00:16:39,520 --> 00:16:43,520
It's impossible to be good
at didgeridoo.
336
00:16:44,640 --> 00:16:48,640
Hey, Dad.
337
00:16:50,560 --> 00:16:52,520
What the fuck are you doing?
338
00:16:52,520 --> 00:16:54,440
I'm just drying my clothes.
339
00:16:54,440 --> 00:16:56,800
We got caught in the rain up at
the ruined abbey.
340
00:16:56,800 --> 00:16:59,200
You mean the place where you took
Stephanie Murphy
341
00:16:59,200 --> 00:17:01,920
when you try to neck her?
Yeah, yeah. That's the place.
342
00:17:01,920 --> 00:17:03,640
You took my mum there?
343
00:17:03,640 --> 00:17:07,040
After a dinner date,
and a romantic walk?
344
00:17:07,040 --> 00:17:10,200
I wouldn't say romantic. It was...
345
00:17:10,200 --> 00:17:11,960
picturesque.
346
00:17:11,960 --> 00:17:14,280
Are you trying to fuck my mum?
347
00:17:14,280 --> 00:17:16,800
Kent Thomas Blackwell,
of course I'm not.
348
00:17:16,800 --> 00:17:18,880
It does look a little bit
weird, mate.
349
00:17:18,880 --> 00:17:20,920
I mean, you're in her house,
drinking scotch,
350
00:17:20,920 --> 00:17:23,280
wearing my dad's robe.
I'm just warming my cockles.
351
00:17:23,280 --> 00:17:25,840
That is fucking disgusting!
Watch your language.
352
00:17:25,840 --> 00:17:28,200
Don't tell me what to do.
That attitude is exactly
353
00:17:28,200 --> 00:17:31,280
what your mother and I have been
talking about. Fucking stop!
354
00:17:31,280 --> 00:17:35,160
I know you're a desperate virgin,
but trying to jump my mum just because she's vulnerable...
355
00:17:35,160 --> 00:17:37,240
I was just trying to show her a good
time. Get out!
356
00:17:37,240 --> 00:17:39,880
My pants aren't dry!
Oh, my God, you're naked!
357
00:17:39,880 --> 00:17:41,920
This is fucking horrible.
358
00:17:41,920 --> 00:17:45,320
Kent. Yeah.
359
00:17:45,320 --> 00:17:47,800
This is your comedown talking.
Is it?
360
00:17:47,800 --> 00:17:49,960
Or are you trying to replace my dad?
361
00:17:49,960 --> 00:17:52,680
You are in a spiralling vortex of
doubt right now.
362
00:17:52,680 --> 00:17:54,320
So listen to me.
363
00:17:54,320 --> 00:17:56,760
Look, here. Here!
364
00:17:56,760 --> 00:17:59,480
I am your best friend.
You are my best friend.
365
00:17:59,480 --> 00:18:02,720
And in no way attempting to copulate
with your mother.
366
00:18:02,720 --> 00:18:05,520
OK. You're right.
367
00:18:05,520 --> 00:18:07,160
I just need some weed.
368
00:18:07,160 --> 00:18:09,200
A bit of weed. Yeah.
369
00:18:09,200 --> 00:18:13,200
It'll be fine. Bit of weed.
370
00:18:13,840 --> 00:18:15,840
Ah!
371
00:18:15,840 --> 00:18:19,840
# And I-I-I-I
372
00:18:19,840 --> 00:18:22,320
# Will al... #
373
00:18:22,320 --> 00:18:25,440
You go home, roll up a batty.
374
00:18:25,440 --> 00:18:27,520
I'll be back as soon as I can.
375
00:18:27,520 --> 00:18:31,520
All right, I'll see you later.
See you, mate.
376
00:18:32,120 --> 00:18:33,600
Don't fuck my mum.
377
00:18:33,600 --> 00:18:37,600
I won't!
378
00:18:42,760 --> 00:18:44,400
I definitely...
379
00:18:44,400 --> 00:18:48,240
won't.
380
00:18:48,240 --> 00:18:50,440
Right, let's get these sausages on.
381
00:18:50,440 --> 00:18:53,000
You've got to put the chicken on
first, it takes longer.
382
00:18:53,000 --> 00:18:54,520
OK, let's get the chicken on.
383
00:18:54,520 --> 00:18:56,960
But Felix hasn't finished the
marinade yet.
384
00:18:56,960 --> 00:18:58,800
You know what?
385
00:18:58,800 --> 00:19:00,040
Chicken fell.
386
00:19:00,040 --> 00:19:04,040
Sausages it is.
387
00:19:04,560 --> 00:19:05,920
We've got to go.
388
00:19:05,920 --> 00:19:06,960
But the sausages!
389
00:19:06,960 --> 00:19:09,720
Sarah, if you just heard me play it.
390
00:19:09,720 --> 00:19:13,720
Please don't!
391
00:19:14,240 --> 00:19:18,240
RASPING DRONE
392
00:19:19,640 --> 00:19:23,640
DRUMMING
393
00:19:29,160 --> 00:19:30,320
What's happening?
394
00:19:30,320 --> 00:19:31,760
Stop the war!
395
00:19:31,760 --> 00:19:33,720
It's a fucking break out!
396
00:19:33,720 --> 00:19:35,080
Guys!
397
00:19:35,080 --> 00:19:37,160
Look what I found.
398
00:19:37,160 --> 00:19:38,920
Cowbell!
399
00:19:38,920 --> 00:19:42,920
THEY CHEER
400
00:19:48,520 --> 00:19:51,560
KENT'S VOICE: Morpheus,
please don't fuck my mum.
401
00:19:51,560 --> 00:19:52,920
Don't fuck my mum, Morpheus.
402
00:19:52,920 --> 00:19:54,320
Don't fuck my mum!
403
00:19:54,320 --> 00:19:55,400
I ask you as a friend...
404
00:19:55,400 --> 00:19:56,440
Don't fuck my mum.
405
00:19:56,440 --> 00:19:58,880
Morpheus, don't fuck my mum!
406
00:19:58,880 --> 00:20:01,160
It's all right, just fuck his mum.
407
00:20:01,160 --> 00:20:02,200
Go on!
408
00:20:02,200 --> 00:20:04,760
I mean, she's practically
given you the green light.
409
00:20:04,760 --> 00:20:07,080
Go on, put it right inside her.
It's only a fuck!
410
00:20:07,080 --> 00:20:10,480
Just give her a quickie! Fuck her!
Fuck her! Fuck her! Yeah!
411
00:20:10,480 --> 00:20:12,960
I'm going up now, Morphs.
412
00:20:12,960 --> 00:20:15,920
You're welcome to stay.
413
00:20:15,920 --> 00:20:19,920
It's nice having company.
414
00:20:21,280 --> 00:20:25,280
MUSIC: Oh Yeah
by Yello
415
00:20:28,640 --> 00:20:31,960
Oh, yeah
416
00:20:31,960 --> 00:20:35,480
Oh, yeah
417
00:20:35,480 --> 00:20:38,760
Oh, yeah
418
00:20:38,760 --> 00:20:42,240
The moon
419
00:20:42,240 --> 00:20:44,200
Oh, yeah
420
00:20:44,200 --> 00:20:47,880
Chikka-chik-ah
421
00:20:47,880 --> 00:20:50,680
Chikka-chik-ah
422
00:20:50,680 --> 00:20:52,080
Chik
423
00:20:52,080 --> 00:20:53,320
Chik
424
00:20:53,320 --> 00:20:55,320
Chikka-chik-ah...
425
00:20:55,320 --> 00:20:58,040
Morpheus, what are you doing?
426
00:20:58,040 --> 00:20:59,960
I don't know.
427
00:20:59,960 --> 00:21:03,960
Chikka-chik-ah.
428
00:21:07,120 --> 00:21:09,320
This is the worst thing
I've ever heard.
429
00:21:09,320 --> 00:21:10,440
I know.
430
00:21:10,440 --> 00:21:12,720
I know, that's why I
came to see you.
431
00:21:12,720 --> 00:21:15,360
I mean, what should I do about Kent?
432
00:21:15,360 --> 00:21:17,360
Just don't even tell him.
433
00:21:17,360 --> 00:21:18,400
Really?
434
00:21:18,400 --> 00:21:22,400
Is that OK from your spirit
guide, moral compass, point of view?
435
00:21:22,920 --> 00:21:24,680
Bury it, lad.
436
00:21:24,680 --> 00:21:26,840
You say nothing happened? Totally.
437
00:21:26,840 --> 00:21:28,400
It was just a spoon.
438
00:21:28,400 --> 00:21:32,400
I mean, I had a bit of a stiffy, but
she definitely didn't feel it.
439
00:21:32,600 --> 00:21:34,560
Get out of my forest.
440
00:21:34,560 --> 00:21:37,600
Yes.
441
00:21:37,600 --> 00:21:41,600
Disgusting!
442
00:21:43,680 --> 00:21:47,400
See, this is what we should have
done from the start.
443
00:21:47,400 --> 00:21:50,520
You disrespect the comedown and the
comedown punishes you.
444
00:21:50,520 --> 00:21:52,920
It punished my fucking ears.
445
00:21:52,920 --> 00:21:54,400
Bongos?
446
00:21:54,400 --> 00:21:58,080
Didgeridoo.
447
00:21:58,080 --> 00:22:00,280
I don't know if it's my comedown,
448
00:22:00,280 --> 00:22:03,960
but I'm finding this pony movie
really moving.
449
00:22:03,960 --> 00:22:05,480
Yeah.
450
00:22:05,480 --> 00:22:06,640
Me too.
451
00:22:06,640 --> 00:22:08,880
Good choice, Morph.
452
00:22:08,880 --> 00:22:10,480
Mmm-hmm.
453
00:22:10,480 --> 00:22:12,520
And thanks for looking after my
mum today.
454
00:22:12,520 --> 00:22:15,400
No problem.
You really are a great friend.
455
00:22:15,400 --> 00:22:16,960
OK.
456
00:22:16,960 --> 00:22:19,000
It's like the movie says -
457
00:22:19,000 --> 00:22:23,000
friendship is magic.
458
00:22:23,520 --> 00:22:26,440
Your mum hasn't tried to call you,
has she?
459
00:22:26,440 --> 00:22:28,920
Yeah.
460
00:22:28,920 --> 00:22:30,920
But I knifed it.
461
00:22:30,920 --> 00:22:33,360
I can't talk to her now.
462
00:22:33,360 --> 00:22:35,920
Yeah. One for tomorrow.
463
00:22:35,920 --> 00:22:39,200
Yeah. One for tomorrow.
464
00:22:39,200 --> 00:22:40,600
Chikka-chik-ah.
465
00:22:40,600 --> 00:22:44,600
MUSIC: Why
by Annie Lennox
466
00:22:59,080 --> 00:23:02,520
Subtitles by Ericsson
467
00:23:02,520 --> 00:23:06,000
ALISON: Bosh!
468
00:23:06,050 --> 00:23:10,600
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