Would you like to inspect the original subtitles? These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated:
1
00:00:15,495 --> 00:00:18,595
- Corrected by darthfrede -
-- www.addic7ed.com --
2
00:00:19,155 --> 00:00:21,874
And Titania, the fairy queen,
awakens in the forest glade
3
00:00:21,974 --> 00:00:24,414
and spies the lowly
weaver cavorting.
4
00:00:24,514 --> 00:00:26,954
Mr Condell, Mr Kempe,
in your own time.
5
00:00:27,574 --> 00:00:29,294
[YAWNS]
6
00:00:29,394 --> 00:00:34,174
What angel wakes me
from my flowery bed?
7
00:00:34,274 --> 00:00:38,274
The finch, the sparrow and the
lark, the plainsong cuckoo grey.
8
00:00:38,374 --> 00:00:42,234
I pray thee, gentle mortal,
sing again. I love thee.
9
00:00:42,334 --> 00:00:44,934
And woof, bang!
10
00:00:45,034 --> 00:00:49,514
Show stops, roof comes off, audience
wets its collective puffling pants.
11
00:00:49,614 --> 00:00:51,654
There's your most
celebrated comic moment
12
00:00:51,754 --> 00:00:55,594
in the entire history of
English theatre right there!
13
00:00:55,694 --> 00:00:57,854
Celebrated comic moment, Will?
14
00:00:57,954 --> 00:01:01,714
I don't understand. Surely for it
to be a celebrated comic moment,
15
00:01:01,814 --> 00:01:02,994
it has to be funny.
16
00:01:03,094 --> 00:01:04,894
It is funny.
17
00:01:04,994 --> 00:01:07,494
The fairy queen awakens
from an enchanted sleep
18
00:01:07,594 --> 00:01:10,874
and is instantly smitten
by the first person she sees.
19
00:01:10,974 --> 00:01:12,854
A common weaver!
20
00:01:12,954 --> 00:01:14,734
He's common!
21
00:01:14,834 --> 00:01:16,054
You know my rule.
22
00:01:16,154 --> 00:01:19,014
All people of lowly birth
are inherently hilarious
23
00:01:19,114 --> 00:01:22,794
because of their pathetic stupidity
and delusions of grandeur.
24
00:01:22,894 --> 00:01:24,134
It's not enough, Will.
25
00:01:24,234 --> 00:01:26,874
When you spoke of this
Midsummer Night's Dream,
26
00:01:26,974 --> 00:01:29,014
you promised a comic tour de force.
27
00:01:29,114 --> 00:01:31,954
I was expecting at the very least
a funny name.
28
00:01:32,054 --> 00:01:33,894
And an inspired visual gag.
29
00:01:33,994 --> 00:01:35,734
And yet you give us neither.
30
00:01:35,834 --> 00:01:38,074
So never mind the finch,
the sparrow and the lark, mate.
31
00:01:38,174 --> 00:01:40,274
What you've got here
is a fresh-plucked turkey.
32
00:01:40,374 --> 00:01:41,424
[LAUGHTER]
33
00:01:41,634 --> 00:01:44,354
It's a Midsummer Night's Snooze,
Will.
34
00:01:44,454 --> 00:01:46,094
And unless you can come up with
35
00:01:46,194 --> 00:01:48,684
a funny name and an
inspired visual gag,
36
00:01:48,784 --> 00:01:51,274
then I must needs
find a writer who can!
37
00:01:55,134 --> 00:01:57,494
- [SIGHS]
- Good day at rehearsals, master?
38
00:01:57,594 --> 00:01:59,994
No, Botski, it wasn't.
They don't like the play.
39
00:02:00,094 --> 00:02:01,834
They think it's dull
and needs more gags.
40
00:02:01,934 --> 00:02:03,674
That's not a very helpful comment,
is it?
41
00:02:03,774 --> 00:02:04,574
No, it isn't.
42
00:02:04,674 --> 00:02:07,114
I mean, they could say that
about any of your plays.
43
00:02:07,214 --> 00:02:10,194
Just get me some ale and pie!
44
00:02:11,354 --> 00:02:13,794
What do you think, Kate? Loving it?
45
00:02:13,894 --> 00:02:15,134
I bet you are.
46
00:02:15,234 --> 00:02:17,874
So, the whole plot depends
on the machinations
47
00:02:17,974 --> 00:02:20,114
of this mischievous band of fairies
48
00:02:20,214 --> 00:02:22,434
meddling in matters
of the human heart?
49
00:02:22,534 --> 00:02:24,754
Absolutely.
Got to love a meddling fairy.
50
00:02:24,854 --> 00:02:26,294
Box office gold!
51
00:02:26,394 --> 00:02:29,274
And the lovers'
eventual devotions are dictated
52
00:02:29,374 --> 00:02:31,394
by the administering
of a magic potion?
53
00:02:31,494 --> 00:02:33,734
A magic potion, yes.
Punters love all that.
54
00:02:33,834 --> 00:02:36,074
Mr Shakespeare,
is your play suggesting
55
00:02:36,174 --> 00:02:37,254
that a drugged person
56
00:02:37,354 --> 00:02:39,194
is capable of giving consent?
57
00:02:42,034 --> 00:02:45,354
What?
Blimey, I didn't see that coming!
58
00:02:46,554 --> 00:02:48,214
But, you know, if the drug is
59
00:02:48,314 --> 00:02:51,514
administered by
well-intentioned fairies...
60
00:02:52,634 --> 00:02:54,034
that's all right, isn't it?
61
00:02:54,134 --> 00:02:56,454
No, it isn't!
62
00:02:56,554 --> 00:02:58,614
Goodness gracious, Mr Shakespeare.
63
00:02:58,714 --> 00:03:01,904
This appalling Puck figure
goes about drugging people
64
00:03:02,004 --> 00:03:05,194
so they can then be forced
into intimate relations
65
00:03:05,294 --> 00:03:08,034
with those whom they
had previously despised.
66
00:03:08,134 --> 00:03:10,354
That is sexual assault,
Mr Shakespeare.
67
00:03:10,454 --> 00:03:13,594
God's boobikins, Kate.
If...
68
00:03:13,694 --> 00:03:15,054
If a mischievous sprite
69
00:03:15,154 --> 00:03:18,224
can't administer a simple love
potion to a sleeping innocent
70
00:03:18,324 --> 00:03:21,394
without being accused of assault,
then... then I give up!
71
00:03:21,494 --> 00:03:24,254
Really!
You must curb your tendency
72
00:03:24,354 --> 00:03:27,114
to apply a joyless
socio-political agenda
73
00:03:27,214 --> 00:03:28,754
to every situation.
74
00:03:28,854 --> 00:03:30,294
He's right, Kate.
75
00:03:30,394 --> 00:03:33,434
If you keep banging on with
all this whiny-woman stuff,
76
00:03:33,534 --> 00:03:35,034
you'll never get a
man to marry you.
77
00:03:35,134 --> 00:03:37,174
I don't want a man to marry me
78
00:03:37,274 --> 00:03:40,194
if it means I must
needs deny myself!
79
00:03:40,294 --> 00:03:41,794
Kate, have a care.
80
00:03:41,894 --> 00:03:43,294
As you are well aware,
81
00:03:43,394 --> 00:03:45,374
clever, gobby birds like you
82
00:03:45,474 --> 00:03:48,374
who remain unmarried
be thought witches.
83
00:03:48,474 --> 00:03:51,814
And as one who looks upon
you almost as a daughter,
84
00:03:51,914 --> 00:03:55,914
I'd really rather not see you burnt
at the stake or drowned in the pond.
85
00:03:56,014 --> 00:04:00,194
If I marry, it will be to a man
who respects me for my mind.
86
00:04:00,294 --> 00:04:02,574
You have spoiled me for that,
Mr Shakespeare,
87
00:04:02,674 --> 00:04:05,154
treating me as your equal
and seeking my opinions.
88
00:04:05,254 --> 00:04:06,454
Well, yes, although,
89
00:04:06,554 --> 00:04:09,244
kind of only when
they're complimentary.
90
00:04:09,344 --> 00:04:11,839
Speaking of which,
predatory sprites aside,
91
00:04:11,939 --> 00:04:14,434
do you like my
Midsummer Night's Dream?
92
00:04:14,534 --> 00:04:16,574
If I'm honest, I think it's all a
93
00:04:16,674 --> 00:04:18,714
bit mimsy-whimsy
soppy-grotty doodah.
94
00:04:19,754 --> 00:04:22,394
Mimsy-whimsy soppy-grotty doodah?
95
00:04:22,494 --> 00:04:23,534
How can you say that?
96
00:04:23,634 --> 00:04:24,734
Well, for a start, three of
97
00:04:24,834 --> 00:04:26,674
the principal
characters are fairies.
98
00:04:26,774 --> 00:04:28,334
And proudly so.
99
00:04:28,434 --> 00:04:29,774
I would have thought that you of
100
00:04:29,874 --> 00:04:31,714
all people would agree
that it's high time
101
00:04:31,814 --> 00:04:34,894
that members of the FSNEP community
102
00:04:34,994 --> 00:04:38,394
were properly represented
in popular drama projects.
103
00:04:38,494 --> 00:04:39,494
FSNEP?
104
00:04:39,594 --> 00:04:42,234
Fairy, sprite, nymph,
elf and pixie.
105
00:04:43,794 --> 00:04:45,654
FSNEP characters are appallingly
106
00:04:45,754 --> 00:04:48,124
underrepresented in
mainstream culture.
107
00:04:48,224 --> 00:04:50,594
So, you really do
believe in fairies, then?
108
00:04:50,694 --> 00:04:52,514
Absolutely. I've met one.
109
00:04:54,074 --> 00:04:55,794
You've met an actual fairy?
110
00:04:55,894 --> 00:04:56,894
Indeed I have.
111
00:04:56,994 --> 00:05:01,594
A puckish sprite, a will-o'- the-wisp
in the employ of the fairy queen.
112
00:05:01,694 --> 00:05:04,354
'Twas from him that I got
the idea for the potion,
113
00:05:04,454 --> 00:05:06,654
and it is to just
such a potion that
114
00:05:06,754 --> 00:05:08,954
I owe the love of
mine own sweet Anne.
115
00:05:09,054 --> 00:05:10,334
Is this one of your jokes?
116
00:05:10,434 --> 00:05:12,754
Could be. I mean, it's not funny.
That's usually a clue.
117
00:05:13,954 --> 00:05:17,774
I'm not joking.
It happened many years ago.
118
00:05:17,874 --> 00:05:20,874
I'd just met gorgeous Anne
Hathaway, the milkmaid,
119
00:05:20,974 --> 00:05:22,614
and after a whirlwind of sweet
120
00:05:22,714 --> 00:05:25,154
romance and heartfelt emotion,
had...
121
00:05:25,254 --> 00:05:26,694
Knocked her up.
122
00:05:26,794 --> 00:05:29,634
...knocked her proper up
the muffly-duffington.
123
00:05:29,734 --> 00:05:30,974
My fault entirely.
124
00:05:31,074 --> 00:05:33,834
She had begged that I take
care in my frenzied haste,
125
00:05:33,934 --> 00:05:35,614
and promised had I to ensure that
126
00:05:35,714 --> 00:05:38,354
the stranger in the
purple helm who had...
127
00:05:39,354 --> 00:05:41,714
who had come a-visiting
beneath her petticoats
128
00:05:41,814 --> 00:05:43,774
would ne'er outstay his welcome
129
00:05:43,874 --> 00:05:47,194
but would instead withdraw
post-haste before,
130
00:05:47,294 --> 00:05:49,054
like fiery Mount Vesuvius
131
00:05:49,154 --> 00:05:53,994
disgorging hot lava upon Pompeii,
an unfortunate eruption occurred.
132
00:05:55,194 --> 00:05:58,074
But cometh the hour...
cometh the man.
133
00:05:59,674 --> 00:06:02,544
And Anne,
being fertile as a new-sown meadow
134
00:06:02,644 --> 00:06:05,414
spread thick with fresh
and steaming dung,
135
00:06:05,514 --> 00:06:09,474
was pregnant before I'd had so
much as a chance to light a pipe
136
00:06:09,574 --> 00:06:11,834
and ask how it had beeneth for her.
137
00:06:13,074 --> 00:06:15,574
Thus was our wedding day set.
138
00:06:15,674 --> 00:06:18,704
Are you actually going anywhere
with this tsunami of oversharing?
139
00:06:18,804 --> 00:06:21,834
Yeah. I thought you were about
to tell us about meeting a fairy.
140
00:06:21,934 --> 00:06:23,374
I'm getting to that.
141
00:06:23,474 --> 00:06:26,414
You see,
I loved Anne with all my heart,
142
00:06:26,514 --> 00:06:30,314
but I feared that she did only marry
me because she was knocked uppeth.
143
00:06:31,794 --> 00:06:34,834
To be honest, I've always lacked
a bit of confidence with girls.
144
00:06:34,934 --> 00:06:36,594
Yeah. Being bald.
145
00:06:36,694 --> 00:06:38,254
I am not bald!
146
00:06:38,354 --> 00:06:40,114
I have a tall face.
147
00:06:41,554 --> 00:06:44,754
Besides which, in those days,
my face was much shorter.
148
00:06:44,854 --> 00:06:46,354
I had gorgeous raven locks
149
00:06:46,454 --> 00:06:47,854
and as pretty an ankle as any
150
00:06:47,954 --> 00:06:50,534
hot-blooded youth in
South Warwickshire.
151
00:06:50,634 --> 00:06:54,514
But, Mr Shakespeare, if your locks
were raven and your ankle pretty,
152
00:06:54,614 --> 00:06:56,054
why didst thou lack confidence?
153
00:06:56,154 --> 00:07:00,194
Well, I'm not saying I wasn't a
catch. I was hot stuff, all right,
154
00:07:00,294 --> 00:07:02,414
just not as hot stuff as mine Anne.
155
00:07:02,514 --> 00:07:04,634
She was just such a classy bird!
156
00:07:06,074 --> 00:07:09,754
Master, I love Mrs S to death,
but classy...? You think?
157
00:07:09,854 --> 00:07:11,214
I remember you telling me
158
00:07:11,314 --> 00:07:13,674
she didn't even let
go of the cow's teats.
159
00:07:13,774 --> 00:07:15,314
'Tis true, she was a dutiful maid
160
00:07:15,414 --> 00:07:16,854
and verily did milk a bucketful
161
00:07:16,954 --> 00:07:18,914
whilst I didst roist
around the back...
162
00:07:20,154 --> 00:07:21,294
which, I do confess,
163
00:07:21,394 --> 00:07:24,434
lent a surprisingly erotic
frisson to the encounter.
164
00:07:25,794 --> 00:07:27,494
Anne was just so sexsome.
165
00:07:27,594 --> 00:07:30,154
All did love her,
and she love them.
166
00:07:30,254 --> 00:07:31,814
And many a lusty-trousered
167
00:07:31,914 --> 00:07:35,394
sap-bursting roister had
plighted his troth before me,
168
00:07:35,494 --> 00:07:37,134
and she didn't marry any of them.
169
00:07:37,234 --> 00:07:40,634
She was 26 by the time she
gave my troth a plighting.
170
00:07:40,734 --> 00:07:43,994
Why, having waited so long,
did she choose me?
171
00:07:44,094 --> 00:07:45,834
Because she was up the duffington.
172
00:07:45,934 --> 00:07:47,014
Exactly.
173
00:07:47,114 --> 00:07:48,774
She had to marry me.
174
00:07:48,874 --> 00:07:50,494
But she didn't have to love me.
175
00:07:50,594 --> 00:07:54,474
And distraught was I at the
prospect of a reluctant bride.
176
00:07:54,574 --> 00:07:56,914
And that's when I
met the fairy sprite.
177
00:07:57,014 --> 00:07:59,554
Blimey! I'd forgotten about him.
178
00:08:00,554 --> 00:08:01,774
Not me, Bottom.
179
00:08:01,874 --> 00:08:03,714
You never forget your first Puck.
180
00:08:06,074 --> 00:08:09,674
Wandered had I alone
in the merry greenwood.
181
00:08:09,894 --> 00:08:11,414
[HAUNTING MELODY ON PIPE]
182
00:08:11,514 --> 00:08:12,714
Blimey!
183
00:08:16,194 --> 00:08:19,204
Either I mistake your
shape and making quite,
184
00:08:19,304 --> 00:08:22,314
or else you are that
shrewd and knavish sprite
185
00:08:22,414 --> 00:08:25,034
call'd Robin Goodfellow.
Are not you he
186
00:08:25,134 --> 00:08:27,754
that frights the maidens
of the villagery?
187
00:08:27,854 --> 00:08:29,494
Thou speak'st aright.
188
00:08:29,594 --> 00:08:32,384
I am that merry
wanderer of the night.
189
00:08:32,484 --> 00:08:35,489
I jest to Oberon
and make him smile,
190
00:08:35,589 --> 00:08:38,494
when I a fat and
bean-fed horse beguile.
191
00:08:38,594 --> 00:08:42,994
But since in daisy chains I've
got you, just call me Puck.
192
00:08:43,094 --> 00:08:45,054
That's as in "what the...?"
193
00:08:45,154 --> 00:08:49,314
Why, then, naughty sprite,
what the Puck would you with me?
194
00:08:49,414 --> 00:08:52,074
A clever bargain would
I strike with you, sir.
195
00:08:52,174 --> 00:08:55,594
In love methinks thou
art a total loser.
196
00:08:55,694 --> 00:08:57,134
But...
197
00:08:57,234 --> 00:09:00,924
Put this potion in
your sweetheart's eyes,
198
00:09:01,024 --> 00:09:04,614
and when she wakes she'll
get a big surprise.
199
00:09:04,714 --> 00:09:08,274
To him whom first she sees,
her heart's enthralled,
200
00:09:08,374 --> 00:09:12,394
even if, like you,
he ends up going bald.
201
00:09:15,214 --> 00:09:17,134
[TINKLING]
202
00:09:22,394 --> 00:09:23,934
And he gave me the potion.
203
00:09:24,034 --> 00:09:26,874
Oh, my goodness!
And it all came true.
204
00:09:26,974 --> 00:09:28,094
Well, not entirely.
205
00:09:28,194 --> 00:09:29,744
As you can see, I didn't go bald,
206
00:09:29,844 --> 00:09:31,294
just a little bit less not bald,
207
00:09:31,394 --> 00:09:33,014
which is a completely
different thing.
208
00:09:33,114 --> 00:09:37,434
Anyway, Puck charged me fully
five shillings for the potion.
209
00:09:37,534 --> 00:09:39,274
Every penny I had, in fact.
210
00:09:39,374 --> 00:09:41,014
But a small price to pay for a
211
00:09:41,114 --> 00:09:43,984
lifetime of domestic bliss,
because it worked.
212
00:09:44,084 --> 00:09:46,954
Mine Anne has been besotted
with me ever since.
213
00:09:47,054 --> 00:09:48,554
Just as I am with her.
214
00:09:51,274 --> 00:09:53,544
Well, I mean,
we've had our ups and downs.
215
00:09:53,644 --> 00:09:55,814
The "dark lady" episode,
for instance?
216
00:09:55,914 --> 00:09:59,354
Sweet Emelia Lanier,
daughter of the Venetian court musician,
217
00:09:59,454 --> 00:10:01,754
whom you did lust
after most hornsomely.
218
00:10:01,854 --> 00:10:05,674
Yes, I do admit a brief and
unfortunate infatuation there.
219
00:10:05,774 --> 00:10:07,534
And the "fair youth," whom also
220
00:10:07,634 --> 00:10:09,954
did you want to
roister most rigidly.
221
00:10:10,054 --> 00:10:11,454
For the final time, Bottom,
222
00:10:11,554 --> 00:10:14,434
I did not want to rigidly
roister the Earl of Southampton!
223
00:10:16,074 --> 00:10:18,674
Honestly, I just don't know
how these rumours get about!
224
00:10:18,774 --> 00:10:20,814
Well...
You did write most gushsomely
225
00:10:20,914 --> 00:10:24,194
about wanting to expend your
spirit in his waste of shame.
226
00:10:25,674 --> 00:10:28,034
By which I meant,
"Have a nice chat."
227
00:10:28,134 --> 00:10:29,414
Obviously.
228
00:10:29,514 --> 00:10:30,964
But never mind all that.
229
00:10:31,064 --> 00:10:32,414
The point I'm making is that
230
00:10:32,514 --> 00:10:34,754
my midsummer's play
be not fey whimsy,
231
00:10:34,854 --> 00:10:36,254
but gritty realism.
232
00:10:36,354 --> 00:10:39,194
You don't think this Puck
bloke might have been a conman?
233
00:10:39,294 --> 00:10:41,734
Absolutely not. The potion worked.
234
00:10:41,834 --> 00:10:43,994
Anne's constant heart
is proof of that.
235
00:10:44,094 --> 00:10:45,374
And now that we have established
236
00:10:45,474 --> 00:10:48,244
beyond any doubt that A
Midsummer Night's Dream
237
00:10:48,344 --> 00:10:51,014
is definitely not mimsy-whimsy
soppy-grotty doodah,
238
00:10:51,114 --> 00:10:54,734
I must return to the question of
gagging up the big reveal scene.
239
00:10:54,834 --> 00:10:58,674
I've promised Burbage that I'll give
the lowly weaver a hilarious name,
240
00:10:58,774 --> 00:11:01,274
but what could that name be,
Bottom?
241
00:11:02,634 --> 00:11:05,754
I ask you...
Bottom, what could it be?
242
00:11:05,854 --> 00:11:07,734
I've no idea, master.
243
00:11:07,834 --> 00:11:11,694
Also, Burbage is
expecting a big visual gag
244
00:11:11,794 --> 00:11:14,714
and I'm equally at a loss
for the inspiration there.
245
00:11:14,814 --> 00:11:19,234
In come I to make an ass of myself!
246
00:11:19,654 --> 00:11:21,534
[LAUGHTER]
247
00:11:21,634 --> 00:11:23,874
What merry trick is this?
248
00:11:23,974 --> 00:11:25,914
Who am I?
249
00:11:27,114 --> 00:11:30,134
It's you, Mr Marlowe!
250
00:11:30,234 --> 00:11:31,694
Absolutely. I just thought I'd
251
00:11:31,794 --> 00:11:33,334
have a bit of fun
with my latest trophy.
252
00:11:33,434 --> 00:11:35,594
Me and a couple of posh mates
just been on a stag hunt.
253
00:11:35,694 --> 00:11:37,034
Mr Marlowe, that's an ass's head.
254
00:11:37,134 --> 00:11:38,914
Yeah. So much easier to bag.
255
00:11:39,014 --> 00:11:40,174
I mean, think about it.
256
00:11:40,274 --> 00:11:42,794
Stag: Five hours creeping
through streams and gorse
257
00:11:42,894 --> 00:11:44,294
to probably miss anyway.
258
00:11:44,394 --> 00:11:46,834
Ass: Tethered to a post
in a small paddock.
259
00:11:46,934 --> 00:11:47,814
You do the maths.
260
00:11:47,914 --> 00:11:51,314
Anyway, I thought I could hang it
here till I get my permanent digs.
261
00:11:51,414 --> 00:11:54,954
I just love its proud
brow and noble expression.
262
00:11:56,594 --> 00:11:58,694
Gosh, Kit, what fun!
263
00:11:58,794 --> 00:12:00,334
Nice to have something to take my
264
00:12:00,434 --> 00:12:03,034
mind off my search for a
really telling comic image
265
00:12:03,134 --> 00:12:04,514
for my midsummer's play...
266
00:12:05,754 --> 00:12:08,554
which continues to
completely elude me.
267
00:12:08,654 --> 00:12:09,974
I can't help you there, mate.
268
00:12:10,074 --> 00:12:12,094
Bottom, ale and pie, if you please.
269
00:12:12,194 --> 00:12:14,794
And afterwards, I'd be
obliged if you'd mount my ass.
270
00:12:16,594 --> 00:12:18,714
That is not in my job description.
271
00:12:19,914 --> 00:12:21,774
Did you see what I did there?
272
00:12:21,874 --> 00:12:24,674
The head, Botski.
I meant mount the trophy.
273
00:12:24,814 --> 00:12:25,934
[BANGING ON DOOR]
274
00:12:26,034 --> 00:12:28,474
Who is it? Be careful.
Let none know I'm here.
275
00:12:28,574 --> 00:12:30,614
It's that old bastable
Robert Greene.
276
00:12:30,714 --> 00:12:33,954
Right, well, that's all right, then.
Goodness, you seem a bit jumpy, Kit.
277
00:12:34,054 --> 00:12:37,034
Can't deny it, Will.
Laying low. Debts.
278
00:12:37,134 --> 00:12:38,854
Vengeance, spying, betrayal.
279
00:12:38,954 --> 00:12:41,514
It's all getting a bit much,
and I fear for my life.
280
00:12:41,614 --> 00:12:43,714
That's why I was
wearing the ass's head.
281
00:12:43,814 --> 00:12:46,134
Going incognito, so to speak.
282
00:12:46,234 --> 00:12:51,234
Mr Shakespeare,
here I am come a-calling.
283
00:12:51,354 --> 00:12:53,374
'Tis passing strange, Mr Greene,
284
00:12:53,474 --> 00:12:57,514
as 'tis well known about the town
that you do hate my gutlings.
285
00:12:57,614 --> 00:13:00,494
I do not visit you, Mr Shakespeare.
286
00:13:00,594 --> 00:13:04,434
I would rather enter the dungeons
of the Spanish Inquisition
287
00:13:04,534 --> 00:13:07,974
testy-baubles first
than seek your company.
288
00:13:08,074 --> 00:13:11,954
'Tis this fortunate maid
with whom I would speak.
289
00:13:12,054 --> 00:13:13,794
Me, Mr Greene? How so?
290
00:13:13,894 --> 00:13:15,534
And why be I fortunate?
291
00:13:15,634 --> 00:13:18,834
Because I come as messenger
from the noble Lord Egeus,
292
00:13:18,934 --> 00:13:21,254
the richest man in Southwark.
293
00:13:21,354 --> 00:13:24,914
Lord Egeus, as you may know,
has been ever a soldier.
294
00:13:25,014 --> 00:13:26,654
A hard, manly, bachelor life.
295
00:13:26,754 --> 00:13:28,294
The closest he has e'er come to a
296
00:13:28,394 --> 00:13:30,634
boon companion to bring
him comfort and love
297
00:13:30,734 --> 00:13:32,374
hath been his horse.
298
00:13:32,474 --> 00:13:34,074
Yes, I've heard those rumours.
299
00:13:35,194 --> 00:13:40,194
Now, however, he would take him a
wife and he has spied you, Miss,
300
00:13:40,594 --> 00:13:44,074
upon the dilly as you flit
daintily from shop to shop.
301
00:13:44,174 --> 00:13:48,014
I can't help it.
Mad shopper, me. Love shops!
302
00:13:48,114 --> 00:13:51,104
Yes, well, His Lordship's
fancy hath been tickled.
303
00:13:51,204 --> 00:13:54,194
He therefore sends me
post-haste to plight his troth
304
00:13:54,294 --> 00:13:55,654
requesting your hand in marriage.
305
00:13:55,754 --> 00:13:59,674
Zounds, Kate! Lord Egeus is
the richest man in Southwark.
306
00:13:59,774 --> 00:14:03,074
And fully 50 years old,
and mean and ugly,
307
00:14:03,174 --> 00:14:06,314
and most warty be his countenance!
308
00:14:06,414 --> 00:14:09,554
And he's the richest
man in Southwark.
309
00:14:09,654 --> 00:14:14,274
And he doth also own this house.
310
00:14:14,374 --> 00:14:15,414
My mother has a lease.
311
00:14:15,514 --> 00:14:18,554
A lease which be subject to terms,
terms which be defined in courts,
312
00:14:18,654 --> 00:14:20,414
courts which be ruled by judges,
313
00:14:20,514 --> 00:14:22,794
judges who owe their
positions to...?
314
00:14:22,894 --> 00:14:25,174
The richest man in Southwark.
315
00:14:25,274 --> 00:14:28,314
Lord Egeus's sap is rising,
and his fruity loins
316
00:14:28,414 --> 00:14:31,274
do long for your tender favours.
317
00:14:31,374 --> 00:14:33,614
He demands an answer
in a fortnight.
318
00:14:33,714 --> 00:14:36,224
He may have my answer now,
Mr Greene.
319
00:14:36,324 --> 00:14:38,734
Never. Ne'er shall
I marry Lord Egeus!
320
00:14:38,834 --> 00:14:41,414
Madam, have a care.
Lord Egeus doth love you now
321
00:14:41,514 --> 00:14:46,074
as he has previously loved
only Mr Snorty Velvet Flank.
322
00:14:46,174 --> 00:14:47,254
- His horse?
- Just so.
323
00:14:47,354 --> 00:14:50,634
Please him and you could sleep
on a bed of lavender-scented hay
324
00:14:50,734 --> 00:14:53,274
and wear a diamond-studded muzzle.
325
00:14:54,514 --> 00:14:59,594
Deny him,
and you will feel his whip.
326
00:14:59,994 --> 00:15:01,834
I advise you to think again.
327
00:15:01,934 --> 00:15:04,074
Good day.
328
00:15:05,514 --> 00:15:07,654
Kate, maybe I'm being thick here,
329
00:15:07,754 --> 00:15:10,354
but what part of the sentence,
"The richest man in Southwark"
330
00:15:10,454 --> 00:15:11,334
could you not get?
331
00:15:11,434 --> 00:15:14,314
The part which says I do
not love him, Mr Marlowe!
332
00:15:14,414 --> 00:15:17,154
Kate,
what's love got to do with it?
333
00:15:17,254 --> 00:15:19,994
What be love but a
second-hand emotion?
334
00:15:21,954 --> 00:15:25,194
A woman in our times has
no legal status at all,
335
00:15:25,294 --> 00:15:26,934
save that defined by a man.
336
00:15:27,034 --> 00:15:28,824
She passes from being the property
337
00:15:28,924 --> 00:15:30,714
of her father to
that of her husband.
338
00:15:30,814 --> 00:15:32,214
Eventually, you must needs
339
00:15:32,314 --> 00:15:34,174
throw yourself on
the mercy of a man,
340
00:15:34,274 --> 00:15:37,154
- and not all will be...
- The richest man in Southwark!
341
00:15:37,254 --> 00:15:39,514
I will not marry him!
I swear I won't.
342
00:15:39,614 --> 00:15:41,494
You married for love,
Mr Shakespeare,
343
00:15:41,594 --> 00:15:43,474
and yet you think I deserve less?
344
00:15:43,574 --> 00:15:44,774
I hate men.
345
00:15:44,874 --> 00:15:47,034
I hate, hate, hate them!
346
00:15:49,194 --> 00:15:50,774
But this is awful.
347
00:15:50,874 --> 00:15:53,524
It breaks my heart to see
the child in such distress.
348
00:15:53,624 --> 00:15:56,174
What's more, this rich match
would secure her future.
349
00:15:56,274 --> 00:15:59,514
I mean, Egeus will die soon enough
and Kate'll be set for life.
350
00:15:59,614 --> 00:16:02,834
Still, I suppose we can't
make her love the bloke.
351
00:16:02,934 --> 00:16:04,394
Can't we?
352
00:16:08,474 --> 00:16:09,814
Home am I!
353
00:16:09,914 --> 00:16:11,414
Bring ale, bring pie.
354
00:16:11,514 --> 00:16:14,954
Let all rejoice. Father is home.
355
00:16:15,054 --> 00:16:16,294
Good journey, love?
356
00:16:16,394 --> 00:16:19,114
Nothing more than the usual
hellish nightmare, Anne.
357
00:16:19,214 --> 00:16:20,374
15 hours!
358
00:16:20,474 --> 00:16:22,574
15 bloody hours,
359
00:16:22,674 --> 00:16:26,914
awaiting, and I quote,
"A member of the on-coach team."
360
00:16:28,874 --> 00:16:30,134
The irony of it.
361
00:16:30,234 --> 00:16:32,704
I can't get home because
the lazy bastable
362
00:16:32,804 --> 00:16:35,274
who's supposed to get
me home is at home.
363
00:16:36,714 --> 00:16:39,174
You're always moaning
about your journeys!
364
00:16:39,274 --> 00:16:42,294
I reckon you should write about it,
put it in your plays.
365
00:16:42,394 --> 00:16:46,474
It will be funny and also appealing
to contemporary audiences.
366
00:16:46,574 --> 00:16:49,914
But I don't want my plays to
be contemporary, daughter.
367
00:16:50,014 --> 00:16:51,014
I want them to be timeless.
368
00:16:51,114 --> 00:16:52,954
Well,
why wouldn't that be timeless?
369
00:16:53,054 --> 00:16:54,294
I'm sure it would be of great
370
00:16:54,394 --> 00:16:57,184
comfort to the travelling
public of some future age
371
00:16:57,284 --> 00:17:00,074
to know that my brilliant
son shared their pain.
372
00:17:00,174 --> 00:17:01,334
Come now, Mum.
373
00:17:01,434 --> 00:17:02,534
I hardly think such issues
374
00:17:02,634 --> 00:17:04,554
will concern travellers
centuries hence.
375
00:17:05,754 --> 00:17:07,174
Do you really think the peoples of
376
00:17:07,274 --> 00:17:09,174
this sceptred isle
will endlessly suffer
377
00:17:09,274 --> 00:17:12,104
an underfunded,
ill-run and pointlessly fractured
378
00:17:12,204 --> 00:17:15,034
transport infrastructure
to hobble the nation?
379
00:17:16,074 --> 00:17:17,314
Thou would be mad.
380
00:17:18,754 --> 00:17:21,074
What do you reckon they're
going to do about it, then?
381
00:17:21,174 --> 00:17:23,134
Why,
'tis is certain that one day it
382
00:17:23,234 --> 00:17:25,504
will not be a ragbag
of private companies
383
00:17:25,604 --> 00:17:27,874
that run the means of
transport in Albion,
384
00:17:27,974 --> 00:17:30,134
but the public itself
385
00:17:30,234 --> 00:17:33,384
in some form of nationally
organised collective
386
00:17:33,484 --> 00:17:36,534
run for the benefit of
all and profit of none.
387
00:17:36,634 --> 00:17:39,854
Well, I must say, that does
seem like a pretty good idea.
388
00:17:39,954 --> 00:17:44,954
Except, if ever there was such a
publicly funded service like that,
389
00:17:45,954 --> 00:17:48,264
the first thing the
Queen's ministers
390
00:17:48,364 --> 00:17:50,674
would do is flog it
off to their mates.
391
00:17:54,514 --> 00:17:58,554
Come now, Father! I hardly
think people would be so stupid
392
00:17:58,654 --> 00:18:00,694
as to allow that to happen.
393
00:18:00,794 --> 00:18:02,704
I don't know why you bother coming
394
00:18:02,804 --> 00:18:04,714
home at all if it's
such a total pain!
395
00:18:04,814 --> 00:18:06,934
Why, to see you all, of course.
396
00:18:07,034 --> 00:18:10,354
Mum, the twins, you, Sue,
mine own sweet Anne.
397
00:18:10,454 --> 00:18:11,454
Not Dad, obviously.
398
00:18:11,554 --> 00:18:15,044
But...
But the rest of the family, certainly.
399
00:18:15,144 --> 00:18:18,534
Besides,
I had a yearning for the country.
400
00:18:18,634 --> 00:18:22,284
I would wander in the greenwood
once more as I did when but a youth.
401
00:18:22,384 --> 00:18:26,659
Well, if you're going to the woods,
you can pick me some mushrooms.
402
00:18:26,759 --> 00:18:31,034
You go too, Susanna, and make sure
you pick the right ones this time.
403
00:18:31,134 --> 00:18:32,574
Grandad's still coming down
404
00:18:32,674 --> 00:18:36,104
from the lot you gave him
last week with his chop.
405
00:18:36,204 --> 00:18:39,689
I have opened the doors
to spiritual perception.
406
00:18:39,789 --> 00:18:43,274
Claims he saw the haloed
head of Jesus in his gravy.
407
00:18:43,374 --> 00:18:46,554
It was a dumpling
and an onion ring!
408
00:18:48,074 --> 00:18:51,154
So, you see, Sue,
now you know the whole story,
409
00:18:51,254 --> 00:18:53,094
and I'm returned here now in search
410
00:18:53,194 --> 00:18:55,754
of Puck with another
love dilemma to solve.
411
00:18:55,854 --> 00:18:57,174
Did it ever occur to you, Dad, that
412
00:18:57,274 --> 00:18:59,514
this Puck bloke might
actually be a con artist
413
00:18:59,614 --> 00:19:00,814
who just took five bob off for you
414
00:19:00,914 --> 00:19:02,994
for a bottle of water
with a few petals in it?
415
00:19:03,094 --> 00:19:04,734
I told you, Sue, it worked.
416
00:19:04,834 --> 00:19:06,644
Your mum has loved me all her life.
417
00:19:06,744 --> 00:19:08,454
Maybe she just loved you anyway.
418
00:19:08,554 --> 00:19:10,334
Nice thought, Sue,
but you're dreaming.
419
00:19:10,434 --> 00:19:13,114
What gorgeous girl like
Anne would e'er love me
420
00:19:13,214 --> 00:19:15,154
without the help of
a puckish potion?
421
00:19:15,254 --> 00:19:17,174
I'm the greatest
poet in all history
422
00:19:17,274 --> 00:19:19,194
but I know my limitations.
I'm also...
423
00:19:19,294 --> 00:19:20,734
A fartsome baldy-boots who the
424
00:19:20,834 --> 00:19:22,794
children laugh at on
the village green.
425
00:19:23,994 --> 00:19:27,394
Who comes to the
greenwood with weary sigh?
426
00:19:27,494 --> 00:19:28,654
Speak up,
427
00:19:28,754 --> 00:19:31,234
for Puck would know the reason why.
428
00:19:31,334 --> 00:19:33,294
Good sprite, some years ago,
429
00:19:33,394 --> 00:19:35,334
thou didst present me with a potion
430
00:19:35,434 --> 00:19:37,574
that when administered
to a sleeping soul
431
00:19:37,674 --> 00:19:39,964
would cause them to fall
in love at first sight
432
00:19:40,064 --> 00:19:42,459
with whomsoever they
encountered on awakening.
433
00:19:42,559 --> 00:19:44,954
Which is, by the way,
really, really creepy.
434
00:19:45,054 --> 00:19:46,234
It's not creepy.
435
00:19:48,234 --> 00:19:49,624
It's fun.
436
00:19:49,724 --> 00:19:51,209
And charming.
437
00:19:51,309 --> 00:19:52,794
And romantic.
438
00:19:54,274 --> 00:19:56,554
It's also gone up. Ten bob.
439
00:20:02,354 --> 00:20:03,474
[KNOCK AT DOOR]
440
00:20:03,574 --> 00:20:05,334
Child...
441
00:20:05,434 --> 00:20:08,674
On the morrow, Lord Egeus
will come for his answer.
442
00:20:08,774 --> 00:20:10,094
Yes, I know.
443
00:20:10,194 --> 00:20:11,554
You have been weeping.
444
00:20:11,654 --> 00:20:13,534
No, I haven't.
445
00:20:13,634 --> 00:20:18,714
I have brought you a soothing balm
for your red and swollen eyes.
446
00:20:19,194 --> 00:20:22,034
Except they're not red and swollen,
because I haven't been crying.
447
00:20:22,134 --> 00:20:24,794
I think soothing balm could help.
448
00:20:24,894 --> 00:20:26,014
I don't need balm.
449
00:20:26,114 --> 00:20:28,444
I will not quarrel with thee,
child,
450
00:20:28,544 --> 00:20:30,874
but I beg you,
get a good night's sleep,
451
00:20:30,974 --> 00:20:32,354
and since you have been crying...
452
00:20:32,454 --> 00:20:34,094
I have not been crying!
453
00:20:34,194 --> 00:20:35,994
...use this soothing eye balm.
454
00:20:37,274 --> 00:20:38,814
No, seriously, just...
455
00:20:38,914 --> 00:20:40,254
just put it on your eyes.
456
00:20:40,354 --> 00:20:43,834
For the love I bear thee,
I promise.
457
00:20:47,354 --> 00:20:49,894
By the fairy's false fandangle
458
00:20:49,994 --> 00:20:52,974
does this fond fool
think to gull me.
459
00:20:53,074 --> 00:20:56,374
'Tis clear this soothing
balm of which he speaks
460
00:20:56,474 --> 00:20:59,854
is the very potion with which
he did seek to enchant his Anne.
461
00:20:59,954 --> 00:21:03,634
'Tis certain he intends to ensure
that Lord Egeus be the first person
462
00:21:03,734 --> 00:21:05,894
I lay eyes on on the morrow.
463
00:21:05,994 --> 00:21:09,674
Well, while I be very sure
that this be not magic at all
464
00:21:09,774 --> 00:21:12,014
and none but a conman's trickery,
465
00:21:12,114 --> 00:21:16,954
nonetheless I see a way to
serve his trick back up to him
466
00:21:17,054 --> 00:21:20,674
and put an end to his
hopes that I marry Warty.
467
00:21:20,774 --> 00:21:22,294
Who the maid?
468
00:21:22,394 --> 00:21:23,914
Me the maid.
469
00:21:28,594 --> 00:21:30,544
Robert Greene has come a-calling.
470
00:21:30,644 --> 00:21:32,494
I am arrived at this ridiculously
471
00:21:32,594 --> 00:21:35,114
early hour, as instructed,
Mr Shakespeare.
472
00:21:35,214 --> 00:21:38,974
A most uncivilised imposition.
473
00:21:39,074 --> 00:21:41,824
Well, you know,
today is the big decision day,
474
00:21:41,924 --> 00:21:44,674
and Kate just couldn't
wait to see Lord Egeus.
475
00:21:44,774 --> 00:21:46,254
He will be here shortly?
476
00:21:46,354 --> 00:21:47,734
I trust your urgent summons
477
00:21:47,834 --> 00:21:50,314
means the girl has
come to her senses.
478
00:21:50,414 --> 00:21:51,654
Absolutely.
479
00:21:51,754 --> 00:21:53,294
She will love Lord Egeus most
480
00:21:53,394 --> 00:21:55,694
fervently the moment
she sets eyes on him.
481
00:21:55,794 --> 00:22:00,074
But 'tis crucial that when His
Lordship arrives we hide ourselves,
482
00:22:00,174 --> 00:22:03,274
that when Kate emerges
she sees only him.
483
00:22:03,374 --> 00:22:05,654
She must see His Lordship first.
484
00:22:05,754 --> 00:22:09,194
I need no potion to
perform my magic trick.
485
00:22:09,294 --> 00:22:11,914
Just a fine brain
and a firm resolve.
486
00:22:13,474 --> 00:22:16,214
Oh, Bottom!
Bottom!
487
00:22:16,314 --> 00:22:20,314
My night-time turding pot
be fully rank and loaded.
488
00:22:20,414 --> 00:22:23,514
Canst thou turf its
contents from the window?
489
00:22:23,614 --> 00:22:26,014
Oh, Bottom! Bottom!
490
00:22:26,114 --> 00:22:28,754
Kate's awake.
She'll want her turding pot turfed.
491
00:22:28,854 --> 00:22:30,454
Bottom, no!
492
00:22:30,554 --> 00:22:34,494
What angel wakes me
from my flowery bed?
493
00:22:34,594 --> 00:22:37,234
Angel? Kate, it's me, Bottom.
I've come for your turding pot.
494
00:22:37,334 --> 00:22:38,754
You're so beautiful. What?
495
00:22:38,854 --> 00:22:40,174
No!
496
00:22:40,274 --> 00:22:41,934
What madness is this?
497
00:22:42,034 --> 00:22:45,234
'Tis as if I see thee
for the first time...
498
00:22:45,334 --> 00:22:47,034
My Bottom!
499
00:22:47,134 --> 00:22:48,334
Come.
500
00:22:48,434 --> 00:22:49,904
Embrace...
501
00:22:50,004 --> 00:22:51,474
my Bottom!
502
00:22:51,574 --> 00:22:52,574
Kiss...
503
00:22:52,674 --> 00:22:53,814
my Bottom!
504
00:22:53,914 --> 00:22:57,154
Caress, cuddle and delight...
505
00:22:57,254 --> 00:22:59,894
my Bottom!
506
00:22:59,994 --> 00:23:01,534
Bottom's his name.
507
00:23:01,634 --> 00:23:03,674
Oh! And, of course,
that's all right, then.
508
00:23:03,774 --> 00:23:05,694
Except not!
509
00:23:05,794 --> 00:23:08,314
Lord Egeus will do
dark murder to us all!
510
00:23:08,414 --> 00:23:11,524
- [FANFARE]
- His Grace, the Lord Egeus.
511
00:23:11,624 --> 00:23:13,494
I've come for the girl.
512
00:23:13,594 --> 00:23:16,074
I'm sorry, my lord,
but I am spoken for.
513
00:23:16,174 --> 00:23:17,954
I love my Bottom.
514
00:23:18,054 --> 00:23:19,834
And with good reason.
515
00:23:19,934 --> 00:23:21,814
Fine buttocks.
516
00:23:21,914 --> 00:23:23,694
Strong flanks.
517
00:23:23,794 --> 00:23:25,294
Like a noble horse.
518
00:23:25,394 --> 00:23:29,894
It's your athletic equine
quality that attracts me.
519
00:23:29,994 --> 00:23:35,074
Your Grace, this foolish wicked
girl doth reject your advances.
520
00:23:35,594 --> 00:23:37,814
She loveth another.
521
00:23:37,914 --> 00:23:40,674
Never!
If I can't have her, no-one shall!
522
00:23:40,774 --> 00:23:42,394
I will ruin her!
523
00:23:42,494 --> 00:23:44,014
I will ruin you all!
524
00:23:44,114 --> 00:23:46,454
Bottom, grab Mr Marlowe's trophy,
525
00:23:46,554 --> 00:23:50,354
and when I shout, "Ass!"
put it on, and everybody duck.
526
00:23:55,714 --> 00:23:57,474
Look over here, Lord Egeus!
527
00:23:58,914 --> 00:24:00,234
Ass!
528
00:24:03,584 --> 00:24:05,814
[TINKLING]
529
00:24:07,594 --> 00:24:11,874
What angel wakes me
from my flowery bed?
530
00:24:13,034 --> 00:24:16,194
You are the most attractive
biped I have ever seen.
531
00:24:17,434 --> 00:24:19,084
I do love thee!
532
00:24:19,184 --> 00:24:20,834
I shall mount thee!
533
00:24:20,934 --> 00:24:22,734
No!
534
00:24:22,834 --> 00:24:24,534
Run, Bottom!
535
00:24:24,634 --> 00:24:27,354
Lose him in the local paddock!
He can take his pick!
536
00:24:29,194 --> 00:24:30,824
What madness is this?
537
00:24:30,924 --> 00:24:32,454
There is sorcery afoot!
538
00:24:32,554 --> 00:24:36,474
Lord Egeus, what aileth thee?!
539
00:24:37,714 --> 00:24:39,874
Well, that was all a bit weird.
540
00:24:41,714 --> 00:24:43,734
Long story, Kit, but I think we've
541
00:24:43,834 --> 00:24:46,904
heard the last of Lord
Egeus's infatuation.
542
00:24:47,004 --> 00:24:50,074
I am completely stunned,
Mr Shakespeare.
543
00:24:50,174 --> 00:24:51,774
The potion worked.
544
00:24:51,874 --> 00:24:54,954
Well, of course it worked. You're
in love with Bottom, aren't you?
545
00:24:55,054 --> 00:24:57,274
God knows how I'm
going to fix that.
546
00:24:57,374 --> 00:24:59,274
I'm not in love with Bottom.
547
00:24:59,374 --> 00:25:01,174
I didn't use the potion.
548
00:25:01,274 --> 00:25:03,214
I just wanted to find
a way to stop you
549
00:25:03,314 --> 00:25:05,794
trying to make me marry
someone I didn't love.
550
00:25:05,894 --> 00:25:07,174
Clever birds, Will.
551
00:25:07,274 --> 00:25:08,694
They'll end up making a deal of
552
00:25:08,794 --> 00:25:10,654
trouble in the world,
just you watch.
553
00:25:10,754 --> 00:25:13,674
But I take back everything
I said about your play.
554
00:25:13,774 --> 00:25:16,714
Turns out it really
is grittily realistic.
555
00:25:16,814 --> 00:25:18,954
Yes. But Burbage won't stage it.
556
00:25:19,054 --> 00:25:21,094
Or at least, not unless I can come
557
00:25:21,194 --> 00:25:23,034
up with a really funny
name for the weaver
558
00:25:23,134 --> 00:25:25,014
Titania falls in love with
559
00:25:25,114 --> 00:25:27,674
and an inspired visual
gag for her to wake up to.
560
00:25:28,834 --> 00:25:30,974
Really,
I should be working on it now.
561
00:25:31,074 --> 00:25:34,294
But what with Bottom putting
on the ass's head and...
562
00:25:34,394 --> 00:25:37,514
Lord Egeus falling in love with
him, I've been a bit distracted.
563
00:25:42,074 --> 00:25:43,514
Hang on.
564
00:25:44,314 --> 00:25:46,154
Hang the futtock on!
565
00:25:47,814 --> 00:25:49,774
[LAUGHTER]
566
00:25:49,874 --> 00:25:51,534
It's going very well, Will.
567
00:25:51,634 --> 00:25:53,874
Yes. And the big
scene's still to come.
568
00:25:53,974 --> 00:25:55,574
Hello.
569
00:25:55,674 --> 00:25:57,954
I heard there was a
show needed stopping,
570
00:25:58,054 --> 00:25:59,534
a roof that needed raising.
571
00:25:59,634 --> 00:26:03,434
I can't believe you gave my name
to a bloomin' donkey-headed clown.
572
00:26:03,534 --> 00:26:05,994
Don't be such a snob, Botski.
You have lent your name
573
00:26:06,094 --> 00:26:08,554
to what is destined to become
the funniest comic scene
574
00:26:08,654 --> 00:26:10,454
in all English Renaissance theatre.
575
00:26:10,554 --> 00:26:12,634
Yeah, because there's
so much competition!
576
00:26:12,734 --> 00:26:14,174
Mr Kempe, stick the funny head on
577
00:26:14,274 --> 00:26:16,394
and go out there and
make theatre history.
578
00:26:20,654 --> 00:26:22,774
[LAUGHTER]
579
00:26:24,154 --> 00:26:26,944
What angel wakes me
from my flowery bed?
580
00:26:27,044 --> 00:26:29,834
The finch,
the sparrow and the lark,
581
00:26:29,934 --> 00:26:31,934
the plainsong cuckoo grey,
582
00:26:32,034 --> 00:26:34,594
whose note full many
a man doth mark,
583
00:26:34,694 --> 00:26:37,194
and dares not answer...
nay!
584
00:26:37,514 --> 00:26:39,574
[LAUGHTER]
585
00:26:40,994 --> 00:26:42,494
Listen to it, Will.
586
00:26:42,594 --> 00:26:45,274
The very first laughs
for the big donkey gag in
587
00:26:45,374 --> 00:26:47,014
A Midsummer Night's Dream.
588
00:26:47,114 --> 00:26:49,854
Laughs destined, I am sure,
to ring down the ages,
589
00:26:49,954 --> 00:26:53,744
as generation after generation
discover your genius anew
590
00:26:53,844 --> 00:26:57,634
and adds its voice to the
ongoing chorus of merriment.
591
00:26:57,734 --> 00:26:58,774
Absolutely.
592
00:26:58,874 --> 00:27:02,154
And those who don't find it funny
will feel obliged to pretend to,
593
00:27:02,254 --> 00:27:06,194
adding their glazed, forced,
teeth-gritted garglings
594
00:27:06,294 --> 00:27:08,594
to the merry cacophony of mirth.
595
00:27:08,694 --> 00:27:10,074
Happy with that.
596
00:27:16,194 --> 00:27:18,094
Quite a story, husband.
597
00:27:18,194 --> 00:27:21,234
You gave Kate a balm to
soothe her troubled eyes.
598
00:27:21,334 --> 00:27:22,334
That's right.
599
00:27:22,434 --> 00:27:24,524
But actually it was
a potion you got
600
00:27:24,624 --> 00:27:26,614
from a woodland sprite
to make her love
601
00:27:26,714 --> 00:27:29,754
whom first she saw upon awakening?
Yes, that's right.
602
00:27:29,854 --> 00:27:31,274
Funny, that.
603
00:27:32,794 --> 00:27:34,734
I recall upon our wedding night you
604
00:27:34,834 --> 00:27:37,474
giving me a balm to
soothe my troubled eyes.
605
00:27:38,674 --> 00:27:43,754
Right, yes, but... Of course,
that was eye balm, my love.
606
00:27:44,114 --> 00:27:46,234
Well, it doesn't matter anyway.
I didn't use it.
607
00:27:49,274 --> 00:27:50,374
You...
608
00:27:50,474 --> 00:27:51,714
You didn't?
609
00:27:51,814 --> 00:27:53,054
No.
610
00:27:53,154 --> 00:27:55,254
My eyes weren't troubled.
611
00:27:55,354 --> 00:27:58,994
And I don't need no bloomin'
potion to love you either.
612
00:27:59,994 --> 00:28:02,714
You fartsome old baldy-boots.
613
00:28:05,194 --> 00:28:08,034
[HAUNTING MELODY ON PIPE]
614
00:28:11,034 --> 00:28:13,734
If we shadows have offended,
615
00:28:13,834 --> 00:28:17,014
think but this and all is mended.
616
00:28:17,114 --> 00:28:22,114
That you have but slumbered here
while these visions did appear,
617
00:28:22,394 --> 00:28:24,964
and this weak and idle theme
618
00:28:25,064 --> 00:28:27,634
no more yielding but a dream.
619
00:28:29,234 --> 00:28:32,844
If fun you've had
and more fun seek...
620
00:28:32,944 --> 00:28:36,554
come...
dream again with us...
621
00:28:36,654 --> 00:28:37,874
next week.
622
00:28:39,989 --> 00:28:43,489
- Corrected by darthfrede -
-- www.addic7ed.com --
623
00:28:43,539 --> 00:28:48,089
Repair and Synchronization by
Easy Subtitles Synchronizer 1.0.0.0
47841
Can't find what you're looking for?
Get subtitles in any language from opensubtitles.com, and translate them here.