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1
00:00:03,602 --> 00:00:04,246
Oh, dude. Hey.
2
00:00:04,246 --> 00:00:05,915
Oh, uh, I need to tell you something,
3
00:00:05,915 --> 00:00:07,684
and I really...
I don't want you to freak out, okay?
4
00:00:07,684 --> 00:00:08,811
What is it?
5
00:00:08,811 --> 00:00:10,723
I'm not sure how to say this, but, uh...
6
00:00:11,504 --> 00:00:13,125
You're wearing a turtleneck.
7
00:00:15,643 --> 00:00:17,454
Oh, wait. Hold on.
Is someone forcing you to wear it?
8
00:00:17,454 --> 00:00:20,048
Ooh, blink if they're listening.
9
00:00:21,585 --> 00:00:23,454
Nicki just sent this as a little gift.
10
00:00:23,454 --> 00:00:26,412
Nicki, uh, was my girlfriend
till she moved away.
11
00:00:26,412 --> 00:00:27,598
And then dumped him.
12
00:00:29,070 --> 00:00:30,603
Point is, we Facetime every night,
13
00:00:30,603 --> 00:00:32,644
and I wanted to show her
that I was wearing it.
14
00:00:32,644 --> 00:00:33,856
Oh, that's so sweet.
15
00:00:33,856 --> 00:00:35,130
See? Candace gets it.
16
00:00:35,130 --> 00:00:36,806
It'll be so much easier for her to move on
17
00:00:36,806 --> 00:00:38,677
if she thinks you don't have a chin anymore.
18
00:00:47,132 --> 00:00:48,382
Me? No, yeah, I work out.
19
00:00:48,382 --> 00:00:50,510
Three nights a week... Cardio hip-hop.
20
00:00:55,271 --> 00:00:56,315
Oh, what's wrong?
21
00:00:56,746 --> 00:00:59,379
He's dancing like a "Peanuts" character.
22
00:01:01,267 --> 00:01:02,934
No, he's... He's trying to flirt
23
00:01:02,934 --> 00:01:03,817
with my friend Erica,
24
00:01:03,817 --> 00:01:05,373
but it's not going very well.
25
00:01:07,538 --> 00:01:08,808
Were you done with that beer?
26
00:01:08,934 --> 00:01:11,138
No. But I don't mind.
27
00:01:11,138 --> 00:01:14,137
She's like the sweet
little sister I never had.
28
00:01:14,137 --> 00:01:15,779
Shelly, you've got a little sister.
29
00:01:15,779 --> 00:01:17,612
Yeah, but she's a bitch.
30
00:01:19,614 --> 00:01:21,102
Text me if you want to hang out after work.
31
00:01:21,102 --> 00:01:22,492
All right.
32
00:01:22,492 --> 00:01:23,594
[Chuckles]
33
00:01:23,594 --> 00:01:24,731
Bye, Danny.
34
00:01:25,473 --> 00:01:26,920
All right, man, look,
I'm gonna tell you something
35
00:01:26,920 --> 00:01:28,021
that you've only heard once before,
36
00:01:28,021 --> 00:01:28,726
and it was that time
37
00:01:28,726 --> 00:01:30,738
you fell into the dolphin
tank at the aquarium...
38
00:01:31,598 --> 00:01:33,318
Brace yourself.
39
00:01:33,318 --> 00:01:34,612
She wants to have sex with you.
40
00:01:37,001 --> 00:01:37,774
No, she doesn't.
41
00:01:37,774 --> 00:01:40,521
- She just wants to hang out after work.
- The bar closes at 2:00.
42
00:01:40,521 --> 00:01:41,905
Where do you think she wants to hang out?
43
00:01:41,905 --> 00:01:43,911
Hopefully in them tight-ass jeans.
44
00:01:46,021 --> 00:01:48,364
Look, I'm not looking for
a relationship, okay?
45
00:01:48,364 --> 00:01:50,253
Nicki and I,
we're still kind of, you know...
46
00:01:50,253 --> 00:01:52,686
Look, Nicki is seeing other people...
47
00:01:52,686 --> 00:01:53,660
Probably naked.
48
00:01:53,660 --> 00:01:56,560
And I'm sure they all look better than you.
49
00:01:57,747 --> 00:02:00,026
Erica just got out of a relationship herself,
50
00:02:00,026 --> 00:02:01,709
so she's probably down
for a one-night thing.
51
00:02:01,709 --> 00:02:02,685
Women aren't into that.
52
00:02:02,685 --> 00:02:03,901
Leslie: Whoa, whoa, whoa.
53
00:02:03,901 --> 00:02:05,997
Sometimes we are.
54
00:02:05,997 --> 00:02:07,613
Okay, one-night stands are like fast food.
55
00:02:07,613 --> 00:02:08,927
Sure, you feel guilty the next day,
56
00:02:08,927 --> 00:02:10,390
but sometimes you just need something cheap
57
00:02:10,390 --> 00:02:11,597
you can enjoy in your car.
58
00:02:13,753 --> 00:02:17,168
I'm no stranger to the one-night
stands, all right?
59
00:02:17,168 --> 00:02:18,712
I know how it works.
60
00:02:18,712 --> 00:02:21,174
Go to a party, you meet a pretty girl,
61
00:02:21,174 --> 00:02:22,015
you're like, "sup?
62
00:02:22,015 --> 00:02:23,998
Want to try some sex?"
63
00:02:26,709 --> 00:02:29,002
So you've never had a one-night stand.
64
00:02:29,891 --> 00:02:32,739
I only have one-night stands.
65
00:02:32,739 --> 00:02:34,447
I mean, sure, I'd love a two-night stand,
66
00:02:34,447 --> 00:02:36,270
but they usually call it after the first.
67
00:02:38,016 --> 00:02:39,368
Occasionally during it.
68
00:02:41,516 --> 00:02:43,509
You need to get back out there.
Come on. It's time.
69
00:02:43,509 --> 00:02:45,099
Okay, you know what? What the hell.
70
00:02:45,099 --> 00:02:46,596
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna text her.
71
00:02:46,596 --> 00:02:47,836
[Sighs]
72
00:02:48,531 --> 00:02:50,632
"My dearest Erica..."
73
00:02:51,172 --> 00:02:52,477
No, no, no.
74
00:02:53,474 --> 00:02:54,406
Nuh-uh.
75
00:02:54,406 --> 00:02:57,170
You get six words, three of which must be
76
00:02:57,170 --> 00:02:59,064
"slap that ass."
77
00:03:03,652 --> 00:03:06,010
"Erica? Justin.
78
00:03:06,010 --> 00:03:07,738
Tonight...
79
00:03:07,738 --> 00:03:09,722
Slap that ass."
80
00:03:23,780 --> 00:03:25,179
Perfection, huh?
81
00:03:26,683 --> 00:03:27,808
That's my butt.
82
00:03:27,808 --> 00:03:31,373
Love the confidence,
but we use professional models.
83
00:03:31,373 --> 00:03:32,766
[Chuckles]
84
00:03:32,766 --> 00:03:35,162
Well, then, I just got drafted to the pros,
85
00:03:35,162 --> 00:03:37,075
because that's my ass.
86
00:03:38,022 --> 00:03:39,841
Huh. It could be.
87
00:03:41,263 --> 00:03:42,401
I mean, some day.
88
00:03:42,401 --> 00:03:44,193
If you work a lot harder.
89
00:03:46,846 --> 00:03:48,511
That's my ass, damn it. Look.
90
00:03:51,178 --> 00:03:53,464
Disrobe and strike the pose, please.
91
00:03:56,695 --> 00:03:58,351
Yeah, the dimples do line up.
92
00:04:01,652 --> 00:04:03,867
When I told the gym manager it was my butt,
93
00:04:03,867 --> 00:04:05,261
he called me a liar.
94
00:04:05,261 --> 00:04:06,295
It's not fair
95
00:04:06,295 --> 00:04:08,476
because I've been working
really hard on my body.
96
00:04:08,476 --> 00:04:09,601
I've been drinking less.
97
00:04:10,641 --> 00:04:11,713
What?
98
00:04:11,713 --> 00:04:13,405
You said to bring the whole bottle.
99
00:04:16,060 --> 00:04:17,853
[Singsong voice] I was joking.
100
00:04:17,853 --> 00:04:19,573
[Laughing] Oh. But since it's here...
101
00:04:21,117 --> 00:04:23,746
You know, I don't think
I can go back in there.
102
00:04:23,746 --> 00:04:25,803
Seeing that poster will
just make me too sad.
103
00:04:25,803 --> 00:04:27,934
Okay, that gym doesn't deserve to have
104
00:04:27,934 --> 00:04:29,373
any part of your body on its walls,
105
00:04:29,373 --> 00:04:31,512
especially your sweet, little bottom.
106
00:04:33,452 --> 00:04:34,880
We're gonna get your ass back.
107
00:04:35,473 --> 00:04:37,264
But when we do,
you're gonna have to return it
108
00:04:37,264 --> 00:04:39,350
to whatever black girl you stole it from.
109
00:04:43,391 --> 00:04:44,254
Erica texted back!
110
00:04:44,254 --> 00:04:45,607
Erica texted back!
111
00:04:45,607 --> 00:04:46,739
It's on. It's on.
112
00:04:46,739 --> 00:04:48,522
What happens now? Do I get a haircut?
113
00:04:48,522 --> 00:04:50,065
Do I need her father's permission?
114
00:04:59,361 --> 00:05:01,990
Last night was amazing.
115
00:05:03,222 --> 00:05:04,777
I wish you were there.
116
00:05:10,605 --> 00:05:11,741
You know, the walls are so thin,
117
00:05:11,741 --> 00:05:13,265
I kind of feel like I was.
118
00:05:15,383 --> 00:05:16,894
By the way, did I hear spanking?
119
00:05:17,281 --> 00:05:18,984
Briefly, but I asked her to stop.
120
00:05:20,477 --> 00:05:22,193
The key to a one-night stand
121
00:05:22,193 --> 00:05:24,098
is that when she leaves,
you just let her go.
122
00:05:24,098 --> 00:05:26,156
Now, you don't want to date her.
She doesn't want to date you.
123
00:05:26,156 --> 00:05:28,309
So don't say or do anything to lead her on.
124
00:05:32,217 --> 00:05:34,610
Hey. I'm gonna take off.
125
00:05:34,610 --> 00:05:35,532
Cool.
126
00:05:35,532 --> 00:05:37,523
You did a great job last night, Bae.
127
00:05:44,152 --> 00:05:45,005
[Door closes]
128
00:05:46,418 --> 00:05:47,722
[Door opens]
129
00:05:48,212 --> 00:05:49,192
Forgot my keys.
130
00:05:49,586 --> 00:05:50,297
Sorry.
131
00:05:50,297 --> 00:05:51,827
I feel so stupid.
132
00:05:51,827 --> 00:05:54,365
I should say something
to make her feel better.
133
00:05:54,365 --> 00:05:56,258
No. Think "Braveheart."
134
00:05:56,258 --> 00:05:57,574
[Scottish accent] Hold.
135
00:05:58,885 --> 00:06:00,084
Hold.
136
00:06:01,168 --> 00:06:03,330
Hold.
137
00:06:05,520 --> 00:06:06,169
[Chuckles]
138
00:06:06,169 --> 00:06:08,736
- [Both chuckle]
- So, I'm gonna go.
139
00:06:08,736 --> 00:06:11,060
I'll see you around...
Or not around, you know?
140
00:06:11,060 --> 00:06:12,937
It kind of felt like this
was a one-night thing.
141
00:06:12,937 --> 00:06:14,256
Not that you're that type of girl.
142
00:06:14,256 --> 00:06:15,313
I mean, you deserve many nights.
143
00:06:15,313 --> 00:06:17,532
I was lucky to get one. [Chuckles]
144
00:06:17,532 --> 00:06:21,388
I-I guess, uh, um... um...
What I'm trying to say is...
145
00:06:21,388 --> 00:06:22,668
Hold.
146
00:06:22,668 --> 00:06:25,985
We should... We should go out again.
147
00:06:30,950 --> 00:06:33,973
I didn't think that's what this was,
but what the hell?
148
00:06:33,973 --> 00:06:36,334
[Normal voice] Bye, Erica.
It was great seeing you.
149
00:06:42,596 --> 00:06:43,386
Hey, man.
150
00:06:43,386 --> 00:06:45,316
- You want to do this now or later?
- Now.
151
00:06:51,705 --> 00:06:52,651
Brett: Okay.
152
00:06:52,651 --> 00:06:55,970
Operation Booty Recall is in full effect.
153
00:06:57,128 --> 00:06:59,439
This heist will be exactly like
"Ocean's Eleven,"
154
00:06:59,439 --> 00:07:02,436
only instead of Misters Pitt and Clooney
155
00:07:02,436 --> 00:07:04,875
portraying mouthwatering cat burglars...
156
00:07:09,434 --> 00:07:11,315
Sorry, got lost there for a second.
157
00:07:12,658 --> 00:07:15,665
And, yes, Candace, before you ask, I am gay.
158
00:07:15,665 --> 00:07:16,889
I had no idea,
159
00:07:16,889 --> 00:07:19,631
because all of my gay
friends are in great shape.
160
00:07:24,772 --> 00:07:25,930
I'm so sorry.
161
00:07:25,930 --> 00:07:26,809
Off you pop.
162
00:07:26,809 --> 00:07:27,442
Okay.
163
00:07:28,990 --> 00:07:30,457
Shelly, you are gonna keep
164
00:07:30,457 --> 00:07:32,180
the douchey gym manager occupied.
165
00:07:32,180 --> 00:07:34,157
I need to know more about my character.
166
00:07:34,157 --> 00:07:35,960
Can I be a Japanese businessman?
167
00:07:38,039 --> 00:07:39,368
Sure, why not?
168
00:07:39,368 --> 00:07:40,315
Then I'll create a distraction
169
00:07:40,315 --> 00:07:41,987
by lifting a tremendous amount of weight...
170
00:07:41,987 --> 00:07:44,102
Getting banged by everyone's eyes
171
00:07:44,102 --> 00:07:46,814
checking out my bi's, tri's, and thighs.
172
00:07:50,159 --> 00:07:51,679
That's absolutely horrifying.
173
00:07:53,507 --> 00:07:55,579
So when the douchey gym
manager goes up to Burski,
174
00:07:55,579 --> 00:07:58,109
I'll switch Leslie's
poster out for a new one,
175
00:07:58,109 --> 00:08:01,782
and just like that, [Whooshes] We're gone.
176
00:08:02,602 --> 00:08:04,556
Whose butt are you gonna
use for the fake poster?
177
00:08:04,590 --> 00:08:06,295
Candace, we need a favor.
178
00:08:07,137 --> 00:08:09,873
Oh, please. She's so tiny.
179
00:08:09,873 --> 00:08:11,879
She could go camping in my panties.
180
00:08:12,770 --> 00:08:13,712
Quick question...
181
00:08:13,712 --> 00:08:16,165
Where would someone sign
up for the panty camping?
182
00:08:20,283 --> 00:08:21,617
No, no, I got it.
183
00:08:21,617 --> 00:08:22,586
You can tell them.
184
00:08:22,586 --> 00:08:24,098
Justin blew the one-night stand.
185
00:08:25,645 --> 00:08:26,718
He couldn't let Erica leave,
186
00:08:26,718 --> 00:08:28,296
and now he's dating a
girl he doesn't even like.
187
00:08:28,296 --> 00:08:30,284
She came back in for
her keys and I panicked.
188
00:08:30,284 --> 00:08:31,760
Oh, you never go back in.
189
00:08:31,760 --> 00:08:34,251
I've left behind keys, purses, a dog.
190
00:08:36,923 --> 00:08:38,988
I'm like the opposite of a Navy SEAL.
191
00:08:38,988 --> 00:08:40,759
I leave everything behind.
192
00:08:42,085 --> 00:08:43,672
This is like Amanda all over again.
193
00:08:43,672 --> 00:08:45,582
That was Justin's college girlfriend.
194
00:08:45,582 --> 00:08:48,066
Justin wanted out but he couldn't end it,
195
00:08:48,066 --> 00:08:49,973
so they stayed together until she graduated
196
00:08:49,973 --> 00:08:52,809
with a degree in zoology
and moved to the Congo
197
00:08:52,809 --> 00:08:55,071
to follow her dream of
living with the baboons.
198
00:08:57,335 --> 00:08:59,715
How did you finally let
her know it was over?
199
00:08:59,715 --> 00:09:02,122
Unfortunately, we weren't able
to have that conversation
200
00:09:02,122 --> 00:09:04,787
before she was torn apart
and eaten by the baboons.
201
00:09:06,341 --> 00:09:06,962
Why don't you just tell her
202
00:09:06,962 --> 00:09:09,314
you're not remotely interested
in any type of relationship?
203
00:09:09,314 --> 00:09:10,570
- Just dagger her, man.
- No!
204
00:09:10,570 --> 00:09:11,978
I'm not that heartless.
205
00:09:11,978 --> 00:09:13,146
Did she text me today
206
00:09:13,146 --> 00:09:15,096
and ask if I want to go
to brunch tomorrow? Yeah.
207
00:09:15,096 --> 00:09:16,756
Am I actually gonna go?
208
00:09:16,756 --> 00:09:19,435
Yes. I love brunch.
209
00:09:20,096 --> 00:09:22,208
Look, we'll go on a couple dates,
210
00:09:22,208 --> 00:09:24,390
then I'm gonna take a "business trip."
211
00:09:24,390 --> 00:09:26,676
Spoiler alert... I'm not on a business trip.
212
00:09:26,676 --> 00:09:28,465
I'm just home catching up on "Scandal."
213
00:09:28,465 --> 00:09:29,704
Then she'll meet someone else.
214
00:09:29,704 --> 00:09:32,601
She'll let me down easy. No one gets hurt.
215
00:09:32,601 --> 00:09:35,299
Just nobody tell Nicki that
I'm fake-dating someone.
216
00:09:36,070 --> 00:09:38,445
Should we not tell her while
she's real-dating someone?
217
00:09:47,790 --> 00:09:51,479
And a beer for my new favorite Teddy bear
218
00:09:51,479 --> 00:09:52,775
whose name is...
219
00:09:52,775 --> 00:09:56,357
When I was a kid,
I accidentally ate my Teddy bear's eyes.
220
00:09:56,357 --> 00:09:57,519
We couldn't afford a new one
221
00:09:57,519 --> 00:09:58,878
because of my dad's gambling problem,
222
00:09:58,878 --> 00:10:01,091
so I made eyes out of
pasta shells... Shelly!
223
00:10:04,903 --> 00:10:07,394
That was an incredibly sad ride,
224
00:10:07,394 --> 00:10:09,179
but I'm glad you got there.
225
00:10:11,186 --> 00:10:13,363
She's a breath of fresh air
but a dreadful waitress.
226
00:10:13,363 --> 00:10:15,312
I did not order a hot dog.
227
00:10:15,850 --> 00:10:18,682
Nor do they serve hot dogs here.
228
00:10:20,508 --> 00:10:23,028
Erica. Hey. What are you doing here?
229
00:10:23,028 --> 00:10:24,357
[Sighs] I was just leaving.
230
00:10:24,357 --> 00:10:27,135
Hey, maybe in the future,
try harder to be a real man.
231
00:10:27,135 --> 00:10:27,985
Will do.
232
00:10:33,363 --> 00:10:34,255
Why would she say that?
233
00:10:34,255 --> 00:10:35,717
Uh, I think she was just offering
234
00:10:35,717 --> 00:10:37,154
some friendly advice, you know?
235
00:10:37,154 --> 00:10:39,129
Uh, also, I broke up with her for you.
236
00:10:39,868 --> 00:10:42,580
What kind of person breaks up
with a girl for another man?
237
00:10:42,580 --> 00:10:45,150
A best friend, a hero, a mentor.
238
00:10:45,150 --> 00:10:46,134
I could go on.
239
00:10:47,373 --> 00:10:48,029
I didn't want to do this...
240
00:10:48,029 --> 00:10:49,275
A warrior.
241
00:10:51,454 --> 00:10:52,963
I didn't want to do this
your way, all right?
242
00:10:52,963 --> 00:10:54,158
I didn't want to be a bad guy.
243
00:10:55,539 --> 00:10:56,512
Whoa, wait. Hold on one second.
244
00:10:56,512 --> 00:10:57,602
You think I'm a bad guy.
245
00:10:57,602 --> 00:10:59,814
Yeah, I just said that.
246
00:10:59,814 --> 00:11:02,113
That's not true.
I'm always trying to help you.
247
00:11:02,113 --> 00:11:03,342
You guys heard what he did,
248
00:11:03,342 --> 00:11:04,567
so let's take a little vote.
249
00:11:04,567 --> 00:11:07,738
If you think Danny's a bad guy,
raise your hand.
250
00:11:16,598 --> 00:11:18,228
What about you, Candace?
251
00:11:19,184 --> 00:11:20,871
No, thank you. I really need this job.
252
00:11:20,871 --> 00:11:23,167
So I'm just trying to learn
names and make friends.
253
00:11:24,417 --> 00:11:26,949
Don't worry, sweetheart.
You have plenty of friends here.
254
00:11:26,949 --> 00:11:28,575
Thank you, and, uh...
255
00:11:28,575 --> 00:11:30,732
Wait, your name is easy to remember
256
00:11:30,732 --> 00:11:32,741
because when we first met,
based off of your clothing
257
00:11:32,741 --> 00:11:34,026
and the way you rubbed my shoulders,
258
00:11:34,026 --> 00:11:35,522
I thought for sure you were a lesbi...
259
00:11:35,522 --> 00:11:36,851
Leslie!
260
00:11:49,142 --> 00:11:51,498
Oh. Konnichiwa.
261
00:11:51,498 --> 00:11:54,844
I'm a Japanese businessman.
262
00:11:54,844 --> 00:11:57,681
You mean you're a businessman from Japan.
263
00:11:57,681 --> 00:11:59,141
Oh, no. I'm of Japanese descent.
264
00:11:59,141 --> 00:12:01,048
I think I was very clear on that.
265
00:12:02,671 --> 00:12:04,282
All right, I got 275 coming up.
266
00:12:04,282 --> 00:12:05,494
[Grunts]
267
00:12:05,494 --> 00:12:07,299
Oh, my god!
268
00:12:08,175 --> 00:12:08,836
Big mistake!
269
00:12:08,836 --> 00:12:11,101
Help me! Help me! Help me!
270
00:12:11,101 --> 00:12:12,339
[Groans]
271
00:12:24,199 --> 00:12:26,609
That's your British butt, isn't it?
272
00:12:26,609 --> 00:12:29,017
Well, a little free advertising
never hurt anyone, mate.
273
00:12:34,123 --> 00:12:35,185
Ta-da!
274
00:12:35,185 --> 00:12:37,181
Oh, you got my ass back!
275
00:12:37,181 --> 00:12:39,048
Aw, I love you guys.
276
00:12:39,048 --> 00:12:39,715
Yep.
277
00:12:39,715 --> 00:12:41,433
Now we just have to get Shelly back.
278
00:12:41,433 --> 00:12:44,046
I fear he may never break character.
279
00:12:45,071 --> 00:12:46,679
He joined a Japanese dating site.
280
00:12:48,641 --> 00:12:50,362
[Guttural voice] J-date.
281
00:12:53,059 --> 00:12:54,187
So, because of Justin,
282
00:12:54,187 --> 00:12:55,796
you all now think that I'm a bad guy,
283
00:12:55,796 --> 00:12:57,890
but I contend that when it comes to women,
284
00:12:57,890 --> 00:12:59,233
I am not the bad guy.
285
00:12:59,233 --> 00:13:01,171
Do you know who is? No.
286
00:13:01,171 --> 00:13:02,282
No.
287
00:13:02,282 --> 00:13:04,259
Yes, but this isn't about you.
288
00:13:06,014 --> 00:13:07,271
Justin.
289
00:13:07,271 --> 00:13:08,494
When it comes to letting down women,
290
00:13:08,494 --> 00:13:09,944
you're much worse than I am.
291
00:13:09,944 --> 00:13:11,674
That's insane.
292
00:13:11,674 --> 00:13:13,596
Well, I say let's let the people decide.
293
00:13:15,795 --> 00:13:17,499
This court is now in session.
294
00:13:17,499 --> 00:13:19,558
Justin Kearney vs. Danny Burton.
295
00:13:19,558 --> 00:13:21,991
Nobody wants to do your fake trial.
296
00:13:21,991 --> 00:13:24,508
[Normal voice] Oh, I'd love a
new character to get lost in.
297
00:13:25,412 --> 00:13:27,714
I'll be the tough judge
that says things like
298
00:13:27,714 --> 00:13:28,869
"I'll allow it,
299
00:13:28,869 --> 00:13:30,806
but you're on thin ice, counselor."
300
00:13:32,590 --> 00:13:34,279
Now let's get this trial underway.
301
00:13:34,279 --> 00:13:36,263
Fine. You want to play?
302
00:13:36,263 --> 00:13:37,722
Surprise, Danny.
303
00:13:37,722 --> 00:13:40,117
I was captain of my debate team in college.
304
00:13:40,117 --> 00:13:42,347
That's not a surprise, nerd.
305
00:13:47,396 --> 00:13:50,996
As for my first witness,
I call Leslie Burton.
306
00:13:50,996 --> 00:13:51,725
[Gasps]
307
00:13:51,725 --> 00:13:55,506
[Murmuring indistinctly]
308
00:13:56,743 --> 00:13:59,968
Now, as Danny's sister,
309
00:13:59,968 --> 00:14:01,876
I can imagine that he has hooked up
310
00:14:01,876 --> 00:14:02,884
with some of your friends.
311
00:14:02,884 --> 00:14:04,415
All of my friends.
312
00:14:05,196 --> 00:14:07,132
And how did those relationships end?
313
00:14:07,132 --> 00:14:07,856
Horribly.
314
00:14:09,582 --> 00:14:10,407
"Horribly."
315
00:14:12,029 --> 00:14:13,290
They were all crushed.
316
00:14:14,073 --> 00:14:15,278
I weep for them.
317
00:14:18,024 --> 00:14:19,280
Your witness.
318
00:14:29,164 --> 00:14:30,493
Just one question.
319
00:14:33,311 --> 00:14:35,808
Now, after I daggered your friends,
320
00:14:35,808 --> 00:14:38,168
were they... Were they still hung up on me?
321
00:14:38,168 --> 00:14:40,361
No. They never thought about you again.
322
00:14:40,361 --> 00:14:41,648
They moved on quickly.
323
00:14:41,648 --> 00:14:42,980
Interesting. Interesting.
324
00:14:44,422 --> 00:14:45,759
I would like to now call
325
00:14:45,759 --> 00:14:48,325
the new waitress to the stand.
326
00:14:48,325 --> 00:14:49,878
Objection, your honor! Relevance.
327
00:14:49,878 --> 00:14:53,304
I'm trying to establish
a pattern of behavior.
328
00:14:53,304 --> 00:14:55,963
The accused is so desperate to be liked
329
00:14:55,963 --> 00:14:59,503
that he strings people along
in all aspects of his life.
330
00:15:01,823 --> 00:15:03,103
I'll allow it,
331
00:15:03,103 --> 00:15:05,250
but you're on thin ice, counselor.
332
00:15:05,250 --> 00:15:06,612
[Laughs]
333
00:15:10,163 --> 00:15:11,875
Now, Candace...
334
00:15:11,875 --> 00:15:13,088
[Clears throat]
335
00:15:16,601 --> 00:15:18,394
You do, uh, realize
336
00:15:18,394 --> 00:15:20,280
that you're a horrible waitress, right?
337
00:15:21,618 --> 00:15:23,095
I do.
338
00:15:28,963 --> 00:15:31,034
Has Justin been saying things to you lately
339
00:15:31,034 --> 00:15:32,309
like "money's tight"
340
00:15:32,309 --> 00:15:34,827
or "don't worry if you get a better job"?
341
00:15:35,752 --> 00:15:36,514
He has.
342
00:15:36,514 --> 00:15:38,343
And would you be shocked if I told you
343
00:15:38,343 --> 00:15:40,680
that his plan was to
eventually reduce your shifts
344
00:15:40,680 --> 00:15:43,599
so you would just leave so
he didn't have to fire you?
345
00:15:43,793 --> 00:15:45,481
You were gonna do that?
346
00:15:45,824 --> 00:15:46,940
[Scoffs]
347
00:15:49,077 --> 00:15:50,445
Not anymore.
348
00:15:54,717 --> 00:15:57,437
"Not anymore."
349
00:15:59,813 --> 00:16:03,694
Uh, bailiff, would you please
let in my surprise witness?
350
00:16:06,450 --> 00:16:07,441
[All gasp]
351
00:16:07,441 --> 00:16:11,467
[Murmuring indistinctly] Erica.
352
00:16:15,540 --> 00:16:18,480
Now, how did it feel
353
00:16:18,480 --> 00:16:21,342
when you found out that Justin
didn't want to date you?
354
00:16:21,342 --> 00:16:23,377
I wish he had just been straight with me.
355
00:16:23,377 --> 00:16:25,364
I mean, he made it seem
like it could be something.
356
00:16:26,095 --> 00:16:27,746
Thank you for being brave.
357
00:16:33,306 --> 00:16:35,587
Brett, could you read
that back to us, please?
358
00:16:36,460 --> 00:16:38,474
No. This is just a cash register, mate.
359
00:16:42,856 --> 00:16:44,228
Erica, I'm...
360
00:16:45,563 --> 00:16:46,924
I'm so sorry.
361
00:16:46,924 --> 00:16:48,621
Thanks.
362
00:16:51,189 --> 00:16:52,097
Wow.
363
00:16:55,533 --> 00:16:57,369
All those who find Justin guilty,
364
00:16:57,369 --> 00:16:58,239
please say "aye."
365
00:16:58,860 --> 00:17:00,093
Aye. Aye. Aye. Aye.
366
00:17:00,093 --> 00:17:01,281
I rest my case.
367
00:17:01,281 --> 00:17:04,174
And then to celebrate,
I'd like to do the running man.
368
00:17:07,211 --> 00:17:08,314
I'll allow it.
369
00:17:14,327 --> 00:17:15,905
You can gloat later.
370
00:17:15,905 --> 00:17:17,625
I'm supposed to Facetime
with Nicki right now.
371
00:17:17,625 --> 00:17:19,206
You need to understand that
stringing someone along
372
00:17:19,206 --> 00:17:21,262
in a relationship that's
going nowhere is not cool.
373
00:17:21,262 --> 00:17:22,398
Why do you care so much about this?
374
00:17:22,398 --> 00:17:23,498
Nicki: Justin?
375
00:17:23,498 --> 00:17:24,972
Babe, are you there?
376
00:17:25,584 --> 00:17:28,090
Because that's exactly
what Nicki's doing to you.
377
00:17:28,090 --> 00:17:29,453
She's stringing you along
378
00:17:29,453 --> 00:17:31,067
in a relationship that's going nowhere.
379
00:17:32,884 --> 00:17:34,062
You're wrong.
380
00:17:36,804 --> 00:17:38,199
Dude, you and Nicki are over,
381
00:17:38,199 --> 00:17:39,677
and it's obvious to everyone but you.
382
00:17:41,923 --> 00:17:42,979
Do you all feel that way?
383
00:17:44,078 --> 00:17:44,846
Yeah. Yeah.
384
00:17:44,846 --> 00:17:46,000
Sorry.
385
00:17:46,000 --> 00:17:47,422
Well, you know what?
386
00:17:47,422 --> 00:17:49,746
You guys don't know what's gonna happen.
387
00:17:49,746 --> 00:17:51,532
Well, you know what?
If you won't listen to me,
388
00:17:51,532 --> 00:17:53,071
then maybe you'll listen to
the voice of our generation.
389
00:17:53,071 --> 00:17:55,198
Don't you dare use Taylor Swift against me.
390
00:17:58,393 --> 00:18:01,369
You and Nicki are never, ever, ever
391
00:18:01,369 --> 00:18:02,476
getting back together.
392
00:18:04,810 --> 00:18:06,497
Like, ever.
393
00:18:19,065 --> 00:18:20,107
Hey, um...
394
00:18:20,107 --> 00:18:24,475
Are you just sitting in
the dark alone, depressed?
395
00:18:25,229 --> 00:18:26,348
No.
396
00:18:27,273 --> 00:18:28,641
Every light is burnt out.
397
00:18:30,082 --> 00:18:32,682
If you don't believe me, try the switch.
398
00:18:38,068 --> 00:18:41,076
Well, I was obviously hoping
for some kind of miracle there.
399
00:18:42,931 --> 00:18:44,523
I didn't mean to hurt you, okay?
400
00:18:44,523 --> 00:18:47,811
I just... I don't want anybody
messing with my boy.
401
00:18:47,811 --> 00:18:50,028
I-I feel stupid. You guys can go.
402
00:18:50,028 --> 00:18:52,070
No, it's okay, man. We're here for you.
403
00:18:52,070 --> 00:18:53,640
Yeah. There's no place we'd rather be.
404
00:18:53,640 --> 00:18:54,430
We love you, man.
405
00:18:54,430 --> 00:18:55,939
Whose house is this?
406
00:18:59,580 --> 00:19:01,164
Can I talk to you alone for a sec?
407
00:19:01,164 --> 00:19:02,642
Yeah, sure.
408
00:19:02,642 --> 00:19:04,095
Guys, stand out on the porch.
409
00:19:04,095 --> 00:19:05,767
What?
410
00:19:08,467 --> 00:19:11,128
There are other rooms we could wait in.
411
00:19:11,853 --> 00:19:13,262
No. Go out on the porch.
412
00:19:13,262 --> 00:19:14,684
This is the worst room.
413
00:19:18,658 --> 00:19:21,210
I, um, called Nicki
414
00:19:21,210 --> 00:19:22,688
and asked her to be honest with me.
415
00:19:22,688 --> 00:19:26,191
She apologized for stringing me along.
416
00:19:27,477 --> 00:19:30,309
Then she daggered me,
Danny, right in the heart.
417
00:19:33,156 --> 00:19:34,700
[Sighs]
418
00:19:34,700 --> 00:19:36,805
Sorry, buddy. That sucks.
419
00:19:38,260 --> 00:19:42,284
They say it takes like a day
for it to stop hurting, right?
420
00:19:45,022 --> 00:19:47,974
M-maybe for you,
it'd take like six or eight.
421
00:19:49,376 --> 00:19:50,248
Days?
422
00:19:51,721 --> 00:19:52,963
Days, years, whatever. Look, I...
423
00:19:55,821 --> 00:19:58,316
The truth is, Justin,
you're a great guy, you know?
424
00:19:58,316 --> 00:20:00,756
And... and once you move on
and get rid of those khakis,
425
00:20:00,756 --> 00:20:02,105
the world's gonna open up for you.
426
00:20:03,640 --> 00:20:04,560
Thanks.
427
00:20:05,607 --> 00:20:07,288
Seal it with a hug.
428
00:20:09,407 --> 00:20:11,610
All right. Only 'cause no
one's watching, okay?
429
00:20:11,610 --> 00:20:12,770
Oh, shut up.
430
00:20:17,850 --> 00:20:19,769
Hi boys!
431
00:20:24,598 --> 00:20:25,130
What's up?
432
00:20:26,140 --> 00:20:27,276
Well, strangest thing...
433
00:20:27,276 --> 00:20:29,879
No one can seem to find
the poster of my butt.
434
00:20:31,114 --> 00:20:32,342
That is strange.
435
00:20:33,491 --> 00:20:35,826
It's hanging above your couch isn't it?
436
00:20:35,826 --> 00:20:36,843
Yes
437
00:20:38,976 --> 00:20:40,736
Really, Bursk?
438
00:20:42,615 --> 00:20:46,595
You just bought yourself, my signature
disapproving headshake.
439
00:20:50,511 --> 00:20:52,699
For shame!
440
00:20:52,749 --> 00:20:57,299
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