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1
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Danny: Aah!
2
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Justin: Help!
3
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Ohh!
4
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It's 4:00 in the morning.
What is up with that light?
5
00:00:10,869 --> 00:00:12,470
I know, and I was right
in the middle of a dream
6
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where every woman on earth
wants to have sex with me,
7
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and, yeah, I know it's totally weird
8
00:00:15,540 --> 00:00:17,075
that I dream how my life actually is,
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but that light woke me up.
10
00:00:19,944 --> 00:00:21,613
Yeah, well, I don't know what's weirder...
11
00:00:21,646 --> 00:00:23,681
you know, that light or...
you without your shirt on.
12
00:00:23,715 --> 00:00:25,216
Seriously, you are pale.
13
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It's like somebody sprinkled
14
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a bunch of chest hair on a glass of milk.
15
00:00:30,688 --> 00:00:32,390
Aw, Baby Bird, you know,
a whole bunch of things
16
00:00:32,423 --> 00:00:35,426
happen to your body when you become a man.
17
00:00:35,460 --> 00:00:37,829
You know, that's right
around a corner for you.
18
00:00:37,862 --> 00:00:39,030
Pretty soon, you'll be
able to take a shower
19
00:00:39,063 --> 00:00:41,466
without wearing any underpants.
20
00:00:41,499 --> 00:00:42,867
Why are we taking shots at each other?
21
00:00:42,901 --> 00:00:44,302
You see what our neighbor's doing to us
22
00:00:44,335 --> 00:00:46,304
- with his stupid light?
- I know.
23
00:00:46,337 --> 00:00:50,041
We should really go take care
of this, Vin Diesel style.
24
00:00:50,074 --> 00:00:52,510
Why are you so obsessed with Vin Diesel?
25
00:00:52,544 --> 00:00:53,578
I don't know.
26
00:00:53,611 --> 00:00:54,646
Maybe it's because he's got huge muscles
27
00:00:54,679 --> 00:00:55,747
and always takes care of his business...
28
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Fast and Furious.
29
00:01:02,520 --> 00:01:03,521
Come on, man.
30
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Let's go drag our neighbor out of bed.
31
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I need you angry.
32
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No, I can't be angry, okay?
33
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I'm too exhausted. I'm too exhausted.
34
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Okay, good idea. You rest.
35
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You take it easy, and you just go to bed.
36
00:01:13,264 --> 00:01:14,666
You dream about being muscly
37
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and finally one day being
able to please a girl, okay?
38
00:01:17,001 --> 00:01:20,371
Come on, take it easy. Go to bed.
39
00:01:20,405 --> 00:01:22,407
[Grunts]
40
00:01:27,654 --> 00:01:28,614
You angry now?
41
00:01:28,642 --> 00:01:30,224
Yeah, I'm super pissed! Let's go.
42
00:01:30,270 --> 00:01:31,075
Okay.
43
00:01:31,195 --> 00:01:33,151
Danny: All right, now. Here we go. Come on.
44
00:01:33,178 --> 00:01:34,960
Justin: Okay, we are going.
45
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Oh, oh, oh, oh
46
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"Undateable," starring Vin Diesel.
47
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That is not true.
48
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He could show up.
49
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You guys weren't kidding.
50
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My light is super bright.
51
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Thanks for inviting me over to see it.
52
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I appreciate it.
53
00:01:50,369 --> 00:01:51,497
Probably could have waited till morning.
54
00:01:51,498 --> 00:01:54,139
Well, unfortunately, we
have no concept of time
55
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'cause it feels like we're
living on the surface of the sun.
56
00:01:57,764 --> 00:02:00,499
You got to admit... that's
a pretty powerful light.
57
00:02:00,619 --> 00:02:01,707
Yeah, I will admit it.
58
00:02:01,743 --> 00:02:03,152
That's the most powerful light there is.
59
00:02:03,161 --> 00:02:05,722
It's the Steven Seagal of lights.
60
00:02:05,960 --> 00:02:08,120
Uh, I mean, if it's
the most powerful light,
61
00:02:08,153 --> 00:02:10,022
then it's the Vin Diesel of lights, okay?
62
00:02:11,456 --> 00:02:13,067
Vin Diesel's way more
powerful than Steven Seagal.
63
00:02:13,076 --> 00:02:14,960
Whatever. Hey, bro.
64
00:02:16,085 --> 00:02:18,491
This is disappointing
because we're neighbors,
65
00:02:18,500 --> 00:02:22,058
and you're obviously an
extremely dumb person.
66
00:02:23,934 --> 00:02:25,727
That's cool. You got that on remote?
67
00:02:25,754 --> 00:02:28,240
Yeah, it's... what is
that? What are you d...
68
00:02:30,218 --> 00:02:32,212
- Give me back my clicker.
- No, I won't.
69
00:02:32,221 --> 00:02:33,620
- Give me back my clicker.
- No, I won't give it back.
70
00:02:33,629 --> 00:02:34,635
- Give me back my clicker.
- No, absolutely not.
71
00:02:34,644 --> 00:02:35,558
- What's this? What's this?
- What the heck is that?
72
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- Give me that.
- Damn it!
73
00:02:38,193 --> 00:02:39,345
- Give me that.
- No. No!
74
00:02:39,381 --> 00:02:40,634
Give me my... come on. Give me that.
75
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Give me my clicker! Give me my clicker!
76
00:02:42,245 --> 00:02:43,205
[Both grunting]
77
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Put it down! Stop it!
78
00:02:44,779 --> 00:02:46,626
We haven't even introduced
ourselves, all right?
79
00:02:46,644 --> 00:02:49,159
I... I'm... I'm Justin, and this is Danny.
80
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I'm Kevin.
81
00:02:50,540 --> 00:02:52,635
My friends call me "Skat."
82
00:02:52,755 --> 00:02:54,903
It's a free-form of jazz.
83
00:02:55,023 --> 00:02:59,321
[Scatting]
84
00:03:00,439 --> 00:03:02,614
I know exactly what you mean.
85
00:03:02,734 --> 00:03:04,196
[Scatting]
86
00:03:04,316 --> 00:03:07,022
[Both scatting]
87
00:03:07,937 --> 00:03:09,474
Hey, man, what are you doing?
88
00:03:09,510 --> 00:03:10,873
What are you doing, dude?
89
00:03:11,202 --> 00:03:12,647
I'm making small talk.
90
00:03:12,767 --> 00:03:14,806
Well, if your small talk is
anything like your foreplay,
91
00:03:14,834 --> 00:03:15,831
then we'll both be here for hours,
92
00:03:15,867 --> 00:03:18,008
and you'll spend way too
much time on his boobs.
93
00:03:19,551 --> 00:03:20,986
Are you guys a married couple?
94
00:03:21,019 --> 00:03:22,421
[Chuckles] Excuse me?
95
00:03:22,454 --> 00:03:24,895
Yeah, I know a Bert-and-Ernie
situation when I see one.
96
00:03:26,222 --> 00:03:27,758
Which one of you is the wife?
97
00:03:27,960 --> 00:03:28,927
You know what?
98
00:03:28,961 --> 00:03:30,462
I'm not gonna answer that question
99
00:03:30,496 --> 00:03:32,498
'cause I think it might
hurt my wife's feelings.
100
00:03:33,411 --> 00:03:34,261
Look.
101
00:03:34,381 --> 00:03:36,026
I need the light, okay?
102
00:03:36,027 --> 00:03:37,618
Let's just say I'm a small-business owner
103
00:03:37,655 --> 00:03:40,005
who grows and sells certain types of plants
104
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that attract a certain type of customer
105
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that I don't want sneaking up on me.
106
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Oh, my God, Danny.
107
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I think he's a reefer salesman.
108
00:03:52,418 --> 00:03:54,347
All right, man, look. Just
take it down, all right?
109
00:03:54,356 --> 00:03:55,216
We can't sleep.
110
00:03:55,336 --> 00:03:56,396
Why didn't you just say you couldn't sleep?
111
00:03:56,423 --> 00:03:57,585
Look, here's what I'm gonna do...
112
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I'm gonna run home.
113
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I'm gonna get my moleskine notebook.
114
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It's where I keep a list of all the things
115
00:04:01,225 --> 00:04:03,328
[singsong voice] that I
do not give a crap about.
116
00:04:04,606 --> 00:04:06,142
[Normal voice] All right?
117
00:04:06,974 --> 00:04:08,932
Light stays on. Enjoy your night.
118
00:04:08,978 --> 00:04:10,395
[Chuckles]
119
00:04:10,404 --> 00:04:13,048
Or is it daytime? I
can't even tell right now.
120
00:04:15,023 --> 00:04:17,054
More over.
121
00:04:25,350 --> 00:04:28,273
So, this new neighbor
who's torturing you guys...
122
00:04:28,301 --> 00:04:30,185
is he cute?
123
00:04:30,305 --> 00:04:32,125
Les, he's a drug dealer.
124
00:04:32,454 --> 00:04:35,024
All I'm hearing is he's got a job.
125
00:04:35,820 --> 00:04:37,393
Here you go, sweetie.
126
00:04:37,513 --> 00:04:39,222
Uh, sorry, Sabrina, but is it possible
127
00:04:39,241 --> 00:04:41,006
to get a little less foam in my beer?
128
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I don't know.
129
00:04:42,981 --> 00:04:43,886
Do you think it would be possible
130
00:04:43,886 --> 00:04:46,941
for me to go back in time and
tell myself not to date you?
131
00:04:48,076 --> 00:04:51,295
I was totally falling for you,
and you broke my heart, Danny.
132
00:04:51,688 --> 00:04:53,235
O... okay. You know what?
133
00:04:53,262 --> 00:04:54,799
Never mind. The foam's okay.
134
00:04:58,036 --> 00:05:00,432
Wow. That is a woman scorned.
135
00:05:00,552 --> 00:05:03,011
Maybe it's time we, uh,
killed her with kindness.
136
00:05:03,048 --> 00:05:06,295
When I was 9, I killed my
Guinea pig with kindness.
137
00:05:07,968 --> 00:05:10,173
One too many hugs.
138
00:05:11,720 --> 00:05:14,031
Well, I wonder whose fault this is.
139
00:05:14,151 --> 00:05:16,365
Maybe if somebody...
[High-pitched] Justin...
140
00:05:16,383 --> 00:05:18,770
[normal voice] didn't,
uh, hire my ex-girlfriend
141
00:05:18,779 --> 00:05:19,685
[high-pitched] Sabrina...
142
00:05:19,703 --> 00:05:21,231
[High-pitched] Well,
maybe if somebody else...
143
00:05:21,267 --> 00:05:22,145
[normal voice] Danny...
144
00:05:22,191 --> 00:05:23,509
[high-pitched] Didn't cheat on her like a
145
00:05:23,536 --> 00:05:24,441
[normal voice] jackass
146
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[high-pitched] everything would be fine.
147
00:05:26,756 --> 00:05:29,024
[Normal voice] You don't
know how side mouth works.
148
00:05:30,332 --> 00:05:31,841
Hey, Sabrina?
149
00:05:31,961 --> 00:05:34,558
Could we possibly get some
more pretzels over here?
150
00:05:34,594 --> 00:05:36,497
Why don't you guys get
up off your lazy asses
151
00:05:36,506 --> 00:05:38,134
and get them yourself?
152
00:05:38,555 --> 00:05:40,997
I think I'd just rather
live without pretzels.
153
00:05:44,327 --> 00:05:46,776
We didn't do anything.
Why does she hate us?
154
00:05:46,896 --> 00:05:48,513
I didn't really notice anything.
155
00:05:48,541 --> 00:05:50,096
That's usually how women treat me.
156
00:05:53,370 --> 00:05:54,843
Listen, sometimes,
157
00:05:54,879 --> 00:05:56,809
when a girl's really hurt by a guy,
158
00:05:56,846 --> 00:05:58,410
she ends up being pissed at his friends.
159
00:05:58,530 --> 00:05:59,416
Well, she's your friend.
160
00:05:59,443 --> 00:06:00,852
How do we get back on her good side?
161
00:06:00,879 --> 00:06:02,636
This is all Danny's fault.
162
00:06:03,020 --> 00:06:05,352
Yes! Thank you!
163
00:06:05,699 --> 00:06:07,684
Wait. What's Danny's fault?
164
00:06:08,773 --> 00:06:10,237
Everything?
165
00:06:10,271 --> 00:06:12,084
I know, right?
166
00:06:12,106 --> 00:06:14,108
- Yeah.
- Shelly: Yeah.
167
00:06:21,382 --> 00:06:23,284
Danny's the worst.
168
00:06:28,923 --> 00:06:30,694
All right, I need you to get
fired up, Baby Bird, all right?
169
00:06:30,724 --> 00:06:32,048
We need to go take down this neighbor, huh?
170
00:06:32,059 --> 00:06:33,360
[Scoffs]
171
00:06:33,394 --> 00:06:35,030
Do you really want to get in
a huge fight with a neighbor?
172
00:06:35,231 --> 00:06:37,015
I used to live next to this old lady,
173
00:06:37,024 --> 00:06:39,013
and we had a little bit of a disagreement
174
00:06:39,133 --> 00:06:41,201
with some "noisy wind chimes."
175
00:06:41,235 --> 00:06:44,377
Long story short, she
smashed my wind chimes.
176
00:06:44,497 --> 00:06:46,526
Look, I don't know why
you're so scared of this guy.
177
00:06:46,563 --> 00:06:47,441
You don't need to be.
178
00:06:47,474 --> 00:06:49,197
You got me, man. I got your back.
179
00:06:49,317 --> 00:06:52,453
Look, I have the inner
strength of 10 men, okay?
180
00:06:52,480 --> 00:06:53,577
I don't know if you knew that,
181
00:06:53,578 --> 00:06:54,982
but that means that between the two of us,
182
00:06:55,015 --> 00:06:57,484
we have the strength of 9 1/2 men.
183
00:06:59,107 --> 00:07:01,384
Wait. Does that make me a negative man?
184
00:07:01,411 --> 00:07:02,518
You know what? It doesn't matter. I just...
185
00:07:03,222 --> 00:07:05,960
look, I was joking when I
said that we were married,
186
00:07:05,978 --> 00:07:07,616
but in a way, that's exactly what we are.
187
00:07:07,643 --> 00:07:09,330
We're nonsexual life partners.
188
00:07:09,756 --> 00:07:12,246
Danny, we can't be life
partners without sex.
189
00:07:12,253 --> 00:07:13,500
What am I saying?
190
00:07:16,434 --> 00:07:18,401
Look, Baby Bird, man, I need you on this,
191
00:07:18,437 --> 00:07:20,843
so I'm gonna talk to you in
your touchy-feely-guy language.
192
00:07:22,032 --> 00:07:24,026
I'm listening.
193
00:07:25,479 --> 00:07:28,681
For three months now, we've
been roommates, but, uh,
194
00:07:29,084 --> 00:07:31,418
my heart wants more than that.
195
00:07:33,826 --> 00:07:35,929
What does your heart want, Danny?
196
00:07:39,693 --> 00:07:41,820
Justin Kearney,
197
00:07:42,295 --> 00:07:44,465
will you destroy our neighbor with me?
198
00:07:46,593 --> 00:07:49,178
- Yes. Yes. Yeah. A thousand times yes.
- Yeah, man.
199
00:07:49,178 --> 00:07:51,647
All right, I say we get
aggressive on this, all right?
200
00:07:51,693 --> 00:07:54,419
I don't know. I... I think
that should be our last resort.
201
00:07:54,437 --> 00:07:56,541
I feel like we should charm him first.
202
00:07:56,751 --> 00:07:59,041
I already called Kevin and
told him to come by the place
203
00:07:59,079 --> 00:08:00,929
so we could work it out
peacefully. I'm sorry.
204
00:08:00,929 --> 00:08:01,807
Well, it's okay
205
00:08:01,816 --> 00:08:04,231
because I kind of already
went ahead with my idea, too.
206
00:08:05,794 --> 00:08:07,879
What did you do?
207
00:08:08,455 --> 00:08:11,127
I stole that idiot's damn light.
208
00:08:11,547 --> 00:08:13,541
No! What... oh, God.
209
00:08:13,578 --> 00:08:14,566
Do you think he knows?
210
00:08:14,611 --> 00:08:16,706
[Pounding on window] Give me back my light!
211
00:08:18,627 --> 00:08:21,602
Uh... He might. Gah.
212
00:08:21,635 --> 00:08:23,971
Danny and Justin are dead men!
213
00:08:24,645 --> 00:08:26,347
Why did he say my name?
214
00:08:26,356 --> 00:08:27,975
Um, because I... I wrote a note,
215
00:08:28,002 --> 00:08:30,014
and I signed it "Danny and Justin."
216
00:08:30,993 --> 00:08:33,480
Till death do us part, Baby Bird.
217
00:08:34,295 --> 00:08:35,640
I know you're in there!
218
00:08:35,760 --> 00:08:38,256
Get out of here. Go.
I'll set a distraction.
219
00:08:38,376 --> 00:08:41,009
What is that? What is that?
220
00:08:41,393 --> 00:08:43,323
Hey! I see you rolling!
221
00:08:43,357 --> 00:08:45,225
[Grunting] I see you!
222
00:08:45,259 --> 00:08:47,566
[Pounding on window] Unlock this window!
223
00:08:47,594 --> 00:08:50,164
Ah, joke's on you... there's
no lock on the window!
224
00:08:50,201 --> 00:08:53,467
I shouldn't have said that! Go, go, go!
225
00:08:57,490 --> 00:08:59,465
I cannot believe you stole his light.
226
00:08:59,466 --> 00:09:00,868
Are you happy?
227
00:09:00,901 --> 00:09:03,345
Am I happy? I don't know.
Oh, look... there's a mirror.
228
00:09:03,370 --> 00:09:05,238
Uh, yep, still me. Thrilled.
229
00:09:06,874 --> 00:09:08,869
Look, Kevin's not gonna
respond with reason, okay?
230
00:09:08,909 --> 00:09:10,711
Like most guys with a beard, he's a tool.
231
00:09:12,710 --> 00:09:14,091
Kevin has a beard, does he?
232
00:09:14,211 --> 00:09:16,561
Is it kind of like the beard
Gerard Butler had in "300"?
233
00:09:16,583 --> 00:09:17,618
Is Kevin muscular?
234
00:09:19,195 --> 00:09:20,788
Brett, again, he's a drug dealer.
235
00:09:20,821 --> 00:09:22,456
A muscular drug dealer?
236
00:09:22,880 --> 00:09:25,225
All right, back off, bitch. He's mine.
237
00:09:28,595 --> 00:09:30,462
You started a turf war, Danny,
238
00:09:30,497 --> 00:09:32,438
and I've seen "West Side Story."
239
00:09:32,466 --> 00:09:34,120
I know what happens in turf wars.
240
00:09:34,501 --> 00:09:37,971
People sing, then they
dance, then they die.
241
00:09:39,115 --> 00:09:40,614
I mean, we don't know this guy.
242
00:09:40,633 --> 00:09:42,476
I mean, what... what...
what if he has a knife?
243
00:09:42,810 --> 00:09:44,511
My mother always said,
244
00:09:44,545 --> 00:09:48,142
if someone pulls out a knife,
I should pull out a smile.
245
00:09:50,611 --> 00:09:53,062
I've been stabbed on several occasions.
246
00:09:55,339 --> 00:09:57,890
I have to go talk to Kevin
before this escalates any further.
247
00:09:57,936 --> 00:09:59,884
Man... man, we can't
back out now, all right?
248
00:09:59,893 --> 00:10:01,613
He's not a scary guy.
He's just a lame stoner.
249
00:10:01,622 --> 00:10:04,028
You need to trust me on this, all right?
250
00:10:04,148 --> 00:10:05,446
I don't tell you how to do
251
00:10:05,473 --> 00:10:06,955
your lame singing that everybody hates.
252
00:10:07,742 --> 00:10:09,937
That's because you have
a terrible singing voice.
253
00:10:09,964 --> 00:10:10,678
Uh, really?
254
00:10:10,705 --> 00:10:12,763
Uh, no, I actually have
an amazing singing voice.
255
00:10:13,028 --> 00:10:15,864
[Vocalizing]
256
00:10:15,984 --> 00:10:17,948
Look, I need to know...
are you still with me?
257
00:10:17,967 --> 00:10:20,247
All right, is our marriage still intact?
258
00:10:22,101 --> 00:10:24,351
Yeah, man. I'm with you to the end.
259
00:10:25,128 --> 00:10:28,789
Good, good, good, good, good
260
00:10:30,598 --> 00:10:33,360
[Laughter]
261
00:10:35,162 --> 00:10:37,475
Oh, cool it. He's here. [Chuckles]
262
00:10:37,595 --> 00:10:39,333
Uh, hey, Sabrina.
263
00:10:40,036 --> 00:10:41,802
Die.
264
00:10:42,903 --> 00:10:45,241
All right. Cool. Talk to you later.
265
00:10:46,473 --> 00:10:49,403
What, uh... what are you guys laughing at?
266
00:10:49,613 --> 00:10:52,118
Uh, pl... please don't
take this the wrong way,
267
00:10:52,164 --> 00:10:55,008
but we have been saying
some awful things about you.
268
00:10:55,530 --> 00:10:57,642
It seems to make her like us more.
269
00:10:57,762 --> 00:11:01,136
Also, we may or may not have
been doing impressions of you.
270
00:11:01,163 --> 00:11:02,544
[American accent] Like
you got to talk really fast
271
00:11:02,572 --> 00:11:04,388
and find what you're saying in
the middle of what you're saying,
272
00:11:04,406 --> 00:11:06,931
and hopefully, everybody will understand.
273
00:11:06,967 --> 00:11:09,153
Also, you got to do flappy hands
274
00:11:09,199 --> 00:11:10,031
whenever you got to make a point.
275
00:11:10,068 --> 00:11:12,089
Okay, so, okay, Baby Bird? Okay.
276
00:11:12,209 --> 00:11:14,001
[Laughter] Oh, yeah, well,
277
00:11:14,010 --> 00:11:14,842
it doesn't even matter what you say,
278
00:11:14,861 --> 00:11:16,745
and that's obvious, so whatever.
279
00:11:17,037 --> 00:11:19,031
That's obvious.
280
00:11:19,373 --> 00:11:21,875
[All imitating indistinctly]
281
00:11:24,697 --> 00:11:26,346
What's up, bro?
282
00:11:26,380 --> 00:11:27,002
[Door closes]
283
00:11:27,122 --> 00:11:29,271
Wow. It's like you knew I needed a beer.
284
00:11:29,391 --> 00:11:31,009
[Sighs]
285
00:11:31,292 --> 00:11:32,335
I... I thought you were at the bar.
286
00:11:32,335 --> 00:11:33,524
I was until I found out
287
00:11:33,524 --> 00:11:35,838
our friends are trying to
get in on Sabrina's good side
288
00:11:35,875 --> 00:11:37,128
by talking crap about me
289
00:11:37,173 --> 00:11:40,009
and doing impressions that
don't bother me at all, but...
290
00:11:41,372 --> 00:11:42,762
You know, I got to tell you, Baby Bird...
291
00:11:42,771 --> 00:11:45,689
it makes me appreciate
your loyalty even more, huh?
292
00:11:48,384 --> 00:11:49,785
What... why is my beer half done
293
00:11:49,819 --> 00:11:51,354
and taste like a Bob Marley album?
294
00:11:52,707 --> 00:11:55,981
Justin, thanks for having me... oh.
295
00:11:56,823 --> 00:11:59,502
Looks like the husband is home.
296
00:11:59,862 --> 00:12:01,203
[Clears throat]
297
00:12:01,249 --> 00:12:03,599
Guess that makes me the other man.
298
00:12:11,063 --> 00:12:13,048
Okay, all right, yes, Kevin is here.
299
00:12:13,066 --> 00:12:14,446
Do you think you could just calm down?
300
00:12:14,667 --> 00:12:16,094
You know what? You're a betrayer!
301
00:12:16,101 --> 00:12:17,502
You are a betrayer! All right?
302
00:12:17,535 --> 00:12:19,037
This is not how you're
supposed to act in a marriage!
303
00:12:20,887 --> 00:12:23,118
Oh... oh, you're one to talk.
304
00:12:23,238 --> 00:12:25,002
Do you know that he comes
to the bar every day...
305
00:12:25,010 --> 00:12:27,012
never asks me how my day is.
306
00:12:28,747 --> 00:12:30,749
That's exactly what ended my marriage...
307
00:12:30,782 --> 00:12:33,159
that and, uh, turning
a little gay in prison.
308
00:12:36,543 --> 00:12:38,757
I can't believe you made a vegetable plate
309
00:12:38,790 --> 00:12:39,781
for our sworn enemy.
310
00:12:39,827 --> 00:12:42,260
You stole his light. He
could have called the cops.
311
00:12:42,293 --> 00:12:45,187
He's not gonna call the cops.
He's a criminal, all right?
312
00:12:45,206 --> 00:12:46,258
Whoa-ho-ho.
313
00:12:46,378 --> 00:12:47,923
Yes, I will. I'll do it.
314
00:12:47,950 --> 00:12:50,612
All I need is 72 hours
to get my urine clean,
315
00:12:50,658 --> 00:12:53,530
and then boom, boom,
boom... I'm a doctor again.
316
00:12:54,252 --> 00:12:56,341
You were a doctor?!
317
00:12:57,409 --> 00:12:58,935
I handled this right.
318
00:12:58,954 --> 00:13:00,819
All right, Kevin and
I sat down like adults,
319
00:13:00,847 --> 00:13:02,887
and we worked it out peacefully.
320
00:13:02,896 --> 00:13:05,173
He's not gonna have the
light in our direction
321
00:13:05,182 --> 00:13:06,170
so that we could sleep.
322
00:13:06,290 --> 00:13:07,323
Problem solved.
323
00:13:07,368 --> 00:13:08,593
No, no, no, no, no, no.
324
00:13:08,630 --> 00:13:10,633
That was before Danny came blazing in here,
325
00:13:10,660 --> 00:13:13,231
getting all up in my lady catcher.
326
00:13:16,362 --> 00:13:21,960
Now I want an apology from... him.
327
00:13:22,764 --> 00:13:23,981
- Oh, really?
- Yeah.
328
00:13:24,027 --> 00:13:27,036
Well... you're not gonna
get an apology from me.
329
00:13:27,156 --> 00:13:28,024
And hold on...
330
00:13:28,042 --> 00:13:30,603
let me download some
other information for you.
331
00:13:33,886 --> 00:13:36,804
Steven Seagal's fat,
and he's bad at karate.
332
00:13:36,924 --> 00:13:37,969
Your mouth just wrote a check
333
00:13:38,659 --> 00:13:40,050
that your body can't cash, bro.
334
00:13:40,096 --> 00:13:41,248
Hands up. Hands up.
335
00:13:41,294 --> 00:13:42,748
Hands up!
336
00:13:43,928 --> 00:13:45,857
[Yells indistinctly]
337
00:13:46,697 --> 00:13:48,383
- Hyah!
- Hyah!
338
00:13:48,401 --> 00:13:49,727
- Hyah! Hyah!
- Hyah! Hyah!
339
00:13:49,733 --> 00:13:50,733
- Hyah!
- Hyah! Hyah!
340
00:13:50,767 --> 00:13:51,986
- Hyah! Hyah!
- Hyah! Hyah!
341
00:13:52,032 --> 00:13:53,358
- Hyah! Hyah!
- Hyah! Hyah!
342
00:13:53,386 --> 00:13:54,938
- Hyah! Hyah! Hyah!
- Hyah! Hyah! Hyah! Hyah!
343
00:13:54,971 --> 00:13:57,007
[Chanting indistinctly]
Hyah! Hyah! Hyah! Hyah!
344
00:13:57,040 --> 00:13:58,008
- Hyah!
- Hyah!
345
00:13:58,041 --> 00:14:00,110
- Hyah! Hyah!
- Hyah!
346
00:14:00,143 --> 00:14:03,365
- Karate! Karate!
- Karate! Karate!
347
00:14:03,380 --> 00:14:05,149
- Karate!
- All righty!
348
00:14:05,185 --> 00:14:06,016
Hyah!
349
00:14:06,049 --> 00:14:08,151
Aah! Aah! Aah!
350
00:14:08,185 --> 00:14:11,321
[Both grunting, shouting]
351
00:14:11,354 --> 00:14:13,190
- Hyah! Unh!
- Hyah! Yeah!
352
00:14:13,223 --> 00:14:15,759
- Unh! Unh!
- Yeah! Yeah!
353
00:14:15,792 --> 00:14:18,061
- Oh! Aah!
- Hyah! Hyah!
354
00:14:18,095 --> 00:14:19,796
[Sighs forcefully] Hyah!
355
00:14:19,830 --> 00:14:21,965
- Hyah!
- Aah!
356
00:14:21,998 --> 00:14:23,600
- Aah!
- Oh!
357
00:14:23,633 --> 00:14:24,914
- Oh!
- Hyah!
358
00:14:25,034 --> 00:14:26,642
Aah.
359
00:14:31,708 --> 00:14:32,676
Hyah!
360
00:14:32,709 --> 00:14:34,411
[Sighs]
361
00:14:36,847 --> 00:14:37,761
All right. All right.
362
00:14:37,881 --> 00:14:39,611
All right. Hey!
363
00:14:39,639 --> 00:14:41,696
Now, you two obviously don't know
364
00:14:41,724 --> 00:14:43,123
anything about karate.
365
00:14:43,736 --> 00:14:45,666
Can we just stop this?
366
00:14:45,786 --> 00:14:47,504
Okay, fine.
367
00:14:47,733 --> 00:14:49,096
[Sighs]
368
00:14:49,216 --> 00:14:52,160
[Grunts] Arigato.
369
00:14:53,770 --> 00:14:56,532
[Grunts] Soba noodles.
370
00:14:57,968 --> 00:15:00,470
I'm still not apologizing.
371
00:15:00,504 --> 00:15:02,414
Fine. I'll tell you what I'm gonna do.
372
00:15:02,450 --> 00:15:04,334
Since you two are so tight,
373
00:15:04,536 --> 00:15:06,292
I'm gonna let Justin apologize for you.
374
00:15:06,310 --> 00:15:07,005
Well, you know what?
375
00:15:07,023 --> 00:15:08,194
He's never gonna do that
because we're a team.
376
00:15:08,212 --> 00:15:09,877
- Kevin.
- Hey, Baby Bird, no.
377
00:15:09,895 --> 00:15:11,782
- What are you doing?
- Kevin!
378
00:15:14,243 --> 00:15:18,477
On behalf of Danny, I want to apologize.
379
00:15:18,755 --> 00:15:20,270
[Sighs]
380
00:15:20,390 --> 00:15:22,648
I'm sorry for the way that he acted.
381
00:15:23,444 --> 00:15:25,061
Thank you.
382
00:15:27,377 --> 00:15:29,215
I'm just gonna grab my light now,
383
00:15:29,233 --> 00:15:30,559
and I'm gonna get out of here.
384
00:15:30,834 --> 00:15:34,739
[Rattling]
385
00:15:37,974 --> 00:15:39,377
- [Door opens]
- You need help?
386
00:15:39,386 --> 00:15:41,202
I got it!
387
00:15:43,982 --> 00:15:45,315
[Door closes]
388
00:15:45,348 --> 00:15:46,683
[Light clatters]
389
00:15:46,716 --> 00:15:48,875
I still got it!
390
00:15:51,891 --> 00:15:54,352
That is when Kevin and Danny
391
00:15:54,388 --> 00:15:57,150
had the world's weirdest karate fight.
392
00:15:57,662 --> 00:16:00,013
You know what a mugger recently told me?
393
00:16:00,133 --> 00:16:02,291
Being good at video-game karate
394
00:16:02,318 --> 00:16:05,025
does not make you good at regular karate.
395
00:16:07,019 --> 00:16:10,431
- [Door opens]
- That lady took my wallet and my dignity.
396
00:16:11,948 --> 00:16:15,305
Hey. The gang's all here.
397
00:16:15,342 --> 00:16:16,686
You making fun of me, or what?
398
00:16:16,732 --> 00:16:18,470
[Scoffs] God. Get over yourself, Danny.
399
00:16:18,470 --> 00:16:19,997
Not everything is about you.
400
00:16:20,024 --> 00:16:22,292
Hey, you guys, you know
what I like about Sabrina?
401
00:16:22,493 --> 00:16:24,003
She never talks crap behind my back.
402
00:16:24,039 --> 00:16:25,814
She always says it right to my face.
403
00:16:26,042 --> 00:16:27,012
Thanks, Sabrina.
404
00:16:27,132 --> 00:16:29,857
Aww. No one will ever love you.
405
00:16:30,140 --> 00:16:31,594
Danny, I don't know why you're making
406
00:16:31,622 --> 00:16:33,341
such a big deal about a light.
407
00:16:33,368 --> 00:16:35,801
It was never about the light.
It was always about friendship.
408
00:16:36,012 --> 00:16:38,490
Now, you guys all know that
I have your back, all right?
409
00:16:38,518 --> 00:16:40,366
Well, we seemed to forget about that
410
00:16:40,486 --> 00:16:42,030
when we were all busy making fun of Danny
411
00:16:42,058 --> 00:16:44,088
and his flappy hands just
to get in good with Sabrina.
412
00:16:44,381 --> 00:16:46,192
And, Brett, really?
413
00:16:46,228 --> 00:16:47,701
I mean, I feel like if it wasn't for me
414
00:16:47,719 --> 00:16:49,548
pushing you to ask guys out,
415
00:16:49,576 --> 00:16:52,036
then you'd still be dating women
that look like offensive linemen
416
00:16:52,063 --> 00:16:54,322
because that's your type for some reason.
417
00:16:54,633 --> 00:16:57,341
I did like them large and in charge.
418
00:16:57,853 --> 00:16:59,810
And the two of you... you
guys can't even look at me.
419
00:16:59,819 --> 00:17:02,069
It's like I can see the weight of the guilt
420
00:17:02,115 --> 00:17:03,577
just pressing down on your shoulders.
421
00:17:04,574 --> 00:17:07,519
It's like I'm giving
myself a piggyback ride.
422
00:17:08,388 --> 00:17:11,105
And, Leslie, really, my
sister, my own flesh and blood?
423
00:17:11,141 --> 00:17:12,285
Well, I got a question for you.
424
00:17:12,330 --> 00:17:14,516
Who was the man to vow
never to tell anybody
425
00:17:14,544 --> 00:17:15,423
that the day you were born,
426
00:17:15,441 --> 00:17:16,548
you had a thick, black coat of hair
427
00:17:16,575 --> 00:17:18,880
covering your whole
body like a baby monkey?
428
00:17:20,151 --> 00:17:21,248
Me.
429
00:17:21,368 --> 00:17:24,166
And I never told anybody, and I never will.
430
00:17:26,810 --> 00:17:28,941
Okay, it's very common, all right?
431
00:17:28,968 --> 00:17:30,478
There's a medical term for it.
432
00:17:30,598 --> 00:17:33,276
Is the term "horrifying"?
433
00:17:34,722 --> 00:17:36,679
And that just leaves Justin,
434
00:17:36,799 --> 00:17:39,158
my sweet, beautiful, voluptuous wife.
435
00:17:40,030 --> 00:17:41,536
It's like you don't even know what it means
436
00:17:41,545 --> 00:17:43,813
to be in a fake marriage
with a guy-friend roommate.
437
00:17:45,761 --> 00:17:47,407
I admit that I flew off the handle
438
00:17:47,416 --> 00:17:48,798
about that light thing,
but that doesn't matter.
439
00:17:48,834 --> 00:17:50,416
You should have had my back no matter what.
440
00:17:50,536 --> 00:17:52,859
I would never sell you out for
a stranger because you know why?
441
00:17:52,868 --> 00:17:54,460
I don't share a toothbrush with that man.
442
00:17:54,487 --> 00:17:56,346
I share a toothbrush with you.
443
00:17:57,195 --> 00:17:58,695
And I can tell by your reaction
444
00:17:58,704 --> 00:17:59,929
that you had no idea
that that was going on,
445
00:17:59,966 --> 00:18:00,881
but I'll tell you right now
446
00:18:00,908 --> 00:18:02,089
that it's been happening for about a week,
447
00:18:02,134 --> 00:18:03,836
and it's been making me
feel very close to you.
448
00:18:09,264 --> 00:18:11,386
Now, in spite of this epic betrayal,
449
00:18:11,422 --> 00:18:13,800
I'm just gonna tell you guys I love you
450
00:18:13,828 --> 00:18:16,763
and, uh, you can count on me...
451
00:18:17,467 --> 00:18:20,070
Even though I can't count on you.
452
00:18:22,765 --> 00:18:24,659
[Door opens]
453
00:18:27,192 --> 00:18:28,820
What?
454
00:18:28,829 --> 00:18:31,052
You're still a little furry.
455
00:18:34,766 --> 00:18:37,327
Get inside my belly
456
00:18:37,447 --> 00:18:38,882
'cause that's where you
457
00:18:38,891 --> 00:18:41,186
[Knock on door]
458
00:18:48,321 --> 00:18:50,598
Hey, you mind if we, uh,
come in for a second and talk?
459
00:18:50,626 --> 00:18:51,659
Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa,
whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa.
460
00:18:51,696 --> 00:18:52,528
Who's the broad?
461
00:18:52,930 --> 00:18:54,961
I'm his muscle, okay?
462
00:18:54,988 --> 00:18:57,137
So play nice, or I will mess you up.
463
00:18:57,147 --> 00:18:59,360
Aah! Aah, aah!
464
00:18:59,480 --> 00:19:03,156
I had no idea Justin's
bodyguard would be so enchanting.
465
00:19:03,623 --> 00:19:04,940
[Door closes]
466
00:19:05,060 --> 00:19:08,553
So, um, heard you were a doctor.
467
00:19:09,221 --> 00:19:10,922
Yeah, a disgraced doctor.
468
00:19:11,627 --> 00:19:12,724
Okay, but, hypothetically,
469
00:19:12,844 --> 00:19:14,425
I could still introduce you as a doctor.
470
00:19:14,545 --> 00:19:16,556
Okay, you are done.
471
00:19:16,676 --> 00:19:18,541
Moving on, 'cause that's
not the point of this.
472
00:19:18,559 --> 00:19:20,014
Listen. Kevin.
473
00:19:20,297 --> 00:19:21,788
Danny's my best friend,
474
00:19:21,788 --> 00:19:25,117
and despite our amazing
scat chemistry, um...
475
00:19:25,237 --> 00:19:26,809
[Scatting]
476
00:19:26,929 --> 00:19:28,081
Ohh. What?
477
00:19:28,201 --> 00:19:31,813
[Both scatting]
478
00:19:32,014 --> 00:19:34,273
Okay, stop. Stop. That's
not why I'm here, okay?
479
00:19:34,291 --> 00:19:35,809
Please. [Sighs]
480
00:19:35,855 --> 00:19:38,836
Look, I should have never
given you that light back
481
00:19:39,330 --> 00:19:43,428
because I'm on Danny's
side, and I always will be...
482
00:19:43,830 --> 00:19:46,729
Till death do us part.
483
00:19:47,040 --> 00:19:48,320
Why the hell are you telling me this?
484
00:19:48,339 --> 00:19:49,226
Why don't you tell him?
485
00:19:49,346 --> 00:19:51,000
[Chuckles] I already did tell him.
486
00:19:51,018 --> 00:19:53,085
Actually, this whole thing
was just a distraction
487
00:19:53,095 --> 00:19:56,753
so that him and the guys could,
uh, steal your light again.
488
00:19:57,603 --> 00:20:00,941
Danny: We got it! Fire it up, guys!
489
00:20:01,362 --> 00:20:03,200
Huh?! What do I look like in there?
490
00:20:03,228 --> 00:20:05,844
Just an amazing, godlike creature?
491
00:20:06,887 --> 00:20:08,643
All right, well, I think that's about it.
492
00:20:08,662 --> 00:20:09,915
Okay.
493
00:20:10,035 --> 00:20:11,854
Well, Kevin, we'll see you later.
494
00:20:11,881 --> 00:20:13,450
Have a good night. Or is it day?
495
00:20:13,459 --> 00:20:15,197
You know, I can't even tell over here.
496
00:20:15,242 --> 00:20:16,852
[Chuckles]
497
00:20:16,972 --> 00:20:17,967
Shelly: I got a rake!
498
00:20:17,967 --> 00:20:20,345
- [Door closes]
- Let's do Iwo Jima!
499
00:20:36,429 --> 00:20:39,137
Shelly, did you eat
all of my magic brownie?
500
00:20:39,576 --> 00:20:42,713
[Laughing]
501
00:20:51,439 --> 00:20:53,561
Yes, I did.
502
00:20:54,073 --> 00:20:57,900
[Both laughing]
503
00:21:07,131 --> 00:21:12,939
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504
00:21:12,989 --> 00:21:17,539
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