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1
00:00:04,315 --> 00:00:05,609
What's the giant emergency?
2
00:00:05,609 --> 00:00:06,996
Shannon's moving out.
3
00:00:06,996 --> 00:00:09,733
Don't do this, Shannon.
What we have is real.
4
00:00:09,744 --> 00:00:12,178
Don't do this to us.
5
00:00:12,212 --> 00:00:13,713
I'm getting married.
6
00:00:15,416 --> 00:00:18,617
Yeah, but what about our
motorcycle club... Dos Lobos?
7
00:00:18,652 --> 00:00:20,586
See you around, Danny. [Clears throat]
8
00:00:20,620 --> 00:00:22,054
- All right, but I swear...
- [Door opens]
9
00:00:22,088 --> 00:00:24,356
If you walk out that door,
I will not take you ba...
10
00:00:24,390 --> 00:00:26,291
Okay, but if you start that car,
11
00:00:26,326 --> 00:00:27,893
- then I will not take you ba...
- [Engine turns over]
12
00:00:27,928 --> 00:00:29,462
Okay, but if you do a cute honk
13
00:00:29,496 --> 00:00:31,630
and then reverse out of
the driveway, I will...
14
00:00:31,665 --> 00:00:32,832
- [horn honks]
- Ah!
15
00:00:33,867 --> 00:00:35,100
Can't you just get one
16
00:00:35,134 --> 00:00:37,702
of your other adorable
man-child friends to move in?
17
00:00:37,736 --> 00:00:39,771
But all my friends are buried...
18
00:00:39,805 --> 00:00:40,772
Married.
19
00:00:40,806 --> 00:00:43,241
I-I-I said "buried."
I meant "married."
20
00:00:43,276 --> 00:00:46,345
Oh, you met someone.
21
00:00:46,379 --> 00:00:49,014
She seems smart. Is she a doctor?
22
00:00:49,048 --> 00:00:52,584
She made me feel better.
23
00:00:53,686 --> 00:00:55,420
Danny, I don't want to sound like mom,
24
00:00:55,455 --> 00:00:57,588
but you got to find a
purpose... something greater
25
00:00:57,622 --> 00:00:59,656
than just satisfying
your own shallow desires.
26
00:00:59,691 --> 00:01:00,924
[Chuckles]
27
00:01:00,959 --> 00:01:02,593
Oh, you're serious?
28
00:01:03,561 --> 00:01:05,262
This was acceptable in your 20s,
29
00:01:05,297 --> 00:01:07,764
but you are pushing 30,
and it's getting creepy.
30
00:01:07,799 --> 00:01:10,334
And creepy sticks. It's
like herpes. It's for life.
31
00:01:11,936 --> 00:01:14,438
All right, look, no one wants
to be the 40-year-old guy
32
00:01:14,473 --> 00:01:15,639
who goes to the bar alone,
33
00:01:15,673 --> 00:01:17,474
and you don't have to be that, Danny.
34
00:01:17,508 --> 00:01:18,808
You have so much potential.
35
00:01:19,843 --> 00:01:22,012
You're absolutely sure
that herpes is for life?
36
00:01:22,046 --> 00:01:23,146
[Chuckles]
37
00:01:23,180 --> 00:01:24,847
I'm out of here like a herd of turtles.
38
00:01:24,882 --> 00:01:27,450
Les, I know that you're
just trying to help,
39
00:01:27,485 --> 00:01:29,119
but, like, I'm happy.
40
00:01:29,153 --> 00:01:30,420
I mean, you see this?
41
00:01:30,454 --> 00:01:32,522
This is on my face, like, all day.
42
00:01:32,556 --> 00:01:34,424
I'll try to get rid of it for a second.
43
00:01:34,458 --> 00:01:35,658
Watch.
44
00:01:35,692 --> 00:01:37,593
Yeah, can't do it, man.
45
00:01:37,628 --> 00:01:38,961
Well, good luck with the roommate hunt.
46
00:01:38,996 --> 00:01:41,096
Shannon gave me hookups
to a guy who needs a room.
47
00:01:41,131 --> 00:01:42,431
He's, uh... he's a cool dude.
48
00:01:42,465 --> 00:01:43,399
He owns a bar.
49
00:01:43,433 --> 00:01:45,334
Hey, are you gonna see her again?
50
00:01:45,368 --> 00:01:46,135
No.
51
00:01:46,169 --> 00:01:48,070
All right, I'm keeping it.
52
00:01:51,942 --> 00:01:56,378
That's all they
really wa-a-a-a-nt
53
00:01:56,413 --> 00:01:59,481
Some
fu-u-u-u-u-n.
54
00:01:59,516 --> 00:02:02,451
Don't ya love me, baby
55
00:02:02,485 --> 00:02:04,853
well, oh girls
56
00:02:04,887 --> 00:02:07,622
Both:
they
want to have fu-u-n
57
00:02:07,657 --> 00:02:09,024
Ohh, girls...
58
00:02:09,059 --> 00:02:10,492
What the hell?
59
00:02:13,496 --> 00:02:15,097
You must be Danny.
60
00:02:15,131 --> 00:02:18,100
Killer pipes, man.
61
00:02:18,134 --> 00:02:20,869
Yeah, I went to choral
camp every summer as a kid,
62
00:02:20,903 --> 00:02:23,004
and I was the first male Annie.
63
00:02:24,574 --> 00:02:26,575
No big deal. I just
cruised down on my bike.
64
00:02:26,609 --> 00:02:29,077
You ride? Did you see my bike out front?
65
00:02:29,111 --> 00:02:31,212
Oh, no way. That's your bike out there?
66
00:02:31,246 --> 00:02:33,347
Wow, that bike's a major panty-dropper.
67
00:02:33,382 --> 00:02:35,416
I can't wait to get on the road with you.
68
00:02:35,451 --> 00:02:36,685
Dos Lobos.
69
00:02:36,719 --> 00:02:39,153
V?monos.
70
00:02:39,188 --> 00:02:42,723
Burrito. I don't know Spanish.
71
00:02:46,494 --> 00:02:48,629
You know what? That's a little awkward.
72
00:02:48,663 --> 00:02:51,732
Um, I wasn't planning on seeing
your penis on the first day.
73
00:02:51,766 --> 00:02:55,603
What do you think?
74
00:02:55,637 --> 00:02:57,605
- I don't know why I said that.
- No, it's cool.
75
00:02:57,639 --> 00:03:00,206
I get caught up in the moment.
76
00:03:00,240 --> 00:03:02,274
Danny: All right, now. Here we go. Come on.
77
00:03:02,309 --> 00:03:04,211
Justin: Okay. We are going.
78
00:03:04,211 --> 00:03:06,348
Synced and corrected by Mastermonger.
www.addic7ed.com
79
00:03:06,348 --> 00:03:09,782
Oh-oh-oh,
oh, oh
80
00:03:09,817 --> 00:03:10,783
The end.
81
00:03:10,818 --> 00:03:12,318
No, no, this is the beginning, dude.
82
00:03:12,352 --> 00:03:13,352
Whoops.
83
00:03:13,386 --> 00:03:15,287
Hey, so what's this bar called, anyway?
84
00:03:15,322 --> 00:03:16,388
Black Eyes.
85
00:03:16,423 --> 00:03:18,624
Black Guys?
86
00:03:18,658 --> 00:03:20,225
No, Black Eyes.
87
00:03:20,259 --> 00:03:23,929
Like, if you get in a fight,
there might be a few black eyes.
88
00:03:23,963 --> 00:03:25,530
Uh, well, if you get into a fight,
89
00:03:25,564 --> 00:03:27,799
you better hope that there
aren't a few black guys.
90
00:03:27,834 --> 00:03:29,434
Justin, come here.
91
00:03:29,468 --> 00:03:30,468
Hey.
92
00:03:30,503 --> 00:03:33,304
Is the guy you named the bar after?
93
00:03:34,306 --> 00:03:37,442
Bro, shell can't even get his
name out around girls now. Mm.
94
00:03:37,476 --> 00:03:40,077
A girl in my piano class asked me my name,
95
00:03:40,112 --> 00:03:43,881
and all I could get out was, "shh."
96
00:03:43,915 --> 00:03:46,050
It's a bummer 'cause I'm
actually pretty smooth
97
00:03:46,084 --> 00:03:47,618
when it comes to male strangers.
98
00:03:47,653 --> 00:03:50,420
Go on, stud muffin. Try me.
99
00:03:50,455 --> 00:03:51,689
I'm happy to help. What's your name, man?
100
00:03:51,723 --> 00:03:53,323
Shelly.
101
00:03:53,358 --> 00:03:55,459
See? Easy-peasy.
102
00:03:55,493 --> 00:03:57,895
You're so lucky you're gay.
103
00:03:57,929 --> 00:03:59,429
Whenever you want to hook up with a dude,
104
00:03:59,464 --> 00:04:01,398
you just go up, and you pull on his noodle
105
00:04:01,432 --> 00:04:02,399
like a doorbell chain.
106
00:04:03,468 --> 00:04:05,435
Brett just came out a few weeks ago,
107
00:04:05,470 --> 00:04:07,204
and I am just so proud of you, sweetie,
108
00:04:07,238 --> 00:04:08,772
but if you don't get off your butt
109
00:04:08,806 --> 00:04:10,807
and start working right
now, I'm gonna kick it.
110
00:04:10,841 --> 00:04:12,509
Okay.
111
00:04:14,845 --> 00:04:17,414
So, uh, do you mind if I get a drink, too?
112
00:04:17,448 --> 00:04:20,583
[Chuckles] Don't bother. I
know lots of guys like you.
113
00:04:20,617 --> 00:04:22,852
Are they all thirsty?
114
00:04:25,022 --> 00:04:27,090
No, they're like the cocky player type.
115
00:04:27,124 --> 00:04:28,858
I always end up with those guys.
116
00:04:28,893 --> 00:04:31,928
[Chuckles] I mean, I wish I
could fall for a classy guy.
117
00:04:31,962 --> 00:04:33,163
Like what? Like a British dude?
118
00:04:33,197 --> 00:04:35,065
[Cockney accent] Like a guy like this?
119
00:04:35,099 --> 00:04:36,499
Like a dude that just comes up to you
120
00:04:36,533 --> 00:04:38,134
and makes you feel good
in your pants region?
121
00:04:38,169 --> 00:04:39,668
Is that what it is?
122
00:04:39,703 --> 00:04:41,970
Maybe you and me can go to the library
123
00:04:42,005 --> 00:04:43,906
and check out a bunch of books.
124
00:04:45,308 --> 00:04:47,375
[British accent] Oh, fellas, it is on.
125
00:04:47,410 --> 00:04:51,213
Yeah, I can see her uterus
glowing like E.T.'s finger.
126
00:04:51,247 --> 00:04:55,650
Zuhhhhhhhhhhh.
127
00:04:55,685 --> 00:04:58,820
All right, stop it. Okay? You're adults.
128
00:04:58,854 --> 00:05:01,356
So, what, he just does
a bad British accent,
129
00:05:01,390 --> 00:05:02,524
and she likes that?
130
00:05:02,558 --> 00:05:04,025
Whatever. I don't care.
131
00:05:04,059 --> 00:05:05,694
Is she kissing his neck?
132
00:05:05,728 --> 00:05:09,231
[Chuckles]
133
00:05:09,265 --> 00:05:11,366
Seems like you do care.
134
00:05:14,036 --> 00:05:15,970
[Normal voice] Welcome to the Dan cave.
135
00:05:16,004 --> 00:05:17,872
Keys are right there. Thanks.
136
00:05:17,906 --> 00:05:19,907
Hey, so I saw you talking
to Nicki at the bar.
137
00:05:19,942 --> 00:05:22,476
You should know that... that
me and her are kind of like...
138
00:05:25,447 --> 00:05:28,282
Soft-shoe tap partners?
139
00:05:29,484 --> 00:05:30,752
We're not, like, together.
140
00:05:30,786 --> 00:05:32,754
You know, I'm still kind
of waiting to make my move.
141
00:05:32,788 --> 00:05:33,888
How long you been waiting?
142
00:05:33,922 --> 00:05:35,256
Only since I hired her.
143
00:05:35,290 --> 00:05:36,791
So, what's today... Friday?
144
00:05:36,825 --> 00:05:37,991
So, like, 80 weeks.
145
00:05:38,025 --> 00:05:40,560
It just needs to be the right moment.
146
00:05:40,594 --> 00:05:42,362
- Which is what?
- I don't know.
147
00:05:42,396 --> 00:05:45,465
It's not like I'm up thinking
about it all the time, you know?
148
00:05:45,499 --> 00:05:47,600
But it'd have to be earlier in the week.
149
00:05:47,635 --> 00:05:49,702
But not too early so I seem desperate...
150
00:05:49,737 --> 00:05:52,072
like a Tuesday... In the fall...
151
00:05:52,106 --> 00:05:54,174
'Cause that's when my
wardrobes are the strongest.
152
00:05:54,208 --> 00:05:58,210
But early fall so I
still kind of have a tan.
153
00:05:58,245 --> 00:06:00,613
At dusk... magic hour.
154
00:06:02,283 --> 00:06:04,517
I'm behind the bar washing a glass.
155
00:06:04,551 --> 00:06:07,387
She comes out, like, "what are you doing?"
156
00:06:08,589 --> 00:06:11,023
I'm like, "washing a glass."
157
00:06:11,057 --> 00:06:12,992
She's like, "do you need help?"
158
00:06:13,026 --> 00:06:15,194
I'm like, "yeah, that's your job."
159
00:06:17,230 --> 00:06:20,732
Then she walks over. "Take
on me" starts playing.
160
00:06:21,802 --> 00:06:22,968
I sing along casually,
161
00:06:23,003 --> 00:06:25,070
but hitting the high notes 'cause I can.
162
00:06:27,373 --> 00:06:30,276
Then I go in for the kiss,
and right then, I pull away,
163
00:06:30,310 --> 00:06:32,444
get myself a beer, walk out the door,
164
00:06:32,478 --> 00:06:36,081
letting her know that she
can't have a guy like me.
165
00:06:40,486 --> 00:06:44,522
When do you have sex in this fantasy?
166
00:06:44,556 --> 00:06:46,157
I'm sorry, Fonzie.
167
00:06:46,192 --> 00:06:48,526
We don't all have your
confidence with women.
168
00:06:50,095 --> 00:06:51,162
Excuse me.
169
00:06:51,197 --> 00:06:53,764
You think I just came out of my mom's womb
170
00:06:53,799 --> 00:06:55,733
just crushing ass?
171
00:07:00,972 --> 00:07:02,807
I've had many teachers...
172
00:07:02,841 --> 00:07:05,142
All helping mold the sexual juggernaut
173
00:07:05,176 --> 00:07:08,479
that you see standing
right here before you.
174
00:07:08,513 --> 00:07:11,482
Are you aware of how douchey you sound?
175
00:07:11,516 --> 00:07:14,352
[Imitates bullets ricocheting]
176
00:07:14,386 --> 00:07:17,388
Negative thoughts just
bounce right off me, bro.
177
00:07:17,422 --> 00:07:19,522
Who were your teachers?
178
00:07:19,557 --> 00:07:20,690
No one.
179
00:07:20,725 --> 00:07:22,225
No one?
180
00:07:23,427 --> 00:07:25,161
Oh, my God.
181
00:07:25,195 --> 00:07:27,364
Justin, you need me.
182
00:07:27,398 --> 00:07:28,898
Words cannot express
183
00:07:28,932 --> 00:07:32,201
how strongly I disagree
with that statement.
184
00:07:32,236 --> 00:07:33,503
Look, I get it, you know.
185
00:07:33,537 --> 00:07:35,605
You're scared, and
change is hard, baby bird,
186
00:07:35,639 --> 00:07:37,774
but I'm gonna help you
mend those broken wings.
187
00:07:37,808 --> 00:07:40,576
I'm gonna be the father bird
and just feed you knowledge.
188
00:07:40,610 --> 00:07:43,746
[Imitates regurgitating]
189
00:07:45,982 --> 00:07:48,350
[Imitates bird squawking]
190
00:07:48,385 --> 00:07:49,918
Aah!
191
00:07:49,952 --> 00:07:51,920
Consider this your acceptance speech
192
00:07:51,954 --> 00:07:53,355
to Danny Burton University.
193
00:07:53,390 --> 00:07:54,823
DBU! [Chuckles]
194
00:07:54,858 --> 00:07:56,392
You're insane.
195
00:07:56,426 --> 00:07:58,426
[Imitates bullets ricocheting]
196
00:08:03,031 --> 00:08:04,298
Those are negative thoughts,
197
00:08:04,332 --> 00:08:05,800
and I'm just gonna ignore
'em and come in for the hug.
198
00:08:05,834 --> 00:08:06,834
- Arms up.
- I don't want a hug.
199
00:08:06,869 --> 00:08:07,568
No hug. Come on.
200
00:08:08,637 --> 00:08:10,471
[Smooches]
201
00:08:17,079 --> 00:08:18,987
I do not need a mentor.
202
00:08:18,987 --> 00:08:20,653
I know, you wouldn't think
so, right? You're young.
203
00:08:20,653 --> 00:08:22,016
You own a bar. You sing like an angel.
204
00:08:22,016 --> 00:08:23,542
You're adorable. Right?
205
00:08:24,020 --> 00:08:27,122
Yeah, your face is a six,
but your body's a seven.
206
00:08:27,157 --> 00:08:28,891
Look, you got the juice, buddy.
207
00:08:28,925 --> 00:08:30,192
You just don't know how to use the juice.
208
00:08:30,227 --> 00:08:31,361
I know how to use the juice.
209
00:08:31,395 --> 00:08:32,328
Then use the juice.
210
00:08:32,363 --> 00:08:34,063
Use the juice, and I'll lay off you, okay?
211
00:08:34,097 --> 00:08:35,097
I swear on our Lobo code.
212
00:08:35,131 --> 00:08:36,932
Fine.
213
00:08:36,967 --> 00:08:39,134
Better get your raincoat, muchacho.
214
00:08:39,169 --> 00:08:41,636
It's about to get super juicy up in here.
215
00:08:46,175 --> 00:08:47,108
[Gasps]
216
00:08:47,142 --> 00:08:48,710
Oh! God.
217
00:08:48,745 --> 00:08:51,980
Sweetie, be careful. I
almost bitch-slapped you.
218
00:08:53,850 --> 00:08:54,983
No need for bitch-slapping.
219
00:08:55,017 --> 00:08:56,251
- I'm totally safe.
- [Chuckles]
220
00:08:56,285 --> 00:08:58,286
I mean, not totally safe.
That'd be boring, right?
221
00:08:58,320 --> 00:09:00,455
But not too dangerous, either, you know?
222
00:09:00,490 --> 00:09:03,591
I'm kind of like the baby bear's
porridge, girl... Just right.
223
00:09:03,625 --> 00:09:04,558
[Chuckles]
224
00:09:04,593 --> 00:09:06,761
Wait. I don't get it.
225
00:09:06,795 --> 00:09:08,162
"Goldilocks and the three bears."
226
00:09:08,197 --> 00:09:09,563
Didn't your dad ever read to you?
227
00:09:09,598 --> 00:09:11,065
Um, I never met my dad.
228
00:09:11,100 --> 00:09:13,534
Would you like to? I
don't know why I said that.
229
00:09:13,568 --> 00:09:16,070
Can't make that happen. That dream is gone.
230
00:09:16,105 --> 00:09:18,339
Um, but... sorry.
231
00:09:18,374 --> 00:09:20,474
I'm just letting you know
that I'm adventurous, you know?
232
00:09:20,509 --> 00:09:22,409
Like... like a... like a...
like a pirate, you know?
233
00:09:22,443 --> 00:09:23,624
Or a cat burglar...
234
00:09:23,624 --> 00:09:24,996
like somebody who's
gonna steal your clocks,
235
00:09:24,996 --> 00:09:26,316
not somebody who's
gonna come into your room
236
00:09:26,316 --> 00:09:27,564
in the middle of the
night and be like, "hey,"
237
00:09:27,564 --> 00:09:32,920
and then just, "shhhh. Shhhh.
238
00:09:32,954 --> 00:09:35,522
Shhhhh."
239
00:09:35,556 --> 00:09:37,958
Pillow, and then, "shhhhhh."
240
00:09:38,993 --> 00:09:40,460
I don't know why I killed you.
241
00:09:41,929 --> 00:09:44,096
[Cockney accent] Hello. Would you
like to go to the library with me?
242
00:09:44,131 --> 00:09:46,132
Okay, look!
243
00:09:46,166 --> 00:09:47,333
E-excuse us.
244
00:09:48,468 --> 00:09:50,236
Did you guys just see that?
245
00:09:50,270 --> 00:09:51,870
You almost asked her out!
246
00:09:51,905 --> 00:09:53,806
That was crazy, bro!
247
00:09:55,175 --> 00:09:56,675
This is so much worse than I thought.
248
00:09:56,709 --> 00:09:58,311
Danny: We're gonna go out tonight.
249
00:09:58,345 --> 00:09:59,946
We are out. We're at a bar.
250
00:09:59,980 --> 00:10:01,279
No, no, no. I mean out out.
251
00:10:01,314 --> 00:10:02,480
Out into the world.
252
00:10:02,514 --> 00:10:04,082
Out of your routine, all right?
253
00:10:04,116 --> 00:10:05,350
My sister's a wine rep, okay?
254
00:10:05,384 --> 00:10:06,484
And there's an event tonight.
255
00:10:06,518 --> 00:10:08,920
Um, uh, Danny, sorry.
I can't go out tonight.
256
00:10:08,955 --> 00:10:11,222
Um, I'm dressed like a chubby Marty McFly.
257
00:10:11,257 --> 00:10:12,257
I mean, obviously,
258
00:10:12,291 --> 00:10:14,725
you don't care so much
about your appearance.
259
00:10:14,760 --> 00:10:17,329
[Imitates bullets ricocheting]
260
00:10:17,363 --> 00:10:19,130
That one actually hurt a little bit.
261
00:10:20,799 --> 00:10:22,232
Danny, I don't think we're up
262
00:10:22,267 --> 00:10:24,502
for going to some party
with a bunch of strangers.
263
00:10:24,536 --> 00:10:27,171
Is that true, guys?
264
00:10:27,205 --> 00:10:30,475
This wine... is it free?
265
00:10:37,483 --> 00:10:39,116
Hey, you look great.
266
00:10:39,150 --> 00:10:42,286
I am gonna ignore how surprised
you are and say thank you.
267
00:10:42,320 --> 00:10:45,089
I'm thinking it's time
to get back in the game.
268
00:10:45,123 --> 00:10:47,191
Good for you. Anybody catch your eye yet?
269
00:10:47,225 --> 00:10:49,226
Yeah. Right over there.
270
00:10:49,260 --> 00:10:50,594
Don't look.
271
00:10:50,628 --> 00:10:52,496
Oh, sorry.
272
00:10:52,530 --> 00:10:55,199
Oh, yeah. Asian Zac Efron, huh?
273
00:10:55,233 --> 00:10:56,900
Oh, yeah.
274
00:10:58,370 --> 00:11:00,104
You know who's, like, really good-looking
275
00:11:00,138 --> 00:11:03,039
is that guy who looks like
a more soulful Keanu Reeves.
276
00:11:03,073 --> 00:11:05,308
Oh, wait, no. I'm looking in a mirror.
277
00:11:05,342 --> 00:11:07,310
[As Keanu reeves] You're me? Oh, I'm you.
278
00:11:07,344 --> 00:11:08,677
Whoa!
279
00:11:08,712 --> 00:11:11,714
- You're so stupid.
- [Chuckles]
280
00:11:11,748 --> 00:11:13,716
[Normal voice] You guys
got to be kidding me.
281
00:11:13,750 --> 00:11:15,118
We came out so you guys could talk
282
00:11:15,118 --> 00:11:17,553
to live, actual human beings, okay?
283
00:11:17,587 --> 00:11:19,322
It's all about confidence.
284
00:11:19,356 --> 00:11:22,325
I'm going in. Win the friend over first.
285
00:11:22,359 --> 00:11:23,558
That's the key.
286
00:11:24,627 --> 00:11:26,161
Excuse me?
287
00:11:26,195 --> 00:11:27,362
I was just over there,
288
00:11:27,397 --> 00:11:29,364
and I noticed that you
were absolutely glowing.
289
00:11:29,399 --> 00:11:29,857
[Chuckles]
290
00:11:29,857 --> 00:11:33,368
I was wondering when
your baby might be due.
291
00:11:33,403 --> 00:11:35,370
I'm not pregnant.
292
00:11:35,405 --> 00:11:36,604
You look like you're pregnant.
293
00:11:36,639 --> 00:11:38,407
I don't care.
294
00:11:38,441 --> 00:11:40,475
I was actually just interested
in your friend, anyway.
295
00:11:43,879 --> 00:11:45,046
Hey.
296
00:11:45,080 --> 00:11:46,681
Great party, huh?
297
00:11:46,715 --> 00:11:49,116
I'm into the ladies.
298
00:11:49,151 --> 00:11:52,453
You know, the breasts and the butts and...
299
00:11:52,487 --> 00:11:53,755
Fallopian tubes.
300
00:11:57,560 --> 00:11:58,826
Okay, Brett, so I think I see one problem
301
00:11:58,861 --> 00:12:00,161
with the way you're trying to meet guys.
302
00:12:00,195 --> 00:12:02,363
Brett, I want you to go
tell that hot piece of dude
303
00:12:02,397 --> 00:12:03,631
that you're not into girls.
304
00:12:03,666 --> 00:12:04,965
Oh, bloody hell.
305
00:12:04,999 --> 00:12:07,568
And, Bursk, you come on
way too strong, all right?
306
00:12:07,602 --> 00:12:08,569
Go apologize.
307
00:12:09,737 --> 00:12:11,672
And you need to get in there, too.
308
00:12:11,706 --> 00:12:13,440
It's time to leave the nest, baby bird.
309
00:12:13,474 --> 00:12:15,642
[Sighs] You are so annoying.
310
00:12:15,677 --> 00:12:17,644
[Imitates bullets ricocheting]
311
00:12:17,679 --> 00:12:18,645
[Squawks]
312
00:12:20,014 --> 00:12:21,915
All right, man. Get in there. Your turn.
313
00:12:21,950 --> 00:12:23,617
No, thanks.
314
00:12:23,651 --> 00:12:24,918
It's not like there's anyone out here
315
00:12:24,953 --> 00:12:26,385
I could put on my "potential wife" list...
316
00:12:26,419 --> 00:12:28,153
If I kept a list like that.
317
00:12:28,188 --> 00:12:29,188
Shut up, Shelly.
318
00:12:29,222 --> 00:12:30,289
I didn't say anything.
319
00:12:30,323 --> 00:12:31,724
You did that look that you do.
320
00:12:31,758 --> 00:12:33,525
Yes, I did.
321
00:12:37,030 --> 00:12:38,965
Come on, stay. I'll make you breakfast.
322
00:12:38,999 --> 00:12:40,800
I should go.
323
00:12:40,834 --> 00:12:41,934
Bye.
324
00:12:41,969 --> 00:12:43,268
Justin.
325
00:12:43,303 --> 00:12:46,205
Susma... Sum... Sum, Justin.
326
00:12:48,373 --> 00:12:50,675
Wait a minute... are you just
getting home now from last night?
327
00:12:50,710 --> 00:12:51,810
If I say yes, do you promise
328
00:12:51,844 --> 00:12:53,078
not to make a big deal out of it?
329
00:12:53,112 --> 00:12:55,914
Baby bird!
330
00:12:55,948 --> 00:12:58,516
All: Justin! Justin! Justin! Justin!
331
00:12:58,550 --> 00:13:00,852
Justin! Justin! Justin! Justin!
332
00:13:00,886 --> 00:13:02,386
You are super good at that.
333
00:13:02,421 --> 00:13:04,889
[Chuckles] Details,
dude. We want the details.
334
00:13:04,924 --> 00:13:07,257
How was it? Were there candles?
335
00:13:08,960 --> 00:13:11,762
Boys, I just made the
magic happen like I do.
336
00:13:11,796 --> 00:13:14,397
Did you do your, uh, pillow thing?
337
00:13:17,602 --> 00:13:19,503
Well, kiddo, I'm real proud of you.
338
00:13:19,537 --> 00:13:20,638
Thanks, man.
339
00:13:20,672 --> 00:13:22,840
Then I was out like a herd of turtles.
340
00:13:25,143 --> 00:13:26,943
What did you just say?
341
00:13:26,977 --> 00:13:29,846
Oh, it was just something
she said last night.
342
00:13:29,880 --> 00:13:31,248
No, no, no, no, no, no.
343
00:13:31,282 --> 00:13:34,584
No, no, no, no, no, no, no,
no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no.
344
00:13:34,619 --> 00:13:36,419
Is this her?
345
00:13:36,454 --> 00:13:38,755
Why do you have a picture
of Leslie in your phone?
346
00:13:38,789 --> 00:13:41,658
That's my sister!
347
00:13:46,530 --> 00:13:49,031
This is very tense.
348
00:13:55,769 --> 00:13:57,428
What's the emergency this time?
349
00:13:57,645 --> 00:13:59,412
You slept with my roommate!
350
00:13:59,446 --> 00:14:01,948
[Gasps] Justin...
351
00:14:01,983 --> 00:14:03,616
Is your roommate?
352
00:14:03,651 --> 00:14:04,851
Oh, my God.
353
00:14:04,886 --> 00:14:07,086
Danny, I swear I had no idea.
354
00:14:07,120 --> 00:14:08,154
I'm so sorry.
355
00:14:08,188 --> 00:14:09,155
It's not your fault.
356
00:14:09,189 --> 00:14:10,690
I mean, how could you have known?
357
00:14:10,724 --> 00:14:13,826
Listen, thanks for always
being so honest with me.
358
00:14:13,860 --> 00:14:15,094
I knew he was your roommate.
359
00:14:15,128 --> 00:14:17,497
Damn it, Leslie!
360
00:14:17,531 --> 00:14:20,366
What about the Asian Zac Efron?
361
00:14:20,401 --> 00:14:23,102
He went home with white Rihanna!
362
00:14:25,071 --> 00:14:26,138
And then I met Justin,
363
00:14:26,173 --> 00:14:28,006
and by the time I figured out who he was,
364
00:14:28,040 --> 00:14:29,641
we were already in our underwear,
365
00:14:29,676 --> 00:14:31,576
and I'd optimistically worn my good bra.
366
00:14:31,611 --> 00:14:33,211
Aah! Aah!
367
00:14:33,245 --> 00:14:34,713
I don't want to hear it.
368
00:14:34,747 --> 00:14:36,015
Well, somebody has to, Danny.
369
00:14:36,015 --> 00:14:39,250
It's an $80 bra, and it
hurts to wear it, okay?
370
00:14:39,285 --> 00:14:41,152
You ever try and squash your nuts together
371
00:14:41,187 --> 00:14:42,788
so a bunch of guys can stare at 'em?
372
00:14:47,760 --> 00:14:49,493
I brought that kid to your mixer
373
00:14:49,528 --> 00:14:51,796
so he could meet a
desperate woman, not you.
374
00:14:51,830 --> 00:14:53,997
I am a desperate woman, you idiot.
375
00:14:55,166 --> 00:14:58,869
I am 30-something-year-old
divorced woman,
376
00:14:58,903 --> 00:15:01,472
so when a nice guy walks up
to me with nice things to say,
377
00:15:01,506 --> 00:15:03,073
and I have my one good thong on,
378
00:15:03,107 --> 00:15:06,310
my thong and I are gonna listen.
379
00:15:06,345 --> 00:15:08,212
I'm sorry, Les.
380
00:15:08,246 --> 00:15:10,980
You know, you deserve to have fun, too.
381
00:15:11,014 --> 00:15:13,483
I just hope I taught
him enough to please you.
382
00:15:13,517 --> 00:15:14,751
- Oh, gross!
- Too far.
383
00:15:14,785 --> 00:15:16,619
I'm sorry. I got... I don't know...
384
00:15:16,654 --> 00:15:18,254
I don't know why I said that.
385
00:15:18,288 --> 00:15:21,257
I don't even know why I
put myself back out there.
386
00:15:21,291 --> 00:15:22,959
It was so humiliating.
387
00:15:22,993 --> 00:15:25,061
Les, what happened?
388
00:15:25,095 --> 00:15:27,029
[Sighs] What did he do?
389
00:15:27,064 --> 00:15:29,366
He wouldn't even have sex with me.
390
00:15:29,400 --> 00:15:32,235
[Sighs] He said I seemed sad and buzzy,
391
00:15:32,269 --> 00:15:34,871
and he didn't want to
take advantage of that,
392
00:15:34,905 --> 00:15:38,341
so we just laid there staring
at the ceiling all night
393
00:15:38,375 --> 00:15:39,976
like two sad paralyzed people
394
00:15:40,010 --> 00:15:42,611
they just happened to put
in the same hospital bed.
395
00:15:46,216 --> 00:15:48,951
I mean, is anyone ever
gonna want me again, Danny?
396
00:15:48,986 --> 00:15:50,819
Hey, stop. Come here.
397
00:15:53,856 --> 00:15:56,258
What kind of a man are you?!
398
00:15:56,292 --> 00:15:58,927
How dare you not bang my sister!
399
00:15:58,961 --> 00:16:01,729
Um, can we talk about
this in private, please?
400
00:16:01,764 --> 00:16:04,699
Oh, this seems like it'd
be a lot more fun in public.
401
00:16:04,733 --> 00:16:06,734
All she wanted was to be used for sex,
402
00:16:06,769 --> 00:16:08,569
but, oh, no, Justin couldn't do it.
403
00:16:08,604 --> 00:16:11,005
He's too nice to take
advantage of a buzzy girl.
404
00:16:11,039 --> 00:16:14,074
[Sarcastically] He's an angel.
405
00:16:14,109 --> 00:16:15,675
Wait. So, nothing happened?
406
00:16:16,945 --> 00:16:18,345
No.
407
00:16:18,380 --> 00:16:19,780
And you want to know what else?
408
00:16:19,814 --> 00:16:23,083
If I had the chance, I would
not have sex with her again.
409
00:16:23,118 --> 00:16:26,720
You watch your mouth when
you talk about my sister.
410
00:16:26,754 --> 00:16:29,323
I would take her to my bedroom
and not make love to her
411
00:16:29,357 --> 00:16:31,357
all night long, and then the next morning,
412
00:16:31,392 --> 00:16:32,626
I would take her to brunch.
413
00:16:32,660 --> 00:16:33,960
Then I would meet her friends
414
00:16:33,994 --> 00:16:35,429
and listen to their boring stories,
415
00:16:35,463 --> 00:16:37,130
and when they were done, I'd ask for more.
416
00:16:38,766 --> 00:16:40,667
You know what? We're through.
417
00:16:40,701 --> 00:16:41,868
You're no longer a Lobo.
418
00:16:41,903 --> 00:16:43,670
Oh, my God. How am I gonna live?
419
00:16:43,704 --> 00:16:45,338
I'm no longer a Lobo? Oh, man.
420
00:16:45,372 --> 00:16:46,606
My whole world is over.
421
00:16:46,641 --> 00:16:47,674
Thank God, man!
422
00:16:47,708 --> 00:16:50,043
You don't even know what "lobo" means.
423
00:16:50,077 --> 00:16:51,510
It's... it's like "soldier" or something.
424
00:16:51,545 --> 00:16:52,611
No!
425
00:16:52,646 --> 00:16:54,013
[Sighs]
426
00:16:54,048 --> 00:16:56,515
Danny, I never asked for your help, okay?
427
00:16:56,550 --> 00:16:57,516
None of us did.
428
00:16:57,551 --> 00:16:58,717
Look at your own life.
429
00:16:58,752 --> 00:17:01,087
Just going from empty night to empty night,
430
00:17:01,121 --> 00:17:02,922
hoping to get some strange girl
431
00:17:02,957 --> 00:17:04,857
to just stay a little bit longer.
432
00:17:04,891 --> 00:17:06,292
And you think we're losers?
433
00:17:06,327 --> 00:17:08,627
I have people in my life who care about me.
434
00:17:08,662 --> 00:17:10,729
I'm not lonely, Danny. Are you?
435
00:17:10,764 --> 00:17:13,365
You know what? You're no
longer welcome to DB University.
436
00:17:13,399 --> 00:17:13,685
Yeah?
437
00:17:13,685 --> 00:17:16,869
Well, you're no longer
welcome to black guys!
438
00:17:19,336 --> 00:17:22,571
Danny's gone, Danny's gone
439
00:17:22,605 --> 00:17:25,873
Whee! Danny's gone, Danny's gone
440
00:17:25,908 --> 00:17:26,904
Why do you guys look so bummed?
441
00:17:26,904 --> 00:17:30,549
Why are you spraying the peanuts?
442
00:17:31,162 --> 00:17:33,315
Look, guys, we should be celebrating.
443
00:17:33,315 --> 00:17:35,907
Okay? We finally put that
Danny Burton era behind us.
444
00:17:35,907 --> 00:17:37,534
Burski: I kind of liked
the Danny Burton era.
445
00:17:37,534 --> 00:17:39,764
Last night, I talked to
a girl for six minutes
446
00:17:39,764 --> 00:17:40,702
before she slapped me.
447
00:17:45,372 --> 00:17:46,744
What caused the slap?
448
00:17:46,744 --> 00:17:48,568
I said women shouldn't earn as much as men.
449
00:17:49,562 --> 00:17:51,240
How does that even come up?
450
00:17:51,240 --> 00:17:52,350
She was driving a nice car.
451
00:17:52,350 --> 00:17:53,439
I asked who bought it for her.
452
00:17:53,439 --> 00:17:55,482
She said she did, and then
she told me some other lies.
453
00:17:55,482 --> 00:17:56,115
I don't know, man.
454
00:17:57,299 --> 00:18:00,627
You know, last night, I
actually told a guy I was gay.
455
00:18:00,627 --> 00:18:02,577
And then when he asked
for my phone number,
456
00:18:02,577 --> 00:18:05,852
I gave him a number that was very
close to my own actual number.
457
00:18:05,852 --> 00:18:07,628
That is progress, man.
458
00:18:08,914 --> 00:18:10,815
Hey, don't forget... you spent the night
459
00:18:10,815 --> 00:18:13,434
with a live, actual woman, you know?
460
00:18:13,434 --> 00:18:15,244
Plus, you got Nicki to
like you for a second.
461
00:18:15,244 --> 00:18:16,352
That's obviously what you've been wanting.
462
00:18:16,722 --> 00:18:18,474
We've all been stuck in a rut lately.
463
00:18:18,474 --> 00:18:20,142
Danny's helped us out of it.
464
00:18:20,142 --> 00:18:21,678
We're grateful to him.
465
00:18:22,168 --> 00:18:23,806
You should be, too.
466
00:18:24,336 --> 00:18:26,947
Excuse me? Is this Black Guys?
467
00:18:26,947 --> 00:18:29,411
Common mistake. The
bar's actually called...
468
00:18:29,411 --> 00:18:30,687
Yes.
469
00:18:34,197 --> 00:18:37,633
I'm Shelly, the black guy.
470
00:18:45,227 --> 00:18:47,693
Hey, if you came to give the keys back,
471
00:18:47,693 --> 00:18:49,379
you can just leave them
on the table right there.
472
00:18:49,379 --> 00:18:52,991
Look, because of you, I
almost asked Nicki out,
473
00:18:52,991 --> 00:18:54,507
and I spent the night
with a beautiful woman.
474
00:18:54,507 --> 00:18:56,130
What... did you just come here to brag?
475
00:18:57,004 --> 00:18:59,041
I came here to apologize.
476
00:18:59,041 --> 00:19:02,504
Look, Danny, you've done
more for me in two days
477
00:19:02,504 --> 00:19:04,208
than anyone has done
for me in my entire life.
478
00:19:04,208 --> 00:19:06,762
So... Thanks.
479
00:19:07,782 --> 00:19:08,993
You're welcome.
480
00:19:08,993 --> 00:19:11,773
That's, uh, all I wanted to say.
481
00:19:15,907 --> 00:19:17,187
You're right about me.
482
00:19:17,187 --> 00:19:19,598
Um, I'm not that good at being alone.
483
00:19:20,957 --> 00:19:23,106
All my friends are buried and gone, and...
484
00:19:25,520 --> 00:19:28,592
That means married. It's like a thing I do.
485
00:19:28,592 --> 00:19:30,515
It's... it's hilarious.
486
00:19:32,263 --> 00:19:33,887
I don't know. I guess
they've just kind of all
487
00:19:33,887 --> 00:19:35,160
moved on with their lives, and I'm just...
488
00:19:35,160 --> 00:19:37,294
I'm not really ready for it, you know?
489
00:19:38,846 --> 00:19:39,326
[Sighs]
490
00:19:39,326 --> 00:19:40,301
I wish I was.
491
00:19:41,628 --> 00:19:43,003
Look, come back to the bar, okay?
492
00:19:43,003 --> 00:19:44,551
Come back to Black Guys... Eyes.
493
00:19:44,551 --> 00:19:45,277
Damn it.
494
00:19:46,401 --> 00:19:47,658
Hey, you know, that's your crew.
495
00:19:47,658 --> 00:19:48,889
No, it's our crew...
496
00:19:48,889 --> 00:19:50,451
I mean, if you want to be a part of it.
497
00:19:50,451 --> 00:19:52,354
We could all be wolves.
498
00:19:53,414 --> 00:19:55,513
That's what "lobos" means.
499
00:19:59,781 --> 00:20:01,375
[Exhales deeply]
500
00:20:05,266 --> 00:20:05,992
[Whimpers]
501
00:20:05,992 --> 00:20:07,369
Are you trying not to cry?
502
00:20:07,369 --> 00:20:08,593
Uh, no.
503
00:20:08,593 --> 00:20:11,206
Uh, crying is for babies
504
00:20:11,206 --> 00:20:13,791
and people who read Nicholas Sparks novels
505
00:20:14,404 --> 00:20:17,403
like "The Notebook" or "At First S... "
506
00:20:17,403 --> 00:20:19,833
[sobs] "At First Sight."
507
00:20:21,046 --> 00:20:22,178
You know what?
508
00:20:22,178 --> 00:20:24,564
Let's forget that happened, okay?
509
00:20:24,564 --> 00:20:26,701
- Let's just get out of here. All right?
- Okay.
510
00:20:27,465 --> 00:20:28,455
Hey, by the way,
511
00:20:28,455 --> 00:20:30,987
your bar name really does suck.
512
00:20:30,987 --> 00:20:33,118
[Imitates bullets ricocheting] Ping!
513
00:20:33,118 --> 00:20:36,083
- [Chuckles]
- Ping!
514
00:20:37,544 --> 00:20:38,727
Let's get out of here. Come on.
515
00:20:38,727 --> 00:20:40,351
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