All language subtitles for Trophy Wife s01e20 Thers No Guy in Team.eng

Ahh, pizza. [sniffs]
what do we got?

Oh, uh, we've got
gluten-free with cashew cheese,

nut-free with soy cheese, vegetarian
meat lover, and crust-free.

Gross. What ev... what ever
happened to regular pizza?

I want cheese ...
just plain cheese.

Honey, don't you watch the news?

Kids who eat plain cheese pizza die.

[doorbell rings]
Oh. I'll get it.

- Whoo!
- Whoa, watch out, Dad!

Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa.

Hi, ladies. How you doing?
Hillary's in her room.

You girls want some ice cream
while you talk about boys?

[chuckles]
Hardly.

We're amending the
student government constitution.

Oh, cool.
[thud]

Oh. Diane?

- What are you doing here?
- Oh, Warren asked me to come by.

I thought Warren was
having a friend sleep over.

- And here she is! [chuckles]
- Ah!

My Mom and my friend are the
same person so that I know

my Mom approves and I know my
friend thinks my Mom is cool.

Ohh. Oh, that's a
surprising choice for... yeah.

- Let's go play twister in my room.
- Come on.

Make sure you keep the
bedroom door open. [chuckles]

1x20 - There's No Guy in Team

sync & correction by f1nc0
~ Addic7ed.com ~

Wow, Meg, you're up
before 8:00. I'm impressed.

Yeah, right.
I haven't gone to bed yet.

There was a D.U.I. check
point right down the street

from your house, so I just
pulled into your driveway.

I wasn't drunk, but there's
a slight chance I bought a stolen car.

- That's more like it.
- I'm worried about Warren.

You know, when I was a kid, I
was hanging out with friends.

He's having sleepovers with his mom.

High school's supposed to be tough.
It's okay. It builds character.

Believe it or not, I wasn't
very popular in high school.

- I turned out okay.
- Really?

'Cause Kate says you write
legal porn in your free time.

- Kate!
- Meg!

It's not legal porn.
It's judicial erotica.

- Mm.
- Anyway, d-don't worry about Warren.

Just... let him do his thing.

Let me tell you about a guy
who did his thing, all right?

Arnie Plopper.

- Mm-hmm.
- That's his real name ... the Plopster.

Arnie worked at a wig
shop, and then one day,

I saw him driving
down the street and was like,

"oh, my god, he's got a girlfriend,"

and then I realized that he was having
a conversation with a pile of wigs.

If Warren starts working at
a wig shop, I'll talk to him.

I just want him to have, like, a
good group of friends, you know?

His own little crew, gang.

Well, then, just put
some beers in his lunch.

That'll get him to the cool table.

And if not,
he'll have beers in his lunch.

Unh, unh.
Wow!

- Hey, bud.
- Hey.

- Hey, oatmeal me.
- We're out of oatmeal.

Oh, yogurt me.
Oh, my god.

I was just dreaming about you,
and now you're here. Wow.

Kate, yogurt with two spoons, please.

See? Totally charming.
I'm going to work,

where nobody's happy
and nobody has friends.

- Mwah.
- Perfect.

Bye, dad. See you in nine hours.

So, Kate, what's on tap for tonight?

Listening to dogs bark and
guessing what they're thinking?

Actually, I was thinking
it'd be the perfect

opportunity for you to
make some new friends.

- Yep. How?
- I don't know.

Maybe just join, like,
a team or a club or something.

Yeah, I don't know, I mean...

everybody in a club seems
to be into the same things.

Or don't join a club
and just play hacky sack

in the parking lot with the burnouts.

Standing in a parking lot
seems really dangerous.

You've both given me
a lot to think about.

- What's he doing?
- He's going to think.

Shh. Shh.

- [sighs] Mom!
- Diane: Hey.

Mr. Edison gave me a "C" on my
art project. My life is over!

I mean, goodbye, Princeton.
Hello, Brown.

- Oh. Oh, he's crazy. It's perfect.
- Yeah.

House, hill. Yes, yes.

- What more does that hippie want?
- He says it's...

[deep voice] "technically
proficient, but lacks depth."

What does he want? Like, a-a
marijuana plant in the middle?

- [normal voice] Apparently.
- I'm calling the school.

[speed-dialing]
Mom, it's okay, really.

I did what you taught
me, and I cornered him,

and I talked for so long that he said

I could redo it
if I would just stop talking. [beep]

Ha ha!
Filibuster. Good girl.

[sighs]
Can you help me with it?

Oh, well, of course I can.
I mean, if it were museum-level art...

- but it's high-school-level art.
- Yes.

We need to start
thinking like an average

high-school student who
never went to college.

Hmm.

Who arted?
You did. [chuckles]

Well, I...

You see, Jackie has an
understanding of creative expression.

Look around this place.

It looks as if
it was decorated by a parrot.

Yes! Actually,
I was going for a toucan Sam

meets Arabian nights
meets under $200!

I really need your help, okay?

- I suck at art.
- No! Hillary, you cannot suck at art.

- I do.
- No, you can't.

- Yes.
- No, it's like math. There's no wrong answers.

And on that incorrect fact,
I will leave you two to it.

Remember, Hillary ... don't
eat anything she made herself.

- Wouldn't dare. Bye, Mom.
- Thanks, D-bag!

Um... oh! I made a snack.

- Oh.
- Fresh trout pudding.

Pete: Bert.

- Bert!
- Oh!

Hey, Dad. How's it going?

I thought we said
no scooter till Christmas.

I thought we were talking about for you.

W-where did
all this stuff come from?

I bought it.

- With what?
- My credit card. Take a look for yourself.

"Bert Lancaster Harrison."
This is your credit card.

It's platinum, so I get air miles.

You may like flying coach, but I do not.

Good god.

[tribal music plays] Okay.
Ooh!

Oh, I'm so excited.
I'm so happy to see you.

- Oh, I never see you anymore.
- I know. I'm sorry.

I have just been so busy, you know,

with school and theater
and musical theater.

Have you seen cat theater?
It's terrible.

- All right, take off your blazer.
- Why?

Because you can't
write a poem on a computer,

and you can't create art in a suit.

[exhales sharply]
That is the bumper sticker

that's gonna make me a millionaire.
Okay.

Hey, dude. How was school?

Oh, great ... we had chicken
patties today at lunch,

and I got two because they were
accidentally frozen together.

Yeah. So, uh, any news
on the friend front?

Ah, news. Yes.

Uh, I took your advice,
and I joined a sports team.

Whoa, really?

In one day you tried
out and got on a team?

- You must be a natural.
- Not at all!

Well, what team are you on?

Oh. Field hockey.

Eh?

Ha, w-whoa.
Isn't that a girls' team?

Oh, it was, but now it's co-ed.
Oh, you want to hear the cheer?

We're chicks!
We're chicks with sticks!

If you knock us on the grass,
we'll kick you in the...

- A-a-a-a-a-a....
- A-a-a-a...

- We're chicks!
- Oh.

I'm kind of the Jackie
Robinson figure of the group,

Only I think she was black.

Thank you, Kate.
You made this happen.

Yes!

[door opens]

God.

Warren has the ball!
He shoots!

No, it's actually ... it's
actually a pass to himself.

And he gets past Karen...
and Samantha and Bailey.

[gasps]
Warren gets it, kicks it...

in for the... goal!

- Wow, great goal!
- Oh, thanks.

Man, I'm really
loving this field hockey.

Uh, don't you think
this might make it harder

- for you to make friends at school?
- Oh, for sure.

Coach Dawson said that
it's a brave and unusual choice

and that my life will never be the same.

Look out, world.

Whoa, whoa, Warren!
Warren, you got to wear underwear, dude.

Jackie: I don't want you to
paint the image of the house.

I want you to paint the
essence of the house.

Well, how does it look?

That's the wrong question.
How does it feel?

It feels like a waste of time.

Well, that's because you're
painting from here and not from here.

Jackie, I can't see
where you're pointing.

Keep talking. I'm gonna point
on you, so I got to find you.

God, this is so stupid.

That's because you're
using this, instead of ...

- This is a lampshade.
- This is awful.

- Maybe I do belong at Brown.
- That's the dream, sister.

Isn't that right, lampshade?

Who sends an 8-year-old
a credit card?

It just came in the mail.
It said, "congratulations, Bert."

So, I was like, "thanks, letter."

It's great. You can use it
to get whatever you want.

Well, all of this is going back.
We're gonna cut up the credit card.

You can't just use a credit card
to buy anything you want, Bert.

Things cost money.
That's why dad goes to work every day.

But you hate your job.

You should just
get a credit card instead.

Okay, no more credit cards for you.

Time to teach you
some fiscal responsibility.

I will pay you for every chore you do.

How's that for a plan, Stan?

- What's the pay, Ray?
- Depends on the chore.

Why don't you start by

wacuuming the living room ...
How's that sound?

[imitates vacuum whirring]

- Now you do the microwave sound.
- Oh, my god.

Oh! Great block!

Hey! Great block!

Whoo! Nice! Nice!

- Ooh! Nice pass! Nice pass!
- Excuse me.

I'm looking for coach Dawson.

You got him. Jack Dawson.
Nice to meet you.

Jack Dawson, like "Titanic"?
Oh, my god.

One of my favorite movies.
I mean, Leonardo Dicaprio.

[chuckles] Had a poster of him
on my wall in my bedroom ...

2,000 people died
in that horrific tragedy.

- How can I help you?
- Uh... I'm...

- Warren's stepmom.
- Uh-huh.

Well, I'm here 'cause I'm concerned...

about Warren participating on the team.
You know? [chuckles]

No, I don't know.
Why don't you tell me why.

Warren is a sweet kid,

and a lot of high-school
kids are the worst, you know,

so I'm worried that he's
gonna get eaten alive

for being on an all-girls team.

Well, it's gonna be pretty
hard for him to get eaten alive

when he's putting
his field-hockey stick

down their throats and
out their rear ends.

- Whoa!
- I'm sorry. I get a little...

carried away and a little
protective of my players, but, uh...

my ladies can take care
of themselves, right, ladies?!

[girls cheering]
And Warren will, too.

Yeah. That's sweet.
I'm just more concerned

- about it being social suicide, you know?
- Mm-hmm.

I mean, even you said it's
a brave and unusual choice.

Ho-ho! That's right.

The same brave and unusual
choice I made 16 years ago.

- Field hockey changed my life.
- So there's no way

- you're gonna cut Warren from the team.
- No.

- Is he good, at least?
- No, he's terrible.

I mean, these girls start at age 9.

But there's a no-cut policy.

And, uh, quite frankly,
he's great for morale.

That's my teammate!

You guys see her?!
Use her as an example!

Nice goal!

- Can I come in?
- It's your house.

[sniffles]

Hey.

Okay, here.
Have some creativi-tea.

You're pretty blocked
up, and this is actually

the tea I drink when I'm constipated.

I just...
don't think I have it in me.

[sighs] Honey.

[sighs] Does this look like the work
of a girl that doesn't have it in her?

Or this? Look at that.
Or this? [sighs]

Oh, I love this.
It's supposed to be your dad.

But it looks like a cow.

This one you made
entirely out of loose beans

- you found in the bottom of my purse.
- I remember.

This is ... aah!

That's my...
tax return. Dang it.

Bert was supposed to mail that.

- I can't believe you kept all these.
- Hillary.

These were made by
a very creative little girl.

You see, you don't have to try
and turn yourself into an artist

because, sweet pea, you already art one.

- Already art one.
- That was pretty punny.

Ah! [chuckles]
[chuckles]

[sighs]

You know, I think I'm
ready to go back out there.

Yeah?! Good!

G-go pick out a smock out
of that smock closet. Go, go.

[vacuum whirring]

Pete: Bert?

[whirring stops]
Oh, hey, dad.

- What's going on?
- Not much. How was work?

Now, Bert, uh... w-what's
going on with these guys?

Scott, Scott's friend.
They're doing my chores.

- Uh, Bert, you can't do that.
- Why not? I'm paying them.

I was gonna pay Bert to do this,

so I'm just ...
I'm gonna give you each $5.

Uh, why don't you go home?

T-tell your parents
you found it on the street.

[laughs] It's hilarious.

- [clears throat] Hey.
- I didn't want other kids to do the chores.

I wanted you to do the chores.

Well, I started them, but I
didn't like it, so I hired them.

I paid them each a dollar.
I keep $3. Everybody wins.

Well, no, you lose because now
you're not getting anything.

What? Why?
The living room's clean.

- Because other people cleaned it.
- So? You pay Luisa to clean it.

[sighs]

Go to your room.

[sighs]

Oh, by the way, Luisa
broke that garbage disposal.

Did you know?
No, you didn't.

[footsteps depart]

Good god.

[dance music plays]

- Aah! That's right!
- Jackie: It's a canvas, not your grandma!

- Get in there!
- Yes!

You know what we need
is more yellow. [gasps]

Yeah! Yellow.

Whoa!

- Oh, my god.
- Oh, my god.

The couch looks so much better!

You're a genius, man!
Come on!

- More arting! Let's do this.
- Yeah!

New track, new track.

I got to warn you ...
this next one is just

a recording
of a lot of people screaming.

[people screaming]

So, how was practice today?
[clears throat]

You know, I think I
finally found something

that I can do for the rest of my life.

Oh. Well... th...
that's great. Great.

You know, it's good to
have a passion and ...

and now that ... now that
you've mastered field hockey,

maybe you want to look into
a bunch of other passions

to see which one is
your most passion-y.

You know, like [inhales sharply]
maybe drama tech.

I don't like actors.
They're always singing.

- Magic club?
- "Magician" is just another word for liar.

Computer club.

When I'm on my computer,
I prefer to be alone.

- You know what I mean?
- Yeah, I think I do.

- How about, uh ...
- Kate, what's the big deal?

You told me to pick a team, and I did.

Yeah, I just... you know,
I just feel like your choice

is gonna make it even harder
for you to make friends.

Why are you so obsessed
with me making friends?

Because... you're not
supposed to only hang out

with your parents when
you're in high school, Warren.

- Oh, so, you think I'm a loser?
- No, I don't think you're a loser,

but I don't want everyone
else to think that. [sighs]

I can't be in this car
with you for another second.

[groans] Stupid.
[sighs]

Undo the child lock please, Kate.

It's just regular lock, Warren.
[sighs]

[up-tempo music plays]

Yo, it's 7:30 in the morning.

Don't you think it's a little
early to be doing laundry?

Uh, I've been sexting with
a japanese businessman,

so my internal clock is all off.

Hey, do you guys have any stamps?

Yoshi says he'll pay
top Yen for my socks.

- Oh, good morning, Warren.
- Kate, I'm giving you

the silent treatment, so no talking.

- That's not how it works.
- I said silence.

But you I can't not talk to.

Oh, and, Kate, I think
you'll be happy to know

that I'm quitting the team so
I'm not such a loser anymore.

Have a bad day!

[door slams]

Whoa, little dude's really pissed.

I just didn't want him to become
an Arnie Plopper, you know?

Then you should tell
him about the Plopster.

- Scare him straight.
- Yeah. Yeah, maybe I will.

- God, I wonder what ever happened to that dude.
- Let's look him up!

Oh, yeah, I also want
to show you this video

of this lizard who's high on mushrooms.

Whoa! Check this out.

"Toronto venture
capitalist Arnold Plopper

breaks ground on Plopper
plaza with his wife,

swimsuit model
Playa Plimpkin-Plopper."

He's a millionaire.
Meg, do you know what this means?

Yeah, I should have banged
him when I had the chance.

God knows I banged way worse.

Warren's not an Arnie Plopper.

Arnie's not even an Arnie Plopper.
He turned out just fine.

I'm the Arnie Plopper in this.

- You do not smell like farts.
- What am I gonna do?

I don't know what you're
gonna do, but I'm gonna

get back in touch with Arnie Plopster
soon as I mail my socks to Japan.

Do you think these or,
like, dirty ones? Dirty ones.

I just got off the
phone with Josh's dad.

He told me you sold Josh a soda.

- Yeah.
- His parents don't allow sodas.

Right. That's why he came to me.

Bert, you can't just take [chuckles]
our sodas and sell them to your classmates.

Oh. I didn't know. I'm sorry.

Do you know what you did wrong?

- Yes.
- What did you do wrong?

I don't know.

- Go to your room.
- I'm in my room.

How many sodas did you sell?

Three six packs.

Okay. You know what?
Get your tush on this scooter.

Go back to each of the
friends you cheated.

- Give them their money back.
- Okay.

[sighs]

[Asian accent] No, I...
No. Miss Jackie no here.

Okay. No, I don't know where
she go. She die. Goodbye.

[normal voice]
Sorry. That was my Mom.

I got a "B."

Of course. A "B"!
Oh, oh, that's wonderful.

- That's like...
- I know.

the best grade you can get.

Uh, close.
That would be an "A."

- "A."
- "A."

- 'Ey, 'ey.
- No. "A."

- 'Ey, 'ey, 'ey.
- Okay, so, uh... what are you doing?

Uh... nothing.

- [clears throat] Come in.
- Okay.

Don't mind the smell. I'm
just deseeding some oregano.

- Hey, dad.
- Hey.

You were right. It felt good to

give everybody their money back.

Oh, good. Good. I'm glad
you learned your lesson.

But you know what ...
I'm gonna make you pay

the $7 return shipping fee.

- $7, you said?
- Yeah, 7... $7.

There you go.

Where ... where did
you get all this money?

- Hey, hey, hey, hey!
- Give it. Where did you get this?

Oh, kids were so happy
to get their money back,

they didn't mind paying
$2 for a scooter ride.

Okay, Bert, uh, I'm concerned
that you're developing

some unethical business habits, okay?

J-just because there's
money involved doesn't mean

you throw away all
your morals just to get it.

- I'm sorry, Dad.
- You know what?

Come here.
Give your dad a hug.

- Give me a dollar first.
- Go to your room.

This seat taken?

Mm.

Ah, the silent treatment.
Finally figured it out, huh?

I was doing it all wrong.

Warren, I want to apologize.
Listen, you're a good kid, and...

You're a good kid, and ...
and ... and you should...

- Hi, can I help you?
- Who are you?

- I'm Warren's stepmom.
- The one who made you quit?

She is not as hot
as you said she was.

Okay, that's weird.

- Um, do you mind just giving us a second?
- No, no, Kate.

Anything you want to say to me,
you can say in front of my friends.

Okay. [clears throat]

Listen, dude, I was just

putting my high-school
experience onto yours

because I was always so
worried about being cool.

And, in reality, you're
way cooler than I ever was

because you're super
confident in just being you.

So, don't quit the team, Warren, okay?

'Cause if playing girls'
field hockey makes you happy,

then that is exactly what you should do,
and I will totally support it.

Look, I even brought your equipment.

So, are we cool?

[music stops]
[cheers and applause]

Looking great!
Sweet posture!

[indistinct shouting]
Oh, oh, oh. Ryan Reynolds.

Okay, Ryan Gosling.

Ryan, okay. Uh, uh,
Ryan ... Ryan Phillippe!

- Ryan Lochte.
- Oh, okay.

- No, he is such a meathead.
- No, he's not. He's hot.

[all squeal]

[laughter]

Tell me ... what other teenage guy

has 15 girls sleeping
at his house right now?

Warren: Whoa, girls.

Think he's having a good time?

[girls giggling]
Guys, come on. Don't fight.

Stop.

Judging by how long he's had
that pizza box on his lap,

I'd say he's having a great time.

Wow, this is ... this is great.

sync & correction by f1nc0
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