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1
00:00:02,392 --> 00:00:04,258
So, Pete said
he was gonna make the chili
2
00:00:04,293 --> 00:00:05,560
for California history
day at the school,
3
00:00:05,595 --> 00:00:07,095
but, you know, he's been
coming home tired lately,
4
00:00:07,129 --> 00:00:09,914
so I just decided
I would make the chili for him.
5
00:00:10,065 --> 00:00:12,900
- Meg?
- Whoa! Sorry.
6
00:00:12,934 --> 00:00:15,870
I just fell asleep with my eyes open,
and I was having a nightmare
7
00:00:15,904 --> 00:00:17,805
That you wouldn't stop
talking about your boring life.
8
00:00:17,839 --> 00:00:19,573
Boring life? Are you kidding me?
9
00:00:19,608 --> 00:00:21,275
I just made chili with
two kinds of beans!
10
00:00:21,310 --> 00:00:23,378
Ah! Afternoon, lassies!
11
00:00:23,412 --> 00:00:24,762
I'm a frontier doctor.
12
00:00:24,797 --> 00:00:28,015
- And I get to be a double amputee.
- Hey, I guess things
13
00:00:28,049 --> 00:00:29,449
are getting more interesting
around here. [chuckles]
14
00:00:29,484 --> 00:00:30,951
Yeah, and, you know,
each booth represents
15
00:00:30,986 --> 00:00:33,787
- a different aspect of California ...
- And... I'm asleep again.
16
00:00:33,822 --> 00:00:39,693
[laughs] That's hilarious!
Where do you come up with this stuff?
17
00:00:39,728 --> 00:00:41,028
Hey, everybody! What's the haps?
18
00:00:42,997 --> 00:00:44,964
...is something I will never say again.
19
00:00:44,999 --> 00:00:48,402
I'm helping Warren with his project.
He's cutting my arms off.
20
00:00:48,436 --> 00:00:49,536
Cool. Just make sure you pick them up,
21
00:00:49,570 --> 00:00:51,905
- put them away when you're done.
- Come on.
22
00:00:51,939 --> 00:00:53,840
Babe, I made the chili for history day.
23
00:00:53,874 --> 00:00:56,374
You are the bomb-diggity.
24
00:00:56,677 --> 00:00:57,777
I know what it is.
25
00:00:57,811 --> 00:00:59,579
I've been listening to a
different radio station.
26
00:00:59,613 --> 00:01:01,180
Meg and I
are gonna go poster shopping,
27
00:01:01,214 --> 00:01:02,348
because she kicked Tevin out,
28
00:01:02,382 --> 00:01:03,983
and he took
all the black-light art, so...
29
00:01:04,018 --> 00:01:06,485
- Oh. So, you're relieved.
- Annoyed.
30
00:01:06,520 --> 00:01:07,587
Now all I have is regular-light art.
31
00:01:07,621 --> 00:01:10,523
- That's why Diane and I broke up.
- I believe it.
32
00:01:10,558 --> 00:01:12,058
You shouldn't. I thought you
kicked Tevin out months ago.
33
00:01:12,092 --> 00:01:14,860
I did, but then I took him back,
and then I kicked him out again.
34
00:01:14,894 --> 00:01:16,162
and I was gonna take him back,
35
00:01:16,196 --> 00:01:18,330
but then he showed up
with, like, bleached tips.
36
00:01:18,365 --> 00:01:20,332
Do you have any idea what that
looks like under a black light?
37
00:01:20,367 --> 00:01:21,567
Unfortunately, I do.
38
00:01:21,601 --> 00:01:24,437
I followed the Duran Duran
"Hungry like the wolf" tour.
39
00:01:24,471 --> 00:01:26,405
- Oh, so did my Dad!
- Get out of my house.
40
00:01:26,440 --> 00:01:28,040
- Bye, babe. Mwah.
- Mm.
41
00:01:28,075 --> 00:01:29,075
- Love you.
- Love you, too.
42
00:01:29,109 --> 00:01:31,186
[humming]
43
00:01:35,882 --> 00:01:36,848
[gags]
44
00:01:40,386 --> 00:01:43,354
1x18 - Couples Therapy
45
00:01:44,000 --> 00:01:47,074
Subtitles downloaded from www.OpenSubtitles.org
46
00:01:49,889 --> 00:01:52,891
47
00:01:54,504 --> 00:01:56,734
[indistinct conversations]
48
00:01:58,037 --> 00:02:00,972
Back in the old days,
patients used to bite down on bullets
49
00:02:01,006 --> 00:02:05,209
- in place of anesthesia.
- And procedures were excruciating.
50
00:02:05,243 --> 00:02:07,111
It hurts so bad!
51
00:02:09,280 --> 00:02:10,815
Well, my chili booth
52
00:02:10,849 --> 00:02:12,883
is kicking the Frank-and-bean
booth in the keister. [chuckles]
53
00:02:12,918 --> 00:02:14,118
That's old-timey for "ass."
54
00:02:14,152 --> 00:02:15,620
Yeah, I kn... I know what it means.
55
00:02:15,654 --> 00:02:16,721
- Hey.
- Hey.
56
00:02:16,755 --> 00:02:18,255
I've been hearing
raves about your chili.
57
00:02:18,289 --> 00:02:21,825
Yes, Diane.
I made it, and everybody is loving it.
58
00:02:21,859 --> 00:02:24,995
Well, I always say
if it appeals to the masses,
59
00:02:25,029 --> 00:02:27,464
- it must be the best.
- Exactly. [chuckles]
60
00:02:27,499 --> 00:02:32,002
- Wow. That is extraordinary!
- Thank you. [chuckles]
61
00:02:32,036 --> 00:02:33,570
Wow. Our line is dwindling.
62
00:02:33,605 --> 00:02:35,739
All right,
I'm gonna go spread the rumor
63
00:02:35,773 --> 00:02:37,007
That there's E. Coli in
the Johnnycakes. [chuckles]
64
00:02:37,041 --> 00:02:41,344
Hey, guys. Oh! Look how
bloody and so cute you are!
65
00:02:41,378 --> 00:02:43,346
Um, I brought you some corn.
66
00:02:43,380 --> 00:02:45,782
[western accent] Well, I
ain't got no arms, ma'am.
67
00:02:45,816 --> 00:02:48,484
Well, that ain't
nothin' but a thing, boo!
68
00:02:49,787 --> 00:02:52,555
Mmm. Delicious.
What am I tasting?
69
00:02:52,589 --> 00:02:53,889
I don't know.
You have to ask Kate.
70
00:02:53,923 --> 00:02:59,495
Mmm. Definitely cumin, molasses,
dark chocolate, and... Lies.
71
00:02:59,530 --> 00:03:02,131
I-I-I don't know ... what
you're talking about.
72
00:03:02,166 --> 00:03:03,466
Cut the crap, Peter.
73
00:03:03,500 --> 00:03:05,601
I'd recognize
your famous chili anywhere. [sighs]
74
00:03:05,636 --> 00:03:07,537
Why is Kate pretending like she made it?
75
00:03:07,571 --> 00:03:11,206
Because she thinks she did.
Her chili tasted like balls.
76
00:03:11,240 --> 00:03:13,542
So I threw it out, and
I made a new pot. [chuckles]
77
00:03:13,576 --> 00:03:16,111
Oh, that's classic.
You concoct a small lie
78
00:03:16,146 --> 00:03:18,113
to avoid
an even smaller confrontation.
79
00:03:18,148 --> 00:03:21,684
And by the time it all comes out,
your relationship is doomed.
80
00:03:21,718 --> 00:03:24,887
I'm ... I'm different now.
Diane, I've changed.
81
00:03:24,921 --> 00:03:25,953
- Really? Uh, how?
- Yeah.
82
00:03:25,988 --> 00:03:27,689
- Stuff!
- Oh.
83
00:03:27,723 --> 00:03:31,193
Good stuff, bad stuff, the
whole... shebang. I'm on it.
84
00:03:31,227 --> 00:03:33,461
Like what?
85
00:03:33,496 --> 00:03:37,566
- Uh, I'm in therapy.
- You're in therapy?
86
00:03:37,600 --> 00:03:43,071
Couples therapy, so Kate and
I can ... can grow as a couple.
87
00:03:43,105 --> 00:03:45,873
But, then, why didn't you
tell her about the chili?
88
00:03:45,908 --> 00:03:50,511
Healing ... healing is a process.
It takes... time.
89
00:03:50,545 --> 00:03:52,914
I-I-I am planning
on bringing it up
90
00:03:52,948 --> 00:03:54,315
in session
tomorrow afternoon, though.
91
00:03:54,349 --> 00:03:58,006
But, uh, you volunteered for
cleanup duty tomorrow afternoon.
92
00:03:58,041 --> 00:04:01,655
Ah!
I forgot. Damn it!
93
00:04:01,690 --> 00:04:02,889
Peter...
94
00:04:02,924 --> 00:04:06,660
I probably say this too
much, but ... come here.
95
00:04:06,695 --> 00:04:08,929
Come here.
I'm proud of you.
96
00:04:08,963 --> 00:04:10,797
Oh. [chuckles]
97
00:04:10,832 --> 00:04:12,999
In the name of personal growth,
98
00:04:13,034 --> 00:04:17,037
I am happy to take over your
cleanup duty tomorrow afternoon.
99
00:04:17,071 --> 00:04:20,173
Wow. Diane,
I really appreciate that.
100
00:04:20,208 --> 00:04:22,109
Still getting manicures, I see.
101
00:04:22,143 --> 00:04:24,811
I always thought if I could
just pick any time period
102
00:04:24,846 --> 00:04:28,281
to live in, it would be...
103
00:04:28,315 --> 00:04:31,051
Yeah, 1996. Yeah.
104
00:04:31,085 --> 00:04:33,553
Hey, can we get a dessert
from the cobbler stand?
105
00:04:33,587 --> 00:04:34,721
Oh. [chuckles]
106
00:04:34,755 --> 00:04:37,257
That's not dessert, honey.
Those are shoes.
107
00:04:37,291 --> 00:04:39,425
People used to eat shoes?
108
00:04:39,460 --> 00:04:42,061
Go... enjoy.
109
00:04:42,095 --> 00:04:44,997
Just between you and me,
the Frank and beans taste like balls.
110
00:04:45,031 --> 00:04:45,898
[both chuckle]
111
00:04:45,932 --> 00:04:47,099
What's going on over here?
112
00:04:47,134 --> 00:04:49,268
Not much. I told Diane that
we're in couples therapy.
113
00:04:49,302 --> 00:04:51,137
You dummy!
Why would you say that?
114
00:04:51,171 --> 00:04:53,472
Because she thinks we're not
capable of working on our issues.
115
00:04:53,506 --> 00:04:55,207
Since when do we have issues?
116
00:04:55,242 --> 00:04:57,943
We don't, but saying we do makes
it seem like we're evolving.
117
00:04:57,978 --> 00:04:59,879
- But we're not.
- But she thinks we are!
118
00:04:59,913 --> 00:05:02,047
I'm telling you, it was a
really sweet moment, for her.
119
00:05:02,082 --> 00:05:03,983
I mean, I was just
giggling on the inside.
120
00:05:04,017 --> 00:05:05,850
I'm going on record
as saying this is a bad idea.
121
00:05:05,885 --> 00:05:07,886
And I was right the last
time I said it was a bad idea
122
00:05:07,920 --> 00:05:09,220
when you wore your crocs to work.
123
00:05:09,255 --> 00:05:11,690
- Trust me. This is a brilliant idea.
- Oh, yeah?
124
00:05:11,724 --> 00:05:14,058
Diane is gonna take over
our cleanup duty tomorrow.
125
00:05:14,093 --> 00:05:15,661
So we get out of a gross chore,
126
00:05:15,695 --> 00:05:17,596
and we get to use fake
therapy to go on a real date.
127
00:05:17,630 --> 00:05:21,933
Hmm, well, you might be the most
romantic little liar I ever knew.
128
00:05:21,967 --> 00:05:23,902
Except for Roger.
129
00:05:23,936 --> 00:05:26,404
He stole my heart
and my social security card.
130
00:05:26,438 --> 00:05:28,572
Is he the guy who said he was a prince?
131
00:05:28,607 --> 00:05:30,574
- Uh, no, that was Gustav.
- The albino?
132
00:05:30,609 --> 00:05:32,498
No, that was Bruno.
133
00:05:33,089 --> 00:05:34,689
[woman sighs loudly]
134
00:05:34,723 --> 00:05:36,524
[speaking Spanish]
135
00:05:36,558 --> 00:05:38,058
- Who's that lady?
- Shh!
136
00:05:38,093 --> 00:05:40,227
[continues speaking Spanish]
137
00:05:40,262 --> 00:05:42,196
Why is she so mad?
138
00:05:42,230 --> 00:05:44,799
They're both sisters, and
they're in love with that man.
139
00:05:46,268 --> 00:05:49,083
I don't see what he sees in them.
140
00:05:49,118 --> 00:05:50,438
- Okay.
- Hey.
141
00:05:50,472 --> 00:05:51,773
Can you guys please be quiet?
142
00:05:51,807 --> 00:05:53,340
I'm trying to do my psych homework.
143
00:05:53,375 --> 00:05:56,043
- Ah, where you guys going?
- Out.
144
00:05:56,077 --> 00:05:59,046
- At 3:00 on a weekday?
- Oh, boy.
145
00:05:59,080 --> 00:06:00,781
You're either picking up a new brother,
146
00:06:00,815 --> 00:06:02,416
or I'm going in for more ADHD tests.
147
00:06:02,450 --> 00:06:04,885
- New brother! New brother!
- Uh, we're just going out.
148
00:06:04,920 --> 00:06:07,421
Uh, Warren, do you
worry about those things?
149
00:06:07,455 --> 00:06:10,057
What things?
150
00:06:10,091 --> 00:06:11,525
[speaking Spanish resumes]
151
00:06:12,993 --> 00:06:14,127
- Oh, hey.
- Hey.
152
00:06:14,161 --> 00:06:17,130
- I'm here for my spa day.
- She's pretty stressed about Tevin,
153
00:06:17,164 --> 00:06:18,698
so I told her she
could come over and swim
154
00:06:18,733 --> 00:06:19,933
- and use the steam shower.
- Yeah!
155
00:06:19,967 --> 00:06:21,468
She's gonna do it anyway,
156
00:06:21,502 --> 00:06:22,969
so I might as well make
it sound like it's my idea.
157
00:06:23,003 --> 00:06:24,805
You'll be gone
before we get back, right?
158
00:06:24,839 --> 00:06:28,204
Uh, yeah. I wouldn't want you to
ruin my experience of your home.
159
00:06:29,143 --> 00:06:31,516
[man speaking Spanish]
160
00:06:32,146 --> 00:06:33,212
No!
161
00:06:33,247 --> 00:06:36,316
Oh! Um...Hi ... hi, Meg.
Sorry about that.
162
00:06:36,350 --> 00:06:37,417
Um, didn't know you were coming over.
163
00:06:37,451 --> 00:06:40,053
Why are you guys always here?
Don't you have, like, eight houses?
164
00:06:40,087 --> 00:06:42,288
We live here. Why are you here?
165
00:06:42,323 --> 00:06:46,592
[laughs] Meg, you slay me.
You want to hang out?
166
00:06:46,626 --> 00:06:48,393
Uh, if "hang out"
means you get me drinks
167
00:06:48,428 --> 00:06:49,929
while I work on my tan, then sure.
168
00:06:49,963 --> 00:06:52,164
Uh, great! Yeah, love to.
169
00:06:52,198 --> 00:06:54,433
I'll help!
I love playing Cabana boy.
170
00:06:54,468 --> 00:06:57,069
I'll go put on my white blazer!
171
00:06:57,103 --> 00:07:01,106
- Sweet. I love a man in white.
- Now, where's my iron?
172
00:07:01,140 --> 00:07:02,507
This sucks!
173
00:07:02,541 --> 00:07:04,676
I have this stupid psych
project on extended adolescence,
174
00:07:04,710 --> 00:07:06,311
and I still don't know
what my subject is.
175
00:07:06,346 --> 00:07:10,449
Shut up, Mom! I am at work!
I am not back-talking!
176
00:07:10,483 --> 00:07:12,650
You thinking what I'm thinking?
177
00:07:12,685 --> 00:07:15,020
Ugh!
178
00:07:15,054 --> 00:07:17,221
That I just found my subject?
179
00:07:17,255 --> 00:07:19,390
Mm. No. I might need to
borrow your white pants.
180
00:07:19,424 --> 00:07:20,257
[laughs]
181
00:07:20,292 --> 00:07:22,426
- Mmm!
- Mmm.
182
00:07:22,461 --> 00:07:24,195
Okay, before I order another lobster,
183
00:07:24,229 --> 00:07:26,698
should I feel guilty that
we're not in therapy right now?
184
00:07:26,732 --> 00:07:29,133
Who's to say we're not?
Let's practice communicating.
185
00:07:29,167 --> 00:07:30,869
Okay. Fine.
186
00:07:30,903 --> 00:07:32,537
[clears throat]
187
00:07:32,571 --> 00:07:33,871
When you say
those scallops are amazing,
188
00:07:33,905 --> 00:07:36,040
I feel you should pass me one.
189
00:07:36,074 --> 00:07:41,012
And I feel that our relationship
could benefit from, uh...
190
00:07:41,046 --> 00:07:44,315
Hang on.
Let me wiki some therapy terms.
191
00:07:44,349 --> 00:07:47,985
See? We're so healthy, we
don't even know what therapy is.
192
00:07:49,154 --> 00:07:53,023
That was so fun and sneaky.
I can't believe we got away with it.
193
00:07:53,057 --> 00:07:55,225
I know.
Are you as turned on as I am?
194
00:07:55,259 --> 00:07:58,495
- Yes, I am!
- Jackie, what are you doing here?
195
00:07:58,530 --> 00:08:00,631
Oh, Diane told me you
guys are in therapy,
196
00:08:00,665 --> 00:08:02,900
so I brought over some healing muffins!
197
00:08:02,934 --> 00:08:06,236
Well, I got them at Ralphs,
but I put them in my own basket.
198
00:08:06,270 --> 00:08:09,072
But therapy!
Yay, us!
199
00:08:09,106 --> 00:08:11,474
[laughs]
I'm so happy for us.
200
00:08:11,509 --> 00:08:13,643
A marriage takes three people.
201
00:08:13,677 --> 00:08:17,147
Whatever you do, do not
sleep with your therapist.
202
00:08:17,181 --> 00:08:20,583
God, the fantasy is so much
better than the reality.
203
00:08:20,617 --> 00:08:22,663
[hand patting] Ohh!
204
00:08:29,729 --> 00:08:31,029
So, therapy.
205
00:08:31,064 --> 00:08:32,197
What's your jam ...
freudian? Jungian?
206
00:08:32,232 --> 00:08:33,766
Ooh, hypno? Hakomi?
207
00:08:33,800 --> 00:08:37,169
Maybe a little dream therapy
is what's rocking your boat?
208
00:08:37,203 --> 00:08:39,204
- We're just talking to someone.
- Just talking.
209
00:08:39,239 --> 00:08:40,705
Just talking. Ooh, good!
210
00:08:40,740 --> 00:08:42,975
Who talks first?
No, who cries more?
211
00:08:43,009 --> 00:08:45,176
No ... obviously, this
one's a real sleep-weeper.
212
00:08:45,210 --> 00:08:46,778
I don't still weep in my sleep, do I?
213
00:08:47,580 --> 00:08:50,148
- No.
- So, who are you seeing?
214
00:08:50,182 --> 00:08:52,484
- Uh...
- You know, Jackie, it's private.
215
00:08:52,518 --> 00:08:55,287
Private. Okay.
All right, I can take a hint.
216
00:08:55,321 --> 00:08:56,187
Great. Thank you. [sighs deeply]
217
00:08:56,221 --> 00:08:58,657
You want me to guess.
[chuckles] Okay.
218
00:08:58,691 --> 00:09:01,025
I will guess.
Dr. Shockley.
219
00:09:01,059 --> 00:09:02,326
- No ...
- No?
220
00:09:02,360 --> 00:09:04,428
Doctor ... Dr. Smith.
Dr. Johnson?
221
00:09:04,462 --> 00:09:06,730
I could go all day, 'cause,
I mean, believe it or not,
222
00:09:06,765 --> 00:09:07,999
I know every shrink in L.A.
223
00:09:08,033 --> 00:09:11,869
- Is it Dr. Patel?
- It's ... it's Dr. "J."
224
00:09:11,904 --> 00:09:13,570
- Never heard of her.
- Him.
225
00:09:13,605 --> 00:09:16,073
Ah. That's right.
Men can be doctors, too.
226
00:09:16,108 --> 00:09:18,241
He just moved here from...
Philadelphia.
227
00:09:18,276 --> 00:09:22,112
Yeah, and, uh... you know, Jackie,
it's all just really new to us,
228
00:09:22,146 --> 00:09:24,247
so we're ... we're ... we're
feeling a little bit vulnerable.
229
00:09:24,282 --> 00:09:25,749
Okay! Well, listen.
230
00:09:25,784 --> 00:09:28,385
If you need me to take Bert for
an hour or two, that's great.
231
00:09:28,420 --> 00:09:30,220
- I'd be happy to.
- Oh, that's okay.
232
00:09:30,254 --> 00:09:31,622
That would be great, actually,
233
00:09:31,656 --> 00:09:33,990
because we have that, uh,
uh, session tomorrow at 3:00.
234
00:09:34,025 --> 00:09:35,258
- We do?
- Yeah.
235
00:09:35,293 --> 00:09:38,261
Yeah, it was a
last-minute opening, so...
236
00:09:38,296 --> 00:09:40,163
Fun! Okay! I will take Bert.
237
00:09:40,198 --> 00:09:41,531
We'll make popcorn balls.
238
00:09:41,565 --> 00:09:44,734
- Like, high-fructose adorableness.
- Thanks, Jackie.
239
00:09:44,768 --> 00:09:46,102
- Kate: Thanks, Jackie!
- Yeah!
240
00:09:46,137 --> 00:09:49,439
Why did you tell her I have
to go to therapy tomorrow, too?
241
00:09:49,473 --> 00:09:50,673
What?! Come on!
242
00:09:50,708 --> 00:09:52,074
It's been so much fun
having this extra time.
243
00:09:52,108 --> 00:09:54,276
And you've always wanted
to learn how to play tennis,
244
00:09:54,311 --> 00:09:57,380
- so here's your shot.
- Yeah, but now Jackie thinks
245
00:09:57,414 --> 00:09:59,181
I need to go to therapy twice a week.
246
00:09:59,216 --> 00:10:01,751
[chuckles] So what?
She goes, like, 11 times a week.
247
00:10:01,785 --> 00:10:02,985
Well, twice-divorced guy,
248
00:10:03,019 --> 00:10:04,954
going to therapy once
a week ... healthy.
249
00:10:04,988 --> 00:10:07,389
Twice-divorced guy...
going to therapy twice a week ...
250
00:10:07,423 --> 00:10:10,159
- Broken weirdo sex-addict.
- I'm gonna go get those little socks
251
00:10:10,193 --> 00:10:11,626
with the little balls on the back.
252
00:10:11,661 --> 00:10:14,063
I'll see you later, sex addict.
253
00:10:15,561 --> 00:10:17,096
Oh ... oh, my god.
254
00:10:17,130 --> 00:10:20,065
[breathing heavily]
255
00:10:20,100 --> 00:10:22,034
Uh ...
[inhales deeply]
256
00:10:23,536 --> 00:10:25,036
Ah!
257
00:10:25,070 --> 00:10:26,905
[panting]
Meg, I... wasn't expecting you.
258
00:10:26,939 --> 00:10:28,673
Why are you wearing girl pants?
259
00:10:28,708 --> 00:10:31,042
Uh... [chuckles] these?
260
00:10:31,076 --> 00:10:35,514
It was a joke, and you got
it, so you win a back rub!
261
00:10:35,548 --> 00:10:37,081
- Yay!
- I'm good.
262
00:10:37,116 --> 00:10:39,350
Oh, um, o-okay.
263
00:10:39,385 --> 00:10:42,453
I, uh, guess I'm just gonna
go ahead and, um, change.
264
00:10:42,488 --> 00:10:45,890
Hey, Meg! Thank you so
much for coming over here.
265
00:10:45,924 --> 00:10:47,858
I have, like, 100 questions to ask
266
00:10:47,893 --> 00:10:50,461
about what it's like
being such a cool grown-up.
267
00:10:50,496 --> 00:10:54,465
My pleash. It's actually the
perfect excuse to avoid Tevin.
268
00:10:54,500 --> 00:10:55,733
Ever since I kicked him out,
269
00:10:55,767 --> 00:10:58,101
he keeps sexting me selfies
from the futon in his van.
270
00:10:58,136 --> 00:10:59,637
[chuckles]
[doorbell rings]
271
00:10:59,671 --> 00:11:01,271
Hey, I'm gonna go get that,
but I'll be right back, okay?
272
00:11:01,305 --> 00:11:02,940
Don't open the door if it's a stranger.
273
00:11:02,974 --> 00:11:05,108
Actually, what do I care?
274
00:11:05,143 --> 00:11:07,678
- Oh, hi, Mom!
- Ohh! Hi, sweetie! Ohh!
275
00:11:07,712 --> 00:11:09,713
I'm here to pick up Bert
for his Mandarin lesson.
276
00:11:09,748 --> 00:11:12,750
- Bertie?
- Um, he's not here.
277
00:11:12,784 --> 00:11:14,284
Dad and Kate dropped
him off at Jackie's.
278
00:11:14,318 --> 00:11:15,519
- Oh, really?
- Yeah.
279
00:11:15,553 --> 00:11:18,221
There's been a change of
plans, and three grown adults
280
00:11:18,256 --> 00:11:21,224
all neglected to tell the busy surgeon.
That's fun.
281
00:11:21,259 --> 00:11:24,127
- I need a towel!
- Okay! I'll be right out!
282
00:11:24,162 --> 00:11:25,628
What's the wastrel doing here?
283
00:11:25,663 --> 00:11:26,796
[chuckles]
284
00:11:26,830 --> 00:11:27,997
I'm going to give her
the marshmallow test
285
00:11:28,032 --> 00:11:29,766
as part of my psych project.
286
00:11:29,800 --> 00:11:31,935
I give her a marshmallow,
tell her she can wait 5 minutes,
287
00:11:31,969 --> 00:11:34,704
I'll give her another.
But if she eats it before then,
288
00:11:34,738 --> 00:11:36,739
- she doesn't get the second one.
- Mm.
289
00:11:36,774 --> 00:11:40,109
- It's usually done on toddlers, so ...
- So it's perfect for Meg.
290
00:11:40,143 --> 00:11:42,244
[both laugh]
291
00:11:42,279 --> 00:11:43,412
[doorbell rings]
292
00:11:43,447 --> 00:11:45,682
Bert, can you get the
door? I'm pickling!
293
00:11:45,716 --> 00:11:48,984
Sleep in brine, my little radish friend.
294
00:11:49,018 --> 00:11:51,520
I'll be back for you in a week!
295
00:11:51,555 --> 00:11:52,354
Shh.
296
00:11:52,389 --> 00:11:56,735
[speaking Mandarin]
297
00:11:56,736 --> 00:11:58,736
[speaking Mandarin]
298
00:11:58,795 --> 00:11:59,728
Hey!
299
00:11:59,729 --> 00:12:05,616
[speaking Mandarin]
300
00:12:05,651 --> 00:12:07,709
[speaking Mandarin]
301
00:12:07,744 --> 00:12:10,038
[both laugh]
302
00:12:10,073 --> 00:12:12,574
- Go grab your notebook, sweetie.
- [chuckling] Yeah. Okay.
303
00:12:12,609 --> 00:12:14,042
What were you guys laughing about?
304
00:12:14,077 --> 00:12:16,578
Were you making fun of me?
Is it my topknot?
305
00:12:16,613 --> 00:12:18,614
Yeah, okay, you know what?
Okay, fine.
306
00:12:18,648 --> 00:12:20,848
You try something
different ... crucify me.
307
00:12:20,882 --> 00:12:22,617
Why do you have Bert
on a Peter-and-Kate day?
308
00:12:22,651 --> 00:12:24,685
Oh! Oh...
because they're in therapy!
309
00:12:24,720 --> 00:12:25,520
- Again?
- Yes!
310
00:12:25,554 --> 00:12:26,854
- Twice in one week?
- Yes.
311
00:12:26,888 --> 00:12:29,290
- Are you sure?
- Oh, yes. Yes, I wrote it down.
312
00:12:29,325 --> 00:12:31,993
I wrote it down in my journal.
Here it is.
313
00:12:32,027 --> 00:12:33,661
Oh, no, this is my dream journal.
314
00:12:33,695 --> 00:12:36,330
Well, it's not my dream dream journal,
315
00:12:36,364 --> 00:12:39,834
'cause my dream journal
is very expensive.
316
00:12:39,868 --> 00:12:41,468
But maybe one day!
317
00:12:41,503 --> 00:12:43,871
Oh, here it is.
Here's my day journal.
318
00:12:43,905 --> 00:12:47,808
Ah! Yeah, uh, they are seeing
Dr. "J" from Philadelphia.
319
00:12:47,843 --> 00:12:50,845
- Dr. "J" from Philadelphia?
- Yeah, do you know him?
320
00:12:50,879 --> 00:12:54,047
- He's a famous basketball player.
- [sighs] Oh, wow.
321
00:12:54,081 --> 00:12:56,683
Kate and Peter... are lying.
322
00:12:56,717 --> 00:12:58,452
How?
323
00:12:59,488 --> 00:13:01,723
[speaking Mandarin]
324
00:13:02,058 --> 00:13:03,657
Whew! I love tennis.
[velcro tearing]
325
00:13:03,691 --> 00:13:06,026
Okay, what is happening?
Can you even hear me?
326
00:13:06,060 --> 00:13:07,661
I am preparing.
[grunts]
327
00:13:07,695 --> 00:13:10,229
I don't want to scare
you, but I play hard.
328
00:13:10,264 --> 00:13:11,731
Want a headband?
329
00:13:11,766 --> 00:13:14,567
Nah. No, I don't want to
look like an old guy. [sighs]
330
00:13:15,903 --> 00:13:17,070
Kate: Good point.
331
00:13:17,104 --> 00:13:18,672
Hillary: Now let's try
this really cool thing
332
00:13:18,706 --> 00:13:20,406
called the marshmallow test.
333
00:13:20,440 --> 00:13:24,210
- That sounds boring.
- Beyonc?'s totally into it.
334
00:13:24,244 --> 00:13:25,878
- Awesome.
- Yeah! [chuckles]
335
00:13:25,912 --> 00:13:27,880
Hold on a sec.
Cabana boy!
336
00:13:27,914 --> 00:13:30,550
Warren: Oh, uh... [chuckles]
337
00:13:30,584 --> 00:13:34,887
think of me more as your, um...
Cabana man.
338
00:13:34,921 --> 00:13:35,954
Hey, cutie.
339
00:13:35,989 --> 00:13:37,735
- Hey.
- Hey.
340
00:13:38,858 --> 00:13:41,194
Mom and Diane just dropped me off.
341
00:13:41,228 --> 00:13:43,428
Um, I've already kind
of fulfilled the position
342
00:13:43,462 --> 00:13:46,031
- of Meg's Cabana man.
- Did you?
343
00:13:46,066 --> 00:13:48,934
'Cause I don't see
any cucumber water in my hand.
344
00:13:48,968 --> 00:13:52,504
- Chop, chop.
- Yay! I'll go get some.
345
00:13:52,538 --> 00:13:54,206
[chuckles] Look,
you don't have to tell me
346
00:13:54,240 --> 00:13:55,473
to "chop, chop," because, uh...
347
00:13:55,508 --> 00:13:58,382
I know how to cut cucumbers.
348
00:13:58,477 --> 00:14:00,778
[exhales sharply]
349
00:14:00,813 --> 00:14:02,647
[sighs]
I got to work on my wink timing.
350
00:14:02,682 --> 00:14:04,949
Okay. [chuckles]
351
00:14:04,983 --> 00:14:08,386
Wait.
Let me first explain how it works.
352
00:14:08,421 --> 00:14:10,488
So, you're going to ... no.
353
00:14:10,523 --> 00:14:12,407
You have to wait 5 minutes
354
00:14:12,408 --> 00:14:15,392
before you eat the
marshmallow to be able to ...
355
00:14:15,427 --> 00:14:17,228
Oh, my god.
You are terrible at this.
356
00:14:17,262 --> 00:14:19,663
Am I?
I just ate three marshmallows.
357
00:14:19,698 --> 00:14:21,933
[sighs]
358
00:14:24,703 --> 00:14:27,619
Beautiful! Way to go, Kate!
359
00:14:28,207 --> 00:14:30,074
Look alive.
360
00:14:32,877 --> 00:14:34,111
Pete: [sighs]
361
00:14:34,145 --> 00:14:35,812
Nice try, sir.
362
00:14:35,847 --> 00:14:38,429
Next time, you're gonna want
to make contact with the ball.
363
00:14:38,464 --> 00:14:41,785
Oh, am I? Am I, Don?
Is that the game plan?
364
00:14:41,819 --> 00:14:43,920
- Diane: That's them.
- Jackie: Oh, my god.
365
00:14:43,955 --> 00:14:46,565
- They're playing tennis with their therapist!
- Quiet.
366
00:14:48,292 --> 00:14:50,426
Look at her skirt.
You can see her panties.
367
00:14:50,461 --> 00:14:51,828
- [chuckles] Yeah.
- Yeah.
368
00:14:51,863 --> 00:14:54,765
Little lying liars, living it up.
369
00:14:54,799 --> 00:14:58,368
A couple of sneaky
sneaks, sneaking around.
370
00:14:58,402 --> 00:15:00,203
[chuckling]
371
00:15:00,238 --> 00:15:01,838
I am going to bust them.
372
00:15:01,873 --> 00:15:03,273
Right to ya.
373
00:15:03,307 --> 00:15:06,108
- [gasps] Aah!
- Jackie and Diane.
374
00:15:06,143 --> 00:15:07,677
Jackie: Right after I bust them.
375
00:15:07,711 --> 00:15:09,312
Diane: Oh, if anyone's going to
bust them, it's going to be me.
376
00:15:09,346 --> 00:15:10,780
Can you ... hey, my thing.
[car beeps]
377
00:15:10,814 --> 00:15:13,349
Oh, uh, hide! Get down!
378
00:15:13,384 --> 00:15:15,451
[scoffs] It's rayon-silk.
379
00:15:15,486 --> 00:15:17,987
- Uh ...
- Everything is... see-through!
380
00:15:18,021 --> 00:15:21,820
The Dalai Lama
wore something very similar.
381
00:15:27,600 --> 00:15:30,000
You two are so busted.
382
00:15:30,034 --> 00:15:32,369
- Ooh, cute skort, girl!
- Kate: Thanks.
383
00:15:32,404 --> 00:15:35,673
I mean... You are super-busted!
384
00:15:35,707 --> 00:15:36,973
How did you guys even find us?
385
00:15:37,008 --> 00:15:39,042
When he was married to me,
386
00:15:39,076 --> 00:15:41,645
he used to talk endlessly
about taking up tennis
387
00:15:41,680 --> 00:15:43,681
and growing a ponytail like Agassi.
388
00:15:43,715 --> 00:15:46,683
[as Diane] And when he was
married to me, he used to talk...
389
00:15:46,717 --> 00:15:50,253
[normal voice] ...about taking up
tennis and shaving his head like Agassi.
390
00:15:50,288 --> 00:15:51,888
That's why you've
always wanted to get an earring.
391
00:15:51,923 --> 00:15:52,989
He is so cool.
392
00:15:53,024 --> 00:15:57,093
I can't believe you lied to us.
I was happy for you!
393
00:15:57,128 --> 00:16:00,163
I didn't plan to lie.
394
00:16:00,198 --> 00:16:03,132
I-I-I didn't know how else
to avoid you accusing me
395
00:16:03,166 --> 00:16:05,535
of avoiding confrontation.
[chuckles]
396
00:16:06,704 --> 00:16:10,206
Saying that...
I hear now that I do have a problem.
397
00:16:10,240 --> 00:16:13,509
Okay. If anything, his white lies
weren't the greatest, all right?
398
00:16:13,544 --> 00:16:15,411
But Pete does not have a
problem with confrontation.
399
00:16:15,446 --> 00:16:17,380
[scoffing] Oh, really?
400
00:16:17,414 --> 00:16:22,584
Then why did he dump out your
chili without ever telling you?
401
00:16:22,618 --> 00:16:25,221
- Yeah.
- What?!
402
00:16:25,255 --> 00:16:26,889
You dumped out my chili?
403
00:16:26,923 --> 00:16:30,759
It's a liberal use of the
word "chili." [chuckles]
404
00:16:30,793 --> 00:16:33,863
And you're keeping secrets
about me with Diane?
405
00:16:33,897 --> 00:16:37,232
- I hear what you're saying ...
- No!
406
00:16:37,266 --> 00:16:39,033
- I'm going home.
- Kate ...
407
00:16:39,068 --> 00:16:40,635
Don't chase me.
You might hurt your knee!
408
00:16:40,670 --> 00:16:42,971
Kate! Hang on!
409
00:16:43,005 --> 00:16:46,107
But you're not mad at me, right?
'Cause I brought you muffins.
410
00:16:47,677 --> 00:16:50,278
I-I brought you healing muffins!
411
00:16:50,312 --> 00:16:52,146
Meg, wait! I have so many
more things to ask you ...
412
00:16:52,181 --> 00:16:54,715
- not on the couch.
- I'm bored of talking.
413
00:16:54,750 --> 00:16:57,485
I'm bored of you.
Has anybody seen my cover-up thingy?
414
00:16:57,519 --> 00:16:58,853
Oh. [scoffs] I don't know.
415
00:16:58,888 --> 00:17:01,389
[chuckling] I-I didn't take it.
416
00:17:01,423 --> 00:17:04,725
Ah, your water, madame...
extra-large chunks.
417
00:17:04,760 --> 00:17:06,895
Tevin. Ugh, ignore him.
418
00:17:06,929 --> 00:17:09,329
Meg! I'm here in the window!
419
00:17:09,364 --> 00:17:10,063
Fine.
420
00:17:10,098 --> 00:17:11,732
[door opens]
421
00:17:11,767 --> 00:17:13,000
Why do you keep following me?
422
00:17:13,034 --> 00:17:14,668
You're so stupid, with your stupid hair.
423
00:17:14,703 --> 00:17:19,640
- Wait, you don't like frosted tips?
- Hear my words ... we're done.
424
00:17:19,674 --> 00:17:21,776
Just think about what we have.
425
00:17:21,810 --> 00:17:25,212
Oh, whoa, whoa, whoa, buddy!
I believe the lady said you're done.
426
00:17:25,246 --> 00:17:27,714
- Your cuke water, Meg.
- Who did these, Tamika?
427
00:17:27,748 --> 00:17:30,017
Hey, if you're not into me, M.Y.O.B.
428
00:17:30,051 --> 00:17:31,285
Oh, don't make me peel this banana.
429
00:17:31,319 --> 00:17:32,119
- Ooh!
- Hillary: Oh, my god!
430
00:17:32,153 --> 00:17:35,688
My study was right!
You are a textbook extended adolescent!
431
00:17:35,723 --> 00:17:38,392
Who might perhaps want a glass of water.
432
00:17:38,426 --> 00:17:41,461
Wait, you were studying me this
whole time like some sort of lab rat?
433
00:17:41,495 --> 00:17:43,996
[chuckles] Drink up. Come on.
It's really refreshing.
434
00:17:44,031 --> 00:17:47,336
You would be such a hot rat.
435
00:17:48,135 --> 00:17:49,268
- Let's get out of here.
- What?!
436
00:17:49,303 --> 00:17:50,970
I'm bored of hanging
out with these kids.
437
00:17:51,004 --> 00:17:52,605
Uh ... I'm not a kid!
438
00:17:52,640 --> 00:17:55,508
Okay, I get my learner's
permit in 6 months.
439
00:17:55,543 --> 00:17:57,710
Catch you later, handsome.
[smooches]
440
00:17:57,745 --> 00:17:59,835
Bye!
441
00:18:01,915 --> 00:18:02,881
[sighs]
442
00:18:02,916 --> 00:18:05,985
Would you please just get in the car?
443
00:18:06,019 --> 00:18:08,287
I'm sorry! I shouldn't
have dumped your chili.
444
00:18:08,322 --> 00:18:11,690
I mean I-I should've, but I
also should've told you about it.
445
00:18:11,724 --> 00:18:12,825
Not good enough.
446
00:18:12,859 --> 00:18:15,561
Uh, can you just get in
so we can talk about it?
447
00:18:15,595 --> 00:18:17,996
- Nope.
- Come on! Get in the car!
448
00:18:18,030 --> 00:18:19,164
Leave her alone, perv.
449
00:18:19,198 --> 00:18:21,667
Oh. Uh, no, it's okay.
That perv is my husband.
450
00:18:24,604 --> 00:18:26,839
You just acknowledged
me as your husband.
451
00:18:26,873 --> 00:18:29,675
- Does that mean we're all made up?
- Beat it, perv.
452
00:18:29,709 --> 00:18:33,178
[off-key] love lifts
us up where we belong
453
00:18:33,212 --> 00:18:34,645
[sighs]
454
00:18:34,680 --> 00:18:38,049
where the eagles cry
on a mountain high
455
00:18:38,084 --> 00:18:39,217
[imitates drums]
456
00:18:39,251 --> 00:18:40,818
Hey, Warren.
[chuckles]
457
00:18:40,853 --> 00:18:41,853
One sec, one sec.
458
00:18:41,887 --> 00:18:44,555
we belong
459
00:18:44,590 --> 00:18:45,756
[click] What's up?
460
00:18:45,791 --> 00:18:48,926
- What song was that?
- I don't know.
461
00:18:48,961 --> 00:18:53,430
Just found it in Dad's old tape box,
and it really spoke to me.
462
00:18:53,465 --> 00:18:54,932
[sighs]
463
00:18:54,967 --> 00:18:57,902
Hey, I know that
you're bummed about Meg.
464
00:18:57,936 --> 00:18:59,537
Yeah, I was stupid.
[sighs]
465
00:18:59,571 --> 00:19:01,606
- No.
- Guess I'm all boy-crazy.
466
00:19:01,640 --> 00:19:04,075
- What?
- It's when a boy gets
467
00:19:04,076 --> 00:19:07,520
all obsessed with a girl,
and he gets all crazy like a boy does?
468
00:19:07,945 --> 00:19:09,446
[sighing]
Yeah. I'm boy-crazy.
469
00:19:09,481 --> 00:19:11,181
That's not what it means.
470
00:19:11,216 --> 00:19:13,517
She is 15 years older than you.
471
00:19:13,551 --> 00:19:17,321
- Well, it works for Dad and Kate.
- True.
472
00:19:17,355 --> 00:19:20,857
But I think that'll apply more
when you're 25 and she's 40.
473
00:19:20,892 --> 00:19:23,593
40? Ew.
474
00:19:23,628 --> 00:19:27,363
- How much can I apologize about chili?
- It's not about the chili, Pete!
475
00:19:28,432 --> 00:19:29,599
I-I just want our marriage
476
00:19:29,634 --> 00:19:31,568
to be better than your
marriage to Jackie and Diane.
477
00:19:31,602 --> 00:19:33,036
You understand
that we weren't all married
478
00:19:33,070 --> 00:19:37,473
at the same time, right?
I-I really do want to change, Kate.
479
00:19:37,508 --> 00:19:40,743
Okay, then do it!
Tell me how bad my chili was.
480
00:19:40,777 --> 00:19:42,945
It caused
an immediate gag reflex.
481
00:19:44,181 --> 00:19:45,148
- Ouch.
- Mm.
482
00:19:45,182 --> 00:19:48,117
- But I'm glad you said it.
- No, no. Come on, now.
483
00:19:48,152 --> 00:19:50,386
You're ma...
you're mad, so get mad.
484
00:19:50,421 --> 00:19:54,089
Fine! Fine.
Never lie to me again.
485
00:19:54,123 --> 00:19:57,480
It's patronizing, and it's insulting.
And my chili was ...
486
00:19:58,094 --> 00:19:59,294
Was it really that disgusting?
487
00:19:59,328 --> 00:20:02,504
I fed it to a squirrel,
and it promptly died.
488
00:20:04,467 --> 00:20:08,337
Okay. Good! See?
A little confrontation ...
489
00:20:08,338 --> 00:20:09,905
we're still happy, still married.
490
00:20:09,940 --> 00:20:11,773
For the record,
I'm done making chili, though.
491
00:20:11,807 --> 00:20:13,175
It is such a waste of mayonnaise.
492
00:20:13,209 --> 00:20:16,178
Oh, god. That's what it was.
Gah.
493
00:20:16,212 --> 00:20:17,446
I'll race you home.
494
00:20:20,816 --> 00:20:21,749
[panting]
495
00:20:21,784 --> 00:20:24,352
Okay. Wait.
Who am I kidding?
496
00:20:24,387 --> 00:20:28,389
[sighs] I can't run.
Let's just get a burger.
497
00:20:35,088 --> 00:20:39,590
Do you think that it's possible
that Peter is actually growing up?
498
00:20:39,624 --> 00:20:42,193
Ooh, maybe. I ... yeah,
come on. Don't chintz, Diane.
499
00:20:42,227 --> 00:20:43,428
Okay, okay.
500
00:20:43,462 --> 00:20:45,496
You think, uh ... you think
we need to start giving him
501
00:20:45,531 --> 00:20:46,630
a little more credit?
502
00:20:46,665 --> 00:20:48,832
Nah.
It's more fun giving him no credit.
503
00:20:48,867 --> 00:20:50,968
[both chuckle]
504
00:20:51,002 --> 00:20:52,603
Mm.
505
00:20:52,637 --> 00:20:55,205
You know, they looked like
they were having a lot of fun out there,
506
00:20:55,239 --> 00:20:57,708
aside from when we ran onto
the court and... shamed them.
507
00:20:57,742 --> 00:20:59,242
[chuckling]
Ooh! Busted!
508
00:20:59,277 --> 00:21:01,111
[both laugh]
509
00:21:01,145 --> 00:21:02,046
That was so much fun!
510
00:21:02,080 --> 00:21:03,280
- Oh, you know what?
- Hmm?
511
00:21:03,314 --> 00:21:05,549
You know what?
Maybe you and me should play sometime.
512
00:21:05,583 --> 00:21:06,649
"You and I."
513
00:21:06,684 --> 00:21:09,719
Oh, yeah. Great idea.
Doubles ... less running.
514
00:21:09,753 --> 00:21:11,121
- Let's do it.
- Mm.
515
00:21:11,155 --> 00:21:12,622
- I have to warn you, Jackie.
- Mm.
516
00:21:12,656 --> 00:21:14,624
I have a forehand like Seles.
517
00:21:14,658 --> 00:21:17,026
Ooh. Well, I got to warn you, Diane,
518
00:21:17,061 --> 00:21:19,062
that I have a temper like McEnroe.
519
00:21:19,097 --> 00:21:20,730
- No, really.
- Oh.
520
00:21:20,764 --> 00:21:23,032
Why do you think I see so
many shrinks in this town?
521
00:21:23,067 --> 00:21:24,000
[chuckles]
522
00:21:24,034 --> 00:21:28,137
- I'm, like, super-messed up, Diane.
- Ohh.
523
00:21:28,205 --> 00:21:31,077
524
00:21:32,000 --> 00:21:35,099
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00:21:35,149 --> 00:21:39,699
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