Would you like to inspect the original subtitles? These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated:
1
00:00:02,392 --> 00:00:04,258
So, Pete said
he was gonna make the chili
2
00:00:04,293 --> 00:00:05,560
for California history
day at the school,
3
00:00:05,595 --> 00:00:07,095
but, you know, he's been
coming home tired lately,
4
00:00:07,129 --> 00:00:09,914
so I just decided
I would make the chili for him.
5
00:00:10,065 --> 00:00:12,900
- Meg?
- Whoa! Sorry.
6
00:00:12,934 --> 00:00:15,870
I just fell asleep with my eyes open,
and I was having a nightmare
7
00:00:15,904 --> 00:00:17,805
That you wouldn't stop
talking about your boring life.
8
00:00:17,839 --> 00:00:19,573
Boring life? Are you kidding me?
9
00:00:19,608 --> 00:00:21,275
I just made chili with
two kinds of beans!
10
00:00:21,310 --> 00:00:23,378
Ah! Afternoon, lassies!
11
00:00:23,412 --> 00:00:24,762
I'm a frontier doctor.
12
00:00:24,797 --> 00:00:28,015
- And I get to be a double amputee.
- Hey, I guess things
13
00:00:28,049 --> 00:00:29,449
are getting more interesting
around here. [chuckles]
14
00:00:29,484 --> 00:00:30,951
Yeah, and, you know,
each booth represents
15
00:00:30,986 --> 00:00:33,787
- a different aspect of California ...
- And... I'm asleep again.
16
00:00:33,822 --> 00:00:39,693
[laughs] That's hilarious!
Where do you come up with this stuff?
17
00:00:39,728 --> 00:00:41,028
Hey, everybody! What's the haps?
18
00:00:42,997 --> 00:00:44,964
...is something I will never say again.
19
00:00:44,999 --> 00:00:48,402
I'm helping Warren with his project.
He's cutting my arms off.
20
00:00:48,436 --> 00:00:49,536
Cool. Just make sure you pick them up,
21
00:00:49,570 --> 00:00:51,905
- put them away when you're done.
- Come on.
22
00:00:51,939 --> 00:00:53,840
Babe, I made the chili for history day.
23
00:00:53,874 --> 00:00:56,374
You are the bomb-diggity.
24
00:00:56,677 --> 00:00:57,777
I know what it is.
25
00:00:57,811 --> 00:00:59,579
I've been listening to a
different radio station.
26
00:00:59,613 --> 00:01:01,180
Meg and I
are gonna go poster shopping,
27
00:01:01,214 --> 00:01:02,348
because she kicked Tevin out,
28
00:01:02,382 --> 00:01:03,983
and he took
all the black-light art, so...
29
00:01:04,018 --> 00:01:06,485
- Oh. So, you're relieved.
- Annoyed.
30
00:01:06,520 --> 00:01:07,587
Now all I have is regular-light art.
31
00:01:07,621 --> 00:01:10,523
- That's why Diane and I broke up.
- I believe it.
32
00:01:10,558 --> 00:01:12,058
You shouldn't. I thought you
kicked Tevin out months ago.
33
00:01:12,092 --> 00:01:14,860
I did, but then I took him back,
and then I kicked him out again.
34
00:01:14,894 --> 00:01:16,162
and I was gonna take him back,
35
00:01:16,196 --> 00:01:18,330
but then he showed up
with, like, bleached tips.
36
00:01:18,365 --> 00:01:20,332
Do you have any idea what that
looks like under a black light?
37
00:01:20,367 --> 00:01:21,567
Unfortunately, I do.
38
00:01:21,601 --> 00:01:24,437
I followed the Duran Duran
"Hungry like the wolf" tour.
39
00:01:24,471 --> 00:01:26,405
- Oh, so did my Dad!
- Get out of my house.
40
00:01:26,440 --> 00:01:28,040
- Bye, babe. Mwah.
- Mm.
41
00:01:28,075 --> 00:01:29,075
- Love you.
- Love you, too.
42
00:01:29,109 --> 00:01:31,186
[humming]
43
00:01:35,882 --> 00:01:36,848
[gags]
44
00:01:40,386 --> 00:01:43,354
1x18 - Couples Therapy
45
00:01:44,000 --> 00:01:47,074
Subtitles downloaded from www.OpenSubtitles.org
46
00:01:49,889 --> 00:01:52,891
47
00:01:54,504 --> 00:01:56,734
[indistinct conversations]
48
00:01:58,037 --> 00:02:00,972
Back in the old days,
patients used to bite down on bullets
49
00:02:01,006 --> 00:02:05,209
- in place of anesthesia.
- And procedures were excruciating.
50
00:02:05,243 --> 00:02:07,111
It hurts so bad!
51
00:02:09,280 --> 00:02:10,815
Well, my chili booth
52
00:02:10,849 --> 00:02:12,883
is kicking the Frank-and-bean
booth in the keister. [chuckles]
53
00:02:12,918 --> 00:02:14,118
That's old-timey for "ass."
54
00:02:14,152 --> 00:02:15,620
Yeah, I kn... I know what it means.
55
00:02:15,654 --> 00:02:16,721
- Hey.
- Hey.
56
00:02:16,755 --> 00:02:18,255
I've been hearing
raves about your chili.
57
00:02:18,289 --> 00:02:21,825
Yes, Diane.
I made it, and everybody is loving it.
58
00:02:21,859 --> 00:02:24,995
Well, I always say
if it appeals to the masses,
59
00:02:25,029 --> 00:02:27,464
- it must be the best.
- Exactly. [chuckles]
60
00:02:27,499 --> 00:02:32,002
- Wow. That is extraordinary!
- Thank you. [chuckles]
61
00:02:32,036 --> 00:02:33,570
Wow. Our line is dwindling.
62
00:02:33,605 --> 00:02:35,739
All right,
I'm gonna go spread the rumor
63
00:02:35,773 --> 00:02:37,007
That there's E. Coli in
the Johnnycakes. [chuckles]
64
00:02:37,041 --> 00:02:41,344
Hey, guys. Oh! Look how
bloody and so cute you are!
65
00:02:41,378 --> 00:02:43,346
Um, I brought you some corn.
66
00:02:43,380 --> 00:02:45,782
[western accent] Well, I
ain't got no arms, ma'am.
67
00:02:45,816 --> 00:02:48,484
Well, that ain't
nothin' but a thing, boo!
68
00:02:49,787 --> 00:02:52,555
Mmm. Delicious.
What am I tasting?
69
00:02:52,589 --> 00:02:53,889
I don't know.
You have to ask Kate.
70
00:02:53,923 --> 00:02:59,495
Mmm. Definitely cumin, molasses,
dark chocolate, and... Lies.
71
00:02:59,530 --> 00:03:02,131
I-I-I don't know ... what
you're talking about.
72
00:03:02,166 --> 00:03:03,466
Cut the crap, Peter.
73
00:03:03,500 --> 00:03:05,601
I'd recognize
your famous chili anywhere. [sighs]
74
00:03:05,636 --> 00:03:07,537
Why is Kate pretending like she made it?
75
00:03:07,571 --> 00:03:11,206
Because she thinks she did.
Her chili tasted like balls.
76
00:03:11,240 --> 00:03:13,542
So I threw it out, and
I made a new pot. [chuckles]
77
00:03:13,576 --> 00:03:16,111
Oh, that's classic.
You concoct a small lie
78
00:03:16,146 --> 00:03:18,113
to avoid
an even smaller confrontation.
79
00:03:18,148 --> 00:03:21,684
And by the time it all comes out,
your relationship is doomed.
80
00:03:21,718 --> 00:03:24,887
I'm ... I'm different now.
Diane, I've changed.
81
00:03:24,921 --> 00:03:25,953
- Really? Uh, how?
- Yeah.
82
00:03:25,988 --> 00:03:27,689
- Stuff!
- Oh.
83
00:03:27,723 --> 00:03:31,193
Good stuff, bad stuff, the
whole... shebang. I'm on it.
84
00:03:31,227 --> 00:03:33,461
Like what?
85
00:03:33,496 --> 00:03:37,566
- Uh, I'm in therapy.
- You're in therapy?
86
00:03:37,600 --> 00:03:43,071
Couples therapy, so Kate and
I can ... can grow as a couple.
87
00:03:43,105 --> 00:03:45,873
But, then, why didn't you
tell her about the chili?
88
00:03:45,908 --> 00:03:50,511
Healing ... healing is a process.
It takes... time.
89
00:03:50,545 --> 00:03:52,914
I-I-I am planning
on bringing it up
90
00:03:52,948 --> 00:03:54,315
in session
tomorrow afternoon, though.
91
00:03:54,349 --> 00:03:58,006
But, uh, you volunteered for
cleanup duty tomorrow afternoon.
92
00:03:58,041 --> 00:04:01,655
Ah!
I forgot. Damn it!
93
00:04:01,690 --> 00:04:02,889
Peter...
94
00:04:02,924 --> 00:04:06,660
I probably say this too
much, but ... come here.
95
00:04:06,695 --> 00:04:08,929
Come here.
I'm proud of you.
96
00:04:08,963 --> 00:04:10,797
Oh. [chuckles]
97
00:04:10,832 --> 00:04:12,999
In the name of personal growth,
98
00:04:13,034 --> 00:04:17,037
I am happy to take over your
cleanup duty tomorrow afternoon.
99
00:04:17,071 --> 00:04:20,173
Wow. Diane,
I really appreciate that.
100
00:04:20,208 --> 00:04:22,109
Still getting manicures, I see.
101
00:04:22,143 --> 00:04:24,811
I always thought if I could
just pick any time period
102
00:04:24,846 --> 00:04:28,281
to live in, it would be...
103
00:04:28,315 --> 00:04:31,051
Yeah, 1996. Yeah.
104
00:04:31,085 --> 00:04:33,553
Hey, can we get a dessert
from the cobbler stand?
105
00:04:33,587 --> 00:04:34,721
Oh. [chuckles]
106
00:04:34,755 --> 00:04:37,257
That's not dessert, honey.
Those are shoes.
107
00:04:37,291 --> 00:04:39,425
People used to eat shoes?
108
00:04:39,460 --> 00:04:42,061
Go... enjoy.
109
00:04:42,095 --> 00:04:44,997
Just between you and me,
the Frank and beans taste like balls.
110
00:04:45,031 --> 00:04:45,898
[both chuckle]
111
00:04:45,932 --> 00:04:47,099
What's going on over here?
112
00:04:47,134 --> 00:04:49,268
Not much. I told Diane that
we're in couples therapy.
113
00:04:49,302 --> 00:04:51,137
You dummy!
Why would you say that?
114
00:04:51,171 --> 00:04:53,472
Because she thinks we're not
capable of working on our issues.
115
00:04:53,506 --> 00:04:55,207
Since when do we have issues?
116
00:04:55,242 --> 00:04:57,943
We don't, but saying we do makes
it seem like we're evolving.
117
00:04:57,978 --> 00:04:59,879
- But we're not.
- But she thinks we are!
118
00:04:59,913 --> 00:05:02,047
I'm telling you, it was a
really sweet moment, for her.
119
00:05:02,082 --> 00:05:03,983
I mean, I was just
giggling on the inside.
120
00:05:04,017 --> 00:05:05,850
I'm going on record
as saying this is a bad idea.
121
00:05:05,885 --> 00:05:07,886
And I was right the last
time I said it was a bad idea
122
00:05:07,920 --> 00:05:09,220
when you wore your crocs to work.
123
00:05:09,255 --> 00:05:11,690
- Trust me. This is a brilliant idea.
- Oh, yeah?
124
00:05:11,724 --> 00:05:14,058
Diane is gonna take over
our cleanup duty tomorrow.
125
00:05:14,093 --> 00:05:15,661
So we get out of a gross chore,
126
00:05:15,695 --> 00:05:17,596
and we get to use fake
therapy to go on a real date.
127
00:05:17,630 --> 00:05:21,933
Hmm, well, you might be the most
romantic little liar I ever knew.
128
00:05:21,967 --> 00:05:23,902
Except for Roger.
129
00:05:23,936 --> 00:05:26,404
He stole my heart
and my social security card.
130
00:05:26,438 --> 00:05:28,572
Is he the guy who said he was a prince?
131
00:05:28,607 --> 00:05:30,574
- Uh, no, that was Gustav.
- The albino?
132
00:05:30,609 --> 00:05:32,498
No, that was Bruno.
133
00:05:33,089 --> 00:05:34,689
[woman sighs loudly]
134
00:05:34,723 --> 00:05:36,524
[speaking Spanish]
135
00:05:36,558 --> 00:05:38,058
- Who's that lady?
- Shh!
136
00:05:38,093 --> 00:05:40,227
[continues speaking Spanish]
137
00:05:40,262 --> 00:05:42,196
Why is she so mad?
138
00:05:42,230 --> 00:05:44,799
They're both sisters, and
they're in love with that man.
139
00:05:46,268 --> 00:05:49,083
I don't see what he sees in them.
140
00:05:49,118 --> 00:05:50,438
- Okay.
- Hey.
141
00:05:50,472 --> 00:05:51,773
Can you guys please be quiet?
142
00:05:51,807 --> 00:05:53,340
I'm trying to do my psych homework.
143
00:05:53,375 --> 00:05:56,043
- Ah, where you guys going?
- Out.
144
00:05:56,077 --> 00:05:59,046
- At 3:00 on a weekday?
- Oh, boy.
145
00:05:59,080 --> 00:06:00,781
You're either picking up a new brother,
146
00:06:00,815 --> 00:06:02,416
or I'm going in for more ADHD tests.
147
00:06:02,450 --> 00:06:04,885
- New brother! New brother!
- Uh, we're just going out.
148
00:06:04,920 --> 00:06:07,421
Uh, Warren, do you
worry about those things?
149
00:06:07,455 --> 00:06:10,057
What things?
150
00:06:10,091 --> 00:06:11,525
[speaking Spanish resumes]
151
00:06:12,993 --> 00:06:14,127
- Oh, hey.
- Hey.
152
00:06:14,161 --> 00:06:17,130
- I'm here for my spa day.
- She's pretty stressed about Tevin,
153
00:06:17,164 --> 00:06:18,698
so I told her she
could come over and swim
154
00:06:18,733 --> 00:06:19,933
- and use the steam shower.
- Yeah!
155
00:06:19,967 --> 00:06:21,468
She's gonna do it anyway,
156
00:06:21,502 --> 00:06:22,969
so I might as well make
it sound like it's my idea.
157
00:06:23,003 --> 00:06:24,805
You'll be gone
before we get back, right?
158
00:06:24,839 --> 00:06:28,204
Uh, yeah. I wouldn't want you to
ruin my experience of your home.
159
00:06:29,143 --> 00:06:31,516
[man speaking Spanish]
160
00:06:32,146 --> 00:06:33,212
No!
161
00:06:33,247 --> 00:06:36,316
Oh! Um...Hi ... hi, Meg.
Sorry about that.
162
00:06:36,350 --> 00:06:37,417
Um, didn't know you were coming over.
163
00:06:37,451 --> 00:06:40,053
Why are you guys always here?
Don't you have, like, eight houses?
164
00:06:40,087 --> 00:06:42,288
We live here. Why are you here?
165
00:06:42,323 --> 00:06:46,592
[laughs] Meg, you slay me.
You want to hang out?
166
00:06:46,626 --> 00:06:48,393
Uh, if "hang out"
means you get me drinks
167
00:06:48,428 --> 00:06:49,929
while I work on my tan, then sure.
168
00:06:49,963 --> 00:06:52,164
Uh, great! Yeah, love to.
169
00:06:52,198 --> 00:06:54,433
I'll help!
I love playing Cabana boy.
170
00:06:54,468 --> 00:06:57,069
I'll go put on my white blazer!
171
00:06:57,103 --> 00:07:01,106
- Sweet. I love a man in white.
- Now, where's my iron?
172
00:07:01,140 --> 00:07:02,507
This sucks!
173
00:07:02,541 --> 00:07:04,676
I have this stupid psych
project on extended adolescence,
174
00:07:04,710 --> 00:07:06,311
and I still don't know
what my subject is.
175
00:07:06,346 --> 00:07:10,449
Shut up, Mom! I am at work!
I am not back-talking!
176
00:07:10,483 --> 00:07:12,650
You thinking what I'm thinking?
177
00:07:12,685 --> 00:07:15,020
Ugh!
178
00:07:15,054 --> 00:07:17,221
That I just found my subject?
179
00:07:17,255 --> 00:07:19,390
Mm. No. I might need to
borrow your white pants.
180
00:07:19,424 --> 00:07:20,257
[laughs]
181
00:07:20,292 --> 00:07:22,426
- Mmm!
- Mmm.
182
00:07:22,461 --> 00:07:24,195
Okay, before I order another lobster,
183
00:07:24,229 --> 00:07:26,698
should I feel guilty that
we're not in therapy right now?
184
00:07:26,732 --> 00:07:29,133
Who's to say we're not?
Let's practice communicating.
185
00:07:29,167 --> 00:07:30,869
Okay. Fine.
186
00:07:30,903 --> 00:07:32,537
[clears throat]
187
00:07:32,571 --> 00:07:33,871
When you say
those scallops are amazing,
188
00:07:33,905 --> 00:07:36,040
I feel you should pass me one.
189
00:07:36,074 --> 00:07:41,012
And I feel that our relationship
could benefit from, uh...
190
00:07:41,046 --> 00:07:44,315
Hang on.
Let me wiki some therapy terms.
191
00:07:44,349 --> 00:07:47,985
See? We're so healthy, we
don't even know what therapy is.
192
00:07:49,154 --> 00:07:53,023
That was so fun and sneaky.
I can't believe we got away with it.
193
00:07:53,057 --> 00:07:55,225
I know.
Are you as turned on as I am?
194
00:07:55,259 --> 00:07:58,495
- Yes, I am!
- Jackie, what are you doing here?
195
00:07:58,530 --> 00:08:00,631
Oh, Diane told me you
guys are in therapy,
196
00:08:00,665 --> 00:08:02,900
so I brought over some healing muffins!
197
00:08:02,934 --> 00:08:06,236
Well, I got them at Ralphs,
but I put them in my own basket.
198
00:08:06,270 --> 00:08:09,072
But therapy!
Yay, us!
199
00:08:09,106 --> 00:08:11,474
[laughs]
I'm so happy for us.
200
00:08:11,509 --> 00:08:13,643
A marriage takes three people.
201
00:08:13,677 --> 00:08:17,147
Whatever you do, do not
sleep with your therapist.
202
00:08:17,181 --> 00:08:20,583
God, the fantasy is so much
better than the reality.
203
00:08:20,617 --> 00:08:22,663
[hand patting] Ohh!
204
00:08:29,729 --> 00:08:31,029
So, therapy.
205
00:08:31,064 --> 00:08:32,197
What's your jam ...
freudian? Jungian?
206
00:08:32,232 --> 00:08:33,766
Ooh, hypno? Hakomi?
207
00:08:33,800 --> 00:08:37,169
Maybe a little dream therapy
is what's rocking your boat?
208
00:08:37,203 --> 00:08:39,204
- We're just talking to someone.
- Just talking.
209
00:08:39,239 --> 00:08:40,705
Just talking. Ooh, good!
210
00:08:40,740 --> 00:08:42,975
Who talks first?
No, who cries more?
211
00:08:43,009 --> 00:08:45,176
No ... obviously, this
one's a real sleep-weeper.
212
00:08:45,210 --> 00:08:46,778
I don't still weep in my sleep, do I?
213
00:08:47,580 --> 00:08:50,148
- No.
- So, who are you seeing?
214
00:08:50,182 --> 00:08:52,484
- Uh...
- You know, Jackie, it's private.
215
00:08:52,518 --> 00:08:55,287
Private. Okay.
All right, I can take a hint.
216
00:08:55,321 --> 00:08:56,187
Great. Thank you. [sighs deeply]
217
00:08:56,221 --> 00:08:58,657
You want me to guess.
[chuckles] Okay.
218
00:08:58,691 --> 00:09:01,025
I will guess.
Dr. Shockley.
219
00:09:01,059 --> 00:09:02,326
- No ...
- No?
220
00:09:02,360 --> 00:09:04,428
Doctor ... Dr. Smith.
Dr. Johnson?
221
00:09:04,462 --> 00:09:06,730
I could go all day, 'cause,
I mean, believe it or not,
222
00:09:06,765 --> 00:09:07,999
I know every shrink in L.A.
223
00:09:08,033 --> 00:09:11,869
- Is it Dr. Patel?
- It's ... it's Dr. "J."
224
00:09:11,904 --> 00:09:13,570
- Never heard of her.
- Him.
225
00:09:13,605 --> 00:09:16,073
Ah. That's right.
Men can be doctors, too.
226
00:09:16,108 --> 00:09:18,241
He just moved here from...
Philadelphia.
227
00:09:18,276 --> 00:09:22,112
Yeah, and, uh... you know, Jackie,
it's all just really new to us,
228
00:09:22,146 --> 00:09:24,247
so we're ... we're ... we're
feeling a little bit vulnerable.
229
00:09:24,282 --> 00:09:25,749
Okay! Well, listen.
230
00:09:25,784 --> 00:09:28,385
If you need me to take Bert for
an hour or two, that's great.
231
00:09:28,420 --> 00:09:30,220
- I'd be happy to.
- Oh, that's okay.
232
00:09:30,254 --> 00:09:31,622
That would be great, actually,
233
00:09:31,656 --> 00:09:33,990
because we have that, uh,
uh, session tomorrow at 3:00.
234
00:09:34,025 --> 00:09:35,258
- We do?
- Yeah.
235
00:09:35,293 --> 00:09:38,261
Yeah, it was a
last-minute opening, so...
236
00:09:38,296 --> 00:09:40,163
Fun! Okay! I will take Bert.
237
00:09:40,198 --> 00:09:41,531
We'll make popcorn balls.
238
00:09:41,565 --> 00:09:44,734
- Like, high-fructose adorableness.
- Thanks, Jackie.
239
00:09:44,768 --> 00:09:46,102
- Kate: Thanks, Jackie!
- Yeah!
240
00:09:46,137 --> 00:09:49,439
Why did you tell her I have
to go to therapy tomorrow, too?
241
00:09:49,473 --> 00:09:50,673
What?! Come on!
242
00:09:50,708 --> 00:09:52,074
It's been so much fun
having this extra time.
243
00:09:52,108 --> 00:09:54,276
And you've always wanted
to learn how to play tennis,
244
00:09:54,311 --> 00:09:57,380
- so here's your shot.
- Yeah, but now Jackie thinks
245
00:09:57,414 --> 00:09:59,181
I need to go to therapy twice a week.
246
00:09:59,216 --> 00:10:01,751
[chuckles] So what?
She goes, like, 11 times a week.
247
00:10:01,785 --> 00:10:02,985
Well, twice-divorced guy,
248
00:10:03,019 --> 00:10:04,954
going to therapy once
a week ... healthy.
249
00:10:04,988 --> 00:10:07,389
Twice-divorced guy...
going to therapy twice a week ...
250
00:10:07,423 --> 00:10:10,159
- Broken weirdo sex-addict.
- I'm gonna go get those little socks
251
00:10:10,193 --> 00:10:11,626
with the little balls on the back.
252
00:10:11,661 --> 00:10:14,063
I'll see you later, sex addict.
253
00:10:15,561 --> 00:10:17,096
Oh ... oh, my god.
254
00:10:17,130 --> 00:10:20,065
[breathing heavily]
255
00:10:20,100 --> 00:10:22,034
Uh ...
[inhales deeply]
256
00:10:23,536 --> 00:10:25,036
Ah!
257
00:10:25,070 --> 00:10:26,905
[panting]
Meg, I... wasn't expecting you.
258
00:10:26,939 --> 00:10:28,673
Why are you wearing girl pants?
259
00:10:28,708 --> 00:10:31,042
Uh... [chuckles] these?
260
00:10:31,076 --> 00:10:35,514
It was a joke, and you got
it, so you win a back rub!
261
00:10:35,548 --> 00:10:37,081
- Yay!
- I'm good.
262
00:10:37,116 --> 00:10:39,350
Oh, um, o-okay.
263
00:10:39,385 --> 00:10:42,453
I, uh, guess I'm just gonna
go ahead and, um, change.
264
00:10:42,488 --> 00:10:45,890
Hey, Meg! Thank you so
much for coming over here.
265
00:10:45,924 --> 00:10:47,858
I have, like, 100 questions to ask
266
00:10:47,893 --> 00:10:50,461
about what it's like
being such a cool grown-up.
267
00:10:50,496 --> 00:10:54,465
My pleash. It's actually the
perfect excuse to avoid Tevin.
268
00:10:54,500 --> 00:10:55,733
Ever since I kicked him out,
269
00:10:55,767 --> 00:10:58,101
he keeps sexting me selfies
from the futon in his van.
270
00:10:58,136 --> 00:10:59,637
[chuckles]
[doorbell rings]
271
00:10:59,671 --> 00:11:01,271
Hey, I'm gonna go get that,
but I'll be right back, okay?
272
00:11:01,305 --> 00:11:02,940
Don't open the door if it's a stranger.
273
00:11:02,974 --> 00:11:05,108
Actually, what do I care?
274
00:11:05,143 --> 00:11:07,678
- Oh, hi, Mom!
- Ohh! Hi, sweetie! Ohh!
275
00:11:07,712 --> 00:11:09,713
I'm here to pick up Bert
for his Mandarin lesson.
276
00:11:09,748 --> 00:11:12,750
- Bertie?
- Um, he's not here.
277
00:11:12,784 --> 00:11:14,284
Dad and Kate dropped
him off at Jackie's.
278
00:11:14,318 --> 00:11:15,519
- Oh, really?
- Yeah.
279
00:11:15,553 --> 00:11:18,221
There's been a change of
plans, and three grown adults
280
00:11:18,256 --> 00:11:21,224
all neglected to tell the busy surgeon.
That's fun.
281
00:11:21,259 --> 00:11:24,127
- I need a towel!
- Okay! I'll be right out!
282
00:11:24,162 --> 00:11:25,628
What's the wastrel doing here?
283
00:11:25,663 --> 00:11:26,796
[chuckles]
284
00:11:26,830 --> 00:11:27,997
I'm going to give her
the marshmallow test
285
00:11:28,032 --> 00:11:29,766
as part of my psych project.
286
00:11:29,800 --> 00:11:31,935
I give her a marshmallow,
tell her she can wait 5 minutes,
287
00:11:31,969 --> 00:11:34,704
I'll give her another.
But if she eats it before then,
288
00:11:34,738 --> 00:11:36,739
- she doesn't get the second one.
- Mm.
289
00:11:36,774 --> 00:11:40,109
- It's usually done on toddlers, so ...
- So it's perfect for Meg.
290
00:11:40,143 --> 00:11:42,244
[both laugh]
291
00:11:42,279 --> 00:11:43,412
[doorbell rings]
292
00:11:43,447 --> 00:11:45,682
Bert, can you get the
door? I'm pickling!
293
00:11:45,716 --> 00:11:48,984
Sleep in brine, my little radish friend.
294
00:11:49,018 --> 00:11:51,520
I'll be back for you in a week!
295
00:11:51,555 --> 00:11:52,354
Shh.
296
00:11:52,389 --> 00:11:56,735
[speaking Mandarin]
297
00:11:56,736 --> 00:11:58,736
[speaking Mandarin]
298
00:11:58,795 --> 00:11:59,728
Hey!
299
00:11:59,729 --> 00:12:05,616
[speaking Mandarin]
300
00:12:05,651 --> 00:12:07,709
[speaking Mandarin]
301
00:12:07,744 --> 00:12:10,038
[both laugh]
302
00:12:10,073 --> 00:12:12,574
- Go grab your notebook, sweetie.
- [chuckling] Yeah. Okay.
303
00:12:12,609 --> 00:12:14,042
What were you guys laughing about?
304
00:12:14,077 --> 00:12:16,578
Were you making fun of me?
Is it my topknot?
305
00:12:16,613 --> 00:12:18,614
Yeah, okay, you know what?
Okay, fine.
306
00:12:18,648 --> 00:12:20,848
You try something
different ... crucify me.
307
00:12:20,882 --> 00:12:22,617
Why do you have Bert
on a Peter-and-Kate day?
308
00:12:22,651 --> 00:12:24,685
Oh! Oh...
because they're in therapy!
309
00:12:24,720 --> 00:12:25,520
- Again?
- Yes!
310
00:12:25,554 --> 00:12:26,854
- Twice in one week?
- Yes.
311
00:12:26,888 --> 00:12:29,290
- Are you sure?
- Oh, yes. Yes, I wrote it down.
312
00:12:29,325 --> 00:12:31,993
I wrote it down in my journal.
Here it is.
313
00:12:32,027 --> 00:12:33,661
Oh, no, this is my dream journal.
314
00:12:33,695 --> 00:12:36,330
Well, it's not my dream dream journal,
315
00:12:36,364 --> 00:12:39,834
'cause my dream journal
is very expensive.
316
00:12:39,868 --> 00:12:41,468
But maybe one day!
317
00:12:41,503 --> 00:12:43,871
Oh, here it is.
Here's my day journal.
318
00:12:43,905 --> 00:12:47,808
Ah! Yeah, uh, they are seeing
Dr. "J" from Philadelphia.
319
00:12:47,843 --> 00:12:50,845
- Dr. "J" from Philadelphia?
- Yeah, do you know him?
320
00:12:50,879 --> 00:12:54,047
- He's a famous basketball player.
- [sighs] Oh, wow.
321
00:12:54,081 --> 00:12:56,683
Kate and Peter... are lying.
322
00:12:56,717 --> 00:12:58,452
How?
323
00:12:59,488 --> 00:13:01,723
[speaking Mandarin]
324
00:13:02,058 --> 00:13:03,657
Whew! I love tennis.
[velcro tearing]
325
00:13:03,691 --> 00:13:06,026
Okay, what is happening?
Can you even hear me?
326
00:13:06,060 --> 00:13:07,661
I am preparing.
[grunts]
327
00:13:07,695 --> 00:13:10,229
I don't want to scare
you, but I play hard.
328
00:13:10,264 --> 00:13:11,731
Want a headband?
329
00:13:11,766 --> 00:13:14,567
Nah. No, I don't want to
look like an old guy. [sighs]
330
00:13:15,903 --> 00:13:17,070
Kate: Good point.
331
00:13:17,104 --> 00:13:18,672
Hillary: Now let's try
this really cool thing
332
00:13:18,706 --> 00:13:20,406
called the marshmallow test.
333
00:13:20,440 --> 00:13:24,210
- That sounds boring.
- Beyonc?'s totally into it.
334
00:13:24,244 --> 00:13:25,878
- Awesome.
- Yeah! [chuckles]
335
00:13:25,912 --> 00:13:27,880
Hold on a sec.
Cabana boy!
336
00:13:27,914 --> 00:13:30,550
Warren: Oh, uh... [chuckles]
337
00:13:30,584 --> 00:13:34,887
think of me more as your, um...
Cabana man.
338
00:13:34,921 --> 00:13:35,954
Hey, cutie.
339
00:13:35,989 --> 00:13:37,735
- Hey.
- Hey.
340
00:13:38,858 --> 00:13:41,194
Mom and Diane just dropped me off.
341
00:13:41,228 --> 00:13:43,428
Um, I've already kind
of fulfilled the position
342
00:13:43,462 --> 00:13:46,031
- of Meg's Cabana man.
- Did you?
343
00:13:46,066 --> 00:13:48,934
'Cause I don't see
any cucumber water in my hand.
344
00:13:48,968 --> 00:13:52,504
- Chop, chop.
- Yay! I'll go get some.
345
00:13:52,538 --> 00:13:54,206
[chuckles] Look,
you don't have to tell me
346
00:13:54,240 --> 00:13:55,473
to "chop, chop," because, uh...
347
00:13:55,508 --> 00:13:58,382
I know how to cut cucumbers.
348
00:13:58,477 --> 00:14:00,778
[exhales sharply]
349
00:14:00,813 --> 00:14:02,647
[sighs]
I got to work on my wink timing.
350
00:14:02,682 --> 00:14:04,949
Okay. [chuckles]
351
00:14:04,983 --> 00:14:08,386
Wait.
Let me first explain how it works.
352
00:14:08,421 --> 00:14:10,488
So, you're going to ... no.
353
00:14:10,523 --> 00:14:12,407
You have to wait 5 minutes
354
00:14:12,408 --> 00:14:15,392
before you eat the
marshmallow to be able to ...
355
00:14:15,427 --> 00:14:17,228
Oh, my god.
You are terrible at this.
356
00:14:17,262 --> 00:14:19,663
Am I?
I just ate three marshmallows.
357
00:14:19,698 --> 00:14:21,933
[sighs]
358
00:14:24,703 --> 00:14:27,619
Beautiful! Way to go, Kate!
359
00:14:28,207 --> 00:14:30,074
Look alive.
360
00:14:32,877 --> 00:14:34,111
Pete: [sighs]
361
00:14:34,145 --> 00:14:35,812
Nice try, sir.
362
00:14:35,847 --> 00:14:38,429
Next time, you're gonna want
to make contact with the ball.
363
00:14:38,464 --> 00:14:41,785
Oh, am I? Am I, Don?
Is that the game plan?
364
00:14:41,819 --> 00:14:43,920
- Diane: That's them.
- Jackie: Oh, my god.
365
00:14:43,955 --> 00:14:46,565
- They're playing tennis with their therapist!
- Quiet.
366
00:14:48,292 --> 00:14:50,426
Look at her skirt.
You can see her panties.
367
00:14:50,461 --> 00:14:51,828
- [chuckles] Yeah.
- Yeah.
368
00:14:51,863 --> 00:14:54,765
Little lying liars, living it up.
369
00:14:54,799 --> 00:14:58,368
A couple of sneaky
sneaks, sneaking around.
370
00:14:58,402 --> 00:15:00,203
[chuckling]
371
00:15:00,238 --> 00:15:01,838
I am going to bust them.
372
00:15:01,873 --> 00:15:03,273
Right to ya.
373
00:15:03,307 --> 00:15:06,108
- [gasps] Aah!
- Jackie and Diane.
374
00:15:06,143 --> 00:15:07,677
Jackie: Right after I bust them.
375
00:15:07,711 --> 00:15:09,312
Diane: Oh, if anyone's going to
bust them, it's going to be me.
376
00:15:09,346 --> 00:15:10,780
Can you ... hey, my thing.
[car beeps]
377
00:15:10,814 --> 00:15:13,349
Oh, uh, hide! Get down!
378
00:15:13,384 --> 00:15:15,451
[scoffs] It's rayon-silk.
379
00:15:15,486 --> 00:15:17,987
- Uh ...
- Everything is... see-through!
380
00:15:18,021 --> 00:15:21,820
The Dalai Lama
wore something very similar.
381
00:15:27,600 --> 00:15:30,000
You two are so busted.
382
00:15:30,034 --> 00:15:32,369
- Ooh, cute skort, girl!
- Kate: Thanks.
383
00:15:32,404 --> 00:15:35,673
I mean... You are super-busted!
384
00:15:35,707 --> 00:15:36,973
How did you guys even find us?
385
00:15:37,008 --> 00:15:39,042
When he was married to me,
386
00:15:39,076 --> 00:15:41,645
he used to talk endlessly
about taking up tennis
387
00:15:41,680 --> 00:15:43,681
and growing a ponytail like Agassi.
388
00:15:43,715 --> 00:15:46,683
[as Diane] And when he was
married to me, he used to talk...
389
00:15:46,717 --> 00:15:50,253
[normal voice] ...about taking up
tennis and shaving his head like Agassi.
390
00:15:50,288 --> 00:15:51,888
That's why you've
always wanted to get an earring.
391
00:15:51,923 --> 00:15:52,989
He is so cool.
392
00:15:53,024 --> 00:15:57,093
I can't believe you lied to us.
I was happy for you!
393
00:15:57,128 --> 00:16:00,163
I didn't plan to lie.
394
00:16:00,198 --> 00:16:03,132
I-I-I didn't know how else
to avoid you accusing me
395
00:16:03,166 --> 00:16:05,535
of avoiding confrontation.
[chuckles]
396
00:16:06,704 --> 00:16:10,206
Saying that...
I hear now that I do have a problem.
397
00:16:10,240 --> 00:16:13,509
Okay. If anything, his white lies
weren't the greatest, all right?
398
00:16:13,544 --> 00:16:15,411
But Pete does not have a
problem with confrontation.
399
00:16:15,446 --> 00:16:17,380
[scoffing] Oh, really?
400
00:16:17,414 --> 00:16:22,584
Then why did he dump out your
chili without ever telling you?
401
00:16:22,618 --> 00:16:25,221
- Yeah.
- What?!
402
00:16:25,255 --> 00:16:26,889
You dumped out my chili?
403
00:16:26,923 --> 00:16:30,759
It's a liberal use of the
word "chili." [chuckles]
404
00:16:30,793 --> 00:16:33,863
And you're keeping secrets
about me with Diane?
405
00:16:33,897 --> 00:16:37,232
- I hear what you're saying ...
- No!
406
00:16:37,266 --> 00:16:39,033
- I'm going home.
- Kate ...
407
00:16:39,068 --> 00:16:40,635
Don't chase me.
You might hurt your knee!
408
00:16:40,670 --> 00:16:42,971
Kate! Hang on!
409
00:16:43,005 --> 00:16:46,107
But you're not mad at me, right?
'Cause I brought you muffins.
410
00:16:47,677 --> 00:16:50,278
I-I brought you healing muffins!
411
00:16:50,312 --> 00:16:52,146
Meg, wait! I have so many
more things to ask you ...
412
00:16:52,181 --> 00:16:54,715
- not on the couch.
- I'm bored of talking.
413
00:16:54,750 --> 00:16:57,485
I'm bored of you.
Has anybody seen my cover-up thingy?
414
00:16:57,519 --> 00:16:58,853
Oh. [scoffs] I don't know.
415
00:16:58,888 --> 00:17:01,389
[chuckling] I-I didn't take it.
416
00:17:01,423 --> 00:17:04,725
Ah, your water, madame...
extra-large chunks.
417
00:17:04,760 --> 00:17:06,895
Tevin. Ugh, ignore him.
418
00:17:06,929 --> 00:17:09,329
Meg! I'm here in the window!
419
00:17:09,364 --> 00:17:10,063
Fine.
420
00:17:10,098 --> 00:17:11,732
[door opens]
421
00:17:11,767 --> 00:17:13,000
Why do you keep following me?
422
00:17:13,034 --> 00:17:14,668
You're so stupid, with your stupid hair.
423
00:17:14,703 --> 00:17:19,640
- Wait, you don't like frosted tips?
- Hear my words ... we're done.
424
00:17:19,674 --> 00:17:21,776
Just think about what we have.
425
00:17:21,810 --> 00:17:25,212
Oh, whoa, whoa, whoa, buddy!
I believe the lady said you're done.
426
00:17:25,246 --> 00:17:27,714
- Your cuke water, Meg.
- Who did these, Tamika?
427
00:17:27,748 --> 00:17:30,017
Hey, if you're not into me, M.Y.O.B.
428
00:17:30,051 --> 00:17:31,285
Oh, don't make me peel this banana.
429
00:17:31,319 --> 00:17:32,119
- Ooh!
- Hillary: Oh, my god!
430
00:17:32,153 --> 00:17:35,688
My study was right!
You are a textbook extended adolescent!
431
00:17:35,723 --> 00:17:38,392
Who might perhaps want a glass of water.
432
00:17:38,426 --> 00:17:41,461
Wait, you were studying me this
whole time like some sort of lab rat?
433
00:17:41,495 --> 00:17:43,996
[chuckles] Drink up. Come on.
It's really refreshing.
434
00:17:44,031 --> 00:17:47,336
You would be such a hot rat.
435
00:17:48,135 --> 00:17:49,268
- Let's get out of here.
- What?!
436
00:17:49,303 --> 00:17:50,970
I'm bored of hanging
out with these kids.
437
00:17:51,004 --> 00:17:52,605
Uh ... I'm not a kid!
438
00:17:52,640 --> 00:17:55,508
Okay, I get my learner's
permit in 6 months.
439
00:17:55,543 --> 00:17:57,710
Catch you later, handsome.
[smooches]
440
00:17:57,745 --> 00:17:59,835
Bye!
441
00:18:01,915 --> 00:18:02,881
[sighs]
442
00:18:02,916 --> 00:18:05,985
Would you please just get in the car?
443
00:18:06,019 --> 00:18:08,287
I'm sorry! I shouldn't
have dumped your chili.
444
00:18:08,322 --> 00:18:11,690
I mean I-I should've, but I
also should've told you about it.
445
00:18:11,724 --> 00:18:12,825
Not good enough.
446
00:18:12,859 --> 00:18:15,561
Uh, can you just get in
so we can talk about it?
447
00:18:15,595 --> 00:18:17,996
- Nope.
- Come on! Get in the car!
448
00:18:18,030 --> 00:18:19,164
Leave her alone, perv.
449
00:18:19,198 --> 00:18:21,667
Oh. Uh, no, it's okay.
That perv is my husband.
450
00:18:24,604 --> 00:18:26,839
You just acknowledged
me as your husband.
451
00:18:26,873 --> 00:18:29,675
- Does that mean we're all made up?
- Beat it, perv.
452
00:18:29,709 --> 00:18:33,178
[off-key] love lifts
us up where we belong
453
00:18:33,212 --> 00:18:34,645
[sighs]
454
00:18:34,680 --> 00:18:38,049
where the eagles cry
on a mountain high
455
00:18:38,084 --> 00:18:39,217
[imitates drums]
456
00:18:39,251 --> 00:18:40,818
Hey, Warren.
[chuckles]
457
00:18:40,853 --> 00:18:41,853
One sec, one sec.
458
00:18:41,887 --> 00:18:44,555
we belong
459
00:18:44,590 --> 00:18:45,756
[click] What's up?
460
00:18:45,791 --> 00:18:48,926
- What song was that?
- I don't know.
461
00:18:48,961 --> 00:18:53,430
Just found it in Dad's old tape box,
and it really spoke to me.
462
00:18:53,465 --> 00:18:54,932
[sighs]
463
00:18:54,967 --> 00:18:57,902
Hey, I know that
you're bummed about Meg.
464
00:18:57,936 --> 00:18:59,537
Yeah, I was stupid.
[sighs]
465
00:18:59,571 --> 00:19:01,606
- No.
- Guess I'm all boy-crazy.
466
00:19:01,640 --> 00:19:04,075
- What?
- It's when a boy gets
467
00:19:04,076 --> 00:19:07,520
all obsessed with a girl,
and he gets all crazy like a boy does?
468
00:19:07,945 --> 00:19:09,446
[sighing]
Yeah. I'm boy-crazy.
469
00:19:09,481 --> 00:19:11,181
That's not what it means.
470
00:19:11,216 --> 00:19:13,517
She is 15 years older than you.
471
00:19:13,551 --> 00:19:17,321
- Well, it works for Dad and Kate.
- True.
472
00:19:17,355 --> 00:19:20,857
But I think that'll apply more
when you're 25 and she's 40.
473
00:19:20,892 --> 00:19:23,593
40? Ew.
474
00:19:23,628 --> 00:19:27,363
- How much can I apologize about chili?
- It's not about the chili, Pete!
475
00:19:28,432 --> 00:19:29,599
I-I just want our marriage
476
00:19:29,634 --> 00:19:31,568
to be better than your
marriage to Jackie and Diane.
477
00:19:31,602 --> 00:19:33,036
You understand
that we weren't all married
478
00:19:33,070 --> 00:19:37,473
at the same time, right?
I-I really do want to change, Kate.
479
00:19:37,508 --> 00:19:40,743
Okay, then do it!
Tell me how bad my chili was.
480
00:19:40,777 --> 00:19:42,945
It caused
an immediate gag reflex.
481
00:19:44,181 --> 00:19:45,148
- Ouch.
- Mm.
482
00:19:45,182 --> 00:19:48,117
- But I'm glad you said it.
- No, no. Come on, now.
483
00:19:48,152 --> 00:19:50,386
You're ma...
you're mad, so get mad.
484
00:19:50,421 --> 00:19:54,089
Fine! Fine.
Never lie to me again.
485
00:19:54,123 --> 00:19:57,480
It's patronizing, and it's insulting.
And my chili was ...
486
00:19:58,094 --> 00:19:59,294
Was it really that disgusting?
487
00:19:59,328 --> 00:20:02,504
I fed it to a squirrel,
and it promptly died.
488
00:20:04,467 --> 00:20:08,337
Okay. Good! See?
A little confrontation ...
489
00:20:08,338 --> 00:20:09,905
we're still happy, still married.
490
00:20:09,940 --> 00:20:11,773
For the record,
I'm done making chili, though.
491
00:20:11,807 --> 00:20:13,175
It is such a waste of mayonnaise.
492
00:20:13,209 --> 00:20:16,178
Oh, god. That's what it was.
Gah.
493
00:20:16,212 --> 00:20:17,446
I'll race you home.
494
00:20:20,816 --> 00:20:21,749
[panting]
495
00:20:21,784 --> 00:20:24,352
Okay. Wait.
Who am I kidding?
496
00:20:24,387 --> 00:20:28,389
[sighs] I can't run.
Let's just get a burger.
497
00:20:35,088 --> 00:20:39,590
Do you think that it's possible
that Peter is actually growing up?
498
00:20:39,624 --> 00:20:42,193
Ooh, maybe. I ... yeah,
come on. Don't chintz, Diane.
499
00:20:42,227 --> 00:20:43,428
Okay, okay.
500
00:20:43,462 --> 00:20:45,496
You think, uh ... you think
we need to start giving him
501
00:20:45,531 --> 00:20:46,630
a little more credit?
502
00:20:46,665 --> 00:20:48,832
Nah.
It's more fun giving him no credit.
503
00:20:48,867 --> 00:20:50,968
[both chuckle]
504
00:20:51,002 --> 00:20:52,603
Mm.
505
00:20:52,637 --> 00:20:55,205
You know, they looked like
they were having a lot of fun out there,
506
00:20:55,239 --> 00:20:57,708
aside from when we ran onto
the court and... shamed them.
507
00:20:57,742 --> 00:20:59,242
[chuckling]
Ooh! Busted!
508
00:20:59,277 --> 00:21:01,111
[both laugh]
509
00:21:01,145 --> 00:21:02,046
That was so much fun!
510
00:21:02,080 --> 00:21:03,280
- Oh, you know what?
- Hmm?
511
00:21:03,314 --> 00:21:05,549
You know what?
Maybe you and me should play sometime.
512
00:21:05,583 --> 00:21:06,649
"You and I."
513
00:21:06,684 --> 00:21:09,719
Oh, yeah. Great idea.
Doubles ... less running.
514
00:21:09,753 --> 00:21:11,121
- Let's do it.
- Mm.
515
00:21:11,155 --> 00:21:12,622
- I have to warn you, Jackie.
- Mm.
516
00:21:12,656 --> 00:21:14,624
I have a forehand like Seles.
517
00:21:14,658 --> 00:21:17,026
Ooh. Well, I got to warn you, Diane,
518
00:21:17,061 --> 00:21:19,062
that I have a temper like McEnroe.
519
00:21:19,097 --> 00:21:20,730
- No, really.
- Oh.
520
00:21:20,764 --> 00:21:23,032
Why do you think I see so
many shrinks in this town?
521
00:21:23,067 --> 00:21:24,000
[chuckles]
522
00:21:24,034 --> 00:21:28,137
- I'm, like, super-messed up, Diane.
- Ohh.
523
00:21:28,205 --> 00:21:31,077
524
00:21:32,000 --> 00:21:35,099
Best watched using Open Subtitles MKV Player
525
00:21:35,149 --> 00:21:39,699
Repair and Synchronization by
Easy Subtitles Synchronizer 1.0.0.0
40656
Can't find what you're looking for?
Get subtitles in any language from opensubtitles.com, and translate them here.
Afrikaans
Albanian
Amharic
Arabic
Armenian
Azerbaijani
Basque
Belarusian
Bengali
Bosnian
Bulgarian
Catalan
Cebuano
Chichewa
Chinese (Simplified)
Chinese (Traditional)
Corsican
Croatian
Czech
Danish
English
Esperanto
Estonian
Finnish
French
Frisian
Galician
Georgian
German
Greek
Gujarati
Haitian Creole
Hawaiian
Icelandic
Indonesian
Irish
Italian
Japanese
Kazakh
Khmer
Korean
Kurdish (Kurmanji)
Kyrgyz
Lao
Latvian
Lithuanian
Luxembourgish
Macedonian
Malagasy
Malay
Maltese
Maori
Mongolian
Myanmar (Burmese)
Nepali
Norwegian
Pashto
Polish
Portuguese
Romanian
Russian
Samoan
Serbian
Sesotho
Shona
Sinhala
Slovak
Slovenian
Somali
Spanish
Swahili
Swedish
Tajik
Thai
Turkish
Ukrainian
Urdu
Uzbek
Vietnamese
