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1
00:00:01,480 --> 00:00:04,880
Mm. Oh, the guy I'm
playing scrabble with
2
00:00:04,920 --> 00:00:06,160
wants me to take a picture of
my feet. [cellphone chimes]
3
00:00:06,200 --> 00:00:08,360
Okay. A little help with
this thing? [sighs]
4
00:00:08,400 --> 00:00:10,720
Oh, you're so needy!
[scoffs]
5
00:00:10,755 --> 00:00:14,240
Ugh. I'm counting this
as my cardio for the week.
6
00:00:14,280 --> 00:00:17,520
Hey. What's the weird
virgin doing on the roof?
7
00:00:19,280 --> 00:00:20,360
- Hey!
- Ohh!
8
00:00:20,400 --> 00:00:21,720
Oh!
9
00:00:21,755 --> 00:00:23,640
Oh, god, this can't
be good for my hernia.
10
00:00:23,675 --> 00:00:25,640
- Kate saw me!
- Then you got to jump now!
11
00:00:25,680 --> 00:00:27,560
What the hell are you doing?
12
00:00:27,600 --> 00:00:29,040
Aw, sweet.
Are we doing roof dives?
13
00:00:29,080 --> 00:00:31,040
Warren, get down here immediately!
14
00:00:31,080 --> 00:00:32,800
[kids sigh]
15
00:00:32,835 --> 00:00:33,800
You got it.
16
00:00:37,127 --> 00:00:38,060
[water splashes]
17
00:00:38,128 --> 00:00:40,929
[laughs]
18
00:00:40,997 --> 00:00:43,198
- That was awesome!
- Tell me you got that.
19
00:00:43,266 --> 00:00:44,433
Oh, no!
I wasn't ready!
20
00:00:44,501 --> 00:00:46,502
Oh, don't worry.
I got the whole thing, cutie.
21
00:00:46,569 --> 00:00:48,504
Oh.
22
00:00:48,571 --> 00:00:50,339
What? You know
I'm a sucker for virgins.
23
00:00:52,442 --> 00:00:55,377
1x12 - The Punisher
24
00:00:56,000 --> 00:00:59,074
Subtitles downloaded from www.OpenSubtitles.org
25
00:01:01,290 --> 00:01:05,205
sync & correction by f1nc0
~ addic7ed.com ~
26
00:01:09,959 --> 00:01:12,227
What you doing,
calling daddy?
27
00:01:12,295 --> 00:01:14,730
I'm just calling him to see
what he thinks about my ideas...
28
00:01:14,798 --> 00:01:18,066
That I already have up
here in my head. [ringing]
29
00:01:18,134 --> 00:01:21,637
Straight to voicemail.
Whatever. I got this. [chuckles]
30
00:01:23,039 --> 00:01:27,109
Not cool, you guys.
Not... cool.
31
00:01:27,177 --> 00:01:31,380
- Really, really uncool.
- So, are we in trouble?
32
00:01:31,448 --> 00:01:34,049
Oh!
Oh, oh, oh, oh, oh.
33
00:01:34,117 --> 00:01:35,651
So much trouble.
34
00:01:35,718 --> 00:01:37,719
All right.
So, what's our punishment?
35
00:01:37,787 --> 00:01:40,422
Oh, oh, oh!
36
00:01:40,490 --> 00:01:41,824
Oh, oh.
37
00:01:41,891 --> 00:01:44,359
It is... really bad.
38
00:01:47,063 --> 00:01:48,764
Are you sorry?
39
00:01:48,832 --> 00:01:50,465
- Yeah.
- Sure.
40
00:01:50,533 --> 00:01:52,501
Good. Very good.
41
00:01:52,569 --> 00:01:54,670
I want you to think
about what you did.
42
00:01:54,737 --> 00:01:56,505
I want you to
think about it... hard.
43
00:01:56,573 --> 00:01:57,472
We will.
44
00:02:00,910 --> 00:02:02,843
[music]
45
00:02:09,385 --> 00:02:10,719
Any chance that worked?
46
00:02:10,787 --> 00:02:12,721
No, I think they actually have
less respect for you now.
47
00:02:12,789 --> 00:02:14,089
Uh-huh.
48
00:02:14,157 --> 00:02:15,991
So, the good news is,
49
00:02:16,059 --> 00:02:19,328
uh, Bert scored solidly in the
middle of his achievement test.
50
00:02:19,395 --> 00:02:21,163
The middle of the top, yeah.
51
00:02:21,231 --> 00:02:23,098
- No.
- The top of the top.
52
00:02:23,166 --> 00:02:26,301
No, the middle of the middle...
which is fine.
53
00:02:26,369 --> 00:02:28,303
That's right where he's
supposed to be. [chuckles]
54
00:02:28,371 --> 00:02:30,873
Mm, you might want to recheck
that, 'cause he's pretty bright.
55
00:02:30,940 --> 00:02:32,508
- He's very bright.
- He's brilliant.
56
00:02:32,575 --> 00:02:34,676
Yeah, we'll look into it, for sure.
57
00:02:34,744 --> 00:02:37,880
And there might be something
you should look into.
58
00:02:37,947 --> 00:02:42,217
I-I'm concerned that...
Bert may be reacting
59
00:02:42,285 --> 00:02:44,987
to some of the tension
between you two.
60
00:02:45,054 --> 00:02:48,657
- There is no tension.
- If... anything, we're too close.
61
00:02:48,725 --> 00:02:51,026
Bert may be seeing things
differently.
62
00:02:51,094 --> 00:02:54,596
Here's a family portrait
he drew in art class.
63
00:02:56,266 --> 00:02:57,366
[sighs]
64
00:02:57,433 --> 00:02:58,867
I think it says it all.
65
00:02:58,935 --> 00:03:03,138
Ohh!
He wishes he had longer arms!
66
00:03:04,941 --> 00:03:07,543
[TV chatter]
67
00:03:07,610 --> 00:03:09,578
Are you two thinking
about what you did earlier?
68
00:03:09,646 --> 00:03:10,579
Wait, about what?
69
00:03:10,647 --> 00:03:12,347
Shh.
Can you guys keep it down?
70
00:03:12,415 --> 00:03:13,615
We're trying to watch
"House hunters international."
71
00:03:13,683 --> 00:03:16,251
Oh, that one-bedroom
in Amsterdam is redonk!
72
00:03:16,319 --> 00:03:18,220
So, you're not thinking about
what I told you to think about?
73
00:03:18,288 --> 00:03:20,088
- No. Shh.
- Oh, look at this toilet!
74
00:03:20,156 --> 00:03:23,025
- Meg: Oh, my god.
- Okay, fine. That's it. [TV turns off]
75
00:03:23,092 --> 00:03:24,693
- Hey! They were gonna make an offer.
- Hey! Hey.
76
00:03:24,761 --> 00:03:27,663
You know what?
You're both gonna be sorry.
77
00:03:27,730 --> 00:03:29,097
'Cause guess who I'm calling?
[dialing]
78
00:03:29,165 --> 00:03:30,999
Pete's voicemail?
[laughter]
79
00:03:31,067 --> 00:03:32,701
Your mom.
[laughter stops]
80
00:03:32,769 --> 00:03:34,369
Here we go.
It's ringing.
81
00:03:34,437 --> 00:03:35,871
[ringing]
82
00:03:35,938 --> 00:03:37,005
Diane: Hello. Kate?
83
00:03:37,073 --> 00:03:39,441
Hi, Diane.
Yeah, Warren jumped off the roof
84
00:03:39,442 --> 00:03:41,443
into the pool,
and Hillary filmed it.
85
00:03:41,511 --> 00:03:43,612
You need to punish them.
I'm gonna put you on speaker.
86
00:03:43,680 --> 00:03:44,580
[beep]
87
00:03:44,647 --> 00:03:45,781
- No, don't ...
- Kate.
88
00:03:45,848 --> 00:03:47,382
Yes.
We're all here, Diane.
89
00:03:47,450 --> 00:03:51,015
- You have the room.
- Take me off speakerphone.
90
00:03:51,050 --> 00:03:53,121
[beep]
91
00:03:53,189 --> 00:03:54,489
Step out of the room.
92
00:03:54,557 --> 00:03:56,391
It's okay, Diane.
You're not on speaker anymore.
93
00:03:56,459 --> 00:03:58,426
Step out.
94
00:04:04,419 --> 00:04:07,349
- Could you just...
- Yeah, I got it.
95
00:04:07,579 --> 00:04:09,320
Goal-post arms.
96
00:04:09,321 --> 00:04:11,155
Look, need to punish the kids,
but I-I don't know how.
97
00:04:11,223 --> 00:04:12,757
So I was just hoping
98
00:04:12,825 --> 00:04:14,625
that maybe you could do it
for me over the phone.
99
00:04:14,693 --> 00:04:16,494
That's not how this
is going to work. [hissing]
100
00:04:16,562 --> 00:04:18,262
Maybe could you just
text me the punishment,
101
00:04:18,330 --> 00:04:19,730
and I'll show it to them
102
00:04:19,798 --> 00:04:23,033
while you're busy getting
what sounds like a spray tan.
103
00:04:23,100 --> 00:04:26,602
Never mind what I'm getting.
I'll be there when I'm dry.
104
00:04:28,339 --> 00:04:29,706
You know, you really
didn't have to come over.
105
00:04:29,774 --> 00:04:31,942
I'm sure a strongly worded text
would have done the trick.
106
00:04:32,009 --> 00:04:33,910
- I doubt it.
- Meg: That is a really nice tan.
107
00:04:33,978 --> 00:04:37,080
Mine always come out streaky.
Who's your girl?
108
00:04:37,148 --> 00:04:39,683
- Janine at Cocoa Sun.
- Ah. Does she take walk-ins?
109
00:04:39,751 --> 00:04:42,385
- Use my name.
- I will.
110
00:04:43,153 --> 00:04:44,020
Good luck.
111
00:04:44,087 --> 00:04:45,922
Enough chitchat.
Where are they?
112
00:04:45,989 --> 00:04:47,557
[door closes]
113
00:04:47,624 --> 00:04:49,091
[TV chatter]
Hey, guys, look who's here.
114
00:04:49,159 --> 00:04:52,829
- Warren, Hillary, to your rooms.
- Yes, ma'am.
115
00:04:52,896 --> 00:04:54,730
[both muttering]
[TV turns off]
116
00:04:54,798 --> 00:04:56,449
- Hi, Mom.
- Off you go.
117
00:04:56,450 --> 00:04:58,301
- All right.
- Hello.
118
00:04:58,368 --> 00:05:00,736
To your room.
That's right.
119
00:05:00,804 --> 00:05:01,704
[door closes]
120
00:05:01,772 --> 00:05:03,773
Kate... sit.
121
00:05:06,309 --> 00:05:10,145
Okay, Kate,
you can't keep calling me
122
00:05:10,213 --> 00:05:11,913
every time
you need to punish them.
123
00:05:11,981 --> 00:05:13,915
This is something you need
to learn how to do for yourself.
124
00:05:13,983 --> 00:05:15,217
Yeah, but I don't
want to punish them.
125
00:05:15,284 --> 00:05:16,818
- I-I-I just want them to love me.
- Oh.
126
00:05:16,886 --> 00:05:18,386
- I mean, I want everyone to love me.
- Mm-hmm.
127
00:05:18,454 --> 00:05:20,255
'Cause it just makes me
feel better about myself.
128
00:05:20,323 --> 00:05:22,724
Stop. I don't have time
to empathize.
129
00:05:22,792 --> 00:05:24,759
Punishing is part of being a parent.
130
00:05:24,827 --> 00:05:27,395
And thanks to Peter's inability
to date casually...
131
00:05:28,297 --> 00:05:29,798
that's something that you now are.
132
00:05:30,266 --> 00:05:32,133
Yeah, but you're just so good at it.
133
00:05:32,201 --> 00:05:33,968
- [chuckling] Oh.
- You know, so you should just do it.
134
00:05:34,536 --> 00:05:37,671
[chuckles] No, because
I'm not always going to be here.
135
00:05:37,739 --> 00:05:38,939
[sighing] Oh.
136
00:05:39,007 --> 00:05:40,508
'Cause you're gonna die
before me?
137
00:05:40,575 --> 00:05:43,110
No. Because I have a job.
138
00:05:43,178 --> 00:05:46,013
Oh. Yeah, right.
Of course.
139
00:05:47,883 --> 00:05:49,216
[school bell rings]
140
00:05:49,284 --> 00:05:51,485
We're not bad parents.
We don't badmouth each other.
141
00:05:51,553 --> 00:05:55,589
Yeah! We definitely don't
do that... around Bert...
142
00:05:55,657 --> 00:05:58,092
- on purpose.
- Maybe it would be good
143
00:05:58,160 --> 00:06:00,094
for him to see us
do something together...
144
00:06:00,162 --> 00:06:02,997
- Hmm. - ...on purpose,
not just drop-off and pickups.
145
00:06:04,064 --> 00:06:05,365
Yeah. Ooh, ooh!
146
00:06:05,432 --> 00:06:07,333
There's this new mini-golf
course that he's dying to go to.
147
00:06:07,901 --> 00:06:10,970
It's pirate-themed, and
you know how he loves pirates.
148
00:06:11,038 --> 00:06:13,139
Let's just get some ice cream.
It's quick.
149
00:06:13,206 --> 00:06:14,874
You're in, you lick, you're out.
150
00:06:14,941 --> 00:06:16,475
Well, maybe you did
a little more of that
151
00:06:16,543 --> 00:06:18,444
during our marriage,
we'd still be gether.
152
00:06:18,512 --> 00:06:19,712
Okay.
153
00:06:19,780 --> 00:06:21,147
- Hi!
- Who's taking me home?
154
00:06:21,214 --> 00:06:22,949
What would you think if
we all did something together,
155
00:06:23,016 --> 00:06:25,618
- Just the three of us?
- Really?!
156
00:06:25,686 --> 00:06:27,286
What is it?! What is it?!
157
00:06:27,354 --> 00:06:28,521
Okay, guess.
158
00:06:31,124 --> 00:06:33,492
Mini-golf!
159
00:06:33,560 --> 00:06:36,362
Oh, my god! Mini-golf!
Thanks!
160
00:06:37,130 --> 00:06:38,930
Okay, here's a scenario.
161
00:06:38,998 --> 00:06:41,667
I'm Hillary,
and I've just broken curfew,
162
00:06:41,734 --> 00:06:45,270
and there is the slight smell
of mouthwash on my breath.
163
00:06:45,338 --> 00:06:48,040
You're "a parent."
Now, punish me. [snaps fingers]
164
00:06:48,107 --> 00:06:51,777
Okay.
You are in big, big trouble.
165
00:06:51,844 --> 00:06:54,012
You're not my mom.
Why should I listen to you?
166
00:06:54,080 --> 00:06:55,314
Because I'm the adult.
167
00:06:55,381 --> 00:06:57,315
[scoffing] Please, Kate,
you're not an adult.
168
00:06:57,383 --> 00:06:58,517
Look at what you're wearing.
169
00:06:59,334 --> 00:07:00,501
Are you being you,
or are you being Hillary?
170
00:07:00,569 --> 00:07:02,236
I'm being Hillary.
Now focus.
171
00:07:02,304 --> 00:07:03,438
Okay, fine.
172
00:07:03,505 --> 00:07:05,473
Well, you can't talk to me
like that, young lady.
173
00:07:05,541 --> 00:07:06,808
You're grounded.
174
00:07:06,875 --> 00:07:09,444
Oh, please.
I'm not taking punishment
175
00:07:09,511 --> 00:07:12,113
from a grown-up
who listens to Taylor Swift.
176
00:07:12,881 --> 00:07:15,082
Okay, well, now I know
that you're you, Diane.
177
00:07:15,150 --> 00:07:16,483
You've mentioned that before.
178
00:07:16,551 --> 00:07:19,686
Well, I'm staying in character!
You have to stay tough.
179
00:07:19,754 --> 00:07:21,288
The kids will try
every angle they can.
180
00:07:21,356 --> 00:07:22,389
Now go again.
181
00:07:22,457 --> 00:07:23,857
You think you don't
need to listen to me
182
00:07:23,925 --> 00:07:26,493
because I'm the stepmom?
Well, from now on,
183
00:07:26,561 --> 00:07:28,629
you better think twice
before you mess with me,
184
00:07:28,696 --> 00:07:29,730
little miss perfect.
185
00:07:29,798 --> 00:07:31,031
This is my house, all right?
186
00:07:31,099 --> 00:07:33,700
Take your condescending
attitude, your tangerine arms,
187
00:07:33,768 --> 00:07:36,603
and shove them where
they don't spray. Got it?
188
00:07:36,670 --> 00:07:39,806
Are you speaking to me or Hillary?
189
00:07:39,874 --> 00:07:42,008
Hillary. Role-playing.
190
00:07:42,076 --> 00:07:43,743
I think you're ready.
191
00:07:45,879 --> 00:07:49,782
Okay, sit down.
Uh... stay.
192
00:07:49,849 --> 00:07:53,252
- Oh, it is punishment time.
- Whoa. Hey!
193
00:07:53,319 --> 00:07:54,820
What did I do?
194
00:07:55,088 --> 00:07:56,988
You jumped off the roof,
and you filmed it,
195
00:07:57,056 --> 00:07:59,591
which is why
there will be no more screens
196
00:07:59,659 --> 00:08:00,726
for the rest of the day.
197
00:08:00,793 --> 00:08:01,994
Well, but ...
but then I can't tweet!
198
00:08:02,061 --> 00:08:03,395
What if something happened?
199
00:08:03,463 --> 00:08:05,030
How are people supposed to
know how I feel about it?
200
00:08:05,098 --> 00:08:06,632
[mockingly]
Whatever will they do?!
201
00:08:06,699 --> 00:08:08,900
Kate, Kate, I-I need
my alarm clock, okay?
202
00:08:08,968 --> 00:08:12,337
- I need structure in my life!
- I just punished all over this place.
203
00:08:17,310 --> 00:08:19,645
[breathing heavily]
204
00:08:19,712 --> 00:08:21,413
Wow.
That was so thrilling.
205
00:08:21,481 --> 00:08:23,749
Now I understand
why you are the way you are.
206
00:08:23,816 --> 00:08:26,251
Yes. It is a rush.
207
00:08:26,319 --> 00:08:28,153
[sighs]
But don't get ahead of yourself.
208
00:08:28,221 --> 00:08:30,822
Enforcing the punishment
is the hardest part.
209
00:08:30,890 --> 00:08:34,192
- They will try to break you.
- I'd like to see them try.
210
00:08:34,260 --> 00:08:36,695
[instruments playing off-key]
211
00:08:36,763 --> 00:08:39,298
- What the hell was that?
- Good luck.
212
00:08:39,365 --> 00:08:40,465
[gasps]
213
00:08:40,533 --> 00:08:42,734
[instruments screeching]
214
00:08:50,460 --> 00:08:53,028
[instruments playing off-key]
215
00:08:54,796 --> 00:08:58,098
Oh! [chuckles]
Hi, Kate. What's up?
216
00:08:58,166 --> 00:08:59,900
- What are you doing?
- Oh, you know, just jamming.
217
00:08:59,967 --> 00:09:01,068
You took away our screens,
218
00:09:01,135 --> 00:09:03,036
so we're just filling the void
with some music.
219
00:09:03,104 --> 00:09:04,438
Yeah, just...
[sour note plays]
220
00:09:04,505 --> 00:09:06,206
- Okay, guys. I get what you're doing.
- I love that.
221
00:09:06,274 --> 00:09:08,442
And let me just say,
mad disrespect.
222
00:09:08,509 --> 00:09:10,844
- Would you do this at your mom's?
- Obviously not.
223
00:09:10,912 --> 00:09:12,512
She doesn't allow noise
before dinner.
224
00:09:12,580 --> 00:09:14,414
If you're trying to break me,
it's not gonna work.
225
00:09:15,582 --> 00:09:17,583
I'm unbreakable,
like Bruce Willis
226
00:09:17,651 --> 00:09:19,785
or Samuel L. Jackson
or whichever one is unbreakable
227
00:09:19,853 --> 00:09:21,720
in that movie about that guy
that's unbreakable.
228
00:09:21,788 --> 00:09:24,657
- Oh! "Signs"!
- Also, I've got these.
229
00:09:24,724 --> 00:09:27,159
- Oh, is that play-doh?
- Mm-hmm.
230
00:09:27,227 --> 00:09:29,495
Don't mess with me!
231
00:09:29,563 --> 00:09:30,996
"Yo-ho-ho!
232
00:09:31,064 --> 00:09:33,966
"Here ye be at the first hole,
'dead man's bend.'
233
00:09:34,034 --> 00:09:37,169
"Hit yer shot too hard,
and you'll be walking the plank.
234
00:09:37,237 --> 00:09:40,673
No outside food allowed.
Restrooms not on premises."
235
00:09:40,740 --> 00:09:41,841
Dad, that was great!
236
00:09:43,108 --> 00:09:45,243
[chuckles]
Wow. Okay, all right.
237
00:09:45,310 --> 00:09:46,177
Go, Bert.
238
00:09:46,245 --> 00:09:47,912
- All right, bud.
- Okay, Bert!
239
00:09:47,980 --> 00:09:49,614
- Easy. Fore.
- Oh!
240
00:09:49,681 --> 00:09:51,549
- Whoa!
- Whoa!
241
00:09:51,617 --> 00:09:54,519
Shiver me putters!
Ya really cleaved that to the brisket!
242
00:09:54,586 --> 00:09:56,754
Mom, that was even better
than Dad's!
243
00:09:56,822 --> 00:09:58,056
Oh! What?
244
00:09:58,123 --> 00:10:01,159
It's ... I mean,
it's not a competition, so...
245
00:10:01,226 --> 00:10:02,360
Okay.
246
00:10:02,428 --> 00:10:04,662
[whistles]
247
00:10:05,280 --> 00:10:06,413
- Here we go.
- Uh-huh.
248
00:10:08,550 --> 00:10:10,417
No, wait, hold on.
Hold on!
249
00:10:10,485 --> 00:10:11,585
No!
[Bert chuckles]
250
00:10:11,653 --> 00:10:12,753
I didn't mean that.
Do-over.
251
00:10:12,821 --> 00:10:15,456
It's still moving.
[gasps] Aah!
252
00:10:15,523 --> 00:10:16,991
Hole in one!
253
00:10:17,058 --> 00:10:19,460
Isn't Mom funny?
[sighs]
254
00:10:19,527 --> 00:10:21,996
All right, stop lollygagging.
We got 17 more to go.
255
00:10:22,813 --> 00:10:24,848
Yes, we do. [sighs]
256
00:10:24,915 --> 00:10:27,884
- 105.
- Hillary: 106.
257
00:10:27,952 --> 00:10:31,988
- Whew! 107.
- 100 and Kate.
258
00:10:32,056 --> 00:10:35,025
"I'm not thinking
very honorably,' Jack said.
259
00:10:35,092 --> 00:10:36,593
Marley closed her eyes.
260
00:10:36,660 --> 00:10:39,229
She could feel his hot breath
on her neck.
261
00:10:39,296 --> 00:10:40,663
Jack looked at her lustily."
262
00:10:40,731 --> 00:10:42,732
[groans]
"Motion granted."
263
00:10:42,800 --> 00:10:44,634
What the heck?!
That's not a screen!
264
00:10:45,102 --> 00:10:46,302
You know you're not
supposed to be reading
265
00:10:46,370 --> 00:10:47,603
your dad's legal erotica, all right?
266
00:10:47,671 --> 00:10:49,372
I know what you're doing,
and it's not gonna work.
267
00:10:50,240 --> 00:10:52,441
She thinks she's so clever.
268
00:10:52,508 --> 00:10:54,910
Let's just see how clever she is
when we find our stuff.
269
00:10:56,145 --> 00:10:58,447
- Ha!
- Hi, guys.
270
00:10:58,514 --> 00:11:01,617
- Can I help you?
- Uh, yeah!
271
00:11:01,684 --> 00:11:02,784
We were just
looking for our phones.
272
00:11:02,852 --> 00:11:04,119
What?
273
00:11:04,187 --> 00:11:05,621
Oh, really? Well, you're
never gonna find them.
274
00:11:05,688 --> 00:11:08,911
I am always gonna be one step
ahead of you. [doorbell rings]
275
00:11:10,459 --> 00:11:12,293
Hi!
276
00:11:12,361 --> 00:11:15,196
Oh, hi, Helene.
277
00:11:15,263 --> 00:11:18,299
Warren and Hillary told me
you're interested in my charity,
278
00:11:18,367 --> 00:11:20,334
"it's raining cats and dogs."
279
00:11:20,402 --> 00:11:23,137
- Ohh.
- I'm sure you're aware,
280
00:11:23,205 --> 00:11:24,638
Gil and I have been spaying
and neutering stray animals
281
00:11:24,706 --> 00:11:26,874
in my garage,
and we really need volunteers,
282
00:11:26,942 --> 00:11:28,743
and you have such long fingers!
283
00:11:28,810 --> 00:11:31,312
Oh.
Well, I-I mean...
284
00:11:31,380 --> 00:11:34,248
Obviously, this is a cause that
means so much to me, but I ...
285
00:11:34,316 --> 00:11:36,317
This is just gonna take
an hour and a half.
286
00:11:36,884 --> 00:11:39,286
Where should I put
my easel? Hi!
287
00:11:39,354 --> 00:11:41,088
- Hi! [chuckles]
- Hi!
288
00:11:42,423 --> 00:11:43,423
[sighs]
289
00:11:46,327 --> 00:11:47,894
Have fun, you guys!
290
00:11:47,962 --> 00:11:50,597
By-y-y-y-y-y-e!
291
00:11:50,665 --> 00:11:52,065
Bye!
292
00:11:52,133 --> 00:11:55,068
I will see you next Thursday!
293
00:11:55,136 --> 00:11:59,539
- Hillary: Oh, I love her!
- Warren: Aww, she's the best.
294
00:11:59,607 --> 00:12:02,409
I'm giving both of you the
silent treatment, starting now.
295
00:12:02,477 --> 00:12:04,845
- Aw.
- Nothing. Zip.
296
00:12:05,612 --> 00:12:07,213
Kate?
297
00:12:07,281 --> 00:12:09,916
- Come here.
- No.
298
00:12:09,984 --> 00:12:10,917
- Yeah.
- No.
299
00:12:10,985 --> 00:12:12,485
Okay.
300
00:12:12,553 --> 00:12:14,287
[sighs]
What are we doing?
301
00:12:14,355 --> 00:12:16,322
- This is silly!
- Yeah.
302
00:12:17,190 --> 00:12:19,825
We can keep going all day,
or we can end this now...
303
00:12:19,893 --> 00:12:21,727
- We can.
- ...like adults.
304
00:12:22,794 --> 00:12:25,863
So, just give us back our phones...
305
00:12:25,931 --> 00:12:29,267
and you won't see us
the rest of the day.
306
00:12:29,334 --> 00:12:31,002
Doesn't that sound nice?
307
00:12:31,069 --> 00:12:33,971
[sighs] And listen...
if you don't...
308
00:12:34,039 --> 00:12:36,207
I'm going to have to bite off
my toe wart.
309
00:12:36,275 --> 00:12:41,212
[sighs] And we don't want
that to happen, do we?
310
00:12:44,249 --> 00:12:47,084
So, what's it gonna be, Kate?
311
00:12:52,491 --> 00:12:55,126
[sighs]
312
00:12:55,194 --> 00:12:56,260
We got her.
313
00:12:56,328 --> 00:12:58,529
I guess I can tell you.
314
00:12:58,597 --> 00:13:01,532
According to the MRI,
you have a high likelihood of ...
315
00:13:01,600 --> 00:13:04,769
[cellphone rings]
Hold on.
316
00:13:06,137 --> 00:13:08,404
- How's it going?
- [sighing] Oh!
317
00:13:08,472 --> 00:13:09,939
They're getting to me.
They're testing me.
318
00:13:10,007 --> 00:13:11,241
Warren's gonna eat a wart!
319
00:13:11,308 --> 00:13:12,542
Stay strong.
320
00:13:12,610 --> 00:13:15,011
If you just go about
your business and ignore them,
321
00:13:15,079 --> 00:13:16,479
you'll wear them down.
322
00:13:16,547 --> 00:13:19,182
- Okay. [sighs] Okay.
- Kate.
323
00:13:19,250 --> 00:13:21,551
I believe in you.
324
00:13:21,619 --> 00:13:24,120
In this particular case.
325
00:13:24,188 --> 00:13:26,189
At this moment in time.
326
00:13:27,057 --> 00:13:28,457
Thank you.
[sighs]
327
00:13:28,525 --> 00:13:30,793
H-high likelihood of what?
328
00:13:30,860 --> 00:13:31,894
- What?
- The ... my...
329
00:13:31,961 --> 00:13:33,529
[gasps] Oh!
[chuckles]
330
00:13:33,596 --> 00:13:35,464
Of getting back up
on the slopes again.
331
00:13:35,532 --> 00:13:37,800
You are going to make
a complete recovery.
332
00:13:37,867 --> 00:13:41,403
Jackie: Okay!
With one hole to go, the tally be...
333
00:13:41,471 --> 00:13:43,505
Bert ... 68,
334
00:13:43,573 --> 00:13:45,741
Dad ... oh, 44,
335
00:13:45,809 --> 00:13:48,043
Mom ... 12!
[scoffs]
336
00:13:48,111 --> 00:13:51,480
Me thinks your mom be taking liberties
with the keeping of the score.
337
00:13:51,548 --> 00:13:53,582
Yar, but the point be not the score.
338
00:13:53,650 --> 00:13:55,784
The point be family togetherness.
339
00:13:55,852 --> 00:13:57,252
Yar! My turn.
340
00:13:58,320 --> 00:13:59,587
- Okay, go, Bert!
- Okay, bud.
341
00:13:59,655 --> 00:14:01,255
[sighs]
342
00:14:01,323 --> 00:14:04,058
Forgot what a nerd
you are... nerd.
343
00:14:04,126 --> 00:14:05,660
What a prison your life must be.
344
00:14:05,728 --> 00:14:06,861
We should have done ice cream.
345
00:14:06,929 --> 00:14:08,196
We would have been done
2 1/2 hours ago.
346
00:14:08,263 --> 00:14:10,598
And you know what?
You can't cheat at ice cream.
347
00:14:10,666 --> 00:14:13,000
- Oh, frozen yogurt much?
- Oh, you found a way.
348
00:14:13,602 --> 00:14:15,370
[bell dinging]
349
00:14:15,437 --> 00:14:17,872
Oh, my god!
I got a hole in one!
350
00:14:17,940 --> 00:14:19,307
Go get your prize, Bert!
351
00:14:19,375 --> 00:14:23,010
[singsong voice]
So we can get out of here.
352
00:14:23,078 --> 00:14:25,713
"Free round.
Good today only."
353
00:14:26,481 --> 00:14:30,617
Come on, guys! Let's go!
I've got nothing but time!
354
00:14:30,685 --> 00:14:31,986
Back to one!
355
00:14:33,053 --> 00:14:34,754
Ice cream.
356
00:14:35,222 --> 00:14:37,656
Uh, where are you going?
357
00:14:37,724 --> 00:14:39,325
To the toolshed
to get an allen wrench.
358
00:14:39,392 --> 00:14:41,393
Just going
about my business.
359
00:14:41,461 --> 00:14:44,096
- Uh, wait. [chuckles] what about our deal?
- [chuckling] Yeah.
360
00:14:44,164 --> 00:14:46,966
No dice.
Warren, eat away.
361
00:14:47,033 --> 00:14:49,401
Hillary, here!
Happy reading.
362
00:14:49,469 --> 00:14:50,569
[sighs]
363
00:14:50,637 --> 00:14:52,404
This sucks.
364
00:14:52,472 --> 00:14:53,706
[sighs]
365
00:14:53,774 --> 00:14:55,341
["Pump up the jam"
ringtone plays]
366
00:14:55,408 --> 00:14:56,709
Pump, pump the jam,
pump it up
367
00:14:56,777 --> 00:14:58,778
- Wait. Do you hear that?
-
ile your feet are stomping
368
00:14:58,845 --> 00:15:00,513
[gasps]
It's Kate's phone.
369
00:15:00,580 --> 00:15:02,848
- [gasps] I can text!
- I can play games!
370
00:15:02,916 --> 00:15:04,817
Wait, wait.
Wait. Warren, I got it!
371
00:15:04,885 --> 00:15:06,552
- Come on, come on, come on.
- No, I ...
372
00:15:06,620 --> 00:15:08,154
- I need to tweet!
- Oh, you need to tweet?
373
00:15:08,221 --> 00:15:09,588
You don't need to check the ...
I need to check the ...
374
00:15:09,656 --> 00:15:10,790
[gasps]
Oh, shoot, Kate's coming!
375
00:15:12,826 --> 00:15:13,893
Warren?!
376
00:15:13,960 --> 00:15:15,361
It was either that or my pocket! I ...
377
00:15:15,428 --> 00:15:18,164
Wow, your dad's shed is full
of spider webs and thighmasters.
378
00:15:18,231 --> 00:15:20,132
Ugh. All right.
379
00:15:20,200 --> 00:15:23,602
[gasps] No, no!
It builds supergerms.
380
00:15:23,670 --> 00:15:25,738
- Yeah. Gross. [chuckles]
- What's going on?
381
00:15:25,806 --> 00:15:27,306
- Nothing.
- Nothing.
382
00:15:28,708 --> 00:15:29,809
It's fine.
383
00:15:29,876 --> 00:15:31,544
- We'll just put it in some rice.
- Yeah.
384
00:15:33,111 --> 00:15:36,213
Ugh, this sink
is not draining.
385
00:15:36,281 --> 00:15:38,015
[disposal grinding]
386
00:15:38,083 --> 00:15:39,350
[whimpering]
387
00:15:39,418 --> 00:15:41,352
Yeah. We're gonna need
a lot of rice.
388
00:15:41,420 --> 00:15:43,020
[grinding continues]
What is that?
389
00:15:43,088 --> 00:15:44,555
[muffled "Pump up the jam"
ringtone plays]
390
00:15:44,623 --> 00:15:45,756
pump, pump the jam
391
00:15:45,824 --> 00:15:47,792
pump it up
392
00:15:47,859 --> 00:15:48,759
[distorted]
# while your feet are stomping #
393
00:15:48,827 --> 00:15:50,728
and the jam is pumping
394
00:15:50,796 --> 00:15:52,697
[music fades, stops]
395
00:16:01,707 --> 00:16:03,975
You little...
396
00:16:04,042 --> 00:16:06,777
[bleep]
397
00:16:06,845 --> 00:16:08,646
This is my [bleep] phone.
398
00:16:08,714 --> 00:16:10,247
You two thankless [bleep]
399
00:16:10,315 --> 00:16:12,283
smacking [bleep]
400
00:16:12,351 --> 00:16:13,951
little [bleep]
401
00:16:14,019 --> 00:16:17,313
kicking little [bleep]
402
00:16:22,222 --> 00:16:25,288
[bleep]
403
00:16:25,356 --> 00:16:26,857
and get your
[bleep] smacking little
404
00:16:26,924 --> 00:16:29,993
[bleep]
405
00:16:30,061 --> 00:16:32,596
[breathing heavily]
406
00:16:34,465 --> 00:16:36,266
[sighs]
407
00:16:39,403 --> 00:16:41,838
Everybody...
408
00:16:41,906 --> 00:16:42,772
to your rooms.
409
00:16:44,775 --> 00:16:46,610
[sighs] God.
[doors slam]
410
00:16:46,677 --> 00:16:48,144
[inhales sharply]
411
00:16:48,212 --> 00:16:50,080
Oh, what were
you thinking, Kate?!
412
00:16:51,148 --> 00:16:52,248
[sighs]
413
00:16:52,315 --> 00:16:54,216
Okay, I need to call Pete.
414
00:16:54,284 --> 00:16:56,685
[sighs] Not with this.
Okay.
415
00:16:57,153 --> 00:16:59,221
[beep]
Hillary: It was crazy.
416
00:16:59,289 --> 00:17:02,691
And, Mom,
then Kate called us [bleep]
417
00:17:02,759 --> 00:17:06,495
- multiple times.
- Diane: I'll be right there.
418
00:17:08,031 --> 00:17:09,097
[receiver clicks]
419
00:17:09,165 --> 00:17:11,099
[doorbell rings]
420
00:17:13,036 --> 00:17:15,137
- Mom, you should have heard her mouth.
- She was so ...
421
00:17:15,204 --> 00:17:18,106
Hillary, Warren, I'll
speak with you in a moment.
422
00:17:18,174 --> 00:17:22,177
- Kate... come with me.
- Yeah. Okay.
423
00:17:22,245 --> 00:17:23,979
[sighs] Come on.
[sighs]
424
00:17:28,351 --> 00:17:31,019
I'm... so sorry, Diane.
425
00:17:31,087 --> 00:17:33,388
[loudly] You called my kids
[bleep]
426
00:17:33,456 --> 00:17:35,924
[bleep]
427
00:17:35,992 --> 00:17:37,759
I know. I know.
I screwed up!
428
00:17:37,827 --> 00:17:39,828
Well, you certainly did.
429
00:17:40,696 --> 00:17:42,063
And you clearly have
a very strong command
430
00:17:42,131 --> 00:17:44,599
of certain parts
of the English language.
431
00:17:44,666 --> 00:17:46,734
But those are things
that you don't say out loud.
432
00:17:46,802 --> 00:17:49,704
- You think them, okay?
- Yeah.
433
00:17:50,272 --> 00:17:52,306
I would have loved to have seen
the look on their faces.
434
00:17:52,374 --> 00:17:54,775
- Wait, so, you're not mad at me?
- [chuckling] No.
435
00:17:54,843 --> 00:17:57,878
They put you through
the wringer, and you held tough.
436
00:17:57,946 --> 00:17:59,413
So I'm so proud of you.
437
00:17:59,481 --> 00:18:01,949
Why are you gesturing
like a crazy person?
438
00:18:02,417 --> 00:18:03,650
They're watching.
439
00:18:03,718 --> 00:18:05,819
I have the peripheral vision
of a hammerhead shark.
440
00:18:05,887 --> 00:18:08,188
You can't afford to lose their respect.
441
00:18:08,256 --> 00:18:09,656
[no audio]
442
00:18:09,724 --> 00:18:11,591
Oh, wow. Mom's really
giving it to her.
443
00:18:11,659 --> 00:18:12,926
[sighs]
Kate's screwed.
444
00:18:13,594 --> 00:18:16,362
Now, that said,
you need to find a balance
445
00:18:16,430 --> 00:18:18,665
between being
a complete pushover
446
00:18:18,732 --> 00:18:20,566
and an out-of-control
rage monster,
447
00:18:20,634 --> 00:18:23,202
which you've been both.
So find just a happy medium.
448
00:18:23,270 --> 00:18:24,771
Now yell back at me.
449
00:18:24,838 --> 00:18:25,772
- Well...
- Mm-hmm?
450
00:18:26,839 --> 00:18:27,806
Thank you, Diane.
451
00:18:29,842 --> 00:18:30,942
[sighs]
452
00:18:31,010 --> 00:18:33,345
I really appreciate all your support.
453
00:18:34,163 --> 00:18:37,799
And I'm so sorry
that I swore at your kids.
454
00:18:40,285 --> 00:18:44,588
I... really think they're
great, and... [gasps]
455
00:18:44,656 --> 00:18:45,723
...even Hillary.
456
00:18:45,908 --> 00:18:49,444
Wait. I think she
just said my name. Go.
457
00:18:49,512 --> 00:18:50,645
Go, go, go, go,
go, go, go, go.
458
00:18:50,713 --> 00:18:52,814
Okay, now that
I'm keeping score,
459
00:18:52,882 --> 00:18:55,750
I have Bert at 62,
I am at 49,
460
00:18:55,818 --> 00:18:58,887
and Jackie is at 15 throws,
12 kicks, and 6 lost balls.
461
00:18:59,954 --> 00:19:01,388
Hey, kid, hurry up.
462
00:19:02,323 --> 00:19:04,858
- Don't talk to my son like that.
- Shut up.
463
00:19:04,926 --> 00:19:06,460
- Don't say "shut up."
- Really?
464
00:19:06,528 --> 00:19:08,462
Wow! "Shut up" is mean!
Don't say that.
465
00:19:08,530 --> 00:19:11,965
- Shut up.
- Don't tell her to shut up.
466
00:19:12,033 --> 00:19:14,168
I'm not saying "shut up."
I'm telling her not to say it.
467
00:19:14,235 --> 00:19:15,102
That's incredibly rude.
468
00:19:15,170 --> 00:19:18,172
- What's going on over here?
- [chuckles] They keep yelling at us.
469
00:19:18,260 --> 00:19:21,180
"Yelling"? We're trying to teach
these millennials some manners.
470
00:19:21,220 --> 00:19:23,460
- Just let us play through.
- No! Just "shut up."
471
00:19:23,495 --> 00:19:25,060
I'm not telling her to shut up.
472
00:19:25,100 --> 00:19:27,100
I'm just telling her
not to say "shut up."
473
00:19:27,140 --> 00:19:29,060
Ma'am, sir, if you keep
harassing other golfers,
474
00:19:29,100 --> 00:19:33,612
we'll have to make you walk
the plank. That means ban you.
475
00:19:35,880 --> 00:19:39,080
- Shut up!
- Shut the hell up!
476
00:19:39,115 --> 00:19:40,400
- Shut your trap!
- Zip it!
477
00:19:40,435 --> 00:19:42,280
Put your mouths together
and have a shut party!
478
00:19:42,320 --> 00:19:43,520
Okay, that's it!
479
00:19:43,555 --> 00:19:46,000
Go to the parking lot
without claiming your deposit.
480
00:19:46,040 --> 00:19:47,640
- Aw.
- Aw.
481
00:19:47,675 --> 00:19:49,720
- Pete: That's too bad.
- We're banned?
482
00:19:49,760 --> 00:19:53,640
- Next time, we get ice cream?
- Okay! I love ice cream.
483
00:19:55,920 --> 00:19:58,200
- Keep in touch.
- You know what flavor I want?
484
00:19:58,240 --> 00:20:00,200
- What?
- [grunting] Orange sherbet!
485
00:20:00,235 --> 00:20:03,160
- Is he doing a pirate voice?
- Don't even know.
486
00:20:04,940 --> 00:20:07,780
Are you done? Okay.
487
00:20:07,820 --> 00:20:10,540
- Thank you.
- Mm-hmm!
488
00:20:10,580 --> 00:20:11,900
Uh, Kate... sorry.
489
00:20:11,940 --> 00:20:14,180
I was thinking of reading
a book and going to sleep.
490
00:20:14,220 --> 00:20:15,980
Sure.
491
00:20:16,020 --> 00:20:17,700
[chuckles nervously]
492
00:20:18,940 --> 00:20:21,420
- What's going on?
- Just parenting.
493
00:20:21,460 --> 00:20:23,060
Warren: Kate, uh...
494
00:20:23,095 --> 00:20:26,100
sorry to interrupt, but
I finished the nightstand.
495
00:20:26,140 --> 00:20:29,740
And, um, I'm gonna go
do my homework now, so...
496
00:20:29,780 --> 00:20:31,700
[chuckles nervously]
Yeah.
497
00:20:32,900 --> 00:20:36,340
Not bad, right?
[chuckles]
498
00:20:36,380 --> 00:20:37,420
I'm starting to get the hang of it.
499
00:20:37,460 --> 00:20:40,420
[glass shatters]
500
00:20:40,460 --> 00:20:41,540
Very impressive.
501
00:20:51,920 --> 00:20:53,120
"How does your client plead?
502
00:20:53,160 --> 00:20:55,280
"Judge Anderson asked as
he reached for his gavel.
503
00:20:55,320 --> 00:20:57,800
'Aroused,' Sydney purred back."
504
00:20:57,840 --> 00:20:59,120
It's just an early draft.
505
00:20:59,160 --> 00:21:01,320
I-I don't know what it
is. Is it a short story...
506
00:21:01,360 --> 00:21:03,320
Trilogy? Maybe it's
nothing. I don't know.
507
00:21:03,355 --> 00:21:05,400
Uh, well, babe, I-I-I...
508
00:21:05,435 --> 00:21:08,520
the name Jacob Esquire
is a great pen name,
509
00:21:08,600 --> 00:21:12,440
and I really appreciate...
aspects of the title.
510
00:21:12,480 --> 00:21:14,520
Great, great.
511
00:21:14,600 --> 00:21:16,360
Uh, uh, thank you.
Uh, you know what?
512
00:21:16,395 --> 00:21:18,720
I'm gonna keep the title
"the Magistrate's Lover,"
513
00:21:18,760 --> 00:21:21,400
and I've got ... I ...
already, I got new adventures...
514
00:21:21,440 --> 00:21:23,280
[chuckles]
...coming to me.
515
00:21:23,320 --> 00:21:26,960
[sighing] Ah.
Let's see.
516
00:21:27,000 --> 00:21:29,440
"The Magistrate..."
[keyboard clacking]
517
00:21:29,480 --> 00:21:33,040
...shivered beneath his robes.
518
00:21:33,080 --> 00:21:36,960
I wonder if she can
tell I'm naked under it."
519
00:21:37,000 --> 00:21:40,921
Oh, yeah.
That's good.
520
00:21:40,922 --> 00:21:43,573
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00:21:44,000 --> 00:21:47,059
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00:21:47,109 --> 00:21:51,659
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