All language subtitles for Trophy Wife s01e08 Lice and Beary White.eng

af Afrikaans
ak Akan
sq Albanian
am Amharic
ar Arabic
hy Armenian
az Azerbaijani
eu Basque
be Belarusian
bem Bemba
bn Bengali
bh Bihari
bs Bosnian
br Breton
bg Bulgarian
km Cambodian
ca Catalan
ceb Cebuano
chr Cherokee
ny Chichewa
zh-CN Chinese (Simplified)
zh-TW Chinese (Traditional)
co Corsican
hr Croatian
cs Czech
da Danish
en English
eo Esperanto
et Estonian
ee Ewe
fo Faroese
tl Filipino
fi Finnish
fr French
fy Frisian
gaa Ga
gl Galician
ka Georgian
de German
el Greek
gn Guarani
gu Gujarati
ht Haitian Creole
ha Hausa
haw Hawaiian
iw Hebrew
hi Hindi
hmn Hmong
hu Hungarian
is Icelandic
ig Igbo
id Indonesian
ia Interlingua
ga Irish
it Italian
ja Japanese
jw Javanese
kn Kannada
kk Kazakh
rw Kinyarwanda
rn Kirundi
kg Kongo
ko Korean
kri Krio (Sierra Leone)
ku Kurdish
ckb Kurdish (Soranî)
ky Kyrgyz
lo Laothian
la Latin
lv Latvian
ln Lingala
lt Lithuanian
loz Lozi
lg Luganda
ach Luo
lb Luxembourgish
mk Macedonian
mg Malagasy
ms Malay
ml Malayalam
mt Maltese
mi Maori
mr Marathi
mfe Mauritian Creole
mo Moldavian
mn Mongolian
my Myanmar (Burmese)
sr-ME Montenegrin
ne Nepali
pcm Nigerian Pidgin
nso Northern Sotho
no Norwegian
nn Norwegian (Nynorsk)
oc Occitan
or Oriya
om Oromo
ps Pashto
fa Persian
pl Polish
pt-BR Portuguese (Brazil)
pt Portuguese (Portugal)
pa Punjabi
qu Quechua
ro Romanian
rm Romansh
nyn Runyakitara
ru Russian
sm Samoan
gd Scots Gaelic
sr Serbian
sh Serbo-Croatian
st Sesotho
tn Setswana
crs Seychellois Creole
sn Shona
sd Sindhi
si Sinhalese
sk Slovak
sl Slovenian
so Somali
es Spanish
es-419 Spanish (Latin American)
su Sundanese
sw Swahili
sv Swedish
tg Tajik
ta Tamil
tt Tatar
te Telugu
th Thai
ti Tigrinya
to Tonga
lua Tshiluba
tum Tumbuka
tr Turkish
tk Turkmen
tw Twi
ug Uighur
uk Ukrainian
ur Urdu
uz Uzbek
vi Vietnamese
cy Welsh
wo Wolof
xh Xhosa
yi Yiddish
yo Yoruba
zu Zulu
Would you like to inspect the original subtitles? These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated: 1 00:00:02,593 --> 00:00:05,128 Wait, wait. 2 00:00:05,759 --> 00:00:09,746 Highway to the danger... 3 00:00:09,780 --> 00:00:11,898 Highway 4 00:00:11,932 --> 00:00:13,266 To the 5 00:00:13,300 --> 00:00:14,634 [ cellphone ringing ] Wait. 6 00:00:15,352 --> 00:00:16,603 Danger zone 7 00:00:16,637 --> 00:00:19,372 [ Beep ] Hello? 8 00:00:19,406 --> 00:00:21,891 Yeah, this is Bert's stepmom. Take you right into 9 00:00:21,926 --> 00:00:23,860 The danger zone No, the blond one. 10 00:00:23,911 --> 00:00:25,268 Wait, what? 11 00:00:25,273 --> 00:00:26,690 [ School bell rings ] 12 00:00:29,126 --> 00:00:30,393 So, it's lice. 13 00:00:30,428 --> 00:00:32,312 Yeah. Yeah. 14 00:00:32,346 --> 00:00:33,646 That's why we're here. 15 00:00:33,664 --> 00:00:36,906 Oh, I'm sorry. It's my first day. I'm... I'm a little overwhelmed. 16 00:00:36,907 --> 00:00:39,808 [ Sighs ] You know, everybody in my family is a nurse. 17 00:00:39,827 --> 00:00:43,229 I actually wanted to be a doctor, but, you know, they all made fun of me. 18 00:00:43,263 --> 00:00:46,532 "Nobody likes you." [ Chuckles ] I get it, dad. 19 00:00:46,583 --> 00:00:49,469 Listen, do you have any pamphlets or information about lice? 20 00:00:49,520 --> 00:00:53,239 Pamphlets? Uh, yeah, okay. Think, Terry. Pamphlets. 21 00:00:53,273 --> 00:00:55,196 Uh... [ Drawers rattling ] 22 00:00:55,219 --> 00:00:56,893 Yes, here. 23 00:00:56,927 --> 00:00:59,011 Lice protocol, seizure protocol... 24 00:00:59,046 --> 00:01:00,402 - No. - ...Splinter... 25 00:01:00,403 --> 00:01:02,081 - You skipped it. - I'm sorry? 26 00:01:02,607 --> 00:01:04,342 Lice protoc... You said that one first. 27 00:01:04,376 --> 00:01:05,810 I skipped it? 28 00:01:05,844 --> 00:01:08,746 I skipped it. Of course. Yes. So I did. 29 00:01:08,780 --> 00:01:10,865 Okay. [ Inhales deeply ] 30 00:01:10,899 --> 00:01:13,751 According to this... 31 00:01:14,171 --> 00:01:15,371 Oh. 32 00:01:16,156 --> 00:01:17,357 Whoa. 33 00:01:17,408 --> 00:01:19,108 [ Telephone ringing in distance ] 34 00:01:19,126 --> 00:01:21,477 Lord. This is bad. 35 00:01:22,446 --> 00:01:25,565 "Until you rid yourself of lice, nits, and bugs," 36 00:01:25,599 --> 00:01:28,935 "the infected persons are not allowed back on school property." 37 00:01:29,251 --> 00:01:30,501 Well, that includes you. 38 00:01:32,289 --> 00:01:34,540 Oh, no, I don't... I don't have... 39 00:01:34,575 --> 00:01:36,909 - Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah. - No, that... that was... 40 00:01:36,960 --> 00:01:38,745 Yeah! 41 00:01:38,796 --> 00:01:40,396 You for sure have it. 42 00:01:40,431 --> 00:01:44,133 - It was just my hair spray. - No, no. You need to leave now. 43 00:01:45,953 --> 00:01:48,420 TROPHY WIFE 44 00:01:48,421 --> 00:01:50,401 FIRST WIFE 45 00:01:50,426 --> 00:01:52,336 SECOND WIFE 46 00:01:52,492 --> 00:01:55,492 Season 1, Episode 8 "Lice and Beary White" 47 00:01:55,731 --> 00:01:58,731 Synced by Reef www.addic7ed.com 48 00:01:58,732 --> 00:02:02,051 [ Cellphone vibrating ] 49 00:02:02,249 --> 00:02:05,605 - Hey, what's up? - Bert's got lice. We've all got lice. 50 00:02:05,656 --> 00:02:08,524 - Round up the others. - I'm on it. 51 00:02:13,618 --> 00:02:14,862 Thank you. 52 00:02:14,896 --> 00:02:18,531 Oh. Hi. Let's see... I'm gonna need some condoms 53 00:02:18,532 --> 00:02:21,000 and, uh, cigars, 54 00:02:21,001 --> 00:02:24,153 some stool softener, and, um [Clears throat] 55 00:02:24,493 --> 00:02:27,295 And I couldn't find your lice shampoo. 56 00:02:27,329 --> 00:02:29,780 Hey, Gary, is the lice shampoo on eight or nine? 57 00:02:29,799 --> 00:02:32,560 - Gary: I think it's on nine! - The lice shampoo's for... 58 00:02:32,597 --> 00:02:34,665 it's not... I don't need... I... get it. 59 00:02:34,752 --> 00:02:37,187 I'm just constipated, Gary! 60 00:02:38,772 --> 00:02:40,356 All right, guys. 61 00:02:40,390 --> 00:02:42,951 [ Groans ] This is what we're gonna do. 62 00:02:43,404 --> 00:02:46,773 Good, you're back. The school called me. 63 00:02:46,807 --> 00:02:49,393 Nobody move, nobody touch, nobody sit. 64 00:02:49,394 --> 00:02:52,195 Everybody, listen to me, and we'll get through this. 65 00:02:52,246 --> 00:02:53,446 Now strip. 66 00:02:56,500 --> 00:02:58,034 Okay, now, as I wash, 67 00:02:58,085 --> 00:03:01,171 the rest of you need to pitch in with containment and eradication. 68 00:03:01,205 --> 00:03:04,257 Peter, strip the beds. Hillary, start gathering all the laundry. 69 00:03:04,291 --> 00:03:07,994 And, Kate, listen to me, because this is most important. 70 00:03:08,012 --> 00:03:09,963 - Okay. - Cappuccino. 71 00:03:09,997 --> 00:03:12,482 Making coffee is the most important? 72 00:03:12,516 --> 00:03:14,517 Oh, cappuccino isn't coffee. 73 00:03:14,552 --> 00:03:17,134 A former barista should know that. 74 00:03:17,855 --> 00:03:19,330 I was never a barista. 75 00:03:19,331 --> 00:03:23,444 Oh. I thought you had a job once. You know what? I'll just have Bert do it. 76 00:03:23,491 --> 00:03:25,929 - Two shots, no foam... got it! - Got it. 77 00:03:25,946 --> 00:03:27,883 Mom, you need to shampoo my hair next. 78 00:03:27,884 --> 00:03:30,386 Today's the first day of play rehearsal, and if I don't show, 79 00:03:30,387 --> 00:03:33,075 Alexa Moosewood is gonna "black swan" her way into my part. 80 00:03:33,089 --> 00:03:34,656 - I'm gonna strip the beds. - Okay. 81 00:03:34,920 --> 00:03:36,554 I'll wash Hillary's hair. 82 00:03:36,605 --> 00:03:39,190 - Here. - Mm... I'll do it. 83 00:03:39,241 --> 00:03:42,710 Okay. The thing is, I picked up the kids. 84 00:03:42,744 --> 00:03:45,344 I got the shampoo. I bought a special comb. 85 00:03:45,345 --> 00:03:48,431 And before you even got here, I was kind of running this bitch. 86 00:03:49,468 --> 00:03:50,551 [ Clicks ] 87 00:03:50,585 --> 00:03:51,952 What did you just call me? 88 00:03:51,987 --> 00:03:54,655 No... I... no, no, no, no. 89 00:03:54,690 --> 00:03:56,891 It means that I-I had everything under control. 90 00:03:56,925 --> 00:03:59,460 I mean, obviously, you're not a bitch. 91 00:04:04,392 --> 00:04:07,310 You know, I just think it'd be less confusing for everyone 92 00:04:07,311 --> 00:04:09,881 if I were to lead and you were to follow. 93 00:04:10,830 --> 00:04:12,331 Well, Diane, you see, 94 00:04:12,349 --> 00:04:15,434 I have the lice eradication master checklist. 95 00:04:15,452 --> 00:04:17,882 Oh, is that the checklist from the school nurse? 96 00:04:17,883 --> 00:04:21,019 - It is, so it's official. - I wrote that list. 97 00:04:25,090 --> 00:04:26,090 [ Knock on window ] 98 00:04:26,125 --> 00:04:28,977 Hey, Diane, I got your message! 99 00:04:29,011 --> 00:04:31,762 No, thanks! I just came to check on Bert! 100 00:04:31,781 --> 00:04:35,080 - Hi, Bertie! - You look fancy. Come in. 101 00:04:35,136 --> 00:04:39,239 Ooh, I can't, 'cause I just spent like a fortune 102 00:04:39,273 --> 00:04:40,974 on this Brazilian blowout, 103 00:04:40,992 --> 00:04:43,627 and I'm not allowed to get it wet for three days! 104 00:04:43,661 --> 00:04:44,761 - Jackie. - What? 105 00:04:44,812 --> 00:04:47,314 You're probably already infested with lice, 106 00:04:47,348 --> 00:04:48,848 so if you don't get treated, 107 00:04:48,866 --> 00:04:51,017 you're just going to recontaminate everybody. 108 00:04:51,052 --> 00:04:52,969 But, Diane, my hair 109 00:04:53,020 --> 00:04:55,970 has never looked this good 110 00:04:55,971 --> 00:04:58,373 in my entire life! 111 00:04:59,744 --> 00:05:01,311 Okay! 112 00:05:03,103 --> 00:05:06,689 If you really want to help, you'll get her in here. 113 00:05:06,707 --> 00:05:08,134 I mean, you were an usher. 114 00:05:08,135 --> 00:05:10,276 Yeah, but I can do more than bring Jackie in the house. 115 00:05:10,311 --> 00:05:11,944 Ooh, you can walk her out when she's done. 116 00:05:11,996 --> 00:05:13,279 Yeah. 117 00:05:13,576 --> 00:05:14,826 Your cappuccino. 118 00:05:14,861 --> 00:05:17,346 Perfect, by the way. 119 00:05:17,380 --> 00:05:19,581 My cappuccino machine, by the way. 120 00:05:19,725 --> 00:05:23,147 - Do you know how to use it? - Okay! Okay, I'll get Jackie. 121 00:05:24,583 --> 00:05:26,717 Pete: [ Groans ] 122 00:05:31,406 --> 00:05:33,040 Oh, come on. 123 00:05:33,074 --> 00:05:35,176 Pineapple? 124 00:05:40,365 --> 00:05:42,800 [ Sighs ] Beary White. 125 00:05:42,835 --> 00:05:45,422 I thought you were lost forever. 126 00:05:48,191 --> 00:05:51,678 [ Sighs ] Jackie, Diane wants you to come inside. 127 00:05:51,729 --> 00:05:53,730 Well, I want local blueberries in December, 128 00:05:53,764 --> 00:05:54,797 but that's not gonna happen, 129 00:05:54,815 --> 00:05:56,966 so you go tell herr commander lice 130 00:05:57,001 --> 00:05:59,936 that unless she wants to give me three hundo for a new blowout, 131 00:05:59,954 --> 00:06:01,371 I'm gonna roll the dice. 132 00:06:01,405 --> 00:06:03,756 Look, I-I think your hair looks fantastic. 133 00:06:03,807 --> 00:06:05,675 I mean, I would actually even love the number of the place 134 00:06:05,709 --> 00:06:07,143 - ...where you get it done. - Yeah? 135 00:06:07,161 --> 00:06:08,962 But, you know, I'm just doing what I'm being told. 136 00:06:08,996 --> 00:06:12,726 [ Sighs ] Oh, I get it. So you're her little toadie, yeah? 137 00:06:12,741 --> 00:06:14,859 Think you can come out here and bag the jackal. 138 00:06:14,893 --> 00:06:15,893 What? No! 139 00:06:15,944 --> 00:06:17,528 She's driving me crazy. 140 00:06:17,563 --> 00:06:18,696 I was taking care of it, 141 00:06:18,731 --> 00:06:20,481 then she just shows up in my house 142 00:06:20,499 --> 00:06:22,850 without knocking, without calling. 143 00:06:24,219 --> 00:06:26,053 Not that I mind when people do that. 144 00:06:26,071 --> 00:06:27,572 I mean, when you do it, it's... 145 00:06:27,623 --> 00:06:30,174 Don't worry, Kate... I-I know that I'm always welcome here, 146 00:06:30,225 --> 00:06:31,986 whether you're home or not. 147 00:06:31,993 --> 00:06:33,561 Your house is my house. 148 00:06:33,595 --> 00:06:35,601 Your husband was my husband. 149 00:06:39,685 --> 00:06:41,586 Look what I found in your bed. 150 00:06:41,620 --> 00:06:43,070 Uh [Scoffs] 151 00:06:43,105 --> 00:06:45,606 W-what was Beary White doing in my bed? 152 00:06:45,638 --> 00:06:46,739 He belongs to Bert now. 153 00:06:46,790 --> 00:06:50,292 Right, except he lost him last year. 154 00:06:50,326 --> 00:06:51,927 We spent three days looking for him. 155 00:06:51,961 --> 00:06:54,052 You volunteered to be search captain. [ Sighs ] 156 00:06:54,080 --> 00:06:57,499 - I was so concerned. - Warren, you stole him. 157 00:06:58,501 --> 00:06:59,551 He was mine first! 158 00:06:59,586 --> 00:07:01,036 You made me give him up before I was ready! 159 00:07:01,054 --> 00:07:02,137 You said you were too old. 160 00:07:02,172 --> 00:07:04,172 We had the whole changeover ceremony, 161 00:07:04,190 --> 00:07:05,824 the walkabout, the rebirth, and... 162 00:07:05,859 --> 00:07:07,459 And I cried myself to sleep that night. 163 00:07:07,494 --> 00:07:10,712 I-I had to cuddle a Transformer, and when I woke up... 164 00:07:10,747 --> 00:07:12,714 It was a car. 165 00:07:12,748 --> 00:07:15,884 What does she think? I don't know how to shampoo hair? 166 00:07:15,918 --> 00:07:18,053 - I used to groom dogs. - [ Gasps ] Me, too! 167 00:07:18,087 --> 00:07:19,605 Really? How have we never... 168 00:07:19,639 --> 00:07:22,558 Ah, but that's what she does, you know? She doesn't trust anyone. 169 00:07:22,592 --> 00:07:24,426 She just does what she wants to do. 170 00:07:24,444 --> 00:07:25,760 One time, she tried to convince me 171 00:07:25,779 --> 00:07:26,928 I wasn't tying my shoes right. 172 00:07:26,946 --> 00:07:28,113 [ Scoffs ] Turns out I wasn't, 173 00:07:28,148 --> 00:07:30,032 but I don't need anybody to tell me what to do, 174 00:07:30,066 --> 00:07:31,533 because I am my own... aah! 175 00:07:31,568 --> 00:07:32,951 [ Screaming ] 176 00:07:36,122 --> 00:07:37,990 Oh, oh, oh! 177 00:07:38,041 --> 00:07:39,792 [ Sighs ] [ Screaming continues ] 178 00:07:39,826 --> 00:07:41,910 [ Cries ] Diane: Kate... 179 00:07:41,944 --> 00:07:45,547 You had one job to do, and I had to do it for you. 180 00:07:45,582 --> 00:07:46,782 [ Gasps ] 181 00:07:48,551 --> 00:07:49,501 [ Hose clatters ] 182 00:07:49,552 --> 00:07:51,786 I can't believe she did that to me! 183 00:07:51,805 --> 00:07:54,473 [ Sighs ] 184 00:07:55,000 --> 00:07:58,074 Subtitles downloaded from www.OpenSubtitles.org 185 00:08:03,825 --> 00:08:05,342 I can't believe that woman. 186 00:08:05,377 --> 00:08:07,311 Spraying me in the face like that! 187 00:08:07,345 --> 00:08:10,063 Disrespecting my house, using my hose. 188 00:08:10,081 --> 00:08:11,332 She doesn't pay my water bill. 189 00:08:11,366 --> 00:08:12,533 It's 'cause she's jealous of us, 190 00:08:12,567 --> 00:08:14,168 because we're young and we're beautiful 191 00:08:14,202 --> 00:08:15,953 and I'm very creative. 192 00:08:16,004 --> 00:08:17,171 I thought I was winning her over. 193 00:08:17,205 --> 00:08:19,056 Oh, no, she doesn't think very highly of you. 194 00:08:19,107 --> 00:08:22,442 Um, we should just drop it. 195 00:08:22,514 --> 00:08:24,024 Let's. 196 00:08:24,404 --> 00:08:25,905 Oh, but there was something else. 197 00:08:25,951 --> 00:08:27,352 And we're picking it up again. 198 00:08:27,386 --> 00:08:28,987 Oh, it was so good. What was it? 199 00:08:29,021 --> 00:08:32,150 Oh, yes, um, [laughs] she called you a hologram, 200 00:08:32,158 --> 00:08:33,568 that you're just color and light. 201 00:08:33,569 --> 00:08:35,871 - Oh, so mean. - She called me a hologram? 202 00:08:35,905 --> 00:08:37,806 Yeah, that was my takeaway. 203 00:08:37,840 --> 00:08:40,058 All right, time is up. 204 00:08:40,109 --> 00:08:42,291 Bert, Warren has something he'd like to tell you. 205 00:08:44,430 --> 00:08:47,899 [ Gasps ] He's alive! I prayed, and it came true! 206 00:08:47,934 --> 00:08:49,851 Thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you! 207 00:08:49,886 --> 00:08:51,703 - Yeah, sure. - Where was he? 208 00:08:51,737 --> 00:08:55,523 - Uh, h-he was safe... with me. - Warren, tell the truth. 209 00:08:57,061 --> 00:09:00,514 Okay, look... Beary White awoke in the night, 210 00:09:00,548 --> 00:09:02,366 and he came into my bedroom, and he... 211 00:09:02,400 --> 00:09:03,667 Warren. 212 00:09:03,701 --> 00:09:05,385 I took him. 213 00:09:06,158 --> 00:09:08,593 Wait, you stole Beary White? 214 00:09:08,627 --> 00:09:11,345 Uh, y-yeah, but, hey, I-it's for the greater good, 215 00:09:11,363 --> 00:09:13,881 because you learned to live without him, and that's what matters. 216 00:09:13,915 --> 00:09:15,516 - Give him to me! - Hey, what are you doing?! No! 217 00:09:15,550 --> 00:09:16,750 - Give me him! - He's mine! 218 00:09:16,768 --> 00:09:18,469 - Guys, guys, guys, look at this! - That's mine! 219 00:09:18,520 --> 00:09:19,870 This is what you're fighting over. 220 00:09:19,905 --> 00:09:22,063 - I love him so much! - Beautiful! 221 00:09:22,134 --> 00:09:23,468 Okay, this is how it's gonna go. 222 00:09:23,502 --> 00:09:25,275 You guys are gonna each state your case. 223 00:09:25,304 --> 00:09:27,755 I am gonna decide who gets to keep Beary White. 224 00:09:27,790 --> 00:09:29,724 - Fine. - I love you, daddy, 225 00:09:29,758 --> 00:09:32,944 and I know you'll make the right decision. 226 00:09:32,978 --> 00:09:35,146 [ Scoffs, sighs ] 227 00:09:35,181 --> 00:09:36,714 - You know what she is? - Better than us? 228 00:09:36,748 --> 00:09:38,683 - No, she's a bully. - Yeah, bully. Yeah. 229 00:09:38,701 --> 00:09:39,951 And you know what they say about bullies... 230 00:09:39,985 --> 00:09:41,819 - The bigger they are... - Huge. 231 00:09:41,854 --> 00:09:43,338 - Just listen to me, okay? - Mm. Mm-hmm. 232 00:09:43,389 --> 00:09:45,857 She thinks she's so perfect. Nobody's perfect. No. 233 00:09:45,891 --> 00:09:48,426 Just look at... Lance Armstrong. 234 00:09:48,485 --> 00:09:50,152 Oh, do you think she's juicing? 235 00:09:50,170 --> 00:09:51,671 No, I've... I've thought that. 236 00:09:51,705 --> 00:09:54,023 We have to teach her that she's not perfect. 237 00:09:54,058 --> 00:09:56,192 I am reading your mind. 238 00:09:56,226 --> 00:09:58,244 What are you thinking? 239 00:09:58,295 --> 00:09:59,629 Hmm. 240 00:10:00,764 --> 00:10:02,165 Mm-hmm. [ Gasps ] 241 00:10:02,199 --> 00:10:04,200 Yes! Good idea! 242 00:10:04,234 --> 00:10:06,202 Make her think she didn't buy enough lice shampoo. 243 00:10:06,220 --> 00:10:08,537 Oh, she will be devastated! 244 00:10:08,555 --> 00:10:11,307 - [ Laughs ] Or... - Or... 245 00:10:12,843 --> 00:10:14,627 See how well she gets rid of her lice 246 00:10:14,678 --> 00:10:17,530 with volumizing shampoo for color-treated hair. 247 00:10:17,564 --> 00:10:20,638 - No, no... that won't get rid of lice. - Exactly. 248 00:10:20,639 --> 00:10:23,108 Oh, yeah! 249 00:10:24,313 --> 00:10:25,880 Uh, your turn, Diane. 250 00:10:25,881 --> 00:10:28,415 We are done with the lice-killing shampoo. 251 00:10:28,433 --> 00:10:29,583 Giggle, giggle. 252 00:10:29,601 --> 00:10:31,252 - Why are you saying "giggle"? - I don't know. 253 00:10:31,270 --> 00:10:32,470 It took you long enough. 254 00:10:32,487 --> 00:10:35,540 I used the last of that bottle on Horndog. 255 00:10:35,591 --> 00:10:37,091 [ Horndog barking ] 256 00:10:37,125 --> 00:10:38,609 I don't know what to tell you, Diane. 257 00:10:38,644 --> 00:10:41,245 We both have very long and beautiful hair 258 00:10:41,280 --> 00:10:43,431 that was very full of bugs. [ Sighs ] 259 00:10:43,465 --> 00:10:45,316 You sure you don't want one of us to help you? 260 00:10:45,350 --> 00:10:46,817 Oh, no, I got it. 261 00:10:46,868 --> 00:10:50,805 Uh, you could watch the dryer and let me know when the towels are done. 262 00:10:51,331 --> 00:10:52,882 You want me to watch the dryer... 263 00:10:52,884 --> 00:10:55,909 - The one that buzzes when it's done? - Yes. 264 00:10:55,910 --> 00:10:58,354 And we'll need all the towels folded and on deck. 265 00:10:58,388 --> 00:11:01,574 - You think you could handle that? - [ Scoffs ] Not by myself. 266 00:11:01,608 --> 00:11:04,209 - It's definitely a two-man job. - Oh. 267 00:11:04,227 --> 00:11:07,830 - Do you want... The Jackal? - Yeah. [ Clears throat ] 268 00:11:07,881 --> 00:11:10,166 Actually, I love to watch the dryer, 269 00:11:10,217 --> 00:11:12,217 'cause it goes [Imitates whirring] 270 00:11:12,235 --> 00:11:14,236 Warren: Fact... I had him first. 271 00:11:14,706 --> 00:11:16,791 Fact... I named him Beary White. 272 00:11:16,792 --> 00:11:19,927 Fact... although Bert made a big deal about it when he lost him, 273 00:11:19,962 --> 00:11:21,735 I don't think he really cared that much. 274 00:11:23,232 --> 00:11:25,917 That is not a fact! 275 00:11:25,951 --> 00:11:28,085 Objection noted. Warren, proceed. 276 00:11:28,120 --> 00:11:31,405 [ Sighs ] Thank you, Judge Dad. As I was saying... 277 00:11:31,563 --> 00:11:33,764 I wasn't ready to give him away. 278 00:11:33,798 --> 00:11:35,716 You and mom wouldn't let me take him to school anymore, 279 00:11:35,750 --> 00:11:37,551 and he wasn't allowed to ride in the car with us, 280 00:11:37,602 --> 00:11:40,070 so I thought, "Hey, maybe I should give him to Bert." 281 00:11:40,104 --> 00:11:43,941 But the moment I did, I regretted it! I was under a dress! 282 00:11:44,098 --> 00:11:45,182 You mean... 283 00:11:45,216 --> 00:11:47,350 Under duress? 284 00:11:47,402 --> 00:11:48,602 Yeah. 285 00:11:48,755 --> 00:11:50,072 Th-that too. 286 00:11:50,106 --> 00:11:52,157 That's what I said. Okay, that's... that's valid. 287 00:11:52,208 --> 00:11:54,760 I'll take that into consideration in my deliberations. 288 00:11:54,811 --> 00:11:57,296 Now do you want to cede the floor to the younger plaintiff? 289 00:11:57,313 --> 00:11:58,313 [ Sighs ] 290 00:11:58,348 --> 00:12:00,783 Fact... Warren stole Beary White. 291 00:12:00,817 --> 00:12:03,118 Fact... stealing is wrong. 292 00:12:03,153 --> 00:12:06,038 Fact... Warren is wrong! 293 00:12:06,072 --> 00:12:08,257 That's a very strong argument. 294 00:12:08,291 --> 00:12:11,276 How is that strong?! Anyone can do that! 295 00:12:11,327 --> 00:12:12,911 Uh, fact... I'm hungry. 296 00:12:12,962 --> 00:12:15,697 Fact... I want a cookie. Fact... I am a cookie! 297 00:12:15,732 --> 00:12:18,233 You're not a cookie. 298 00:12:18,268 --> 00:12:20,486 I can be whatever I want to be! 299 00:12:20,537 --> 00:12:22,370 - Give me that! - Hey, guys, guys! 300 00:12:24,340 --> 00:12:26,141 Dryer buzzed. 301 00:12:26,176 --> 00:12:28,210 [ Sighs ] 302 00:12:28,228 --> 00:12:31,146 Diane, I just want to thank you. 303 00:12:31,180 --> 00:12:34,201 I don't think I could've managed to shampoo all these heads. 304 00:12:34,365 --> 00:12:35,582 I also did laundry. 305 00:12:35,616 --> 00:12:37,066 Exactly. 306 00:12:37,084 --> 00:12:39,085 You came in and saved the day. 307 00:12:39,120 --> 00:12:41,187 I know. That's just what I do. 308 00:12:41,222 --> 00:12:43,356 - Yeah. [ Chuckles ] - Yeah. 309 00:12:43,407 --> 00:12:47,010 You know, I didn't mean to get in your hair earlier. 310 00:12:47,044 --> 00:12:49,395 [ Chuckles ] [ Laughs ] 311 00:12:49,430 --> 00:12:51,614 Oh, are you shampooing again? 312 00:12:51,649 --> 00:12:54,067 Did you not get them all out the first time? 313 00:12:54,118 --> 00:12:55,051 [ Laughs ] 314 00:12:55,085 --> 00:12:57,887 No, this is my first time. 315 00:12:57,921 --> 00:12:59,894 I just did Hillary. 316 00:13:00,924 --> 00:13:02,091 What? 317 00:13:02,109 --> 00:13:03,626 I thought you did Hillary this morning. 318 00:13:03,661 --> 00:13:06,262 Oh, no, I just did Hillary now 319 00:13:06,297 --> 00:13:08,599 and sent her off to school for rehearsal. 320 00:13:08,717 --> 00:13:11,317 - She's there right now? - Yes. 321 00:13:11,352 --> 00:13:12,552 Oh. 322 00:13:13,871 --> 00:13:15,488 Mm. 323 00:13:15,785 --> 00:13:17,536 What's going on? 324 00:13:17,537 --> 00:13:19,955 - Kate, you have to tell her. - Shut up, Jackie. 325 00:13:19,956 --> 00:13:22,241 Um, you got to believe me. I begged her not to do it! 326 00:13:22,292 --> 00:13:25,377 - Do what? - It's not my place to say. 327 00:13:25,412 --> 00:13:26,545 Kate? 328 00:13:26,579 --> 00:13:28,964 Jackie thinks you're on steroids. 329 00:13:28,998 --> 00:13:31,300 - Jackie. - What? 330 00:13:31,334 --> 00:13:35,170 Is there anything you think I should know? 331 00:13:35,205 --> 00:13:36,922 Fine! 332 00:13:36,973 --> 00:13:40,175 I switched the lice shampoo with regular shampoo to make you look bad. 333 00:13:40,209 --> 00:13:43,145 But not that bad, because your volume would've been very controlled. 334 00:13:43,179 --> 00:13:44,179 [ Chuckles nervously ] 335 00:13:44,213 --> 00:13:46,648 You did what?! 336 00:13:57,691 --> 00:14:01,127 [ Groans ] What were you thinking? 337 00:14:01,161 --> 00:14:03,642 I told her not to do it. I don't know why she did it. 338 00:14:03,643 --> 00:14:05,510 Insecurities. Oh, daddy issues. 339 00:14:05,545 --> 00:14:06,818 I don't know... she's a mess. 340 00:14:06,846 --> 00:14:09,731 I would love to discuss Kate's psychiatric problems. 341 00:14:09,765 --> 00:14:12,367 Oh, well, if anyone can solve them, Diane, it is you. 342 00:14:12,401 --> 00:14:14,853 [ Chuckles ] But we need to go get Hillary 343 00:14:14,887 --> 00:14:16,735 and stop her from spreading this epidemic. 344 00:14:16,736 --> 00:14:19,059 Oh, call 911. 345 00:14:19,060 --> 00:14:21,034 It's a little dramatic, don't you think? 346 00:14:21,035 --> 00:14:23,038 Uh, Kate, haven't you done enough? 347 00:14:23,062 --> 00:14:26,898 10 minutes ago, you were on my side. Don't you remember, Jackal? 348 00:14:26,932 --> 00:14:28,649 I-I don't know who that is. 349 00:14:28,667 --> 00:14:31,219 [ Groans ] She's not answering her phone. 350 00:14:31,253 --> 00:14:32,971 Okay. I'll go get her. 351 00:14:33,005 --> 00:14:35,690 Uh, no, I think you have done enough. I'll go get her. 352 00:14:35,708 --> 00:14:37,025 No, you still have lice. I'll go get her. 353 00:14:37,059 --> 00:14:38,760 Well, I'm her mother, so I think I'll go get her. 354 00:14:38,794 --> 00:14:40,912 Yeah, but you're gonna spread even more. 355 00:14:44,617 --> 00:14:45,867 You're blocking me in! 356 00:14:45,901 --> 00:14:47,819 Uh, no, no, you're actually blocking me in. 357 00:14:47,853 --> 00:14:49,754 - Well, I need to go. Can you get out here? - Can you please come on? 358 00:14:49,788 --> 00:14:52,003 - Take a chill pill. - Hey! 359 00:14:52,641 --> 00:14:54,325 - What are you doing?! Come on! - Now, Jackal! 360 00:14:54,360 --> 00:14:57,049 - Weasel! - Hold your horses. 361 00:15:01,045 --> 00:15:04,281 Kate, you'll need to move your car so I can back out. 362 00:15:04,282 --> 00:15:06,700 No. I created this problem. I'm gonna fix it. 363 00:15:06,734 --> 00:15:09,936 Yes, you created the problem, so now I will fix it. 364 00:15:09,954 --> 00:15:11,588 Jackie, back me up here. 365 00:15:11,623 --> 00:15:14,341 - You have a huge problem with Diane, too. - Jackie? 366 00:15:15,401 --> 00:15:18,699 Well, I think it's pretty obvious what needs to happen here. 367 00:15:18,700 --> 00:15:20,418 Uh, but first thing's first. 368 00:15:20,452 --> 00:15:23,587 I'm gonna back out, 'cause I'm blocking you guys in. 369 00:15:23,605 --> 00:15:25,813 [ Car door closes, engine turns over ] 370 00:15:26,408 --> 00:15:28,342 [ Tires screech ] 371 00:15:28,393 --> 00:15:31,462 [ Tires squealing ] 372 00:15:34,583 --> 00:15:35,650 [ Horn honks ] 373 00:15:35,684 --> 00:15:36,817 [ Scoffs ] 374 00:15:36,852 --> 00:15:38,435 [ Dog barking in distance ] 375 00:15:38,732 --> 00:15:41,451 Diane, I am not gonna back down on this. 376 00:15:41,452 --> 00:15:44,521 I should've put my foot down earlier, but I am putting it down now. 377 00:15:44,539 --> 00:15:47,207 Kate, you are not going to win this. 378 00:15:48,476 --> 00:15:50,110 [ Keys jingle ] Wait, no! 379 00:15:50,161 --> 00:15:52,062 [ Grunts ] Win this! 380 00:15:58,366 --> 00:16:00,307 Win this! 381 00:16:02,306 --> 00:16:04,541 [ Sighs ] 382 00:16:04,575 --> 00:16:08,295 So, dad, what's it gonna be? 383 00:16:09,100 --> 00:16:12,219 Do you guys know the judgment of Solomon? 384 00:16:12,220 --> 00:16:13,220 Is that a video game? 385 00:16:13,255 --> 00:16:14,838 - No. - Then no. 386 00:16:14,873 --> 00:16:16,991 It's a biblical story about two women 387 00:16:17,025 --> 00:16:20,010 who were fighting over a baby that they both claimed was theirs. 388 00:16:20,430 --> 00:16:23,065 They went to king Solomon to explain the situation. 389 00:16:23,099 --> 00:16:24,634 He called for a sword 390 00:16:24,668 --> 00:16:28,070 and proclaimed there was only one fair solution. 391 00:16:28,105 --> 00:16:31,240 The baby will be split in two, 392 00:16:31,274 --> 00:16:34,218 and each woman will take a half. 393 00:16:34,273 --> 00:16:35,540 Cool, great story. 394 00:16:35,575 --> 00:16:36,775 It's not over yet. 395 00:16:36,792 --> 00:16:38,827 So, the lying woman says, "Divide him," 396 00:16:38,861 --> 00:16:40,912 but the baby's true mother said, 397 00:16:40,947 --> 00:16:44,049 "Give the baby to her. Just don't kill him." 398 00:16:44,095 --> 00:16:46,980 And that's how king Solomon figured out 399 00:16:46,998 --> 00:16:48,599 who to give the baby to. 400 00:16:49,857 --> 00:16:54,094 So, unless you two can decide who gets the bear, 401 00:16:54,128 --> 00:16:56,430 I'm gonna have to cut Beary White in half. 402 00:16:56,464 --> 00:16:57,370 Sounds fair to me. 403 00:16:57,386 --> 00:16:59,123 - I'm good with that. - Really? 404 00:16:59,124 --> 00:17:00,419 - Yeah. - Uh-huh. 405 00:17:00,453 --> 00:17:02,354 You want me to cut this teddy bear 406 00:17:02,389 --> 00:17:05,290 that you both love so dearly in half?! 407 00:17:05,325 --> 00:17:06,458 - Go for it. - Sure. 408 00:17:06,493 --> 00:17:10,012 I'm doing it! I'm cutting the bear! 409 00:17:10,217 --> 00:17:13,119 What is wrong with you?! 410 00:17:14,951 --> 00:17:16,335 No, no, no! 411 00:17:16,369 --> 00:17:20,906 Sorry again about the whole shampoo switcheroo. 412 00:17:21,432 --> 00:17:22,866 [ As Diane ] "That's okay, Kate. 413 00:17:22,901 --> 00:17:25,169 I would've done the same thing if I were you." 414 00:17:25,203 --> 00:17:28,822 You are the Typhoid Mary of this lice outbreak. 415 00:17:30,375 --> 00:17:32,543 [ Normal voice ] If Typhoid Mary was a person 416 00:17:32,577 --> 00:17:34,244 who could've done things but people wouldn't let her, 417 00:17:34,262 --> 00:17:35,646 then, yes, I agree with you. 418 00:17:35,680 --> 00:17:37,631 That's not who she was. 419 00:17:38,034 --> 00:17:40,986 You never let me do anything, Diane. 420 00:17:41,021 --> 00:17:44,156 You always boss me around. You always boss everyone around. 421 00:17:44,190 --> 00:17:46,158 And this might be hard for you to hear, but nobody likes it. 422 00:17:46,176 --> 00:17:48,427 I can do things! 423 00:17:48,461 --> 00:17:49,768 - Kate. - What? 424 00:17:49,769 --> 00:17:50,969 You've missed the turn. 425 00:17:52,415 --> 00:17:53,865 - You can't pull a u-turn here. - I-I... 426 00:17:53,884 --> 00:17:55,167 - No, go straight ahead. - I'm not gonna... 427 00:17:55,201 --> 00:17:56,785 - I-I was gonna go straight. - Two streets down, go right. 428 00:17:56,820 --> 00:17:59,379 - I know what I'm doing! - You can go right, right, and right. 429 00:17:59,387 --> 00:18:00,172 [ Sighs ] 430 00:18:00,575 --> 00:18:02,677 Hey, you guys gut that bear? 431 00:18:02,711 --> 00:18:04,812 No. We figured out a solution. 432 00:18:04,846 --> 00:18:07,164 Yeah, we thought about how you guys split custody of us. 433 00:18:07,199 --> 00:18:10,457 Like how I have clean underwear here and at mom's house. 434 00:18:10,471 --> 00:18:12,455 And we thought we could do the same thing for Beary White. 435 00:18:12,489 --> 00:18:14,173 Monday, Wednesday, Friday, and every other weekend, 436 00:18:14,208 --> 00:18:15,975 he's with me, and the rest of the time, he's with Bert. 437 00:18:16,010 --> 00:18:19,012 We're still working out the holidays, and we'll do his birthday together. 438 00:18:19,046 --> 00:18:20,380 Mm-hmm. It's the best for him. 439 00:18:20,414 --> 00:18:22,432 That's a really great solution. 440 00:18:22,466 --> 00:18:25,601 You guys settled out of court just like two real lawyers. 441 00:18:25,636 --> 00:18:27,015 I love it. 442 00:18:27,016 --> 00:18:29,001 Is this what you do all day? 443 00:18:29,035 --> 00:18:30,636 I am wasting my life. 444 00:18:30,670 --> 00:18:32,137 Yeah, it seems like a real waste of time. 445 00:18:32,171 --> 00:18:34,373 Hey, I'm... I'm not proud of it. 446 00:18:34,407 --> 00:18:35,807 Hmm. 447 00:18:35,842 --> 00:18:37,593 Hey, Bert, uh, I had an idea. 448 00:18:37,627 --> 00:18:41,146 What if I took Beary for Christmas and you got him for the Fourth of July? 449 00:18:41,197 --> 00:18:44,099 Okay, so, we'll do his bar mitzvah together? 450 00:18:44,133 --> 00:18:45,692 Sounds great. 451 00:18:49,122 --> 00:18:50,422 [ Sighs ] Okay. 452 00:18:57,361 --> 00:18:59,295 - Kate. - Uh, yeah? 453 00:18:59,313 --> 00:19:01,364 - Kate. - Okay, what? 454 00:19:01,398 --> 00:19:03,466 What did I do wrong this time? D-did I make another wrong turn? 455 00:19:03,500 --> 00:19:04,867 Is this even the right school? [ Sighs ] 456 00:19:04,885 --> 00:19:07,270 I was going to say you may have a point 457 00:19:07,304 --> 00:19:09,822 and should be entrusted 458 00:19:09,873 --> 00:19:12,809 with s-slightly more responsibility. 459 00:19:13,884 --> 00:19:15,084 Thank you. 460 00:19:16,737 --> 00:19:17,853 And... 461 00:19:17,904 --> 00:19:20,656 This is a lot of skin for school. 462 00:19:20,707 --> 00:19:22,491 Let's get Hillary before she spreads the lice. 463 00:19:22,542 --> 00:19:24,126 Love our talks. 464 00:19:24,224 --> 00:19:26,309 Wait. Just hang on. 465 00:19:26,911 --> 00:19:28,879 Students: give me a head with hair 466 00:19:28,930 --> 00:19:30,380 long, beautiful hair 467 00:19:30,431 --> 00:19:34,300 shining, gleaming streaming, flaxen, waxen 468 00:19:34,319 --> 00:19:36,136 give me down-to-there hair 469 00:19:36,154 --> 00:19:37,904 shoulder length or longer 470 00:19:37,939 --> 00:19:39,573 here, baby, there, mama 471 00:19:39,607 --> 00:19:41,491 everywhere, daddy, daddy 472 00:19:41,526 --> 00:19:44,728 Hair! Hair, hair, hair, hair, hair, hair, hair 473 00:19:44,762 --> 00:19:46,346 flow it, show it 474 00:19:46,381 --> 00:19:49,333 long as God can grow my hair 475 00:19:49,343 --> 00:19:51,699 Woman: Good. Now give your wigs to the understudies! 476 00:19:51,733 --> 00:19:54,635 Okay, Kate, this one's yours. What should we do? 477 00:19:54,716 --> 00:19:57,251 Well, if we retreat now, maybe another kid will be blamed. 478 00:19:57,302 --> 00:19:58,502 My thoughts exactly. 479 00:20:01,172 --> 00:20:03,841 - Uh, watch it! - Students: Hair 480 00:20:03,875 --> 00:20:05,843 Ooh! Move it! 481 00:20:05,877 --> 00:20:07,394 [ Breathing heavily ] 482 00:20:07,395 --> 00:20:08,745 - Look out! - Oh! 483 00:20:08,746 --> 00:20:10,339 Hair! 484 00:20:18,269 --> 00:20:21,667 Jackie: Okay, hit it with a little more steam, Bertie. 485 00:20:22,774 --> 00:20:25,954 Ah, I don't know why I wasted so much money 486 00:20:25,979 --> 00:20:27,546 on getting this done professionally. 487 00:20:27,564 --> 00:20:29,265 I mean, not that you're not professional, 488 00:20:29,316 --> 00:20:30,349 'cause, I meansweetie, 489 00:20:30,383 --> 00:20:32,342 you could have a real future in this! 490 00:20:32,398 --> 00:20:34,015 I want to be a school nurse. 491 00:20:34,066 --> 00:20:36,401 - Why? - 'Cause anyone can do it. 492 00:20:36,435 --> 00:20:38,353 Oh, honey, can you get mommy, 493 00:20:38,404 --> 00:20:39,938 uh, a pillow for her knees? 494 00:20:39,972 --> 00:20:41,139 - 'Cause... - Okay. 495 00:20:41,157 --> 00:20:42,073 Yeah. 496 00:20:42,108 --> 00:20:43,608 Bert? 497 00:20:43,642 --> 00:20:45,226 Quickly! 498 00:20:45,261 --> 00:20:47,145 Quickly, quickly! 499 00:20:47,179 --> 00:20:48,813 Quickly, quickly! [ Sizzling ] 500 00:20:48,848 --> 00:20:52,250 Oh, okay, no, that does not smell right. 501 00:20:55,170 --> 00:20:56,370 Ah... 502 00:20:56,374 --> 00:20:57,725 [ Sighs ] 503 00:20:57,726 --> 00:21:00,144 Oh! Whew! 504 00:21:00,312 --> 00:21:03,448 Aw... 505 00:21:03,662 --> 00:21:06,414 Oh, well. You know, you get what you pay for. 506 00:21:06,449 --> 00:21:07,799 Win some, dim sum. 507 00:21:07,833 --> 00:21:09,150 [ Gasps ] Dim sum! 508 00:21:09,185 --> 00:21:10,868 Bert, we're getting dim sum! 509 00:21:11,205 --> 00:21:14,205 Synced by Reef www.addic7ed.com 510 00:21:15,000 --> 00:21:18,080 Best watched using Open Subtitles MKV Player 511 00:21:18,130 --> 00:21:22,680 Repair and Synchronization by Easy Subtitles Synchronizer 1.0.0.0 37815

Can't find what you're looking for?
Get subtitles in any language from opensubtitles.com, and translate them here.