All language subtitles for Trophy Wife s01e07 Date.eng

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[ French ] Au revoir, mes amis!

French Club party... done.

Bye, Killer Bees.
Great season.

End-of-season soccer party... done.
[ Sighs ]

See you later, Tim.
Great party, man. Great party.

Warren's A.V. Club party with his
one weird friend Tim... done.

I'm so
over kid parties.

Well, it's the only kind
of parties kids have.

We should throw a party.

Should have a real
grown-up party party.

No kids, no exes.

- Jackie's been here way too much.
- You're right.

Last week, I caught her putting
goat milk on the shopping list.

- You know what? Let's do it.
- Okay.

Let's have a grown-up party Friday night.
We can do that.

- No, we have Bert Friday night.
- You know what?

- I'm gonna turn you on so hard right now.
- Oh, yeah?

- Yeah.
- Okay. [ Ringing ]

Jackie, it's Pete.

Hi.

Hey. Hope you don't mind us
doing a little gardening.

Dad, did you know
compost is poop?

Yeah.
Don't eat it, buddy.

I'm sorry.
I'd garden at my place,

but my greenhouse
is full of weed... weeds.

Can you do me a favor? Can you
watch Bert on Friday night?

- Kate and I are gonna have a party.
- Oh. I'd love to.

- Great. Thanks.
- Yeah.

- That was so hot.
- Yeah.

Hey, Diane.
It's Jackie.

Can you watch Bert on Friday?
I just got invited to a party.

Season 1, Episode 7
"The Date"

Synced by Reef
www.addic7ed.com

[ Indistinct conversations ]

[ glasses clink ]

Ah, great party.
Our friends are totally meshing.

I know. I know.

Between the hipsters
and the lawyers,

I can't tell
if the polo shirts are ironic

or the mustaches are sincere.
[ Chuckles ]

Steve: Hey, guys.

- It's a great party.
- Definitely one of yours.

Uh, yeah.
Uh, Steve, this is my wife.

- This is Kate.
- Oh.

- Oh, Steve.
- I don't think you guys have met.

- Hi.
- Hi. Nice to meet you.

- You, too.
- Hi.

Pete, you gonna introduce me
to your friend here?

Pete: Uh, yes.
Meg, Steve. Steve, Meg.

- Hi.
- I like your face.

- Come with me.
- Okay.

That's sad Steve from work?
Really? He seems so happy.

"I like your face"?
That works?

Random hookups...
sign of a great party, baby.

Jackie: Gorgeous mustache. Gonna
call you "whiskers" for short.

[ Groans ] Excuse me.

- Jackie's here? Jackie?
- Uh, sorry.

Pete: Jackie, what are you doing here?
You're supposed to be watching Bert.

What? Miss a rocking party? Not a chance.
Have you met the Jackster?

Plus, I got Diane watching Bert
so I could make my specialty.

- Fresh-mango margaritas.
- Fresh-mango margaritas. He knows.

They're fresh-mango margaritas
from my friend Rita's fresh mangos.

So as you can see, the name
works on a lot of levels.

Just dump the chips in the sink
if you want.

You guys look mad.
Did you just have a fight?

[ Camera beeps ] You turn
it off the same way.

- Oui. "Today."
- Aujourd'hui.

- Aujourd'hui.
- Aujourd'hui.

Aujourd'hui.

- Aujourd'hui? D'hui?
- D'hui. D'hui.

- Oo-oo-oo-oo-oo. D'hui.
- Hui. Hui. Hui. Hui.

Aujourd'hui? Aujourd...
Oh, I can't tell the difference!

Fine. We'll just put off "today"
until tomorrow,

which is why we should have
learned "tomorrow" yesterday.

You know my motto...

Never put off yesterday
till tomorrow

- ...when you need to learn today.
- Today.

[ Camera beeps ] Awesome, awesome.
Okay, let's get a close-up.

- Okay.
- What are you doing with my camera?

Oh, we're gonna do an online
show where we review gum.

Ah, well, be sure to say
it's a filthy habit

that decays teeth, weakens the jaw,
and causes excessive stomach acid.

[ Chuckles ] You know
who could use some gum?

- That one.
- Okay, let's move on to math.

Oh, I can't.
I left my book at dad's.

- Hillary.
- I'm sorry.

Okay, I'll just
have Kate bring it.

- She's never doing anything.
- True.

Oh, she's very busy.
They're having a grown-up party.

- [ Ringing ] No kids allowed.
- Then what's Kate doing there?

[ Both laugh ]

That's a good one.
Oh, burn.

It's comical
because she's younger.

- Oh...
- Oh. [ Laughs ]

- A party, huh?
- That's mean.

- I think I'll just go get it.
- Okay.

Hillary's in charge,
boys.

What do you mean, Hillary's in charge?
She's not the boss of me. I'm older.

- Yeah, but I'm smarter.
- Oh.

Kate: Never gonna get it.
Never gonna get it.

- No way. No... ohh!
- Oh!

You did it!

Why does everybody call you Sad Steve?
You're so fun.

People call me
Sad Steve?

No. No, I just give
everyone nicknames.

Drink up,
pathetic Pete.

Keep going. You got it, got it,
got it, got it, got it!

Oh, look.
There's jumping Jackie.

- Hey! Sad Steve.
- Oh, boy, it's a thing.

- Kate: What is Diane doing here?
- Oh. Hey, girl.

Hair's looking great.
Hey. Who's watching Bert?

- Hillary's watching Bert.
- Oh, fantastic!

One fresh-mango Margarita
coming right up.

- No, no. She's not...
- Don't worry. I'm not staying.

I just came to get
Hillary's math book.

Oh, beer pong. Ha.
Festive way to spread hep-C.

Meg:
Oh, lighten up, Diane.

A lot of my cousins have hep-C, and they
didn't get it from playing beer pong.

Oh, just what I need...
a lecture from patient zero.

Well, say cheese.

- Ugh. Don't tell me what to do.
- Okay.

Found what I need, and I
guess I'll be going. Bye.

Good night, all.
Oh, Sad Steve.

Hi. I'm Warren.

And I'm Bert Harrison.

- Oh, mom said not to use our last names.
- And I'm Bert.

First up, we have a classic...
Original flavor bubble yum.

Mmm!

Bert,
what do you think?

[ Muffled ]
Warren, I think it's yummy.

Bert, well, I'm gonna have to disagree
with you and say it's super yummy.

This is your gum show?

- Mm. Pretty cool, right?
- Um, no. [ Chuckles ]

You guys need major help.

Okay, make me
your executive producer,

and I will triple
your viewers.

To nine. Hmm.

[ Grunts ]

Hey, are we saving
this leftover guacamole?

We didn't make
any guacamole.

Oh, God.

[ Sniffs ]

This is Meg's scarf.

That's Steve's jacket. What's
her scarf doing in his jacket?

I don't know.
[ Laughter ]

Woman: Shh.

Steve: You "shh." [ Gasps ]

- Wow.
- Meg and sad Steve...?

People having party sex in your office...
Sign of great party.

I work in there.

Right. Not cool.
You work in there.

What's happening?
Party sex?

That's not you
and Steve?

I don't think so,
but I'm pretty drunk.

But you were hitting on him
all night.

Oh, that was just to get free legal
advice about that shoplifting nonsense.

You turned out to be
a bust.

[ Doorknob rattles,
hinges creak ]

Hey, could you keep it down?
'Cause I'm trying to get laid.

And you're kind of killing the
mood with all your whispering.

Cool. Cool.

[ Door closes ]

Kate: Ugh. I can't believe
she had sex in our house.

Mother of God.

What? Ugh.

- Mother of God. Ugh.
- Okay, that's it. We're moving.

I'm quitting my job.

Maybe
we're just overreacting.

I mean, Steve and Jackie
was a freak of nature.

It's like
when a tornado comes in,

sweeps up a bunch of frogs,
and drops them on a town.

His tornado will never drop
her frogs again.

Are we the town
in this metaphor,

or are we socie...
oh, geez.

What?

Someone searched
"sex positions, desk."

Ohh. Ugh.

- I got to re-scrub.
- Oh, God.

I got to re-scrub.
Re-scrub. Ugh.

- Hillary: Mom?
- Hmm?

You're on Instagram.

- Oh, wonderful.
- What's Instagram?

- It's an online community where people...
- time out.

It's bad.

[ Gasps ]
Mm-hmm.

Ohh.

What on earth is
"number drunkmoms"?

It's #drunkmoms.

Make it go away.

- I can't. I didn't upload it.
- Huh?

Okay, you seriously need to
learn how the Internet works.

I know how ankylostic
arthrodesis works.

I don't need to know
how the Internet works.

I mean, who's gonna see it,
anyway?

Um, everybody.
[ Chuckles ]

Mwah.
Make it go away.

I can't. Only Meg can.

[ Chuckles ] I didn't know that drunk
could even afford the Internet.

It's free.

[ Knock on door ] Hey.

- Hi. Do we need to talk about...
- Nope. Nope.

Great. Okay, cool.

You know, but, um,
just, you know...

You know, would it...
would it be...

Would it be weird?

Yeah. That's... I was...
yeah. I felt that.

You know, she's your ex,
and you're my boss and...

Yeah. Yeah, so that's
...no, it makes sense.

Okay.
All right, I'll see ya.

You know,
it's just I've been, um...

Sort of single, you know,
and single for quite a while.

Um, I was just hoping,
but you know what?

Now that... the more I say it,
the more it's just weird.

- Yeah.
- Yeah.

[ Exhales sharply,
chuckles ]

[ Exhales sharply ]

Ah.

[ Chuckles ]

Aah.

You're better than this.
Come on.

[ Grunts ] You're a man.
[ Chuckles ]

[ Sniffs ]

[ Clears throat ]

Well, see ya.
It's just...

I'm sorry, Pete. It's just...
I just need to say, I just...

I was just hoping,
you know,

she was someone I could spend
more time with.

I don't know.

I've accrued
110 sick days, Pete,

and I have no one
to share them with.

I was just hoping I could,
you know, whisk her away,

You know, for...
I don't know...

For, you know,
long periods of time, I guess.

You know what? On second
thought, you should call her.

[ Knock on glass ]

Hi, Kate. Fun party.

"Fun party"?
That's all you have to say?

Well, I'm not gonna say
it's a fantastic party,

'cause fantastic parties
have pi?atas.

How about an apology
for crashing our party

and hooking up
in our house?

[ Laughing ] Come on.
It was just in Pete's office.

You know, we kept it
mainly on the... on the desk.

Ah, Jackie stop, okay?
That's enough. That's enough.

You're always here, and... and I know
way too much about your life right now.

Did you know that
Steve asked me out again?

- He did?
- Yeah.

So what do you think, sister?
Should I see him again?

I think that's a terrible idea
for so many reasons.

Yeah, I know. I totally agree.
Um, can you list all of them?

Pete is Steve's boss.
Pete is your ex-husband.

It was a random,
one-time party thing

with a guy whose nickname
contains the word "sad."

Yeah, okay. I totally agree. Yeah. Pfft.
I'm just gonna blow him off.

I mean, ew, right? Oh, look.
There's my bra.

Oh, good.
Contaminating our pool.

[ Cellphone rings ]

Hey, babe.
So, um, great news.

I just spoke to Jackie, and
I convinced her not to see Steve again.

Also, she found her bra
in our pool.

That's great news about the bra,
but you have to un-convince her.

We need them
to get together.

- What? Why?
- Because he's our way out.

He wants to get serious and take her on
long trips, possibly to other countries.

Other countries?

- Mm-hmm.
- Oh, my God.

She could get lost in a bazaar
or live on a kibbutz.

- Mm-hmm.
- Okay, I'm on it.

Hey, your, uh, pool filter
kind of stretched out my bra,

and hate to charge you for it. So...
Just give me one of yours?

Yeah.
Of course, Jackie.

And, you know,
now that I think of it,

I mean, you and Sad Steve would
really make a great couple.

Oh, I don't know. What you said out
there really resonated with me.

N-no, no, no.
But, uh, I mean, think about it.

You know, he's a successful lawyer,
and you are... An entrepreneur.

- Slash inventor.
- Slash inventor.

And he has this dynamic
personality, and you are you.

- Well...
- And not to be understated,

you guys wear
the same color underwear.

I mean, hello?

It's a no-brainer.
So... Do it.

- I totally agree.
- Yeah.

Ah.
Yeah.

Whew! You really took me for a ride
there, arguing both sides like that.

- Yeah.
- You know what?

Maybe you should be the lawyer and Pete
should be putzing around in short shorts.

Thank you, Jackie.

Hmm.

This gum has notes
of peppermint, wintergreen,

and a clean
sorbitol finish.

I think that will pair nicely
with apple juice.

Ah, well, that's an interesting
spot to leave off.

We'll see you tomorrow.
But for now, I'm Warren.

And I'm Bert.
And we are...

Both: "Blow this
with Warren and Bert."

[ Chuckles ]
Good night.

And remember...
keep on chewing.

And we're out.

Guys, that was
seriously amazing.

And, Bertie, when you said
the tangerine gum

was like Florida in your mouth,
I almost cried.

- Thanks!
- Guys [Gasps] we are blowing up.

Six new comments
and statenislandkarl1967

- ...wants to know if we're single.
- We are!

Hey, you know what would
really round out this show?

A female correspondent.

- Ooh.
- Ooh.

I don't really want to futz
with the concept, so...

Oh, well, too bad you're not
an executive producer.

[ Pats hand ]

- These aren't that short.
- Well, agree to disagree.

What are you
still doing here?

Well, sometimes my confidence,
it... it ebbs and it flows,

and right now it's in an ebb, and
I don't think I can go out with Steve.

I mean, what if he doesn't
like me when he gets to know me?

He seemed to like you okay
last night.

Of course he did, Kate.
I'm a freaking sexual dynamo. Duh.

But, you know, I mean,
dating is very different.

You see, you may not know this
about me, but...

- I have some boundary issues.
- Oh.

Ooh, is that new?
That's so pretty. So soft.

Okay, okay.
Jackie, um, let's sit down.

You could be
a great date.

I just think that sometimes you need
to learn to... to pull it back. A little.

- Ooh, pull it back?
- Yeah, yeah.

Or a lot, and sometimes
maybe just don't share so much.

- Mm-hmm.
- Or at all.

And be coy.
Guys love mystery.

Okay, see, mystery's too mysterious
for me, because I am an open book.

Page one... mommy issues.
Page two... grandma issues.

Page three...
conflicted pescatarian.

Okay, listen. Let's just keep
with the classics, then.

Okay.

You know? A little hair flip
and a little sexy eyes.

Like a...

- Oh, yeah.
- Now you try.

Oh, okay.

- Or just the hair flip.
- You know what?

I'll find it in the moment. No.

Man: There you go.

I better leave, leave you alone
[ Indistinct conversations ]

Oh, hey. What up, doc?
You want a drink?

There's not enough Purell
in the world.

I'm here to ask you
to take down

that juvenile picture
you put of me on "Instantgram."

Oh, no. It's funny,
and I've gotten like 50 likes.

Wow. Uh,
major L.O.L. situation.

Okay, I get it. You think you're better
than me because you're a dentist.

I'm an orthopedic surgeon,
Meg.

Play me for it.
Beer pong. You and me.

[ Laughs ]
That is absurd.

Is that how you and these other
hobos settle your disputes?

Hmm. Sounds to me
like you're afraid I'll win.

You're on.

One rerack.

No fixing, no blowing,
no squatting.

On-table rollbacks
and death cup okay,

but no iso cup,
and bouncing is for bitches.

Oh.

- Hi.
- How did we do?

We get Jackie out of our hair,
into Steve's Corvette?

In a way. Guess who's going to dinner
with Jackie and Steve tonight.

Yay! You two.
She means you guys.

Ooh!
I love you in a flat front.

- No, no. Don't. Don't. Don't.
- Oh, boundaries.

- Huh?
- Boundaries, Jackie.

Oh, see? I'm so bad,

- ...I don't even know it's wrong.
- It's wrong.

All right. Sorry.

I'm just... [ Clears throat ]
I'm very nervous, okay?

How do I look? How do I look?
Be honest. How do I look?

You look great.
You sound crazy.

Oh,
you're just saying that.

Ooh, mirror.

- I really hope this works out.
- Yeah.

Maybe they'll run off together
and never come back.

It would scar Bert for life, but
we'd never have to lock the doors again.

Bert could get therapy.

Any bats in the cave?
[ Gasps ]

He's here. He's here.
He's here!

- He's here. Steve's here.
- Yeah, we know.

It's a restaurant,
not a radio play.

Okay. You'll be great.

Just remember...
coy, mysterious.

- Okay?
- Yeah, I will. Okay.

What's up, buddy?
Hey, good to see you.

- Oh, we're hugging? Okay.
- Yeah, it felt right. Hey.

- How are you? Nice to see you.
- Hi, hi. Yeah, nice to...

Hi, Jackie.
You look so lovely.

Hmm? Hmm?

- I just...
- Hmm. Hmm.

Uh, have you all
ordered drinks?

Oh, well...
[ Chuckles ]

Wouldn't you like to know?

Uh...
[ Laughs ]

Kind of why I asked.

Hmm. Mm. Mm.

- Hmm? Mm.
- Jackie, maybe not so coy.

- Uh... Uh, hey, funny story. [ Laughs ]
- Okay.

Actually, we have ordered drinks and
it was wrong of me to keep it from you

and I should have told you right away
when you walked in and you asked.

- Hmm.
- Okay?

[ Chuckles ]

Oh, not the eyes.
Not the eyes.

You know what?
I need a... a drink.

- Kate: So...
- Uh...

You, know the... the...
Jackie.

- Should we order a...
- Can you excuse me for a second?

- I'll be... I'll be right back.
- We'll wait.

[ Indistinct conversations ]

So, you a... Bread guy?

I could do a roll,
maybe.

No! Damn it! Lucky shot.

Miss. Miss. Miss it!

Ho!

[ gasps ]

- I win!
- Damn it.

[ Laughs ] Oh, how do you like me now?

I win.

Hillary: Coming up,
gum in your stomach...

Dangerous or no big deal?

We're not gonna use this,
right?

I don't even have
the camera on.

[ Chuckles ]
Doing great.

[ Speaking Spanish ]

Jackie?
What are you doing?

Oh, I...
rethinking this blouse?

Why did you run out
like that?

Oh, you saw me.
I was... I was a disaster.

I cannot be coy.

I just
drive everybody crazy.

- You don't drive me crazy.
- Oh, right.

Yeah, you wanted me
to get lost at a bazaar.

Oh, 'cause I was eavesdropping
on your phone call.

See? I don't have boundaries.
You said it yourself.

I just...
I'm too much.

Yeah. You're... you're too much
for me, but you're not dating me.

No way. I mean, you are
married to my ex-husband.

- That's too much baggage.
- Okay, listen.

I'm overwhelmed sometimes
by too much Jackie,

but there's a sweet guy in there who
wants all the Jackie you have to offer.

- You really think so?
- Yeah, I do.

Even though I'm weird?

Oh, you're...
So much more than weird.

- Is this gonna leave a scar?
- That depends.

Are you ever gonna post pictures of
me or my children on the Internet?

No.

- I'm sorry. What was that?
- No, ma'am.

Okay.

Then no scar.

S?.

Let's play again...
for money.

[ Indistinct conversations ]

Jackie: Oh.
Pete: All right.

Jackie.
Hey, I thought you left.

Oh, no, silly.
I was just feeding my meter.

You park
on the street, too?

[ Chuckles ] Yeah.

Oh, God. Let's order.

Yeah.

[ Chuckles ]

Okay, guys,
I think, uh...

I-I think... I think I can
take it from here. Go.

Why don't you take this bread
and roll?

[ Laughs ]

You're a "rye-ot."

[ Laughs ]

Challah!
[ Both laughing ]

Can't get out of here
fast enough.

Kate: Bye.

Nothing ventured,
nothing grained, right?

Well...
Here goes muffin.

Wait. What?

Both: Mm. Mm. Mm. Mm.
Mm. Mm. Mm. Mm. Mm. Mm.

[ Clears throat ]

How is the bread here?

- I don't know. I'm gluten-free.
- Oh.

[ Knock on door ]

Here's the, uh,
fracking report.

Turns out it's worse
than we thought.

Take a look and then,
uh, shred it.

- Boy, we're gonna rot in hell.
- Yeah.

Least it's helping with the
corvette payments, right?

Yeah. You got that right.
[ Laughs ]

Yeah.

I don't want it be weird,
so I'll just scoot.

Yeah.
Yeah, okay. All right.

[ Sighs ]

- Oh, really? Just say it.
- Ho you ask a woman not to wax?

- Don't do that. Walk away.
- Okay. Okay.

- Just walk away.
- Okay.

Don't talk to her!

- Okay.
- Walk away.

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