All language subtitles for Trophy Wife s01e05 The Tryst.eng

All right.
How did I do?

Let's see. Sine "x" plus the
square root of negative two.

And the survey says...
[ bell rings ]

Mom, you make trig
so much fun.

Aw, thank you. Okay, send in
Warren with his homework.

- Okay. Mwah!
- Tell him to hurry.

[ birds chirping ]

Why do I feel like we're always
buying toilet paper?

[ chuckles ] Because Bert and Hillary
like wrapping Warren up like a mummy.

[ cellphone alert blares ]

- Ah, crap.
- What?

It's Diane. She wants to know
if we can do carpool on Monday.

No! We can't!
We've got nothing Monday.

- I got work.
- Yeah, but besides that, we have nothing.

- Just tell her we're busy.
- She'll know I'm lying. She always knows.

I'll do it.
I'm a great liar.

[ cellphone alert blares ]
Oh, come on!

She's got an emergency ACL procedure.
It's just knee surgery.

Nobody's every died
in knee surgery.

[ cellphone alert blares ]

What am I looking at?

It's a web link for people
who have died in knee surgery.

Oh, my God.

I saw this
in a horror movie once.

It was a slumber party, and the killer
was calling from inside the house.

She can't be
in the house.

Can't I?

[ screams ]

And now that I know
you're free, I'll ask again.

Can you do carpool
on Monday?

Peter! Right now!

You are doing carpool Monday and
the next three Mondays for lying to me!

That felt great. I put her
on top of the recycling bin.

- Good, babe.
- Yeah.

What if someone steals
the laptop, though?

Then Diane becomes
their problem.

Who cares?
Lets' get out of here.

Mom?
I brought my homework.

Uh... Warren.

Warren!
I'm outside!

Oh. Cool. Well,
I'll be in my room.

Just let me know
when you're ready to start.

Oh! Yes! Two-ply!
[ chuckles ]

Subtitles downloaded from www.OpenSubtitles.org

Season 1, Episode 5
"The Tryst"

Sync & corrections: Reef
www.addic7ed.com

Pete: Kate?

Kate?

[ munching ]

[ Kate moans ]

What are we doing?

I try to be a really
good example to the kids,

but sometimes I just want
chips before dinner.

Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah.
Sure.

If you ever want some, I always keep
a bag behind the big jug of bleach.

If you're not too full on bleach
chips and you're still hungry,

I got us last-minute
reservations at Vouloir.

[ gasps ]

Quoi?

That's French
for "what?!"

It's time. No more fish sticks,
no more hot dogs.

Tonight we're gonna eat like
real, actual, grownup people.

Wow! I love it!
Wait. What about the kids?

I got it covered.
Jackie's gonna babysit.

- How much does she charge?
- Half of everything I own.

Man, how do I get
a deal like that?

- You don't. You're married to me.
- Bummer.

But I'm gonna take you out,
I'm gonna wine you,

I'm gonna dine you, I'm gonna
keep you out till 10:00.

Whoa.

[ sighs ]
[ cellphone alert blares ]

- That's Diane.
- Okay, wait.

If she wants anything, just tell her
that we were in a bank robbery today.

Then I got carjacked.
[ cellphone alert blares ]

No, no, no, no, no!
Tell her my cousin was murdered.

What? I don't like
my cousins that much.

That's creepy. That weirded me out.
You should talk to somebody about that.

[ cellphone alert blares ]
Hello. Diane. What's up?

Hi. Peter.

I'm gonna need your help with
the school fundraiser tonight.

Uh... Okay.

I'll donate whatever
you're donating, plus a dollar.

No, I'm gonna need you
in person, Peter.

A lot of people
dropped out on me.

I guess banning beer
[scoffs] from Oktoberfest

Made a lot of enemies.

Well, I'd love
to pitch in tonight, but...

- Great, thank you.
- No, Kate and I are going out to dinner.

That's fine.
Bring her, too.

You're not understanding me
at all.

Oh, I think I understand
perfectly now.

I just wish that, uh,
your children's future

was as important to you as,
you know, a fussy dinner

and, "oh, what can I do with
a Brussels sprout these days?"

It's okay.

There's other fathers who
will be there for their kids.

- What time?
- I'll need you stat.

Just remember...
it's a themed fundraiser,

so come
as your favorite '80s icon.

- Great. I'll come as the Berlin Wall.
- There's no time for joking.

- I'll se you shortly.
- Margaret Thatcher...

Wow, babe!
Very impressive.

You held firm
for almost two sentences.

What kind of an emergency
was it this time,

a neuro-optic
plasmadectamoscopy?

My children's future.

- I promise, I'll make it up to you.
- Fine.

But I'm telling you... Should have gone
with the murdered cousin.

You're scaring me.

[ laughter ]

What is it with parents
and theme parties?

They're trying to get back
to a time when they were happy.

Well,
shoot me when I'm 40.

I mean 50. I mean...
I'll stop.

Peter, finally.

- Hey.
- Diane.

You look great.
Who are you?

Oh, come on, Kate.

You got this.

Uh...

Hit me
with your best shot.

- Spock.
- No...

Blanche from
"The Golden Girls"?

- Pat Benatar.
- Oh.

And, uh, let me guess. You're
Billy Idol, and you are...

Melanie Griffith.
A "Working Girl" from the '80s.

Yes, well, it's nice to see you
finally dressed up like an adult.

Thank you.

Peter, I'm gonna need you to introduce me
onstage later on tonight,

so I've written out
some talking points.

Don't you just want me to tell them
you're better than everyone else?

Yes, but I'd like
for it to sound natural.

Please go help Patty stock the bar.
And what can you do?

I don't know.
What can you do?

Oh, maybe you could help the caterers
with the vegetable platters.

Thank you again for coming.
I'll be at the bar.

If you need some liquor,
I'm your man.

Ugh. This blows.

Mrs. Steinberg! Hi!

I love your costume.
Who are you?

Oh, uh, I'm just me.

No one told me
it was a theme party.

You... I mean,
you look amazing.

Just gorgeous.

Anyway, uh, listen,
so Diane wanted us

to switch jobs today,
so you are on vegetables.

Oh, did she not like
the way I made the punch?

Guess not.

There is cow milk in this fridge.
I mean, hello? Where's the llama milk?

And only one kind
of hummus?

Oh, of course.
Little-lady margaritas.

- Real classy, Kate.
- Oh, that's dad's.

Well, either way, these things
are just loaded with chemicals.

Yeah, definitely.

Hey, mom! Set the timer for my one
hour and two minutes of TV time?

Oh, hon,
you only get an hour.

But I need time to get
comfortable and for pee breaks.

Oh, sweetie!
You are such a planner.

Will you promise me you won't
forget to let yourself fail?

Whew. Wow.
That just got real.

My turn. Chelsea Clinton
is live chatting.

and I want to ask her
how she balances it all.

Oh, I would love to help, but
this horse and this cat are best friends.

[ horse whinnies ]

Go use Jackie�s.

[ sighs ]
Oh, man. What is this?

Warren, come here.
It's some kind of dating site.

[ click ]
Oh. Hello.

If you've stumbled
upon my profile,

then I already know that you like yoga,
tuvan throat singers, and Nascar.

[ groans ] But now's your chance
to journey just a little farther with me.

So come on!

Where does she want us
to go?

[ music plays in distance ]

[ sighs ]

Way to go...
getting us cup duty.

If we're not gonna have fun, at least
we can not have fun together.

I can't believe we had to cancel
our plans to carry cups.

I think we owe it to ourselves
to at least try them out, don't you?

Wow. Got anything else
in there?

As a matter of fact,
I do.

It's not Vouloir, but at least
it's just the two of us down here.

I'm not gonna let Diane
ruin our night.

We got half an hour.
What did you have in mind?

A little wine, a little cheese,
a little... You know.

- Really?
- School's always made me horny.

Oh. Sure.
Yeah. Me too.

[ clicks tongue ]

Do that again,
you'll be dancing with yourself.

[ drumming ]

Well, that's the end of the song
"No, that's not my elephant."

Well?
[ both gasp ]

Pretty good, right?
Don't you think?

Uh... Do you want us to tell you what
you want to hear or tell you the truth?

Oh, tell me
what I want to hear.

Oh! It's awesome!

I mean, you are going to find
the man of your dreams.

Fantastic.
Oh! I knew it. I knew it!

But it is
a little long.

- Huh.
- And has a lot of thoughts.

Hmm.

- And maybe three too many impressions.
- Four.

Well... I say, I say, I say,

You can never
have enough impressions.

[ imitates laser fire ]

[ chuckles nervously ] Yeah,
that... that's fun stuff.

Yeah. Hey, I've got an idea, Jackie.
I could re-edit this for you.

Hmm.
Zhuzh it up a little?

Yeah! And, uh,
I can help with your wardrobe.

- Let's go see what Kate has in her closet.
- Yeah.

Okay, you know, we can try, but
I think we all know that Kate takes

her fashion cues
from this gal.

[ chuckles ]

Well, that was
pretty rock 'n' roll.

Smoking-hot sex in the closet,
a little artisanal goat cheese.

I think I'm missing
a shoulder pad.

- Oh, here. I thought it was mine.
- Thanks, babe.

- All right, you want to grab the cups?
- Yeah.

I got to get up there
and introduce Pat Benatar

to the Breakfast Club
and about a dozen James Spaders.

Oh, my god.
There's no handle.

- What?
- There's no handle.

- Are you sure?
- Wait. Let me check a third time, okay?

Uh, no. No handle.

We're raising money
for a stupid vegetable garden

and the doors
don't have any handles?

- Hello?
- Anybody out there?

[ knock on door ]
Uh, we're in the closet here.

[ pounding on door ]

And one of us
really has to pee!

Peter, where are you?

[ sighs ]

Patty.

Peter has disappeared, so I need you
to volunteer to introduce me.

Oh, to who?

"To whom."

And it's
the entire auditorium.

I've written up
some talking points for Peter,

so just make them
your own, okay?

Uh, I-I'm terrified
of public speaking.

Okay.
I guess it's now or never.

[ chuckles nervously ]
It's now.

- I really can't.
- Take a sip.

- Sip? Good.
- Yeah. Come on.

Okay.
[ feedback ]

Hi. I'm Peter...
um, Patty Steinberg.

Um, most of you know me
as Warren and Hillary�s fath...

[ stammers ]

Ohh.

[ voice breaking ]
And it is my honor to introduce

the chair of tonight's event,
Dr. Diane Buckley.

[ applause ]

Renowned surgeon,
two-time silver medalist

in the 100-meter breaststroke,
and the mother of my children.

[ crowd murmurs ]

[ crying ]
Diane Buckley.

Ladies and gentlemen, the
always-eccentric Mrs. Steinberg.

Yes, thank you.

- Get it together, Patty. Get it together.
- Okay. That wasn't so bad.

We are here tonight
for one reason...

Joseph Brooks High School.

And with
your generous donations,

we can make much needed
improvements on campus,

such as a vegetable garden,
more handicap ramps on campus,

extra counseling to deal with
the recent rash of teen pregnancies.

- You got anything?
- Nope. Not a thing.

[ sighs ]

- What are you doing?
- I'm gonna Jimmy the lock.

- Do you know how to Jimmy?
- Sure. You just...

That was
my driver's license.

[ groans ]

Got to get out of here.

[ sighs ]

[ grunts ]
[ metal clangs ]

Oh! Ooh!

Why did you do that?

I don't know.
I got to pee.

How bad?

Uh, somewhere between "Bert on a Highway"
bad and "Warren in a hot tub" bad.

Oh, my god. Help!

[ clanging ] Help!

- All right, what about this?
- Uh, yeah. Sure.

If you have a body
like a 10-year-old boy.

But unlike Kate, see, I have women's
breasts and a butt like Beyonc?.

- Okay.
- Oh, wait. Who are you?!

This is nice.

- That's the bed spread.
- So?

See this? This was a
tablecloth once. Yeah.

So much for that Thanksgiving.
Won't be invited back. [ chuckles ]

Hey, why doesn't she keep the sewing
machine by the bed like a normal person?

- Oh.
- I don't know.

I need a B-12 shot.

So, this is me.
[ chuckles ]

And over here,

well, I've left just
a little bit of room for you.

What's that?

Oh, I-I found some cool explosion footage
I wanted to add to your mom's video.

- Why is she making a video?
- To meet a man.

- Why?
- So she can get married.

Oh. Bert, hey, buddy. I'm sorry.
You know, maybe they'll just do it.

[ sighs ]

He's lucky
to have a brother like me.

[ clicking ]

Pete, you've been doing this
for the past 10 minutes.

It's a big school.

We'll get someone's
attention eventually.

This is ridiculous.

I should be drunk
and eating snails right now.

Well, you can blame Diane
for that.

Oh, really? You want to
blame Diane for that?

Jackie had nothing
to do with it.

You think
this is my fault?

My fault? How is...
How is this my fault?

Pete, we had plans tonight
and you let Diane change them.

Yeah, but you... you...
you heard that guilt trip

she laid on me
about Warren and Hillary.

Hon, there's always something
with Diane.

Something about the kids
or some fatal knee surgery,

Which, by the way, I still
don't believe is a real thing.

I've been dealing with Diane
for a long time.

You start arguing
with her about one thing,

pretty soon you're arguing
about everything.

Better to avoid it.
Believe me.

Oh, it's easier to avoid it?
Really?

And it's better to be stuck in here
with your little electrical experiment?

I mean, like, "ooh!
Oh, let me try.

Here. Hello?
Is it working now?"

Hello?
Someone's in here.

- Okay. What do you want me to do?
- What would I like you to do?

I would like for you to stand up to her.
I would like for you to say no sometimes.

I would like to not pee on
a sponge and in a real toilet.

I would like for you
to get me out of here now.

Fine.

[ sighs ]

Diane:
Childhood obesity...

[ switches click ]

Excuse me? Hello?
The lights have gone out.

- Woman: I wish your mike would go out!
- Excuse me. I can hear you.

[ sighs ]
I hate these fundraisers.

Pete:
You still mad at me?

Kate: No, I'm really happy. This
turned out to be a really nice time.

Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell.
It's too dark in...

Oh. Geez.

You know, Pete.

I guess I was just really
excited about spending

some grownup time
with my husband... that's all.

Kate...
This is my sincere face.

Nothing...
[ gasps ]

Oh, my god!
Thank you so much!

- Go! Go!
- I have to pee! Thank you so much!

Yeah, we came in here
to get some cups

- ...and the door slammed behind us.
- Wrong way. It's this way.

I had to Jimmy the lock. I know how
to Jimmy, but the door has a design flaw,

- So I had to...
- Is this yours?

Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah.
My license.

Uh, you might
want to zip up your fly.

Oh, you know what...
my hands are full.

Do you mi...
I got it.

Okay. Are you sure you
can't see my hoo-ha?

- Okay, Jackie.
- Mm-hmm.

You promised me that you
would ignore your instincts.

So, no beat-boxing?

We're just... I'm not
gonna... okay. No.

And in five,
four, three...

...One!
[ camcorder beeps ]

Hi. I'm Jackie.

Are you looking to share your life
with someone and learn ikebana,

the Japanese art
of flower arrangement?

[ rapid footsteps ]
Or may...

- Yeah! Noodle dance! Oh, yeah!
- Cut!

Hey, we're working
on something here,

so do you mind going
on the other side of the camera?

I just wanted to see if you wanted
to do the noodle dance with me.

- Yellow?
- Well, I love the noodle dance.

But let me finish up here, and
then I'm all yours.

Fine.

Okay, and I guess that we'll just pick up
from where we left off, all right?

- Okay.
- And... Action.

Five, four, three...

To me.

Or maybe music is where
your interests lie.

Hello! What does a guy have to do
to get a cookie around here?

Can just someone
get the kid a cookie?

- Bertie-boo, do you mind?
- Yes, I mind.

I hate your dumb movie, and
you look weird in those clothes.

[ gasps ]

Okay, Bertie.

This is why
I never work with kids.

- They have no work ethic.
- I know.

Hey, let's hear it
for our senior class leaders,

who spoke so passionately
about the needs of our school.

I have to say, the haiku about
the re-paved parking lot...

That will stay with me.

So, thank you
to most of you.

[ applause ]

- You want to stay and have a drink?
- Nope. Not really.

I just want
this night to be over.

Diane: Peter!

One second.

[ indistinct conversations ]

Finally.

- There's just one more thing I need...
- No.

- But I need...
- No.

- Peter, I need your help for one minute.
- No. The answer is no.

- But, Peter, I need you...
- Diane, no.

Kate and I
had plans tonight.

I... I let you steamroll me
into changing them,

like you always do, but from
now on, our plans come first,

So whatever it is you want me
to do, do it yourself.

Fair enough.

Jason.

Apparently,
Peter is unwilling to help me

lift you onto the stage
for the commemorative photo.

So, I'll just have to find
someone else to help me.

Patty! Grab a wheel!

[ thud ] We're going
to lift him onstage.

Babe, thank you.
You're my hero.

But maybe you should say yes
just one last time.

Yeah.

Grabbing a wheel.

[ knock on door ]

Bert: I'm not here!

Well, that's too bad,
because I brought

one of your favorite people
here to see you.

[ as Christopher Walken ]
Bert.

I-I don't understand why
you won't open this door for me.

That's crazy. Uh...

I can never resist
your Christopher Walken.

Nobody can.

What's up?

I don't want you
to get married.

Oh, well, who said
anything about marriage?

Hey, I'm just hoping to meet
someone that I can hang out with.

But what about me?
Why can't we hang out?

Oh, we can always hang out,
and we do,

but I also need to spend time
with someone my own age.

I keep reading
"Percy Jackson,"

even after you've gone to bed,
and that's not right.

But if you meet someone, I won't be
your number-one guy anymore.

Ohh! Bert!

Okay, now,
you listen to me.

No matter what happens,

you will always be
my number-one guy.

Okay?

I promise. Mwah.

And I don't hate
your outfit.

I've just never
seen your legs before.

Pete: Ta-da!

- [ gasps ] What's this?
- A romantic dinner for two.

I have an in
with the chef.

- Wow.
- Yeah.

Is he 8 and Chinese?

Uh, no,
he's 15 and unusual.

Let's see what we have.

Ooh, dino nuggets

With a trio
of dipping sauces...

Ranch, barbecue,
and... Peanut butter.

- Good choice.
- Chunky.

To cleanse your palate, I can offer you
a choice of fruit leather.

We have very berry cherry
and purple.

- Surprise me.
- Very good.

And for dessert,
we have whiskey.

I'll start
with dessert.

I'm sorry about tonight.
It's not exactly Vouloir.

This is all I wanted.

Just you, me,
some animal-shaped food,

and a butt-load of whiskey.
[ sighs ]

Kiss me.

Aw, look at that.
That's cute. Kissy-kissy.

[ gasps ] Dino nuggets!

I need one for the road.
And he needs a friend.

Good. Mmm. Yum.
Dip sauce.

- Good, good.
- Help yourself.

All right.
A little over-nuked, but good.

Is she wearing
our bedspread?

Oh, hello!

I didn't see you there.

My name is Bert.
And I'm Jackie.

And this here
is my number-one guy.

But I'm also looking
for a real solid number two.

So, if you're the type of guy
that's into ecstatic dance...

And licorice!

Oh,
and green-tea enemas.

- Ooh, and frogs!
- And shiatsu.

Both:
Then you're the guy for us!

[ explosion ]

[ laughter ]

So, what did you think?

That was amazing!
Oh.

You should probably
drop out of school.

- Yes!
- Yeah.

- She was kidding.
- Oh.

What's an enema?

Sync & corrections: Reef
www.addic7ed.com

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