Would you like to inspect the original subtitles? These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated:
1
00:00:02,599 --> 00:00:05,232
"The elephant teacher
smiled at the zebra.
2
00:00:05,266 --> 00:00:09,068
'Of course you can come into
my jungle classroom,' she said.
3
00:00:09,103 --> 00:00:13,139
And that's how the zebra
learned to read."
4
00:00:13,173 --> 00:00:17,043
All right.
Your water's here.
5
00:00:17,839 --> 00:00:19,656
Mr. Bear's water is here.
6
00:00:19,690 --> 00:00:23,193
Your clothes are laid
out for the entire week.
7
00:00:23,227 --> 00:00:25,445
No judgement ... my
love is unconditional.
8
00:00:25,496 --> 00:00:28,815
What do you say, little man?
Should we go to sleep?
9
00:00:28,850 --> 00:00:29,966
Can I have another foot rub?
10
00:00:30,001 --> 00:00:33,303
- That's enough stalling.
- What's "stalling"?
11
00:00:34,405 --> 00:00:37,724
- Uh... how do you explain stalling?
- He knows what stalling is.
12
00:00:39,075 --> 00:00:42,762
- I forget again.
- Let's close our eyes and go to sleep.
13
00:00:42,797 --> 00:00:47,100
- I'm gonna count down from 10.
- Ooh, count down from 500.
14
00:00:48,786 --> 00:00:51,504
500...
15
00:00:51,539 --> 00:00:53,740
499...
16
00:00:53,774 --> 00:00:58,278
498...
17
00:00:58,312 --> 00:01:00,296
497...
18
00:01:01,000 --> 00:01:04,074
Subtitles downloaded from www.OpenSubtitles.org
19
00:01:13,093 --> 00:01:16,762
He's getting better.
That was pretty quick.
20
00:01:16,796 --> 00:01:20,866
- Sweetie, he's made you his bitch.
- I'm pretty sure I did it to myself.
21
00:01:20,901 --> 00:01:24,286
Hey. First one to the living
room gets to pick the show.
22
00:01:28,325 --> 00:01:30,075
Hey! Stop it!
23
00:01:30,126 --> 00:01:31,677
No. Shh!
24
00:01:32,679 --> 00:01:34,330
I think I heard something.
25
00:01:35,081 --> 00:01:37,783
- Sucker!
- Hey! That's not fair!
26
00:01:40,567 --> 00:01:43,946
1x02 - Cold File
27
00:01:49,014 --> 00:01:52,174
sync & correction by f1nc0
~ addic7ed.com ~
28
00:01:52,424 --> 00:01:54,766
Okay, whoever eats their
fruit is my favorite child.
29
00:01:54,800 --> 00:01:56,267
- There you go, man.
- Uh, hey, Dad.
30
00:01:56,302 --> 00:01:57,918
I have a hangnail. Can you, um...
31
00:01:57,937 --> 00:02:00,638
- Oh, I'll get the clippers.
- I got it. I got it. I got it. I got it.
32
00:02:00,689 --> 00:02:03,090
I got it. Okay, on three.
33
00:02:03,108 --> 00:02:05,526
- One... two! Oh!
- Aah!
34
00:02:05,561 --> 00:02:07,312
You didn't even make it to three.
35
00:02:07,363 --> 00:02:08,363
- You never make it to three.
- I didn't make it to three.
36
00:02:08,397 --> 00:02:10,598
Two's... before that.
37
00:02:10,616 --> 00:02:13,601
Oh, hey. Whose, uh ...
whose fancy headband's this?
38
00:02:13,619 --> 00:02:14,968
Those are mine.
39
00:02:14,981 --> 00:02:17,584
Oh! Red thong ... so classy.
40
00:02:17,740 --> 00:02:20,625
- Dad, can you please do my necklace?
- Oh, I'll do it.
41
00:02:20,659 --> 00:02:21,993
Oh, I got it. I got it. I got it.
42
00:02:22,044 --> 00:02:26,164
- Dad, what's a thong?
- Oh, it's, uh, underwear
43
00:02:26,215 --> 00:02:27,548
for people who don't want panty lines.
44
00:02:27,583 --> 00:02:29,167
Oh, well, why wouldn't
you want panty lines?
45
00:02:29,218 --> 00:02:32,887
- 'Cause it's not sexy.
- Whoo! Sexy time!
46
00:02:32,921 --> 00:02:34,121
'Cause you guys like to have ...
47
00:02:34,139 --> 00:02:37,976
And thus ends our
morning underwear Q & A.
48
00:02:38,010 --> 00:02:40,294
Right. Yep.
Of course.
49
00:02:40,312 --> 00:02:42,397
- Dad, please just sign my
permission slips? - Yeah.
50
00:02:42,431 --> 00:02:43,564
- Oh, I can do it. Yes.
- I got it. I got it.
51
00:02:43,599 --> 00:02:44,816
- You are not a parent.
- I know. Mm-hmm.
52
00:02:44,850 --> 00:02:46,985
When you're done with
that, I-I need five bucks.
53
00:02:47,019 --> 00:02:49,737
- For what?
- For an investment.
54
00:02:49,772 --> 00:02:51,305
- Oh, can I wear my ...
- An investment?
55
00:02:51,323 --> 00:02:52,973
- Can I wear my shin guards to school?
- What are you investing in?
56
00:02:52,992 --> 00:02:55,142
- Investment stuff.
- Can I wear my ...
57
00:02:55,160 --> 00:02:56,861
Anybody needs me, I'll just...
58
00:02:56,912 --> 00:02:59,030
- Can I wear...
- just give me a shout.
59
00:02:59,081 --> 00:03:01,032
- Text me. Tweet me.
- I-I actually smelled you making that up.
60
00:03:01,083 --> 00:03:02,834
- I will. I will. - Put them on.
- There's a fire.
61
00:03:02,868 --> 00:03:04,151
- Help me.
- I want seven back in a week.
62
00:03:04,169 --> 00:03:07,038
- Look, there's an eagle!
- Can I wear my shin guards to school?
63
00:03:07,089 --> 00:03:08,840
Okay.
64
00:03:14,797 --> 00:03:15,763
Hey.
65
00:03:15,798 --> 00:03:17,932
Ooh! All right ... shower police!
66
00:03:17,966 --> 00:03:19,267
Ma'am, you want to step inside?
67
00:03:19,301 --> 00:03:21,519
The word is, you haven't been
washing your boobs very well.
68
00:03:21,553 --> 00:03:23,337
No, I'm not here for shower police.
69
00:03:23,355 --> 00:03:26,190
Had to give it a try ...
miss 100% of the shots you never take.
70
00:03:26,225 --> 00:03:29,027
- What's up?
- Just feeling a little un-needed lately.
71
00:03:29,061 --> 00:03:30,561
Well, the shower police need you.
72
00:03:30,612 --> 00:03:31,813
- By the kids.
- I see.
73
00:03:31,847 --> 00:03:34,699
We're having a real
conversation about real things.
74
00:03:34,733 --> 00:03:36,901
What's up?
75
00:03:36,952 --> 00:03:39,120
You know, I've been living
here for almost a year
76
00:03:39,154 --> 00:03:42,373
and I just feel like I'm...
more of a roommate than a parent.
77
00:03:42,408 --> 00:03:45,543
Like some weird craigslist roommate
that everyone politely ignores.
78
00:03:45,577 --> 00:03:48,129
Oh, that's not true.
Hillary's rude to you sometimes.
79
00:03:48,163 --> 00:03:51,049
I just feel like you just do everything
and then there's nothing left for me to do.
80
00:03:51,083 --> 00:03:52,750
Why should you have
to deal with my stuff?
81
00:03:52,801 --> 00:03:55,803
It's my job. I'm their Dad.
I'm the crap-master.
82
00:03:55,838 --> 00:03:57,588
But I could be assistant crap-master.
83
00:03:57,639 --> 00:03:59,253
You want more crap?
I'll give you more crap.
84
00:03:59,303 --> 00:04:00,975
Yes.
All I want is more crap.
85
00:04:04,612 --> 00:04:06,247
All right!
86
00:04:06,281 --> 00:04:08,982
Killer bees, huddle up.
Bring it in! Bring it in!
87
00:04:09,016 --> 00:04:10,784
Lot of good stuff today.
88
00:04:10,818 --> 00:04:12,185
Great spirit.
89
00:04:12,219 --> 00:04:13,186
- Yeah!
- Yeah!
90
00:04:13,220 --> 00:04:15,188
You guys ...
you guys love to cheer.
91
00:04:15,222 --> 00:04:17,023
Uh, couple of things to think about ...
92
00:04:17,057 --> 00:04:20,193
in general, let's ...
let's make it a goal
93
00:04:20,227 --> 00:04:23,930
to not sit down as
much during a scrimmage.
94
00:04:23,964 --> 00:04:25,597
- Yay!
- Yay!
95
00:04:25,631 --> 00:04:27,599
Also, uh, go to the bathroom ...
96
00:04:27,633 --> 00:04:31,603
very important ...
before practice, okay?
97
00:04:31,637 --> 00:04:36,608
And, Ian, if you do need to go during
practice, just, please, leave the field, okay?
98
00:04:36,642 --> 00:04:38,610
Coach Duane,
anything you want to add?
99
00:04:38,644 --> 00:04:41,345
I think my wife is having
an affair with my brother.
100
00:04:41,379 --> 00:04:42,847
- Yay!
- Yay!
101
00:04:42,881 --> 00:04:45,382
All right. Uh, bring it in.
102
00:04:45,417 --> 00:04:47,384
Buzz, buzz, buzz, buzz,
buzz, buzz, buzz, buzz!
103
00:04:47,419 --> 00:04:48,886
All right.
104
00:04:48,921 --> 00:04:52,957
Hey, uh, maybe a little
less sharing with the kids.
105
00:04:52,991 --> 00:04:56,560
Look at you ... doing stuff.
106
00:04:56,594 --> 00:04:58,494
- Yeah. It's exciting, right?
- Yeah.
107
00:04:58,529 --> 00:05:01,581
You know, half these kids
can't eat peanuts, and the other
108
00:05:01,582 --> 00:05:04,634
half only eat peanuts, so, one
wrong bite, half the team dies.
109
00:05:04,668 --> 00:05:06,669
Oh, it's just orange slices and water.
110
00:05:06,704 --> 00:05:08,504
W-well, there's one kid
who can't have oranges.
111
00:05:08,539 --> 00:05:10,673
His parents have some
issues with Florida.
112
00:05:10,708 --> 00:05:13,008
And that kid with the shorty-shorts
113
00:05:13,043 --> 00:05:16,482
can't have any water,
'cause he's overhydrated.
114
00:05:16,517 --> 00:05:17,579
Hey, Pete?
115
00:05:17,613 --> 00:05:19,592
Stay strong, man.
116
00:05:19,669 --> 00:05:20,816
- Yeah?
- Come here.
117
00:05:20,851 --> 00:05:23,652
- What's up?
- Can you keep Bert tonight?
118
00:05:23,686 --> 00:05:25,721
'Cause my Tai Chi class
is doing a pub crawl.
119
00:05:25,755 --> 00:05:28,324
Uh, I could, but I got a client dinner.
120
00:05:28,358 --> 00:05:30,992
I'm not gonna be back until
way after his bedtime.
121
00:05:31,026 --> 00:05:32,227
- Pete...
- I can put him to bed.
122
00:05:34,429 --> 00:05:35,663
I saw that look.
123
00:05:35,697 --> 00:05:38,066
- I can't even have a look?
- Come on. I can do it.
124
00:05:38,100 --> 00:05:40,935
I mean, I've seen Pete put
him to bed a thousand times.
125
00:05:40,970 --> 00:05:42,770
I've been to the ATM
like a thousand times.
126
00:05:42,804 --> 00:05:45,038
Doesn't mean I have a clue
what's in my bank account.
127
00:05:45,073 --> 00:05:47,374
I think one of us should stay home.
128
00:05:47,408 --> 00:05:50,385
Is it gonna be you or is it gonna
be me? Is it an important client?
129
00:05:50,420 --> 00:05:52,486
Ooh ...
Is it gonna affect my alimony?
130
00:05:52,521 --> 00:05:55,447
Jackie, Kate's right.
She wants to do it, she can do it.
131
00:05:57,017 --> 00:05:59,652
What was that look?
132
00:05:59,686 --> 00:06:01,654
That was a weird look.
From now on, new rule ...
133
00:06:01,688 --> 00:06:03,621
everyone says everything out loud.
134
00:06:09,612 --> 00:06:11,547
Warren, I want to watch
TV, okay? Move your feet.
135
00:06:11,581 --> 00:06:14,583
- Hey! No eating on the couch!
- When Mom's not here, I eat where I want.
136
00:06:14,617 --> 00:06:17,752
- Now move your gross feet.
- Gross feet? That was very mean.
137
00:06:17,786 --> 00:06:20,521
- Apologize to my feet.
- Never.
138
00:06:20,556 --> 00:06:22,957
Okay, then I'm just gonna
have to take your snacks.
139
00:06:22,991 --> 00:06:24,892
Feet! Confiscate snacks!
140
00:06:24,927 --> 00:06:26,627
Foot snacks! Jerk, get
your feet off my salsa!
141
00:06:28,096 --> 00:06:30,932
Oh, my god.
142
00:06:32,133 --> 00:06:33,800
- What's up, studly?
- Dad, uh...
143
00:06:33,834 --> 00:06:36,302
me and Hillary spilled
salsa on Mom's white couch.
144
00:06:36,336 --> 00:06:39,305
Ooh!
Ooh-ooh-ooh!
145
00:06:39,339 --> 00:06:41,140
What do we do?
146
00:06:42,342 --> 00:06:45,645
Dad? Be serious, okay?
147
00:06:45,680 --> 00:06:47,213
What are we supposed to do?
148
00:06:47,247 --> 00:06:49,583
I'm sorry. I'm sorry.
You're calling your father for advice.
149
00:06:49,617 --> 00:06:52,285
Here's my advice ...
run away.
150
00:06:54,455 --> 00:06:55,588
Hello?
151
00:06:55,622 --> 00:06:57,990
Poor kids.
152
00:06:58,024 --> 00:06:59,158
We're screwed.
153
00:06:59,193 --> 00:07:01,660
Mom loves to punish us
in those twisted ways.
154
00:07:01,695 --> 00:07:03,963
I know ... a-and remember that
one time I wouldn't stop picking
155
00:07:03,964 --> 00:07:06,232
my nose and so she ... she
put that dog cone collar on me?
156
00:07:06,266 --> 00:07:07,733
She cannot find out about this.
157
00:07:07,767 --> 00:07:11,904
Wait. Wait.
She won't!
158
00:07:13,707 --> 00:07:16,041
Oh, my god!
159
00:07:19,012 --> 00:07:21,780
- Oh! Check it!
- Genius.
160
00:07:21,815 --> 00:07:24,115
Okay, as long as we keep
a united front, we'll be fine.
161
00:07:24,149 --> 00:07:25,249
Hey, guys.
162
00:07:25,283 --> 00:07:27,418
- Hey, Mom!
- How was your day?
163
00:07:27,452 --> 00:07:28,853
It was great.
164
00:07:28,887 --> 00:07:30,187
Hey, Hillary.
Let's get out of here.
165
00:07:30,222 --> 00:07:31,956
- Bye, Mom!
- Bye, Mom!
166
00:07:38,230 --> 00:07:42,099
"I'm not afraid of your breath,
and he gave the dragon a kiss.
167
00:07:42,133 --> 00:07:46,637
And that's how the
dragon learned to love."
168
00:07:46,671 --> 00:07:48,471
Okeydokey.
169
00:07:48,506 --> 00:07:50,273
We've got your water ... check.
170
00:07:50,307 --> 00:07:52,943
Mr. Bear's water ... check.
171
00:07:52,977 --> 00:07:55,177
I see you've made some changes
to your wardrobe for the week,
172
00:07:55,211 --> 00:07:56,679
which I totally respect.
173
00:07:56,713 --> 00:08:01,984
And now it's time
to close your eyes and go to sleep.
174
00:08:02,019 --> 00:08:06,656
- And I'll count you down from 10.
- How about from a billion?
175
00:08:08,224 --> 00:08:12,260
- I don't know how to count that high.
- How about from a million?
176
00:08:13,462 --> 00:08:18,299
Okay.
A million...
177
00:08:21,771 --> 00:08:23,304
Hi.
178
00:08:47,527 --> 00:08:50,362
- Bert?
- Hi! Are we playing a game?
179
00:08:50,397 --> 00:08:51,698
No.
180
00:08:52,599 --> 00:08:56,535
- I'm still awake.
- Why?
181
00:08:56,570 --> 00:08:58,037
Hey, guys. Snack's ready.
182
00:08:58,072 --> 00:09:00,706
- Just act cool.
- I always do.
183
00:09:00,740 --> 00:09:03,041
Oh, Mom, you look ravishing.
184
00:09:03,076 --> 00:09:04,776
Oh. Why, thank you, sweetheart.
185
00:09:04,811 --> 00:09:08,779
Okay, guys, dig in.
I made quesadillas.
186
00:09:10,615 --> 00:09:14,251
Okay.
Any other topping suggestions?
187
00:09:14,285 --> 00:09:18,055
- S-sour ... sour cream.
- Chocolate.
188
00:09:18,090 --> 00:09:20,791
- Relish.
- Uh, mustard?
189
00:09:22,427 --> 00:09:24,627
Relish.
190
00:09:24,661 --> 00:09:28,798
I was thinking of something
just a little more picante.
191
00:09:28,833 --> 00:09:31,701
I know ... how about some salsa?
192
00:09:31,736 --> 00:09:33,302
- Oh, yeah. Salsa ... right.
- Salsa.
193
00:09:33,337 --> 00:09:36,106
We haven't had salsa
in a while. Right, Hil?
194
00:09:36,140 --> 00:09:37,107
That's right, Warren.
195
00:09:37,141 --> 00:09:41,376
Aah. New bottle.
Dig.
196
00:09:41,410 --> 00:09:43,712
- All right.
- Oh!
197
00:09:43,747 --> 00:09:45,380
I almost forgot ... napkins,
198
00:09:45,414 --> 00:09:46,882
just in case one of us spills the salsa.
199
00:09:46,916 --> 00:09:48,083
Right.
200
00:09:48,118 --> 00:09:50,285
She knows. She never talks
this much about salsa.
201
00:09:50,319 --> 00:09:51,620
Maybe she talks about
salsa all the time,
202
00:09:51,654 --> 00:09:53,388
- but we're just noticing it now.
- What?!
203
00:09:56,125 --> 00:09:57,424
Hey, dig in guys.
204
00:10:01,930 --> 00:10:04,298
The salsa is what makes it so good.
205
00:10:06,601 --> 00:10:08,402
It's been three hours.
We're buddies, right?
206
00:10:08,436 --> 00:10:10,638
- I like you!
- Okay, good. I like you, too.
207
00:10:10,672 --> 00:10:13,473
Now can you just please tell
me, Berto. What can I do?
208
00:10:13,507 --> 00:10:17,043
- Sometimes I like "This little piggy."
- Great. Perfect.
209
00:10:18,680 --> 00:10:21,148
This little piggy went to market.
210
00:10:21,182 --> 00:10:23,516
And this little piggy stayed home.
211
00:10:23,550 --> 00:10:27,187
And this little piggy...
went to Pilates.
212
00:10:27,221 --> 00:10:31,257
And this little piggy was like,
"Bert, go to sleep!"
213
00:10:31,291 --> 00:10:34,760
That was all wrong.
I'm even more awake now.
214
00:10:39,699 --> 00:10:40,866
I'll tell you what.
215
00:10:40,901 --> 00:10:44,270
Tonight, you're gonna fall asleep
like I did when I was your age.
216
00:10:45,638 --> 00:10:48,373
I never get to watch TV in bed!
217
00:10:48,408 --> 00:10:50,342
I know. It'll be our
little secret, okay?
218
00:10:50,376 --> 00:10:53,978
- Let's Pinky swear!
- I like the way you roll.
219
00:10:54,013 --> 00:10:55,647
All right.
220
00:10:55,682 --> 00:10:56,981
Temperatures in the south will be
221
00:10:57,016 --> 00:10:58,550
dropping by tomorrow night.
222
00:10:58,584 --> 00:11:01,453
In sports, Los Angeles beat
San Francisco to stay alive
223
00:11:01,454 --> 00:11:04,322
in the chase for the west,
and Seattle lost to Texas
224
00:11:04,356 --> 00:11:06,357
despite Hernandez going eight innings...
225
00:11:06,391 --> 00:11:09,026
That's all for the nightly news at 11.
226
00:11:09,060 --> 00:11:11,995
From our family to yours, good night.
227
00:11:12,030 --> 00:11:15,999
Tonight, on "Cold File"...
Mark Styman was
228
00:11:16,034 --> 00:11:19,235
a brilliant surgeon,
but this surgeon had a secret.
229
00:11:19,269 --> 00:11:23,563
Dr. Mark Styman liked to steal uteruses.
230
00:11:31,481 --> 00:11:33,449
Hey, buddy.
All right, time to get up.
231
00:11:33,483 --> 00:11:36,651
- The killer bees need their goalie.
- I'm an all-star.
232
00:11:36,685 --> 00:11:39,321
Okay, right ...
everybody's an all-star.
233
00:11:39,355 --> 00:11:41,189
Up. Come on.
234
00:11:41,224 --> 00:11:43,591
Oh, I'm tired. I slept bad.
235
00:11:43,625 --> 00:11:47,028
Shh! No, you didn't.
Don't say that... to your Dad.
236
00:11:47,063 --> 00:11:49,097
Kate, could a doctor steal my uterus?
237
00:11:49,131 --> 00:11:52,432
Steal your uterus?
What are you talking about?
238
00:11:52,467 --> 00:11:56,270
I saw it on "Cold File"
last night after you fell asleep.
239
00:11:56,304 --> 00:11:57,471
Ooh, boy.
240
00:11:58,573 --> 00:12:00,841
Okay, listen, let's
just keep it between us
241
00:12:00,876 --> 00:12:03,377
- with a Pinky swear?
- Okay.
242
00:12:03,411 --> 00:12:04,378
Okay. Good.
243
00:12:04,412 --> 00:12:05,945
Hey, Bert! We gotta go!
244
00:12:06,747 --> 00:12:08,848
Hey.
245
00:12:08,883 --> 00:12:11,150
Just this once, you can
have a sip of my coffee.
246
00:12:11,185 --> 00:12:13,119
- It'll wake you up.
- Thanks.
247
00:12:20,327 --> 00:12:23,161
I feel better already.
248
00:12:23,196 --> 00:12:25,130
Oh, Bert.
249
00:12:25,164 --> 00:12:27,799
Okay. One last Pinky swear.
250
00:12:28,635 --> 00:12:31,904
- Hey, Bert! Let's go! Let's go!
- Yeah, he's coming.
251
00:12:31,938 --> 00:12:34,439
You know how kids get
sometimes in the morning.
252
00:12:34,474 --> 00:12:35,941
I was thinking about
what you said yesterday
253
00:12:35,976 --> 00:12:39,276
about wanting to be more involved.
You got Bert to sleep last night.
254
00:12:39,311 --> 00:12:42,046
I think you're ready for your
next challenge.
255
00:12:42,081 --> 00:12:43,214
How would you like to assistant coach
256
00:12:43,248 --> 00:12:45,382
the losingest team in league history?
257
00:12:45,417 --> 00:12:48,720
Oh, Pete.
I think I'm already doing so m...
258
00:12:48,754 --> 00:12:50,722
Don't worry. You're gonna hate it.
259
00:12:53,058 --> 00:12:54,190
What happened to coach Duane?
260
00:12:54,225 --> 00:12:56,559
Uh, he had a nervous breakdown.
261
00:12:56,594 --> 00:12:59,262
All right! Let's do this!
262
00:12:59,296 --> 00:13:01,098
Someone got a good night's sleep.
263
00:13:02,466 --> 00:13:04,267
Yep. Let's go.
264
00:13:07,471 --> 00:13:10,072
Ah, come dance with me, guys!
265
00:13:10,107 --> 00:13:12,574
Come on, Hil!
266
00:13:12,609 --> 00:13:16,278
Come on.
All right, get ready to move your hips.
267
00:13:17,781 --> 00:13:20,783
Mm! What is this music?
268
00:13:20,817 --> 00:13:23,719
It's called...
Salsa.
269
00:13:26,355 --> 00:13:29,223
Oh, my god.
270
00:13:29,258 --> 00:13:30,591
Warren.
271
00:13:34,363 --> 00:13:35,830
How did it go with Bert last night?
272
00:13:35,865 --> 00:13:37,832
- Did he say anything?
- Nope.
273
00:13:37,867 --> 00:13:41,036
- Oh, it went great.
- Oh, good. I'm so hung over.
274
00:13:41,070 --> 00:13:44,138
- Those Tai Chi ladies are surprisingly
violent drinkers. - Oh.
275
00:13:44,172 --> 00:13:45,739
Bring it in!
Bring it in, bees!
276
00:13:45,774 --> 00:13:47,240
Got to go ... new coach.
277
00:13:47,275 --> 00:13:49,442
- Oh, yeah? Oh, good luck.
- Oh, thanks.
278
00:13:49,477 --> 00:13:50,944
Hey, you know, I coached
the Zebras two years ago.
279
00:13:50,979 --> 00:13:54,581
- It was a mess. They kept kicking
it out to the refs. - Great.
280
00:13:54,615 --> 00:13:57,917
You know what they say about
husband/wife coaching teams.
281
00:13:59,219 --> 00:14:00,753
Gather 'round,
gather 'round, huddle up.
282
00:14:00,788 --> 00:14:04,023
Special day ... I want to
introduce you to coach Kate
283
00:14:04,058 --> 00:14:05,457
She lives in our house!
284
00:14:05,492 --> 00:14:07,160
She's gonna be helping
us while coach Duane
285
00:14:07,194 --> 00:14:09,428
gets the help that he
so desperately needs.
286
00:14:09,462 --> 00:14:12,098
Hi, guys.
I'm super excited to be here.
287
00:14:12,132 --> 00:14:13,432
I-I love soccer,
288
00:14:13,466 --> 00:14:15,500
- and I love playing with little boys.
- Bert.
289
00:14:15,534 --> 00:14:18,291
And... playing with
little girls... as well.
290
00:14:18,326 --> 00:14:19,851
Guys, let's give her a big bees welcome.
291
00:14:20,539 --> 00:14:21,639
I'm the Sun!
292
00:14:21,674 --> 00:14:25,143
- Bert?
- I'm the Moon! I'm Christmas!
293
00:14:25,178 --> 00:14:26,644
Bert, you want to ...
you want to bring it in?
294
00:14:26,679 --> 00:14:28,146
- He's excited.
- Rein it down a little bit.
295
00:14:28,181 --> 00:14:29,314
Okay, uh, like I was saying ...
296
00:14:29,348 --> 00:14:32,883
coach Kate is gonna be a valuable
addition. Pair up, get a ball.
297
00:14:32,918 --> 00:14:34,885
- Will you check on Bert?
He seems a little weird. - Yeah.
298
00:14:34,920 --> 00:14:36,854
No, no ... probably just
excited that I'm coaching.
299
00:14:36,888 --> 00:14:38,355
- Okay.
- I got it.
300
00:14:38,389 --> 00:14:39,556
Hey, Bert.
Hey, Bert. Hey!
301
00:14:39,591 --> 00:14:41,892
Get over here.
Get over here. Come here.
302
00:14:41,927 --> 00:14:45,062
Okay, listen ...
I need you to tone it down a notch.
303
00:14:45,097 --> 00:14:46,562
I can taste my teeth!
304
00:14:46,597 --> 00:14:47,897
Okay. Shh! Don't say that.
305
00:14:47,932 --> 00:14:50,133
Okay, that's ...
that's great. Just walk.
306
00:14:51,602 --> 00:14:52,702
Yes, ma'am.
307
00:14:57,908 --> 00:15:00,676
Why did you and Mom need to
have a private conversation?
308
00:15:00,711 --> 00:15:02,845
She said if I was going to...
to pee in her bathroom,
309
00:15:02,879 --> 00:15:06,081
- that I had to sit down.
- She's getting to me.
310
00:15:06,116 --> 00:15:10,152
Okay, she's getting inside my head!
Maybe I should just confess.
311
00:15:10,186 --> 00:15:11,186
No, don't ... look, united front.
312
00:15:11,221 --> 00:15:14,689
We're gonna be at Dad's tomorrow.
You can make it until then.
313
00:15:14,724 --> 00:15:19,193
Hillary, I need
to speak to you privately.
314
00:15:19,228 --> 00:15:21,129
Coming, mother.
315
00:15:40,782 --> 00:15:41,749
Remember, you ...
316
00:15:41,750 --> 00:15:43,683
- you're trying to keep them out of there.
- Oh, man.
317
00:15:43,717 --> 00:15:46,153
- Pick up.
- It's your house. Nobody comes in.
318
00:15:47,255 --> 00:15:50,389
Hey, bud, you want to
try some standing up?
319
00:15:50,423 --> 00:15:53,358
- I need coffee.
- Ha! Next thing you know,
320
00:15:53,393 --> 00:15:56,295
he'll be asking for the Wall
Street Journal and a cheese Danish.
321
00:15:56,329 --> 00:15:57,629
Hey, what's going on with the Bertster?
322
00:15:57,664 --> 00:16:01,300
I don't know. Did he eat
something weird last night?
323
00:16:01,334 --> 00:16:02,634
No, guys, I think he's fine.
324
00:16:02,669 --> 00:16:06,271
You know, let's ... let's get up, Bert,
and show 'em what you got, all right?
325
00:16:06,305 --> 00:16:08,807
Come on. Here we go.
Up you go. On your feet.
326
00:16:08,841 --> 00:16:10,975
- You got it, bud. Get up, bud.
- You ready? Here we go.
327
00:16:11,010 --> 00:16:12,476
You got it, buddy.
Ready? Ready? Here we go.
328
00:16:12,511 --> 00:16:16,480
Yeah! There's my all-star!
All right, you ready for another one?
329
00:16:16,515 --> 00:16:18,549
Now, pick up the energy.
Pick up the energy.
330
00:16:18,583 --> 00:16:20,885
Hands up!
Let's go! Let's go! Let's go!
331
00:16:20,920 --> 00:16:21,919
Hands up! Let's go! Let's go!
332
00:16:21,687 --> 00:16:25,689
Ow! My uterus!
333
00:16:29,027 --> 00:16:30,327
- My ... my baby.
- Oh, my god.
334
00:16:30,361 --> 00:16:32,029
He blocked it!
335
00:16:34,465 --> 00:16:35,565
Oh, Bert.
336
00:16:42,790 --> 00:16:45,657
You guys, I feel terrible.
I am so sorry.
337
00:16:45,692 --> 00:16:48,459
Yeah, "sorry" isn't gonna reduce
the swelling in my son's testicle.
338
00:16:48,494 --> 00:16:52,130
You act like you know everything, Kate,
and you don't know anything.
339
00:16:52,165 --> 00:16:55,300
You know nothing about...
anything.
340
00:16:56,235 --> 00:17:00,971
- So, I'm gonna tell you something ...
- Jackie, Kate knows that she screwed up.
341
00:17:01,006 --> 00:17:03,140
Yeah ... no ... you screwed up.
342
00:17:03,175 --> 00:17:07,945
You ... I hope you can still be
a grandpa after all of Bert's... this.
343
00:17:07,979 --> 00:17:10,681
I think Bert's "this" will be fine.
344
00:17:10,716 --> 00:17:12,349
I just wanted to do
something to help, you know?
345
00:17:12,383 --> 00:17:13,684
I just wanted to be part of the family,
346
00:17:13,719 --> 00:17:16,286
and Pete gave me the chance,
and I just ... I blew it.
347
00:17:16,321 --> 00:17:18,788
Yeah, you did, like...
348
00:17:18,823 --> 00:17:20,623
"No!"
349
00:17:20,657 --> 00:17:23,144
- Yeah ... real bad.
- You know what? I am just ...
350
00:17:23,179 --> 00:17:24,722
I'm gonna go to the
cafeteria and get something.
351
00:17:24,757 --> 00:17:26,029
- Do you want anything?
- Oh, you know what?
352
00:17:26,063 --> 00:17:28,631
I bet that Bert would just
love a triple espresso.
353
00:17:28,665 --> 00:17:32,135
You know, I have said it once,
and I will say it again ...
354
00:17:32,169 --> 00:17:35,003
aside from me, I do not
understand your taste in women.
355
00:17:35,038 --> 00:17:37,873
I think you need to cut her some slack.
356
00:17:37,907 --> 00:17:40,242
You remember when we got married?
357
00:17:40,276 --> 00:17:43,411
Barely.
That open bar was fantastic.
358
00:17:43,446 --> 00:17:46,381
You remember how hard
Diane was on you?
359
00:17:46,415 --> 00:17:49,383
You're acting like Diane.
360
00:17:49,417 --> 00:17:53,320
What? Like smart, no-nonsense,
very accomplished? Oh, I get it.
361
00:17:53,355 --> 00:17:56,590
N-no, I mean, y-y-you're
being hard on Kate.
362
00:17:56,625 --> 00:18:00,995
She's ... she's really trying.
She loves our little guy.
363
00:18:01,029 --> 00:18:04,331
Mr. And Mrs. Harrison,
you can see your son now.
364
00:18:04,366 --> 00:18:05,799
We don't have a son.
365
00:18:07,268 --> 00:18:08,334
Oh, honest mistake.
366
00:18:08,369 --> 00:18:11,371
Mr. And Mrs. Harrison, Bert is fine.
You can see him now.
367
00:18:11,405 --> 00:18:13,439
- Great. Yes!
- Do ... give him a tip.
368
00:18:13,474 --> 00:18:14,941
Hey, have you guys seen my phone?
369
00:18:14,976 --> 00:18:20,247
- No.
- Warren!
370
00:18:21,314 --> 00:18:23,382
Please tell me you did this.
371
00:18:23,416 --> 00:18:27,352
Oh, yeah, I did that,
'cause I'm crazy. No!
372
00:18:27,387 --> 00:18:29,755
Oh, hey, guys.
Do you want to watch a movie?
373
00:18:29,790 --> 00:18:32,091
I have rented "La Bamba."
374
00:18:32,125 --> 00:18:35,761
Okay! That's enough!
Please, stop, okay?
375
00:18:35,796 --> 00:18:37,896
Why can't you just punish
us like a normal parent?
376
00:18:37,930 --> 00:18:40,265
I wanted to tell you
the whole time, I swear!
377
00:18:41,466 --> 00:18:42,867
Normal parents don't get results.
378
00:18:42,902 --> 00:18:45,703
- Are you ever going to eat on the sofa again?
- No! - No!
379
00:18:45,737 --> 00:18:47,772
- Are you ever going to hide anything
from me again? - No! - No!
380
00:18:47,807 --> 00:18:49,473
- Do you love me the most?
- No! - Yes!
381
00:18:49,508 --> 00:18:53,376
I ...
Sorry, I got caught up in all the NOs.
382
00:18:53,411 --> 00:18:56,166
- Yes, of course I love you the most.
- Okay.
383
00:18:57,212 --> 00:18:58,715
- Give your Mom a hug.
- Aww!
384
00:19:04,088 --> 00:19:07,257
You can ... go on in.
385
00:19:07,292 --> 00:19:08,991
Oh, it's okay, Jackie.
I don't need to go in.
386
00:19:09,026 --> 00:19:11,660
Look, I know I got mad today.
387
00:19:11,695 --> 00:19:14,396
But deep down here,
in my Jackie heart,
388
00:19:14,431 --> 00:19:17,786
I know that it's not
easy being a new stepmom.
389
00:19:17,821 --> 00:19:21,000
I guess what I'm saying, Kate, is,
we're kind of the same, right?
390
00:19:21,035 --> 00:19:23,806
Free spirits ...
the souls of birds in people bodies.
391
00:19:23,841 --> 00:19:25,807
Oh, yeah.
392
00:19:25,842 --> 00:19:27,742
Well, t-thanks, Jackie.
That's really sweet.
393
00:19:27,776 --> 00:19:30,278
But you don't need to
let me go in. It's okay.
394
00:19:30,313 --> 00:19:31,947
Yeah, well, I'm not...
395
00:19:31,981 --> 00:19:34,349
letting you do anything,
'cause he wants you.
396
00:19:34,383 --> 00:19:35,951
- He does?
- Yeah.
397
00:19:35,985 --> 00:19:37,953
Oh. Okay. Great.
Well, then...
398
00:19:37,987 --> 00:19:39,955
Can you just ... I'm ...
I'll just go in then.
399
00:19:39,989 --> 00:19:41,288
All right.
400
00:19:43,524 --> 00:19:45,326
- Kate!
- Hey, buddy!
401
00:19:45,360 --> 00:19:48,095
Oh, I'm so sorry... about that.
402
00:19:48,129 --> 00:19:50,030
I'm sorry I broke the Pinky swear.
403
00:19:50,065 --> 00:19:52,532
Oh, apology accepted.
I'm more sorry.
404
00:19:52,567 --> 00:19:54,501
Actually, he invited you here
for a very special reason.
405
00:19:54,535 --> 00:19:56,370
Will you do the piggies?
406
00:19:56,404 --> 00:19:57,905
- My piggies?
- Yes!
407
00:19:57,940 --> 00:20:00,774
Of course!
This little piggy went to the market.
408
00:20:00,808 --> 00:20:02,476
This little piggy stayed home.
409
00:20:02,510 --> 00:20:04,444
This little piggy went to the Hamptons.
410
00:20:04,479 --> 00:20:06,680
And this little piggy
was, like, totally jealous.
411
00:20:06,714 --> 00:20:08,648
And this little piggy was like,
412
00:20:08,683 --> 00:20:10,884
"I don't care. I'm gonna
go get a tongue piercing."
413
00:20:10,918 --> 00:20:12,486
It's still so wrong.
414
00:20:14,888 --> 00:20:18,875
And I want to apologize to you,
because, um, you know,
415
00:20:18,876 --> 00:20:21,360
I should have told you
that I was messing everything up.
416
00:20:21,395 --> 00:20:22,695
That's all right ...
just, in the future,
417
00:20:22,729 --> 00:20:24,530
let's not keep things
from each other, okay?
418
00:20:24,564 --> 00:20:26,899
That's what my ex-wives are for.
419
00:20:26,933 --> 00:20:29,368
Oh, Kate, it turns out I
didn't hurt my uterus at all.
420
00:20:29,402 --> 00:20:31,161
That's because you don't have a uterus.
421
00:20:31,196 --> 00:20:35,139
- Remember, buddy? Girls do.
- So... what's in my butt?
422
00:20:35,173 --> 00:20:37,842
- Butt stuff.
- Uh-huh.
423
00:20:37,877 --> 00:20:40,177
Well, actually, there's a
lot of things in your butt.
424
00:20:40,212 --> 00:20:42,547
- You know, if you think about it...
- Butt stuff.
425
00:20:43,516 --> 00:20:46,083
Butt stuff. Yeah.
426
00:20:53,610 --> 00:20:55,695
Excuse me, sir?!
427
00:20:56,096 --> 00:20:57,780
Shower police?
428
00:20:57,814 --> 00:21:00,232
We got a report there's
a man fitting your sexy
429
00:21:00,233 --> 00:21:02,650
description who's been
hanging out in this shower.
430
00:21:02,685 --> 00:21:04,919
I'd like to come in and investigate.
431
00:21:04,954 --> 00:21:06,154
Okay!
432
00:21:08,691 --> 00:21:11,326
Kate!
I need some orange juice!
433
00:21:11,360 --> 00:21:13,928
Not now, buddy!!!
434
00:21:13,963 --> 00:21:16,497
- Honey, he needs me. Isn't that great?
- But I've been bad.
435
00:21:16,531 --> 00:21:19,100
I've been ... I've been...
I'm bad. I'm very bad!
436
00:21:19,134 --> 00:21:20,734
I'll be back. I'll be right back.
437
00:21:22,404 --> 00:21:25,172
Never gonna happen.
438
00:21:26,172 --> 00:21:29,170
sync & correction by f1nc0
~ addic7ed.com ~
439
00:21:30,000 --> 00:21:33,063
Best watched using Open Subtitles MKV Player
440
00:21:33,113 --> 00:21:37,663
Repair and Synchronization by
Easy Subtitles Synchronizer 1.0.0.0
34741
Can't find what you're looking for?
Get subtitles in any language from opensubtitles.com, and translate them here.