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1
00:00:01,840 --> 00:00:05,840
Are we rolling?
Yeah, in your own time.
2
00:00:05,880 --> 00:00:09,079
Is that it, just that one word?
3
00:00:09,080 --> 00:00:11,999
Yeah.
OK.
4
00:00:12,000 --> 00:00:16,000
Yes.
5
00:00:17,040 --> 00:00:18,799
Uh, hey, Steven that was really good.
6
00:00:18,800 --> 00:00:22,559
Um... feeling is here that you could
be a bit more positive.
7
00:00:22,560 --> 00:00:23,959
More positive?
8
00:00:23,960 --> 00:00:25,839
Yeah, you know, really go for it.
9
00:00:25,840 --> 00:00:28,119
You want me to go for it?
Yeah.
10
00:00:28,120 --> 00:00:31,959
All right.
11
00:00:31,960 --> 00:00:35,919
Yes!
12
00:00:35,920 --> 00:00:37,679
Very, very good. Um...
13
00:00:37,680 --> 00:00:40,559
Let's try it without the script.
It might just loosen you up a little bit.
14
00:00:40,560 --> 00:00:42,799
What is it, one word?
You don't really need it, do you?
15
00:00:42,800 --> 00:00:45,399
I probably don't need the scripts,
it's just a word.
16
00:00:45,400 --> 00:00:49,400
Yep. OK, let's do it again.
17
00:00:50,080 --> 00:00:53,319
Yes!
18
00:00:53,320 --> 00:00:57,320
Is that it?
Yes. Right.
19
00:00:57,840 --> 00:00:59,999
Hi, Steven?
Yes.
20
00:01:00,000 --> 00:01:02,199
This is Clem Fandango.
Yes?
21
00:01:02,200 --> 00:01:05,399
Can you hear me?
Yes, I can hear you, Clem Fandango.
22
00:01:05,400 --> 00:01:06,719
Honestly, this is going so great
23
00:01:06,720 --> 00:01:09,399
but I just think there was a little
loss of energy on that last take.
24
00:01:09,400 --> 00:01:10,480
Maybe try one more.
25
00:01:12,400 --> 00:01:15,159
OK, ready to go?
Yep. What? Yes!
26
00:01:15,160 --> 00:01:16,719
OK.
27
00:01:16,720 --> 00:01:20,720
Yes! Yes! Yes! Yes! Yes! Yes! Yes!
28
00:01:27,800 --> 00:01:29,359
Y-e-e-s!
29
00:01:29,360 --> 00:01:33,360
Y-e-e-e-s! Y-e-e-e-s! Y-e-e-e-s!
30
00:01:35,000 --> 00:01:36,639
Ye-e-e-aah-e-e-s!
31
00:01:36,640 --> 00:01:40,159
Oh, fuck!
32
00:01:40,160 --> 00:01:42,039
Jesus.
33
00:01:42,040 --> 00:01:43,999
Steven?
What?!
34
00:01:44,000 --> 00:01:45,756
How would you feel
about doing a "no"?
35
00:01:47,189 --> 00:02:10,827
Subtitles by MemoryOnSmells
http://UKsubtitles.ru.
36
00:02:15,400 --> 00:02:19,279
Come on, you idiot.
I'm trying to concentrate, Ellen.
37
00:02:19,280 --> 00:02:22,479
It's only fucking crazy golf.
Now take the shot and move on.
38
00:02:22,480 --> 00:02:24,639
It's not crazy golf, it's mini golf.
39
00:02:24,640 --> 00:02:25,999
What's the fucking difference?
40
00:02:26,000 --> 00:02:27,199
One's crazy and one's mini -
41
00:02:27,200 --> 00:02:29,399
it's obvious
what the fucking difference is.
42
00:02:29,400 --> 00:02:30,679
I'm taking my shot now.
43
00:02:30,680 --> 00:02:32,759
You can't do that, Ellen,
it's my shot.
44
00:02:32,760 --> 00:02:33,879
Why is it your shot?
45
00:02:33,880 --> 00:02:36,319
Because my ball is
nearer to the hole!
46
00:02:36,320 --> 00:02:40,279
It's not the fucking US Masters,
and I'm going to take my shot.
47
00:02:40,280 --> 00:02:41,879
You can't do that.
48
00:02:41,880 --> 00:02:43,879
Don't tell me what to do.
49
00:02:43,880 --> 00:02:45,879
Excuse me? Excuse me?
50
00:02:45,880 --> 00:02:48,319
How long are you going to be
on this hole?
51
00:02:48,320 --> 00:02:50,679
Mind your own fucking business.
Yeah.
52
00:02:50,680 --> 00:02:54,279
We are actually on this hole,
so piss off and wait your turn.
53
00:02:54,280 --> 00:02:55,599
Now give me the club.
54
00:02:55,600 --> 00:02:57,959
Do not take this club, Ellen.
55
00:02:57,960 --> 00:03:01,079
Do not tell me what to do.
56
00:03:01,080 --> 00:03:02,759
Agh!
57
00:03:02,760 --> 00:03:04,959
I really hate it...
when you tell me what to do!
58
00:03:04,960 --> 00:03:06,399
Agh!
59
00:03:06,400 --> 00:03:08,159
I really... hate it...
60
00:03:08,160 --> 00:03:09,919
when you... tell me...
61
00:03:09,920 --> 00:03:12,960
what... to do!
Agh, oh!
62
00:03:25,040 --> 00:03:26,479
I really miss her.
63
00:03:26,480 --> 00:03:28,159
Who's that, Toast?
64
00:03:28,160 --> 00:03:29,839
Ellen, my ex-wife.
65
00:03:29,840 --> 00:03:31,439
I really miss her.
66
00:03:31,440 --> 00:03:33,639
I thought you said
your marriage was volatile.
67
00:03:33,640 --> 00:03:36,919
It was but we had so much in common.
68
00:03:36,920 --> 00:03:39,999
Straight talker,
never suffered fools gladly.
69
00:03:40,000 --> 00:03:43,159
She had a terrific sense of humour.
70
00:03:43,160 --> 00:03:44,719
I've just got this from her
solicitor.
71
00:03:44,720 --> 00:03:47,439
She wants a divorce
and a hell of a lot of cash.
72
00:03:47,440 --> 00:03:49,639
Oh, dear.
Are you flush at the moment?
73
00:03:49,640 --> 00:03:52,359
Well, luckily, I've been hired
by a very rich Arab gentleman
74
00:03:52,360 --> 00:03:54,199
to star in a film he's making.
75
00:03:54,200 --> 00:03:57,199
Oh. He's promised me a tidy sum.
We start tomorrow.
76
00:03:57,200 --> 00:03:59,439
Ah, sounds like something that
Omar Sharif might be in.
77
00:03:59,440 --> 00:04:03,079
I once played some surprisingly
competitive bridge with Omar.
78
00:04:03,080 --> 00:04:04,799
We had a rubber in his private
Jacuzzi.
79
00:04:04,800 --> 00:04:07,519
So, what's the film about?
I don't know,
80
00:04:07,520 --> 00:04:08,879
I haven't been sent a script.
81
00:04:08,880 --> 00:04:12,880
Huge budget.
It could be a big break for me.
82
00:04:16,480 --> 00:04:20,480
OK, I'm going to ask you if you
recognise any of these photographs.
83
00:04:20,720 --> 00:04:24,239
We think the murderer may be
one of these men.
84
00:04:24,240 --> 00:04:26,679
Is this him?
85
00:04:26,680 --> 00:04:30,680
Is this him?
Is this him?
86
00:04:32,000 --> 00:04:34,759
Is this him?
87
00:04:34,760 --> 00:04:36,199
Yes, just as I thought.
88
00:04:36,200 --> 00:04:38,039
And when he attacked you,
89
00:04:38,040 --> 00:04:40,639
did he make an unsavoury
racial comment?
90
00:04:40,640 --> 00:04:43,559
Yes, no surprises there.
91
00:04:43,560 --> 00:04:45,439
He's got form on that one.
92
00:04:45,440 --> 00:04:48,759
All right, Mr Ho Chi, you can go.
93
00:04:48,760 --> 00:04:52,439
Stop acting!
94
00:04:52,440 --> 00:04:55,959
Very good. You get him, Toast, eh?
95
00:04:55,960 --> 00:04:58,199
You nail the bloody fucker!
96
00:04:58,200 --> 00:05:00,919
I just do whatever it says
in the script, Mr Fasili.
97
00:05:00,920 --> 00:05:02,439
Prince Philip, I hate him.
98
00:05:02,440 --> 00:05:06,440
It's pretty clear from this
you're not a fan.
99
00:05:07,240 --> 00:05:09,479
It's very good shooting today, Toast.
100
00:05:09,480 --> 00:05:11,639
You know, I've never directed
a film thing before
101
00:05:11,640 --> 00:05:15,039
but I think I'm pretty darn good
at it, yes? Right.
102
00:05:15,040 --> 00:05:18,039
We'll win Oscars, I think,
or BAFTA Awards.
103
00:05:18,040 --> 00:05:20,079
I'll show this Prince Philip
character.
104
00:05:20,080 --> 00:05:21,279
I hate him.
105
00:05:21,280 --> 00:05:24,079
I hate him. Hate him, hate him,
hate him.
106
00:05:24,080 --> 00:05:27,440
I hate him, hate him, hate him,
hate him!
107
00:05:35,360 --> 00:05:39,360
Do you think I could get a sandwich?
108
00:05:40,160 --> 00:05:41,599
It's fucking terrible.
109
00:05:41,600 --> 00:05:44,119
He's never directed before,
never written a script
110
00:05:44,120 --> 00:05:45,959
and he hasn't got a chance in hell
111
00:05:45,960 --> 00:05:48,479
of getting this film shown
in any decent cinema in the world.
112
00:05:48,480 --> 00:05:50,999
It's obviously a vanity project.
113
00:05:51,000 --> 00:05:53,759
It's good money, though, Toast.
The man's a billionaire.
114
00:05:53,760 --> 00:05:55,719
That's like a really wealthy
millionaire.
115
00:05:55,720 --> 00:05:58,479
And besides, you don't really want
anyone to see the film, do you?
116
00:05:58,480 --> 00:06:01,279
Of course I don't.
Well, then.
117
00:06:01,280 --> 00:06:05,280
Yeah, but I bloody well should be
starring in films people want to see, made by proper directors.
118
00:06:06,200 --> 00:06:10,200
Something like...
The King's Speech.
119
00:06:17,240 --> 00:06:21,240
I'm not saying you're not good enough
to bag an Academy Award, Toast, I just...
120
00:06:21,840 --> 00:06:25,840
I just... don't think it's ever
possible you'll win one.
121
00:06:29,880 --> 00:06:33,239
Because of what I said to
Minnie Driver? Yes.
122
00:06:33,240 --> 00:06:35,159
Cos I told Minnie Driver
she had a big face.
123
00:06:35,160 --> 00:06:37,119
Cos you told Minnie Driver
she has a big face, yes.
124
00:06:37,120 --> 00:06:38,679
She's in Hollywood now.
125
00:06:38,680 --> 00:06:41,199
She has lots of contacts.
She won't forget something like that.
126
00:06:41,200 --> 00:06:43,679
And then the Fassbender debacle.
127
00:06:43,680 --> 00:06:45,360
Oh, everyone knows Fassbender's...
128
00:06:49,520 --> 00:06:51,199
Really, Toast.
129
00:06:51,200 --> 00:06:52,799
Spreading a vile rumour.
130
00:06:52,800 --> 00:06:54,279
I saw the photo of a chalet.
131
00:06:54,280 --> 00:06:55,839
He's a major player.
132
00:06:55,840 --> 00:06:57,200
He could crush you like that.
133
00:06:59,880 --> 00:07:01,839
Now, you're getting paid
a lot for this film.
134
00:07:01,840 --> 00:07:04,559
It means you may not have to do the
television advert for the laxative.
135
00:07:04,560 --> 00:07:06,799
There's no way I'm doing
a laxative ad.
136
00:07:06,800 --> 00:07:08,759
You remember what happened to
Derek Sibling.
137
00:07:08,760 --> 00:07:11,759
No, I don't, actually.
Whatever did happen to Derek Sibling?
138
00:07:11,760 --> 00:07:13,159
He was very good.
139
00:07:13,160 --> 00:07:15,399
He was,
brightest in his year at RADA.
140
00:07:15,400 --> 00:07:18,919
Trod out one of the best Henry V's
this fella's ever seen.
141
00:07:18,920 --> 00:07:22,079
All going well for him,
then he bursts onto the television
142
00:07:22,080 --> 00:07:24,479
clutching his guts for a laxative
ad. Then...
143
00:07:24,480 --> 00:07:26,919
good night, sweetheart.
144
00:07:26,920 --> 00:07:29,999
Takes a very brave actor
to promote a laxative.
145
00:07:30,000 --> 00:07:31,279
Money's great.
146
00:07:31,280 --> 00:07:35,159
Martin from the agency
would still like to meet you.
147
00:07:35,160 --> 00:07:38,559
Well, you're obviously not keen
but meet him anyway. It'll be very casual.
148
00:07:38,560 --> 00:07:40,519
He's suggested you go bowling
together.
149
00:07:40,520 --> 00:07:43,799
Bowling?
Yes, bowling.
150
00:07:43,800 --> 00:07:46,279
You've got a big, black ball
and you throw it at the skittles.
151
00:07:46,280 --> 00:07:50,280
Skittles?
Yeah, skittles.
152
00:07:50,520 --> 00:07:53,039
They get knocked over and the
mechanical machine puts them back
153
00:07:53,040 --> 00:07:54,839
and then you have another go
at hitting them.
154
00:07:54,840 --> 00:07:57,279
I think you're wrong there, Jane.
I don't think so.
155
00:07:57,280 --> 00:07:59,119
I think you're confusing it
with another game.
156
00:07:59,120 --> 00:08:03,120
I really think you should do this,
Toast. It's just an informal meeting with bowling. No obligation.
157
00:08:03,640 --> 00:08:07,640
All right!
158
00:08:07,840 --> 00:08:09,479
What?!
159
00:08:09,480 --> 00:08:12,119
You can't stop for petrol during
a fare, you prat.
160
00:08:12,120 --> 00:08:14,159
I'm sorry, mate,
I meant to get it earlier.
161
00:08:14,160 --> 00:08:17,839
For fuck's sake.
162
00:08:17,840 --> 00:08:21,840
Hang on, he's not lighting
a cigarette... Right.
163
00:08:23,440 --> 00:08:25,399
You can't smoke around petrol!
164
00:08:25,400 --> 00:08:27,959
The place'll go up
like Worzel Gummidge.
165
00:08:27,960 --> 00:08:29,959
Oi, you're in that play, ain't ya?
166
00:08:29,960 --> 00:08:32,359
Oh, God! Jesus!
167
00:08:32,360 --> 00:08:34,119
I went to see that play
with a mate of mine.
168
00:08:34,120 --> 00:08:37,039
You ought to be a-fucking-shamed
of yourself.
169
00:08:37,040 --> 00:08:38,959
Oi, get back there.
170
00:08:38,960 --> 00:08:42,519
There's no need for the theatre
in this country to descend to that level.
171
00:08:42,520 --> 00:08:44,279
Are you finished?
No, get back.
172
00:08:44,280 --> 00:08:48,280
Sex, nudity, bad language -
disgusting!
173
00:08:48,400 --> 00:08:52,400
Next time,
I'll put a fucking match to you.
174
00:08:58,040 --> 00:09:01,199
I'll burn your bollocks off!
175
00:09:01,200 --> 00:09:05,200
Good night, sweet prince.
176
00:09:23,000 --> 00:09:26,679
This is awful,
having all your boxes here. When are you going to move them?
177
00:09:26,680 --> 00:09:28,879
Well, I'll take some today
but I'll have to hire a van.
178
00:09:28,880 --> 00:09:32,199
Why do you have your name
on all of them? I don't know. They might get lost or something.
179
00:09:32,200 --> 00:09:36,159
Well, Ricky is moving in next week so
he won't want all your stuff there.
180
00:09:36,160 --> 00:09:38,559
Yeah, well, Ricky is a cunt.
I beg your pardon?
181
00:09:38,560 --> 00:09:41,159
I said, I think I may have my hat on
back to front.
182
00:09:41,160 --> 00:09:43,079
You don't like Ricky, do you?
183
00:09:43,080 --> 00:09:46,359
Oh, come on, Ellen! He's a builder,
and you're 45th in line for the throne.
184
00:09:46,360 --> 00:09:48,039
You are such a snob.
185
00:09:48,040 --> 00:09:49,599
I'm a snob and he's a yob.
186
00:09:49,600 --> 00:09:52,279
And you are a knob.
187
00:09:52,280 --> 00:09:54,679
Ricky cares about me. And he's fit.
188
00:09:54,680 --> 00:09:56,999
What?!
He's fit.
189
00:09:57,000 --> 00:09:59,719
What, do you mean he has
a high level of physical fitness?
190
00:09:59,720 --> 00:10:01,679
No, I mean he's good-looking.
191
00:10:01,680 --> 00:10:04,079
Why are you wearing that uniform?
192
00:10:04,080 --> 00:10:06,759
It's a costume.
I had to change my clothes. Someone poured petrol on me earlier.
193
00:10:06,760 --> 00:10:09,239
It's cos of that ghastly play
you're in, isn't it?
194
00:10:09,240 --> 00:10:12,999
Well, you should be grateful
I'm working cos you're fleecing me with that divorce settlement.
195
00:10:13,000 --> 00:10:16,039
I'm only getting what I'm due.
196
00:10:16,040 --> 00:10:17,479
Ricky, darling!
197
00:10:17,480 --> 00:10:19,959
Mmmm...
198
00:10:19,960 --> 00:10:22,199
Give us those beers.
I'll put that in the fridge.
199
00:10:22,200 --> 00:10:24,639
Come here, you gorgeous thing.
200
00:10:24,640 --> 00:10:28,640
Mmm!
201
00:10:29,200 --> 00:10:33,200
Ooh!
202
00:10:39,680 --> 00:10:41,959
Oh!
203
00:10:41,960 --> 00:10:45,960
Yeah, all right!
204
00:10:50,080 --> 00:10:52,039
Ah, Steven. I'm Martin Aynuss.
205
00:10:52,040 --> 00:10:53,079
All right.
206
00:10:53,080 --> 00:10:57,080
Hope you don't mind but I also brought
along my assistant, Sheryl Whelk. OK.
207
00:10:57,160 --> 00:10:59,279
You're dressed very smartly.
Have you just stepped ashore?
208
00:10:59,280 --> 00:11:01,719
It's a costume.
Someone poured petrol on me earlier.
209
00:11:01,720 --> 00:11:03,759
All right. Would you like to start?
210
00:11:03,760 --> 00:11:07,760
Yeah, let's not toss for it
or any of that bullshit.
211
00:11:26,680 --> 00:11:29,479
I've not played in a while -
somebody must have changed the rules.
212
00:11:29,480 --> 00:11:31,359
What are those things at the end?
213
00:11:31,360 --> 00:11:32,439
They're skittles.
214
00:11:32,440 --> 00:11:34,319
Why are there skittles?
215
00:11:34,320 --> 00:11:36,239
And shouldn't I be stood on grass?
216
00:11:36,240 --> 00:11:40,240
I think what may have happened here is
you've confused tenpin bowling with bowls.
217
00:11:41,480 --> 00:11:43,519
OK. It's just a bigger ball,
that's all.
218
00:11:43,520 --> 00:11:47,520
If you want to roll this one towards the skittles
down the end of the lane, give that a go.
219
00:11:48,880 --> 00:11:52,880
I presume it's underarm?
220
00:12:04,440 --> 00:12:08,440
More like that?
221
00:12:24,360 --> 00:12:27,359
Oof!
222
00:12:27,360 --> 00:12:28,457
Shit.
223
00:12:36,000 --> 00:12:39,879
24, take 4.
224
00:12:39,880 --> 00:12:41,399
Start acting.
225
00:12:41,400 --> 00:12:44,039
There's something very
dodgy going on here.
226
00:12:44,040 --> 00:12:45,839
Which is your real name?
227
00:12:45,840 --> 00:12:48,759
Prince Philip or the Duke of
Edinburgh?
228
00:12:48,760 --> 00:12:51,959
I say, this is rather
unsatisfactory.
229
00:12:51,960 --> 00:12:54,679
For most people one name is
enough, but not for you.
230
00:12:54,680 --> 00:12:56,399
How dare you!
231
00:12:56,400 --> 00:12:58,599
Look, Duke, we all know you're the
murderer.
232
00:12:58,600 --> 00:13:02,600
Your life of privilege and being carried
around by servants won't save you now.
233
00:13:04,640 --> 00:13:08,640
Casual racism is one thing,
but this time you've bitten off more than you can chew.
234
00:13:11,920 --> 00:13:14,079
Are you finished with my
husband?
235
00:13:14,080 --> 00:13:18,080
Get her out of here.
236
00:13:19,800 --> 00:13:23,800
Uptight, uncomfortable,
self-conscious.
237
00:13:24,280 --> 00:13:27,879
They say you're the perfect man to
front their Lax-A-Daisy campaign.
238
00:13:27,880 --> 00:13:30,679
I'm not doing it.
Such a shame.
239
00:13:30,680 --> 00:13:34,680
You play constipation so beautifully.
They really want you.
240
00:13:36,200 --> 00:13:38,439
Who else did they ask?
Portillo?
241
00:13:38,440 --> 00:13:40,559
Portillo, yes.
Obvious choice.
242
00:13:40,560 --> 00:13:42,959
He turned them down, he's off doing
his train journeys.
243
00:13:42,960 --> 00:13:45,199
You're not going to trap me
into this, Jane.
244
00:13:45,200 --> 00:13:46,879
I'm not going to advertise
laxatives.
245
00:13:46,880 --> 00:13:48,039
Remember Derek Sibling?
246
00:13:48,040 --> 00:13:50,999
Yes, Derek Sibling!
Now, he was very good.
247
00:13:51,000 --> 00:13:52,759
Brightest in his year at RADA.
248
00:13:52,760 --> 00:13:55,759
Trod out one of the best Henry V's
this fella's ever seen.
249
00:13:55,760 --> 00:13:57,439
All going well for him
250
00:13:57,440 --> 00:14:00,839
and he bursts onto the TV clutching
his guts advertising laxatives.
251
00:14:00,840 --> 00:14:02,840
Then...
252
00:14:04,080 --> 00:14:06,759
good night, sweetheart.
253
00:14:06,760 --> 00:14:08,519
All right, I'll let them know.
254
00:14:08,520 --> 00:14:10,959
Anyway, I don't need the money.
255
00:14:10,960 --> 00:14:12,879
I've got that film thing.
Last day tomorrow.
256
00:14:12,880 --> 00:14:15,559
Can't wait to lodge that big fat
cheque
257
00:14:15,560 --> 00:14:18,479
in Barclays at Fitzroy
Square, oh, yeah!
258
00:14:18,480 --> 00:14:21,679
Aah, ya...!
259
00:14:21,680 --> 00:14:24,559
Toast?
260
00:14:24,560 --> 00:14:28,560
Toast?
261
00:14:38,920 --> 00:14:41,399
I think it's safe to say, Mr Fasili,
262
00:14:41,400 --> 00:14:44,159
that justice is being done here
today.
263
00:14:44,160 --> 00:14:46,439
Yes, Inspector Cavendish.
264
00:14:46,440 --> 00:14:48,639
He has paid the full price for
murder.
265
00:14:48,640 --> 00:14:50,079
I'm not surprised...
266
00:14:50,080 --> 00:14:53,959
Also for standing in the way
of my British citizenship.
267
00:14:53,960 --> 00:14:57,839
The fiend is surely getting
what he so richly deserves.
268
00:14:57,840 --> 00:14:59,039
Look at him!
269
00:14:59,040 --> 00:15:02,439
Die in a cowardly fashion,
like a dog!
270
00:15:02,440 --> 00:15:04,119
I'm not surprised to see him
271
00:15:04,120 --> 00:15:07,919
begging for his life in such a
pathetic, unmannerly manner.
272
00:15:07,920 --> 00:15:10,639
The Royal Family has no place in
modern British society.
273
00:15:10,640 --> 00:15:12,559
I spit on them.
274
00:15:12,560 --> 00:15:15,039
I admire you for saying so,
Mr Fasili.
275
00:15:15,040 --> 00:15:19,040
They are a bunch of
no-good, cheap bastards.
276
00:15:26,800 --> 00:15:30,800
Bravo!
277
00:15:31,480 --> 00:15:35,480
Bravo!
278
00:15:40,120 --> 00:15:44,120
This whole scene is
beneath me
279
00:15:46,760 --> 00:15:50,760
I'll rise above what's not
good enough
280
00:15:53,400 --> 00:15:57,400
Remove myself and politely
281
00:16:00,080 --> 00:16:01,759
Decline
282
00:16:01,760 --> 00:16:05,760
It strains upon my heart
283
00:16:07,680 --> 00:16:11,680
This whole life is beneath me
284
00:16:14,120 --> 00:16:18,120
I'll rise above what's not
good enough
285
00:16:20,840 --> 00:16:24,840
Remove myself and politely
286
00:16:27,880 --> 00:16:30,039
Decline
287
00:16:30,040 --> 00:16:34,040
It strains upon my heart.
288
00:17:09,000 --> 00:17:11,799
I'm glad that we compromised
on the word "bastards".
289
00:17:11,800 --> 00:17:15,079
"Cocksuckers" didn't seem right, not
for the entire Royal Family.
290
00:17:15,080 --> 00:17:17,079
I mean, Princess Michael of
Kent...
291
00:17:17,080 --> 00:17:18,639
Well...
292
00:17:18,640 --> 00:17:22,640
It's a pity you missed the Benedict
Cumberbatch scenes. He was... sublime.
293
00:17:23,440 --> 00:17:24,759
Who?
294
00:17:24,760 --> 00:17:27,319
I do so love champagne,
don't you?
295
00:17:27,320 --> 00:17:29,439
Yes, er, Mr Fasili,
I wonder if I could ask you -
296
00:17:29,440 --> 00:17:30,959
when will I receive payment?
297
00:17:30,960 --> 00:17:32,079
Now.
298
00:17:32,080 --> 00:17:33,639
You have the cheque?
299
00:17:33,640 --> 00:17:36,039
Yes.
Ah, could I...?
300
00:17:36,040 --> 00:17:40,040
I just need to sign it.
Do you have a pen?
301
00:17:40,920 --> 00:17:41,959
No.
302
00:17:41,960 --> 00:17:43,519
You are in rather a hurry.
303
00:17:43,520 --> 00:17:47,520
I'm in the middle of an acrimonious divorce
settlement. I completely understand.
304
00:17:48,000 --> 00:17:51,479
I have a pen in my office,
I shall sign it immediately.
305
00:17:51,480 --> 00:17:52,559
After all,
306
00:17:52,560 --> 00:17:56,560
you are the man who brought
Prince Philip to justice.
307
00:18:02,680 --> 00:18:06,680
I shall be back in a minute. Help
yourself to more champagne, Toast.
308
00:18:15,280 --> 00:18:18,119
Oh, God.
309
00:18:18,120 --> 00:18:20,759
Out of my way, come on!
310
00:18:20,760 --> 00:18:22,879
Mr Fasili, where are you?
311
00:18:22,880 --> 00:18:24,199
Did you sign the cheque?
312
00:18:24,200 --> 00:18:27,519
You there! Did you see him sign the
cheque before he fell overboard?
313
00:18:27,520 --> 00:18:29,399
Did you see him sign the
cheque?
314
00:18:29,400 --> 00:18:33,400
Oh, God. Damn you to hell!
315
00:18:35,960 --> 00:18:37,559
It mentions the film.
316
00:18:37,560 --> 00:18:39,559
It says it may now never get
released.
317
00:18:39,560 --> 00:18:41,119
Oh, I don't mind that so much.
318
00:18:41,120 --> 00:18:43,759
It's not being paid the 60,000.
It's not being paid the 60,000.
319
00:18:43,760 --> 00:18:45,879
Jane's going to look into it,
but she's not hopeful.
320
00:18:45,880 --> 00:18:47,199
It seems he owes millions.
321
00:18:47,200 --> 00:18:50,119
It's funny how these things always
surface after someone dies.
322
00:18:50,120 --> 00:18:52,639
Someone who won't be surfacing is
Fasili. He weighed a tonne.
323
00:18:52,640 --> 00:18:56,640
Sank like a stone. Apparently, he had
an extra-large life buoy in case he fell overboard.
324
00:18:56,800 --> 00:18:58,759
He managed to squeeze
into that but still sank,
325
00:18:58,760 --> 00:19:02,199
dragged the life buoy down with him.
Really? I'd have thought that impossible.
326
00:19:02,200 --> 00:19:04,679
But there again, he was
fucking huge. Mm.
327
00:19:04,680 --> 00:19:08,119
The thing is, Ellen's been pestering
me for that divorce settlement money.
328
00:19:08,120 --> 00:19:09,879
Ah, tough times, Toast,
329
00:19:09,880 --> 00:19:13,880
but I'm sure you have absolutely
nothing to be worried about.
330
00:19:17,360 --> 00:19:19,439
You better sort that cash out
as soon as possible.
331
00:19:19,440 --> 00:19:23,119
Who are you again? Cos I don't
recognise you from my wife's legal team!
332
00:19:23,120 --> 00:19:25,359
Never mind who we are,
you'd better pay up!
333
00:19:25,360 --> 00:19:27,439
You're not connected to
Ricky, are you?
334
00:19:27,440 --> 00:19:28,639
No.
335
00:19:28,640 --> 00:19:31,199
It's just that I saw you
jump out of his van.
336
00:19:31,200 --> 00:19:32,679
No.
337
00:19:32,680 --> 00:19:36,680
We don't know anyone called
Ricky.
338
00:19:37,760 --> 00:19:38,799
Hang on?
339
00:19:38,800 --> 00:19:40,999
You're in that play, ain't ya?
What?
340
00:19:41,000 --> 00:19:42,639
Remember that play we went
to with Dave?
341
00:19:42,640 --> 00:19:45,759
Young Simon here, first time he's
ever been to the theatre
342
00:19:45,760 --> 00:19:48,599
and sees that load of rubbish! You may
have put him off the theatre for life!
343
00:19:48,600 --> 00:19:51,799
Pinter, Stoppard, David Hare!
344
00:19:51,800 --> 00:19:53,639
He's never going to give 'em a
chance.
345
00:19:53,640 --> 00:19:55,799
Well, there's been extensive
rewrites.
346
00:19:55,800 --> 00:19:56,919
By Ben Elton.
347
00:19:56,920 --> 00:19:59,679
I should give you a bloody good
hiding just for that play alone,
348
00:19:59,680 --> 00:20:01,679
but if you don't sort that
wonga out,
349
00:20:01,680 --> 00:20:04,199
Ben Elton will be rewriting
your bloody obituary!
350
00:20:04,200 --> 00:20:05,879
So you better get that money,
right?
351
00:20:05,880 --> 00:20:07,959
Doesn't matter how, just get
that money!
352
00:20:07,960 --> 00:20:11,759
Ye-e-es.
353
00:20:11,760 --> 00:20:14,359
Put constipation behind you.
354
00:20:14,360 --> 00:20:18,360
New formula Lax-A-Daisy restores
your body's regularity
355
00:20:20,440 --> 00:20:24,440
so that you can work and relax every
day without anxiety.
356
00:20:27,720 --> 00:20:31,720
Lax-A-Daisy doesn't cause
excess gas or dizziness.
357
00:20:32,760 --> 00:20:36,760
It just lets you step back
into the natural rhythm of life.
358
00:20:45,480 --> 00:20:48,399
Yes, very good, Steven.
Bravo.
359
00:20:48,400 --> 00:20:51,239
I wasn't sure about
the wig at first, but it works.
360
00:20:51,240 --> 00:20:54,439
May I introduce you to Howard Bugowitz,
chairman of Lax-A-Daisy in New York.
361
00:20:54,440 --> 00:20:55,679
My God, that was terrific!
362
00:20:55,680 --> 00:20:59,680
Everyone at Cartwright and
Aynuss is very pleased.
363
00:20:59,760 --> 00:21:02,839
We'd like to sign you up for a long-term
contract to be the face of Lax-A-Daisy
364
00:21:02,840 --> 00:21:04,479
for the next five years.
365
00:21:04,480 --> 00:21:06,359
Well, that's tremendous news.
366
00:21:06,360 --> 00:21:08,799
Maybe we could even make it
ten years.
367
00:21:08,800 --> 00:21:11,039
We can talk figures on
Monday, Jane. Perfect.
368
00:21:11,040 --> 00:21:14,519
I'm sure Martin will make us
a very generous offer, Toast.
369
00:21:14,520 --> 00:21:17,479
I don't want to talk about this
now. I've got to rush off and do my play.
370
00:21:17,480 --> 00:21:21,119
Whoa! No, no, no. Come upstairs!
We're going to have a bit of a party.
371
00:21:21,120 --> 00:21:24,039
No. Last party I went to,
someone drowned.
372
00:21:24,040 --> 00:21:26,279
Come on, we can share the
taxi. Yes.
373
00:21:26,280 --> 00:21:29,079
Talk Monday.
374
00:21:29,080 --> 00:21:33,080
Great casting, Marty. That guy
really has a bung up his ass.
375
00:21:35,040 --> 00:21:36,799
Anyone could have played
that role.
376
00:21:36,800 --> 00:21:39,639
No, no, no, you were perfect.
377
00:21:39,640 --> 00:21:42,319
It's a bloody long way from
The King's Speech.
378
00:21:42,320 --> 00:21:44,119
Pull over here, please.
379
00:21:44,120 --> 00:21:47,399
Yeah. I don't have any cash,
Toast.
380
00:21:47,400 --> 00:21:51,400
Oh, for Pete's sake, Jane!
381
00:21:53,480 --> 00:21:57,359
There's an extra 20 to take
her home.
382
00:21:57,360 --> 00:21:59,759
Oh, dear, I think he's died.
383
00:21:59,760 --> 00:22:01,799
Does anybody know anything
about him?
384
00:22:01,800 --> 00:22:03,879
Let me through.
385
00:22:03,880 --> 00:22:07,279
Yes, I know him, though I haven't
seen him in some time.
386
00:22:07,280 --> 00:22:10,639
It's the actor Derek Sibling.
387
00:22:10,640 --> 00:22:13,639
The brightest in his year at
RADA.
388
00:22:13,640 --> 00:22:16,599
Trod out one of the best Henry V's
this fella's ever seen.
389
00:22:16,600 --> 00:22:20,600
All going well for him, then he bursts
onto the television clutching his guts
390
00:22:21,840 --> 00:22:23,159
in a laxative ad.
391
00:22:23,160 --> 00:22:25,279
Then...
392
00:22:25,280 --> 00:22:29,280
good night, sweetheart.
393
00:22:34,080 --> 00:22:37,079
Sorry I'm late, Charlotte. There was
an incident outside.
394
00:22:37,080 --> 00:22:40,279
A tramp dead on the pavement. I knew
him, actually, Derek Sibling.
395
00:22:40,280 --> 00:22:42,519
Derek Sibling the actor?
Yes.
396
00:22:42,520 --> 00:22:44,319
Wasn't he supposed to be
very good?
397
00:22:44,320 --> 00:22:45,719
Very good?
398
00:22:45,720 --> 00:22:48,919
Brightest in his year at RADA.
Trod out one of the best...
399
00:22:48,920 --> 00:22:51,079
I won't bore you with the
detail.
400
00:22:51,080 --> 00:22:54,399
Promising career cut short
by one fatal decision.
401
00:22:54,400 --> 00:22:57,199
Oh? A strangely fitting grand
finale, you might say.
402
00:22:57,200 --> 00:22:58,999
What do you mean, Mr Toast?
403
00:22:59,000 --> 00:23:01,160
He shat himself.
404
00:23:03,880 --> 00:23:05,589
That man is shit!
405
00:23:05,614 --> 00:23:32,948
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