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Would you like to inspect the original subtitles? These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated: 1 00:00:00,015 --> 00:00:02,015 [Moaning] 2 00:00:04,148 --> 00:00:06,148 [Moaning] 3 00:00:08,398 --> 00:00:10,398 [Dog whine] 4 00:00:11,590 --> 00:00:13,590 Oh, oh, ouch. 5 00:00:15,239 --> 00:00:17,239 Oh, not again. 6 00:00:20,613 --> 00:00:22,613 Trump just says what he feels. You know what I'm talking about? 7 00:00:22,699 --> 00:00:24,699 Yeah, totally. 8 00:00:25,269 --> 00:00:26,245 Hey, cousin. 9 00:00:26,331 --> 00:00:27,206 Oh, hey guys. 10 00:00:27,339 --> 00:00:29,339 Surprised to see you on the couch, Jeff. 11 00:00:29,574 --> 00:00:31,194 - Not! - [Laughs] 12 00:00:31,272 --> 00:00:33,030 Oh hey, aren't you guys supposed to be on a date? 13 00:00:33,074 --> 00:00:34,407 We just were. We went to the range. 14 00:00:34,409 --> 00:00:36,017 Donnie made me shoot his gun. 15 00:00:36,019 --> 00:00:36,776 At first, I was scared, 16 00:00:36,778 --> 00:00:38,861 but then I was grateful he forced me to do it. 17 00:00:38,863 --> 00:00:40,163 - Mm. - Cool. 18 00:00:40,165 --> 00:00:41,331 All right, well, I'm late 19 00:00:41,333 --> 00:00:43,416 for my night watch shift, so, uh... 20 00:00:45,420 --> 00:00:47,120 Call me after your wife goes to sleep. 21 00:00:47,122 --> 00:00:48,254 Bye. 22 00:00:50,342 --> 00:00:52,125 [Horn honks "Dixie"] 23 00:00:52,127 --> 00:00:55,178 [Engine revving] 24 00:00:55,180 --> 00:00:58,298 Ooh, come to Mommy. 25 00:00:58,300 --> 00:01:00,216 Does Donnie still not know you smoke weed? 26 00:01:00,218 --> 00:01:01,801 Of course he doesn't. 27 00:01:01,803 --> 00:01:02,969 I can't implicate Donnie. 28 00:01:02,971 --> 00:01:03,970 He's an officer of the law. 29 00:01:03,972 --> 00:01:05,305 No, he's not. 30 00:01:05,307 --> 00:01:06,606 He runs a volunteer neighborhood watch. 31 00:01:06,608 --> 00:01:08,107 You're just a perma-hater 32 00:01:08,109 --> 00:01:09,976 'cause you haven't gotten laid since high school. 33 00:01:09,978 --> 00:01:12,812 Just let me put you on OkCupid. 34 00:01:12,814 --> 00:01:15,648 No, I hate that it's the only way people meet nowadays. 35 00:01:15,650 --> 00:01:17,367 You know, I was born in the wrong decade. 36 00:01:17,369 --> 00:01:18,701 - Born in the wrong decade. - I know. 37 00:01:18,703 --> 00:01:20,153 - Well, I was. - I hate when you say that. 38 00:01:20,155 --> 00:01:21,654 You know what? Let me... let me... 39 00:01:21,656 --> 00:01:24,207 Um, I'll open my mail, and I got to close my... 40 00:01:24,209 --> 00:01:25,491 [Woman moaning] 41 00:01:25,493 --> 00:01:27,577 [Audio skipping] 42 00:01:27,579 --> 00:01:28,494 Jeff! 43 00:01:28,496 --> 00:01:30,463 This is the third time. 44 00:01:30,465 --> 00:01:34,050 This is the third computer you've broken. 45 00:01:34,052 --> 00:01:35,501 What is wrong with you? 46 00:01:35,503 --> 00:01:36,502 Hey, I'm sorry! 47 00:01:36,504 --> 00:01:38,004 It's disgusting. 48 00:01:38,006 --> 00:01:39,389 It's not my fault everything's shitty 49 00:01:39,391 --> 00:01:40,640 and made in sweatshops nowadays 50 00:01:40,642 --> 00:01:42,725 and breaks if a drop of jizz hits it. 51 00:01:42,727 --> 00:01:46,012 Aim, Jeff, or do it away from my computer. 52 00:01:46,014 --> 00:01:48,514 I can't get off without hd porn, Sharee. 53 00:01:48,516 --> 00:01:50,149 It's the only good thing about 2016. 54 00:01:50,151 --> 00:01:51,818 Ew. Please, stop. 55 00:01:51,820 --> 00:01:54,320 And I'm not alone in that, you know. 56 00:01:55,190 --> 00:01:56,522 [Jars rattle] 57 00:01:56,524 --> 00:01:59,742 Did you eat my buffalo chicken bites? 58 00:01:59,744 --> 00:02:01,527 - No. - Well, now you owe me 59 00:02:01,529 --> 00:02:03,363 [bleep] Buffalo chicken bites, you bitch. 60 00:02:03,365 --> 00:02:04,914 Okay. Chill out. 61 00:02:04,916 --> 00:02:07,367 I'll go to wawa and buy you new bites right now. 62 00:02:07,369 --> 00:02:08,751 Yeah, we will. 63 00:02:08,753 --> 00:02:10,036 Both: But I'm too high to drive. 64 00:02:10,038 --> 00:02:11,037 [Sighs] 65 00:02:11,039 --> 00:02:12,288 [Bicycle bell dings] 66 00:02:12,290 --> 00:02:15,291 [Dramatic music] 67 00:02:15,293 --> 00:02:19,929 68 00:02:19,931 --> 00:02:22,131 [Whooshing] 69 00:02:22,133 --> 00:02:29,806 70 00:02:29,808 --> 00:02:30,807 - Watch out! - Hey! 71 00:02:32,527 --> 00:02:34,277 - Holy shit! - Holy shit! Oh, my god! 72 00:02:34,279 --> 00:02:35,862 Oh, my god! 73 00:02:39,401 --> 00:02:41,367 [Bleep]! 74 00:02:49,911 --> 00:02:52,745 [Indistinct police radio chatter] 75 00:02:52,747 --> 00:02:54,831 - And then these two people... - They just came out of the sky. 76 00:02:54,833 --> 00:02:56,549 I mean, they fell, like, smack down on the ground. 77 00:02:56,551 --> 00:02:57,834 They landed... There was all this smoke, 78 00:02:57,836 --> 00:02:59,469 - and they just materialized - out of thin air. 79 00:02:59,471 --> 00:03:00,586 - And they just appeared. - I mean, it was unbelievable. 80 00:03:00,588 --> 00:03:01,754 - It was, like, - extraterrestrial. 81 00:03:01,756 --> 00:03:03,139 Look, I'm gonna write down, 82 00:03:03,141 --> 00:03:04,807 "one white male killed, jaywalking." 83 00:03:04,809 --> 00:03:06,259 Again, there was also a black woman. 84 00:03:06,261 --> 00:03:07,427 And they weren't jaywalking. 85 00:03:07,429 --> 00:03:10,096 They literally appeared out of the sky. 86 00:03:10,098 --> 00:03:11,431 Are you high? 87 00:03:14,436 --> 00:03:16,269 - Definitely jaywalking, yeah. - They were jaywalking. 88 00:03:16,271 --> 00:03:18,321 We're done. Get out of here. 89 00:03:18,323 --> 00:03:20,189 - God, okay. - Okay, Jesus. 90 00:03:20,191 --> 00:03:23,326 [Siren wailing] 91 00:03:25,580 --> 00:03:27,029 Whoa. 92 00:03:27,031 --> 00:03:29,082 Oh, my god. 93 00:03:29,084 --> 00:03:30,083 Hey, hey! Oh, hey. 94 00:03:30,085 --> 00:03:31,250 I found a clue! 95 00:03:31,252 --> 00:03:32,618 - This is from the people. - Evidence! 96 00:03:32,620 --> 00:03:33,669 I said get out of here! 97 00:03:33,671 --> 00:03:37,206 - Jesus! - Jesus Christ. 98 00:03:37,208 --> 00:03:40,009 99 00:03:40,011 --> 00:03:41,461 Both: Whoa. 100 00:03:41,463 --> 00:03:44,630 [Funky music] 101 00:03:44,632 --> 00:03:53,306 102 00:03:53,308 --> 00:03:55,391 [Dramatic music] 103 00:03:55,393 --> 00:03:56,893 Looks like Chinese. 104 00:03:57,747 --> 00:04:00,029 I have an app that translates languages in real time. 105 00:04:00,031 --> 00:04:01,400 Look. 106 00:04:02,652 --> 00:04:03,817 Huh, "pencil case." 107 00:04:03,818 --> 00:04:05,651 It was supposed to say "destiny." 108 00:04:05,653 --> 00:04:08,037 I'm gonna kill that [Bleep] bitch. 109 00:04:08,039 --> 00:04:09,238 Dude, just tell people it says "destiny." 110 00:04:09,240 --> 00:04:10,373 No one's gonna know. 111 00:04:10,375 --> 00:04:11,374 It said "destiny" in the catalog. 112 00:04:11,376 --> 00:04:12,742 You know what? 113 00:04:12,744 --> 00:04:14,160 Actually, why don't you just get it removed? 114 00:04:14,162 --> 00:04:15,545 I'm just gonna tell people it's "destiny." 115 00:04:15,547 --> 00:04:16,579 Why are you being aggressive? 116 00:04:16,581 --> 00:04:17,580 I just gave you that idea. 117 00:04:17,582 --> 00:04:18,831 It meant something to me. 118 00:04:18,833 --> 00:04:19,665 Well... 119 00:04:19,667 --> 00:04:20,800 And now it's meaningless. 120 00:04:20,802 --> 00:04:22,772 No, it means "pencil case." 121 00:04:24,556 --> 00:04:27,089 Okay, just look. 122 00:04:27,613 --> 00:04:30,511 "Time traveling bong." 123 00:04:35,350 --> 00:04:37,433 "Smoke once to travel. 124 00:04:37,435 --> 00:04:39,685 Smoke again to return." 125 00:04:39,687 --> 00:04:40,853 You don't think... 126 00:04:40,855 --> 00:04:43,406 That this bong we found on the street 127 00:04:43,408 --> 00:04:45,274 is a functioning time machine? 128 00:04:45,276 --> 00:04:46,659 No, Jeff. 129 00:04:46,661 --> 00:04:49,078 I'm an American citizen. I'm not an idiot. 130 00:04:49,746 --> 00:04:50,926 We got to try it. 131 00:04:52,000 --> 00:04:53,566 Sure, yeah, right. 132 00:04:53,568 --> 00:04:55,117 It's not real, so yeah, fine. 133 00:04:55,119 --> 00:04:56,169 - Great. - That's fine. 134 00:04:56,171 --> 00:04:57,787 - Great. - [Dog whimpers] 135 00:04:57,789 --> 00:05:00,373 You're gonna feel like a real schmuck pussy 136 00:05:00,375 --> 00:05:01,674 if it doesn't work, so... 137 00:05:01,676 --> 00:05:03,676 I'm not gonna feel like a schmuck pussy 138 00:05:03,678 --> 00:05:06,179 if this doesn't make us time travel. 139 00:05:06,181 --> 00:05:07,380 Fine. Go. 140 00:05:07,382 --> 00:05:15,555 141 00:05:18,276 --> 00:05:19,859 [Whooshing] 142 00:05:19,861 --> 00:05:27,783 143 00:05:33,074 --> 00:05:34,240 [Whooshing] 144 00:05:34,242 --> 00:05:35,291 - Oh. - Ah! 145 00:05:35,293 --> 00:05:36,492 Oh. Wow! 146 00:05:36,494 --> 00:05:37,910 [Both shouting] 147 00:05:37,912 --> 00:05:39,295 Oh, my god! 148 00:05:39,297 --> 00:05:42,081 - What is this? - Oh, oh, what is this shit? 149 00:05:42,083 --> 00:05:43,216 There's a footprint. 150 00:05:43,218 --> 00:05:44,300 I think it's a dinosaur. 151 00:05:44,302 --> 00:05:46,469 [Growling] 152 00:05:48,306 --> 00:05:50,590 [Roars] 153 00:05:50,592 --> 00:05:51,891 [Both scream] 154 00:06:38,640 --> 00:05:57,200 [Roars] 155 00:05:57,225 --> 00:05:59,326 [Whooshing] 156 00:06:00,357 --> 00:06:02,309 Ah! Oh! 157 00:06:02,311 --> 00:06:03,818 [Both scream] 158 00:06:03,914 --> 00:06:04,946 - Oh, it's real. - Oh, my god! 159 00:06:04,948 --> 00:06:05,947 It's real. 160 00:06:05,949 --> 00:06:07,165 - Oh, god. - Oh! 161 00:06:07,167 --> 00:06:08,666 - That was insane! - Oh, my god. 162 00:06:08,668 --> 00:06:09,667 I have to call Donnie. 163 00:06:09,669 --> 00:06:10,869 What? No! 164 00:06:10,871 --> 00:06:11,920 No, no, you can't call Donnie. 165 00:06:11,922 --> 00:06:13,288 He's just gonna call the FBI 166 00:06:13,290 --> 00:06:14,789 so he can get a key to the city or some shit. 167 00:06:14,791 --> 00:06:18,676 We should call the FBI or... or NASA or the police or... 168 00:06:18,678 --> 00:06:20,762 I don't know. We shouldn't have this. 169 00:06:20,764 --> 00:06:21,880 What are you doing? 170 00:06:21,882 --> 00:06:23,465 Are you kidding? I'm going again. 171 00:06:23,467 --> 00:06:26,518 Sharee, that was the coolest 12 seconds of our lives. 172 00:06:26,520 --> 00:06:27,635 Sorry, Jeff. 173 00:06:27,637 --> 00:06:29,804 I have a boyfriend, and I have a job. 174 00:06:29,806 --> 00:06:31,139 What, you're not gonna time travel 175 00:06:31,141 --> 00:06:34,442 because of your shift at hertz rent-a-car? 176 00:06:34,444 --> 00:06:36,895 Sharee, we have to. Think about it. 177 00:06:36,897 --> 00:06:39,781 Anything would be better than the twenty-teens. 178 00:06:39,783 --> 00:06:40,899 We could go anywhere! 179 00:06:40,901 --> 00:06:43,469 We could see... King tut, you know? 180 00:06:43,494 --> 00:06:44,652 I don't care! 181 00:06:44,654 --> 00:06:46,654 We could have so much fun, Sharee, like we used to have. 182 00:06:46,656 --> 00:06:48,039 [Groans] 183 00:06:48,041 --> 00:06:49,290 Listen, if you don't go, I'm gonna go, 184 00:06:49,292 --> 00:06:50,708 and then you're gonna miss out, 185 00:06:50,710 --> 00:06:52,794 like that time you blacked out when you were at karaoke 186 00:06:52,796 --> 00:06:54,996 and Britney Spears came in and they didn't wake you up. 187 00:06:54,998 --> 00:06:56,297 Don't even bring that up. 188 00:06:56,299 --> 00:06:57,799 That is so dick of you to bring that up! 189 00:06:57,801 --> 00:07:00,288 I'm just saying, you're gonna miss out big-time. 190 00:07:00,290 --> 00:07:01,165 [Bleep]! 191 00:07:02,506 --> 00:07:03,838 And we can come right back, right? 192 00:07:03,840 --> 00:07:05,006 Yes, we can come right back, 193 00:07:05,008 --> 00:07:06,391 and it's as if no time has passed. 194 00:07:06,393 --> 00:07:07,342 Okay, okay. 195 00:07:07,344 --> 00:07:09,219 - Okay, I'm in. - Yes! Yes! 196 00:07:09,221 --> 00:07:10,539 I'm in, as long as we come right back. 197 00:07:10,541 --> 00:07:11,346 Yes. I promise. 198 00:07:11,348 --> 00:07:12,847 Maybe I'll call hertz rent-a-car first, 199 00:07:12,849 --> 00:07:13,984 just let them know I'm not coming in tomorrow. 200 00:07:13,963 --> 00:07:15,227 You're gonna be back before tomorrow. 201 00:07:15,252 --> 00:07:16,818 And even if you weren't, who cares, Sharee? 202 00:07:16,820 --> 00:07:18,236 It's hertz rent-a-car. 203 00:07:18,238 --> 00:07:20,238 It's gonna be really fun. It's gonna be safe. 204 00:07:20,240 --> 00:07:21,573 It's gonna be safe and chill. 205 00:07:21,575 --> 00:07:23,627 Just first let me prepare. 206 00:07:23,944 --> 00:07:25,193 Let me prepare. 207 00:07:25,195 --> 00:07:27,111 [Breathes deeply] 208 00:07:27,113 --> 00:07:29,948 [Hair straightener sizzling] 209 00:07:29,950 --> 00:07:32,534 Ah. 210 00:07:32,536 --> 00:07:34,202 Perfect. 211 00:07:36,256 --> 00:07:39,841 Okay, so how does this work? 212 00:07:39,843 --> 00:07:41,944 Like, why'd we just go to Dino times? 213 00:07:43,179 --> 00:07:45,213 I saw "Jurassic world" last week. 214 00:07:45,215 --> 00:07:46,798 It must have been on my mind. Oh. 215 00:07:46,800 --> 00:07:49,267 You know, like, in the folds of my brain? 216 00:07:49,269 --> 00:07:52,887 Maybe if we visualize where we want to go, 217 00:07:52,889 --> 00:07:54,022 we'll go there. 218 00:07:54,024 --> 00:07:56,307 [Exhales forcefully] Oh, my god. 219 00:07:56,309 --> 00:07:58,943 You know where I'd love to go? 220 00:07:58,945 --> 00:08:00,061 Old Hollywood. 221 00:08:00,063 --> 00:08:03,197 It is so glamorous. 222 00:08:03,199 --> 00:08:04,866 I feel like I'd fit right in. 223 00:08:04,868 --> 00:08:06,200 Sure. 224 00:08:06,202 --> 00:08:07,869 Okay, old Hollywood. 225 00:08:07,871 --> 00:08:09,237 Both: Old Hollywood. 226 00:08:09,239 --> 00:08:11,239 - Old Hollywood. - Old Hollywood. 227 00:08:11,241 --> 00:08:12,457 - Old... - Old Hollywood. 228 00:08:12,459 --> 00:08:13,458 Old Hollywood. 229 00:08:13,460 --> 00:08:16,578 [Whooshing] 230 00:08:16,580 --> 00:08:20,748 [Mystical music] 231 00:08:20,750 --> 00:08:22,000 [Dog whines] 232 00:08:23,003 --> 00:08:24,469 [Whooshing] 233 00:08:26,806 --> 00:08:28,172 Whoa. 234 00:08:28,174 --> 00:08:30,675 [Dramatic music] 235 00:08:30,677 --> 00:08:33,678 [People murmuring] 236 00:08:33,680 --> 00:08:41,603 237 00:08:51,114 --> 00:08:53,831 Ew. This isn't old Hollywood. 238 00:08:53,833 --> 00:08:56,200 Witch! Witchcraft! 239 00:08:56,202 --> 00:08:57,368 No, no, no, no, no! 240 00:08:57,370 --> 00:08:59,837 [With foreign accent] Good... good sire, 241 00:08:59,839 --> 00:09:01,456 we're from the future. 242 00:09:01,458 --> 00:09:03,041 You're a lying witch! 243 00:09:03,043 --> 00:09:04,092 - Yeah! - Yes! 244 00:09:04,094 --> 00:09:05,843 No, no! No, we're not. 245 00:09:05,845 --> 00:09:06,844 I can prove it. 246 00:09:06,846 --> 00:09:08,129 We're from 2016. 247 00:09:08,131 --> 00:09:11,182 [Hip-hop music playing] 248 00:09:11,184 --> 00:09:13,384 A trick most satanic! 249 00:09:13,386 --> 00:09:14,185 250 00:09:14,187 --> 00:09:16,471 - Hey! Come on! - Ooh! 251 00:09:16,473 --> 00:09:19,273 Jesus! That was a new phone! 252 00:09:19,275 --> 00:09:21,225 That filthy witch has a tiny cauldron. 253 00:09:21,227 --> 00:09:22,644 - No! - Burly man! 254 00:09:22,646 --> 00:09:23,895 Let's go. Let's go. Go, go, go, go, go, go. 255 00:09:23,897 --> 00:09:24,862 Smoke, smoke, smoke, smoke. 256 00:09:24,864 --> 00:09:26,864 No! No! 257 00:09:26,866 --> 00:09:28,032 [Glass shatters] 258 00:09:28,034 --> 00:09:29,200 Both: No! 259 00:09:29,202 --> 00:09:31,319 - No! God, no! - Oh, god! Oh! 260 00:09:31,321 --> 00:09:33,204 - Burn the witch! - Oh, my g... 261 00:09:33,206 --> 00:09:34,489 Hey, hey, what are you doing? 262 00:09:34,491 --> 00:09:35,957 What are you doing? Stop! 263 00:09:35,959 --> 00:09:38,743 Taking her away from you, handsome stranger. 264 00:09:38,745 --> 00:09:41,295 I'm his cousin. We just came here together. 265 00:09:41,297 --> 00:09:43,548 Quiet, you crinkum-crankum, 266 00:09:43,550 --> 00:09:44,882 you fat witch. 267 00:09:44,884 --> 00:09:47,051 I'm not a witch. If I'm a witch, he's a witch. 268 00:09:47,053 --> 00:09:48,219 [Crowd gasps] 269 00:09:48,221 --> 00:09:49,837 Tell them, Jeff. Come on. 270 00:09:49,839 --> 00:09:52,590 Does she speak the truth, sir? 271 00:09:52,592 --> 00:09:55,843 Are you also the vicar of Satan? 272 00:09:55,845 --> 00:09:57,478 [Ominous music] 273 00:09:57,480 --> 00:09:58,896 Nope, she's the witch, not me. 274 00:09:58,898 --> 00:10:00,682 - What? - Good enough for me. 275 00:10:00,684 --> 00:10:02,183 Jeff, you [Bleep]... 276 00:10:02,185 --> 00:10:04,102 [Muffled screaming] 277 00:10:04,104 --> 00:10:07,855 Take her to reverend hale. 278 00:10:07,857 --> 00:10:09,023 All: Aye! 279 00:10:09,025 --> 00:10:11,526 - Burly man! - [Muffled grunting] 280 00:10:11,528 --> 00:10:12,744 Aye! 281 00:10:12,746 --> 00:10:15,780 [Muffled screaming] 282 00:10:15,782 --> 00:10:17,448 I'm sorry. 283 00:10:19,285 --> 00:10:21,536 What is your name, good sir? 284 00:10:21,538 --> 00:10:22,370 Jeff. 285 00:10:22,372 --> 00:10:24,372 What strange garb you wear. 286 00:10:24,374 --> 00:10:26,007 From where do you hail? 287 00:10:26,009 --> 00:10:27,542 Uh, Jersey? 288 00:10:27,544 --> 00:10:31,713 Sir Jeff, the bailiwick of Jersey. 289 00:10:31,715 --> 00:10:33,014 Sure. 290 00:10:33,016 --> 00:10:37,385 Welcome to Salem, the Pearl of Massachusetts. 291 00:10:37,387 --> 00:10:39,020 Wait, this is Massachusetts? 292 00:10:39,022 --> 00:10:41,222 Has anyone seen my [Bleep] Pete? 293 00:10:41,224 --> 00:10:44,399 Ooh. Definitely Massachusetts. 294 00:10:44,401 --> 00:10:45,558 Yeah. 295 00:10:46,029 --> 00:10:47,445 [Sighs] 296 00:10:47,447 --> 00:10:48,529 Oh, god. 297 00:10:48,531 --> 00:10:50,114 Is everything all right, sir Jeff? 298 00:10:50,116 --> 00:10:51,315 Ugh, no. 299 00:10:51,317 --> 00:10:53,067 This wasn't the witch's cauldron. 300 00:10:53,069 --> 00:10:55,570 It was my pipe... My vase-pipe. 301 00:10:55,572 --> 00:10:57,705 You could bring it to the glassblower 302 00:10:57,707 --> 00:10:59,991 to have it fixed, sir Jeff. 303 00:10:59,993 --> 00:11:01,576 Silence, woman! 304 00:11:01,578 --> 00:11:03,044 Ooh, Jesus. 305 00:11:03,046 --> 00:11:04,973 I have an idea. 306 00:11:05,715 --> 00:11:07,632 You could bring it to the glassblower 307 00:11:07,634 --> 00:11:09,634 to have it fixed, sir Jeff. 308 00:11:09,636 --> 00:11:11,419 Wait, you guys have a glassblower here? 309 00:11:11,421 --> 00:11:12,804 Ah, that's dope! 310 00:11:12,806 --> 00:11:13,921 "Dope"? 311 00:11:13,923 --> 00:11:16,057 Oh, um, of course you don't understand. 312 00:11:16,059 --> 00:11:17,308 "Dope" is like "good," 313 00:11:17,310 --> 00:11:19,093 you know, "chill," "all chill"? 314 00:11:19,095 --> 00:11:20,678 It's good. It's great. 315 00:11:20,680 --> 00:11:21,729 Chill. 316 00:11:21,731 --> 00:11:22,513 Yeah. 317 00:11:22,515 --> 00:11:25,566 Well. Dope. 318 00:11:25,568 --> 00:11:26,601 [Muffled screaming] 319 00:11:26,603 --> 00:11:28,986 And so we brought her to you. 320 00:11:28,988 --> 00:11:32,106 [Muffled screaming] 321 00:11:35,161 --> 00:11:36,327 Jesus! 322 00:11:36,329 --> 00:11:37,528 She's lain with Satan! 323 00:11:37,530 --> 00:11:39,363 Forsooth, the balls of beelzebub 324 00:11:39,365 --> 00:11:40,782 have bounced upon her chin. 325 00:11:40,784 --> 00:11:43,334 - What? - Silence! 326 00:11:43,336 --> 00:11:45,419 If witchcraft has come to Salem, 327 00:11:45,421 --> 00:11:47,338 we will stamp it out. 328 00:11:47,340 --> 00:11:49,457 But we must not be hysterical. 329 00:11:49,459 --> 00:11:54,045 We must investigate the accused with scientific tests. 330 00:11:54,047 --> 00:11:55,513 Oh, thank god. 331 00:11:55,515 --> 00:11:58,683 Someone reasonable with logic and... and science. 332 00:11:58,685 --> 00:12:00,134 [Screams] 333 00:12:00,136 --> 00:12:01,302 Oh, god! 334 00:12:01,304 --> 00:12:02,303 - Ow! God! - Hmm. 335 00:12:02,305 --> 00:12:03,471 Ow, ow, ow! 336 00:12:03,473 --> 00:12:05,389 - She bleeds. - Ow, my tit! 337 00:12:05,391 --> 00:12:07,308 'Tis a human quality. 338 00:12:07,310 --> 00:12:09,477 We must continue the tests. 339 00:12:09,479 --> 00:12:12,480 If she survives, then she is a witch. 340 00:12:12,482 --> 00:12:15,233 If she dies, then she wasn't. 341 00:12:15,235 --> 00:12:17,118 Oh, [Bleep]... 342 00:12:17,120 --> 00:12:18,202 All: Aye! 343 00:12:18,204 --> 00:12:19,987 [Muffled] Oh, my god. 344 00:12:19,989 --> 00:12:23,658 345 00:12:23,660 --> 00:12:25,493 So water goes in here, tobacco here. 346 00:12:25,495 --> 00:12:26,661 You suck out of here... 347 00:12:26,663 --> 00:12:29,080 This will be a quickie blow job for me. 348 00:12:29,082 --> 00:12:30,164 [Laughs] Great. 349 00:12:30,166 --> 00:12:31,332 Thank you so much. 350 00:12:31,334 --> 00:12:33,084 Should I wait here, or should I... 351 00:12:33,086 --> 00:12:34,218 Not probably. 352 00:12:34,220 --> 00:12:35,503 First I'll have to gather 353 00:12:35,505 --> 00:12:38,172 some dried kindling to start the fire. 354 00:12:38,174 --> 00:12:41,509 And then I'll have to travel to Brewster to get the coal, 355 00:12:41,511 --> 00:12:44,428 which could take almost half a day. 356 00:12:44,430 --> 00:12:46,931 Then I'll have to stoke the fritter furnace. 357 00:12:46,933 --> 00:12:48,015 Okay, um... 358 00:12:48,017 --> 00:12:50,151 Then Thursday I have a thing. 359 00:12:50,153 --> 00:12:51,819 [Goat bleats] 360 00:12:51,821 --> 00:12:52,854 Sorry. 361 00:12:52,856 --> 00:12:54,739 We have a thing. 362 00:12:54,741 --> 00:12:55,857 Okay, well, then... 363 00:12:55,859 --> 00:12:56,824 Let me finish! 364 00:12:56,826 --> 00:12:58,025 Gotcha. 365 00:12:58,027 --> 00:12:59,827 The whole thing could take almost half a fortnight, 366 00:12:59,829 --> 00:13:02,613 but it will be done... 367 00:13:02,615 --> 00:13:04,115 [Glass shatters] Oh. 368 00:13:04,117 --> 00:13:05,116 Expertly. 369 00:13:05,118 --> 00:13:06,112 You know what? 370 00:13:06,114 --> 00:13:08,286 I'm gonna do what I have to do, which is trust you. 371 00:13:08,288 --> 00:13:09,871 You have amazing teeth. 372 00:13:09,873 --> 00:13:11,205 Two rounds of braces. 373 00:13:11,207 --> 00:13:12,206 What? 374 00:13:12,208 --> 00:13:13,624 Um, metal things 375 00:13:13,626 --> 00:13:14,792 you put on your teeth to make them straight. 376 00:13:14,794 --> 00:13:16,010 - Don't worry about it. - Okay. 377 00:13:16,012 --> 00:13:16,786 All right, well... 378 00:13:16,788 --> 00:13:18,466 Oh, could you tell me where they took my cousin, 379 00:13:18,468 --> 00:13:19,680 you know, that witch? 380 00:13:19,682 --> 00:13:21,048 Don't worry about her. 381 00:13:21,050 --> 00:13:24,101 If I were you, I'd go to town, have some fun. 382 00:13:24,103 --> 00:13:25,770 She's in good hands. 383 00:13:25,772 --> 00:13:27,271 [Screaming] 384 00:13:27,273 --> 00:13:29,056 - Dunk her again! - Oh, god! 385 00:13:29,058 --> 00:13:30,975 [Screaming] 386 00:13:30,977 --> 00:13:34,061 [Sprightly bagpipe music] 387 00:13:34,063 --> 00:13:38,199 388 00:13:38,201 --> 00:13:40,234 Oh, god! Oh! 389 00:13:40,236 --> 00:13:42,236 Oh! Oh, god! 390 00:13:42,238 --> 00:13:45,072 Oh, god! 391 00:13:45,074 --> 00:13:49,911 392 00:13:49,913 --> 00:13:54,165 [Laughter] 393 00:13:54,167 --> 00:14:01,055 394 00:14:01,057 --> 00:14:02,924 [Laughter] 395 00:14:02,926 --> 00:14:03,925 Oh! 396 00:14:03,927 --> 00:14:05,092 Scat, ye devils! 397 00:14:05,094 --> 00:14:06,427 Leave the witch alone! 398 00:14:06,429 --> 00:14:09,597 [Screaming] 399 00:14:11,768 --> 00:14:13,935 Girls, help. Please help me. 400 00:14:13,937 --> 00:14:14,936 Girl power. 401 00:14:14,938 --> 00:14:16,070 Hi, witch. 402 00:14:16,072 --> 00:14:17,605 Gonna help me? Gonna help me out? Come on. 403 00:14:17,607 --> 00:14:18,773 As a matter of fact, 404 00:14:18,775 --> 00:14:20,942 we were hoping you could help us. 405 00:14:20,944 --> 00:14:22,193 Huh? 406 00:14:22,195 --> 00:14:24,078 We have our hearts set on some of the men in town. 407 00:14:24,080 --> 00:14:25,279 And we are hoping you could 408 00:14:25,281 --> 00:14:26,948 put a spell on them so they would love us. 409 00:14:26,950 --> 00:14:28,783 And also fix my back. 410 00:14:28,785 --> 00:14:30,501 But if you can only do one thing, 411 00:14:30,503 --> 00:14:31,702 definitely the men one. 412 00:14:31,704 --> 00:14:33,287 God, I'm not a witch! 413 00:14:33,289 --> 00:14:34,622 If I was, don't you think 414 00:14:34,624 --> 00:14:36,958 I'd [Bleep] Fly out of your shitty town? 415 00:14:36,960 --> 00:14:39,510 Also, why would you want to be with these guys? 416 00:14:39,512 --> 00:14:41,262 They're disgusting. 417 00:14:41,264 --> 00:14:43,597 They [Bleep] stink... Their breath. 418 00:14:43,599 --> 00:14:46,267 God, when do you get toothpaste? 419 00:14:46,269 --> 00:14:49,053 So you can't fix my back? 420 00:14:49,055 --> 00:14:51,772 What are you girls doing near the fat witch? 421 00:14:51,774 --> 00:14:54,475 Um, we're beating her, sir. 422 00:14:54,477 --> 00:14:57,895 Good! Put your back into it, ladies. 423 00:14:57,897 --> 00:14:59,397 Please, no. Come on, dude. 424 00:14:59,399 --> 00:15:01,032 - Sorry, witch. - Sorry, witch. 425 00:15:01,034 --> 00:15:02,316 - Sorry. - Sorry. 426 00:15:02,318 --> 00:15:04,819 [Wolf howls] 427 00:15:04,821 --> 00:15:07,204 Dee, diddle-diddle-diddle. 428 00:15:07,206 --> 00:15:09,040 Oh-ho, there she is! 429 00:15:09,042 --> 00:15:10,074 Whoo! 430 00:15:10,076 --> 00:15:11,492 Sharee! 431 00:15:11,494 --> 00:15:13,244 Sharee, it's me, Jeff. 432 00:15:13,246 --> 00:15:14,462 How are you, bae? 433 00:15:14,464 --> 00:15:15,546 Oh, gosh! 434 00:15:15,548 --> 00:15:17,081 God, I'm glad to see you. 435 00:15:17,083 --> 00:15:19,166 Dude, we did it. 436 00:15:19,168 --> 00:15:20,751 We time traveled. 437 00:15:20,753 --> 00:15:22,837 We're in the 1400s. 438 00:15:22,839 --> 00:15:25,923 It's 1691, sir Jeff! 439 00:15:25,925 --> 00:15:27,425 Elias! [Laughs] 440 00:15:27,427 --> 00:15:28,509 Sir Jeff! 441 00:15:28,511 --> 00:15:29,677 [Moans] 442 00:15:29,679 --> 00:15:32,563 God, the people here are so friendly. 443 00:15:32,565 --> 00:15:33,931 Am I right? Look at this. 444 00:15:33,933 --> 00:15:36,017 They gave me this cravat and this vest. 445 00:15:36,019 --> 00:15:37,018 [Moans] 446 00:15:37,020 --> 00:15:38,185 I look good, right? 447 00:15:38,187 --> 00:15:39,854 I got a confession, Sharee. 448 00:15:39,856 --> 00:15:41,572 I love it here. 449 00:15:41,574 --> 00:15:42,573 Right? [Moans] 450 00:15:42,575 --> 00:15:44,408 Yes, high five. 451 00:15:44,410 --> 00:15:46,494 [Sighs] I'm so glad we did this. 452 00:15:46,496 --> 00:15:47,695 You know what? 453 00:15:47,697 --> 00:15:49,363 Thank you for doing this with me. 454 00:15:49,365 --> 00:15:52,033 I'm glad we're finally having fun again together, you know? 455 00:15:52,035 --> 00:15:53,284 Oh, and, dude, the food... 456 00:15:53,286 --> 00:15:54,452 Have you had any of this Turkey? 457 00:15:54,454 --> 00:15:56,287 Do you want some of this? 458 00:15:56,289 --> 00:15:58,539 Oh! Oh, Jesus, Sharee! 459 00:15:58,541 --> 00:15:59,540 Dude, I didn't know it was this bad. 460 00:15:59,542 --> 00:16:00,708 I'm so sorry. 461 00:16:00,710 --> 00:16:01,709 We're gonna get out of here, okay? 462 00:16:01,711 --> 00:16:02,877 There's a glassblower, 463 00:16:02,879 --> 00:16:04,128 and I'm gonna get the bong fixed. 464 00:16:04,130 --> 00:16:05,846 I think he's gonna do an amazing job. 465 00:16:05,848 --> 00:16:07,548 Oh, Sharee, you're really bleeding. 466 00:16:07,550 --> 00:16:09,850 You know I get faint if I see bloo... 467 00:16:12,271 --> 00:16:14,055 [Panting] 468 00:16:14,057 --> 00:16:15,306 [Groans] 469 00:16:15,308 --> 00:16:17,224 [Dramatic music] 470 00:16:17,226 --> 00:16:18,642 [Bell tolls] 471 00:16:18,644 --> 00:16:19,944 [Bell ringing] 472 00:16:19,946 --> 00:16:23,481 Witness the trial of a filthy witch! 473 00:16:23,483 --> 00:16:25,900 Witness the trial of a filthy witch! 474 00:16:25,902 --> 00:16:27,284 Witch trial? Sharee... 475 00:16:27,286 --> 00:16:28,486 [Bleep]! 476 00:16:28,488 --> 00:16:31,956 Witness the trial of a filthy witch! 477 00:16:31,958 --> 00:16:36,460 Witness the trial of a filthy witch! 478 00:16:36,462 --> 00:16:37,795 Shit. 479 00:16:41,174 --> 00:16:43,675 [Crowd murmuring] 480 00:16:43,677 --> 00:16:45,176 You know, it really feels like 481 00:16:45,178 --> 00:16:47,212 you've made your decision already. 482 00:16:47,214 --> 00:16:48,546 [Gavel pounding] 483 00:16:48,548 --> 00:16:49,798 Order! 484 00:16:49,800 --> 00:16:54,352 The smelly wench has survived many of our tests, 485 00:16:54,354 --> 00:16:57,856 which only a witch could survive. 486 00:16:57,858 --> 00:17:00,692 But we have decided 487 00:17:00,694 --> 00:17:03,674 we want to hear witness testimony. 488 00:17:04,398 --> 00:17:06,448 Who here has been afflicted? 489 00:17:06,450 --> 00:17:08,341 - [Crowd murmurs] - Ah! 490 00:17:08,971 --> 00:17:10,452 - Line up! - Oh, [Bleep] You. 491 00:17:10,454 --> 00:17:12,821 - Nice and neat. - [Bleep] You. 492 00:17:12,823 --> 00:17:14,903 I want to see a clean line. 493 00:17:15,659 --> 00:17:16,491 [Bleep] You. 494 00:17:16,493 --> 00:17:19,711 [Dramatic music] 495 00:17:19,713 --> 00:17:21,212 496 00:17:21,214 --> 00:17:22,213 I need my... 497 00:17:22,215 --> 00:17:23,415 Sir Jeff. 498 00:17:23,417 --> 00:17:24,582 I think you'll be very happy with me. 499 00:17:24,584 --> 00:17:26,334 Oh, yes, thank you. 500 00:17:27,254 --> 00:17:28,336 [Goat bleats] 501 00:17:28,338 --> 00:17:29,587 What the [Bleep] is that? 502 00:17:29,589 --> 00:17:32,223 Why, it's your vase-pipe, sir Jeff. 503 00:17:32,225 --> 00:17:33,591 Looks like shit. 504 00:17:33,593 --> 00:17:35,343 This looks like shit! 505 00:17:35,345 --> 00:17:36,594 What did you do? 506 00:17:36,596 --> 00:17:38,096 Oh, god! 507 00:17:38,098 --> 00:17:40,565 You... [bleep] You! 508 00:17:40,567 --> 00:17:41,683 [Spits] 509 00:17:41,685 --> 00:17:42,984 Oh! 510 00:17:42,986 --> 00:17:44,102 [Goat bleats] 511 00:17:44,104 --> 00:17:46,321 When erect, my eavesdropper 512 00:17:46,323 --> 00:17:49,135 once scored the length of two barleycorn. 513 00:17:49,943 --> 00:17:53,862 Now 'tis but five poppy seeds, all lined up. 514 00:17:53,864 --> 00:17:55,029 Ooh. 515 00:17:55,031 --> 00:17:56,581 I blame the witch. 516 00:17:56,583 --> 00:17:57,782 This is not about me. 517 00:17:57,784 --> 00:18:00,919 Thank you for your testimony, Ezekiel. 518 00:18:00,921 --> 00:18:02,921 You are dismissed. 519 00:18:06,405 --> 00:18:10,088 I would like to call our final witness... 520 00:18:10,630 --> 00:18:13,965 Sir Jeff, the bailiwick of Jersey! 521 00:18:13,967 --> 00:18:16,935 [Crowd cheering] 522 00:18:24,561 --> 00:18:25,360 Thanks. 523 00:18:25,362 --> 00:18:29,030 [Crowd cheering] 524 00:18:29,032 --> 00:18:30,315 We just wanted to say... 525 00:18:30,317 --> 00:18:31,616 I'm sorry. I'm sorry. 526 00:18:31,618 --> 00:18:35,537 That having you here has been so tight. 527 00:18:35,539 --> 00:18:40,408 As such, we have named our main roadway 528 00:18:40,410 --> 00:18:42,076 Jeff street. 529 00:18:42,078 --> 00:18:45,213 [Crowd cheering] 530 00:18:48,468 --> 00:18:50,435 I have made my decision. 531 00:18:51,838 --> 00:18:53,087 I hereby find... 532 00:18:53,089 --> 00:18:54,506 Don't I... don't I even get the chance 533 00:18:54,508 --> 00:18:55,723 to defend myself? 534 00:18:55,725 --> 00:18:57,725 Of course not. 535 00:18:57,727 --> 00:18:59,227 Hold on, guys. Wait, wait, wait. 536 00:18:59,229 --> 00:19:01,763 I think she should at least be able to defend herself, right? 537 00:19:01,765 --> 00:19:03,181 Okay. 538 00:19:03,183 --> 00:19:04,983 - [Gavel banging] - I have an idea. 539 00:19:04,985 --> 00:19:07,485 I think she should be at least able 540 00:19:07,487 --> 00:19:09,270 to defend herself, right? 541 00:19:09,272 --> 00:19:10,655 Okay. 542 00:19:10,657 --> 00:19:12,156 Well... 543 00:19:12,158 --> 00:19:13,908 I'd like to read a statement that I've written. 544 00:19:13,910 --> 00:19:14,909 [Crowd gasps] 545 00:19:14,911 --> 00:19:18,580 A woman who can read and write! 546 00:19:18,582 --> 00:19:20,198 There's the proof. 547 00:19:20,200 --> 00:19:21,833 Burn the witch! 548 00:19:21,835 --> 00:19:23,167 No, no, no, wait! 549 00:19:23,169 --> 00:19:24,536 Wait! Stop! Sharee! 550 00:19:24,538 --> 00:19:28,206 [Crowd clamoring] 551 00:19:28,208 --> 00:19:29,457 [Dramatic music] 552 00:19:29,459 --> 00:19:31,376 [Hissing] 553 00:19:31,378 --> 00:19:33,511 [Muffled screaming] 554 00:19:33,513 --> 00:19:36,598 I put to death this witch. 555 00:19:36,600 --> 00:19:40,268 May this be a message to Satan. 556 00:19:40,270 --> 00:19:42,887 We reject ye! 557 00:19:42,889 --> 00:19:43,888 [Crowd cheers] 558 00:19:43,890 --> 00:19:45,607 Wait, wait, wait. 559 00:19:45,609 --> 00:19:47,725 I was the first afflicted. 560 00:19:47,727 --> 00:19:50,194 I want to set the witch aflame. 561 00:19:50,196 --> 00:19:52,313 Okay, cool. 562 00:19:52,315 --> 00:19:54,065 Yeah, cool. 563 00:19:54,067 --> 00:19:55,066 [Muffled screaming] 564 00:19:55,068 --> 00:19:56,367 Uh... [Clears throat] 565 00:19:56,369 --> 00:19:59,287 Here goes the witch. 566 00:20:00,574 --> 00:20:02,874 [Whooshing] 567 00:20:04,077 --> 00:20:07,045 [All screaming] 568 00:20:10,417 --> 00:20:13,918 Witchcraft is real! 569 00:20:13,920 --> 00:20:15,670 Burn all the women! 570 00:20:15,672 --> 00:20:17,422 [Women screaming] 571 00:20:17,424 --> 00:20:19,390 Keep one for birthing! 572 00:20:19,392 --> 00:20:22,477 [Women screaming] 573 00:20:25,515 --> 00:20:26,514 [Whooshing] 574 00:20:26,516 --> 00:20:27,515 [Both grunting] 575 00:20:27,517 --> 00:20:29,017 - Oh, god! - Ow! 576 00:20:29,019 --> 00:20:30,068 I saved you! 577 00:20:30,070 --> 00:20:32,403 You almost got me killed, you asshole. 578 00:20:32,405 --> 00:20:33,404 God. 579 00:20:33,406 --> 00:20:35,106 I found your phone. 580 00:20:35,108 --> 00:20:36,324 I forgive you. 581 00:20:36,326 --> 00:20:38,076 No service. 582 00:20:38,078 --> 00:20:39,110 Where are we? 583 00:20:39,112 --> 00:20:40,278 [Bird screeches] 584 00:20:40,280 --> 00:20:42,030 We're... we're not home. 585 00:20:42,032 --> 00:20:43,865 This is not home. 586 00:20:43,867 --> 00:20:44,916 [Bleep]! 587 00:20:44,918 --> 00:20:46,284 That glassblower must have messed up the bong 588 00:20:46,286 --> 00:20:47,335 when he blew it. 589 00:20:47,337 --> 00:20:48,953 Ugh. This is not my fault. 590 00:20:48,955 --> 00:20:51,706 It is your fault. You said we'd smoke right back. 591 00:20:51,708 --> 00:20:52,757 So now what, the structural integrity 592 00:20:52,759 --> 00:20:54,125 of the bong has changed, 593 00:20:54,127 --> 00:20:55,627 so we can't get home and we have no ability 594 00:20:55,629 --> 00:20:57,178 to control where we go, forcing us to bounce 595 00:20:57,180 --> 00:20:59,631 around the space-time continuum indefinitely? 596 00:20:59,633 --> 00:21:01,766 I don't know. 597 00:21:01,768 --> 00:21:02,656 - [Ground rustling] - [Both gasp] 598 00:21:02,681 --> 00:21:03,431 [Both grunting] 599 00:21:03,470 --> 00:21:05,501 - Cavemen. - Holy shit. 600 00:21:06,806 --> 00:21:08,272 Smoke, smoke, smoke, smoke. 601 00:21:08,274 --> 00:21:09,524 Okay, okay. 602 00:21:09,526 --> 00:21:10,642 [Bleep], it's cashed. 603 00:21:10,644 --> 00:21:11,486 Didn't you bring more weed? 604 00:21:11,488 --> 00:21:13,144 No, I thought we'd be right back. 605 00:21:13,146 --> 00:21:15,313 [Both grunting] 606 00:21:15,315 --> 00:21:16,981 Lie down. Pretend you're dead. 607 00:21:19,152 --> 00:21:21,903 [Both grunting] 608 00:21:21,905 --> 00:21:23,404 [Hooting] 609 00:21:23,406 --> 00:21:24,656 [Grunting] 610 00:21:24,658 --> 00:21:27,742 [Both sniffing] 611 00:21:30,630 --> 00:21:33,798 [Dramatic music] 612 00:21:33,800 --> 00:21:39,170 613 00:21:39,172 --> 00:21:41,506 Oh! Oh! Oh! 614 00:21:41,508 --> 00:21:42,507 I'm peeing! 615 00:21:42,509 --> 00:21:43,808 Me too! 616 00:21:43,810 --> 00:21:45,760 617 00:21:46,076 --> 00:21:50,445 Synced & corrected by -robtor- www.addic7ed.com 618 00:21:50,495 --> 00:21:55,045 Repair and Synchronization by Easy Subtitles Synchronizer 1.0.0.0 39611

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