All language subtitles for Telenovela s01e10 Caught In The Act.eng

Check here.

Operation "keep Ana in the dark"
in effect.

Go, go, go!

Good morning.

Oh, your usual Six Venice and
a shot of espresso.

- Thank you.
- Okay, let's go the long way.

- Yeah, it's more scenic.
- Okay.

- You looking amazing.
- Well...

- Roses for my rose.
- Oh, thank you.

That's so swe--
Ah. Ah. Thorns.

I accidentally ordered this

in your size, you want it?

Mimi, you stole for me?

That means so much.

Oh, hi

Meet you kissing scene co-star
for today.

- You have a very nice--
- Thank you.

Yeah.

I know.
[clears throat]

And look...

- puppies!
- Oh, my God!

Oh, this is like
the best day ever!

Who's Xavi kissing?

- Damn it, she knows.
- I-- I-- I...

[music stops]

That music
wasn't in my head?

Nope.

You forgot to lower
the blinds, Gael.

I had to wrangle
the hot guy.

I can't do everything at once.

So is that Xavi's girlfriend?

Yeah, that's Kelly.

They've been dating
for like four months.

Every time she's come by we've
distracted you from seeing them.

Oh, I thought it was
strange that day you said

I had a black widow
infestation in my dressing room

and made me change in my car.

Well, that was real.

Look, we just didn't
want you to feel weird

that Xavi has
a serious girlfriend.

Oh, I can't believe you guys
thought I cared about that.

Xavi and I have been
over for years.

So you're okay?

Of course, I'm fine.

I don't need you to shield me

from Xavi's new relationship.

I don't need all that stuff.

Touch the dog and you die.

[baby talks]

[flamenco music]

Sync and corrections by n17t01
www.addic7ed.com

Hey, when is
the funeral scene?

I have to untangle
these bikinis.

Oh, that's next.

This is the fertility
clinic mix-up reveal

where we find out who's
carrying Gael's baby.

[dramatic music]

_

[flamenco music]

[suspenseful music]

[laughing]

[laughing]

- Cut!
- [buzzer]

Weird work, everybody.

[clearing throat]

We really doing this?

- What?
- He's pregnant?

- Ow.
- Come on, Isaac.

This is crazy even
for telenovelas!

And last week my character
ate a super-spicy pepper

and got x-ray vision.

Guys, telenovelas
have always been

at the forefront of
hot button social issues.

Gun control,
same sex relationships,

wearing the right sized bra.

What we're doing
here is groundbreaking.

Okay, fine, it was typo.

Roxie should've been pregnant.

Happy hour mojitos,
a blessing and a curse.

[chuckles]

[T?pico Isaac]

That was good Spanish.

Well-timed and relevant
to your surroundings.

I know, I've been
taking Spanish lessons.

You could drop me in the middle
of Mexico City and I'd be fine.

Okay, let's hear something.

Okay.

_

_

_

Wow,
I am actually impressed.

I know!
[chuckles]

What did I say?

[gasps]
Ana and Xavi?

Xavi and Ana?

Shut the front door.

Oh I know, I hate
that new painting.

Oh them, ew, gross.

Oh, thank you it
wasn't really you.

I don't think
I could handle that.

I know, weird, huh?

Ana's stand-in
is dating Xavi's stand-in.

You really thought
that was me?

Please, I'd rather marry Gael
and have a sexless marriage.

Sexless, I should've just said,
"marriage," huh, am I right?

- Huh, is this thing on?
- [microphone feedback]

- Oh, God.
- Oh, I am-- Yeah, I guess it is.

[laughing]
Way to go, bro!

Oh, I love that guy.

So, I hear you
have a new girlfriend.

Yeah Kelly.
It's going really well.

I think she's good for me.

Oh yeah, Kelly
does a Xavi good!

See, this is why
I didn't tell you anything,

because I knew
you'd make it weird.

What?
Please, I'm the cool ex-wife.

Yeah,
I should stop doing that.

So four months, huh?

Next week,
I know this is cheesy

but I was thinking about getting
her something nice to celebrate.

Like when we started dating,
and you got me a shower curtain?

And the little rings
that go with it.

Xavi, you're
a horrible gift giver.

Well, I'm gonna get Kelly
something really nice.

Like a flashlight.

First aid kit, jumper cables?

Wait, did you just
clean out your car?

Yeah, then what
should I get her?

I don't know, I just found out
she existed five minutes ago.

Wait, you two should meet.

Then you could tell
me what to get her.

- Would that be weird?
- No, not at all.

Why don't you bring Kelly
over tonight for dinner?

And we will have a nice,
not weird meal together.

Just me, my ex-husband, his
girlfriend, and my girlfriend.

[chuckles]

That's gonna be awkward.
Good luck.

Good luck to me?

She said, "girlfriend,"
clearly that means you.

Uh-uh, she said, "girl,"
that's gender specific.

Mimi,
I'll see you at 8:00!

- Damn it.
- Yes!

You know, this pregnancy story
really got me thinking.

Yeah, me too.

If you had a baby,

where would it come out?

The bellybutton.

In the immortal words
of Marisa Tomei,

"My biological clock
is ticking like this."

You're a
"My Cousin Vinny" fan?

I feel a connection to him.

We both have
trouble saying youths.

You know another
hard word to say?

Wed-nes-day.

I call it Tuesday part two.

No seriously guys,
I can't stop thinking

what it be like to be a dad,
to have a legacy.

I don't want the Suarez
name to die with me.

My senior class
had 24 Suarezes.

Three of them were
named Rodrigo.

Dude, your name lives on.

I'm just think I'm ready
for something more...

[whispers]
Than Hugo.

I want a child,
a two legged one.

Maybe you already have a kid.

You have been with
a lot of women.

I always use protection.

Though, the men in my
family are very fertile.

I was conceived through a pair
of jeans on the dance floor.

Gross.

Do you keep in touch with any
of your former lovers?

All of them.

There was one who
stopped returning my calls

ten years ago.

Maria Wilson.

And you never saw her again?

Well, she moved
out of the city.

Though I saw her
a few months later.

She had gained weight,
mostly here.

Or she was pregnant
with your baby!

Do you really think
there's a chance

I could be someone's father?

You could have
a bastard child!

- Fingers crossed!
- Yeah!

So Kelly, what
do you do for work?

I'm a pediatric nurse.

Oh, my God, me too!

I mean, on TV.

Pretty much the same thing.

Kelly volunteers
at an animal rescue.

- Me too.
- On TV.

She's also a licensed pilot--

- Me too!
- On TV!

And a world class
Samba dancer.

- Me too.
- TV!

I feel like we have
so much in common.

Did you also
spend time in Mexico

with the Peace Corps?

Pretty much, yeah.

I mean, it was
a spa weekend in Cabo,

but I am fluent in Spanish.

Quieres m?s, comida?

S?, m?s pavo, por favor.

Okay.

- Mmm.
- [clears throat]

- [grunting]
- Pavo?

[grunts]

Okay.

Mm-hmm.
[laughing]

Yes, turkey.

Thank you.

Xavi,
do you want some too?

Huh, what?
I'm listening.

Have we talked about his
obsession with his phone?

You could
literally say anything

while he's on it
and he won't know.

Hey, Xavi, I'm in
the witness protection program.

I sold a kidney
on the black market.

- My legs are bionic.
- I'm a crazy stalker!

[chuckles] Hey, Kelly,
want to make out?

Who's making out
with who now?

Oh, you heard that?

[guitar music]

[both sigh]

Thanks for
picking me up, Mimi.

Yeah, no problem,
I don't mind driving

an extra 50 minutes in traffic.

I have no idea
where I put my keys.

Hey!

Never mind.

Xavi, I love
your new girlfriend!

Kelly's almost too good for you,

but I guess that's
always been your type.

She likes you too.

Do you know that
we both collect

tiny little hotel soaps?

- What are the odds?
- That you're both hoarders?

- Apparently, pretty good.
- Yeah, Kelly's great.

I mean, we were gonna
go away this weekend

and she just cancelled.

She said it was work,
but I don't know.

Did she say anything to you?

No, I mean,
we did talk about

how much you are on your
phone the whole time.

It wasn't the whole time.

I mean, I just found this game

where you run
an Italian restaurant

and you got to get
the pasta just right.

Xavi, got to knock off
that phone stuff.

Kelly's a keeper,
you don't want to lose her

- over something dumb like that.
- You're right.

She also says I take
too long to get ready.

Hey, do you think there's
other annoying stuff that I do?

Are you asking me
to tell you all your flaws?

[panting]

I've been making a mental list
since our first date!

Right after you showed up
with open-toed shoes.

- There's a lot?
- Oh, yeah.

I don't want to lose Kelly.
You got to help fix me.

Oh, my God. Oh, my God.
Oh, my God.

- Oh, my God. Mimi.
- Okay, don't hurt yourself.

Listen, Ana,
do you really think

it's a good idea
for you to point out

all the thing that annoyed
you about ex-husband

just so that you can
break him and mold him

into the perfect man?

Yes!

You're right, that's awesome!

[laughing]
Is it?

This is gonna be good, yeah?

Whoo!
I'm so excited!

Oh, my God!

So this is Maria's house?

It's been 10 years,
I don't even know

what to say to her.

Tell her you want to find out

if she has a kid
so you can take it.

Maybe don't open with that?

There's a football,
water guns,

a bike, she must have a kid.

And it's blue,
she either has a boy

or a really cool girl.

- Maria.
- Rodrigo...

I'm sorry, I just
got out the shower.

Oh, it's okay,
reminds me of my first date.

Don't worry,
I'm gay and she's not,

so we're not turned on at all.

Well...

So what are you doing here?

Well, I was just
thinking about you.

I never really knew
why we lost touch.

I've actually always wanted
to talk to you about that.

I've kept the secret too long
and you deserve to know.

Look, I'm getting ready
for work right now.

- Can we talk about this tomorrow?
- Yes, yes, of course.

You know, you should
come to the set.

- And bring your--
- Son, Carlos.

- How old is Carlos?
- He's almost 10.

- So, I'll see you tomorrow?
- Great. Yeah.

I have a son!

[all screaming]

- Is 3:00 okay?
- 3:00 is fine.

[door closes]

[all laughing]

- You ready to do this?
- Oh, yeah.

I think it's a good plan.

- Perfect, damn you're sexy.
- What?

[LMFAO's
"Sexy and I Know It" plays]

Oh, come on!

- Huh?
- Let's go!

I'm gonna fix everything
that's wrong with you.

Women don't like this,
they like this.

Are you listening to me?
Hey, what's happening?

- This one?
- No.

- All right. This one?
- Mm-mm.

Mm-mm. Mm-mm.
No!

Yes!
[laughing]

Yay!

What?

No, it's okay.

[both laughing]

And that's how I got them

to lower my car
insurance payment.

[phone vibrating]

Wow.

What will you do with
the money you saved?

I think I'm gonna buy
one of those vacuuming robots.

You know the--
Oh, my God, Xavi, you did it.

You ignored your phone

and you paid attention
to that boring story.

Oh, it was so boring.

Pretty good.
[chuckles]

Wait, did you clean up
your sleeping area?

I didn't even ask
you to do that.

The student has
become the teacher.

[both chuckling]

[knock at door]

Kelly!

Hey!
I wanted to bring you this.

It's from the hotel
at my work retreat.

Since we both
collect fancy soaps.

Aww, thank you.

Xavi?

Hey, babe.

What are you doing here?

And why haven't you
been returning my texts?

I've tried you all night.

Ana was helping me learn
how to ignore my phone.

And a ton of other stuff.

I fixed him,
no big deal, you're welcome.

What the hell?
Did you two sleep together?

- [chuckles]
- No.

- Not for years and years.
- You're wearing robes.

Oh, no,
he slept on the couch.

Doesn't look like it.

'Cause I cleaned
up after myself.

Oh, my God, if you
are going to lie to me,

at least make it believable.

I can't believe that
you would do this to me!

I knew he wasn't over you!

Oh, God, oh, go!

Go, go get your girl!

Wow, it is embarrassing
how much faster she is than you.

[flamenco music]

Hey, Xavi.

[both shrieking]

Sorry.

Yeah, thought you were Xavi.

Sorry, Mike, Jeff, Paul!

Hey.

God, that's so weird.

Yep.

[sad harmonica music]

Wow, Sad Harmonica Xavi.

Last time I saw
him was after you

found out "Jurassic Park"
wasn't a real thing.

That was the last time
my heart was broken.

I really liked Kelly,
but it's over.

Oh, stop it,
you'll get over it

once you have
a chance to explain.

No, that won't work.

I keep trying to tell
her nothing happened,

but she won't return my calls.

I bought her this, but--

It's nice!

Xavi you got a great gift.

You could've gift wrapped it,
but it's beautiful.

You know what?

When I messed
things up with you,

it was a real
wake-up call, Ana.

I've been trying
to be a better person.

I did my best with Kelly
and even that wasn't enough.

I'm sorry, I just
wanted to help you

and now things are
all messed up.

You know, but if it
was meant to be

you can fight for it.

Maybe we can figure out a plan.

You two savor
the love you have.

Go.

Take the day off
and enjoy each other.

- [gasps]
- Uh, actually, you can't leave.

We have rehearsal
in ten so, yeah...

How do I look?

I had wardrobe
dress me like a dad.

If you were drinking
a beer and yelling,

"Gael, kick that
ball like a man,"

I would swear that my father
was standing right here.

- Maria.
- Hey.

I'd like you to meet Carlos.

Hey, Carlos.

Oh, Rodrigo,
he looks nothing like you.

The fluffy hair,
the ivory skin.

His pecs are barely sculpted.

This can't be your son.

Hey, you don't know that.

Look, look at these hands.

The resemblance is uncanny.

Oh, they're
definitely both hands.

Um, what's happening here?

Hey, Carlos, you like pizza?

- Yeah, of course.
- Me too!

Genetics are insane.

Rodrigo, I think there's been
some kind of misunderstanding.

Carlos is not your son.

Of course he is,
we already have a bond.

- Mom?
- I'm sorry.

But you said you have
something to tell me?

I did.

Ten years ago,
I was a terrible alcoholic.

I stole money out of your
purse and I cheated on you

with an ex who got me pregnant.

I wanted to apologize
to you for years,

but I just felt so ashamed.

I'm sorry, did you say
Rodrigo had a purse?

Here's the money that I stole.

- I hope you can forgive me.
- Of course I can forgive you.

You know,
just keep the money

and buy Carlos
something with it.

Okay.
Bye.

Bye.

This may not be the best time,

but while you're
wearing that vest,

can you just say,
"Gael, I'm proud of you?"

We're gonna do it again,
but this time, Gustavo,

try and act like
you're a professional.

[gasps] Bingo! [laughing]

Sorry.

Mimi, I need your help.

I need to convince Kelly
to take Xavi back.

Right, because you
should be in the middle

of your
ex-husband's relationships.

Right?

I have to fight for Xavi

'cause he's not gonna
fight for himself.

I know you want to help,

but this has nothing
to do with you.

- Bingo!
- That's it, you're out.

Look, if Xavi wants
to give up, let him!

Mimi, I'm not asking
for your permission,

but I am asking
to use your car.

That's the parking brake,
that's the turn signal--

Mimi, I've driven
a car before.

- [chimes]
- [GPS speaks Spanish]

Oh, Gladys speaks Spanish.
That's what I call my GPS.

Let me change it
back to English.

No, no, I got this.
I'm almost fluent.

- Ana.
- [GPS speaks Spanish]

"Enter your destination."
[laughing]

Doing that.

See, Gladys and I got this.
Thanks, bye.

All right, Gladys.

Where are we "vamosing?"

[GPS speaks Spanish]

Uh-oh.

- [car beeps]
- Stop beeping at me!

- [groans]
- [car beeps]

Well next time, slow down.

Kellis
ound here somewhere.

Gladys help me out,
I've only listened to

five Spanish CDs and most
of them were farm animals.

[GPS speaks Spanish]

Okay, derecha.
What is derecha?

- [GPS speaking Spanish]
- I'm trying!

Derecha is right,
no, it's left.

No, no, it's right.

Stop yelling at me!

It's right I think,
I don't know.

Gladys your stressing me out.

[screaming]

[dramatic music]

- [GPS speaks Spanish]
- Oh, shut it.

Ana?

Hola, Kelly.
[chuckles]

I'm so sorry.
I will pay for all the damage.

I'm sure we can put
this guy back together.

Ana,
what are you doing here?

Look,
I need to talk to you.

You have to take Xavi back.

- Ana--
- No, no, hear me out.

Nothing happened between us.

I was just trying to make
him a better man for you.

'Cause he cares
about you so much.

Now I know, he's
a little self-involved

and he takes
forever to get ready

and he yawns like
a grizzly bear--

Oh, I didn't fix that,

but spending time with him

made me realize
how far he's come.

From a spoiled,
immature kid,

to a funny, sweet,
sincere human being.

I didn't have to make
him a better man.

He already was one.

- You mean that?
- Xavi!

What are you doing here?

I thought about what you said

about how if something
is meant to be,

you can't give up on it.

So I came over,
begged Kelly to give me

a second chance
and she did.

Well why am I here?
[chuckles]

I don't know,
but it was nice

to hear what you said about me.

You know I wouldn't
be half the man I am

without your support.

Your friendship,
your love.

[romantic music]

You take care of him.

Are you kidding me?

You know, I'd almost thought
you two were over each other,

but clearly I was wrong.

- Kelly, Kelly.
- We're done Xavi!

Again!
For good!

That's not how
I thought that would go.

Oh, this literally
could not get any worse.

Oh, the gnome had a family!

[wailing]

I killed them!

It says here that Roxie
gives birth to a denim baby.

Does that mean it comes out

wearing like a jean
jacket or something?

Oh no,
that's another typo.

It's supposed to say
"demon baby."

Oh, yeah,
that makes more sense.

Look how cute
my baby on the show is.

Another child
taken away from me.

If you really want a kid,
why don't you just have one?

You don't know, you could
meet someone special tomorrow.

Yeah, but then I would have
to fall in love, get married,

conceive a child, plus another
nine months of pregnancy.

That all will take
at least 10 months.

Want to hold him?
Maybe it'll cheer you up.

Yeah...
[speaking in Spanish].

You're so cute!

[babbling]

Oh, oh, this really
is a demon baby.

Ah, relax, he just
spit up a bit.

We got a broken baby.
We got a broken baby!

No!
What are you talking about?

- All babies do this.
- All babies do this?

Babies are gross.

Where's Hugo?

[flamenco music]

Hey, Bucko.
[chuckling]

"Bucko?"

I'm just trying
to be comforting.

I feel like I ruined
your relationship

and all I was trying
to do was help.

- You did help.
- I did?

Yes,
you made me realize that

Kelly and I aren't
meant to be together.

I can't be anyone
that paranoid.

I mean, she thinks we still
have feelings for each other.

How crazy is that?

- So crazy!
- [chuckling]

I can't even imagine that!

[laughing]

Guess it would look
a lot like that.

Wow-- look at us.

Ooh, so sexy!

[both laughing]

[romantic guitar music]

So-- I'm gonna go
rehearse over here.

Yeah, sure.

- Yeah, okay.
- Okay.

See you later.

[flamenco music]

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