All language subtitles for Teachers s02e15 Hot Date.eng

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Would you like to inspect the original subtitles? These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated: 1 00:00:00,899 --> 00:00:03,835 [ROCK MUSIC] 2 00:00:03,902 --> 00:00:10,475 ? ? 3 00:00:14,713 --> 00:00:16,981 No. It can't be. 4 00:00:17,048 --> 00:00:19,984 [TENSE MUSIC] 5 00:00:20,051 --> 00:00:27,292 ? ? 6 00:00:31,862 --> 00:00:33,932 CHILDREN: ? Ring around the Rosie ? 7 00:00:33,999 --> 00:00:36,167 ? Pocket full of posies ? 8 00:00:36,234 --> 00:00:41,039 ? Ashes, ashes, we all fall down ? 9 00:00:41,106 --> 00:00:44,042 Chicken pox! 10 00:00:44,109 --> 00:00:47,346 [DISTORTED VOICE ECHOING] 11 00:00:51,716 --> 00:00:53,118 [ROCK MUSIC] 12 00:00:53,185 --> 00:00:55,955 ? Tear it down ? 13 00:00:56,020 --> 00:00:57,889 ? Tear it down ? 14 00:00:57,956 --> 00:00:59,357 [SIGHS] Lost another one. 15 00:00:59,425 --> 00:01:01,160 Half the school is out with chicken pox. 16 00:01:01,226 --> 00:01:02,761 Ugh. It's such an ugly virus. 17 00:01:02,827 --> 00:01:04,496 Yeah, it makes you feel horrible. 18 00:01:04,562 --> 00:01:06,831 No, I mean, it literally makes you look ugly. 19 00:01:06,898 --> 00:01:08,299 That's a beautiful dress. 20 00:01:08,366 --> 00:01:09,700 What's the occasion? 21 00:01:09,768 --> 00:01:11,369 Oh, nothing. 22 00:01:11,435 --> 00:01:14,238 I'm just asking Hot Dad out today. 23 00:01:14,306 --> 00:01:15,841 - [ALL GASP] - I'm sorry, what? 24 00:01:15,907 --> 00:01:17,109 I'm asking Hot Dad out. 25 00:01:17,175 --> 00:01:18,711 - Holy shit! - [SQUEALS] 26 00:01:18,776 --> 00:01:20,444 Whoa, whoa, careful! That's not Mary Louise. 27 00:01:20,512 --> 00:01:22,147 That's a pod person. 28 00:01:22,214 --> 00:01:23,748 Since he asked me to dance at the hoedown, 29 00:01:23,815 --> 00:01:25,750 I realized he likes me, 30 00:01:25,818 --> 00:01:26,852 and I like him, 31 00:01:26,919 --> 00:01:29,054 so why not just ask him out? 32 00:01:29,121 --> 00:01:30,455 [BOTH SQUEALING] 33 00:01:30,521 --> 00:01:31,923 My little baby girl's grown up. 34 00:01:31,991 --> 00:01:34,393 It is way too high-pitched in here for me. 35 00:01:34,458 --> 00:01:36,327 I'm happy for you, Mary Louise. 36 00:01:36,395 --> 00:01:39,331 Hit that fat D for me. 37 00:01:39,396 --> 00:01:41,866 Ugh. She's such a dude. 38 00:01:41,934 --> 00:01:44,336 ? ? 39 00:01:44,402 --> 00:01:46,338 And that's the scientific method. 40 00:01:46,404 --> 00:01:48,138 [CHUCKLES] So let's review. 41 00:01:48,205 --> 00:01:51,542 If I say that I think if I wear this tube top to a bar, 42 00:01:51,610 --> 00:01:55,247 men will buy me drinks, what is that? 43 00:01:55,313 --> 00:01:57,048 - Gary? - It's a hypothesis, 44 00:01:57,116 --> 00:01:59,952 because you think it's true, but you haven't proven it yet. 45 00:02:00,018 --> 00:02:01,687 Excellent. 46 00:02:01,753 --> 00:02:03,587 But if I tell you that I've literally gone to hundreds 47 00:02:03,654 --> 00:02:05,657 of bars wearing this top, and every time, 48 00:02:05,724 --> 00:02:08,961 a man has bought me a drink, what does my hypothesis become? 49 00:02:10,528 --> 00:02:12,396 - Jonah? - A theory, 50 00:02:12,463 --> 00:02:14,999 because you've proven it over multiple trials. 51 00:02:15,066 --> 00:02:16,635 Very good. 52 00:02:16,701 --> 00:02:19,337 Now, is there a way for my drink-generating tube top 53 00:02:19,404 --> 00:02:21,640 to become a scientific law? 54 00:02:25,377 --> 00:02:27,312 Nobody? Okay. Well, it's time for gym. 55 00:02:27,379 --> 00:02:29,314 So we'll get that answer later today. 56 00:02:29,380 --> 00:02:31,116 Oh, and tell Coach Bozy 57 00:02:31,183 --> 00:02:33,385 that his short shorts leave nothing to the imagination, 58 00:02:33,451 --> 00:02:35,454 and thank you. [CHUCKLES] 59 00:02:35,520 --> 00:02:37,189 - Ms. Snap? - Hey, Lily. 60 00:02:37,254 --> 00:02:39,057 [GASPS] Your sweater is so cute. 61 00:02:39,123 --> 00:02:40,424 Can I borrow it sometime? 62 00:02:40,492 --> 00:02:42,928 How come you never call on me? 63 00:02:42,994 --> 00:02:44,262 Oh, I'm sorry. 64 00:02:44,330 --> 00:02:45,998 I didn't see you raising your hand. 65 00:02:46,064 --> 00:02:47,987 It's probably because your arms are so thin. 66 00:02:48,066 --> 00:02:49,867 [CHUCKLES] Look! Twins! 67 00:02:49,933 --> 00:02:52,437 But I always raise my hand during science, 68 00:02:52,503 --> 00:02:55,072 and you never pick me or any of the girls. 69 00:02:55,140 --> 00:02:57,409 You treat the boys better than us. 70 00:02:57,474 --> 00:02:59,144 That's ridiculous, Lily. 71 00:02:59,210 --> 00:03:02,213 Just today I helped Melissa K. set up her makeup vlog. 72 00:03:02,281 --> 00:03:04,148 So your hypothesis is false. 73 00:03:04,216 --> 00:03:05,550 ? ? 74 00:03:05,616 --> 00:03:06,617 Hey, dude. [SIGHS] 75 00:03:06,685 --> 00:03:07,785 Can I borrow your broom? 76 00:03:07,853 --> 00:03:09,587 I just smashed a cockroach. 77 00:03:09,653 --> 00:03:11,188 I wanted to leave it there to send a message 78 00:03:11,255 --> 00:03:14,058 to the other cockroaches, but Pearson said I have to clean it up. 79 00:03:14,124 --> 00:03:15,401 Oh, my... 80 00:03:15,479 --> 00:03:16,612 What's wrong? 81 00:03:16,680 --> 00:03:18,147 You wouldn't understand. 82 00:03:18,215 --> 00:03:19,817 It's a girl thing. 83 00:03:19,884 --> 00:03:23,421 Well, I do possess a vagina, so... 84 00:03:23,486 --> 00:03:25,222 A group of my sorority sisters, 85 00:03:25,288 --> 00:03:26,689 the ones I actually liked, 86 00:03:26,757 --> 00:03:28,891 took a reunion trip to Mexico without me. 87 00:03:28,959 --> 00:03:30,027 How do you know? 88 00:03:30,093 --> 00:03:31,829 Uh, Facebook. Hello? 89 00:03:31,895 --> 00:03:34,598 They didn't even have the decency to make the album private. 90 00:03:34,664 --> 00:03:36,299 Why wouldn't they invite me? 91 00:03:36,366 --> 00:03:38,602 I don't know. You should call them up and ask them. 92 00:03:38,669 --> 00:03:40,537 - I can't do that. - Why not? 93 00:03:40,604 --> 00:03:43,406 [SCOFFS] Because that would make me look crazy. 94 00:03:43,473 --> 00:03:44,942 How could they do this to me? 95 00:03:45,008 --> 00:03:46,943 I told you. Call them up and ask them. 96 00:03:47,009 --> 00:03:48,812 You're doing the same thing that Jacob used to do. 97 00:03:48,878 --> 00:03:50,747 Stop trying to fix the situation! 98 00:03:50,814 --> 00:03:52,883 God, Deb, this is exactly why I don't talk to you 99 00:03:52,949 --> 00:03:54,818 about these things! 100 00:03:54,884 --> 00:03:56,453 Okay. 101 00:03:58,754 --> 00:04:00,022 So where's the broom? 102 00:04:00,090 --> 00:04:01,658 Where it always is... 103 00:04:01,724 --> 00:04:03,826 in the closet in between the Dustbuster and the Swiffer. 104 00:04:03,894 --> 00:04:06,096 How many times do I have to tell you? 105 00:04:06,163 --> 00:04:07,898 ? ? 106 00:04:07,965 --> 00:04:11,901 Laura, you know there's no gum allowed in school, right? 107 00:04:11,968 --> 00:04:14,237 I know. That's why I put it in my hair. 108 00:04:14,303 --> 00:04:16,138 [SIGHS] I'll have to get some peanut butter. 109 00:04:16,206 --> 00:04:17,540 This is gonna take hours. 110 00:04:17,607 --> 00:04:18,876 [KNOCK AT DOOR] 111 00:04:18,942 --> 00:04:20,009 Hey. 112 00:04:20,076 --> 00:04:22,546 I'm a little early. You ready for me? 113 00:04:22,612 --> 00:04:25,549 [ROCK MUSIC] 114 00:04:25,615 --> 00:04:29,552 ? ? 115 00:04:29,620 --> 00:04:30,620 ? Huh! ? 116 00:04:30,687 --> 00:04:35,559 ? ? 117 00:04:35,625 --> 00:04:36,625 ? Huh! ? 118 00:04:36,692 --> 00:04:38,628 ? ? 119 00:04:38,696 --> 00:04:41,165 Oh, I'm ready, Hot Daddy. 120 00:04:42,699 --> 00:04:44,634 Where is everyone? 121 00:04:44,701 --> 00:04:47,304 Half the class is out sick with the chicken pox. 122 00:04:47,370 --> 00:04:49,706 But don't worry... the kids here have already had it, 123 00:04:49,773 --> 00:04:51,175 so you're safe. 124 00:04:51,242 --> 00:04:53,242 I'm not worried. Blake and I already got it 125 00:04:53,310 --> 00:04:54,576 when he was in kindergarten. 126 00:04:54,644 --> 00:04:55,978 It was actually kind of nice. 127 00:04:56,045 --> 00:04:58,981 We took turns taking care of each other. 128 00:04:59,048 --> 00:05:01,484 You want me to pass out those worksheets? 129 00:05:03,254 --> 00:05:04,855 No. 130 00:05:04,922 --> 00:05:08,725 I want you to go out tonight 131 00:05:08,791 --> 00:05:11,093 with me on a date 132 00:05:11,161 --> 00:05:13,197 with you tonight. 133 00:05:17,867 --> 00:05:20,271 [STAMMERS] I would really like that. 134 00:05:20,336 --> 00:05:22,605 Great. It's a date. 135 00:05:22,672 --> 00:05:25,609 [ROCK MUSIC] 136 00:05:25,675 --> 00:05:27,142 ? ? 137 00:05:27,209 --> 00:05:28,210 ? Huh! ? 138 00:05:28,278 --> 00:05:29,879 ? ? 139 00:05:29,947 --> 00:05:31,281 Uh, sorry. 140 00:05:31,348 --> 00:05:34,283 One of my students tried to call me out this morning. 141 00:05:34,350 --> 00:05:36,086 - It was so funny. - [BOTH CHUCKLE] 142 00:05:36,153 --> 00:05:39,088 Was it 'cause you're 31 and you still use glitter as makeup? 143 00:05:39,156 --> 00:05:40,757 No. 144 00:05:40,824 --> 00:05:43,759 Lily P. basically accused me of being sexist towards women, 145 00:05:43,826 --> 00:05:45,694 which is impossible 'cause I am a woman. 146 00:05:45,762 --> 00:05:47,298 What'd she say you did? 147 00:05:47,363 --> 00:05:49,299 She said I don't call on any of the girls in science. 148 00:05:49,365 --> 00:05:51,300 That's a thing. There are studies that show 149 00:05:51,367 --> 00:05:55,572 that girls get called on way less in math and science. 150 00:05:55,639 --> 00:05:57,307 But I don't do that. 151 00:05:57,374 --> 00:05:59,042 You sure, dog? 152 00:05:59,108 --> 00:06:01,577 A lot of people have a gender bias and don't even know it. 153 00:06:01,644 --> 00:06:04,048 Are you kidding me? I love both genders equally. 154 00:06:04,113 --> 00:06:06,582 If anything, I am biased towards women. 155 00:06:06,649 --> 00:06:08,384 I'm always trying to help them improve themselves 156 00:06:08,451 --> 00:06:11,288 by suggesting they wear more makeup or lose weight. 157 00:06:11,353 --> 00:06:13,556 I don't do that for men. [SCOFFS] 158 00:06:13,622 --> 00:06:16,558 [ROCK MUSIC] 159 00:06:16,625 --> 00:06:19,295 He's picking me up after school. 160 00:06:19,362 --> 00:06:21,098 [ALL SQUEAL AND SCREAM] 161 00:06:21,163 --> 00:06:23,033 And he's taking me to my favorite restaurant... 162 00:06:23,100 --> 00:06:25,636 The Great American Pasta Company. 163 00:06:25,702 --> 00:06:28,438 [ALL SCREAMING AND CHEERING] 164 00:06:28,506 --> 00:06:32,443 I'm going to be sugar and spice, and who knows if I'll be nice? 165 00:06:32,509 --> 00:06:33,909 ALL: Ooh! 166 00:06:33,976 --> 00:06:35,310 I think I'll wear my hair like this. 167 00:06:35,377 --> 00:06:36,846 Oh, what's on your neck? 168 00:06:36,913 --> 00:06:38,982 - What? - Do you have chicken pox? 169 00:06:39,048 --> 00:06:42,218 - [SCOFFS] No. Of course not. - Oh, girl... 170 00:06:42,286 --> 00:06:44,153 - I don't have it. - It really looks like it's... 171 00:06:44,221 --> 00:06:45,788 No, it doesn't look like anything 172 00:06:45,855 --> 00:06:47,490 because I don't have the chicken pox 173 00:06:47,557 --> 00:06:49,259 'cause I have my date tonight, so stop saying that I do. 174 00:06:49,326 --> 00:06:52,663 [LAUGHING] You're all becoming hysterical. 175 00:06:52,730 --> 00:06:54,198 It's a neck zit! 176 00:06:54,264 --> 00:06:56,132 Haven't you ever seen a zit on a neck before? 177 00:06:56,199 --> 00:06:57,967 Then why are you scratching it? 178 00:06:58,035 --> 00:07:01,304 Because, Cecelia, sometimes zits can be itchy! 179 00:07:01,370 --> 00:07:03,606 - Leave me alone! - Oh. 180 00:07:06,875 --> 00:07:09,747 - She's got it, right? - Oh, yeah. Bitch got the pox. 181 00:07:10,888 --> 00:07:13,357 ? Tear it down ? 182 00:07:14,233 --> 00:07:17,570 Just keep the oatmeal on your face for at least an hour. 183 00:07:17,619 --> 00:07:19,154 Mary Louise, I hate to say this, 184 00:07:19,220 --> 00:07:20,554 but you need to cancel your date. 185 00:07:20,622 --> 00:07:23,559 No. He'll think I'm blowing him off. 186 00:07:23,624 --> 00:07:25,626 Tonight was supposed to be the first date 187 00:07:25,694 --> 00:07:27,129 of the rest of my life. 188 00:07:27,194 --> 00:07:29,997 Girl, I want to be delicate in how I say this. 189 00:07:30,064 --> 00:07:31,131 You look like shit, 190 00:07:31,199 --> 00:07:32,934 like, physically very ugly. 191 00:07:33,001 --> 00:07:34,470 Don't worry. 192 00:07:34,535 --> 00:07:36,170 After this, I'm gonna give you a rosewater enema. 193 00:07:36,237 --> 00:07:37,471 That, combined with the oatmeal, 194 00:07:37,538 --> 00:07:39,306 should eliminate all of the itching. 195 00:07:39,374 --> 00:07:40,874 Speaking of, what are you going to do with the oatmeal 196 00:07:40,941 --> 00:07:43,879 once you take it off her face? 197 00:07:43,944 --> 00:07:46,714 What? I thought I'd bake some cookies. 198 00:07:46,780 --> 00:07:50,350 Ugh. Why won't this thing work? 199 00:07:50,417 --> 00:07:51,386 [SIGHS] 200 00:07:51,451 --> 00:07:53,855 [OVERLAPPING CAFETERIA CHATTER] 201 00:07:53,922 --> 00:07:56,023 Hey, can you help me with this software? 202 00:07:56,090 --> 00:07:57,324 It isn't downloading. 203 00:07:57,391 --> 00:08:01,262 Oh, no. I'm bad at computers. 204 00:08:01,328 --> 00:08:02,797 I know how to do it. 205 00:08:02,864 --> 00:08:04,332 Wait. You're good with computers? 206 00:08:04,398 --> 00:08:05,968 Yeah. 207 00:08:09,504 --> 00:08:11,038 You love your dermatologist, right? 208 00:08:11,105 --> 00:08:12,372 - Mm-hmm. - What's his name? 209 00:08:12,439 --> 00:08:16,077 Uh, her name is Dr. Malloy. 210 00:08:16,143 --> 00:08:17,478 Right, I know that, 211 00:08:17,545 --> 00:08:19,480 because women can be doctors, too. 212 00:08:19,547 --> 00:08:22,951 Brenda! You're back from maternity leave so soon. 213 00:08:23,018 --> 00:08:25,153 Isn't it hard to be away from your baby? 214 00:08:25,220 --> 00:08:26,554 Why don't you ask Dan that? 215 00:08:26,621 --> 00:08:28,356 He and his wife just had a baby... 216 00:08:28,423 --> 00:08:30,458 a week ago. 217 00:08:32,226 --> 00:08:34,962 Oh, my God. 218 00:08:35,029 --> 00:08:36,965 It's a scientific law. 219 00:08:37,031 --> 00:08:38,699 I'm sexist. 220 00:08:38,766 --> 00:08:41,236 Who made me this way? Because I did not do this to myself. 221 00:08:41,303 --> 00:08:43,705 Seriously, who gave me sexism? 222 00:08:43,771 --> 00:08:46,773 Someone probably ingrained it into you when you were little. 223 00:08:46,841 --> 00:08:48,643 But who? [GASPS] 224 00:08:48,709 --> 00:08:50,410 Mrs. Wyatt! 225 00:08:50,477 --> 00:08:53,348 This is all my elementary-school teacher Mrs. Wyatt's fault! 226 00:08:53,415 --> 00:08:55,750 I used to love science, and I was really good at it, 227 00:08:55,817 --> 00:08:57,919 but the only thing she encouraged me in was penmanship! 228 00:08:57,986 --> 00:09:00,255 She said one day I would write beautiful love letters, 229 00:09:00,320 --> 00:09:02,122 which is bullshit, 'cause all I do now is sext 230 00:09:02,189 --> 00:09:04,257 using peach and eggplant emojis. 231 00:09:04,324 --> 00:09:06,627 If it wasn't for her, I could've been a hot rocket scientist 232 00:09:06,694 --> 00:09:08,030 working for the NASA! 233 00:09:08,096 --> 00:09:11,099 The NASA! 234 00:09:11,165 --> 00:09:13,834 I look so good in a lab coat. 235 00:09:13,901 --> 00:09:16,503 ? ? 236 00:09:16,570 --> 00:09:18,172 Hey, Caroline. 237 00:09:21,575 --> 00:09:22,977 Are you upset with me? 238 00:09:23,044 --> 00:09:25,246 - I'm fine. - Hmm. Okay. 239 00:09:25,313 --> 00:09:26,848 I'm clearly not fine. 240 00:09:26,915 --> 00:09:28,583 Why did you just say you were? 241 00:09:28,650 --> 00:09:30,584 Because I wanted you to work to get the real answer? 242 00:09:30,651 --> 00:09:32,587 Dude, just don't look at the photos. 243 00:09:32,652 --> 00:09:35,789 Oh, my God. Stop trying to fix the problem. 244 00:09:35,857 --> 00:09:38,759 All I want you to do is listen. 245 00:09:38,825 --> 00:09:41,429 Okay. 246 00:09:41,496 --> 00:09:42,963 I can do that. 247 00:09:43,030 --> 00:09:45,132 Thank you. 248 00:09:45,199 --> 00:09:46,834 It's just... 249 00:09:46,901 --> 00:09:50,905 I thought these were some of my best friends, and... 250 00:09:50,972 --> 00:09:53,074 it really hurt, you know? 251 00:09:56,310 --> 00:09:57,911 It's, like... 252 00:09:57,978 --> 00:09:59,613 did they forget about me, 253 00:09:59,679 --> 00:10:03,117 or did they decide they don't like me anymore? 254 00:10:05,386 --> 00:10:07,122 What are you doing? 255 00:10:07,188 --> 00:10:09,124 - I'm listening. - Not like that! 256 00:10:09,190 --> 00:10:10,791 You're supposed to respond. 257 00:10:10,858 --> 00:10:13,126 You're acting like a robot... 258 00:10:13,194 --> 00:10:16,598 a weird, non-blinking robot. 259 00:10:16,665 --> 00:10:20,968 [CRYING] I can't believe you didn't follow me. 260 00:10:21,035 --> 00:10:24,304 ? ? 261 00:10:24,372 --> 00:10:26,474 Thanks so much for waiting with me, guys. 262 00:10:26,540 --> 00:10:28,475 I feel much better since I stopped peeing 263 00:10:28,543 --> 00:10:30,345 out of my bottom after that enema. 264 00:10:30,411 --> 00:10:31,945 You must've had a lot of mucoid plaque 265 00:10:32,012 --> 00:10:34,081 - on your intestines. - Oh, sick. 266 00:10:34,149 --> 00:10:35,950 Great job on the makeup, Caroline. 267 00:10:36,016 --> 00:10:37,084 Whatever. 268 00:10:37,151 --> 00:10:38,218 [BOTH GASPING] 269 00:10:38,285 --> 00:10:41,222 [DREAMY MUSIC] 270 00:10:41,289 --> 00:10:44,759 ? ? 271 00:10:44,825 --> 00:10:47,093 - Hey, ladies. - ALL: Hi! 272 00:10:47,160 --> 00:10:48,630 - Hey. - Hey. 273 00:10:48,697 --> 00:10:50,699 - You look beautiful. - I'm fine. How are you? 274 00:10:50,765 --> 00:10:51,766 [STAMMERS] 275 00:10:51,833 --> 00:10:53,168 You know what? Okay. 276 00:10:53,234 --> 00:10:54,968 [CHUCKLES] Thank you. Thank you. 277 00:10:55,035 --> 00:11:03,275 ? ? 278 00:11:03,511 --> 00:11:05,446 Oh, my God. This is so beautiful. 279 00:11:05,512 --> 00:11:07,814 Somebody take my picture. 280 00:11:07,881 --> 00:11:10,818 [GENTLE PIANO MUSIC] 281 00:11:10,885 --> 00:11:12,554 ? ? 282 00:11:12,621 --> 00:11:14,689 You know, we spend a lot of time at school together, 283 00:11:14,756 --> 00:11:17,091 but I don't even think I know where you're from. 284 00:11:17,157 --> 00:11:19,259 - Manhattan. - Really? 285 00:11:19,327 --> 00:11:20,795 Kansas. [CHUCKLES] 286 00:11:20,862 --> 00:11:22,329 I love doing that. 287 00:11:22,396 --> 00:11:24,665 I went to school at K-State. 288 00:11:24,732 --> 00:11:26,733 We probably passed each other on the street 289 00:11:26,800 --> 00:11:28,268 and didn't even know it. 290 00:11:28,335 --> 00:11:30,804 No, I would've remembered you. 291 00:11:30,872 --> 00:11:32,006 [SIGHS] 292 00:11:32,073 --> 00:11:34,208 ? ? 293 00:11:34,276 --> 00:11:35,609 Where did you grow up? 294 00:11:35,676 --> 00:11:37,878 I moved around a lot as a kid. 295 00:11:37,944 --> 00:11:39,280 Interesting. 296 00:11:39,347 --> 00:11:41,281 Would you excuse me for a moment? 297 00:11:41,348 --> 00:11:44,018 ? ? 298 00:11:44,084 --> 00:11:47,021 [FRANTIC MUSIC] 299 00:11:47,088 --> 00:11:54,328 ? ? 300 00:11:59,367 --> 00:12:00,700 Sorry about that. 301 00:12:00,767 --> 00:12:02,303 No problem. 302 00:12:02,370 --> 00:12:05,106 Um, so, yeah, I grew up in a military family. 303 00:12:05,173 --> 00:12:07,107 Oh. Your dad was in the Army? 304 00:12:07,175 --> 00:12:09,977 - My mom. - Oh. 305 00:12:10,044 --> 00:12:11,713 I'm so sorry again, 306 00:12:11,779 --> 00:12:15,116 but will you excuse me for just one more moment? 307 00:12:15,183 --> 00:12:16,985 - Are you okay? - Yep. Never better. 308 00:12:17,050 --> 00:12:18,920 [FRANTIC MUSIC] 309 00:12:18,987 --> 00:12:26,227 ? ? 310 00:12:30,131 --> 00:12:32,467 - Ooh! - [BOTH CHUCKLING] 311 00:12:32,534 --> 00:12:34,870 I had always wanted to be a volunteer firefighter. 312 00:12:34,935 --> 00:12:37,171 I feel like it's important to help people 313 00:12:37,238 --> 00:12:38,772 and to contribute to the community. 314 00:12:38,838 --> 00:12:40,675 You know, I think I forgot something in the bathroom. 315 00:12:40,741 --> 00:12:44,212 [FRANTIC MUSIC] 316 00:12:44,279 --> 00:12:47,182 [GENTLE PIANO MUSIC] 317 00:12:47,247 --> 00:12:50,016 [FRANTIC MUSIC] 318 00:12:50,083 --> 00:12:52,020 ? ? 319 00:12:52,085 --> 00:12:53,754 Oh! Yeah, yeah, yeah! 320 00:12:53,820 --> 00:12:56,156 Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah! 321 00:12:56,223 --> 00:12:57,659 You're masturbating 322 00:12:57,726 --> 00:12:59,559 at The Great American Pasta Company? 323 00:12:59,626 --> 00:13:03,732 This is a family restaurant, you pervert. 324 00:13:09,003 --> 00:13:11,005 Oh. Ah. 325 00:13:11,072 --> 00:13:13,941 So my first call as a volunteer firefighter 326 00:13:14,007 --> 00:13:15,743 is actually really funny. 327 00:13:15,809 --> 00:13:17,678 - [CHUCKLES NERVOUSLY] - We went to this home, 328 00:13:17,745 --> 00:13:19,614 and we didn't see any signs of a fire. 329 00:13:19,680 --> 00:13:22,782 So we knock on the door, and this little old woman answers. 330 00:13:22,849 --> 00:13:24,651 You know what? I'm just gonna go... 331 00:13:24,718 --> 00:13:26,920 Oh, wait, before you go, you have to hear this. 332 00:13:26,987 --> 00:13:28,321 Okay. 333 00:13:28,389 --> 00:13:30,992 - There wasn't even a fire. - Oh? 334 00:13:31,059 --> 00:13:33,394 She just wanted to give us cookies. 335 00:13:33,460 --> 00:13:34,995 So then 30 minutes later, 336 00:13:35,063 --> 00:13:37,532 we get a call from the same house, same woman... 337 00:13:37,598 --> 00:13:39,467 - No kidding. - So we go back, 338 00:13:39,534 --> 00:13:41,470 - and again, no fire. - Oh! 339 00:13:41,535 --> 00:13:43,603 She's just sitting there on the porch, 340 00:13:43,670 --> 00:13:45,473 - waving with more cookies. - You know what? 341 00:13:45,540 --> 00:13:47,341 - I'm just gonna go. - I'm almost finished. 342 00:13:47,407 --> 00:13:49,943 I promise the ending makes it all worth it. 343 00:13:50,011 --> 00:13:51,445 [CHUCKLES NERVOUSLY] 344 00:13:51,511 --> 00:13:55,616 So then an hour later, we get a third call 345 00:13:55,683 --> 00:13:58,019 from the exact same house, same woman, 346 00:13:58,085 --> 00:14:01,421 and again, an hour later, we a fourth call... 347 00:14:01,488 --> 00:14:04,750 How long is this [Bleep] story? 348 00:14:10,068 --> 00:14:12,028 ? Tear it down ? 349 00:14:13,837 --> 00:14:17,074 [DOORBELL RINGS] 350 00:14:20,810 --> 00:14:23,323 Hey. I heard you were feeling pretty bad 351 00:14:23,371 --> 00:14:25,240 about everything that happened last night. 352 00:14:25,307 --> 00:14:27,042 So I brought you something to cheer you up. 353 00:14:27,109 --> 00:14:29,043 Another rosewater enema. 354 00:14:29,111 --> 00:14:30,211 No! 355 00:14:30,278 --> 00:14:32,547 [ROCK MUSIC] 356 00:14:32,614 --> 00:14:34,350 So moving on to science, 357 00:14:34,415 --> 00:14:36,417 where everyone is valued and appreciated equally, 358 00:14:36,485 --> 00:14:38,354 let's discuss scientific laws. 359 00:14:38,420 --> 00:14:40,655 What are some examples of scientific laws? 360 00:14:44,860 --> 00:14:46,928 Lily? 361 00:14:46,995 --> 00:14:48,397 The law of gravity. 362 00:14:48,463 --> 00:14:50,098 Yes! That's my girl! 363 00:14:50,164 --> 00:14:52,433 I mean, woman. No... person. 364 00:14:52,500 --> 00:14:53,903 Because you are capable, 365 00:14:53,970 --> 00:14:56,439 and that has nothing to do with your gender. 366 00:14:56,505 --> 00:14:58,607 Now, who discovered the law of gravity? 367 00:14:59,875 --> 00:15:01,476 - Miranda? - Newton? 368 00:15:01,543 --> 00:15:04,346 Yes, that's right! Let your voice ring out! 369 00:15:04,413 --> 00:15:06,649 And what does that law say? 370 00:15:09,885 --> 00:15:11,287 Tiffany? 371 00:15:11,354 --> 00:15:12,821 She wasn't even raising her hand! 372 00:15:12,888 --> 00:15:14,423 Who cares? Tiffany? 373 00:15:14,489 --> 00:15:16,425 I know the answer. Why aren't you calling on me? 374 00:15:16,491 --> 00:15:18,426 I'm sorry, Gary. 375 00:15:18,494 --> 00:15:21,363 Has me not rewarding you and feeding into the patriarchy 376 00:15:21,429 --> 00:15:23,164 for two minutes made you uncomfortable? 377 00:15:23,231 --> 00:15:26,067 Would you prefer if the women stuck to English and poetry 378 00:15:26,135 --> 00:15:27,403 like we're supposed to? 379 00:15:27,470 --> 00:15:28,937 Your time is up. 380 00:15:29,004 --> 00:15:30,606 It's Tiffany's time now. 381 00:15:30,673 --> 00:15:32,541 The law of gravity just brought you back down to Earth! 382 00:15:32,606 --> 00:15:34,076 [EPIC MUSIC] 383 00:15:34,143 --> 00:15:35,144 Boom! 384 00:15:35,210 --> 00:15:37,144 Hey, Feldman. Guess what. 385 00:15:37,211 --> 00:15:38,614 I fixed my gender bias. 386 00:15:38,679 --> 00:15:40,948 Today I didn't call on one boy. 387 00:15:41,015 --> 00:15:43,318 A few weeks of that, and they are gonna hate science. 388 00:15:43,385 --> 00:15:45,120 - [CHUCKLES] - Oh, dog. 389 00:15:45,187 --> 00:15:48,322 You don't even things out by bringing the dudes down. 390 00:15:48,389 --> 00:15:51,125 You do it by bringing the dudettes up. 391 00:15:51,192 --> 00:15:52,593 You still have a gender bias. 392 00:15:52,660 --> 00:15:54,863 You just changed who you're biased against. 393 00:15:54,929 --> 00:15:56,397 Oh, my God. 394 00:15:56,465 --> 00:15:59,401 I'm a reverse sexist. 395 00:15:59,467 --> 00:16:02,870 FYI, I hate these conversations with you. 396 00:16:02,937 --> 00:16:06,475 ? ? 397 00:16:08,809 --> 00:16:10,144 Uh-uh. 398 00:16:10,211 --> 00:16:13,481 You're staying on the couch until you apologize. 399 00:16:13,548 --> 00:16:15,484 I don't even know why we're arguing. 400 00:16:15,549 --> 00:16:17,685 I mean, you started off mad at your sorority sisters, 401 00:16:17,753 --> 00:16:20,222 and now suddenly you're mad at me? 402 00:16:20,288 --> 00:16:21,722 But I'm on your side. 403 00:16:21,789 --> 00:16:23,925 [HEARTFELT PIANO MUSIC] 404 00:16:23,991 --> 00:16:25,527 Thanks. 405 00:16:25,593 --> 00:16:27,928 I just wanted you to listen and empathize with me. 406 00:16:27,995 --> 00:16:30,064 I totally understand what you're saying. 407 00:16:30,131 --> 00:16:32,233 ? ? 408 00:16:32,299 --> 00:16:33,734 And I'm sorry. 409 00:16:33,802 --> 00:16:36,104 - You are? - Yeah. 410 00:16:36,170 --> 00:16:37,605 I'm sorry that you got upset, 411 00:16:37,673 --> 00:16:39,942 and that you feel like I hurt your feelings. 412 00:16:40,009 --> 00:16:42,878 Oh, my God. That is not an apology! 413 00:16:42,944 --> 00:16:45,747 I'd like to apologize for my behavior earlier, 414 00:16:45,814 --> 00:16:47,815 but it has recently come to my attention that 415 00:16:47,883 --> 00:16:49,885 our education system does not treat boys and girls the same... 416 00:16:49,952 --> 00:16:52,822 [VOICE BREAKING] And it was a lot to deal with. 417 00:16:52,888 --> 00:16:55,290 So today I am changing the world. 418 00:16:55,356 --> 00:16:56,691 [HEROIC MUSIC] 419 00:16:56,758 --> 00:16:59,193 I'm forming a coed science club. 420 00:16:59,261 --> 00:17:02,397 Now, which one of you boys wants to be president? 421 00:17:02,464 --> 00:17:04,265 Damn it, Mrs. Wyatt! 422 00:17:04,332 --> 00:17:06,569 ? ? 423 00:17:08,169 --> 00:17:10,406 [DOORBELL RINGS] 424 00:17:11,974 --> 00:17:13,909 How many times do I have to tell you? 425 00:17:13,975 --> 00:17:17,612 I'm not putting that thing in my bottom again. 426 00:17:20,014 --> 00:17:21,749 What are you doing here? 427 00:17:21,816 --> 00:17:24,285 I, uh, stopped by the school today 428 00:17:24,352 --> 00:17:25,620 to talk to you about last night, 429 00:17:25,687 --> 00:17:28,023 but everyone said you were home sick. 430 00:17:28,090 --> 00:17:29,357 Yeah. 431 00:17:29,424 --> 00:17:31,393 I got the pox. 432 00:17:31,459 --> 00:17:34,094 [SIGHS] Mary Louise, why didn't you tell me? 433 00:17:34,161 --> 00:17:35,596 We could've rescheduled. 434 00:17:35,664 --> 00:17:38,133 I know. I should have. 435 00:17:38,199 --> 00:17:39,801 I'm sorry I yelled at you, 436 00:17:39,868 --> 00:17:42,337 and I'm sorry I spent 45 minutes in the bathroom, 437 00:17:42,403 --> 00:17:45,039 and I'm sorry I stole a fork from the restaurant 438 00:17:45,105 --> 00:17:48,576 so I could secretly scratch myself on the way home. 439 00:17:48,643 --> 00:17:50,245 I didn't tell you I was sick 440 00:17:50,312 --> 00:17:52,247 because that's how badly I wanted to go on the date. 441 00:17:52,313 --> 00:17:55,316 I thought if I canceled, it might not happen again, 442 00:17:55,383 --> 00:17:57,118 and I didn't want to mess it up, 443 00:17:57,186 --> 00:18:01,990 because that's what I always do, but that's exactly what I did. 444 00:18:02,056 --> 00:18:03,324 You didn't mess it up. 445 00:18:03,391 --> 00:18:04,726 [GENTLE GUITAR MUSIC] 446 00:18:04,793 --> 00:18:06,594 I have wanted to ask you out 447 00:18:06,661 --> 00:18:08,463 since the moment I met you. 448 00:18:08,530 --> 00:18:09,864 Really? 449 00:18:09,930 --> 00:18:11,065 Yeah. 450 00:18:11,132 --> 00:18:12,601 ? ? 451 00:18:12,667 --> 00:18:16,271 You've already had the chicken pox, right? 452 00:18:16,338 --> 00:18:23,579 ? ? 453 00:18:26,414 --> 00:18:29,351 [FRANTIC MUSIC] 454 00:18:29,418 --> 00:18:35,658 ? ? 455 00:18:39,594 --> 00:18:41,529 [EXHALES] I take it you're feeling better? 456 00:18:41,597 --> 00:18:42,531 [CHUCKLES] 457 00:18:42,598 --> 00:18:47,837 ? ? 458 00:18:50,044 --> 00:18:52,145 ? Tear it down ? 459 00:18:54,281 --> 00:18:56,483 [REFRIGERATOR DOOR OPENS, CLOSES] 460 00:18:56,550 --> 00:18:59,486 [PLAYFUL MUSIC] 461 00:18:59,943 --> 00:19:05,548 ? ? 462 00:19:05,573 --> 00:19:07,375 [CAN OPENS] 463 00:19:07,443 --> 00:19:12,081 ? ? 464 00:19:12,148 --> 00:19:14,183 [FARTS] 465 00:19:17,316 --> 00:19:18,416 I'm leaving you. 466 00:19:18,587 --> 00:19:22,724 ? ? 467 00:19:22,791 --> 00:19:24,527 - [FARTS] - Ugh! 468 00:19:24,592 --> 00:19:27,528 [ROCK MUSIC] 469 00:19:27,595 --> 00:19:28,830 ? ? 470 00:19:29,880 --> 00:19:31,615 - Mrs. Wyatt? - Yes? 471 00:19:31,682 --> 00:19:34,218 [Bleep] you! Because of you, I can't remember whether 472 00:19:34,283 --> 00:19:35,552 the Earth revolves around the Sun 473 00:19:35,618 --> 00:19:37,286 or the Sun revolves around the Earth. 474 00:19:37,354 --> 00:19:39,490 My entire life is your fault! 475 00:19:39,557 --> 00:19:41,625 You are the reason I am not working for NASA, 476 00:19:41,692 --> 00:19:43,827 you rancid bitch! 477 00:19:43,894 --> 00:19:45,496 Um... 478 00:19:45,562 --> 00:19:47,897 I think you're looking for my mother. 479 00:19:47,964 --> 00:19:51,501 She passed away three years ago. 480 00:19:51,568 --> 00:19:53,671 I am so sorry for your loss. 481 00:19:53,742 --> 00:19:56,523 Synced & corrected by kinglouisxx www.addic7ed.com 482 00:19:56,606 --> 00:19:58,242 She was a wonderful woman. 483 00:19:58,292 --> 00:20:02,842 Repair and Synchronization by Easy Subtitles Synchronizer 1.0.0.0 33893

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