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1
00:00:01,250 --> 00:00:03,951
[rock music]
2
00:00:04,036 --> 00:00:06,487
Tear it down
3
00:00:06,572 --> 00:00:09,707
[clock ticking]
4
00:00:14,380 --> 00:00:15,546
[bell ringing]
5
00:00:15,664 --> 00:00:18,799
[all cheering]
6
00:00:21,470 --> 00:00:24,138
[laughter]
7
00:00:24,223 --> 00:00:27,141
[rock music]
8
00:00:27,226 --> 00:00:35,182
9
00:00:39,355 --> 00:00:42,689
Don't forget your
summer reading on the Holocaust!
10
00:00:44,000 --> 00:00:45,326
Anyone want to trade me
11
00:00:45,430 --> 00:00:46,660
for this preppy-ass picnic basket
12
00:00:46,746 --> 00:00:47,911
one of my students gave me?
13
00:00:48,030 --> 00:00:49,446
Ooh, I'll take it.
14
00:00:49,532 --> 00:00:50,748
This will be perfect
15
00:00:50,866 --> 00:00:53,117
for my annual pilgrimage
to Santa Barbara.
16
00:00:53,202 --> 00:00:54,918
This year, I will meet Oprah.
17
00:00:55,037 --> 00:00:57,621
Here, you can have
this "Far Side" calendar.
18
00:00:57,706 --> 00:01:00,457
Eh. Lateral trade, but okay.
19
00:01:00,543 --> 00:01:04,094
I'm gonna use my gift
from those drunks, the Fosters,
20
00:01:04,213 --> 00:01:06,130
to celebrate turning in my final grades.
21
00:01:06,215 --> 00:01:08,182
I had to pull an all-nighter last night.
22
00:01:08,267 --> 00:01:09,049
Me too.
23
00:01:09,185 --> 00:01:10,934
I was still up when my partner Geode
24
00:01:11,053 --> 00:01:13,270
got back from the night shift
at the community garden.
25
00:01:13,389 --> 00:01:19,109
I'm still not sure.
Is Geode a him or a her?
26
00:01:19,228 --> 00:01:20,394
Yes.
27
00:01:20,479 --> 00:01:21,645
I was too busy studying
28
00:01:21,730 --> 00:01:23,113
for my commercial driver's license
29
00:01:23,232 --> 00:01:25,065
last night to focus on grades.
30
00:01:25,201 --> 00:01:27,234
I just entered in "A-B-C, A-B-C, A-B-C"
31
00:01:27,319 --> 00:01:29,203
until all the empty boxes were filled.
32
00:01:29,288 --> 00:01:30,954
- That's unethical.
- Nah.
33
00:01:31,073 --> 00:01:33,407
College doesn't look at grades
until high school.
34
00:01:33,542 --> 00:01:35,242
Now if you'll excuse me, I'm gonna go
35
00:01:35,327 --> 00:01:39,913
blaze up with my recorder pipe
and hit the finger paints.
36
00:01:39,999 --> 00:01:41,915
[gasps] Oh, good,
I didn't miss the gift exchange.
37
00:01:42,051 --> 00:01:43,917
- What do you have?
- "Far Side" calendar.
38
00:01:44,053 --> 00:01:45,469
- Talking animals.
- Weird.
39
00:01:45,588 --> 00:01:47,638
Ooh, Chelsea, look what I got.
40
00:01:47,756 --> 00:01:49,556
I can use this on my drive
to Rapture Camp.
41
00:01:49,642 --> 00:01:50,591
When is that?
42
00:01:50,726 --> 00:01:52,059
From mid-July to August,
43
00:01:52,144 --> 00:01:53,626
or if the rapture comes, forever.
44
00:01:53,855 --> 00:01:54,720
Huh.
45
00:01:54,745 --> 00:01:57,431
Cecelia, what will you trade me
for this cedar candle?
46
00:01:57,566 --> 00:01:59,433
It's perfect for your
Summer Save the Trees Jamboree.
47
00:01:59,568 --> 00:02:00,567
Actually, I'll be working
48
00:02:00,653 --> 00:02:02,176
at a human waste recycling think-tank.
49
00:02:02,261 --> 00:02:03,315
Gross.
50
00:02:03,433 --> 00:02:06,106
What about this
"World's Best Teacher" shirt?
51
00:02:06,192 --> 00:02:09,086
Feels like it was made
in a really humane sweatshop.
52
00:02:09,838 --> 00:02:11,214
Come on, what do you have?
53
00:02:11,925 --> 00:02:15,165
All I got was this summer sausage.
54
00:02:17,870 --> 00:02:19,453
All right, ladies,
55
00:02:19,588 --> 00:02:21,622
when you finish
cleaning out your classrooms,
56
00:02:21,757 --> 00:02:23,290
come booze with me.
57
00:02:23,375 --> 00:02:26,245
If I miss you, I'll see you
at my Summer Solstice barbecue.
58
00:02:26,364 --> 00:02:27,701
Bring your own sacrifice.
59
00:02:27,786 --> 00:02:29,076
Wait, I didn't know about that.
60
00:02:29,161 --> 00:02:30,544
I didn't invite you.
61
00:02:30,575 --> 00:02:31,370
See you later, bitches!
62
00:02:31,505 --> 00:02:32,246
Whoo!
63
00:02:32,271 --> 00:02:35,886
[rock music]
64
00:02:35,971 --> 00:02:37,423
I don't think my students like me.
65
00:02:37,588 --> 00:02:38,504
Why do you think that?
66
00:02:38,622 --> 00:02:40,422
I only got a summer sausage.
67
00:02:40,507 --> 00:02:42,006
Maybe they're just poor.
68
00:02:42,125 --> 00:02:44,042
Ms. Snap, I don't want to go home!
69
00:02:44,127 --> 00:02:46,377
[laughing] Oh. It's okay, honey.
70
00:02:46,463 --> 00:02:49,097
When you miss me,
remember Ms. Snap is the moon,
71
00:02:49,182 --> 00:02:52,350
and she comes out every night
to look down on you and smile.
72
00:02:52,469 --> 00:02:54,218
Just open up your drapes,
and I'll be able
73
00:02:54,304 --> 00:02:56,354
to see you in your bed.
74
00:02:56,473 --> 00:02:57,972
[chuckles]
75
00:02:59,309 --> 00:03:00,441
I don't know what it is,
76
00:03:00,527 --> 00:03:02,310
but they, like, can't get enough of me.
77
00:03:02,445 --> 00:03:03,728
Oh, Jimmy!
78
00:03:03,813 --> 00:03:04,961
Did you miss me?
79
00:03:04,986 --> 00:03:05,852
Get off of me!
80
00:03:05,877 --> 00:03:07,899
I just came back for my eczema cream!
81
00:03:09,869 --> 00:03:11,786
Kids. [chuckles]
82
00:03:11,871 --> 00:03:14,789
[death metal playing on stereo]
83
00:03:14,874 --> 00:03:18,242
Hey, Deb, can I get back
my "Ready, set, learn" poster?
84
00:03:18,328 --> 00:03:19,827
Oh, yeah, it's over there.
85
00:03:19,963 --> 00:03:22,532
Some kid drew the huge schlong
on it, not me.
86
00:03:25,969 --> 00:03:29,003
Hey, um, I was just wondering,
87
00:03:29,089 --> 00:03:31,589
why wasn't I invited to
your Summer Solstice barbecue?
88
00:03:31,674 --> 00:03:33,174
I could get along with your friends.
89
00:03:33,259 --> 00:03:35,059
I loved the movie "Practical Magic."
90
00:03:35,178 --> 00:03:37,178
I don't need you there
dust-busting the altar
91
00:03:37,263 --> 00:03:40,014
or ruining the bonfire
with a lecture on fire safety.
92
00:03:40,100 --> 00:03:42,183
I wouldn't do that.
93
00:03:42,268 --> 00:03:43,568
Unless of course somebody was using
94
00:03:43,686 --> 00:03:44,936
an aerosol can too close to the flames
95
00:03:45,021 --> 00:03:46,988
or was wearing
a flammable robe or cloak.
96
00:03:47,073 --> 00:03:49,357
You need to learn
how to chill out, Caroline.
97
00:03:49,492 --> 00:03:50,525
You're too uptight.
98
00:03:50,660 --> 00:03:51,692
I chill out.
99
00:03:51,778 --> 00:03:53,027
You sleep with your pearls on.
100
00:03:53,113 --> 00:03:54,495
If there's an emergency evacuation,
101
00:03:54,581 --> 00:03:56,697
I want to make sure
I'm appropriately accessorized.
102
00:03:56,833 --> 00:04:00,368
You have containers
for your containers.
103
00:04:00,503 --> 00:04:03,538
Girl, I'm gonna give it to you straight.
104
00:04:03,623 --> 00:04:07,625
If you were a little less
uptight, it would go a long way.
105
00:04:07,710 --> 00:04:10,461
Would an uptight person do this?
106
00:04:20,890 --> 00:04:22,557
Dude, that was sick!
107
00:04:22,642 --> 00:04:26,060
I learned to shut down
my gag reflex in my sorority.
108
00:04:26,196 --> 00:04:30,198
For a charity bratwurst eating
contest, not the other thing.
109
00:04:34,904 --> 00:04:37,371
[laughter] - Toast, toast, toast.
110
00:04:37,457 --> 00:04:39,323
To drinking in school!
111
00:04:39,409 --> 00:04:40,875
[all cheering]
112
00:04:41,795 --> 00:04:44,128
Whoo! Things are getting nuts!
113
00:04:44,247 --> 00:04:45,713
I made soup in the microwave,
114
00:04:45,799 --> 00:04:47,915
and I didn't even wipe it down
afterwards.
115
00:04:48,051 --> 00:04:49,717
- [laughter]
- Oh.
116
00:04:49,803 --> 00:04:52,053
Did I just say that twice?
117
00:04:52,138 --> 00:04:54,055
[laughs] You didn't say anything.
118
00:04:54,140 --> 00:04:55,256
Oh.
119
00:04:55,391 --> 00:04:57,675
Job well done, recorder pipe.
120
00:04:57,760 --> 00:04:59,427
[laughter]
121
00:04:59,562 --> 00:05:01,345
Mary Louise,
you haven't taken your shot yet.
122
00:05:01,431 --> 00:05:05,600
I'm hypoglycemic.
I get kind of goofy on alcohol.
123
00:05:05,685 --> 00:05:07,568
I found out the hard way
when I drank communion wine
124
00:05:07,654 --> 00:05:10,404
at my cousin's baptism
and started screaming,
125
00:05:10,490 --> 00:05:11,689
"Dunk the baby!"
126
00:05:11,774 --> 00:05:13,491
[laughter]
127
00:05:13,610 --> 00:05:17,445
Come on, Mary Louise.
It's summer. Loosen up a bit.
128
00:05:17,530 --> 00:05:18,779
Yeah.
129
00:05:18,915 --> 00:05:20,164
Okay.
130
00:05:20,283 --> 00:05:21,582
If you guys think it's cool...
131
00:05:21,668 --> 00:05:22,617
Mm-hmm.
132
00:05:22,702 --> 00:05:23,618
Then I think it's cool.
133
00:05:23,753 --> 00:05:25,286
[laughter]
134
00:05:25,421 --> 00:05:27,505
- all: Oh!
- Yeah, now we're talking!
135
00:05:27,624 --> 00:05:29,624
[laughter]
136
00:05:29,709 --> 00:05:30,791
Hoosier mamas.
137
00:05:30,927 --> 00:05:32,627
[laughter]
138
00:05:32,712 --> 00:05:35,680
Moms from Indiana! "Hoosier mamas."
139
00:05:35,798 --> 00:05:37,798
[laughter]
140
00:05:37,934 --> 00:05:40,718
You mean, "Who's your mama"?
141
00:05:40,803 --> 00:05:42,386
Hoosier mamas!
142
00:05:42,472 --> 00:05:44,138
[laughs] Okay, bye.
143
00:05:44,224 --> 00:05:45,556
- [all laughing]
- What?
144
00:05:45,642 --> 00:05:46,891
Mary Louise?
145
00:05:46,976 --> 00:05:49,610
[all laughing]
146
00:05:51,648 --> 00:05:53,314
[laughs]
147
00:05:53,449 --> 00:05:57,068
Mary Louise? Mary Louise!
148
00:05:58,538 --> 00:06:01,155
I wish it wasn't the case,
but due to budget cuts,
149
00:06:01,241 --> 00:06:03,157
one position will have to go.
150
00:06:03,243 --> 00:06:05,826
I'd be happy to advise you
on which teacher to fire.
151
00:06:05,912 --> 00:06:08,045
I don't need your advice, Marty.
152
00:06:08,164 --> 00:06:09,497
What if I'm able to dig up some dirt
153
00:06:09,582 --> 00:06:10,882
on one of the teachers?
154
00:06:11,000 --> 00:06:13,467
Sure, Marty, if you discover
any gross negligence,
155
00:06:13,553 --> 00:06:14,752
feel free to let me know.
156
00:06:14,837 --> 00:06:15,753
Gross negligence.
157
00:06:15,838 --> 00:06:17,088
All right, let's go.
158
00:06:17,173 --> 00:06:20,091
We've got 15 other classrooms
to inspect.
159
00:06:20,176 --> 00:06:22,643
Marty, why are you carrying
that diaper bag?
160
00:06:22,729 --> 00:06:26,047
Oh, it's not a diaper bag.
It's my man sack.
161
00:06:26,149 --> 00:06:29,150
You don't want to call it that.
162
00:06:32,229 --> 00:06:33,729
Tear it down
163
00:06:33,831 --> 00:06:35,514
Are you sure you heard
someone's getting fired?
164
00:06:35,599 --> 00:06:37,265
Yes. I was kidnapped
in the Peace Corps,
165
00:06:37,401 --> 00:06:39,067
and they blindfolded me for six days.
166
00:06:39,153 --> 00:06:40,986
I was forced to develop super hearing.
167
00:06:41,105 --> 00:06:41,919
Who do you think it'll be?
168
00:06:42,004 --> 00:06:44,906
I don't know, but Marty's
dying to fire one of us.
169
00:06:44,992 --> 00:06:45,907
I can't get fired.
170
00:06:45,993 --> 00:06:47,192
I already put a deposit down
171
00:06:47,277 --> 00:06:48,860
on the Zone Diet meal delivery
for the summer.
172
00:06:48,946 --> 00:06:51,696
I'm not going to cancel it
and then have to exercise.
173
00:06:51,782 --> 00:06:53,698
Well, I know I'm not getting fired.
174
00:06:53,784 --> 00:06:56,368
No offense, but I'm
the best teacher here.
175
00:06:56,453 --> 00:06:59,704
Plus, I got these big ol' boobies.
176
00:06:59,790 --> 00:07:02,007
Can you get fired
if your kids don't like you?
177
00:07:02,126 --> 00:07:03,291
Your kids like you.
178
00:07:03,377 --> 00:07:04,509
I assigned them ten books to read
179
00:07:04,628 --> 00:07:06,461
about the Holocaust over the summer.
180
00:07:06,597 --> 00:07:08,630
Oh, my God, your kids must hate you.
181
00:07:08,766 --> 00:07:11,216
I'm sorry, that did come out
before I could stop it.
182
00:07:11,301 --> 00:07:12,517
Marty's a tool.
183
00:07:12,636 --> 00:07:13,802
As long as Pearson doesn't have
184
00:07:13,887 --> 00:07:15,720
any ammo against us, we're good.
185
00:07:15,806 --> 00:07:18,607
Oh, crap. I gotta hide
my stash and Febreze my room.
186
00:07:18,692 --> 00:07:19,775
Uh, you do know that you have
187
00:07:19,860 --> 00:07:21,910
your recorder pipe in your hand, right?
188
00:07:22,896 --> 00:07:24,863
Nice catch.
189
00:07:26,233 --> 00:07:28,316
[laughs]
190
00:07:28,402 --> 00:07:29,785
- Whoa!
- Oh!
191
00:07:29,870 --> 00:07:31,403
- [screams and laughs]
- Oh.
192
00:07:31,488 --> 00:07:34,873
Oh, God, Mary Louise is having
a hypoglycemic meltdown!
193
00:07:34,992 --> 00:07:35,991
Someone has to catch her.
194
00:07:36,076 --> 00:07:37,375
I'll find her.
195
00:07:37,494 --> 00:07:38,743
You're sticking with me, Boobies.
196
00:07:38,829 --> 00:07:41,246
We don't need any other liabilities.
197
00:07:41,331 --> 00:07:44,299
[rock music]
198
00:07:44,384 --> 00:07:52,507
199
00:07:53,677 --> 00:07:55,594
Ms. Feldman?
200
00:07:57,147 --> 00:07:58,513
Hey, sorry for the surprise visit.
201
00:07:58,649 --> 00:08:00,765
Just wanted to catch you
before you left for summer.
202
00:08:00,851 --> 00:08:03,518
I'm so glad you did. What's up?
203
00:08:03,604 --> 00:08:04,603
I just wanted to talk to you
204
00:08:04,688 --> 00:08:07,355
about Tavis's final report card.
205
00:08:07,441 --> 00:08:09,574
[slurping]
206
00:08:09,693 --> 00:08:12,027
We just felt that
Tavis's final grade in reading
207
00:08:12,112 --> 00:08:14,162
seemed a little... off.
208
00:08:14,248 --> 00:08:15,747
Hmm.
209
00:08:15,866 --> 00:08:19,084
Because it was...
210
00:08:19,203 --> 00:08:20,118
Low.
211
00:08:20,204 --> 00:08:21,119
Low.
212
00:08:21,205 --> 00:08:22,871
Lower than we had expected
213
00:08:22,956 --> 00:08:25,790
because Tavis normally gets B...
214
00:08:25,876 --> 00:08:27,042
- As.
- As.
215
00:08:27,177 --> 00:08:28,376
- Uh-huh.
- Right.
216
00:08:28,512 --> 00:08:32,214
And here it says that he got a C?
217
00:08:32,349 --> 00:08:34,716
Oh, that's not right.
218
00:08:34,801 --> 00:08:37,802
That's not right at all.
I gave him an A.
219
00:08:37,888 --> 00:08:39,638
God damn it!
220
00:08:39,723 --> 00:08:42,023
None of this would've happened
if the administration
221
00:08:42,109 --> 00:08:43,475
would just listen to me!
222
00:08:43,560 --> 00:08:45,610
I keep asking them for a new network
223
00:08:45,729 --> 00:08:50,565
with a better... firewall,
and they just ignore me!
224
00:08:50,651 --> 00:08:53,902
Does no one care about the kids but me?
225
00:08:54,037 --> 00:08:56,037
- So this is a computer issue?
- Yeah.
226
00:08:56,123 --> 00:08:58,240
Okay, well, I'd be happy to go
discuss this with Principal...
227
00:08:58,375 --> 00:08:59,574
No!
228
00:08:59,660 --> 00:09:04,246
I...want to show that son of a mother
229
00:09:04,381 --> 00:09:06,464
a piece of my mind!
230
00:09:06,583 --> 00:09:10,635
It's gonna be a rumble in the jungle.
231
00:09:10,754 --> 00:09:13,972
You don't want to stick around for that.
232
00:09:17,227 --> 00:09:18,677
Well, that's taken care of.
233
00:09:18,762 --> 00:09:21,346
Hey, let me walk you out.
234
00:09:23,016 --> 00:09:24,849
Bears looking pretty good this year.
235
00:09:24,935 --> 00:09:26,518
No, season doesn't start
for four months.
236
00:09:26,603 --> 00:09:28,520
Okay. See you next year.
237
00:09:28,605 --> 00:09:30,238
[dramatic music]
238
00:09:30,324 --> 00:09:33,241
[rock music]
239
00:09:33,327 --> 00:09:34,326
240
00:09:34,444 --> 00:09:36,027
[grunts]
241
00:09:36,113 --> 00:09:37,696
What is going on in here?
242
00:09:37,781 --> 00:09:40,532
I'm tearing up my lesson plans
because they suck!
243
00:09:40,617 --> 00:09:43,118
I bet my kids hated learning about...
244
00:09:43,203 --> 00:09:44,369
Darfur! [groans]
245
00:09:44,454 --> 00:09:46,538
You are being way too hard
on yourself.
246
00:09:46,623 --> 00:09:48,373
None of us are perfect.
247
00:09:48,458 --> 00:09:50,759
I bribe my kids with candy,
and I always put
248
00:09:50,844 --> 00:09:52,294
the good-looking kids
at the front of the class,
249
00:09:52,379 --> 00:09:53,845
so I don't have to look at the uglies.
250
00:09:53,964 --> 00:09:55,630
And I hand out permission slips
for field trips
251
00:09:55,766 --> 00:09:56,798
as late as possible because then
252
00:09:56,934 --> 00:09:58,133
some of the students will forget them
253
00:09:58,268 --> 00:09:59,884
and I won't have to bring them.
254
00:09:59,970 --> 00:10:00,969
Really?
255
00:10:01,104 --> 00:10:04,723
Yeah. [chuckles]
256
00:10:04,808 --> 00:10:09,811
Oh, my God. I'm the [BLEEP] teacher.
257
00:10:09,896 --> 00:10:13,231
If we catch Bennigan,
we might have to tie her down.
258
00:10:13,317 --> 00:10:14,482
Do you have any rope?
259
00:10:14,618 --> 00:10:15,817
Oh, or a Bible.
260
00:10:15,902 --> 00:10:17,953
We could use it as bait for a trap.
261
00:10:18,038 --> 00:10:21,656
Hey, Debbie Doughnut,
I did my eye makeup like you!
262
00:10:21,792 --> 00:10:24,909
Now we both look like we had
a bad high school experience.
263
00:10:24,995 --> 00:10:26,711
If you're not gonna pierce your clit,
264
00:10:26,830 --> 00:10:29,164
stop trying to relate to me.
265
00:10:30,417 --> 00:10:31,716
Ms. Watson, you are aware
266
00:10:31,835 --> 00:10:34,302
that your class must be
emptied by 3:00 p.m.
267
00:10:34,388 --> 00:10:37,422
Yup, and my bladder needs
to be emptied by the end of now.
268
00:10:37,507 --> 00:10:40,058
Don't worry, I was just
helping Caroline clean up.
269
00:10:40,177 --> 00:10:43,895
You don't help people.
I got my eyes on you two.
270
00:10:45,182 --> 00:10:47,349
Hey! You've gotta
pull yourself together.
271
00:10:47,434 --> 00:10:48,683
That was too close.
272
00:10:48,769 --> 00:10:49,851
Marty is a farty,
273
00:10:49,987 --> 00:10:52,854
and Principal Pearson is a penis!
274
00:10:52,939 --> 00:10:55,023
Caroline! [whispering] Quiet coyote.
275
00:10:56,159 --> 00:10:59,527
Listen, I'm sorry I called you uptight.
276
00:10:59,613 --> 00:11:02,781
You're really organized
and good at making plans,
277
00:11:02,866 --> 00:11:05,250
and honestly, we need
someone like that around here.
278
00:11:05,369 --> 00:11:07,118
Really? You mean that?
279
00:11:07,204 --> 00:11:08,420
Yeah.
280
00:11:08,538 --> 00:11:10,455
Every group needs an anal-retentive turd
281
00:11:10,540 --> 00:11:13,091
to keep everyone else in line,
282
00:11:13,210 --> 00:11:15,760
and that's you.
283
00:11:18,015 --> 00:11:20,215
Thank you.
284
00:11:20,350 --> 00:11:21,433
[laughs]
285
00:11:21,551 --> 00:11:22,934
What was that?
286
00:11:27,724 --> 00:11:29,808
[Irish folk music]
287
00:11:29,893 --> 00:11:33,028
[laughs]
288
00:11:37,635 --> 00:11:39,302
Tear it down
289
00:11:39,387 --> 00:11:40,336
290
00:11:40,472 --> 00:11:42,442
Tear it down
291
00:11:42,630 --> 00:11:44,346
[gasps]
292
00:11:44,465 --> 00:11:45,380
You know, maybe it's for the best
293
00:11:45,466 --> 00:11:46,849
one of us is getting laid off.
294
00:11:46,967 --> 00:11:49,384
We won't ruin any more students' lives.
295
00:11:49,470 --> 00:11:52,471
Seriously. No more kids
who can't multiply by threes.
296
00:11:52,606 --> 00:11:53,522
What?
297
00:11:53,641 --> 00:11:55,774
I forgot to teach
the threes this year.
298
00:11:55,860 --> 00:11:57,609
Multiplication started at the same time
299
00:11:57,695 --> 00:12:00,229
as a very stressful season
of "America's Next Top Model."
300
00:12:00,314 --> 00:12:02,056
At least your kids
didn't have to watch
301
00:12:02,141 --> 00:12:03,782
a slide show on the My Lai Massacre.
302
00:12:03,868 --> 00:12:05,367
Woof. You know what?
303
00:12:05,486 --> 00:12:07,286
On the bright side, I can finally get
304
00:12:07,371 --> 00:12:09,321
my ab-contouring vlog off the ground.
305
00:12:09,406 --> 00:12:11,373
And I've always wanted to travel abroad.
306
00:12:11,492 --> 00:12:13,041
I have to see Key West.
307
00:12:13,160 --> 00:12:16,879
So cheers. [chuckles]
308
00:12:19,333 --> 00:12:21,800
[somber music]
309
00:12:21,886 --> 00:12:25,470
310
00:12:25,556 --> 00:12:28,173
I want to keep teaching.
311
00:12:28,259 --> 00:12:32,811
My kids are, like,
the only people who get me.
312
00:12:34,932 --> 00:12:37,232
- I know.
- [sobs]
313
00:12:38,736 --> 00:12:40,402
Mmm.
314
00:12:40,521 --> 00:12:44,189
[rock music]
315
00:12:44,275 --> 00:12:45,407
Quick! Come here!
316
00:12:45,526 --> 00:12:47,359
Don't worry, I'll lasso him.
317
00:12:47,444 --> 00:12:48,610
Yeah, buddy.
318
00:12:53,500 --> 00:12:56,535
Shame on this school.
Shame on this district.
319
00:12:56,670 --> 00:13:01,590
Shame on society for allowing
a perfectly capable child
320
00:13:01,709 --> 00:13:02,958
to fall through the cracks
321
00:13:03,043 --> 00:13:06,428
due to some highly preventable
computer error.
322
00:13:06,547 --> 00:13:08,630
Lucy did not deserve a C!
323
00:13:08,716 --> 00:13:10,048
Ugh!
324
00:13:11,552 --> 00:13:13,385
She didn't get a C.
325
00:13:13,470 --> 00:13:16,555
Lucy did not deserve a B!
326
00:13:16,690 --> 00:13:19,141
Actually, she got an A.
327
00:13:19,226 --> 00:13:20,609
Okay, I'm confused.
328
00:13:20,728 --> 00:13:23,278
She's brought home
nothing but Ds all year.
329
00:13:23,397 --> 00:13:25,030
What happened?
330
00:13:25,115 --> 00:13:26,889
Let me explain.
331
00:13:33,407 --> 00:13:35,207
She's a genius.
332
00:13:35,292 --> 00:13:36,408
Lucy?
333
00:13:36,929 --> 00:13:38,962
In participation.
334
00:13:39,079 --> 00:13:40,329
Participation?
335
00:13:40,414 --> 00:13:43,415
Yes. It's rare.
336
00:13:43,550 --> 00:13:44,883
The only way I can describe it
337
00:13:44,969 --> 00:13:46,918
is if you've seen "Good Will Hunting."
338
00:13:47,004 --> 00:13:48,670
I haven't seen it.
339
00:13:48,756 --> 00:13:50,639
Then I can't describe it.
340
00:13:51,976 --> 00:13:53,809
So are we good here?
341
00:13:53,927 --> 00:13:55,306
I guess so?
342
00:13:55,743 --> 00:13:57,596
Gotta see "Good Will Hunting."
343
00:13:57,731 --> 00:14:00,766
Lucy's Matt Damon,
and I'm Robin Williams,
344
00:14:00,901 --> 00:14:05,237
and you'd be the foster father
that beats up his back real bad
345
00:14:05,322 --> 00:14:07,739
and scars it up all nasty like.
346
00:14:07,825 --> 00:14:12,444
Although the analogy falls apart
at that point, so... eh.
347
00:14:12,529 --> 00:14:14,863
I'm gonna go now.
348
00:14:14,948 --> 00:14:16,782
Okay.
349
00:14:19,286 --> 00:14:21,586
How 'bout them apples?
350
00:14:23,590 --> 00:14:25,590
Gotta see "Good Will Hunting."
351
00:14:28,629 --> 00:14:32,097
You're, like, the prettiest
smart person I know.
352
00:14:32,182 --> 00:14:34,016
I love you so much.
353
00:14:34,134 --> 00:14:35,634
Oh, I can't believe we've never
354
00:14:35,769 --> 00:14:37,686
opened up to each other
like this before.
355
00:14:37,805 --> 00:14:38,520
I know.
356
00:14:38,639 --> 00:14:40,856
[both sobbing]
357
00:14:40,974 --> 00:14:41,773
Oh.
358
00:14:41,859 --> 00:14:43,608
You smell like fermented cabbage.
359
00:14:43,694 --> 00:14:46,194
Thank you! I make my own kimchi.
360
00:14:46,313 --> 00:14:48,947
Mary Louise, are you in here?
361
00:14:49,033 --> 00:14:49,948
Hi.
362
00:14:50,034 --> 00:14:50,982
Hey.
363
00:14:51,068 --> 00:14:52,067
Hey.
364
00:14:52,152 --> 00:14:53,465
Have you seen Mary Louise?
365
00:14:53,550 --> 00:14:55,871
No, we've been talking about
what giant sacks of crap we are.
366
00:14:55,989 --> 00:14:57,823
While I endorse that sentiment,
367
00:14:57,908 --> 00:15:00,325
Mary Louise is naked-jigging
around the school
368
00:15:00,461 --> 00:15:02,044
like a feral leprechaun.
369
00:15:02,162 --> 00:15:04,579
If we don't find her, Pearson's
gonna fire her on the spot!
370
00:15:04,665 --> 00:15:07,499
We've got to save
my little bottom bitch.
371
00:15:07,584 --> 00:15:08,667
[new wave music]
372
00:15:08,802 --> 00:15:09,918
Earth!
373
00:15:10,003 --> 00:15:10,886
Fire!
374
00:15:11,004 --> 00:15:12,838
- Wind!
- Water!
375
00:15:13,674 --> 00:15:15,257
We forgot to do "heart."
376
00:15:15,342 --> 00:15:17,893
[gasps] Bennigan is heart.
377
00:15:18,011 --> 00:15:19,428
We gotta find her.
378
00:15:20,681 --> 00:15:23,065
What the hell was "heart" anyway?
379
00:15:24,318 --> 00:15:26,017
Feldman, we need your help.
380
00:15:26,153 --> 00:15:29,237
Oh, hey, I stashed
Recordy the Musical Pot Pipe
381
00:15:29,356 --> 00:15:30,689
in your LeSportsac bag.
382
00:15:30,774 --> 00:15:32,908
I didn't bring a bag today.
383
00:15:33,026 --> 00:15:34,576
Feldman, hurry up!
384
00:15:34,695 --> 00:15:36,912
I found something!
385
00:15:40,117 --> 00:15:42,033
These were on the floor.
386
00:15:42,119 --> 00:15:44,503
They're still warm. She's not far!
387
00:15:44,588 --> 00:15:47,372
[string music]
388
00:15:47,508 --> 00:15:49,091
There she is! Grab her!
389
00:15:49,209 --> 00:15:52,210
Mary Louise, you're having
a hypoglycemic meltdown!
390
00:15:52,296 --> 00:15:53,545
Stop running!
391
00:15:53,680 --> 00:15:54,713
- Over here!
- Somebody get her!
392
00:15:54,848 --> 00:15:56,598
- Back here!
- Mary Louise!
393
00:15:56,717 --> 00:15:59,434
M-L-B, get your holy heinie
over here right now!
394
00:15:59,553 --> 00:16:00,719
- Ah!
- Stop!
395
00:16:00,804 --> 00:16:01,887
- Oh, no. No!
- Come on!
396
00:16:02,022 --> 00:16:03,054
[giggles]
397
00:16:03,140 --> 00:16:04,556
I love that you're so comfortable
398
00:16:04,641 --> 00:16:06,308
with your own body, but knock it off!
399
00:16:06,393 --> 00:16:07,642
- I got her, I got her.
- Okay.
400
00:16:07,728 --> 00:16:09,644
- Oh, God.
- Go for it!
401
00:16:09,730 --> 00:16:11,113
I got her, I got her!
402
00:16:11,231 --> 00:16:12,314
- Oh.
- Whoa.
403
00:16:12,399 --> 00:16:14,950
all: Oh! - Come on!
404
00:16:15,068 --> 00:16:16,818
Oh, she's not getting away.
405
00:16:16,904 --> 00:16:19,621
Oh, no. Here I come.
406
00:16:19,740 --> 00:16:22,908
Go, Mary Louise! You got this, girl.
407
00:16:23,043 --> 00:16:24,042
What are you doing?
408
00:16:24,128 --> 00:16:25,544
She's amazing.
409
00:16:25,629 --> 00:16:27,212
- [grunts]
- Right there.
410
00:16:28,465 --> 00:16:29,881
- Bennigan!
- Get up, girl.
411
00:16:29,967 --> 00:16:31,299
- It's over.
- Get her!
412
00:16:31,418 --> 00:16:34,252
Ladies, why are we all
congregated on the playground?
413
00:16:34,338 --> 00:16:36,505
[grunts]
414
00:16:36,590 --> 00:16:37,923
- Ms. Snap?
- Hmm?
415
00:16:38,058 --> 00:16:40,392
Will you be sliding down to join us?
416
00:16:40,477 --> 00:16:43,762
No. Mm-mm.
417
00:16:49,486 --> 00:16:52,354
[pipe playing]
418
00:16:52,439 --> 00:16:54,072
What on earth?
419
00:16:54,158 --> 00:16:56,658
420
00:16:56,777 --> 00:16:59,744
What the fudge? Martin Crumbs!
421
00:16:59,830 --> 00:17:00,779
It's not mine.
422
00:17:00,914 --> 00:17:01,780
One of these overpaid babysitters
423
00:17:01,865 --> 00:17:03,248
put it in my man sack!
424
00:17:03,333 --> 00:17:05,450
Did they put it in your mouth
and light it too?
425
00:17:05,586 --> 00:17:07,285
Figuratively, yes, they did.
426
00:17:07,371 --> 00:17:08,537
I couldn't take it anymore.
427
00:17:08,622 --> 00:17:10,422
They defied my authority all year!
428
00:17:10,507 --> 00:17:12,174
- What authority?
- [sighs]
429
00:17:12,292 --> 00:17:16,294
Thank you for making it easy
to decide which position to cut.
430
00:17:16,430 --> 00:17:18,680
Get in my office, now.
431
00:17:21,852 --> 00:17:24,853
Stupid man sack.
432
00:17:27,891 --> 00:17:29,641
Mary Louise, are you okay?
433
00:17:29,726 --> 00:17:31,476
Hey, friends!
434
00:17:31,562 --> 00:17:32,944
I got my butt got stuck
435
00:17:33,030 --> 00:17:36,281
in this slide on the last day of school!
436
00:17:36,366 --> 00:17:38,400
[kissing]
437
00:17:38,485 --> 00:17:39,985
[all gasp]
438
00:17:40,120 --> 00:17:41,486
Oh, great.
439
00:17:41,622 --> 00:17:44,322
Now I've seen all her holes.
440
00:17:49,381 --> 00:17:51,881
Well, we all survived
another school year.
441
00:17:55,337 --> 00:17:56,970
[gentle music]
442
00:17:57,089 --> 00:18:00,090
I feel like I've been given
a new lease on life.
443
00:18:00,175 --> 00:18:01,424
Next year, I'm gonna do right
by my students
444
00:18:01,560 --> 00:18:02,739
and learn their names.
445
00:18:02,764 --> 00:18:04,427
I'm going to take genocide
out of my unit
446
00:18:04,563 --> 00:18:06,312
on wartime atrocities.
447
00:18:06,431 --> 00:18:07,847
Kids just gotta be kids.
448
00:18:07,933 --> 00:18:11,601
I just want to say,
when I put grades in randomly,
449
00:18:11,736 --> 00:18:13,603
it wasn't because I didn't care.
450
00:18:13,738 --> 00:18:16,356
It's because it doesn't matter.
451
00:18:16,441 --> 00:18:18,491
I'm not changing shit.
452
00:18:19,178 --> 00:18:20,910
I'm gonna miss you guys.
453
00:18:20,996 --> 00:18:24,998
Well, we'll see you
at the Summer Solstice barbecue.
454
00:18:25,117 --> 00:18:33,123
455
00:18:33,258 --> 00:18:35,708
- [vomits]
- all: Oh!
456
00:18:38,830 --> 00:18:40,130
[sniffs]
457
00:18:40,232 --> 00:18:41,865
Was that my summer sausage?
458
00:18:41,915 --> 00:18:46,465
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