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1
00:00:04,534 --> 00:00:07,534
( theme music playing )
2
00:01:02,000 --> 00:01:04,968
So you think you can
chug-a-lug, huh?
3
00:01:05,000 --> 00:01:06,367
Uh-huh.
4
00:01:06,400 --> 00:01:08,334
Okay, come on.
5
00:01:09,000 --> 00:01:10,933
And he says, "If I could do it
in my living room,
6
00:01:10,967 --> 00:01:13,000
I wouldn't have to do it
in the back of your cab."
7
00:01:13,033 --> 00:01:15,800
( laughter )
8
00:01:15,833 --> 00:01:19,366
Hey, Tony, this guy wants
to chug-a-lug against you.
9
00:01:19,399 --> 00:01:21,399
Oh, yeah? What's the bet?
10
00:01:21,433 --> 00:01:22,499
Fifty.
11
00:01:22,533 --> 00:01:23,566
Fifty dollars?!
12
00:01:23,600 --> 00:01:24,766
( murmuring )
13
00:01:24,800 --> 00:01:25,933
Hey, we'll all chip in.
14
00:01:25,967 --> 00:01:26,733
Come on, ante up,
you guys. Ten each?
15
00:01:26,766 --> 00:01:29,399
A pitcher of beer
and two mugs!
16
00:01:29,433 --> 00:01:30,600
Okay, here's my ten.
17
00:01:30,633 --> 00:01:31,733
Alex?
18
00:01:31,766 --> 00:01:32,967
How do you feel, Tony?
19
00:01:33,000 --> 00:01:33,867
Thirsty.
20
00:01:33,900 --> 00:01:35,399
I'm in for ten.
That's good enough for me.
21
00:01:35,433 --> 00:01:37,067
All right.
Here we go.
22
00:01:37,100 --> 00:01:39,267
Okay, we got our bet.
23
00:01:39,300 --> 00:01:41,067
There's my 50.
24
00:01:41,100 --> 00:01:42,399
Excuse me, Alex.
25
00:01:42,433 --> 00:01:43,733
Oh, sure.
26
00:01:43,766 --> 00:01:46,967
So, they say after divorce
your life is empty
27
00:01:47,000 --> 00:01:50,900
and here I am watching
a chug-a-lug contest.
28
00:01:50,933 --> 00:01:53,700
Ready?
29
00:01:53,733 --> 00:01:57,033
One... two... three...
start.
30
00:02:01,566 --> 00:02:04,200
Any time, gentlemen.
31
00:02:12,733 --> 00:02:14,900
Let's get out of here.
32
00:02:14,933 --> 00:02:18,200
I don't want to be around
when he belches.
33
00:02:19,700 --> 00:02:21,267
Oh, come on, let's
forget it-- I'm buying.
34
00:02:21,300 --> 00:02:22,300
Same ol' rounds.
Okay.
35
00:02:22,334 --> 00:02:24,334
What'll you have, John?
36
00:02:25,666 --> 00:02:27,366
John?
37
00:02:27,399 --> 00:02:28,334
Hmm?
38
00:02:28,399 --> 00:02:29,700
What is it?
39
00:02:29,733 --> 00:02:31,200
It's that girl.
40
00:02:32,766 --> 00:02:34,533
ELAINE:
Which one?
41
00:02:34,566 --> 00:02:36,533
You don't have to ask, do you?
42
00:02:36,566 --> 00:02:38,267
No, I guess not.
43
00:02:38,300 --> 00:02:39,833
The blonde.
44
00:02:39,867 --> 00:02:41,334
No.
45
00:02:41,366 --> 00:02:43,300
ELAINE:
The one with the white blouse?
46
00:02:43,334 --> 00:02:44,633
JOHN:
No.
47
00:02:44,666 --> 00:02:46,433
ELAINE:
Oh, the other one.
48
00:02:46,466 --> 00:02:48,200
See? You picked her out.
49
00:02:48,234 --> 00:02:50,200
It's just that
I've never felt this way before.
50
00:02:50,234 --> 00:02:52,000
I mean, this is the first time
51
00:02:52,033 --> 00:02:55,000
a girl sitting
across from me in a bar
52
00:02:55,033 --> 00:02:56,666
has gotten me all excited.
53
00:02:56,700 --> 00:02:58,666
What do you think, Alex?
54
00:02:58,700 --> 00:02:59,867
I don't think
you have to announce
55
00:02:59,900 --> 00:03:02,366
everything that's
happening in your body.
56
00:03:02,399 --> 00:03:04,499
You like her,
go over and talk to her.
57
00:03:04,533 --> 00:03:05,366
Just like that?
58
00:03:05,399 --> 00:03:06,200
Sure.
59
00:03:06,234 --> 00:03:08,833
What would I say if I did?
60
00:03:08,867 --> 00:03:11,334
Say hello.
61
00:03:11,366 --> 00:03:13,666
No, I couldn't say that.
62
00:03:13,700 --> 00:03:15,000
I mean
63
00:03:15,033 --> 00:03:17,666
I never know what
to say to girls.
64
00:03:17,700 --> 00:03:19,766
I don't know, I just can't seem
to get started.
65
00:03:19,800 --> 00:03:21,133
Ah, just forget it.
66
00:03:21,167 --> 00:03:22,800
Okay.
67
00:03:22,833 --> 00:03:26,167
Okay, I'm going to do you
a big favor
68
00:03:26,200 --> 00:03:28,766
and I hope you appreciate it.
69
00:03:28,800 --> 00:03:30,466
What's the favor?
70
00:03:30,499 --> 00:03:35,200
I'm going to give you
the perfect line.
71
00:03:35,234 --> 00:03:37,433
Works every time, instantly
72
00:03:37,466 --> 00:03:40,466
and with devastating results.
73
00:03:42,566 --> 00:03:45,000
Here's what you do.
74
00:03:45,033 --> 00:03:48,234
You walk up to her,
tap her on the shoulder,
75
00:03:48,267 --> 00:03:52,300
and when she turns around,
you say: "Why waste time?
76
00:03:52,334 --> 00:03:54,300
Let's get married."
77
00:03:56,167 --> 00:03:58,366
I think that
should do it.
78
00:03:58,399 --> 00:04:02,234
It's witty, it's entertaining,
and it's got "married" in it.
79
00:04:02,267 --> 00:04:04,867
( all chuckling )
80
00:04:04,900 --> 00:04:06,499
The line has everything.
81
00:04:06,533 --> 00:04:09,334
Hey, you know,
I got a better one.
82
00:04:09,366 --> 00:04:10,334
What?
83
00:04:10,366 --> 00:04:12,334
You go up and you say:
84
00:04:12,366 --> 00:04:14,733
"Let's cut the
preliminaries--
85
00:04:14,766 --> 00:04:16,733
you want to get married?"
86
00:04:16,766 --> 00:04:18,900
Hey, you know,
that is better.
87
00:04:18,933 --> 00:04:20,666
Shorter anyway.
88
00:04:20,700 --> 00:04:24,200
We just improved
on the wheel, man.
89
00:04:25,800 --> 00:04:27,499
A good line
really helps a lot.
90
00:04:27,533 --> 00:04:29,100
So?
91
00:04:29,133 --> 00:04:30,334
Nah...
92
00:04:30,366 --> 00:04:33,499
John, there's a time when you
either do it or you forget it.
93
00:04:33,533 --> 00:04:34,833
You're absolutely right, Alex.
94
00:04:34,867 --> 00:04:36,366
Let's forget it.
95
00:04:37,466 --> 00:04:38,433
I can't forget it.
96
00:04:38,466 --> 00:04:39,267
BOBBY:
Just do it.
97
00:04:39,300 --> 00:04:40,267
ELAINE:
Just be sweet.
98
00:04:40,300 --> 00:04:41,566
Real nice.
99
00:04:41,600 --> 00:04:42,900
Get it right.
100
00:04:42,933 --> 00:04:44,633
Just smooth. Smooth.
101
00:05:01,167 --> 00:05:02,433
Yes?
102
00:05:02,466 --> 00:05:05,133
Let's cut the preliminaries.
103
00:05:05,167 --> 00:05:07,566
You want to get married?
104
00:05:11,933 --> 00:05:13,300
Sure.
105
00:05:13,334 --> 00:05:15,000
What?!
106
00:05:16,633 --> 00:05:19,167
I was sitting over there and
I wanted to talk to you, and...
107
00:05:19,200 --> 00:05:22,300
I think there's a couple
of places at the bar.
108
00:05:22,334 --> 00:05:24,300
Do you want to take them?
109
00:05:24,334 --> 00:05:26,234
I thought we
were getting married.
110
00:05:26,267 --> 00:05:28,300
Oh, sure, but not right away.
111
00:05:28,334 --> 00:05:29,633
I mean marriage is important.
112
00:05:29,666 --> 00:05:31,633
It can't just be jumped into.
113
00:05:31,666 --> 00:05:33,466
Oh, I agree; yes.
114
00:05:33,499 --> 00:05:34,800
So, we'll get married
in an hour.
115
00:05:34,833 --> 00:05:35,833
Oh, perfect.
116
00:05:35,867 --> 00:05:38,399
Can I buy you that drink now?
117
00:05:38,433 --> 00:05:39,499
Sure.
118
00:05:42,600 --> 00:05:44,600
Author, author.
119
00:05:46,366 --> 00:05:47,833
Preliminaries--
that's the word.
120
00:05:55,133 --> 00:05:57,733
He said, "If I didn't
have to do it...
121
00:05:57,766 --> 00:05:58,967
"If I could do it
in my living room,
122
00:05:59,000 --> 00:06:02,033
I wouldn't have to do it in
the backseat of your cab."
123
00:06:02,067 --> 00:06:04,666
( both laughing )
124
00:06:04,700 --> 00:06:06,167
WOMAN:
I liked that, too.
125
00:06:06,200 --> 00:06:08,200
( laughter continues )
126
00:06:10,499 --> 00:06:13,366
Is it ever going
to happen for me...
127
00:06:13,399 --> 00:06:17,833
or am I just going to spend
the rest of my life alone?
128
00:06:20,466 --> 00:06:24,900
Alone... alone...
129
00:06:24,933 --> 00:06:26,167
alone...
130
00:06:26,200 --> 00:06:29,300
How did I get into this?
All I said was,
131
00:06:29,334 --> 00:06:33,167
"I'm going for a beer.
Does anyone want to come?"
132
00:06:33,200 --> 00:06:34,499
Alone.
133
00:06:34,533 --> 00:06:37,167
When I came over,
did you get the feeling
134
00:06:37,200 --> 00:06:38,833
something special
was gonna happen?
135
00:06:38,867 --> 00:06:41,267
Yeah.
Me, too.
136
00:06:41,300 --> 00:06:43,566
Wait-- before or
after you saw me?
137
00:06:43,600 --> 00:06:46,399
Both, but more after.
138
00:06:46,433 --> 00:06:47,600
Oh, me, too! Me, too.
139
00:06:47,633 --> 00:06:48,666
That's so amazing.
140
00:06:48,700 --> 00:06:51,633
Ah, Suzanne, is this the
best time you've ever had?
141
00:06:51,666 --> 00:06:53,733
Absolutely.
142
00:06:53,766 --> 00:06:55,566
You're not just
saying that, are you?
143
00:06:55,600 --> 00:06:57,267
Or have you really
had a lousy life?
144
00:06:57,300 --> 00:06:59,900
Oh, no.
145
00:06:59,933 --> 00:07:01,900
No, I've had a great life.
146
00:07:01,933 --> 00:07:03,267
And this is your best time?
147
00:07:03,300 --> 00:07:04,766
Yeah.
Wow! Me, too.
148
00:07:06,234 --> 00:07:08,867
Okay, I want you to take
your time with this next one,
149
00:07:08,900 --> 00:07:10,167
'cause it's real
important to me.
150
00:07:10,200 --> 00:07:11,167
Oh.
151
00:07:11,200 --> 00:07:12,733
How do you stand
on bowling?
152
00:07:15,566 --> 00:07:18,133
Feet together,
knees slightly bent.
153
00:07:18,167 --> 00:07:19,700
I use a four...
154
00:07:19,733 --> 00:07:20,967
She bowls.
155
00:07:21,000 --> 00:07:23,234
She bowls!
156
00:07:25,366 --> 00:07:27,533
So what do you
want to do first,
157
00:07:27,566 --> 00:07:29,833
get married,
or go bowling?
158
00:07:29,867 --> 00:07:30,733
Bowling first.
159
00:07:30,766 --> 00:07:32,067
That way, if the
marriage doesn't work,
160
00:07:32,100 --> 00:07:33,600
it won't screw up my game.
161
00:07:36,499 --> 00:07:37,833
Well, so long,
you guys.
162
00:07:37,867 --> 00:07:39,033
We're going to go
get married now.
163
00:07:39,067 --> 00:07:40,366
Oh, that's nice.
164
00:07:40,399 --> 00:07:41,700
Oh-- after bowling.
Good night.
165
00:07:41,733 --> 00:07:43,033
Okay.
Yeah, yeah, good luck.
166
00:07:43,067 --> 00:07:44,366
Good bowling.
167
00:07:44,399 --> 00:07:45,733
We're going bowling?
168
00:07:45,766 --> 00:07:48,800
No, we're not
going bowling.
169
00:07:48,833 --> 00:07:52,200
Would you mind if I joined you
and had a drink?
170
00:07:52,234 --> 00:07:53,766
No. Sit down.
171
00:07:59,300 --> 00:08:01,234
Thank you.
Good night.
172
00:08:12,566 --> 00:08:14,800
LOUIE:
Hey, Wheeler!
173
00:08:14,833 --> 00:08:16,666
Hey, Wheeler,
come over here.
174
00:08:16,700 --> 00:08:18,000
Do I have to?
175
00:08:18,033 --> 00:08:20,300
Yeah.
176
00:08:20,334 --> 00:08:21,933
We got a complaint...
177
00:08:21,967 --> 00:08:24,900
that one of our drivers
got fresh with a passenger.
178
00:08:24,933 --> 00:08:26,100
Was it you?
179
00:08:26,133 --> 00:08:29,300
Of course not.
I don't do that kind of stuff.
180
00:08:29,334 --> 00:08:30,633
Too bad.
181
00:08:30,666 --> 00:08:32,967
I wanted to find out
who it was
182
00:08:33,000 --> 00:08:36,300
so I can give him some tips
from the old expert.
183
00:08:36,334 --> 00:08:38,533
You mean you used to get fresh
with the passengers
184
00:08:38,566 --> 00:08:39,533
when you were a driver?
185
00:08:39,566 --> 00:08:42,633
Only the women.
186
00:08:42,666 --> 00:08:45,366
I used to pull over,
turn around, and ask them
187
00:08:45,399 --> 00:08:49,366
if they'd like to come
to my place for drinks and sex.
188
00:08:49,399 --> 00:08:51,600
Oh, yeah, the subtle approach.
189
00:08:51,633 --> 00:08:53,600
Did it work?
190
00:08:53,633 --> 00:08:54,234
Yeah.
191
00:08:54,267 --> 00:08:55,967
I don't believe you, Louie.
192
00:08:56,000 --> 00:08:57,800
Well, not every time.
193
00:08:57,833 --> 00:08:59,967
Exactly how many times?
194
00:09:00,000 --> 00:09:03,399
Once in 2,312 times.
195
00:09:07,067 --> 00:09:08,700
Oh, hi, John.
196
00:09:08,733 --> 00:09:10,033
Hey, John!
Look who's here.
197
00:09:10,067 --> 00:09:13,067
What have you been doing
the past few days, John?
198
00:09:13,100 --> 00:09:14,800
As if we didn't know.
199
00:09:16,366 --> 00:09:17,733
Hey, stop it!
Come on!
200
00:09:17,766 --> 00:09:19,466
You shouldn't be
doing this.
201
00:09:19,499 --> 00:09:21,133
Why not?
'Cause I could pulverize you.
202
00:09:21,167 --> 00:09:23,600
Oh, yeah.
203
00:09:23,633 --> 00:09:25,633
I'm sorry.
204
00:09:27,499 --> 00:09:29,234
I'm just kind of sensitive
about what happened.
205
00:09:29,267 --> 00:09:30,566
BOBBY:
Well, what happened?
206
00:09:30,600 --> 00:09:32,800
Remember that girl
I met in the bar?
207
00:09:32,833 --> 00:09:34,633
BOBBY:
Yeah? I married her.
208
00:09:34,666 --> 00:09:35,967
You what?
Oh, my...! What?!
209
00:09:36,000 --> 00:09:36,967
How could
you do that?
210
00:09:37,000 --> 00:09:38,300
How could you do
something like that?
211
00:09:38,334 --> 00:09:39,533
John, that was
just a line.
212
00:09:39,566 --> 00:09:40,967
You weren't
supposed to do it.
213
00:09:41,000 --> 00:09:42,267
John, what's the
matter with you?
214
00:09:42,300 --> 00:09:43,666
How could you do
a thing like that?
215
00:09:43,700 --> 00:09:45,067
I don't know.
216
00:09:45,100 --> 00:09:47,067
There we were,
bowling and joking
217
00:09:47,100 --> 00:09:49,967
about whoever lost paid
for the marriage license.
218
00:09:50,000 --> 00:09:51,766
The next thing I knew,
219
00:09:51,800 --> 00:09:55,100
we were eloping to Maryland
in her best friend's Volvo.
220
00:09:55,133 --> 00:09:56,499
John, how...
John, did you think?
221
00:09:56,533 --> 00:09:59,499
Did you say to yourself,
"What am I doing?
222
00:09:59,533 --> 00:10:01,067
This has to stop!"
223
00:10:01,100 --> 00:10:04,067
Yeah. Unfortunately,
I didn't say it to her.
224
00:10:04,100 --> 00:10:06,167
It was like
some game of chicken.
225
00:10:06,200 --> 00:10:09,300
Each one of us thinking
the other would call it off.
226
00:10:09,334 --> 00:10:11,766
I kept thinking she'd brake
any minute
227
00:10:11,800 --> 00:10:15,766
as we drove through New York,
then through Lincoln Tunnel,
228
00:10:15,800 --> 00:10:16,800
then to New Jersey...
229
00:10:16,833 --> 00:10:17,967
John, do me a favor.
230
00:10:18,000 --> 00:10:20,733
Don't say every landmark
from here to Maryland, okay?
231
00:10:20,766 --> 00:10:23,200
It's all so weird!
232
00:10:23,234 --> 00:10:24,766
It was so terrific
being with her
233
00:10:24,800 --> 00:10:26,633
that we were in Maryland
before we knew it.
234
00:10:26,666 --> 00:10:29,633
Yeah, them Volvos
are great.
235
00:10:29,666 --> 00:10:35,133
Anyhow, this morning,
we applied for the license and...
236
00:10:35,167 --> 00:10:36,600
even bought
a couple of rings.
237
00:10:36,633 --> 00:10:38,967
You know, still treating
the whole thing like a joke,
238
00:10:39,000 --> 00:10:40,334
you know...
239
00:10:40,366 --> 00:10:41,600
and then we had dinner
240
00:10:41,633 --> 00:10:46,000
at this really neat
Maryland McDonalds.
241
00:10:46,033 --> 00:10:47,167
The food's the same
242
00:10:47,200 --> 00:10:49,633
but it's served by people
from Maryland.
243
00:10:49,666 --> 00:10:53,334
Then we checked into this
really nice six-dollar
244
00:10:53,366 --> 00:10:54,867
motel...
245
00:10:54,900 --> 00:10:57,600
Hey, John, I hate
to be indelicate,
246
00:10:57,633 --> 00:10:59,666
but, uh... did you?
247
00:10:59,700 --> 00:11:01,267
Oh, no, no.
248
00:11:01,300 --> 00:11:03,267
We were too excited
for that.
249
00:11:03,300 --> 00:11:07,033
Anyhow, this morning,
we picked up the license,
250
00:11:07,067 --> 00:11:08,833
and found the Justice
of the Peace--
251
00:11:08,867 --> 00:11:11,600
even then, I still felt
we'd never go through with it.
252
00:11:11,633 --> 00:11:13,933
When the Justice
of the Peace said,
253
00:11:13,967 --> 00:11:17,167
"Do you take this man
to be your husband?"
254
00:11:17,200 --> 00:11:20,167
I was sure that we'd both
laugh like crazy,
255
00:11:20,200 --> 00:11:23,433
or she'd say no,
but she didn't.
256
00:11:23,466 --> 00:11:27,900
She said, "I will if he will."
257
00:11:27,933 --> 00:11:29,300
The Justice of the Peace
asked me
258
00:11:29,334 --> 00:11:30,967
if I'd take her as my wife.
259
00:11:31,000 --> 00:11:33,533
I said no!
260
00:11:33,566 --> 00:11:36,100
But somehow it came out yes!
261
00:11:38,900 --> 00:11:41,200
And just like that,
we were married.
262
00:11:41,234 --> 00:11:42,533
I mean, married.
263
00:11:42,566 --> 00:11:44,200
I mean, right away, we both knew
264
00:11:44,234 --> 00:11:45,900
it was the biggest mistake
of our lives.
265
00:11:45,933 --> 00:11:48,466
All the way back,
we only said three words.
266
00:11:48,499 --> 00:11:50,000
She said, "Need gas?"
267
00:11:50,033 --> 00:11:52,733
I said, "Yes."
268
00:11:55,000 --> 00:11:56,167
When we got back to town,
269
00:11:56,200 --> 00:12:00,433
I let her off at my apart--
our apartment...
270
00:12:00,466 --> 00:12:01,267
and there she sits,
271
00:12:01,300 --> 00:12:05,133
the woman Maryland
considers my wife.
272
00:12:11,334 --> 00:12:13,867
I'm married!
273
00:12:13,900 --> 00:12:15,366
I really am!
274
00:12:15,399 --> 00:12:17,733
Alex, what am I
going to do?
275
00:12:17,766 --> 00:12:19,067
I'm half crazy.
276
00:12:19,100 --> 00:12:20,733
A conservative estimate.
277
00:12:20,766 --> 00:12:22,067
Just relax.
278
00:12:22,100 --> 00:12:25,100
I know it looks very bad
right now,
279
00:12:25,133 --> 00:12:26,633
but somehow we're going
to figure out a way...
280
00:12:26,666 --> 00:12:29,267
Oh, Burns...
281
00:12:29,300 --> 00:12:33,200
you decided to grace us
with your presence.
282
00:12:33,234 --> 00:12:35,833
Well, listen here--
283
00:12:35,867 --> 00:12:39,300
the next time you don't show
up for work for two days,
284
00:12:39,334 --> 00:12:40,200
you're fired.
285
00:12:40,234 --> 00:12:42,466
Hey, hey, Louie,
the kid just got married.
286
00:12:42,499 --> 00:12:45,466
Don't yell at him.
287
00:12:45,499 --> 00:12:47,167
Oh, I'm sorry.
288
00:12:50,399 --> 00:12:55,366
( sweetly ):
The next time you don't show up for work for two days,
289
00:12:55,399 --> 00:12:56,833
you're fired.
290
00:13:09,267 --> 00:13:12,833
John, you got
to go home sometime.
291
00:13:12,867 --> 00:13:15,433
I can't.
She's there.
292
00:13:15,466 --> 00:13:18,700
Mrs. Me.
293
00:13:20,800 --> 00:13:23,067
I don't want to be married,
Alex.
294
00:13:23,100 --> 00:13:24,433
I don't know--
295
00:13:24,466 --> 00:13:27,833
it sounds crazy, but in my mind,
it's all connected.
296
00:13:27,867 --> 00:13:31,566
You get married, you have kids,
you grow old, and then you die.
297
00:13:31,600 --> 00:13:32,833
Somehow, to me,
298
00:13:32,867 --> 00:13:36,466
if you didn't get married,
you wouldn't die.
299
00:13:39,466 --> 00:13:41,600
Hey, Fitz, how you doing?
300
00:13:41,633 --> 00:13:42,900
Ellen... Rudy!
301
00:13:42,933 --> 00:13:43,967
Hey, how you doin'?
302
00:13:44,000 --> 00:13:45,933
Hey, Champ,
how's it going?
303
00:13:45,967 --> 00:13:47,267
Fine.
304
00:13:47,300 --> 00:13:49,466
You want to risk your title
against me?
305
00:13:49,499 --> 00:13:50,733
How much?
306
00:13:50,766 --> 00:13:54,000
Let's see here...
307
00:13:54,033 --> 00:13:55,733
How about 20 bucks?
308
00:13:55,766 --> 00:13:57,466
You're on.
309
00:13:57,499 --> 00:13:59,666
All right.
310
00:13:59,700 --> 00:14:01,466
Two beers, Rudy.
311
00:14:01,499 --> 00:14:02,700
( panting )
312
00:14:02,733 --> 00:14:04,067
Hey, Louie.
313
00:14:04,100 --> 00:14:06,466
You still owe me money
on your tab.
314
00:14:06,499 --> 00:14:08,499
Oh, yeah, yeah, all right.
315
00:14:08,533 --> 00:14:12,100
Well, come by the garage this
week and I'll give you a tire.
316
00:14:15,200 --> 00:14:16,499
Let's go.
317
00:14:16,533 --> 00:14:17,499
All right, now...
318
00:14:17,533 --> 00:14:20,167
I'll say, "one-two-three, go."
319
00:14:20,200 --> 00:14:21,167
All right?
320
00:14:21,200 --> 00:14:22,334
Sure.
321
00:14:22,366 --> 00:14:23,499
One...
322
00:14:23,533 --> 00:14:24,766
two...
323
00:14:24,800 --> 00:14:25,833
three.
324
00:14:25,867 --> 00:14:27,133
Hey, Rudy, did they find
325
00:14:27,167 --> 00:14:30,167
the rest of that rat
that died in the beer keg?
326
00:14:30,200 --> 00:14:31,200
Go.
327
00:14:37,700 --> 00:14:40,900
The new champeen.
328
00:14:43,234 --> 00:14:46,566
Better luck next time,
Champ.
329
00:14:49,900 --> 00:14:51,366
Excuse me.
330
00:14:51,399 --> 00:14:53,533
Is this the
wedding party?
331
00:14:53,566 --> 00:14:55,200
Louie!
332
00:14:55,234 --> 00:14:58,133
Louie, I never thought I'd say
this, but would you join us?
333
00:14:58,167 --> 00:14:59,399
No, thank you.
334
00:14:59,433 --> 00:15:04,133
John, the little woman
came by the garage tonight.
335
00:15:04,167 --> 00:15:06,666
She left a letter for you.
336
00:15:06,700 --> 00:15:07,833
Well, let's have it.
337
00:15:07,867 --> 00:15:10,167
For a buck.
338
00:15:10,200 --> 00:15:12,800
Hey, the post office
only charges 15 cents.
339
00:15:12,833 --> 00:15:16,167
Yeah, and they're going broke.
340
00:15:16,200 --> 00:15:17,499
Thank you.
341
00:15:17,533 --> 00:15:21,666
Not bad-- I've been here
two minutes, had a beer, and won $21.
342
00:15:22,566 --> 00:15:23,833
Bye-bye.
343
00:15:23,867 --> 00:15:28,167
Oh, by the way,
should I change your W-2 now,
344
00:15:28,200 --> 00:15:32,067
or do you want to see
if you have kids by tonight?
345
00:15:40,867 --> 00:15:42,833
We didn't
order drinks.
346
00:15:42,867 --> 00:15:44,234
It's on the house.
347
00:15:44,267 --> 00:15:46,200
You know, I got a "Dear John"
once.
348
00:15:46,234 --> 00:15:48,399
Oh, that isn't what this is.
349
00:15:51,067 --> 00:15:52,499
"Dear John..."
350
00:15:58,234 --> 00:16:00,466
You want me to read the letter?
351
00:16:00,499 --> 00:16:01,466
Would you?
352
00:16:01,499 --> 00:16:03,000
"Dear John,
353
00:16:03,033 --> 00:16:06,100
"I'm leaving you this letter
because I'm ashamed to face you.
354
00:16:06,133 --> 00:16:08,234
"I hate to think
of what you think of a girl
355
00:16:08,267 --> 00:16:11,067
"who runs off and
marries a total stranger.
356
00:16:11,100 --> 00:16:13,100
"I don't know why
357
00:16:13,133 --> 00:16:14,234
"I do crazy things
358
00:16:14,267 --> 00:16:16,499
"but I do know you're too nice
a guy
359
00:16:16,533 --> 00:16:19,133
"to be stuck
with an immature nut like me.
360
00:16:19,167 --> 00:16:22,100
Naturally, we'll have
the marriage annulled..."
361
00:16:22,133 --> 00:16:23,833
Oh.
Oh.
362
00:16:23,867 --> 00:16:27,967
"Looking back, it seems
like some bizarre dream.
363
00:16:28,000 --> 00:16:29,466
"Any minute,
364
00:16:29,499 --> 00:16:32,267
"I kept expecting
you would wake me up
365
00:16:32,300 --> 00:16:34,499
"but you didn't and I didn't.
366
00:16:34,533 --> 00:16:35,900
"So we did.
367
00:16:35,933 --> 00:16:39,700
"We sure did.
368
00:16:39,733 --> 00:16:42,566
"Right away, I knew it was
a terrible mistake
369
00:16:42,600 --> 00:16:44,300
"and I sensed you did, too.
370
00:16:44,334 --> 00:16:47,633
"I've decided to move back
with my folks for awhile,
371
00:16:47,666 --> 00:16:49,633
"try and get my head together.
372
00:16:49,666 --> 00:16:52,433
"I hope what happened
wasn't too hard on you.
373
00:16:52,466 --> 00:16:53,700
"I'm sure someday
374
00:16:53,733 --> 00:16:56,666
"you'll meet someone
you really want to marry
375
00:16:56,700 --> 00:16:58,766
"and whoever she is,
I envy her.
376
00:16:58,800 --> 00:17:01,466
"Anyway, thanks
for a special weekend.
377
00:17:01,499 --> 00:17:03,133
"I'll never forget it.
378
00:17:03,167 --> 00:17:05,167
Or you."
379
00:17:05,200 --> 00:17:08,000
And it's signed,
"Your future ex-wife, Suzanne."
380
00:17:10,499 --> 00:17:11,967
It's a nice letter.
381
00:17:12,000 --> 00:17:14,000
I read it nicely.
382
00:17:19,334 --> 00:17:21,933
And now, it looks like
your problems are solved, kid.
383
00:17:21,967 --> 00:17:24,000
Yeah.
384
00:17:24,033 --> 00:17:25,300
You know, Alex,
385
00:17:25,334 --> 00:17:28,300
that's the classiest letter
I ever heard.
386
00:17:28,334 --> 00:17:31,167
Open, honest, sensitive.
387
00:17:31,200 --> 00:17:33,334
Just like she is.
388
00:17:33,366 --> 00:17:36,000
I got to get her back.
389
00:17:36,033 --> 00:17:37,399
Help me get her back.
390
00:17:37,433 --> 00:17:40,533
I never wanted anybody back
so bad in my life.
391
00:17:42,566 --> 00:17:43,933
Why do I come here so often?
392
00:17:43,967 --> 00:17:45,900
I almost never have a good time.
393
00:17:55,933 --> 00:17:57,267
( buzzer sounds )
394
00:18:03,267 --> 00:18:04,766
Yes?
395
00:18:04,800 --> 00:18:06,000
Mr. Caruthers?
396
00:18:06,033 --> 00:18:07,334
Yes.
397
00:18:07,366 --> 00:18:09,167
We're the ones who phoned you.
398
00:18:09,200 --> 00:18:10,399
On the phone.
399
00:18:10,433 --> 00:18:13,566
I've been wondering
what that was all about.
400
00:18:13,600 --> 00:18:15,334
Um, can we come in?
401
00:18:15,366 --> 00:18:17,933
I guess so.
402
00:18:17,967 --> 00:18:20,399
I think you'll have to open the
door a little more than that.
403
00:18:20,433 --> 00:18:23,600
I'm sorry, but how do I know
I can trust you?
404
00:18:23,633 --> 00:18:24,633
Come here.
405
00:18:24,666 --> 00:18:25,900
Look at him.
406
00:18:25,933 --> 00:18:27,234
Hi.
407
00:18:27,267 --> 00:18:28,733
Okay.
408
00:18:34,766 --> 00:18:36,833
Now, what's this
all about?
409
00:18:36,867 --> 00:18:39,234
Mr. Caruthers,
my name is John Burns
410
00:18:39,267 --> 00:18:41,533
and this is my friend,
Alex Rieger.
411
00:18:42,833 --> 00:18:46,167
Alex will take over from here.
412
00:18:46,200 --> 00:18:49,566
Oh, Mr. Caruthers, um,
has your daughter told you?
413
00:18:49,600 --> 00:18:50,700
Told me about what?
414
00:18:50,733 --> 00:18:52,133
I guess she hasn't told you.
415
00:18:52,167 --> 00:18:54,366
If you tell me what it is
you want to know
416
00:18:54,399 --> 00:18:55,633
whether or not she has told me
417
00:18:55,666 --> 00:18:57,967
then I'll tell you
whether or not she has told me.
418
00:18:58,000 --> 00:19:01,300
I can tell
she hasn't told you.
419
00:19:01,334 --> 00:19:02,466
WOMAN:
Oh, Mark, I...
420
00:19:02,499 --> 00:19:03,566
Oh, Lillian,
421
00:19:03,600 --> 00:19:05,100
this is Mr. Burns.
Rieger.
422
00:19:05,133 --> 00:19:07,100
And this is Mr. Rieger.
Burns.
423
00:19:07,133 --> 00:19:08,800
This is my wife, Mrs...
Caruthers.
424
00:19:08,833 --> 00:19:09,800
Yes.
425
00:19:09,833 --> 00:19:10,800
How are you?
426
00:19:10,833 --> 00:19:12,399
LILLIAN:
Won't you sit down? Thank you.
427
00:19:12,433 --> 00:19:14,300
They're friends of Suzanne.
428
00:19:14,334 --> 00:19:16,466
Oh, yes, well,
Suzanne's in her room.
429
00:19:16,499 --> 00:19:19,133
Oh, could you tell her that
I'm here and maybe I love her?
430
00:19:19,167 --> 00:19:20,499
Sit down.
431
00:19:20,533 --> 00:19:22,733
First, I want to know
what's going on.
432
00:19:25,167 --> 00:19:26,800
Mr. Caruthers...
433
00:19:26,833 --> 00:19:29,800
Mr. Caruthers, do you
like to hear things with the lily gilded,
434
00:19:29,833 --> 00:19:31,633
or straight
between the eyes?
435
00:19:31,666 --> 00:19:33,499
Gilded.
436
00:19:33,533 --> 00:19:37,399
You see, we've always tried
to instill in our daughter
437
00:19:37,433 --> 00:19:41,433
the good grace to conceal
virtually everything from us.
438
00:19:41,466 --> 00:19:43,833
She hasn't told
you anything?
439
00:19:43,867 --> 00:19:48,167
Not since 1971.
440
00:19:48,200 --> 00:19:49,433
Well, Mr. and
Mrs. Caruthers,
441
00:19:49,466 --> 00:19:50,167
I think you better
brace yourself,
442
00:19:50,200 --> 00:19:51,900
because what I have
to tell you...
443
00:19:51,933 --> 00:19:52,900
Someone come in?
444
00:19:52,933 --> 00:19:54,366
I heard the...
445
00:19:54,399 --> 00:19:55,867
Oh, John.
446
00:19:55,900 --> 00:19:57,133
Suzanne.
447
00:19:57,167 --> 00:19:57,933
Hold it.
448
00:19:57,967 --> 00:19:59,100
Sit down.
449
00:19:59,133 --> 00:20:01,499
This man is about
to tell us something.
450
00:20:01,533 --> 00:20:03,633
Well, go on, sir.
We're listening.
451
00:20:03,666 --> 00:20:05,433
Oh, uh, yes, um...
452
00:20:05,466 --> 00:20:07,433
You sure you don't
want it straight?
453
00:20:07,466 --> 00:20:08,433
Absolutely.
454
00:20:08,466 --> 00:20:09,433
Right.
455
00:20:09,466 --> 00:20:12,334
Okay, now,
let's see, um...
456
00:20:12,366 --> 00:20:13,733
( clears throat )
457
00:20:13,766 --> 00:20:15,466
Well, how's this:
do you believe
458
00:20:15,499 --> 00:20:17,000
in love at first sight?
459
00:20:17,033 --> 00:20:19,933
I believe the notion
of love at first sight
460
00:20:19,967 --> 00:20:24,000
is a debasement of every moral,
spiritual, and ethical value
461
00:20:24,033 --> 00:20:26,234
that I and my family hold dear.
462
00:20:31,234 --> 00:20:33,867
This is no snap.
463
00:20:33,900 --> 00:20:35,366
Well, I have to give it
to you straight then.
464
00:20:35,399 --> 00:20:36,733
This is what happened:
465
00:20:36,766 --> 00:20:38,366
Three nights ago,
John met your daughter in a bar,
466
00:20:38,399 --> 00:20:39,633
they fell in love,
467
00:20:39,666 --> 00:20:41,167
and after looking at each other
countless times,
468
00:20:41,200 --> 00:20:42,800
drove to Maryland
and got married.
469
00:20:43,867 --> 00:20:46,700
You were in a bar?
470
00:20:50,933 --> 00:20:53,566
Mark, don't you
understand?
471
00:20:53,600 --> 00:20:56,033
Our daughter is married.
472
00:20:56,067 --> 00:20:58,900
And this man
is our son.
473
00:20:58,933 --> 00:21:00,533
But they're going
to get divorced.
474
00:21:00,566 --> 00:21:01,933
Oh.
475
00:21:01,967 --> 00:21:03,700
But John wants
to stay married. Oh.
476
00:21:03,733 --> 00:21:05,366
But your daughter
wants to get an annulment.
477
00:21:05,399 --> 00:21:07,700
Is this fun for you?
478
00:21:10,700 --> 00:21:12,900
Well, once you get into it.
479
00:21:12,933 --> 00:21:16,200
No, listen...
look, now that we all know,
480
00:21:16,234 --> 00:21:19,200
why don't we all just leave
them alone together,
481
00:21:19,234 --> 00:21:20,666
so they could, uh...
482
00:21:20,700 --> 00:21:25,433
Or we could stay
and stare at each other.
483
00:21:25,466 --> 00:21:27,867
That's not such a bad idea.
484
00:21:27,900 --> 00:21:32,733
I think I've spent too much time
ducking things like this.
485
00:21:32,766 --> 00:21:35,200
Maybe the time has come
to forget my fears
486
00:21:35,234 --> 00:21:37,867
and pay attention
to my daughter.
487
00:21:37,900 --> 00:21:40,800
Yes, this is it.
488
00:21:40,833 --> 00:21:43,399
The time has come
to stay with her
489
00:21:43,433 --> 00:21:45,533
and face this
thing head-on.
490
00:21:45,566 --> 00:21:46,533
Mr. Rieger?
491
00:21:46,566 --> 00:21:47,566
Right.
492
00:22:00,200 --> 00:22:04,133
Suzanne, when we were in
that motel room in Maryland...
493
00:22:04,167 --> 00:22:07,067
Hup, that's it!
494
00:22:07,100 --> 00:22:08,133
Let's go, Lillian.
495
00:22:09,533 --> 00:22:10,499
Mr. Rieger.
496
00:22:10,533 --> 00:22:11,833
Right.
497
00:22:11,867 --> 00:22:14,533
Take your time, John.
Don't worry about me.
498
00:22:14,566 --> 00:22:16,466
I'll be having fun
standing in the kitchenette
499
00:22:16,499 --> 00:22:17,733
with Mr. and
Mrs. Caruthers.
500
00:22:22,200 --> 00:22:24,334
You want to stay married?
501
00:22:24,366 --> 00:22:25,700
I do.
502
00:22:27,200 --> 00:22:30,200
I figured you'd never want
to see me again.
503
00:22:30,234 --> 00:22:33,533
Oh... Look, Suzanne,
what happened
504
00:22:33,566 --> 00:22:36,033
was just as much my
fault as it was yours.
505
00:22:36,067 --> 00:22:37,399
You know, I think
that's what
506
00:22:37,433 --> 00:22:38,600
brought us
both together.
507
00:22:38,633 --> 00:22:39,900
We're both crazy.
508
00:22:41,733 --> 00:22:44,133
I just think that,
for some reason,
509
00:22:44,167 --> 00:22:47,234
we had the instinct
to be with each other.
510
00:22:47,267 --> 00:22:49,733
Now, I know it
doesn't make sense,
511
00:22:49,766 --> 00:22:51,800
'cause we hardly
know each other,
512
00:22:51,833 --> 00:22:55,000
but right now, I'd
rather follow my instinct
513
00:22:55,033 --> 00:22:56,499
and not make sense.
514
00:22:59,900 --> 00:23:04,933
Suzanne, will you not
get annulled with me?
515
00:23:06,366 --> 00:23:07,399
No.
516
00:23:07,433 --> 00:23:09,399
Oh, that's terrific.
517
00:23:09,433 --> 00:23:10,499
No! Wait a minute!
518
00:23:10,533 --> 00:23:11,499
No what?
519
00:23:11,533 --> 00:23:13,733
No, I won't get annulled.
520
00:23:13,766 --> 00:23:15,300
I can't believe it.
521
00:23:15,334 --> 00:23:16,566
She said, "no."
522
00:23:16,600 --> 00:23:17,833
Oh, oh.
523
00:23:17,867 --> 00:23:21,566
Oh, boy, you better be
as nice as you seem.
524
00:23:21,600 --> 00:23:23,733
I am.
525
00:23:23,766 --> 00:23:25,200
Hey, let's call
your folks.
526
00:23:25,234 --> 00:23:26,334
Oh, Dad, Mom!
527
00:23:26,366 --> 00:23:27,334
Alex!
528
00:23:27,366 --> 00:23:28,700
What's wrong?
529
00:23:30,267 --> 00:23:32,933
Mr. and Mrs. Caruthers,
530
00:23:32,967 --> 00:23:35,433
I'd like your permission
to marry my wife.
531
00:23:48,566 --> 00:23:49,967
Hey, man, you
got rid of her.
532
00:23:50,000 --> 00:23:50,967
That's great.
533
00:23:51,000 --> 00:23:52,366
No, we're staying married.
534
00:23:52,399 --> 00:23:54,600
Congratulations,
she's a wonderful girl.
535
00:24:00,900 --> 00:24:03,733
( theme music playing )
536
00:24:27,900 --> 00:24:29,466
WOMAN:
Night, Mr. Walters.
537
00:24:29,499 --> 00:24:30,833
( grunts )
538
00:24:30,883 --> 00:24:35,433
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