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1
00:00:02,233 --> 00:00:05,233
( theme music playing )
2
00:01:10,999 --> 00:01:11,999
It's okay, I guess.
3
00:01:12,000 --> 00:01:13,634
Why am I being modest?
4
00:01:13,668 --> 00:01:14,967
I'm alone.
5
00:01:15,000 --> 00:01:16,900
It's perfect.
6
00:01:20,993 --> 00:01:22,526
Metropolitan Museum.
7
00:01:22,559 --> 00:01:24,025
I bet you're wondering
8
00:01:24,056 --> 00:01:26,657
how you got a cab
so fast in this rain.
9
00:01:26,687 --> 00:01:28,753
Well, it's because I've been
sitting here admiring
10
00:01:28,784 --> 00:01:30,118
this window display.
11
00:01:30,149 --> 00:01:32,849
You see, I work
here part-time at this art gallery.
12
00:01:32,880 --> 00:01:33,648
Uh, excuse me,
if you don't mind,
13
00:01:33,680 --> 00:01:34,580
I really don't
feel much like talking.
14
00:01:34,614 --> 00:01:36,746
Just take me
to the Metropolitan, okay?
15
00:01:36,776 --> 00:01:38,544
Oh, I wasn't talking,
I was just...
16
00:01:38,575 --> 00:01:39,874
Hey!
17
00:01:39,907 --> 00:01:42,007
I don't know how to make it
any clearer than that.
18
00:01:42,038 --> 00:01:43,539
Please take me
to the Metropolitan.
19
00:01:43,571 --> 00:01:47,104
Okay. You charmed me into it.
20
00:01:50,363 --> 00:01:51,796
Where you going?
21
00:01:51,828 --> 00:01:54,028
You said
the Metropolitan Museum.
22
00:01:54,060 --> 00:01:56,627
I meant the one in New York.
Why didn't you stay on Madison?
23
00:01:56,657 --> 00:01:59,224
It's shorter this way.
You said you were in a hurry.
24
00:01:59,254 --> 00:02:03,054
You are taking a longer
route than you need to.
25
00:02:03,083 --> 00:02:04,383
It's not any longer.
You know, wait a minute.
26
00:02:04,416 --> 00:02:07,349
Are you accusing me
of jacking up the fare?
27
00:02:07,379 --> 00:02:08,745
No. I'm accusing you of trying.
28
00:02:08,777 --> 00:02:10,211
Unfortunately, I caught you.
29
00:02:10,244 --> 00:02:12,244
Hey, look, Mister. I swear
I'm not trying to cheat you.
30
00:02:12,274 --> 00:02:14,474
Now if you want, I can take you
back where I picked you up,
31
00:02:14,506 --> 00:02:16,506
and we can start over
and I'll take a different route.
32
00:02:16,537 --> 00:02:19,671
Thanks, but I've
seen Jersey.
33
00:02:21,697 --> 00:02:23,830
Okay, out of the cab.
34
00:02:23,862 --> 00:02:25,762
It's pouring rain out there.
35
00:02:25,794 --> 00:02:29,528
The law says you have to take me
wherever I want to go.
36
00:02:29,558 --> 00:02:32,658
There's no way
you can make me leave this cab.
37
00:02:32,687 --> 00:02:37,621
Rape... rape... rape!
38
00:02:37,649 --> 00:02:40,282
You may have a little trouble
getting that story to stick
39
00:02:40,313 --> 00:02:41,446
when the police find out
40
00:02:41,478 --> 00:02:44,111
I'm the National Secretary
for the Gay Liberation Force.
41
00:02:48,437 --> 00:02:51,870
We'll be there
in a few minutes.
42
00:03:02,657 --> 00:03:04,525
Next time be
a little more careful
43
00:03:04,555 --> 00:03:05,888
who you try and rip off.
44
00:03:05,920 --> 00:03:08,686
Look, Mister, I realize
we've had our differences
45
00:03:08,717 --> 00:03:10,417
but you owe me $2.85.
46
00:03:10,449 --> 00:03:14,115
Here's a dollar. I'm not paying
for the scenic route.
47
00:03:14,145 --> 00:03:16,078
Hey, wait a minute, Mister!
48
00:03:16,110 --> 00:03:18,611
Mister, you forgot
your briefcase.
49
00:03:18,640 --> 00:03:21,174
Oh.
50
00:03:21,205 --> 00:03:23,472
Hey, come back here!
51
00:03:25,967 --> 00:03:28,334
He's faster than he looks.
52
00:03:34,391 --> 00:03:35,991
Come on, come on.
53
00:03:36,022 --> 00:03:37,590
Jacks or better.
54
00:03:37,621 --> 00:03:40,188
All right, give me
something good.
55
00:03:40,219 --> 00:03:42,751
Not if I can help it.
56
00:03:42,783 --> 00:03:44,883
Oh, sweet heaven.
57
00:03:46,912 --> 00:03:48,379
Did I tip my hand again?
58
00:03:48,411 --> 00:03:50,478
Only to the trained eye.
59
00:03:50,509 --> 00:03:52,509
Why do I do that
all the time?
60
00:03:52,540 --> 00:03:53,673
Hi, guys.
61
00:03:53,704 --> 00:03:55,671
Hey, Elaine.
What do you say?
62
00:03:55,702 --> 00:03:56,669
I'm not sure.
63
00:03:56,701 --> 00:03:58,835
I just had
a really bad fare today.
64
00:03:58,866 --> 00:04:01,666
Hey, Bobby, she thinks
she had a bad fare.
65
00:04:01,696 --> 00:04:03,030
What happened?
66
00:04:03,062 --> 00:04:06,595
I had the QANTAS koala bear
get carsick in my cab.
67
00:04:06,624 --> 00:04:10,459
And you don't want to know
what a koala bear does
68
00:04:10,488 --> 00:04:12,821
when he gets carsick.
69
00:04:12,852 --> 00:04:15,019
Hey, Alex, could I talk
to you for a moment?
70
00:04:15,050 --> 00:04:16,217
Huh? Yeah, sure.
71
00:04:16,249 --> 00:04:17,216
Deal me out.
72
00:04:17,247 --> 00:04:18,947
I'll sit in for you.
73
00:04:18,979 --> 00:04:20,280
What's wrong?
74
00:04:20,311 --> 00:04:21,944
I feel really strange.
75
00:04:21,976 --> 00:04:23,277
Why? What is it?
76
00:04:23,308 --> 00:04:26,075
Well, you know that art gallery
where I work part-time?
77
00:04:26,106 --> 00:04:29,639
And where they treat me like I
was some sort of receptionist?
78
00:04:29,668 --> 00:04:33,035
Yeah. You mean the place where
you work as a receptionist.
79
00:04:33,066 --> 00:04:35,099
Yeah. Well, they let me design
80
00:04:35,130 --> 00:04:38,197
their new window display
for their new exhibit
81
00:04:38,226 --> 00:04:40,360
and everybody loved what I did.
82
00:04:40,391 --> 00:04:43,425
Now, it's just staring out
on Madison Avenue.
83
00:04:43,455 --> 00:04:45,721
People are even
congratulating me.
84
00:04:45,752 --> 00:04:47,053
No wonder you're down.
85
00:04:47,085 --> 00:04:49,185
You realized
your lifelong ambition.
86
00:04:49,216 --> 00:04:53,183
I know, but it just
doesn't seem like my life, you know.
87
00:04:53,211 --> 00:04:55,778
Things like this
never happen to me.
88
00:04:55,809 --> 00:04:58,809
That's why I got a little crazy
and I pushed.
89
00:04:58,839 --> 00:05:02,206
I invited them all to a party,
and they accepted.
90
00:05:02,236 --> 00:05:04,002
Oh, hey, sounds
like you're on a roll.
91
00:05:04,034 --> 00:05:05,833
Let me know how it turns out.
92
00:05:05,865 --> 00:05:08,731
I was kind of hoping
that maybe you'd come.
93
00:05:08,762 --> 00:05:10,862
See, I'd really like
to have one person there
94
00:05:10,893 --> 00:05:12,559
that I don't care
about impressing.
95
00:05:14,024 --> 00:05:17,523
How can I turn down
an invitation like that?
96
00:05:17,553 --> 00:05:20,653
Yeah, and one more thing--
when you're at the party
97
00:05:20,684 --> 00:05:24,617
can you remember that nobody
knows that I'm a cab driver?
98
00:05:24,645 --> 00:05:26,579
See, if they knew I
drove a cab at night
99
00:05:26,611 --> 00:05:28,544
they'd find it
a little unusual.
100
00:05:28,575 --> 00:05:31,275
I can't afford
to be unusual yet.
101
00:05:31,307 --> 00:05:33,706
So you actually lie
about your job?
102
00:05:33,737 --> 00:05:36,670
I don't lie.
I fudge.
103
00:05:36,700 --> 00:05:39,101
I'm kind of hoping that
maybe you won't tell them
104
00:05:39,132 --> 00:05:40,698
that you're a cab
driver, either.
105
00:05:40,731 --> 00:05:42,298
Oh, no.
I won't do that, Elaine.
106
00:05:42,328 --> 00:05:43,295
Oh, come on...
107
00:05:43,328 --> 00:05:44,295
Nope!
108
00:05:44,327 --> 00:05:45,626
It's one little thing.
109
00:05:45,658 --> 00:05:47,691
No, it's not
just one little thing.
110
00:05:47,723 --> 00:05:50,489
Hey, sure it is.
Ask anybody.
111
00:05:50,519 --> 00:05:51,720
Hey, guys, can you believe him?
112
00:05:51,752 --> 00:05:53,152
He won't tell
one little lie for me.
113
00:05:53,185 --> 00:05:56,218
The only guy I know that
never told a lie was my dad.
114
00:05:56,248 --> 00:05:57,514
Come on. Never?
115
00:05:57,547 --> 00:05:59,114
Nope. He once told me
116
00:05:59,144 --> 00:06:01,911
"John, remember
your father's words.
117
00:06:01,942 --> 00:06:06,042
"The liar's punishment is not
that he is not believed
118
00:06:06,072 --> 00:06:09,172
but that he cannot believe
anyone else."
119
00:06:09,202 --> 00:06:13,336
John, George Bernard Shaw
said that.
120
00:06:13,364 --> 00:06:14,930
He did?
121
00:06:14,962 --> 00:06:16,962
Your father was
George Bernard Shaw?
122
00:06:16,994 --> 00:06:18,294
Alex, Can we talk
123
00:06:18,326 --> 00:06:19,458
about this?
124
00:06:19,490 --> 00:06:21,624
What do you want him
to lie about?
125
00:06:21,655 --> 00:06:22,822
Maybe I can do it for you.
126
00:06:22,854 --> 00:06:24,554
I'm throwing a party
Friday night.
127
00:06:24,585 --> 00:06:27,353
Hey, it's a little short notice,
but I can make it.
128
00:06:27,383 --> 00:06:29,016
Why are you having
a party on Friday night?
129
00:06:29,048 --> 00:06:30,681
We're all going
to miss a lot of business.
130
00:06:30,713 --> 00:06:32,247
Well, actually guys,
this is a party I'm throwing
131
00:06:32,279 --> 00:06:34,645
for the people
at my art gallery.
132
00:06:34,676 --> 00:06:36,310
Who cares, the more,
the merrier. Right?
133
00:06:36,341 --> 00:06:38,107
They don't understand.
134
00:06:38,139 --> 00:06:39,471
Oh, I get it.
135
00:06:39,503 --> 00:06:41,703
We're not invited.
136
00:06:42,701 --> 00:06:45,135
How come we can't go
to the party too?
137
00:06:45,165 --> 00:06:46,598
'Cause we're
nobodies.
138
00:06:46,630 --> 00:06:50,031
We're stupid, ignorant,
low-life cabbies.
139
00:06:50,060 --> 00:06:52,093
Oh.
140
00:06:52,125 --> 00:06:54,091
What do you think, Latka?
141
00:06:54,123 --> 00:06:57,822
( speaking native tongue )
142
00:06:57,852 --> 00:07:00,618
Latka, in English.
143
00:07:00,650 --> 00:07:05,284
If they don't come,
I don't come.
144
00:07:05,311 --> 00:07:07,443
I'm sorry.
They can't come.
145
00:07:07,475 --> 00:07:10,675
All right,
then I come without them.
146
00:07:10,705 --> 00:07:12,472
All right! All right!
147
00:07:12,503 --> 00:07:13,637
You can come.
148
00:07:13,669 --> 00:07:15,802
If it means
that much to you.
149
00:07:15,834 --> 00:07:17,700
If it doesn't matter to you
that you screw me up
150
00:07:17,732 --> 00:07:19,465
with my bosses or ruin
the one chance I have
151
00:07:19,496 --> 00:07:21,630
to send my kids
to a decent school
152
00:07:21,661 --> 00:07:24,095
then, by all means,
just come to my party.
153
00:07:24,125 --> 00:07:26,025
What's the address?
154
00:07:26,057 --> 00:07:27,824
Hey, you come
with me.
155
00:07:27,855 --> 00:07:29,356
I know where it is.
156
00:07:29,386 --> 00:07:31,153
Thank you very much.
157
00:07:31,186 --> 00:07:32,785
Let's go get
something to eat,
158
00:07:32,816 --> 00:07:34,682
and I'll tell you
about my outfit.
159
00:07:34,715 --> 00:07:37,315
Hey, Elaine,
hey, don't worry about us.
160
00:07:37,346 --> 00:07:40,246
Nobody's gonna know
we're taxicab drivers.
161
00:07:40,276 --> 00:07:41,842
Come on. We'll cover it up.
All right?
162
00:07:41,875 --> 00:07:42,841
Okay.
163
00:07:42,874 --> 00:07:44,207
All right.
164
00:07:44,239 --> 00:07:46,005
See you later, Alex.
165
00:07:46,036 --> 00:07:47,536
Ahem!
166
00:07:47,568 --> 00:07:48,768
You're in luck.
167
00:07:48,801 --> 00:07:51,367
Looks like you got a chance to
nab Louie for your guest list.
168
00:07:51,397 --> 00:07:53,698
Yeah, I might give your party
a tumble.
169
00:07:53,729 --> 00:07:55,529
Perhaps some of those
art-world cuties
170
00:07:55,559 --> 00:08:00,126
might want me to pose for them
au naturel.
171
00:08:00,156 --> 00:08:02,323
Louie, you're not invited.
172
00:08:02,353 --> 00:08:03,386
What do you mean?
173
00:08:03,419 --> 00:08:04,919
I mean if you're even seen
174
00:08:04,951 --> 00:08:07,483
in the vicinity
of my apartment Friday night
175
00:08:07,515 --> 00:08:09,149
I'll have you arrested.
176
00:08:09,180 --> 00:08:11,013
Oh, really not invited.
177
00:08:11,045 --> 00:08:13,444
Okay. Who needs you?
178
00:08:13,475 --> 00:08:17,143
Come on let's get this garage
back to normal!
179
00:08:17,172 --> 00:08:20,605
Hey, Latka! You finish cleaning
that cab yet?
180
00:08:23,266 --> 00:08:24,632
Phew!
181
00:08:24,664 --> 00:08:28,964
Who drive a sick koala bear?
182
00:08:35,320 --> 00:08:36,921
( doorbell ringing )
183
00:08:36,952 --> 00:08:37,952
Alex?
184
00:08:37,984 --> 00:08:39,018
Yeah.
185
00:08:39,050 --> 00:08:40,184
( Sighs )
186
00:08:40,215 --> 00:08:41,481
Hi.
187
00:08:41,513 --> 00:08:42,480
Hi.
188
00:08:42,513 --> 00:08:44,480
Did I get the wrong night?
189
00:08:44,510 --> 00:08:45,977
No, this is the night.
190
00:08:46,010 --> 00:08:47,943
Well, don't bother
to introduce me.
191
00:08:47,973 --> 00:08:49,439
I'll just mingle.
192
00:08:49,472 --> 00:08:50,772
How are you?
193
00:08:50,805 --> 00:08:52,005
I played a little
trick on you, Alex. Oh?
194
00:08:52,037 --> 00:08:54,770
I told you the wrong time
so that you'd get here early.
195
00:08:54,801 --> 00:08:56,168
Great trick. Why?
196
00:08:56,200 --> 00:08:57,866
Well, see,
you're doing me a favor.
197
00:08:57,897 --> 00:09:00,429
Now that you're here,
no one has to go through
198
00:09:00,461 --> 00:09:02,461
the embarrassment
of arriving first.
199
00:09:02,492 --> 00:09:04,993
You know how
uncomfortable that can be.
200
00:09:07,888 --> 00:09:09,621
I can only imagine.
201
00:09:09,652 --> 00:09:12,685
Besides, I'm a little
insecure about this party
202
00:09:12,716 --> 00:09:14,049
and I wanted someone
203
00:09:14,081 --> 00:09:16,447
to tell me
how nice the place looks.
204
00:09:19,909 --> 00:09:21,009
Well, you can start anytime.
205
00:09:21,040 --> 00:09:22,107
Oh, yes.
206
00:09:22,140 --> 00:09:23,272
It looks great.
207
00:09:23,304 --> 00:09:24,605
No, it really does.
208
00:09:24,637 --> 00:09:25,604
I like that.
209
00:09:25,636 --> 00:09:27,070
Oh, and I like that.
210
00:09:27,101 --> 00:09:28,934
And I really like this.
211
00:09:28,967 --> 00:09:30,333
Thanks.
212
00:09:30,364 --> 00:09:31,464
You know, this was hard.
213
00:09:31,497 --> 00:09:32,897
I had to borrow some furniture
214
00:09:32,928 --> 00:09:34,461
and move the kids' beds
upstairs.
215
00:09:34,494 --> 00:09:37,393
I'm really knocking myself out
for this party.
216
00:09:37,423 --> 00:09:39,157
But I think I'm going to be okay
217
00:09:39,189 --> 00:09:41,223
as long as my cheese puffs
are a hit.
218
00:09:41,252 --> 00:09:43,252
Oh...
219
00:09:45,249 --> 00:09:46,316
Delicious.
220
00:09:46,347 --> 00:09:48,547
Take it from a puff man.
221
00:09:50,577 --> 00:09:54,543
So, is there anything
I've overlooked?
222
00:09:54,573 --> 00:09:57,940
Oh, uh... persons.
223
00:09:57,970 --> 00:10:00,037
They're coming. Anything else?
224
00:10:00,068 --> 00:10:02,434
Something for persons to drink.
225
00:10:02,466 --> 00:10:04,033
That's a little
bit of a problem.
226
00:10:04,063 --> 00:10:06,030
You see, I used
a discount liquor store.
227
00:10:06,062 --> 00:10:08,595
I don't want anyone
to see the labels.
228
00:10:08,625 --> 00:10:10,425
They're kind
of off-brands.
229
00:10:10,457 --> 00:10:11,356
Like what?
230
00:10:11,390 --> 00:10:14,356
Ever heard of Betty's vodka?
231
00:10:17,550 --> 00:10:19,283
Gentlemen never tell.
232
00:10:19,314 --> 00:10:21,148
Can I make a suggestion?
233
00:10:21,180 --> 00:10:23,512
Why don't you put the stuff
in a punch bowl
234
00:10:23,544 --> 00:10:25,178
and add ginger ale
and juices.
235
00:10:25,209 --> 00:10:26,342
Oh, that's a great idea.
236
00:10:26,374 --> 00:10:27,240
There you go.
237
00:10:27,273 --> 00:10:31,007
You know, I never
even thought about mixing.
238
00:10:31,036 --> 00:10:33,936
Oh... I just hope I got
enough champagne.
239
00:10:33,966 --> 00:10:35,933
How much did you get?
240
00:10:35,965 --> 00:10:37,699
12 Cans.
241
00:10:37,730 --> 00:10:40,363
Canned champagne?
242
00:10:40,393 --> 00:10:42,226
I guess for those macho gourmets
243
00:10:42,258 --> 00:10:45,258
who like to crush
something after a sip.
244
00:10:45,288 --> 00:10:46,588
( doorbell ringing )
245
00:10:46,621 --> 00:10:48,621
Oh, Alex, this is it!
246
00:10:48,651 --> 00:10:51,184
Now, now,
just relax. Relax.
247
00:10:51,215 --> 00:10:53,215
They're just people.
248
00:11:02,538 --> 00:11:05,204
There's always the exception
to the rule.
249
00:11:05,235 --> 00:11:06,869
Party time for Latka?
250
00:11:06,900 --> 00:11:09,034
Not until you
take off those overalls.
251
00:11:09,065 --> 00:11:11,264
Oh, this is good party.
252
00:11:11,295 --> 00:11:12,963
No! No! Latka!
253
00:11:12,994 --> 00:11:16,460
You've got to change
into nicer clothes.
254
00:11:16,490 --> 00:11:18,790
Oh...
255
00:11:18,821 --> 00:11:21,122
( speaking native tongue )
256
00:11:21,185 --> 00:11:22,185
...in truck...
257
00:11:22,217 --> 00:11:23,283
( speaking native tongue )
258
00:11:26,581 --> 00:11:28,614
You think
it's all right
259
00:11:28,645 --> 00:11:30,311
to have him here?
260
00:11:30,342 --> 00:11:32,876
Are you kidding? He's my pick
for the life of the party.
261
00:11:32,907 --> 00:11:36,841
Oh, Alex, are you sure
everything looks okay?
262
00:11:36,869 --> 00:11:38,769
Elaine, believe me.
The apartment looks wonderful.
263
00:11:38,801 --> 00:11:40,102
Now will you just relax.
264
00:11:40,133 --> 00:11:41,467
Okay. Okay.
265
00:11:41,498 --> 00:11:44,099
Hey, you know, you may not
believe this, but I've really
266
00:11:44,128 --> 00:11:45,862
calmed down a lot
since you got here.
267
00:11:45,893 --> 00:11:47,660
Yeah, I can see that.
268
00:11:47,692 --> 00:11:51,759
Oh, um, but could I just ask you
one more little favor?
269
00:11:51,788 --> 00:11:53,188
Yep.
270
00:11:53,220 --> 00:11:54,887
If you tell these people
that you're a cab driver
271
00:11:54,918 --> 00:11:58,351
they'll ask how you know me,
and you'll give everything away.
272
00:11:58,382 --> 00:12:02,549
Elaine, is that the real reason
you got me over here early? Huh?
273
00:12:02,577 --> 00:12:04,011
Oh, come on.
How could you do that?
274
00:12:04,043 --> 00:12:05,476
How could you do
a thing like that?
275
00:12:05,507 --> 00:12:07,207
Come on, Alex.
This is a cocktail party.
276
00:12:07,238 --> 00:12:08,906
Oh, for crying out loud.
277
00:12:08,937 --> 00:12:10,203
Why do you have to come on
278
00:12:10,235 --> 00:12:12,269
so super-ethical anyway?
279
00:12:12,300 --> 00:12:14,300
I am not ethical,
Elaine.
280
00:12:14,332 --> 00:12:15,498
I am... chicken.
281
00:12:15,530 --> 00:12:16,930
I don't lie for
the simple reason
282
00:12:16,964 --> 00:12:18,229
I am afraid
of getting caught.
283
00:12:18,261 --> 00:12:19,695
There's nothing
more embarrassing
284
00:12:19,726 --> 00:12:20,960
than getting caught
in a lie.
285
00:12:20,992 --> 00:12:22,525
Besides, if you don't lie
286
00:12:22,557 --> 00:12:25,090
you don't have to try to
remember what you said.
287
00:12:25,120 --> 00:12:26,688
Okay. Okay.
288
00:12:26,720 --> 00:12:29,820
If it happens,
it happens.
289
00:12:29,850 --> 00:12:31,350
All right. All right.
290
00:12:31,380 --> 00:12:33,180
I'm not going to lie
291
00:12:33,212 --> 00:12:36,713
but I won't say anything
if I'm not asked. Okay?
292
00:12:36,742 --> 00:12:38,275
Okay. Thanks.
293
00:12:38,307 --> 00:12:39,507
Mm-hmm.
294
00:12:39,539 --> 00:12:41,573
( doorbell ringing )
295
00:12:49,297 --> 00:12:51,463
Party overalls.
296
00:12:51,494 --> 00:12:52,661
Now you're talking.
297
00:12:52,693 --> 00:12:53,927
Neat.
298
00:12:53,959 --> 00:12:56,125
Latka learn
299
00:12:56,156 --> 00:12:58,256
party talk.
300
00:12:58,288 --> 00:12:59,755
Yeah.
301
00:12:59,786 --> 00:13:02,252
"What are you drinking?
302
00:13:02,283 --> 00:13:06,550
"Aren't there a lot
of phonies here?
303
00:13:06,579 --> 00:13:11,078
"Let's go to my place.
304
00:13:11,108 --> 00:13:14,174
Was it good
for you?"
305
00:13:16,902 --> 00:13:18,468
You've been teaching him.
306
00:13:18,500 --> 00:13:21,700
Not me. I was going to ask
for a copy myself.
307
00:13:44,574 --> 00:13:45,741
Looks like your
party's a hit, Elaine.
308
00:13:45,773 --> 00:13:47,406
Yeah, so far, so good.
309
00:13:47,437 --> 00:13:49,604
I'm a little worried
about the guys.
310
00:13:49,636 --> 00:13:51,603
They don't seem
to be mingling.
311
00:13:51,633 --> 00:13:53,533
Yeah, only
with each other.
312
00:13:53,565 --> 00:13:56,332
Hey, it's your turn, Tony.
How did your parents meet?
313
00:13:56,362 --> 00:13:57,429
It was in Italy...
314
00:13:57,461 --> 00:13:58,994
Come on, you guys.
315
00:13:59,025 --> 00:14:01,326
I want you to meet
some people.
316
00:14:01,357 --> 00:14:03,123
That's okay,
we already have.
317
00:14:03,155 --> 00:14:06,121
Yeah, I think we're
just going to shove off.
318
00:14:06,152 --> 00:14:07,352
Ah, why?
319
00:14:07,384 --> 00:14:08,751
Because, we don't fit in.
320
00:14:08,783 --> 00:14:10,349
We're the kind of guys who
like to have fun.
321
00:14:10,381 --> 00:14:11,949
Thanks a lot, Elaine.
322
00:14:11,979 --> 00:14:13,146
Bye-bye.
323
00:14:13,177 --> 00:14:14,544
Take it easy, Alex.
324
00:14:14,578 --> 00:14:15,744
Great punch.
325
00:14:15,776 --> 00:14:16,975
Bye.
326
00:14:21,170 --> 00:14:22,370
Stop envying them.
327
00:14:25,033 --> 00:14:26,700
Mrs. Hazeltine?
328
00:14:26,731 --> 00:14:28,331
Oh. Thank you, Elaine.
329
00:14:28,363 --> 00:14:29,530
These are delicious.
330
00:14:29,562 --> 00:14:30,994
Thank you.
331
00:14:31,027 --> 00:14:32,527
I love your paintings.
332
00:14:32,559 --> 00:14:33,592
Really?
333
00:14:33,624 --> 00:14:35,458
But I don't
recognize the artist.
334
00:14:35,489 --> 00:14:38,189
As a matter of fact,
I live with the artist.
335
00:14:38,220 --> 00:14:39,253
You what?
336
00:14:39,285 --> 00:14:40,251
It's my daughter.
337
00:14:40,284 --> 00:14:41,284
Oh.
338
00:14:41,317 --> 00:14:42,484
Except the one
339
00:14:42,515 --> 00:14:43,882
of the bunny rabbit.
340
00:14:43,915 --> 00:14:46,080
That was done
by my ex-husband.
341
00:14:46,111 --> 00:14:48,878
We've been talking
about the new exhibit
342
00:14:48,909 --> 00:14:50,875
at the Museum of Modern Art.
343
00:14:50,907 --> 00:14:52,306
Have you seen it?
344
00:14:52,338 --> 00:14:53,772
Oh, yes, I have. Twice.
345
00:14:53,805 --> 00:14:55,638
Did you like
the Magritte drawings?
346
00:14:55,669 --> 00:14:56,702
Oh. Um...
347
00:14:56,735 --> 00:14:58,802
would you excuse me
for a moment?
348
00:14:58,833 --> 00:15:00,999
There's something I've
got to take care of.
349
00:15:01,030 --> 00:15:02,297
All right.
350
00:15:03,628 --> 00:15:06,461
Alex... one of the biggest art
dealers in New York
351
00:15:06,490 --> 00:15:08,590
just asked my opinion
of an exhibit.
352
00:15:08,622 --> 00:15:09,722
Oh, terrific.
353
00:15:09,755 --> 00:15:10,755
Give it.
354
00:15:10,787 --> 00:15:11,720
Oh.
355
00:15:11,753 --> 00:15:13,319
Thank you very much.
356
00:15:13,351 --> 00:15:14,751
Going to go now.
357
00:15:14,784 --> 00:15:17,283
Well, I'm glad
you could come, Latka.
358
00:15:17,313 --> 00:15:18,480
Bye-bye.
359
00:15:18,512 --> 00:15:19,678
Bye.
360
00:15:19,711 --> 00:15:23,077
Eh, aren't there
a lot of phonies here?
361
00:15:23,107 --> 00:15:24,508
Let's go to my place.
362
00:15:27,303 --> 00:15:29,303
For you.
363
00:15:31,632 --> 00:15:33,965
Come on. Come on.
364
00:15:38,891 --> 00:15:42,191
It must be the way he says it.
365
00:15:43,221 --> 00:15:45,254
Boy, this champagne
is terrific, huh?
366
00:15:45,285 --> 00:15:46,918
I wonder what kind it is.
367
00:15:48,515 --> 00:15:51,115
Del Monte.
368
00:15:51,145 --> 00:15:53,112
My name is Paul.
369
00:15:53,144 --> 00:15:54,944
I write for Art News.
370
00:15:54,975 --> 00:15:57,075
Oh, I'm Alex.
371
00:15:57,106 --> 00:15:58,473
What do you do, Alex?
372
00:15:58,505 --> 00:16:01,338
Oh, this and that.
373
00:16:01,369 --> 00:16:02,736
Sounds interesting.
374
00:16:02,768 --> 00:16:04,867
This and that what?
375
00:16:04,897 --> 00:16:06,531
I, uh...
376
00:16:06,564 --> 00:16:08,664
sort of free-lance.
377
00:16:08,695 --> 00:16:11,161
Oh, you're a free-lance painter.
378
00:16:11,192 --> 00:16:12,359
No.
379
00:16:12,391 --> 00:16:13,558
Alex.
380
00:16:13,590 --> 00:16:16,856
Okay, Elaine, you win.
381
00:16:16,885 --> 00:16:19,052
I put out oil fires.
382
00:16:20,749 --> 00:16:21,948
I beg your pardon?
383
00:16:21,980 --> 00:16:23,947
When an oil well
catches on fire
384
00:16:23,979 --> 00:16:25,146
they call me in to put it out.
385
00:16:25,179 --> 00:16:26,346
Sounds dangerous.
386
00:16:26,377 --> 00:16:28,744
Yeah, well, I only get
the easy ones.
387
00:16:28,775 --> 00:16:31,608
You see, the main thing that got
me into this line of work...
388
00:16:31,639 --> 00:16:34,339
Oh, I'm sorry.
Just reflex.
389
00:16:34,369 --> 00:16:36,469
You see, uh...
390
00:16:36,500 --> 00:16:37,866
Actually, the thing that
pulled me
391
00:16:37,898 --> 00:16:40,699
into being
an oil-fire putter-outer
392
00:16:40,730 --> 00:16:42,697
is that it never gets boring.
393
00:16:42,727 --> 00:16:45,093
Nope. All holocausts
may look alike
394
00:16:45,124 --> 00:16:48,291
but each one has
a personality all its own.
395
00:16:48,321 --> 00:16:51,721
If you'll excuse me, I'd like to
freshen my drink for a moment,
396
00:16:51,751 --> 00:16:52,950
I'll be right back.
397
00:16:55,248 --> 00:16:56,348
Thanks, Alex.
398
00:16:56,379 --> 00:16:58,479
I know that wasn't
easy for you.
399
00:16:58,511 --> 00:17:00,210
Easier than I thought.
400
00:17:00,243 --> 00:17:02,610
It's just your luck for
this party I watched
401
00:17:02,641 --> 00:17:03,840
Search for Adventure.
402
00:17:03,872 --> 00:17:06,773
I've never been the life of a
party before like this.
403
00:17:06,802 --> 00:17:09,236
I sort of like fudging.
404
00:17:09,832 --> 00:17:11,333
Do you really fight fires?
405
00:17:11,364 --> 00:17:12,531
Oh, yes, yes.
406
00:17:12,563 --> 00:17:13,764
Yes, yes.
407
00:17:14,695 --> 00:17:18,361
What is the biggest
fire you ever put out?
408
00:17:18,391 --> 00:17:22,491
Well, actually, I had
12 wells go up at one time.
409
00:17:22,520 --> 00:17:24,786
I'm Rita.
410
00:17:24,817 --> 00:17:26,351
I'm Alex.
411
00:17:28,247 --> 00:17:31,180
Aren't there a lot
of phonies here?
412
00:17:37,205 --> 00:17:38,372
I know.
413
00:17:38,404 --> 00:17:41,304
Do you mind if I say
something candid?
414
00:17:41,334 --> 00:17:43,701
If it's about the champagne,
I had nothing to do with it.
415
00:17:43,732 --> 00:17:45,998
I find you very attractive.
416
00:17:46,030 --> 00:17:48,030
I appreciate your candor.
417
00:17:48,060 --> 00:17:50,927
I don't usually say
things like that to guys.
418
00:17:50,957 --> 00:17:52,424
I hope you don't mind.
419
00:17:52,457 --> 00:17:54,624
Well, I'll forgive you
if you'll forgive
420
00:17:54,655 --> 00:17:57,388
the cheer I'm about
to deafen you with.
421
00:17:59,416 --> 00:18:02,016
Have dinner with me
after the party.
422
00:18:02,046 --> 00:18:03,513
At least.
423
00:18:03,546 --> 00:18:05,512
A brief dinner.
424
00:18:05,544 --> 00:18:07,776
( doorbell ringing )
425
00:18:18,664 --> 00:18:20,631
Alex...
that guy is the same guy
426
00:18:20,661 --> 00:18:22,228
I had the fight with in front of
the gallery the other night.
427
00:18:22,260 --> 00:18:23,493
Really? That's nice.
428
00:18:23,525 --> 00:18:24,658
In my cab.
429
00:18:24,692 --> 00:18:26,857
Elaine, please.
430
00:18:26,888 --> 00:18:30,055
He must be a friend
of Mrs. Hazeltine's.
431
00:18:30,085 --> 00:18:31,718
Oh, no. No.
432
00:18:31,749 --> 00:18:33,450
Elaine, I'd like you
433
00:18:33,481 --> 00:18:36,281
to meet my very dear friend,
James Broderick.
434
00:18:36,313 --> 00:18:37,845
How do you do?
435
00:18:37,877 --> 00:18:39,644
We've met.
436
00:18:39,677 --> 00:18:40,376
We have?
437
00:18:40,408 --> 00:18:41,774
Haven't we?
438
00:18:41,806 --> 00:18:43,773
I'm sorry, I
don't place you.
439
00:18:43,804 --> 00:18:45,071
Oh.
440
00:18:45,102 --> 00:18:46,369
My mistake.
441
00:18:46,402 --> 00:18:47,635
Well, I'm so glad
that you've come.
442
00:18:47,668 --> 00:18:50,700
Would you help yourself
to some refreshments?
443
00:18:50,730 --> 00:18:51,931
Thank you.
444
00:18:53,662 --> 00:18:55,128
He didn't recognize me.
445
00:18:55,160 --> 00:18:56,394
That's terrific.
446
00:18:56,426 --> 00:18:58,193
He looked right
into my face
447
00:18:58,224 --> 00:18:59,790
and there was
no sign of recognition.
448
00:18:59,821 --> 00:19:01,189
He didn't know me.
He didn't know me?
449
00:19:01,221 --> 00:19:03,421
Elaine, what
are you doing?
450
00:19:03,451 --> 00:19:04,784
I'll never
forget him. Never.
451
00:19:04,816 --> 00:19:06,284
I mean, we really had a fight.
452
00:19:06,316 --> 00:19:08,616
I can't believe
he looked through me like that.
453
00:19:08,647 --> 00:19:11,013
I was nothing to him,
just a faceless cab driver.
454
00:19:11,044 --> 00:19:12,144
Elaine, please.
455
00:19:12,176 --> 00:19:13,342
He needs a reminder.
456
00:19:13,375 --> 00:19:15,008
Elaine, now, a lot of people
aren't happy
457
00:19:15,039 --> 00:19:16,805
unless they screw things up
that are really going well.
458
00:19:16,837 --> 00:19:18,538
Now, this is a very nice party.
459
00:19:18,570 --> 00:19:20,936
I mean, these people are
very important to you.
460
00:19:20,967 --> 00:19:23,001
I'm even trying to enjoy myself.
461
00:19:23,032 --> 00:19:26,299
Elaine, why don't you
just forget it, hmm?
462
00:19:26,328 --> 00:19:28,694
Elaine. Take a deep breath.
463
00:19:30,558 --> 00:19:31,757
Take a deeper one.
464
00:19:33,753 --> 00:19:34,987
That's my girl.
465
00:19:35,019 --> 00:19:36,186
Thanks.
466
00:19:36,218 --> 00:19:39,485
So you don't
remember me, huh?!
467
00:19:41,845 --> 00:19:43,012
Sure, I do.
468
00:19:43,044 --> 00:19:45,178
I just met you
30 seconds ago.
469
00:19:45,209 --> 00:19:48,009
I picked you up in my taxi
470
00:19:48,039 --> 00:19:50,173
four nights ago
on Madison Avenue.
471
00:19:50,204 --> 00:19:52,204
She's a taxi driver.
472
00:19:59,162 --> 00:20:01,129
And you accused me
of trying
473
00:20:01,159 --> 00:20:02,859
to cheat you on a fare.
474
00:20:02,891 --> 00:20:03,958
That was you?
475
00:20:03,990 --> 00:20:05,190
That was me.
476
00:20:05,223 --> 00:20:08,456
How can you yell into a face
for 15 minutes
477
00:20:08,486 --> 00:20:10,352
and then forget the face you
yelled into?
478
00:20:10,384 --> 00:20:11,984
Do you really mean it?
479
00:20:12,015 --> 00:20:13,583
You're a cab driver?
480
00:20:13,646 --> 00:20:14,813
Yes, I am.
481
00:20:14,846 --> 00:20:17,179
I was right.
482
00:20:17,211 --> 00:20:20,478
I find that rather
hard to believe.
483
00:20:20,507 --> 00:20:22,107
Well, I am.
484
00:20:22,138 --> 00:20:23,838
Alex and I are
both cab drivers.
485
00:20:28,698 --> 00:20:31,532
What do you do
for a living?
486
00:20:31,563 --> 00:20:32,795
Excuse me.
487
00:20:38,688 --> 00:20:39,855
Alex?
488
00:20:39,886 --> 00:20:41,786
Don't talk
to me, Elaine.
489
00:20:41,819 --> 00:20:45,119
You're going to stay here
till we're friends again.
490
00:20:45,149 --> 00:20:48,183
Then we'll both
grow old together.
491
00:20:48,212 --> 00:20:50,379
Well, if it means
anything to you
492
00:20:50,410 --> 00:20:51,410
I just want you to know
493
00:20:51,443 --> 00:20:53,176
that I will always be grateful
that you taught me
494
00:20:53,207 --> 00:20:55,441
to simply tell the truth.
Elaine.
495
00:20:55,472 --> 00:20:57,838
I only wish the truth
worked for you too.
496
00:20:57,868 --> 00:21:01,302
I'm not going
to talk to you about it.
497
00:21:01,332 --> 00:21:03,433
At least yell at me.
498
00:21:03,463 --> 00:21:05,396
That will make
you feel better.
499
00:21:06,826 --> 00:21:09,360
You're not going
to talk about it.
500
00:21:09,391 --> 00:21:11,757
Nope. I'm just
going to sit here
501
00:21:11,789 --> 00:21:13,489
and drink your champagne.
502
00:21:19,946 --> 00:21:21,613
What I don't
understand is--
503
00:21:21,645 --> 00:21:23,712
what's the big deal
about it?
504
00:21:23,743 --> 00:21:25,210
I'll tell you what's the big
deal about it.
505
00:21:25,242 --> 00:21:28,641
A man waits all his life
for a woman like that.
506
00:21:28,670 --> 00:21:30,537
What's so great about her?
507
00:21:30,568 --> 00:21:32,336
What's so great about her?
508
00:21:32,368 --> 00:21:36,268
She's the kind of woman
only firefighters get.
509
00:21:36,297 --> 00:21:38,264
She just walks up to you
510
00:21:38,294 --> 00:21:41,461
looks you straight
in the eye and says--
511
00:21:41,492 --> 00:21:43,858
"Do you mind
if I say something candid?
512
00:21:43,888 --> 00:21:45,455
"I find you
very attractive.
513
00:21:45,488 --> 00:21:47,854
"I don't usually
say things like that.
514
00:21:47,885 --> 00:21:50,785
I hope you don't mind."
515
00:21:50,815 --> 00:21:53,182
It sounded better
when she said it.
516
00:21:53,213 --> 00:21:55,213
It sounded like
once in a lifetime
517
00:21:55,245 --> 00:21:56,611
when she said it.
518
00:21:56,642 --> 00:21:59,776
It sounded terrible
when she stopped saying it.
519
00:21:59,805 --> 00:22:01,039
You know, I have a feeling
520
00:22:01,071 --> 00:22:03,038
you're gonna hear
from her again.
521
00:22:03,069 --> 00:22:06,769
Yeah, I could sort of tell
from the way she acted towards the end.
522
00:22:06,799 --> 00:22:10,632
She called me garbage.
523
00:22:10,662 --> 00:22:11,862
There you go.
524
00:22:11,894 --> 00:22:14,928
Hey, you know how women
feel about garbage.
525
00:22:14,958 --> 00:22:16,325
Always wondering if what
526
00:22:16,357 --> 00:22:18,323
you've thrown out was important
527
00:22:18,355 --> 00:22:20,254
so you start digging through it
until you find it again.
528
00:22:20,286 --> 00:22:22,652
Elaine, don't try to make me
feel better, okay?
529
00:22:22,683 --> 00:22:24,750
Let's just go back
to my sitting here
530
00:22:24,781 --> 00:22:27,015
and you looking at me...
feeling awful.
531
00:22:29,143 --> 00:22:34,377
She spit on my shoes.
532
00:22:34,405 --> 00:22:36,305
What I really feel bad about
533
00:22:36,336 --> 00:22:39,369
is how great everything
turned out for me...
534
00:22:39,400 --> 00:22:42,434
people admiring the way
I hold down two jobs
535
00:22:42,463 --> 00:22:43,830
to support my family.
536
00:22:43,861 --> 00:22:46,295
They're saying how great I am,
you know
537
00:22:46,327 --> 00:22:49,160
and how terrific
and open and honest I am
538
00:22:49,189 --> 00:22:51,222
for telling people
I'm a cab driver.
539
00:22:51,254 --> 00:22:54,287
Even that fare turned out
to be a great guy
540
00:22:54,318 --> 00:22:55,850
forcing that tip on me?
541
00:22:55,883 --> 00:22:58,482
This is going
to pay for the party.
542
00:22:58,513 --> 00:23:00,414
I'm leaving.
543
00:23:00,478 --> 00:23:01,845
Alex, please forgive me.
544
00:23:01,877 --> 00:23:06,144
I can't believe
you won't forgive me.
545
00:23:06,173 --> 00:23:08,173
I'll die if you don't
forgive me.
546
00:23:10,534 --> 00:23:11,701
Oh, Alex.
547
00:23:11,733 --> 00:23:13,733
You're maybe my best friend.
548
00:23:20,658 --> 00:23:21,658
I forgive you.
549
00:23:29,182 --> 00:23:30,349
You mean it?
550
00:23:30,382 --> 00:23:32,282
I don't know with
those wild stories
551
00:23:32,313 --> 00:23:34,280
you're telling,
you know?
552
00:23:34,311 --> 00:23:35,510
Yes, I mean it.
553
00:23:35,542 --> 00:23:37,910
From now on, I'm going
to have to go back
554
00:23:37,941 --> 00:23:40,141
to telling the truth,
only the truth.
555
00:23:42,003 --> 00:23:44,969
Thank you for inviting me
to your party, Elaine.
556
00:23:45,000 --> 00:23:46,200
I had a wonderful time.
557
00:23:56,059 --> 00:23:58,992
( theme music playing )
558
00:24:23,155 --> 00:24:24,922
WOMAN:
Night, Mr. Walters.
559
00:24:24,959 --> 00:24:26,059
( grunts )
560
00:24:26,109 --> 00:24:30,659
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