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1
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This is the story of two sisters,
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00:00:05,572 --> 00:00:08,073
Jessica Tate
3
00:00:08,074 --> 00:00:10,409
and Mary Campbell.
4
00:00:10,410 --> 00:00:13,912
These are the Tates,
5
00:00:13,913 --> 00:00:17,716
and these are the Campbells
6
00:00:17,717 --> 00:00:20,286
and this is Soap.
7
00:00:48,348 --> 00:00:50,349
Oh, God! Why?
8
00:00:50,350 --> 00:00:51,851
Why, Jessica?
9
00:00:53,353 --> 00:00:54,353
What is keeping Daddy?
10
00:00:54,354 --> 00:00:56,855
He's been at the Foreign
Affairs Office for hours.
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00:00:56,856 --> 00:00:58,357
Eunice, don't go crackers, okay?
12
00:00:58,358 --> 00:01:00,359
These things take time.
13
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Let's just hope for the best.
Everything's gonna be fine.
14
00:01:02,362 --> 00:01:05,364
I do not go crackers.
15
00:01:07,867 --> 00:01:10,369
I just hope this
abduction isn't serious.
16
00:01:10,370 --> 00:01:11,870
Begging your pardon,
17
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but I don't think there's such
a thing as a trivial abduction.
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00:01:14,874 --> 00:01:16,875
I just wish that there
was something we could do
19
00:01:16,876 --> 00:01:17,876
besides sit and wait.
20
00:01:17,877 --> 00:01:18,877
Poppycock.
21
00:01:18,878 --> 00:01:20,379
What?
22
00:01:20,380 --> 00:01:22,881
I said balderdash.
23
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Sit and wait, indeed.
24
00:01:24,884 --> 00:01:28,387
That's the kind of talk that led
to the occupation of France.
25
00:01:28,388 --> 00:01:30,389
We must fight.
26
00:01:30,390 --> 00:01:32,891
Send in a thousand troops
27
00:01:32,892 --> 00:01:34,893
and storm the beach.
28
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I'll call Ike.
29
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Major,
30
00:01:37,897 --> 00:01:39,398
Eisenhower is dead.
31
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Then I'll call Mamie.
32
00:01:41,401 --> 00:01:43,402
Mamie is no general.
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Yes, but what a dancer.
34
00:01:49,409 --> 00:01:51,410
Daddy!
Dad! What's up?
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It's not good.
36
00:01:52,412 --> 00:01:53,412
"It's not good"?
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00:01:53,413 --> 00:01:54,913
Oh, God, Eunice,
did you hear that?
38
00:01:54,914 --> 00:01:55,914
It's not good.
39
00:01:57,417 --> 00:01:58,917
What is it, Daddy?
40
00:01:58,918 --> 00:02:01,420
We're all going to have to be
strong now, Eunice.
41
00:02:01,421 --> 00:02:02,921
Is your name Daddy?
42
00:02:02,922 --> 00:02:05,424
Would you just tell us
for God sakes?
43
00:02:05,425 --> 00:02:06,425
What is it, Daddy?
44
00:02:06,426 --> 00:02:07,426
Is Mother alive?
45
00:02:07,427 --> 00:02:08,427
All right, all right.
46
00:02:08,428 --> 00:02:10,929
Calm down and sit down
all of you.
47
00:02:10,930 --> 00:02:15,434
The ex-dictator
of Malaguay,
48
00:02:15,435 --> 00:02:19,438
Carlos "El Puerco" Valdez
49
00:02:19,439 --> 00:02:20,939
escaped from the plane
50
00:02:20,940 --> 00:02:23,442
that was taking him back
to his homeland to be executed.
51
00:02:23,443 --> 00:02:25,944
He and his band
of right-wing rebels
52
00:02:25,945 --> 00:02:27,946
are holding your mother hostage.
53
00:02:27,947 --> 00:02:29,948
Daddy, we already know that.
54
00:02:29,949 --> 00:02:31,950
Well, I beg your pardon.
55
00:02:31,951 --> 00:02:34,953
Who am I, Sander Van Oquirrh?
56
00:02:34,954 --> 00:02:36,955
When they know something,
I'll know something.
57
00:02:36,956 --> 00:02:39,958
Well, when will we know more?
58
00:02:39,959 --> 00:02:40,959
When they do!
59
00:02:40,960 --> 00:02:43,462
Well, when will that be?
60
00:02:43,463 --> 00:02:44,463
I don't know.
61
00:02:44,464 --> 00:02:45,965
Leave me alone.
62
00:02:47,467 --> 00:02:48,467
Okay, that's it.
63
00:02:48,468 --> 00:02:49,968
I've had it.
I'm going.
64
00:02:49,969 --> 00:02:50,970
Don't be out late.
65
00:02:51,971 --> 00:02:53,472
Billy, where are you going?
66
00:02:53,473 --> 00:02:54,473
I'm going to find Mom.
67
00:02:54,474 --> 00:02:55,974
Billy, you can't.
68
00:02:55,975 --> 00:02:56,975
Yes, I can.
69
00:02:56,976 --> 00:02:58,477
But that is crazy.
70
00:02:58,478 --> 00:03:00,479
Oh, and sitting around here
beating on each other,
71
00:03:00,480 --> 00:03:01,480
that's not crazy?
72
00:03:01,481 --> 00:03:03,482
Oh, Chester, stop him.
73
00:03:03,483 --> 00:03:05,484
Oh, you just stay out of this.
74
00:03:05,485 --> 00:03:06,985
Oh, wait a minute,
I know what you...
75
00:03:06,986 --> 00:03:08,487
That's it, I've had it.
76
00:03:08,488 --> 00:03:09,988
You're bickering. I'm going.
77
00:03:09,989 --> 00:03:11,990
Billy, you can't find her.
78
00:03:11,991 --> 00:03:13,492
At least I could try.
79
00:03:13,493 --> 00:03:15,494
Young man, you are not leaving
this house. I forbid it.
80
00:03:15,495 --> 00:03:17,496
Dad, I'm afraid,
you don't have a choice.
81
00:03:17,497 --> 00:03:19,998
You see, while you were running
in and out of your pool houses,
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00:03:19,999 --> 00:03:21,500
I became 18.
83
00:03:22,001 --> 00:03:23,002
When?
84
00:03:24,504 --> 00:03:25,504
Last year.
85
00:03:25,505 --> 00:03:27,506
You're not 18.
86
00:03:27,507 --> 00:03:29,508
Yeah, Dad, I am, and I'm going.
87
00:03:29,509 --> 00:03:31,510
Billy, this is dangerous.
88
00:03:31,511 --> 00:03:32,511
I'll be okay.
89
00:03:32,512 --> 00:03:34,513
Be careful, please.
90
00:03:34,514 --> 00:03:37,416
You may be 18,
but you're still my kid.
91
00:03:37,417 --> 00:03:38,917
Saunders, can't you
say something?
92
00:03:38,918 --> 00:03:40,419
Billy listens to you.
93
00:03:40,420 --> 00:03:41,420
I could, yes.
94
00:03:41,421 --> 00:03:42,921
Well, please, Saunders.
95
00:03:42,922 --> 00:03:43,922
But I won't.
96
00:03:43,923 --> 00:03:44,923
Why not?
97
00:03:44,924 --> 00:03:46,925
All I know is,
if my mother were missing
98
00:03:46,926 --> 00:03:50,429
I'd spend the rest of
my lifetime to find her.
99
00:03:50,430 --> 00:03:51,931
Me too.
100
00:03:52,932 --> 00:03:54,433
Where is your mother now?
101
00:03:54,434 --> 00:03:56,936
I haven't the foggiest.
102
00:04:16,889 --> 00:04:18,890
Uh, Maggie Chandler?
103
00:04:18,891 --> 00:04:20,892
What does it say on the door?
104
00:04:20,893 --> 00:04:21,893
Maggie Chandler.
105
00:04:21,894 --> 00:04:24,396
You think I walked into
the wrong office this morning?
106
00:04:24,397 --> 00:04:26,632
Oh. So much for small talk.
107
00:04:27,700 --> 00:04:30,202
Have a seat,
I'll be with you in a sec.
108
00:04:31,204 --> 00:04:33,705
You're the guy
with the missing kid?
109
00:04:33,706 --> 00:04:34,706
Yes.
110
00:04:34,707 --> 00:04:36,508
Why didn't you eat this morning?
111
00:04:36,509 --> 00:04:38,577
I wasn't hungry...
How did you know?
112
00:04:38,578 --> 00:04:42,581
You've been eyeing my Danish
ever since you walked in here.
113
00:04:42,582 --> 00:04:44,249
Very quick.
114
00:04:44,250 --> 00:04:46,718
You're not getting any.
115
00:04:46,719 --> 00:04:50,222
I've got you eating out of
the palm of my hand, huh?
116
00:04:50,223 --> 00:04:51,724
Queens.
117
00:04:52,725 --> 00:04:53,726
Excuse me?
118
00:04:55,228 --> 00:04:56,728
Your accent,
119
00:04:56,729 --> 00:04:59,231
Queens with a touch
of Manhattan mixed in.
120
00:04:59,232 --> 00:05:01,466
You probably live in
Connecticut,
121
00:05:01,467 --> 00:05:02,434
and you play a lot of ball.
122
00:05:02,435 --> 00:05:04,303
You don't smoke,
you don't have any cats,
123
00:05:04,304 --> 00:05:06,239
and you live with
your mother, correct?
124
00:05:08,708 --> 00:05:10,208
That's amazing.
125
00:05:10,209 --> 00:05:11,710
Nothing to it.
126
00:05:11,711 --> 00:05:13,879
See that nasal tone
in your voice
127
00:05:13,880 --> 00:05:14,946
is a fifty-fifty mix
128
00:05:14,947 --> 00:05:16,948
of New York working man
and New York intellectual,
129
00:05:16,949 --> 00:05:18,950
hence the Queens and Manhattan.
130
00:05:18,951 --> 00:05:21,953
The whiny quality
is obviously Connecticut.
131
00:05:21,954 --> 00:05:24,256
You've got the body
of a second basemen,
132
00:05:24,257 --> 00:05:26,258
I don't smell tobacco smoke
on your clothes,
133
00:05:26,259 --> 00:05:27,759
there's no cat fuzz
on your pants,
134
00:05:27,760 --> 00:05:29,761
and your address
is a family neighborhood.
135
00:05:29,762 --> 00:05:32,631
No smoking, no cats and Mama.
136
00:05:34,367 --> 00:05:35,934
I whine?
137
00:05:35,935 --> 00:05:37,903
Well, I didn't say
it wasn't pleasant.
138
00:05:37,904 --> 00:05:40,572
I don't whine.
139
00:05:40,573 --> 00:05:42,240
Can I see the transcript?
140
00:05:42,241 --> 00:05:44,309
The hearing, remember?
141
00:05:44,310 --> 00:05:45,310
Oh, I'm sorry.
142
00:05:45,311 --> 00:05:46,812
Thank you.
143
00:05:46,813 --> 00:05:49,414
- Okay.
- Carol David.
144
00:05:49,415 --> 00:05:52,017
A cupcake.
145
00:05:52,018 --> 00:05:53,251
Excuse me?
146
00:05:53,252 --> 00:05:54,653
You're a cupcake?
147
00:05:54,654 --> 00:05:56,589
A fruit bowl.
148
00:05:57,590 --> 00:05:58,590
You're gay?
149
00:05:58,591 --> 00:06:00,058
Oh, yes.
150
00:06:00,059 --> 00:06:01,259
And you got custody?
151
00:06:01,260 --> 00:06:02,194
That's right.
152
00:06:02,195 --> 00:06:04,329
Was the judge a fruit bowl too?
153
00:06:04,330 --> 00:06:07,399
Listen, Chandler, if you don't
want to help me that's okay,
154
00:06:07,400 --> 00:06:09,401
but I did not come here
to be insulted,
155
00:06:09,402 --> 00:06:10,902
so let's just forget
the whole thing, okay?
156
00:06:10,903 --> 00:06:12,404
Sit.
157
00:06:14,407 --> 00:06:16,408
You know, Dallas, I like you.
158
00:06:16,409 --> 00:06:18,410
You've got spunk and savvy.
159
00:06:18,411 --> 00:06:21,413
I usually get hassled
a lot by male clients.
160
00:06:21,414 --> 00:06:22,915
I don't smoke.
161
00:06:24,917 --> 00:06:27,052
You know, they see me,
what the hell?
162
00:06:27,053 --> 00:06:29,054
You're different.
163
00:06:29,055 --> 00:06:30,389
I trust you.
164
00:06:30,390 --> 00:06:31,523
Oh, I'm flattered.
165
00:06:31,524 --> 00:06:32,591
Besides, you're a cupcake,
166
00:06:32,592 --> 00:06:34,493
so what's to fear?
167
00:06:34,494 --> 00:06:35,994
Look Chandler, I don't...
168
00:06:35,995 --> 00:06:37,996
Oh, this girl hangs out
with cowboys?
169
00:06:37,997 --> 00:06:40,198
Yeah, she's a rodeo groupie.
170
00:06:40,199 --> 00:06:41,199
Stable girl.
171
00:06:43,002 --> 00:06:44,302
No pun intended.
172
00:06:44,303 --> 00:06:45,370
Good.
173
00:06:45,371 --> 00:06:47,873
Okay, well, what I have to do
174
00:06:47,874 --> 00:06:49,875
is get a line
on the rodeo circuit,
175
00:06:49,876 --> 00:06:52,878
start following it around
until I find her.
176
00:06:52,879 --> 00:06:53,879
Good.
I'm coming with you.
177
00:06:53,880 --> 00:06:56,381
No dice. You'd just be
a pain in the rump.
178
00:06:56,382 --> 00:06:58,049
I'm coming.
179
00:06:58,050 --> 00:07:01,620
Listen, Dallas, I get 75 bucks
a day, plus expenses.
180
00:07:01,621 --> 00:07:04,122
I do things my way,
and I travel alone.
181
00:07:04,123 --> 00:07:05,957
It says so on the card.
182
00:07:05,958 --> 00:07:08,660
If I pay the money,
I make the rules.
183
00:07:08,661 --> 00:07:10,729
Dallas, there are obvious
problems that come about
184
00:07:10,730 --> 00:07:12,731
with a man and a woman
traveling around together.
185
00:07:12,732 --> 00:07:14,399
I don't need the hassle.
186
00:07:14,400 --> 00:07:15,467
What hassle?
187
00:07:15,468 --> 00:07:17,436
I'm a cupcake, remember?
188
00:07:18,438 --> 00:07:19,438
You've got a point.
189
00:07:19,439 --> 00:07:21,940
Okay. What the hell?
190
00:07:21,941 --> 00:07:22,941
Agreed.
191
00:07:22,942 --> 00:07:23,942
When do we leave?
192
00:07:23,943 --> 00:07:24,944
Now is fine.
193
00:07:39,719 --> 00:07:41,359
Come on, come on.
You gotta eat something.
194
00:07:41,360 --> 00:07:43,361
I can't look at food.
It makes me sick.
195
00:07:44,363 --> 00:07:45,364
Wendy, Wendy!
196
00:07:46,866 --> 00:07:48,700
Hey, Burt, listen to this.
197
00:07:48,701 --> 00:07:50,268
I don't want to hear it.
198
00:07:50,269 --> 00:07:52,771
"From what depths of degradation
199
00:07:52,772 --> 00:07:55,707
"does Sheriff Campbell
and his family spring?
200
00:07:55,708 --> 00:07:59,177
This moral leaper has..."
201
00:07:59,178 --> 00:08:01,179
"Leaper"?
202
00:08:01,180 --> 00:08:03,682
I think that's probably "leper,"
Danny.
203
00:08:05,117 --> 00:08:06,118
Oh, yeah.
204
00:08:07,119 --> 00:08:10,121
"This moral leper has flown
in the face of decency,
205
00:08:10,122 --> 00:08:12,090
"and corrupted his
own step sun...
206
00:08:12,091 --> 00:08:14,593
"stepson.
207
00:08:14,594 --> 00:08:17,496
Can we doubt he will
corrupt our community?"
208
00:08:17,497 --> 00:08:19,432
Yeah, that's a point.
209
00:08:22,235 --> 00:08:24,636
You read aloud really...
very, very, good, Dan.
210
00:08:24,637 --> 00:08:26,104
Thanks.
211
00:08:26,105 --> 00:08:28,607
"We have have always been
a liberal newspaper,
212
00:08:28,608 --> 00:08:31,610
"but, in our opinion,
we should bring back the ayn...
213
00:08:31,611 --> 00:08:32,611
"Ancient."
214
00:08:32,612 --> 00:08:35,615
"...ancient practice of stoning
for these scoundrels."
215
00:08:37,617 --> 00:08:40,118
I wonder what the conservative
newspapers are saying.
216
00:08:40,119 --> 00:08:42,120
I don't care!
217
00:08:42,121 --> 00:08:43,622
I just want to make
some hot milk here.
218
00:08:43,623 --> 00:08:45,123
I can't sleep.
219
00:08:45,124 --> 00:08:46,625
And when you can't sleep,
you go crazy,
220
00:08:46,626 --> 00:08:49,628
and the thought of going crazy
is making me very crazy.
221
00:08:49,629 --> 00:08:51,630
Oh, who can eat?
222
00:08:51,631 --> 00:08:53,131
Bob's not eating, either.
223
00:08:53,132 --> 00:08:54,633
Danny,
224
00:08:54,634 --> 00:08:57,636
he can't eat.
225
00:08:57,637 --> 00:08:59,104
I know.
226
00:08:59,105 --> 00:09:00,606
That's the problem.
227
00:09:02,441 --> 00:09:03,942
No, that's not the problem.
228
00:09:03,943 --> 00:09:04,943
Tibbs is the problem.
229
00:09:04,944 --> 00:09:06,945
No, that's not the problem
230
00:09:06,946 --> 00:09:09,381
because I know how
to deal with him.
231
00:09:09,382 --> 00:09:10,782
We shell him.
232
00:09:10,783 --> 00:09:13,051
"Shell him"?
233
00:09:13,052 --> 00:09:14,553
Like a peanut?
234
00:09:14,554 --> 00:09:16,054
No, no, no, no, no.
235
00:09:16,055 --> 00:09:18,056
We shell his headquarters
with bazookas,
236
00:09:18,057 --> 00:09:20,559
and when he comes
running out we grab him.
237
00:09:20,560 --> 00:09:23,061
Danny, we can't go around
shelling buildings.
238
00:09:23,062 --> 00:09:24,563
What about the other
people inside?
239
00:09:24,564 --> 00:09:26,565
We evacuate them.
240
00:09:26,566 --> 00:09:30,068
We don't know where Tibbs'
headquarters are.
241
00:09:30,069 --> 00:09:33,072
We could ask the people
that we evacuated.
242
00:09:37,076 --> 00:09:40,078
Oh, Mare, it's so nice
to see you awake.
243
00:09:40,079 --> 00:09:41,079
The baby woke me.
244
00:09:41,080 --> 00:09:43,081
As soon as we both have
our little snack,
245
00:09:43,082 --> 00:09:44,583
it's nappy naptime.
246
00:09:44,584 --> 00:09:47,586
Please, you can't just
sleep and eat.
247
00:09:47,587 --> 00:09:50,589
Burt, this is
a very good system.
248
00:09:50,590 --> 00:09:52,090
I think the baby's
on to something.
249
00:09:52,091 --> 00:09:53,091
Mary, now listen to me.
250
00:09:53,092 --> 00:09:54,593
Please, now Mary, listen to me.
251
00:09:54,594 --> 00:09:56,094
You're escaping reality.
252
00:09:56,095 --> 00:09:57,596
I know.
253
00:09:57,597 --> 00:09:59,097
It's because I hate it.
254
00:09:59,098 --> 00:10:01,600
Wendy's kidnapped,
you're being blackmailed.
255
00:10:01,601 --> 00:10:04,603
If this was a movie,
I'd walk out.
256
00:10:04,604 --> 00:10:05,604
Ah, oh, good!
257
00:10:05,605 --> 00:10:06,605
I'm sleepy.
258
00:10:08,107 --> 00:10:09,107
I'll get it.
259
00:10:09,108 --> 00:10:10,108
No.
260
00:10:10,109 --> 00:10:12,611
I'll get it.
261
00:10:12,612 --> 00:10:14,613
Hello?
262
00:10:14,614 --> 00:10:17,116
Yes, this is Sheriff Campbell.
263
00:10:20,586 --> 00:10:23,088
Well, I'm glad you got
that off your chest.
264
00:10:23,089 --> 00:10:24,090
Bye-bye.
265
00:10:26,926 --> 00:10:30,428
Just some lady calling to tell
me that I nauseate her.
266
00:10:30,429 --> 00:10:33,431
I don't suppose she had any news
about Wendy then, huh?
267
00:10:33,432 --> 00:10:36,434
Sorry, Dan,
I never thought to ask.
268
00:10:36,435 --> 00:10:37,936
Hi, everybody.
269
00:10:37,937 --> 00:10:38,937
Did you find her?
270
00:10:38,938 --> 00:10:40,438
Is she okay?
What did you find out?
271
00:10:40,439 --> 00:10:41,439
Nothing.
Not a word.
272
00:10:41,440 --> 00:10:44,442
Oh, God.
Wendy, Wendy, Wendy.
273
00:10:44,443 --> 00:10:47,946
This is Maggie Chandler.
She's a private detective.
274
00:10:52,451 --> 00:10:53,451
Maggie,
275
00:10:53,452 --> 00:10:54,452
this is my mother.
276
00:10:54,453 --> 00:10:55,453
Hello.
277
00:10:55,454 --> 00:10:56,955
Hi.
278
00:10:56,956 --> 00:10:57,956
This is my stepfather, Burt.
279
00:10:57,957 --> 00:10:59,457
How you doing?
How do you do?
280
00:10:59,458 --> 00:11:00,458
He's also the sheriff here.
281
00:11:00,459 --> 00:11:01,960
Yeah for a few more days anyway.
282
00:11:01,961 --> 00:11:03,461
They're trying to
drum us out of office
283
00:11:03,462 --> 00:11:05,931
because we were in bed
with six girls.
284
00:11:09,935 --> 00:11:12,437
Innocently, of course.
285
00:11:12,438 --> 00:11:14,439
It's a very long story.
286
00:11:14,440 --> 00:11:16,441
I can imagine.
287
00:11:16,442 --> 00:11:17,442
That's my brother, Danny.
288
00:11:17,443 --> 00:11:18,443
Hello.
Hi.
289
00:11:18,444 --> 00:11:20,445
And this is
my stepbrother, Chuck.
290
00:11:20,446 --> 00:11:21,946
Hi.
291
00:11:21,947 --> 00:11:23,448
And that's Bob.
292
00:11:26,452 --> 00:11:27,952
Bob, you were introduced
to the lady.
293
00:11:27,953 --> 00:11:28,953
Don't you say hello?
294
00:11:32,458 --> 00:11:33,958
You'll have to forgive Bob.
295
00:11:33,959 --> 00:11:36,461
He hasn't eaten since they
kidnapped his little niece.
296
00:11:36,462 --> 00:11:37,462
Wendy, Wendy...
297
00:11:37,463 --> 00:11:39,964
Dallas, are we by any chance
298
00:11:39,965 --> 00:11:42,467
looking for a wood baby?
299
00:11:42,468 --> 00:11:43,968
No, Wendy is real, really.
300
00:11:43,969 --> 00:11:45,970
Are you sure she didn't
leave of her own accord?
301
00:11:45,971 --> 00:11:47,872
Would you like to see her room?
302
00:11:47,873 --> 00:11:49,340
Yes.
303
00:11:49,341 --> 00:11:51,342
Uh, what good is
seeing her room gonna do?
304
00:11:51,343 --> 00:11:52,844
Looking for clues.
305
00:11:52,845 --> 00:11:55,347
Plus, it'll get us
out of this room.
306
00:11:57,850 --> 00:12:00,352
Another crank call.
I've had it.
307
00:12:01,353 --> 00:12:03,354
Hello, pervert!
308
00:12:03,355 --> 00:12:04,856
That's right.
309
00:12:04,857 --> 00:12:06,858
You are the pervert, not me,
310
00:12:06,859 --> 00:12:07,860
because you are...
311
00:12:09,862 --> 00:12:11,363
Hi, Eunice.
312
00:12:13,866 --> 00:12:14,866
What?
313
00:12:14,867 --> 00:12:16,367
What?
314
00:12:16,368 --> 00:12:18,336
Yes, yes, yes, I am calm.
315
00:12:20,272 --> 00:12:22,273
I am calm, Eunice.
316
00:12:22,274 --> 00:12:23,274
I am very calm.
317
00:12:23,275 --> 00:12:25,276
What do you want?
318
00:12:25,277 --> 00:12:26,277
What...?
319
00:12:26,278 --> 00:12:27,779
Eunice.
320
00:12:27,780 --> 00:12:29,781
Eunice.
321
00:12:29,782 --> 00:12:31,282
Eunice!
322
00:12:31,283 --> 00:12:34,052
Who is that, Eunice?
323
00:12:35,054 --> 00:12:36,522
Oh, my God.
324
00:12:38,023 --> 00:12:39,024
What? Wh...?
325
00:12:40,025 --> 00:12:41,026
Where?
326
00:12:43,028 --> 00:12:44,028
Malaguay?
327
00:12:44,029 --> 00:12:45,530
But who?
328
00:12:45,531 --> 00:12:46,532
Uh...
329
00:12:47,533 --> 00:12:49,033
I am very calm, Eunice.
330
00:12:49,034 --> 00:12:50,034
Yes, all right.
331
00:12:50,035 --> 00:12:52,036
Well, thanks for calling.
332
00:12:52,037 --> 00:12:54,038
I'm calm, Eunice.
333
00:12:54,039 --> 00:12:55,540
Goodbye.
We'll talk later.
334
00:12:58,477 --> 00:13:01,980
You know when Jess landed
on that island?
335
00:13:01,981 --> 00:13:03,481
Some guerillas
came out of the jungle,
336
00:13:03,482 --> 00:13:07,419
boarded the plane,
and carried her off.
337
00:13:08,420 --> 00:13:10,422
Oh, my God!
338
00:13:12,825 --> 00:13:14,827
I saw that in King Kong,
but I...
339
00:13:17,329 --> 00:13:19,831
I didn't think it was possible.
340
00:13:19,832 --> 00:13:21,332
No, Danny.
341
00:13:21,333 --> 00:13:24,335
Danny, "guerillas,"
revolutionaries.
342
00:13:24,336 --> 00:13:26,337
People with guns.
343
00:13:26,338 --> 00:13:27,338
Oh!
344
00:13:27,339 --> 00:13:28,840
They rescued their leader
345
00:13:28,841 --> 00:13:30,308
and they took Jess hostage.
346
00:13:30,309 --> 00:13:32,877
First, Wendy and now Jessica.
347
00:13:32,878 --> 00:13:34,879
Jess!
Oh, God, Jessica.
348
00:13:37,383 --> 00:13:39,884
Oh, now I'm
hyper-ventilating.
349
00:13:53,299 --> 00:13:54,800
Burt.
350
00:13:56,802 --> 00:13:58,303
What are we going to do?
351
00:13:58,304 --> 00:13:59,304
I don't know, Mare,
352
00:13:59,305 --> 00:14:01,806
Malaguay is out of
my jurisdiction.
353
00:14:01,807 --> 00:14:04,309
Burt, you have to do something.
354
00:14:04,310 --> 00:14:05,310
Jessica is in terrible danger.
355
00:14:05,311 --> 00:14:07,812
She just got out of the
hospital. This could kill her.
356
00:14:07,813 --> 00:14:09,814
Mare, why do you always
look on the dark side?
357
00:14:09,815 --> 00:14:11,316
Now, all we know is,
358
00:14:11,317 --> 00:14:13,818
she was taken off the plane
by guys with guns. That's it.
359
00:14:13,819 --> 00:14:15,320
I know what it is.
360
00:14:15,321 --> 00:14:17,822
It's the curse, our curse.
361
00:14:17,823 --> 00:14:20,325
This family is cursed.
362
00:14:20,326 --> 00:14:22,327
Why didn't I think of it before?
363
00:14:22,328 --> 00:14:23,828
We have to do penance.
364
00:14:23,829 --> 00:14:25,830
Wait, Mare, Mare. Come here.
Where are you going?
365
00:14:25,831 --> 00:14:26,831
To church, any church.
366
00:14:26,832 --> 00:14:28,333
Everybody!
Go to church.
367
00:14:28,334 --> 00:14:29,834
Church, let's go to church.
368
00:14:29,835 --> 00:14:31,336
We'll go to church.
369
00:14:31,337 --> 00:14:32,837
You go to the Presbyterian.
370
00:14:32,838 --> 00:14:33,838
You go to the Baptist.
371
00:14:33,839 --> 00:14:35,840
Uh, you take the synagogue.
372
00:14:35,841 --> 00:14:37,342
We've got all bases covered.
373
00:14:37,343 --> 00:14:38,843
I'll get Scotty.
374
00:14:38,844 --> 00:14:40,845
Bob, where do you want to go?
375
00:14:40,846 --> 00:14:42,847
Anywhere but Catholic.
376
00:14:42,848 --> 00:14:44,349
What's wrong with Catholic?
377
00:14:44,350 --> 00:14:45,850
Nothing is wrong with Catholic.
378
00:14:45,851 --> 00:14:47,352
I just can't kneel.
379
00:14:52,324 --> 00:14:53,324
Mrs. Pomeroy,
380
00:14:53,325 --> 00:14:55,326
listen to me for a second,
all right?
381
00:14:55,327 --> 00:14:57,829
I can't arrest your husband just
because he called you a name.
382
00:15:00,260 --> 00:15:02,300
No, I wouldn't say that to my
wife, but, then again,
383
00:15:02,301 --> 00:15:04,803
I have no idea what
your nose looks like.
384
00:15:07,306 --> 00:15:09,807
All right. Have him sleep
on the couch tonight.
385
00:15:09,808 --> 00:15:10,742
Ah, that's good.
386
00:15:10,743 --> 00:15:12,745
All right, then.
Good night, Mrs. Pomeroy.
387
00:15:16,248 --> 00:15:17,749
Hey, Burt.
388
00:15:17,750 --> 00:15:20,251
Danny, I'm glad you're here.
I need some help.
389
00:15:20,252 --> 00:15:22,754
God, I love that.
390
00:15:22,755 --> 00:15:24,622
"I need some help."
391
00:15:24,623 --> 00:15:25,957
I love that, Burt.
392
00:15:25,958 --> 00:15:27,458
Dan...
393
00:15:27,459 --> 00:15:29,460
Sheriff Burt is burning
the midnight oil
394
00:15:29,461 --> 00:15:31,963
and Deputy Dan
is giving him a hand.
395
00:15:31,964 --> 00:15:34,866
I love that, Burt.
396
00:15:34,867 --> 00:15:35,867
Thanks.
397
00:15:35,868 --> 00:15:38,369
Danny, now, I made a decision.
398
00:15:38,370 --> 00:15:39,370
I love that too.
399
00:15:39,371 --> 00:15:42,373
Now, we're going to get Tibbs
by playing his own game.
400
00:15:42,374 --> 00:15:44,375
That I also love.
401
00:15:44,376 --> 00:15:47,378
Danny, you got to go to one of
his massage parlors in disguise
402
00:15:47,379 --> 00:15:49,380
and find the girls
in the pictures.
403
00:15:49,381 --> 00:15:50,782
Why do I have to go?
404
00:15:50,783 --> 00:15:51,717
You're a cop.
405
00:15:51,718 --> 00:15:52,718
We're catching criminals.
406
00:15:52,719 --> 00:15:55,720
You see how that works?
407
00:15:55,721 --> 00:15:57,221
What are you going as?
408
00:15:57,222 --> 00:15:58,723
I don't know.
A businessman.
409
00:15:58,724 --> 00:16:00,224
Can I go as a pirate?
410
00:16:00,225 --> 00:16:01,726
Can I, Burt?
Please, please?
411
00:16:01,727 --> 00:16:03,728
Dan, please, what are you...?
412
00:16:03,729 --> 00:16:05,663
I got the patch and everything.
413
00:16:05,664 --> 00:16:07,231
Danny, what hooker
is gonna sit down
414
00:16:07,232 --> 00:16:08,733
and tell you important
information,
415
00:16:08,734 --> 00:16:11,736
when you're sitting there
with a parrot on your shoulder?
416
00:16:11,737 --> 00:16:14,739
Let's see, I could go as a cop.
417
00:16:14,740 --> 00:16:17,742
You are a cop.
That is the point.
418
00:16:17,743 --> 00:16:20,244
They're not going to spill the
beans to a cop, you got that?
419
00:16:20,245 --> 00:16:22,246
It's the only
other outfit I have.
420
00:16:22,247 --> 00:16:25,750
Danny, undercover, like Serpico.
We gotta go like Serpico.
421
00:16:25,751 --> 00:16:26,751
You mean, uh,
422
00:16:26,752 --> 00:16:29,221
dress up like Italians?
423
00:16:31,223 --> 00:16:32,724
I have to buy a pushcart.
424
00:16:35,094 --> 00:16:38,096
No, no, no. Danny, you can't
draw attention to yourself.
425
00:16:38,097 --> 00:16:40,098
You have to look
like a normal person.
426
00:16:40,099 --> 00:16:42,100
That's not gonna be easy.
427
00:16:46,105 --> 00:16:48,106
Listen to me now.
428
00:16:48,107 --> 00:16:50,608
We got to go to the parlor
on Christmas Street, midnight.
429
00:16:50,609 --> 00:16:52,610
I don't think
we should go together.
430
00:16:52,611 --> 00:16:54,612
So go find an outfit,
and keep it simple.
431
00:16:54,613 --> 00:16:56,114
I can't go.
432
00:16:56,115 --> 00:16:57,448
What do you mean, you can't go?
433
00:16:57,449 --> 00:17:00,418
Well, I've never been
to one of those places before.
434
00:17:00,419 --> 00:17:01,853
I wouldn't know what to say.
435
00:17:01,854 --> 00:17:04,856
Engaging conversation
is not required.
436
00:17:04,857 --> 00:17:07,358
You show them the pictures,
and ask some questions.
437
00:17:07,359 --> 00:17:08,860
And what if,
438
00:17:08,861 --> 00:17:11,295
uh, you know...
439
00:17:11,296 --> 00:17:13,765
What?
440
00:17:13,766 --> 00:17:15,266
What if I get, uh
441
00:17:15,267 --> 00:17:18,202
you know, feel, uh,
442
00:17:18,203 --> 00:17:20,638
you know...
443
00:17:20,639 --> 00:17:22,673
Don't.
444
00:17:22,674 --> 00:17:25,143
Well, what if they get,
445
00:17:25,144 --> 00:17:27,145
uh, you know.
446
00:17:27,146 --> 00:17:28,646
They won't.
They're pros.
447
00:17:28,647 --> 00:17:32,617
Yeah, but I'm cute.
448
00:17:32,618 --> 00:17:37,088
Danny, just ask them if they
know the people in the pictures,
449
00:17:37,089 --> 00:17:38,089
and then get out.
450
00:17:38,090 --> 00:17:39,590
This is crazy.
451
00:17:39,591 --> 00:17:41,092
Dan, it's all we've got.
452
00:17:41,093 --> 00:17:42,593
So we wind up doing exactly
453
00:17:42,594 --> 00:17:46,097
what we're charged with doing
in the first place.
454
00:17:46,098 --> 00:17:49,033
I'll go get my costume.
455
00:17:49,034 --> 00:17:50,535
No pirates.
456
00:17:50,536 --> 00:17:53,037
Hey, hey, hey!
Could I go as God?
457
00:17:53,038 --> 00:17:57,442
How could you
possibly go as God?
458
00:17:57,443 --> 00:17:58,943
Nobody knows what
God looks like.
459
00:17:58,944 --> 00:18:03,448
That's what makes it
such a great disguise.
460
00:18:03,449 --> 00:18:05,918
The wheels are always turning,
Burt.
461
00:18:08,921 --> 00:18:10,855
The wheels are always turning.
462
00:18:10,856 --> 00:18:12,190
The car...
463
00:18:12,191 --> 00:18:13,191
pfft!
464
00:18:13,192 --> 00:18:15,027
Neutral.
465
00:18:22,501 --> 00:18:24,503
Death to El Puerco!
466
00:18:29,007 --> 00:18:31,509
Death to El Puerco!
467
00:18:37,516 --> 00:18:40,518
El, I think I'd better go now.
468
00:18:40,519 --> 00:18:42,019
Red, no, you can't.
469
00:18:42,020 --> 00:18:43,020
They'll kill you.
470
00:18:43,021 --> 00:18:44,021
Oh, don't be silly.
471
00:18:44,022 --> 00:18:45,523
Why would they kill me?
472
00:18:45,524 --> 00:18:47,024
No, Red, you don't...
473
00:18:47,025 --> 00:18:48,526
Red, please stop.
Where are you going?
474
00:18:48,527 --> 00:18:50,027
Red, stop.
475
00:18:50,028 --> 00:18:52,029
Listen to me! They think
you are one of us. Ha!
476
00:18:52,030 --> 00:18:54,031
Yes, they'll torture you,
and starve you,
477
00:18:54,032 --> 00:18:55,533
and pull out your nails,
and beat you.
478
00:18:55,534 --> 00:18:56,534
My nails?
479
00:18:56,535 --> 00:18:58,536
Yes, and then they'll kill you.
480
00:18:58,537 --> 00:19:01,038
But it took me months
to get my nails like this.
481
00:19:01,039 --> 00:19:03,541
Look.
I have no breaks at all.
482
00:19:03,542 --> 00:19:05,042
Red, please get behind
these rocks.
483
00:19:05,043 --> 00:19:06,043
Please, listen to me.
484
00:19:06,044 --> 00:19:08,045
They'll make you talk.
485
00:19:08,046 --> 00:19:09,547
You'll tell them
where our camp is,
486
00:19:09,548 --> 00:19:11,048
how many men we have,
what our plans are.
487
00:19:11,049 --> 00:19:12,550
But I don't know those things.
488
00:19:12,551 --> 00:19:14,051
I mean, I don't know
what your plans are,
489
00:19:14,052 --> 00:19:15,553
and I don't know
where your camp is.
490
00:19:15,554 --> 00:19:17,054
Well, it's in the mountains.
491
00:19:17,055 --> 00:19:19,557
Somewhere in the mountains.
I don't know exactly where.
492
00:19:19,558 --> 00:19:21,058
I think its behind some rocks.
493
00:19:24,062 --> 00:19:27,565
Oh, my God.
494
00:19:27,566 --> 00:19:31,369
Is he dead?
495
00:19:31,370 --> 00:19:32,370
Pretending.
496
00:19:32,371 --> 00:19:33,371
Oh, yes, yes.
497
00:19:33,372 --> 00:19:34,872
They always pretend to be dead
498
00:19:34,873 --> 00:19:36,374
because the enemy
won't shoot them
499
00:19:36,375 --> 00:19:38,376
if they think
they're already dead.
500
00:19:38,377 --> 00:19:40,378
I see.
501
00:19:42,381 --> 00:19:43,381
Oh.
What is it?
502
00:19:43,382 --> 00:19:44,882
I think I've been shot.
503
00:19:47,886 --> 00:19:51,389
Keep calm.
Don't die.
504
00:19:51,390 --> 00:19:52,390
It's all right.
505
00:19:52,391 --> 00:19:54,892
It's just a scratch.
506
00:19:54,893 --> 00:19:59,397
Why don't you guys look out
where you are shooting?
507
00:19:59,398 --> 00:20:00,898
It's fine.
It's fine.
508
00:20:00,899 --> 00:20:01,899
I'll just wash it off.
509
00:20:01,900 --> 00:20:04,902
Could you tell me please
where the ladies' room is?
510
00:20:04,903 --> 00:20:06,904
Red, where are you going?
511
00:20:06,905 --> 00:20:07,905
Come back here.
512
00:20:07,906 --> 00:20:09,407
Red, stop it.
513
00:20:11,410 --> 00:20:14,412
My goodness,
is he pretending too?
514
00:20:14,413 --> 00:20:16,414
Yes, yes.
Get down, please.
515
00:20:16,415 --> 00:20:19,917
But, you know,
they really look dead.
516
00:20:19,918 --> 00:20:22,420
They don't move at all.
517
00:20:22,421 --> 00:20:23,421
No, of course not.
518
00:20:23,422 --> 00:20:25,923
If they moved, that would
destroy everything, you see.
519
00:20:25,924 --> 00:20:27,425
They're very good actors.
520
00:20:27,426 --> 00:20:28,426
Wonderful!
521
00:20:28,427 --> 00:20:29,927
Wonderful actors, yes.
522
00:20:29,928 --> 00:20:31,429
Matter of fact,
this fellow here,
523
00:20:31,430 --> 00:20:32,430
he played Bernardo
524
00:20:32,431 --> 00:20:35,933
in the Rogue Company
of West Side Story.
525
00:20:35,934 --> 00:20:37,935
You see?
Terrific actor.
526
00:20:37,936 --> 00:20:39,937
Doing a great job.
Keep it up.
527
00:20:39,938 --> 00:20:41,439
Listen, I have to go now.
528
00:20:41,440 --> 00:20:42,940
You see, I have a reservation
529
00:20:42,941 --> 00:20:44,875
at the Malaguay
Surf and Racquet Club,
530
00:20:44,876 --> 00:20:48,879
and they will not hold
the reservation past 6:00 p.m.
531
00:20:48,880 --> 00:20:49,880
Red, where are you...
532
00:20:49,881 --> 00:20:50,881
No, you can't leave.
533
00:20:50,882 --> 00:20:52,383
Get over here.
534
00:20:52,384 --> 00:20:54,385
Listen to me, please,
and try to understand.
535
00:20:54,386 --> 00:20:55,386
You cannot leave, not yet.
536
00:20:55,387 --> 00:20:56,887
Then when?
537
00:20:56,888 --> 00:20:58,389
When the revolution is over.
538
00:20:58,390 --> 00:21:03,394
And how long do these things
usually take, El?
539
00:21:03,395 --> 00:21:06,897
Well, the American Revolution
took eight years.
540
00:21:06,898 --> 00:21:08,399
That's right,
the French Revolution,
541
00:21:08,400 --> 00:21:10,901
that took 10 years.
542
00:21:10,902 --> 00:21:13,404
Oh, but the
War of Dutch Independence,
543
00:21:13,405 --> 00:21:14,405
that took 72 years.
544
00:21:14,406 --> 00:21:16,908
Seventy-two years?
545
00:21:18,410 --> 00:21:20,911
Well, I'd better call home.
546
00:21:20,912 --> 00:21:21,912
They'll worry.
547
00:21:37,929 --> 00:21:40,931
Now that Jodie hired a
private detective to find Wendy,
548
00:21:40,932 --> 00:21:42,433
will they see eye to eye?
549
00:21:42,434 --> 00:21:44,435
Now that Billy ran offto find Jessica,
550
00:21:44,436 --> 00:21:46,437
can Chester stillclaim him as a dependant?
551
00:21:46,438 --> 00:21:49,440
Now that Burt told Dannyhe can't go to a brothel
552
00:21:49,441 --> 00:21:51,842
dressed as a pirate,will he go as a Dodger?
553
00:21:51,843 --> 00:21:54,278
Now that Jessica has beencaptured by revolutionaries,
554
00:21:54,279 --> 00:21:56,347
will she find them revolting?
555
00:21:56,348 --> 00:21:57,415
Will Mary ever wake up?
556
00:21:57,416 --> 00:21:59,717
Will Bob ever eat again?
557
00:21:59,718 --> 00:22:01,719
These questions and many others
558
00:22:01,720 --> 00:22:04,622
will be answeredon the next episode of Soap.
559
00:22:04,672 --> 00:22:09,222
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