All language subtitles for School Dance (2014) 720p HQ AC3 DD5.1-eng

FEMALE REPORTER:
Breaking News.

There's been an incident
at the Monte Vista
High School lock-in.

Two LAPD officers
were at the scene
and witnessed the crime.

We go now live
to Monte Vista

where students were
gathered for the annual
school dance.

Well, Officer Lagney and I
arrived at the scene

to find these "packs"
of gang members

in the midst
of gun violence.

We immediately pounced
the evildoers

and we had the situation
under control.

Yeah, we have to
take care of this

before more innocent
kids are hurt.

Bunch of savages.

Animals that
belong in a zoo.

JASON: First of all,
that cop is high as hell.

Look at him.

Second of all,
that's not even
how it went down.

Let me rewind
to the beginning.

(HIP-HOP MUSIC PLAYING)

This was actually
the greatest night
of my life.

Would you believe me
if I told you
it was a tale of love?

The cops may have
labeled it a tragedy,

but you can never
trust the police.

Hey, this is my story.

So I should tell you,
it'll probably be
a little racist.

DJ ON RADIO: Where you
gonna be at tonight?

You best believe that
you're gonna be over at
Monte Vista High School

because it's going down.

Supa Sizers out there
with their smash
hit The Hater Dance

will be in
the neighborhood, man.

It's Power 106's annual
"Unity in the Community"
school dance

going down at
Monte Vista High School.

Power 106.

(HIP-HOP PLAYING ON RADIO)

Well, I love
that Supa Sizer.

That motherfucking
Hater Dance song
is the shit.

I'm not gonna
give in to that
Supa Sizers' song.

(TURNS RADIO OFF)

Press it just
as soon as I can.

You want Mamma to
walk you in, baby?

(GRUNTS)
No, Mamma, I'm good.

You ain't good, nigga.

You ain't about four feet
goddamn tall. Hold on.

Your Mamma coming.

I don't want nobody
fucking with my baby.

Ma!

I protects my baby.

Come on.
(JASON GROANS)

Let's go.

Now, listen.
If some shit
goes down,

I want you to page me,
all right?

Ma, nobody uses pagers
no more. We got iPhones.

Man, I know
what's going on
in these streets,

God help you.

Ma, I promise, I'm good.

All right, well, listen,

I gotta get to
the motherfucking
church anyway.

Go in there and
make Mamma proud.
Learn something.

Give Mamma a kiss,
little baby, before I go.

(SUSPENSEFUL MUSIC PLAYING)

Kiss me, nigga,
before I blow...
(KISSING NOISILY)

(GROANING)

I love you.

Take care and learn
something today.

Make Mamma proud,
you little bitch.

Tell your teacher
I said, "Hey."

You got something
for me?

Yeah, I got something.
Hold on.

All right.

BOY: Roll on,
I got you. I got you.

You don't put
that football down,
I'll fuck your ass up.

(HIP-HOP MUSIC PLAYING)

The Rangers,
those dudes are amazing.

Best dance clique
in our school.

And one of them is
actually my older cousin.

Day Day.

I met him at
a family reunion once,

but I don't even think
he remembers my name.

See, man, I'd do
anything to be down
with that clique.

Now, that's what it's
about here. Cliques.

Now, they're not gangs,
but it's far from that
study-buddy shit.

It's more so sororities
and fraternities

without the college
education and
social benefits.

Let me explain.

Each school is
divided and segregated
into cliques.

Monte Vista
is no different.

You got
your backpackers,

the nerds,

the vegan,
tree-loving dreadheads.

You got your
dirty ghetto kids
aka your hood skaters.

Oh, and that's Stinkfinger.

Across the street,

you'll find
the lamest fools to ever
set foot in the hood.

Girl, let me carry
your books for you, girl.

They all dropped
out of school
like 10 years ago

but these fools
still up here
every single day.

Bunch of
old wannabe gangsters

who wanna holler
at young chicks

but always fail miserably.

We're not carrying
any books.

And if we were,
you wouldn't be
able to touch them.

You wanna carry
these balls then, bitch?

Yeah, put the balls
in your book bag, bitch.

Told the bitch
to carry my balls.

Say what?

I said,
"Carry my balls, bitch."

Come again,
say what?

Let's ride out.
I know. That's right.

JASON: Then
there's the Ese's.

The real gangsters.

Legend has it

if you look one of them
in the eye, you could die.

Where we come from,

blacks and Mexicans
have never gotten along.

It's the ghetto civil war
that defies logic.

It's like vegetarians
beefing with vegans.
It's the same shit.

See what I did there?

And the most
notorious badass Ese
of them all is Big Junior.

A while ago he got sent
to prison for burning
down a school dance

'cause he thought some
blind guy was looking
at his little sister.

Who just so happens
to be the girl
of my dreams.

Anastacia Moreno.

I've been in love with her
since we shared a nap-time
towel in the first grade.

I was so nervous,
I pissed on myself,

all over the towel,
all over her.

(RECORD SCRATCH)

I sure enough did.

She hasn't looked
my way since.

It's probably because
we're from two totally
different worlds.

I mean, she's a Sweet Gyrl.

A part of the hottest
female clique

that my school
has ever birthed.

Let's take
a moment to enjoy.

(R&B MUSIC PLAYING)

JASON: Man, look at her.

She's the most beautiful
girl I've ever seen.
(GASPS)

Wait a minute.

Is she looking at me?

Jason B.B. Jackson.

Oh, this is my shot.
This is my moment.

Seize the opportunity.

(HIP-HOP MUSIC PLAYING)

(STUDENTS WHOOPING)

Go get 'em,
buckaroo.

JASON: Oh, yeah,
I forgot to introduce you
to the Prairie Puff Man.

The tobacco industry's
propaganda pitchman

that's been killing
kids for years.

I wasn't always
super cool.

Till I discovered these.

My mother smokes
eight packs of these
death-doobies a day.

And since she's
a single parent,

he's the only man
I've ever seen
in my house.

Prairie Puff Man is
like my guardian angel.

Don't cheat.

My role model.

(JASON READING)

Go get 'em, buckaroo.

(HIP-HOP MUSIC
CONTINUES PLAYING)

My nigga, what the fuck, bro?

(CROWD GASPS)

What's that?

(CROWD LAUGHING)

JASON: Worst moment
in the history of
fucked-up-ness.

Ay! He's so little.

It looks like a dick
but smaller.

GIRL: That is gross.

(LAUGHING)

JULIAN: Little dude
ain't even circumcised!

What was that, bro?
Why you even looking
at this nigga's dick?

This nigga's dick
look like Franklyn.

Hey, bro,
pull your pants up.

He's still sitting there
with his pants down.

(PRINCIPAL ROGERS
CLEARS THROAT ON PA)

Hey! Wait up!

PRINCIPAL ROGERS:
Attention! It's 7:45.

Will the student who
lost their prosthetic leg

please hop your ass
down here to the guidance
counselor's office.

Hey, guys! Hey, guys!
Wait up.

Yo, how can I
be a Ranger?

I know everything
about y'all.
I got all your mix-tapes.

I know all your
dance moves.

I was even thinking of
getting a Ranger tattoo.

Yo, this nigga
is a stalker.

I'll do whatever
it takes, I swear.

Okay, little
piggy-in-the-blanket dick.

You really want
that Ranger life?

Day Day, whip it out.

(RANGERS READING)

LANGSTON: Memorize it.

Now, if you want to
pledge to be
in the illest clique,

you got to get
the drawers off
one of the illest chicks.

That's right. Panties.

When you come back with
a fresh pair of Sweet Gyrl
panties, you're in.

Uh, can't it be like
a sock or something?

RANGERS: Panties!

Like these.

These are Keisha's
from last night.

She just gave you those?

For sure.

LANGSTON: All right,
now here come
them sugar drawers.

Take your pick,
little dude!

(R&B MUSIC PLAYING)

Yo, yo, yo,
snap out of it, Un-Circky!

This Ranger shit
is real.

South Central wasn't
built in no day.

So can you
pull it off or what?

Uh, when am I supposed
to have this done?

Tonight.

Tonight?
RANGERS: Tonight.

But you just said
South Central wasn't
built in a day.

Uh, I don't know
what that shit means.
I just be saying shit.

Y'all expect
me to have sex

with one of the most
untouchable girls in
our school tonight?

Yeah.

That's not even
humanly possible.

Yeah, it is.

Tonight is the
"Unity in the Community"
school dance, fool.

And it's a lock-in.

And you know what happens
at the lock-in, boy.

(RANGERS MOANING)

Okay,
for those of you that

don't know
what a lock-in is,

let me explain.

In an attempt to give

all races and classes
of students a safe
party environment,

and keep them away
from gang violence,

we have an all-night
campus party

that culminates
in a sleep over,

in the gym.

Nice, safe and
wholesome, right?

Wrong.

Instead of the lock-in,
they need to call it
the "get it in."

Because that's
all that's happening
all night long.

Everybody sneaks off somewhere
to get their freak in...
(MOANING)

...drink in, smoke in,

and frolic in.

But the main attraction
is the Power 106
concert and talent show.

Last year The New Boyz
took home $2,000 and
a major label record deal.

Their lives changed forever.

And they're coming back
this year to judge

and give another act
a ticket out of the hood.

(BELL RINGING)
Oh, shit, y'all.

We're late! We better
get to class.

Nigga,
we're The Rangers.

We're not worried about
being late to class.

Yeah, we run this school.

This school don't run us,
extra meat.

Yeah, nigga.
Quit tripping.

I'm with the big dogs
running this school.

This school don't run us.
(CHUCKLES)

Ain't that right, dude?

Langston?

(FUNK MUSIC PLAYING)

Tardy, tardy, tardy!

Get your Hot Pocket-sized
ass to my office!

In here, sir.

Little-ass homie,
in here.

(SCOFFS)
Ain't that a rip?

Damn. That's what's
wrong with you kids.

Your mind is filled
with all that bullshit.

I'm sick of it.
If I was your daddy,

I'd be the one who
tore your ass up.

I wouldn't play here.
I wouldn't put up
with none of it.

That's right.
I'm trying to...

Ooh!

Look at that. Look at that.
Look at that. Look at that,
that, that, that...

(FEEDBACK SQUEALS)
Stop looking at my girl.

I'm gonna tell you
one time and I ain't
gonna tell you no more.

Keep your eyes and
your mind off my bitch.

(SCOFFS)

I mean, my faculty.
I'm sorry about that,
Mrs. Johnson.

She hears every damn
thing. Everything!

Yeah, she is
a bitch sometimes.

I needs to
talk to you.

About that little
butt-naked dance
you just did

out there on the quad
just a minute ago.

Well...

I'm not circumcised either.

(LAUGHING)

And I'm
sixty-some years old,
still ain't circumcised.

Join the club!

You've got a turtle-neck
little dick, too.

You got a German
Shepherd dick.

I got
a German Shepherd dick.

You got a Sean John
leather on your dick.
That's what you got.

That's right. Levi leather.

(LAUGHS)

I know it. When your
little dick gets a little
blanket lint on it,

and cookie crumbs,
stuff like that,

it's hard to (BLOWS)
blow out.

I know what
you're talking about

'cause I deal with it
all the time.

You ain't even
gotta use a condom.

Just twist the tip up
like a balloon.

That little ball
will pop up.
(MAKES POPPING SOUND)

More pleasure!

Principal Rogers.
What?

Is there any reason
that you have me
in your office?

Yes, there's a reason
why I got you in here.

I wanted to ask
you something.

You having a problem out
with 'em Ranger boys?

The Rangers?
No, they're my friends.

That's what
I'm talking about.
See that! See that!

I'm sitting here trying
to defend you and you're
running with 'em!

I'm gonna tell you
something, Jebediah,

you're trying to start
some shit around here.

The Rangers, now, all of
a sudden, is your friends.

Ain't that a bitch.

You run around here
fooling with
the Mexican kids.

They're gonna fuck one of
y'all up, up around here.

Somebody's gonna bend you,
spin you and go up in you.
This is my school.

And I won't play that.
I don't like any
of them one bit!

Are you getting initiated
into a gang, young Jiminey?

Uh, my name is Jason,
and no, I'm not.

Cut the...
I'm gonna tell you
something, Jethro.

You're gonna try
and start a race riot.

You better leave
them Mexican kids alone,
they're gonna jump on you.

Yeah, four to five of
them are gonna jump
on your little ass.

They're gonna have
Home Depot
little jackets on,

they don't play the fool.

Yeah. Damn shit.

You think it's a game?

You think it's a game?

You're gonna end
up on First 38.

First 38.
I thought it was 48.

Yeah, it's 38, nigga.

Yes.

I hear you need one
more volunteer teacher
tonight for the lock-in.

And you heard right, baby.
I need you here.

Quicker than a cat
can lick his ass.

(LAUGHING)
All right, great.
I'll see you there.

I'm gonna tear
that ass up tonight.
Huh?

Are you going to
the school dance tonight?

Yeah, come on. Get your
little nosey ass out of
here. Get on out of here.

The Hater Dance.

The Hater Dance.

The Hater Dance.

Oh!

(HIP-HOP MUSIC
PLAYING ON HEADPHONES)

What the fuck?

It seems like today is
your unlucky day, Day.

That's funny, fool.

Yeah.

Yo, why y'all messing with me?

I know you got
some lawns to mow
or something.

(GROANS)

So, Day Day,
you have a really
important phone call.

Who's this?

(SPEAKING SPANISH)

What? Nigga, speak English.
Who's this?

It's Junior.
Just got out and
he wants his money.

Yeah, don't keep him
holding on the phone,
Holmes.

That's rude.

My bad, Junior.
I didn't know it was you.
How did you get out?

I thought you were
in jail for triple life.

(SPEAKING SPANISH)

(GROWLS)

Look, man,
I got your money.
Don't worry.

OPERATOR: Insert 25 cents
for another minute.

(SPEAKING SPANISH)

What did he say?

Don't ask me, fool.
I don't speak Spanish.

(BIG JUNIOR
SPEAKING SPANISH)

$2,000 by midnight
or Junior's gonna kill you.

(SIGHS)

Shit.

2 grand.

Where am I gonna get
that from by midnight?

Day Day, you cool?
Hell no.

These Ese's are
threatening me
over some shit

my wack-ass father did!

Uncle D-Smoke?

Yeah, that lying-ass
nigga, Darren.

See, my mamma thought
it would be a good idea

for me to go
visit him in prison.

TRINA: Say, "Hi, Daddy!"
Say, "Hi, Daddy!"

Hi, Daddy.

Whose goddamn
white baby is that?

This is your baby, okay?
He's just light skinned.
Mmm-hmm.

That one might be mine.

That one right there,
I'm not totally sure.

Just because you
named him Darren

don't mean he
belongs to Darren.

But I don't care what
this baby's name is,

this baby is rice skinned
but not light skinned.

That is a white child.

That is Caucasian from
the mountains of Caucasus.

That is a Slavic baby,
a Viking from Iceland.

That baby got 730
as a credit rating

right now as an infant.

You the only one
I've been with, Darren.

Bitch, let me explain
to you the math.

I've been in here
16 consecutive years.

You know how
long "consecutive" is,
don't you?

Okay, so, it means
one right after the
motherfucking other.

'Cause I ain't
never missed a day.

So clearly you've been
having some conjugal visits

with some
other motherfuckers
other than me.

That's not my baby.

That's almost
a grown white man
you've brought in here.

His glasses are
certainly grown.

I've never seen
a baby with that
type of prescription.

And why does that baby
look like Officer Joshua?

Bitch, you've been
fucking the guard?

TRINA: Ew! Nuh-uh!

Hey, Darren, stop talking
to my mom like that,
man. Be respectful.

You're absolutely right.
I apologize for that.

It's just that this bitch...
DAY DAY: Damn it.
There you go again.

Your mother was misbehaving.

Sorry, I should've set
a better example
in front of

the nice white gentleman
and your mother.

All right, so, could I
please speak to my black
son privately, please?

Would that be okay
with you, Trina?
Mmm-hmm.

I mean you
no disrespect, sir.

Hope to work for you
one day when I get out.

Come on, baby.

Raggedy head...

You have to excuse me, son.
This is my first white baby.

What's up, man?

I'm in a jam.

What?
Uh...

There was
a gambling incident
and I need, like,

13,000 cigarettes,

preferably 6,000

of those non-menthol

and then like 5,000
pineapple fruit cups.

That's worth
about $2,000

on the open
street market.

If you can handle
that for me,

I'd appreciate it.

Darren, what are
you talking about?

Well, see, what
had happened was...

Wait, you're gonna
do a flashback
within a flashback?

Nigga, you know
you can't do that.

Nigga, I'm a criminal.

That's what I do,
what I'm not
supposed to do.

So, now.

What had happened was...

No Mexican has ever
beat me in Dominoes.
Ever.

But one day the cash
was on the line,

I had been sipping that lean
and he caught me slipping.

(ROARS)

What's this got
to do with me?
This is your problem.

Uh, I didn't have
the money,

and in lieu
of the money,
(CLEARS THROAT)

I told Junior and his crew
that I had a rich son

in a famous rap group,
and I'm sure
a little funky $2,000

don't mean nothing
when he's clocking all
the dollars out there,

Mr. Major Buckety Bucks.

What? Man,
we ain't signed yet.
I ain't got no money.

All right, well,
let's not be a Gloomy Gus.

Okay, if you didn't
learn nothing from
your white brother, learn

always look on
the bright side of life.

But you still haven't
given him any money?

No, I gave him
an orange this morning.

But they're already
trying to make me make
small booty payments

and I only got
a small booty
to work with.

(VOICE BREAKING)
Look here, man, um,
I only got one booty hole.

You understand
what I'm saying?

They don't take debit
or credit or nothing in here,
it's just hole. Okay?

I've been holding
onto it for 16 years.

I don't see no reason
to let it go now

over a few little
pineapple fruit cups
and some cigarettes.

Speaking of which,
I need you to do me
a favor.

(COUGHS)
(POPPING SOUND)

You think you can
listen to these for me?

That's disgusting, man.
Where'd you pull that
out from?

Oh, from my Louis
Vuitton prison bag.

Nigga, what do you think?
I pulled them out of my ass.

You ain't got to smell it.
Just listen to it.

I know.
I know. It's time.

Look, I only got
a few seconds

before they snatch
me up out of here
'cause I'm a gangster!

But look, I need you
to save my sphincter.

You gonna embarrass me
in front of that
white man's child,

you better lock me down!

Some father I got, huh?

Now I gotta pay
Junior by midnight.
(SIGHS)

Anyway,
you get them drawers yet?

I'm just messing with you.
Come on, bro, we got PE.

Wait, you noticed I
was in your PE class?

Yeah, man.

I've seen you there
before, looking all
un-athletic and shit.

(JASON LAUGHS)

DAY DAY: Let's keep
this Junior thing
between me and you.

PRINCIPAL ROGERS ON PA:
It's 11:00. Get your
wretched ass into class!

JASON: Man!
I'm in a tight situation.

Go ahead.
Keep laughing at my pain.

But the struggle is real!

Big Junior just magically
got released from
a triple life sentence.

And he's on a mission
to kill my cousin Day Day.

And probably me too,
once he finds out

I'm trying to get
his sister's panties.

Are those panties
really worth dying for?

She probably got some
really nice panties.

I guess I gotta do
what I gotta do.

It's like my man
Shakespeare said,

"Love is a smoke,
made from the fumes
of sighs,

"being purged,
a fire sparkling
in lovers' eyes."

(SIGHS)

Get your asses up
for some aerobics.

Stand your asses up!

Don't make Coach mad today.
Don't make me mad!
Come on now.

Let's get into this
Hater Dance, shall we?
5, 6, 7 and 8.

And to the left.

(HIP-HOP MUSIC PLAYING)
Whoo! Yeah!

Come on, guys.

JULIAN: Man, what the hell
you doing, piddly dick?

COACH FONTAINE: Move
like you got some
damn rhythm. Come on.

Now step,
yeah, side to side,

yeah, side to side,
yeah, side to side.

Oh, yeah! Keep going.

Mmm!

Do the dance.

Not so hard, Venkatesh!
Not so hard. Okay?

Hey. I'm so sick
of this damn song!

Yeah, but I do like
the way B3's booty
shakes to that dance. Mmm!

JASON: What's a B3?

Man, you gotta keep up
with the acronyms if
you're gonna be a Ranger.

B3 is Big Booty Becky.

JASON: Oh.

Come on, J-Extra.
Let's roll over
there right now.

I like that, J-Extra.
That's your new name.

Yeah. That's right.
Dougie's with it, boy.

That's the Fredrick Douglass
right there, you old nigga.

Can we help you,
little boy?

No love.
Little homie with us.

Oh, I'm sorry, Langston.
I didn't know.

Hey. Didn't we go to
pre-school together?

Uh, me? No.
See, I'm from Nigeria.

Oh!

Oh...

Yeah. That's it.
You peed on me in
elementary school.

What?
ALL: What?

What are y'all doing,
not participating in
my calisthenics, huh?

Coach, we're tired of
doing that fake-ass
electric slide, man.

COACH FONTAINE:
The Hater Dance is
loved by everybody.

DAY DAY: We don't like it.

Oh, well, I'm sorry
to hear that.

Baby Chris Rock face.
Why you hate
The Hater Dance, huh?

You gotta like it!
Okay?

We're about what's
popping next, not now!

Yeah, we about to give
you a little taste of what
we gonna do tonight.

Check it out!
Who painted your back?

Little Negro division?

JULIAN: Watch this,
little niggas.

(HIP-HOP MUSIC PLAYING)

(RANGERS RAPPING)

(STUDENTS SINGING ALONG)

Yo, we killed that.
We definitely
gonna win tonight.

Bro, you already
know what's up.

I know you saw how
Jasmine was on me.

That's gonna be
my butt down tonight.

Nigga, yeah, right!
You know her
daddy's a pastor.

What? Are you doubting
the powers of a Ranger?

My fault.
I repent.

Yo, yo. Check that out.
That's confidence
right there.

Day Day still ain't
gonna smash, but at
least he's confident.

I don't know, bro.

This whole Sweet Gyrl
thing's a little bit
out of my league.

I couldn't even
get my name out.
I blew it.

Don't trip,
you'll get
another chance.

No, you won't,
little nigga.

PRINCIPAL ROGERS ON PA:
Mrs. Johnson,
report to the office.

Mrs. Johnson,
report to the office.

ALL: Hi, Mrs. Johnson.

Hi, boys!

Damn!

PRINCIPAL ROGERS:
Stop looking at my bitch!

Well, students, it's 12:30.
Lunch time, reduced lunch,

bring your lunch.
Hell, no lunch.

BOY 1: Hey, man,
look at these
little niggas!

BOY 2: Need to move.

BOY 1: Move, man! Word!

Man, that's why
The Rangers is gay.

Nigga, what
the fuck you say?

You heard
what he said, fool.
Y'all are gay!

Man, that's the best
you could come up with?

BOTH: Yeah!
Yeah?

Cue these niggas off, yo!

Our little nigga's funny.

(TAPPING RHYTHMICALLY)

¶ This Ranger game, man
Look at these suckers

¶ We run this school
Y'all niggas don't want it

¶ Hot, like your mamma
coochie in the summer

¶ The shit don't stop
Dillinger

¶ Dude, you assed-out
Plumber!

¶ Now I don't
understand something
¶ What?

¶ Why he dressed like a man
but got breasts like a woman

¶ For lunch, eat a dick,
if you're hungry

¶ Coulda been your punks
But I got gypped

¶ Your mamma pussy DOA
That shit is stanky

¶ How you put up
with that stench?

¶ Even Stinkfinger
wouldn't get up in that bitch

¶ Her pubic hair is
like fucking on the Grinch

¶ Met your mamma
freshman year

¶ We've been fucking
ever since

¶ Nigga, ain't that
about a bitch?

¶ Look at your gear
See that it's sort of rent

¶ Your pants so tight
I can see your pussy print

¶ Camel-toe Joe,
let 'em know who you with

¶ Be like Bernie Mac
I'm the king of this comedy

¶ The back of your
neck looks like grits
Hominy

¶ Your braids so old
they singing
Negro Spirituals, homie

¶ Oh, nobody knows

¶ Tell the truth
Live honestly

¶ Come out the closet
with your promise ring

¶ You call this gay?
We happy, nigga!

¶ But I just played your girl
like an action figure ¶

STUDENTS: Ooh!
Matter of fact,
I'm gonna pass it, nigger!

Yo, J-Extra! Go on,
blast these niggas.

(CROWD CHEERING)

JASON: Uh...

Yo.

Listen.

JULIAN: Man, I told y'all
this kid wasn't
Ranger material.

(CROWD JEERING)

(BELL RINGS)

PRINCIPAL ROGERS:
Ahem! Students, did you
think I'm playing?

I'm walking around here
looking for you.

Get your little
goat-smelling asses
in your class.

I'm out here working.
I'm looking. Don't make me
sneak up on you.

(ROARS)

I smell pussy or pot.

It's pot!

(IN HOARSE VOICE)
Smoke weed every day.

Everyone, take out
your poems and pass them
to the front.

I hope you students
ain't fronting on
some bitch-ass shit

and try and turn in
some old Jay-Z lyrics.

I got all his albums.

I fucks with Hov!

(R&B MUSIC PLAYING)

(RECORD SCRATCH)

Miss Moreno, late again.

Sorry, Ms. Billingsly.

You must think Billingsly
is a punk bitch?

Because you are
treating me like a bitch,

coming up in my class
all late and shit!

Ms. Billingsly,
it's not even like that.

And I bet your ass
didn't do the homework
assignment either, huh?

Well, actually,
I have something...

Uh-huh?

(STAMMERING)

I mean, I liked it.
It's formatted correctly.
The words are beautiful.

You just forgot to
put your name on it.

So, you didn't think
it was too long?

Nah, you're perfect.
It's perfect.

Thanks!

Oh! You decided to
actually do some work.

Well, I have got
to hear this shit!

Miss Moreno,
do us the honor of
reciting that poem.

What? (CHUCKLES)
To the front of the class,
Miss Moreno.

Ms. Billingsly...
Don't talk back
to a pimp!

Respect my gangsta!

(CLEARS THROAT)

"Admiring from afar

"Courting in secret

"Wishing for my star

"My prayers to keep it

"You are my star

"In the safety of my dreams

"You are my star

"Beauty gazing
for what seems

"Like an eternity

"Too fearful for speaking

"Too nervous for flirting

"My words escape me

"Yet flourish from the page

"Maybe it's not yet
my season

"My love ferments with age

"I guess I must wait

"I confess I must say

"You are my star,
you are my star

"But I am just a glimmer
in the galaxy
of your existence

"But I go unnoticed
from a distance

"Burned by your heat

"I've yearned for so long

"For you without me
is like a singer
with no song

"Yet still,
you are my star."

(MOUTHING)

MS. BILLINGSLEY: Oh, shit!

That motherfucker
was hella dope.

(SOBBING)

(WHISPERING)
Thank you.

PRINCIPAL ROGERS ON PA:
Students, it's 3:00.
School is over.

The school dance is tonight.

No gang attire.
No lace front.
No thongs.

No C-section scars.
See you tonight.

Hey, man, where the hell
is your clothes?

My horse got the munchies
and ate them.

Smooth move back there
in class, my son.

But now it's time
to rope this filly.

Man, what you
talking about?

Here she comes.

Jason. Jason!

Oh, my God!

She gave me an A!

She even wrote,
"Your poem was the shit!"

(BOTH CHUCKLE)

I wish I was as good
a writer as you.

I mean, you're talented.
I've seen you.

Really? I mean, I've
got the vocals. Just
not much of a songwriter.

Maybe you should let me
help you with that.

Yeah?
That would be cool.

I guess I owe you now.

No. You don't owe me.

It's the least
I could do after peeing
on you in pre-school.

(CHUCKLES)

I knew I wasn't crazy.
That was you.
That was really stupid.

Man, shut up! Shit.

Excuse me?
Huh?

I said shut up to
all them haters.

And, uh, give me
your number.

Okay.

So, you should give
me a call sometime.

And maybe we can
write a song together.

Yeah. I'd like that.

Fuck you, niggas.
How you do that shit?

Oh, and aren't you
going to the
lock-in tonight?

Uh, yeah. Uh-huh.

Cool! I'll see
you there then.
Yeah.

Yeah, nigga! That's
how you do it, nigga.
That's how you do it.

Hey, Un-Circky,
she give you
the drawers yet?

Oh, man!
I'm working on it, bro.

Look who finally got
a little confidence.
Yeah.

Got a little bit of
swag, too!

You actually
got her number.
I can't believe it.

That's right.
JULIAN: You know he ain't
gonna do nothing with it

but get ink on his dick
when he's jacking off.

(HONKING)

Aw, shit!

Who raggedy-ass
shit is that?

Jason, bring your ass
over, boy!

Nigga, that's your mamma?

RANGERS: Oh, hell no!

(TAWANNA SHOUTING AND HONKING)

Goddamn. This boy's
gonna make me get
out of this goddamn car.

Here, see what happened
is she's not all
the way my mamma.

She's kind of my mamma,
just a little bit.

Shit!

Get it, cuz.
That's you. That's you.

OG LIL' PRETTY THUG:
That's true, cuz.
I sat on two, cuz.

Nigga, you lying!

Actually, she's adopted.
I swear!

Don't make me
embarrass you

out here in front of
the school! Now come on.

If she let you go,
we gonna be at my crib.

All right.
I'm gonna hit your cell!

You ain't gonna hit shit!
Who they fuck
are they anyway?

Mamma, they was
my friends.

(LAUGHS) You ain't got
no fucking friends.
Quit lying.

(MEN TALKING EXCITEDLY)

Hold on. Hold on.
What's happening?

Hey, man, come on. Mamma.

Old lady.
You see me out
here dancing?

Crip walking and shit!
You're out here
interrupting my swag, lady.

Yeah, bitch! You
interrupting his swag, ho!

How about I
interrupt your life?

Oh shit.
Shit done got real!

Everybody, chill!
No. No. No.

Look at me.
It's cool, lady.

I'm not worried about
that little squirt-gun
you got, nigga.

I got pussy hair
tougher than you.

Yeah, it's on top
of your lip, bitch!

Motherfucker!
All right!

What seems to be
the problem, Percy?

Nothing, Uncle.
Everything cool around
here. We're straight!

I've done told you little
motherfuckers to stop
coming up to this school,

you grown-ass niggas.

You trying to gangbang?
You need to bang a job!

I done told you
about selling
drugs around here.

Come on, we ain't
getting nobody into that.

We ain't in that life.
We just say no to that.
Ain't that right, my nigga?

Excuse me, say what?

I said, "We say no
to drugs, nigga!"

Come again. Say what?

(STAMMERING) No.

Percy, you think you slick.
I'm on your ass.

I'm on your ass
like stink on shit!

Look, I told you to
stop calling me Percy
in front of my homies, man.

It's OG Lil' Pretty Thug.
You know what it is.

(PRINCIPAL ROGERS LAUGHS)

Pretty thug!
A pretty thug?

You look like a pretty
little chimpanzee!

Not when I do this.

Amazing!

You look like
OG Meerkat.

Meerkat?
Yeah, you look
like a little meerkat.

All four of you is short!
You understand?

All of you can do
a flip under the bed.

Nigga, are them the shoes
with the wheels on
the bottom of 'em?

You up here at the school
with some Heelys on?

I'm crazy!

Now, let this student

and this
beautiful super-model...

Thank you, baby!
...come on through.

See you.
I'm gonna see you.

Move, bitches!
You're gonna leave
'em alone around here.

Hit me again.
Built like
a goddamn car!

Call me when you want
a ride too, motherfucker!

Yes, Lord!

This milkshake brings all
the boys to the yard, son.
Trust and believe!

I'll stick my face
in that ass.

MAN: You'd get stuck.
Oh!

That's how I got your
daddy to knock me up.

Knocked me good and up!

I want you to stay out
of my woman's face.

You're not going
with that bitch.

Yeah. Get on out of here.

BAM BAM: Or what?
Or what? You sure?

OG LIL' PRETTY THUG:
Let's roll.
Let's roll, nigga.

Start, bitch!
God damn it!

All of you better
be in a car seat
when you leave here.

Easy, cuz!
Easy, cuz!

Get your ass out of here!

(CAR BACKFIRES)

(CAR HORN HONKING)

TAWANNA: Fucking
piece-of-shit car.

Fuck this raggedy
motherfucker.

I don't give a fuck, bitch.
Go around, bitch.
Go around!

Shit. I don't give a fuck.
What the fuck you
looking at, motherfucker?

FEMALE REPORTER:
Now, going live to the LAPD
eyewitness ride-along.

So, this is what
we like to do all day.

We survey the land
and look for evildoers.

And we like
picking up bitches!

What the fuck
would you say that
in the camera for?

You don't like
picking up bitches?

I love picking up bitches.

But I don't say it in
the camera. Holy shit!
Rock the cockblock!

We got some serious

rocking the cockblock
right here.
(SIREN WAILING)

Pull over, fuckers.
We are in hot pursuit!

They're pulling over.
We got ourselves
a hot tamale right here.

Oh! Rock the cockblock!

This is what
taxpayers pay for

right here and these
boys are mine, baby!

(HIP-HOP MUSIC PLAYING)

Rock the cockblock!
Yeah!

(LOUD HIP-HOP MUSIC PLAYING)
Turn the music down!

Huh?

Turn the music down!

What?

Turn the fucking
music down!

Hold on, I can't hear you.
The music is too loud!
Let me turn it down.

(TURNS MUSIC DOWN)
How fast you were going?

Um...

Apparently not
fast enough, Officer,
since you caught us.

(BOTH LAUGHING)

Obviously these guys
are on drugs. Okay?

Do you have any
paraphernalia in the car?

Any weapons?
BEN J: No, sir!

I mean, ma'am.
Officer Penis?

It's P'eniss.
It's French.

Hey, Penis, all we
got is these brownies
my grandmother made

and this non-alcoholic
grape drink to
wash it down with.

Really? Can I have
some of that?
BEN J: Yeah, man.

Where's the drink?
LEGACY: You want some?

What the fuck
are you doing?

What the fuck are you doing?
This isn't a restaurant!

I'm starving. I didn't have
anything to eat today.

But you can't
eat shit from them.

Your grandmother
made these?
Yes, sir.

These are amazing!
You tell her,
she needs her own show.

OFFICER P'ENISS:
This is ridiculous shit!
Get out of the car!

You have to be firm
and authoritative

so that these perps
treat you with respect.

(TIRES SCREECHING)
Cockblock!

Hot pursuit!
Hot pursuit!

Two black men in
a white Rolls Royce
going down Fairfax.

DISPATCH ON RADIO:
Roger that, Officer Penis!

It's P'eniss!

(HIP-HOP MUSIC PLAYING)

(SHOUTING IN SPANISH)

(LAUGHS)

Yeah, man. I'm gonna
have to make you
work the corners.

Make us some money, man!

Whatever, Holmes!
I can feel the burn!

This thing works.
I feel like Bruce Lee.

We better start rehearsing
if we are gonna win
the talent show tonight.

I got some cool moves.

Hey, pretty bitches!

I know you didn't
just disrespect us
and call us bitches.

What you talking about
disrespecting? Ain't
nobody disrespect you!

I said pretty bitches.
Disrespecting you
is calling you ugly bitches!

(LAUGHS)
It's a compliment, bitch.

Them bitches don't know.

Ay, he does have a point.

Thank you.

MARY WANNA: Damn,
he is kinda cute,

in a little chocolate
Smurf type of way.

It's me, baby.
You see it. (LAUGHS)

You guys can't be serious.
Do you hear your friends?

Come on, you guys,
let's go inside.

BAM BAM: This bitch
over here acting like
a See-You-In-Tijuana.

Hey, why don't you
stop cockblocking,
you little Mexican bitch.

You see, she over
here trying to get it.

Let your girl get it.
Over here, fucking up game.
Stankin' bitch!

Mexican bitch!
(SINGING IN SPANISH)

Bitch!
Bitch!

Shit! Let's go!
Let's go!

(BOTH LAUGHING)

We are funny! We are...

Look at this bitch!

What's that you
called my sister?

What the fuck?
The fuck you are
rolling up on for, cuz?

Huh?
He must don't know.
He can't know.

He can't know.

I said, "Stop cockblocking,
you little Mexican bitch!"

Fucked, my boy!
That's what I said, cuz!

This nigga got me
fucked up!

Man, show 'em
what you do.
Oh, shit!

Hold on, nigga.
It's back here.
There you go!

OG Lil' Pretty Thug, nigga!
Okay. Now what?

I'm about to put
this nigga in a box.

Don't do it. Calm down.
You know how you get.

Six feet under, nigga!
You hear me?

Funeral service! Nigga, I...
It's seven now.
It's seven feet...

Nigga, I'm talking
face on a brochure!

Boy!
Lights out!

Okay!
Hear me?
Clap on, clap off!

Okay!
See, you got me
fucked up, cuz.

Comeback! Comeback! Comeback!
You got me
fucked up, cuz!

Pretty Thug, nigga!
You understand?
Comeback! Okay!

You don't know,
ask somebody.
Okay!

Don't fuck around
and get shot by
a pretty nigga, nigga!

What is he talking about?
Excuse me, what?

I said, "OG Lil'
Pretty Thug!"

Come again, say what?
I'm... I'm telling...

(GROWLS)
Oh, shit!

This nigga real!
This nigga real!
Oh, shit!

(GRUNTS)
(SCREAMS)

Oh, shit.
This motherfucker is strong!

Fucking thug, nigga.
I'll kill you, bitch!

Oh, Jesus Christ and
the Latter Day Saints.
What the fuck?

Bam! Get the grenade
on this nigga, man!

Get us a what?
Grenade this nigga, man!

Pray to him! Pray to him!

(SHOUTING IN SPANISH)

Put him down!
He don't deserve that.

Get this cholo, nigga!

Damn! I'm too pretty
for this shit.

(YELLING)

God damn!
That nigga threw you!

(SCREAMS)

Shit!

Oh, shit! Nigga!

I feel that shit!

Enough! Enough!

Listen to me!

(CROWD SHOUTING)

Shit!

I always wanted
to do that, eh?

OG LIL' PRETTY THUG:
Hey, Bam, grab my gun!

Excuse me, say what?

Grab my gun!

Come again, say what?
Get my gun!

I can't understand
you. Oh, shit!

Hey, you can't shoot
a nigga with Jesus
on their face.

Now come on,
in the name of Allah!

Don't do it.
Fall back, Holmes.
Fall back.

Okay!

What's that you
said about my sister?

Will about mine, cuz...

(GUN CLICKS)

FLACO: No bullets?

(ESE'S LAUGH)

This motherfucker put
no bullets in his gun.

MAN: Looks like your life
is full of blanks, fool.

(SIREN WAILING)

MAN: Hey, that's The New Boyz?
They just cut their new album.

Fuck that shit.

Just come on, nigga!

I'm not getting up.

This nasty!
I've been
fucked up, nigga.

Y'all got me fucked up!

BAM BAM: All the way up.

You talking like a real
gigo. You talking like
a real gigo, man.

Oh, shit! We made it
to World Star?

Man, that shit's crazy.

Hey, nigga,
I killed them niggas off.

Ain't that some good shit.
(KNOCKING ON DOOR)

Hey, y'all.
Hear that, nigga.

Look whose mom finally
let him out the house.

Hey, y'all are wack.
You hating 'cause
my momma care.

Ghetto-ass mama.
She care about
gun play.

Did you see your
little cameo on World
Star? Check it out.

Got a million views.

JASON: Is it tight?

Yo!

(RANGERS LAUGHING)

JULIAN: Loser!

Langston, can I use your
phone to call Anastacia?

Why don't you
call at your crib?

Well, we don't have
a house phone.

All we got is
my mom's pager.

Besides, I need
the moral support from
my guys, you know?

I'm mad nervous, y'all.

For sure.
Call her.

JULIAN: And I'm gonna
call George Kush and
light up this blunt.

You know what?
I can't believe
they beat my record.

You know I hold
the record for most
videos retired on 106...

And this one is smashing it.
How many days it's been over?
(LAUGHING)

Cut it! 78 days!

(ALL CHATTERING EXCITEDLY)

(HIP-HOP MUSIC PLAYING)

(SPEAKING SPANISH)

(PHONE RINGS)

Hello!

Yo, it's Jason.

Who the hell is Jason?

What do you want
with my daughter?

Hey, sir, it's Jason
and I want to speak
with Anastacia, sir.

Man, you didn't
answer my question.
Who are you?

And what the fuck do you
want with my daughter?

Uh... Me and Anastacia
are ass-mates...
I mean classmates!

We share a room...

We share a classroom
and I help her with
her homework.

And I wanted to
know if she needed
any more help... Help...

If she needed me
to help her with
her homework.

'Cause I helped her
with her homework.

Hold on. Anastacia!

ANASTACIA: I'm coming.

Hello?

Hey, Anastacia.

Jason?

Yeah. I thought this
was your cell phone.

I lost my cell phone.
This is my home phone.

What's up?

Uh, nothing.
What's up with you?

Hey, yo, tell her
to put the phone
up to her coochie!

(RANGERS LAUGHING)

(WHISPERS) Shut up!

Excuse me?
Uh...

Nothing.
Nothing at all.
Nothing.

Um...

I guess I'll see you
later on at the lock-in.

Later on.
(CHUCKLES AWKWARDLY)

I guess so.

(COUGHING)

Straight crash and burn!

You got all shook
when her dad got
on the phone.

It was downhill from there.

She probably thinks
you are a big-ass dork
right about now.

I told you about them
Mexican daddies, man.

No niggers
in mi casa, fool!

LANGSTON: Confidence, bro.
That's all it is.

Stop being so
fuckin' nervous.

JULIAN: Yeah, virgin!

Who was that on the phone?

Nobody. It was just
a friend from school.

He was helping me
with homework.

Oh, yeah?
He's helping you out.

And your little
friend from school.
Is he a negrito?

What does it matter?

Orale, Kim Kardashian?
Now you're dating
black guys?

Papa!
Papa?

Don't papa me.

Okay, I know how
suave black guys are.

They talk to you with
that Mack Daddy lingo,
holding their giant penises.

All right, and I could
tell by this kid's voice,

over the phone,

it was all deep,
he's got a giant palo.

No, he doesn't.

What did you say?

Nothing.

Look, Ana,
you're a beautiful Latina,
which means...

Which means what?

Which means
you're fertile as hell.

I don't want some little
black nappy-headed baby
with a big penis

running around this house,
touching all my shit,

and leaving him
for me to raise.

ANASTACIA: I can't believe
we're talking...
Big black baby.

...about this right now.
I'm a virgin.

I didn't run off
like you and Mom and get
pregnant when I was 16.

All right, well, at least
I stuck around to take
care of my children.

Those black guys
come around with
their cool talk

and they get you in bed,

and when you get pregnant,
they turn into magicians.

Magicians?

Yeah, magicians,
like that acho we saw

at the casino,
David Coppertone.

Yeah, Coppertone.
OSCAR: He was good.

Yeah, it was funny.
OSCAR: The rabbits?

Yeah, they were cute.

They disappear.

I don't want you to
become a statistic.
All right?

I'm telling you because
I want you to take care of
yourself. I care about you.

Papa, don't worry about me.
Worry about your sons.

Like Junior, the one
that just got out of jail?
(VIDEO GAME BEEPS)

(GRUNTS)

Or this one.

The 18-year-old who
still wears slippers

because he doesn't know
how to tie his shoes.

Hmm?

Oh, no, I know
how to tie my shoes.

I just think the concept
of laces is stupid.

I would have to
agree with Flaco
on that one.

Who asked you to talk, ese,
and why are you always here?

Yeah. Why are
you always here?

What do you mean?
I'm family.

How are you family, fool?

Yeah. How are
you family, fool?

I'm second cousin
to your third cousin's
cunado, El Machete,

who married Consuela,
who was married

to Pablo before and
then escaped to the US.

After that,
El Machete took care of me,
and then he disappeared.

So, I didn't know what to do.
So I just came here.

And that's all I have
to say about that.

And you want me to be
with somebody like this?

Gosh, Papa.

Shit, she might
have a point.

(HIP-HOP MUSIC PLAYING)

DJ ON MIC: Power 106!
DJ Sully Sal.

The moment you've
been waiting for
is going down.

We're gonna
lock your asses in.

At the talent contest
we will be making
some stars tonight.

You know how we do it.
Y'all ready?

It's all about
Unity in the Community!
Yo, Monte Vista, let's go!

We got The Rej3ctz
in the house!
(CROWD CHEERING)

(HIP-HOP MUSIC PLAYING)

Oh, snap!
The Rangers are
in the house!

They're the favorites to win
the contest tonight, y'all.

You Ranger boys
better behave
yourselves tonight.

I'm gonna behave
on that ass tonight.

DAY DAY: Yeah,
Ms. Johnson got cakes.

I ain't gonna lie.
She is nice looking.

Come on, man.

What you're really
supposed to be worried
about is Anastacia tonight.

Nigga, this ain't
the Disney Channel.
You better go handle that.

She practically
throwing her pussy
at you, fuck boy.

LANGSTON: All you got
to do is catch it.

I don't even know
what to do, y'all.

I know what this
little nigga needs.

RANGERS: Seven minutes
of heaven.

LANGSTON: Hey!

Everybody got their
name in the hat?

For sure. Y'all know
how this goes down.

Seven minutes of heaven.

I pick two names
out of this cap,

y'all go into this
closet right here
for seven minutes.

First two names are...

(CHUCKLES)

Julian
and Big Booty Becky.

Get in.

What a nasty ho!

(STOPWATCH BEEPS)

Seven minutes.

So, what's up, Becky?

Absolutely nothing.
(GROANS)

For seven minutes.

Come on,
don't be like that.

Ow.

(SIREN WAILING)

Doesn't this just get
your adrenaline going?

It's like a dominatrix
has your balls
in a vice grip!

This is what super
cops do, right, Lagney?
(LAUGHS)

What the fuck
are you doing?

I've had three
of these things...
Shit.

The best.

What happens when
you lick a goat's ass?

Ah... (LAUGHS)

OFFICER P'ENISS:
Pay attention, fucker!

(LAUGHING)

OFFICER LAGNEY:
I think you're beautiful.

What?

I think you're beautiful.

You're beautiful.

Get your hand off
my tit, man! I'm driving.

I like you.

So we not gonna
do nothing, Becky?

Would you even
be interested if

I didn't have this
big ol' booty on me?

What?

What kind of
question is that?

That's what I thought.

All you like me for
is my booty.

It's such a nice booty.

Plus, you got a cute smile.

And a dimple that only
comes out when you laugh.

Aw.

See, I'm a nice guy.

LANGSTON: One minute left!

Shit, that's all I need.

You don't got to
tell me twice.

Daddy about to get it on.

(BOTH MOANING)

Fuck!

You love the white
chocolate. (CHUCKLES)

I normally don't
date white women.

But when I do...

(YELLS)

What are y'all doing
out in this hallway?
Get to the dance!

The question is, sir,
what are you
doing out here?

Well, I'm the Principal.
What are you doing...

Do you got an ETA
on The New Boyz?

No, but we know about
Ms. Johnson's T n' A.

You better watch your mouth.

Sitting up there talking
about you know something
about Ms. Johnson's DNA...

Yo, what the hell is
going on out there?

Uh, Principal Rogers,
as soon as I hear
about The New Boyz,

I'll come look
for you, bro.

Yeah, you do that.

Snitchin' ass nigga.
You know a snitch
don't like a snitch.

You take it easy and
get to the dance, nigga.

Will do, sir.

Hey, y'all give it up
for the Supa Sizers, y'all!

(HIP-HOP MUSIC PLAYING)

(YAWNS)

Do the shit!

Do the shit!

Next two names are...

Jason and Anastacia.

SULLY SAL: Okay, I guess
y'all are not feeling
the Supa Sizers.

The New Boyz are on
their way and we still got
the talent contest coming up.

The Sweet Gyrls,
The Rangers...

(CONTINUES INDISTINCTLY)

(STOPWATCH BEEPS)
Seven minutes.

Have you done this before?

Nope.

Me either.
Kinda awkward, huh?

Yeah. Very.

SULLY SAL ON RADIO:
Power 106!

We are broadcasting
live from Monte Vista
High School,

it's all about
Unity in the Community.

And we're waiting
on The New Boyz.
Where y'all at, man?

Hey, nigga.
Wake the fuck up!
Yeah, nigga.

Man, fuck these niggas.
Hurry up

so we can bash this
thing at the lock-in.

All right,
that's my nigga.
Now we're talking.

(LAUGHING)

Whee!
What the fuck
are you doing, man?

Get your ass
out of my face!

Soft as a baby's butt!

Are you fucking crazy?

Normally we have these
missions more intact.

But it seems that my partner
has taken some kind of
controlled substance.

I'm R. Kelly, bitch.

(LAUGHS)

(URINATING)
Mmm...

What the fuck
are you doing?

Are you nuts?

Peaches! Bitch, bring
your ass out the house
with my goddamn money.

I'll blow every window
in that raggedy fuckin'
condo out.

What the fuck
are you doing, man?

Bring your ass out here!
I'm gonna kill you!

(SCREAMS)

Oh!

LANGSTON: One minute left!

So... There's no
chance that I can...

You're not
getting my panties.

What?

I know all about it.

Julian told Becky,
who told Jasmine,

who told me all
about your mission.

Kinda stupid, huh?

Yeah.

And I can't
go out like that.

I understand.

And honestly,
I respect you
more for it.

Thanks.

You're sweet.

Doing good, cowboy.

Thanks, man.

Thanks for what?

Uh, nothing.

You like to talk to
yourself a lot,
don't you?

Me? (CHUCKLES) No.

(CLEARS THROAT)

ANASTACIA: It's okay.

I used to do
the same thing ever since

my mom died
when I was really young.

I had this toy unicorn
that I would always
talk to.

It was
my best friend.

Unicorns have a lot
of wisdom, you know?

I bet not as much
as cowboys.
(CHUCKLES)

Unicorns don't exist, so...

You hit Bigfoot!

What the fuck did
you make me do?

I didn't hit Bigfoot.

Who gives a fuck?
Look at the car!

Oh, fuck!

Are we gonna help her?

I'm going to
commandeer this vehicle.
I gotta get those guys.

OFFICER LAGNEY:
Sorry, Bigfoot.

Fucking door doesn't work.
Follow me!

So sorry.

Follow me,
you fucking idiot.
Yes!

SULLY SAL: Hey, yo ladies,
make some noise for
Floor Cat!

(CROWD CHEERING)
(R&B MUSIC PLAYING)

Not so fast, Day Day.

Wow. Looks like
everyone is hooking up.

You wanna dance?

Sure!

This is my song.

(R&B MUSIC CONTINUES PLAYING)

Sometimes you gotta love
your dance steps. (GRUNTS)

Oh!

Hey. We're here.
Yeah, you are here.

Get to the dance.
Yes, sir!

Get to the dance.
Punks!

Get your hands off my bitch!
Now, get to the dance.

Get your hands...
Get off me, boy!
Get to the dance!

(SINGING)

Y'all ready, homie?
You ready, Cuz?

(SHOUTS)

What about you?
Is you ready?

Uh-huh.
They whooped
your ass, man.

They wouldn't have did
that to me, though.

I'll tell you that
right now.
You know how I get.

Man, fuck that shit, man!
You ready to ride
out or what, nigga?

Excuse me, say what?
Man, you heard me!

Come again, say what?

Man, why every time
a nigga say something
to you, cuz,

you act like
you can't hear me?

The fuck is wrong with you?
You go deaf from
all them shots, nigga?

No nigga,
it was my mamma's pussy.

If I hadn't told you yet,
my mamma had an outbreak
on her pussy lip

'cause she got
herpes, right?

When she had me,
the herpes hit my ear,
fucked me all up.

What?
But we in good standing.

Bitch! Bitch nasty!

Excuse me, say what?

Nasty bitch!
Come again, say what?

(GRUNTS IMPATIENTLY)
I know, let's ride!

We got The New Boyz
in the house!

(HIP-HOP MUSIC PLAYING)

(NEW BOYZ RAPPING)

(HIP-HOP MUSIC
PLAYING IN DISTANCE)
(STUDENTS CHEERING)

EL MATADOR: Man.

How long do we have
to wait for to
give the beat down?

Told you,
Junior said midnight.

Shit! I'm bored, eh!

It's not fair.

FLACO: What's not fair?

Anastacia and her friends
and everybody are partying
and dancing the night away.

While we're just here.
Sitting and waiting.

Shit. I wanna dance.

Fuck it. Dance, man!

Dance!

Hit it, Whispers!

(DANCE MUSIC PLAYING)
(LAUGHS) Yeah!

Yeah, you tell them
to pull off that one!

That's all I gotta
say about that.

(HUMMING)

Ooh!
(CLOTH RIPS)

Oh, yeah!

I ripped my pants
and I don't care.

(HIP-HOP MUSIC PLAYING)

MAN: But it's talent
contest time, y'all.

If anybody out there
can use an extra $2,000,

you better be hot tonight!
All right?

So let's give it up
right now for our
first contestants.

Make some noise
for the Sweet Gyrls!

¶ Holla, holla, baby

¶ Show me that
you really want me

¶ 'Cause I need to hear it
Uh-huh

¶ Go ahead
and push up on me

¶ I can tell
you really want

¶ Really want me

¶ Your kiss and your touch

¶ Feels so damn good

¶ Getting under my skin

¶ Try to fight it
but I can't win

¶ This is all your fault

¶ Boy, I love
the way you touch me

¶ Baby, you touch me
in the best way

¶ I think I love you
What can I say?

¶ Caught me by surprise

BOTH: Oh!
¶ Showed me your disguise

¶ Made it to your arms
and I love it

¶ Yeah, baby, baby
I love the way you touched me

¶ Touched me!

¶ Touched me!

¶ Touched me!

¶ Touch me, tease me
I'm trying to make it easy

¶ You're singing to my tune
like your name is Lil Weezy

¶ 500 degrees
More than just breezy

¶ Hot, but the flow
is snowman, cheesy!

¶ And I want to
make it real with you

Show love, baby!
(SPEAKING INDISTINCTLY)

What?

¶ I'm trying to settle down

¶ Ain't nothing
I'll be scared of now

¶ To the top of the world
We can soar for miles

¶ Baby, let them haters hate
I'mma hold you down

¶ Even though I didn't grow up
on your side of town

¶ I'mma throw up your set
when we riding out

¶ Baby, you touch me
in the best way

All right. Man,
you seeing this, my nigga?

It's cheating.

¶ Caught me by surprise

¶ Showed me your disguise

¶ Made it to your arms
and I love it

¶ Yeah, baby, baby
I love the way you touched me

¶ Touched me!

¶ Touched me!

¶ Touched me! ¶

(CROWD CHEERING)

(PRINCIPAL ROGERS
YELLING ON PA)

Tastes like candy!

(HIP-HOP MUSIC PLAYING)

(CROWD JEERING)

Come on.
MAN 1: Oh, hell no!

(CROWD BOOING)

MAN 2: Y'all suck!

What's up, man?

That's how those pimp
bangers do it, homie!

Man! That shit
was horrible.

Hey man, your mama like it.
Shut up!

Yeah. What the hell
is RGOKY anyway?

BOTH: Ranger Gang,
Kill Yourselves.

SULLY SAL: Last
but not least!

Now get out the way.

Give it up
for The Rangers!

(CROWD CHEERING)

Come on!

¶ One honey, two honey,
three honey, four

¶ Five honey, six honey,
seven honey, more

¶ I need a tip, tip

¶ I need a tip, tip

I got you babe!

¶ One honey, two honey,
three honey, four

¶ Five honey, six honey,
seven honey, more

¶ I need a tip,
tip, tip, tip, tip

¶ I said, it's 6:00
in the morning and she
be tipping on my dick

Tipping on my dick tip
Tipping on my dick!

¶ Make her scream "Rangers"
when I'm hitting that shit

¶ Low riders,
can you fit up in my whip

¶ I got a bad bitch
but she wouldn't get evicted!

¶ She gave me a lap dance,
now I'm addicted

¶ Standing at attention
That's where my dick is

¶ Counting all this money
Hi, momma, come and get this

¶ One honey, two honey,
three honey, four

¶ Five honey, six honey,
seven honey, more

¶ I need a tip,
tip, tip, tip

¶ I need a tip,
tip, tip, tip

¶ One honey, two honey,
three honey, four

¶ Five honey, six honey,
seven honey, more

¶ I need a tip,
tip, tip, tip

¶ Funky-fresh,
dressed to impress
Ready to party!

¶ White boys in my pocket
Hos feeling up my body

¶ Cristal, OJ and Bacardi

¶ Stupid paper
My wallet is retarded!

¶ I get money
Money I got!

¶ Well I need a tip.
¶ Then make
that booty pop.

¶ Make that booty pop.
Baby don't stop
¶ Drop!

¶ Like, Uncle Snoop say,
"Drop it like it's hot"

¶ One honey, two honey,
three honey, four

¶ Five honey, six honey,
seven honey, more

¶ I need a tip,
tip, tip, tip

¶ I need a tip,
tip, tip, tip

¶ One honey, two honey,
three honey, four

¶ Five honey, six honey,
seven honey, more

¶ I need a tip,
tip, tip, tip ¶

(RECORD SCRATCHES)
(CROWD GASPS)

What the hell is
you doing, man?
Get up, man. Come on.

Shit!

Shit!
We're in the middle
of a party.

I'm good. Thank you.

Get that brownie
off my record!

JASON: Damn, if this'll
ruin The Rangers' chance
to win the contest,

it'll ruin my chance
with Anastacia.

Oh, come on, buckaroo!

You got this.

JASON: Prairie Puff Man
is right.

I can do this.

Yo, listen.

I can do this.

(MOUTHING)

What do I got to lose?

¶ Listen.
They call me J-Extra,
Yeah boy, I'm next up

¶ Lippin 'em, flippin 'em,
rippin 'em, yeah!

¶ Tippin' them,
tippin' the scales

¶ I used to be scared
But now I gotta man up!

¶ Do it like my mamma told me,
"Why you got a tan?"

¶ Smoke like the Prairie Puff
Man, have I had enough!

¶ It's so tough,
so rough, so tough, tough!

¶ But I just fell in
love with Anastacia

¶ Yeah, do your thang, girl
I like how you love me ¶

(LAUGHS)

ANASTACIA: Go Jason!

(CROWD CHEERING)

I fucks
with The Rangers!

ANASTACIA: Oh, my God!
You were amazing!

Yo, J-Extra.
You saved us, dawg!

You did that, my dude.
Respect!

Yo, Jay,
where did that come from?

I honestly couldn't
even tell you, it just,
like, came to me.

Yo. You see this
right here, right?

Got someone
who need that.

You know what I'm saying?
Somebody's about to
walk away with $2,000.

You know what I'm saying?
DJ Felli Fel,

Power 106,
Unity in the Community.

It's been a great night.
And to announce
your winner right now,

y'all give it up
for The New Boyz!

(CROWD CHEERING WILDLY)

Yo, this was a dope-ass
night of performances.

Hell yeah.
Some of y'all did
your thing tonight, man!

Some of y'all were
complete failures.

Fucking booty.

But yo, man,
on the real though,

there can
only be one winner.

And this group crushed it!
Murdered it!
Killed it.

(NEW BOYZ WHOOPING)

So, give it up for
tonight's winner!

Motherfucking...

BOTH: Sweet Gyrls!

(SCREAMING)

Huh?

We won!
This is so exciting!

Thank you!
My goodness!

Tell me that shit did
not just happen, bro.

DAY DAY: Yo, I needed
that two grand.

How did we lose?

We must've got these
niggas tripping, bro!

Yo, look at
how high they are.

Don't even know
who the fuck they're
picking right now.

So excited!

Oh shit!
Day Day, it's 12:00.

Time for me to go
face the music,
you feel me?

LANGSTON: Wait. Hold up.
What's 12:00?

Yo. That's the end of
the talent show, y'all.

Day Day, I know you
don't want to get into it
with the Ese's, man.

Shit!

Yo Junior, I tried to get
your money by midnight.
But I need some more time.

You can do whatever
you want to me.

But please,
don't hurt my family.

(GROWLS)

I ain't got
insurance, Junior!

(GROWLS)

Junior says, "Time's up!"

Man, Day Day
ain't going nowhere.

You're going to
have to kill us all.

(CHUCKLES)

Cool.

DAY DAY: No. Fuck that.
It's cool, bro.

It's time for me to handle
this debt by myself.

Like a man. So what's up?

What's up?
ANASTACIA: Junior!

Flaco, no!

Anastacia,
what are you doing here?
Get outta here, go!

Anastacia, go back
to the gym.
We good, I promise.

(GROANING)

Don't talk to my sister
like that, ese.

Stop it!

We'll blast through
Mexicans tonight for what
they did to you, OG.

Man, fuck that nigga,
Junior, cuz!

(YELLS INDISTINCTLY)

What?

(YELLS INDISTINCTLY)
(GRUNTING)

Nigga what?

(YELLS INDISTINCTLY)
(GRUNTING)

Oh, we could've made some
Mexican cunt salad around
this motherfucker.

(YELLS INDISTINCTLY)
(GRUNTING)

PRAIRIE PUFF MAN:
Now is the time, my son!

This is your hero moment!

(GROANING)

Oh!

(SPEAKING SPANISH)

I'm fine!

Are you okay?

Oh, my God, Jason.
You're hurt.

(CAR HONKING)

Everybody, freeze!

OFFICER P'ENISS: What
the hell is going on here?
Yeah!

Stand back!
We got this.

Everybody freeze!

We got this.
We got this
under control!

Great frickin'
police work.

Can I just talk to him
for one second.

You got one minute,
then we need to get him to
the hospital to get sewn up.

Look. I'm sorry
all this happened.

This whole money thing
with Day Day and your brother
got way out of hand. And...

Playa, playa!

Day Day.

Appreciate your little homie
saving my sister.

You still owe
Junior $2,000.

This ain't over.

What're you doing?
That's your prize money.

It's fine!

Jason told me to
give this to you.

And he got the drawers, too.

I'll take that.

And I will take that!

Hey Jay, I appreciate
the way you
came through, bro!

That was some true
Ranger fashion. Salute.

I told you, man.
We family, and I consider
y'all my friends.

Straight up, bro.
You my friend.
And official Ranger member.

You deserve it!

Man, I'm just grateful
y'all helped me find
the confidence

to get the girl
of my dreams.

Ow!

(SPEAKS INDISTINCTLY)

Now, I'm going
to the hospital
with my boyfriend.

Boyfriend? Papa ain't
gonna like that.

Oh, yeah? Well, he's just
going to have to deal
with it! And so are you!

Uh-oh.

We gonna keep your
ass in our prayers.

Man, I wish
I would've got shot.

What is you
talking about?

Do you know how much ass
I would've gotten on
Monday, if I got shot?

Wow!
God, man!

JASON: You see, that's
how it really went down.

Fairytale endings
do really happen,
even in the hood.

Now all I need is
a painless circumcision
and I'll be straight.

(GUNSHOTS)

Who shot my baby?

Who shot my baby?

(FIRING GUN)
(PEOPLE SCREAMING)

Everybody scatter!

Everybody could
get some of
this lead tonight!

Fucking Kardashian
cheerleader bitches!

You fucking Rangers.
I'll fuck 'em and I'll
kill you motherfuckers.

God damn it, everybody.
You fucking writers.
You raggedy-ass producers.

(SINGING INDISTINCTLY)

All you bitches!
Everybody out there
in the theater.

All you motherfucking
Slurpee-serving,

popcorn-buttering
motherfuckers!

And you bitches.
I tell you, you better not
be bootlegging my shit.

You better not
bootleg this shit.

I'll come out there
and I'll get you.

It's like in
a Freddy Krueger movie.

I'll be back and
get you in the sequel.

Motherfuckers! Deuce it!
You heard? What?

(HIP-HOP MUSIC PLAYING)

What the fuck going on
with the beats, y'all?

Hey nigga, fuck!

Shit's speedin' up.
Shit, nigga!

I can't dance
to this shit, nigga!
Shit, nigga!

Nigga, oh shit! I can't
catch my breath, nigga.

Oh shit, nigga.
I hate this shit!

(SHOUTING INDISTINCTLY)

(GROANING)

Bounce, nigga, bounce!

Bounce, bounce nigga!

Come on!

Fuck that shit, nigga!

MAN: Don't hate,
participate.

Fuck that, nigga.
I'm tired of
this bitch, nigga!

(MUTTERING INDISTINCTLY)

Oh, shit!

Nigga, I'm sweatin'
all around my
second belly there.

(SIGHS)

(LAUGHS)

(BEEP)

Can this
be a movie?

Like is this
going to be
in the movies?

'Cause I can act.

Where are
we starting?

From the top
again, right?

What up,
pretty bitches?

I got pussy hair
tougher than you.

I fucked up on that.
(CREW LAUGHING)

Fuckers!
I'd like to fuck
you, Chris Paul.

And if you
look into
the mirror,

you gonna think
you look like

the little nigga
on The Lord
of the Rings.

Give me the
ring, Percy.

Get ready
tonight, baby.

'Cause I'm gonna
stick this rat-tail
up your ass.

And I like
a woman that's

built like
a mattress.

I'm gonna lay
on you later.

I will.

Gonna stick
my face in
your ass.

With an antibiotic
in my mouth.

Y'all better
not move.

Y'all better
not move.

Dude with no shirt on,

with hard nipples.

And you're touching them.

A seven for your ass!

You ain't got bitch.

That bitch
look good,
though.

You got it.

She look good.

Yeah.

(ALL LAUGHING)

Give mamma
a kiss before
you go.

(SUSPENSEFUL MUSIC PLAYING)

(SINGING INDISTINCTLY)

(HIP-HOP MUSIC PLAYING)

(MEN SHOUTING)

(SPEAKING
INDISTINCTLY)

Whoo-hoo!

You know what,
while I
interrupt your...

Oh.

Wait, wait.
I forgot
my lines.

Just help me.
I only got
one sphincter.

You gonna wreck
the whole
jail down

with your strong self.
I got delicate ankles.

(SPEAKING SPANISH)

MAN: Who you
asking for?

Another
homie.

All right,
homie.
Yeah!

Clap on,
clap off,
nigga.

You dead, bitch!
You want it?

(LAUGHS)

Don't move.
I got it.
You ready?

Nigga, you
about to be
dead, nigga!

(LAUGHS)

OG Lil' Pretty Thug.
Excuse me,
say what?

Nigga,
I'm saying
my name.

OG Lil'
Pretty Thug.

(LAUGHS)

Light's out, nigga.
You hear me?

(LAUGHING)
Okay.

Light's out
for you,
nigga.

(ALL LAUGHING)

That shit's
gotta be edited.

Fuck. My bad.

I'm sorry. Was
that my line,
or his line?

What?
I messed up.

Am I
supposed to
say my line?

Mmm, yeah.

Shit. Line?
Wait.
What is it?

Sorry.

So, I hear
you need one
more volunteer

teacher tonight.
For the lock-out.

You heard right.

MAN: One more time,
please. "Lock-in."

So, I hear you
need one more

teacher for
the volunteer
tonight.

(MOANS)

So, I hear you
need one more
teacher tonight.

Volunteer for
the line...

One more volunteer teacher
for the lock-in.

You can keep
doing it a
hundred times.

(CREW LAUGHS)
MRS. JOHNSON:
I'm sweating!

What the fuck
were they
talking about?

Keep fucking up.

I said cut.
I said cut,
damn it!

(HIP-HOP MUSIC PLAYING)