All language subtitles for Pie.in.the.Sky.S01E04.Once.a.Copper.AMZN

♫♫

Man: Muskets and guns,
make ready!

Prepare to give fire!

Give ye fire!

[ Gunshots ]

[ Yelling ]

English freedom!

[ Yelling ]

English freedom!

Well, our guests
are enjoying the show.

It´s very realistic.

Not to say chaotic
and rather expensive.

[ Close gunshot ]

Oh, my God!

It´s showing them a bit of
English history, Margaret.

It´s what we´re good at.

Yes, beating each other up
and skiving off.

At least these lot don´t
cost an arm and a leg.

Wear their own costumes,
they´re only here for the beer.

Boy, we are in trouble
for Saturday night.

Well, the environmental
health officer...

has been and done an inspection
at the kitchen at the Grand --

found
one lousy cockroach.

Apparently now thinks
this is

an imminent danger
to public health, the prat!

Brilliant.

So, what does that mean?

It means we´ll be
trying to impress

our potential Japanese investors

by giving them dinner
in a cockroach-infested hotel.

♫ We plow the fields ♫

♫ And scatter the good seed
on the land ♫♫

[ Chicken squawks ]

[ Crabbe imitating squawks ]

He wants to see me?

ASAP.

[ Sighs ]

Bloody man!

Come on.

Has there been any word
on the Hooperman business?

I´m not sure
I´m with you, sir.

Oh, come on, Cambridge.

Officially,
I´m under suspension

pending an inquiry,

and yet I´m constantly
being dragged out

on operational matters.

Now, I´m either suspended,
or I´m not.

It´s a contradiction.

Oh, I don´t think Mr. Fisher

wants to see you
about operations.

Well, what does he
want to see me about?

Assistant
Chief Constable Fisher

doesn´t confide
in lowly PCs like me.

Oh, really?

Are you absolutely sure

you´ve no idea
why he wants to see me?

I think you´ll just have to
ask him yourself, sir.

Yes. Do you know,
Cambridge,

that´s exactly
what I was thinking.

Ha.

Ah, there you are, Crabbe.

Uh, sir, I want -- oh!

...to ask you, sir --

How goes it?

Uh, fine, sir. Fine.

Good, good, good.

Constable,

clear this, right,
will you,

and take it all
down to the car.

Inspector.

I want a very discreet
word with you.

Now, I´m not sure
about this, I have to say.

I reckon we should use
the town hall.

Get outside caterers
in there.

Hold on, Brian.

I suggested we brought
the Japanese here

in the first place.

It´s streets ahead

of any other restaurant
in the area.

Limit the number of local
bigwigs and we´ll be fine.

I am sorry.

Henry seems to have
slipped out somewhere.

I´m sure he won´t be long.

Oh, Linda, be an angel
and get us some coffee.

I haven´t lurked around
the bike shed

since I was at school.

I hope you´re
not going to

offer me
a Woodbine, sir.

Ahem.

Empire building,

that´s what I´m
talking about, Crabbe.

There´s a lot of ambitious

senior officers
in this building.

Really?
Mm-hmm.

Chief Superintendent Whitehead
to name but one.

He knows very well I´m
away this week on a conference,

and he chooses this moment

to ask to use you
on an inquiry.

Oh?
Big fraud case.

Oh, God.
Not fraud.

I refused permission --
I´m not having you solving

someone else´s problems,
told him I need you.
What for, sir?

Nothing.

I told you, I´m off
for the week.

I want you out of the way.

Keep yourself busy
with that...

cafe of yours.

Thank you, sir.

So, it´s a bit of a big do,
this conference is?

He had all the top people
in the police service.

Home Office bods --
they´ll all be involved.

It´s a think-tank seminar.

Graeme Stokes...

tipped to be the next Met
Commissioner, is chairing it.

Oh.
Yes, so...

Remember, Crabbe...

[ raps on car ]

low profile time
for you, huh?

And don´t think too hard
in the tank, sir.

[ Humming ]

Happy, sir?

Yes, thank you,
Cambridge.

You were quite right.

It´s nothing to do with
operational matters.

For the next seven
glorious days,

Mr. Fisher wants me
to bend over backwards

to maintain a low profile,
ha ha!

Oh.

[ Jackhammer pounding ]

Roadwork.

Cambridge: Big news
for the town

if the Japanese decide
to develop here.

Mm-hmm.

Margaret´s been roped in
to handle the budget

for the "Please Choose
Middleton" lot.

Well, rather her than me.

I can´t stand committees.

[ Chuckles ]

See him?
Who?

The man in that car?

No. Who was he?

Oh, I don´t know.

Looks familiar.

R-B-Y-2-6-9-K.

Well, God knows where,

but I´m sure I´ve seen
that face.

Well, you nick a lot of people
in the course of a career, sir.

Why are you assuming
it´s a villain?

He might be somebody
I was at school with.

No. Instinct.

Something about that face
has bothered you.

You´ll go through
your memory bank,

and when you find him,

my guess is he´ll
have form.

That´s why I took his number.

Well, if you run that number
through the computer

and it comes up
with something wrong,

I don´t want
to know about it.

I´ve told you --
I´ve got a week off.

[ Chuckles ]

[ Humming ]

♫ This is the way
the chef can play ♫

♫ Chef can play,
chef can play ♫

♫ This is the way
the chef can play ♫

♫ Ding, ding, ding,
ding, ding ♫♫

[ Clang ]
Good morning, chef.

Morning, Steven. Just preparing
myself for a week of freedom.

♫ This is the way the chef
can play ♫

♫ Chef can play, chef can play ♫

♫ This is the way the chef
can play on a Sunday morning ♫

Of course you were, sir.

No, but listen, it´s great.

Because Fisher is away,

we can now spend a whole week
doing our menus.

Already the ideas are
dancing upon my palate.

Something with brandy
in it, perhaps, maybe?

Well, it would be
a lot of extra work,

but we would be
happy to do it,

wouldn´t we?

Oh, a lot of bookings.

Set dinner.

Not usually my sort of thing.

Please, Henry.

Your food´s
always fantastic.

I´m sure there´s
nothing to match it

in Montpellier,

Monchengladbach,
or Kikladhes --

especially Kikladhes.

Rival towns bidding
for the Japanese factory.

Ah.

Well, I once had some
outstanding fish and chips

in Kikladhes actually.

It´s not
just about food, this.

If we´re going to get these
Japanese to invest here,

we´ve got to sell
Middleton to them.

Oh -- dinner at the Grand.

It made such a statement,
you know what I mean?

Yes, it would
have told them

it was infested with
cockroaches.

Well, they found one
single cockroach, Margaret,

and a dead one at that.

Crabbe: Ah, but did
they do an autopsy?

Was it food poisoning?

Had it made the mistake
of eating there?

Well, I´m sorry.

I´m far from convinced
that this is the right place.

Brian,

dining here is a real
culinary delight.

Good wholesome cuisine
in a quintessentially

English atmosphere.

I can tell you´re
in P.R., Zelda.

Well...

we´re in a jam,
there´s no doubt in that.

You know what´s
in the kitty, Margaret.

Do you reckon you can
dish us up something

reasonable for the price?

As I said,
it would be an honor.

Crabbe: Well, I don´t know.

I mean, ahem...

It will mean taking over
the whole place,

and I do have my Saturday night
regulars to consider.

Excuse us a moment,
would you?

Really, Henry,

the full Choose Middleton
Committee will be here

this Saturday.

But we´ve only room for
40 covers at a pinch.

Local MP, Mayor, anybody
who is anybody in this place.

It´s a marvelous
opportunity to enhance

the restaurant´s prestige.

Yeah, I suppose so.

Look.

Arrived today.

Isn´t it wonderful?

The finest oak-smoked
Scottish salmon.

Cost a fortune, but
it´s worth every penny.

God, you infuriate me
sometimes.

No, it´s worth
every penny.

It´s the starter
for my new menu.

Apart from
everything else,

we could really
use the money.

Come on, Henry.
What do you say?

Roger Dibbly.

What?

Roger Dibbly.

The face I saw today,
I couldn´t put a name to it.

No, no, it can´t be.
He must be in his 70s by now.

Henry, I need an answer,
and I´m going to take that

as a "yes."

Oh, any draw on
the vehicle check?

Oh, yeah.
I put it here somewhere.

Yeah, here it is.

Thank you.

Steven: Chef?

Telephone call for you,
Mr. Crabbe.

PC Cambridge.

Oh, no -- say I´m not here.

You´re not entirely with it
this evening, are you?

Is anything wrong?

No, no, not at all.

Well, it´s silly really.

I saw this face earlier,
and I cannot put a name to it.

It´s been gnawing away
at me all day.

It´s annoying
when that happens.

Gourmet Society
on table five

pronounced your gigot d´agneau
to be tres formidable.

Our what?

"Leg of lamb"

for lesser mortals
like us, Linda.

Did Cambridge say
what she wanted?

Not really, no.

But she left a name
and she said

does "John Michael Griffin"
mean anything to you?

John Michael Griffin.

Solved your
problem, no?

No, not at all.

Oh, my God.

[ Door opens ]

I don´t believe you,
Henry.

I really don´t.

I´m sorry, love.
I didn´t wake you, did I?

It´s ridiculous!

Fisher off your back
for a whole week.

We´ve got the chance to

really put this place
on the map.

I know.

What do you do?

Give yourself
a sleepless night

because you´ve seen
somebody you can´t place.

Simply ridiculous.

I´m sorry, Margaret.

Come on.

Crabbe: I want this kept
completely off the record,

Cambridge,
is that understood?

Yes, yes, of course.

Well, what about this
John Griffin fellow?

Has he got any form?

No,
But the man you saw driving

may not have been the car´s
registered owner.

Ah.

Oh, hold on.

Crabbe: Huh.

Cambridge: What?

He used to be thinner.

And he doesn´t have
a moustache --

He doesn´t have a Mexican
moustache anymore.

Oh, it can´t be him.

Is it John Michael Griffin?

No.

[ Engine starts ]

It´s a man called Palmer.

Vince Palmer.

Vincent Brian Palmer,
actually.

Hmm. Vince Palmer.

Is he known to us?

He was in the old days.

He´s a real heavy duty
villain.

You know, in that Bickford
bank robbery in ´77,

he made a terrible mess
of a security guard

with a shotgun.

He got away with
over £3 million.

And what´s his form
since then?

Is he wanted for
questioning for anything?

Oh, I doubt it.

He hasn´t escaped from
the nick, has he?

No, no.
Nothing like that.

So, what´s this all about?

Why do you look so concerned?

Vincent Brian Palmer died

in August 1978.

Trying my patience.

He really is.

The most important booking
we´ve ever had

and he keeps
disappearing.

Old PC Cambridge
picked him up this morning.

Unbelievable.

He´s supposed to have
the whole week free,

but something´s got that nose
of his twitching.

Once a copper, eh?

Back when I was little,

my dad was exactly
the same --

even after he retired.

Show him a dirty bottle
and he´d rinse it.

It had to be spotless
around the neck

where you stick
the fingers in.

He was a milk man.

Ah.

Anyway, Steve,

what do you want to know
about Saturday?

Maybe I could help.

I need the menu.

In that case, I can´t.

Margaret, we´ve got
a special set meal

for 40 covers a day after
tomorrow, it needs organizing.

I´m just a bit concerned
what´s going on, that´s all.

So am I, Steve.
So am I.

Crabbe: I´ve been waiting
from the middle of the night.

Man: Worried, are you?

Of course I´m worried.
It´s my first time.

It´ll be so embarrassing
if I can´t pull it off.

Stuff half a dozen of these
and you´ve cracked it.

Oi! I have no intention
of stuffing

half a dozen of those,
thank you.

I don´t even want
to stuff one of them.

Neither am I in the market
for them.

That´s a golden.

Feel it, it´s tender,
yet firm.

Yes, tender, firm,
and essentially bland.

You know very well I don´t
get on with courgettes.

What I want is potatoes.

I got some lovely
new potatoes.

No, I don´t want
Jersey Royals.

I´m mashing, I want
Pentland Dell.

No sweat.
How many do you want?

Well, are you selling
them by the pound

or by the kilo?

You know me -- by
the half wheelbarrow.

Oh, well.

In that case, I´ll have two
half wheelbarrows.

Thank you very much.

So, the gang went
into hiding

and Vince Palmer
fled abroad?

Yeah, he was sighted
in Spain,

and then he vanished
completely...

until there was
a report from...

um, Morocco --
that´s right.

There was a report from Morocco
that a British subject

had been killed
in a road accident.

That´s simple, he could
have faked his own death.

No, no, it´s not that
simple at all.

I recall the death was
investigated officially.

Who by?

Oh, I don´t know.

I remember a couple
of officers

were sent out to Morocco
to ID the body.

Hmm.

And they officially identified
the accident victim

as Vince Palmer?

As far as
I can recall, yeah.

See, well, either they
made a mistake,

or were conned or were

maybe somehow involved
in a deal with Palmer.

Well, it´s all possible.

Who were the investigating
officers?

Oh, I don´t know.
I mean, it´s 15 years ago.

I can´t remember that now.

Ah! Fine!
Put them in the boot, please.

You don´t mind, do you?

Well, yes.

Yes, actually I do.

Oh.

Well, I outrank you,
so, sorry.

Carry on.

Now that you´ve spotted him,

what are you going to
do about it?

Have him picked up?

I don´t know.

Probably isn´t even
Palmer.

I mean, I may have
got it all wrong.

Anyway, it´s not as though
he´s wanted for anything.

I mean, as far as
the force is concerned,

he´s officially dead.

I say, Mr. Henderson,

these green beans
are rather good.

Do you think I could
have, um...

half a bath full?
Thank you.

Hello.

I phoned yesterday
about using

your microfilm
newspaper library.

Oh, yes.

What year
are you looking for?

1978 -- August.

Got that P.R. lady on
the telephone, Mr. Crabbe.

She´s anxious for news
of Saturday´s menu.

Apparently, they´re going
to be specially printed.

Oh, are they?

I´ve been asked to provide
something

quintessentially English.

Linda: That´s easy!

Pizza, kebabs, or curry.

Oh, thank you, Linda.

No, the Japanese palate
is partial to raw seafood,

so for starters, I thought
I´d give them --

I´m not grilling
more herrings?

No, no, no.

Fresh Whitstable oysters

followed by steak
and kidney pies

and summer pudding.

Would you like to speak to her
yourself, Mr. Crabbe?

No, no, no.
Not at all!

I´m off in search of some
Rosa Pomifera Duplex.

Man: Now, that --
you see, that´s a floribunda,

but I think that´s
well past its best.

I wouldn´t -- to be honest
with you, I wouldn´t take that.

How about this one here?
Silver Jubilee.

That´s a beauty, isn´t it?
That´s lovely -- you smell that?

Beautiful, isn´t it?

Now, this here,
this is a Hybrid Tea, or H.T.

These bloom perpetually from
June right through to October.

As you see, the flowers
are long and kind of pointy.

You see that?
Excuse me.

Does the name Charles Wolley-Dod
mean anything to you?

Wolley-Dod --
A magnificent gardener.

At his death in 1904,

it was said, "Horticulture
has not sustained

a more severe loss."

Henry Crabbe,
you old bugger!

What the hell
are you doing here?

Now, what was that rose
they named after him?

Why, Wolley-Dod´s rose.

Uh...

Rosa Pomifera Duplex,

a double form of apple rose
with soft pink flowers.

And luxuriant gray-green
foliage.

I always remember that.

Oh, you are just as boring
banging on about your cooking

and that Alexis Sayer or
whatever your guru´s name was.

Soyer.

Why, Soyer, Soyer.

Have you retired yet?

Oh, I wish I had.
It suits you though, Tom.

Oh, a dream come true.

My life didn´t begin
until I left the force.

So, what brings you
to these parts, eh?

What happened when you
flew to Morocco

to investigate
Vince Palmer´s death?

You´ll get me shot,
you will.

What´s the odd
bullet hole, Dave?

You know I´m worth
dying for.

Obviously, I haven´t
been able to access

the actual files
on the case.

What about the names
of the officers

who conducted
the ID in Morocco?

This all happened
a long time ago.

Are you going to tell me why
it´s so important?

Afraid I can´t.
Not yet, anyway.

Look...
I don´t know what you´re onto,

but my advice on this one
is to tread carefully.

Och! To go out on the force,

you got to keep in
with the right people.

I hated my last few years.

I only hung on
for the pension.

[ Chuckling ]

Sounds familiar.

Yeah, I´m surprised you didn´t
take early retirement yourself.

Well, there´s been a few
hiccups, you know.

So, you´re certain that
the body you identified

was Vince Palmer´s?

Henry, you´re a good friend,

and I appreciate you
coming to see me first of all

and, you know, not doing
anything official.

But the man you saw
can´t be Palmer.

Can´t be!

I mean, the fingerprints
matched,

and that´s conclusive.

So, presumably, you saw
the actual body

in the morgue as well.

Well, two of us
flew over there --

myself and a DCI.

But it wasn´t a place to hang
about, believe you me.

Now, as I recall,
I dealt with the local police.

They´d fingerprinted
the corpse,

and I´d brought a set
of his dabs over with me,

and they were identical.

And my partner,

he went in the morgue
and formally ID´d the body.

So, who signed the papers
confirming proof of death?

Well...

he did.

He´d seen the body.

Henry, it´s history.

Palmer was scum.

There are very,
very few people

who´d shed a tear for him.

There´s no worth
raking all this up.

Hmm.

This...

DCI who signed the papers,

what can you
tell me about him?

[ Sighs ]

Sharp lad, ambitious.

Just the sort to
go out on the force.

But he wasn´t bent, if that´s
what you´re thinking.

No way.

I sure of it.

In fact, I´d put
my life on it.

Well, that´s good enough
for me, Tom.

Brian: Lay it out a bit.

Hmm.

Are you sure that says
"Welcome to our home"?

I got a lecturer I know

to write it down
for his art students.

Oh!

Well, we know about students

and their advanced
sense of humor.

I hope they haven´t changed it
to "Sod off, you Nips"

or something intelligent
like that.

The point is,
does it work?

Does it look right?

Well...

Oh, take all the time
you want, Brian.

Don´t worry about our
arms getting tired

or anything like that.

Well, I don´t know, do I?!

I mean, it´s not
exactly my line.

Oh!

Come here,
you have a look.

Here.

Oh, that´s nice.
What does it say?

"Sod off, you Nips."

PC Cambridge
is in the kitchen.

With my husband
or without him?

Without.

In fact, she asked me
to ask you

if you know where he is.

I´d assumed he´d gone off
somewhere with her again.

Oh, don´t worry about our arms
getting tired, Margaret!

I mean, take all the time
in the world!

[ Sighs ]

Saturday night
could make or break

our little business here,
Constable.

I realize it´s
important to you.

Well, it is.

For once, Henry´s got
a week free

to concentrate on food,
and we really need it.

Mrs. Crabbe,
I´m sorry,

but it´s vital
that I talk to him.

Please ask him
to call me.

Thank you.

I could do with hanging
a sign outside --

"Sod off, you cops!"

[ Laughs ]

You see...

your North American oyster
is oviparous --

meaning the eggs
are discharged

straight into the water.

Whereas your European oyster
is larviparous,

the egg and larva remaining
in the mantle cavity.

Yeah, yeah.

Well, that´s
fascinating, Eric.

But are they
quintessentially English?

Well, they come
from Colchester.

Fair enough.

But it´s no good.

You see, I´ve
committed myself

in print to Whitstable.

I can get you Whitstable,
Mr. Crabbe.

Gor!

[ Clears throat ]

Getting a bit old for hide
and seek, aren´t we, sir?

Go away!
I´m busy!

I need a word.
It won´t take long.

Sorry, Eric.
I won´t be a moment.

Look,
I made a mistake.

It can´t have been
Vince Palmer.

Just forget about the whole
thing, Constable.

Why? Because an old mate
of yours

was one of the senior officers
who made the ID --

ex-Detective Inspector
Watson?

All right, I went to see Tom,
but he wasn´t

the officer that signed
the proof of death form,
so he´s got nothing to hide.

And what about the officer
who went with him?

I´m not interested.

That was Vince Palmer
we saw.

He wasn´t killed,
was he?

I couldn´t give a damn
if he was killed or not.

The --

I just don´t care, okay?

Now, I´ve got a very big night
coming up at the restaurant,

so please get off my back
and let me get on with it.

You´re not planning to

go to the conference
to see Mr. Fisher then?

No, of course I´m not.

Pity. You could have said hello
to the chairman, Graeme Stokes,

hotly tipped to be the new
Met Police Commissioner.

The same man who, as
a Detective Chief Inspector,

went with your old pal
to Morocco

and officially declared
Vince Palmer dead.

You could ask Stokes how
he made such a mistake

or whether someone
got a back-hander.

You might even remind him
about the security guard

whose sight was blown away

and hasn´t seen sunshine
in 16 years.

Or you could just order
some wet fish

and forget all about it.

Stokes: Policing by consent is
traditionally the British way,

and indeed the only way to
maintain order in a democracy.

We in the police service
are a microcosm

of society at large.

Society´s morality
is therefore our morality.

We must be seen as guardians
of that morality,

enforcers of the law.

But it also essential

that we serving officers
be subject to the law.

We must never place ourselves

above or beyond the law.

Hear, hear.

Silly question, I know,
but has anyone seen Henry?

He went off looking
for some roses or something.

Roses?!
Yeah.

Those are oysters.

Well spotted, Margaret --
You´re becoming a real expert

in the kitchen
these days, aren´t you?

Oysters aren´t
on tonight´s menu.

Don´t tell me you´ve
given me the wrong one.

No, just got a few to
practice for the big night.

They´re tricky little sods,
there´s a knack to opening them.

Teach me how to use
that knife sometime.

It might come in useful when
dealing with absent husbands.

[ Chuckles ]

This is devastating.
It´s devastating.

Well, it may be
a genuine

mistaken identification,
sir.

I mean, the body
was a week old,

it had been
in a car smash.

Rubbish.

If you´re not sure,
you make up a test.

Dental records, prints,
what have you.

You don´t sign
a confirmation of death

for someone like Palmer

unless you´re
bloody certain it´s him.

Unless you´ve been
paid off.

You better be absolutely
confident

in what you´re alleging here,
Crabbe.

For God´s sake, man!

You´re implying that
one of the country´s

most senior police officers

colluded with
a notorious criminal

to pervert the course
of justice.

And based on what?

A glimpse of a face
in a car window.

And a 10-second glance
at a man in a street.

I want absolute
proof positive

that Vincent Palmer
is still alive,

otherwise we never
had this conversation.

Understood?

Yes, sir.

[ Starts engine ]

Man over loudspeaker:
Leap of Faith in command

as they come down toward
the final furrow...

[ Indistinct commentary
continues ]

Leap of Faith first,
then Spartan...

Not having
much luck, Vince?

It is Vince, isn´t it?

Vince Palmer?

Zelda: Looks terrific, eh?
What do you think?

It should be fine.

I think it should have
said "bill of fayre,"

you know,
sort of oldy world,

as spelt with a "y."

Well, if it had, Henry would
have chopped you up

and served you
in the pie, Brian.

Well, I´ll just
take it through.

I hope he approves.

Ah, well,
he is not exactly --

No, sorry, I´m afraid he´s had
to pop out for a while.

Pop out?
He´s always popping out!

I hope he´s going to
be here tomorrow night.

Well, of course he is.

He´s just sorting out the wine,
that´s all.

I´ve been looking
over my shoulder

for 15 years
waiting for this.

It´s almost a relief.

Ah.

Can´t be much fun though.

I thought
I was dead clever.

I mean, what could
be sweeter?

Fresh start,
whole new life.

Well, it´s a tempting thought
for all of us.

It´s a nightmare,
believe me.

Oh, it´s not
so bad at first.

Loads of chicks
to choose from.

Money makes friends
very easily.

But gradually,
it dawns on you that...

everything you ever were

is gone forever.

It was when my kid
sister died.

I was in Australia,
the other side of the world.

She was dead.

There was nobody
I could even talk to.

I never felt so utterly
alone in my life.

I sent flowers
anonymously.

My own sister´s funeral,
anonymous flowers.

That´s very sad.

Yeah.

So, tell me,

was this plan originally
worked out in London?

They pulled me
for questioning.

I sussed
that one of the cops

might be
up for the business.

So, I grassed up
the others

and offered him
a nice bit of wedge

in return for my freedom.

It´s been worth it.

Sweetened
the Moroccan police,

gave them a set
of my prints

to fool the other cop
and away I go.

What was his name?

Think I´m going to
tell you that?

He´s my insurance.

So...

What now, Vince?

Well, I assume since
you didn´t arrive with

klaxons blaring and little
blue lights flashing

that you´re looking
for a bit of a tiddle

to keep shtum, yeah?

No, not at all.

No, when you shot
that security guard,

you just about ruined
his whole life.

I happen to think
you should pay for that.

Leave it alone.

What´s the point of
banging me up at my age?

It´s not going to bring his
sight back, is it?

You´ll be opening up
a very nasty

can of worms
for the police.

I´ll bring him down
with me, I promise.

And you won´t get a lot of
sympathy from your own,

will you?

I just wish
I´d never seen him.

Well, what are you
going to do?

If you do report him,

it will cause a furor
on the force.

Fisher will go berserk.

Well, it might be worth it
just to see that.

Ha.

Look, I know it´s
a difficult decision

for you, love, but...

tomorrow night is
a big night for us.

Let´s get that out
of the way first, eh?

Yep. You´re quite right.

No more
disappearing acts.

Promise?

Promise.

Here you are, governor.

Two gross of
fresh Whitstables...

just in this morning.

Look at that.

40 staffers at
half a dozen each.

We´re going to have
our work cut out

opening these boys,
Steve.

Uh, may not be boys,
Mr. Crabbe.

Oh?

You see, your oyster
changes its sex annually,

or even more frequently.

So, you never know
where you are.

That sounds a bit
like the local vicar.

Yeah.

Oh, no!

Go away!

Leave me alone!

I´m afraid I need you
to come with me, sir.

Look, I´m really
very busy today.

I simply cannot oblige.

It´s not a request, sir,
it´s an order.

Oh.

Bollocks!

Stokes: I´m a pragmatist,
Crabbe.

I deal with what is
and what was,

not with what might
or should have been.

The Bickford bank robbery
was a nasty,

vicious, and costly crime.

Public opinion at the time
was very angry

and alarmed, yes?

Yes, as I recall,
sir, yes.

It took nearly a year,

but we recovered 90%
of the money

and put five out of six
of those responsible

behind bars, yes?

I believe so, sir, yes.

And the sixth one,
Vincent Brian Palmer,

was no longer a threat
because he was dead, yes?

Officially, sir, yes.

Was that such
a bad result, Crabbe,

pragmatically speaking?

No, sir.
But how about morally speaking?

How do we do on that score?

I´ve been looking through
your record, Crabbe.

There´s a lot to be proud of
here, Inspector.

Although your suspension

because of the Hooperman
business

does mean that there is
a question mark

over your good name.

It seems the one thing
you most desire now

is to be granted
retirement, yes?

I would welcome retirement,
yes, sir.

Might I suggest

that you were mistaken
in thinking

you saw Palmer alive

and that you make

no official report
of the sighting?

Then I would have
every confidence

that a way could be found
to open the door

to a long and fruitful
retirement for you.

Well, Inspector?

If I´m to treat my own pension
as some kind of a bribe,

I don´t think
I want it at all.

This isn´t about being
pragmatic, sir,

it´s immoral and corrupt.

Watch what
you´re saying, Crabbe!

If you took money from
Vince Palmer

to help him evade justice,

you´re not only unfit to be
a senior police officer,

you ought to be
behind bars yourself.

You´re wrong, Crabbe.

I never had a penny
from Palmer.

I´ve never committed
a corrupt act.

Never.

My only mistake
was in not realizing

at the time
that I´d been duped.

It wasn´t me who signed
the confirmation

of Palmer´s death,

it was your old colleague,
Inspector Watson.

Do you really expect me
to believe that?

Take a look at the signature
for yourself, man.

Well, I´m sorry.

I don´t know what to say.

My main concern now
is not to damage

the public image of the force.

As I said, I´m a pragmatist
in these matters.

But you must act as your
conscious dictates, Inspector.

Yes, sir.

You see? We should have
had some music.

It´s like a bloody morgue
in here.

I don´t think taped Muzak
is quite Henry´s style.

Ah, Margaret.
Everything under control?

Yes, yes,
perfectly.

God, is he still
not here yet?!

Afraid not.

How are we doing, Steve?

Are the starters
ready yet?

Margaret, oysters have
to be opened at the last minute.

There´s well over 200 there.
Let me manage them on my own.

Don´t look at me.
I wouldn´t know where to begin.

Bloody police force.

I´ll sue
the whole lot of them!

Why, Tom?

Why?

Och, I´d have enough
of the job.

I wanted out for some time.

Palmer offered me 100,000.

You must realize
how tempting that was.

Helped me make
my family secure,

set all this up.

Helped me get my dream.

I´m certain Graeme Stokes
suspected.

He made sure they got the glory
in nicking all the others,

but...

he never said nothing.

Well...
he´s too clever for that.

Hey, just because
Stokes let it go,

that doesn´t
make it right.

Oh, come on, Henry.

It´s not a question of
right or wrong.

For God´s sake,

if they´re offering
your retirement,

take it and forget all this.

Just forget it.

And what about that
security guard?

Eh?

A nothing job
for nothing pay,

but he did his duty.

And what did he
get for it?

Palmer´s shotgun blowing
his face off, and why?

For nothing,
nothing at all.

Oh, he didn´t die,
but where´s his life?

So, you take Palmer´s
100,000

and he gets away
with his wickedness.

Well, fine, fair enough.

That´s your choice, but don´t
expect me to condone it.

[ Sighs ]

They´re telling me now I can
take my retirement

as long as I just forget about
this and walk away.

Cor!

I don´t know
which is worse --

Palmer, you,

or Stokes.

So, what are
you going to do?

I honestly don´t know.

[ Indistinct conversations ]

[ Speaking Japanese ]

It´s looking very cramped

now it´s filling up,
I knew it would.

Brian, we have had 40
in here before.

I hope you´ve come
to tell me he´s arrived.

Steve´s gashed his hand,
Margaret.

It´s pouring blood.

Oh, my God!

Steven: Sorry, Margaret, that
bloody oyster knife slipped.

You must go
down to casualty.

No, I´m all right.
I´m needed here.

Don´t be stupid, you can´t
work with a wound like that.

Margaret, who´s going to open
a barrel of that lot?

Just go!

[ Sighs]

Where the blazes are you?
I could kill you, Henry Crabbe!

[ Horn honks ]

Oh, my God!

It can´t be that.

I´m sorry! I´m --
I´m so, so sorry!

I completely lost the time.

How are we doing?

They´re on
the starters.

Good, good.

I can´t --
where -- where´s Steve?

Gone to hospital.
What?!

He had an accident,
cut his finger.
Oh, my God!

Well, then -- who, who,
who did the --

who did the starters?

Mrs. Crabbe.

Mrs. -- Oh, my -- what?!

[ Men speaking Japanese ]

Ha ha! Margaret?!

You mean Margaret actually
opened up and served up

20 dozen Whitstable oysters?

Margaret: Nope.

Margaret raided your precious
smoked salmon store.

Where the hell
have you been?!

[ Stammering ]

You mean the oak-smoked
sal--

the Scottish sa--

All of it?!

With lemon wedges and brown
bread and butter.

John helped me.

Excuse me.

Oh, don´t tremble
like that, Henry.

It´s a fish course,
isn´t it?

But that salmon was essential
to my new menu!

It was supposed to last us
for the next three weeks!

I mean, what the hell
am I supposed to do with

20 dozen Whitstable oysters,
for God´s sake?!

Do you have any idea
how much this stuff costs?

Never mind about that.

Everyone who is anyone
in Middleton,

not to mention
Fukuoka, Japan,

is expecting
two more courses.

Now come on!

Oh, my God, yes.

Well, the pies
are all right.

It´s Colcannon.

Right, right.

Potatoes.

Yes, cabbage,
spring onions.

Now, Margaret, I need
butter and cream.

Quickly, quickly,
Please, Margaret.

Time is of the essence
here.

Well, we can do no more

than let our carefully
considered proposal

speak for itself.

And we leave you
to judge our town

and what it has to offer.

I will say this, though --

and I´m a Yorkshireman,
so I speak me mind --

[ Laughter ]

I have never eaten in this
restaurant before.

But that is without doubt
one of the finest meals

that I have ever eaten.

And you´ll find
no better

than that in any of
the other towns.

So...

to Henry and Margaret --

you did us proud!

Hear, hear!

[ Police radio crackles ]

[ Dog barking ]

I won´t be gone long.

Well done.

What?

The dinner.

It was a great success.

It was mainly thanks
to you, Margaret.

Really.

You know, you could have saved
yourselves a journey.

I was just coming out
to the station myself.

I think we´ve saved you
a journey.

Following advice from
DS Andrews here,

I made an official report
on the sighting of a man

I had reason to believe
was Vincent Brian Palmer.

He was arrested
a short time ago.

Following consultation
with ACC Fisher,

ex-Inspector Watson

has also been brought in
for questioning.

I´m sorry if you think
I did wrong, sir,

but I felt it was my duty.

No, you didn´t do wrong.

You didn´t do wrong.

And I thought
it might save you

from
a difficult decision.

Good night, sir.

Good night.

Good night.

You know...

I know how you feel,

but if it means
anything at all,

it is good to be reminded
every now and again

of why I married
the man I did.

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