All language subtitles for Grace and Frankie - 3x11 - The Other Vibrator.1080p.WEB-DL.DEFLATE.en

Synced and corrected by Dragoniod for
- www.addic7ed.com -

♪ Well, I don't know
Why I came here tonight ♪

♪ Got the feelin' That
somethin' ain't right ♪

♪ I'm so scared In case
I fall off my chair ♪

♪ And I'm wondering How
I'll get down the stairs ♪

♪ And there's clowns to the
left of me Jokers to the right ♪

♪ Here I am Stuck in the middle with you ♪

♪ Yes, I'm stuck in the middle with you ♪

♪ Ooh, ooh ♪

Are we closed for some
minor national holiday

my "Minor National Holiday"
calendar didn't tell me about?

Nope. Just done for the day.

But it's only 9:30.

Well, I got up at six
and got everything done.

If I'm going to be doing this alone,

I better start practicing.

Turns out, I can accomplish

quite a lot without all
the nonsensical chatter.

But I thought we were going to talk

to our lawyer about Omni Tech together.

And I thought we were going to stop

calling my free-spirited ruminations

"nonsensical chatter."

Well, I've already talked to Cheryl

and approved the final draft
of the cease-and-desist letter

that she's sending,
so everything's done.

Can we talk, please? Can we?

I'll make you a martini.

This ain't your momma's tea.

Well, I'd at least
like to see the letter.

It's done, Frankie. I did it.

I'd like to co-did it. I mean, I'm
the co-doer of things in this company

and it would be nice
to be on the other side

of a cease-and-desist for once.

Ooh, that reminds me, the
Magicians' Union called again.

Oh, them.

Here.

Well, thank you.

Let's see. Uh-huh.

Well, first off, the date
is wrong, it's not July.

It is, in fact, July.

Right, right.

I was just testing you.

Unless you were testing me.

No, no, I know it's July.

- Are you gonna read that thing or not?
- I'm reading.

I mean, paragraph three
is a real quagmire.

When does it end with the
"there-tos" and "here-to-fores"

because I'm trapped in the
world's longest run-on sentence.

I know the feeling.

Well, you go off on your own,
you run the risk of getting notes.

Well, I guess going off on my own
feels like the thing to do these days.

Okay, let's unpack that
last remark a little.

Have you unpacked your stuff with Jacob?

Well, no, I wanted to
do it with you first.

I can't help you there, Frankie.

If I tell you to leave, you're
gonna think I don't care.

If I tell you to stay,
you're gonna resent

me for keeping you from your boyfriend.

It's a lose-lose. You're gonna
have to talk to somebody else.

But you're the one I want to talk to.

Well, I am going upstairs.

I am disappearing, see?

Oh, just my legs now.

And I'm gone.

Wondering who those jerks are?

Yes, I was. Hello, Steve.

Hey, Robert. Everything okay?

It's just a little understudy humor.
But really, is everything okay?

Yes, Steve, everything
is fine. Who are they?

Oh, some church group from El Cajon.

They always do this. It's
because we're a gay theater group.

They're harmless, just ignore them.

After last night's stumble-through,

they're really the
least of our problems.

So kind. Thank you, Steve.

Age before beauty.

Understudy before star.

As you exhale, bring
your head up to your knees

and reach between your legs...

Great happy baby, Mom.

Thanks, it's all in the sphincters.

Yeah, you're really
nailing it. Super troubling.

You got to breathe, Bud.

Oh, is that what my problem
is, that I'm not breathing?

Because I thought my problem
was that yoga is terrible.

Agh. You're right. I hate this.

Bugles, anyone?

Since when do you hate yoga, Mom?

Oh, I don't know.

I guess since I started
wondering if I'd like Santa Fe.

- Are you going to Santa Fe?
- Maybe.

You... will... love it.

There's all these really cool
art galleries on Canyon Road.

And the Georgia O'Keeffe Museum.
Don't forget that desert siren.

I stayed in this village
of biohomes there once.

Are you and Jacob planning a trip?

Kind of.

He's thinking maybe of
perhaps moving there.

And he sort of suggested
that I might consider...

coming with him... to live.

- In New Mexico?
- Forever?

What's forever?

- A lot of crime in Santa Fe.
- My biohome smelled like burps.

I think Georgia O'Keeffe hated Jews.

Oh, jeez.

I'm sorry, I shouldn't
have told you like this.

Grace won't talk to me, so
I have to talk to somebody.

No, no. It's okay,
Mom. We just didn't know

that you two were so serious.

- He's my guy.
- That's great.

I guess we were just hoping to
get to know him a little better,

and that you would get to
know Allison a little better,

and that Allison and Jacob would get
to know each other a little better.

Is there a reason why we should
be getting to know Allison better?

Is there?

Whoa, whoa. Calm down.

I mean, we've sort of talked about
talking about taking the next step.

You have?

Yeah. Yeah.

Ah.

So, good.

You may be taking steps,
I may be taking steps.

- So steps are good, right?
- What about Grace?

I know how much you two
depend on each other.

She must be really upset by all of this.

Who knows? She won't talk to me.

Her emotions can often come
locked in a hard outer shell.

Kind of like a Tootsie Pop.

You have to lick it down and
then just bite the hell out of it.

Well... I've seen you take
down many a Tootsie Pop.

So, are you going?

I have no freaking idea.

I just know I need to figure it out.

Whatever you decide, we'll be okay.

I mean, I'll ugly cry

and Coyote will write a
series of alt-rock song crimes.

Which I will treasure.

And Santa Fe is just a plane,
train or automobile away.

I can't afford any of those,
but I bet there's a bus.

The bus makes you so sick.

That's me.

Oh, I knew it was one of you.

Yeah.

- Like that?
- Right.

- Are we waiting till they come outside?
- Yeah.

I'm sorry, I have a
real problem with this.

I don't care for your signs.

- Free speech.
- Is a right, not an alibi.

What? You in the "show"?

Unfortunately, no. I wasn't cast.

I'm bringing a surprise lunch for
my husband, who plays John Adams.

Oh, last time I checked John
Adams wasn't a homosexual.

Actually, historians are still debating

the sexuality of a number
of our founding fathers.

Well, I guess you and your other
gaywads can debate that... in hell.

The only people here with tickets
to hell are you and your friends.

You need to step back.

Freedom of speech, freedom
to stand anywhere I want.

- Step back.
- Get your finger out of my chest.

Don't make me say it again, faggot.

What did you just call me?

I think I called you
a cocksucking faggot!

Oh, that's just...

Daddy, I'm wet!

- What is wrong with you?
- I... I...

- Get out of here.
- Yeah.

What is he...?

Why are there children here?

Oh!

Hey. Where are you going all duded up?

I don't know. Shopping.

New lipstick. Extra-popped collar.

I'm guessing a thong.

All right, I'm shopping and then going

straight to Robert's opening night.

You're wearing your power cologne.

It's over, lady. You're toast. Spill it.

All right, I'll tell you where
I'm going, but you are not coming.

And t'where am I allegedly not coming?

- Omni Tech.
- Oh, the letter worked!

Well, our lawyer is
sitting down this afternoon

with their lawyers and me.

This is huge, Grace!

Give me five, I'll go put
on a knee-length concert tee.

No need to break out the formal
wear. I've got it covered.

You're about to confront The Man,
which is historically my thing.

Oh, I thought getting your hair caught

in the ice machine was "your thing."

Hey, I lost a lot of hair that day.

And may I remind you again that
I am still half of this company?

And I am going where you're going
whether you want me to or not.

I'm like beach erosion,
Grace: I'm happening.

Oh, God.

All right, but we let
the lawyer do the talking.

You do not talk. I don't talk. Got it?

Fine, but I'm driving.

I'm driving.

That is the second set of my car keys

that disappeared down that sewer grate.

I didn't drop this set, you did.

Yeah, because you
screamed, "He's after you!"

Because I thought I saw a bat.

And had it been a bat, which
I realize now it was not,

it would have been rabid, and you'd
be thanking me for saving your life.

You're the one hanging
fruit in the trees

with a sign that says, "For Bats."

They have to eat.

And this is your Panic Alert?

Yes, it is. This car didn't
come with any bells and whistles,

so I use it as an OnStar.

It's because it's basically a golf cart.

And for that rude remark, I'm gonna
make you talk about your feelings.

Nope. You don't talk,
I don't talk, remember?

So, let's practice.

Fine.

Hello, Frankie.

Hope you're feeling extra good today.

I almost got attacked by a bat,
but other than that, I'm good.

Now remember: you don't have
to look outside yourself.

You have everything you need inside.

- I do.
- Are you kidding me?

You said you didn't want to talk.

But I didn't think I'd have to listen to

a conversation between you and you.

Sometimes life sends
you a wonderful surprise.

Now, just close your eyes...

Get... No!

- I am healthy, brilliant...
- It was just a tiny veer over the line.

Red leather, yellow leather.
Red leather, yellow leather.

Red leather, yellow leather,
red leather, yellow leather...

- I thought you left.
- Red leather...

Well, clearly, I have not.

And I'm late for our last
rehearsal, which believe me, I need.

- Can I help? What are you looking for?
- My mints.

Abigail Adams has been
complaining about my breath.

While I remain silent, she
drowns me with her spittle.

Ta-da!

Ah!

Thank you.

Now, what else do I need?

What else do I... Oh!

You're going to have
a great opening night.

There's nothing to be nervous about.

There's plenty to be nervous about.

Peter continues to
restage my opening number,

my feet look like two loaves of
bread baked in those ridiculous shoes.

And, oh, do you remember those
protesters I told you about?

Um... Uh-huh.

Well, apparently

some self-righteous idiot got
into a fight with one of them

and threw a beverage
at an innocent child.

- I wouldn't call him an idiot.
- I would.

You don't engage people like that.
That's how you give them power.

Now they've tripled in number.

And there was a reporter at the theater

this morning interviewing everybody.

- A reporter?
- Yes, a reporter.

My understudy told me all about it

after he got interviewed
and photographed, of course.

Well, maybe the publicity
will sell tickets.

Sol, this is the kind of
publicity that un-sells tickets.

The owner of the theater is
threatening to close the show

after tonight's performance.

We may very well become the
Moose Murders of La Jolla!

I don't know what Moose
Murders is, but it sounds bad.

It is bad!

Oh, God... Am I bad?

Is that why my understudy is
hanging around all the time?

Maybe the protestors
should shut us down.

I never should've done the
show in the first place.

You're spinning out.

I know! I'm a mess! Hold me!

Nobody's going to close
the show, I promise.

And you're going to be great.

- I am?
- Yes.

And if you get nervous, just
look for me out in the audience.

I'll be the boy sitting
there with stars in his eyes.

Okay. That helps.

Thank you, boy with
the stars in his eyes.

Red leather, yellow leather.
Red leather, yellow leather.

Red leather, yellow leather...

My clients have an extensive paper trail

covering the research and development

of the Ménage à Moi,

down to every last email,
fax, letter and package doodle.

Well, our client has an
extensive paper trail, too.

Which I'm betting begins after
the article appeared on Flapper

- about my clients' product.
- What are you looking for, Cheryl?

For starters, you could
drop the attitude, Keith.

And after I consider doing that?

You admit your wrongdoing so
we can all get out of here.

Why don't we do this?

Why don't we go through
your letter point by point...

Tell me what's going on, so I
know what to fake interest in.

That's Nick Skolka. He runs this place.

- Hello, Mr. Skolka.
- Welcome to the Death Star.

Nick Skolka. And you are?

Grace Hanson.

Frankie Bergstein. So nice
to meet you, Mr. Skullcap.

Please, my father was Mr.
Skullcap. Call me Mr. Skolka.

I'm still hearing "Skullcap."

- What are you ladies doing here?
- Suing you for patent infringement.

Oh, get in line. Am I right, Keith?

Actually, sir, we asked you
not to come into these meetings.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

What did I steal from you?

No, not steal. Don't say "steal."

Our vibrator.

Wow.

I have a whole bunch
of follow-up questions.

Our lawyer has all the answers.

- I don't love lawyers. Right, Keith?
- Yes, Dad.

Everyone with a fancy pen and a
legal pad get the fuck out of here.

I do not think that is a good idea.

Keith... you left the
Innocence Project for a reason.

You can go, too, Cheryl.

I do not advise that.

I also do not advise that.

Has anyone ever told you
you have beautiful eyes?

I got this.

Let's go.

But the other guys aren't here yet.

Okay.

Franklin hands it to Livingston,

Livingston hands it to Jefferson,

Jefferson gives it to me, and I do this.

♪ Mr. Sherman, I say you should write it ♪

♪ You are never controversial As it were ♪

- ♪ That is true ♪
- ♪ Whereas if I'm the one to do it ♪

♪ They'll run their quill pens Through it ♪

♪ I'm obnoxious and
disliked You know that, sir ♪

♪ Yes, I do ♪

♪ Then I say you should write it, Roger ♪

- ♪ Yes, you ♪
- ♪ Good heavens, no ♪

♪ You, Roger Sherman, you ♪

- ♪ But... ♪
- ♪ You ♪

- ♪ But... ♪
- ♪ You ♪

Stop! Stop! Stop!

How did my life lead me here?

Lot of mistakes, that's how.

And where are the rest of
the people in this number?

Good question.

They can't find parking
because of the protestors.

Great. Where are our
families supposed to park?

Can't we do something
about those awful people?

Can I take care of
you awful people first?

Does anyone remember
this quill choreography?

- I do!
- Thank God.

Show us, please, Steve.

It's, uh, very simple. You just...

♪ Yes, you, Roger Sherman ♪

♪ You! ♪ Roger pushes it back.

♪ You! ♪ He pushes it again.

♪ You! ♪ Roger takes it.

♪ I was doing that ♪

From the top!

Come in!

Hey. Whoa.

This place feels huge now.
It's like the White House.

That's what you wear to an opening?

What? These are beautifully stonewashed.

- With mustard?
- Oh, shit.

I just ate a bunch of mustard.

Pretty crazy about Mom, right?

I really don't want her to move.

Neither do I, but I guess we're
gonna have to get cool with it.

Unless you're thinking...

Reverse Parent Trap? Using
tactics from The Goonies?

It could work.

Oh, it could totally work.

Or I could just go with her.

My tiny house does have wheels.

But you don't have a
car so would you just

rickshaw it the whole way there, or...

Shut up. No, it's too far.

I'm almost ready. Sorry.

Did you mean that stuff you said
about you and Allison getting serious?

I mean... yeah.

- So marriage has come up?
- Once or twice.

With her. Like, you marrying
Allison. You marrying her.

- Do you have a problem with that?
- No.

But you got to admit,
she is a little off.

You're a little off.

The last time we went to
dinner she talked to her food.

She was apologizing to her food
because she was about to eat it.

Oh, you mean like a person
that's a little off would.

Oh, my God. You know what,
stop ragging on my girlfriend.

It's really hard to get excited
about a future with someone

when you guys are
always shitting on her.

- I'm not shitting on her.
- Yes, you are. You all do.

And I'm sick of it.

Which left us no choice but to
write that letter asking Omni Tech

to cease production on
its Très Belle vibrator.

What a coincidence. You have a
vibrator with a French name, too.

Think you invented giving
French names to sexy things?

Yeah.

Aren't you too big for this?

We're small potatoes.

You're not small potatoes, Nick.

You're huge.

And I got this huge by having my
way with little companies like yours.

Well, how do you think it would
look if the press got a hold of this?

"Omni Tech taking advantage of
a couple of little old ladies."

I don't see a couple
of little old ladies.

Well, I do.

Okay, let me see if I've
got this figured out.

You're the kooky one.

And you're the most
spectacular woman I've ever met.

Let me cut to your chase.
You're not crazy about lawyers.

I'm certainly not crazy about
lawyers, I used to be married to one.

Surely... there's some way that
we can work this out on our own.

I have an idea.

How about I make this whole
thing go away over dinner?

Hey, I know I'm hungry.

Oh, no. Stop right there. Let
me set the record straight.

Us sitting on this table was
a power thing, not a sex thing.

- Frankie...
- Yes, you may argue that power and sex

are the same thing, and
I might agree with you

under different circumstances.

What's happening?

You just have to let
her tire herself out.

I just ate a whole bunch of
nuts and I can go on for days.

- But you're not going to.
- Oh, yes, I am.

You need to knock it off
and quit cribbing our shit.

Oh, do I?

Let's you and me go talk about this.

Oh, we'll talk about it, all
right when we take you to court.

- Is that what we're gonna do?
- Yes.

Let me sidebar with my
partner for a minute...

No need for a sidebar.

You are vile and your
company is disreputable.

Okay. I'll see you in court.

At least I'll get to see you again.

Oh, this is great! I'm pumped.

You're pumped?

Oh, that's good... 'cause we're fucked.

Gays go home!

Oh, where's your Pepsi?

Oh, it was actually an artisanal
soda called "Mr. Bubbly."

I just wanted to apologize
for my behavior the other day

and say I hope we can
set our differences

aside and let the good thespians...

Lesbians!

... of the New Lear Community
Theater enjoy their big night.

- What, you gonna throw those at us now?
- No!

As a proud protestor myself, I know
the importance of staying hydrated.

I've fainted many times in the hot sun,

and even though it's almost 6:30,
the sun's rays can still hurt us.

So I present this water
as a peace offering.

I hope we can all learn to live
in a space of mutual respect.

Oh!

That's nice. Great example for your son.

Wasting water during a drought.

Look who's talking about good examples.

Go home.

Gays go home!

Gays go home!

Lovely.

That's just lovely.

Gays go home!

- Forty-five minutes to curtain.
- Paul! Where is Paul?

We need to run the
Mr. Adams number again.

I don't know. He went to
Popeye's half an hour ago.

I think he got held
up by those protesters.

Why are you everywhere?

Hate is not a family value!

Neither is throwing soda on a child!

I was trying to throw it at you!

I'll get you. I'm gonna get you!

I don't know why you're mad at me.

I'm mad at you because I had
him exactly where I wanted him.

Where? In 1961 in the Playboy Mansion?

Oh, I know how to handle guys like that.

I've been doing it my whole life.

Just because I was
going to dinner with him

doesn't mean it was going any further.

It was one bad day at
the office. We'll fix it.

"We'll"? There's no more "we'll."

- That's not true.
- Oh, yes, it is.

Because half of "we'll"
is abandoning me.

And why wouldn't I? You're
acting like I've already left.

You wrote this letter without me,

you were going to this
meeting without me.

I don't even know if I'm going yet.

Of course you're going.

Santa Fe is the place you've been
dressing for your entire life.

Don't you understand that
this is an impossible choice?

I don't want to lose Jacob,
I don't want to lose you.

What am I supposed to do?

Oh, I told you. I can't
tell you what to do.

Well, you can say something.

- Like what?
- I don't know,

like, "Don't go, I'll miss you."

Or something a human
being might think or feel.

You think I don't feel
anything about this?

I don't know what you
feel, you won't talk to me.

There's nothing to talk about

until you decide whether you're
gonna run off with your boyfriend.

What would you have done if
things had worked out with Phil?

Would we all be living together at the

beach house, because I don't think so.

Why the hell would you bring up Phil?

I'm just saying I...

Make a hard left on Ferderd.

Let's go!

It's green, Frankie, go!

Frankie, go!

Frankie?

Frankie?

Oh, my God. Frankie!

Ms. Bergstein? Is everything okay?

We need help!

Frankie?

♪ Tales of an endless heart ♪

♪ Cursed is a fool who's willing ♪

♪ Can't change the way we are ♪

♪ One kiss away from killing ♪

♪ Don't you say Don't you say it ♪

♪ Don't say Don't you say it ♪

♪ One breath It'll just break it ♪

♪ So shut your mouth
And run me like a river ♪

♪ Shut you mouth Baby, stand and deliver ♪

♪ Oh, oh ♪

♪ Like a river ♪

Okay, good night.

Synced and corrected by Dragoniod for
- www.addic7ed.com -