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sync & correction by f1nc0
~ Addic7ed.com ~
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This is gonna be fun!
3
00:00:05,048 --> 00:00:09,461
- I'm super excited!
- It's too early to be super excited.
4
00:00:09,463 --> 00:00:10,529
See? A yawn.
5
00:00:10,530 --> 00:00:13,032
- That's proof.
- This is my first time
6
00:00:13,033 --> 00:00:14,800
going out deer hunting
with the fellas.
7
00:00:14,835 --> 00:00:17,836
Okay, but why do you have to
go out at the break of dawn?
8
00:00:17,838 --> 00:00:19,038
It doesn't seem fair
to shoot something
9
00:00:19,039 --> 00:00:20,306
while they're still asleep.
10
00:00:20,307 --> 00:00:22,575
- We're not actually shooting anything.
- You're not?
11
00:00:22,576 --> 00:00:24,810
- We're not?
- No, we just go out into the woods
12
00:00:24,811 --> 00:00:27,079
during deer season
to sort of participate
13
00:00:27,080 --> 00:00:29,080
in the whole thing.
It's like camping,
14
00:00:29,081 --> 00:00:30,749
but we don't actually
shoot anything.
15
00:00:30,750 --> 00:00:33,351
- Aw...
- Maybe some road signs.
16
00:00:33,353 --> 00:00:35,121
- Yay!
- Good for you.
17
00:00:35,122 --> 00:00:38,022
I mean, to be honest, you never
really struck me as a hunter.
18
00:00:38,024 --> 00:00:40,526
More of a gatherer.
Hoarder.
19
00:00:40,527 --> 00:00:43,129
Bystander?
I'm trying not to say "coward."
20
00:00:43,130 --> 00:00:44,896
Look, just because this
is a farming town,
21
00:00:44,898 --> 00:00:47,699
it doesn't mean everyone's
into killing stuff.
22
00:00:47,701 --> 00:00:50,389
- Time to go bag us some Bambis!
- Whoo-hooo!
23
00:00:50,424 --> 00:00:51,803
Bam! Bam!
Bam! Bam! Bam! Bam!
24
00:00:53,106 --> 00:00:55,741
Having said that,
many people around here
25
00:00:55,742 --> 00:00:57,575
are super into killing stuff.
26
00:00:57,577 --> 00:01:01,346
♪ You think there's
not a lot going on ♪
27
00:01:01,348 --> 00:01:04,582
♪ Look closer, baby
you're so wrong ♪
28
00:01:04,784 --> 00:01:08,284
2x07 - Pioneer and Deer
29
00:01:09,044 --> 00:01:11,403
So none of you...
not Hank, not Davis,
30
00:01:11,405 --> 00:01:14,372
- have killed anything? Ever?
- Nope.
31
00:01:14,373 --> 00:01:16,341
Unless a mosquito lands on me
and starts sucking.
32
00:01:16,342 --> 00:01:17,877
I will straight up murder that.
33
00:01:17,878 --> 00:01:20,045
Then what do you guys
do in the woods?
34
00:01:20,047 --> 00:01:22,680
We eat hotdogs,
drink coffee, pee on stuff.
35
00:01:22,682 --> 00:01:25,016
So, same thing you do
when you're not in the woods,
36
00:01:25,018 --> 00:01:27,520
- and zero shooting.
- We still have a good time.
37
00:01:27,521 --> 00:01:29,955
I like to take photos
of any animals we see.
38
00:01:29,956 --> 00:01:31,624
Davis is big into tracking,
39
00:01:31,625 --> 00:01:33,793
so there's a lot of crouching
and looking pensive,
40
00:01:33,794 --> 00:01:36,461
- and sniffing branches or whatever.
- What about Hank?
41
00:01:36,462 --> 00:01:37,630
We're not going to shoot Hank.
42
00:01:37,631 --> 00:01:41,099
Oh, Hank shoot something?
Uh. He's not going to kill anything.
43
00:01:41,101 --> 00:01:43,968
He's too sensitive
and emotionally delicate.
44
00:01:44,637 --> 00:01:45,871
Aw!
45
00:01:47,841 --> 00:01:51,709
Oh, boy!
Pioneer Days is finally here.
46
00:01:51,711 --> 00:01:53,778
Oh, my favourite event.
47
00:01:53,780 --> 00:01:56,415
I think this year I'll start
watching the Butter Churnament,
48
00:01:56,416 --> 00:01:59,317
then spend a couple hours
at the Fiddling Deathmatch,
49
00:01:59,319 --> 00:02:02,087
and then win a few bucks
at Chicken Crap Bingo.
50
00:02:02,089 --> 00:02:03,154
How does that sound?
51
00:02:03,155 --> 00:02:05,825
It sounds like I forgot to
tell you you're not going.
52
00:02:05,826 --> 00:02:07,293
What? Why the hell not?
53
00:02:07,294 --> 00:02:10,228
Because you've been banned
by the organizing committee.
54
00:02:10,230 --> 00:02:14,165
Banned? What does the organizing
committee have against me?
55
00:02:15,568 --> 00:02:17,402
These Pioneer Days are a joke!
56
00:02:17,404 --> 00:02:21,806
The baking contest is right
beside the livestock stench!
57
00:02:21,808 --> 00:02:25,077
The hamster races are rigged!
Half of them are gerbils!
58
00:02:25,078 --> 00:02:26,878
The whole thing is a gong show.
59
00:02:26,880 --> 00:02:29,013
You even got rid of the gong show!
60
00:02:29,015 --> 00:02:33,752
Do you jackass simpletons
have one brain between you?
61
00:02:33,954 --> 00:02:35,354
"Simpleton" is a medical term.
62
00:02:35,475 --> 00:02:39,578
The bottom line is you're banned,
and even if you weren't,
63
00:02:39,579 --> 00:02:42,513
you still have to stay home
and guard my caulibarb.
64
00:02:42,515 --> 00:02:46,351
- Caulibarb? I've never heard of...
- It's my own hybrid plant.
65
00:02:46,353 --> 00:02:50,255
- Because of course it is.
- Part cauliflower, part rhubarb.
66
00:02:50,257 --> 00:02:52,890
The deer go crazy for it
this time of year.
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00:02:52,892 --> 00:02:55,794
So, Oscar, you're staying
home and guarding the garden.
68
00:02:55,795 --> 00:02:58,263
- Why can't you do it?
- I have to do
69
00:02:58,264 --> 00:03:00,965
the Old-Timey Threshing Machine
demonstration again.
70
00:03:00,967 --> 00:03:03,435
- People love it.
- But Karen's out hunting.
71
00:03:03,436 --> 00:03:05,536
Doesn't she usually play
your pioneer woman?
72
00:03:05,538 --> 00:03:08,539
Yeah, but Wanda is happy to fill in.
73
00:03:08,541 --> 00:03:11,042
Why do I have to do your stupid play?
74
00:03:11,044 --> 00:03:13,111
You just have to talk
about pioneer life.
75
00:03:13,113 --> 00:03:14,546
It's all in the script.
76
00:03:15,882 --> 00:03:19,184
"A Day in the Life of a Pioneer"
with Jane T. Wright.
77
00:03:19,185 --> 00:03:21,219
Why does that name
sound familiar?
78
00:03:22,021 --> 00:03:24,790
I'm playing her?
She looks more like you.
79
00:03:24,791 --> 00:03:26,224
Why don't you do it?
80
00:03:26,225 --> 00:03:29,460
Oh, I would never dream
of stepping into her shoes.
81
00:03:29,462 --> 00:03:32,864
Jane T. Wright was
the very embodiment
82
00:03:32,866 --> 00:03:36,235
of the strong prairie woman.
Tough, yet tender.
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00:03:36,236 --> 00:03:39,804
Sassy, yet sweet.
Kind, yet terrifying.
84
00:03:39,806 --> 00:03:43,542
- Paradoxical, yet...
- I got it! She was a real bag of snakes.
85
00:03:43,543 --> 00:03:45,243
Don't worry about the presentation.
86
00:03:45,245 --> 00:03:47,378
No one's going to pay
any attention to you.
87
00:03:47,380 --> 00:03:51,049
They're really there to see
me run the old-timey thresher.
88
00:03:51,051 --> 00:03:53,385
- It's very exciting.
- That must be why
89
00:03:53,386 --> 00:03:55,854
there's so many action
movies about agriculture.
90
00:03:55,855 --> 00:03:58,756
I wanted to leave
the assassin life behind
91
00:03:58,758 --> 00:04:00,326
and grow flax and barley,
92
00:04:00,327 --> 00:04:02,927
but you wouldn't let me.
93
00:04:02,929 --> 00:04:05,831
Looks like this farmer
is gonna be harvesting...
94
00:04:05,832 --> 00:04:07,399
organs.
95
00:04:10,804 --> 00:04:12,304
I don't remember that movie.
96
00:04:12,305 --> 00:04:14,972
I made it up as a graphic example.
97
00:04:16,509 --> 00:04:19,278
- ...and a dollar is your change.
- Keep it.
98
00:04:19,279 --> 00:04:22,914
A dollar tip?
Fitzy, are you drunk?
99
00:04:22,916 --> 00:04:25,617
A small thank you for
volunteering to wood the grill
100
00:04:25,618 --> 00:04:29,220
- at the Pioneer Days barbecue.
- Now, it is my pleasure.
101
00:04:29,222 --> 00:04:32,090
I came up with a new marinade
for my chicken,
102
00:04:32,092 --> 00:04:34,359
a delicate blend of Italian herbs,
103
00:04:34,361 --> 00:04:36,361
with turmeric and ginger...
104
00:04:36,363 --> 00:04:39,164
Can you put it on deer steaks
and deer sausage?
105
00:04:39,165 --> 00:04:40,566
There's no deer on the menu.
106
00:04:40,567 --> 00:04:43,101
There's no menu.
It's deer.
107
00:04:43,102 --> 00:04:45,670
Every year we cook up
what the hunters bring back.
108
00:04:45,672 --> 00:04:49,460
You've never lived until you've
tasted a fresh Bambi burger.
109
00:04:49,495 --> 00:04:51,309
What do you people have
against Bambi?!
110
00:04:51,311 --> 00:04:53,678
I hope the hunters get
a good haul this year.
111
00:04:53,680 --> 00:04:54,612
You never know,
112
00:04:54,613 --> 00:04:56,949
because there's no
foolproof way to lure a deer.
113
00:04:56,950 --> 00:04:59,245
- Caulibarb!
- You can call it Barb,
114
00:04:59,313 --> 00:05:02,086
you can call it Dave,
deer still won't come.
115
00:05:02,088 --> 00:05:05,356
- Right. Forget I said anything.
- Can do.
116
00:05:08,026 --> 00:05:09,727
Look at them up there,
117
00:05:09,729 --> 00:05:12,530
thinking they're so big
and macho in the front seat.
118
00:05:12,532 --> 00:05:14,699
I'm riding up front
on the way home!
119
00:05:14,701 --> 00:05:16,201
You getting queasy
back there, buddy?
120
00:05:16,202 --> 00:05:18,404
- Funny tummy?
- My tummy is fine...
121
00:05:18,405 --> 00:05:21,840
- I-I mean, my gut is fine!
- I have to be up here to track.
122
00:05:21,841 --> 00:05:24,208
Monitor wind shifts,
look for motion in the bush...
123
00:05:24,210 --> 00:05:26,578
You're just up there because
that's where the Danishes are.
124
00:05:26,579 --> 00:05:28,847
Hey, Hank, what kind of flowers
are you going to pick this year?
125
00:05:28,848 --> 00:05:31,250
I don't pick flowers!
I clear bush!
126
00:05:31,251 --> 00:05:32,284
Okay, all right.
127
00:05:32,285 --> 00:05:33,985
I'm just saying,
when you're done,
128
00:05:33,987 --> 00:05:35,920
you've usually made
a pretty nice daisy chain.
129
00:05:35,922 --> 00:05:38,657
So? I like chain.
All kinds of chain.
130
00:05:38,658 --> 00:05:41,493
Maybe I'll make some chain mail.
Join a chain gang.
131
00:05:41,494 --> 00:05:44,329
You got raisin Danish?
Nobody likes raisin.
132
00:05:44,330 --> 00:05:46,365
I'll eat it.
I can handle a few raisins.
133
00:05:46,366 --> 00:05:49,001
You sure, Hank? You know
raisins give you the scoots.
134
00:05:49,002 --> 00:05:49,868
Deal with it!
135
00:05:54,826 --> 00:05:57,461
Hey! I read your
stupid pioneer play.
136
00:05:57,463 --> 00:05:59,664
It's just about
how hard the men worked,
137
00:05:59,666 --> 00:06:01,366
and how tough the men were,
138
00:06:01,367 --> 00:06:03,634
and how the women
just swooned around at home,
139
00:06:03,636 --> 00:06:05,436
squirting out kids and bread.
140
00:06:05,438 --> 00:06:07,238
Maybe that's how it was back then.
141
00:06:07,240 --> 00:06:10,576
Pioneer women contributed a hell
of a lot to settle this country.
142
00:06:10,577 --> 00:06:12,144
Look at Jane T. Wright.
143
00:06:12,145 --> 00:06:15,980
- What did Jane T. Wright do?
- What did she do?!
144
00:06:15,982 --> 00:06:17,583
I don't know.
Didn't you write this?
145
00:06:17,584 --> 00:06:21,719
I just picked it up from stories
old people threw around town.
146
00:06:21,721 --> 00:06:24,989
Go do some research
and rewrite it if you want.
147
00:06:24,991 --> 00:06:27,558
I've got an old book
of Dog River history.
148
00:06:27,560 --> 00:06:29,860
Go get it from Oscar.
149
00:06:31,230 --> 00:06:35,399
Stupid garden...
"Go protect my caulibarb!"
150
00:06:35,401 --> 00:06:38,302
Yeah. If you didn't invent it,
the deer wouldn't eat it.
151
00:06:38,304 --> 00:06:40,171
Ever think of that?!
152
00:06:40,173 --> 00:06:42,808
- Oh, right, I'm alone.
- Oscar!
153
00:06:42,809 --> 00:06:44,742
I thought I was alone.
154
00:06:44,744 --> 00:06:46,744
Have any deer come around here?
155
00:06:46,746 --> 00:06:48,413
You haven't shot any, have you?
156
00:06:48,414 --> 00:06:50,348
You can't fire off a gun
within town limits.
157
00:06:50,350 --> 00:06:53,785
If I could, I wouldn't need
the fence, would I, genius?
158
00:06:53,786 --> 00:06:58,089
So the deer can't be shot
if they're within town limits?
159
00:06:58,091 --> 00:07:00,592
Uh, listen, I was
thinking how unfair it is
160
00:07:00,593 --> 00:07:02,860
that you were banned
from Pioneer Days.
161
00:07:02,862 --> 00:07:06,031
If I were you, I'd go anyway,
just to prove a point.
162
00:07:06,032 --> 00:07:07,299
Maybe I will!
163
00:07:07,300 --> 00:07:10,369
- What's my point?
- Your point is you're a grown man
164
00:07:10,370 --> 00:07:12,236
who can't be told what to do.
165
00:07:12,238 --> 00:07:15,039
Now, put on a disguise
so no one recognizes you.
166
00:07:15,041 --> 00:07:17,275
A disguise?
That's a good idea.
167
00:07:17,276 --> 00:07:18,543
Thanks, Lacey.
168
00:07:18,544 --> 00:07:21,345
I take back the mean stuff I
said about you this morning.
169
00:07:21,346 --> 00:07:22,948
You didn't say anything mean to me.
170
00:07:22,949 --> 00:07:24,483
Not "to" you.
171
00:07:28,487 --> 00:07:30,621
Hey, Brent, if you're
into taking photos,
172
00:07:30,623 --> 00:07:32,623
take one of me
in this hunting gear.
173
00:07:32,625 --> 00:07:35,893
- I want to send it to my dad.
- Okiedoke.
174
00:07:36,228 --> 00:07:38,095
That's your camera?
175
00:07:38,097 --> 00:07:40,298
Shouldn't that be on display
at Pioneer Days?
176
00:07:40,299 --> 00:07:43,401
Just use my phone.
I want to text him the pictures.
177
00:07:43,403 --> 00:07:46,505
Fine, be a techno-sheep.
No skin off my nose.
178
00:07:46,506 --> 00:07:48,974
- How do I look?
- Kind of pudgy.
179
00:07:48,975 --> 00:07:52,744
- Reverse the lens.
- Oh, there you are, but it's a bit dark.
180
00:07:52,745 --> 00:07:54,578
There's better lighting
in that clearing.
181
00:07:54,580 --> 00:07:57,649
Plus I've been itching to pee
on that shrub since we got here.
182
00:07:57,650 --> 00:07:59,450
How's it hanging?
183
00:07:59,452 --> 00:08:01,053
I think I may have found a game trail.
184
00:08:01,054 --> 00:08:02,187
Cool, cool...
185
00:08:03,256 --> 00:08:06,857
- Hey, uh, you got any tobacco?
- Tobacco?
186
00:08:06,858 --> 00:08:08,493
Yeah, smoke or chew,
either's good.
187
00:08:08,494 --> 00:08:10,696
- Tough guys chew, right?
- I don't.
188
00:08:10,697 --> 00:08:12,130
Ha! You said it, not me!
189
00:08:12,131 --> 00:08:14,298
- Ah...
- You okay, Hank?
190
00:08:14,299 --> 00:08:16,534
You didn't eat that
raisin Danish, did you?
191
00:08:16,536 --> 00:08:18,103
No, I'm just...
192
00:08:18,104 --> 00:08:20,971
I heard Brent say he thinks
I'm emotional and delicate.
193
00:08:20,973 --> 00:08:23,709
- So you need a hug?
- What I need is to show him
194
00:08:23,710 --> 00:08:26,445
I'm tougher than he thinks,
so this year
195
00:08:26,446 --> 00:08:28,879
I'm going to actually shoot a deer,
196
00:08:28,881 --> 00:08:30,315
but I need something from you.
197
00:08:30,316 --> 00:08:33,350
- Hug time. Bring it in, little buddy.
- No, no, no,
198
00:08:33,351 --> 00:08:36,220
you have to track a deer
so I can kill it.
199
00:08:36,222 --> 00:08:38,790
I just track
for the thrill of the chase,
200
00:08:38,791 --> 00:08:41,092
getting close enough
to actually see one
201
00:08:41,094 --> 00:08:42,960
before they bound off
into the woods
202
00:08:42,962 --> 00:08:45,563
with their puffy white tail
bouncing behind them.
203
00:08:45,565 --> 00:08:47,466
- I'll give you all the meat.
- Done.
204
00:08:47,467 --> 00:08:49,266
I do love a good Bambi burger.
205
00:08:50,302 --> 00:08:52,770
Hmm, no deer yet.
206
00:08:52,772 --> 00:08:54,192
Maybe they're not as into
207
00:08:54,193 --> 00:08:57,109
this caulibarb stuff as Emma says.
Oh!
208
00:08:57,110 --> 00:09:00,836
Hey! Eat the stuff on
the ground, don't just...
209
00:09:02,214 --> 00:09:06,484
Well, there you go.
Eat up, boys. Or girls...
210
00:09:06,486 --> 00:09:07,719
More where that came from.
211
00:09:16,419 --> 00:09:19,854
- Who are you supposed to be?
- Lone Ranger.
212
00:09:19,856 --> 00:09:22,058
Who are you supposed to be?
Aunt Jemima?
213
00:09:22,059 --> 00:09:24,492
Yeah. I'm here
to check your syrup supply.
214
00:09:24,494 --> 00:09:27,495
- It's in the fridge. I gotta go.
- Hang on.
215
00:09:27,496 --> 00:09:29,431
Emma said I could borrow
some history book.
216
00:09:29,433 --> 00:09:30,599
Can you find it for me?
217
00:09:30,600 --> 00:09:32,934
- Why can't you find it?
- Because!
218
00:09:32,935 --> 00:09:35,737
I can barely see out of
this giant stupid bonnet.
219
00:09:35,739 --> 00:09:38,243
I mean, don't get me wrong,
if I had an operation,
220
00:09:38,278 --> 00:09:39,742
it'd keep me from
licking my stitches.
221
00:09:39,743 --> 00:09:43,244
Fine. "Watch my garden."
"Find my book."
222
00:09:43,246 --> 00:09:45,847
Can't anyone do
anything for themselves?
223
00:09:45,849 --> 00:09:47,949
Is that the official
Lone Ranger motto?
224
00:09:48,784 --> 00:09:50,485
Huh, well, that was
a waste of time.
225
00:09:50,487 --> 00:09:52,671
- What was?
- We spent the entire
226
00:09:52,672 --> 00:09:55,124
morning in the woods
and never saw a single deer.
227
00:09:55,125 --> 00:09:57,125
Aw, that is too bad,
228
00:09:57,127 --> 00:10:00,429
and I was so looking forward
to a Bambi burger.
229
00:10:00,430 --> 00:10:02,798
Ah, well,
everyone will just have to try
230
00:10:02,799 --> 00:10:04,866
my new grilled chicken marinade.
231
00:10:15,178 --> 00:10:16,946
- Hmm...
- Find anything?
232
00:10:16,947 --> 00:10:18,847
Shh! We're not
gonna find anything
233
00:10:18,849 --> 00:10:21,884
- with you being so loud.
- We gotta bag a deer soon.
234
00:10:21,885 --> 00:10:24,954
I got the blood lust now.
I'm a killing machine!
235
00:10:24,955 --> 00:10:26,288
A merciless warrior!
236
00:10:27,257 --> 00:10:29,458
Ugh, oh...
237
00:10:29,459 --> 00:10:32,694
Did you lick a rock?
Don't tell Brent I gagged.
238
00:10:33,797 --> 00:10:36,799
You look good in this light.
You could be a model.
239
00:10:36,800 --> 00:10:40,069
Really?
Like for Vogue?
240
00:10:40,070 --> 00:10:41,903
I was thinking Field & Stream.
241
00:10:41,905 --> 00:10:43,705
Okay, that's enough photos now.
242
00:10:43,707 --> 00:10:46,809
Let's do some of the other
cool stuff you guys do out here.
243
00:10:46,810 --> 00:10:49,011
- I want to pee on something.
- Hold on.
244
00:10:49,012 --> 00:10:50,546
Let's do a few more photos,
245
00:10:50,547 --> 00:10:52,614
because I really think I
could send these in somewhere.
246
00:10:52,616 --> 00:10:56,217
But loosen up.
Be a bit more sultry and alluring.
247
00:10:56,219 --> 00:10:58,853
Alluring?
No way, I'd feel stupid.
248
00:10:58,855 --> 00:11:01,991
- There's nothing to feel stupid about.
- I wouldn't know how.
249
00:11:01,992 --> 00:11:03,392
Ah, simplest thing in the world.
250
00:11:03,393 --> 00:11:05,693
You just lean against something...
251
00:11:05,695 --> 00:11:09,931
you're hot, exhausted...
lips slightly apart...
252
00:11:09,933 --> 00:11:12,034
Are you thirsty?
Afraid?
253
00:11:12,035 --> 00:11:15,837
- Are you cold and alone?
- I see...
254
00:11:15,839 --> 00:11:17,772
But give me a bit more pout.
255
00:11:20,777 --> 00:11:22,044
Mm...
256
00:11:22,045 --> 00:11:24,879
Oh, no, my boot's untied.
257
00:11:27,684 --> 00:11:31,186
No good.
Needs a new belt.
258
00:11:31,188 --> 00:11:34,222
Problem is, nobody makes belts
for these old machines anymore.
259
00:11:34,224 --> 00:11:37,325
You do whatever it takes
to make it run.
260
00:11:37,327 --> 00:11:39,027
All right.
261
00:11:40,930 --> 00:11:44,999
She gone?
You look ridiculous.
262
00:11:46,570 --> 00:11:49,405
- There's none out there.
- I can't remember another year
263
00:11:49,406 --> 00:11:51,206
when we didn't even see a deer.
264
00:11:51,208 --> 00:11:53,976
- Climate change is real.
- Yup.
265
00:11:53,977 --> 00:11:56,879
Maybe in another 20 years,
the deer will be extinct,
266
00:11:56,880 --> 00:11:59,381
- like the penguins.
- Penguins aren't extinct.
267
00:11:59,382 --> 00:12:00,916
I realized that as soon as I said it.
268
00:12:00,917 --> 00:12:03,152
Hey! Get away from there!
269
00:12:03,153 --> 00:12:07,288
Okay, Jane T. Wright,
let's see what your deal was.
270
00:12:07,290 --> 00:12:09,959
Boring, boring...
271
00:12:09,960 --> 00:12:13,928
bor... hold the phone.
Oh, that can't be right.
272
00:12:13,930 --> 00:12:17,565
Wow.
I was not expecting that.
273
00:12:18,969 --> 00:12:21,402
We're closed for Pioneer Days!
274
00:12:21,404 --> 00:12:24,439
A-ha!
Oh! What the hell?
275
00:12:27,076 --> 00:12:30,424
Is this some kinda Hitchcock thing?
276
00:12:34,746 --> 00:12:37,815
- What's going on?
- Nothing. Just woodsy forest things.
277
00:12:37,816 --> 00:12:41,251
- What are you doing?
- Been tracking deer, but it's strange.
278
00:12:41,253 --> 00:12:43,219
All indications show
the flow travelling
279
00:12:43,221 --> 00:12:45,623
in the opposite direction
from other years.
280
00:12:45,624 --> 00:12:47,058
Like, back toward town.
281
00:12:47,059 --> 00:12:49,826
- That doesn't mean I want to be a model.
- What?
282
00:12:49,827 --> 00:12:52,797
I'm just saying we may as well
pack up camp and head home.
283
00:12:52,798 --> 00:12:56,633
- A model?
- For a chunky monkey, he's got moves.
284
00:12:56,635 --> 00:12:58,002
Hey, I was posing...
285
00:12:58,003 --> 00:13:01,738
I mean, Karen was posing down
by the river, and I saw these.
286
00:13:01,739 --> 00:13:03,873
Aren't these those
purple flowers you like?
287
00:13:03,875 --> 00:13:05,309
I hate flowers.
288
00:13:05,310 --> 00:13:07,477
Okay, do you also hate
getting a boot in your tooter,
289
00:13:07,479 --> 00:13:08,979
'cause that's a couple seconds away
290
00:13:08,980 --> 00:13:10,648
if you don't tell me
what's with the attitude.
291
00:13:10,649 --> 00:13:14,041
Oh, now who's sensitive?
292
00:13:14,485 --> 00:13:16,252
Well, I think everyone is going to enjoy
293
00:13:16,254 --> 00:13:20,091
my rather substantial re-write
of the pioneer play.
294
00:13:20,092 --> 00:13:22,959
I think folks will be plenty interested
295
00:13:22,961 --> 00:13:25,295
in the authentic historical details
296
00:13:25,297 --> 00:13:28,498
I have unearthed
about our own Jane T. Wright.
297
00:13:29,967 --> 00:13:34,305
Plenty interested indeed.
Mm-hmm, yup.
298
00:13:34,306 --> 00:13:37,474
Muy, muy interestico.
299
00:13:37,476 --> 00:13:41,644
- Could you go somewhere else now?
- Can do.
300
00:13:44,915 --> 00:13:46,550
Ah! No!
301
00:13:46,551 --> 00:13:48,853
I didn't realize there
were this many deer.
302
00:13:48,854 --> 00:13:50,387
That's why
we hunt them every year,
303
00:13:50,388 --> 00:13:52,822
to control the overpopulation.
304
00:13:52,824 --> 00:13:56,327
- Overpopulation?
- Yeah. If there's more of them than us,
305
00:13:56,328 --> 00:13:59,195
- and once they get the vote, we are...
- Dammit, Nate!
306
00:13:59,196 --> 00:14:00,698
I've told you that's not the issue.
307
00:14:05,836 --> 00:14:07,704
Hey! What the hell?
308
00:14:10,841 --> 00:14:12,541
Oh!
309
00:14:13,844 --> 00:14:18,448
Hey! I only needed one
more plop, you jackass!
310
00:14:18,450 --> 00:14:20,617
These deer are ruining everything!
311
00:14:20,619 --> 00:14:24,020
What simpletons are on the
organizing committee this year?
312
00:14:24,021 --> 00:14:26,256
And we can't even
shoot the deer in town,
313
00:14:26,258 --> 00:14:28,925
so there won't be any
sausage for the barbecue.
314
00:14:28,927 --> 00:14:30,227
This is about bingo!
315
00:14:30,228 --> 00:14:33,197
Bingo has been called.
Hold your cards.
316
00:14:33,198 --> 00:14:37,033
Oscar, we need to find a way
to get rid of these deer.
317
00:14:37,035 --> 00:14:39,035
Who is this, uh,
Oscar you speak of?
318
00:14:39,037 --> 00:14:41,504
I'm the one who told you
to wear a disguise.
319
00:14:41,506 --> 00:14:43,773
- Oh, yeah.
- Aah!
320
00:14:43,774 --> 00:14:46,643
They can still smell
the caulibarb on me.
321
00:14:46,645 --> 00:14:48,045
This is all my fault.
322
00:14:48,046 --> 00:14:50,013
Why are there
so many deer in town?
323
00:14:50,015 --> 00:14:52,449
It's not my fault!
That's all we know.
324
00:14:52,450 --> 00:14:55,585
Oscar, I told you
you weren't allowed here,
325
00:14:55,587 --> 00:14:57,821
and why are you dressed
like the Lone Ranger?
326
00:14:57,823 --> 00:15:00,090
I'm not.
I mean, he's not.
327
00:15:00,091 --> 00:15:03,526
Come with me.
I have an idea.
328
00:15:07,698 --> 00:15:09,033
Okay, why are you pouting?
329
00:15:09,034 --> 00:15:11,835
- You've been pouting all day.
- I heard you tell Karen
330
00:15:11,836 --> 00:15:13,736
you thought I was sensitive
and emotionally delicate.
331
00:15:13,738 --> 00:15:15,105
He didn't say "emotionally delicate."
332
00:15:15,106 --> 00:15:18,541
He said...
Oh, yeah, that is what you said.
333
00:15:18,543 --> 00:15:20,144
Does seem harsh,
now that I hear it again.
334
00:15:20,145 --> 00:15:22,145
So I said you were delicate,
335
00:15:22,147 --> 00:15:23,980
and you were gonna
prove me wrong by pouting?
336
00:15:23,982 --> 00:15:26,616
I was going to prove you wrong
by actually killing a deer.
337
00:15:26,618 --> 00:15:28,952
Killing something
doesn't make you macho.
338
00:15:29,855 --> 00:15:32,422
See? Grasshopper.
Does that make me a tough guy?
339
00:15:32,423 --> 00:15:34,691
I know what you said,
and I know what you think.
340
00:15:34,693 --> 00:15:36,726
Just drive.
341
00:15:36,727 --> 00:15:37,962
Ugh, that was a big one.
342
00:15:40,899 --> 00:15:45,401
Ladies and gentlemen
of the fine settlement of Dog River.
343
00:15:45,403 --> 00:15:47,937
In a few minutes,
you will be witness
344
00:15:47,939 --> 00:15:49,806
to the modern engineering marvel
345
00:15:49,808 --> 00:15:52,842
that is an old-timey
threshing machine,
346
00:15:52,844 --> 00:15:54,478
but let me be clear,
347
00:15:54,479 --> 00:15:56,346
the men who settled this area
348
00:15:56,348 --> 00:15:58,948
weren't the only ones doing the work.
349
00:15:58,950 --> 00:16:00,551
The women of that time,
350
00:16:00,552 --> 00:16:02,852
or this time,
however we're playing this,
351
00:16:02,854 --> 00:16:04,821
were every bit as important,
352
00:16:04,823 --> 00:16:08,791
and many were the town's
first entrepreneurs.
353
00:16:08,793 --> 00:16:10,727
In fact, as we all know,
354
00:16:10,729 --> 00:16:12,980
our very own Jane T. Wright
355
00:16:12,981 --> 00:16:17,033
founded the Post Office,
the first General Store,
356
00:16:17,035 --> 00:16:19,369
co-operated the local blacksmith...
357
00:16:19,371 --> 00:16:25,141
but you may be surprised to learn
she also operated...
358
00:16:25,143 --> 00:16:27,630
a cat house!
359
00:16:28,345 --> 00:16:33,242
Okay, that is to say...
a house of ill repute!
360
00:16:34,051 --> 00:16:36,620
A whore house?
361
00:16:37,589 --> 00:16:39,555
Now that I have your attention,
362
00:16:39,557 --> 00:16:43,227
I will re-enact a typical
transaction from that time.
363
00:16:43,228 --> 00:16:44,795
I need a male volunteer.
364
00:16:44,796 --> 00:16:47,563
- Ooh, me!
- Me, me, me!
365
00:16:50,035 --> 00:16:53,903
- Success! Thanks again.
- My pleasure.
366
00:16:53,904 --> 00:16:57,173
It's been two hours.
Pull up your pants.
367
00:16:57,175 --> 00:16:59,075
Step right up,
ladies and gentlemen,
368
00:16:59,077 --> 00:17:04,948
as I demonstrate the pinnacle
of 1905 agricultural technology.
369
00:17:04,950 --> 00:17:07,418
Hey!
The wheat wagon is gone.
370
00:17:07,419 --> 00:17:11,387
- Who took the wheat wagon?
- He's saving Pioneer Days!
371
00:17:11,389 --> 00:17:15,858
This is working like a charm.
372
00:17:17,295 --> 00:17:19,562
Okay, but can I
sit up there with you?
373
00:17:19,564 --> 00:17:21,765
Nope.
Gotta be back there
374
00:17:21,766 --> 00:17:24,033
where they can smell
your caulibarb stink.
375
00:17:24,035 --> 00:17:25,669
Nice.
376
00:17:25,670 --> 00:17:27,937
Where are we taking
the deer, anyway?
377
00:17:27,939 --> 00:17:29,706
Back to the... Ow!
...woods?
378
00:17:29,708 --> 00:17:32,842
No, they'd just turn around
and head back to town.
379
00:17:32,844 --> 00:17:34,544
I have a better idea.
380
00:17:36,247 --> 00:17:37,915
What was designed
to keep them out
381
00:17:37,916 --> 00:17:41,884
is now keeping them in.
How's that for larceny?
382
00:17:41,886 --> 00:17:44,021
- Do you mean "irony"?
- I might.
383
00:17:44,022 --> 00:17:46,825
Won't Emma be mad that they're
eating all her other plants?
384
00:17:46,860 --> 00:17:49,393
Sure. Mad as hell, but
she'll never know it was me,
385
00:17:49,394 --> 00:17:52,930
- thanks to your disguise idea.
- Um... okay,
386
00:17:52,931 --> 00:17:55,898
but let's not mention
the "my idea" part?
387
00:17:58,536 --> 00:18:00,336
The shots you took
of me are good,
388
00:18:00,338 --> 00:18:02,472
but the ones I took are awesome.
389
00:18:02,474 --> 00:18:04,273
Well, you had an awesome model.
390
00:18:04,275 --> 00:18:07,211
You are kind of sexy in these shots.
Everyone's saying so.
391
00:18:07,212 --> 00:18:09,946
- Everyone?
- Yeah. I posted some online,
392
00:18:09,948 --> 00:18:12,081
and you've had an offer
to appear in a magazine.
393
00:18:12,083 --> 00:18:15,585
- Really? Which one?
- It's called "Out & Outdoors."
394
00:18:15,587 --> 00:18:19,423
"The wilderness adventure
magazine for gay men."
395
00:18:19,424 --> 00:18:22,959
Hmm... I guess I really was
bringing the heat, wasn't I?
396
00:18:22,960 --> 00:18:25,261
It sucks that I never
got to prove to Brent
397
00:18:25,263 --> 00:18:27,563
that I'm rugged enough
to shoot a deer.
398
00:18:27,565 --> 00:18:31,434
Well, if you're serious,
now's your chance.
399
00:18:31,436 --> 00:18:33,603
Guess my tracking skills
are still on point.
400
00:18:33,605 --> 00:18:35,671
You didn't track him.
He just showed up.
401
00:18:35,673 --> 00:18:38,508
Did he?
Or did I get inside his mind?
402
00:18:38,510 --> 00:18:41,922
- No, he just showed up.
- Okay, fine, but he's outside
403
00:18:41,957 --> 00:18:44,547
the town limit sign.
Legally fair game.
404
00:18:54,825 --> 00:18:56,126
Aw, I can't do it.
405
00:18:56,127 --> 00:18:58,962
Brent was right.
I'm soft!
406
00:19:07,171 --> 00:19:11,040
Ooh... looks like we're gonna
have deer sausage after all!
407
00:19:11,042 --> 00:19:13,810
- Yay!
- Whoo!
408
00:19:14,645 --> 00:19:16,879
Well, that was gross.
409
00:19:16,881 --> 00:19:19,652
Now you know why I just track 'em.
410
00:19:24,185 --> 00:19:26,719
Hey... everyone's talking
about your dramatic retooling
411
00:19:26,721 --> 00:19:28,788
of the Jane T. Wright story.
412
00:19:28,790 --> 00:19:30,757
I had everyone
in the palm of my hand,
413
00:19:30,759 --> 00:19:32,859
till Emma fired up the deer grinder.
414
00:19:32,861 --> 00:19:35,161
Yeah, but I think
you're a bit mixed up.
415
00:19:35,163 --> 00:19:37,196
Jane ran a house of women, yes,
416
00:19:37,198 --> 00:19:40,199
because she took in
a lot of widows at the time,
417
00:19:40,201 --> 00:19:45,037
and she also took in stray cats.
It was a literal cat house.
418
00:19:45,039 --> 00:19:46,739
Oh. Ah, well, who cares?
419
00:19:46,741 --> 00:19:49,443
I never let a few facts
get in the way of a good story.
420
00:19:52,046 --> 00:19:54,781
I guess we'll never know
who that masked man was
421
00:19:54,783 --> 00:19:56,749
who saved Pioneer Days.
422
00:19:56,751 --> 00:20:00,766
- It was me! I saved the day.
- Oh, please.
423
00:20:00,801 --> 00:20:03,389
Emma asked the stranger
directly if he was you,
424
00:20:03,391 --> 00:20:05,258
and he clearly said he wasn't.
425
00:20:05,260 --> 00:20:07,293
Yup. Guess we'll never know.
426
00:20:07,295 --> 00:20:10,597
It was me, I tell ya!
I'm a hero!
427
00:20:10,598 --> 00:20:12,908
Ya simpletons!
428
00:20:13,033 --> 00:20:15,768
You were right, Brent.
I had that deer right in my sights
429
00:20:15,770 --> 00:20:18,672
and couldn't pull the trigger.
I guess I'm weak.
430
00:20:18,673 --> 00:20:19,973
That doesn't make you weak.
431
00:20:19,974 --> 00:20:22,408
Listen, guys like
you and me are strong.
432
00:20:22,410 --> 00:20:25,011
- Stronger than those other dudes.
- What do you mean?
433
00:20:25,012 --> 00:20:27,013
Well, neither of us can kill a deer,
434
00:20:27,015 --> 00:20:29,682
yet here were are,
happily eating one.
435
00:20:29,684 --> 00:20:30,751
It takes a lot of inner strength
436
00:20:30,752 --> 00:20:32,485
to overcome that level
of hypocrisy.
437
00:20:32,487 --> 00:20:36,623
- Really?
- It would crush most men. But...
438
00:20:36,824 --> 00:20:38,991
Huh... when you
put it that way...
439
00:20:40,427 --> 00:20:43,763
Yeah.
I guess we are kinda tough.
440
00:20:43,765 --> 00:20:46,899
Mm!
Wow, I hate to say it,
441
00:20:46,901 --> 00:20:49,469
but these Bambi burgers
are delicious.
442
00:20:49,470 --> 00:20:51,204
Thanks for killing
that deer, Hank.
443
00:20:51,206 --> 00:20:54,074
Oh, I didn't.
I just, uh...
444
00:20:54,075 --> 00:20:57,226
oh, my God, I killed Bambi!
445
00:20:59,447 --> 00:21:03,349
- No!
- You know he's emotionally delicate.
446
00:21:09,423 --> 00:21:10,858
♪ I don't know ♪
447
00:21:10,859 --> 00:21:13,793
♪ The same things
you don't know ♪
448
00:21:17,164 --> 00:21:19,131
♪ I don't know ♪
449
00:21:19,133 --> 00:21:22,335
♪ I just... don't know ♪
450
00:21:24,204 --> 00:21:28,107
- ♪ Ooh ♪
- ♪ It's a great big place ♪
451
00:21:28,109 --> 00:21:31,878
- ♪ Ooh ♪
- ♪ Full of nothin' but space ♪
452
00:21:31,880 --> 00:21:35,681
- ♪ Ooh ♪
- ♪ And it's my happy place ♪
453
00:21:35,683 --> 00:21:38,284
♪ I don't know ♪
454
00:21:39,106 --> 00:21:42,365
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