All language subtitles for Sao.Cajo.2023.10

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CML AND LFC

IN COLLABORATION WITH RTP

IN COLLABORATION WITH PRIME

COYOTE VADIO AND NOS AUDIOVISUAIS
PRESENT

SUNSET

THE MYSTERY OF THE NECKLACE
OF SAINT CAJÓ

Look!
It's a Simão!

A Simão.

Do you know
why it's called Simão?

- No.
- No.

It's a story

older than time itself.

A story
with more than 3500 years.

The story
that I am about to tell you

is the story of the most powerful
necklace in the world.

The necklace of Saint Cajó.

More than 3500 years ago,

there was, in Iberia,
a secret society.

They had supernatural powers

and low smoke.

They mixed
cooper with tin

and they were called...

The Celtiberian Goldsmiths.

Look, Césaro.
It's the light!

The light of the prophecy.

- We've made it, Hilerno.
- Yes, Césaro.

- We forged the necklace.
- The necklace.

A necklace?

A necklace that is
the most powerful talisman

that has ever existed.

The necklace of Saint Cajó?

No.

Back then,
it didn't have that name yet.

When they created the necklace,
it was called...

The necklace
of Our Holy Thingy.

Aunia!

Your daughter is showing her ass
to whoever gives her olive oil.

She's just like her mother.
Aunia!

Now that we've made
the necklace of Our Holy Thingy,

what is next,
Master Viltó?

It's simple, Hilerno.

We will use the necklace
to get cash.

Tons of cash.

But money
was not yet invented.

Wasn't it?

And the prophecy says that the necklace
must be given to the purest of hearts,

to protect their family.

It's written on the stars

and on the caves' walls
we pee in.

I was sent to Earth
by Our Holy Thingy.

I told you
how to make the necklace.

I use the hemmed skirt.

Master, master!

Anyways,
I am not a stubborn guy.

While there's no money,

the necklace is kept
by the purest of hearts.

Thank you, Master Viltó.

Find the man with the purest of hearts
from all over Iberia.

And that was how,

for centuries,

the necklace
and the mission to cross Iberia,

in search for
the purest of hearts,

were passed on
from parents to children.

Through generations
and generations

of Celtiberian Goldsmiths.

Then,
after 2621 years,

after the Celtiberian Goldsmiths
made a re-branding

to Cistercian Goldsmiths.

Heitor...

We found him, Cosme.

We found
the purest of hearts.

Hello,
mysterious people on horsebacks.

Who are you?

Enlighten by a light
that favors you.

I'm Sancho.

The grandson
of the first Bourbon de Linhaça.

My heart is pure
and I love fava beans.

We've waited
2621 years,

to give you
this necklace.

No, thanks.
I don't wear accessories.

The necklace of Saint Cajó
is not an accessory, Don Sancho.

The necklace of Saint Cajó?

Which has never been
with the Bourbon de Linhaça?

That's the one.

The necklace of Saint Cajó

protects the family
of the purest of hearts.

While the Bourbon de Linhaça
keep it,

nothing bad will happen to you,
Don Sancho.

What a beautiful light!

It's like the moon's reflection
on a maid's bottom.

But you will have to keep it
with your own lives.

With our own lives,
unknown people?

Yes, Don Sancho.
If you let it be stolen,

the curse of Saint Cajó
will fall upon your family.

- The curse of Saint Cajó?
- Yes, Don Sancho.

The Bourbon de Linhaça
will be a victim of betrayals,

blind people,

Pedro Granger,...

Of people who change their faces,
kidnappings,

cherries
with shellfish flavor,

and horses
that run backwards.

No!

So we ask you,
Don Sancho,

are you ready to take the responsibility
of the necklace of Saint Cajó?

Mission fulfilled, Heitor.

I can finally dedicate myself
to my passion.

Artisanal gin.

This is only the beginning.

Now, we have to assure
that the necklace

stays with the Bourbon de Linhaça
forever.

- Forever?
- Forever.

Or until something
exterminates all humanity,

like the lack of bees.

That means we'll spend our lives
serving the necklace of Saint Cajó.

Not if I can avoid it.

Monk Jacó?

The only descendant
of Our Holy Thingy on Earth?

Here? On a forest?

Yes. I've been following you
for years,

disguised as a boar.

I knew it.

There couldn't be
that many boars riding horses.

What do you want from us?

The necklace.

The necklace
of Our Holy Thingy.

Renamed
as the necklace of Saint Cajó.

The necklace
was not only renamed.

Saint Cajó baptized it
and put a VPN on it.

The necklace
doesn't belong to you!

The necklace cannot be used
for evil.

It has to be used for good
or, at least, for indifference.

The necklace has only one end:
to make money.

Whoever has it,
will make lots of money.

Even more now,
that the money has been invented.

Give me the necklace!

We gave it to Don Sancho,
the purest of hearts.

It's guarding
the entire Bourbon de Linhaça family.

No.

If you get close to it, it will see
that you're threatening the family,

and it'll take upon you
all of its neck ornament power.

What prevents me
from going to the castle

and killing
every Bourbon de Linhaça?

Just to test you theory.

- We do.
- We do.

Daddy! Daddy!

It's "dad".
You're not twelve.

I've always called you "dad".

If only all my kids
were like you.

Able to fight
and rape on their own.

Raping is wrong, dad.

What is that, Sancho?

It's a necklace, uncle.

Now, he has necklaces...

Why don't you show interest
in man stuff, Sancho?

But I do!
I like puppets.

Damn you!

If only I could get angry.

Silence!

Whilst I'm the leader
of the Bourbon de Linhaça,

I will not let anyone
humiliate Sancho.

How so?
Sancho is my son.

And I'm the heir
of this family.

You owe me obedience,
Rafael.

Why can't we get along
as every other medieval family?

The fact that we're
fraternal twins

doesn't give you any kind of privilege
in this family.

I hate you, Isaac.

If I had been born
a few seconds earlier.

But you didn't, Rafael.

The first one passing through
mom's great lips,

was me.

- Music!
- And joy!

Kill a maid
to uplift the mood.

Sunset

Sunset

Sunset
Sunset

Sunset

Sunset

Sunset

Sunset

Sunset

Heitor!

Heitor!

Heitor!

Hang in there, Heitor.
Please.

I won't survive.

I've lost
a lot of blood.

The only reason
why I'm still alive,

it's because I had
a good lunch.

Please, Heitor.
Don't die.

You can't die
without leaving descendants.

The Cistercian Goldsmiths
will no longer be a duo.

Don't worry, Cosme.

I got your wife pregnant,

just in case I would die.

No!

Show me the necklace.

It's the necklace
of Saint Cajó.

The necklace
of Saint Cajó?

- The one that never belonged to us?
- That's right.

The Goldsmiths
said they've only kept it.

It has been with us
for 2621 years.

The necklace of Saint Cajó.

I've always thought
it was a legend.

Such as the maids
that make ass.

Who is Saint Cajó, uncle?

Saint Cajó

is the saint to whom
other saints light candles.

He is so powerful,
that when he died,

sweet tears
fell from heaven.

Wasn't it rain?

It doesn't matter.

With the necklace of Saint Cajó,

we'll be one of the most powerful
families in Portugal.

Powerful?
How so?

Like the ambassadors
of Prozis on Vatican?

And, who knows,
official cherry suppliers

for the crusades.

But there's a price to pay.

If the necklace is stolen,

a curse will fall upon
the Bourbon de Linhaça.

- The curse of Saint Cajó.
- Yes.

We'll be cursed with bad luck,
deaths and sassy employees.

No.

Me and my descendants
will assure

that this necklace
will never be taken from us.

Ever.

And that's how
the necklace of Saint Cajó,

has come
to the family

of Bourbon de Linhaça.

And from that day on,

it was passed on
from father to son,

from heir to heir,

from generation
to generation.

And the moons have passed.

And days became months,

and then years,
and then decades,

and then centuries.

Dad!

It's Brazil!

Dad,
we've discovered Brazil!

Shut up!

As if he had never seen
Brazil.

Land
of the True Cross.

We bring cherries
and a lack of talent for dancing.

Bravo, my men!

It's Brazil, dad!

Over time and protecting
the necklace of Saint Cajó,

the family
Bourbon de Linhaça

became the biggest cherry producer
worldwide.

But their luck
was about to change.

And everything started
when, for the first time,

the family's firstborn
was not the good sibling.

But the evil one.

Miguel, you can't keep
doping our cherries.

It's not doping.
Our cherries have a couperose skin.

They have so many steroids
that they fight each other.

I know it's hard for you
not being the leader, Duarte.

But I was born first,
my fraternal twin.

Do you really think you'd beat me
stepping out of a vagina?

But I did, Duarte.

And I have the Super 8 film of the birth
to prove it.

Yes...
The Super 8 film.

It's always the Super 8 film.

Dad!
Did you managed to sell every cherry?

Yes.

Six kilos for 15 billions euros.

- Congrats, father-in-law!
- Selling cherries on a Sunday?

Remember.
These cherries pay your Invisalign.

I don't need charity.

I make a living
as a peasants' stylist.

Simão!

Don't talk to dad like that
on the porch.

Cool down, Eduardo.

Look at this.
He can't even get angry.

I hate being
a Bourbon de Linhaça!

If only I were a simple guy
who likes to eat on the counter.

- Simão!
- Let him be.

It's your late mom's fault,

who put him in folk costumes
until he was six.

Poor kid.

Luckily, our daughter,

who doesn't have twins,

doesn't have
these traumas.

Lourenço?

Why are you in my school?

Hello, Miss Matilde.
How are you?

Are you following me?

Not everything's about you,
Miss.

I came to deliver straw
to the nanotechnology dept.

Don't lie to me.

I'm presenting my thesis
about preppies on Mesopotamia.

- Do you want him to leave?
- You shut up!

I'll end you faster
than a package of chips.

Let's go.
Before I get angry

and bite his nipples.

Don't worry, Miss Matilde.

I would rather die
than kissing you while you bite me.

Understand something.

I will never have sex with you
dressed as Catwoman.

Did you hear me?
Never!

- Hi.
- Hi.

- Is everything okay?
- Yes.

Yes, I'm fine.

I'm just a bit dizzy.
I come from the countryside,

and I'm not used to seeing
these many all-star.

Be careful with Vicente's dad.
He's a rich speech therapist.

Rich?

He found the cure
for those who say "zeodorant".

- Who are you?
- I'm Lourenço.

I'm responsible for the straw
on the Sunset Estate.

What about you?

Diogo, Jimmy and Vera.

We're the most exclusive band
in college.

- The ContraBand?
- Yes, do you know us?

Of course I do!
I have all of your MP3 in VHS.

- I'm also a musician.
- Really?

Lourenço, we should talk.
Tell me what you play.

Jimmy,

do I believe in witches, tarot,
tapioca and stuff like that?

No.

What's the only supernatural thing
I believe in?

- Your clitoris.
- Totally.

And my clitoris says
that he is the love of my life.

No way!

No, the necklace can't end up
on a bank safe.

The necklace of Saint Cajó?

The one that belongs to us
for more than 3500 years?

That's right, Madalena.

It will be safer
on the European Bank of Ribatejo.

Do you want me to keep it?

You? I wouldn't even trust you
with manure, you useless.

Miguel!

I'm not useless.

As much as it costs you,

I'm a regional runner-up
of Lambada dance.

Have I told you
that I never had twins?

And the curse, dad?

The curse is a myth
to frighten little kids.

No! The curse of the necklace
of Saint Cajó is true.

- The curse of Saint Cajó?
- Yes.

Legend has it,
that if the necklace is stolen,

the curse of Saint Cajó
will fall upon us.

We'll be cursed with bad luck,
deaths and sassy employees.

Did you hear, Miguel?
Sassy employees.

Do you really want to live
as if it was august in Algarve?

- The curse is a lie.
- How are you so sure?

You also thought I was gay,
but I love touching boobies.

Dad, don't you think it would be safer
to keep in our home?

- We have double-paned windows.
- And Márcio's kid...

He's so strong that he would smash
any girl in bed.

No!

As the leader of this family
and as a stubborn person,

my decision is made.

The necklace of Saint Cajó
goes to the bank. António!

- Did you call, Commander?
- The helicopter key.

And that was how,

the necklace Saint Cajó
was trusted

to the European Bank
of Ribatejo.

This was the first bank
in the world

to have a credit line
destined to sideburns.

And if the legend said

that the curse would only happen
if the necklace was stolen,

from this moment on,

fate would begin
to write itself.

Our Father in heaven,

hallowed be thy roots,

thy fuzz come,

thy will be done

on facial hair
as it is in armpit.

Forgive us
our razor blades,

as we forgive those
who want to shave us.

And led us not
into temptation;

but deliver us
from wax.

Amen.

Come on, my child,
what haunts you?

- Is it because you're blind?
- No, Mother.

Being blind
is already a part of me.

I don't even ask the gift of sight
to Our Hairy Lord.

I want a Makro card.

So what is going on?

It's my visions, Mother.

Yesterday,
I envisioned my future.

A future full of cherries
and death.

My child, you have to stop
worrying about your future.

You only have to worry about
what's happening next.

Come on.

What is this?

- I smell low smoke.
- Hello, Salomé.

Who's there? Is it a perv priest,
but one my age?

No, Salomé. It's us.
The Cistercian Goldsmiths.

Goldsmiths?

But I don't have jewelery.

My only valuable asset
is my chubby vajayjay.

We know you have visions,
Salomé.

- We gave you such gift.
- That's a lie!

It was Our Hairy Lord
who gave me this gift.

No, it wasn't,
Salomé.

He gave you the gift
of well-seasoning goat meat.

Touch me, Salomé.

In the arm, Salomé.

I can see.

Do you believe us, Salomé ?

I can see.

We gave you the gift of envisioning
when you were born.

When I was born?

Do you know my mom?

Is her the athlete
Rosa Mota?

We can't say.

You won't say,
because it really is Rosa Mota.

What is this?

Is it a lounge?

Did you envisioned
cherries and death?

I've seen cherries,

and death.

And a rich estate,
with a pool and 5G.

The Sunset Estate.

But the worst thing I've seen,

was the purest of hearts
becoming...

Becoming what, Salomé ?
Tell us.

The most horrific creature.

A bearded villain.

No!

- No.
- Salomé?

Oh, no!
I can no longer see.

You never did.

No, no.
I did! I did see!

I've seen things, Mother.

There was water,

and two men
in a weird costume.

You were dreaming
about Miami Vice.

But it was so real, Mother.

For the first time, I felt
that my life wasn't random.

- I felt like I had a mission.
- And you do!

To be the best goat meat cooker
in the world.

I will take you to the European Contest
in Warsaw.

I'm so tired of being treated
like a fake Bourbon de Linhaça.

Just because I got out later
from mom's vagina.

That doesn't smell right.

How did Miguel defeated you
on a vagina race?

Unfortunately,
it is true, Elsa.

He has the Super 8 film of the birth
to prove it.

A Super 8 film of the birth
to prove it?

That's right.

Every birth of the Bourbon de Linhaça
are on YouTube

of the Posh's Protection
National Committee.

Sure. I forget that you are
a Bourbon de Linhaça,

and that I am single mum
with dermatitis.

- Elsa.
- It's true.

You're a posh,

and I'm just a woman
working as a stripper,

so I can pay my streaming.

I don't love you less
because you're a stripper.

I just love you doubtfully.
That's it.

Is that why no one can find out
about our relation?

Are you ashamed?

Ashamed?

I've already been engaged
to a life-style journalist.

Don't lie to me, Duarte.
Please.

I want to protect you
from my brother.

Miguel is very dangerous.

I'm sure he already killed.

And I think
he doesn't separate the trash.

Elsa, come down here! Your kid
is french kissing the dog.

Drop the dog, Leandro Miguel!

So young and he already
likes kissing more than his mother.

She's a tramp.

Ivone,
are you still single?

And I'm so hungry.

Yesterday I went running in flip-flops
just to remember the sound.

Ivone, your network coverage is so fine
that my signal immediately awakes.

Gross. Do you think I talk
to married men?

- Married. Not dead.
- Oh, really?

Let Lena hear you,
and see if you're not dead indeed.

You think I'm scared of her?

I went to recruitment
without socks.

Oh my!

- Go home now.
- Lena, in front of everyone?

Why? Do you want from the back?
Hurry!

- Lena, stop!
- Shut up!

Simão! Are you making
your tsunamis?

Sebastião, it's "origami".
It's a Japanese word.

"Ori" means to fold
and "kami" means paper.

- "Origami".
- I don't understand Japanese at all.

I even have trouble
driving the Toyota!

How are you, my dear Celeste?

Not good.

My adenoids grew, affected my legs,
and now I walk with a cane.

If we don't get money for the operation,
she'll be blind.

- Blind?
- Yes.

Adenoids can come off my nose,
and block my sight. They're so big.

I don't get it.

Why does my dad
doesn't give that money?

He needs money for stuff to.

Your dad loves those expensive restaurants
with the plants on the walls.

If only I could, Sebastião.

Don't try to get angry.

You can't
and you might end up getting hurt.

I don't understand.

Why do employees like you
have to beg for operation money?

I don't get it, Celeste.
It's not fair.

And is life fair, Simão?

Maybe it isn't.

But that's my dream.

I dream of a life
as it is in porn.

What a dream.

- What a dream.
- I'll work on it.

My heart is pure
and I do not have schedules,

so I'll spend my life
fighting for justice

and for respect
to Latin dances.

Lourenço!

We want two horses to go to the field
and have catholic sex.

I'm not your servant.

I'm here to take care of the straw
and to wander around shirtless.

Will you have the attitude
in front of a Menezes de Salamandra?

Our families assure more than 70%
of the revenue of Range Rover.

What is going on?

António, you're son is not taking
my order.

I'm not a puppet, like your boyfriends
with soft bangs.

Why do you always have problems
with my guys?

- Are you jealous?
- It takes one to know one!

Miss Matilde, don't worry.
I'll prepare the horses myself.

Come, Vicente.

Jealous? Of her?

Are you in love
with Miss Matilde?

Me?
With that dumb preppy?

Then why have you been
sending emojis

of eggplants
with drops of water on the tip?

Aren't you ashamed?

I hate Matilde, dad.

I hate her privileged world
with spineless fishes,

and salads on the side.

Identical.

No one will know
that the necklace was changed.

Just me.
And the person who pays me.

And so,
without anyone noticing,

the necklace of Saint Cajó
was stolen.

And it fell upon
the Bourbon de Linhaça.

The most terrible curse
of the necklace of Saint Cajó.

The decline of the empire
Bourbon de Linhaça

was inevitable.

A disruption on the energy of Saint Cajó?

The necklace.

The curse of Saint Cajó
was freed.

Fate was drawn.

A fate full of betrayals,
revenges and...

Death!

I see death.

And polo shirts
with the collars lifted.

No!
It's not possible.

What happened?

Why are you recording
yourself screaming?

Miguel cut me
from the bank account.

The password is no longer "123
BAILA SALSA MERENGUE MARIA".

Chill, there's lots of people
without 200 million euros.

It's not for me, Elsa.

I can live with a million monthly,
if I control my Uber Eats.

But what about you, Elsa?

Me?

It's simple, Duarte.

I'll have to make more money
as a stripper.

But there's only one way
to do so.

I'll have to lose my dignity
and accept it.

- I'll be an influencer.
- No!

And after selling her ovaries
so that she could buy the Clio...

- Can we talk, Maria da Piedade?
- Of course, Father Vitó.

Ladies, gentlemen, gentlethem...

See you!

It makes me so happy
that you have non-binaries.

Our Holy Thingy accepts
everyone who pays.

Hello.

And we pay a lot.

In contrast to other churches,
where people pay a tenth of they earn.

The tithe.

- Here we leave everything we earn.
- The "allthe".

Not that I'm complaining,
Father Vitó.

Our Holy Thingy
changed my life.

I still remember how attached I was
to breaded chicken before.

- And now, how are you?
- I'm fine, Father Vitó.

I work day and night
to gain bit coins,

so that I can pay
my plastic surgery.

You still dream
about being chubby and blonde.

Yes, Father Vitó.
I still dream about it.

And we also need
to match the movie with the series.

Maria da Piedade,

I wanted to talk to you
because I think

that you would be
a great deacon of the Thingy.

A deacon?
Of the Thingy?

Yes, Maria da Piedade.
But to evaluate you,

I'll have to go live with you
on the Sunset Estate.

Without anyone noticing me.
I've made a hide and seek vow.

Of course, Father Vitó.
I would be honored to.

Tell me, Maria da Piedade,

if your employers
had a precious necklace,

where would they keep it?

On the Commander's office,
where he keeps the FHM with Maya,

and everything else of value.

- But why?
- Nothing much.

It was a question from Trivial
that I got yesterday.

How did you get here?

Stealing to pay a medical procedure,
while you think out loud.

Jewelry, gold,...

the FHM magazine
with Maya...

You found the money

that the Commander is saving
for emergencies

and for sandwiches
on the airport.

Sebastião? Here?

Taking the money
of the airport sandwiches?

Who's there?

It's me. Simão.

Simão, sneaking up on me
while I steal?

I'm so sorry.
I didn't mean to.

Stealing is humiliating enough.
Do I still have to be caught?

It was an accident. I swear.
Here.

Take this expensive Rolex
celebrating Marco's kick on Big Brother.

Simão, I still have my dignity.

I just want what I've stolen,
with all my effort.

My God.

What is this world?

Where one needs to steal
to remove lymphatic tissue

from their wife's nose.

This is so unfair.

I've made it.

I got angry.

I punched something.
I have...

Blood.

Let's go!

Persist.

That's right!
I wanna see you sweating.

Do you want to quit?

Do you want to go home
to your Star Wars PJ's and your weenie?

Don't stop!
Keep going!

Let's go!

Okay, that's enough, stop!

Everyone out.
Everyone out.

Be back on Wednesday.

They're useless.

Ricardo?
Is that you, Ricardo?

- Ricardo.
- Filipa.

I smell, I smell
I smell doughnuts

Not gangsta rap.
It reminds me that I live in the suburbs.

I know the cure for that.

Ricardo.

I have something to tell you
now that we're still out of breath.

- Now?
- Yes.

Ricardo...

I know you're lying to me.

- Filipa...
- No, no!

Let me talk
while I still feel the Baileys.

I know this is just
a merely commercial trade.

You give me money
and OTK boots.

And I give you a vag
that is not yet shabby.

And there's a problem with that?

No, Ricardo.

But at least,
I would like to know who you are.

- I've already told. I am...
- Stop!

You are not the manager
of the BPI bank in Trafaria.

I've called them.
A bank manager

can't afford a suite
bigger than my health center.

- Filipa.
- You have this helicopter smell.

Who can afford an helicopter
during the week? Who?

Tell me who.

Fine.
I'm not a bank manager.

I knew it.

But that's all I can say.

What?

I can only say that I'm the leader
of a powerful family

and that I'm circumcised.

What?

Yes, my foreskin is fake.

It's part of a kit
for penis' disguises.

I bought it
in Netherlands.

It has the foreskin,
glasses, a mustache,...

Tell me who you are, Ricardo!

Let go of me, idiot!

Never be rough on me again
unless it is for dirty stuff.

Did you hear me, Filipa?
Never again.

Dear guys...

Starting companies in garages
is so 80's.

- Cristina?
- No. Jesus.

Cristina’s are those
who have a public Instagram.

I am Cristina Chrysler
de Alarcão e Catota.

Raul Pimenta.

The other one?

Great, you can keep them.

Well, I have five minutes.

Or my clothes
start smelling like coins.

Fine. Look, we have a blog
about criminal investigation

and we're looking for money
so that we turn it into a magazine.

- No, thank you. Bye.
- Wait!

We're young people at risk.

If our blog goes off,
they might end up in podcasts.

If you want to become
a fashion magazine,

I might get you
some investors.

Okay, a fashion magazine...

We can investigate fashion crimes.
Mixing patterns.

- Guys who wear slips.
- No, a real fashion magazine.

And it has to be called "Blaze".
To match with the series.

But how did she get you
the money?

Who cares! She did it.

She spoke with
some "business angels".

Are they foreigners?
That money is from drugs.

Smell her hair.
That's where they keep the hash.

- Do you know any business angel?
- No.

- See?
- But I know a slut when I see one.

And when a girl gives you money,
she wants to get some.

- Mom!
- I'm not an idiot.

I'm 52 years old
and my ass is still a virgin.

Mom!

But they've tried.
Men have such an obsession.

Come see this,
you working class!

Come see this scandal.

I find my wife with another guy
and he wants to punch me!

I'm not some guy.
I have a name.

What do you want?
I was the cook in the army!

C'mon, Lena!
Be cool!

Be cool
or I will take off my shoes.

Shut up! Yes, I've slept with Narciso.
So what?

And you admit it?

You should also admit
you no longer work.

It was the antihistamine
and you know it.

You haven't been on your knees
for years.

So you slept with him!

Talk about me again,
I'll punch you so hard

you'll never eat
nougat again.

I bet you will.

Let me just find a rock
and you'll see.

Lena, tell Steven Seagal
to come to the window and he'll see.

You tell him.
He's going there.

Oh, no.

- Does anyone know I'm here?
- Of course not.

I'm dumb but I'm not stupid.
I'll get it.

Oh my God.

If they find out that my girlfriend
doesn't have a horse,

the Posh's Committee
will forbid me to wear a beret.

I saw no one.
They rang the bell and ran away.

But they left this.

A pen drive?
Here? In Madragoa?

"Duarte, your life is a lie".

No! What if they found out
that I am allergic to cherries?

- You're allergic to cherries?
- No, but what if I am?

- I'll go grab my laptop.
- No.

What if it's a virus?

Or nudes of real bodies?

You're right.

I'll take it
to open it on my laptop

that only has games
and dirty stuff.

But open it slowly, Duarte.
Promise me.

Good morning!

You're in a good mood.
Is Accessorize on sale?

Yesterday I got angry, dad.

You won't take this joy from me.

We have papaya
with onions and salsa.

Did Madalena freaked out again?

- Dad.
- Grandpa.

Everyone knows
your mum is crazy, Matilde.

But your dad pretends
she is not.

Yes, dad.
Madalena suffers from depression.

She may think she's a tent,
but I love her.

And I also love women!

Stop arguing
with the maid here,

like the new-rich
on a seafood diner.

- I'll go inside.
- Stop.

While I'm the leader
of the Bourbon de Linhaça,

no employee, nor anyone,
will leave without my permission.

- Uncle?
- Simão?

Simão, sit. Immediately.

No.

I'm tired of being treated
like a telemarketer that calls after 8 pm.

- Simão, sit. Please.
- No, Eduardo! That's enough.

As they say
in Latin dances:

"Suck me
and keep sucking".

- Our Holy Thingy!
- Dad, please!

Miguel!

- No!
- Uncle!

- No, uncle, please.
- No.

Do you have the guts
to point cherries at me?

Your tyranny
ends here and now.

No, uncle.
No.

He may be a monster
that never likes cat's posts,

but he's my father.

I don't need your help,
you idiot.

And here comes Parkinson.

Dad!

Lourenço!

It's a regional earthquake, dad.

Run!

Come, dad!

It has begun.

The rage of the necklace
has begun.

The washing machine
is finishing, Mother.

It's an earthquake.
Run!

Our Holy Thingy in heaven,

hallowed be thy tool.

Catch the cherries
before they fall down.

- They're not ready yet!
- Shut up!

I still need to sleep
with one of Don Duarte's kids.

Quickly, come this way!

I've made an origami umbrella
to protect us.

Everyone shook.

The Santarém earthquake
measures 7.6 in magnitude.

- That's humongous.
- Shut up. You know nothing.

Do you think I got where I got in the army
by being stupid?

I had to know
the odd time tables.

Seven, nine and eleven.
Eleven times one? Ah...

Madalena!

Sorry.

I will not freak out again
during earthquakes.

Toni, don't go under
the water reservoir.

Uncle!

Dad will try to put out
the earthquake.

- To put out the earthquake?
- Yes, he's lost his mind.

Are you okay, Matilde?

You...

Did you save me, Lourenço?

Are you hurt, sweety?

Lourenço, thank you.

Thank you for saving
my only daughter.

Thank you.

You don't need to thank me.

I did it
because I'm a very human person.

The earthquake.

It's over.

- Dad.
- My God.

Is this the end
for the Bourbon de Linhaça?

One more thing, Filipa.
What do you do for a living?

- I live at the expense.
- At who's expense?

- Does it matter?
- You're the one who knows him.

- We'll keep in touch.
- Very well.

Look, may I take a picture
of your boobs?

I mean, I always ask.

So that after I don't get like:
"I should have asked".

Thank you.

These people...
She wants to be an editorial director

and she can't give three examples
of tax fraud.

I liked her. I like them
when I think I can have them.

It's probably insecurity
or laziness.

Knock-knock!
May I?

I'm sorry
if you don't understand me.

I have a lot of snot.

- Carla. 37 years old.
- And a Capricorn.

So, be careful with me
in bed.

Sorry, it's the fever speaking.

A house with more than 12 000 years
completely ruined.

We might be able to save
some baseboards and a toaster.

- Everything else...
- The curse.

This was the curse
of Saint Cajó.

But wasn't it only
if the necklace was stolen?

I don't know, Madalena.

I've just seen Arnaldo's body
smashed by a mug.

Arnaldo?
What about Tony?

- Márcio' son?
- That hot guy?

My best friend is dead,
did you hear me?

He is dead!

The only person
who made me happy.

He thought it was okay
to whistle Scorpions in bed.

- Shut up!
- Miguel!

Grandpa!

You embarrass this family,
Simão.

Why?

Having really close friends
is embarrassing for you?

Friends who support us,
who hold us,...

- And pinch our butts, while we...
- We got it.

I hate being
a Bourbon de Linhaça.

I hate it!

I wish I had been born poor
and I got dressed at Primark.

Sebastião...

I'm fine.
I'm fine!

Don't worry.
I'm used to it.

My nephew works
at a night club.

Simão can now get angry.

Did this happen
because of the curse of Saint Cajó?

No, Matilde.

The necklace
wasn't stolen.

We were so lucky,
Mother Hairy.

If António Sala's statue
falls on top of someone...

I'm here, my dear.

It wasn't luck. Our Hairy Lord
takes good care of us.

Why do you think
we never had candidiasis?

I have a secret to tell you, Mother.

I know why this earthquake
happened.

Mother?

Then tell us, Salomé.

The Cistercian Goldsmiths.
You? Here?

Touch me, Salomé.

Further up, Salomé.

My hands are so puffed.

What caused the earthquake?

I don't know, Mister Goldsmith.

I just know
that I felt this strength

that looked like a plague,
and ended in "urse".

"Urse"?

The curse.

- Yes, that's it! The curse.
- The curse of Saint Cajó.

Have you seen something
during the earthquake?

No, Mister Goldsmith. Outside this lounge,
I'm really blind.

Think about it, Salomé!

Tell us! Did you see something?
A necklace being stolen?

- No, Mister Goldsmith. I swear.
- Henrique.

I'm sorry, Salomé.

Let's go to the estate,
to check on the necklace.

What is there?

It's different from here.

It's all the same.

Like the neighborhoods
around Lisbon.

- Goodbye, Salomé.
- No, no!

Don't go,
or else I'll be blind again.

There's one thing
I really want to see.

Show me a fondue set.

I've always wanted to see
a fondue set.

Stop, guys.

What now?

This doesn't make sense.

- What, Didi?
- Everything, Vera.

These clothes,
these tambourines.

These lyrics.

"I don't want
No fat lady"

Lots of people
love fat women.

Indeed. On Pornhub,
that's a very normal category,

like step-moms
or feet.

Lourenço.

How are you?

We've heard
about the earthquake.

- Are you okay?
- Yes. It's over now.

But it wasn't cool
to watch

people that I know
dying under the wreckage.

Damn you, earthquakes.

- It's all vegans fault.
- What?

- Are you crazy?
- They unbalance the planet.

If we eat to many herbs,
Earth gets bald.

You can watch it on YouTube.

Guys.

May I show you a foreign song
I wrote?

Of course!

- What is it about?
- Love.

The forbidden love
between a preppy girl

and a farmer boy
who can't pay with his cell.

Amazing!

Morning tonight

And screaming be mine

Forever

And ever

My denting is blind

Your finger is kind

Forever

And ever

Beavers in love

Beavers in love

It's beavers

It's beavers

From above

Except my step-father,

I've never met anyone
as romantic as you.

I knew it.

The necklace of Saint Cajó
wasn't stolen.

The necklace of Saint Cajó?

The one that belongs to you
for more than 3500 years?

No. Another one.

But if it wasn't the curse...
What caused the earthquake?

Earth doesn't shake
for no reason.

Was it because I brought
the necklace here?

I'll take it.

Excuse me, did you say
you wanted to take it?

Yes, give me a bag.

You will have to pay
for the bag.

Paper or jute?

Oh, c'mon.

Ladies,

welcome to the future offices
of Blaze.

What?

- Will I be an executive?
- Carla's your assistant.

A 300 square meters building
with outside plants.

The Gecko Park.

Thank you!
And don't worry about the psoriasis.

This is nerves.

If a man notices me,
I don't...

Filipa, I want you to know
that I am risking a lot

hiring a doctorate from Técnico
as an executive.

- Doctorate from Técnico?
- Yes, you.

Of course!

Are you from Técnico?
What program?

Cables.

And I'll tell why I chose you.

I enjoyed reading on your CV
that you don't like the singer Camané.

We need that kind of courage.

Congratulations.

- Thanks.
- Thanks.

- That was for me, you nitwit.
- It's Carla!

I will tell you right away
what I feel about you

so that there's no
misunderstanding.

Yes, go ahead.

I think your mom
should've tossed you away,

to keep the seagull
instead.

Your house is finally rebuilt!

Thank you, Sebastião.

So nice! I even feel that I have
less menopause.

No one would say we suffered
an earthquake two days ago.

But now, with ChatGPT,
we get this done in a minute.

But who are you?

Mom...
It's Sebastião.

Our ugly employee.

Well, I'm going to my room
to masturbate.

Do you mind going with her?

I don't like her
masturbating alone.

Of course I will.

Celeste, I don't know what's worse.

The depression or the meds
that put her like this.

It's the depression, my dear.

I know what I'm saying.
I already had two just this week.

C'mon! You can do it!

It isn't possible.

I couldn't believe either.

Where did you get this video?

I got it from that anonymous pen drive.

Someone wanted me to know
that the Super 8 film was fake

and that I was born first.

Are you sure that these images
belong to your childbirth?

Because there was a video
running around

where everyone said
it was José Castelo Branco...

No, António.

See the stains on Miguel's back
and mom's vulva!

Oh, of course.
Your mom's vulva...

is incomparable.

The vulva is incompatible?

Are they making
vulva transplants?

This means that
the real leader of Bourbon de Linhaça

it's you.
Not Commander.

These images
have to be revealed.

These linkages have to be sealed?

They declare more vulvas
to get the VAT.

Who's there?

It's me. Simão.

Simão?

Spying on us?

Take it easy.

I was just going to...

show you my Anitta origami.

- I'm so sorry, Simão.
- No!

You hit me.

Once I put diesel
on your Ferrari.

And you never hit me.

Calm down!

Simão!

Simão!

Something's wrong with him.

- Forget about him.
- His beard is turning grey.

- He doesn't wear colors anymore.
- Forget about Simão!

Right now, the important thing
is to unmask the Commander.

And you, as a real
Bourbon de Linhaça,

have to do it.

Hello, Madalena.

How's your depression?

Last time I checked,
it was 12/8.

But a woman carrying so many secrets
is never in peace.

Secrets?
Which secrets?

It's my stuff, Eduardo.

But the truth is
that I only have one daughter.

By the way, was Matilde's thesis
postponed?

Yes. They didn't have posh people
for the jury.

Already?

- Dad would only be back by night.
- Poshes are decreasing.

In Lisbon, we don't see
beige pants as much.

- Don't you agree?
- What?

You never listen to me.
You only care about you dad.

It's the helicopter.

We could have our own world,
changing the dominance in bed.

But you don't care.

My dad is my everything.

And you know it.

And what do I know about life?

I thought hymen
was a Swedish singer.

What do you want?

For me to ignore him?

He's the only one supporting
this family and our business.

And how?
Through fear,

employee's exploration,
and cherry doping.

That isn't true!

Am I blind

just because my dad
is my dad?

So, we'll have a bœuf en crôute
with a foie gras sauce,

a lobster linguini
and two lombard sausages.

Exactly.

May I speak freely, Mafalda?

Go for it, Miguel.

Miguel.

Don't eat bread.
It causes gas.

The difference between
him and a sex toy

it's the battery life.

- Just like her.
- I'm not a sex toy.

I worked as an extra
on "Rex".

I think I'm being investigated
for the cherry doping.

Do you want my opinion
as a lawyer or as a friend?

As a lawyer.
We're not friends.

Right.

You're a body pump coach,
right?

- Yes.
- Is that a real job?

No.

Being a MILF's PT is a real job.

Mock as you want.

But remember: "once you go PT,
you never go free".

Look, nitwit.

Do you know
what I call men like you?

Vagina withers.

No.
Get out from under me.

I can't, Lourenço.

I can't do it.

I can't sleep with you
for the tenth time.

- It's not fair.
- I don't care about justice.

I go to a gym
with a three year loyalty.

I'm in love with another woman.

I couldn't admit it.
But it's the truth.

- What?
- Yes.

I'm sorry.

I just slept with you
because you go out for lunch.

I'm sorry.

But who is her, Lourenço?

Who is the woman
you love?

What's going on here?

Matilde.

Lourenço?

You, here?
On my room?

On your room?

She has a scholarship.
Her father declares the minimum wage.

Like every millionaire.

But she's never here
and I live in Moita.

It was the only way of...

You're not expecting me
to close the door

and rub myself
on your fly-front.

I'll leave,
and I won't imagine

what I'd do to you
with a feather.

You will never...

You will never possess me
on this bed

with the window open.

Get that in your head.

Do you know
what you deserve?

For me to sleep
with you

just for you to realize
how disgusted I get with you.

Uncle?

I came to apologize for...

Uncle?

A pen drive?

What does he
need a pen drive for?

He has the NOS Mega Extreme package
with a nine-thousand GB cloud

and the fastest 5G
of all-time.

Come on!
Push harder!

Uncle Duarte
was born first.

My dad lied all these years.

No way.

It must be one of those
fake-birth videos online.

Wait.

You're almost there!

It's grandma Lidia's vagina.

The video is real.

My father is an impostor.

Simão!
Simão, stop!

You knew, Madalena!
You knew it!

I suspected.
You like short jeans so much.

That's a lie!

My dad is an impostor.

My brother despises me.
My niece ignores me.

And you don't speak to me
half of the times.

That's the pills.
Sometimes I think I'm a glass disposal.

That's a lie!

My whole life is a lie.

This family,
men who swear they love me,

women who say
I have a pretty penis,...

It's all a lie!

The only real things
in this life

are the love
of uncle Duarte

and my talent
to eat cuttlefish and stay clean.

Nothing else!

This chick...

Stop it! Stop it!

Get yourself some cardboard,
to add to your homeless face.

You cheat on me
and then you break up with me?

I should've done it
when we had sex with socks on.

Look at this!
So pretty!

- Look at this surprise.
- Wait, wait!

What a beautiful thing!

Damn you!

This man gets into
every trouble.

Elsa, c'mon.
It's not his fault.

She sleeps with everyone.

Bro, I need to talk to you.

Are we taking
aliens down?

No, of course not!

- I have a table football contest.
- Wait. I need you.

I'm closing a case
before my blog ends

and I need you.
It's a wild investigation.

If it's wild, I want it.

Tell me.
What are we investigating?

- Cherry doping.
- No way.

Not the football cards!

Don't mix
the World Cup cards, Lena!

Lena!
Stop it!

Plate!

That's enough,
Silvestre.

- Did you call me?
- I did, Sebastião.

Sebastião...

I'm starting to think
that my dad is doping the cherries.

- Oh, no...
- Oh, yes.

That's why I found
nandrolone stains on the tractor.

We have to stop him,
Sebastião.

I shouldn't have supported him,

nor bullied Simão.

- That bullying thing...
- Bullying is serious.

It even has an English name.

But how are you going to prove
your dad's doping?

I don't know.

- Let's test them one by one.
- What?

- Why not?
- There are six billions of them.

And I only have three pipettes.

- What a mess.
- And even the money...

We could do it
but only with sponsors.

Forget about it.

For centuries, our family
never sold itself out to brands.

It's not about selling yourself.
It's a partnership with a brand.

But what brand,
Sebastião?

I don't know.
Let me think.

We're not just any family.

We have a papal bull
so we don't pay for snails in august.

I know an amazing brand
that could sponsor you!

An unique
and refreshing drink.

A drink...?

A drop of refreshing optimism.

Tell me!
What is that fantastic drink?

Spur Cola.

- That doesn't exist anymore!
- You're right.

And even if it did.
I don't sell myself out.

- What is this?
- It's Testicle.

He doesn't like
diesel-powered jeeps

and they parked
Arnaldo's jeep there.

Move the car, guys!

My God. He's the most beautiful horse
I've ever seen.

Five years old.

He has won two Golden Globes
of Merit and Excellence.

Better than him,
only the late Foreskin.

Why is he here?

Dr. Fogacho asked us to keep him,
while he goes on an expedition to Boticas.

I think I found
the love of my life.

His name is...

Testicle.

- Where are you going?
- It's enough.

No!
I won't let you go to the cops

to report the cherry doping.

They even have an helicopter.
That's so cool!

A helicopter bought with money
from cherry doping.

I've never criticized boob doping.
I won't criticize cherry doping.

There are people dying, Miguel.

People who trust the cherries
to cover their sad lives,

and then choke
because they are too big.

I only do
with it takes

to survive
on the stone fruit's industry.

Dad?
Uncle Duarte?

Arguing
with the helicopter on?

Reverse the helicopter
and put it on the garage.

- I rule this family.
- Liar!

I know you changed
the Super 8 film.

I was born first.

"I was born free"?

Is he a Freemason?

- No!
- Yes, Miguel.

When I return from the police dept
of Fruit Crimes,

I'll expose you
and assume my part as the leader.

Never!

A gun?

Will they hunt from above?

- I know you can't shoot me.
- And why is that, Duarte?

Because from 13 to 16 years old,
when you the needed the most,

I lent you
my deck of cards with naked women.

Goodbye, Duarte.

- No!
- Who's there?

Flash-mob!

And I really wanted to play the cards,
you perv.

Someone important died
on a fresh cleaned helicopter.

My dear! What's taking you so long
to season the goat meat?

On the contest,
you'll have time limit.

Are you in a wheelchair?
What happened?

Tonsillitis caught
her spine.

Poor guy...
With a closed casket.

From all the places
where he could've crashed.

He fell right on a serrated knife.

The earthquake.

The beatbox fever.

And now uncle's death.

Are you really sure
that this wasn't the curse?

How? If the necklace wasn't stolen?
Can you explain it to me?

No.

I also can't explain
Bárbara Tinoco's fever, but it exists.

Yesterday he taught me
how to download torrents. Now he's dead.

I know, Madalena.
I know.

There are only two certainties
in life.

Death
and that if a woman with big boobs

sleeps with a strap top,
she'll wake up with a boob out.

No!

- Uncle! No, uncle!
- Calm down, Simão.

No!
I want to see him.

My uncle cannot be dead.

He is eternal
like "The Price is Right".

Open the casket.
I want to give him my trophy

of regional runner-up
of Lambada dance.

- You don't want to see him like this.
- No!

They had to put plaster in him
to fill up the suit.

I want to see him.
He cannot be dead!

The police thought
your uncle's body

was a stew, Simão.

Is that what you want to see?
A Duarte's stew?

Simão, Simão!

From now on,
I want nothing from you.

Except the allowance
and the triplex in Guarujá.

- Ivone!
- What happened?

He died!

- He died.
- He died?

- But who died?
- It doesn't matter, Ivone.

He was the only one
I've ever loved.

The only one?

What about the seven years
you've spent with Joca?

- Are you kidding me?
- I'll never find a man like him.

- Don't say that!
- Never ever.

Elsa!
Don't say that!

Men are like pimples.
You squeeze one and another one comes.

Come on, woman.
Blow your nose.

- What do you want?
- Will it take long?

- Her boyfriend died.
- So what?

We're alive
and we have to honk honk.

To honk honk?
Am I a horn?

No, but you make
such a good noise.

Let go of me, Tó Mané.

- Hi, mom.
- Son, what's up with you?

You're so pale.
What's going on?

Mom, I am...

- I am scared.
- You're scared of what, Raul?

That kind of scared
that makes you gasp when you speak.

- What happened?
- I took a pic I shouldn't have taken.

What do you young people have
with dirty pics?

You can have
really good sex instead.

Forget about it.

I wanted to talk to you.

You wanted to?
Don't you want it anymore?

It's a waiter's joke.

Deep down,
that's what I've always been here.

Don't say that, Simão.
You're a Bourbon de Linhaça.

The third in line
for the cherry throne.

Are you being nice to me,
Eduardo?

Did you gain awareness
with uncle Duarte's death?

I've always had it.

I've ignored it
so I wouldn't be seen as a stupid guy.

What do you want from me?
Forgiveness?

No.

I need your help to stop dad
and his cherry doping.

Now?

After I've sent you thousands of pictures
of cherries with acne,

with liquid retention,
with menstrual changes.

I know, Simão.

Help me. If not for me,
then for the future of our family.

The only Bourbon de Linhaça
for whom I would fight

is dead.

Don't leave me alone
in this battle, Simão.

Do the right thing.
As you always did.

And where did it take me,
Eduardo?

I've never been respected.
I've never had power.

I've never been
to Jimmy Kimmel Live.

- But you have a pure heart.
- Not anymore.

Not anymore.

Since I can get angry,
do you know what I've learned?

That people who speak loudly
at the movies,...

People who honk in lines,
who fart in elevators

are respected.

That's not respect.

Whatever it is,
I like it.

Rage and naughtiness
feel good.

It's okay.

Thanks for letting me grief my uncle
here with you guys.

No problem.
I also love uncles.

For me it's fine too.

And thanks
for the Pandora bracelet.

I know you loved
Dr. Duarte.

I loved him so much.

He loved you back.

He really loved you, Matilde.

He said you were the daughter
he never had

due to condoms.

It's okay.

Come with me.

Let's get out of here.

- Ouch.
- Are you okay?

- What happened?
- It was the cops.

- They attacked my finger.
- What?

For real. Punches, kicks,
rubber bullets,...

- Luckily, my hands were on my pockets.
- Wow.

Perhaps, the cops aren't
as respectable as I thought.

Perhaps the cops...

- Are just the fuzz.
- You're kidding.

You've always defended
the muscular state authority.

I guess I was wrong.
Maybe the state is oppressive.

My mission is to fight
those who exploit their uniform

to mistreat people
who pierce strange spots.

No, Diogo!
You're wise.

You're always sleepy after 11 pm.
Right?

No way.

I finally got the necklace back.

Now I control the accessorize
that goes with everything.

Stop, Vitó!

The Cistercian Goldsmiths.

Without low smoke?

The machine is getting fixed
in Germany.

We don't trust anyone here.

- How did you do that?
- Tiktok teaches you everything.

How are you more powerful
than me?

Because we're on the good side.

No.

Evil always wins.
Genghis Khan, Nero, Joker,...

Evil always wins.

Goodbye, Vitó.

I hope there's no roaming
in hell.

Bye-bye!

I'm sorry, Henrique.

We can't get him.
He's so independent.

No, César. No.

That's not the problem.

What upsets me is...

How did Vitó had the necklace
without it destroying him?

I don't know, Henrique.

But let me think
with my hands behind my back.

Mom, fine. He can move here.
Whatever.

It's not whatever.

If you don't agree,
that's it.

He'd better agree.
I can't be homeless.

Alarms wake me up.

If you think it's weird us having sex
on the room next door, say it.

We can do it here.

You must want to get back
to your godmother's balcony.

Mom, it's okay.

Tó Mané comes live us.
I hope you're very happy.

You won't regret it!
And you know why?

Because I'll be
a very cool step-dad.

I'll send you dirty stuff.

- Shut up!
- Jesus.

You're not okay, Raul.
I know you. I'm your mom.

- Spill it out.
- I'm not okay, mom. I'm scared.

- Of what?
- Of people, for some pictures I took

with that camera
over there.

Which camera?

What?

The one I've pointed without looking.
Was it stolen?

You stupid guy, did you leave
the window open again?

Of course! I can't have sex any other way.
I start sweating.

You knew it, Ivone.

Will the people that stole the camera
come after me?

Will they try to kill me?

Will I be able to talk like this
without anyone listening?

Raul!

Wait, Lourenço.
Lourenço...

Before having sex,
I have something to tell you.

Are you a virgin?

What?

Who knows...?

You use so many
cardigans.

Lourenço...

I fear blowjobs.

You...

fear them...?

Why?

It's so stupid.

I was a kid
and I though everything was easy.

I love you
just the way you are.

You could even be
a feminist.

For real?

Yes.

"Be afraid. If I got to the camera,
I can get to you.

"If you want to live,
forget what you've seen".

Nando,
who gave you this note?

No one, brother!
It was in a samosa.

- A samosa?
- Yeah.

A guy went to our hood
and gave me a good looking samosa.

You have to promise
you won't tell this to anyone.

- About the samosa?
- About what we've seen!

Do you any idea
of the ways needed

to put a note inside a samosa
without messing it?

- No.
- Because there aren't any ways!

They have power.

They make a call, and a bit later,
they get sushi at home.

You have to promise
that we'll forget what we've seen.

Bro, chill. You're getting on my nerves.
Relax.

Do you remember
that deputy that got pregnant?

- No.
- Neither do I. See?

Nando is good
forgetting things.

Hello.

I declare that Blaze is open.

Take it, nitwit.

Me touching a champagne.

How I'd love for my father to be alive
to see this.

Did he looked at your nails,
got scared and died?

Come on.
Get out of here.

- Cristina, are you giving a speech?
- Excuse me.

Give a speech? Nonsense!
That would be too intimate.

Besides, I have Pilates
from 2 pm to 8 pm.

Let Filipa do it.

- Filipa, Filipa, Filipa!
- Oh, no...

- Okay, okay.
- Filipa, Filipa!

I said okay!

Raul, nitwit,

all of you
precarious people.

I promise that Blaze
will be a best-seller,

for a year or two,
before magazines disappear.

Cheers!

Far away from there,

Simão was becoming
a monster,

hour after hour,
day after day,

evil after evil .

It was as if a gigantic and immeasurable
evil force

wouldn't stop growing.

The man
with the pure heart

that everyone knew
and followed on Twitter,

was disappearing
behind a beard

longer and longer
and well treated.

Stop the doping for a while.

You can make a giveaway on Instagram
with the rest of the steroids.

Relax.

It's just me, daddy.

Daddy?

Whiskey?

I'm learning to enjoy.

They say you have to learn to enjoy.
Like a hairy vag.

Whiskey is a man's drink,
Simão.

And I'm not a man, dad?

No, Simon.

A person who sleeps with men and women
is a pervert.

I am not a pervert.

Shut up.

I've already seen you
with a duck.

It was a grown up duck.

We were both
grown ups.

If only you were strong.

But you're not.

You're perverted
and weak.

What are you going to do
with that?

I don't know.

Perhaps the same you did
to uncle Duarte.

What?

Did you really think
no one saw it?

Did you think
you could kill

the only man
who ever loved me as his son?

Take it easy, Simão.

Who taught me
how to ride a bike?

How to skate,
how to walk in heels,...

- Simão...
- He taught me about dignity.

And about FATACIL!

Stop, Simão!

I am your father.

My father?

A father
loves and respects.

Don't you remember how you mocked me
when I went to Got Talent?

- To do the belly dance.
- It doesn't matter!

What is that?

An origami?
By night?

I made that origami,

to use it
when I'd gain the courage

to honor uncle Duarte's death.

I'm like this
because I've suffered when I was a kid.

Do you understand?

I've been abused
by Kermit the Frog.

For me to be respected,
I have to be cruel.

And tell me,
what is more cruel

than killing
your own father?

So many things, son.

Giving self-help books,
dressing up dogs,...

Goodbye, father.

No!

For me.

For uncle Duarte.

And for you, Toni.

May you still be
a big hot guy!

Salomé of Portugal.

My dear, calm down.
What happened?

Breath, Salomé.
Calm down.

One more death, Mother!

Someone died near a pool
with too much chlorine in it.

You've won!

We did it!
Even though we used a polish onion.

Here comes the guy.
Careful.

It's just a medal.
Don't worry.

Relax,
my dear Salomé.

What about the death
I've just seen?

Isn't death
more important than goat meat?

No, my dear.
Death comes and goes.

But a good goat meal
stays with us forever.

Yes, man!

We did it!
We're the first rock band in college.

I can't believe it!

Thank you for letting me
be a part of this.

Do you want to cheat
on Matilde?

I'll be in a college band,

though the only connection I have
with school are the spelling errors.

We're a family!

Guys,

while we're here sharing
and stuff...

I have been hiding something
from myself and from you guys.

- From us?
- And from yourself?

- Are you a cop?
- No, Diogo. I'm not a cop.

I live a lie
since I was fifteen,

but it's time to tell the truth
and come out.

- Dude, you are...
- Yeah.

I'm a vegan.

- What?
- Get out of here.

I've experienced seitan
on a summer in Tavira.

And I didn't come back
to animal products.

Are you crazy?
What about the burgers?

- And the roast beef toast?
- It was tofu.

- And yesterday's lamb?
- It was quinoa.

- No way.
- Yeah.

Jimmy!

- Diogo.
- No.

No.

No, no, no!

- Didi, don't do it.
- No, Diogo.

No, no, no!

- No, Diogo!
- Diogo!

That's so much lettuce.

- Diogo, that's so much lettuce!
- This is for you, man.

No!

Man!

If you are a vegan.
We all are, man!

Yes!

I'm so happy
to see you recovered.

I brought you food,
so you don't paint with hunger.

Paint?

Am I painting?

Aren't you, Ms. Madalena?

I'm getting worse and worse.

Medication, therapy,
online poker,...

Nothing works.

Have you tried some shots?

Nothing can cure me.

I carry so many secrets with me.

We all do.

If you knew my nickname
in Ibiza.

I can't take it anymore.

I have a confession to make
in flashback.

I've subscribed dark web to find proof
that Miguel was indeed a criminal.

But after months of looking into terror
and some dwarf porn,

what I found out
was even worse.

I found out that Duarte
had been born before my father-in-law.

So I gathered
the information,

I put in on a 128GB
3.1 USB pen drive,

and I sent it
to those who should know it.

So Miguel knew that Mister Duarte
was born first.

Yes. And that's why
he killed him.

Who killed who?

Madalena.

My dad killed himself
with six shots in the head.

Oh, Our Holy Thingy!

What is this?
Low smoke?

Yes, Vitó.

The machine has arrived
from Germany.

What do you want from me?

- I've already given up on the necklace.
- That's not enough.

The world will only be safe
when we take your evil powers from you.

And how will you
take my powers?

With these videos
of baby Labradors.

No! Stop!

Enough of these cute snouts.

That's enough, Henrique.

Or he might end up
a floppy dimwit.

You're now a mere mortal
who can catch measles.

You may have taken
my powers from me.

But there's another heir
of Our Holy Thingy, on Earth.

Another?

Yes, goldsmiths.
And I've been protecting him.

As soon as I realized
all the evil potential in him.

The evil that is going to wreck
the Bourbon de Linhaça from the inside.

Just like an aphid.

And I was the one who let
that evil grow.

I fed the pain, the anger
and the resentment.

I'll send you dirty stuff.

I was also the one who gave away
spicy food, to cover his crimes.

Tell me who that monster is.
Tell me, Vitó! Tell me!

Never.

Now that I am human.
I'll be a cry-baby, just like them.

Hi, Simão.

Welcome to the end of the movie,
Eduardo.

Whiskey?
Like dad?

That's the real tragedy.

I'm now the person
I've hated the most.

- Our father.
- Don't say that.

I say whatever I want!
I'm not a pussy anymore.

Simão, help me lead
the Bourbon de Linhaça.

Let's save the cherries together.
As fruit brothers!

No.

I can't ignore all the humiliations
you all put me through, for years.

I've never humiliated you.

You put glue on my condoms,
Eduardo.

I've had my penis laminated
for a year.

A year!

Forgive me, Simão.

No, Eduardo.

I don't forgive you,
nor our father,

nor any other
Bourbon de Linhaça.

You've turned me into
a posh monster.

No, Simão. No.

If you want to live as a scalabitan demon,
own that choice.

Choice? This choice?

I've always been
a feckless scared guy.

And you've turned me into a killer.

A killer?

Who did you kill, Simão?
Who?

I killed the old Simão.

But I can kill so many more.
Starting with you, Eduardo.

No. You wouldn't have the courage
to kill your own brother.

The feckless scared guy
is still inside you.

You're right.

The old Simão is still alive.

But it's now time
to kill him.

For good.

And that is why

we gave the name Simão
to shooting stars.

A harmless lost rock

turns into
a wrecking fireball,

due to the friction
in the atmosphere.

You're not born
a shooting star.

And the necklace? Who kept
the real necklace of Saint Cajó?

No one knows.

Telling that story again?

Yeah...

Your story.

- Our story.
- I know.

And poor Narciso's also.

Okay, a fashion magazine...

We can investigate fashion crimes.

Mixing patterns,
guys who wear slips,...

I'm sorry.
I have a lot of snot.

Me,

you,

Narciso,

and the necklace
of Saint Cajó.

The most unlikely quartet
in the world.

It's easy to fool them,

when they think
you are a posh.

DEDICATED TO THE MEMORY
OF OUR LUÍS ALELUIA

TRANSLATION
Beatriz Almeida