Would you like to inspect the original subtitles? These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated:
1
00:05:45,678 --> 00:05:48,748
Hey, Chad, I finished hosing
all the vomit out of the shower.
2
00:05:48,748 --> 00:05:53,386
And-- dude, did you
let crabs back here?
3
00:05:53,386 --> 00:05:55,054
Your face has crabs.
4
00:05:55,054 --> 00:05:56,989
Nice.
5
00:05:56,989 --> 00:05:58,057
No, you idiot.
6
00:05:58,057 --> 00:06:01,427
There's crabs in the
backyard right now.
7
00:06:01,427 --> 00:06:03,830
Whoa, you're not kidding.
8
00:06:08,301 --> 00:06:10,970
Dude, they're lighter
than they look.
9
00:06:10,970 --> 00:06:12,572
It's
like they're trying
10
00:06:12,572 --> 00:06:14,807
to talk to us or something.
11
00:06:14,807 --> 00:06:18,177
What should we do with
these things, eat 'em?
12
00:06:18,177 --> 00:06:19,812
I don't know, man.
13
00:06:19,812 --> 00:06:22,014
Never cooked a crab before.
14
00:06:22,014 --> 00:06:23,649
Oh, hey, I've got an idea.
15
00:06:23,649 --> 00:06:25,084
Give them some of your beer.
16
00:06:25,084 --> 00:06:26,652
No way, man, this is my beer.
17
00:06:26,652 --> 00:06:27,987
You give them a beer.
18
00:06:27,987 --> 00:06:30,890
Dude, if I'm giving
them something,
19
00:06:30,890 --> 00:06:34,394
I'm giving them something
way stronger than beer.
20
00:06:40,800 --> 00:06:42,869
Dude, do you think
this is a good idea?
21
00:07:11,531 --> 00:07:13,466
Dude, what the hell?
22
00:07:16,269 --> 00:07:18,371
Oh, dude, you bled on me.
23
00:07:19,372 --> 00:07:20,406
Stop it, bro.
24
00:07:22,175 --> 00:07:23,142
You stop it.
25
00:07:23,142 --> 00:07:24,277
Fuck you, man.
26
00:07:24,277 --> 00:07:25,445
Fuck you back.
27
00:07:26,412 --> 00:07:28,781
Dude, are you kidding me?
28
00:07:29,515 --> 00:07:32,118
Oh, my favorite finger.
29
00:07:45,431 --> 00:07:47,033
Salutations
to you all.
30
00:07:47,033 --> 00:07:48,534
This is DJ Cow Spank.
31
00:07:50,703 --> 00:07:52,104
I don't know how your
day has been so far,
32
00:07:52,104 --> 00:07:54,440
but I'm having a dandy
old time pumping out tunes
33
00:07:54,440 --> 00:07:55,908
for y'all to enjoy.
34
00:07:55,908 --> 00:07:58,277
Later on, I'll be playing
some heavier stuff for you
35
00:07:58,277 --> 00:07:59,545
all to rage to.
36
00:07:59,545 --> 00:08:01,481
But for now, let's
dabble with something
37
00:08:01,481 --> 00:08:03,449
a little on the lighter side.
38
00:08:10,356 --> 00:08:11,791
Now, you're sure
this is the place?
39
00:08:11,791 --> 00:08:15,328
Six weeks of investigation,
eight stoolies, a dozen
40
00:08:15,328 --> 00:08:17,263
eyewitnesses, and
a drug trail so
41
00:08:17,263 --> 00:08:20,399
thick I could bounce a
roll of quarters off it.
42
00:08:20,399 --> 00:08:22,335
He's in there.
43
00:08:22,335 --> 00:08:24,437
Whatever you say, Bobo.
44
00:08:27,773 --> 00:08:32,345
That's Detective Bobo,
you flat-footed son of a--
45
00:08:32,345 --> 00:08:32,945
Freeze.
46
00:08:35,448 --> 00:08:41,854
All right, which one of you
here is the cocaine king?
47
00:08:47,093 --> 00:08:49,495
You think arresting me
is going to do any good?
48
00:08:49,495 --> 00:08:50,630
You fools.
49
00:08:50,630 --> 00:08:52,164
You can't stop cocaine.
50
00:08:52,164 --> 00:08:53,132
Cocaine is the world.
51
00:08:53,132 --> 00:08:54,367
Cocaine is life.
52
00:08:55,768 --> 00:08:57,203
Well, it can certainly
get you that if the judge
53
00:08:57,203 --> 00:08:58,337
is in a bad mood.
54
00:08:58,337 --> 00:09:00,273
You haven't seen the last of me.
55
00:09:00,273 --> 00:09:02,775
Heretic, non-believer.
56
00:09:02,775 --> 00:09:05,378
Well, I'll be sure and tell
the meth queen you said hi.
57
00:09:05,378 --> 00:09:06,512
Oh, man, fuck that bitch.
58
00:09:06,512 --> 00:09:07,947
She still owes me 2 kilos.
59
00:09:18,491 --> 00:09:20,092
Hey, man you like doughnuts?
60
00:09:20,092 --> 00:09:22,695
I got some leftovers from
this morning's meeting.
61
00:09:22,695 --> 00:09:23,629
I sure do.
62
00:09:23,629 --> 00:09:24,597
Cool.
63
00:09:24,597 --> 00:09:25,731
What's your favorite kind?
64
00:09:25,731 --> 00:09:27,633
I'm a powdered
sugar fan, myself.
65
00:09:30,503 --> 00:09:31,637
You're in luck.
66
00:09:37,944 --> 00:09:40,446
See, if you had a job
and worked for a living,
67
00:09:40,446 --> 00:09:41,714
you'd get first pick.
68
00:09:41,714 --> 00:09:44,116
But you don't, so you
get the leftovers.
69
00:09:47,219 --> 00:09:49,622
What the hell, man?
70
00:09:49,622 --> 00:09:51,857
Bootstraps, pal, bootstraps.
71
00:10:03,736 --> 00:10:06,806
What is
this, a crab rave?
72
00:10:39,805 --> 00:10:42,508
You found them
exactly like this?
73
00:10:42,508 --> 00:10:43,743
Yeah, man.
74
00:10:43,743 --> 00:10:46,312
I didn't do nothing
but cover them up.
75
00:10:46,312 --> 00:10:48,180
All right, what do we got?
76
00:10:48,180 --> 00:10:48,948
Two dead.
77
00:10:48,948 --> 00:10:49,849
Both took it in the neck.
78
00:10:53,119 --> 00:10:54,887
Were you in the house
when this happened?
79
00:10:54,887 --> 00:10:57,123
No, I was out with
my lady all day.
80
00:10:57,123 --> 00:10:58,790
She wanted sushi,
which is great.
81
00:10:58,790 --> 00:11:02,261
But now I'm going to
have sushi burps all day.
82
00:11:02,261 --> 00:11:03,396
Mr.--
83
00:11:03,396 --> 00:11:04,363
No "Mister" here, dude.
84
00:11:04,363 --> 00:11:05,865
Just call me Tad.
85
00:11:05,865 --> 00:11:08,668
Tad, do you have any pruning
clippers here in the house?
86
00:11:08,668 --> 00:11:09,835
Pruning?
87
00:11:09,835 --> 00:11:12,038
No, we barely do
dishes around here.
88
00:11:12,038 --> 00:11:13,439
Did your roommates get along?
89
00:11:13,439 --> 00:11:18,577
Oh, totally, although
Brad did owe Chad $5.
90
00:11:18,577 --> 00:11:20,312
They didn't do
this to each other.
91
00:11:20,312 --> 00:11:23,149
That guy got it first,
right in the main artery.
92
00:11:23,149 --> 00:11:24,917
There's no way he'd
have the strength
93
00:11:24,917 --> 00:11:28,287
to retaliate, no matter how much
coke might be in his system.
94
00:11:28,287 --> 00:11:29,321
Cocaine?
95
00:11:29,321 --> 00:11:30,723
I swear it's not mine.
96
00:11:30,723 --> 00:11:33,626
Are you telling me you didn't
see the dime bag and the razor
97
00:11:33,626 --> 00:11:35,961
blade over on the ground
next to the table?
98
00:11:35,961 --> 00:11:37,997
Of course, I did.
99
00:11:37,997 --> 00:11:39,865
Four whole months for
that badge, and that's
100
00:11:39,865 --> 00:11:41,200
the best you can do?
101
00:11:41,200 --> 00:11:43,936
Tell me you can at least
get a cat out of a tree.
102
00:11:43,936 --> 00:11:46,539
Well, at least I'm not
a complete laughingstock
103
00:11:46,539 --> 00:11:48,908
at the precinct, Bobo.
104
00:11:48,908 --> 00:11:52,411
Here, just because I
know how much you blue
105
00:11:52,411 --> 00:11:54,714
shirts love fingering criminals.
106
00:11:55,681 --> 00:11:56,582
Dude.
107
00:11:56,582 --> 00:11:59,151
Eh, sushi burps.
108
00:12:02,988 --> 00:12:06,358
Detective Reese,
Detective Reese, come in.
109
00:12:06,358 --> 00:12:09,428
Detective Reese?
110
00:12:09,428 --> 00:12:11,197
Detective Reese, are you there?
111
00:12:11,197 --> 00:12:11,964
Please respond.
112
00:12:14,600 --> 00:12:16,035
Reese here.
113
00:12:16,035 --> 00:12:18,437
Detective, you're
needed at a 187 downtown
114
00:12:18,437 --> 00:12:19,872
on Broadway and Pine.
115
00:12:19,872 --> 00:12:22,007
Dispatch, I'm already
at a 1-8-7 on Maple.
116
00:12:22,007 --> 00:12:24,009
Is there anyone else
who can take that?
117
00:12:24,009 --> 00:12:25,044
Negative.
118
00:12:25,044 --> 00:12:27,847
You are the closest responder.
119
00:12:27,847 --> 00:12:29,348
10-4, on my way.
120
00:12:57,042 --> 00:12:59,578
Detective Charlie Reese.
121
00:12:59,578 --> 00:13:02,648
I'm Steve.
122
00:13:02,648 --> 00:13:05,484
Steve, did you did
you call this in?
123
00:13:05,484 --> 00:13:06,786
Sure did.
124
00:13:06,786 --> 00:13:09,555
And how, may I ask,
did you phone this in?
125
00:13:09,555 --> 00:13:11,924
Cell phone.
126
00:13:11,924 --> 00:13:14,226
You have a cell phone?
127
00:13:14,226 --> 00:13:15,694
No, but he did.
128
00:13:15,694 --> 00:13:17,329
Where is it now?
129
00:13:17,329 --> 00:13:19,665
I put it back in his
pocket where I found it.
130
00:13:19,665 --> 00:13:21,200
His pocket?
131
00:13:21,200 --> 00:13:22,034
Yep.
132
00:13:22,034 --> 00:13:23,035
He's got a wallet in there, too.
133
00:13:23,035 --> 00:13:24,170
No cash in it, though.
134
00:13:24,170 --> 00:13:25,304
I checked.
135
00:13:25,304 --> 00:13:27,239
I'm sure you did.
136
00:13:27,239 --> 00:13:29,375
Steve, were you here
when this happened?
137
00:13:29,375 --> 00:13:31,477
Nope, heard it from
around the corner.
138
00:13:31,477 --> 00:13:35,548
About how long ago
did you find the body?
139
00:13:35,548 --> 00:13:36,816
Oh, about a half hour ago.
140
00:13:39,051 --> 00:13:40,653
OK, I'm just going to ask.
141
00:13:40,653 --> 00:13:41,887
Why did you hang around?
142
00:13:41,887 --> 00:13:43,455
You could have just taken off?
143
00:13:43,455 --> 00:13:46,659
Because I want you guys to
know that I didn't do this.
144
00:13:46,659 --> 00:13:47,960
I know how it goes.
145
00:13:47,960 --> 00:13:49,829
You ask everyone in
the area what happened.
146
00:13:49,829 --> 00:13:51,530
Someone mentioned
seeing me nearby.
147
00:13:51,530 --> 00:13:53,966
You guys come after me and
make my life a living hell.
148
00:13:53,966 --> 00:13:55,467
No, thank you.
149
00:13:55,467 --> 00:13:58,370
I'd rather just get
it out of the way now.
150
00:13:58,370 --> 00:13:59,772
I believe you.
151
00:13:59,772 --> 00:14:00,706
What?
152
00:14:00,706 --> 00:14:02,474
Here.
153
00:14:02,474 --> 00:14:03,809
Here's $20.
154
00:14:03,809 --> 00:14:06,345
Another officer will
be here in 10 minutes.
155
00:14:06,345 --> 00:14:10,149
Wait right here, and tell
him everything you told me.
156
00:14:10,149 --> 00:14:13,652
Should I mention I stole
his underwear, too?
157
00:14:13,652 --> 00:14:14,453
What?
158
00:14:14,453 --> 00:14:15,554
No.
159
00:14:15,554 --> 00:14:17,423
It's just I've never
had silk undies before.
160
00:14:17,423 --> 00:14:21,193
It's like both butt cheeks
died and went to Heaven.
161
00:14:21,193 --> 00:14:22,428
Really?
162
00:14:22,428 --> 00:14:25,064
Silk under-- look, just
tell him how you found him.
163
00:14:25,064 --> 00:14:26,899
And tell him that
detective Reese
164
00:14:26,899 --> 00:14:28,834
says you didn't do it, OK?
165
00:14:28,834 --> 00:14:30,002
Aye-aye, sir.
166
00:14:32,471 --> 00:14:35,341
Ooh, yeah, booty like.
167
00:14:35,341 --> 00:14:35,941
Ooh.
168
00:14:39,912 --> 00:14:41,213
Captain?
169
00:14:41,213 --> 00:14:43,415
Captain.
170
00:14:43,415 --> 00:14:45,417
Captain, I have
got to talk to you.
171
00:14:45,417 --> 00:14:48,020
You do realize this is
the one time of the day
172
00:14:48,020 --> 00:14:50,923
that I want absolutely
no one talking to me.
173
00:14:50,923 --> 00:14:52,625
Yes, I know, and I'm sorry.
174
00:14:52,625 --> 00:14:54,560
But this is important.
175
00:14:54,560 --> 00:14:55,694
It always is.
176
00:14:55,694 --> 00:14:57,429
You know those two
dead frat boys?
177
00:14:57,429 --> 00:14:59,565
Well, I just left an
alley where someone was
178
00:14:59,565 --> 00:15:01,200
murdered in the same manner.
179
00:15:01,200 --> 00:15:02,768
You think they're related?
180
00:15:02,768 --> 00:15:06,772
All three victims had small
body parts removed or severed--
181
00:15:06,772 --> 00:15:10,276
throats, fingers, tendons.
182
00:15:10,276 --> 00:15:12,745
You do realize I'm
still eating, right?
183
00:15:12,745 --> 00:15:14,880
Sorry, Captain.
184
00:15:14,880 --> 00:15:16,482
So what?
185
00:15:16,482 --> 00:15:19,418
You think someone's going around
with a knife mutilating people?
186
00:15:19,418 --> 00:15:21,620
The wounds don't
suggest a knife, sir.
187
00:15:21,620 --> 00:15:25,257
The cut marks are made in two
opposite closing directions.
188
00:15:25,257 --> 00:15:27,927
Reese, do not tell me you think
someone's going around town
189
00:15:27,927 --> 00:15:29,228
snipping people to death.
190
00:15:29,228 --> 00:15:32,464
That is not what I
want to hear right now.
191
00:15:32,464 --> 00:15:33,933
OK, I won't.
192
00:15:33,933 --> 00:15:35,267
Good.
193
00:15:35,267 --> 00:15:37,036
Unfortunately, you're
going to like what I'm
194
00:15:37,036 --> 00:15:39,705
about to tell you even less.
195
00:15:39,705 --> 00:15:41,273
Here it comes.
196
00:15:41,273 --> 00:15:43,609
I think animals
may have done this.
197
00:15:43,609 --> 00:15:45,744
And boom.
198
00:15:45,744 --> 00:15:47,413
Captain, I'm serious.
199
00:15:47,413 --> 00:15:48,948
Oh, I can tell you're serious.
200
00:15:48,948 --> 00:15:50,482
That's what worries me.
201
00:15:50,482 --> 00:15:52,952
Captain, I know this
sounds ridiculous.
202
00:15:52,952 --> 00:15:54,153
I know it, too.
203
00:15:54,153 --> 00:15:55,654
But I'm telling you.
204
00:15:55,654 --> 00:15:57,756
Do I even want to know
what kind of animal
205
00:15:57,756 --> 00:15:59,591
you think is doing this?
206
00:15:59,591 --> 00:16:01,026
You probably don't.
207
00:16:01,026 --> 00:16:02,795
Just spill it.
208
00:16:02,795 --> 00:16:03,395
Crabs.
209
00:16:06,098 --> 00:16:08,867
You realize
the entire force
210
00:16:08,867 --> 00:16:11,570
thinks you're a laughing stock
because of the clown case,
211
00:16:11,570 --> 00:16:12,871
right?
212
00:16:12,871 --> 00:16:15,207
Did you know they're calling
you Bobo behind your back?
213
00:16:15,207 --> 00:16:17,509
All except the ones
who say it to my face.
214
00:16:17,509 --> 00:16:19,812
When they catch
word of this, things
215
00:16:19,812 --> 00:16:21,146
will only get worse for you.
216
00:16:21,146 --> 00:16:22,815
And they will find out.
217
00:16:22,815 --> 00:16:24,216
They always do.
218
00:16:24,216 --> 00:16:25,718
There's probably
one or two of them
219
00:16:25,718 --> 00:16:27,953
with their ear pressed up
against the door right now.
220
00:16:27,953 --> 00:16:30,189
They're like little
gossip gremlins.
221
00:16:30,189 --> 00:16:31,824
Captain, I would
not be doing this
222
00:16:31,824 --> 00:16:33,726
unless I was almost
certain of it.
223
00:16:33,726 --> 00:16:35,461
You think a crab--
224
00:16:35,461 --> 00:16:37,229
Or crabs.
225
00:16:37,229 --> 00:16:40,566
You think crabs are
pinching people to death,
226
00:16:40,566 --> 00:16:43,002
and you want me to
take this seriously?
227
00:16:43,002 --> 00:16:45,337
Well, when you put it that way.
228
00:16:45,337 --> 00:16:48,007
Reese, you've got a great
record as a detective.
229
00:16:48,007 --> 00:16:50,342
But lately, you've got
me wondering about you.
230
00:16:50,342 --> 00:16:53,112
Well, what's it going to take
for you to take this seriously?
231
00:16:53,112 --> 00:16:54,980
Well, for starters,
get somebody to agree
232
00:16:54,980 --> 00:16:58,050
with you, someone who knows
what they're talking about.
233
00:16:58,050 --> 00:16:59,785
I've already put some
thought into that.
234
00:16:59,785 --> 00:17:03,389
But we don't have an aquarium
or any sort of marine biology
235
00:17:03,389 --> 00:17:04,823
facility here in the city.
236
00:17:04,823 --> 00:17:07,259
Well, you better find a
seafood restaurant or something
237
00:17:07,259 --> 00:17:10,194
because right now your
story smells fishy.
238
00:17:10,194 --> 00:17:11,230
You like that?
239
00:17:11,230 --> 00:17:12,464
Smells fishy?
240
00:17:12,464 --> 00:17:15,601
I put it in there just for you.
241
00:17:28,914 --> 00:17:32,217
Look, Larry, I know technically
speaking you're my supervisor,
242
00:17:32,217 --> 00:17:33,986
and you're supposed
to be the one calling
243
00:17:33,986 --> 00:17:35,220
all the shots around here.
244
00:17:35,220 --> 00:17:36,955
And I'm just the
lowly subordinate,
245
00:17:36,955 --> 00:17:38,390
making a fraction
of what you do,
246
00:17:38,390 --> 00:17:39,892
even though I'm more
qualified than you
247
00:17:39,892 --> 00:17:43,162
for this job on just about
every level there is.
248
00:17:43,162 --> 00:17:45,364
But can I ask that next
time you move the mail beta
249
00:17:45,364 --> 00:17:47,466
fish that you keep a
partition between them?
250
00:17:47,466 --> 00:17:50,536
Because you see, male betas
are extremely territorial,
251
00:17:50,536 --> 00:17:53,005
even with betas that aren't
even in the same tank.
252
00:17:53,005 --> 00:17:54,840
If they're within
eyeshot of each other,
253
00:17:54,840 --> 00:17:58,811
it can cause them undue stress
and even shorten their lives.
254
00:18:04,616 --> 00:18:05,651
Thanks, Larry.
255
00:18:05,651 --> 00:18:07,386
You're an absolute
peach to work with.
256
00:18:07,386 --> 00:18:08,887
No, seriously, I mean it.
257
00:18:08,887 --> 00:18:11,423
Try not to eat any soap on
the way back to your chair.
258
00:18:26,438 --> 00:18:28,640
Do you have an Alex
Bailey working here?
259
00:18:36,515 --> 00:18:38,250
Alex Bailey?
260
00:18:38,250 --> 00:18:39,485
How did you know my name?
261
00:18:42,521 --> 00:18:43,989
Right, duh.
262
00:18:43,989 --> 00:18:47,459
I'm Detective Charlie
Reese, and I need your help.
263
00:18:47,459 --> 00:18:48,861
Why me?
264
00:18:48,861 --> 00:18:51,964
Because I understand you know
quite a bit about crustaceans.
265
00:18:51,964 --> 00:18:53,866
OK, that's not on my name tag.
266
00:18:53,866 --> 00:18:55,000
How do you know that?
267
00:18:55,000 --> 00:18:56,668
Manager at the
seafood restaurant
268
00:18:56,668 --> 00:18:59,471
says you picketed
his place before.
269
00:18:59,471 --> 00:19:00,305
Guilty.
270
00:19:00,305 --> 00:19:02,774
That guy hates me.
271
00:19:02,774 --> 00:19:04,877
Wait, I'm not in
trouble for that, am I?
272
00:19:04,877 --> 00:19:06,178
That was like a year ago.
273
00:19:06,178 --> 00:19:08,780
No, I'm here because
I need your expertise.
274
00:19:08,780 --> 00:19:10,682
Expertise?
275
00:19:10,682 --> 00:19:11,783
What do you mean?
276
00:19:11,783 --> 00:19:14,019
I need to know that you
know your stuff when
277
00:19:14,019 --> 00:19:15,654
it comes to shellfish.
278
00:19:15,654 --> 00:19:16,922
Shellfish?
279
00:19:16,922 --> 00:19:19,458
Well, crustaceans or mollusks?
280
00:19:19,458 --> 00:19:23,395
The kind with strong claws.
281
00:19:23,395 --> 00:19:27,099
Yeah, crustaceans--
crabs, lobsters, shrimp,
282
00:19:27,099 --> 00:19:29,535
crayfish, although
not all lobsters
283
00:19:29,535 --> 00:19:32,604
have pinchers or chelae,
as they're properly called.
284
00:19:32,604 --> 00:19:34,339
And I wouldn't consider
shrimp pinchers
285
00:19:34,339 --> 00:19:36,942
to be strong because
they're quite tiny.
286
00:19:36,942 --> 00:19:39,611
But I'm guessing "strong"
is a relative term here.
287
00:19:39,611 --> 00:19:44,917
For now, let's just say
we're talking about crabs.
288
00:19:44,917 --> 00:19:48,720
Oh, sweet, crabs
are my favorite.
289
00:19:48,720 --> 00:19:52,691
Yeah, well, there's over 6,000
different species of crabs.
290
00:19:52,691 --> 00:19:56,061
They're decapod crustaceans
that can live in freshwater,
291
00:19:56,061 --> 00:19:57,663
saltwater, or on land.
292
00:19:57,663 --> 00:20:01,233
They have an exoskeleton with
the central carapace protecting
293
00:20:01,233 --> 00:20:02,634
their cephalothorax.
294
00:20:02,634 --> 00:20:04,102
OK, you pass.
295
00:20:04,102 --> 00:20:07,406
But what I really need to know
is, can one of these things
296
00:20:07,406 --> 00:20:08,373
kill someone?
297
00:20:08,373 --> 00:20:10,175
Kill someone?
298
00:20:10,175 --> 00:20:13,679
I mean, there are poisonous
crabs, but they're very rare
299
00:20:13,679 --> 00:20:15,514
and not found
anywhere near here.
300
00:20:15,514 --> 00:20:18,350
No, no, I'm not talking
about poisonous crabs.
301
00:20:18,350 --> 00:20:21,253
Well, then what kind of
crabs are you talking about?
302
00:20:21,253 --> 00:20:23,789
Kind you'd find
on a dinner plate.
303
00:20:23,789 --> 00:20:27,326
Metacarcinus magister?
304
00:20:27,326 --> 00:20:29,328
Dungeness crab.
305
00:20:29,328 --> 00:20:31,363
Wait, you want to
know if a Dungeness
306
00:20:31,363 --> 00:20:33,332
crab can kill someone?
307
00:20:33,332 --> 00:20:35,000
That's what I'm
aiming to find out.
308
00:20:35,000 --> 00:20:38,637
We're talking about a
creature that might--
309
00:20:38,637 --> 00:20:41,206
might have the grip
strength to break
310
00:20:41,206 --> 00:20:42,708
the finger of a small child.
311
00:20:42,708 --> 00:20:48,080
Trust me, I've been told
how ridiculous this sounds.
312
00:20:48,080 --> 00:20:50,048
Is that alcohol?
313
00:20:50,048 --> 00:20:51,583
That's classified.
314
00:20:51,583 --> 00:20:53,185
Say, would you
mind coming with me
315
00:20:53,185 --> 00:20:54,987
and sharing your wealth
of crab knowledge
316
00:20:54,987 --> 00:20:56,288
with some of my colleagues?
317
00:20:56,288 --> 00:20:58,223
With other police?
318
00:20:58,223 --> 00:21:00,359
I mean, sure, I
guess, that is if you
319
00:21:00,359 --> 00:21:03,262
can get my bonehead manager
to let me off early.
320
00:21:03,262 --> 00:21:04,563
Leave that to me.
321
00:21:07,299 --> 00:21:08,600
Listen, I'm going
to need to take
322
00:21:08,600 --> 00:21:10,135
Miss Bailey in for questioning.
323
00:21:10,135 --> 00:21:12,604
She won't be back in time
for you to close tonight.
324
00:21:12,604 --> 00:21:15,340
If you have any questions,
contact Police Headquarters,
325
00:21:15,340 --> 00:21:21,680
extension 229.
326
00:21:21,680 --> 00:21:23,448
If you
have any questions,
327
00:21:23,448 --> 00:21:30,155
contact Police
Headquarters, 229.
328
00:21:30,155 --> 00:21:32,124
Is he OK?
329
00:21:32,124 --> 00:21:35,394
I've been working with him
for over two years now.
330
00:21:35,394 --> 00:21:37,863
No, I don't think he is.
331
00:22:52,671 --> 00:22:53,438
Ooh.
332
00:23:02,714 --> 00:23:06,151
I can't believe you're
a DJ Cow Spank fan.
333
00:23:06,151 --> 00:23:10,088
Oh, DJ Cow Spank is the best.
334
00:23:10,088 --> 00:23:12,324
Is this normal?
335
00:23:12,324 --> 00:23:14,459
DJ Cow Spank playing metal?
336
00:23:14,459 --> 00:23:17,229
That's about as
normal as things get.
337
00:23:18,797 --> 00:23:22,934
No, I mean this, getting help
from a civilian, like this.
338
00:23:22,934 --> 00:23:23,769
Normal?
339
00:23:23,769 --> 00:23:26,271
No, but I have done it before.
340
00:23:26,271 --> 00:23:28,473
I once got the
help of a beekeeper
341
00:23:28,473 --> 00:23:30,275
to clear a field
that we suspected
342
00:23:30,275 --> 00:23:32,878
someone was burying bodies in.
343
00:23:32,878 --> 00:23:33,545
Ew.
344
00:23:33,545 --> 00:23:36,014
Did you find any?
345
00:23:36,014 --> 00:23:39,851
Eh, I'd rather not say.
346
00:23:39,851 --> 00:23:41,953
Who does that?
347
00:23:41,953 --> 00:23:44,423
There are a lot more
sick people in this world
348
00:23:44,423 --> 00:23:46,358
than most folks realize.
349
00:23:46,358 --> 00:23:47,859
I guess so.
350
00:23:47,859 --> 00:23:49,961
Detective Reese,
Detective Reese, come in.
351
00:23:49,961 --> 00:23:52,297
Never a dull moment.
352
00:23:52,297 --> 00:23:53,832
Reese here.
353
00:23:53,832 --> 00:23:57,202
Detective, you're
needed at 4777 Meadow Lane.
354
00:23:57,202 --> 00:23:57,903
Roger that.
355
00:23:57,903 --> 00:23:59,905
On my way.
356
00:23:59,905 --> 00:24:02,874
I take it we're no longer
headed to police headquarters?
357
00:24:02,874 --> 00:24:05,210
Correct.
358
00:24:05,210 --> 00:24:07,345
I'm hoping this isn't bad news.
359
00:24:07,345 --> 00:24:09,714
But somehow, I doubt it.
360
00:24:15,987 --> 00:24:16,922
Wait here.
361
00:24:16,922 --> 00:24:18,256
I want to check
things out first.
362
00:24:18,256 --> 00:24:19,858
It could be pretty
dicey in there.
363
00:24:19,858 --> 00:24:22,661
Here, make yourself a blindfold.
364
00:24:22,661 --> 00:24:24,830
Oh, and lose the name tag.
365
00:24:34,573 --> 00:24:37,976
Well, if it isn't
Detective Claw Patrol.
366
00:24:37,976 --> 00:24:40,946
You managed to pinch
any culprits lately?
367
00:24:42,013 --> 00:24:42,848
Hey, watch out.
368
00:24:42,848 --> 00:24:45,150
He's getting pretty steamed.
369
00:24:45,150 --> 00:24:48,086
Uh-oh, I'm in hot water now.
370
00:24:49,421 --> 00:24:51,122
All right, you two
baby-macing mother--
371
00:24:51,122 --> 00:24:51,790
That's enough.
372
00:24:54,526 --> 00:24:56,261
Well, Captain, what a surprise.
373
00:24:56,261 --> 00:25:00,398
I can only assume you're here
to make fun of my "vocrabulary"
374
00:25:00,398 --> 00:25:02,767
or tell me I'm "clawstrophobic."
375
00:25:02,767 --> 00:25:05,270
Perhaps you'd like to
borrow my Shell card?
376
00:25:05,270 --> 00:25:08,540
Look, I don't want to hear any
more of this crab nonsense out
377
00:25:08,540 --> 00:25:09,207
of you.
378
00:25:09,207 --> 00:25:10,542
Fine.
379
00:25:10,542 --> 00:25:12,110
Then how about you hear
it from a professional?
380
00:25:16,615 --> 00:25:21,119
This is Dr. Alex Bailey,
local marine biologist
381
00:25:21,119 --> 00:25:23,154
and sea-life expert.
382
00:25:23,154 --> 00:25:24,055
I'm not a doc--
383
00:25:24,823 --> 00:25:25,223
Ow.
384
00:25:28,527 --> 00:25:32,497
OK, Dr. Bailey, if
a crustaceous animal
385
00:25:32,497 --> 00:25:35,667
were able to kill
someone with its claws,
386
00:25:35,667 --> 00:25:38,103
what would that look
like on the victim?
387
00:25:38,103 --> 00:25:41,106
OK, well, the animal
in question would
388
00:25:41,106 --> 00:25:44,342
have to be much stronger than
any crustaceans found anywhere
389
00:25:44,342 --> 00:25:45,911
near this continent.
390
00:25:45,911 --> 00:25:48,980
And the ones that we do know
of that can break bone, aside
391
00:25:48,980 --> 00:25:52,817
from being thousands of miles
away, are remarkably slow
392
00:25:52,817 --> 00:25:54,219
and easily avoided.
393
00:25:54,219 --> 00:25:57,289
However, if that isn't
the case and there
394
00:25:57,289 --> 00:26:00,525
is a crustaceous animal,
or animals, around here
395
00:26:00,525 --> 00:26:03,028
that are much stronger than
anything we've encountered,
396
00:26:03,028 --> 00:26:05,163
their pinchers
would leave marks,
397
00:26:05,163 --> 00:26:08,266
looking like 2- to
3-inch scissor-style cuts
398
00:26:08,266 --> 00:26:11,770
on the victim, likely
resembling that of someone who
399
00:26:11,770 --> 00:26:15,106
was attacked with some sort
of scissors or pruning tool.
400
00:26:15,106 --> 00:26:17,742
Now, I'd initially think
that all of these cuts
401
00:26:17,742 --> 00:26:20,078
wouldn't occur that
high on the victim,
402
00:26:20,078 --> 00:26:23,081
say, around the
feet or the ankles
403
00:26:23,081 --> 00:26:26,151
or possibly even the calves,
as these animals are not
404
00:26:26,151 --> 00:26:27,419
very tall.
405
00:26:27,419 --> 00:26:30,155
But if their legs possess
the same enhanced strength
406
00:26:30,155 --> 00:26:32,857
that their pinchers
do, it's quite possible
407
00:26:32,857 --> 00:26:35,327
that these creatures are
able to jump to great heights
408
00:26:35,327 --> 00:26:38,029
and attack somebody in
other areas of the body,
409
00:26:38,029 --> 00:26:41,800
possibly removing fingers or
even more vulnerable areas,
410
00:26:41,800 --> 00:26:45,704
such as the neck or the face,
severing vital arteries,
411
00:26:45,704 --> 00:26:47,439
or even removing
facial features.
412
00:26:47,439 --> 00:26:50,141
What exactly are you
trying to pull here, Reese?
413
00:26:50,141 --> 00:26:52,477
There are four
people dead, Captain.
414
00:26:52,477 --> 00:26:54,212
I am trying to prevent a fifth.
415
00:26:54,212 --> 00:26:57,749
By blaming crabs or lobsters
or any other pinching creatures
416
00:26:57,749 --> 00:26:59,150
you can think of?
417
00:26:59,150 --> 00:27:01,186
Well, Captain, unless you
have any better leads,
418
00:27:01,186 --> 00:27:04,456
unlike our latest victim
here, I'm all ears.
419
00:27:04,456 --> 00:27:06,858
Captain, the wounds match--
420
00:27:06,858 --> 00:27:09,995
no hair or fingerprints
found, no weapons
421
00:27:09,995 --> 00:27:14,165
found, no footprints, no one
seen entering or exiting.
422
00:27:14,165 --> 00:27:16,501
Fine, you want to
play Dr. Doolittle,
423
00:27:16,501 --> 00:27:18,870
just do it out of
my sight, Bobo.
424
00:27:22,440 --> 00:27:26,711
Come on,
Alex, let's go.
425
00:27:26,711 --> 00:27:27,812
Reese?
426
00:27:27,812 --> 00:27:29,414
Reese, I'm still blindfolded.
427
00:27:30,181 --> 00:27:31,149
Ah.
428
00:27:44,162 --> 00:27:46,631
Well, thanks for
giving me a ride.
429
00:27:46,631 --> 00:27:48,133
It's the least I could do.
430
00:27:48,133 --> 00:27:49,868
I realize what you
were telling them was
431
00:27:49,868 --> 00:27:51,703
a stretch, to say the least.
432
00:27:51,703 --> 00:27:53,471
But are they always
this hard on you?
433
00:27:53,471 --> 00:27:57,442
No, this is a recent development
with a case a few months back.
434
00:27:57,442 --> 00:28:01,112
A European circus came to
town, and one of the clowns
435
00:28:01,112 --> 00:28:02,247
went missing.
436
00:28:02,247 --> 00:28:05,116
Well, I guess
that explains "Bobo."
437
00:28:05,116 --> 00:28:07,218
Hardy har-har.
438
00:28:07,218 --> 00:28:10,555
Everyone seemed to think the
clown just ran away or possibly
439
00:28:10,555 --> 00:28:12,090
defected.
440
00:28:12,090 --> 00:28:15,060
But none of the evidence or
testimony pointed that way.
441
00:28:15,060 --> 00:28:18,930
I know somewhere out there,
there's a field or a creek
442
00:28:18,930 --> 00:28:23,968
or a storm drain with a very
colorful victim lying in it.
443
00:28:23,968 --> 00:28:26,438
I just don't have
any way to prove it.
444
00:28:26,438 --> 00:28:30,742
And now all this crab stuff
is just icing on the cake.
445
00:28:30,742 --> 00:28:33,078
I think you mean icing
on the crab cake?
446
00:28:35,847 --> 00:28:37,816
So why crabs?
447
00:28:37,816 --> 00:28:39,250
Why do I like them?
448
00:28:39,250 --> 00:28:40,585
Yeah.
449
00:28:40,585 --> 00:28:42,353
Ever since I was a kid, I
just thought they looked cool.
450
00:28:42,353 --> 00:28:44,155
Anytime we'd vacation
in a city that
451
00:28:44,155 --> 00:28:47,025
had a coast or an aquarium,
I'd always beg my parents
452
00:28:47,025 --> 00:28:48,827
to take me to go see it.
453
00:28:48,827 --> 00:28:50,795
Heck, I've never even
eaten one because I never
454
00:28:50,795 --> 00:28:52,597
wanted to cause one any harm.
455
00:28:52,597 --> 00:28:54,699
I wanted to be a
marine biologist,
456
00:28:54,699 --> 00:28:56,267
study them professionally.
457
00:28:56,267 --> 00:28:58,870
But if you don't have the grades
or money, that line of work
458
00:28:58,870 --> 00:29:01,639
is just a pipe dream.
459
00:29:01,639 --> 00:29:03,274
You're not a fan
of them, are you?
460
00:29:03,274 --> 00:29:05,610
I can't get close
enough to find out.
461
00:29:05,610 --> 00:29:07,011
Allergic?
462
00:29:07,011 --> 00:29:10,381
My hands itch any time I
come near them or anything
463
00:29:10,381 --> 00:29:11,583
they've touched.
464
00:29:11,583 --> 00:29:14,486
Hence, my near complete
lack of knowledge on them.
465
00:29:14,486 --> 00:29:17,555
Did your hands itch at
any of the murder sites?
466
00:29:17,555 --> 00:29:18,223
All three.
467
00:29:20,625 --> 00:29:22,160
I believe you.
468
00:29:22,160 --> 00:29:24,662
I don't know how any of this
would at all be possible.
469
00:29:24,662 --> 00:29:26,231
But I believe you.
470
00:29:26,231 --> 00:29:27,532
Well, thanks.
471
00:29:27,532 --> 00:29:29,134
That makes one person.
472
00:29:29,134 --> 00:29:30,769
Hopefully, no one
else has to die
473
00:29:30,769 --> 00:29:33,938
before I convince anyone else.
474
00:29:33,938 --> 00:29:37,609
Oh, and these things
aren't going to, like,
475
00:29:37,609 --> 00:29:41,679
mate and pump out a billion
baby crabs, are they?
476
00:29:41,679 --> 00:29:44,983
Well, these crustaceans are
far from run of the mill.
477
00:29:44,983 --> 00:29:48,419
But larval development can
yield up to 2 million eggs.
478
00:29:48,419 --> 00:29:49,587
What?
479
00:29:49,587 --> 00:29:51,055
Relax.
480
00:29:51,055 --> 00:29:52,824
It takes at least three
months for the eggs to hatch.
481
00:29:52,824 --> 00:29:54,359
And it's not like
these things are
482
00:29:54,359 --> 00:29:56,161
going to gaze up at a full
moon and start pumping out baby
483
00:29:56,161 --> 00:29:58,363
murder crabs tomorrow morning.
484
00:29:58,363 --> 00:29:59,264
Here's hoping.
485
00:30:02,667 --> 00:30:04,102
Good night, Alex.
486
00:30:04,102 --> 00:30:06,704
Good night, Detective.
487
00:37:27,378 --> 00:37:28,412
This is stupid.
488
00:37:28,412 --> 00:37:29,847
I'm not afraid of these things.
489
00:37:29,847 --> 00:37:32,049
They just look like a
bunch of plastic toy crabs.
490
00:37:49,100 --> 00:37:50,001
Ah!
491
00:37:50,001 --> 00:37:51,936
Nyah!
492
00:37:51,936 --> 00:37:52,803
Ah!
493
00:37:52,803 --> 00:37:54,305
Uh!
494
00:37:54,305 --> 00:37:56,540
Yah!
495
00:37:56,540 --> 00:37:58,342
Why are you doing this to me?
496
00:37:58,342 --> 00:38:02,079
I'm the one that likes you.
497
00:38:10,588 --> 00:38:12,490
No billions of crabs, huh?
498
00:38:12,490 --> 00:38:15,259
Well how the freshwater
fuck was I supposed to know?
499
00:38:15,259 --> 00:38:16,794
Come on.
500
00:38:16,794 --> 00:38:19,864
Let's get out of here before
we're turned into crab food.
501
00:38:41,552 --> 00:38:43,154
What's our next move?
502
00:38:43,154 --> 00:38:44,121
You're asking me?
503
00:38:44,121 --> 00:38:45,189
You're the cop.
504
00:38:45,189 --> 00:38:46,524
Yeah, but you're
the crab expert.
505
00:38:46,524 --> 00:38:48,793
Newsflash, these are
not normal crabs.
506
00:38:48,793 --> 00:38:50,728
I know as much about
these things as you do.
507
00:38:50,728 --> 00:38:52,830
Well, then I guess we should
find out more about them now,
508
00:38:52,830 --> 00:38:53,531
shouldn't we?
509
00:38:53,531 --> 00:38:54,765
Well, I guess we should.
510
00:38:54,765 --> 00:38:55,933
Great, how do we go
about doing that?
511
00:38:55,933 --> 00:38:57,535
Well, if we had one
to study, that'd
512
00:38:57,535 --> 00:38:58,602
be a good place to start.
513
00:38:58,602 --> 00:39:01,839
That's a pretty good idea.
514
00:39:01,839 --> 00:39:03,407
OK, let's go.
515
00:39:21,525 --> 00:39:23,294
[EDVARD GRIEG,
"PEER GYNT SUITE NO.
516
00:39:23,294 --> 00:41:47,171
1, IN THE HALL OF
THE MOUNTAIN KING"]
517
00:41:52,710 --> 00:41:53,544
Get them off.
518
00:41:53,544 --> 00:41:54,278
Ah.
519
00:41:54,278 --> 00:41:56,180
Ah, ah, ah!
520
00:41:57,481 --> 00:41:59,383
Ah, ah.
521
00:41:59,383 --> 00:42:01,285
Ah!
522
00:42:01,285 --> 00:42:02,786
Aye!
523
00:42:02,786 --> 00:42:07,958
Ah.
524
00:42:18,068 --> 00:42:20,471
The hell?
525
00:42:22,006 --> 00:42:23,774
Crabble weed.
526
00:42:34,084 --> 00:42:36,487
Ah, ah!
527
00:42:43,627 --> 00:42:46,030
This is taking too long.
528
00:42:46,030 --> 00:42:46,697
This will work.
529
00:42:46,697 --> 00:42:47,965
Trust me.
530
00:42:47,965 --> 00:42:48,866
It better.
531
00:42:48,866 --> 00:42:51,802
I'm running out of patience.
532
00:42:51,802 --> 00:42:53,604
Ooh, ooh, I see one.
533
00:42:55,172 --> 00:42:57,308
Well, I still say there
were, oh, I don't know,
534
00:42:57,308 --> 00:43:01,378
several thousand easier ways
we could have gone about this.
535
00:43:01,378 --> 00:43:02,646
Possibly.
536
00:43:02,646 --> 00:43:04,815
But I've never built
one of these before.
537
00:43:04,815 --> 00:43:08,185
And it gave me the
perfect excuse.
538
00:43:09,853 --> 00:43:11,288
Well, I suppose I
do have to give you
539
00:43:11,288 --> 00:43:14,358
points on how quickly you
put this thing together.
540
00:43:14,358 --> 00:43:15,859
Why, thank you.
541
00:43:15,859 --> 00:43:19,096
I'm especially proud of the
bait that I came up with.
542
00:43:19,096 --> 00:43:20,598
Speaking of which.
543
00:43:21,899 --> 00:43:23,434
It's going for the bait.
544
00:43:23,434 --> 00:43:24,034
Squee.
545
00:43:27,605 --> 00:43:30,341
Well, it's now or never.
546
00:43:30,341 --> 00:43:31,675
Here goes nothing.
547
00:43:50,294 --> 00:43:51,528
Hey!
548
00:44:13,884 --> 00:44:16,453
Are you fucking kidding me?
549
00:44:16,453 --> 00:44:18,522
Oops.
550
00:44:18,522 --> 00:44:21,091
Oops my ass.
551
00:44:29,466 --> 00:44:31,402
OK, now what?
552
00:44:31,402 --> 00:44:32,503
What do you mean, now what?
553
00:44:32,503 --> 00:44:33,704
Slice it open.
554
00:44:33,704 --> 00:44:34,605
Me?
555
00:44:34,605 --> 00:44:36,373
You're the crab expert.
556
00:44:36,373 --> 00:44:37,941
And you're the detective.
557
00:44:37,941 --> 00:44:40,177
You're the one who deals with
crimes and labs and cadavers
558
00:44:40,177 --> 00:44:41,378
and things.
559
00:44:41,378 --> 00:44:43,514
Where the hell do you
think I work, Red Lobster?
560
00:44:43,514 --> 00:44:46,917
OK, fine, I see more than
my fair share of stiffs.
561
00:44:46,917 --> 00:44:49,820
But, A, I don't cut
any of them open.
562
00:44:49,820 --> 00:44:53,257
And, B, they're all human,
not to mention the fact
563
00:44:53,257 --> 00:44:58,162
that I am highly
allergic to these things.
564
00:44:58,162 --> 00:45:01,198
But I don't
want to cut a crab.
565
00:45:01,198 --> 00:45:01,899
It's already dead.
566
00:45:01,899 --> 00:45:04,334
It won't feel a thing.
567
00:45:04,334 --> 00:45:06,003
Fine, I'll do it.
568
00:45:10,074 --> 00:45:13,143
And what, pray tell, do you
expect me to open this up with?
569
00:45:19,583 --> 00:45:20,651
Is that a switchblade?
570
00:45:20,651 --> 00:45:22,186
Those things are illegal.
571
00:45:22,186 --> 00:45:23,020
Sure are.
572
00:45:23,020 --> 00:45:25,222
What are you doing with that?
573
00:45:25,222 --> 00:45:26,457
Handing it to you.
574
00:45:26,457 --> 00:45:27,458
No way.
575
00:45:27,458 --> 00:45:28,459
What if the police find out?
576
00:45:31,628 --> 00:45:32,229
Ugh.
577
00:45:39,770 --> 00:45:42,706
Ew, it pootered.
578
00:45:42,706 --> 00:45:44,775
Did you say "pootered"?
579
00:45:44,775 --> 00:45:46,643
Oh.
580
00:45:46,643 --> 00:45:47,277
Ugh.
581
00:45:47,277 --> 00:45:49,079
Ow.
582
00:45:49,079 --> 00:45:51,915
That is the absolute
lowest of low tides.
583
00:45:51,915 --> 00:45:53,517
I think I'm going to barf.
584
00:45:53,517 --> 00:45:55,886
All right, all
right, pull it together.
585
00:45:57,087 --> 00:45:58,088
All right, we have
to find out what's
586
00:45:58,088 --> 00:45:59,389
going on with these things.
587
00:46:09,366 --> 00:46:11,168
I don't think crabs
are supposed to be
588
00:46:11,168 --> 00:46:13,771
filled with that much goo.
589
00:46:13,771 --> 00:46:16,140
I suspect you're right.
590
00:46:16,140 --> 00:46:18,842
What's that underneath it?
591
00:46:18,842 --> 00:46:20,778
All I see is goo.
592
00:46:20,778 --> 00:46:24,715
Well, goo and a bullet.
593
00:46:24,715 --> 00:46:27,151
Check underneath it.
594
00:46:27,151 --> 00:46:27,918
Go on.
595
00:46:33,891 --> 00:46:35,926
Well, that's even weirder.
596
00:46:35,926 --> 00:46:39,797
We go from a wet
goo to a dry powder.
597
00:46:39,797 --> 00:46:41,231
Wait, how does a
powder like that
598
00:46:41,231 --> 00:46:44,501
stay dry inside the
middle of a crab?
599
00:46:44,501 --> 00:46:45,536
Let me see that knife.
600
00:46:50,474 --> 00:46:55,345
How in the hell did that
stay unprocessed inside
601
00:46:55,345 --> 00:46:57,414
of that crab?
602
00:46:57,414 --> 00:46:59,249
What is it?
603
00:46:59,249 --> 00:47:00,417
Coke.
604
00:47:00,417 --> 00:47:01,919
Cocaine?
605
00:47:01,919 --> 00:47:04,154
Are you positive?
606
00:47:04,154 --> 00:47:07,491
I've seen enough cocaine to sink
two battleships and a circus
607
00:47:07,491 --> 00:47:08,258
freak.
608
00:47:08,258 --> 00:47:09,593
I am positive.
609
00:47:09,593 --> 00:47:11,728
Well, do you think that's what's
making all these crabs act
610
00:47:11,728 --> 00:47:13,163
this way?
611
00:47:13,163 --> 00:47:15,766
Well, I've seen what too
much of it can do to humans,
612
00:47:15,766 --> 00:47:17,835
so I wouldn't rule it out.
613
00:47:17,835 --> 00:47:19,303
Great.
614
00:47:19,303 --> 00:47:23,607
So now we know they're
junkies, how does that help us?
615
00:47:23,607 --> 00:47:24,975
Wait a minute.
616
00:47:24,975 --> 00:47:27,444
The first crab murder scene--
617
00:47:27,444 --> 00:47:33,283
there were signs of cocaine
but no actual cocaine there.
618
00:47:33,283 --> 00:47:34,384
Come on.
619
00:47:34,384 --> 00:47:35,886
I want to check out
that frat house again.
620
00:47:35,886 --> 00:47:37,921
But first, we need
to make a quick stop.
621
00:47:41,491 --> 00:47:42,793
Hey, folks.
622
00:47:42,793 --> 00:47:44,895
I don't know if things out
there are as bizarre for you
623
00:47:44,895 --> 00:47:46,496
as they are for me.
624
00:47:46,496 --> 00:47:49,733
But this building is surrounded
by some aggressively gnarly sea
625
00:47:49,733 --> 00:47:51,201
life.
626
00:47:51,201 --> 00:47:53,103
And judging by the sheer
mayhem these things are causing
627
00:47:53,103 --> 00:47:56,139
in the streets, I'm going
to remain right here,
628
00:47:56,139 --> 00:47:57,808
bunkered up in my
crab-free booth,
629
00:47:57,808 --> 00:48:01,745
ready to relay any developing
news that I happen to hear.
630
00:48:05,949 --> 00:48:07,751
DJ Cow Spank?
631
00:48:07,751 --> 00:48:09,319
I'm Detective Charlie Reese.
632
00:48:09,319 --> 00:48:12,356
Listen, we need to borrow
your airwaves for a bit.
633
00:48:18,862 --> 00:48:21,465
Like, how do I know you're not
a crab trying to get in here?
634
00:48:21,465 --> 00:48:23,767
Are
you frickin' kidding me?
635
00:48:23,767 --> 00:48:25,936
Do I sound like a crab to you?
636
00:48:25,936 --> 00:48:26,837
I don't know.
637
00:48:26,837 --> 00:48:27,971
I've been fooled before.
638
00:48:27,971 --> 00:48:29,306
Fine, ask me
639
00:48:29,306 --> 00:48:31,375
something a crab wouldn't know.
640
00:48:31,375 --> 00:48:34,444
OK, how many floors are in
the Empire State Building?
641
00:48:34,444 --> 00:48:36,680
How
the fuck should I know that?
642
00:48:36,680 --> 00:48:39,983
Now, see, that's something
a crab would say.
643
00:48:39,983 --> 00:48:42,653
Dammit, open the door.
644
00:48:44,888 --> 00:48:46,623
Hi, there.
645
00:48:46,623 --> 00:48:48,959
Big fan.
646
00:48:48,959 --> 00:48:50,227
Hey, there, listeners.
647
00:48:50,227 --> 00:48:52,729
This is DJ Cow Spank
with you once again.
648
00:48:54,798 --> 00:48:57,834
I have in the studio with me
at this time Detective Charlie
649
00:48:57,834 --> 00:48:59,303
Reese.
650
00:48:59,303 --> 00:49:01,672
And he's got an update
regarding the crab situation.
651
00:49:01,672 --> 00:49:04,675
Take it away, Detective.
652
00:49:04,675 --> 00:49:06,310
Hi, everyone.
653
00:49:06,310 --> 00:49:11,315
I know things are crazy right
now, and in many cases, deadly.
654
00:49:11,315 --> 00:49:13,984
But I want you to know
that we're doing everything
655
00:49:13,984 --> 00:49:15,719
we can to contain this.
656
00:49:15,719 --> 00:49:18,755
Now, I don't know the whole
story on these things yet.
657
00:49:18,755 --> 00:49:21,858
But I do know that they're
hopped up on cocaine,
658
00:49:21,858 --> 00:49:23,393
and they crave it madly.
659
00:49:23,393 --> 00:49:26,163
While it seems that
they will attack just
660
00:49:26,163 --> 00:49:28,532
about anything
and everything, it
661
00:49:28,532 --> 00:49:31,835
seems that they are especially
prone to attack anything
662
00:49:31,835 --> 00:49:33,870
that they think
might be cocaine.
663
00:49:35,339 --> 00:49:37,674
This means anything
white, powdery, or both.
664
00:49:40,711 --> 00:49:43,146
It's about time we caught
a break around here.
665
00:49:43,146 --> 00:49:44,481
Hey, that's what I'm saying.
666
00:49:47,117 --> 00:49:51,088
So please stay indoors,
and stay away from anything
667
00:49:51,088 --> 00:49:53,590
they might think is cocaine.
668
00:49:53,590 --> 00:49:54,925
Thank you.
669
00:49:54,925 --> 00:49:57,127
All right, folks,
you heard the man.
670
00:49:57,127 --> 00:50:00,530
Stay indoors, and
stay away from coke.
671
00:50:00,530 --> 00:50:03,667
Whoa, it's like living my
1980s childhood latchkey
672
00:50:03,667 --> 00:50:05,635
days all over again.
673
00:50:16,313 --> 00:50:19,750
Yo, I ain't got no more coke.
674
00:50:23,487 --> 00:50:25,856
Look, I had to start
moving Beanie Babies
675
00:50:25,856 --> 00:50:27,424
just to pay the
rent on this place.
676
00:50:31,228 --> 00:50:36,733
Hey, I told you, I got no coke.
677
00:50:42,005 --> 00:50:44,541
Fuck me running.
678
00:50:53,283 --> 00:50:55,652
So what are we
looking for again?
679
00:50:55,652 --> 00:50:59,389
This is the scene of the first
murders committed by the crabs.
680
00:50:59,389 --> 00:51:00,357
Really?
681
00:51:00,357 --> 00:51:01,591
Here?
682
00:51:01,591 --> 00:51:03,660
Yeah, a couple of frat boys
bit it in the backyard.
683
00:51:03,660 --> 00:51:06,196
And we all know where
they went from here.
684
00:51:06,196 --> 00:51:08,098
Yeah, everywhere.
685
00:51:08,098 --> 00:51:10,867
But what I want to know
is, where were they
686
00:51:10,867 --> 00:51:12,235
before they got here?
687
00:51:14,871 --> 00:51:17,207
Well, OK.
688
00:51:17,207 --> 00:51:20,444
If this is the first time
the crabs killed anyone,
689
00:51:20,444 --> 00:51:24,081
and we now know that
they're full of cocaine,
690
00:51:24,081 --> 00:51:26,283
and you said that there
were signs of cocaine,
691
00:51:26,283 --> 00:51:30,854
but no actual cocaine was
found here because presumably
692
00:51:30,854 --> 00:51:33,023
the crabs snorted it all.
693
00:51:33,023 --> 00:51:38,161
So if they first killed here
and they first took coke here,
694
00:51:38,161 --> 00:51:40,030
that means when
they got here, they
695
00:51:40,030 --> 00:51:41,698
weren't super coked
out of their minds
696
00:51:41,698 --> 00:51:44,501
and probably weren't leaping
all over the place, which
697
00:51:44,501 --> 00:51:47,938
has them crawling on the
ground when they got here.
698
00:51:47,938 --> 00:51:51,441
Now, they're not fast enough
to cross any major streets
699
00:51:51,441 --> 00:51:53,643
without getting run over.
700
00:51:53,643 --> 00:51:56,379
And they'd likely be seen,
even on one of these side
701
00:51:56,379 --> 00:52:00,717
streets, which tells me that
wherever they came from,
702
00:52:00,717 --> 00:52:03,620
they didn't get out in the open
too far away from this house.
703
00:52:03,620 --> 00:52:06,490
They either had to
have cover, or they
704
00:52:06,490 --> 00:52:09,759
were in a place with
no foot traffic.
705
00:52:22,839 --> 00:52:25,208
Excellent detective work.
706
00:52:25,208 --> 00:52:27,711
You get a sucker.
707
00:52:27,711 --> 00:52:28,678
Fucking score.
708
00:52:31,381 --> 00:52:34,417
So do you always keep giant
lollipops in your pocket?
709
00:52:34,417 --> 00:52:36,820
Because that was
pretty left field.
710
00:52:36,820 --> 00:52:39,823
Actually, I always try to
keep some form of sweets on me
711
00:52:39,823 --> 00:52:42,025
whenever I'm on the job.
712
00:52:42,025 --> 00:52:43,493
Well, that sounds weird.
713
00:52:43,493 --> 00:52:46,163
Some of the scenes I arrive
at can be pretty hairy.
714
00:52:46,163 --> 00:52:48,632
And unfortunately, kids
aren't exempt from them.
715
00:52:48,632 --> 00:52:50,433
So I like to keep a
little something on me
716
00:52:50,433 --> 00:52:52,602
to help with their nerves.
717
00:52:52,602 --> 00:52:57,007
Aw, that's the nicest thing
I've ever heard you say.
718
00:52:57,007 --> 00:53:00,243
Oh, but now I'm sad.
719
00:53:00,243 --> 00:53:03,880
You gave me sad candy.
720
00:53:03,880 --> 00:53:04,481
Yeet.
721
00:53:09,553 --> 00:53:14,891
You have absolutely got
to be fucking kidding me.
722
00:53:14,891 --> 00:53:15,492
What's up?
723
00:53:18,261 --> 00:53:21,765
Is that
what I think it is?
724
00:53:21,765 --> 00:53:24,668
Not going to have a
billion babies, huh?
725
00:53:24,668 --> 00:53:25,802
What?
726
00:53:25,802 --> 00:53:27,337
You said these things
weren't going to mate
727
00:53:27,337 --> 00:53:29,172
and have a billion babies.
728
00:53:29,172 --> 00:53:30,774
So?
729
00:53:30,774 --> 00:53:34,277
So there's no away they all flew
to Earth fitting in that thing.
730
00:53:34,277 --> 00:53:37,614
Well, evidently,
these are space crabs.
731
00:53:37,614 --> 00:53:40,884
How the frick was
I supposed to know?
732
00:53:40,884 --> 00:53:43,286
Come on.
733
00:53:48,291 --> 00:53:51,194
Oh, look, it's shaped
like a little crab--
734
00:53:51,194 --> 00:53:52,829
how cute.
735
00:53:54,364 --> 00:53:57,033
Don't touch it.
736
00:53:57,033 --> 00:53:58,768
But it's adorable.
737
00:53:58,768 --> 00:54:00,103
Just don't touch it.
738
00:54:00,103 --> 00:54:04,241
We should find a stick or
something to poke it with.
739
00:54:05,075 --> 00:54:06,910
Ow, fuck butter.
740
00:54:06,910 --> 00:54:10,680
I told you we should
have found a stick.
741
00:54:10,680 --> 00:54:11,881
Wait a minute.
742
00:54:11,881 --> 00:54:14,551
If they multiply, that
means this is ground zero.
743
00:54:14,551 --> 00:54:16,419
And there's a mom and
dad crab out there
744
00:54:16,419 --> 00:54:18,054
somewhere right now, right?
745
00:54:18,054 --> 00:54:20,724
I think we've proven that
nothing about these crabs is
746
00:54:20,724 --> 00:54:22,092
a gimme anymore.
747
00:54:22,092 --> 00:54:25,195
True, but that would be the
case under normal circumstances,
748
00:54:25,195 --> 00:54:26,529
right?
749
00:54:26,529 --> 00:54:28,531
You think there's a mom
and dad crab out there
750
00:54:28,531 --> 00:54:30,567
who are responsible
for the first killing?
751
00:54:30,567 --> 00:54:33,036
I sure as shit burger do.
752
00:54:33,036 --> 00:54:34,104
Shit burger?
753
00:54:34,104 --> 00:54:36,072
We have to find those two.
754
00:54:36,072 --> 00:54:40,010
OK, I'm a space crab who's
killer alien coke babies have
755
00:54:40,010 --> 00:54:41,144
spread all over.
756
00:54:41,144 --> 00:54:42,646
What do I do?
757
00:54:42,646 --> 00:54:44,781
Probably to find
your kids some more
758
00:54:44,781 --> 00:54:48,752
cocaine, which doesn't exactly
make you mother of the year.
759
00:54:48,752 --> 00:54:50,220
I think you're right, though.
760
00:54:50,220 --> 00:54:51,888
So we get our
hands on some coke,
761
00:54:51,888 --> 00:54:54,791
and we lure the two parent
crabs out of hiding.
762
00:54:54,791 --> 00:54:56,726
If there's even
any cocaine left.
763
00:54:56,726 --> 00:54:59,429
For all we know, the
crabs snorted it all up.
764
00:54:59,429 --> 00:55:01,665
I could check
evidence locker at HQ.
765
00:55:01,665 --> 00:55:04,401
It's no guarantee, but it's
our best shot right now.
766
00:55:04,401 --> 00:55:05,969
Police headquarters?
767
00:55:05,969 --> 00:55:08,571
But that's right smack dab in
the middle of crab central.
768
00:55:08,571 --> 00:55:09,973
It's too dangerous.
769
00:55:09,973 --> 00:55:12,609
Which is why I'm leaving
you here until I get back.
770
00:55:12,609 --> 00:55:14,978
OK, no arguments from me.
771
00:55:14,978 --> 00:55:16,313
Just be safe, OK?
772
00:55:32,395 --> 00:55:34,364
Ow, shit burger.
773
00:56:00,857 --> 00:56:01,691
Any luck?
774
00:56:01,691 --> 00:56:02,392
No.
775
00:56:02,392 --> 00:56:03,593
Evidence was trashed.
776
00:56:03,593 --> 00:56:08,264
But I did get the
next best thing.
777
00:56:08,264 --> 00:56:09,866
This is bullshit.
778
00:56:09,866 --> 00:56:12,802
You never said you were going
to drive me out to the boonies.
779
00:56:12,802 --> 00:56:14,337
I don't say a lot of things.
780
00:56:14,337 --> 00:56:15,638
Now, come on out of there.
781
00:56:18,975 --> 00:56:19,809
Who's this guy?
782
00:56:19,809 --> 00:56:21,745
Alex, this is the cocaine king.
783
00:56:21,745 --> 00:56:24,247
Your majesty, this is Alex.
784
00:56:24,247 --> 00:56:27,150
I don't give two rat farts and
a bowling trophy who she is.
785
00:56:27,150 --> 00:56:30,820
I'm only here because you said
something about letting me go.
786
00:56:30,820 --> 00:56:31,621
I did.
787
00:56:31,621 --> 00:56:35,625
That is, if you help us out.
788
00:56:35,625 --> 00:56:38,027
What do you need?
789
00:56:38,027 --> 00:56:42,565
Guy calls himself the cocaine
king and asks me what I need.
790
00:56:42,565 --> 00:56:46,035
I need cocaine, you idiot.
791
00:56:46,035 --> 00:56:49,005
All right, I mean, you just
don't seem like the type.
792
00:56:49,005 --> 00:56:50,640
But, hey, that's
none of my business.
793
00:56:50,640 --> 00:56:52,942
It's not for me, you
powder-pushing moron.
794
00:56:52,942 --> 00:56:55,845
These crabs crave it like
Joanie craves Chachi.
795
00:56:55,845 --> 00:56:58,848
And I'm going to get some
and use it to lure them out.
796
00:56:58,848 --> 00:57:01,885
Now, I know you know where
we can find some coke.
797
00:57:01,885 --> 00:57:04,788
So you better start talking
fast before I find a crab
798
00:57:04,788 --> 00:57:06,890
hill to stake you out on.
799
00:57:06,890 --> 00:57:07,991
Very well.
800
00:57:07,991 --> 00:57:11,428
But let it be known that
I, the cocaine king,
801
00:57:11,428 --> 00:57:15,432
am the only criminal to ever
use cocaine to get out of jail.
802
00:57:25,041 --> 00:57:27,911
Now, get these cuffs off me,
and bring me my cape and crown.
803
00:57:46,229 --> 00:57:46,830
Ho.
804
00:58:10,053 --> 00:58:11,888
Well, I'll be darn.
805
00:58:11,888 --> 00:58:16,392
As you can see, I am never
far from my precious
806
00:58:16,392 --> 00:58:17,727
cocaine.
807
00:58:17,727 --> 00:58:20,396
Now, I have held up
my end of the bargain.
808
00:58:20,396 --> 00:58:22,098
Are you going to hold up yours?
809
00:58:25,568 --> 00:58:28,137
You are free to go.
810
00:58:28,137 --> 00:58:29,606
Come on, Alex.
811
00:59:15,685 --> 00:59:19,923
Hello, Mr. King.
812
00:59:19,923 --> 00:59:21,591
It's not bad to be the king.
813
00:59:23,860 --> 00:59:25,461
Well, it doesn't
look like the crab
814
00:59:25,461 --> 00:59:28,464
situation has changed much.
815
00:59:28,464 --> 00:59:30,166
I don't see any people, though.
816
00:59:30,166 --> 00:59:33,303
Do you think they got your
message to stay inside?
817
00:59:33,303 --> 00:59:36,539
Or do you think they've
all been killed off?
818
00:59:36,539 --> 00:59:37,674
I'm hoping the former.
819
00:59:41,311 --> 00:59:48,184
Jeez, it's like crabageddon,
or a crabalanche.
820
00:59:48,184 --> 00:59:51,154
No, wait, crab-splosion.
821
00:59:51,154 --> 00:59:53,022
Alex, focus.
822
00:59:53,022 --> 00:59:54,557
Right, sorry.
823
00:59:54,557 --> 00:59:57,794
OK, we've got a big bag of
the one thing that they want.
824
00:59:57,794 --> 01:00:00,363
And we need to use it to
find the two original crabs.
825
01:00:00,363 --> 01:00:03,566
Well, we're not even sure if
the two first crabs are even
826
01:00:03,566 --> 01:00:04,901
in the area.
827
01:00:04,901 --> 01:00:06,235
So we're going to have
to cover a lot of ground
828
01:00:06,235 --> 01:00:08,037
with what we've got.
829
01:00:08,037 --> 01:00:13,943
What if we crop-dusted it,
like with a drone or something?
830
01:00:13,943 --> 01:00:16,446
Do you have access to a drone?
831
01:00:16,446 --> 01:00:17,747
No.
832
01:00:17,747 --> 01:00:20,183
Do you know how to fly a drone?
833
01:00:20,183 --> 01:00:21,284
No.
834
01:00:21,284 --> 01:00:22,952
If you did, would you
know how to perform
835
01:00:22,952 --> 01:00:26,656
a timed release of a powdered
substance from a drone?
836
01:00:26,656 --> 01:00:27,557
No.
837
01:00:27,557 --> 01:00:29,525
Then that's probably a--
838
01:00:29,525 --> 01:00:32,028
A bad idea, right.
839
01:00:32,028 --> 01:00:34,330
Gotcha.
840
01:00:34,330 --> 01:00:36,332
What if we dusted it ourselves?
841
01:00:36,332 --> 01:00:38,668
You mean go over there in
the middle of all that?
842
01:00:38,668 --> 01:00:39,936
They'd tear us to shreds.
843
01:00:42,205 --> 01:00:45,074
Not if they think
we're one of them.
844
01:00:45,074 --> 01:00:46,275
One of them?
845
01:00:46,275 --> 01:00:47,777
Why in the heck would
they think we're one of--
846
01:00:50,279 --> 01:00:52,882
This is stupid, and
we're both going to die.
847
01:00:52,882 --> 01:00:55,752
Shh, just think crab thoughts.
848
01:00:55,752 --> 01:00:57,887
And keep sprinkling cocaine
all over the ground.
849
01:00:57,887 --> 01:01:00,323
You sound like the world's
worst guidance counselor.
850
01:01:00,323 --> 01:01:03,292
Hey, I didn't hear you come
up with any better ideas.
851
01:01:03,292 --> 01:01:05,228
That's because there
weren't any better ideas.
852
01:01:05,228 --> 01:01:07,864
But that doesn't mean
that this is a good one.
853
01:01:07,864 --> 01:01:10,733
Why do you have
these things anyway?
854
01:01:10,733 --> 01:01:12,935
This is me we're
talking about here.
855
01:01:12,935 --> 01:01:14,804
I mean, OK, I get that.
856
01:01:14,804 --> 01:01:16,773
But why two of them?
857
01:01:16,773 --> 01:01:18,908
It's an emergency backup, duh.
858
01:01:25,515 --> 01:01:26,249
Moment of truth.
859
01:01:32,255 --> 01:01:32,388
It's working.
860
01:01:37,994 --> 01:01:39,529
Well, what do you know?
861
01:01:39,529 --> 01:01:41,397
Hold the course, Miss Bailey.
862
01:01:41,397 --> 01:01:44,867
We've got some coke-snorting
space crabs to wrangle.
863
01:02:22,071 --> 01:02:24,741
Reese, Reese, look.
864
01:02:26,909 --> 01:02:28,511
Those the mom and dad crabs?
865
01:02:28,511 --> 01:02:31,948
Well, they're a different color
and about four times the size.
866
01:02:31,948 --> 01:02:32,982
Good enough for me.
867
01:02:32,982 --> 01:02:34,016
Lucky thing, too.
868
01:02:34,016 --> 01:02:35,752
I just ran out of cocaine.
869
01:02:35,752 --> 01:02:36,719
Ran out?
870
01:02:36,719 --> 01:02:37,887
You can't run out.
871
01:02:37,887 --> 01:02:38,821
Well, why not?
872
01:02:38,821 --> 01:02:40,423
Because I just ran out.
873
01:02:40,423 --> 01:02:41,691
Oh, great.
874
01:02:41,691 --> 01:02:42,692
Now what the hell are
we supposed to do?
875
01:02:42,692 --> 01:02:44,026
What are you asking me for?
876
01:02:44,026 --> 01:02:45,595
You're the one who said
we needed to find them.
877
01:02:45,595 --> 01:02:47,930
Well, I didn't hear you put
up any argument to that idea.
878
01:02:47,930 --> 01:02:49,999
I thought you had a plan
for when we found them.
879
01:02:49,999 --> 01:02:51,501
Well, I could say
the same for you.
880
01:02:51,501 --> 01:02:53,770
You're the one who put us in
the middle of all of them.
881
01:02:53,770 --> 01:02:55,304
Yeah, that's because I
thought you had a plan.
882
01:02:55,304 --> 01:02:57,340
Yeah, the plan was to
find the first two crabs.
883
01:02:57,340 --> 01:03:00,209
Well, mission
accomplished, Detective.
884
01:03:05,748 --> 01:03:06,649
Uh-oh.
885
01:03:08,217 --> 01:03:10,119
Well, if I'm dying, I'm not
doing it in this stupid thing.
886
01:03:12,655 --> 01:03:15,191
Ah.
887
01:03:16,192 --> 01:03:17,193
Ah.
888
01:03:18,027 --> 01:03:19,295
Well, there went my best idea.
889
01:03:19,295 --> 01:03:20,830
What do we do?
890
01:03:20,830 --> 01:03:22,498
We need to make a break for it.
891
01:03:22,498 --> 01:03:23,966
I'll go first.
892
01:03:23,966 --> 01:03:25,701
And no matter what happens
to me, just keep running.
893
01:03:25,701 --> 01:03:26,769
Reese, no.
894
01:03:26,769 --> 01:03:27,770
It's the only way.
895
01:03:27,770 --> 01:03:28,604
Now get ready.
896
01:03:28,604 --> 01:03:30,606
1, 2--
897
01:03:31,507 --> 01:03:32,408
Ah!
898
01:03:34,243 --> 01:03:35,311
Reese.
899
01:03:35,311 --> 01:03:36,879
Ah!
900
01:03:39,248 --> 01:03:40,750
Reese!
901
01:03:53,396 --> 01:03:58,835
I've had enough of this
bottom-feeding bullshit.
902
01:04:02,805 --> 01:04:04,774
Argh.
903
01:04:04,774 --> 01:04:06,175
Ah!
904
01:04:10,746 --> 01:04:11,714
Ah!
905
01:04:13,316 --> 01:04:14,317
Ah!
906
01:04:15,318 --> 01:04:16,285
Ah!
907
01:04:30,199 --> 01:04:31,167
Ah!
908
01:04:33,169 --> 01:04:34,170
Ah!
909
01:05:09,872 --> 01:05:11,841
What the fuck is in this?
910
01:05:11,841 --> 01:05:13,843
It's simple syrup.
911
01:05:13,843 --> 01:05:15,077
What?
912
01:05:15,077 --> 01:05:16,879
I'm a sugar hound.
913
01:05:21,384 --> 01:05:22,885
Ugh.
914
01:05:25,054 --> 01:05:27,623
Oh, rot knuckles.
915
01:05:27,623 --> 01:05:29,158
Come on, they're getting away.
916
01:06:02,992 --> 01:06:05,227
This is really weird.
917
01:06:05,227 --> 01:06:06,829
Yep.
918
01:06:41,931 --> 01:06:42,965
Gnarly.
919
01:06:42,965 --> 01:06:43,866
Jinx.
920
01:07:05,054 --> 01:07:06,889
Where'd they go?
921
01:07:06,889 --> 01:07:07,990
I don't know.
922
01:07:10,726 --> 01:07:13,429
Look, I found the skateboard.
923
01:07:13,429 --> 01:07:14,630
Look.
924
01:07:26,142 --> 01:07:27,309
Careful in there.
925
01:07:27,309 --> 01:07:30,613
Remember, these
things are killers.
926
01:08:26,001 --> 01:08:26,902
Ah!
927
01:08:27,503 --> 01:08:28,571
Nyah!
928
01:08:28,571 --> 01:08:30,806
Nuh.
929
01:08:58,300 --> 01:09:00,002
I'm beginning to think
it was a bad idea
930
01:09:00,002 --> 01:09:01,170
to follow them in here.
931
01:09:01,170 --> 01:09:02,171
You and me both.
932
01:09:02,171 --> 01:09:02,871
Come on.
933
01:09:05,608 --> 01:09:06,642
Uh-oh.
934
01:09:06,642 --> 01:09:08,309
What is it?
935
01:09:11,746 --> 01:09:12,982
Oh, fudge.
936
01:09:12,982 --> 01:09:14,116
Yeah.
937
01:09:19,054 --> 01:09:20,121
Reese?
938
01:09:22,124 --> 01:09:24,160
Go, go, go, go, go.
939
01:09:32,735 --> 01:09:33,536
Yah.
940
01:09:36,639 --> 01:09:38,073
Reese.
941
01:09:55,457 --> 01:09:57,226
You fuckers like blow.
942
01:09:57,226 --> 01:09:58,994
Well, blow this.
943
01:10:08,337 --> 01:10:09,705
No, wait.
944
01:10:09,705 --> 01:10:11,307
Look.
945
01:10:24,353 --> 01:10:27,121
Well, I'll be.
946
01:10:30,826 --> 01:10:33,862
Do we have enough compressed
air for all of them?
947
01:10:33,862 --> 01:10:35,464
Not even close.
948
01:11:22,111 --> 01:11:23,946
All right.
949
01:11:27,816 --> 01:11:31,954
We need to use these to
destroy the other crabs.
950
01:11:31,954 --> 01:11:33,155
Agreed.
951
01:11:33,155 --> 01:11:35,190
And I've got just
the place in mind.
952
01:11:35,190 --> 01:11:35,858
Let's get--
953
01:11:39,962 --> 01:11:40,829
Ha-ha.
954
01:11:41,697 --> 01:11:43,499
I was right.
955
01:11:43,499 --> 01:11:46,702
You motherfuckers all
thought I was crazy.
956
01:11:46,702 --> 01:11:49,371
Well, now every one
of you bitch-ass cops
957
01:11:49,371 --> 01:11:53,709
who made fun of me
can eat my entire ass.
958
01:11:53,709 --> 01:11:55,878
I was fucking right.
959
01:11:55,878 --> 01:11:57,379
I was fucking right.
960
01:11:57,379 --> 01:11:59,581
You're all moronic bullies.
961
01:11:59,581 --> 01:12:02,751
And you can suck
some clown shit.
962
01:12:02,751 --> 01:12:03,452
Reese.
963
01:12:03,452 --> 01:12:05,254
Reese, we have to go.
964
01:12:05,254 --> 01:12:06,789
Take
your stupid badges,
965
01:12:06,789 --> 01:12:10,959
and shove them up your asses.
966
01:12:10,959 --> 01:12:12,460
Reese, come on.
967
01:12:12,460 --> 01:12:16,965
Sniff a dead clown's butt,
you flat-footed bastards.
968
01:12:36,518 --> 01:12:37,553
DJ Cow Spank?
969
01:12:37,553 --> 01:12:40,789
It's us again.
970
01:12:40,789 --> 01:12:42,257
It's OK.
971
01:12:42,257 --> 01:12:43,726
These are good crabs.
972
01:12:43,726 --> 01:12:46,594
DJ Cow Spank, we're
going to need to borrow
973
01:12:46,594 --> 01:12:48,697
your airwaves one more time.
974
01:12:51,834 --> 01:12:54,236
Listen up all my faithful
listeners out there.
975
01:12:54,236 --> 01:12:56,004
This is DJ Cow Spank--
976
01:12:58,040 --> 01:13:00,776
--once again, back on the air
and broadcasting to you live.
977
01:13:00,776 --> 01:13:02,344
I know it's a little
weird out there,
978
01:13:02,344 --> 01:13:05,147
and it seems like the ocean
barfed up little demon critters
979
01:13:05,147 --> 01:13:06,115
everywhere.
980
01:13:06,115 --> 01:13:07,616
But I have some good news.
981
01:13:07,616 --> 01:13:10,318
Back in the studio with me
are Detective Charlie Reese
982
01:13:10,318 --> 01:13:11,587
and Alex Bailey.
983
01:13:11,587 --> 01:13:13,489
And thanks to them,
we have a frequency
984
01:13:13,489 --> 01:13:15,591
that will end this
crustaceous nightmare.
985
01:13:15,591 --> 01:13:18,360
So whether you're here
in town or listening
986
01:13:18,360 --> 01:13:20,562
through your web feed,
crank your volume.
987
01:13:20,562 --> 01:13:23,031
Plug your ears, and
get ready for one heck
988
01:13:23,031 --> 01:13:24,299
of a crab-splosion.
989
01:13:24,299 --> 01:13:26,402
See?
990
01:13:26,402 --> 01:13:28,704
I told you, crab-splosion.
991
01:14:26,128 --> 01:14:27,094
Oh.
992
01:15:56,885 --> 01:16:04,259
People of Earth, my name
is
993
01:16:04,259 --> 01:16:06,827
from the planet Crabulon.
994
01:16:06,827 --> 01:16:10,332
And this is my life mate, Susan.
995
01:16:10,332 --> 01:16:13,101
We would like to thank all of
you for being so understanding
996
01:16:13,101 --> 01:16:15,437
and for letting us speak
to you now, even after all
997
01:16:15,437 --> 01:16:16,805
the damage that has been done.
998
01:16:16,805 --> 01:16:20,742
For you see, we had no
idea what cocaine was
999
01:16:20,742 --> 01:16:23,645
and that it would have such
a rampaging effect on us.
1000
01:16:23,645 --> 01:16:24,980
Or that it would
make me pump out
1001
01:16:24,980 --> 01:16:27,049
a billion coke-powered
murder babies, like I
1002
01:16:27,049 --> 01:16:29,851
was some sort of
nuclear-powered PEZ dispenser.
1003
01:16:29,851 --> 01:16:32,921
Yeah, we-- we're totally
sorry about that.
1004
01:16:32,921 --> 01:16:35,090
Mm-hmm, yeah, we're so sorry.
1005
01:16:35,090 --> 01:16:37,693
Also, it wasn't even
our idea to take
1006
01:16:37,693 --> 01:16:39,661
the cocaine in the first place.
1007
01:16:39,661 --> 01:16:41,163
It's true.
1008
01:16:41,163 --> 01:16:42,965
One of your earthling frat
boys shoved it in our faces.
1009
01:16:42,965 --> 01:16:43,966
So there.
1010
01:16:43,966 --> 01:16:46,068
Seriously, folks,
I speak firsthand
1011
01:16:46,068 --> 01:16:49,504
when I say that none of
you should ever do cocaine.
1012
01:16:49,504 --> 01:16:50,906
Yes.
1013
01:16:50,906 --> 01:16:52,641
Yes, that's right, no
matter how much housework
1014
01:16:52,641 --> 01:16:53,709
you may have to do.
1015
01:16:53,709 --> 01:16:55,577
It's dangerous stuff.
1016
01:16:55,577 --> 01:16:57,145
It sure is.
1017
01:16:57,145 --> 01:17:00,682
And we're also sorry for the
loss of life that the two of us
1018
01:17:00,682 --> 01:17:02,150
directly caused.
1019
01:17:02,150 --> 01:17:04,553
But one of them was a
classist yuppie piece of shit.
1020
01:17:04,553 --> 01:17:05,954
So there is that.
1021
01:17:08,056 --> 01:17:08,624
Yeah.
1022
01:17:08,624 --> 01:17:10,626
Nice.
1023
01:17:10,626 --> 01:17:12,527
Thank you.
1024
01:17:12,527 --> 01:17:14,896
Also, we hold no
grudge towards you
1025
01:17:14,896 --> 01:17:17,633
or any of your people
for any of our offspring
1026
01:17:17,633 --> 01:17:19,534
that you may have destroyed.
1027
01:17:19,534 --> 01:17:20,802
Let's face it.
1028
01:17:20,802 --> 01:17:22,304
They were bloodthirsty
alien coke babies,
1029
01:17:22,304 --> 01:17:23,605
and they needed to die.
1030
01:17:23,605 --> 01:17:25,641
We'll take questions now.
1031
01:17:26,608 --> 01:17:27,541
Can you tell us anything?
1032
01:17:27,541 --> 01:17:28,677
What's the--
1033
01:17:28,677 --> 01:17:29,978
What's it like on
planet Crabulon?
1034
01:17:29,978 --> 01:17:31,580
Well, we finally got
a Cheesecake Factory,
1035
01:17:31,580 --> 01:17:33,514
so we're pretty
stoked about that.
1036
01:17:33,514 --> 01:17:35,550
Does your kind ever wear pants?
1037
01:17:35,550 --> 01:17:37,886
Only on casual Fridays.
1038
01:17:37,886 --> 01:17:41,757
What was it like to kill
millions of your own children?
1039
01:17:41,757 --> 01:17:42,624
It felt pretty good.
1040
01:17:42,624 --> 01:17:43,925
Next question.
1041
01:17:43,925 --> 01:17:46,662
Do you have any racists
on planet Crabulon?
1042
01:17:46,662 --> 01:17:49,698
No, we feed racists
to the elephant squid.
1043
01:17:49,698 --> 01:17:52,434
How much pinching
occurs on your planet?
1044
01:17:52,434 --> 01:17:54,002
Not as much as you'd think.
1045
01:17:54,002 --> 01:17:56,371
Why exactly did you come here?
1046
01:18:09,418 --> 01:18:11,853
We've been trying to
reach you about your car's
1047
01:18:11,853 --> 01:18:12,987
extended warranty.
1048
01:19:03,405 --> 01:19:07,442
Boy, I sure hope they got
good meth on this planet.
1049
01:19:07,442 --> 01:19:10,145
Damn straight.
1050
01:19:10,145 --> 01:19:11,580
Yeah!
1051
01:19:55,190 --> 01:19:58,894
Cocaine-snorting
crabs from outer space.
1052
01:19:58,894 --> 01:20:03,264
They've traveled so far
just to pinch your face.
1053
01:20:03,264 --> 01:20:06,701
Cocaine-snorting crabs
from outer space.
1054
01:20:06,701 --> 01:20:11,473
They want to eat you because
they like the way you taste.
1055
01:20:14,476 --> 01:20:18,413
And we think of space as
deep and dark and vast.
1056
01:20:18,413 --> 01:20:22,350
But their crab spaceship
found us really fast.
1057
01:20:22,350 --> 01:20:26,221
They've been traveling since
the day of their birth,
1058
01:20:26,221 --> 01:20:31,425
till they discovered
cocaine right here on Earth.
1059
01:20:34,296 --> 01:20:38,466
They liked it so much,
they decided to stay.
1060
01:20:38,466 --> 01:20:42,204
They killed everything
that got in their way.
1061
01:20:42,204 --> 01:20:46,241
They don't want
slaves or our dogs.
1062
01:20:46,241 --> 01:20:51,112
They want our cocaine
with a side of frogs.
1063
01:20:54,782 --> 01:20:58,486
Cocaine-snorting crabs
from outer space.
1064
01:20:58,486 --> 01:21:02,490
They've traveled so far
just to pinch your face.
1065
01:21:02,490 --> 01:21:06,327
Cocaine-snorting crabs
from outer space.
1066
01:21:06,327 --> 01:21:11,166
They want to eat you 'cause
they like the way you taste.
1067
01:21:14,369 --> 01:21:18,540
They didn't come here
to smoke our Mary Jane.
1068
01:21:18,540 --> 01:21:22,544
We never thought they'd
take all of our cocaine.
1069
01:21:22,544 --> 01:21:26,248
We've never seen an
invasion such as this.
1070
01:21:26,248 --> 01:21:31,085
We thought there'd be a sign,
thanks for all the fish.
1071
01:21:53,475 --> 01:21:57,913
Those cocaine-snorting
crabs from outer space.
1072
01:21:57,913 --> 01:22:01,983
They've traveled so far
just to pinch your face.
1073
01:22:01,983 --> 01:22:05,487
Cocaine-snorting crabs
from outer space.
1074
01:22:05,487 --> 01:22:10,558
They want to eat you 'cause
they like the way you taste.
1075
01:22:13,128 --> 01:22:16,798
So if you see a crab
scooting down the street,
1076
01:22:16,798 --> 01:22:21,202
and it wants to snort
cocaine off your dirty feet.
1077
01:22:21,202 --> 01:22:25,206
Just remember, they're
a visiting alien race,
1078
01:22:25,206 --> 01:22:30,111
those cocaine-snorting
crabs from outer space.
1079
01:22:33,949 --> 01:22:37,452
Cocaine-snorting crabs
from outer space.
1080
01:22:37,452 --> 01:22:41,523
They've traveled so far
just to eat your face.
1081
01:22:41,523 --> 01:22:45,260
Cocaine-snorting crabs
from outer space.
1082
01:22:45,260 --> 01:22:51,466
They want to eat you 'cause
they like the way you
1083
01:22:51,466 --> 01:22:52,166
taste.
1084
01:23:12,520 --> 01:23:16,091
Yah, I'm a crab.
76683
Can't find what you're looking for?
Get subtitles in any language from opensubtitles.com, and translate them here.