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These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated: 1 00:05:45,678 --> 00:05:48,748 Hey, Chad, I finished hosing all the vomit out of the shower. 2 00:05:48,748 --> 00:05:53,386 And-- dude, did you let crabs back here? 3 00:05:53,386 --> 00:05:55,054 Your face has crabs. 4 00:05:55,054 --> 00:05:56,989 Nice. 5 00:05:56,989 --> 00:05:58,057 No, you idiot. 6 00:05:58,057 --> 00:06:01,427 There's crabs in the backyard right now. 7 00:06:01,427 --> 00:06:03,830 Whoa, you're not kidding. 8 00:06:08,301 --> 00:06:10,970 Dude, they're lighter than they look. 9 00:06:10,970 --> 00:06:12,572 It's like they're trying 10 00:06:12,572 --> 00:06:14,807 to talk to us or something. 11 00:06:14,807 --> 00:06:18,177 What should we do with these things, eat 'em? 12 00:06:18,177 --> 00:06:19,812 I don't know, man. 13 00:06:19,812 --> 00:06:22,014 Never cooked a crab before. 14 00:06:22,014 --> 00:06:23,649 Oh, hey, I've got an idea. 15 00:06:23,649 --> 00:06:25,084 Give them some of your beer. 16 00:06:25,084 --> 00:06:26,652 No way, man, this is my beer. 17 00:06:26,652 --> 00:06:27,987 You give them a beer. 18 00:06:27,987 --> 00:06:30,890 Dude, if I'm giving them something, 19 00:06:30,890 --> 00:06:34,394 I'm giving them something way stronger than beer. 20 00:06:40,800 --> 00:06:42,869 Dude, do you think this is a good idea? 21 00:07:11,531 --> 00:07:13,466 Dude, what the hell? 22 00:07:16,269 --> 00:07:18,371 Oh, dude, you bled on me. 23 00:07:19,372 --> 00:07:20,406 Stop it, bro. 24 00:07:22,175 --> 00:07:23,142 You stop it. 25 00:07:23,142 --> 00:07:24,277 Fuck you, man. 26 00:07:24,277 --> 00:07:25,445 Fuck you back. 27 00:07:26,412 --> 00:07:28,781 Dude, are you kidding me? 28 00:07:29,515 --> 00:07:32,118 Oh, my favorite finger. 29 00:07:45,431 --> 00:07:47,033 Salutations to you all. 30 00:07:47,033 --> 00:07:48,534 This is DJ Cow Spank. 31 00:07:50,703 --> 00:07:52,104 I don't know how your day has been so far, 32 00:07:52,104 --> 00:07:54,440 but I'm having a dandy old time pumping out tunes 33 00:07:54,440 --> 00:07:55,908 for y'all to enjoy. 34 00:07:55,908 --> 00:07:58,277 Later on, I'll be playing some heavier stuff for you 35 00:07:58,277 --> 00:07:59,545 all to rage to. 36 00:07:59,545 --> 00:08:01,481 But for now, let's dabble with something 37 00:08:01,481 --> 00:08:03,449 a little on the lighter side. 38 00:08:10,356 --> 00:08:11,791 Now, you're sure this is the place? 39 00:08:11,791 --> 00:08:15,328 Six weeks of investigation, eight stoolies, a dozen 40 00:08:15,328 --> 00:08:17,263 eyewitnesses, and a drug trail so 41 00:08:17,263 --> 00:08:20,399 thick I could bounce a roll of quarters off it. 42 00:08:20,399 --> 00:08:22,335 He's in there. 43 00:08:22,335 --> 00:08:24,437 Whatever you say, Bobo. 44 00:08:27,773 --> 00:08:32,345 That's Detective Bobo, you flat-footed son of a-- 45 00:08:32,345 --> 00:08:32,945 Freeze. 46 00:08:35,448 --> 00:08:41,854 All right, which one of you here is the cocaine king? 47 00:08:47,093 --> 00:08:49,495 You think arresting me is going to do any good? 48 00:08:49,495 --> 00:08:50,630 You fools. 49 00:08:50,630 --> 00:08:52,164 You can't stop cocaine. 50 00:08:52,164 --> 00:08:53,132 Cocaine is the world. 51 00:08:53,132 --> 00:08:54,367 Cocaine is life. 52 00:08:55,768 --> 00:08:57,203 Well, it can certainly get you that if the judge 53 00:08:57,203 --> 00:08:58,337 is in a bad mood. 54 00:08:58,337 --> 00:09:00,273 You haven't seen the last of me. 55 00:09:00,273 --> 00:09:02,775 Heretic, non-believer. 56 00:09:02,775 --> 00:09:05,378 Well, I'll be sure and tell the meth queen you said hi. 57 00:09:05,378 --> 00:09:06,512 Oh, man, fuck that bitch. 58 00:09:06,512 --> 00:09:07,947 She still owes me 2 kilos. 59 00:09:18,491 --> 00:09:20,092 Hey, man you like doughnuts? 60 00:09:20,092 --> 00:09:22,695 I got some leftovers from this morning's meeting. 61 00:09:22,695 --> 00:09:23,629 I sure do. 62 00:09:23,629 --> 00:09:24,597 Cool. 63 00:09:24,597 --> 00:09:25,731 What's your favorite kind? 64 00:09:25,731 --> 00:09:27,633 I'm a powdered sugar fan, myself. 65 00:09:30,503 --> 00:09:31,637 You're in luck. 66 00:09:37,944 --> 00:09:40,446 See, if you had a job and worked for a living, 67 00:09:40,446 --> 00:09:41,714 you'd get first pick. 68 00:09:41,714 --> 00:09:44,116 But you don't, so you get the leftovers. 69 00:09:47,219 --> 00:09:49,622 What the hell, man? 70 00:09:49,622 --> 00:09:51,857 Bootstraps, pal, bootstraps. 71 00:10:03,736 --> 00:10:06,806 What is this, a crab rave? 72 00:10:39,805 --> 00:10:42,508 You found them exactly like this? 73 00:10:42,508 --> 00:10:43,743 Yeah, man. 74 00:10:43,743 --> 00:10:46,312 I didn't do nothing but cover them up. 75 00:10:46,312 --> 00:10:48,180 All right, what do we got? 76 00:10:48,180 --> 00:10:48,948 Two dead. 77 00:10:48,948 --> 00:10:49,849 Both took it in the neck. 78 00:10:53,119 --> 00:10:54,887 Were you in the house when this happened? 79 00:10:54,887 --> 00:10:57,123 No, I was out with my lady all day. 80 00:10:57,123 --> 00:10:58,790 She wanted sushi, which is great. 81 00:10:58,790 --> 00:11:02,261 But now I'm going to have sushi burps all day. 82 00:11:02,261 --> 00:11:03,396 Mr.-- 83 00:11:03,396 --> 00:11:04,363 No "Mister" here, dude. 84 00:11:04,363 --> 00:11:05,865 Just call me Tad. 85 00:11:05,865 --> 00:11:08,668 Tad, do you have any pruning clippers here in the house? 86 00:11:08,668 --> 00:11:09,835 Pruning? 87 00:11:09,835 --> 00:11:12,038 No, we barely do dishes around here. 88 00:11:12,038 --> 00:11:13,439 Did your roommates get along? 89 00:11:13,439 --> 00:11:18,577 Oh, totally, although Brad did owe Chad $5. 90 00:11:18,577 --> 00:11:20,312 They didn't do this to each other. 91 00:11:20,312 --> 00:11:23,149 That guy got it first, right in the main artery. 92 00:11:23,149 --> 00:11:24,917 There's no way he'd have the strength 93 00:11:24,917 --> 00:11:28,287 to retaliate, no matter how much coke might be in his system. 94 00:11:28,287 --> 00:11:29,321 Cocaine? 95 00:11:29,321 --> 00:11:30,723 I swear it's not mine. 96 00:11:30,723 --> 00:11:33,626 Are you telling me you didn't see the dime bag and the razor 97 00:11:33,626 --> 00:11:35,961 blade over on the ground next to the table? 98 00:11:35,961 --> 00:11:37,997 Of course, I did. 99 00:11:37,997 --> 00:11:39,865 Four whole months for that badge, and that's 100 00:11:39,865 --> 00:11:41,200 the best you can do? 101 00:11:41,200 --> 00:11:43,936 Tell me you can at least get a cat out of a tree. 102 00:11:43,936 --> 00:11:46,539 Well, at least I'm not a complete laughingstock 103 00:11:46,539 --> 00:11:48,908 at the precinct, Bobo. 104 00:11:48,908 --> 00:11:52,411 Here, just because I know how much you blue 105 00:11:52,411 --> 00:11:54,714 shirts love fingering criminals. 106 00:11:55,681 --> 00:11:56,582 Dude. 107 00:11:56,582 --> 00:11:59,151 Eh, sushi burps. 108 00:12:02,988 --> 00:12:06,358 Detective Reese, Detective Reese, come in. 109 00:12:06,358 --> 00:12:09,428 Detective Reese? 110 00:12:09,428 --> 00:12:11,197 Detective Reese, are you there? 111 00:12:11,197 --> 00:12:11,964 Please respond. 112 00:12:14,600 --> 00:12:16,035 Reese here. 113 00:12:16,035 --> 00:12:18,437 Detective, you're needed at a 187 downtown 114 00:12:18,437 --> 00:12:19,872 on Broadway and Pine. 115 00:12:19,872 --> 00:12:22,007 Dispatch, I'm already at a 1-8-7 on Maple. 116 00:12:22,007 --> 00:12:24,009 Is there anyone else who can take that? 117 00:12:24,009 --> 00:12:25,044 Negative. 118 00:12:25,044 --> 00:12:27,847 You are the closest responder. 119 00:12:27,847 --> 00:12:29,348 10-4, on my way. 120 00:12:57,042 --> 00:12:59,578 Detective Charlie Reese. 121 00:12:59,578 --> 00:13:02,648 I'm Steve. 122 00:13:02,648 --> 00:13:05,484 Steve, did you did you call this in? 123 00:13:05,484 --> 00:13:06,786 Sure did. 124 00:13:06,786 --> 00:13:09,555 And how, may I ask, did you phone this in? 125 00:13:09,555 --> 00:13:11,924 Cell phone. 126 00:13:11,924 --> 00:13:14,226 You have a cell phone? 127 00:13:14,226 --> 00:13:15,694 No, but he did. 128 00:13:15,694 --> 00:13:17,329 Where is it now? 129 00:13:17,329 --> 00:13:19,665 I put it back in his pocket where I found it. 130 00:13:19,665 --> 00:13:21,200 His pocket? 131 00:13:21,200 --> 00:13:22,034 Yep. 132 00:13:22,034 --> 00:13:23,035 He's got a wallet in there, too. 133 00:13:23,035 --> 00:13:24,170 No cash in it, though. 134 00:13:24,170 --> 00:13:25,304 I checked. 135 00:13:25,304 --> 00:13:27,239 I'm sure you did. 136 00:13:27,239 --> 00:13:29,375 Steve, were you here when this happened? 137 00:13:29,375 --> 00:13:31,477 Nope, heard it from around the corner. 138 00:13:31,477 --> 00:13:35,548 About how long ago did you find the body? 139 00:13:35,548 --> 00:13:36,816 Oh, about a half hour ago. 140 00:13:39,051 --> 00:13:40,653 OK, I'm just going to ask. 141 00:13:40,653 --> 00:13:41,887 Why did you hang around? 142 00:13:41,887 --> 00:13:43,455 You could have just taken off? 143 00:13:43,455 --> 00:13:46,659 Because I want you guys to know that I didn't do this. 144 00:13:46,659 --> 00:13:47,960 I know how it goes. 145 00:13:47,960 --> 00:13:49,829 You ask everyone in the area what happened. 146 00:13:49,829 --> 00:13:51,530 Someone mentioned seeing me nearby. 147 00:13:51,530 --> 00:13:53,966 You guys come after me and make my life a living hell. 148 00:13:53,966 --> 00:13:55,467 No, thank you. 149 00:13:55,467 --> 00:13:58,370 I'd rather just get it out of the way now. 150 00:13:58,370 --> 00:13:59,772 I believe you. 151 00:13:59,772 --> 00:14:00,706 What? 152 00:14:00,706 --> 00:14:02,474 Here. 153 00:14:02,474 --> 00:14:03,809 Here's $20. 154 00:14:03,809 --> 00:14:06,345 Another officer will be here in 10 minutes. 155 00:14:06,345 --> 00:14:10,149 Wait right here, and tell him everything you told me. 156 00:14:10,149 --> 00:14:13,652 Should I mention I stole his underwear, too? 157 00:14:13,652 --> 00:14:14,453 What? 158 00:14:14,453 --> 00:14:15,554 No. 159 00:14:15,554 --> 00:14:17,423 It's just I've never had silk undies before. 160 00:14:17,423 --> 00:14:21,193 It's like both butt cheeks died and went to Heaven. 161 00:14:21,193 --> 00:14:22,428 Really? 162 00:14:22,428 --> 00:14:25,064 Silk under-- look, just tell him how you found him. 163 00:14:25,064 --> 00:14:26,899 And tell him that detective Reese 164 00:14:26,899 --> 00:14:28,834 says you didn't do it, OK? 165 00:14:28,834 --> 00:14:30,002 Aye-aye, sir. 166 00:14:32,471 --> 00:14:35,341 Ooh, yeah, booty like. 167 00:14:35,341 --> 00:14:35,941 Ooh. 168 00:14:39,912 --> 00:14:41,213 Captain? 169 00:14:41,213 --> 00:14:43,415 Captain. 170 00:14:43,415 --> 00:14:45,417 Captain, I have got to talk to you. 171 00:14:45,417 --> 00:14:48,020 You do realize this is the one time of the day 172 00:14:48,020 --> 00:14:50,923 that I want absolutely no one talking to me. 173 00:14:50,923 --> 00:14:52,625 Yes, I know, and I'm sorry. 174 00:14:52,625 --> 00:14:54,560 But this is important. 175 00:14:54,560 --> 00:14:55,694 It always is. 176 00:14:55,694 --> 00:14:57,429 You know those two dead frat boys? 177 00:14:57,429 --> 00:14:59,565 Well, I just left an alley where someone was 178 00:14:59,565 --> 00:15:01,200 murdered in the same manner. 179 00:15:01,200 --> 00:15:02,768 You think they're related? 180 00:15:02,768 --> 00:15:06,772 All three victims had small body parts removed or severed-- 181 00:15:06,772 --> 00:15:10,276 throats, fingers, tendons. 182 00:15:10,276 --> 00:15:12,745 You do realize I'm still eating, right? 183 00:15:12,745 --> 00:15:14,880 Sorry, Captain. 184 00:15:14,880 --> 00:15:16,482 So what? 185 00:15:16,482 --> 00:15:19,418 You think someone's going around with a knife mutilating people? 186 00:15:19,418 --> 00:15:21,620 The wounds don't suggest a knife, sir. 187 00:15:21,620 --> 00:15:25,257 The cut marks are made in two opposite closing directions. 188 00:15:25,257 --> 00:15:27,927 Reese, do not tell me you think someone's going around town 189 00:15:27,927 --> 00:15:29,228 snipping people to death. 190 00:15:29,228 --> 00:15:32,464 That is not what I want to hear right now. 191 00:15:32,464 --> 00:15:33,933 OK, I won't. 192 00:15:33,933 --> 00:15:35,267 Good. 193 00:15:35,267 --> 00:15:37,036 Unfortunately, you're going to like what I'm 194 00:15:37,036 --> 00:15:39,705 about to tell you even less. 195 00:15:39,705 --> 00:15:41,273 Here it comes. 196 00:15:41,273 --> 00:15:43,609 I think animals may have done this. 197 00:15:43,609 --> 00:15:45,744 And boom. 198 00:15:45,744 --> 00:15:47,413 Captain, I'm serious. 199 00:15:47,413 --> 00:15:48,948 Oh, I can tell you're serious. 200 00:15:48,948 --> 00:15:50,482 That's what worries me. 201 00:15:50,482 --> 00:15:52,952 Captain, I know this sounds ridiculous. 202 00:15:52,952 --> 00:15:54,153 I know it, too. 203 00:15:54,153 --> 00:15:55,654 But I'm telling you. 204 00:15:55,654 --> 00:15:57,756 Do I even want to know what kind of animal 205 00:15:57,756 --> 00:15:59,591 you think is doing this? 206 00:15:59,591 --> 00:16:01,026 You probably don't. 207 00:16:01,026 --> 00:16:02,795 Just spill it. 208 00:16:02,795 --> 00:16:03,395 Crabs. 209 00:16:06,098 --> 00:16:08,867 You realize the entire force 210 00:16:08,867 --> 00:16:11,570 thinks you're a laughing stock because of the clown case, 211 00:16:11,570 --> 00:16:12,871 right? 212 00:16:12,871 --> 00:16:15,207 Did you know they're calling you Bobo behind your back? 213 00:16:15,207 --> 00:16:17,509 All except the ones who say it to my face. 214 00:16:17,509 --> 00:16:19,812 When they catch word of this, things 215 00:16:19,812 --> 00:16:21,146 will only get worse for you. 216 00:16:21,146 --> 00:16:22,815 And they will find out. 217 00:16:22,815 --> 00:16:24,216 They always do. 218 00:16:24,216 --> 00:16:25,718 There's probably one or two of them 219 00:16:25,718 --> 00:16:27,953 with their ear pressed up against the door right now. 220 00:16:27,953 --> 00:16:30,189 They're like little gossip gremlins. 221 00:16:30,189 --> 00:16:31,824 Captain, I would not be doing this 222 00:16:31,824 --> 00:16:33,726 unless I was almost certain of it. 223 00:16:33,726 --> 00:16:35,461 You think a crab-- 224 00:16:35,461 --> 00:16:37,229 Or crabs. 225 00:16:37,229 --> 00:16:40,566 You think crabs are pinching people to death, 226 00:16:40,566 --> 00:16:43,002 and you want me to take this seriously? 227 00:16:43,002 --> 00:16:45,337 Well, when you put it that way. 228 00:16:45,337 --> 00:16:48,007 Reese, you've got a great record as a detective. 229 00:16:48,007 --> 00:16:50,342 But lately, you've got me wondering about you. 230 00:16:50,342 --> 00:16:53,112 Well, what's it going to take for you to take this seriously? 231 00:16:53,112 --> 00:16:54,980 Well, for starters, get somebody to agree 232 00:16:54,980 --> 00:16:58,050 with you, someone who knows what they're talking about. 233 00:16:58,050 --> 00:16:59,785 I've already put some thought into that. 234 00:16:59,785 --> 00:17:03,389 But we don't have an aquarium or any sort of marine biology 235 00:17:03,389 --> 00:17:04,823 facility here in the city. 236 00:17:04,823 --> 00:17:07,259 Well, you better find a seafood restaurant or something 237 00:17:07,259 --> 00:17:10,194 because right now your story smells fishy. 238 00:17:10,194 --> 00:17:11,230 You like that? 239 00:17:11,230 --> 00:17:12,464 Smells fishy? 240 00:17:12,464 --> 00:17:15,601 I put it in there just for you. 241 00:17:28,914 --> 00:17:32,217 Look, Larry, I know technically speaking you're my supervisor, 242 00:17:32,217 --> 00:17:33,986 and you're supposed to be the one calling 243 00:17:33,986 --> 00:17:35,220 all the shots around here. 244 00:17:35,220 --> 00:17:36,955 And I'm just the lowly subordinate, 245 00:17:36,955 --> 00:17:38,390 making a fraction of what you do, 246 00:17:38,390 --> 00:17:39,892 even though I'm more qualified than you 247 00:17:39,892 --> 00:17:43,162 for this job on just about every level there is. 248 00:17:43,162 --> 00:17:45,364 But can I ask that next time you move the mail beta 249 00:17:45,364 --> 00:17:47,466 fish that you keep a partition between them? 250 00:17:47,466 --> 00:17:50,536 Because you see, male betas are extremely territorial, 251 00:17:50,536 --> 00:17:53,005 even with betas that aren't even in the same tank. 252 00:17:53,005 --> 00:17:54,840 If they're within eyeshot of each other, 253 00:17:54,840 --> 00:17:58,811 it can cause them undue stress and even shorten their lives. 254 00:18:04,616 --> 00:18:05,651 Thanks, Larry. 255 00:18:05,651 --> 00:18:07,386 You're an absolute peach to work with. 256 00:18:07,386 --> 00:18:08,887 No, seriously, I mean it. 257 00:18:08,887 --> 00:18:11,423 Try not to eat any soap on the way back to your chair. 258 00:18:26,438 --> 00:18:28,640 Do you have an Alex Bailey working here? 259 00:18:36,515 --> 00:18:38,250 Alex Bailey? 260 00:18:38,250 --> 00:18:39,485 How did you know my name? 261 00:18:42,521 --> 00:18:43,989 Right, duh. 262 00:18:43,989 --> 00:18:47,459 I'm Detective Charlie Reese, and I need your help. 263 00:18:47,459 --> 00:18:48,861 Why me? 264 00:18:48,861 --> 00:18:51,964 Because I understand you know quite a bit about crustaceans. 265 00:18:51,964 --> 00:18:53,866 OK, that's not on my name tag. 266 00:18:53,866 --> 00:18:55,000 How do you know that? 267 00:18:55,000 --> 00:18:56,668 Manager at the seafood restaurant 268 00:18:56,668 --> 00:18:59,471 says you picketed his place before. 269 00:18:59,471 --> 00:19:00,305 Guilty. 270 00:19:00,305 --> 00:19:02,774 That guy hates me. 271 00:19:02,774 --> 00:19:04,877 Wait, I'm not in trouble for that, am I? 272 00:19:04,877 --> 00:19:06,178 That was like a year ago. 273 00:19:06,178 --> 00:19:08,780 No, I'm here because I need your expertise. 274 00:19:08,780 --> 00:19:10,682 Expertise? 275 00:19:10,682 --> 00:19:11,783 What do you mean? 276 00:19:11,783 --> 00:19:14,019 I need to know that you know your stuff when 277 00:19:14,019 --> 00:19:15,654 it comes to shellfish. 278 00:19:15,654 --> 00:19:16,922 Shellfish? 279 00:19:16,922 --> 00:19:19,458 Well, crustaceans or mollusks? 280 00:19:19,458 --> 00:19:23,395 The kind with strong claws. 281 00:19:23,395 --> 00:19:27,099 Yeah, crustaceans-- crabs, lobsters, shrimp, 282 00:19:27,099 --> 00:19:29,535 crayfish, although not all lobsters 283 00:19:29,535 --> 00:19:32,604 have pinchers or chelae, as they're properly called. 284 00:19:32,604 --> 00:19:34,339 And I wouldn't consider shrimp pinchers 285 00:19:34,339 --> 00:19:36,942 to be strong because they're quite tiny. 286 00:19:36,942 --> 00:19:39,611 But I'm guessing "strong" is a relative term here. 287 00:19:39,611 --> 00:19:44,917 For now, let's just say we're talking about crabs. 288 00:19:44,917 --> 00:19:48,720 Oh, sweet, crabs are my favorite. 289 00:19:48,720 --> 00:19:52,691 Yeah, well, there's over 6,000 different species of crabs. 290 00:19:52,691 --> 00:19:56,061 They're decapod crustaceans that can live in freshwater, 291 00:19:56,061 --> 00:19:57,663 saltwater, or on land. 292 00:19:57,663 --> 00:20:01,233 They have an exoskeleton with the central carapace protecting 293 00:20:01,233 --> 00:20:02,634 their cephalothorax. 294 00:20:02,634 --> 00:20:04,102 OK, you pass. 295 00:20:04,102 --> 00:20:07,406 But what I really need to know is, can one of these things 296 00:20:07,406 --> 00:20:08,373 kill someone? 297 00:20:08,373 --> 00:20:10,175 Kill someone? 298 00:20:10,175 --> 00:20:13,679 I mean, there are poisonous crabs, but they're very rare 299 00:20:13,679 --> 00:20:15,514 and not found anywhere near here. 300 00:20:15,514 --> 00:20:18,350 No, no, I'm not talking about poisonous crabs. 301 00:20:18,350 --> 00:20:21,253 Well, then what kind of crabs are you talking about? 302 00:20:21,253 --> 00:20:23,789 Kind you'd find on a dinner plate. 303 00:20:23,789 --> 00:20:27,326 Metacarcinus magister? 304 00:20:27,326 --> 00:20:29,328 Dungeness crab. 305 00:20:29,328 --> 00:20:31,363 Wait, you want to know if a Dungeness 306 00:20:31,363 --> 00:20:33,332 crab can kill someone? 307 00:20:33,332 --> 00:20:35,000 That's what I'm aiming to find out. 308 00:20:35,000 --> 00:20:38,637 We're talking about a creature that might-- 309 00:20:38,637 --> 00:20:41,206 might have the grip strength to break 310 00:20:41,206 --> 00:20:42,708 the finger of a small child. 311 00:20:42,708 --> 00:20:48,080 Trust me, I've been told how ridiculous this sounds. 312 00:20:48,080 --> 00:20:50,048 Is that alcohol? 313 00:20:50,048 --> 00:20:51,583 That's classified. 314 00:20:51,583 --> 00:20:53,185 Say, would you mind coming with me 315 00:20:53,185 --> 00:20:54,987 and sharing your wealth of crab knowledge 316 00:20:54,987 --> 00:20:56,288 with some of my colleagues? 317 00:20:56,288 --> 00:20:58,223 With other police? 318 00:20:58,223 --> 00:21:00,359 I mean, sure, I guess, that is if you 319 00:21:00,359 --> 00:21:03,262 can get my bonehead manager to let me off early. 320 00:21:03,262 --> 00:21:04,563 Leave that to me. 321 00:21:07,299 --> 00:21:08,600 Listen, I'm going to need to take 322 00:21:08,600 --> 00:21:10,135 Miss Bailey in for questioning. 323 00:21:10,135 --> 00:21:12,604 She won't be back in time for you to close tonight. 324 00:21:12,604 --> 00:21:15,340 If you have any questions, contact Police Headquarters, 325 00:21:15,340 --> 00:21:21,680 extension 229. 326 00:21:21,680 --> 00:21:23,448 If you have any questions, 327 00:21:23,448 --> 00:21:30,155 contact Police Headquarters, 229. 328 00:21:30,155 --> 00:21:32,124 Is he OK? 329 00:21:32,124 --> 00:21:35,394 I've been working with him for over two years now. 330 00:21:35,394 --> 00:21:37,863 No, I don't think he is. 331 00:22:52,671 --> 00:22:53,438 Ooh. 332 00:23:02,714 --> 00:23:06,151 I can't believe you're a DJ Cow Spank fan. 333 00:23:06,151 --> 00:23:10,088 Oh, DJ Cow Spank is the best. 334 00:23:10,088 --> 00:23:12,324 Is this normal? 335 00:23:12,324 --> 00:23:14,459 DJ Cow Spank playing metal? 336 00:23:14,459 --> 00:23:17,229 That's about as normal as things get. 337 00:23:18,797 --> 00:23:22,934 No, I mean this, getting help from a civilian, like this. 338 00:23:22,934 --> 00:23:23,769 Normal? 339 00:23:23,769 --> 00:23:26,271 No, but I have done it before. 340 00:23:26,271 --> 00:23:28,473 I once got the help of a beekeeper 341 00:23:28,473 --> 00:23:30,275 to clear a field that we suspected 342 00:23:30,275 --> 00:23:32,878 someone was burying bodies in. 343 00:23:32,878 --> 00:23:33,545 Ew. 344 00:23:33,545 --> 00:23:36,014 Did you find any? 345 00:23:36,014 --> 00:23:39,851 Eh, I'd rather not say. 346 00:23:39,851 --> 00:23:41,953 Who does that? 347 00:23:41,953 --> 00:23:44,423 There are a lot more sick people in this world 348 00:23:44,423 --> 00:23:46,358 than most folks realize. 349 00:23:46,358 --> 00:23:47,859 I guess so. 350 00:23:47,859 --> 00:23:49,961 Detective Reese, Detective Reese, come in. 351 00:23:49,961 --> 00:23:52,297 Never a dull moment. 352 00:23:52,297 --> 00:23:53,832 Reese here. 353 00:23:53,832 --> 00:23:57,202 Detective, you're needed at 4777 Meadow Lane. 354 00:23:57,202 --> 00:23:57,903 Roger that. 355 00:23:57,903 --> 00:23:59,905 On my way. 356 00:23:59,905 --> 00:24:02,874 I take it we're no longer headed to police headquarters? 357 00:24:02,874 --> 00:24:05,210 Correct. 358 00:24:05,210 --> 00:24:07,345 I'm hoping this isn't bad news. 359 00:24:07,345 --> 00:24:09,714 But somehow, I doubt it. 360 00:24:15,987 --> 00:24:16,922 Wait here. 361 00:24:16,922 --> 00:24:18,256 I want to check things out first. 362 00:24:18,256 --> 00:24:19,858 It could be pretty dicey in there. 363 00:24:19,858 --> 00:24:22,661 Here, make yourself a blindfold. 364 00:24:22,661 --> 00:24:24,830 Oh, and lose the name tag. 365 00:24:34,573 --> 00:24:37,976 Well, if it isn't Detective Claw Patrol. 366 00:24:37,976 --> 00:24:40,946 You managed to pinch any culprits lately? 367 00:24:42,013 --> 00:24:42,848 Hey, watch out. 368 00:24:42,848 --> 00:24:45,150 He's getting pretty steamed. 369 00:24:45,150 --> 00:24:48,086 Uh-oh, I'm in hot water now. 370 00:24:49,421 --> 00:24:51,122 All right, you two baby-macing mother-- 371 00:24:51,122 --> 00:24:51,790 That's enough. 372 00:24:54,526 --> 00:24:56,261 Well, Captain, what a surprise. 373 00:24:56,261 --> 00:25:00,398 I can only assume you're here to make fun of my "vocrabulary" 374 00:25:00,398 --> 00:25:02,767 or tell me I'm "clawstrophobic." 375 00:25:02,767 --> 00:25:05,270 Perhaps you'd like to borrow my Shell card? 376 00:25:05,270 --> 00:25:08,540 Look, I don't want to hear any more of this crab nonsense out 377 00:25:08,540 --> 00:25:09,207 of you. 378 00:25:09,207 --> 00:25:10,542 Fine. 379 00:25:10,542 --> 00:25:12,110 Then how about you hear it from a professional? 380 00:25:16,615 --> 00:25:21,119 This is Dr. Alex Bailey, local marine biologist 381 00:25:21,119 --> 00:25:23,154 and sea-life expert. 382 00:25:23,154 --> 00:25:24,055 I'm not a doc-- 383 00:25:24,823 --> 00:25:25,223 Ow. 384 00:25:28,527 --> 00:25:32,497 OK, Dr. Bailey, if a crustaceous animal 385 00:25:32,497 --> 00:25:35,667 were able to kill someone with its claws, 386 00:25:35,667 --> 00:25:38,103 what would that look like on the victim? 387 00:25:38,103 --> 00:25:41,106 OK, well, the animal in question would 388 00:25:41,106 --> 00:25:44,342 have to be much stronger than any crustaceans found anywhere 389 00:25:44,342 --> 00:25:45,911 near this continent. 390 00:25:45,911 --> 00:25:48,980 And the ones that we do know of that can break bone, aside 391 00:25:48,980 --> 00:25:52,817 from being thousands of miles away, are remarkably slow 392 00:25:52,817 --> 00:25:54,219 and easily avoided. 393 00:25:54,219 --> 00:25:57,289 However, if that isn't the case and there 394 00:25:57,289 --> 00:26:00,525 is a crustaceous animal, or animals, around here 395 00:26:00,525 --> 00:26:03,028 that are much stronger than anything we've encountered, 396 00:26:03,028 --> 00:26:05,163 their pinchers would leave marks, 397 00:26:05,163 --> 00:26:08,266 looking like 2- to 3-inch scissor-style cuts 398 00:26:08,266 --> 00:26:11,770 on the victim, likely resembling that of someone who 399 00:26:11,770 --> 00:26:15,106 was attacked with some sort of scissors or pruning tool. 400 00:26:15,106 --> 00:26:17,742 Now, I'd initially think that all of these cuts 401 00:26:17,742 --> 00:26:20,078 wouldn't occur that high on the victim, 402 00:26:20,078 --> 00:26:23,081 say, around the feet or the ankles 403 00:26:23,081 --> 00:26:26,151 or possibly even the calves, as these animals are not 404 00:26:26,151 --> 00:26:27,419 very tall. 405 00:26:27,419 --> 00:26:30,155 But if their legs possess the same enhanced strength 406 00:26:30,155 --> 00:26:32,857 that their pinchers do, it's quite possible 407 00:26:32,857 --> 00:26:35,327 that these creatures are able to jump to great heights 408 00:26:35,327 --> 00:26:38,029 and attack somebody in other areas of the body, 409 00:26:38,029 --> 00:26:41,800 possibly removing fingers or even more vulnerable areas, 410 00:26:41,800 --> 00:26:45,704 such as the neck or the face, severing vital arteries, 411 00:26:45,704 --> 00:26:47,439 or even removing facial features. 412 00:26:47,439 --> 00:26:50,141 What exactly are you trying to pull here, Reese? 413 00:26:50,141 --> 00:26:52,477 There are four people dead, Captain. 414 00:26:52,477 --> 00:26:54,212 I am trying to prevent a fifth. 415 00:26:54,212 --> 00:26:57,749 By blaming crabs or lobsters or any other pinching creatures 416 00:26:57,749 --> 00:26:59,150 you can think of? 417 00:26:59,150 --> 00:27:01,186 Well, Captain, unless you have any better leads, 418 00:27:01,186 --> 00:27:04,456 unlike our latest victim here, I'm all ears. 419 00:27:04,456 --> 00:27:06,858 Captain, the wounds match-- 420 00:27:06,858 --> 00:27:09,995 no hair or fingerprints found, no weapons 421 00:27:09,995 --> 00:27:14,165 found, no footprints, no one seen entering or exiting. 422 00:27:14,165 --> 00:27:16,501 Fine, you want to play Dr. Doolittle, 423 00:27:16,501 --> 00:27:18,870 just do it out of my sight, Bobo. 424 00:27:22,440 --> 00:27:26,711 Come on, Alex, let's go. 425 00:27:26,711 --> 00:27:27,812 Reese? 426 00:27:27,812 --> 00:27:29,414 Reese, I'm still blindfolded. 427 00:27:30,181 --> 00:27:31,149 Ah. 428 00:27:44,162 --> 00:27:46,631 Well, thanks for giving me a ride. 429 00:27:46,631 --> 00:27:48,133 It's the least I could do. 430 00:27:48,133 --> 00:27:49,868 I realize what you were telling them was 431 00:27:49,868 --> 00:27:51,703 a stretch, to say the least. 432 00:27:51,703 --> 00:27:53,471 But are they always this hard on you? 433 00:27:53,471 --> 00:27:57,442 No, this is a recent development with a case a few months back. 434 00:27:57,442 --> 00:28:01,112 A European circus came to town, and one of the clowns 435 00:28:01,112 --> 00:28:02,247 went missing. 436 00:28:02,247 --> 00:28:05,116 Well, I guess that explains "Bobo." 437 00:28:05,116 --> 00:28:07,218 Hardy har-har. 438 00:28:07,218 --> 00:28:10,555 Everyone seemed to think the clown just ran away or possibly 439 00:28:10,555 --> 00:28:12,090 defected. 440 00:28:12,090 --> 00:28:15,060 But none of the evidence or testimony pointed that way. 441 00:28:15,060 --> 00:28:18,930 I know somewhere out there, there's a field or a creek 442 00:28:18,930 --> 00:28:23,968 or a storm drain with a very colorful victim lying in it. 443 00:28:23,968 --> 00:28:26,438 I just don't have any way to prove it. 444 00:28:26,438 --> 00:28:30,742 And now all this crab stuff is just icing on the cake. 445 00:28:30,742 --> 00:28:33,078 I think you mean icing on the crab cake? 446 00:28:35,847 --> 00:28:37,816 So why crabs? 447 00:28:37,816 --> 00:28:39,250 Why do I like them? 448 00:28:39,250 --> 00:28:40,585 Yeah. 449 00:28:40,585 --> 00:28:42,353 Ever since I was a kid, I just thought they looked cool. 450 00:28:42,353 --> 00:28:44,155 Anytime we'd vacation in a city that 451 00:28:44,155 --> 00:28:47,025 had a coast or an aquarium, I'd always beg my parents 452 00:28:47,025 --> 00:28:48,827 to take me to go see it. 453 00:28:48,827 --> 00:28:50,795 Heck, I've never even eaten one because I never 454 00:28:50,795 --> 00:28:52,597 wanted to cause one any harm. 455 00:28:52,597 --> 00:28:54,699 I wanted to be a marine biologist, 456 00:28:54,699 --> 00:28:56,267 study them professionally. 457 00:28:56,267 --> 00:28:58,870 But if you don't have the grades or money, that line of work 458 00:28:58,870 --> 00:29:01,639 is just a pipe dream. 459 00:29:01,639 --> 00:29:03,274 You're not a fan of them, are you? 460 00:29:03,274 --> 00:29:05,610 I can't get close enough to find out. 461 00:29:05,610 --> 00:29:07,011 Allergic? 462 00:29:07,011 --> 00:29:10,381 My hands itch any time I come near them or anything 463 00:29:10,381 --> 00:29:11,583 they've touched. 464 00:29:11,583 --> 00:29:14,486 Hence, my near complete lack of knowledge on them. 465 00:29:14,486 --> 00:29:17,555 Did your hands itch at any of the murder sites? 466 00:29:17,555 --> 00:29:18,223 All three. 467 00:29:20,625 --> 00:29:22,160 I believe you. 468 00:29:22,160 --> 00:29:24,662 I don't know how any of this would at all be possible. 469 00:29:24,662 --> 00:29:26,231 But I believe you. 470 00:29:26,231 --> 00:29:27,532 Well, thanks. 471 00:29:27,532 --> 00:29:29,134 That makes one person. 472 00:29:29,134 --> 00:29:30,769 Hopefully, no one else has to die 473 00:29:30,769 --> 00:29:33,938 before I convince anyone else. 474 00:29:33,938 --> 00:29:37,609 Oh, and these things aren't going to, like, 475 00:29:37,609 --> 00:29:41,679 mate and pump out a billion baby crabs, are they? 476 00:29:41,679 --> 00:29:44,983 Well, these crustaceans are far from run of the mill. 477 00:29:44,983 --> 00:29:48,419 But larval development can yield up to 2 million eggs. 478 00:29:48,419 --> 00:29:49,587 What? 479 00:29:49,587 --> 00:29:51,055 Relax. 480 00:29:51,055 --> 00:29:52,824 It takes at least three months for the eggs to hatch. 481 00:29:52,824 --> 00:29:54,359 And it's not like these things are 482 00:29:54,359 --> 00:29:56,161 going to gaze up at a full moon and start pumping out baby 483 00:29:56,161 --> 00:29:58,363 murder crabs tomorrow morning. 484 00:29:58,363 --> 00:29:59,264 Here's hoping. 485 00:30:02,667 --> 00:30:04,102 Good night, Alex. 486 00:30:04,102 --> 00:30:06,704 Good night, Detective. 487 00:37:27,378 --> 00:37:28,412 This is stupid. 488 00:37:28,412 --> 00:37:29,847 I'm not afraid of these things. 489 00:37:29,847 --> 00:37:32,049 They just look like a bunch of plastic toy crabs. 490 00:37:49,100 --> 00:37:50,001 Ah! 491 00:37:50,001 --> 00:37:51,936 Nyah! 492 00:37:51,936 --> 00:37:52,803 Ah! 493 00:37:52,803 --> 00:37:54,305 Uh! 494 00:37:54,305 --> 00:37:56,540 Yah! 495 00:37:56,540 --> 00:37:58,342 Why are you doing this to me? 496 00:37:58,342 --> 00:38:02,079 I'm the one that likes you. 497 00:38:10,588 --> 00:38:12,490 No billions of crabs, huh? 498 00:38:12,490 --> 00:38:15,259 Well how the freshwater fuck was I supposed to know? 499 00:38:15,259 --> 00:38:16,794 Come on. 500 00:38:16,794 --> 00:38:19,864 Let's get out of here before we're turned into crab food. 501 00:38:41,552 --> 00:38:43,154 What's our next move? 502 00:38:43,154 --> 00:38:44,121 You're asking me? 503 00:38:44,121 --> 00:38:45,189 You're the cop. 504 00:38:45,189 --> 00:38:46,524 Yeah, but you're the crab expert. 505 00:38:46,524 --> 00:38:48,793 Newsflash, these are not normal crabs. 506 00:38:48,793 --> 00:38:50,728 I know as much about these things as you do. 507 00:38:50,728 --> 00:38:52,830 Well, then I guess we should find out more about them now, 508 00:38:52,830 --> 00:38:53,531 shouldn't we? 509 00:38:53,531 --> 00:38:54,765 Well, I guess we should. 510 00:38:54,765 --> 00:38:55,933 Great, how do we go about doing that? 511 00:38:55,933 --> 00:38:57,535 Well, if we had one to study, that'd 512 00:38:57,535 --> 00:38:58,602 be a good place to start. 513 00:38:58,602 --> 00:39:01,839 That's a pretty good idea. 514 00:39:01,839 --> 00:39:03,407 OK, let's go. 515 00:39:21,525 --> 00:39:23,294 [EDVARD GRIEG, "PEER GYNT SUITE NO. 516 00:39:23,294 --> 00:41:47,171 1, IN THE HALL OF THE MOUNTAIN KING"] 517 00:41:52,710 --> 00:41:53,544 Get them off. 518 00:41:53,544 --> 00:41:54,278 Ah. 519 00:41:54,278 --> 00:41:56,180 Ah, ah, ah! 520 00:41:57,481 --> 00:41:59,383 Ah, ah. 521 00:41:59,383 --> 00:42:01,285 Ah! 522 00:42:01,285 --> 00:42:02,786 Aye! 523 00:42:02,786 --> 00:42:07,958 Ah. 524 00:42:18,068 --> 00:42:20,471 The hell? 525 00:42:22,006 --> 00:42:23,774 Crabble weed. 526 00:42:34,084 --> 00:42:36,487 Ah, ah! 527 00:42:43,627 --> 00:42:46,030 This is taking too long. 528 00:42:46,030 --> 00:42:46,697 This will work. 529 00:42:46,697 --> 00:42:47,965 Trust me. 530 00:42:47,965 --> 00:42:48,866 It better. 531 00:42:48,866 --> 00:42:51,802 I'm running out of patience. 532 00:42:51,802 --> 00:42:53,604 Ooh, ooh, I see one. 533 00:42:55,172 --> 00:42:57,308 Well, I still say there were, oh, I don't know, 534 00:42:57,308 --> 00:43:01,378 several thousand easier ways we could have gone about this. 535 00:43:01,378 --> 00:43:02,646 Possibly. 536 00:43:02,646 --> 00:43:04,815 But I've never built one of these before. 537 00:43:04,815 --> 00:43:08,185 And it gave me the perfect excuse. 538 00:43:09,853 --> 00:43:11,288 Well, I suppose I do have to give you 539 00:43:11,288 --> 00:43:14,358 points on how quickly you put this thing together. 540 00:43:14,358 --> 00:43:15,859 Why, thank you. 541 00:43:15,859 --> 00:43:19,096 I'm especially proud of the bait that I came up with. 542 00:43:19,096 --> 00:43:20,598 Speaking of which. 543 00:43:21,899 --> 00:43:23,434 It's going for the bait. 544 00:43:23,434 --> 00:43:24,034 Squee. 545 00:43:27,605 --> 00:43:30,341 Well, it's now or never. 546 00:43:30,341 --> 00:43:31,675 Here goes nothing. 547 00:43:50,294 --> 00:43:51,528 Hey! 548 00:44:13,884 --> 00:44:16,453 Are you fucking kidding me? 549 00:44:16,453 --> 00:44:18,522 Oops. 550 00:44:18,522 --> 00:44:21,091 Oops my ass. 551 00:44:29,466 --> 00:44:31,402 OK, now what? 552 00:44:31,402 --> 00:44:32,503 What do you mean, now what? 553 00:44:32,503 --> 00:44:33,704 Slice it open. 554 00:44:33,704 --> 00:44:34,605 Me? 555 00:44:34,605 --> 00:44:36,373 You're the crab expert. 556 00:44:36,373 --> 00:44:37,941 And you're the detective. 557 00:44:37,941 --> 00:44:40,177 You're the one who deals with crimes and labs and cadavers 558 00:44:40,177 --> 00:44:41,378 and things. 559 00:44:41,378 --> 00:44:43,514 Where the hell do you think I work, Red Lobster? 560 00:44:43,514 --> 00:44:46,917 OK, fine, I see more than my fair share of stiffs. 561 00:44:46,917 --> 00:44:49,820 But, A, I don't cut any of them open. 562 00:44:49,820 --> 00:44:53,257 And, B, they're all human, not to mention the fact 563 00:44:53,257 --> 00:44:58,162 that I am highly allergic to these things. 564 00:44:58,162 --> 00:45:01,198 But I don't want to cut a crab. 565 00:45:01,198 --> 00:45:01,899 It's already dead. 566 00:45:01,899 --> 00:45:04,334 It won't feel a thing. 567 00:45:04,334 --> 00:45:06,003 Fine, I'll do it. 568 00:45:10,074 --> 00:45:13,143 And what, pray tell, do you expect me to open this up with? 569 00:45:19,583 --> 00:45:20,651 Is that a switchblade? 570 00:45:20,651 --> 00:45:22,186 Those things are illegal. 571 00:45:22,186 --> 00:45:23,020 Sure are. 572 00:45:23,020 --> 00:45:25,222 What are you doing with that? 573 00:45:25,222 --> 00:45:26,457 Handing it to you. 574 00:45:26,457 --> 00:45:27,458 No way. 575 00:45:27,458 --> 00:45:28,459 What if the police find out? 576 00:45:31,628 --> 00:45:32,229 Ugh. 577 00:45:39,770 --> 00:45:42,706 Ew, it pootered. 578 00:45:42,706 --> 00:45:44,775 Did you say "pootered"? 579 00:45:44,775 --> 00:45:46,643 Oh. 580 00:45:46,643 --> 00:45:47,277 Ugh. 581 00:45:47,277 --> 00:45:49,079 Ow. 582 00:45:49,079 --> 00:45:51,915 That is the absolute lowest of low tides. 583 00:45:51,915 --> 00:45:53,517 I think I'm going to barf. 584 00:45:53,517 --> 00:45:55,886 All right, all right, pull it together. 585 00:45:57,087 --> 00:45:58,088 All right, we have to find out what's 586 00:45:58,088 --> 00:45:59,389 going on with these things. 587 00:46:09,366 --> 00:46:11,168 I don't think crabs are supposed to be 588 00:46:11,168 --> 00:46:13,771 filled with that much goo. 589 00:46:13,771 --> 00:46:16,140 I suspect you're right. 590 00:46:16,140 --> 00:46:18,842 What's that underneath it? 591 00:46:18,842 --> 00:46:20,778 All I see is goo. 592 00:46:20,778 --> 00:46:24,715 Well, goo and a bullet. 593 00:46:24,715 --> 00:46:27,151 Check underneath it. 594 00:46:27,151 --> 00:46:27,918 Go on. 595 00:46:33,891 --> 00:46:35,926 Well, that's even weirder. 596 00:46:35,926 --> 00:46:39,797 We go from a wet goo to a dry powder. 597 00:46:39,797 --> 00:46:41,231 Wait, how does a powder like that 598 00:46:41,231 --> 00:46:44,501 stay dry inside the middle of a crab? 599 00:46:44,501 --> 00:46:45,536 Let me see that knife. 600 00:46:50,474 --> 00:46:55,345 How in the hell did that stay unprocessed inside 601 00:46:55,345 --> 00:46:57,414 of that crab? 602 00:46:57,414 --> 00:46:59,249 What is it? 603 00:46:59,249 --> 00:47:00,417 Coke. 604 00:47:00,417 --> 00:47:01,919 Cocaine? 605 00:47:01,919 --> 00:47:04,154 Are you positive? 606 00:47:04,154 --> 00:47:07,491 I've seen enough cocaine to sink two battleships and a circus 607 00:47:07,491 --> 00:47:08,258 freak. 608 00:47:08,258 --> 00:47:09,593 I am positive. 609 00:47:09,593 --> 00:47:11,728 Well, do you think that's what's making all these crabs act 610 00:47:11,728 --> 00:47:13,163 this way? 611 00:47:13,163 --> 00:47:15,766 Well, I've seen what too much of it can do to humans, 612 00:47:15,766 --> 00:47:17,835 so I wouldn't rule it out. 613 00:47:17,835 --> 00:47:19,303 Great. 614 00:47:19,303 --> 00:47:23,607 So now we know they're junkies, how does that help us? 615 00:47:23,607 --> 00:47:24,975 Wait a minute. 616 00:47:24,975 --> 00:47:27,444 The first crab murder scene-- 617 00:47:27,444 --> 00:47:33,283 there were signs of cocaine but no actual cocaine there. 618 00:47:33,283 --> 00:47:34,384 Come on. 619 00:47:34,384 --> 00:47:35,886 I want to check out that frat house again. 620 00:47:35,886 --> 00:47:37,921 But first, we need to make a quick stop. 621 00:47:41,491 --> 00:47:42,793 Hey, folks. 622 00:47:42,793 --> 00:47:44,895 I don't know if things out there are as bizarre for you 623 00:47:44,895 --> 00:47:46,496 as they are for me. 624 00:47:46,496 --> 00:47:49,733 But this building is surrounded by some aggressively gnarly sea 625 00:47:49,733 --> 00:47:51,201 life. 626 00:47:51,201 --> 00:47:53,103 And judging by the sheer mayhem these things are causing 627 00:47:53,103 --> 00:47:56,139 in the streets, I'm going to remain right here, 628 00:47:56,139 --> 00:47:57,808 bunkered up in my crab-free booth, 629 00:47:57,808 --> 00:48:01,745 ready to relay any developing news that I happen to hear. 630 00:48:05,949 --> 00:48:07,751 DJ Cow Spank? 631 00:48:07,751 --> 00:48:09,319 I'm Detective Charlie Reese. 632 00:48:09,319 --> 00:48:12,356 Listen, we need to borrow your airwaves for a bit. 633 00:48:18,862 --> 00:48:21,465 Like, how do I know you're not a crab trying to get in here? 634 00:48:21,465 --> 00:48:23,767 Are you frickin' kidding me? 635 00:48:23,767 --> 00:48:25,936 Do I sound like a crab to you? 636 00:48:25,936 --> 00:48:26,837 I don't know. 637 00:48:26,837 --> 00:48:27,971 I've been fooled before. 638 00:48:27,971 --> 00:48:29,306 Fine, ask me 639 00:48:29,306 --> 00:48:31,375 something a crab wouldn't know. 640 00:48:31,375 --> 00:48:34,444 OK, how many floors are in the Empire State Building? 641 00:48:34,444 --> 00:48:36,680 How the fuck should I know that? 642 00:48:36,680 --> 00:48:39,983 Now, see, that's something a crab would say. 643 00:48:39,983 --> 00:48:42,653 Dammit, open the door. 644 00:48:44,888 --> 00:48:46,623 Hi, there. 645 00:48:46,623 --> 00:48:48,959 Big fan. 646 00:48:48,959 --> 00:48:50,227 Hey, there, listeners. 647 00:48:50,227 --> 00:48:52,729 This is DJ Cow Spank with you once again. 648 00:48:54,798 --> 00:48:57,834 I have in the studio with me at this time Detective Charlie 649 00:48:57,834 --> 00:48:59,303 Reese. 650 00:48:59,303 --> 00:49:01,672 And he's got an update regarding the crab situation. 651 00:49:01,672 --> 00:49:04,675 Take it away, Detective. 652 00:49:04,675 --> 00:49:06,310 Hi, everyone. 653 00:49:06,310 --> 00:49:11,315 I know things are crazy right now, and in many cases, deadly. 654 00:49:11,315 --> 00:49:13,984 But I want you to know that we're doing everything 655 00:49:13,984 --> 00:49:15,719 we can to contain this. 656 00:49:15,719 --> 00:49:18,755 Now, I don't know the whole story on these things yet. 657 00:49:18,755 --> 00:49:21,858 But I do know that they're hopped up on cocaine, 658 00:49:21,858 --> 00:49:23,393 and they crave it madly. 659 00:49:23,393 --> 00:49:26,163 While it seems that they will attack just 660 00:49:26,163 --> 00:49:28,532 about anything and everything, it 661 00:49:28,532 --> 00:49:31,835 seems that they are especially prone to attack anything 662 00:49:31,835 --> 00:49:33,870 that they think might be cocaine. 663 00:49:35,339 --> 00:49:37,674 This means anything white, powdery, or both. 664 00:49:40,711 --> 00:49:43,146 It's about time we caught a break around here. 665 00:49:43,146 --> 00:49:44,481 Hey, that's what I'm saying. 666 00:49:47,117 --> 00:49:51,088 So please stay indoors, and stay away from anything 667 00:49:51,088 --> 00:49:53,590 they might think is cocaine. 668 00:49:53,590 --> 00:49:54,925 Thank you. 669 00:49:54,925 --> 00:49:57,127 All right, folks, you heard the man. 670 00:49:57,127 --> 00:50:00,530 Stay indoors, and stay away from coke. 671 00:50:00,530 --> 00:50:03,667 Whoa, it's like living my 1980s childhood latchkey 672 00:50:03,667 --> 00:50:05,635 days all over again. 673 00:50:16,313 --> 00:50:19,750 Yo, I ain't got no more coke. 674 00:50:23,487 --> 00:50:25,856 Look, I had to start moving Beanie Babies 675 00:50:25,856 --> 00:50:27,424 just to pay the rent on this place. 676 00:50:31,228 --> 00:50:36,733 Hey, I told you, I got no coke. 677 00:50:42,005 --> 00:50:44,541 Fuck me running. 678 00:50:53,283 --> 00:50:55,652 So what are we looking for again? 679 00:50:55,652 --> 00:50:59,389 This is the scene of the first murders committed by the crabs. 680 00:50:59,389 --> 00:51:00,357 Really? 681 00:51:00,357 --> 00:51:01,591 Here? 682 00:51:01,591 --> 00:51:03,660 Yeah, a couple of frat boys bit it in the backyard. 683 00:51:03,660 --> 00:51:06,196 And we all know where they went from here. 684 00:51:06,196 --> 00:51:08,098 Yeah, everywhere. 685 00:51:08,098 --> 00:51:10,867 But what I want to know is, where were they 686 00:51:10,867 --> 00:51:12,235 before they got here? 687 00:51:14,871 --> 00:51:17,207 Well, OK. 688 00:51:17,207 --> 00:51:20,444 If this is the first time the crabs killed anyone, 689 00:51:20,444 --> 00:51:24,081 and we now know that they're full of cocaine, 690 00:51:24,081 --> 00:51:26,283 and you said that there were signs of cocaine, 691 00:51:26,283 --> 00:51:30,854 but no actual cocaine was found here because presumably 692 00:51:30,854 --> 00:51:33,023 the crabs snorted it all. 693 00:51:33,023 --> 00:51:38,161 So if they first killed here and they first took coke here, 694 00:51:38,161 --> 00:51:40,030 that means when they got here, they 695 00:51:40,030 --> 00:51:41,698 weren't super coked out of their minds 696 00:51:41,698 --> 00:51:44,501 and probably weren't leaping all over the place, which 697 00:51:44,501 --> 00:51:47,938 has them crawling on the ground when they got here. 698 00:51:47,938 --> 00:51:51,441 Now, they're not fast enough to cross any major streets 699 00:51:51,441 --> 00:51:53,643 without getting run over. 700 00:51:53,643 --> 00:51:56,379 And they'd likely be seen, even on one of these side 701 00:51:56,379 --> 00:52:00,717 streets, which tells me that wherever they came from, 702 00:52:00,717 --> 00:52:03,620 they didn't get out in the open too far away from this house. 703 00:52:03,620 --> 00:52:06,490 They either had to have cover, or they 704 00:52:06,490 --> 00:52:09,759 were in a place with no foot traffic. 705 00:52:22,839 --> 00:52:25,208 Excellent detective work. 706 00:52:25,208 --> 00:52:27,711 You get a sucker. 707 00:52:27,711 --> 00:52:28,678 Fucking score. 708 00:52:31,381 --> 00:52:34,417 So do you always keep giant lollipops in your pocket? 709 00:52:34,417 --> 00:52:36,820 Because that was pretty left field. 710 00:52:36,820 --> 00:52:39,823 Actually, I always try to keep some form of sweets on me 711 00:52:39,823 --> 00:52:42,025 whenever I'm on the job. 712 00:52:42,025 --> 00:52:43,493 Well, that sounds weird. 713 00:52:43,493 --> 00:52:46,163 Some of the scenes I arrive at can be pretty hairy. 714 00:52:46,163 --> 00:52:48,632 And unfortunately, kids aren't exempt from them. 715 00:52:48,632 --> 00:52:50,433 So I like to keep a little something on me 716 00:52:50,433 --> 00:52:52,602 to help with their nerves. 717 00:52:52,602 --> 00:52:57,007 Aw, that's the nicest thing I've ever heard you say. 718 00:52:57,007 --> 00:53:00,243 Oh, but now I'm sad. 719 00:53:00,243 --> 00:53:03,880 You gave me sad candy. 720 00:53:03,880 --> 00:53:04,481 Yeet. 721 00:53:09,553 --> 00:53:14,891 You have absolutely got to be fucking kidding me. 722 00:53:14,891 --> 00:53:15,492 What's up? 723 00:53:18,261 --> 00:53:21,765 Is that what I think it is? 724 00:53:21,765 --> 00:53:24,668 Not going to have a billion babies, huh? 725 00:53:24,668 --> 00:53:25,802 What? 726 00:53:25,802 --> 00:53:27,337 You said these things weren't going to mate 727 00:53:27,337 --> 00:53:29,172 and have a billion babies. 728 00:53:29,172 --> 00:53:30,774 So? 729 00:53:30,774 --> 00:53:34,277 So there's no away they all flew to Earth fitting in that thing. 730 00:53:34,277 --> 00:53:37,614 Well, evidently, these are space crabs. 731 00:53:37,614 --> 00:53:40,884 How the frick was I supposed to know? 732 00:53:40,884 --> 00:53:43,286 Come on. 733 00:53:48,291 --> 00:53:51,194 Oh, look, it's shaped like a little crab-- 734 00:53:51,194 --> 00:53:52,829 how cute. 735 00:53:54,364 --> 00:53:57,033 Don't touch it. 736 00:53:57,033 --> 00:53:58,768 But it's adorable. 737 00:53:58,768 --> 00:54:00,103 Just don't touch it. 738 00:54:00,103 --> 00:54:04,241 We should find a stick or something to poke it with. 739 00:54:05,075 --> 00:54:06,910 Ow, fuck butter. 740 00:54:06,910 --> 00:54:10,680 I told you we should have found a stick. 741 00:54:10,680 --> 00:54:11,881 Wait a minute. 742 00:54:11,881 --> 00:54:14,551 If they multiply, that means this is ground zero. 743 00:54:14,551 --> 00:54:16,419 And there's a mom and dad crab out there 744 00:54:16,419 --> 00:54:18,054 somewhere right now, right? 745 00:54:18,054 --> 00:54:20,724 I think we've proven that nothing about these crabs is 746 00:54:20,724 --> 00:54:22,092 a gimme anymore. 747 00:54:22,092 --> 00:54:25,195 True, but that would be the case under normal circumstances, 748 00:54:25,195 --> 00:54:26,529 right? 749 00:54:26,529 --> 00:54:28,531 You think there's a mom and dad crab out there 750 00:54:28,531 --> 00:54:30,567 who are responsible for the first killing? 751 00:54:30,567 --> 00:54:33,036 I sure as shit burger do. 752 00:54:33,036 --> 00:54:34,104 Shit burger? 753 00:54:34,104 --> 00:54:36,072 We have to find those two. 754 00:54:36,072 --> 00:54:40,010 OK, I'm a space crab who's killer alien coke babies have 755 00:54:40,010 --> 00:54:41,144 spread all over. 756 00:54:41,144 --> 00:54:42,646 What do I do? 757 00:54:42,646 --> 00:54:44,781 Probably to find your kids some more 758 00:54:44,781 --> 00:54:48,752 cocaine, which doesn't exactly make you mother of the year. 759 00:54:48,752 --> 00:54:50,220 I think you're right, though. 760 00:54:50,220 --> 00:54:51,888 So we get our hands on some coke, 761 00:54:51,888 --> 00:54:54,791 and we lure the two parent crabs out of hiding. 762 00:54:54,791 --> 00:54:56,726 If there's even any cocaine left. 763 00:54:56,726 --> 00:54:59,429 For all we know, the crabs snorted it all up. 764 00:54:59,429 --> 00:55:01,665 I could check evidence locker at HQ. 765 00:55:01,665 --> 00:55:04,401 It's no guarantee, but it's our best shot right now. 766 00:55:04,401 --> 00:55:05,969 Police headquarters? 767 00:55:05,969 --> 00:55:08,571 But that's right smack dab in the middle of crab central. 768 00:55:08,571 --> 00:55:09,973 It's too dangerous. 769 00:55:09,973 --> 00:55:12,609 Which is why I'm leaving you here until I get back. 770 00:55:12,609 --> 00:55:14,978 OK, no arguments from me. 771 00:55:14,978 --> 00:55:16,313 Just be safe, OK? 772 00:55:32,395 --> 00:55:34,364 Ow, shit burger. 773 00:56:00,857 --> 00:56:01,691 Any luck? 774 00:56:01,691 --> 00:56:02,392 No. 775 00:56:02,392 --> 00:56:03,593 Evidence was trashed. 776 00:56:03,593 --> 00:56:08,264 But I did get the next best thing. 777 00:56:08,264 --> 00:56:09,866 This is bullshit. 778 00:56:09,866 --> 00:56:12,802 You never said you were going to drive me out to the boonies. 779 00:56:12,802 --> 00:56:14,337 I don't say a lot of things. 780 00:56:14,337 --> 00:56:15,638 Now, come on out of there. 781 00:56:18,975 --> 00:56:19,809 Who's this guy? 782 00:56:19,809 --> 00:56:21,745 Alex, this is the cocaine king. 783 00:56:21,745 --> 00:56:24,247 Your majesty, this is Alex. 784 00:56:24,247 --> 00:56:27,150 I don't give two rat farts and a bowling trophy who she is. 785 00:56:27,150 --> 00:56:30,820 I'm only here because you said something about letting me go. 786 00:56:30,820 --> 00:56:31,621 I did. 787 00:56:31,621 --> 00:56:35,625 That is, if you help us out. 788 00:56:35,625 --> 00:56:38,027 What do you need? 789 00:56:38,027 --> 00:56:42,565 Guy calls himself the cocaine king and asks me what I need. 790 00:56:42,565 --> 00:56:46,035 I need cocaine, you idiot. 791 00:56:46,035 --> 00:56:49,005 All right, I mean, you just don't seem like the type. 792 00:56:49,005 --> 00:56:50,640 But, hey, that's none of my business. 793 00:56:50,640 --> 00:56:52,942 It's not for me, you powder-pushing moron. 794 00:56:52,942 --> 00:56:55,845 These crabs crave it like Joanie craves Chachi. 795 00:56:55,845 --> 00:56:58,848 And I'm going to get some and use it to lure them out. 796 00:56:58,848 --> 00:57:01,885 Now, I know you know where we can find some coke. 797 00:57:01,885 --> 00:57:04,788 So you better start talking fast before I find a crab 798 00:57:04,788 --> 00:57:06,890 hill to stake you out on. 799 00:57:06,890 --> 00:57:07,991 Very well. 800 00:57:07,991 --> 00:57:11,428 But let it be known that I, the cocaine king, 801 00:57:11,428 --> 00:57:15,432 am the only criminal to ever use cocaine to get out of jail. 802 00:57:25,041 --> 00:57:27,911 Now, get these cuffs off me, and bring me my cape and crown. 803 00:57:46,229 --> 00:57:46,830 Ho. 804 00:58:10,053 --> 00:58:11,888 Well, I'll be darn. 805 00:58:11,888 --> 00:58:16,392 As you can see, I am never far from my precious 806 00:58:16,392 --> 00:58:17,727 cocaine. 807 00:58:17,727 --> 00:58:20,396 Now, I have held up my end of the bargain. 808 00:58:20,396 --> 00:58:22,098 Are you going to hold up yours? 809 00:58:25,568 --> 00:58:28,137 You are free to go. 810 00:58:28,137 --> 00:58:29,606 Come on, Alex. 811 00:59:15,685 --> 00:59:19,923 Hello, Mr. King. 812 00:59:19,923 --> 00:59:21,591 It's not bad to be the king. 813 00:59:23,860 --> 00:59:25,461 Well, it doesn't look like the crab 814 00:59:25,461 --> 00:59:28,464 situation has changed much. 815 00:59:28,464 --> 00:59:30,166 I don't see any people, though. 816 00:59:30,166 --> 00:59:33,303 Do you think they got your message to stay inside? 817 00:59:33,303 --> 00:59:36,539 Or do you think they've all been killed off? 818 00:59:36,539 --> 00:59:37,674 I'm hoping the former. 819 00:59:41,311 --> 00:59:48,184 Jeez, it's like crabageddon, or a crabalanche. 820 00:59:48,184 --> 00:59:51,154 No, wait, crab-splosion. 821 00:59:51,154 --> 00:59:53,022 Alex, focus. 822 00:59:53,022 --> 00:59:54,557 Right, sorry. 823 00:59:54,557 --> 00:59:57,794 OK, we've got a big bag of the one thing that they want. 824 00:59:57,794 --> 01:00:00,363 And we need to use it to find the two original crabs. 825 01:00:00,363 --> 01:00:03,566 Well, we're not even sure if the two first crabs are even 826 01:00:03,566 --> 01:00:04,901 in the area. 827 01:00:04,901 --> 01:00:06,235 So we're going to have to cover a lot of ground 828 01:00:06,235 --> 01:00:08,037 with what we've got. 829 01:00:08,037 --> 01:00:13,943 What if we crop-dusted it, like with a drone or something? 830 01:00:13,943 --> 01:00:16,446 Do you have access to a drone? 831 01:00:16,446 --> 01:00:17,747 No. 832 01:00:17,747 --> 01:00:20,183 Do you know how to fly a drone? 833 01:00:20,183 --> 01:00:21,284 No. 834 01:00:21,284 --> 01:00:22,952 If you did, would you know how to perform 835 01:00:22,952 --> 01:00:26,656 a timed release of a powdered substance from a drone? 836 01:00:26,656 --> 01:00:27,557 No. 837 01:00:27,557 --> 01:00:29,525 Then that's probably a-- 838 01:00:29,525 --> 01:00:32,028 A bad idea, right. 839 01:00:32,028 --> 01:00:34,330 Gotcha. 840 01:00:34,330 --> 01:00:36,332 What if we dusted it ourselves? 841 01:00:36,332 --> 01:00:38,668 You mean go over there in the middle of all that? 842 01:00:38,668 --> 01:00:39,936 They'd tear us to shreds. 843 01:00:42,205 --> 01:00:45,074 Not if they think we're one of them. 844 01:00:45,074 --> 01:00:46,275 One of them? 845 01:00:46,275 --> 01:00:47,777 Why in the heck would they think we're one of-- 846 01:00:50,279 --> 01:00:52,882 This is stupid, and we're both going to die. 847 01:00:52,882 --> 01:00:55,752 Shh, just think crab thoughts. 848 01:00:55,752 --> 01:00:57,887 And keep sprinkling cocaine all over the ground. 849 01:00:57,887 --> 01:01:00,323 You sound like the world's worst guidance counselor. 850 01:01:00,323 --> 01:01:03,292 Hey, I didn't hear you come up with any better ideas. 851 01:01:03,292 --> 01:01:05,228 That's because there weren't any better ideas. 852 01:01:05,228 --> 01:01:07,864 But that doesn't mean that this is a good one. 853 01:01:07,864 --> 01:01:10,733 Why do you have these things anyway? 854 01:01:10,733 --> 01:01:12,935 This is me we're talking about here. 855 01:01:12,935 --> 01:01:14,804 I mean, OK, I get that. 856 01:01:14,804 --> 01:01:16,773 But why two of them? 857 01:01:16,773 --> 01:01:18,908 It's an emergency backup, duh. 858 01:01:25,515 --> 01:01:26,249 Moment of truth. 859 01:01:32,255 --> 01:01:32,388 It's working. 860 01:01:37,994 --> 01:01:39,529 Well, what do you know? 861 01:01:39,529 --> 01:01:41,397 Hold the course, Miss Bailey. 862 01:01:41,397 --> 01:01:44,867 We've got some coke-snorting space crabs to wrangle. 863 01:02:22,071 --> 01:02:24,741 Reese, Reese, look. 864 01:02:26,909 --> 01:02:28,511 Those the mom and dad crabs? 865 01:02:28,511 --> 01:02:31,948 Well, they're a different color and about four times the size. 866 01:02:31,948 --> 01:02:32,982 Good enough for me. 867 01:02:32,982 --> 01:02:34,016 Lucky thing, too. 868 01:02:34,016 --> 01:02:35,752 I just ran out of cocaine. 869 01:02:35,752 --> 01:02:36,719 Ran out? 870 01:02:36,719 --> 01:02:37,887 You can't run out. 871 01:02:37,887 --> 01:02:38,821 Well, why not? 872 01:02:38,821 --> 01:02:40,423 Because I just ran out. 873 01:02:40,423 --> 01:02:41,691 Oh, great. 874 01:02:41,691 --> 01:02:42,692 Now what the hell are we supposed to do? 875 01:02:42,692 --> 01:02:44,026 What are you asking me for? 876 01:02:44,026 --> 01:02:45,595 You're the one who said we needed to find them. 877 01:02:45,595 --> 01:02:47,930 Well, I didn't hear you put up any argument to that idea. 878 01:02:47,930 --> 01:02:49,999 I thought you had a plan for when we found them. 879 01:02:49,999 --> 01:02:51,501 Well, I could say the same for you. 880 01:02:51,501 --> 01:02:53,770 You're the one who put us in the middle of all of them. 881 01:02:53,770 --> 01:02:55,304 Yeah, that's because I thought you had a plan. 882 01:02:55,304 --> 01:02:57,340 Yeah, the plan was to find the first two crabs. 883 01:02:57,340 --> 01:03:00,209 Well, mission accomplished, Detective. 884 01:03:05,748 --> 01:03:06,649 Uh-oh. 885 01:03:08,217 --> 01:03:10,119 Well, if I'm dying, I'm not doing it in this stupid thing. 886 01:03:12,655 --> 01:03:15,191 Ah. 887 01:03:16,192 --> 01:03:17,193 Ah. 888 01:03:18,027 --> 01:03:19,295 Well, there went my best idea. 889 01:03:19,295 --> 01:03:20,830 What do we do? 890 01:03:20,830 --> 01:03:22,498 We need to make a break for it. 891 01:03:22,498 --> 01:03:23,966 I'll go first. 892 01:03:23,966 --> 01:03:25,701 And no matter what happens to me, just keep running. 893 01:03:25,701 --> 01:03:26,769 Reese, no. 894 01:03:26,769 --> 01:03:27,770 It's the only way. 895 01:03:27,770 --> 01:03:28,604 Now get ready. 896 01:03:28,604 --> 01:03:30,606 1, 2-- 897 01:03:31,507 --> 01:03:32,408 Ah! 898 01:03:34,243 --> 01:03:35,311 Reese. 899 01:03:35,311 --> 01:03:36,879 Ah! 900 01:03:39,248 --> 01:03:40,750 Reese! 901 01:03:53,396 --> 01:03:58,835 I've had enough of this bottom-feeding bullshit. 902 01:04:02,805 --> 01:04:04,774 Argh. 903 01:04:04,774 --> 01:04:06,175 Ah! 904 01:04:10,746 --> 01:04:11,714 Ah! 905 01:04:13,316 --> 01:04:14,317 Ah! 906 01:04:15,318 --> 01:04:16,285 Ah! 907 01:04:30,199 --> 01:04:31,167 Ah! 908 01:04:33,169 --> 01:04:34,170 Ah! 909 01:05:09,872 --> 01:05:11,841 What the fuck is in this? 910 01:05:11,841 --> 01:05:13,843 It's simple syrup. 911 01:05:13,843 --> 01:05:15,077 What? 912 01:05:15,077 --> 01:05:16,879 I'm a sugar hound. 913 01:05:21,384 --> 01:05:22,885 Ugh. 914 01:05:25,054 --> 01:05:27,623 Oh, rot knuckles. 915 01:05:27,623 --> 01:05:29,158 Come on, they're getting away. 916 01:06:02,992 --> 01:06:05,227 This is really weird. 917 01:06:05,227 --> 01:06:06,829 Yep. 918 01:06:41,931 --> 01:06:42,965 Gnarly. 919 01:06:42,965 --> 01:06:43,866 Jinx. 920 01:07:05,054 --> 01:07:06,889 Where'd they go? 921 01:07:06,889 --> 01:07:07,990 I don't know. 922 01:07:10,726 --> 01:07:13,429 Look, I found the skateboard. 923 01:07:13,429 --> 01:07:14,630 Look. 924 01:07:26,142 --> 01:07:27,309 Careful in there. 925 01:07:27,309 --> 01:07:30,613 Remember, these things are killers. 926 01:08:26,001 --> 01:08:26,902 Ah! 927 01:08:27,503 --> 01:08:28,571 Nyah! 928 01:08:28,571 --> 01:08:30,806 Nuh. 929 01:08:58,300 --> 01:09:00,002 I'm beginning to think it was a bad idea 930 01:09:00,002 --> 01:09:01,170 to follow them in here. 931 01:09:01,170 --> 01:09:02,171 You and me both. 932 01:09:02,171 --> 01:09:02,871 Come on. 933 01:09:05,608 --> 01:09:06,642 Uh-oh. 934 01:09:06,642 --> 01:09:08,309 What is it? 935 01:09:11,746 --> 01:09:12,982 Oh, fudge. 936 01:09:12,982 --> 01:09:14,116 Yeah. 937 01:09:19,054 --> 01:09:20,121 Reese? 938 01:09:22,124 --> 01:09:24,160 Go, go, go, go, go. 939 01:09:32,735 --> 01:09:33,536 Yah. 940 01:09:36,639 --> 01:09:38,073 Reese. 941 01:09:55,457 --> 01:09:57,226 You fuckers like blow. 942 01:09:57,226 --> 01:09:58,994 Well, blow this. 943 01:10:08,337 --> 01:10:09,705 No, wait. 944 01:10:09,705 --> 01:10:11,307 Look. 945 01:10:24,353 --> 01:10:27,121 Well, I'll be. 946 01:10:30,826 --> 01:10:33,862 Do we have enough compressed air for all of them? 947 01:10:33,862 --> 01:10:35,464 Not even close. 948 01:11:22,111 --> 01:11:23,946 All right. 949 01:11:27,816 --> 01:11:31,954 We need to use these to destroy the other crabs. 950 01:11:31,954 --> 01:11:33,155 Agreed. 951 01:11:33,155 --> 01:11:35,190 And I've got just the place in mind. 952 01:11:35,190 --> 01:11:35,858 Let's get-- 953 01:11:39,962 --> 01:11:40,829 Ha-ha. 954 01:11:41,697 --> 01:11:43,499 I was right. 955 01:11:43,499 --> 01:11:46,702 You motherfuckers all thought I was crazy. 956 01:11:46,702 --> 01:11:49,371 Well, now every one of you bitch-ass cops 957 01:11:49,371 --> 01:11:53,709 who made fun of me can eat my entire ass. 958 01:11:53,709 --> 01:11:55,878 I was fucking right. 959 01:11:55,878 --> 01:11:57,379 I was fucking right. 960 01:11:57,379 --> 01:11:59,581 You're all moronic bullies. 961 01:11:59,581 --> 01:12:02,751 And you can suck some clown shit. 962 01:12:02,751 --> 01:12:03,452 Reese. 963 01:12:03,452 --> 01:12:05,254 Reese, we have to go. 964 01:12:05,254 --> 01:12:06,789 Take your stupid badges, 965 01:12:06,789 --> 01:12:10,959 and shove them up your asses. 966 01:12:10,959 --> 01:12:12,460 Reese, come on. 967 01:12:12,460 --> 01:12:16,965 Sniff a dead clown's butt, you flat-footed bastards. 968 01:12:36,518 --> 01:12:37,553 DJ Cow Spank? 969 01:12:37,553 --> 01:12:40,789 It's us again. 970 01:12:40,789 --> 01:12:42,257 It's OK. 971 01:12:42,257 --> 01:12:43,726 These are good crabs. 972 01:12:43,726 --> 01:12:46,594 DJ Cow Spank, we're going to need to borrow 973 01:12:46,594 --> 01:12:48,697 your airwaves one more time. 974 01:12:51,834 --> 01:12:54,236 Listen up all my faithful listeners out there. 975 01:12:54,236 --> 01:12:56,004 This is DJ Cow Spank-- 976 01:12:58,040 --> 01:13:00,776 --once again, back on the air and broadcasting to you live. 977 01:13:00,776 --> 01:13:02,344 I know it's a little weird out there, 978 01:13:02,344 --> 01:13:05,147 and it seems like the ocean barfed up little demon critters 979 01:13:05,147 --> 01:13:06,115 everywhere. 980 01:13:06,115 --> 01:13:07,616 But I have some good news. 981 01:13:07,616 --> 01:13:10,318 Back in the studio with me are Detective Charlie Reese 982 01:13:10,318 --> 01:13:11,587 and Alex Bailey. 983 01:13:11,587 --> 01:13:13,489 And thanks to them, we have a frequency 984 01:13:13,489 --> 01:13:15,591 that will end this crustaceous nightmare. 985 01:13:15,591 --> 01:13:18,360 So whether you're here in town or listening 986 01:13:18,360 --> 01:13:20,562 through your web feed, crank your volume. 987 01:13:20,562 --> 01:13:23,031 Plug your ears, and get ready for one heck 988 01:13:23,031 --> 01:13:24,299 of a crab-splosion. 989 01:13:24,299 --> 01:13:26,402 See? 990 01:13:26,402 --> 01:13:28,704 I told you, crab-splosion. 991 01:14:26,128 --> 01:14:27,094 Oh. 992 01:15:56,885 --> 01:16:04,259 People of Earth, my name is 993 01:16:04,259 --> 01:16:06,827 from the planet Crabulon. 994 01:16:06,827 --> 01:16:10,332 And this is my life mate, Susan. 995 01:16:10,332 --> 01:16:13,101 We would like to thank all of you for being so understanding 996 01:16:13,101 --> 01:16:15,437 and for letting us speak to you now, even after all 997 01:16:15,437 --> 01:16:16,805 the damage that has been done. 998 01:16:16,805 --> 01:16:20,742 For you see, we had no idea what cocaine was 999 01:16:20,742 --> 01:16:23,645 and that it would have such a rampaging effect on us. 1000 01:16:23,645 --> 01:16:24,980 Or that it would make me pump out 1001 01:16:24,980 --> 01:16:27,049 a billion coke-powered murder babies, like I 1002 01:16:27,049 --> 01:16:29,851 was some sort of nuclear-powered PEZ dispenser. 1003 01:16:29,851 --> 01:16:32,921 Yeah, we-- we're totally sorry about that. 1004 01:16:32,921 --> 01:16:35,090 Mm-hmm, yeah, we're so sorry. 1005 01:16:35,090 --> 01:16:37,693 Also, it wasn't even our idea to take 1006 01:16:37,693 --> 01:16:39,661 the cocaine in the first place. 1007 01:16:39,661 --> 01:16:41,163 It's true. 1008 01:16:41,163 --> 01:16:42,965 One of your earthling frat boys shoved it in our faces. 1009 01:16:42,965 --> 01:16:43,966 So there. 1010 01:16:43,966 --> 01:16:46,068 Seriously, folks, I speak firsthand 1011 01:16:46,068 --> 01:16:49,504 when I say that none of you should ever do cocaine. 1012 01:16:49,504 --> 01:16:50,906 Yes. 1013 01:16:50,906 --> 01:16:52,641 Yes, that's right, no matter how much housework 1014 01:16:52,641 --> 01:16:53,709 you may have to do. 1015 01:16:53,709 --> 01:16:55,577 It's dangerous stuff. 1016 01:16:55,577 --> 01:16:57,145 It sure is. 1017 01:16:57,145 --> 01:17:00,682 And we're also sorry for the loss of life that the two of us 1018 01:17:00,682 --> 01:17:02,150 directly caused. 1019 01:17:02,150 --> 01:17:04,553 But one of them was a classist yuppie piece of shit. 1020 01:17:04,553 --> 01:17:05,954 So there is that. 1021 01:17:08,056 --> 01:17:08,624 Yeah. 1022 01:17:08,624 --> 01:17:10,626 Nice. 1023 01:17:10,626 --> 01:17:12,527 Thank you. 1024 01:17:12,527 --> 01:17:14,896 Also, we hold no grudge towards you 1025 01:17:14,896 --> 01:17:17,633 or any of your people for any of our offspring 1026 01:17:17,633 --> 01:17:19,534 that you may have destroyed. 1027 01:17:19,534 --> 01:17:20,802 Let's face it. 1028 01:17:20,802 --> 01:17:22,304 They were bloodthirsty alien coke babies, 1029 01:17:22,304 --> 01:17:23,605 and they needed to die. 1030 01:17:23,605 --> 01:17:25,641 We'll take questions now. 1031 01:17:26,608 --> 01:17:27,541 Can you tell us anything? 1032 01:17:27,541 --> 01:17:28,677 What's the-- 1033 01:17:28,677 --> 01:17:29,978 What's it like on planet Crabulon? 1034 01:17:29,978 --> 01:17:31,580 Well, we finally got a Cheesecake Factory, 1035 01:17:31,580 --> 01:17:33,514 so we're pretty stoked about that. 1036 01:17:33,514 --> 01:17:35,550 Does your kind ever wear pants? 1037 01:17:35,550 --> 01:17:37,886 Only on casual Fridays. 1038 01:17:37,886 --> 01:17:41,757 What was it like to kill millions of your own children? 1039 01:17:41,757 --> 01:17:42,624 It felt pretty good. 1040 01:17:42,624 --> 01:17:43,925 Next question. 1041 01:17:43,925 --> 01:17:46,662 Do you have any racists on planet Crabulon? 1042 01:17:46,662 --> 01:17:49,698 No, we feed racists to the elephant squid. 1043 01:17:49,698 --> 01:17:52,434 How much pinching occurs on your planet? 1044 01:17:52,434 --> 01:17:54,002 Not as much as you'd think. 1045 01:17:54,002 --> 01:17:56,371 Why exactly did you come here? 1046 01:18:09,418 --> 01:18:11,853 We've been trying to reach you about your car's 1047 01:18:11,853 --> 01:18:12,987 extended warranty. 1048 01:19:03,405 --> 01:19:07,442 Boy, I sure hope they got good meth on this planet. 1049 01:19:07,442 --> 01:19:10,145 Damn straight. 1050 01:19:10,145 --> 01:19:11,580 Yeah! 1051 01:19:55,190 --> 01:19:58,894 Cocaine-snorting crabs from outer space. 1052 01:19:58,894 --> 01:20:03,264 They've traveled so far just to pinch your face. 1053 01:20:03,264 --> 01:20:06,701 Cocaine-snorting crabs from outer space. 1054 01:20:06,701 --> 01:20:11,473 They want to eat you because they like the way you taste. 1055 01:20:14,476 --> 01:20:18,413 And we think of space as deep and dark and vast. 1056 01:20:18,413 --> 01:20:22,350 But their crab spaceship found us really fast. 1057 01:20:22,350 --> 01:20:26,221 They've been traveling since the day of their birth, 1058 01:20:26,221 --> 01:20:31,425 till they discovered cocaine right here on Earth. 1059 01:20:34,296 --> 01:20:38,466 They liked it so much, they decided to stay. 1060 01:20:38,466 --> 01:20:42,204 They killed everything that got in their way. 1061 01:20:42,204 --> 01:20:46,241 They don't want slaves or our dogs. 1062 01:20:46,241 --> 01:20:51,112 They want our cocaine with a side of frogs. 1063 01:20:54,782 --> 01:20:58,486 Cocaine-snorting crabs from outer space. 1064 01:20:58,486 --> 01:21:02,490 They've traveled so far just to pinch your face. 1065 01:21:02,490 --> 01:21:06,327 Cocaine-snorting crabs from outer space. 1066 01:21:06,327 --> 01:21:11,166 They want to eat you 'cause they like the way you taste. 1067 01:21:14,369 --> 01:21:18,540 They didn't come here to smoke our Mary Jane. 1068 01:21:18,540 --> 01:21:22,544 We never thought they'd take all of our cocaine. 1069 01:21:22,544 --> 01:21:26,248 We've never seen an invasion such as this. 1070 01:21:26,248 --> 01:21:31,085 We thought there'd be a sign, thanks for all the fish. 1071 01:21:53,475 --> 01:21:57,913 Those cocaine-snorting crabs from outer space. 1072 01:21:57,913 --> 01:22:01,983 They've traveled so far just to pinch your face. 1073 01:22:01,983 --> 01:22:05,487 Cocaine-snorting crabs from outer space. 1074 01:22:05,487 --> 01:22:10,558 They want to eat you 'cause they like the way you taste. 1075 01:22:13,128 --> 01:22:16,798 So if you see a crab scooting down the street, 1076 01:22:16,798 --> 01:22:21,202 and it wants to snort cocaine off your dirty feet. 1077 01:22:21,202 --> 01:22:25,206 Just remember, they're a visiting alien race, 1078 01:22:25,206 --> 01:22:30,111 those cocaine-snorting crabs from outer space. 1079 01:22:33,949 --> 01:22:37,452 Cocaine-snorting crabs from outer space. 1080 01:22:37,452 --> 01:22:41,523 They've traveled so far just to eat your face. 1081 01:22:41,523 --> 01:22:45,260 Cocaine-snorting crabs from outer space. 1082 01:22:45,260 --> 01:22:51,466 They want to eat you 'cause they like the way you 1083 01:22:51,466 --> 01:22:52,166 taste. 1084 01:23:12,520 --> 01:23:16,091 Yah, I'm a crab. 76683

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