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1
00:00:00,336 --> 00:00:02,368
Hmm...
2
00:00:02,374 --> 00:00:03,902
DJ, Cynthia, and Chris.
3
00:00:03,904 --> 00:00:05,303
Nice. I would go
4
00:00:05,339 --> 00:00:07,473
with Jen for her athleticism,
5
00:00:07,475 --> 00:00:10,242
Cynthia because she's seen stuff,
6
00:00:10,377 --> 00:00:12,511
and Keeran because of his eagerness
7
00:00:12,513 --> 00:00:13,912
to repopulate the earth.
8
00:00:13,914 --> 00:00:15,247
- Thank you, man!
- Couldn't help notice
9
00:00:15,346 --> 00:00:17,416
you both forgot old Waynester
for your zombie apocalypse teams.
10
00:00:17,485 --> 00:00:20,352
- You would be the first to die.
- Totally.
11
00:00:20,354 --> 00:00:20,886
Seriously?
12
00:00:20,954 --> 00:00:23,322
The swords on my bedroom wall
are not just for decoration.
13
00:00:23,392 --> 00:00:24,490
Cynthia, you'd pick me, right?
14
00:00:24,534 --> 00:00:27,526
No offence, Wayne,
but you are lazy and unreliable.
15
00:00:27,528 --> 00:00:28,560
Only at work!
16
00:00:28,596 --> 00:00:29,661
I would go...
17
00:00:29,663 --> 00:00:33,465
Chris, Jen, and DJ.
18
00:00:33,501 --> 00:00:34,800
Huh... Cynthia, Chris, Wayne for me.
19
00:00:34,835 --> 00:00:35,867
Thank you! See,
20
00:00:35,893 --> 00:00:38,404
Jen knows how to survive
a zombie apocalypse.
21
00:00:38,539 --> 00:00:40,339
I thought we were playing fuck,
marry, kill.
22
00:00:40,341 --> 00:00:41,874
- Aw, come on!
- Listen up, team.
23
00:00:41,876 --> 00:00:44,676
Nadia Albesu from the Korverton Crier
24
00:00:44,745 --> 00:00:47,045
will be coming in to
write a profile on us.
25
00:00:47,048 --> 00:00:49,681
- What?
- Nadia Albesu. The kingmaker
26
00:00:49,683 --> 00:00:51,750
and grim reaper of small businesses.
27
00:00:51,752 --> 00:00:54,419
Yeah, she once ran
a scathing four-page review
28
00:00:54,421 --> 00:00:57,022
on Needle Scratch Records just
because no one greeted her
29
00:00:57,091 --> 00:00:59,057
when she entered the store.
30
00:00:59,060 --> 00:01:01,794
Two weeks later, they were closed.
31
00:01:01,929 --> 00:01:03,962
So let's all put our
best foot forward today.
32
00:01:03,964 --> 00:01:05,530
I was hoping to take a long lunch
33
00:01:05,599 --> 00:01:06,832
so I could teach hot yoga.
34
00:01:06,901 --> 00:01:08,634
Yeah, and I need to leave early tonight
35
00:01:08,769 --> 00:01:09,968
for my daughter's play.
36
00:01:10,104 --> 00:01:11,437
Oh, and I have a date tonight.
What should I wear?
37
00:01:11,533 --> 00:01:12,571
We're going to my basement!
38
00:01:12,626 --> 00:01:15,574
Look, I know we all have
commitments outside of OMT,
39
00:01:15,643 --> 00:01:17,643
but today I need you all to step up
40
00:01:17,778 --> 00:01:20,512
and be on your best behaviour.
41
00:01:20,547 --> 00:01:21,379
Okay, no thinking...
42
00:01:21,468 --> 00:01:23,749
who's gonna be on your
zombie apocalypse team? Go.
43
00:01:23,784 --> 00:01:25,651
Uh, Cynthia, Jen, Chris.
44
00:01:25,786 --> 00:01:27,519
Wow, I really tried
to say "Wayne" there,
45
00:01:27,654 --> 00:01:28,920
but my brain wouldn't allow it.
46
00:01:28,989 --> 00:01:30,856
You know what?
Don't come crawlin' to old Wayneroni
47
00:01:30,925 --> 00:01:32,790
when you need a superior
linguist to negotiate
48
00:01:32,827 --> 00:01:35,093
trade deals with warring
encampments, okay?
49
00:01:35,096 --> 00:01:36,528
Don't worry, we won't!
50
00:01:42,736 --> 00:01:45,137
OMT, Keeran speaking.
51
00:01:45,139 --> 00:01:46,672
Yeah, I remember you.
52
00:01:46,674 --> 00:01:49,942
I'll keep an eye out. Thanks.
53
00:01:49,944 --> 00:01:52,344
Get this...
some prankster just called to say
54
00:01:52,479 --> 00:01:54,613
that he traded in items
that may have bedbugs.
55
00:01:54,682 --> 00:01:55,914
Hilarious, right?
56
00:01:56,049 --> 00:01:57,049
Keeran, what are you saying?
57
00:01:57,184 --> 00:01:58,716
Bedbugs are very real.
58
00:01:58,752 --> 00:02:00,485
No, they're not. They're just fantasy!
59
00:02:00,488 --> 00:02:01,687
Like from that nursery rhyme,
60
00:02:01,689 --> 00:02:03,488
"Sleep tight.
Don't let the bedbugs bite."
61
00:02:03,491 --> 00:02:05,490
Oh my God!
62
00:02:05,493 --> 00:02:06,824
Are bedbugs really that bad?
63
00:02:06,861 --> 00:02:07,893
Ugh...
64
00:02:10,965 --> 00:02:13,966
The year was 2019.
65
00:02:13,968 --> 00:02:16,701
I flew to Vancouver for a javelin meet.
66
00:02:16,770 --> 00:02:19,771
We got in after an
extremely long flight.
67
00:02:19,907 --> 00:02:21,573
Layovers... delays...
68
00:02:21,708 --> 00:02:23,709
emergency landing in Red Deer,
Alberta...
69
00:02:23,844 --> 00:02:25,710
Isn't every landing
in Red Deer an emergency?
70
00:02:25,779 --> 00:02:26,945
When we finally arrived,
71
00:02:26,947 --> 00:02:29,447
I yearned for a good night's rest.
72
00:02:29,483 --> 00:02:32,850
Little did I know,
that's when they feed.
73
00:02:32,887 --> 00:02:34,052
They were in your... bed?
74
00:02:34,121 --> 00:02:36,855
Oh, no, Keeran...
75
00:02:36,990 --> 00:02:37,999
I was in theirs.
76
00:02:39,193 --> 00:02:40,726
- We gotta tell DJ!
- Uh-uh!
77
00:02:40,861 --> 00:02:42,661
He's got enough on his plate.
78
00:02:42,663 --> 00:02:44,462
If the guy said that
there may be bedbugs,
79
00:02:44,498 --> 00:02:46,965
- then there also may not be.
- Smart!
80
00:02:47,100 --> 00:02:49,133
We should toss everything
from that trade-in to be safe.
81
00:02:49,170 --> 00:02:50,635
Okay, don't tell anyone, okay?
82
00:02:50,671 --> 00:02:52,070
Don't tell anyone!
83
00:02:52,205 --> 00:02:54,740
Tell anyone what?
84
00:02:55,127 --> 00:02:56,557
They couldn't have picked a worse day
85
00:02:56,748 --> 00:02:58,277
to fix that pothole.
86
00:02:58,339 --> 00:03:00,878
Last time,
they hit a pipe and cut our water off.
87
00:03:00,915 --> 00:03:03,682
What if it happens again and
Nadia needs to wash her hands?
88
00:03:03,684 --> 00:03:05,116
Or poop? She'll eviscerate us.
89
00:03:05,152 --> 00:03:07,819
I better put out more hand sanitizer.
90
00:03:07,855 --> 00:03:09,221
- Smart idea.
- What up.
91
00:03:09,223 --> 00:03:10,889
Got garbage. Need cash. Now!
92
00:03:10,891 --> 00:03:12,691
Nat, no. What are you doing here?
93
00:03:12,693 --> 00:03:14,492
Some guy left all this stuff
in the back of my chauffeur
94
00:03:14,528 --> 00:03:16,094
and he didn't tip me, so...
95
00:03:16,163 --> 00:03:17,495
I'm trading it all in.
96
00:03:17,531 --> 00:03:19,163
No, no, no, today's not a good day.
We're gonna be featured
97
00:03:19,200 --> 00:03:20,832
in the chronicles of... Nadia!
98
00:03:20,834 --> 00:03:22,166
- Hello!
- Hi.
99
00:03:22,203 --> 00:03:23,669
Hi. Welcome.
100
00:03:23,671 --> 00:03:25,837
I'm DJ, manager of One More Time sports.
101
00:03:25,906 --> 00:03:27,839
So nice to have you here. Huge fan!
102
00:03:27,841 --> 00:03:28,973
- Oh!
- Huge fan.
103
00:03:29,009 --> 00:03:30,442
Let me introduce you to our staff.
104
00:03:30,511 --> 00:03:31,977
First up, we have Keeran.
105
00:03:31,979 --> 00:03:33,511
Don't touch me! Nobody touch me!
106
00:03:33,547 --> 00:03:34,780
Uh, he was a bubble boy.
107
00:03:34,915 --> 00:03:36,047
He just got out.
108
00:03:36,116 --> 00:03:37,982
- Hmm!
- Next up, we have...
109
00:03:38,018 --> 00:03:39,718
Greetings. Wayne Williamson.
110
00:03:39,720 --> 00:03:41,453
Longest-tenured employee.
111
00:03:41,588 --> 00:03:44,622
If DJ's the head of OMT,
then I would be the vertebral column
112
00:03:44,658 --> 00:03:45,723
holding everything upright.
113
00:03:45,729 --> 00:03:47,327
Also, I can scamper up a tree
in a matter of seconds, so...
114
00:03:47,404 --> 00:03:48,794
And that was Wayne! You've met Wayne.
115
00:03:48,839 --> 00:03:49,695
- He's a hoot.
- Oh?
116
00:03:49,743 --> 00:03:52,331
Jen! Jen Hauser. You're gonna love Jen.
117
00:03:52,366 --> 00:03:53,899
DJ, I'm a little... hot!
118
00:03:53,901 --> 00:03:56,835
In here... It is hot in here!
119
00:03:56,970 --> 00:03:58,537
- Um, hi.
- Hi.
120
00:03:58,672 --> 00:04:01,207
- Jen Hauser. So nice to meet you.
- You, too.
121
00:04:01,277 --> 00:04:03,508
Yo, dickweed,
why is there nobody at trade-ins?
122
00:04:03,544 --> 00:04:04,910
- Is this another employee?
- Oh my God, ew.
123
00:04:04,912 --> 00:04:07,279
No, I'd never work here, ever.
124
00:04:07,281 --> 00:04:08,380
Are you kidding?
125
00:04:08,716 --> 00:04:10,116
You'll have to excuse my sister.
126
00:04:10,148 --> 00:04:13,285
She gets carried away sometimes
with fun family banter.
127
00:04:13,287 --> 00:04:14,752
Family banter? Ew!
128
00:04:15,056 --> 00:04:16,888
Uh, let me show you
the great wall of skates!
129
00:04:16,924 --> 00:04:18,223
Come on over! They're right over here.
130
00:04:19,760 --> 00:04:21,226
What? I didn't... shut up!
131
00:04:21,228 --> 00:04:22,594
Pretty cool, huh?
132
00:04:23,897 --> 00:04:25,030
- Okay, cleats?
- Check.
133
00:04:25,099 --> 00:04:26,099
- Batting gloves?
- Check.
134
00:04:26,166 --> 00:04:26,731
Jockstrap? Ugh!
135
00:04:26,760 --> 00:04:28,635
Keeran, how many times do
I have to explain to you?
136
00:04:28,667 --> 00:04:30,269
We don't accept used jockstraps!
137
00:04:30,355 --> 00:04:34,105
The guy said he always showered
before and after he used them!
138
00:04:34,141 --> 00:04:36,041
Looks like we got everything
from the transaction
139
00:04:36,110 --> 00:04:38,176
except for one item marked
"miscellaneous."
140
00:04:38,312 --> 00:04:39,778
Yeah, 'cause there's still one item
141
00:04:39,847 --> 00:04:41,046
that I can't remember the code.
142
00:04:41,181 --> 00:04:42,246
Well, what was it?
143
00:04:42,283 --> 00:04:43,915
Uh, I'm blanking.
144
00:04:44,051 --> 00:04:45,060
Think, Keeran, think!
145
00:04:45,119 --> 00:04:46,717
Hey, what's going on over here?
146
00:04:46,719 --> 00:04:47,785
- Nothing!
- Why do you ask?
147
00:04:47,921 --> 00:04:48,987
I took a bad trade-in,
148
00:04:49,122 --> 00:04:50,855
and I think the store
might have bedbugs!
149
00:04:51,326 --> 00:04:52,858
Keeran!
150
00:04:52,860 --> 00:04:55,060
Ooh, oww! Augh... ouch!
151
00:04:55,129 --> 00:04:57,329
I'm literally gonna spew.
152
00:04:57,331 --> 00:04:59,197
- Ugh! What?!
- Don't worry.
153
00:04:59,333 --> 00:05:00,999
We tossed all the
potentially infested items.
154
00:05:01,134 --> 00:05:02,701
Almost all.
155
00:05:02,836 --> 00:05:04,936
There is still the
one miscellaneous item
156
00:05:04,972 --> 00:05:06,270
that I can't remember.
157
00:05:06,307 --> 00:05:07,639
Well, let's just pray that
158
00:05:07,641 --> 00:05:09,741
Keeran didn't take in a mattress!
159
00:05:09,777 --> 00:05:11,610
In the meantime, let's just stay calm
160
00:05:11,612 --> 00:05:12,878
until we know more!
161
00:05:13,013 --> 00:05:14,746
Whoa, whoa, you guys
are scratching yourselves
162
00:05:14,881 --> 00:05:16,348
at the same time! We're gonna die!
163
00:05:16,350 --> 00:05:17,849
No. No, no, no.
164
00:05:17,851 --> 00:05:18,884
Bedbugs can get into your brain
165
00:05:18,953 --> 00:05:20,052
as much as they get into your body.
166
00:05:20,087 --> 00:05:21,820
Maybe because it's psychosomatic.
167
00:05:21,822 --> 00:05:22,954
Let's check!
168
00:05:22,990 --> 00:05:24,222
- Oh, no bites?
- Yeah, no bites.
169
00:05:24,291 --> 00:05:26,057
Keeran, let's see?
170
00:05:26,968 --> 00:05:30,228
It's just a zit, I promise!
It's just a zit, guys, please!
171
00:05:30,364 --> 00:05:32,831
I'm a teen,
and they happen in the darndest places!
172
00:05:32,833 --> 00:05:34,966
Keeran...
173
00:05:35,002 --> 00:05:36,067
lift up your shirt...
174
00:05:36,102 --> 00:05:37,569
No, there's customers everywhere!
175
00:05:37,704 --> 00:05:40,171
Keeran, lift up your shirt!
176
00:05:40,207 --> 00:05:41,606
False alarm, right?
177
00:05:49,716 --> 00:05:51,883
Did you hear something?
Like a sharp scream?
178
00:05:52,018 --> 00:05:54,352
You know, high pitches aren't my forte.
179
00:05:54,355 --> 00:05:56,121
But honestly, it was probably a customer
180
00:05:56,256 --> 00:05:58,055
excited about our low, low prices.
181
00:05:58,092 --> 00:05:59,724
Happens more often than you'd think.
182
00:05:59,727 --> 00:06:02,126
But if you'll excuse me,
I should go let 'em know
183
00:06:02,162 --> 00:06:05,029
about our deal on, uh... snorkels!
184
00:06:05,065 --> 00:06:07,064
Used snorkels?
185
00:06:07,101 --> 00:06:09,134
That's disgusting.
186
00:06:09,203 --> 00:06:10,602
You're quarantining me?
187
00:06:10,737 --> 00:06:13,805
It's for your own good... and ours.
188
00:06:13,874 --> 00:06:15,941
We need to clear the store
before customers find out.
189
00:06:16,076 --> 00:06:17,843
All I asked was that we
be on our best behaviour.
190
00:06:17,920 --> 00:06:20,678
Now you got me over there pretending
I didn't hear something that I did hear.
191
00:06:20,714 --> 00:06:22,648
That's bad luck. What's going on?
192
00:06:22,660 --> 00:06:24,683
Keeran's got bedbugs.
193
00:06:24,818 --> 00:06:27,385
In fact, we might have...
194
00:06:27,388 --> 00:06:28,986
an outbreak.
195
00:06:31,892 --> 00:06:33,224
I never thought this could happen.
196
00:06:33,293 --> 00:06:34,297
Really?
197
00:06:34,361 --> 00:06:36,694
In a used sporting goods store?
198
00:06:36,730 --> 00:06:39,130
I'm the only one bit!
Why can't I just leave?
199
00:06:39,199 --> 00:06:41,231
Absolutely not.
We can't let those monsters
200
00:06:41,268 --> 00:06:42,901
loose in the community.
201
00:06:42,903 --> 00:06:44,702
Jen, Chris, get everyone out of here.
202
00:06:44,772 --> 00:06:46,370
Cynthia, call an exterminator.
203
00:06:46,407 --> 00:06:48,039
I'll wrap up this interview with Nadia
204
00:06:48,041 --> 00:06:49,241
and send her off before she clues in.
205
00:06:49,271 --> 00:06:51,377
Do you need help with Nadia?
Because we could tag-team her.
206
00:06:51,401 --> 00:06:53,879
What do you want me to do, boss?
207
00:06:53,881 --> 00:06:54,946
Wayne!
208
00:06:54,981 --> 00:06:57,149
Uh, you can go on break.
209
00:06:57,284 --> 00:06:59,918
Stop sidelining me! I have value!
210
00:06:59,920 --> 00:07:01,119
Unbelievable!
211
00:07:01,254 --> 00:07:04,322
- You guys got it?
- Got it. Let's go!
212
00:07:04,324 --> 00:07:06,257
We'll get through this together, guys!
213
00:07:06,293 --> 00:07:09,327
Okay, you, time to go!
You, lucky day, follow me!
214
00:07:09,396 --> 00:07:12,129
Hey, if you wouldn't mind just
coming right this way with me!
215
00:07:12,166 --> 00:07:13,665
Both of you! Alright, thank you!
216
00:07:13,800 --> 00:07:15,934
Hi, is this the Critter Gitter?
217
00:07:15,936 --> 00:07:18,937
Uh, how soon can you... can you gitter?
218
00:07:18,939 --> 00:07:20,271
- What?!
- That's right,
219
00:07:20,392 --> 00:07:22,207
none of the hockey stuff is for sale.
220
00:07:22,276 --> 00:07:23,408
Thank you so much. Move along.
221
00:07:23,477 --> 00:07:24,943
Don't touch those skis!
222
00:07:24,945 --> 00:07:26,277
Don't touch the fabric!
Thank you so much!
223
00:07:26,346 --> 00:07:27,946
- Take care!
- Uh, yeah, we're closed
224
00:07:27,948 --> 00:07:30,414
for a lesser-known holiday,
but please come again.
225
00:07:30,451 --> 00:07:33,251
And, uh, be careful of the pothole!
It's a big one.
226
00:07:35,956 --> 00:07:37,189
Hey, Guido.
227
00:07:37,324 --> 00:07:40,358
Is "the exterminator"
still cleaning up messes?
228
00:07:40,427 --> 00:07:42,360
Just human corpses?
229
00:07:42,429 --> 00:07:43,695
Yeah, okay, not today.
230
00:07:43,730 --> 00:07:45,897
Thank you, take care.
Say hi to your wife.
231
00:07:46,032 --> 00:07:47,332
And that's why our customers...
232
00:07:47,334 --> 00:07:48,967
we're just going this way right here...
233
00:07:49,036 --> 00:07:50,168
are more than just customers,
234
00:07:50,170 --> 00:07:51,435
- they're family.
- Mm-hm.
235
00:07:51,472 --> 00:07:53,038
Wow, this has been really terrific.
236
00:07:53,040 --> 00:07:55,106
If you have any other questions,
feel free to call me.
237
00:07:55,175 --> 00:07:56,675
Oh, I'm not done.
I cleared my whole day for this.
238
00:07:56,742 --> 00:07:58,910
Your whole day?
For a simple, little profile?
239
00:07:58,979 --> 00:08:00,979
- Is that necessary?
- I take my job very seriously.
240
00:08:01,014 --> 00:08:02,046
I went to Columbia.
241
00:08:02,118 --> 00:08:04,683
When I write a story,
I cover all the angles.
242
00:08:04,818 --> 00:08:05,917
Every dirty detail.
243
00:08:11,058 --> 00:08:13,190
Good thing you can't
see dirt in the dark.
244
00:08:13,227 --> 00:08:14,993
Oh, I can.
245
00:08:14,995 --> 00:08:16,027
Of course you can.
246
00:08:20,048 --> 00:08:21,068
Oh!
247
00:08:21,135 --> 00:08:22,935
Nadia's in the office.
I closed the blinds
248
00:08:22,937 --> 00:08:24,736
and threw on some classical music.
249
00:08:24,738 --> 00:08:27,405
If she's anything like me,
it'll both bore and confuse her.
250
00:08:27,441 --> 00:08:29,741
Okay, well,
every exterminator I called is busy.
251
00:08:29,743 --> 00:08:32,611
One guy said he'll come when he can.
252
00:08:32,613 --> 00:08:33,879
If I had a dime...
253
00:08:33,948 --> 00:08:35,713
In the meantime, the Internet says
254
00:08:35,749 --> 00:08:37,749
there are steps we can take
to mitigate this ourselves.
255
00:08:37,785 --> 00:08:39,083
Well, how long is that gonna take?
256
00:08:39,120 --> 00:08:40,152
I've got training!
257
00:08:40,154 --> 00:08:40,819
- Yoga!
- Daughter's play!
258
00:08:40,914 --> 00:08:43,498
I know we all have somewhere
we'd rather be, okay?
259
00:08:43,524 --> 00:08:44,890
But the store is on life support!
260
00:08:45,025 --> 00:08:46,858
She needs mouth-to-mouth,
and I need all the mouths
261
00:08:46,861 --> 00:08:47,960
- I can get.
- What?
262
00:08:47,962 --> 00:08:49,093
I'll lead the bedbug charge,
263
00:08:49,130 --> 00:08:50,662
but I need someone to distract Nadia.
264
00:08:50,698 --> 00:08:52,430
Uh, dibs! Shotgun! Me! I'll do it!
265
00:08:52,466 --> 00:08:53,532
Thanks, Jen.
266
00:08:53,635 --> 00:08:55,767
Okay, Chris, Cynthia,
we need to go around the store
267
00:08:55,903 --> 00:08:57,636
and toss everything Keeran touched.
268
00:08:57,638 --> 00:08:59,705
Great plan! Should we bring it in?
269
00:08:59,840 --> 00:09:02,407
Three, two... One More Time!
270
00:09:03,811 --> 00:09:05,377
Is this really necessary?
271
00:09:05,512 --> 00:09:06,545
Pardon?
272
00:09:06,614 --> 00:09:08,146
Is this really necessary?
273
00:09:08,149 --> 00:09:10,182
Sorry, squirt.
It's for the good of the store.
274
00:09:11,232 --> 00:09:13,819
- I've got a date!
- Not anymore you don't!
275
00:09:13,821 --> 00:09:15,654
And while you're in there,
try to remember
276
00:09:15,656 --> 00:09:17,122
that miscellaneous item.
277
00:09:17,191 --> 00:09:18,990
Aw...
278
00:09:19,026 --> 00:09:21,193
In the meantime...
279
00:09:21,195 --> 00:09:23,929
we've got some bugs to blast.
280
00:09:35,075 --> 00:09:38,076
Wait... did we check this gear for bugs?
281
00:09:38,212 --> 00:09:40,545
Oh, sweet Jesus! Oh my God, okay!
282
00:09:40,581 --> 00:09:42,013
Hold on, hold on...
283
00:09:44,185 --> 00:09:45,684
I'm good. You good?
284
00:09:45,686 --> 00:09:46,751
I'm good.
285
00:09:46,820 --> 00:09:48,052
I'm good, too. Right, guys?
286
00:09:49,490 --> 00:09:50,822
Guys?
287
00:09:52,226 --> 00:09:53,491
No, please!
288
00:09:53,561 --> 00:09:54,659
You're gonna be okay, Cynth.
289
00:09:54,728 --> 00:09:57,696
No! Please! I will give you anything!
290
00:09:57,698 --> 00:09:58,897
Oh, not dental... can't do that.
291
00:10:00,000 --> 00:10:01,500
Well, hello, Cynthia.
292
00:10:01,502 --> 00:10:03,167
Welcome to our new home.
293
00:10:03,204 --> 00:10:04,836
What's that, beddy-bugs?
294
00:10:04,972 --> 00:10:06,772
You think she's gonna like it here?
295
00:10:07,600 --> 00:10:09,040
Me, too!
296
00:10:13,046 --> 00:10:15,513
We gotta get outta these clothes.
297
00:10:15,549 --> 00:10:18,984
Get me outta here!
298
00:10:19,053 --> 00:10:20,919
Somebody!
299
00:10:21,054 --> 00:10:23,488
Somebody...
300
00:10:34,768 --> 00:10:36,534
Is there nowhere else we can conduct
301
00:10:36,570 --> 00:10:38,537
- the rest of this interview?
- Oh...
302
00:10:38,672 --> 00:10:41,039
This is the most comfortable spot.
303
00:10:41,075 --> 00:10:43,841
So, when's DJ coming back?
304
00:10:43,877 --> 00:10:47,912
Um... uh, I'm not sure.
He's just always managing.
305
00:10:47,948 --> 00:10:50,182
But I'd be happy to answer
any of your questions.
306
00:10:50,317 --> 00:10:51,683
That's okay, I'll wait.
307
00:10:51,719 --> 00:10:53,051
How long have I worked here?
308
00:10:53,087 --> 00:10:55,219
Three years. Do I enjoy it? Sure do.
309
00:10:55,256 --> 00:10:57,956
Is it hard juggling a retail
job with Olympic training?
310
00:10:58,391 --> 00:11:00,124
- Sure is.
- Olympic training?
311
00:11:00,128 --> 00:11:02,727
Oh, yeah,
I'm just going to the Olympics.
312
00:11:02,763 --> 00:11:04,095
Whatever, it's no big deal.
313
00:11:04,164 --> 00:11:06,931
Now, that's an angle.
314
00:11:07,001 --> 00:11:08,599
Tell me everything.
315
00:11:10,237 --> 00:11:12,771
Let me outta here!
316
00:11:12,773 --> 00:11:15,307
I am very important!
317
00:11:16,579 --> 00:11:17,642
Dammit!
318
00:11:17,678 --> 00:11:21,045
I can't believe I am missing my
daughter's play because of bugs.
319
00:11:21,081 --> 00:11:22,146
I cancelled my date.
320
00:11:22,216 --> 00:11:24,225
But that's okay because
I have a new one now.
321
00:11:24,285 --> 00:11:26,284
- Oh...
- Cynthia?
322
00:11:26,287 --> 00:11:29,121
Meet... Wilson.
323
00:11:29,123 --> 00:11:32,190
Oh! Huh, very good.
You're doing cast away.
324
00:11:32,326 --> 00:11:34,192
What's cast away?
325
00:11:34,194 --> 00:11:36,662
See, Wilson,
I had big plans for my other date.
326
00:11:36,797 --> 00:11:37,863
We were gonna see the world.
327
00:11:37,998 --> 00:11:39,798
And maybe even dry hump!
328
00:11:39,800 --> 00:11:43,267
But now, we can do that.
329
00:11:43,304 --> 00:11:46,071
He's gonna hump things!
Get me outta here!
330
00:11:46,140 --> 00:11:49,741
Only one apocalypse team
worth joining, anyway...
331
00:11:49,810 --> 00:11:51,609
Team Wayne Train.
332
00:11:57,217 --> 00:11:59,284
Gotta stop 'em...
333
00:11:59,353 --> 00:12:02,153
before their next blood meal.
334
00:12:02,222 --> 00:12:04,021
I can't believe bedbugs
don't like peppermint.
335
00:12:04,058 --> 00:12:06,091
It is delightful!
336
00:12:06,695 --> 00:12:07,959
I can already feel the nicotine
337
00:12:07,995 --> 00:12:09,761
destroying the bugs' nervous system.
338
00:12:09,896 --> 00:12:12,297
Yeah, I can feel it destroying
your nervous system, too.
339
00:12:12,366 --> 00:12:14,766
Maybe we just... skip that step.
340
00:12:14,802 --> 00:12:16,635
And hey, dude,
I don't wanna jinx anything,
341
00:12:16,637 --> 00:12:17,803
but I haven't seen any bugs.
342
00:12:17,938 --> 00:12:19,237
Neither of us have been bitten. Maybe...
343
00:12:19,373 --> 00:12:21,205
We're in the clear?
344
00:12:21,241 --> 00:12:22,574
We're in the clear!
345
00:12:22,709 --> 00:12:23,909
- What's that?
- What's that?
346
00:12:24,044 --> 00:12:26,077
- Did you just get bitten?
- No, man!
347
00:12:30,651 --> 00:12:32,851
I've been bit this whole time.
348
00:12:32,853 --> 00:12:36,087
- Oh, dude, what the fuck?!
- I-I-I'm sorry, man!
349
00:12:36,090 --> 00:12:38,657
But I...
I can't be confined to that room!
350
00:12:38,792 --> 00:12:41,092
I'm a free-range chicken!
351
00:12:43,330 --> 00:12:45,864
It has been an honour serving with you.
352
00:12:45,999 --> 00:12:47,965
Such an honour.
Yeah, okay. There you go.
353
00:12:48,001 --> 00:12:50,869
Alright.
354
00:12:51,690 --> 00:12:53,137
Ho... ly... shit.
355
00:12:53,173 --> 00:12:54,272
What's going on here?
356
00:12:54,274 --> 00:12:56,141
Nat! You're still here!
357
00:12:56,210 --> 00:12:57,675
Yeah, I was waiting at trade-ins forever
358
00:12:57,711 --> 00:12:59,978
and nobody came,
so I took a nap in the break room.
359
00:13:00,047 --> 00:13:01,079
That sounds nice.
360
00:13:01,214 --> 00:13:02,881
DJ, why are you wearing that?
361
00:13:02,883 --> 00:13:04,015
That's...
362
00:13:04,084 --> 00:13:06,651
Oh my gosh, wait, I've seen this before.
363
00:13:06,720 --> 00:13:08,319
- Mm-hm?
- The garbage bag clothes...
364
00:13:08,455 --> 00:13:09,955
- Don't say it.
- The peppermint smell...
365
00:13:10,090 --> 00:13:12,824
The fear in your eyes...
Does OMT have bedbugs?!
366
00:13:12,893 --> 00:13:14,793
- Shut up!
- Ew, DJ, that's so gross!
367
00:13:14,928 --> 00:13:16,227
Is this where you're
quarantining everybody?
368
00:13:16,263 --> 00:13:17,328
That's ridicu...
369
00:13:17,397 --> 00:13:19,030
No, actually, Jen got a puppy, though.
370
00:13:19,065 --> 00:13:20,331
- Really?!
- So cute, you're gonna love it.
371
00:13:20,401 --> 00:13:22,167
- Aw, how old is it?
- So cute...
372
00:13:22,236 --> 00:13:23,835
- He's wagging his little tail.
- Ahh, DJ!
373
00:13:23,970 --> 00:13:25,236
Hold the door!
374
00:13:26,807 --> 00:13:28,706
Well, you live quite the life.
375
00:13:28,776 --> 00:13:29,975
Mm-hm!
376
00:13:29,977 --> 00:13:31,309
Get me outta here!
377
00:13:31,311 --> 00:13:32,476
Um... hmm! Mm-hm!
378
00:13:34,381 --> 00:13:36,014
You know, full disclosure, I've just...
379
00:13:36,083 --> 00:13:38,383
I've always had a thing for athletes.
380
00:13:38,452 --> 00:13:39,718
Oh, yeah?
381
00:13:39,853 --> 00:13:40,985
Sorry, that is so unprofessional.
382
00:13:41,054 --> 00:13:42,454
No, please.
383
00:13:43,202 --> 00:13:46,224
Hey, um...
384
00:13:46,226 --> 00:13:47,359
Wanna feel my throwing arm?
385
00:13:47,494 --> 00:13:49,861
Yeah, that's... oh, she's nice.
386
00:13:49,930 --> 00:13:53,497
Okay! Interview time.
387
00:13:53,533 --> 00:13:55,933
- Where were we?
- Um...
388
00:13:55,969 --> 00:13:58,203
I... I think I have everything I need.
389
00:13:59,170 --> 00:14:00,238
Oh, okay.
390
00:14:01,066 --> 00:14:02,240
Although I would love
to grab your number
391
00:14:02,276 --> 00:14:04,342
just in case, you know,
I have any follow-up questions
392
00:14:04,344 --> 00:14:05,743
about the store.
393
00:14:05,779 --> 00:14:07,411
Yeah, our number's online if you...
394
00:14:09,183 --> 00:14:10,248
Oh.
395
00:14:15,355 --> 00:14:17,822
I'm here to drink bubble
tea and squash bugs...
396
00:14:17,825 --> 00:14:21,026
and I'm all out of bubble tea.
397
00:14:26,767 --> 00:14:30,035
Mommy's not gonna make it
to your play tonight, baby!
398
00:14:31,528 --> 00:14:33,038
I'm so sorry!
399
00:14:33,173 --> 00:14:35,106
Okay, great! Bye!
400
00:14:37,177 --> 00:14:39,244
Aahhh!
401
00:14:39,379 --> 00:14:42,247
Wilson!
402
00:14:42,382 --> 00:14:44,382
I loved her too hard!
403
00:14:45,012 --> 00:14:47,785
I was promised a puppy!
404
00:14:50,190 --> 00:14:54,326
♪ Hush little baby,
don't say a word... ♪
405
00:14:54,328 --> 00:14:57,996
♪ Mama's gonna buy you
a mockingbird... ♪
406
00:14:59,533 --> 00:15:00,932
Where did everyone go?
407
00:15:01,067 --> 00:15:03,268
Uh, we close midday for siesta.
408
00:15:03,337 --> 00:15:05,337
Yeah, part of our health
and wellbeing initiative.
409
00:15:05,339 --> 00:15:07,005
You know, the Spanish get it.
410
00:15:07,007 --> 00:15:08,506
Well, I don't usually like
to give anything away,
411
00:15:08,509 --> 00:15:10,408
but I think you will be...
412
00:15:10,410 --> 00:15:12,343
very pleased... with this article.
413
00:15:14,047 --> 00:15:17,082
You know what? This is ridiculous.
414
00:15:17,466 --> 00:15:18,549
Look at you.
415
00:15:18,553 --> 00:15:22,353
You're all in here losing your friggin'
marbles, and for what?
416
00:15:22,389 --> 00:15:24,289
Sheeple, all of you!
417
00:15:24,291 --> 00:15:26,424
Staying in here, why,
just 'cause DJ told you to?
418
00:15:26,560 --> 00:15:28,093
And because the door is locked.
419
00:15:28,228 --> 00:15:32,096
You know what? I say nay. DJ?
It's not up to him, okay?
420
00:15:32,098 --> 00:15:33,498
What makes him the boss anyways?
421
00:15:33,500 --> 00:15:35,433
It's literally his job title.
422
00:15:35,569 --> 00:15:38,336
Too long has DJ benefited
from your hard work.
423
00:15:38,405 --> 00:15:40,571
Too long has DJ taken your commissions!
424
00:15:40,573 --> 00:15:42,173
We don't even get commission...
425
00:15:42,309 --> 00:15:45,343
Too long has DJ said to you, "sorry?
One more time?"
426
00:15:45,379 --> 00:15:47,312
- Right?
- You know what I think?
427
00:15:47,314 --> 00:15:49,915
I think maybe DJ has had his time.
428
00:15:50,050 --> 00:15:52,417
I think maybe DJ is out of time.
429
00:15:52,419 --> 00:15:54,152
Now, who's with me?
430
00:15:54,221 --> 00:15:55,787
I said, who's with me?!
431
00:15:55,922 --> 00:15:58,156
- Yeah!
- Viva la revolución!
432
00:15:58,291 --> 00:15:59,357
You're getting outta here!
433
00:16:01,061 --> 00:16:03,260
Let's go!
434
00:16:05,231 --> 00:16:06,298
- Oh.
- Ooh...
435
00:16:06,433 --> 00:16:07,999
Well, this has been an absolute plea...
436
00:16:09,136 --> 00:16:11,302
Your tyranny ends now, DJ!
437
00:16:11,304 --> 00:16:13,004
- Get him!
- Wait for me!
438
00:16:13,139 --> 00:16:14,406
What is going on here?
439
00:16:14,408 --> 00:16:15,873
I assure you, nothing is going on.
440
00:16:15,943 --> 00:16:17,541
Locking us up won't rid
the store of bedbugs,
441
00:16:17,578 --> 00:16:18,943
you champagne-swilling plutocrat!
442
00:16:18,979 --> 00:16:20,411
Bedbugs?
443
00:16:20,480 --> 00:16:23,014
Now, that's an angle!
444
00:16:23,083 --> 00:16:24,548
Hey! I... I can't let you leave!
445
00:16:24,585 --> 00:16:25,883
Why not?
446
00:16:25,953 --> 00:16:27,619
The bedbug story would ruin OMT.
447
00:16:27,621 --> 00:16:29,321
Also, you've been bitten.
448
00:16:35,108 --> 00:16:38,430
I have been to 75 different countries.
449
00:16:38,432 --> 00:16:40,165
I have stayed in terrible conditions.
450
00:16:40,300 --> 00:16:42,299
I have had malaria, typhoid fever,
451
00:16:42,336 --> 00:16:44,436
and diarrhoea for weeks...
452
00:16:44,438 --> 00:16:47,238
and that was just in Binghamton,
New York!
453
00:16:47,274 --> 00:16:50,174
But never have I had bedbugs!
454
00:16:50,243 --> 00:16:52,377
Well, you can thank Keeran for that!
455
00:16:52,446 --> 00:16:54,846
Hey! How do we know it
wasn't in the baseball gear
456
00:16:54,915 --> 00:16:56,447
- Nat brought in?
- Are you kidding me?
457
00:16:56,516 --> 00:16:58,316
I'm not the one sitting
here bragging about
458
00:16:58,451 --> 00:17:00,118
visiting 75 different countries.
459
00:17:00,120 --> 00:17:02,186
Please, it was obviously from
Carmen Sandiego over there.
460
00:17:02,255 --> 00:17:04,588
Enough! Enough.
461
00:17:04,625 --> 00:17:06,991
Pointing fingers is pointless.
462
00:17:06,994 --> 00:17:09,194
We need to stop the infestation.
463
00:17:09,329 --> 00:17:10,461
Hmm.
464
00:17:10,497 --> 00:17:14,399
There is one thing we didn't try.
465
00:17:15,568 --> 00:17:18,036
If we hit 50 degrees for 90 minutes,
466
00:17:18,105 --> 00:17:21,238
all the bugs and their eggs will die.
467
00:17:21,274 --> 00:17:23,574
Do we have to be inside for this?
468
00:17:23,644 --> 00:17:26,010
Oh, they could be hiding
in crevasses in our bodies.
469
00:17:26,046 --> 00:17:27,511
We gotta be sure!
470
00:17:27,647 --> 00:17:28,980
Wait, like, in our buttholes?!
471
00:17:28,982 --> 00:17:31,048
- Oh my God...
- Hey, guys?
472
00:17:31,050 --> 00:17:34,285
In case I die from heat,
I have gotta confess...
473
00:17:34,287 --> 00:17:37,088
I didn't wanna go to my daughter's play.
474
00:17:37,124 --> 00:17:38,923
She just doesn't have "it," you know?
475
00:17:38,992 --> 00:17:40,692
Does that make me a terrible mom?
476
00:17:40,694 --> 00:17:42,159
No, I'm terrible.
477
00:17:42,195 --> 00:17:43,561
Sometimes when I meditate,
478
00:17:43,630 --> 00:17:46,364
I wish ill will on people
who say "shedule"
479
00:17:46,499 --> 00:17:48,299
instead of "schedule."
480
00:17:48,435 --> 00:17:50,235
I didn't have a date!
481
00:17:50,237 --> 00:17:51,603
I made it up to seem cool!
482
00:17:51,738 --> 00:17:52,970
We knew.
483
00:17:53,040 --> 00:17:54,138
We knew that.
484
00:17:56,309 --> 00:17:58,443
This brings me back to
my days of Gonzo journalism.
485
00:17:58,478 --> 00:17:59,510
- Oh, yeah?
- Yeah.
486
00:17:59,579 --> 00:18:01,312
Now I just write puff pieces.
487
00:18:01,381 --> 00:18:03,647
Hmm, must have been a
really difficult compromise,
488
00:18:03,684 --> 00:18:06,184
especially having
graduated from Columbia.
489
00:18:06,186 --> 00:18:07,919
Pretty and smart.
490
00:18:08,699 --> 00:18:11,022
- You wanna hear a secret?
- Yeah.
491
00:18:11,024 --> 00:18:12,557
I never went to Columbia University.
492
00:18:12,559 --> 00:18:15,260
I went to Colombia, the country,
493
00:18:15,395 --> 00:18:17,662
and I never corrected people
when they assumed the school.
494
00:18:17,664 --> 00:18:19,197
Huh.
495
00:18:19,199 --> 00:18:22,066
I actually never graduated
from journalism...
496
00:18:22,069 --> 00:18:23,268
at all.
497
00:18:23,270 --> 00:18:26,071
Wow.
498
00:18:26,206 --> 00:18:28,005
What a vulnerable thing to share.
499
00:18:28,041 --> 00:18:29,140
Hey, Nadia?
500
00:18:29,209 --> 00:18:30,441
Oh... kay!
501
00:18:30,545 --> 00:18:33,677
Just circling back to see if
there's anything I can offer you
502
00:18:33,714 --> 00:18:35,346
for you to keep this under wraps?
503
00:18:35,482 --> 00:18:37,615
Perhaps a skate sharpening card...
504
00:18:37,684 --> 00:18:39,150
with all the holes punched?
505
00:18:39,285 --> 00:18:40,485
- No.
- Punching card?
506
00:18:40,554 --> 00:18:42,620
Punch holes...! Punching bag!
507
00:18:42,756 --> 00:18:44,622
The miscellaneous item
was a punching bag!
508
00:18:44,624 --> 00:18:45,723
That's the nest!
509
00:18:47,228 --> 00:18:48,760
- Oof!
- Wayne?!
510
00:18:51,198 --> 00:18:52,296
Are you okay?
511
00:18:52,298 --> 00:18:53,397
There's no time for any questions.
512
00:18:53,467 --> 00:18:54,532
Where is it?
513
00:18:56,036 --> 00:18:58,369
Oh, come on!
514
00:19:03,142 --> 00:19:04,642
That was the mother lode!
515
00:19:04,711 --> 00:19:06,677
I wouldn't have touched that...
516
00:19:06,713 --> 00:19:08,179
Damn, Wayne, that was...
517
00:19:08,215 --> 00:19:09,347
really brave!
518
00:19:09,416 --> 00:19:11,315
If there's ever a zombie apocalypse,
519
00:19:11,384 --> 00:19:12,716
you are on my team.
520
00:19:14,421 --> 00:19:15,519
Love you, Wayne.
521
00:19:15,656 --> 00:19:17,188
Yeah, that's cute,
but I'm not interested.
522
00:19:17,257 --> 00:19:18,723
I fly solo.
523
00:19:18,792 --> 00:19:21,058
Hey, uh, someone call an exterminator?
524
00:19:21,094 --> 00:19:22,393
Wayne, is that you?
525
00:19:22,528 --> 00:19:23,761
You guys know each other?
526
00:19:23,764 --> 00:19:25,263
Oh, yeah, Wayne's a regular.
527
00:19:25,332 --> 00:19:27,031
He's got the worst luck with bedbugs.
528
00:19:27,167 --> 00:19:28,433
Fortunately,
they don't bite him, though.
529
00:19:28,435 --> 00:19:30,301
Might be his blood type.
530
00:19:30,303 --> 00:19:33,070
Or maybe they find him unpalatable,
like the ladies do.
531
00:19:33,106 --> 00:19:34,109
Am I right, buddy?
532
00:19:34,141 --> 00:19:36,140
So, you weren't actually brave?
533
00:19:36,176 --> 00:19:38,176
You just knew they wouldn't bite you!
534
00:19:38,245 --> 00:19:39,310
You...
535
00:19:39,346 --> 00:19:41,479
are off my apocalypse team!
536
00:19:41,481 --> 00:19:42,680
What?!
537
00:19:42,682 --> 00:19:44,282
No! There's no take-backs.
538
00:19:44,284 --> 00:19:46,284
I rejected you first!
539
00:19:46,286 --> 00:19:49,086
Well, it's still courageous
to embed myself amongst them.
540
00:19:49,122 --> 00:19:50,421
Hey, team.
541
00:19:50,557 --> 00:19:52,290
Thanks for all your efforts today.
542
00:19:52,292 --> 00:19:54,592
Uh, for what it's worth,
543
00:19:54,628 --> 00:19:57,127
those efforts made no difference at all.
544
00:19:57,164 --> 00:19:59,063
Well, anyway, I appreciate it.
545
00:19:59,132 --> 00:20:00,431
We didn't really have a choice.
546
00:20:00,467 --> 00:20:01,498
Yeah.
547
00:20:01,502 --> 00:20:04,569
You locked us in the
skate sharpening room!
548
00:20:06,807 --> 00:20:08,439
Don't you need a shock blanket?
549
00:20:08,475 --> 00:20:11,442
It's a sign of weakness.
550
00:20:11,478 --> 00:20:13,110
DJ, thanks for today.
551
00:20:13,146 --> 00:20:15,513
- Really? You're not mad?
- Oh, I'm furious.
552
00:20:15,648 --> 00:20:17,148
But I'm thankful for the cover story.
553
00:20:17,217 --> 00:20:18,483
Please don't write about the bedbugs.
554
00:20:18,485 --> 00:20:19,488
It'll destroy the store.
555
00:20:19,519 --> 00:20:22,453
The people need to know.
556
00:20:22,522 --> 00:20:25,289
Do the people need to
know that you're a fraud?
557
00:20:25,358 --> 00:20:26,858
- What?!
- Yeah, that's right.
558
00:20:26,993 --> 00:20:30,128
If you print that, I will have
no choice but to tell everyone
559
00:20:30,263 --> 00:20:31,596
that you didn't go to Columbia.
560
00:20:31,665 --> 00:20:34,265
Or any journalism school,
for that matter.
561
00:20:34,400 --> 00:20:35,667
I told you that in confidence!
562
00:20:35,669 --> 00:20:36,834
I thought we had something.
563
00:20:36,870 --> 00:20:39,370
Baby, we do!
564
00:20:42,342 --> 00:20:44,309
But I can't let you
close down our store.
565
00:20:44,311 --> 00:20:45,610
Uh... well...
566
00:20:45,679 --> 00:20:46,679
hmph!
567
00:20:48,148 --> 00:20:49,280
Still gonna call me, though, right?
568
00:20:49,415 --> 00:20:50,514
Hmph!
569
00:20:51,852 --> 00:20:54,318
Jen, did you just defy all rom-com logic
570
00:20:54,354 --> 00:20:56,353
and choose the job over the girl?
571
00:20:56,389 --> 00:20:57,822
Yeah...
572
00:20:57,957 --> 00:21:00,557
I'm starting to think I love
this place as much as you do.
573
00:21:00,594 --> 00:21:01,825
Pfft.
574
00:21:03,563 --> 00:21:04,595
That's impossible.
575
00:21:04,665 --> 00:21:07,432
Hey! This is
what freedom looks like, sickos!
576
00:21:36,139 --> 00:21:38,138
- synced and corrected by sot26 -
www.addic7ed.com
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