Would you like to inspect the original subtitles? These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated:
1
00:00:05,273 --> 00:00:07,539
- Good morning.
- Bite me.
2
00:00:09,176 --> 00:00:11,043
What's your problem?
3
00:00:11,045 --> 00:00:12,523
Okay, here's the thing.
4
00:00:12,548 --> 00:00:14,246
I am so happy you found love,
5
00:00:14,248 --> 00:00:16,382
and I'm glad Adam
feels comfortable enough
6
00:00:16,384 --> 00:00:17,983
to spend the night here.
7
00:00:17,985 --> 00:00:20,686
But you got to know,
I can hear every thing you do
8
00:00:20,688 --> 00:00:22,755
all freakin' night long.
9
00:00:22,757 --> 00:00:25,024
Everything?
10
00:00:25,026 --> 00:00:28,494
Yes, you ass-slapping fool, everything.
11
00:00:28,496 --> 00:00:30,763
I'm so sorry.
12
00:00:30,765 --> 00:00:33,399
Just keep in mind that our
apartment has thin walls
13
00:00:33,401 --> 00:00:36,435
and your daughter's insurance
doesn't cover therapy.
14
00:00:36,437 --> 00:00:40,005
Did you try the noise-canceling
headphones I got you?
15
00:00:40,007 --> 00:00:41,345
Oh, yeah, right away.
16
00:00:41,370 --> 00:00:44,487
And they're great for
airplanes and garbage trucks,
17
00:00:44,512 --> 00:00:46,578
but no match for my mother announcing
18
00:00:46,580 --> 00:00:50,516
that she's been a bad girl and
needs to take her medicine.
19
00:00:52,153 --> 00:00:54,987
To be fair, I was pretty naughty.
20
00:00:54,989 --> 00:00:57,323
Just so you know,
I'm waiting for you guys
21
00:00:57,325 --> 00:00:59,825
to wrap this up so I can get some coffee.
22
00:00:59,827 --> 00:01:01,827
Oh, God, get in here.
23
00:01:01,829 --> 00:01:04,063
Sorry you had to hear all that.
24
00:01:04,065 --> 00:01:06,031
Right back at you.
25
00:01:06,033 --> 00:01:08,110
No, no, no, no, this is good.
26
00:01:08,135 --> 00:01:10,736
We're all adults, we can have a
conversation about physical love
27
00:01:10,738 --> 00:01:13,038
and the noises that...
28
00:01:13,040 --> 00:01:15,274
ensue.
29
00:01:15,276 --> 00:01:17,176
How about we just say
we'll be quiet and move on?
30
00:01:17,178 --> 00:01:19,511
- Thank you.
- Changing the subject.
31
00:01:19,513 --> 00:01:21,945
- Please.
- You got plans this weekend?
32
00:01:21,970 --> 00:01:25,172
Just library sex, why?
33
00:01:25,353 --> 00:01:28,187
My friend Mitch and his
wife are coming up to Napa.
34
00:01:28,189 --> 00:01:31,256
I was thinking it's about time
my best buddy met my best girl.
35
00:01:31,258 --> 00:01:33,692
That sounds great, set it up.
36
00:01:33,694 --> 00:01:34,827
All right.
37
00:01:34,829 --> 00:01:35,861
Is this the Mitch who directed
38
00:01:35,863 --> 00:01:37,196
the movie you worked on?
39
00:01:37,198 --> 00:01:38,266
Yeah, but we go way back.
40
00:01:38,291 --> 00:01:40,232
He's the closest thing I have to a brother.
41
00:01:40,257 --> 00:01:42,600
Well, that's saying something
'cause you have a brother.
42
00:01:42,625 --> 00:01:44,336
I'm gonna call him.
43
00:01:44,338 --> 00:01:45,604
You're gonna love him.
44
00:01:45,606 --> 00:01:47,706
Mmm.
45
00:01:47,708 --> 00:01:49,608
Ooh.
46
00:01:49,610 --> 00:01:51,999
Meeting the best friend, that's serious.
47
00:01:52,024 --> 00:01:53,757
I know. I'm a little nervous.
48
00:01:53,782 --> 00:01:55,894
You should be, if the best
friend doesn't like you,
49
00:01:55,896 --> 00:01:57,629
you're back to slapping your own ass.
50
00:02:07,361 --> 00:02:13,219
- Synced and corrected by VitoSilans -
-- www.Addic7ed.com --
51
00:02:19,395 --> 00:02:21,218
I'd lend you my crystal stemware,
52
00:02:21,220 --> 00:02:22,420
but I'm afraid in your apartment
53
00:02:22,422 --> 00:02:24,221
it would just look stolen.
54
00:02:25,324 --> 00:02:27,191
Besides fondue,
55
00:02:27,193 --> 00:02:29,326
what are you planning
on serving these people?
56
00:02:29,328 --> 00:02:30,728
I don't know. Christy?
57
00:02:30,730 --> 00:02:32,229
Depends on what they're throwing away
58
00:02:32,231 --> 00:02:34,632
at the restaurant.
59
00:02:34,634 --> 00:02:36,400
You don't seem really prepared for this.
60
00:02:36,402 --> 00:02:37,935
I'm not. I've never had a boyfriend
61
00:02:37,937 --> 00:02:39,770
who wanted to introduce me to anybody.
62
00:02:39,772 --> 00:02:42,106
Not even during a three-way.
63
00:02:42,108 --> 00:02:45,109
I had a boyfriend introduce
me to his best friend,
64
00:02:45,111 --> 00:02:46,811
then he married him.
65
00:02:48,414 --> 00:02:50,548
Do you need a bread
maker? I've got three.
66
00:02:50,550 --> 00:02:52,116
I wasn't gonna make bread.
67
00:02:52,118 --> 00:02:53,551
Do they expect me to make bread?
68
00:02:53,553 --> 00:02:55,286
What are you gonna dip in the fondue?
69
00:02:55,288 --> 00:02:56,654
I was just gonna buy bread.
70
00:02:56,656 --> 00:02:59,290
Bonnie, these are Hollywood people.
71
00:02:59,292 --> 00:03:02,326
They are not gonna
eat bread out of a bag.
72
00:03:04,464 --> 00:03:06,163
You know what, this is too much pressure.
73
00:03:06,165 --> 00:03:07,731
I'm just gonna break up with Adam.
74
00:03:07,733 --> 00:03:10,835
Relax, I'm sure you can
pretend to be a good person
75
00:03:10,837 --> 00:03:12,736
long enough for them to like you.
76
00:03:13,743 --> 00:03:15,409
And if it goes well with the friends,
77
00:03:15,434 --> 00:03:17,641
he'll probably want to
introduce you to his parents.
78
00:03:17,643 --> 00:03:18,909
That'll be fun.
79
00:03:18,911 --> 00:03:20,444
"Mom, Dad,
80
00:03:20,446 --> 00:03:22,146
I'd like you to meet my
girlfriend, Bonnie.
81
00:03:22,148 --> 00:03:23,647
She's sober a year and a half,
82
00:03:23,649 --> 00:03:26,016
but you still might want
to hide the Nyquil."
83
00:03:26,018 --> 00:03:29,753
I look forward to when you fall in love.
84
00:03:29,755 --> 00:03:33,424
My plan is to wait till you're dead.
85
00:03:41,400 --> 00:03:44,001
Whoa, look at that.
86
00:03:44,003 --> 00:03:47,304
- Baby, this is awesome.
- Thank you.
87
00:03:47,306 --> 00:03:49,740
Jill said presentation
is all about levels.
88
00:03:49,742 --> 00:03:51,308
Oh.
89
00:03:51,310 --> 00:03:53,811
And check this out,
a crystal bowl for the olive pits,
90
00:03:53,813 --> 00:03:56,313
so you don't have
to spit 'em in your hand.
91
00:03:56,315 --> 00:03:58,382
What's that thing in the middle?
92
00:03:58,384 --> 00:04:01,452
Fondue, or as you might know it,
93
00:04:01,454 --> 00:04:03,621
hot cheese.
94
00:04:04,423 --> 00:04:06,257
Hey, look, it's Martha Stewart.
95
00:04:06,259 --> 00:04:07,958
We have both been in jail.
96
00:04:09,328 --> 00:04:10,995
Oh, God, please don't tell them that.
97
00:04:10,997 --> 00:04:12,630
Unless they'd think it's cool.
98
00:04:12,632 --> 00:04:13,964
Oh, don't worry about it,
99
00:04:13,966 --> 00:04:16,167
Mitch and Leanne are just regular people.
100
00:04:16,169 --> 00:04:17,423
So what are your plans?
101
00:04:17,448 --> 00:04:18,669
Well, we're gonna hit
a couple of wineries,
102
00:04:18,671 --> 00:04:20,404
and then we're going out for dinner.
103
00:04:20,406 --> 00:04:22,506
Wine tasting...
that ought to be fun for you.
104
00:04:22,508 --> 00:04:24,808
I have games on my phone.
105
00:04:24,810 --> 00:04:27,144
That's them.
106
00:04:27,146 --> 00:04:29,380
Oh, I almost forgot,
curtsy when you meet Leanne,
107
00:04:29,382 --> 00:04:31,415
- she's British royalty.
- What?
108
00:04:31,417 --> 00:04:34,752
I'm screwing with you,
she's a makeup girl from Buffalo.
109
00:04:34,754 --> 00:04:36,320
Not funny.
110
00:04:36,322 --> 00:04:38,689
You should've made her curtsy.
111
00:04:38,691 --> 00:04:40,591
Hi, welcome. Bonnie.
112
00:04:40,593 --> 00:04:41,892
I'm Mitch, this is Leanne.
113
00:04:41,894 --> 00:04:43,621
Thank you so much for having us.
114
00:04:43,646 --> 00:04:45,680
My pleasure. Please come in.
115
00:04:45,682 --> 00:04:48,115
Yo, Professor Nutsack!
116
00:04:48,117 --> 00:04:50,451
Stinky Dickweed!
117
00:04:50,453 --> 00:04:53,988
How are you, my man?
118
00:04:53,990 --> 00:04:56,957
- Aren't you glad you made bread?
- Hey.
119
00:04:56,959 --> 00:04:59,360
Leanne, Mitch, this
is my daughter Christy.
120
00:04:59,362 --> 00:05:00,695
- Hi, Christy.
- Hey.
121
00:05:00,697 --> 00:05:02,697
Nice to meet you both.
I'm sorry I have to go,
122
00:05:02,699 --> 00:05:04,676
I have a class and then work.
123
00:05:04,701 --> 00:05:07,702
- What do you do?
- I'm a waitress at the Rustic Fig.
124
00:05:07,704 --> 00:05:08,970
Oh, we heard about that place.
125
00:05:08,972 --> 00:05:10,738
We wanted to eat there.
126
00:05:10,740 --> 00:05:11,906
You're about to.
127
00:05:12,909 --> 00:05:14,242
Time to go.
128
00:05:14,244 --> 00:05:15,910
- Bye.
- Bye.
129
00:05:15,912 --> 00:05:18,012
Oh, she seems sweet.
130
00:05:18,014 --> 00:05:20,748
Eh. Please, everybody sit down.
131
00:05:20,750 --> 00:05:23,117
Okay... oh, we-we
brought you a little gift.
132
00:05:23,119 --> 00:05:24,652
Thank you.
133
00:05:24,654 --> 00:05:26,054
Adam said you don't drink anymore,
134
00:05:26,056 --> 00:05:28,122
but it's good when you have company.
135
00:05:31,595 --> 00:05:32,860
Like now.
136
00:05:32,862 --> 00:05:34,696
Oh, yeah. Yeah,
I mean, you don't have to.
137
00:05:34,698 --> 00:05:36,798
- No, I'll open it.
- No, no, yeah, just go ahead and do it.
138
00:05:36,800 --> 00:05:38,232
Well, just-just one glass, though.
139
00:05:38,234 --> 00:05:40,068
We're still going wine tasting, right?
140
00:05:40,070 --> 00:05:41,970
No, I drove all the way to Napa Valley
141
00:05:41,972 --> 00:05:43,570
to hang out with Stinky Dickweed.
142
00:05:44,641 --> 00:05:46,274
I look forward to hearing
143
00:05:46,276 --> 00:05:48,109
where that nickname came from.
144
00:05:48,111 --> 00:05:49,677
That's a funny story, actually.
145
00:05:49,679 --> 00:05:51,946
We were shooting on location in Malaysia,
146
00:05:51,948 --> 00:05:54,649
and your brilliant boyfriend
thought it'd be a good idea
147
00:05:54,651 --> 00:05:56,884
to hide his pot in his underwear.
148
00:05:56,886 --> 00:05:58,086
Yeah, and when we smoked it,
149
00:05:58,088 --> 00:06:01,322
it smelled suspiciously like my balls.
150
00:06:06,963 --> 00:06:08,429
Everything's fine, Marjorie,
151
00:06:08,431 --> 00:06:11,499
I was just too tired to make the meeting.
152
00:06:11,501 --> 00:06:14,602
Yeah, I need a good night's sleep.
153
00:06:14,604 --> 00:06:17,605
Thanks, talk to you tomorrow.
154
00:06:17,607 --> 00:06:19,273
Get him, Mitch, get him!
155
00:06:19,275 --> 00:06:21,709
Who's your daddy, Ironside?
156
00:06:21,711 --> 00:06:23,711
Come on, stop holding back!
157
00:06:23,713 --> 00:06:25,013
I'm trying to make it a fair fight.
158
00:06:25,015 --> 00:06:27,215
Hey, Leanne, hold my feet.
159
00:06:27,217 --> 00:06:29,083
I got you, baby. Okay.
160
00:06:29,085 --> 00:06:31,552
All right, here comes the pain!
161
00:06:31,554 --> 00:06:33,554
Aah! Let go of my junk!
162
00:06:33,556 --> 00:06:34,756
Whoo!
163
00:06:34,758 --> 00:06:36,124
Spoiler alert,
164
00:06:36,126 --> 00:06:39,827
that's why we call Mitch
"Professor Nutsack."
165
00:06:44,034 --> 00:06:45,833
So no wineries?
166
00:06:45,835 --> 00:06:48,936
We never left the apartment.
167
00:06:48,938 --> 00:06:50,772
They just stayed here and drank.
168
00:06:50,774 --> 00:06:52,640
Where'd all the booze come from?
169
00:06:52,642 --> 00:06:55,109
The trunk of their car.
170
00:06:55,111 --> 00:06:56,711
They brought it from L.A.
171
00:06:56,713 --> 00:06:59,047
in case there wasn't
enough wine in Napa Valley.
172
00:07:00,684 --> 00:07:03,618
Chug, chug, chug, chug!
173
00:07:03,620 --> 00:07:05,987
And there might not be.
174
00:07:05,989 --> 00:07:09,824
I'm so drunk, I can't feel my legs.
175
00:07:09,826 --> 00:07:12,694
Oh, wait.
176
00:07:12,696 --> 00:07:14,762
Hey, hen party in the kitchen!
177
00:07:14,764 --> 00:07:16,831
Old school!
178
00:07:20,203 --> 00:07:23,404
Look, it's the Ghost of Christmas Past.
179
00:07:24,974 --> 00:07:27,608
Hey, um, Christy, can I...
Can I tell you something
180
00:07:27,610 --> 00:07:29,210
that I've been thinking about all night?
181
00:07:29,212 --> 00:07:32,313
You should go home
and I should go to bed?
182
00:07:32,315 --> 00:07:38,152
I could make you so pretty.
183
00:07:38,154 --> 00:07:41,089
I'm sorry?
184
00:07:41,091 --> 00:07:43,224
Didn't Adam tell you?
185
00:07:43,226 --> 00:07:45,259
I'm a professional makeup artist.
186
00:07:45,261 --> 00:07:48,730
It's my job to make
people like you pretty.
187
00:07:49,999 --> 00:07:52,567
I'm a professional makeup artist!
188
00:07:52,569 --> 00:07:54,669
Mommy, help me.
189
00:07:54,671 --> 00:07:57,071
I'd kind of like to see what she can do.
190
00:08:00,143 --> 00:08:02,643
Thanks for easing up on the drinking.
191
00:08:02,645 --> 00:08:04,078
That was a good call, babe.
192
00:08:04,080 --> 00:08:07,782
All things in moderation.
193
00:08:07,784 --> 00:08:10,118
They both really like you.
194
00:08:10,120 --> 00:08:13,087
Oh, goodie.
195
00:08:13,089 --> 00:08:15,823
Ta-da.
196
00:08:17,994 --> 00:08:20,561
- Oh, my God, I'm gorgeous.
- Mm-hmm.
197
00:08:20,563 --> 00:08:23,164
You-You look like
you're in your 30s again.
198
00:08:23,166 --> 00:08:24,999
I am in my 30s.
199
00:08:25,001 --> 00:08:26,167
So am I.
200
00:08:26,169 --> 00:08:27,802
Wink, wink.
201
00:08:29,205 --> 00:08:33,040
Hey. Whoa, you look amazing.
202
00:08:33,042 --> 00:08:35,076
- Thank you.
- Thank you.
203
00:08:35,078 --> 00:08:38,035
Leanne, I was told to bring you this.
204
00:08:38,060 --> 00:08:40,615
- Gracias.
- Now, if you'll excuse me,
205
00:08:40,617 --> 00:08:42,483
I have to go to the bathroom.
206
00:08:42,485 --> 00:08:46,154
The hot cheese is making its move.
207
00:08:46,156 --> 00:08:49,690
You really are good at what you do.
208
00:08:49,692 --> 00:08:52,226
My secret is,
209
00:08:52,228 --> 00:08:54,996
keep applying makeup until it's
something you want to sit on.
210
00:08:56,166 --> 00:08:59,066
You're kidding, right?
211
00:08:59,068 --> 00:09:01,235
Mm, of course, I'm kidding.
212
00:09:01,237 --> 00:09:04,205
Wink, wink.
213
00:09:05,608 --> 00:09:07,508
You know, I admire you.
214
00:09:07,510 --> 00:09:09,777
Thank you.
215
00:09:09,779 --> 00:09:13,114
Your opinion used to
mean a great deal to me.
216
00:09:13,116 --> 00:09:17,552
Seriously, like, staying sober
when you got nothing going on,
217
00:09:17,554 --> 00:09:19,854
and it kind of makes you a little boring,
218
00:09:19,856 --> 00:09:21,222
that's impressive.
219
00:09:21,224 --> 00:09:23,758
Again, thank you.
220
00:09:23,760 --> 00:09:26,727
Good on ya, Bonnie lass!
221
00:09:26,729 --> 00:09:30,031
Where'd you just go?
222
00:09:30,033 --> 00:09:31,666
You know, I got sober once.
223
00:09:31,668 --> 00:09:34,202
- Really?
- Yep, I went to a couple of meetings,
224
00:09:34,204 --> 00:09:36,537
I heard the spiel, I bought a book,
225
00:09:36,539 --> 00:09:38,940
and then one night I'm
looking around the room
226
00:09:38,942 --> 00:09:43,878
and I said to myself, "Mitch,
these aren't your people,
227
00:09:43,880 --> 00:09:46,047
these people are quitters.
228
00:09:46,049 --> 00:09:47,982
You're not a quitter,
229
00:09:47,984 --> 00:09:49,750
u'rehe opposite of that,
230
00:09:49,752 --> 00:09:52,787
you're a successful film director."
231
00:09:53,790 --> 00:09:54,956
Move it.
232
00:09:54,958 --> 00:09:56,524
- Mm.
- Not that way.
233
00:09:56,549 --> 00:09:59,077
Oh, I'm sorry.
234
00:09:59,079 --> 00:10:00,412
Bad! Bad hand!
235
00:10:00,414 --> 00:10:02,113
We-We-We talked about that.
236
00:10:02,115 --> 00:10:03,615
Thank God I brought my good hand.
237
00:10:05,018 --> 00:10:06,251
Okay.
238
00:10:06,253 --> 00:10:07,919
You're Adam's friend,
239
00:10:07,921 --> 00:10:10,355
and you're really drunk right now,
so I'm gonna be a sport
240
00:10:10,357 --> 00:10:11,923
and give both your hands a pass.
241
00:10:11,925 --> 00:10:13,158
But if it ever happens again,
242
00:10:13,160 --> 00:10:14,426
I will hit you so hard,
243
00:10:14,428 --> 00:10:16,628
you'll be crapping teeth for a week.
244
00:10:20,028 --> 00:10:22,442
God help me, it might be worth it.
245
00:10:31,699 --> 00:10:33,677
And three double cheeseburgers.
246
00:10:33,679 --> 00:10:34,778
With cheese.
247
00:10:34,780 --> 00:10:36,880
Two large fries...
248
00:10:36,882 --> 00:10:39,750
With cheese and a chicken sandwich.
249
00:10:39,752 --> 00:10:40,951
...and a chicken sandwich.
250
00:10:40,953 --> 00:10:41,986
And a burrito.
251
00:10:41,988 --> 00:10:43,187
They don't have burritos.
252
00:10:43,189 --> 00:10:46,490
Why don't they have burritos?
Why don't you have burritos?!
253
00:10:46,492 --> 00:10:47,791
I think that's it.
254
00:10:47,793 --> 00:10:50,327
Oh! Oh, and a crunchy candy cookie cup.
255
00:10:50,329 --> 00:10:51,462
I-I think we've got enough.
256
00:10:51,464 --> 00:10:54,898
Cookie cup, cookie cup, cookie cup!
257
00:10:54,900 --> 00:10:57,201
So... three cookie cups?
258
00:10:57,203 --> 00:10:59,017
- Sure.
- Yes.
259
00:10:59,042 --> 00:11:00,208
It'll be $52.75.
260
00:11:00,233 --> 00:11:02,234
Please drive forward.
261
00:11:02,236 --> 00:11:04,770
So... whoa...
262
00:11:04,772 --> 00:11:06,572
So...
263
00:11:06,574 --> 00:11:08,707
you and... you and
Adam are cute together.
264
00:11:08,709 --> 00:11:10,209
Thank you.
265
00:11:10,211 --> 00:11:12,011
Is he still good in bed?
266
00:11:13,247 --> 00:11:14,947
I'm sorry, what?
267
00:11:14,949 --> 00:11:17,716
He was incredible back when he had legs.
268
00:11:17,718 --> 00:11:18,951
Oh, I'm... Oh, I'm sorry.
269
00:11:18,953 --> 00:11:20,686
I don't want... I didn't mean that.
270
00:11:20,688 --> 00:11:23,856
I mean, of course he still
has legs, but, you know...
271
00:11:23,858 --> 00:11:27,372
You slept with Adam?
272
00:11:28,696 --> 00:11:31,564
Dear Lord, will this night ever end?
273
00:11:31,566 --> 00:11:33,265
- Answer me.
- Calm down.
274
00:11:33,267 --> 00:11:35,734
It was a long time ago
before I met Mitch,
275
00:11:35,736 --> 00:11:40,539
and we only did it, like, t...
t... 20 times.
276
00:11:41,375 --> 00:11:43,776
Really thought you were gonna say two.
277
00:11:43,778 --> 00:11:45,377
So, you were a couple?
278
00:11:45,379 --> 00:11:46,946
No, oh, no!
279
00:11:46,948 --> 00:11:49,815
No, no, it was just that
kind of raw kind of sex.
280
00:11:49,817 --> 00:11:51,283
You know, the kind you think about
281
00:11:51,285 --> 00:11:54,692
when you're on the toilet
having a cigarette.
282
00:11:54,717 --> 00:11:57,585
Hey, guys, this is important.
Guys, this is important, listen.
283
00:11:57,587 --> 00:12:02,056
Mitch doesn't know, so we
just have to keep it between us.
284
00:12:02,058 --> 00:12:05,760
You know... sisterhood
of the traveling penis.
285
00:12:11,034 --> 00:12:12,800
I don't know what you're
always whining about.
286
00:12:12,802 --> 00:12:15,303
This thing is awesome.
287
00:12:15,305 --> 00:12:17,538
Food's here.
288
00:12:17,540 --> 00:12:18,639
Oh, finally.
289
00:12:18,641 --> 00:12:20,107
Hey, baby, did you know
290
00:12:20,109 --> 00:12:21,442
that the liquor store down on the corner,
291
00:12:21,444 --> 00:12:22,710
that it delivers?
292
00:12:22,712 --> 00:12:24,679
Just eat your burger, Dickweed.
293
00:12:26,115 --> 00:12:27,348
Huddle.
294
00:12:27,350 --> 00:12:28,516
Ugh, I don't want to huddle.
295
00:12:28,518 --> 00:12:29,614
Just let me go to sleep.
296
00:12:29,639 --> 00:12:31,419
What? You think you're
too pretty to huddle now?
297
00:12:31,421 --> 00:12:32,653
Get in there.
298
00:12:32,655 --> 00:12:35,456
I am pretty, aren't I?
299
00:12:35,458 --> 00:12:38,059
Why didn't you get me any vodka?
300
00:12:38,061 --> 00:12:40,528
Why didn't you get me a
24-year-old Asian girl
301
00:12:40,530 --> 00:12:42,396
with big boobs?
302
00:12:42,398 --> 00:12:44,298
Hey, words hurt.
303
00:12:44,300 --> 00:12:46,334
Just kidding.
304
00:12:46,336 --> 00:12:48,336
Ah, I love you.
305
00:12:48,338 --> 00:12:50,371
And you have perfect boobs.
306
00:12:50,373 --> 00:12:52,573
You, too.
307
00:12:56,079 --> 00:12:57,678
That right there.
308
00:12:57,680 --> 00:12:59,880
That's how you make a marriage work.
309
00:13:01,158 --> 00:13:03,992
Thanks, buddy.
310
00:13:06,623 --> 00:13:08,189
Where are we?
311
00:13:10,994 --> 00:13:13,494
I'm sorry, I just can't
wrap my head around it.
312
00:13:13,496 --> 00:13:14,662
20 times?
313
00:13:14,664 --> 00:13:16,197
She's probably exaggerating.
314
00:13:16,199 --> 00:13:17,398
When it comes to sex,
315
00:13:17,400 --> 00:13:19,100
women round down, Christy, not up.
316
00:13:19,102 --> 00:13:20,468
- We do?
- You don't?
317
00:13:20,470 --> 00:13:22,570
I didn't, but I will now.
318
00:13:23,406 --> 00:13:25,139
I'm not sure how to handle it.
319
00:13:25,141 --> 00:13:27,208
There's nothing to handle.
It's in the past.
320
00:13:27,210 --> 00:13:28,409
No, it's in my living room,
321
00:13:28,411 --> 00:13:30,277
and more important, he didn't tell me.
322
00:13:30,279 --> 00:13:32,446
So, what, you're gonna confront him?
323
00:13:32,448 --> 00:13:34,048
I thought the whole idea of this evening
324
00:13:34,050 --> 00:13:35,483
was to make his friends like you.
325
00:13:35,485 --> 00:13:37,785
That's when I was putting
deviled eggs on levels.
326
00:13:37,787 --> 00:13:40,221
I should've just put out a dog bowl.
327
00:13:41,658 --> 00:13:46,227
Okay, Adam, it's time
you and I have a talk.
328
00:13:47,495 --> 00:13:49,729
Oh, lovely.
329
00:13:52,750 --> 00:13:55,117
Under the head, under the head.
330
00:13:56,539 --> 00:13:59,240
Where's Lord and Lady Nutsack?
331
00:13:59,242 --> 00:14:03,044
Probably playing
kickball with their livers.
332
00:14:03,046 --> 00:14:05,012
Come on, baby,
let's make a dirty movie.
333
00:14:05,014 --> 00:14:08,749
Okay, okay,
turn around and try to relax.
334
00:14:12,021 --> 00:14:14,655
Thin walls. I get it now.
335
00:14:14,657 --> 00:14:17,124
We're gonna have to burn that bed.
336
00:14:19,028 --> 00:14:20,227
What just happened?
337
00:14:20,229 --> 00:14:21,762
I don't know. That sounded bad.
338
00:14:21,764 --> 00:14:24,965
I guess we should go see if they're okay.
339
00:14:24,967 --> 00:14:29,336
Or we just leave and
rebuild our lives elsewhere.
340
00:14:34,444 --> 00:14:36,644
Hello?
341
00:14:42,785 --> 00:14:45,619
Well, this is just sad.
342
00:14:48,191 --> 00:14:50,624
Remember being too drunk to have sex?
343
00:14:50,626 --> 00:14:54,061
It's the main reason you're an only child.
344
00:14:54,063 --> 00:14:55,329
So, what do we do?
345
00:14:56,466 --> 00:14:59,366
Roll them on their sides and be grateful
346
00:14:59,368 --> 00:15:00,768
we don't live like this anymore.
347
00:15:00,770 --> 00:15:03,204
So very grateful.
348
00:15:08,111 --> 00:15:12,279
Oh, God, was that him or her?
349
00:15:13,549 --> 00:15:15,516
Does it really matter?
350
00:15:19,722 --> 00:15:21,922
Shh...
351
00:16:04,167 --> 00:16:05,733
Mom?
352
00:16:05,735 --> 00:16:08,135
Yes?
353
00:16:09,939 --> 00:16:12,039
- What?
- What the hell?!
354
00:16:12,041 --> 00:16:14,108
Ah, I was... I was
looking for the bathroom.
355
00:16:14,110 --> 00:16:15,309
Well, I'm not it!
356
00:16:15,311 --> 00:16:17,411
Well, okay, no harm, no foul.
357
00:16:17,413 --> 00:16:20,648
¿Dónde está el baño?
358
00:16:21,484 --> 00:16:23,184
What is going on?
359
00:16:23,186 --> 00:16:24,185
Mitch, where'd you go?
360
00:16:24,187 --> 00:16:25,686
Into my bed!
361
00:16:25,688 --> 00:16:27,788
You miserable bastard.
362
00:16:30,193 --> 00:16:32,226
Come on, it was an honest mistake.
363
00:16:32,228 --> 00:16:33,661
When you grabbed my ass in the kitchen,
364
00:16:33,663 --> 00:16:35,196
was that an honest mistake?
365
00:16:35,198 --> 00:16:36,463
Well, a person can make
366
00:16:36,465 --> 00:16:38,632
more than one honest mistake.
367
00:16:38,634 --> 00:16:40,067
You grabbed her ass?
368
00:16:40,069 --> 00:16:41,101
With both hands.
369
00:16:41,103 --> 00:16:42,102
Damn it, Mitch.
370
00:16:43,806 --> 00:16:45,272
Come on.
371
00:16:45,274 --> 00:16:47,174
Why is everybody yelling?
372
00:16:47,176 --> 00:16:49,944
Your best friend just tried to
get in bed with my daughter.
373
00:16:49,946 --> 00:16:52,112
What? No, no, that can't be right.
374
00:16:52,114 --> 00:16:54,248
It may have been 18 months and 11 days,
375
00:16:54,250 --> 00:16:56,550
but I know when a man is in bed with me.
376
00:16:57,720 --> 00:16:59,453
This is all your fault.
377
00:16:59,455 --> 00:17:00,454
My fault?!
378
00:17:00,456 --> 00:17:01,488
You invited these
379
00:17:01,490 --> 00:17:02,957
zoo animals into my home,
380
00:17:02,959 --> 00:17:04,258
and you never told me
381
00:17:04,260 --> 00:17:06,227
you slept with this monkey.
382
00:17:06,229 --> 00:17:08,095
Approximately 20 times.
383
00:17:08,097 --> 00:17:09,029
What?
384
00:17:09,031 --> 00:17:10,631
Monkey?
385
00:17:10,633 --> 00:17:13,200
You-You didn't think that was
something you should tell me?
386
00:17:13,202 --> 00:17:14,201
I-I... it's...
387
00:17:14,203 --> 00:17:15,970
You porked my wife?!
388
00:17:15,972 --> 00:17:17,605
I wouldn't use that word.
389
00:17:17,607 --> 00:17:20,174
I would.
390
00:17:20,176 --> 00:17:22,576
But that was before we got together.
391
00:17:22,578 --> 00:17:28,115
We're married now, and you're
playing hump the hostesses-es?
392
00:17:28,117 --> 00:17:29,383
Wait, wait, wait, wait.
393
00:17:29,814 --> 00:17:30,913
Wait a minute, you...
394
00:17:30,915 --> 00:17:33,015
you hit on Bonnie?
395
00:17:33,017 --> 00:17:35,918
It was nothing.
Yeah, it was just joking around.
396
00:17:35,920 --> 00:17:38,487
It was, it was, you
know, my bad hand bit.
397
00:17:38,489 --> 00:17:39,922
She didn't get it.
398
00:17:39,924 --> 00:17:42,091
You did bad hand on my woman?
399
00:17:42,093 --> 00:17:43,826
And good hand.
400
00:17:43,828 --> 00:17:46,629
Good hand's new.
401
00:17:46,631 --> 00:17:48,464
What the hell is wrong with you?!
402
00:17:48,466 --> 00:17:50,032
Uh, all right!
403
00:17:50,034 --> 00:17:51,801
All right!
404
00:17:51,803 --> 00:17:53,369
All right, all right!
405
00:17:53,371 --> 00:17:56,972
This is it! This is it!
406
00:18:00,144 --> 00:18:03,412
I have a drinking problem.
407
00:18:03,414 --> 00:18:05,781
What?
408
00:18:05,783 --> 00:18:07,883
I do. I need help.
409
00:18:07,885 --> 00:18:10,720
Ah, son of a bitch,
now we have to be nice to him.
410
00:18:10,722 --> 00:18:12,388
No, no, no, don't fall for it.
411
00:18:12,390 --> 00:18:14,857
He catches alcoholism
every time I find him
412
00:18:14,859 --> 00:18:16,726
facedown in an actress.
413
00:18:16,728 --> 00:18:18,828
See, this...
this is half the reason I drink.
414
00:18:18,830 --> 00:18:20,696
- She shames me.
- Okay.
415
00:18:20,698 --> 00:18:24,600
- Okay. Okay, yeah, yeah.
- You're one of my demons, Leanne!
416
00:18:24,602 --> 00:18:26,802
All right, everybody, just take it easy.
417
00:18:26,804 --> 00:18:29,105
Bonnie, I'm-I'm-I'm sorry
418
00:18:29,107 --> 00:18:30,806
that I didn't tell you about Leanne.
419
00:18:30,808 --> 00:18:34,744
Just no excuse, no defense,
just wrong, and, Mitch,
420
00:18:34,746 --> 00:18:36,979
even though it happened before
the two of you got together,
421
00:18:36,981 --> 00:18:38,781
I guess I owe you something, too.
422
00:18:40,051 --> 00:18:41,584
Come here, brother.
423
00:18:41,586 --> 00:18:42,918
Oh, thanks.
424
00:18:42,920 --> 00:18:45,454
Man, you know I-I was just kidding...
425
00:18:47,725 --> 00:18:51,460
Oh! Bad hand!
426
00:18:51,462 --> 00:18:54,096
It's not cool, Dickweed!
427
00:18:56,701 --> 00:18:59,035
Is there any vodka left?
428
00:19:14,012 --> 00:19:18,782
Hi, I'm Mitch and... I'm an alcoholic.
429
00:19:18,784 --> 00:19:20,684
Hi, Mitch.
430
00:19:20,686 --> 00:19:24,587
I hurt a lot of people
I love this weekend,
431
00:19:24,589 --> 00:19:27,924
whether it was hitting on
my best friend's girl...
432
00:19:29,728 --> 00:19:31,294
...or her daughter...
433
00:19:33,098 --> 00:19:36,266
...or urinating in their laundry hamper.
434
00:19:40,472 --> 00:19:44,407
This damn disease. Am I right?
435
00:19:46,011 --> 00:19:47,644
Anyway, I-I-I just want to say
436
00:19:47,646 --> 00:19:51,481
that I'm-I'm really
grateful to this program
437
00:19:51,483 --> 00:19:57,287
for helping my wife see
that it's not my fault.
438
00:20:01,121 --> 00:20:02,850
Namaste.
439
00:20:06,164 --> 00:20:08,732
You think he can stay sober this time?
440
00:20:08,734 --> 00:20:09,866
I don't know.
441
00:20:09,868 --> 00:20:11,468
We go to New Orleans right from here.
442
00:20:11,470 --> 00:20:13,103
We'll see what happens.
443
00:20:13,105 --> 00:20:15,538
Would anyone else like to share?
444
00:20:15,540 --> 00:20:18,408
So... did they like you?
445
00:20:23,210 --> 00:20:27,255
- Synced and corrected by VitoSilans -
-- www.Addic7ed.com --
31098
Can't find what you're looking for?
Get subtitles in any language from opensubtitles.com, and translate them here.
Afrikaans
Albanian
Amharic
Arabic
Armenian
Azerbaijani
Basque
Belarusian
Bengali
Bosnian
Catalan
Cebuano
Chichewa
Chinese (Simplified)
Chinese (Traditional)
Corsican
Croatian
Czech
Danish
Dutch
English
Esperanto
Estonian
Finnish
French
Frisian
Galician
Georgian
German
Greek
Gujarati
Haitian Creole
Hawaiian
Hungarian
Icelandic
Indonesian
Irish
Italian
Japanese
Kazakh
Khmer
Korean
Kurdish (Kurmanji)
Kyrgyz
Lao
Latvian
Lithuanian
Luxembourgish
Macedonian
Malagasy
Malay
Maltese
Maori
Mongolian
Myanmar (Burmese)
Nepali
Norwegian
Pashto
Polish
Portuguese
Romanian
Russian
Samoan
Serbian
Sesotho
Shona
Sinhala
Slovak
Slovenian
Somali
Spanish
Swahili
Swedish
Tajik
Thai
Turkish
Ukrainian
Urdu
Uzbek
Vietnamese
