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1
00:00:03,737 --> 00:00:06,172
EDDIE: Morning.
Good morning to you.
2
00:00:06,239 --> 00:00:07,540
What you got
going on there?
3
00:00:07,607 --> 00:00:09,609
I'm paying our
credit card bill.
4
00:00:09,676 --> 00:00:11,811
Well, why are you
sending them $500?
5
00:00:11,878 --> 00:00:14,314
Because we owe them 1200.
6
00:00:14,381 --> 00:00:18,918
No, no, no. The good folks
over there are going to get
the minimum payment of $17.
7
00:00:18,985 --> 00:00:21,654
God bless America.
8
00:00:21,721 --> 00:00:23,056
Eddie, if we only
pay the minimum
9
00:00:23,123 --> 00:00:24,657
we will never get
out of debt.
10
00:00:24,724 --> 00:00:29,262
Trust me, Joy, we're gonna
outlast these bastards.
11
00:00:29,329 --> 00:00:31,831
All right. Let me just
throw this one
out there, sweetheart.
12
00:00:31,898 --> 00:00:35,869
The $39 we're paying
every month for your gym.
13
00:00:35,935 --> 00:00:37,804
How often you going?
14
00:00:37,871 --> 00:00:39,072
I go.
15
00:00:40,407 --> 00:00:42,575
Okay. What street is it on?
16
00:00:43,743 --> 00:00:46,546
It's on the corner of
bite me and suck it.
17
00:00:50,617 --> 00:00:52,285
I don't see you
working out.
18
00:00:52,352 --> 00:00:55,088
Oh I don't have to.
I have the metabolism
of a toddler.
19
00:00:56,556 --> 00:00:59,993
You know, for a woman who
eats cake in the morning,
20
00:01:00,060 --> 00:01:01,728
I think I look
pretty damn hot.
21
00:01:01,795 --> 00:01:03,630
This isn't about
whether or not you're hot.
22
00:01:03,696 --> 00:01:05,999
It's about whether we want
to pay $39 a month,
23
00:01:06,066 --> 00:01:10,003
so you have over 600
nationwide locations
to never set foot in.
24
00:01:11,571 --> 00:01:14,140
You know what? Pay that bill.
I'm going to the gym today.
25
00:01:14,207 --> 00:01:16,142
Good for you.
26
00:01:16,209 --> 00:01:17,277
And you know what,
if you need the address,
check the fridge.
27
00:01:17,343 --> 00:01:20,613
There's an aerobic schedule
on there from 1997.
28
00:01:23,316 --> 00:01:27,187
Oh! I know exactly
where this is.
29
00:01:27,253 --> 00:01:29,622
It's right next
to Paco's Tacos.
30
00:01:32,058 --> 00:01:33,860
(JINGLE PLAYING)
31
00:01:44,237 --> 00:01:47,440
EDDIE: 'Til Death
is filmed in front of
a live studio audience.
32
00:01:51,878 --> 00:01:55,715
{\an8}Well! Hello, Mr. Working Man.
33
00:01:55,782 --> 00:01:56,883
{\an8}(STEPH CHUCKLES)
34
00:01:56,950 --> 00:01:59,085
{\an8}Don't you look hot?
35
00:01:59,152 --> 00:02:01,054
{\an8}If I had taken a shower
in the past three days
36
00:02:01,121 --> 00:02:03,857
{\an8}you'd be in trouble
right now, buster.
37
00:02:05,492 --> 00:02:07,961
{\an8}I could breathe
through my mouth.
38
00:02:09,496 --> 00:02:11,598
{\an8}I've got a better idea.
39
00:02:11,664 --> 00:02:16,269
{\an8}How about tonight
you and I watch
a fun video together?
40
00:02:16,336 --> 00:02:19,506
{\an8}You mean the one my
mom sent of her cat
in the dryer?
41
00:02:23,176 --> 00:02:26,546
{\an8}I was thinking
something a bit racier.
42
00:02:26,613 --> 00:02:28,548
{\an8}We're getting Dreamgirls?
43
00:02:29,682 --> 00:02:32,852
{\an8}Don't toy with me,
white woman.
44
00:02:32,919 --> 00:02:37,123
{\an8}Actually, Jeff, I was thinking
that you and I could rent
an explicit video,
45
00:02:37,190 --> 00:02:39,159
{\an8}watch it in our bedroom,
46
00:02:39,225 --> 00:02:42,562
{\an8}and see where
the evening takes us.
47
00:02:42,629 --> 00:02:46,199
{\an8}Wow! Uh, what
brought this on?
48
00:02:46,266 --> 00:02:48,468
{\an8}Yesterday's Oprah was
all about the dangers
49
00:02:48,535 --> 00:02:50,637
{\an8}of being addicted
to pornography,
50
00:02:50,703 --> 00:02:54,107
{\an8}and I got to thinking that
on the road to addiction
51
00:02:54,174 --> 00:02:56,543
{\an8}you can have
a pretty good time.
52
00:03:01,814 --> 00:03:05,518
All right, guys.
Lock it down.
53
00:03:05,585 --> 00:03:08,555
I've got an interesting
proposition and I need
your advice.
54
00:03:08,621 --> 00:03:12,192
This morning, Steph suggested
that we get an adult video.
55
00:03:14,561 --> 00:03:18,031
Okay, I'm going to need
you to tell me everything
everyone said
56
00:03:18,097 --> 00:03:21,601
with the exact inflection
in which they said it.
57
00:03:21,668 --> 00:03:25,238
Okay. Well, I was heading out
for work and Steph said...
58
00:03:25,305 --> 00:03:26,739
Wait, wait, wait.
Is his wife hot?
59
00:03:26,806 --> 00:03:30,043
Hot enough that their
marriage makes no sense.
60
00:03:30,109 --> 00:03:31,177
Go.
61
00:03:31,244 --> 00:03:33,746
Uh, well. Steph said
that it might be fun
62
00:03:33,813 --> 00:03:37,550
if we got a video
with adult content.
63
00:03:37,617 --> 00:03:40,386
Wow! This is big boy stuff.
You got to get that tape now.
64
00:03:40,453 --> 00:03:42,655
Yeah, if you don't burn
a personal day doing this
65
00:03:42,722 --> 00:03:44,691
then you are dead to me.
66
00:03:44,757 --> 00:03:46,593
Oh, no, no.
I got the tape.
67
00:03:46,659 --> 00:03:47,827
Already?
68
00:03:47,894 --> 00:03:49,629
(CHUCKLING)
It's 8:06 in the morning.
69
00:03:49,696 --> 00:03:52,799
Yeah. Well, let me
tell you, the predawn
adult video crowd...
70
00:03:52,865 --> 00:03:54,234
Freaky!
71
00:03:55,501 --> 00:03:57,770
You know, and it got me
thinking, is this really
72
00:03:57,837 --> 00:03:59,539
the right thing for me
and Steph to be doing?
73
00:03:59,606 --> 00:04:02,875
Because our lovemaking,
it's really beautiful.
74
00:04:02,942 --> 00:04:04,611
You shut your mouth!
75
00:04:07,213 --> 00:04:11,117
You have just been given
a gift that men everywhere
only dream about.
76
00:04:11,184 --> 00:04:14,287
And you, you question it?
How dare you?
77
00:04:14,354 --> 00:04:17,557
I have been dropping
hints to Joy for
20 years and nothing.
78
00:04:17,624 --> 00:04:21,961
But you, you,
you lucky son of a bitch,
79
00:04:22,028 --> 00:04:25,498
your wife actually
suggests it and you
say you're not sure?
80
00:04:25,565 --> 00:04:28,001
Well, you better
get sure, mister.
81
00:04:30,803 --> 00:04:34,540
It's just that
I've never seen one.
82
00:04:34,607 --> 00:04:36,843
Really? Never been
to a bachelor party?
83
00:04:36,909 --> 00:04:38,645
Or his house ever?
84
00:04:41,281 --> 00:04:43,349
No. I'm a nice person.
85
00:04:43,983 --> 00:04:45,485
This is fantastic.
86
00:04:45,551 --> 00:04:49,722
It's like seeing Disneyland
for the first time through
a child's eyes.
87
00:04:49,789 --> 00:04:51,524
Don't worry, kid.
We're going to get
you through this.
88
00:04:51,591 --> 00:04:53,660
First things first,
did you get
the right tape?
89
00:04:53,726 --> 00:04:54,961
What do you mean
the right tape?
90
00:04:55,028 --> 00:04:58,231
All right, Jeff,
in the adult movie genre,
91
00:04:58,298 --> 00:05:00,400
there are two
distinct categories.
92
00:05:00,466 --> 00:05:02,201
There's the stuff
you watch by yourself
93
00:05:02,268 --> 00:05:05,271
and the stuff
you watch with
your lady friend.
94
00:05:05,338 --> 00:05:07,473
The stuff you watch
by yourself
can be anything.
95
00:05:07,540 --> 00:05:09,609
Because I don't judge me.
96
00:05:14,747 --> 00:05:18,484
The stuff you watch
together needs to be
tasteful, appropriate.
97
00:05:18,551 --> 00:05:21,287
Dare I say romantic.
98
00:05:21,354 --> 00:05:22,955
Well, I don't know
what I got.
99
00:05:23,022 --> 00:05:24,791
I locked eyes with a guy
in a trench coat,
100
00:05:24,857 --> 00:05:27,860
I grabbed a video
and I got the hell
out of there.
101
00:05:27,927 --> 00:05:29,696
Okay, show it to Papa.
102
00:05:31,397 --> 00:05:34,067
Huh. I don't think
I've seen this one.
103
00:05:34,133 --> 00:05:37,503
Oh, it's directed
by Randy Randee.
104
00:05:37,570 --> 00:05:38,938
I'm not familiar
with his work.
105
00:05:39,005 --> 00:05:40,573
Yeah. Me neither.
106
00:05:40,640 --> 00:05:44,911
And volume 23 of anything
is not a good sign.
107
00:05:44,977 --> 00:05:46,112
You're going to
have to give this
a pre-screening
108
00:05:46,179 --> 00:05:47,513
before you watch it
with the missus.
109
00:05:47,580 --> 00:05:49,382
Oh, no, no, no, no, no.
You see, I can't
watch it without her
110
00:05:49,449 --> 00:05:52,418
because she knows
I've never seen
this stuff before.
111
00:05:52,485 --> 00:05:54,921
So, you know, I got
to seem green.
112
00:05:55,922 --> 00:05:56,756
All right!
I'll watch it for you.
113
00:05:56,823 --> 00:05:58,057
Hey, you know what,
I'll watch it.
114
00:05:58,124 --> 00:05:59,225
{\an5}No, I'll be happy
to watch it.
No, I'll do it.
115
00:05:59,292 --> 00:06:02,562
Guys! Why don't you just
watch it together?
116
00:06:04,964 --> 00:06:06,432
Just take it.
117
00:06:20,046 --> 00:06:21,614
(BEEPING)
118
00:06:23,583 --> 00:06:24,851
(BEEPING)
119
00:06:32,792 --> 00:06:34,527
(BEEPING)
120
00:06:35,895 --> 00:06:37,597
(BEEPING)
121
00:06:54,847 --> 00:06:57,083
(BEEPING)
122
00:06:59,886 --> 00:07:01,421
(PANTING)
123
00:07:29,015 --> 00:07:30,283
(KNOCKING ON DOOR)
124
00:07:32,552 --> 00:07:35,121
So? How was the gym?
125
00:07:36,589 --> 00:07:37,657
Shut up.
126
00:07:37,723 --> 00:07:39,926
Oh, come on.
I'm kidding.
127
00:07:39,992 --> 00:07:41,694
You okay?
128
00:07:41,761 --> 00:07:43,429
Listen. You know,
you came back from
a long hiatus.
129
00:07:43,496 --> 00:07:45,531
You can't expect to do
seven hard minutes
130
00:07:45,598 --> 00:07:49,602
on a treadmill without being
medivacked to the hospital.
131
00:07:49,669 --> 00:07:52,371
You know what,
now you can't
have my Jell-O.
132
00:07:53,973 --> 00:07:56,108
(CHUCKLES)
133
00:07:56,175 --> 00:07:58,778
This isn't so bad, huh?
Look at you, you've got
a remote-controlled bed,
134
00:07:58,845 --> 00:08:01,614
(STUTTERING)
and room service and...
135
00:08:01,681 --> 00:08:06,018
Hey, guess who's not
going to miss a minute of
her favorite TV programs?
136
00:08:08,955 --> 00:08:10,890
What you got there?
Green?
137
00:08:12,425 --> 00:08:15,495
Anyway, the doctor
said that I have
a slight concussion
138
00:08:15,561 --> 00:08:17,864
and they want to
keep me overnight
for observation.
139
00:08:17,930 --> 00:08:20,266
Oh, overnight, huh? Hmm.
140
00:08:20,333 --> 00:08:22,435
You want to stay with me?
141
00:08:22,502 --> 00:08:23,469
Do I?
142
00:08:24,537 --> 00:08:26,572
It would be a blast!
143
00:08:26,639 --> 00:08:32,512
I mean, I'm not afraid
of any microscopic germs
or random diseases.
144
00:08:37,717 --> 00:08:39,018
(EXCLAIMS)
145
00:08:41,220 --> 00:08:42,822
This is sweet, huh?
146
00:08:42,889 --> 00:08:46,459
So, I assume
you get the bed?
147
00:08:46,526 --> 00:08:50,796
Oh, but you know what,
I'm just going to crash
right here on this
148
00:08:50,863 --> 00:08:52,832
lightly padded
window sill,
149
00:08:52,899 --> 00:08:55,101
it should... Yeah...
150
00:08:56,936 --> 00:08:58,871
Fantastic!
151
00:08:58,938 --> 00:09:00,439
And you know what,
if my neck hurts
in the morning,
152
00:09:00,506 --> 00:09:02,708
I'll already be
at the hospital.
153
00:09:02,775 --> 00:09:04,710
(CHUCKLING) Just go.
154
00:09:04,777 --> 00:09:06,212
Love you.
155
00:09:06,279 --> 00:09:07,547
Okay.
156
00:09:16,789 --> 00:09:20,526
Hey, Eddie, it's Jeff.
Uh, if you're there, pick up.
157
00:09:23,162 --> 00:09:25,064
Okay, uh...
158
00:09:25,131 --> 00:09:29,268
Just wanted to see
if you'd watched that
video for me yet.
159
00:09:31,037 --> 00:09:33,239
Steph's getting
kind of antsy.
160
00:09:35,074 --> 00:09:37,209
Uh...
161
00:09:37,276 --> 00:09:41,981
Anyway, we're really
kind of excited to
get going over here.
162
00:09:43,816 --> 00:09:46,118
So...
163
00:09:46,185 --> 00:09:49,088
Just wanted to see
where you're at on that.
164
00:09:50,990 --> 00:09:52,358
(PHONE BEEPING)
165
00:09:52,425 --> 00:09:53,659
(SNORING)
166
00:10:01,901 --> 00:10:04,370
Okay, easy, easy,
baby steps.
167
00:10:04,437 --> 00:10:06,105
(CHUCKLING)
Eddie, it's okay.
I can walk.
168
00:10:06,172 --> 00:10:10,509
Well, that's what you said
about running and look
where that got you.
169
00:10:11,677 --> 00:10:13,245
All right,
let me help you.
170
00:10:13,312 --> 00:10:15,514
(GROANING) Thanks.
You bet, okay.
171
00:10:21,020 --> 00:10:23,289
What was that?
What was what?
172
00:10:23,356 --> 00:10:24,957
You just grabbed
something from the couch.
173
00:10:25,024 --> 00:10:27,226
Well, maybe it was
your welcome home gift.
174
00:10:27,293 --> 00:10:29,128
Aw, let me see it.
No, I haven't wrapped it yet.
175
00:10:29,195 --> 00:10:30,863
{\an5}You know I don't
care about that...
Yeah, but I do.
176
00:10:30,930 --> 00:10:33,132
Presentation is everything.
177
00:10:33,199 --> 00:10:34,567
Will you let me see it?
178
00:10:34,634 --> 00:10:36,235
(STAMMERING) No. Later.
I want you to rest first.
179
00:10:36,302 --> 00:10:38,304
Oh, look, a sandwich.
Where?
180
00:10:49,115 --> 00:10:52,051
You seem disappointed,
do you have that one?
181
00:10:57,056 --> 00:10:58,824
You have got
to be kidding me.
182
00:10:58,891 --> 00:11:00,626
(STAMMERING) All right,
listen to me. Steph wanted
to watch this with Jeff
183
00:11:00,693 --> 00:11:03,629
and he had never seen
one before, so he
basically begged me
184
00:11:03,696 --> 00:11:05,364
to preview it for him
last night, that's all.
185
00:11:05,431 --> 00:11:08,234
Last night while I was
in the hospital?
186
00:11:10,036 --> 00:11:12,104
See, that seems like one
of those questions where
187
00:11:12,171 --> 00:11:14,807
there's no answer that
would please you.
188
00:11:16,108 --> 00:11:17,543
You are unbelievable.
189
00:11:17,610 --> 00:11:20,613
It wasn't for me.
I watched it for the boy.
190
00:11:20,680 --> 00:11:22,148
Boy my...
191
00:11:24,050 --> 00:11:27,286
(SNICKERING) Oh!
What do we have here?
192
00:11:27,353 --> 00:11:32,324
It's a foot long hoagie
wrapper and three beers.
193
00:11:32,391 --> 00:11:36,929
You had quite a little
date with yourself last
night, didn't you?
194
00:11:36,996 --> 00:11:39,665
You wined and dined you.
195
00:11:39,732 --> 00:11:42,468
Guess you had to put out
after that, huh?
196
00:11:45,304 --> 00:11:49,442
Look, I said that I was
willing to sleep on that
little window sill
197
00:11:49,508 --> 00:11:51,410
and you suggested
that I come home.
198
00:11:51,477 --> 00:11:53,279
It's a very fuzzy line
with you, Joy.
199
00:11:53,345 --> 00:11:56,182
What are the rules?
What are the rules?
200
00:11:56,248 --> 00:12:00,019
How about, don't watch porn
while I'm in the hospital?
201
00:12:01,487 --> 00:12:03,222
(KNOCKING ON DOOR)
202
00:12:03,289 --> 00:12:04,757
Hey, why didn't you
pick up the phone,
203
00:12:04,824 --> 00:12:07,226
I need to get
my porn... Flakes.
204
00:12:12,298 --> 00:12:14,233
She knows.
205
00:12:14,300 --> 00:12:15,367
What's the hold up, dude,
I thought we were going to
206
00:12:15,434 --> 00:12:18,471
try to get this done
before Letterman.
207
00:12:18,537 --> 00:12:20,206
You guys done with this?
208
00:12:20,272 --> 00:12:24,009
Yes, I want to thank you
for bringing this into
our lives.
209
00:12:24,076 --> 00:12:27,246
Oh, I see what's
going on here.
210
00:12:27,313 --> 00:12:29,148
Joy, if I may,
211
00:12:29,215 --> 00:12:33,552
this is nothing more than
a documentation of
two consenting adults.
212
00:12:35,020 --> 00:12:36,756
Okay, sometimes three.
213
00:12:45,297 --> 00:12:48,868
Enjoying the most natural
of human behaviors.
214
00:12:48,934 --> 00:12:50,836
Get out of my house.
215
00:12:53,072 --> 00:12:54,206
Okay.
216
00:12:54,273 --> 00:12:56,142
Honey, I'll just
be a minute.
217
00:12:56,208 --> 00:12:57,376
I just need to ask
Eddie a quick
school-related question.
218
00:12:57,443 --> 00:13:00,613
{\an5}Go straight
to scene three.
Thank you.
219
00:13:02,414 --> 00:13:05,918
You know what, I'm going
to go to bed. I'm sorry
that they took your DVD.
220
00:13:05,985 --> 00:13:07,753
If you're looking for
further inspiration
221
00:13:07,820 --> 00:13:09,555
you should probably go to
one of those websites
222
00:13:09,622 --> 00:13:11,690
that you think
that I don't know
that you go to.
223
00:13:11,757 --> 00:13:15,494
Okay, all right, listen,
I'm really sorry you're
upset. I really am.
224
00:13:15,561 --> 00:13:21,267
But I have to say I think
that some wives don't seem
to have a problem with this.
225
00:13:22,635 --> 00:13:25,604
What are you saying?
226
00:13:25,671 --> 00:13:29,208
(WHISPERING) I think
that sometimes
you're a little prude.
227
00:13:34,280 --> 00:13:36,582
Think very,
very carefully.
228
00:13:38,317 --> 00:13:40,619
Are you sure you
want to say that?
229
00:13:42,154 --> 00:13:45,825
You know what? I am.
230
00:13:45,891 --> 00:13:48,561
Okay, you know what,
you want to be more
like Jeff and Steph,
231
00:13:48,627 --> 00:13:51,130
you want to watch
something together,
bring it on, tough guy.
232
00:13:51,197 --> 00:13:53,065
Oh, yeah, right, sure.
233
00:13:53,132 --> 00:13:56,035
Oh, no, I'm serious.
Who knows? Maybe it'll
spice things up a little.
234
00:13:56,101 --> 00:13:58,170
Spice things up?
235
00:13:58,237 --> 00:14:00,539
Yeah, I mean it wouldn't
hurt to introduce a new
move in the bedroom
236
00:14:00,606 --> 00:14:02,908
once every quarter
century or so.
237
00:14:05,344 --> 00:14:08,247
Oh, you want spice,
I'll bring the spice.
238
00:14:08,314 --> 00:14:13,152
Yeah! You're going to need
a spice rack for all the spice
that I'm bringing, baby.
239
00:14:13,219 --> 00:14:17,456
Because you just
flipped the lid on the
cayenne pepper, sister.
240
00:14:22,728 --> 00:14:25,397
All right,
lock it down, guys.
241
00:14:25,464 --> 00:14:28,434
Lock it down.
Big man in crisis.
242
00:14:28,500 --> 00:14:32,805
Okay, listen, Joy wants
us to get one of your
fancy videos.
243
00:14:32,872 --> 00:14:35,641
Okay, I'm going to need
you to tell me everything
everyone said
244
00:14:35,708 --> 00:14:38,143
in the exact inflection
with which they said it.
245
00:14:38,210 --> 00:14:39,378
Okay, all right.
246
00:14:39,445 --> 00:14:40,946
Well, Joy and I
were in the living room and...
247
00:14:41,013 --> 00:14:42,982
Hold on,
what was she wearing?
248
00:14:43,048 --> 00:14:45,584
I don't remember,
I guess something that
highlighted her boobs.
249
00:14:45,651 --> 00:14:46,752
(IMITATING BEEPING)
250
00:14:46,819 --> 00:14:48,821
Locking in visual and go.
251
00:14:51,190 --> 00:14:54,059
All right, she wants to
take a trip to naughty town,
252
00:14:54,126 --> 00:14:56,862
and she also said
that an explicit
video might help,
253
00:14:56,929 --> 00:15:00,566
and I quote,
"spice things up."
254
00:15:00,633 --> 00:15:03,969
Huh. Steph and I spiced
things up three times
last night.
255
00:15:05,771 --> 00:15:08,007
Really? Okay, I'm going
to need you to tell me...
256
00:15:08,073 --> 00:15:12,044
Not now, Karl.
I'm freaking out here.
257
00:15:12,111 --> 00:15:13,779
Hey, you said this
is what you wanted.
258
00:15:13,846 --> 00:15:18,183
It was, until it got real.
Do you have any idea
what's on those tapes?
259
00:15:18,250 --> 00:15:22,021
Young, flexible men,
with incredible stamina
260
00:15:22,087 --> 00:15:24,790
and top-of-the-line equipment
doing things so well
261
00:15:24,857 --> 00:15:30,296
that somebody said,
"Oh, my God, grab a camera,
we got to get this on tape."
262
00:15:30,362 --> 00:15:33,365
You see, Eddie, I actually...
I found that inspiring.
263
00:15:33,432 --> 00:15:35,067
Yeah, well, that's
because you're young.
264
00:15:35,134 --> 00:15:36,969
I can barely touch
my toes anymore,
265
00:15:37,036 --> 00:15:41,273
I'm this close to getting
Velcro sneakers and it's
all your fault.
266
00:15:41,340 --> 00:15:42,708
Me?
Yes.
267
00:15:42,775 --> 00:15:45,144
If you hadn't dragged
me through your tawdry
bedroom escapades,
268
00:15:45,210 --> 00:15:48,681
I'd be having safe, boring,
red state sex right now.
269
00:15:49,581 --> 00:15:51,317
You asked me for the tape.
270
00:15:51,383 --> 00:15:54,053
'Cause you didn't have
the stones to watch it.
271
00:15:54,119 --> 00:15:55,287
What are you
talking about?
272
00:15:55,354 --> 00:15:57,690
Guys, guys, don't fight.
273
00:15:57,756 --> 00:16:00,459
Porn is supposed to
bring us together.
274
00:16:02,861 --> 00:16:05,597
Well, I'm sorry,
I just can't do this.
275
00:16:05,664 --> 00:16:09,401
Oh, can't you?
Let me tell you
something, mister,
276
00:16:09,468 --> 00:16:12,838
just the other day,
I stood trembling
in this very room
277
00:16:12,905 --> 00:16:15,574
ready to throw away
the most magical
night of my life,
278
00:16:15,641 --> 00:16:18,077
until my friend
Eddie Stark
279
00:16:18,143 --> 00:16:21,847
had the courage to admit
that he would trade places
with me in a heartbeat.
280
00:16:21,914 --> 00:16:23,749
And look at you now!
281
00:16:23,816 --> 00:16:28,654
You're finally standing
at ecstasy's doorstep and
you're whining like a Nancy.
282
00:16:30,990 --> 00:16:33,659
What's the matter,
Eddie? My heaven ain't
good enough for you?
283
00:16:33,726 --> 00:16:36,729
How dare me?
How dare you?
284
00:16:44,503 --> 00:16:45,904
I'm going to
level with you,
285
00:16:45,971 --> 00:16:48,807
I'm working a pretty
big man crush right now.
286
00:16:59,518 --> 00:17:01,987
Are you ready
for some Eddie?
287
00:17:02,054 --> 00:17:03,689
(EXHALING)
You got the thing?
288
00:17:03,756 --> 00:17:05,124
(JOY CLEARS THROAT)
289
00:17:05,190 --> 00:17:08,660
This should be good.
It was under staff favorites.
290
00:17:08,727 --> 00:17:11,096
This is one of Walt's picks.
291
00:17:11,163 --> 00:17:14,800
Okay, Walt, let's see
what you watch in your
mommy's basement.
292
00:17:17,536 --> 00:17:20,406
You sure you want to do this?
Because it feels a lot like
that time you
293
00:17:20,472 --> 00:17:23,709
asked to see the
little webbing between
my first and second toe,
294
00:17:23,776 --> 00:17:25,577
and after I showed it
to you, you were like,
295
00:17:25,644 --> 00:17:28,147
"Oh my God, I wish
I hadn't seen that."
296
00:17:29,381 --> 00:17:32,618
{\an5}Just hit play and
keep your socks on.
All righty.
297
00:17:34,420 --> 00:17:37,790
Okey-dokey. Here we go.
298
00:17:38,891 --> 00:17:40,025
(CHUCKLES)
299
00:17:40,092 --> 00:17:41,960
(CLEARS THROAT) Okay.
300
00:17:42,027 --> 00:17:43,328
(MUSIC PLAYING ON TV)
301
00:17:43,395 --> 00:17:44,730
(WHIRRING)
302
00:17:46,198 --> 00:17:48,133
Ooh! A construction site.
303
00:17:49,835 --> 00:17:53,639
And I'm guessing
that is the foreman.
304
00:17:53,705 --> 00:17:57,376
MAN ON TV: Excuse me, ma'am,
this is a hard hat area.
305
00:17:59,578 --> 00:18:01,480
WOMAN ON TV: It sure is.
306
00:18:13,959 --> 00:18:15,461
What?
Okay.
307
00:18:15,527 --> 00:18:16,695
(MUSIC STOPS)
308
00:18:18,063 --> 00:18:19,832
Wow!
309
00:18:19,898 --> 00:18:23,035
Well, good for you,
but I might need
a little more.
310
00:18:32,044 --> 00:18:34,746
Are you unhappy
with our lovemaking?
311
00:18:36,682 --> 00:18:37,916
What?
312
00:18:39,651 --> 00:18:42,821
Well, why did you say,
"spice things up"?
313
00:18:42,888 --> 00:18:45,390
If that was just to get
back at me for what I did
314
00:18:45,457 --> 00:18:49,361
while you were in
the hospital, well, then
mission accomplished.
315
00:18:52,431 --> 00:18:57,169
It's not that
I was in the hospital.
It's why I was there.
316
00:18:57,236 --> 00:19:02,074
Eddie, I was lying in that
bed and I was feeling
horrible about myself
317
00:19:02,141 --> 00:19:06,612
because I couldn't last
three minutes on a treadmill
and you're here
318
00:19:06,678 --> 00:19:10,849
watching these young hotties
319
00:19:10,916 --> 00:19:14,086
while you played
a little five on one.
320
00:19:19,191 --> 00:19:23,662
Wait a minute,
you're feeling insecure?
321
00:19:27,166 --> 00:19:28,467
Maybe.
322
00:19:28,534 --> 00:19:31,870
Hey, you're fantastic.
323
00:19:31,937 --> 00:19:35,174
Do you know how
lucky I feel, when we're
walking through the mall
324
00:19:35,240 --> 00:19:39,811
and guys turn to see you
in one of your tops that
barely gets the job done?
325
00:19:41,547 --> 00:19:43,448
I'm so proud of you.
326
00:19:45,384 --> 00:19:46,618
Really?
327
00:19:46,685 --> 00:19:50,956
Yes, Joy, you're beautiful.
328
00:19:51,023 --> 00:19:55,027
I mean if you wanted to,
you could be a porn star
just like that.
329
00:19:56,461 --> 00:19:58,030
So could you.
330
00:20:00,232 --> 00:20:03,902
All right, see, that's why
I'm feeling insecure,
331
00:20:03,969 --> 00:20:07,306
that and also 'cause
I only have four moves.
332
00:20:07,372 --> 00:20:12,177
Actually, it's really
just three moves,
333
00:20:12,244 --> 00:20:16,448
'cause the last one
is pretty much just
you getting off my hair.
334
00:20:19,885 --> 00:20:23,155
But they're the
right three moves.
335
00:20:23,222 --> 00:20:26,258
It's like, I like
chocolate ice cream, right?
336
00:20:26,325 --> 00:20:29,995
And even when you take me
to that place that has all
the mixings,
337
00:20:30,062 --> 00:20:34,099
I'm still going to get
the chocolate. You
know what I'm saying?
338
00:20:34,166 --> 00:20:37,236
If chocolate ice cream
is a euphemism, I do.
339
00:20:45,677 --> 00:20:48,347
Hey, you want to get
some ice cream?
340
00:20:48,413 --> 00:20:52,985
Uh, before or after?
'Cause they close
in 20 minutes.
341
00:20:53,051 --> 00:20:56,054
I got to tell you,
I think we're fine
either way.
342
00:21:04,363 --> 00:21:05,864
{\an8}(GASPING)
343
00:21:05,931 --> 00:21:06,932
{\an8}In and out.
344
00:21:06,999 --> 00:21:08,700
{\an8}(INHALING DEEPLY)
345
00:21:14,072 --> 00:21:15,707
{\an8}(BREATHING HEAVILY)
346
00:21:19,745 --> 00:21:20,746
{\an8}Okay.
347
00:21:25,250 --> 00:21:27,119
{\an8}How do you know him again?
29400
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