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1
00:00:01,835 --> 00:00:04,304
I think probably
the worst part about
getting married is,
2
00:00:04,404 --> 00:00:05,338
(KIDS LAUGHING)
3
00:00:05,438 --> 00:00:06,840
whenever you wanna
do something alone,
4
00:00:06,940 --> 00:00:08,608
you always have to
do it together.
5
00:00:08,708 --> 00:00:10,143
Way too much work.
6
00:00:10,243 --> 00:00:13,413
Wives can be
scary once you...
They get angry.
7
00:00:13,513 --> 00:00:16,616
I'd like to marry
a girl that's skinny.
8
00:00:16,716 --> 00:00:17,951
♪ All right!
9
00:00:18,051 --> 00:00:20,553
♪ Oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh! ♪
10
00:00:23,289 --> 00:00:24,691
(PHONE RINGING)
11
00:00:24,791 --> 00:00:25,859
Phone!
12
00:00:25,959 --> 00:00:27,927
We're not here!
Don't answer that!
13
00:00:28,028 --> 00:00:29,062
What if it's an emergency?
14
00:00:29,162 --> 00:00:31,097
Who would call us
in an emergency?
15
00:00:31,197 --> 00:00:34,300
You're panicky,
and I'm too big to
fit in small spaces.
16
00:00:35,368 --> 00:00:36,636
Hey, I just tried
calling you guys.
17
00:00:36,736 --> 00:00:37,971
Why didn't you pick up?
18
00:00:38,071 --> 00:00:40,273
Because we didn't want
to talk to anyone!
19
00:00:40,373 --> 00:00:42,475
But, boy,
is that dream dead.
20
00:00:43,810 --> 00:00:47,480
What, are you guys
going on vacation?
21
00:00:47,580 --> 00:00:50,917
Guess you found someone else
to pick up your mail, huh?
22
00:00:51,017 --> 00:00:53,119
Oh, pull yourself
together.
23
00:00:53,219 --> 00:00:55,121
We're just gonna go
visit Allison at college
for parents' weekend.
24
00:00:55,221 --> 00:00:57,023
Yes, and instead
of a hotel,
25
00:00:57,123 --> 00:01:01,661
Eddie has opted for us
to stay in the spa-like
setting of the dorms.
26
00:01:01,761 --> 00:01:03,696
Yay.
27
00:01:03,797 --> 00:01:07,167
Anyway, I was
wondering if you guys
knew a good tile guy.
28
00:01:07,267 --> 00:01:09,569
Anytime I try doing
home improvements
around the house,
29
00:01:09,669 --> 00:01:12,739
Steph turns into a...
Sort of a...
30
00:01:12,839 --> 00:01:14,974
Bitch.
Your word.
31
00:01:15,075 --> 00:01:17,310
But, you know,
it's big fights
and hurt feelings,
32
00:01:17,410 --> 00:01:19,345
so this time, I just wanna
stay out of it, you know?
33
00:01:19,446 --> 00:01:21,915
Hire someone to use
as a human shield.
34
00:01:22,015 --> 00:01:23,750
I got a guy.
Oh, yeah?
35
00:01:23,850 --> 00:01:25,752
Does he charge
a flat rate or hourly?
36
00:01:25,852 --> 00:01:27,320
{\an8}(PHONE RINGS)
You know what?
I don't really remember...
37
00:01:27,420 --> 00:01:28,988
Sorry, Joy.
Excuse me.
38
00:01:29,089 --> 00:01:30,023
Hello!
39
00:01:30,123 --> 00:01:32,125
Get out
of my house!
40
00:01:41,201 --> 00:01:42,335
{\an8}What's wrong with you?
41
00:01:42,435 --> 00:01:45,205
{\an8}That bathroom
is barbaric.
42
00:01:45,305 --> 00:01:48,308
{\an8}You'd think
they would at least buy
some shower curtains.
43
00:01:48,408 --> 00:01:50,143
{\an8}And one of the other
visiting dads
44
00:01:50,243 --> 00:01:53,246
{\an8}was being very thorough
with his undercarriage.
45
00:01:58,651 --> 00:02:00,987
{\an8}What are you doing on my bunk?
I called bottom.
46
00:02:01,087 --> 00:02:04,457
{\an8}And I called "hotel."
47
00:02:04,557 --> 00:02:09,462
{\an8}But you know,
we used to do some pretty
fun things in a single.
48
00:02:09,562 --> 00:02:11,998
{\an8}(PLAYFULLY)
Come here, birdie.
49
00:02:12,098 --> 00:02:14,267
{\an8}(BOTH CHUCKLING)
50
00:02:14,367 --> 00:02:16,402
{\an8}Come on!
Get back there!
51
00:02:16,503 --> 00:02:17,704
{\an8}All right.
52
00:02:17,804 --> 00:02:19,973
{\an8}(BOTH LAUGHING)
53
00:02:20,073 --> 00:02:21,241
{\an8}Let me in.
54
00:02:21,341 --> 00:02:23,476
{\an8}Okay. Oops.
Careful of the fellas.
55
00:02:23,576 --> 00:02:24,677
(GRUNTS)
56
00:02:25,979 --> 00:02:27,180
{\an8}Okay.
57
00:02:27,280 --> 00:02:28,815
{\an8}How do inmates do this?
58
00:02:28,915 --> 00:02:33,319
{\an8}Well, I'm guessing,
to them, it's really
not about the spooning.
59
00:02:33,419 --> 00:02:34,420
{\an8}(KNOCK ON DOOR)
60
00:02:34,521 --> 00:02:36,823
{\an8}Hey, guys. Whoa!
61
00:02:36,923 --> 00:02:39,792
{\an8}If you're about to do it,
you should put a sock
on the doorknob.
62
00:02:39,893 --> 00:02:42,495
{\an8}Paul Nash, single dad,
recently divorced.
63
00:02:42,595 --> 00:02:45,732
{\an8}I'm your suite mate.
I'm round over there.
64
00:02:45,832 --> 00:02:49,502
{\an8}Don't worry. I don't smoke.
At least, not cigarettes.
65
00:02:52,172 --> 00:02:52,939
ALLISON: Mom? Dad?
66
00:02:53,039 --> 00:02:54,574
Girl on the floor!
67
00:02:55,208 --> 00:02:56,342
(EDDIE LAUGHING)
68
00:02:56,442 --> 00:02:57,877
{\an8}Hi! Here she is.
69
00:02:57,977 --> 00:02:59,145
{\an8}Hi.
70
00:02:59,245 --> 00:03:00,647
{\an8}Oh! Hello, darling.
Hi.
71
00:03:02,482 --> 00:03:06,019
{\an8}Paul Nash, single dad.
Recently divorced.
72
00:03:06,119 --> 00:03:07,720
{\an8}I'm rooming
with your folks.
73
00:03:07,820 --> 00:03:10,089
{\an8}Wow. What a treat
for them.
74
00:03:10,190 --> 00:03:11,457
{\an8}You bet it is.
75
00:03:11,558 --> 00:03:14,027
{\an8}Hey! I'm thinking
about getting a keg.
76
00:03:15,395 --> 00:03:16,896
Uh, quarter keg?
77
00:03:17,730 --> 00:03:18,965
Six-pack?
78
00:03:19,065 --> 00:03:20,466
{\an8}Anyone?
79
00:03:20,567 --> 00:03:23,169
{\an8}All right, I'm gonna get
a tall one for myself.
80
00:03:23,269 --> 00:03:25,238
{\an8}I hate streaking sober.
81
00:03:27,440 --> 00:03:29,275
{\an8}So, parents'
weekend, huh?
82
00:03:29,375 --> 00:03:31,511
{\an8}Let's check out
the schedule.
83
00:03:32,378 --> 00:03:33,713
{\an8}Let's see.
84
00:03:33,813 --> 00:03:37,150
{\an8}Oh! The student union is
handing out free condoms.
85
00:03:37,250 --> 00:03:39,586
{\an8}Wonder how much of my tuition
is going to that.
86
00:03:42,522 --> 00:03:45,191
{\an8}Don't worry, Dad.
I'm not having sex.
87
00:03:45,291 --> 00:03:47,360
Of course
you're not, honey!
88
00:03:47,460 --> 00:03:49,929
She's lying.
89
00:03:50,029 --> 00:03:53,933
Actually, if you guys aren't
tempted to chug beers with
Paul Nash, single dad,
90
00:03:54,033 --> 00:03:56,636
you should come to a show
for my pottery class.
91
00:03:56,736 --> 00:03:59,005
Oh. I didn't know you
were taking pottery.
92
00:03:59,105 --> 00:04:02,075
Yeah, well, I kind of had to.
It's a prerequisite
for my major.
93
00:04:02,175 --> 00:04:03,142
What major?
94
00:04:03,243 --> 00:04:04,811
Ceramic Studies.
95
00:04:12,752 --> 00:04:14,988
Really?
96
00:04:15,088 --> 00:04:18,391
Yeah. Listen, I said I'd
help set up for the show,
so I gotta run,
97
00:04:18,491 --> 00:04:19,826
but I'll see
you guys there?
98
00:04:19,926 --> 00:04:21,194
{\an5}We'll be there.
Absolutely.
Looking forward to it.
99
00:04:21,294 --> 00:04:22,962
Okay.
So excited!
100
00:04:23,062 --> 00:04:26,399
{\an8}(GROANS)
What the hell
is going on here?
101
00:04:26,499 --> 00:04:29,269
I know. I think
she's having sex.
102
00:04:29,369 --> 00:04:30,970
Eddie, we're on
a college campus.
103
00:04:31,070 --> 00:04:34,407
Everyone here is
having sex but us.
104
00:04:34,507 --> 00:04:35,908
We've got
a bigger problem.
105
00:04:36,009 --> 00:04:38,478
Allison just announced
that she is majoring
in dishware.
106
00:04:38,578 --> 00:04:41,180
Relax. It's just
a college major.
107
00:04:41,281 --> 00:04:44,417
A college...
What kind of a job
is Allison gonna get
108
00:04:44,517 --> 00:04:47,153
with a degree
in Ceramic Studies?
109
00:04:47,253 --> 00:04:48,621
I don't know!
110
00:04:48,721 --> 00:04:50,123
Maybe you should
ask a gentleman
111
00:04:50,223 --> 00:04:53,660
who started a little business
called Pottery Barn!
112
00:05:04,337 --> 00:05:06,773
Why should you lay
the tile that way?
113
00:05:06,873 --> 00:05:08,708
How about
because I said so?
114
00:05:08,808 --> 00:05:11,911
(SIGHS) This is worth
every penny.
115
00:05:12,011 --> 00:05:15,882
All respect,
just because you're saying it
doesn't mean it makes sense.
116
00:05:15,982 --> 00:05:18,284
I may not know
how to lay tile,
117
00:05:18,384 --> 00:05:20,753
but I know how
to look at tile,
118
00:05:20,853 --> 00:05:25,658
and I have a vision of how
I want this tile to look.
119
00:05:26,959 --> 00:05:28,795
I wanna talk
to the mister.
120
00:05:33,366 --> 00:05:34,801
Jeff.
Hey, honey.
121
00:05:34,901 --> 00:05:37,036
Oh, how's the project...
I'll see for myself.
122
00:05:38,805 --> 00:05:43,209
Well, Hector,
here's the mister.
123
00:05:43,309 --> 00:05:47,180
Hector here seems
to have a problem with
how I want the tile laid.
124
00:05:47,280 --> 00:05:48,548
She's not gonna like
the way it looks.
125
00:05:48,648 --> 00:05:50,650
Okay. You're not
in my head,
126
00:05:50,750 --> 00:05:53,319
you don't know
how I feel.
127
00:05:53,419 --> 00:05:55,755
You're not
my psychiatrist.
128
00:05:55,855 --> 00:05:58,091
Do I see you
every Thursday at noon?
129
00:05:58,191 --> 00:05:59,392
No!
130
00:05:59,492 --> 00:06:01,361
That's Dr. Silverman!
131
00:06:02,628 --> 00:06:05,098
You're Hector!
132
00:06:05,198 --> 00:06:08,768
Trust me, Hector,
you don't wanna be
her psychiatrist.
133
00:06:09,135 --> 00:06:10,336
No.
134
00:06:10,436 --> 00:06:12,505
I don't know how
I can be any clearer.
135
00:06:12,605 --> 00:06:15,208
I want these chickens
up to that line.
136
00:06:15,308 --> 00:06:17,610
The chickens
that are gonna be
on my walls,
137
00:06:17,710 --> 00:06:22,448
in my bathroom,
not yours, Hector.
138
00:06:22,548 --> 00:06:24,984
Uh-huh. Well, it looks like
you two can work this out...
139
00:06:25,084 --> 00:06:27,086
I can't work it out!
140
00:06:27,186 --> 00:06:28,788
(SEETHING)
I hate him!
141
00:06:31,557 --> 00:06:33,059
Listen, to do
what she wants,
142
00:06:33,159 --> 00:06:34,794
{\an8}(GIBBERING)
I'd have to cut
the tile in half...
143
00:06:34,894 --> 00:06:36,662
Let me stop you,
Hector.
144
00:06:36,763 --> 00:06:38,965
See, you seem like you
know what you're doing,
145
00:06:39,065 --> 00:06:41,768
and I'm guessing
you know more about this
than my wife, but...
146
00:06:41,868 --> 00:06:44,904
See, the thing is,
I don't sleep with you.
147
00:06:46,305 --> 00:06:49,275
I sleep with her.
Okay?
148
00:06:49,375 --> 00:06:52,678
So you're gonna lay the tile
exactly the way she wants it,
149
00:06:52,779 --> 00:06:56,315
and then,
when she changes her mind
for no apparent reason,
150
00:06:56,416 --> 00:06:58,317
you're gonna lay it again!
151
00:06:58,418 --> 00:07:02,221
'Cause the truth
is, Hector, I didn't
hire you to lay tile.
152
00:07:02,321 --> 00:07:04,657
I hired you
to be my fall guy.
153
00:07:04,757 --> 00:07:07,527
So all the anger
my wife has
about this project,
154
00:07:07,627 --> 00:07:09,962
it's gonna leave here
with you, okay?
155
00:07:10,062 --> 00:07:12,665
Huh? Huh? Huh?
156
00:07:12,765 --> 00:07:15,968
Why don't you, uh,
buy yourself
some new overalls?
157
00:07:21,974 --> 00:07:24,944
You know,
you're only okay with this
because it is Allison.
158
00:07:25,044 --> 00:07:26,979
When my Aunt Joan did
that thing with the beads,
159
00:07:27,079 --> 00:07:29,348
you called her a moron
right to her face.
160
00:07:29,449 --> 00:07:31,017
That's just
a technical term.
161
00:07:31,117 --> 00:07:33,920
Medically speaking,
your aunt Joan is a moron.
162
00:07:34,020 --> 00:07:36,355
And, yes, I do support
our daughter,
163
00:07:36,456 --> 00:07:37,924
because my little girl
is so talented
164
00:07:38,024 --> 00:07:41,127
that she could do anything
she sets her mind to.
165
00:07:45,431 --> 00:07:47,767
Why is her name
on that thing?
166
00:07:49,068 --> 00:07:50,603
"Allison Stark.
167
00:07:51,270 --> 00:07:52,472
"Mug."
168
00:07:54,974 --> 00:07:55,875
Huh.
169
00:08:01,314 --> 00:08:03,716
It looks like
a big piece of poo.
170
00:08:04,851 --> 00:08:07,053
It does. Someone
should tell her.
171
00:08:07,153 --> 00:08:09,355
Why don't we just write
"this sucks" on the card
and sneak out of here?
172
00:08:09,455 --> 00:08:11,090
We can't do that!
Hey, guys.
173
00:08:11,190 --> 00:08:12,558
Hey!
Hey, darling.
174
00:08:12,658 --> 00:08:15,394
Hey, there's our
little cerami...
175
00:08:15,495 --> 00:08:16,996
tologist!
176
00:08:18,064 --> 00:08:19,332
Did you guys
see my piece?
177
00:08:19,432 --> 00:08:20,433
We did!
Yeah!
178
00:08:20,533 --> 00:08:22,368
We did.
179
00:08:22,468 --> 00:08:23,903
It's a mug.
180
00:08:24,003 --> 00:08:25,204
It's ironic, right?
181
00:08:25,304 --> 00:08:27,306
I wanted to deconstruct
the idea of a mug
182
00:08:27,406 --> 00:08:28,908
in modern-day suburban life.
183
00:08:29,008 --> 00:08:31,143
It's a political commentary.
184
00:08:31,244 --> 00:08:32,745
Fantastic.
185
00:08:35,181 --> 00:08:37,383
Uh, I'm curious.
186
00:08:37,483 --> 00:08:40,620
How would...
How would you drink
out of this?
187
00:08:40,720 --> 00:08:42,688
Well, you wouldn't.
That's the point.
188
00:08:42,788 --> 00:08:45,324
So it's a mug that's
not for drinking.
189
00:08:45,424 --> 00:08:47,260
It's a looking mug.
190
00:08:48,461 --> 00:08:49,896
Fantastic.
191
00:08:51,564 --> 00:08:53,566
So what do you guys think?
192
00:08:53,666 --> 00:08:57,203
Uh... Uh, well,
I'm your mom,
so I'm biased.
193
00:08:57,870 --> 00:08:58,804
Eddie?
194
00:08:58,905 --> 00:09:00,106
Yeah, Dad.
195
00:09:00,206 --> 00:09:01,641
(STAMMERING)
Doesn't matter
what I think.
196
00:09:01,741 --> 00:09:03,409
What do
the professionals
think, huh?
197
00:09:03,509 --> 00:09:04,844
(STAMMERING)
Is there
a teacher here,
198
00:09:04,944 --> 00:09:06,245
or do they just
put you in a room
199
00:09:06,345 --> 00:09:08,147
and let you throw
the mud around?
200
00:09:08,247 --> 00:09:10,583
Yeah. There's Doug.
He's our TA.
201
00:09:10,683 --> 00:09:13,920
Doug! Come meet
my parents.
202
00:09:14,020 --> 00:09:15,922
Hey, there's
the expert.
203
00:09:16,022 --> 00:09:17,323
Hi, Doug.
How are you, Doug?
204
00:09:17,423 --> 00:09:20,960
Let me ask you.
Explain it to us
in layman's terms.
205
00:09:21,594 --> 00:09:23,396
Is this a good mug?
206
00:09:24,063 --> 00:09:25,865
Is it a mug at all?
207
00:09:26,999 --> 00:09:29,435
I think her mug
is brilliant,
208
00:09:29,535 --> 00:09:31,938
and I think Allison
is brilliant.
209
00:09:34,040 --> 00:09:37,476
You know,
I haven't told you guys
my real news.
210
00:09:37,577 --> 00:09:40,780
Oh, God.
There's real news.
211
00:09:40,880 --> 00:09:43,382
I'm taking the next
semester off to live
in a barn in Vermont
212
00:09:43,482 --> 00:09:45,785
and work with the People's
Collective Pottery
Outreach Program
213
00:09:45,885 --> 00:09:47,219
of Greater New England.
214
00:09:49,188 --> 00:09:50,590
With Doug.
215
00:09:55,761 --> 00:09:57,263
Fantastic!
216
00:10:00,566 --> 00:10:00,600
{\an8}n
217
00:10:00,600 --> 00:10:00,633
{\an8}n ca
218
00:10:00,633 --> 00:10:00,666
{\an8}n cann
219
00:10:00,666 --> 00:10:00,700
{\an8}n cannot
220
00:10:00,700 --> 00:10:00,733
{\an8}n cannot t
221
00:10:00,733 --> 00:10:00,766
{\an8}n cannot tak
222
00:10:00,766 --> 00:10:00,833
{\an8}n cannot take
223
00:10:00,833 --> 00:10:00,866
{\an8}n cannot take
a
224
00:10:00,866 --> 00:10:00,900
{\an8}n cannot take
a se
225
00:10:00,900 --> 00:10:00,933
{\an8}n cannot take
a seme
226
00:10:00,933 --> 00:10:00,967
{\an8}n cannot take
a semest
227
00:10:00,967 --> 00:10:01,000
{\an8}n cannot take
a semester
228
00:10:01,000 --> 00:10:01,033
{\an8}n cannot take
a semester o
229
00:10:01,033 --> 00:10:01,067
{\an8}n cannot take
a semester off
230
00:10:01,067 --> 00:10:01,100
{\an8}n cannot take
a semester off.
231
00:10:03,336 --> 00:10:05,271
Do you know what I did
with my semester off?
232
00:10:05,371 --> 00:10:08,941
I got married,
and I got pregnant,
and I never went back.
233
00:10:10,309 --> 00:10:12,478
And I couldn't
be happier.
234
00:10:13,713 --> 00:10:16,549
I blame that boy, Doug.
235
00:10:16,649 --> 00:10:20,152
I hate Doug,
and his pottery,
and his shaggy hair,
236
00:10:20,252 --> 00:10:21,354
and his
237
00:10:21,454 --> 00:10:22,521
penis.
238
00:10:24,957 --> 00:10:28,561
Oh! Oh, whoa. Dude!
You didn't respect
the sock!
239
00:10:28,661 --> 00:10:30,296
You got your own room!
240
00:10:30,396 --> 00:10:32,965
But the party got
started out here.
241
00:10:36,402 --> 00:10:39,338
Oh, God. I think
they're doing it
on my purse.
242
00:10:46,078 --> 00:10:48,214
I saw a lot of back fat.
243
00:10:49,982 --> 00:10:52,551
We've got to do something
about Allison.
244
00:10:52,652 --> 00:10:53,919
But she is so stubborn!
245
00:10:54,020 --> 00:10:56,856
If we tell her no,
she is gonna wanna
do it more.
246
00:10:56,956 --> 00:10:58,958
I know. I used to love
her strong will.
247
00:10:59,058 --> 00:11:00,860
Now, it's our enemy.
248
00:11:01,694 --> 00:11:03,029
Here's what we do.
249
00:11:03,129 --> 00:11:06,532
We have to pretend
that we are really into
this pottery thing,
250
00:11:06,632 --> 00:11:08,901
but there is something
that we have no control over
251
00:11:09,001 --> 00:11:11,370
that is standing
in our way, like...
Um...
252
00:11:11,470 --> 00:11:16,876
(STAMMERING) It turns out
that clay is made out of
human remains!
253
00:11:16,976 --> 00:11:18,511
Clay is people.
254
00:11:20,579 --> 00:11:23,049
That's insane.
255
00:11:23,149 --> 00:11:25,051
The money! The money.
It's about the money.
256
00:11:25,151 --> 00:11:27,353
If she takes a semester off,
she'll lose her financial aid.
257
00:11:27,453 --> 00:11:30,523
That's so good!
That is so good.
258
00:11:30,623 --> 00:11:32,024
She can't afford
to drop out,
259
00:11:32,124 --> 00:11:33,459
because we don't
have the money.
260
00:11:33,559 --> 00:11:35,728
I mean, even combined,
our salaries are pathetic!
261
00:11:35,828 --> 00:11:37,997
Yeah! Yeah! And it's
only gonna get worse,
262
00:11:38,097 --> 00:11:40,700
and you factor in inflation,
and we are in big trouble.
263
00:11:40,800 --> 00:11:42,435
Yes!
Oh, what a relief!
264
00:11:42,535 --> 00:11:43,502
Yes!
265
00:11:46,138 --> 00:11:48,340
Can you believe
that Hector guy?
266
00:11:48,441 --> 00:11:49,842
What a jerk.
267
00:11:49,942 --> 00:11:51,343
Yeah. I know.
268
00:11:51,444 --> 00:11:54,714
Well, thanks for getting
my back today, honey.
269
00:11:54,814 --> 00:11:57,550
Sure. I mean, come on.
Who cuts tile?
270
00:11:59,719 --> 00:12:03,122
I wanted to cut the tile.
Hector said not to cut it.
271
00:12:04,457 --> 00:12:06,225
Yeah. I know.
That's what I meant.
272
00:12:06,325 --> 00:12:08,127
I mean,
who doesn't cut tile?
273
00:12:08,227 --> 00:12:10,763
Do you even know
what happened
in the bathroom today?
274
00:12:12,098 --> 00:12:14,900
I know you're my wife,
and I took your side.
275
00:12:16,902 --> 00:12:18,871
And you're very beautiful.
276
00:12:18,971 --> 00:12:21,140
Did you support me
because I'm your wife
277
00:12:21,240 --> 00:12:25,077
or because you
understand the argument
and agree with me?
278
00:12:25,177 --> 00:12:26,979
What are my choices again?
279
00:12:27,079 --> 00:12:28,814
Jeff!
Oh, no, no, no.
280
00:12:28,914 --> 00:12:30,216
No fighting.
No, no, no fighting.
281
00:12:30,316 --> 00:12:31,851
This is what
I paid Hector for.
282
00:12:31,951 --> 00:12:33,452
What's that supposed
to mean?
283
00:12:33,552 --> 00:12:35,321
Nothing. It's just...
284
00:12:35,387 --> 00:12:38,057
Steph, come on. I mean,
usually, when there's stuff
to do around the house,
285
00:12:38,157 --> 00:12:40,893
I wind up doing it,
and you wind up
getting mad at me,
286
00:12:40,993 --> 00:12:43,262
but that's what
we have Hector for now,
so we can both be happy.
287
00:12:43,362 --> 00:12:46,198
Oh! So now
I'm the problem?
288
00:12:46,298 --> 00:12:49,335
I'm some lunatic
who yells and screams?
289
00:12:49,735 --> 00:12:51,604
No!
290
00:12:51,704 --> 00:12:54,740
And that's why
you had to hire somebody?
To take the heat?
291
00:12:54,840 --> 00:12:58,077
The reason I yell is
that you and Hector
do things wrong!
292
00:12:58,177 --> 00:12:59,645
Okay. All right. All right.
293
00:12:59,745 --> 00:13:01,113
You know what? I did not want
to have this fight,
294
00:13:01,213 --> 00:13:03,082
but we're having it now,
so let's go.
295
00:13:03,182 --> 00:13:05,951
You think everyone's
wrong but you?
296
00:13:06,051 --> 00:13:07,520
Why don't you come here
for one second?
297
00:13:07,620 --> 00:13:09,622
Just...
Just one second.
298
00:13:12,725 --> 00:13:16,462
Hmm! You had Hector cut
the chickens' heads off.
Okay?
299
00:13:16,562 --> 00:13:18,397
It is a slaughterhouse
in here.
300
00:13:18,497 --> 00:13:20,599
And who puts chickens
in the bathroom?
301
00:13:20,699 --> 00:13:23,669
In the kitchen, maybe.
But even then,
with their heads on.
302
00:13:25,838 --> 00:13:27,640
Oh, my gosh.
303
00:13:27,740 --> 00:13:29,041
You're right.
304
00:13:29,141 --> 00:13:31,277
This looks awful.
305
00:13:32,545 --> 00:13:35,247
Oh, it'll be all right, honey.
306
00:13:35,347 --> 00:13:38,083
No, it won't.
Why didn't you stop me?
307
00:13:38,184 --> 00:13:40,719
You know how important
those tiles were to me.
308
00:13:40,820 --> 00:13:43,455
I can't believe you!
309
00:13:50,963 --> 00:13:52,198
Wow.
310
00:13:58,604 --> 00:14:01,140
You just close your eyes
and feel it.
311
00:14:02,908 --> 00:14:04,543
Morning.
Yeah, hey.
312
00:14:04,643 --> 00:14:05,945
So, what are you
making there?
313
00:14:06,045 --> 00:14:08,247
Little teapot,
short and stout?
314
00:14:08,347 --> 00:14:09,315
You guys ready
for brunch?
315
00:14:09,415 --> 00:14:10,783
Thanks for
inviting me along.
316
00:14:10,883 --> 00:14:13,586
We starving artists
can never turn down
a free meal.
317
00:14:13,686 --> 00:14:16,455
Ah, that's music
to a father's ears.
318
00:14:16,555 --> 00:14:20,125
We are just so excited
about this Vermont thing,
319
00:14:20,226 --> 00:14:22,061
and we're so sorry
it's not gonna work out.
320
00:14:23,162 --> 00:14:24,763
What are you talking about?
321
00:14:24,864 --> 00:14:26,765
Well, you know,
your mother and I
were up all night
322
00:14:26,866 --> 00:14:29,969
talking about
what a great opportunity
living in a barn is.
323
00:14:30,069 --> 00:14:32,304
It's just such
a great idea.
324
00:14:32,404 --> 00:14:35,474
We are so supportive.
325
00:14:35,574 --> 00:14:37,576
Yeah. Just
there's a little snag
with the money.
326
00:14:37,676 --> 00:14:40,012
You see, the thing is,
we're poor,
327
00:14:40,112 --> 00:14:43,782
and if you drop
a semester, you could lose
your financial aid.
328
00:14:43,883 --> 00:14:45,284
We're so sorry!
329
00:14:45,384 --> 00:14:47,253
But we're so
supportive.
330
00:14:47,353 --> 00:14:48,587
Mom, don't stress.
331
00:14:48,687 --> 00:14:50,456
I'll get student loans.
Doug told me how.
332
00:14:50,556 --> 00:14:52,291
I mean, I'm 50 grand
in the hole,
333
00:14:52,424 --> 00:14:54,226
and won't graduate
till I'm 30,
334
00:14:54,326 --> 00:14:56,962
but the year I spent
in Guatemala was worth it.
335
00:14:57,062 --> 00:14:59,932
I mastered the native art
of gourd puppets.
336
00:15:05,471 --> 00:15:09,475
Uh-huh. Well, while your
dad and I would love
337
00:15:09,575 --> 00:15:11,977
for you to go into debt...
338
00:15:12,077 --> 00:15:16,048
(STAMMERING) It's people!
Clay is people!
339
00:15:16,148 --> 00:15:18,884
What he's trying
to say is that we...
340
00:15:18,984 --> 00:15:23,322
Honey, look,
this is a bad mug.
341
00:15:23,422 --> 00:15:27,192
I'm sorry, but you
made better stuff
at Camp Kipawahnee.
342
00:15:27,293 --> 00:15:29,461
(STAMMERING)
You're not doing this.
343
00:15:29,561 --> 00:15:31,931
Do you have any idea
what we sacrificed
344
00:15:32,031 --> 00:15:34,433
to save up for your
college education?
345
00:15:34,533 --> 00:15:37,102
Your mother owns no cashmere.
346
00:15:37,202 --> 00:15:39,571
She had to stop
at merino wool,
347
00:15:39,672 --> 00:15:43,375
and it's always Hershey's,
never Godiva.
348
00:15:43,475 --> 00:15:45,644
I get
where you're coming from,
Eddie. I do.
349
00:15:45,744 --> 00:15:48,113
My parents, they had
the same reaction
350
00:15:48,213 --> 00:15:51,583
when I told them
that I was pursing a career
in the potting arts.
351
00:15:52,117 --> 00:15:53,419
Potting arts.
352
00:15:53,519 --> 00:15:55,754
Man, I'd like to punch you
right in the purse.
353
00:15:56,922 --> 00:15:59,058
All right, look,
this is not a career.
354
00:15:59,158 --> 00:16:01,794
It's a hobby.
It's like Sudoku.
355
00:16:01,894 --> 00:16:05,965
You don't major in Sudoku.
It's a minor at best.
356
00:16:06,065 --> 00:16:07,933
Allison, you're better
than this.
357
00:16:08,033 --> 00:16:09,501
You're smarter
than this.
358
00:16:09,601 --> 00:16:11,236
(SCOFFING)
I mean, come on.
Anyone can do this.
359
00:16:11,337 --> 00:16:14,206
Oh, really? I'd like
to see you try it.
360
00:16:14,306 --> 00:16:16,408
What, you...
Okay, fine. Fine.
361
00:16:16,508 --> 00:16:19,378
Okay? Look. Look.
Here! Look at this,
huh? It's a...
362
00:16:19,478 --> 00:16:22,348
It's a candy dish
that doesn't hold
any candy!
363
00:16:22,448 --> 00:16:25,050
You see, it's not
political, it's
364
00:16:26,986 --> 00:16:27,953
poo.
365
00:16:29,521 --> 00:16:32,291
Oh, really?
You know what?
366
00:16:32,391 --> 00:16:34,326
Maybe I'm good at this,
367
00:16:34,426 --> 00:16:37,796
and maybe I am old enough
to make my own decisions.
368
00:16:38,464 --> 00:16:40,332
I'm going to Vermont.
369
00:16:46,438 --> 00:16:48,474
That's actually
quite good.
370
00:16:56,382 --> 00:16:58,384
Shot toll!
371
00:16:58,484 --> 00:17:01,153
Can't go by
without taking a shot.
372
00:17:01,253 --> 00:17:03,022
Listen,
we just had a fight
with our daughter,
373
00:17:03,122 --> 00:17:04,223
so we're not
in the mood.
374
00:17:04,323 --> 00:17:07,459
I'm a father.
I know how hard that is.
375
00:17:07,559 --> 00:17:08,861
Double toll!
376
00:17:08,961 --> 00:17:12,231
Shot! Shot! Shot!
Shot! Shot! Shot!
377
00:17:12,331 --> 00:17:16,702
Okay, you know what?
Your breath is stinging
my eyeballs. Give me that.
378
00:17:16,802 --> 00:17:17,736
Here.
379
00:17:20,939 --> 00:17:22,341
(COUGHS)
380
00:17:22,441 --> 00:17:24,777
What is that,
lighter fluid?
381
00:17:24,877 --> 00:17:27,946
Jagermeister,
Goldschlager,
and tequila.
382
00:17:29,014 --> 00:17:31,750
I call it Jagerschlageruila.
383
00:17:33,352 --> 00:17:36,889
And if you
can still pronounce it,
you haven't had enough!
384
00:17:37,723 --> 00:17:38,857
(GROANS)
385
00:17:39,425 --> 00:17:40,359
(EXCLAIMS)
386
00:17:40,459 --> 00:17:42,161
Okay, now
I've had enough.
387
00:17:42,261 --> 00:17:43,228
(CHOKES)
388
00:17:43,328 --> 00:17:44,797
Here. Take the toll.
389
00:17:45,798 --> 00:17:46,899
(GAGGING)
390
00:17:51,737 --> 00:17:53,539
(EXHALES)
391
00:17:53,639 --> 00:17:56,175
Why is Allison
doing this?
392
00:17:56,275 --> 00:18:00,179
I mean, how could
such a smart girl make
such a stupid choice?
393
00:18:00,279 --> 00:18:01,580
She's throwing
her life away,
394
00:18:01,680 --> 00:18:04,049
and there is nothing
we can do about it.
395
00:18:04,149 --> 00:18:06,618
I know. I don't know
why she's going
through this.
396
00:18:06,718 --> 00:18:09,721
I mean, we never
made bad choices.
397
00:18:09,822 --> 00:18:10,856
How about another shot?
398
00:18:10,956 --> 00:18:12,791
Absolutely. Yes.
399
00:18:14,059 --> 00:18:17,296
(PAUL RETCHING)
400
00:18:18,597 --> 00:18:21,600
You know,
why don't we split one?
401
00:18:21,700 --> 00:18:24,736
I don't wanna end up
holding your hair in
the ladies' room all night
402
00:18:24,837 --> 00:18:27,272
like that time at the
Little River Band concert.
403
00:18:28,640 --> 00:18:31,110
Oh, God!
You remember that night?
404
00:18:31,210 --> 00:18:33,078
Yep. You didn't
even know me,
405
00:18:33,178 --> 00:18:36,048
and you walked up
to me because I was
the tallest guy there,
406
00:18:36,148 --> 00:18:39,451
so you could
sit on my shoulders
and flash the drummer.
407
00:18:40,319 --> 00:18:41,787
I was underage,
408
00:18:41,887 --> 00:18:44,456
I was climbing
a strange giant,
409
00:18:44,556 --> 00:18:46,592
and lifting up my top.
410
00:18:47,826 --> 00:18:50,028
Okay, that might have been
a stupid choice.
411
00:18:50,129 --> 00:18:51,330
Yeah.
412
00:18:51,430 --> 00:18:53,732
But, God, I was cool.
413
00:18:53,832 --> 00:18:55,701
I made a stupid choice
that night, too.
414
00:18:55,801 --> 00:18:58,704
I skipped a final
and flunked the class
415
00:18:58,770 --> 00:19:02,007
just so I could go
to that concert.
416
00:19:02,107 --> 00:19:04,977
But if you hadn't have,
you wouldn't have met me.
417
00:19:07,346 --> 00:19:09,281
That's true.
418
00:19:09,381 --> 00:19:14,553
So basically,
our stupid decisions
led us to our life together.
419
00:19:14,653 --> 00:19:16,321
I guess they did.
420
00:19:18,457 --> 00:19:23,362
(PAUL RETCHING)
421
00:19:23,462 --> 00:19:24,696
PAUL: I'm okay!
422
00:19:30,068 --> 00:19:32,271
So what your mother
and I are saying, honey,
423
00:19:32,371 --> 00:19:35,374
is follow your heart and
do what you need to do.
424
00:19:35,474 --> 00:19:38,844
I mean, if it weren't
for some weird choices
we made when we your age,
425
00:19:38,944 --> 00:19:43,081
we never would've met,
and we wouldn't have
our life we have together.
426
00:19:44,116 --> 00:19:45,317
So
427
00:19:46,485 --> 00:19:48,554
I could end up
just like you?
428
00:19:51,089 --> 00:19:52,858
You bet you could.
429
00:19:54,526 --> 00:19:55,727
Uh...
430
00:19:56,828 --> 00:19:57,996
Wow.
431
00:19:59,531 --> 00:20:00,732
Huh.
432
00:20:03,769 --> 00:20:05,604
What, you guys
leaving already?
433
00:20:05,704 --> 00:20:06,838
Okay.
434
00:20:08,273 --> 00:20:09,408
(SNIFFLING)
435
00:20:10,442 --> 00:20:12,678
Stay as you are,
436
00:20:12,778 --> 00:20:14,313
and I will always
remember you.
437
00:20:14,413 --> 00:20:15,681
Okay.
438
00:20:15,781 --> 00:20:17,849
Doober and Kitten,
my buds.
439
00:20:24,856 --> 00:20:26,925
When did he give us
nicknames?
440
00:20:27,025 --> 00:20:28,894
About 4:30
in the morning.
441
00:20:28,994 --> 00:20:30,762
You slept
right through it.
442
00:20:30,862 --> 00:20:32,264
Oddly enough,
443
00:20:32,364 --> 00:20:33,232
I'm Kitten.
444
00:20:40,939 --> 00:20:44,376
You know, I think Hector
did a good job fixing
these tiles.
445
00:20:44,476 --> 00:20:47,045
You hardly notice the cracks
in the chickens' necks, right?
446
00:20:48,146 --> 00:20:50,849
Don't see them at all.
447
00:20:50,949 --> 00:20:53,485
Well, it's okay
that it goes past
the mirror, right?
448
00:20:53,585 --> 00:20:55,454
Yeah. Looks amazing.
449
00:20:55,554 --> 00:20:57,155
Now, you said chickens
were more for the kitchen.
450
00:20:57,256 --> 00:20:59,024
Do you think we should
move 'em to the kitchen?
451
00:20:59,758 --> 00:21:01,260
{\an8}No, I do not.
452
00:21:02,561 --> 00:21:06,265
{\an8}Sorry I got so crazy
about this whole thing.
453
00:21:06,365 --> 00:21:08,600
{\an8}I guess I get a little nuts
when people challenge me.
454
00:21:08,700 --> 00:21:11,670
{\an8}I think it's because
someone else is doing
all the work.
455
00:21:11,770 --> 00:21:12,838
{\an8}Maybe if we did
something together,
456
00:21:12,938 --> 00:21:15,474
{\an8}I wouldn't become
such a lunatic.
457
00:21:15,574 --> 00:21:20,078
{\an8}I was thinking maybe
we could sponge-paint
the dining room together.
458
00:21:21,079 --> 00:21:23,015
{\an8}Doesn't that sound like fun?
35923
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