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1
00:00:01,134 --> 00:00:03,203
(MUSIC PLAYING ON HEADPHONES)
2
00:00:03,303 --> 00:00:04,204
Hey.
3
00:00:05,171 --> 00:00:06,439
(SCATTING IN A WHISPER)
4
00:00:07,607 --> 00:00:09,209
Hello!
Hey.
5
00:00:09,309 --> 00:00:11,011
You're supposed to be
spring-cleaning.
6
00:00:11,111 --> 00:00:12,579
I found my old headphones.
7
00:00:12,679 --> 00:00:13,880
Yeah, and the left side
still works,
8
00:00:13,980 --> 00:00:15,448
except you have to hold
the cord like this,
9
00:00:15,548 --> 00:00:17,450
or you get
a pretty good shock.
10
00:00:17,550 --> 00:00:19,386
Okay. You know what?
We agreed that you
are not allowed
11
00:00:19,486 --> 00:00:21,454
to go through
the throw-out pile.
12
00:00:21,554 --> 00:00:23,056
(KNOCKING ON DOOR)
13
00:00:23,156 --> 00:00:24,924
Come in.
14
00:00:25,025 --> 00:00:26,359
Hey, guys.
Hey.
15
00:00:26,459 --> 00:00:27,427
What's going on?
16
00:00:27,527 --> 00:00:28,862
Oh, we just wanted to see
17
00:00:28,962 --> 00:00:30,697
if you guys
wanted to join us
for an ice cream walk.
18
00:00:30,797 --> 00:00:32,732
It's 10 degrees
outside.
19
00:00:32,832 --> 00:00:34,467
That's the best part.
20
00:00:34,567 --> 00:00:36,469
By the time you get there,
you don't even
want ice cream.
21
00:00:36,569 --> 00:00:38,438
It's just
pure exercise.
22
00:00:39,672 --> 00:00:41,808
Pure exercise?
Get out of here!
23
00:00:42,675 --> 00:00:44,044
No, really,
get out of here.
24
00:00:44,144 --> 00:00:45,445
(LAUGHING)
25
00:00:45,545 --> 00:00:46,780
Listen. I'm going out.
When I come back,
26
00:00:46,880 --> 00:00:48,882
I want a throw-out pile
bigger than me.
27
00:00:48,982 --> 00:00:50,216
Oh, come on,
that's not fair.
28
00:00:50,316 --> 00:00:53,319
Do you have any idea
how big you are?
29
00:00:53,420 --> 00:00:56,623
I could live in one of
your pant legs, Sasquatch.
30
00:00:58,792 --> 00:01:01,594
The woman has no idea
that everything I save
has a purpose.
31
00:01:01,694 --> 00:01:03,463
Hey, what's this?
32
00:01:03,563 --> 00:01:05,165
Floppy disk!
33
00:01:05,265 --> 00:01:07,434
Oh, yeah, that's
for my Commodore 64.
I'll tell you what.
34
00:01:07,534 --> 00:01:10,837
Just stuff it in your pants
until the heat's off.
35
00:01:10,937 --> 00:01:13,239
Hey! An old roll of film!
36
00:01:13,339 --> 00:01:14,574
Who knows what
could be on there?
37
00:01:14,674 --> 00:01:16,709
Yeah. It's like
a little time capsule.
38
00:01:16,810 --> 00:01:18,611
Boy, I bet there's a lot
of old memories on there.
39
00:01:18,711 --> 00:01:21,381
Yeah. I got enough
memories.
40
00:01:21,481 --> 00:01:22,849
Eddie! Wait,
don't be silly.
41
00:01:22,949 --> 00:01:24,117
You know, we're
running errands later.
42
00:01:24,217 --> 00:01:25,085
We'll just get it
developed for you.
43
00:01:25,185 --> 00:01:26,753
Uh-uh! Look, don't even
worry about it.
44
00:01:26,853 --> 00:01:28,254
Bet I know why.
45
00:01:28,354 --> 00:01:30,457
Someone took naked pictures.
46
00:01:30,557 --> 00:01:32,725
No. The only naked picture
Joy took of me
47
00:01:32,826 --> 00:01:35,728
is when she wanted to show
my doctor something.
48
00:01:35,829 --> 00:01:39,899
Yeah, Steph, people talk
about taking naked pictures,
but nobody actually does it.
49
00:01:39,999 --> 00:01:41,468
Some people...
50
00:01:43,403 --> 00:01:44,671
Well, hello!
51
00:01:46,239 --> 00:01:48,775
You've taken naked
pictures? With who?
52
00:01:48,875 --> 00:01:51,778
Honey, you know what happens
when we go down this road.
53
00:01:51,878 --> 00:01:54,514
You always end up
in the shower, weeping.
54
00:01:56,282 --> 00:01:58,852
That's not
what always happens.
55
00:01:58,952 --> 00:02:00,720
Whatever you say, honey.
56
00:02:00,820 --> 00:02:03,823
Steph. Hey, hey,
this conversation
isn't over!
57
00:02:05,091 --> 00:02:07,026
Can you believe her?
58
00:02:08,261 --> 00:02:09,629
What are you doing?
59
00:02:09,729 --> 00:02:12,532
Are you Googling
my wife?
60
00:02:12,632 --> 00:02:15,568
Don't worry.
Nothing's coming up.
61
00:02:15,668 --> 00:02:17,570
Wait a minute.
62
00:02:17,670 --> 00:02:19,639
Nah, you're good.
63
00:02:19,739 --> 00:02:21,141
♪ All right!
64
00:02:21,241 --> 00:02:22,175
♪ Hey!
65
00:02:22,275 --> 00:02:25,078
♪ Oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh! ♪
66
00:02:26,279 --> 00:02:28,348
{\an8}(KNOCKS)
67
00:02:28,448 --> 00:02:29,949
{\an8}Hey, Eddie,
I developed your pictures.
68
00:02:30,049 --> 00:02:31,217
{\an8}Ah. Good for you.
Look at this.
69
00:02:31,317 --> 00:02:33,419
{\an8}I just washed my
27-year-old sneakers.
70
00:02:33,520 --> 00:02:35,755
{\an8}Smell that canvas.
Baby-fresh.
71
00:02:36,723 --> 00:02:37,724
Sweet!
72
00:02:37,824 --> 00:02:39,125
{\an8}(CHUCKLES)
73
00:02:39,225 --> 00:02:40,460
{\an8}Well, if those clean sneakers
get you excited,
74
00:02:40,560 --> 00:02:42,595
{\an8}wait till you see
these pictures.
75
00:02:42,695 --> 00:02:45,798
{\an8}Now, based on Joy's
acid-washed jeans
and your mullet,
76
00:02:45,899 --> 00:02:48,001
{\an8}I'm guessing 1986.
77
00:02:48,101 --> 00:02:50,670
{\an8}Ah, look at you holding up
the Leaning Tower of Pisa.
78
00:02:50,770 --> 00:02:52,472
{\an8}You never told me
you guys went to Italy.
79
00:02:52,572 --> 00:02:54,040
{\an8}Give me that!
80
00:02:56,142 --> 00:02:57,911
{\an8}You never saw these.
81
00:02:58,011 --> 00:02:59,279
{\an8}What?
82
00:02:59,379 --> 00:03:02,215
{\an8}These don't exist!
You understand?
83
00:03:08,821 --> 00:03:09,756
(DOOR CLOSES)
84
00:03:11,758 --> 00:03:13,426
{\an8}Eddie, what the
hell's going on?
85
00:03:13,526 --> 00:03:15,061
{\an8}Listen.
86
00:03:15,161 --> 00:03:17,430
{\an8}There are certain mistakes
you make in life,
87
00:03:17,530 --> 00:03:20,400
{\an8}things that are so wrong,
that you're so ashamed of,
88
00:03:20,500 --> 00:03:22,101
{\an8}that the only thing
you can do
89
00:03:22,202 --> 00:03:23,436
{\an8}is bury the memory.
90
00:03:23,970 --> 00:03:24,971
{\an8}Bury it deep.
91
00:03:26,706 --> 00:03:28,408
{\an8}Is this about your mullet?
92
00:03:28,508 --> 00:03:30,944
{\an8}Because I think
you pulled it off.
93
00:03:31,044 --> 00:03:32,879
{\an8}That is not a mullet!
94
00:03:32,979 --> 00:03:34,380
{\an8}That is a Dr. J in the front
95
00:03:34,480 --> 00:03:36,983
{\an8}and a Michael Douglas
in the back.
96
00:03:37,884 --> 00:03:40,420
{\an8}"Mullet."
97
00:03:40,520 --> 00:03:43,656
{\an8}Well, then what
happened in Italy
that was so bad?
98
00:03:44,724 --> 00:03:46,893
What I did in Italy
99
00:03:46,993 --> 00:03:49,495
is the worst thing
I have ever done.
100
00:03:51,864 --> 00:03:54,467
Joy and I had been dating
for a little over six months
101
00:03:54,567 --> 00:03:57,637
and we decided to take a trip.
102
00:03:57,737 --> 00:04:00,573
Now, a lot of people
will say that Italy
has great food,
103
00:04:00,673 --> 00:04:03,042
beautiful art and
breathtaking scenery.
104
00:04:03,142 --> 00:04:06,145
What they don't tell you is,
it's a foreign country.
105
00:04:06,246 --> 00:04:09,048
It's like Mexico with pasta.
106
00:04:09,148 --> 00:04:13,653
Plus, it didn't help
that I hadn't moved my bowels
in two weeks.
107
00:04:13,753 --> 00:04:15,521
Anyway, everything
came to a head
108
00:04:15,622 --> 00:04:17,857
when we went to catch
our flight home.
109
00:04:17,957 --> 00:04:21,060
We were rushing for the
shuttle bus that would
take us to our plane.
110
00:04:21,160 --> 00:04:25,198
All of a sudden, I realized
Joy wasn't behind me.
111
00:04:25,298 --> 00:04:27,133
I finally spot her
dawdling at a case
112
00:04:27,233 --> 00:04:29,402
full of this God-awful
Murano glass.
113
00:04:29,502 --> 00:04:32,038
It was like crack to her.
114
00:04:32,138 --> 00:04:34,574
{\an8}(INAUDIBLE)
I frantically tried
to get her attention,
115
00:04:34,674 --> 00:04:36,209
but by the time
she snaps out of it,
116
00:04:36,309 --> 00:04:38,144
the bus to our plane is gone.
117
00:04:38,244 --> 00:04:40,613
Well, I was furious.
118
00:04:40,713 --> 00:04:42,448
(INAUDIBLE)
119
00:04:42,548 --> 00:04:44,217
And that's when I did it.
120
00:04:44,317 --> 00:04:46,552
The thing I am
most ashamed of.
121
00:04:49,155 --> 00:04:51,224
{\an8}(INAUDIBLE)
I spanked Joy.
122
00:04:51,324 --> 00:04:54,994
One swat on the butt, like
she was a bratty little kid.
123
00:04:55,094 --> 00:04:57,263
Two seconds later,
another bus pulls up,
124
00:04:57,363 --> 00:04:59,832
and I realized
what I had done.
125
00:05:03,503 --> 00:05:04,771
(INAUDIBLE)
126
00:05:10,543 --> 00:05:13,946
We had a 19-hour journey home
in complete silence.
127
00:05:14,047 --> 00:05:16,115
We broke up five minutes
after we landed,
128
00:05:16,215 --> 00:05:17,850
right there at baggage claim.
129
00:05:17,950 --> 00:05:20,753
She didn't even stick around
to see if my backpack made it.
130
00:05:22,655 --> 00:05:26,726
And then, a few months later,
we finally got back together.
131
00:05:26,826 --> 00:05:30,430
But in 20 years,
we never spoke of Italy again.
132
00:05:31,497 --> 00:05:33,032
(EXCLAIMS IN ITALIAN)
133
00:05:34,267 --> 00:05:35,601
Yeah. It was awful.
134
00:05:35,702 --> 00:05:36,936
That's why it had
to be repressed,
135
00:05:37,036 --> 00:05:39,272
because there was no
forgiveness for what I did,
136
00:05:39,372 --> 00:05:40,440
only denial.
137
00:05:40,540 --> 00:05:42,008
And we're gonna
keep it that way.
138
00:05:42,108 --> 00:05:45,778
You are not to say
a word about this to
anybody. Not a soul.
139
00:05:45,878 --> 00:05:49,082
As far as you know,
these pictures do not exist.
140
00:05:53,453 --> 00:05:55,588
God, my hair
was magnificent.
141
00:05:58,024 --> 00:05:59,492
Hey.
Hey.
142
00:06:00,493 --> 00:06:02,028
So?
143
00:06:02,128 --> 00:06:03,696
How'd they like
the pictures of Italy?
144
00:06:03,796 --> 00:06:07,467
Yeah, Steph, about those,
I'm gonna need you to swear
145
00:06:07,567 --> 00:06:09,802
that you're never
gonna mention those
to Joy.
146
00:06:09,902 --> 00:06:10,803
Ever.
147
00:06:10,903 --> 00:06:12,372
Why can't I mention them
to Joy?
148
00:06:12,472 --> 00:06:13,573
I can't tell you.
149
00:06:13,673 --> 00:06:14,974
Of course you can!
150
00:06:15,074 --> 00:06:16,809
I'm your wife!
151
00:06:16,909 --> 00:06:18,077
Eddie knows that
when he said not
to tell anyone,
152
00:06:18,177 --> 00:06:20,146
that doesn't include me.
153
00:06:20,246 --> 00:06:22,515
No, he specifically
mentioned you.
154
00:06:22,615 --> 00:06:24,384
All right, don't tell me.
155
00:06:24,484 --> 00:06:27,687
But sooner or later,
you are gonna have
to tell...
156
00:06:27,787 --> 00:06:30,223
Senor Pinches!
157
00:06:30,323 --> 00:06:31,491
No...
A-pinch! A-pinch!
158
00:06:31,591 --> 00:06:33,626
A-pinch, a-pinch
a-pinchy, pinchy!
159
00:06:33,726 --> 00:06:35,828
No more
Senor Pinches!
160
00:06:36,429 --> 00:06:37,964
I can't tell you.
161
00:06:38,064 --> 00:06:39,465
How about if I guess?
162
00:06:39,565 --> 00:06:40,933
{\an5}If I guess,
will you tell me?
No.
163
00:06:41,033 --> 00:06:43,202
He smuggled drugs
in his butt?
164
00:06:45,271 --> 00:06:46,472
I'm not playing.
165
00:06:46,572 --> 00:06:49,041
Espionage? Spying?
Spy killer?
166
00:06:49,142 --> 00:06:50,843
Did he kill a spy?
167
00:06:51,444 --> 00:06:52,478
No.
168
00:06:52,578 --> 00:06:54,447
Did he hurt someone?
169
00:06:56,115 --> 00:06:57,650
He hurt someone?
170
00:06:57,750 --> 00:06:59,218
Did he hurt Joy?
171
00:06:59,318 --> 00:07:00,553
He really hurt Joy?
172
00:07:00,653 --> 00:07:03,022
(GASPS) Oh, God, he had
an affair, didn't he?
173
00:07:03,122 --> 00:07:04,590
How did she find out
about it?
174
00:07:04,690 --> 00:07:09,061
Did he give her
some sort of weird
'80s VD?
175
00:07:09,162 --> 00:07:12,765
No, Steph,
he didn't have an affair.
It was nothing like that.
176
00:07:12,865 --> 00:07:13,833
All right, look.
177
00:07:13,933 --> 00:07:15,468
I'll tell you,
but you got to promise
178
00:07:15,568 --> 00:07:17,103
that you're not gonna
tell a soul.
179
00:07:17,203 --> 00:07:19,305
All right?
180
00:07:19,405 --> 00:07:24,343
In Italy, Eddie spanked Joy.
181
00:07:24,811 --> 00:07:26,446
Oh, my...
182
00:07:26,546 --> 00:07:27,847
Wait. What?
183
00:07:28,648 --> 00:07:30,283
Spanked her.
184
00:07:30,383 --> 00:07:32,185
Like, sexy spanking?
185
00:07:32,285 --> 00:07:34,454
We've done that!
186
00:07:34,554 --> 00:07:37,323
Remember Naughty
Washer Woman?
Puerto Rico?
187
00:07:38,958 --> 00:07:40,393
Wasn't me.
188
00:07:44,831 --> 00:07:48,034
Oh, that's right.
189
00:07:48,134 --> 00:07:51,170
Is that where these,
uh, naked pictures
were from? Huh?
190
00:07:51,270 --> 00:07:53,372
It's very warm down there,
and I was drunk, like,
the whole time...
191
00:07:53,473 --> 00:07:55,074
Okay, you know what?
I don't think I want
to hear any more.
192
00:07:55,174 --> 00:07:58,911
Look. Just promise me
that you're never gonna
mention Puerto Rico
193
00:07:59,011 --> 00:08:01,280
or Eddie and Joy's trip
to Italy ever again, okay?
194
00:08:01,380 --> 00:08:02,615
Okay!
195
00:08:06,118 --> 00:08:08,554
Why do you have a picture
of them on your mug?
196
00:08:08,654 --> 00:08:10,223
Oh, the guy at
the photo shop
197
00:08:10,323 --> 00:08:11,757
asked me if I wanted one.
198
00:08:12,191 --> 00:08:13,559
Steph,
199
00:08:14,861 --> 00:08:17,563
sometimes, when a man
asks you something,
200
00:08:17,663 --> 00:08:19,599
it's okay to say no.
201
00:08:23,569 --> 00:08:25,571
Hey! Whoa, whoa!
What are you doing
out here, darling?
202
00:08:25,671 --> 00:08:26,906
You don't want to be out
at the trashcans.
203
00:08:27,006 --> 00:08:28,241
You know those raccoons.
204
00:08:28,341 --> 00:08:30,576
They'll peel your arm
like a banana.
205
00:08:30,676 --> 00:08:32,745
I'm throwing away
the dog brushes
and shampoos.
206
00:08:32,845 --> 00:08:34,881
It's been seven years
since Stanley ran away.
207
00:08:34,981 --> 00:08:37,283
Face it.
He's not coming back.
208
00:08:37,383 --> 00:08:39,285
Well, then I guess
we can add hope
209
00:08:39,385 --> 00:08:41,587
to the list of things
you're throwing out.
210
00:08:41,687 --> 00:08:43,189
Anyway, our trashcans
are full.
211
00:08:43,289 --> 00:08:45,324
Why don't you throw it out
over at the Woodcocks'
over there?
212
00:08:45,424 --> 00:08:46,392
You don't think
they'll mind?
213
00:08:46,492 --> 00:08:47,793
Oh, come on.
They won't even notice.
214
00:08:47,894 --> 00:08:49,929
I've been stealing
their firewood all winter.
215
00:08:50,029 --> 00:08:51,397
Not a peep.
216
00:08:54,400 --> 00:08:55,501
Is this us?
217
00:08:55,601 --> 00:08:57,103
Let me see it.
218
00:08:58,704 --> 00:09:01,240
Oh, well. Oops.
Guess we'll never know.
219
00:09:07,046 --> 00:09:08,314
Look at you.
220
00:09:08,414 --> 00:09:10,683
Skinny then, skinny now.
221
00:09:19,926 --> 00:09:21,928
Hey, Steph, I'm home!
222
00:09:22,028 --> 00:09:24,530
They had a two-for-one
special on canned tomatoes.
223
00:09:24,630 --> 00:09:26,299
I got four cans!
224
00:09:27,867 --> 00:09:29,468
STEPH:
I'm in here!
225
00:09:32,071 --> 00:09:33,439
Hey.
226
00:09:33,539 --> 00:09:35,641
Are we getting
new passports?
227
00:09:36,842 --> 00:09:38,644
Look, Jeff,
228
00:09:38,744 --> 00:09:40,546
I know it bothers you that
I've done certain things
with other people,
229
00:09:40,646 --> 00:09:43,849
so I thought if I did
all the things with you
that I did with them,
230
00:09:43,950 --> 00:09:45,051
you'll feel better.
231
00:09:45,151 --> 00:09:47,186
Really?
Yeah.
232
00:09:47,286 --> 00:09:49,255
So what do you say
we take some pictures?
233
00:09:49,355 --> 00:09:50,856
Uh... Yeah!
234
00:09:51,657 --> 00:09:53,326
This is fantastic.
235
00:09:53,426 --> 00:09:57,029
I thought the special
on the tomatoes was gonna be
the highlight of my day.
236
00:09:57,129 --> 00:09:58,798
All right! Let's do this.
237
00:09:58,898 --> 00:10:00,733
Take your clothes off.
238
00:10:00,833 --> 00:10:02,568
What?
239
00:10:02,668 --> 00:10:05,037
We both get naked,
set the timer, and
make some memories.
240
00:10:05,137 --> 00:10:06,739
Oh... Steph,
I don't know. I...
241
00:10:06,839 --> 00:10:09,175
You know, I had a chicken
pot pie for lunch.
242
00:10:09,275 --> 00:10:11,577
I feel puffy.
Don't worry!
243
00:10:11,677 --> 00:10:13,145
You look beautiful.
244
00:10:13,245 --> 00:10:15,348
Oh, Steph,
I don't know.
245
00:10:15,448 --> 00:10:16,916
It's a little chilly,
you know?
246
00:10:17,016 --> 00:10:19,118
All right.
I can see you're nervous.
247
00:10:19,218 --> 00:10:21,687
Let's just take
a couple of shots
to loosen you up.
248
00:10:21,787 --> 00:10:22,989
Okay.
249
00:10:28,894 --> 00:10:30,997
That's it!
250
00:10:31,097 --> 00:10:33,265
You never done this
professionally?
251
00:10:33,366 --> 00:10:34,600
No!
252
00:10:36,769 --> 00:10:37,837
(CHUCKLING)
253
00:10:41,374 --> 00:10:43,609
You could!
254
00:10:43,709 --> 00:10:45,077
Come on, give me
a couple of buttons.
255
00:10:45,177 --> 00:10:46,846
Show me something.
256
00:10:46,946 --> 00:10:49,882
What if I ever want
to run for office?
257
00:10:49,982 --> 00:10:51,651
Don't worry!
258
00:10:51,751 --> 00:10:54,820
These'll be very tasteful.
259
00:10:54,920 --> 00:10:56,789
Drop your pants
and roar like a tiger.
260
00:11:13,205 --> 00:11:14,573
(FAUCET STOPS)
261
00:11:15,608 --> 00:11:16,642
So, you okay?
262
00:11:16,742 --> 00:11:18,778
Fine! Fine. Super-fine!
263
00:11:21,013 --> 00:11:22,181
You don't seem
like you're fine.
264
00:11:22,281 --> 00:11:23,783
What do I seem like,
Eddie? Huh?
265
00:11:23,883 --> 00:11:26,652
You know me so well.
What do I seem like?
266
00:11:26,752 --> 00:11:28,054
Fine.
267
00:11:30,189 --> 00:11:32,058
{\an5}Here, Joy, let me
help you with that.
No, it's okay.
268
00:11:32,158 --> 00:11:34,627
No, come on. I want
to do it. Let me.
269
00:11:34,727 --> 00:11:35,661
Okay.
270
00:11:47,807 --> 00:11:50,843
I gotta be honest.
I have no idea
where this thing goes.
271
00:11:50,943 --> 00:11:53,245
Right, now, see,
that's why I think
you're a little not-fine.
272
00:11:53,345 --> 00:11:54,980
Okay. You know what?
I cannot believe
273
00:11:55,081 --> 00:11:56,949
that this stupid thing
has come up again.
274
00:11:57,049 --> 00:11:59,118
It was 20 years ago.
275
00:11:59,218 --> 00:12:01,721
And I know
that it shouldn't matter.
276
00:12:01,821 --> 00:12:03,222
(SIGHS)
277
00:12:03,322 --> 00:12:05,458
Let's just... Let's just
forget the whole thing
ever happened.
278
00:12:05,558 --> 00:12:07,693
Okay? Can we do that?
Can we just make some dinner,
279
00:12:07,793 --> 00:12:09,161
and we just won't
think about it?
280
00:12:09,261 --> 00:12:10,796
Done. It's...
It's gone.
281
00:12:10,896 --> 00:12:12,865
We will never think
about it again.
282
00:12:12,965 --> 00:12:14,033
Okay?
(SIGHING) Okay.
283
00:12:14,133 --> 00:12:16,102
Okay. All right.
284
00:12:59,011 --> 00:13:00,179
(KNOCKING ON DOOR)
285
00:13:00,279 --> 00:13:01,547
Yeah?
286
00:13:01,647 --> 00:13:03,015
Hey! It's the big guy!
287
00:13:03,115 --> 00:13:05,017
Come on in, my friend.
288
00:13:07,319 --> 00:13:09,388
What happened to you?
289
00:13:09,488 --> 00:13:12,892
What didn't happen to me?
You know what I'm saying?
290
00:13:12,992 --> 00:13:14,727
I don't think
I want to know.
291
00:13:14,827 --> 00:13:17,096
Let me tell you,
it's bad over there
tonight, Jeffrey, okay?
292
00:13:17,196 --> 00:13:18,330
Joy found your mug.
293
00:13:18,430 --> 00:13:21,100
And the T-shirt.
And this mouse pad!
294
00:13:23,169 --> 00:13:25,271
What's she doing
rooting around my trash?
295
00:13:25,371 --> 00:13:27,773
You know,
I bet she's the one
stealing our firewood.
296
00:13:30,242 --> 00:13:33,145
Well, it's bad.
Let me tell you,
it's bad over there.
297
00:13:33,245 --> 00:13:34,580
She won't even
talk to me about it.
298
00:13:34,680 --> 00:13:36,348
She won't even
fight with me about it.
299
00:13:36,448 --> 00:13:38,684
She says
everything is fine,
but it's not fine.
300
00:13:38,784 --> 00:13:40,386
It's the opposite
of fine.
301
00:13:40,486 --> 00:13:41,554
At least if I was
an alcoholic,
302
00:13:41,654 --> 00:13:43,656
I'd have my own
support group.
303
00:13:43,756 --> 00:13:44,924
But us spankers?
304
00:13:45,024 --> 00:13:46,125
We got nothing!
305
00:13:46,992 --> 00:13:48,928
Gee, Eddie, I'm sorry.
306
00:13:49,028 --> 00:13:51,363
Can I get you something?
Hey, you want to try
my sauce?
307
00:13:51,463 --> 00:13:52,998
It's the real deal.
308
00:13:53,098 --> 00:13:54,333
I want to get my wife back.
309
00:13:54,433 --> 00:13:55,868
Can your sauce
get my wife back?
310
00:13:55,968 --> 00:13:58,537
Can your sauce make
this Italy thing go away?
311
00:13:58,637 --> 00:14:01,006
It's not magic sauce.
312
00:14:01,106 --> 00:14:02,975
Hey, but maybe
this'll help.
313
00:14:03,075 --> 00:14:05,277
You know what Steph
and I have been doing
for the past three hours?
314
00:14:05,377 --> 00:14:06,579
Huh?
315
00:14:06,679 --> 00:14:09,415
We have been taking
naked pictures
of each other.
316
00:14:09,515 --> 00:14:11,617
Maybe you should do
the same thing.
317
00:14:11,717 --> 00:14:13,118
Look, Joy's already
mad at me enough.
318
00:14:13,219 --> 00:14:14,820
If I take pictures
of you guys...
319
00:14:14,920 --> 00:14:15,754
(GROANS)
320
00:14:19,325 --> 00:14:20,893
What I mean is,
321
00:14:20,993 --> 00:14:22,895
me and Steph took
a negative experience
from our past
322
00:14:22,995 --> 00:14:25,397
that bothered us...
Well, me,
323
00:14:25,497 --> 00:14:27,166
and we turned it
into a positive one.
324
00:14:27,266 --> 00:14:28,868
Now, look. Maybe you
can't go back to Italy,
325
00:14:28,968 --> 00:14:30,436
but you can do
something here.
326
00:14:30,536 --> 00:14:31,503
You know?
Use your imagination.
327
00:14:31,604 --> 00:14:33,539
Think big.
Plan something great.
328
00:14:33,639 --> 00:14:35,140
But whatever you do,
329
00:14:35,241 --> 00:14:37,376
take back Italy!
330
00:14:37,476 --> 00:14:39,945
Okay, here's the thing.
You're gonna have to repeat
everything you just said,
331
00:14:40,045 --> 00:14:43,249
'cause about 20 seconds ago,
your robe shifted.
332
00:15:01,200 --> 00:15:05,170
Okay, one more step,
and... Ta-da!
333
00:15:07,473 --> 00:15:09,942
This is the
big surprise?
334
00:15:10,042 --> 00:15:12,444
We're at a restaurant
at dinnertime. Let me guess:
335
00:15:12,544 --> 00:15:14,179
We're eating here!
336
00:15:16,248 --> 00:15:17,383
Yes, we are,
337
00:15:17,483 --> 00:15:20,586
and the big surprise is,
they only take reservations.
338
00:15:20,686 --> 00:15:23,289
And guess what I did.
I made a reservation.
339
00:15:23,389 --> 00:15:24,957
That's right.
I made a call,
340
00:15:25,057 --> 00:15:27,359
and I sweet-talked
my new friend Ramon,
341
00:15:27,459 --> 00:15:29,495
and he slipped us right in.
342
00:15:29,595 --> 00:15:32,731
Hello. Reservation
for two, "Stark."
343
00:15:33,866 --> 00:15:35,701
Um...
344
00:15:35,801 --> 00:15:38,871
Nope. I don't have a record
for your reservation.
345
00:15:40,139 --> 00:15:41,373
You got to be kidding me.
346
00:15:41,473 --> 00:15:44,643
"Stark." As in
barren, bleak.
347
00:15:46,211 --> 00:15:47,513
Sorry.
348
00:15:47,613 --> 00:15:48,781
What do you mean?
I talked to the guy
for one hour.
349
00:15:48,881 --> 00:15:51,383
Is Ramon here?
Can you please
get Ramon?
350
00:15:51,483 --> 00:15:54,553
Ramon, our morning
cleanup guy?
351
00:15:54,653 --> 00:15:57,623
Did it sound like
he had been drinking?
352
00:15:57,723 --> 00:16:00,426
Okay, you know what?
I have a PowerBar in
the glove compartment.
353
00:16:00,526 --> 00:16:02,161
{\an5}I will meet you
in the car.
No, no, no, no. No. No.
354
00:16:02,261 --> 00:16:04,129
We are eating here.
355
00:16:04,229 --> 00:16:06,732
Now, now, listen.
I have a lot of surprises
coming here tonight, okay?
356
00:16:06,832 --> 00:16:08,534
So we have to
make this happen.
357
00:16:08,634 --> 00:16:12,171
Now, I don't carry cash
when I come downtown,
358
00:16:12,271 --> 00:16:15,474
but how about a free yogurt
with your choice of topping
359
00:16:15,574 --> 00:16:19,044
and a wallet-sized photo
of Jessica Alba? Huh?
360
00:16:22,781 --> 00:16:24,016
There may be
a cancellation later.
361
00:16:24,116 --> 00:16:25,417
Oh... Oh...
Will you do your best?
362
00:16:25,517 --> 00:16:26,819
I would appreciate...
Let's go.
363
00:16:26,919 --> 00:16:28,654
We'll just go wait
over here, huh?
364
00:16:28,754 --> 00:16:30,055
Thank you.
365
00:16:31,357 --> 00:16:33,158
That's good.
All right.
366
00:16:33,258 --> 00:16:34,259
Let's see.
367
00:16:34,360 --> 00:16:36,428
Excuse me.
What's your name?
368
00:16:36,528 --> 00:16:38,597
{\an5}John.
John,
party of three?
369
00:16:38,697 --> 00:16:40,532
{\an5}Two.
I think they just
called your name.
370
00:16:40,632 --> 00:16:42,601
Okay. Joy?
371
00:16:45,170 --> 00:16:47,206
Just sit right on down
right there, huh?
372
00:16:47,306 --> 00:16:48,340
Isn't this great?
373
00:16:48,440 --> 00:16:50,409
Oh, I've got
a sticky stool.
374
00:16:51,910 --> 00:16:55,514
Excuse me. How much
for the entire basket?
375
00:16:55,614 --> 00:16:56,882
$400.
376
00:16:58,083 --> 00:16:59,985
Wow!
377
00:17:00,085 --> 00:17:02,354
Okay. Just give me
the one, please,
378
00:17:02,454 --> 00:17:04,223
and put that on
my bill, will you?
379
00:17:04,323 --> 00:17:05,257
(CLEARS THROAT)
380
00:17:05,357 --> 00:17:06,892
For my bella donna.
381
00:17:08,127 --> 00:17:09,228
Thanks.
Yeah.
382
00:17:09,328 --> 00:17:12,331
I guess I'll just hold this
the rest of the night.
383
00:17:12,431 --> 00:17:15,000
The rest of this
special night. Huh?
384
00:17:16,802 --> 00:17:18,437
(STAMMERING) Okay,
stay right here,
385
00:17:18,537 --> 00:17:19,972
do not go anywhere.
386
00:17:21,206 --> 00:17:22,441
Hello, fellas. Listen.
387
00:17:22,541 --> 00:17:23,809
We ran into a little bit
of a glitch.
388
00:17:23,909 --> 00:17:25,778
So we're gonna be a little
later than we thought.
389
00:17:25,878 --> 00:17:28,514
Why don't you wait
outside, huh?
390
00:17:28,614 --> 00:17:31,150
It's really cold
out there.
391
00:17:31,250 --> 00:17:33,285
All right. Well,
why don't you start
playing something
392
00:17:33,385 --> 00:17:35,621
while we wait, huh?
393
00:17:35,721 --> 00:17:37,823
It's awfully crowded
in here.
394
00:17:41,794 --> 00:17:43,796
What do you want me to do,
rent you a hall?
395
00:17:43,896 --> 00:17:45,597
Get fiddling.
396
00:17:45,697 --> 00:17:46,698
(VIOLIN PLAYING)
397
00:17:46,799 --> 00:17:51,270
(STAMMERING) Wait.
What is that?
398
00:17:51,370 --> 00:17:55,941
Is that beautiful music
to teleport us back
to the old country?
399
00:17:58,043 --> 00:18:01,146
No, I believe that's
Devil Went Down to Georgia.
400
00:18:02,681 --> 00:18:04,516
Eddie, what is
going on here?
401
00:18:04,616 --> 00:18:06,051
What is going on here?
402
00:18:06,151 --> 00:18:08,387
{\an5}I'm gonna tell you
what is going on here.
Please.
403
00:18:08,487 --> 00:18:12,991
Tonight, we are going to
rewrite that fateful trip
that happened 20 years ago.
404
00:18:13,092 --> 00:18:14,593
{\an8}(GROANING)
We're gonna take
the bad memories,
405
00:18:14,693 --> 00:18:16,795
and we're gonna replace them
with good ones.
406
00:18:16,895 --> 00:18:19,998
Tonight, we're gonna
take back Italy.
407
00:18:20,099 --> 00:18:22,234
Okay. Did you not hear me
when I told you that
I wanted to forget
408
00:18:22,334 --> 00:18:24,570
this whole humiliating
thing ever happened?
409
00:18:24,670 --> 00:18:26,905
No, I heard you,
but I ignored you.
410
00:18:27,005 --> 00:18:28,307
You see, because we can't...
411
00:18:28,407 --> 00:18:29,908
We can't bury this anymore,
412
00:18:30,008 --> 00:18:31,844
'cause just when you
think it's gone away,
it comes back,
413
00:18:31,944 --> 00:18:35,080
like that weird rash I get
around my undergroin.
414
00:18:36,782 --> 00:18:38,217
What can I do?
415
00:18:38,317 --> 00:18:40,018
You know what?
416
00:18:40,119 --> 00:18:41,553
I don't know, Eddie.
I don't think there's
anything you can do.
417
00:18:41,653 --> 00:18:43,322
You can't unspank me.
418
00:18:43,422 --> 00:18:44,623
Well...
419
00:18:44,723 --> 00:18:46,992
Well, then, spank me!
420
00:18:49,328 --> 00:18:50,829
Spank me, Joy!
421
00:18:50,929 --> 00:18:53,999
Spank me like I stole money
from Mommy's purse!
422
00:19:01,907 --> 00:19:03,308
Okay, you know what?
Believe it or not, Eddie,
423
00:19:03,408 --> 00:19:05,377
this is not
less humiliating for me.
424
00:19:05,477 --> 00:19:07,079
Well, how are we
gonna get past this, huh?
425
00:19:07,179 --> 00:19:09,214
If this thing is still
so horrible to you,
426
00:19:09,314 --> 00:19:11,383
then why did you
even take me back
in the first place?
427
00:19:11,483 --> 00:19:12,851
I don't know!
428
00:19:12,951 --> 00:19:14,219
Because you were crying,
and you were begging,
429
00:19:14,319 --> 00:19:15,787
and you had never
done that before.
430
00:19:15,888 --> 00:19:18,157
Well, you walked away,
and you had never
done that before.
431
00:19:18,257 --> 00:19:19,725
Maybe I saw
what a jerk you were
432
00:19:19,825 --> 00:19:21,093
and I realized
I could do better!
433
00:19:21,193 --> 00:19:23,629
Well, maybe I realized
I couldn't!
434
00:19:25,397 --> 00:19:28,233
Look, that spank
changed everything.
435
00:19:28,333 --> 00:19:30,769
I thought I lost you.
436
00:19:30,869 --> 00:19:31,703
And for the first time
in my life,
437
00:19:31,803 --> 00:19:33,805
I realized how much
you meant to me
438
00:19:33,906 --> 00:19:36,708
and how much I would fight
to get you back.
439
00:19:40,279 --> 00:19:42,247
What more do you
want, lady?
440
00:19:53,992 --> 00:19:57,362
So you've been suffering
with this for 20 years?
441
00:19:57,462 --> 00:19:59,431
I've been miserable.
442
00:19:59,531 --> 00:20:01,166
Crushed by guilt?
443
00:20:01,700 --> 00:20:02,968
Yes.
444
00:20:03,068 --> 00:20:05,137
God, that pleases me!
445
00:20:06,471 --> 00:20:07,839
Come here, baby.
446
00:20:07,940 --> 00:20:09,308
Mmm.
447
00:20:09,408 --> 00:20:10,275
So that's it?
448
00:20:10,375 --> 00:20:11,476
We're good?
449
00:20:11,577 --> 00:20:13,312
(INHALES SLOWLY)
450
00:20:17,316 --> 00:20:19,017
Now we're good.
451
00:20:20,452 --> 00:20:21,753
(VIOLINS PLAYING)
452
00:20:21,853 --> 00:20:24,456
Hey, who was that guy?
453
00:20:24,556 --> 00:20:25,824
I don't know.
454
00:20:25,924 --> 00:20:28,026
Looks like someone
I used to work with.
455
00:20:46,778 --> 00:20:48,280
{\an8}Well, well, well.
456
00:20:48,380 --> 00:20:51,083
{\an8}Hello there,
young master Jeffrey.
457
00:20:51,183 --> 00:20:53,485
{\an8}Where on Earth are your pants?
458
00:20:57,456 --> 00:21:00,158
{\an8}This is gonna look great
on a baseball cap.
35131
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