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1
00:00:00,934 --> 00:00:01,801
♪ All right!
2
00:00:01,901 --> 00:00:02,869
♪ Hey!
3
00:00:02,969 --> 00:00:05,238
♪ Oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh! ♪
4
00:00:09,209 --> 00:00:10,677
{\an8}(ORGAN PLAYING)
5
00:00:10,777 --> 00:00:12,212
{\an8}Come on, defense!
6
00:00:12,312 --> 00:00:15,081
{\an8}Yeah! Hey, 44!
Take off your mascara
7
00:00:15,181 --> 00:00:17,917
{\an8}and get into the corners,
you wuss!
8
00:00:19,119 --> 00:00:21,488
{\an8}I love my hockey girl.
Come here.
9
00:00:23,490 --> 00:00:25,658
{\an8}Yeah!
Taste the boards, buddy!
10
00:00:25,759 --> 00:00:26,926
{\an8}Lick 'em!
11
00:00:27,027 --> 00:00:27,927
{\an8}Welcome to
the house of pain,
12
00:00:28,028 --> 00:00:30,130
{\an8}you Czechoslovakian
piece of cr...
13
00:00:30,230 --> 00:00:32,432
{\an8}I can't do this
anymore.
14
00:00:33,566 --> 00:00:35,702
{\an8}I hate hockey.
15
00:00:35,802 --> 00:00:37,637
{\an8}What are you talking about?
You love hockey.
16
00:00:37,737 --> 00:00:38,738
{\an8}No. I hate it.
17
00:00:38,838 --> 00:00:41,007
{\an8}I hate it
with my whole heart.
18
00:00:41,641 --> 00:00:42,842
{\an8}What do you mean?
19
00:00:42,942 --> 00:00:43,777
{\an8}You've always loved hockey.
20
00:00:43,877 --> 00:00:45,578
{\an8}No, I never loved it.
21
00:00:45,678 --> 00:00:47,647
{\an8}I lied. Sorry.
22
00:00:49,115 --> 00:00:51,785
{\an8}Yeah, but this
is our thing, baby.
23
00:00:51,885 --> 00:00:54,988
{\an8}(STAMMERING)
We love it.
24
00:00:55,088 --> 00:00:58,058
{\an8}I'm really, really cold,
and I hate it.
25
00:00:58,158 --> 00:01:00,260
{\an8}I'll meet you in the car.
26
00:01:12,472 --> 00:01:14,407
{\an8}EDDIE: So she lied to you.
What's the big deal?
27
00:01:14,507 --> 00:01:15,775
{\an8}What's the big deal?
28
00:01:15,875 --> 00:01:17,644
{\an8}The entire fabric
of our relationship
29
00:01:17,744 --> 00:01:20,046
{\an8}is built on the fact
that she loves hockey!
30
00:01:20,146 --> 00:01:21,714
{\an8}All right,
settle down there,
drama queen.
31
00:01:21,815 --> 00:01:24,317
{\an8}You're not auditioning
for the winter play.
32
00:01:24,417 --> 00:01:25,919
{\an8}I mean,
you don't understand.
33
00:01:26,019 --> 00:01:28,621
{\an8}On our third date,
she got us matching jerseys.
34
00:01:28,721 --> 00:01:30,990
{\an8}She had me tape games
for her.
35
00:01:31,091 --> 00:01:34,360
{\an8}Our wedding cake
was three stacked
hockey pucks.
36
00:01:34,461 --> 00:01:36,496
{\an8}That seems a tad gauche.
37
00:01:36,596 --> 00:01:39,265
{\an8}That's what I said,
but she insisted.
38
00:01:39,365 --> 00:01:40,333
{\an8}Oh, what am I going to do?
39
00:01:40,433 --> 00:01:43,570
{\an8}I just bought a package
of 20 home games.
40
00:01:43,670 --> 00:01:46,706
{\an8}Hey, you know,
I got tickets for tonight.
You want to come?
41
00:01:46,806 --> 00:01:48,508
Oh.
42
00:01:48,608 --> 00:01:50,477
Sorry. I've got a thing.
43
00:01:54,581 --> 00:01:55,915
Is that my lunch?
44
00:01:56,015 --> 00:01:57,584
No!
45
00:01:57,684 --> 00:01:59,486
It says "Jeff Woodcock"
on the bag.
46
00:01:59,586 --> 00:02:01,855
Fine! There you go.
47
00:02:01,955 --> 00:02:04,257
Let's see what else
we got here.
48
00:02:06,059 --> 00:02:07,327
Isn't that Mrs. McKenzie's?
49
00:02:07,427 --> 00:02:10,430
Yes. And she can do
with one less pudding cup.
50
00:02:12,532 --> 00:02:14,300
All right, look.
Obviously you're upset,
51
00:02:14,400 --> 00:02:17,070
but the fact that Steph lied
is very natural.
52
00:02:17,170 --> 00:02:19,606
Everybody does it.
It's what dating
is all about.
53
00:02:19,706 --> 00:02:21,441
It's what gets you
to the altar.
54
00:02:21,541 --> 00:02:25,111
You think anyone
would marry anyone
if they knew the truth?
55
00:02:25,211 --> 00:02:26,613
Well, I never lied to Steph.
56
00:02:26,713 --> 00:02:29,582
Oh, really? Does any of this
sound familiar?
57
00:02:29,682 --> 00:02:31,584
"I love foreign films."
58
00:02:31,684 --> 00:02:34,087
"No, I don't mind
if the cat sleeps
on the bed with us."
59
00:02:34,187 --> 00:02:36,389
"Lionel Richie, he rocks."
60
00:02:38,024 --> 00:02:40,160
What does this have to do
with Lionel Richie?
61
00:02:40,260 --> 00:02:42,328
I'll tell you
what this has to do
with Lionel Richie.
62
00:02:42,428 --> 00:02:44,230
When Joy and I
first started dating,
63
00:02:44,330 --> 00:02:45,665
she would always
show the goods,
64
00:02:45,765 --> 00:02:47,867
but she'd never
let me touch 'em.
65
00:02:47,967 --> 00:02:50,970
Then one night on the radio
comes Dancing on the Ceiling,
66
00:02:51,070 --> 00:02:53,206
and she goes,
"Oh, that's my favorite song."
67
00:02:53,306 --> 00:02:56,142
And I say,
"Hey, mine, too."
68
00:02:56,242 --> 00:02:58,711
Now, did I like the song?
69
00:02:58,811 --> 00:03:01,047
Of course not.
70
00:03:01,147 --> 00:03:04,250
Did I approve of the message
Dancing on the Ceiling
was sending out to children?
71
00:03:04,350 --> 00:03:06,252
Totally irresponsible.
72
00:03:06,352 --> 00:03:08,888
The point is,
it was a big lie.
73
00:03:15,695 --> 00:03:19,966
Well, good for you.
But I never had to lie
about stuff like that.
74
00:03:20,066 --> 00:03:22,101
Steph was just really easy.
75
00:03:23,770 --> 00:03:25,605
I can see that.
76
00:03:25,705 --> 00:03:27,941
Look, she might have
lied before,
77
00:03:28,041 --> 00:03:29,509
but now
she's telling the truth,
78
00:03:29,609 --> 00:03:31,311
and that's the beauty
of marriage,
79
00:03:31,411 --> 00:03:34,447
you could finally be honest
about who you really are.
80
00:03:34,547 --> 00:03:36,115
You don't have to
keep pretending
81
00:03:36,216 --> 00:03:39,118
that you have these
things in common,
or these shared interests.
82
00:03:39,219 --> 00:03:41,087
You can just go out
and do your own thing,
83
00:03:41,187 --> 00:03:43,189
spending days
without talking
84
00:03:43,289 --> 00:03:45,158
or even seeing
each other at all.
85
00:03:45,258 --> 00:03:47,327
That's true intimacy.
86
00:03:51,497 --> 00:03:52,765
Look, I gave you
back your lunch,
87
00:03:52,865 --> 00:03:55,068
and you're not even
touching it.
88
00:03:55,168 --> 00:03:56,803
I'm just saying.
89
00:04:00,073 --> 00:04:01,174
(DOOR OPENING)
90
00:04:01,274 --> 00:04:03,042
Hey, sweetie.
91
00:04:03,142 --> 00:04:04,911
Hello, Steph.
92
00:04:05,712 --> 00:04:07,714
If that is your real name.
93
00:04:07,814 --> 00:04:11,184
Come on. Are you still mad
about the hockey thing?
94
00:04:11,284 --> 00:04:12,986
I'm really sorry, okay?
95
00:04:13,086 --> 00:04:15,588
It's just really creepy,
all right?
96
00:04:15,688 --> 00:04:16,589
It's like
if you lied about that,
97
00:04:16,689 --> 00:04:18,157
what else did you lie about?
98
00:04:18,258 --> 00:04:19,626
Did you have a nose job?
99
00:04:19,726 --> 00:04:22,362
Are you a US citizen?
100
00:04:22,462 --> 00:04:25,698
Have you really only been
with 14 guys before me?
101
00:04:31,104 --> 00:04:34,107
I didn't lie about
anything else, I swear.
102
00:04:34,207 --> 00:04:36,142
I just pretended
to like hockey.
103
00:04:36,242 --> 00:04:37,410
All right. Okay. Good.
104
00:04:37,510 --> 00:04:39,178
And Spinal Tap.
What?
105
00:04:39,279 --> 00:04:40,280
Oh, my god!
106
00:04:40,380 --> 00:04:41,314
No, I just meant...
107
00:04:41,414 --> 00:04:42,782
You don't like Spinal Tap?
108
00:04:42,882 --> 00:04:45,018
Well, it's just sort of goofy.
109
00:04:45,118 --> 00:04:48,254
Goofy? Spinal Tap is goofy?
110
00:04:48,354 --> 00:04:50,156
It's my favorite movie!
111
00:04:50,256 --> 00:04:52,892
Oh, my gosh.
She doesn't like Spinal Tap.
Do you believe that?
112
00:04:52,992 --> 00:04:56,829
Jeff, I'm sure there's stuff
you lied about, too, right?
113
00:04:56,929 --> 00:04:58,798
I mean, like antiquing.
You always come with me.
114
00:04:58,898 --> 00:05:02,302
You say how you love it.
But no guy loves antiquing.
115
00:05:03,436 --> 00:05:04,904
Some guys love it.
116
00:05:06,639 --> 00:05:09,409
There's got to be something.
Come on.
117
00:05:09,509 --> 00:05:10,810
Well...
118
00:05:12,278 --> 00:05:14,414
(STAMMERING) No, no.
Yeah. I got something.
119
00:05:14,514 --> 00:05:17,050
You remember that haircut
that you got last year,
120
00:05:17,150 --> 00:05:18,351
the one with the bangs?
121
00:05:18,451 --> 00:05:21,087
I said I loved it,
but I didn't.
122
00:05:21,187 --> 00:05:22,922
I liked it,
but I didn't love it.
123
00:05:23,022 --> 00:05:25,124
There you go.
Doesn't that feel better?
124
00:05:25,224 --> 00:05:26,392
No. I am pathetic.
125
00:05:26,492 --> 00:05:28,261
You're not pathetic, honey.
126
00:05:28,361 --> 00:05:30,330
And you don't need me
to enjoy hockey.
127
00:05:30,430 --> 00:05:32,432
You loved it
before you met me.
128
00:05:32,532 --> 00:05:33,599
That's true.
129
00:05:33,700 --> 00:05:35,001
And you can love it again.
130
00:05:35,101 --> 00:05:36,736
Tonight.
You've got another game.
131
00:05:36,836 --> 00:05:39,238
Why don't you go
with one of your guy friends?
132
00:05:39,339 --> 00:05:41,674
Okay, yeah. Good.
Good. I'll just...
133
00:05:41,774 --> 00:05:43,376
I'll go with one
of my guy friends.
134
00:05:43,476 --> 00:05:45,511
Yeah. Right.
135
00:05:45,611 --> 00:05:47,347
I've got two hours
to make a guy friend.
136
00:05:47,447 --> 00:05:48,948
All right.
137
00:05:51,417 --> 00:05:53,353
♪ Oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh!
138
00:05:53,453 --> 00:05:54,987
♪ Whoo! ♪
139
00:05:55,088 --> 00:05:57,890
MAN ON TV:
The Mini Chopper Pro
replaces all these appliances.
140
00:05:57,990 --> 00:06:00,526
Now, how much would you pay
for something like this?
141
00:06:00,626 --> 00:06:02,028
$29.95.
142
00:06:02,128 --> 00:06:03,730
But wait. There's more.
143
00:06:03,830 --> 00:06:06,099
We're prepared to offer you
the Mini Chopper Pro,
144
00:06:06,199 --> 00:06:08,534
the Chopper Pro Junior,
and the recipe book,
145
00:06:08,634 --> 00:06:10,670
a $200 value, all for...
146
00:06:10,770 --> 00:06:11,904
$19.95.
147
00:06:12,004 --> 00:06:13,906
(SCREAMS)
148
00:06:14,006 --> 00:06:15,975
How long have you been
sitting back there?
149
00:06:16,075 --> 00:06:17,543
About an hour.
150
00:06:18,778 --> 00:06:20,146
Really?
Yeah.
151
00:06:22,115 --> 00:06:23,950
Huh.
152
00:06:24,050 --> 00:06:25,752
You know, I was talking
to Woodcock about this.
153
00:06:25,852 --> 00:06:28,454
This is marriage.
154
00:06:28,554 --> 00:06:30,256
Two people doing
their own thing,
155
00:06:30,356 --> 00:06:32,892
living totally
independent lives.
156
00:06:32,992 --> 00:06:34,894
What are you talking about
"independent lives"?
157
00:06:34,994 --> 00:06:36,662
We're sitting four feet
away from each other,
158
00:06:36,763 --> 00:06:39,832
looking at
different-sized screens.
159
00:06:39,932 --> 00:06:42,201
Well, yeah,
but we have nothing in common.
160
00:06:42,301 --> 00:06:44,971
Really?
What are you doing back there?
161
00:06:45,071 --> 00:06:47,073
Well, I'm...
162
00:06:47,173 --> 00:06:49,308
...purchasing the product
that you're watching.
163
00:06:49,409 --> 00:06:51,911
(STAMMERING) But listen.
That's not the point.
164
00:06:52,011 --> 00:06:54,781
We have totally
separate interests.
165
00:06:54,881 --> 00:06:56,449
No, we don't.
166
00:06:56,549 --> 00:06:57,884
Yeah, we do.
167
00:06:59,986 --> 00:07:02,455
Name one thing
that you do without me.
168
00:07:02,555 --> 00:07:05,224
Well, for starters,
169
00:07:06,159 --> 00:07:07,226
I bowl.
170
00:07:07,894 --> 00:07:09,061
Oh. You're a bowler?
171
00:07:09,162 --> 00:07:10,863
Yes. Love to bowl.
172
00:07:10,963 --> 00:07:13,900
Have my own ball,
my own patented move,
173
00:07:14,000 --> 00:07:16,269
the Stark strike-maker.
174
00:07:17,336 --> 00:07:18,704
Mighty ball!
175
00:07:20,239 --> 00:07:22,909
I gave your ball away
seven years ago.
176
00:07:23,009 --> 00:07:24,277
What?
177
00:07:24,377 --> 00:07:26,179
What are you talking about,
you gave it away?
178
00:07:26,279 --> 00:07:27,313
It's right here
in the hall...
179
00:07:27,413 --> 00:07:31,250
I can't believe
you gave away my ball!
180
00:07:31,350 --> 00:07:33,920
It was custom-drilled
for my fingers.
181
00:07:34,020 --> 00:07:35,988
I loved that ball.
182
00:07:36,088 --> 00:07:37,356
Did you?
183
00:07:37,457 --> 00:07:38,925
What color was it?
184
00:07:40,193 --> 00:07:41,961
Round.
185
00:07:42,061 --> 00:07:45,064
Not only
have we not grown apart,
we are the same person.
186
00:07:45,164 --> 00:07:48,801
You know what? You're wrong,
because I am my own person.
187
00:07:48,901 --> 00:07:51,537
I am unique,
like a human snowflake.
188
00:07:53,439 --> 00:07:54,440
No, you're not.
189
00:07:54,540 --> 00:07:56,042
Look at the way
you're eating that cookie.
190
00:07:56,142 --> 00:07:58,344
You're using
one side as a shovel
to eat the filling,
191
00:07:58,444 --> 00:07:59,979
the cookie shovel.
192
00:08:00,079 --> 00:08:02,582
Where'd you learn
that technique,
snowflake?
193
00:08:04,584 --> 00:08:07,153
From my friend Bill?
194
00:08:07,253 --> 00:08:10,456
From me.
The cookie shovel is mine.
195
00:08:10,556 --> 00:08:12,325
Oh, and check this out.
196
00:08:13,593 --> 00:08:15,328
Ta-da!
197
00:08:15,428 --> 00:08:16,496
What?
198
00:08:16,596 --> 00:08:18,764
We're wearing
the same outfit.
199
00:08:20,833 --> 00:08:22,401
Oh, my God!
200
00:08:22,502 --> 00:08:25,238
You know those couples
that we make fun of
in the yogurt place?
201
00:08:25,338 --> 00:08:27,640
We're them!
202
00:08:27,740 --> 00:08:28,774
I gotta get out of here.
203
00:08:28,875 --> 00:08:30,877
I gotta find my own thing.
204
00:08:30,977 --> 00:08:32,478
Where are you gonna go?
I don't know.
205
00:08:32,578 --> 00:08:34,547
I'll head north.
206
00:08:34,647 --> 00:08:35,882
Good luck with that.
207
00:08:35,982 --> 00:08:38,050
And I'm telling you,
I have to do something.
208
00:08:38,150 --> 00:08:40,686
We are not going to turn
into the old yogurt people.
209
00:08:40,786 --> 00:08:41,854
Wait.
You're really going out?
210
00:08:41,954 --> 00:08:43,389
What am I supposed to do?
211
00:08:43,489 --> 00:08:44,991
I don't care what you do.
Just don't do what I'm doing.
212
00:08:45,091 --> 00:08:46,125
Well, what are you doing?
213
00:08:46,225 --> 00:08:47,260
I have no idea.
214
00:08:47,360 --> 00:08:49,362
Well, I don't want to
just sit here by myself.
215
00:08:49,462 --> 00:08:51,464
Oh, okay.
Well, go out with that friend
who calls you all the time
216
00:08:51,564 --> 00:08:54,066
and I always forget
to give you the message.
Uh, Marla.
217
00:08:54,166 --> 00:08:56,102
Barbara?
Barbara. Exactly.
218
00:08:56,202 --> 00:08:57,470
Wait, when did
Barbara call?
219
00:08:57,570 --> 00:08:58,671
Like, every day last week.
220
00:08:58,771 --> 00:09:00,573
It was something about
her getting divorced.
221
00:09:00,673 --> 00:09:02,108
Oh, my god!
222
00:09:02,909 --> 00:09:04,010
♪ All right!
223
00:09:06,112 --> 00:09:07,313
♪ Whoo! ♪
224
00:09:12,385 --> 00:09:13,553
Oh, jeez!
225
00:09:17,290 --> 00:09:18,524
Eddie, what are you
doin' here?
226
00:09:18,624 --> 00:09:20,326
Just doin' my own thing.
227
00:09:20,426 --> 00:09:21,594
What's up with you?
228
00:09:21,694 --> 00:09:22,628
Just going to go
to that hockey game alone.
229
00:09:22,728 --> 00:09:24,730
I love hockey! I'm in!
230
00:09:24,830 --> 00:09:26,666
You said...
Love it!
231
00:09:29,602 --> 00:09:29,635
{\an8}♪
232
00:09:29,635 --> 00:09:29,669
{\an8}♪ O
233
00:09:29,669 --> 00:09:29,702
{\an8}♪ Oh,
234
00:09:29,702 --> 00:09:29,735
{\an8}♪ Oh, o
235
00:09:29,735 --> 00:09:29,769
{\an8}♪ Oh, oh,
236
00:09:29,769 --> 00:09:29,802
{\an8}♪ Oh, oh, o
237
00:09:29,802 --> 00:09:29,835
{\an8}♪ Oh, oh, oh,
238
00:09:29,835 --> 00:09:29,869
{\an8}♪ Oh, oh, oh, o
239
00:09:29,869 --> 00:09:29,902
{\an8}♪ Oh, oh, oh, oh!
240
00:09:31,203 --> 00:09:33,639
♪ Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah! ♪
241
00:09:34,273 --> 00:09:35,741
(ALL CHEERING)
242
00:09:37,076 --> 00:09:40,313
Okay. Hockey. Love it!
243
00:09:40,413 --> 00:09:43,849
You know, I haven't
heard the Canadian anthem
in quite a while,
244
00:09:43,950 --> 00:09:47,520
but I got to say,
I think it's better than ours.
245
00:09:47,620 --> 00:09:51,691
All right.
Where is that puck?
246
00:09:51,791 --> 00:09:55,061
I got to be honest,
I haven't seen it
at all tonight.
247
00:09:55,161 --> 00:09:57,263
You know, Steph could
always find the puck.
248
00:09:57,363 --> 00:10:00,132
She has eyes
like a Navy pilot.
249
00:10:00,232 --> 00:10:01,500
You just forget
about her, okay?
250
00:10:01,601 --> 00:10:03,369
You know,
when it would get chilly,
251
00:10:03,469 --> 00:10:05,037
we would snuggle up
under this blanket.
252
00:10:05,137 --> 00:10:07,139
Yeah. Well,
you're gonna have to
buy me a few more beers
253
00:10:07,239 --> 00:10:09,075
for that to happen.
254
00:10:10,376 --> 00:10:11,510
Come on.
255
00:10:13,512 --> 00:10:14,480
Mmm.
256
00:10:14,580 --> 00:10:15,715
Oh, snap out of it.
257
00:10:15,815 --> 00:10:17,817
Hey, you want
to do the wave?
258
00:10:17,917 --> 00:10:19,018
All right. I guess.
259
00:10:19,118 --> 00:10:20,720
What do you mean,
you guess? Come on.
260
00:10:20,820 --> 00:10:22,021
Surf's up!
261
00:10:22,121 --> 00:10:25,124
Whoo!
262
00:10:28,294 --> 00:10:30,796
Okay. Maybe it's a little bit
too early for the wave.
263
00:10:30,896 --> 00:10:34,033
But that is gonna kill later.
You will see.
264
00:10:34,133 --> 00:10:35,735
Go, baby! Go, baby!
265
00:10:35,835 --> 00:10:37,436
Oh. Oh. Look.
266
00:10:37,536 --> 00:10:40,006
Look at Sally McHockey
over there,
puttin' on an act.
267
00:10:40,106 --> 00:10:41,874
Hey, it's all a lie!
268
00:10:41,974 --> 00:10:43,442
Once the ring
gets on her finger,
269
00:10:43,542 --> 00:10:45,378
it's gonna be
all pedicures
and tea parties.
270
00:10:45,478 --> 00:10:49,015
She's not a hockey girl,
buddy. She's a fake.
271
00:10:49,115 --> 00:10:51,384
I will kick your ass.
272
00:10:52,618 --> 00:10:55,755
Okay. She's for real.
She's the real deal.
273
00:10:55,855 --> 00:10:56,956
Good luck to you, sir.
274
00:10:57,056 --> 00:11:00,226
You're gonna make
beautiful children.
275
00:11:00,326 --> 00:11:03,462
Okay. Her boot's
in my spine.
276
00:11:03,562 --> 00:11:06,165
Someone's not respecting
personal space.
277
00:11:08,968 --> 00:11:12,672
Just so you know,
if somethin' happens,
I do not have your back.
278
00:11:17,009 --> 00:11:18,277
♪ Yeah! ♪
279
00:11:18,377 --> 00:11:21,313
Barbara, I am so sorry
that I didn't call you back.
280
00:11:21,414 --> 00:11:24,016
I had no idea
that you and Marty
were splitting up.
281
00:11:24,116 --> 00:11:25,484
Neither did I.
282
00:11:25,584 --> 00:11:27,019
It was pretty sudden.
283
00:11:27,119 --> 00:11:28,587
I mean, there were signs.
284
00:11:28,688 --> 00:11:31,524
Like the constant pressure
to have a three-way.
285
00:11:32,892 --> 00:11:36,629
Wow. That explains
Marty's e-mails to me.
286
00:11:39,265 --> 00:11:42,501
Anyway, the important thing
is that I'm moving on.
287
00:11:42,601 --> 00:11:44,537
I mean, I don't need Marty
to validate me
288
00:11:44,637 --> 00:11:46,939
because I'm happy
with who I am.
289
00:11:47,039 --> 00:11:48,741
Do you like the lips?
Did I do too much?
290
00:11:48,841 --> 00:11:50,476
Do I have trout pout?
291
00:11:50,576 --> 00:11:52,545
No. No.
Another couple of days,
292
00:11:52,645 --> 00:11:54,814
you'll be able
to close them all the way.
293
00:11:54,914 --> 00:11:56,449
I hope so.
294
00:11:58,818 --> 00:12:01,287
So, how'd you get
to come out by yourself
tonight?
295
00:12:01,387 --> 00:12:02,321
Where's Eddie?
296
00:12:02,421 --> 00:12:04,156
Oh, he had this
whole meltdown
297
00:12:04,256 --> 00:12:06,726
because I told him
we were kind of becoming
the same person,
298
00:12:06,826 --> 00:12:09,428
and so he wanted to go out
and do his own thing tonight,
299
00:12:09,528 --> 00:12:11,430
be his own man.
300
00:12:11,530 --> 00:12:13,265
Last time I saw him,
301
00:12:13,365 --> 00:12:16,869
he was wandering
up and down the block
looking into mailboxes.
302
00:12:16,969 --> 00:12:18,404
Well, what I'm hearing
303
00:12:18,504 --> 00:12:22,408
is that you are
an honorary single girl
like me tonight.
304
00:12:22,508 --> 00:12:24,543
{\an8}(DANCE MUSIC PLAYING)
What? What's going on?
305
00:12:24,643 --> 00:12:26,579
This place turns into
a dance club at 9:00.
306
00:12:26,679 --> 00:12:27,913
Oh. We should get the check.
307
00:12:28,013 --> 00:12:30,182
What are you talking about?
We're staying.
308
00:12:30,282 --> 00:12:31,917
You're going to be
my wingwoman.
309
00:12:32,017 --> 00:12:34,120
Oh, Barbara, I don't know.
310
00:12:34,220 --> 00:12:36,455
It's been years
since I went clubbing.
311
00:12:36,555 --> 00:12:39,024
Oh, come on.
You can still shake it.
312
00:12:39,125 --> 00:12:41,727
Oh, I can still shake it.
313
00:12:41,827 --> 00:12:45,131
Last I checked,
these still got me
free drinks.
314
00:12:45,231 --> 00:12:47,166
So, okay. Game on!
315
00:12:47,266 --> 00:12:49,702
Oh, I don't know. I...
316
00:12:50,703 --> 00:12:51,604
I...
317
00:12:56,275 --> 00:12:58,677
Wow. I can feel
that bass everywhere.
318
00:13:01,680 --> 00:13:03,382
(PEOPLE CLAPPING)
319
00:13:07,086 --> 00:13:08,387
Sit down already.
320
00:13:08,487 --> 00:13:11,290
I'm going down.
I'm mostly torso.
321
00:13:11,390 --> 00:13:14,393
It takes a while.
322
00:13:14,493 --> 00:13:16,929
You were in the bathroom
that whole time?
323
00:13:17,029 --> 00:13:18,631
It was pretty disturbing.
324
00:13:18,731 --> 00:13:21,801
There was a man
helping another man
pee in the sink.
325
00:13:24,537 --> 00:13:26,539
Oh! Oh, yeah!
326
00:13:26,639 --> 00:13:28,440
Look at those two guys
wailin' on each other!
327
00:13:28,541 --> 00:13:31,443
Look at that.
There's blood everywhere.
328
00:13:31,544 --> 00:13:33,412
Steph should be
here for this.
329
00:13:33,512 --> 00:13:35,948
Steph doesn't like
hockey, okay?
330
00:13:36,048 --> 00:13:38,184
And quite frankly,
I think I get her point.
331
00:13:38,284 --> 00:13:40,920
What is so great
about this experience?
332
00:13:41,020 --> 00:13:44,123
Is it the cold?
Is it the relentless
organ music?
333
00:13:44,223 --> 00:13:46,392
Is it that
simple-minded fellow
334
00:13:46,492 --> 00:13:48,394
who keeps hitting
his cow bell?
335
00:13:48,494 --> 00:13:50,429
That's Cowbell George.
336
00:13:50,529 --> 00:13:52,731
His wife's here with him.
337
00:13:54,033 --> 00:13:58,037
Can I ask you to please
not kick my chair?
338
00:13:58,137 --> 00:14:00,873
How about I kick you
in the head?
339
00:14:00,973 --> 00:14:02,241
(SNORTS)
340
00:14:05,077 --> 00:14:06,745
Wow.
341
00:14:06,846 --> 00:14:09,148
She did it.
She didn't even wait
for an answer.
342
00:14:09,248 --> 00:14:10,349
Ha.
343
00:14:11,817 --> 00:14:14,787
You want to dance
with the scarecrow? Come on!
344
00:14:17,289 --> 00:14:18,958
(DANCE MUSIC PLAYING)
345
00:14:24,230 --> 00:14:27,099
Okay. I stand corrected.
346
00:14:27,199 --> 00:14:29,368
This is my new favorite song.
347
00:14:33,038 --> 00:14:36,876
Whoa. Sailor.
What are you leaving room for,
cream and sugar?
348
00:14:36,976 --> 00:14:39,278
Okay, she's married!
349
00:14:39,378 --> 00:14:41,847
I'm divorced
and back on the pill!
350
00:14:44,116 --> 00:14:45,217
Barbara!
351
00:14:45,985 --> 00:14:47,653
Hey!
352
00:14:47,753 --> 00:14:50,089
I am so glad that Eddie
made me come out tonight.
353
00:14:50,189 --> 00:14:51,357
Whoo!
354
00:14:51,457 --> 00:14:54,393
Oh. Oh.
I'm gonna call him.
355
00:14:54,493 --> 00:14:58,130
You know, these lips
aren't the only thing
I've had done.
356
00:15:00,599 --> 00:15:02,801
It's going
right to voicemail.
357
00:15:05,037 --> 00:15:06,805
Eddie! Hi!
358
00:15:08,507 --> 00:15:10,743
Oh, I'm so glad
you made me do this.
359
00:15:10,843 --> 00:15:13,012
I hope you're having
as much fun as I am.
360
00:15:13,112 --> 00:15:14,280
Whoo!
361
00:15:14,380 --> 00:15:16,415
Ow! You're hurting
my nipple!
362
00:15:16,515 --> 00:15:19,318
It's not worth it, Cathy!
Not in your first trimester!
363
00:15:19,418 --> 00:15:21,720
He's right, Cathy.
You got way too much to lose.
364
00:15:21,820 --> 00:15:24,723
All right, George!
Put down the cowbell!
365
00:15:32,665 --> 00:15:35,501
Hey, you're home early.
Is the game over?
366
00:15:35,601 --> 00:15:39,505
No. We were asked to leave
right after Eddie
flipped off the kiss-cam.
367
00:15:39,605 --> 00:15:41,807
But I got you one of these.
368
00:15:41,907 --> 00:15:43,442
A towel.
Not a towel, angel.
369
00:15:43,542 --> 00:15:44,977
A rally towel.
370
00:15:45,077 --> 00:15:47,579
You know,
when your team's down
and you need them to rally?
371
00:15:47,680 --> 00:15:50,449
Well, I need you
to rally, honey.
372
00:15:50,549 --> 00:15:51,784
Whoo!
373
00:15:52,351 --> 00:15:53,819
Huh?
374
00:15:53,919 --> 00:15:55,654
You're freaking out
a little here.
What's going on?
375
00:15:55,754 --> 00:15:58,424
I need us to go back
to the lie, okay?
376
00:15:58,524 --> 00:16:00,626
I need you to tell me
that you love hockey,
377
00:16:00,726 --> 00:16:02,561
because it's really not
the same without you.
378
00:16:02,661 --> 00:16:04,630
So we're going to
wave our towels,
379
00:16:04,730 --> 00:16:06,131
we're going to watch
the end of the game,
380
00:16:06,231 --> 00:16:08,200
because the girl I married
loves hockey,
381
00:16:08,300 --> 00:16:12,204
and if you don't love hockey,
then I don't know
who the hell you are.
382
00:16:13,072 --> 00:16:15,274
This is nice, right?
383
00:16:15,374 --> 00:16:18,277
Go ahead. Say it.
Say you love it.
384
00:16:19,511 --> 00:16:21,880
Say you love hockey.
385
00:16:22,748 --> 00:16:24,116
Okay, I love it.
386
00:16:24,216 --> 00:16:25,217
Liar!
387
00:16:25,317 --> 00:16:26,852
But you said you wanted
to go back to the lie.
388
00:16:26,952 --> 00:16:29,121
We can't go back!
I know you hate it now.
389
00:16:29,221 --> 00:16:30,522
You've ruined hockey
for me!
390
00:16:30,622 --> 00:16:31,824
You've made me
question everything!
391
00:16:31,924 --> 00:16:34,960
I am very angry inside!
Stupid rally towel!
392
00:16:35,427 --> 00:16:36,829
(GRUNTING)
393
00:16:41,967 --> 00:16:45,971
Jeff, I'm so sorry
this is making you upset.
394
00:16:46,071 --> 00:16:48,607
I never meant to hurt you.
395
00:16:48,707 --> 00:16:50,642
Let me ask you something.
396
00:16:50,743 --> 00:16:52,978
When you called me
after our first date
397
00:16:53,078 --> 00:16:56,382
and told me
you had hockey tickets
and asked me to go,
398
00:16:56,482 --> 00:16:57,516
if I had told you
I hated hockey,
399
00:16:57,616 --> 00:16:59,585
what would have happened?
400
00:16:59,685 --> 00:17:01,453
Would we have ever had
a second date?
401
00:17:01,553 --> 00:17:02,821
Probably.
No.
402
00:17:02,921 --> 00:17:05,424
You'd have taken
somebody else to the game.
403
00:17:05,524 --> 00:17:07,292
And then you never
would've put your arm
around me
404
00:17:07,393 --> 00:17:09,061
when I got cold.
405
00:17:09,161 --> 00:17:11,964
We wouldn't have had
our first kiss that night.
406
00:17:12,064 --> 00:17:15,868
And it's possible
we wouldn't have
ended up together.
407
00:17:15,968 --> 00:17:17,870
None of this would exist.
408
00:17:19,004 --> 00:17:21,840
So I lied.
I said I loved hockey.
409
00:17:23,108 --> 00:17:24,710
I'd do it again.
410
00:17:26,278 --> 00:17:28,514
It got me you.
411
00:17:28,614 --> 00:17:30,849
It's the best lie
I ever told.
412
00:17:32,217 --> 00:17:33,352
I...
413
00:17:34,686 --> 00:17:36,822
...never thought of it
that way.
414
00:17:36,922 --> 00:17:40,059
Well, it's true.
415
00:17:40,159 --> 00:17:42,761
Okay, how about this?
How about
we compromise, okay?
416
00:17:42,861 --> 00:17:45,130
How about you go
to one game a season?
417
00:17:45,230 --> 00:17:46,265
You got it.
418
00:17:46,365 --> 00:17:47,499
Okay.
419
00:17:47,599 --> 00:17:50,836
And maybe you could
wear the jersey
when we do, like,
420
00:17:50,936 --> 00:17:53,405
you know, other stuff.
421
00:17:53,505 --> 00:17:56,008
You mean like sex?
422
00:17:56,108 --> 00:17:59,511
I was thinking antiquing,
but I like yours better.
423
00:17:59,611 --> 00:18:00,646
♪ Yeah, yeah!
424
00:18:00,746 --> 00:18:01,847
♪ Oh, oh, oh ♪
425
00:18:01,947 --> 00:18:03,849
MAN ON TV: Not as hungry
as you thought you were?
426
00:18:03,949 --> 00:18:05,350
Not a problem.
427
00:18:05,451 --> 00:18:09,121
Pack it, suck it, and save it
with the new Vacuum Packer.
428
00:18:09,221 --> 00:18:10,856
Operators are standing by.
429
00:18:10,956 --> 00:18:12,424
(MUTES VOLUME)
430
00:18:13,525 --> 00:18:14,760
Whoo!
431
00:18:14,860 --> 00:18:16,361
Hey.
432
00:18:16,462 --> 00:18:18,730
Oh, my God.
What a night.
433
00:18:18,831 --> 00:18:21,200
I am so glad
you made us go out.
434
00:18:21,300 --> 00:18:24,403
Barbara and I
went to this restaurant
that became a nightclub,
435
00:18:24,503 --> 00:18:27,639
and I danced
so hard on the bar
that I broke a heel.
436
00:18:27,739 --> 00:18:29,908
Oh, and a bamboo ceiling fan.
437
00:18:31,610 --> 00:18:33,445
I got beat up by a girl.
438
00:18:35,380 --> 00:18:37,182
Oh. I'm sorry.
439
00:18:37,282 --> 00:18:39,918
No, I'm sorry.
I hate it out there.
440
00:18:40,018 --> 00:18:42,354
I don't need interests
or my own thing.
441
00:18:42,454 --> 00:18:43,789
I'm fine
just sitting right here,
442
00:18:43,889 --> 00:18:46,625
being the same person
as you.
443
00:18:46,725 --> 00:18:49,728
Hey, you want to put on
our matching flannel jammies?
444
00:18:49,828 --> 00:18:51,063
No.
445
00:18:51,163 --> 00:18:54,299
Actually, I just came home
to change my shoes.
446
00:18:54,399 --> 00:18:55,801
Barbara and I are
going to go for waffles
447
00:18:55,901 --> 00:18:57,536
with these gay guys
that we met.
448
00:18:57,636 --> 00:18:59,538
Oh. Okay.
449
00:18:59,638 --> 00:19:01,607
Save me your bacon.
I will.
450
00:19:14,386 --> 00:19:15,754
(SIGHS)
451
00:19:18,490 --> 00:19:21,493
What happened
to gay waffles?
452
00:19:21,593 --> 00:19:22,828
You know what?
Barbara won't miss me.
453
00:19:22,928 --> 00:19:25,998
I was kind of stealing
her thunder anyway.
454
00:19:26,098 --> 00:19:28,333
That's my girl.
455
00:19:28,433 --> 00:19:31,303
MAN ON TV: And the sucking
doesn't have to stop
in the kitchen.
456
00:19:31,403 --> 00:19:34,106
Winter sweaters
taking up too much room?
457
00:19:34,206 --> 00:19:35,807
With the new Vacuum Packer,
458
00:19:35,908 --> 00:19:37,910
you can suck 'em down to size.
459
00:19:38,010 --> 00:19:40,712
Now, how much would you pay
for an item like this?
460
00:19:40,812 --> 00:19:42,314
$29.95.
461
00:19:42,414 --> 00:19:43,515
No way.
462
00:19:43,615 --> 00:19:45,050
They're going to
give it to us for $19.95,
463
00:19:45,150 --> 00:19:46,585
but they're gonna
kill us on the bags.
464
00:19:46,685 --> 00:19:47,953
No.
465
00:19:48,053 --> 00:19:51,423
Now about the low price
of $19.95?
466
00:19:51,523 --> 00:19:52,724
Bags sold separately.
467
00:19:52,824 --> 00:19:54,159
Booya!
468
00:19:55,894 --> 00:19:57,596
♪ Oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh ♪
469
00:19:59,531 --> 00:20:00,632
It's okay, honey.
470
00:20:00,732 --> 00:20:03,735
We don't have to have
the same favorite movie.
471
00:20:03,835 --> 00:20:06,438
You'll have Spinal Tap,
and I'll have...
472
00:20:07,406 --> 00:20:08,774
anything else.
473
00:20:08,874 --> 00:20:10,108
Oh, no. It's great.
474
00:20:10,209 --> 00:20:12,344
We're just going to
watch it one more time.
475
00:20:12,444 --> 00:20:14,746
Amp goes to 11.
That's classic.
476
00:20:14,846 --> 00:20:15,814
(MUSIC PLAYING ON TV)
477
00:20:15,914 --> 00:20:17,583
It's...
It speaks for itself.
478
00:20:17,683 --> 00:20:19,618
I'm gonna stop talking.
479
00:20:20,252 --> 00:20:21,587
(SNICKERING)
480
00:20:23,322 --> 00:20:26,325
I'm sorry. I still don't see
why that's funny.
481
00:20:27,793 --> 00:20:29,494
Because it goes to 11.
482
00:20:30,295 --> 00:20:32,598
{\an8}Things never go to 11.
483
00:20:32,698 --> 00:20:34,399
{\an8}It's always 10.
That's the standard.
484
00:20:34,499 --> 00:20:36,768
{\an8}No, I get that.
I just...
485
00:20:36,868 --> 00:20:39,871
{\an8}Why don't they make it
that it goes to 40?
486
00:20:39,972 --> 00:20:41,940
{\an8}You know,
like much higher.
487
00:20:43,308 --> 00:20:45,310
{\an8}Wouldn't that be funnier?
488
00:20:46,745 --> 00:20:47,846
{\an8}No!
489
00:20:48,847 --> 00:20:50,115
{\an8}"This one goes to 40."
490
00:20:50,215 --> 00:20:51,783
{\an8}What the hell
is wrong with you?
491
00:20:51,883 --> 00:20:52,951
{\an8}Just go put on
the jersey.
492
00:20:53,051 --> 00:20:55,420
{\an8}I'll be in there
in a minute.
493
00:20:57,823 --> 00:21:00,092
{\an8}♪ Yeah, yeah, yeah! ♪
37436
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