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1
00:00:07,000 --> 00:00:09,000
I didn't think she'd really do it.
2
00:00:09,039 --> 00:00:11,439
How do you get to Paris?
Train, ferry, train.
3
00:00:11,480 --> 00:00:13,880
Or hitchhike, swim, hopping.
4
00:00:13,919 --> 00:00:17,199
If we find her in time,
what do we do?
5
00:00:17,239 --> 00:00:18,640
That is a good question.
6
00:00:18,679 --> 00:00:20,879
Whoa.
7
00:00:20,920 --> 00:00:22,679
Shout out if we've lost anyone!
8
00:00:22,719 --> 00:00:24,879
No, they're all in one piece, love.
Right.
9
00:00:29,920 --> 00:00:32,520
Nobody get on that train!
10
00:00:36,119 --> 00:00:39,920
Darling, don't just slip away!
Let us give you a send-off.
11
00:00:39,960 --> 00:00:41,280
No, come on!
12
00:00:41,320 --> 00:00:44,079
Come on, Mariette, a tiny little do,
couple of days' time,
13
00:00:44,119 --> 00:00:45,920
then you go with our blessing.
14
00:00:45,960 --> 00:00:48,880
I've got her passport!
Argh!
15
00:00:49,960 --> 00:00:53,280
Hey, kids, look, organise a gymkhana
and a donkey derby
16
00:00:53,320 --> 00:00:55,759
in our meadow on Saturday,
then we'll have a cocktail party.
17
00:00:55,799 --> 00:00:59,119
Ah! We'll charm her into staying.
How can she resist?
18
00:01:01,280 --> 00:01:04,640
I feel like I've been reprieved from
the guillotine for a day or two.
19
00:01:05,719 --> 00:01:07,319
How long were you...
20
00:01:07,359 --> 00:01:09,799
are you going for?
21
00:01:10,959 --> 00:01:12,799
I don't know.
22
00:01:12,840 --> 00:01:15,159
A year or two.
23
00:01:15,200 --> 00:01:17,719
Long enough to never regret
coming back.
24
00:01:18,760 --> 00:01:21,560
I'm just worried
that you never will.
25
00:01:39,239 --> 00:01:41,599
COCKEREL CROWS
26
00:01:41,640 --> 00:01:43,400
POP: Shut up,
you dim lump of poultry,
27
00:01:43,439 --> 00:01:45,560
there's a princess trying to sleep!
28
00:01:46,519 --> 00:01:51,879
# Oh, you need hands
To hold a brand new baby... #
29
00:01:51,920 --> 00:01:53,159
Mmm!
30
00:01:53,200 --> 00:01:55,000
# You need hands
31
00:01:55,040 --> 00:01:57,480
# To guide them on the way... #
32
00:01:57,519 --> 00:01:59,680
GIRLS GIGGLE
All together, Larkinettes.
33
00:01:59,719 --> 00:02:01,280
# Oh, you need... #
No, don't.
34
00:02:01,319 --> 00:02:02,959
What?
Enough.
35
00:02:03,000 --> 00:02:05,599
You entertain the masses!
Honestly, I'm...
36
00:02:05,640 --> 00:02:07,400
Oh, sit down.
Here she is.
37
00:02:07,439 --> 00:02:09,319
CHILDREN: Morning! Hello!
38
00:02:09,360 --> 00:02:11,520
You look wonderful, princess.
She really does.
39
00:02:11,560 --> 00:02:13,560
We made you
your favourite breakfast.
40
00:02:13,599 --> 00:02:16,120
Marge, you reckon there's any food
left for Edith Pilchester?
41
00:02:16,159 --> 00:02:18,319
I can take it round.
She's becoming a recluse.
42
00:02:18,360 --> 00:02:20,840
That's not healthy, is it?
I'll leave you to her.
43
00:02:20,879 --> 00:02:23,199
I've got errands.
We need string.
44
00:02:23,240 --> 00:02:25,400
I'm not going that way.
String's everywhere.
45
00:02:25,439 --> 00:02:27,319
There is no string where I'm going.
46
00:02:30,919 --> 00:02:32,680
I just don't understand.
47
00:02:32,719 --> 00:02:35,479
How can you leave when you've got
Charley begging you to stay?
48
00:02:35,520 --> 00:02:38,039
I do love him,
but something's missing.
49
00:02:38,080 --> 00:02:39,080
Oomph.
50
00:02:39,120 --> 00:02:42,560
He's got oomph. The nice kind.
MARIETTE CHUCKLES
51
00:02:42,599 --> 00:02:45,639
And anyway, Tom had it,
and look how wrong that went.
52
00:02:45,680 --> 00:02:47,080
Well, Tom will shoot off,
53
00:02:47,120 --> 00:02:49,280
now he can't build his empire
in the village.
54
00:02:49,319 --> 00:02:50,599
You know your problem?
55
00:02:50,639 --> 00:02:54,159
Gobby sister? Deranged family?
No.
56
00:02:54,199 --> 00:02:57,360
All your life, you've had boys
swooning at your feet.
57
00:02:57,400 --> 00:02:58,919
What is that, is that a swoon?
58
00:03:00,039 --> 00:03:02,439
I think so! I've never seen one.
59
00:03:03,639 --> 00:03:05,400
So, you're bored with adoration,
60
00:03:05,439 --> 00:03:07,840
and you've forgotten
how to say yes to love.
61
00:03:07,879 --> 00:03:08,879
MARIETTE SIGHS
62
00:03:08,919 --> 00:03:10,919
I've said yes.
63
00:03:12,479 --> 00:03:15,039
Even when I should've said no.
64
00:03:15,080 --> 00:03:17,599
Alan from the...
From the butcher's!
65
00:03:17,639 --> 00:03:19,520
BOTH GIGGLE
66
00:03:19,560 --> 00:03:21,159
MARIETTE SIGHS
67
00:03:21,199 --> 00:03:23,800
Charley's just arrived
at the wrong time.
68
00:03:33,680 --> 00:03:35,680
RAPS LIGHTLY
69
00:03:56,039 --> 00:03:57,800
Er... Larkin.
70
00:03:57,840 --> 00:04:00,800
Ah, Sir George and Lady,
my favourite posh types.
71
00:04:00,840 --> 00:04:04,000
We always enjoy your...
your badinage.
72
00:04:04,039 --> 00:04:06,199
Oh.
Though we should be cursing you,
73
00:04:06,240 --> 00:04:08,599
after you scuppered the plan
for our house.
74
00:04:08,639 --> 00:04:11,800
Well, it's no skin off your nose,
is it? You sold it to Tom Fisher.
75
00:04:11,840 --> 00:04:16,680
No, he only had the option to buy
Bluff Court if planning was granted.
76
00:04:16,720 --> 00:04:18,279
Oh, clever basket.
77
00:04:18,319 --> 00:04:23,279
So, of the many,
many potential buyers,
78
00:04:23,319 --> 00:04:25,759
we thought first of you.
79
00:04:25,800 --> 00:04:28,240
Oh, me? Me, is it?
80
00:04:28,279 --> 00:04:30,680
Yes, you. I said you.
81
00:04:30,720 --> 00:04:33,160
Who you ditched when you thought
what you had a better offer?
82
00:04:33,199 --> 00:04:35,079
You want to knock it down!
83
00:04:35,120 --> 00:04:36,360
Only cos it's a death trap.
84
00:04:36,399 --> 00:04:38,879
It would be like
watching your best friend
85
00:04:38,920 --> 00:04:41,439
being punched in the face!
No, it wouldn't.
86
00:04:41,480 --> 00:04:44,240
And then whimpering as
she's steamrolled into the ground,
87
00:04:44,279 --> 00:04:47,519
limbs... twitching.
88
00:04:47,560 --> 00:04:49,519
Ignore him, please.
89
00:04:49,560 --> 00:04:52,240
Consider buying it from us, Pop.
90
00:04:54,000 --> 00:04:55,680
I'll give it some thought.
91
00:05:04,759 --> 00:05:06,639
This'll make a good jump.
92
00:05:14,319 --> 00:05:16,319
ENGINE PURRS
93
00:05:19,319 --> 00:05:20,800
Ah!
94
00:05:20,839 --> 00:05:23,920
SHE WHIMPERS
95
00:05:30,360 --> 00:05:32,800
Excuse me,
where's the police station?
96
00:05:32,839 --> 00:05:34,759
Admit nothing!
I'll get you a good lawyer.
97
00:05:34,800 --> 00:05:37,120
What?!
So, what is it, then?
98
00:05:37,160 --> 00:05:39,319
Cat burglary? Or did you snap
and kill your husband?
99
00:05:39,360 --> 00:05:41,319
Well, let's just say
I'm no longer married.
100
00:05:41,360 --> 00:05:42,879
That's not looking good for you,
is it?
101
00:05:42,920 --> 00:05:45,199
SHE CHUCKLES
You're a scream!
102
00:05:46,399 --> 00:05:49,040
Pop Larkin.
Angela Snow.
103
00:05:49,079 --> 00:05:53,279
Oh, I was caught speeding,
and I need to show my licence.
104
00:05:53,319 --> 00:05:56,000
I usually claim the sign was hidden
behind a parked laundry van.
105
00:05:56,040 --> 00:05:57,920
But this time,
I may plead insanity.
106
00:05:57,959 --> 00:06:00,079
Outrageous, but my kind of girl.
107
00:06:00,120 --> 00:06:02,000
Want to come to a cocktail party
Saturday?
108
00:06:02,040 --> 00:06:04,519
Hold me back! Heaven.
109
00:06:04,560 --> 00:06:07,199
What a friendly village.
Or is it just you?
110
00:06:07,240 --> 00:06:10,920
Just me. Come on, I'll show you
where the cop shop is.
111
00:06:10,959 --> 00:06:12,959
SHE GIGGLES
It's only round the corner.
112
00:06:13,000 --> 00:06:15,160
Utterly debauched.
113
00:06:15,199 --> 00:06:18,720
Is he debauched?
Oh, he's debauched.
114
00:06:18,759 --> 00:06:21,480
I suspect he has a whole raft
of women.
115
00:06:21,519 --> 00:06:23,680
A raft of women.
116
00:06:25,120 --> 00:06:26,920
Intriguing idea.
117
00:06:26,959 --> 00:06:28,240
And so selfish.
118
00:06:28,279 --> 00:06:30,480
Stopping the Bluff Court
development,
119
00:06:30,519 --> 00:06:32,680
which would've made us all rich.
120
00:06:32,720 --> 00:06:36,399
The entire Larkin family
is deeply uncouth.
121
00:06:36,439 --> 00:06:39,199
You don't have six children
if you're couth.
122
00:06:39,240 --> 00:06:41,399
You stop at two,
and start building a pension.
123
00:06:41,439 --> 00:06:43,079
HORSE NICKERS
124
00:06:43,120 --> 00:06:45,279
Talk amongst yourselves.
125
00:06:46,800 --> 00:06:50,040
I've come to shovel out your shed.
126
00:06:52,720 --> 00:06:55,160
Ah. Thank you.
127
00:06:56,959 --> 00:06:58,120
Or did you do it?
128
00:06:58,160 --> 00:06:59,720
HORSE NICKERS
129
00:07:16,199 --> 00:07:19,319
Je m'appelle Mariette.
130
00:07:19,360 --> 00:07:22,240
Je suis ravi de votre connaissance.
131
00:07:27,399 --> 00:07:28,680
KNOCK AT DOOR
132
00:07:29,920 --> 00:07:32,079
Mr Larkin, don't look at me.
133
00:07:32,120 --> 00:07:34,399
Why not? Fine figure of a woman.
134
00:07:34,439 --> 00:07:36,759
In need of a sausage.
135
00:07:36,800 --> 00:07:38,720
THEY CHUCKLE
136
00:07:38,759 --> 00:07:41,079
Fried bacon.
137
00:07:41,120 --> 00:07:42,800
Kipper.
138
00:07:43,839 --> 00:07:45,360
You're so good to me, Mr Larkin.
139
00:07:47,439 --> 00:07:48,959
Still no telly?
140
00:07:49,000 --> 00:07:50,920
I couldn't possibly afford
a licence.
141
00:07:50,959 --> 00:07:54,079
I'm worried about you, Edith.
You seem so sad.
142
00:07:54,120 --> 00:07:57,000
No, no, no, not really.
143
00:07:57,040 --> 00:07:59,240
Well, I'll admit to sluggish.
144
00:07:59,279 --> 00:08:01,439
Well, we can't have that.
Why don't you help me
145
00:08:01,480 --> 00:08:03,639
with the donkey derby
in our meadow on Saturday?
146
00:08:03,680 --> 00:08:06,360
Oh, I'd love that.
I have a soft spot for donkeys.
147
00:08:06,399 --> 00:08:09,240
If you're talking about your bottom,
you're a saucy so-and-so.
148
00:08:12,720 --> 00:08:15,959
Happy now?
Considerably. One more?
149
00:08:20,079 --> 00:08:22,199
SHE LAUGHS
150
00:08:22,240 --> 00:08:24,600
See, Edith, that's good!
151
00:08:24,639 --> 00:08:27,480
Live each day
like it's your last, love.
152
00:08:29,639 --> 00:08:31,800
And keep your hand on your ha'penny.
CLICKS TONGUE
153
00:08:31,839 --> 00:08:33,759
You've been an absolute lamb.
154
00:09:00,679 --> 00:09:02,600
# Je me lave
155
00:09:02,639 --> 00:09:04,840
# Tu te laves
156
00:09:04,879 --> 00:09:06,879
# Il se lave
157
00:09:06,919 --> 00:09:08,480
# Elle se lave... #
158
00:09:08,519 --> 00:09:10,080
All together now!
159
00:09:10,120 --> 00:09:12,360
# Il se lave
Il...
160
00:09:12,399 --> 00:09:14,279
# Je me lave
161
00:09:14,320 --> 00:09:16,440
# Il se lave
162
00:09:16,480 --> 00:09:18,120
# Elle se lave
163
00:09:18,159 --> 00:09:22,000
# Je me lave
# Elle se lave. #
164
00:09:23,120 --> 00:09:25,039
Hmm?
165
00:09:25,080 --> 00:09:27,080
# Nous nous lavons
166
00:09:27,120 --> 00:09:28,960
# Vous vous lavez
167
00:09:31,440 --> 00:09:33,200
# Il se lave
168
00:09:33,240 --> 00:09:34,840
# Elle se lave... #
169
00:09:34,879 --> 00:09:36,720
Good.
SHE GIGGLES
170
00:09:36,759 --> 00:09:38,240
Now, imperfect tense.
171
00:09:38,279 --> 00:09:40,399
# Je me lavais. #
172
00:09:42,679 --> 00:09:45,960
Erm... I haven't had a chance
173
00:09:46,000 --> 00:09:48,879
to ask you yesterday
what you were up to in the woods.
174
00:09:48,919 --> 00:09:52,360
Oh. That.
175
00:09:55,960 --> 00:09:59,200
Yes, yeah, I...
176
00:09:59,240 --> 00:10:01,360
My master plan went awry.
177
00:10:01,399 --> 00:10:03,519
Well, I was worried about you.
178
00:10:03,559 --> 00:10:04,960
SHE CHUCKLES
179
00:10:05,000 --> 00:10:07,480
I really thought,
"He's... He's going mad." Yeah!
180
00:10:07,519 --> 00:10:09,879
Yeah, maybe I am.
181
00:10:11,559 --> 00:10:13,679
I mean, you have that power over me.
182
00:10:15,200 --> 00:10:18,200
But, you know, I thought
that romantic props might help,
183
00:10:18,240 --> 00:10:20,559
but I am just going to tell you now,
184
00:10:20,600 --> 00:10:23,480
Mariette, I am in love with you.
185
00:10:24,799 --> 00:10:27,440
Yes, I love you.
186
00:10:28,679 --> 00:10:31,000
I've loved you ever since
I first saw you only weeks ago.
187
00:10:31,039 --> 00:10:35,240
I mean, you have turned me
from a taxman into a...
188
00:10:35,279 --> 00:10:38,320
Yeah! A human being.
189
00:10:39,360 --> 00:10:42,159
I mean, you are
the new beating heart of my life.
190
00:10:43,559 --> 00:10:45,360
Well, good.
191
00:10:45,399 --> 00:10:47,600
What could I offer you?
192
00:10:47,639 --> 00:10:49,919
Well, honesty,
193
00:10:49,960 --> 00:10:52,080
free from smooth talking,
194
00:10:52,120 --> 00:10:56,120
and fun and seriousness and...
and kindness.
195
00:10:56,159 --> 00:11:00,360
And... And actually,
I am surprisingly good at sport.
196
00:11:00,399 --> 00:11:02,000
Honestly, you know...
197
00:11:02,039 --> 00:11:04,440
OK, watch. Right, see?
198
00:11:05,639 --> 00:11:06,759
SHE LAUGHS
199
00:11:06,799 --> 00:11:08,480
That's better with a dart, actually.
200
00:11:08,519 --> 00:11:11,279
And OK, music,
I'm really good at music!
201
00:11:11,320 --> 00:11:15,519
And, God, I am just utterly,
utterly dedicated to you.
202
00:11:26,279 --> 00:11:28,120
So, what do you say?
203
00:11:28,159 --> 00:11:30,279
What do you say, Mariette Larkin?
204
00:11:33,360 --> 00:11:35,480
Will you stay with me?
205
00:11:43,039 --> 00:11:44,720
No.
206
00:11:45,799 --> 00:11:47,720
I... I'm sorry.
207
00:11:48,799 --> 00:11:53,519
And if you really love me,
you'll let me go.
208
00:11:56,960 --> 00:11:58,279
Yeah.
209
00:12:04,080 --> 00:12:05,360
SHOP DOORBELL JINGLES
210
00:12:05,399 --> 00:12:07,200
It's not even lunchtime,
211
00:12:07,240 --> 00:12:10,799
and I've seen Pop Larkin
flirting with an unfamiliar hussy
212
00:12:10,840 --> 00:12:13,159
and Ma holding a baby -
213
00:12:13,200 --> 00:12:15,679
and not grimly, out of politeness,
like most of us do -
214
00:12:15,720 --> 00:12:17,960
which she's obviously desperate
to keep quiet.
215
00:12:18,000 --> 00:12:20,240
I loathe tittle-tattle, Norma.
216
00:12:20,279 --> 00:12:21,679
But it's true.
217
00:12:21,720 --> 00:12:23,639
The Larkins family
are out of control
218
00:12:23,679 --> 00:12:25,559
and capable of anything.
219
00:12:25,600 --> 00:12:27,399
Is there anyone more foolish
than a gossip?
220
00:12:27,440 --> 00:12:29,200
Fish? Chickens?
221
00:12:30,320 --> 00:12:32,720
The Larkins are good, generous folk.
222
00:12:32,759 --> 00:12:34,440
But whose baby is it?
223
00:12:34,480 --> 00:12:37,039
There have been no births
in the village, to my knowledge.
224
00:12:37,080 --> 00:12:39,240
Well, clearly,
it's either Mariette's,
225
00:12:39,279 --> 00:12:41,759
or her father's
by some mystery woman.
226
00:13:00,519 --> 00:13:02,720
There's your next one.
227
00:13:02,759 --> 00:13:04,000
Do you know what you're doing?
228
00:13:06,559 --> 00:13:08,279
What's wrong?
229
00:13:08,320 --> 00:13:10,039
People are sly and horrible.
230
00:13:11,039 --> 00:13:13,320
There's rumours going round
about Dad flirting
231
00:13:13,360 --> 00:13:15,279
and Mum looking after a secret baby.
232
00:13:15,320 --> 00:13:16,799
Bloody 'ell.
233
00:13:16,840 --> 00:13:18,720
I'm sure it's lies.
234
00:13:18,759 --> 00:13:20,600
But Mum has been off on her own
a lot recently.
235
00:13:20,639 --> 00:13:23,440
And Dad took sausage
to Miss Pilchester.
236
00:13:34,799 --> 00:13:36,679
You all right, Larkinettes?
237
00:13:39,080 --> 00:13:40,840
You're all a bit quiet.
238
00:13:40,879 --> 00:13:43,279
What's up?
Yeah?
239
00:13:43,320 --> 00:13:45,000
I met a lovely woman this morning.
240
00:13:45,039 --> 00:13:47,360
More lovely than Ma?
I heard she's horrible.
241
00:13:47,399 --> 00:13:49,360
No, obviously not more lovely
than Ma,
242
00:13:49,399 --> 00:13:51,200
but a nice woman, she's a laugh.
243
00:13:51,240 --> 00:13:54,399
Angela Snow's her name. Yeah.
Very swish, breath of fresh air.
244
00:13:59,360 --> 00:14:00,720
Peculiar.
Mm-hm.
245
00:14:02,080 --> 00:14:05,320
Ta, I feel special, but it's not
gonna affect my decision.
246
00:14:05,360 --> 00:14:07,480
No, no, Mariette, come on, drink up.
247
00:14:07,519 --> 00:14:10,039
Be merry. Enjoy the benefits, eh?
248
00:14:10,080 --> 00:14:11,240
Cigar?
249
00:14:11,279 --> 00:14:12,679
Maybe later.
250
00:14:12,720 --> 00:14:14,919
LAUGHTER
251
00:14:17,840 --> 00:14:20,360
What is it, Primrose, gorgeous girl?
252
00:14:20,399 --> 00:14:21,600
Nothing.
253
00:14:21,639 --> 00:14:23,519
I know nothings, and that's not one.
254
00:14:24,519 --> 00:14:28,120
All right.
I heard people gossiping about...
255
00:14:28,159 --> 00:14:30,919
well, us being a weird family,
256
00:14:30,960 --> 00:14:33,120
and Dad liking other women.
257
00:14:33,159 --> 00:14:34,840
SHE LAUGHS
258
00:14:34,879 --> 00:14:36,679
Don't smile. You should be jealous.
259
00:14:36,720 --> 00:14:40,200
That's not me and your Pop's way.
260
00:14:40,240 --> 00:14:42,519
He believes in spreading good cheer.
261
00:14:42,559 --> 00:14:44,759
But what if he was serious
about someone else?
262
00:14:44,799 --> 00:14:49,080
Oh, I love your dad so much.
263
00:14:49,120 --> 00:14:51,840
But I hold myself
in pretty high regard, too.
264
00:14:51,879 --> 00:14:53,200
Maybe he should worry about me.
265
00:14:56,679 --> 00:14:59,360
You don't keep a man
by sitting on him.
266
00:15:01,320 --> 00:15:03,240
Least of all Pop.
267
00:15:05,440 --> 00:15:07,559
Looks like a big bosom, doesn't it?
268
00:15:07,600 --> 00:15:10,080
Hold your dad back!
SHE CHUCKLES
269
00:15:10,120 --> 00:15:13,919
They also talked about seeing you
with a baby, and whose it might be.
270
00:15:15,039 --> 00:15:17,200
What, holding a baby's a crime now,
is it?
271
00:15:17,240 --> 00:15:19,440
If that's the case,
I've been a criminal
272
00:15:19,480 --> 00:15:21,639
pretty regularly
these past 20 years.
273
00:15:26,799 --> 00:15:28,799
COCKEREL CROWS
274
00:15:30,840 --> 00:15:32,000
KNOCK ON DOOR
275
00:15:34,159 --> 00:15:37,120
Oh, sorry, I'll be right there.
276
00:15:37,159 --> 00:15:39,279
Really, this is far too much.
277
00:15:39,320 --> 00:15:41,639
No, it isn't.
We need you to be happy.
278
00:15:44,320 --> 00:15:47,840
Thanks, dwarves,
but I'm not Snow-ruddy-White.
279
00:15:47,879 --> 00:15:50,399
Look, OK, go.
280
00:15:51,480 --> 00:15:52,840
Thank you.
281
00:15:53,840 --> 00:15:55,440
Oh!
CUTLERY CLATTERS
282
00:15:55,480 --> 00:15:59,320
Ah!
Right, no, look, that is enough.
283
00:16:03,320 --> 00:16:06,960
Right, listen, everyone,
stop treating me like I'm Lady Muck.
284
00:16:08,000 --> 00:16:09,360
It's exhausting!
285
00:16:09,399 --> 00:16:10,639
Quite right, precious.
286
00:16:10,679 --> 00:16:13,080
You're the boss.
Can we bring you anything?
287
00:16:23,480 --> 00:16:24,840
Ha-ha-hey, Tom!
288
00:16:24,879 --> 00:16:27,200
Let's not pretend
we care for each other.
289
00:16:27,240 --> 00:16:29,799
I've already done enough acting
in this godforsaken outpost.
290
00:16:29,840 --> 00:16:32,440
Oh, so are you moving on?
When I'm ready.
291
00:16:32,480 --> 00:16:34,639
I haven't completely finished
with the oil yet.
292
00:16:34,679 --> 00:16:36,639
You don't have to play
the pantomime villain, Tom.
293
00:16:36,679 --> 00:16:38,440
There are plenty
of other parts available
294
00:16:38,480 --> 00:16:41,600
in our lovely little village!
HE LAUGHS
295
00:16:46,960 --> 00:16:48,679
HORN HONKS
296
00:16:48,720 --> 00:16:50,480
SHE CHUCKLES
297
00:16:52,080 --> 00:16:53,720
Pop!
298
00:16:55,399 --> 00:16:57,240
Hello, Angela.
Coppers let you go, then?
299
00:16:57,279 --> 00:16:59,200
Yes. I promised to be a good girl.
300
00:16:59,240 --> 00:17:00,559
Never promise that.
301
00:17:00,600 --> 00:17:03,039
You have to lie to the police
to keep them on their toes. You do.
302
00:17:03,080 --> 00:17:05,640
I'm on my way to the village,
collecting booze for our do.
303
00:17:05,680 --> 00:17:06,920
You wanna rest your pins?
304
00:17:06,960 --> 00:17:08,640
Always, darling.
305
00:17:08,680 --> 00:17:10,119
Come on, hop in.
306
00:17:10,160 --> 00:17:12,680
Just to warn you, though,
I've only just passed my test.
307
00:17:12,720 --> 00:17:14,720
SHE LAUGHS
308
00:17:19,079 --> 00:17:22,160
Oh!
SPORADIC REVVING
309
00:17:22,200 --> 00:17:24,079
BOTH LAUGH
310
00:17:24,119 --> 00:17:26,279
Well, I liked the look
of the place yesterday,
311
00:17:26,319 --> 00:17:28,039
so I fancied a ramble round it.
312
00:17:28,079 --> 00:17:30,839
Well, come and live in the village.
I mean, we always want new people.
313
00:17:30,880 --> 00:17:33,079
We're like hop-growing
Dr Frankensteins.
314
00:17:33,119 --> 00:17:35,279
Thank you, darling.
I may just do that.
315
00:17:35,319 --> 00:17:37,200
Mwah!
316
00:17:37,240 --> 00:17:39,400
Oh, I say.
Pop, you old devil.
317
00:17:39,440 --> 00:17:41,599
I'm telling Ma.
No.
318
00:17:41,640 --> 00:17:45,480
It's nice that old people
still like a quick, informal snog.
319
00:17:56,440 --> 00:17:58,400
Let me in then, big man.
320
00:18:03,200 --> 00:18:05,319
BABY CRIES
321
00:18:05,359 --> 00:18:06,839
Thank God you're here!
322
00:18:08,119 --> 00:18:10,039
You can relax now, Aunt Fan.
323
00:18:10,079 --> 00:18:12,240
We can't cope, he's possessed!
324
00:18:12,279 --> 00:18:14,880
SHE CHUCKLES
No, he's not!
325
00:18:14,920 --> 00:18:16,680
He's adorable.
326
00:18:16,720 --> 00:18:19,200
Little Oscar.
BABY STOPS CRYING
327
00:18:19,240 --> 00:18:20,680
How do you do that?
328
00:18:20,720 --> 00:18:22,559
Well, having six babies helps.
329
00:18:22,599 --> 00:18:26,000
Seth, he's got your face.
Poor little squirt.
330
00:18:26,039 --> 00:18:27,319
SHE CHUCKLES
331
00:18:27,359 --> 00:18:29,359
Any word from your daughter?
332
00:18:29,400 --> 00:18:32,000
No, Hattie can't look after herself,
333
00:18:32,039 --> 00:18:34,319
no surprise
her own baby's beyond her.
334
00:18:34,359 --> 00:18:35,880
Hat won't rush back.
335
00:18:35,920 --> 00:18:39,000
She's fallen in with rascals
up there in Whitsta-bubble.
336
00:18:39,039 --> 00:18:41,519
Well, it's a strain,
being a new mum.
337
00:18:41,559 --> 00:18:44,160
Especially if the dad's run away
like a bastard.
338
00:18:45,200 --> 00:18:48,880
But the word's getting out
about Oscar.
339
00:18:48,920 --> 00:18:50,400
There's snoopers around.
340
00:18:50,440 --> 00:18:52,160
We'll have to shut
all the curtains, then.
341
00:18:52,200 --> 00:18:54,039
Front and back.
342
00:18:54,079 --> 00:18:56,519
I don't want folks knowing
my daughter's had a wobble.
343
00:18:56,559 --> 00:18:58,319
There's nothing wrong with a wobble.
344
00:18:58,359 --> 00:19:00,799
But what are me and my sister here
gonna do, eh?
345
00:19:00,839 --> 00:19:02,079
You're gonna carry on.
346
00:19:02,119 --> 00:19:04,240
Like this, with my help.
347
00:19:04,279 --> 00:19:09,000
And wait till your Hat sees sense
and comes back to her baby.
348
00:19:09,039 --> 00:19:12,240
And in the meantime,
us Larkins'll do our bit.
349
00:19:12,279 --> 00:19:15,160
Just like we always do.
Just like we always do!
350
00:19:15,200 --> 00:19:16,759
BABY BABBLES,
SHE LAUGHS
351
00:19:21,319 --> 00:19:23,640
That is a Ma Cherie cocktail.
352
00:19:23,680 --> 00:19:27,960
Yes, it is.
Frisky but not debilitating.
353
00:19:28,000 --> 00:19:29,839
What do you reckon, Charley boy?
354
00:19:29,880 --> 00:19:32,160
CHARLIE GULPS
355
00:19:32,200 --> 00:19:36,039
Ooh! Ooh-hoo! I like that one. Yeah!
356
00:19:36,079 --> 00:19:38,240
Although... on balance,
I've liked them all.
357
00:19:38,279 --> 00:19:42,160
Well, all of them it is, then!
How's, er... How's tomorrow's, er...
358
00:19:42,200 --> 00:19:45,440
SLURRED WORDS: ..er,
equestrian preparation proceeding?
359
00:19:45,480 --> 00:19:48,880
THEY LAUGH
I can't believe I got that out!
360
00:19:48,920 --> 00:19:50,400
THEY LAUGH
I dunno!
361
00:19:50,440 --> 00:19:52,559
Brigadier, the kids are in charge.
362
00:19:52,599 --> 00:19:55,880
Onto the canapes.
'Ere, these'll tickle you.
363
00:19:55,920 --> 00:19:57,720
Ooh, crisps!
364
00:19:57,759 --> 00:20:00,759
Yeah, but flavoured
with cheese and onion.
365
00:20:00,799 --> 00:20:02,400
Ooh, what will they think of next?
366
00:20:02,440 --> 00:20:03,680
Mm!
These.
367
00:20:03,720 --> 00:20:06,440
Ooh!
368
00:20:06,480 --> 00:20:07,960
"Twig-lays"!
369
00:20:08,000 --> 00:20:10,160
I-I don't think they're French!
370
00:20:10,200 --> 00:20:11,799
THEY LAUGH
Sorry, sorry.
371
00:20:11,839 --> 00:20:13,599
I've got France on my mind.
372
00:20:13,640 --> 00:20:16,720
You know,
France and unrequited love.
373
00:20:16,759 --> 00:20:18,880
And goats, for some reason.
374
00:20:18,920 --> 00:20:21,640
Goats?!
THEY LAUGH
375
00:20:23,920 --> 00:20:27,519
Urgh! No! No, I don't think
drink is the answer.
376
00:20:27,559 --> 00:20:29,440
Then you're asking
the wrong question!
377
00:20:45,960 --> 00:20:49,319
I think we're gonna win this
tomorrow.
378
00:20:49,359 --> 00:20:51,480
Don't you, matey?
379
00:20:51,519 --> 00:20:53,680
Go on. Go on, Biscuit.
380
00:20:55,240 --> 00:20:57,200
New parish magazine, two bob.
381
00:20:58,480 --> 00:21:00,599
You're going straight to hell!
382
00:21:00,640 --> 00:21:02,759
Rev, keep it civil.
383
00:21:04,000 --> 00:21:05,799
HORSE APPROACHES
384
00:21:13,880 --> 00:21:16,359
So, word is Mariette Larkin's
going away.
385
00:21:16,400 --> 00:21:18,000
SHE SIGHS
She'll never leave.
386
00:21:18,039 --> 00:21:19,799
And her mother's been seen
with the baby
387
00:21:19,839 --> 00:21:21,319
everyone's trying to keep quiet.
388
00:21:21,359 --> 00:21:23,480
What's wrong with your face?
389
00:21:24,559 --> 00:21:26,720
Obviously,
it's Mariette Larkin's baby.
390
00:21:26,759 --> 00:21:28,920
Oh...
That's probably balls,
391
00:21:28,960 --> 00:21:32,039
but fair enough.
Yeah, don't ruin a nice bit of dirt.
392
00:21:32,079 --> 00:21:33,920
I don't remember her
looking pregnant.
393
00:21:33,960 --> 00:21:35,680
She could've knocked it out
in the winter,
394
00:21:35,720 --> 00:21:38,440
when we were all half asleep.
But who's the dad?
395
00:21:40,480 --> 00:21:42,319
God, I love village life.
396
00:21:47,559 --> 00:21:49,920
SHE CHORTLES
397
00:21:49,960 --> 00:21:51,880
How are you, Ma?
398
00:21:53,119 --> 00:21:57,319
I'm in love with that baby.
I bet.
399
00:21:58,799 --> 00:22:02,079
Oh... I loved it
when our lot were tiny, 'ey?
400
00:22:02,119 --> 00:22:04,640
Playing in the barn
with them, in the hay... Mm.
401
00:22:04,680 --> 00:22:06,960
..rain drumming on the roof.
Mm.
402
00:22:07,000 --> 00:22:08,680
Yeah.
403
00:22:08,720 --> 00:22:11,200
Ooh, you know
there's rumours flying?
404
00:22:11,240 --> 00:22:14,240
Oh, let 'em talk.
Well, they'll have to do.
405
00:22:14,279 --> 00:22:18,319
Seth's ashamed that his daughter's
abandoned her new baby, so...
406
00:22:18,359 --> 00:22:20,839
he wants it kept quiet
until she comes back.
407
00:22:20,880 --> 00:22:22,880
Yeah, I'll bet.
408
00:22:22,920 --> 00:22:26,960
They're gossiping about you doing
the funny business with a new lady.
409
00:22:27,000 --> 00:22:28,240
Angela?
Mm.
410
00:22:28,279 --> 00:22:30,960
No, codswallop.
Oh, well, I know that.
411
00:22:31,000 --> 00:22:34,200
Hope you gave Edith Pilchester
a nice little kiss, though.
412
00:22:36,160 --> 00:22:38,759
Course I did. Pepped her up a bit.
413
00:22:43,839 --> 00:22:47,680
You know, tomorrow...
we should find her a man.
414
00:22:47,720 --> 00:22:51,160
Oh, there'll be too much else to do.
Most of all, show Mariette
415
00:22:51,200 --> 00:22:55,200
that this is the best,
most fun place on God's earth.
416
00:22:55,240 --> 00:22:56,519
Yeah.
417
00:22:56,559 --> 00:22:59,240
Otherwise,
it'll be her last day here.
418
00:23:02,759 --> 00:23:04,200
Dim the moon, would you, love?
419
00:23:10,079 --> 00:23:11,319
Ta.
420
00:23:30,759 --> 00:23:32,920
Come here, come here.
Come on, come on.
421
00:23:32,960 --> 00:23:34,519
Oi! Big ears!
422
00:23:34,559 --> 00:23:36,759
Yes, you! Slow down!
DONKEYS BRAY
423
00:23:36,799 --> 00:23:38,799
Well, you say that... Hang on.
424
00:23:38,839 --> 00:23:40,759
Come on, come on.
425
00:23:40,799 --> 00:23:42,720
BABY CRIES
426
00:23:42,759 --> 00:23:45,920
# Doo-doo-doo-doo! #
427
00:23:47,440 --> 00:23:50,559
CRYING CONTINUES
428
00:23:52,319 --> 00:23:55,480
CRYING STOPS
429
00:23:55,519 --> 00:23:58,319
Hattie, er...
430
00:23:58,359 --> 00:23:59,880
Hattie's not coming back.
431
00:24:01,400 --> 00:24:03,400
She says she'll be worse
than no parent.
432
00:24:06,000 --> 00:24:07,920
Oh, Seth...
433
00:24:07,960 --> 00:24:10,759
You and Pop need to take him.
434
00:24:10,799 --> 00:24:15,079
No. No, we got half a dozen.
That's an egg box.
435
00:24:15,119 --> 00:24:18,519
Here, you're good with kids.
And the kid's a rellie o' yours!
436
00:24:18,559 --> 00:24:21,200
Second nephew once removed
or whatnot.
437
00:24:21,240 --> 00:24:26,200
Yeah, so you could adopt him.
You know... casual, like.
438
00:24:26,240 --> 00:24:28,240
You're his only hope!
439
00:24:28,279 --> 00:24:30,799
Otherwise, he'll end up
in a kiddies' home.
440
00:24:33,880 --> 00:24:39,319
All right. I'll take him
back with me for a while.
441
00:24:39,359 --> 00:24:43,559
Just till Hattie recovers and...
and comes back for her baby.
442
00:24:48,400 --> 00:24:49,839
BABY WHIMPERS
443
00:24:49,880 --> 00:24:52,839
I mean, I love a tricky old pile
as much as the next man.
444
00:24:52,880 --> 00:24:54,880
I'm not talking about
the backside ones, either.
445
00:24:54,920 --> 00:24:56,759
Oh, no, they're horrid.
Granted.
446
00:24:56,799 --> 00:24:59,440
But look at it! And you!
447
00:24:59,480 --> 00:25:03,240
It's killing you, Sir George,
you know, trying to keep it going.
448
00:25:03,279 --> 00:25:06,160
Especially with the orangery,
isn't it? Which has never produced
449
00:25:06,200 --> 00:25:08,680
so much as one orange.
FRENCH PRONUNCIATION: Orangery.
450
00:25:08,720 --> 00:25:10,160
On... Huh?
451
00:25:10,200 --> 00:25:13,319
FRENCH PRONUNCIATION: Orang...ery.
Orangery. I agree.
452
00:25:13,359 --> 00:25:15,920
Buy it and knock it down.
453
00:25:15,960 --> 00:25:19,960
No, please don't.
It's got some lovely period details.
454
00:25:20,000 --> 00:25:22,000
Haven't we all?
455
00:25:22,039 --> 00:25:25,160
Look, I've got a lot to do today,
but, you know, pfft, I'll buy it.
456
00:25:25,200 --> 00:25:27,759
SHE GASPS
At last!
457
00:25:27,799 --> 00:25:29,359
Thank you!
OK.
458
00:25:30,480 --> 00:25:32,640
What are you gonna do
with the property?
459
00:25:32,680 --> 00:25:34,279
HE SIGHS
460
00:25:34,319 --> 00:25:35,640
HE CHUCKLES
461
00:25:44,839 --> 00:25:46,559
FEEDBACK
Testing, testing.
462
00:25:46,599 --> 00:25:48,319
DONKEYS BRAY
463
00:25:53,119 --> 00:25:54,319
Charley!
464
00:25:54,359 --> 00:25:57,559
Oh, hello, Ma.
You coming up to our do later on?
465
00:25:57,599 --> 00:26:01,079
Er, no, no,
I don't think I'll bother.
466
00:26:04,240 --> 00:26:06,400
Come on up now.
All right.
467
00:26:06,440 --> 00:26:09,240
I got a job for you.
Oh, all right.
468
00:26:09,279 --> 00:26:12,119
BABY CRIES
469
00:26:12,160 --> 00:26:14,720
Oh... Whose is that?
470
00:26:15,839 --> 00:26:17,160
Hard to say.
471
00:26:17,200 --> 00:26:20,279
Can I wear your red dress?
Get lost, that's my favourite.
472
00:26:20,319 --> 00:26:22,079
I'll wear them all if you leave.
473
00:26:22,119 --> 00:26:24,559
MIMICS: "I'll wear them all
if you leave."
474
00:26:24,599 --> 00:26:26,599
THEY LAUGH,
BABY WHIMPERS
475
00:26:35,200 --> 00:26:36,640
What-what's going on?
476
00:26:38,640 --> 00:26:41,519
We might be having another baby.
477
00:26:43,680 --> 00:26:45,960
There you go, Pa.
Yep, cheers, Reg.
478
00:26:46,000 --> 00:26:50,200
Form an orderly queue...
then orderly R, then an orderly S.
479
00:26:50,240 --> 00:26:51,920
Classic jokes, no charge.
480
00:26:51,960 --> 00:26:54,279
JOHNNY OVER SPEAKERS:
We're just moments away
481
00:26:54,319 --> 00:26:56,279
from the donkey races,
so do grab a ride
482
00:26:56,319 --> 00:27:00,160
if you're a bit thick
and don't value your own life.
483
00:27:00,200 --> 00:27:02,799
Just four kamikazes so far.
484
00:27:02,839 --> 00:27:05,799
If you throw me off, you'll be
dog food and glue within a week.
485
00:27:05,839 --> 00:27:07,079
Got that?
486
00:27:07,119 --> 00:27:09,559
Actually, that reminds me
of when I played Jesus
487
00:27:09,599 --> 00:27:11,079
in Worthing Rec, for my sins.
488
00:27:11,119 --> 00:27:14,920
Every show, twice nightly, I'd come
on stage riding this donkey.
489
00:27:14,960 --> 00:27:17,240
And how I managed to get
to the end of the week
490
00:27:17,279 --> 00:27:20,359
without strangling that
lardy grey slob, I have no idea.
491
00:27:21,519 --> 00:27:23,039
Say what you like about actors,
492
00:27:23,079 --> 00:27:26,640
but very few of them pee on stage
and paddle around on it.
493
00:27:26,680 --> 00:27:28,359
Anyway, on with the ladies' race.
494
00:27:28,400 --> 00:27:30,119
Go on, then, on you get, Edith,
join in.
495
00:27:30,160 --> 00:27:31,640
No, it'd be absolutely ghastly.
496
00:27:31,680 --> 00:27:33,319
I've never ridden anything
in my life.
497
00:27:33,359 --> 00:27:37,240
What did we agree about living
each day like it's our last?
498
00:27:37,279 --> 00:27:39,960
I don't think I agreed.
Well, then, let's start today.
499
00:27:40,000 --> 00:27:42,160
Come on. Mr Larkin!
Come on, Edith.
500
00:27:42,200 --> 00:27:43,839
Come on.
Oh...
501
00:27:43,880 --> 00:27:45,319
HE CHUCKLES
502
00:27:45,359 --> 00:27:48,480
There you go!
BREATHLESSLY: Mr Larkin...
503
00:27:48,519 --> 00:27:51,119
There you go.
Debauchery.
504
00:27:51,160 --> 00:27:55,039
DONKEY BRAY
Steady, steady.
505
00:27:55,079 --> 00:27:57,359
Oh, that guy's
going to shoot a donkey.
506
00:27:57,400 --> 00:28:00,039
Maybe it's been naughty.
Bit excessive.
507
00:28:01,640 --> 00:28:04,799
Apologies. I've been told it's
a starting pistol.
508
00:28:04,839 --> 00:28:07,000
PISTOL FIRES
509
00:28:07,039 --> 00:28:09,960
CHEERING
510
00:28:11,160 --> 00:28:13,720
There are going to be
some red lady bottoms tonight.
511
00:28:13,759 --> 00:28:16,359
Ah, she's listing heavily,
and she's gone!
512
00:28:16,400 --> 00:28:18,279
LAUGHTER
You're a shambles!
513
00:28:22,279 --> 00:28:24,720
Grip with your thighs, Edith,
grip with your thighs!
514
00:28:24,759 --> 00:28:26,920
Shameless.
Filth.
515
00:28:26,960 --> 00:28:29,319
Like it, eh? It's a bit heavy.
516
00:28:29,359 --> 00:28:30,640
PISTOL FIRES
517
00:28:30,680 --> 00:28:32,319
DONKEYS GRUNT
Whoa, whoa!
518
00:28:32,359 --> 00:28:37,119
Oh, no, Ma, it IS
the last day of her life!
519
00:28:37,160 --> 00:28:38,319
GRUNTING CONTINUES
520
00:28:38,359 --> 00:28:40,640
Whoa!
SPLASH
521
00:28:40,680 --> 00:28:43,880
Edith!
Are you all right, Miss Pilchester?
522
00:28:43,920 --> 00:28:47,839
I've never felt more alive!
Or more injured!
523
00:28:47,880 --> 00:28:50,079
THEY LAUGH
524
00:28:57,680 --> 00:29:01,359
Well, everyone else has given up.
Don't know why she's bothering.
525
00:29:01,400 --> 00:29:03,200
LAUGHTER
526
00:29:03,240 --> 00:29:06,920
The winner is...
er, an angry blonde girl.
527
00:29:09,759 --> 00:29:11,759
BABY BABBLES
528
00:29:11,799 --> 00:29:13,440
DOOR OPENS
529
00:29:13,480 --> 00:29:16,880
Sorry, Charley, sweetheart.
You go and have some fun.
530
00:29:16,920 --> 00:29:18,039
Oh.
531
00:29:18,079 --> 00:29:20,200
You're a lovely boy.
532
00:29:20,240 --> 00:29:23,920
Oh, we so want you to win
Mariette over and be with her.
533
00:29:23,960 --> 00:29:25,839
Mm, me too.
534
00:29:27,759 --> 00:29:29,759
So I'll go and do that, then.
535
00:29:32,400 --> 00:29:33,799
I don't like these clouds.
536
00:29:33,839 --> 00:29:36,759
But there's one thing
I've learnt in life,
537
00:29:36,799 --> 00:29:38,559
is to ignore the weather
and critics.
538
00:29:38,599 --> 00:29:40,960
So, it's time for the horse jumping.
539
00:29:41,000 --> 00:29:44,519
Er, and that doesn't mean people
jumping over horses, although, er...
540
00:29:44,559 --> 00:29:47,000
although perhaps
we could do that a bit later, yeah?
541
00:29:48,039 --> 00:29:50,359
So, first to jump is, er, erm...
542
00:29:50,400 --> 00:29:54,599
erm, the-the-the pretty one.
Mariette Larkin.
543
00:29:54,640 --> 00:29:56,160
APPLAUSE
544
00:29:56,200 --> 00:29:58,960
She's only a slip of a girl,
she'd make a good jockey.
545
00:29:59,000 --> 00:30:01,599
Go on, yeah, brilliant.
Or you could send her up a chimney.
546
00:30:01,640 --> 00:30:04,799
Go on, Mariette! Go on.
547
00:30:07,519 --> 00:30:10,279
'Ey up. Cat, pigeons.
548
00:30:15,599 --> 00:30:17,960
CROWD GASPS
Oh, she's clattered into that...
549
00:30:18,000 --> 00:30:19,039
er, what's-it.
550
00:30:23,839 --> 00:30:26,920
Hello.
You made such a mistake.
551
00:30:26,960 --> 00:30:28,279
Watch this.
552
00:30:28,319 --> 00:30:31,319
Excuse me, there's a system!
553
00:30:31,359 --> 00:30:32,799
Yeah, yeah.
554
00:30:32,839 --> 00:30:35,680
And this is Mrs Fothergill
on... Debbie?
555
00:30:37,119 --> 00:30:40,400
Dressed all in black,
going for that mystery man look.
556
00:30:40,440 --> 00:30:43,000
Reminds me of a shadow.
557
00:30:44,119 --> 00:30:46,279
He's good, though, the lad,
he's good, he's good.
558
00:30:46,319 --> 00:30:47,759
Oh, he's hopped them too.
559
00:30:47,799 --> 00:30:49,039
CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
560
00:30:51,559 --> 00:30:52,960
CROWD GASPS
561
00:30:53,000 --> 00:30:56,480
And that's a clear round
from the man in black.
562
00:30:56,519 --> 00:30:59,119
Very slimming colour,
of course, black.
563
00:31:00,640 --> 00:31:02,519
Feel free to take me on.
564
00:31:03,519 --> 00:31:05,319
Right, that's it, I need a horse.
565
00:31:05,359 --> 00:31:07,279
No, wait, Charley,
don't rise to it, son!
566
00:31:07,319 --> 00:31:09,119
No, rise to it!
Win!
567
00:31:09,160 --> 00:31:11,079
I swear... Sorry, can I...?
568
00:31:11,119 --> 00:31:13,119
What?
Erm, right...
569
00:31:13,160 --> 00:31:16,440
No, Charley, don't,
it's not your thing.
570
00:31:16,480 --> 00:31:18,640
Oh, what is my thing,
being a lovable loser?
571
00:31:18,680 --> 00:31:20,599
No-one's obeying the system!
572
00:31:20,640 --> 00:31:23,880
Oh, he's doing it without a saddle.
He's never been on a horse, has he?
573
00:31:23,920 --> 00:31:26,559
So, he's either very good or...
574
00:31:27,720 --> 00:31:30,200
The technical term for that
is "untidy".
575
00:31:36,720 --> 00:31:39,160
Oh! Sorry! Sorry, sorry.
576
00:31:39,200 --> 00:31:40,920
Sorry, sorry, sorry.
577
00:31:48,079 --> 00:31:50,039
Oh, he's gone again.
578
00:31:50,079 --> 00:31:52,799
They really should
make these horses wider.
579
00:31:52,839 --> 00:31:54,559
Or could we tie him on?
580
00:31:58,119 --> 00:31:59,319
Whoa!
581
00:31:59,359 --> 00:32:01,119
LAUGHTER
582
00:32:01,160 --> 00:32:03,640
No, perhaps we should all look away.
583
00:32:03,680 --> 00:32:06,279
Reminds me of a drunk actress
I once worked with.
584
00:32:09,680 --> 00:32:12,559
I'm sorry, I'm sorry.
This is almost over, I promise.
585
00:32:12,599 --> 00:32:15,039
HORSE WHINNIES
Sorry. Thank you, thank you.
586
00:32:17,839 --> 00:32:19,559
Yeah, well done, Charley, lad.
587
00:32:19,599 --> 00:32:21,440
Well done for giving it a go,
Charley boy.
588
00:32:21,480 --> 00:32:23,240
APPLAUSE
589
00:32:23,279 --> 00:32:25,200
Woo!
590
00:32:25,240 --> 00:32:26,559
We love you, Charley!
591
00:32:26,599 --> 00:32:28,920
Ladies and gentlemen,
the lovable loser.
592
00:32:28,960 --> 00:32:30,440
CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
593
00:32:31,960 --> 00:32:33,440
Good lad.
594
00:32:36,440 --> 00:32:38,400
OK. Ooh!
595
00:32:38,440 --> 00:32:41,680
And one more fall for the road.
596
00:32:41,720 --> 00:32:43,480
Sorry, I'm sorry, I just...
597
00:32:48,680 --> 00:32:50,279
Wow.
SHE LAUGHS
598
00:32:50,319 --> 00:32:51,960
Oh, my...
599
00:33:00,920 --> 00:33:04,400
You know what? I think you
might be a bit of a git.
600
00:33:07,680 --> 00:33:11,000
I hear you've had a baby
on the quiet. What?!
601
00:33:11,039 --> 00:33:12,720
Looks like I made a lucky escape.
602
00:33:13,960 --> 00:33:16,079
No, Charley!
603
00:33:18,720 --> 00:33:20,039
I've got this, it's all right.
604
00:33:20,079 --> 00:33:21,279
Ooh!
605
00:33:21,319 --> 00:33:24,119
You're a bloody taxman loser!
606
00:33:24,160 --> 00:33:26,599
Oh, hang on a minute,
hang on a minute.
607
00:33:27,759 --> 00:33:29,599
BLOWS WHISTLE
608
00:33:39,640 --> 00:33:40,920
Whoo!
609
00:33:42,720 --> 00:33:44,640
Well, that concludes
the all-in wrestling,
610
00:33:44,680 --> 00:33:47,160
I thank you, ladies and gentlemen!
611
00:33:47,200 --> 00:33:49,920
APPLAUSE AND CHEERING
612
00:33:53,920 --> 00:33:57,000
Where would we be
without the Larkins?
613
00:33:57,039 --> 00:33:59,759
Still stuck in Kent, sadly.
614
00:33:59,799 --> 00:34:02,119
But it's true,
they are most generous.
615
00:34:02,160 --> 00:34:03,960
I shouldn't have gone
on that donkey.
616
00:34:04,000 --> 00:34:05,799
You know you were facing
the wrong way?
617
00:34:05,839 --> 00:34:07,759
There's no right or wrong way.
There is.
618
00:34:07,799 --> 00:34:09,320
Oh, shut up.
619
00:34:09,360 --> 00:34:12,000
You see, it's another bloody Larkin!
620
00:34:12,039 --> 00:34:14,360
They've brought it home.
621
00:34:14,400 --> 00:34:16,719
What's it doing here?
622
00:34:16,760 --> 00:34:18,440
And whose is it?
623
00:34:18,480 --> 00:34:20,119
It could be Pop's,
624
00:34:20,159 --> 00:34:22,800
if Mariette didn't slip away
and have it.
625
00:34:22,840 --> 00:34:25,480
You do understand
about the nine months?
626
00:34:25,519 --> 00:34:27,440
Yes.
You can strap it down.
627
00:34:27,480 --> 00:34:28,840
Mm-hm.
628
00:34:28,880 --> 00:34:31,039
They'll be looking after it
for someone.
629
00:34:31,079 --> 00:34:33,800
I think we will go to that
cocktail party tonight, after all.
630
00:34:42,039 --> 00:34:43,559
KNOCK AT DOOR
631
00:34:43,599 --> 00:34:47,159
Cocktail party!
Woo-hoo!
632
00:34:47,199 --> 00:34:49,199
MUSIC: 'Move It'
by Cliff Richard
633
00:34:54,159 --> 00:34:56,039
I need you girls to be hostesses.
634
00:34:56,079 --> 00:34:57,760
Go on, on you go. I'll follow you.
635
00:34:57,800 --> 00:34:59,239
Well done.
636
00:35:00,400 --> 00:35:01,400
Help yourself, lads.
637
00:35:01,440 --> 00:35:05,639
There you go, glass of beer,
drop of cider. Well done.
638
00:35:05,679 --> 00:35:08,119
And the twins,
have yourself a Ma Cherie.
639
00:35:08,159 --> 00:35:10,039
Watch yourself, though,
they are lethal.
640
00:35:10,079 --> 00:35:13,000
Not you two, you're eight.
They're Miss Barnwell's.
641
00:35:13,039 --> 00:35:15,760
And welcome. Thank you.
You're welcome, my pleasure.
642
00:35:15,800 --> 00:35:19,079
OK, Lord and Lady B-G,
welcome, welcome.
643
00:35:19,119 --> 00:35:20,519
Everyone having a lovely time?
644
00:35:20,559 --> 00:35:23,559
Well, Victoria said
it was a fancy dress party, so...
645
00:35:23,599 --> 00:35:26,480
Yes, never believe
anything she says.
646
00:35:26,519 --> 00:35:27,519
Well...
647
00:35:27,559 --> 00:35:29,000
THUD
What was that?
648
00:35:29,039 --> 00:35:31,360
One of my onions dropped. Sorry.
649
00:35:33,119 --> 00:35:35,559
Are you all right
after your tumble, Edith?
650
00:35:35,599 --> 00:35:39,239
Yes, thank you. Pop's promised
to teach me how to ride.
651
00:35:39,280 --> 00:35:42,599
Grip with the thighs.
MA CHUCKLES
652
00:35:44,599 --> 00:35:47,960
Right, thighs!
It gets worse.
653
00:35:49,079 --> 00:35:50,880
And here's the main one.
654
00:35:50,920 --> 00:35:53,400
Sanctity of marriage
means nothing to him.
655
00:35:53,440 --> 00:35:56,639
Mind you, she is rather gorgeous.
656
00:36:00,960 --> 00:36:03,199
Do you dance at all?
Well, I fling 'em up a bit.
657
00:36:03,239 --> 00:36:05,199
You know, Ginger Rogers
lives over in Pluckley,
658
00:36:05,239 --> 00:36:07,440
she's always dropping in
for a shimmy, drives me mad.
659
00:36:07,480 --> 00:36:08,800
THEY LAUGH
660
00:36:08,840 --> 00:36:10,679
Is it me,
or is that man staring at me,
661
00:36:10,719 --> 00:36:12,440
and has been all weekend?
662
00:36:12,480 --> 00:36:14,239
Alec Norman, has he?
663
00:36:14,280 --> 00:36:16,199
There's a wasp at every picnic.
664
00:36:20,079 --> 00:36:23,199
Hello, Ma.
THEY CHUCKLE
665
00:36:24,519 --> 00:36:25,800
There she is.
666
00:36:25,840 --> 00:36:27,639
Our girly.
Yeah.
667
00:36:29,320 --> 00:36:30,719
Wow.
668
00:36:30,760 --> 00:36:33,480
You look awful (!)
Thank you.
669
00:36:38,360 --> 00:36:40,800
MUSIC: 'In The Mood'
by Glenn Miller
670
00:36:40,840 --> 00:36:43,800
Stop that, Frenchy.
Yeah, come on, share it out.
671
00:36:43,840 --> 00:36:46,199
I, er... don't normally dance!
672
00:36:46,239 --> 00:36:48,199
PRIMROSE CHUCKLES
673
00:36:48,239 --> 00:36:50,199
Don't go off tomorrow
looking for excitement,
674
00:36:50,239 --> 00:36:51,519
it's all here.
675
00:36:59,679 --> 00:37:01,519
POP: Fantastic!
676
00:37:09,559 --> 00:37:11,000
Ooh! Hold tight.
677
00:37:23,719 --> 00:37:26,840
Oh, thanks.
Hello, I'm Angela.
678
00:37:26,880 --> 00:37:29,000
I've heard all about you, Mariette.
679
00:37:29,039 --> 00:37:30,840
Oh, dear!
THEY CHUCKLE
680
00:37:30,880 --> 00:37:33,199
Oh, you've got to love
a bopping vicar.
681
00:37:34,800 --> 00:37:37,079
Dancing has never looked
more like unarmed combat.
682
00:37:37,119 --> 00:37:39,400
Yeah, anyone who's seen them
on a dancefloor
683
00:37:39,440 --> 00:37:41,719
never calls us
"the delicate sex" again.
684
00:37:41,760 --> 00:37:43,440
THEY LAUGH
685
00:37:43,480 --> 00:37:45,480
Look, it's none of my business -
686
00:37:45,519 --> 00:37:47,960
oh, God, those fatal words -
687
00:37:48,000 --> 00:37:50,480
but I've travelled a lot,
688
00:37:50,519 --> 00:37:53,079
and I think you should spread
your wings, just like you planned.
689
00:37:53,119 --> 00:37:55,760
He's a sweetheart.
690
00:37:55,800 --> 00:37:58,440
But if I've learnt anything,
691
00:37:58,480 --> 00:38:00,280
it's that it's good
to put love to the test.
692
00:38:03,559 --> 00:38:05,559
MUSIC: 'Sixty Minute Man'
by The Dominoes
693
00:38:20,480 --> 00:38:22,400
Libby, more than that.
694
00:38:22,440 --> 00:38:25,199
You're an active young woman,
not a fruit fly.
695
00:38:39,800 --> 00:38:41,440
It's all bubbling up nicely.
696
00:38:41,480 --> 00:38:42,960
What is?
697
00:38:43,000 --> 00:38:45,639
You notice Pop and Ma
haven't danced?
698
00:38:45,679 --> 00:38:49,599
Well, he's obviously
lining up Miss Snow over there
699
00:38:49,639 --> 00:38:51,159
for an affair.
700
00:38:51,199 --> 00:38:53,519
So, Pop and Ma organised today
701
00:38:53,559 --> 00:38:55,239
to paper over the cracks
in their marriage
702
00:38:55,280 --> 00:38:56,440
for the sake of the children.
703
00:38:56,480 --> 00:39:02,039
And they've got a baby upstairs,
which is Pop's or Mariette's.
704
00:39:02,079 --> 00:39:05,000
She's pulling a fast one and joining
Tom Fisher in France tonight,
705
00:39:05,039 --> 00:39:07,440
if she can give the taxman the slip.
706
00:39:11,159 --> 00:39:12,320
Darling!
707
00:39:12,360 --> 00:39:14,960
Now, don't say anything.
708
00:39:15,000 --> 00:39:18,159
But we've got a proposal
we're gonna put to you.
709
00:39:18,199 --> 00:39:21,480
Yeah. We've...
710
00:39:21,519 --> 00:39:24,719
We bought big old Bluff Court, see?
711
00:39:24,760 --> 00:39:27,159
And I'm gonna knock it down
before it falls on someone.
712
00:39:27,199 --> 00:39:30,880
And, well, me and Ma, we want you
to have some of the land.
713
00:39:30,920 --> 00:39:32,920
Yeah, we know that
you want your independence,
714
00:39:32,960 --> 00:39:36,039
so you can do what you like with it,
build a house or run a business,
715
00:39:36,079 --> 00:39:38,320
or maybe a riding school.
Yeah.
716
00:39:38,360 --> 00:39:40,360
Or if you fancy it,
live there with Charley boy.
717
00:39:40,400 --> 00:39:42,199
We know you love him.
718
00:39:42,239 --> 00:39:44,679
And if he loved you any more,
it'd kill him.
719
00:39:44,719 --> 00:39:46,000
Not half, yeah.
720
00:39:46,039 --> 00:39:48,559
He always forgets to breathe
any time he's near you. Yeah.
721
00:39:48,599 --> 00:39:50,760
He'll have to stop that,
that's unhealthy.
722
00:39:50,800 --> 00:39:52,119
MA CHUCKLES
Yeah.
723
00:39:52,159 --> 00:39:55,880
Oh, Mum, Dad,
724
00:39:55,920 --> 00:39:59,039
you've been so good to me.
725
00:40:02,480 --> 00:40:04,119
MARIETTE SNIFFLES
726
00:40:04,159 --> 00:40:07,519
Better in than out.
Yeah, as Ma and me always says.
727
00:40:13,000 --> 00:40:14,920
But I can't take it.
728
00:40:17,159 --> 00:40:19,159
It's you giving me things again.
729
00:40:21,159 --> 00:40:23,400
I have to make my own way,
730
00:40:23,440 --> 00:40:25,199
fight my corner.
731
00:40:25,239 --> 00:40:28,840
And I... I can't be a moon,
732
00:40:28,880 --> 00:40:31,800
revolving round the planet
of Mum and Dad forever.
733
00:40:31,840 --> 00:40:33,639
Yes, you can.
No, I can't.
734
00:40:33,679 --> 00:40:35,039
Yes, you can.
735
00:40:35,079 --> 00:40:38,639
So... I'm going to Paris.
736
00:40:38,679 --> 00:40:42,599
My future and Charley's will be...
737
00:40:42,639 --> 00:40:44,800
a glorious tale -
738
00:40:44,840 --> 00:40:47,079
or tales -
739
00:40:47,119 --> 00:40:49,519
still to be told.
740
00:40:49,559 --> 00:40:51,480
Right, good.
741
00:40:51,519 --> 00:40:53,320
That's cleared that up, then.
Yeah.
742
00:40:53,360 --> 00:40:55,159
On with the party.
Yeah.
743
00:40:55,199 --> 00:40:56,960
What's that?
744
00:40:57,000 --> 00:41:00,440
I can hear some of our dear friends
shouting out for a speech right now.
745
00:41:02,360 --> 00:41:04,519
Go on, do it anyway.
Yeah.
746
00:41:08,280 --> 00:41:10,440
CHATTER
747
00:41:14,679 --> 00:41:16,480
TAPS GLASS
748
00:41:16,519 --> 00:41:18,480
CLANG
749
00:41:18,519 --> 00:41:20,000
Thank you, Victoria.
750
00:41:20,039 --> 00:41:22,159
Erm... Evening, all.
751
00:41:22,199 --> 00:41:24,320
Lord love ya.
752
00:41:24,360 --> 00:41:27,119
Erm...
My wife isn't standing with me,
753
00:41:27,159 --> 00:41:29,880
because...
well, I've got some news.
754
00:41:29,920 --> 00:41:33,320
And it's been boiling up
for some time now.
755
00:41:33,360 --> 00:41:36,800
And it's actually happening, so...
756
00:41:36,840 --> 00:41:38,280
Anyway, Ma?
757
00:41:39,480 --> 00:41:41,599
BABY OSCAR VOCALISES
758
00:41:43,800 --> 00:41:47,119
This is a new member
of our family, Oscar.
759
00:41:47,159 --> 00:41:51,320
His mother tried, bless her,
760
00:41:51,360 --> 00:41:55,880
but she... she couldn't cope.
761
00:41:55,920 --> 00:41:59,239
So, she asked us to adopt him.
762
00:42:00,760 --> 00:42:02,559
Which we are honoured to do.
763
00:42:02,599 --> 00:42:04,159
Yeah.
764
00:42:04,199 --> 00:42:06,679
You might be thinking,
"They've already got six!"
765
00:42:06,719 --> 00:42:08,119
LAUGHTER
766
00:42:08,159 --> 00:42:09,639
But...
767
00:42:09,679 --> 00:42:12,639
our Mariette is...
768
00:42:12,679 --> 00:42:14,480
is off on her travels tomorrow.
769
00:42:16,400 --> 00:42:21,800
So, what better time
to bring a new Larkin...
770
00:42:23,519 --> 00:42:25,639
..here to home?
771
00:42:25,679 --> 00:42:27,880
I do a very good christening!
Not what I heard.
772
00:42:27,920 --> 00:42:29,199
Yeah, you dropped my baby.
773
00:42:29,239 --> 00:42:31,920
Well, the little sod kept wriggling.
774
00:42:31,960 --> 00:42:34,360
I know a Buddhist
who does a fabulous service.
775
00:42:34,400 --> 00:42:38,000
If we're widening our horizons,
and it's about time,
776
00:42:38,039 --> 00:42:40,719
the Hindu naming ceremony
is very magical.
777
00:42:40,760 --> 00:42:42,920
We don't want any
of that continental nonsense.
778
00:42:42,960 --> 00:42:45,400
Right, come on,
bit of hush now, everyone,
779
00:42:45,440 --> 00:42:47,159
or I'll get the donkeys back in, eh?
780
00:42:47,199 --> 00:42:48,800
LAUGHTER
781
00:42:48,840 --> 00:42:51,840
Now, Ma and me,
we've been hearing some rumours.
782
00:42:51,880 --> 00:42:55,519
And... well,
I know who's been spreading 'em,
783
00:42:55,559 --> 00:42:57,679
and I just want to say this.
784
00:42:57,719 --> 00:42:59,960
It don't make a gnat's arse
of difference.
785
00:43:00,000 --> 00:43:03,000
You know why?
Cos I love this village.
786
00:43:03,039 --> 00:43:04,880
And seeing as Ma,
787
00:43:04,920 --> 00:43:06,559
my family...
788
00:43:06,599 --> 00:43:07,599
Aw!
789
00:43:07,639 --> 00:43:09,880
..and you lot are in it,
790
00:43:09,920 --> 00:43:14,400
and we are blessed
with plenty and beauty,
791
00:43:14,440 --> 00:43:18,639
in a world
where they can be in short supply.
792
00:43:20,239 --> 00:43:22,599
Anyway, well,
793
00:43:22,639 --> 00:43:24,519
bugger me if it ain't time
for some fireworks.
794
00:43:24,559 --> 00:43:26,559
LAUGHTER
795
00:43:30,159 --> 00:43:32,840
You know what, Ma?
If we're having a baptism,
796
00:43:32,880 --> 00:43:35,639
maybe we should get wed an' all.
797
00:43:35,679 --> 00:43:37,239
Yeah.
Mm-hm.
798
00:43:37,280 --> 00:43:39,079
Wait, you're not married?
799
00:43:39,119 --> 00:43:42,320
Nah, never got round to it.
800
00:43:52,800 --> 00:43:55,360
UNZIPPING
801
00:43:55,400 --> 00:43:57,519
HE GROANS
802
00:43:58,719 --> 00:44:00,960
Don't ever treat the Larkins
like that again.
803
00:44:07,920 --> 00:44:11,320
Well, oddly, marriage
actually increases your tax bill,
804
00:44:11,360 --> 00:44:13,119
so, it pays to live in sin.
805
00:44:13,159 --> 00:44:15,960
Uh-uh, don't use that word.
806
00:44:16,000 --> 00:44:18,480
There are no sinners
round these parts.
807
00:44:18,519 --> 00:44:21,679
I mean, you'd certainly be
better off when the time comes.
808
00:44:21,719 --> 00:44:22,719
Time comes for what?
809
00:44:22,760 --> 00:44:24,360
To pay your taxes, Pop.
810
00:44:24,400 --> 00:44:26,000
They'll catch up
with you eventually.
811
00:44:26,039 --> 00:44:27,559
FIREWORKS BANG
You must be... joking.
812
00:44:27,599 --> 00:44:28,599
..off, Charley.
813
00:44:28,639 --> 00:44:30,760
THEY CHUCKLE
814
00:44:31,880 --> 00:44:33,840
Oh!
815
00:44:33,880 --> 00:44:36,400
It's amazing, look at it!
816
00:44:42,880 --> 00:44:45,639
TRAIN WHISTLE BLOWS
817
00:44:53,480 --> 00:44:56,000
I can hear you breathing.
818
00:44:56,039 --> 00:44:58,159
Just leaving you your independence.
819
00:44:58,199 --> 00:45:00,559
SHE GIGGLES
Thank you.
820
00:45:00,599 --> 00:45:02,880
Though you did insist
on inviting me along.
821
00:45:02,920 --> 00:45:05,719
Erm... I don't know about insist.
822
00:45:06,960 --> 00:45:09,480
HE SPEAKS FRENCH
823
00:45:09,519 --> 00:45:10,920
What?
824
00:45:10,960 --> 00:45:13,400
You're on your own, mate.
825
00:45:13,440 --> 00:45:15,239
Merci "boo-coop".
826
00:45:16,320 --> 00:45:17,679
Merci beaucoup.
827
00:45:17,719 --> 00:45:19,559
Merci "boo-coo".
828
00:45:19,599 --> 00:45:21,199
Merci beaucoup.
829
00:45:21,239 --> 00:45:22,559
Merci beaucoup.
830
00:45:29,079 --> 00:45:31,800
Eating like a Larkin, aren't you?
831
00:45:33,719 --> 00:45:36,000
More orange juice, anyone?
832
00:45:37,199 --> 00:45:39,800
You know what?
I'm glad Mariette's gone off.
833
00:45:39,840 --> 00:45:41,159
I'm not.
834
00:45:41,199 --> 00:45:44,360
Look, your Pop's right, sweetheart,
for once.
835
00:45:44,400 --> 00:45:46,559
She's her own woman,
always has been.
836
00:45:46,599 --> 00:45:49,639
If you've got an itch, scratch it,
don't sit on it.
837
00:45:49,679 --> 00:45:51,800
So earthy!
838
00:45:51,840 --> 00:45:52,800
Ha!
839
00:45:52,840 --> 00:45:54,159
Shouldn't you be at school?
840
00:45:54,199 --> 00:45:55,679
Holiday started, innit?
841
00:45:55,719 --> 00:45:57,480
Yeah, officially summertime.
842
00:45:57,519 --> 00:46:01,480
Well then, let's stop messing around
and have some fun.
843
00:46:01,519 --> 00:46:02,599
Ideas, anyone?
844
00:46:04,400 --> 00:46:06,559
Let's go to the Roman Museum
in Canterbury.
845
00:46:06,599 --> 00:46:08,519
We've done donkeys,
let's ride on pigs!
846
00:46:08,559 --> 00:46:10,000
Let's paint everything yellow.
847
00:46:10,039 --> 00:46:13,280
What about a balloon ride?
Nah, too draughty!
848
00:46:13,320 --> 00:46:15,320
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