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♪ The Wind in the Willows
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♪ Sang softly to me
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♪ Follow my voice
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♪ Wherever it leads
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♪ From mountains,
through valleys
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♪ To deep rolling seas
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♪ Born on the wings
of the breeze ♪
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After the weasels had been overthrown
in the famous Battle of Toad Hall,
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and Mr Toad was installed
in his old home once more,
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he invited his friends to a dinner
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at which he promised to tell them more
about his adventures.
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The programme was familiar.
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"Speech of welcome by Toad.
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"Address... by Toad.
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"Song...
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“..by Toad.
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"Composed by himself."
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And some of the adventures
seemed familiar, too,
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though Toad always remembered things
differently.
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Toad said that there were
at least a million weasels.
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I'll give them "Down with Toad"!
And in my own banqueting hall, too!
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- Come on.
- Hmm? Ah!
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Always a Toad! Attack!
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Toad said he was the very first
info the attack
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and he fell upon the enemy
with a vengeance.
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Woo-oo!
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Toad did mention how courageously
Ratty had fought the weasels
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and how brave Mole
knocked them for six.
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And how Badger had just thumped them
and bumped them and dumped them.
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Ah... missed. Again.
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But mostly he reminded them of how,
while others did the actual fighting,
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he, Mr Toad,
had been in command of the battle.
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A Toad! Always a Toa... aaaagh!
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Of how he had chosen a position
with a fine view of the action.
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Behind you, Badger!
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And how, in the nick of time,
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he launched his fearless attack
on the chief weasel,
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which he had immortalised in song.
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Last verse, I'm afraid.
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♪ Shout! Shout hooray!
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♪ And let each one of the crowd
try and shout it very loud
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♪ In honour of an animal
of whom you're justly proud
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♪ When the toad came home!
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♪ When the toad
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♪ Came
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♪ Home! ♪
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Thank you. Thank you, my dear friends.
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Thank you for your appreciation.
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By the way, you might have seen this gift
I'm sending to the jailer's daughter
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with a graceful little note.
Very well composed, you may agree.
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Quite right, Toad. Well done.
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Glad to see you showing
proper gratitude.
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Yes, Toady. Just think where you'd be
if that terrible magistrate had had her way.
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But Toad simply told them
how clever he had been
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- to steal the motor car.
- Anything for a fellow motorist.
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Oh, I say!
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And how skilfully he'd driven it away.
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Got out, he hopped in and away!
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The chap's a damn frog. Oh, I say!
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And what a witty thing
he'd said to the policeman.
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- Fat face!
- Now then...!
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"Now then..."
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And how,
when his case came to court,
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he caused the magistrate
such a difficulty.
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To my mind, the only difficulty
in this very clear case
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is how to make it sufficiently hot
for the incorrigible rogue
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and hardened ruffian who we see
cowering in the dock before us.
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00:05:31,960 --> 00:05:34,349
And Toad went on to tell his friends
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that despite the terrible presence
of the magistrate and forces of the law,
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he had stood so proudly
and so handsomely in the dock
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while she made her closing address,
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that the constables and even the owners
of the stolen motor car were in doubt.
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"Fat face"!
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Mr Clerk, what is the stiffest,
the very stiffest penalty
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we can impose
for each of these offences
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without, of course, giving the prisoner
the benefit of any doubt
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because there isn't any?
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Well, ma'am,
you might give 12 months for the theft.
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Which is mild.
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00:06:19,480 --> 00:06:23,678
And, uh, three years
for furious driving.
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Which is lenient!
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00:06:26,080 --> 00:06:31,951
And 15 years for the cheek,
which was pretty bad sort of cheek.
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Namely, calling him "Fat Face"!
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00:06:36,320 --> 00:06:38,436
Now, then...
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- That adds up to...
- 19 years!
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19 years?!
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And another year for being green!
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20 years!
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She didn't frighten me!
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Ohh...
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Oh, Badger.
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Moley.
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00:07:06,120 --> 00:07:08,111
Oh, Ratty.
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Oh, where are you?
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I never lost my composure for an instant.
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No sooner was I inside the jail
than I was making plans for my escape.
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There you are, daughter.
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Toad went on to explain how he'd shown
such heroism in his lonely dungeon
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and how he'd refused absolutely
to let a morsel of food pass his lips.
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No.
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Nothing!
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Take it away.
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I've brought you something
I've made myself. Bubble and squeak.
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Bubble and...
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squeak?
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It's piping hot.
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Mmm.
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00:08:00,720 --> 00:08:05,749
The jailer's daughter was an excellent girl.
I offered to let her help me escape.
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00:08:05,880 --> 00:08:10,670
- I have an aunt who's a washer woman.
- Never mind. Think no more about it.
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00:08:10,800 --> 00:08:12,871
I have several aunts who...
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Toad, do be quiet. My aunt Maude
does all the washing in the jail.
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00:08:17,920 --> 00:08:22,869
People are used to her coming in and out
and you're very much like her in build.
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I am not!
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I have a very elegant figure...
for what I am.
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00:08:29,520 --> 00:08:33,115
So has my aunt for what she is.
Here, try it on.
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Ooh, you're not suggesting
that I should disguise myself
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as a washer woman?!
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So I had the brilliant idea
of disguising myself as a washer woman
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and simply strolled out of the jail!
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Night, Maude.
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Good night, old chap.
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Old chap?
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00:09:02,000 --> 00:09:04,116
Maude?
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00:09:08,360 --> 00:09:10,954
According to Toad's account,
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he immediately put his brilliant
escape plan info action.
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Quick! After him!
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Bring him back!
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Naturally, such an important
prisoner was bound to be missed.
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Soon they were all in pursuit, but I simply
stepped aboard a passing train!
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00:09:31,960 --> 00:09:34,031
Yes, yes, Toad. We know all that.
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Ho ho! My dear Ratty,
you haven't heard the half of it.
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We have heard quite enough
of your boastin', Toad.
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Yes, of course.
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All the same, I lead such a quiet life
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00:09:48,760 --> 00:09:52,993
and Toad's adventures,
well, they are rather exciting, you know.
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Come on, Badger. We'll hear the rest.
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00:09:56,280 --> 00:10:00,877
Ah, good. Well,
there I was in my clever disguise,
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but miles from home.
139
00:10:03,320 --> 00:10:05,914
When what should I see but a barge?
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00:10:06,040 --> 00:10:10,034
Naturally, I was more than a match
for the barge woman...
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00:10:12,160 --> 00:10:16,757
- A nice morning, ma'am.
- I dare say it is a nice morning, ma'am,
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to them that's not in sore trouble
like what I am.
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You see, my married daughter sends
for me to come to her at once,
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so off I goes,
not knowing what may be a-happening.
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00:10:29,920 --> 00:10:35,916
- But fearing the worst, ma'am.
- Where might your daughter be living?
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00:10:35,960 --> 00:10:37,951
She lives near a river
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right beside a fine house
called Toad Hall.
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Toad 'all?
Why, I'm going that way myself.
149
00:10:45,360 --> 00:10:48,796
You come along in the barge with me.
150
00:10:48,920 --> 00:10:53,710
Oh, much obliged to you, ma'am.
I'm in the washing and laundry line.
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And a very good business you have, too,
I dare say,
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if I'm not making too free.
153
00:11:00,480 --> 00:11:04,474
Finest business in the whole county.
All the gentry come to me.
154
00:11:04,600 --> 00:11:08,594
Washing, ironing, starching,
making up gents' shirts. I do it all.
155
00:11:08,720 --> 00:11:11,917
And you are... very fond of washing?
156
00:11:12,040 --> 00:11:14,031
Oh, simply dote on it.
157
00:11:14,160 --> 00:11:18,154
Never so happy as when I've got
both arms in the wash tub.
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- What a bit of luck!
- Hmm? Why? What do you mean?
159
00:11:23,240 --> 00:11:27,632
My husband, he's such a fella
for shirking his work.
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00:11:27,760 --> 00:11:31,754
He's gone off to see if he can pick up
a rabbit for dinner,
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leaving me with all that washing.
162
00:11:34,400 --> 00:11:39,600
Never mind the washing. Fix your mind
on that rabbit. Got any onions?
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00:11:39,720 --> 00:11:45,079
Now, now, don't try to deprive me
of the pleasure of giving you a treat.
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You'll find a heap of things there
and a tub
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and soap and a kettle on the stove
166
00:11:52,640 --> 00:11:56,952
and a bucket
to haul water up from the canal.
167
00:11:58,000 --> 00:12:02,790
I'll just take a little nap
until my husband gets back.
168
00:12:02,920 --> 00:12:05,878
I'll know you're enjoying yourself
169
00:12:06,000 --> 00:12:11,200
instead of sitting here idle
looking at the scenery and yawning.
170
00:12:11,320 --> 00:12:13,709
I say... Oh!
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00:12:16,200 --> 00:12:17,793
Oh!
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00:12:26,000 --> 00:12:27,593
Oh!
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00:12:30,600 --> 00:12:32,398
Ohh!
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Ohh, my paws!
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They're ruined!
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Oh, I thought sol
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00:12:47,600 --> 00:12:49,989
Pretty washer woman you are!
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00:12:50,120 --> 00:12:53,795
Never washed so much as a dishcloth
in your life!
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00:12:53,920 --> 00:12:58,517
Certainly not,
you low, common, fat barge woman!
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00:12:58,640 --> 00:13:01,234
Washer woman, indeed! I am a toad!
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00:13:01,360 --> 00:13:05,354
A very well-known, respected,
distinguished toad!
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So you are! Well, I never.
183
00:13:08,280 --> 00:13:12,877
A horrid, nasty, crony toad!
And on my nice, clean barge, too.
184
00:13:13,000 --> 00:13:15,389
That is a thing I will not have.
185
00:13:15,520 --> 00:13:20,515
It was at that point, according to Toad,
that he decided to leave the barge.
186
00:13:20,640 --> 00:13:22,950
You! You...!
187
00:13:26,800 --> 00:13:29,758
You... Oh!
188
00:13:36,520 --> 00:13:38,318
A-ha!
189
00:13:39,600 --> 00:13:44,720
Since she didn't appreciate a
gentleman, I decided to teach her a lesson.
190
00:13:51,200 --> 00:13:53,589
Here! No! Stop!
191
00:14:01,720 --> 00:14:04,109
Oh, Toad! That was stealing.
192
00:14:04,240 --> 00:14:06,834
Nonsense. I merely borrowed the nag.
193
00:14:08,040 --> 00:14:12,876
Sent it back later, did you?
With an honorarium?
194
00:14:13,000 --> 00:14:14,991
Mm? What?
195
00:14:15,120 --> 00:14:17,111
Well... Well, I...
196
00:14:17,240 --> 00:14:20,119
Er... Er, no. Not exactly.
197
00:14:20,240 --> 00:14:22,629
Come on, Toad. What did you do?
198
00:14:22,760 --> 00:14:25,354
Well, I was getting rather hungry...
199
00:14:26,360 --> 00:14:27,953
Wa-hey!
200
00:14:28,080 --> 00:14:30,549
Wa-hey! Hello!
201
00:14:30,680 --> 00:14:33,798
'Ere, you want to sell that there horse?
202
00:14:33,920 --> 00:14:38,312
Me sell this beautiful young horse
of mine? Out of the question.
203
00:14:38,440 --> 00:14:40,556
I'm too fond of him. And he dotes on me.
204
00:14:40,680 --> 00:14:44,389
Well, try and love a donkey.
Some people do.
205
00:14:44,520 --> 00:14:49,390
'When it came to bargaining
with that gypsy, he didn't stand a chance.'
206
00:14:49,520 --> 00:14:54,515
- A shilling a leg.
- A shilling a leg?!
207
00:14:54,640 --> 00:14:59,714
Oh, that's only... four shillings.
No, out of the question.
208
00:15:08,880 --> 00:15:10,678
Oh, hmm...
209
00:15:12,600 --> 00:15:14,398
Ohh.
210
00:15:14,520 --> 00:15:18,912
'So in the end I had a whole plateful
of the good fellow's stew
211
00:15:19,040 --> 00:15:22,271
'and a handsome sum for the horse.'
212
00:15:23,400 --> 00:15:26,836
What do you think of that for cleverness,
eh?
213
00:15:27,880 --> 00:15:32,192
That is the most disgraceful thing
I have ever heard.
214
00:15:32,320 --> 00:15:33,640
Eh? What?
215
00:15:33,760 --> 00:15:38,550
Do you mean to tell us you actually sold
the barge woman's horse?
216
00:15:38,680 --> 00:15:40,671
Oh, Toady!
217
00:15:40,800 --> 00:15:42,791
Well, I...
218
00:15:42,920 --> 00:15:45,070
You will have to send it back.
219
00:15:45,200 --> 00:15:49,194
- How can I? The gypsy has it.
- You'll have to buy it back.
220
00:15:49,320 --> 00:15:52,870
He'll cheat me again.
I mean I don't know where he is.
221
00:15:53,000 --> 00:15:56,959
Then send the barge woman some money,
enough to buy a new horse.
222
00:15:57,080 --> 00:15:59,674
Mole is right, as usual.
223
00:16:00,680 --> 00:16:05,470
Toad, you will send that unfortunate
woman a handsome gift of money
224
00:16:05,600 --> 00:16:08,399
together with a sincere apology.
225
00:16:09,400 --> 00:16:11,789
An apology?!
226
00:16:13,600 --> 00:16:19,437
She was a common, low, fat barge
woman who threw me off the barge!
227
00:16:19,560 --> 00:16:21,756
What? I thought you said...
228
00:16:21,880 --> 00:16:27,398
It doesn't make any difference.
You still can't steal her horse and sell it.
229
00:16:27,520 --> 00:16:32,913
So in addition to sending a gold watch
to the jailer's daughter,
230
00:16:33,040 --> 00:16:37,034
the only respectable part
of this sorry business,
231
00:16:37,160 --> 00:16:42,553
Toad will also despatch a gift of money
to the washer woman, the engine driver,
232
00:16:42,680 --> 00:16:45,149
the barge woman...
233
00:16:45,280 --> 00:16:50,673
Is there anyone else, Toad?
Rat, you'd better make a list.
234
00:16:50,800 --> 00:16:54,634
Oh, bother! You and your lists!
How dare you!!
235
00:16:54,760 --> 00:16:59,550
I won't send anything to anyone.
I shan't even send the gold watch.
236
00:16:59,680 --> 00:17:04,277
That girl was very lucky
to have such a distinguished visitor.
237
00:17:04,400 --> 00:17:08,997
And as for you - all of you -
I'm sorry I ever invited you to dinner!
238
00:17:09,120 --> 00:17:14,752
I could have turned the weasels out
by myself. I don't need you. I never did.
239
00:17:14,880 --> 00:17:16,871
In that case...
240
00:17:17,000 --> 00:17:22,871
we shall leave at once and never
inflict our company upon you again.
241
00:17:23,000 --> 00:17:26,470
Sorry, Toad.
You've gone too far this time. Mole?
242
00:17:26,600 --> 00:17:31,595
Er, yes, of course, Ratty. I wouldn't want
to stay where I'm not wanted.
243
00:17:31,720 --> 00:17:36,112
- Goodbye, Toad.
- Hmm!
244
00:17:36,240 --> 00:17:38,675
You vain creature.
245
00:17:42,000 --> 00:17:43,991
Oh, well.
246
00:17:52,400 --> 00:17:54,994
No! Oh, no, don't go!
247
00:17:56,000 --> 00:18:01,598
Oh, my dear friends.
What an ungrateful toad I am!
248
00:18:01,720 --> 00:18:06,430
But for you, I should never have seen
my beloved home again.
249
00:18:07,600 --> 00:18:09,591
Oh, Badger.
250
00:18:12,520 --> 00:18:14,909
No, make your list, dear Rat.
251
00:18:15,040 --> 00:18:18,635
And I will do whatever you say.
252
00:18:21,160 --> 00:18:23,754
But meanwhile, charge your glasses
253
00:18:23,880 --> 00:18:27,032
and we will proceed to item number five.
254
00:18:28,800 --> 00:18:30,996
Ha-ha! Ha-ha!
255
00:18:31,120 --> 00:18:36,513
"Item five.
Speech of thanks to the guests.
256
00:18:37,520 --> 00:18:39,511
"By Toad."
257
00:18:42,600 --> 00:18:44,989
Right. Everybody listening?
258
00:18:45,120 --> 00:18:50,115
So Ratty, Badger and Mole
settled back in their chairs
259
00:18:50,240 --> 00:18:55,269
and prepared themselves
for a very, very long evening.
260
00:18:57,000 --> 00:18:59,230
♪ Spin me a dream
261
00:18:59,360 --> 00:19:03,319
♪ Woven silver and gold
262
00:19:03,440 --> 00:19:06,432
♪ From sunshine and shadows
263
00:19:06,560 --> 00:19:09,598
♪ And days long ago
264
00:19:09,720 --> 00:19:13,156
♪ Where people are memories
265
00:19:13,280 --> 00:19:18,116
♪ And stories unfold
266
00:19:18,240 --> 00:19:20,038
♪ Willows
267
00:19:20,160 --> 00:19:24,870
♪ The tales you have told me
268
00:19:25,000 --> 00:19:27,753
♪ Wind in the Willows
269
00:19:27,880 --> 00:19:31,510
♪ You just seem to know
270
00:19:31,640 --> 00:19:34,678
♪ Who you can tum to
271
00:19:34,800 --> 00:19:37,360
♪ And which way to go
272
00:19:37,480 --> 00:19:43,112
♪ To unwind your wondrous mind
273
00:19:44,840 --> 00:19:47,036
♪ Wind in the Willows
274
00:19:47,160 --> 00:19:50,198
♪ Take me there ♪
21581
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