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WWW.MY-SUBS.CO
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Previously on "Resident Alien"...
2
00:00:09,679 --> 00:00:11,375
I need to go home.
3
00:00:12,109 --> 00:00:14,530
You're taking me home, right?
4
00:00:17,304 --> 00:00:18,835
Harry, you can't fix it.
5
00:00:18,840 --> 00:00:20,925
I have to. If I do not, I am stuck here.
6
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If someone sees this,
then things will get worse for you.
7
00:00:24,958 --> 00:00:27,281
- What's that?
- A survival kit.
8
00:00:27,286 --> 00:00:29,018
Botulinum is injectable.
9
00:00:29,023 --> 00:00:32,210
Maybe all he or she would
need to do is inject a toxin
10
00:00:32,215 --> 00:00:34,386
into a single insulin vial.
11
00:00:34,391 --> 00:00:37,484
Both the boot and the foot
were found in the same area.
12
00:00:37,489 --> 00:00:39,191
What if they fought inside,
13
00:00:39,196 --> 00:00:41,421
and then Harry threw dead foot guy
14
00:00:41,426 --> 00:00:42,632
through the front doors?
15
00:00:42,637 --> 00:00:44,031
And I throw you in the lake.
16
00:00:44,036 --> 00:00:46,276
Looks like we might
have a new prime suspect.
17
00:00:46,281 --> 00:00:47,563
You didn't complete your mission.
18
00:00:47,567 --> 00:00:49,711
They'll just send someone
else to kill everyone for you.
19
00:00:49,715 --> 00:00:51,789
Everyone, including Asta?
20
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She's a human, so yes.
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This cannot happen.
22
00:01:05,987 --> 00:01:07,381
Hello?
23
00:01:08,015 --> 00:01:09,678
Asta?
24
00:01:11,246 --> 00:01:12,842
Hello?
25
00:01:18,401 --> 00:01:19,994
Asta?
26
00:01:22,540 --> 00:01:24,033
Where is everybody?
27
00:01:25,788 --> 00:01:27,525
Asta?
28
00:01:31,792 --> 00:01:33,416
D'arcy?
29
00:01:43,104 --> 00:01:44,181
Ahh!
30
00:01:45,774 --> 00:01:49,134
D'arcy. What happened to you?
31
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You...
32
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Sorry... you let me die.
33
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You let us all die, big bummer.
34
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Asta.
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Way too late for her.
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00:02:00,905 --> 00:02:02,369
No, not Asta.
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00:02:02,374 --> 00:02:06,984
She's dead because of you.
38
00:02:07,175 --> 00:02:09,008
I have to help her.
39
00:02:09,134 --> 00:02:11,666
Help her what, get a better burial site?
40
00:02:11,671 --> 00:02:13,658
Come on, I mean, she's
at the top of the hill.
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It's as good as you can get.
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00:02:14,870 --> 00:02:17,861
I'm down by the pond and geese.
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I'll just say that.
44
00:02:19,814 --> 00:02:22,728
So... feeling bad yet?
45
00:02:22,733 --> 00:02:23,830
'Cause you should.
46
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I have to save her. Asta!
47
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Asta, Asta!
48
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Asta!
49
00:02:47,754 --> 00:02:49,277
Scary.
50
00:02:57,495 --> 00:03:00,326
Synced & corrected by QueenMaddie
www.MY-SUBS.com
51
00:03:01,637 --> 00:03:03,373
I did some digging.
52
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In 2015 and '16,
Dr. Vanderspeigle was working
53
00:03:06,886 --> 00:03:08,498
at St. Helens Hospital in New York,
54
00:03:08,503 --> 00:03:10,574
so I left a message, to
get some background on him.
55
00:03:10,579 --> 00:03:12,083
Hold on. What is this I'm seeing?
56
00:03:12,088 --> 00:03:13,599
Did he come out?
57
00:03:13,604 --> 00:03:15,541
No, it's like some
kind of hawk in a tree
58
00:03:15,546 --> 00:03:17,881
over there ripping apart
a mouse or some shit.
59
00:03:17,886 --> 00:03:19,209
It is nasty.
60
00:03:19,214 --> 00:03:21,252
Mother Nature takes
no prisoners, Deputy.
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00:03:21,620 --> 00:03:23,390
- Can I look?
- That's a no-go.
62
00:03:23,395 --> 00:03:25,600
What if he comes out and kills
somebody during the handoff?
63
00:03:25,604 --> 00:03:27,274
Go ahead and twizzle me.
64
00:03:29,375 --> 00:03:32,052
Okay, all right.
65
00:03:32,057 --> 00:03:34,728
Here comes our not-so-good
doctor right now.
66
00:03:36,075 --> 00:03:38,138
What's he doing with
all them buckets of dirt?
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00:03:38,897 --> 00:03:40,888
That's a lot of dirt right there.
68
00:03:41,752 --> 00:03:43,889
Maybe he's burying
something under the cellar,
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00:03:43,894 --> 00:03:45,966
or someone.
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00:03:47,912 --> 00:03:49,916
Man, that's enough dirt
for like five adults,
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00:03:49,921 --> 00:03:52,326
or maybe three adult
bodies, and five children,
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00:03:52,331 --> 00:03:53,873
and maybe two jockeys.
73
00:03:53,996 --> 00:03:55,098
Speaking of jockeys,
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00:03:55,103 --> 00:03:57,140
when was the last time
you saw Todd Campbell?
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00:03:57,532 --> 00:03:59,326
- My dentist?
- Mm-hmm.
76
00:03:59,331 --> 00:04:01,301
Are you suggesting he's a jockey?
77
00:04:01,306 --> 00:04:02,772
Well, the man's short, he's bowlegged,
78
00:04:02,776 --> 00:04:04,685
and he wears stripes.
That's a goddamn jockey.
79
00:04:04,690 --> 00:04:06,727
Why you want him drilling
in your damn teeth?
80
00:04:06,732 --> 00:04:07,935
I'll never know.
81
00:04:13,945 --> 00:04:16,677
Summertime. My people love the cold.
82
00:04:16,682 --> 00:04:19,569
But this body certainly
prefers these warm days.
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00:04:19,574 --> 00:04:21,278
The smell of flowers,
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00:04:21,278 --> 00:04:23,240
the sound of bugs rubbing
their legs together
85
00:04:23,245 --> 00:04:24,998
for mating season.
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00:04:25,003 --> 00:04:26,650
It is more peaceful.
87
00:04:26,655 --> 00:04:29,052
- Whoo!
- Yeah!
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Ah, whoo!
89
00:04:31,965 --> 00:04:33,101
Whoo!
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00:04:33,101 --> 00:04:34,604
Yeah, baby!
91
00:04:34,768 --> 00:04:36,693
I hate this place.
92
00:04:36,848 --> 00:04:40,037
Are you looking for a better
place to go this summer?
93
00:04:40,188 --> 00:04:41,842
Hi, I'm Mayor Mitch.
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00:04:41,847 --> 00:04:43,284
Summer's just around the corner,
95
00:04:43,289 --> 00:04:46,261
and I can't wait to welcome
you to Jessup, Colorado,
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00:04:46,266 --> 00:04:47,888
the safest town around.
97
00:04:47,893 --> 00:04:50,932
Come taste our world-famous
mountain spring water.
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00:04:52,913 --> 00:04:54,983
We have the most pristine
lakes in Colorado,
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00:04:54,988 --> 00:04:57,326
perfect for boating and swimming,
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00:04:57,331 --> 00:04:59,138
and if you love fishing,
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00:04:59,143 --> 00:05:02,116
we have five varieties of trout
102
00:05:02,121 --> 00:05:04,158
and zero varieties of dead human feet.
103
00:05:04,163 --> 00:05:06,092
When people disappear in Jessup,
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00:05:06,097 --> 00:05:08,360
it's in our world-famous corn maze,
105
00:05:08,365 --> 00:05:10,008
so if you're out of patience,
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00:05:10,008 --> 00:05:12,447
and you just want to have
some fun, come visit us.
107
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'Cause here in Jessup, the only
murder you'll see is onstage
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00:05:16,020 --> 00:05:18,365
at our summer Shakespeare festival.
109
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Cool.
110
00:05:20,264 --> 00:05:24,138
I'm just gonna put some cyanide
in my coffee and call it a day.
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00:05:27,821 --> 00:05:29,175
This is pathetic.
112
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You've been digging for a week.
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You wouldn't have to do any of this
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00:05:32,320 --> 00:05:34,873
if you had just gone home
like you were supposed to.
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00:05:34,878 --> 00:05:37,517
I could not go home
with that kid on board.
116
00:05:37,522 --> 00:05:39,693
I could never get him past customs.
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Yeah, that's why
there's an eject button.
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That kid's body should have
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00:05:43,308 --> 00:05:44,740
been a shooting star over Texas.
120
00:05:44,745 --> 00:05:47,712
You don't know anything about space.
121
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You are a Colorado octopus.
122
00:05:50,156 --> 00:05:51,998
Is that where we are? Shit.
123
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I thought this was India.
That is an Indian rug.
124
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You are appropriating their culture.
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That's not a good look, man.
126
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I saw it at a red tag sale for $5.
127
00:06:00,932 --> 00:06:02,675
I had to buy it.
128
00:06:02,680 --> 00:06:06,302
Plus, I think it really
brings the room together.
129
00:06:06,307 --> 00:06:07,459
Listen to you.
130
00:06:07,464 --> 00:06:09,849
You... that's a great price, by the way.
131
00:06:09,854 --> 00:06:13,516
You're becoming one of
them. Look how human you are.
132
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You're even vulnerable to
your own people's attack.
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I am not because I will cut
a hole in your octopus body
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00:06:21,050 --> 00:06:23,722
and wear you as a protective octo-suit
135
00:06:23,722 --> 00:06:26,224
when they come to
eradicate all human life.
136
00:06:26,229 --> 00:06:29,202
Wow, is this how you
treat a house guest?
137
00:06:29,427 --> 00:06:31,771
Then I'm glad I didn't get you a gift.
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00:06:37,328 --> 00:06:39,122
Who has touched this?
139
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That little shit bucket.
140
00:06:46,535 --> 00:06:50,463
Okay, little dickhead. Play
with my alien technology.
141
00:06:51,080 --> 00:06:53,649
You deserve what's
going to happen to you.
142
00:07:29,491 --> 00:07:32,129
Oh, oh, wow. Whoa, whoa.
143
00:07:32,134 --> 00:07:34,359
Whoa! Whoa.
144
00:08:06,127 --> 00:08:08,765
With my people coming to
kill everyone on Earth,
145
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I will need a bunker to survive.
146
00:08:11,974 --> 00:08:13,570
I will fix it up and present it
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00:08:13,575 --> 00:08:15,612
to Asta as her new home.
148
00:08:15,994 --> 00:08:17,249
We will live,
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and all the beer-drinking
douchebags can fry.
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00:08:26,884 --> 00:08:28,424
- Have a good day.
- Thanks.
151
00:08:28,429 --> 00:08:30,463
- Oh, Ben.
- Yeah?
152
00:08:30,468 --> 00:08:33,207
Are you serious? She
cannot be the new doctor.
153
00:08:33,382 --> 00:08:36,855
Dr. Smallwood is a wonderful physician.
154
00:08:37,057 --> 00:08:38,625
You know, she was part of
the first stream of women
155
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to graduate from Harvard medical school.
156
00:08:41,231 --> 00:08:43,436
Yeah, in the 1940s.
157
00:08:43,441 --> 00:08:45,158
Years of experience.
158
00:08:45,163 --> 00:08:48,173
Are you the little girl
with the broken arm?
159
00:08:48,178 --> 00:08:49,914
No, I'm still the nurse.
160
00:08:49,914 --> 00:08:51,622
Your patient is down that hallway.
161
00:08:51,627 --> 00:08:52,659
Thank you, dear.
162
00:08:52,664 --> 00:08:56,369
Hello there, Dr. Smallwood.
It's nice to see you again.
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00:08:56,374 --> 00:09:00,869
Hello, I know a Hawthorne
when I see one.
164
00:09:00,869 --> 00:09:04,210
Ah, top of her game, as always.
165
00:09:04,210 --> 00:09:07,416
Send my best to your
twin brother, the mayor.
166
00:09:07,421 --> 00:09:11,110
Tell him I think he's
doing a dynamite job.
167
00:09:11,118 --> 00:09:12,728
I will do that.
168
00:09:14,177 --> 00:09:16,811
Can you please tell
Dr. Ethan to come back?
169
00:09:16,816 --> 00:09:17,816
He texted me.
170
00:09:17,821 --> 00:09:19,407
There was a family emergency.
He can't come back.
171
00:09:19,407 --> 00:09:21,411
What am I supposed to
do? I'm here all alone.
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00:09:21,411 --> 00:09:23,368
- She's very experienced.
- Asta, Asta, come on.
173
00:09:23,832 --> 00:09:24,949
Let's go. Time's a-wasting.
174
00:09:24,954 --> 00:09:26,554
Sorry, D'arce. I can't leave.
175
00:09:26,554 --> 00:09:29,238
Dr. Smallwood just started,
and it's pretty rough.
176
00:09:29,243 --> 00:09:31,293
Dr. Smallwood? What
are you talking about?
177
00:09:31,298 --> 00:09:33,215
She's been dead for like 30 years.
178
00:09:33,770 --> 00:09:35,278
Hello.
179
00:09:35,283 --> 00:09:38,848
- Oh, God, ghost.
- I just saw your brother.
180
00:09:39,715 --> 00:09:42,053
Look, it'll be fine. Ellen's here.
181
00:09:42,053 --> 00:09:43,957
Please go enjoy your day off, okay?
182
00:09:43,957 --> 00:09:45,226
Mayor's orders.
183
00:09:45,226 --> 00:09:47,403
Yeah, let's get the heck
out of here before she starts
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00:09:47,408 --> 00:09:48,945
crawling around on
the ceiling on all fours.
185
00:09:48,949 --> 00:09:51,575
- Come on.
- Okay, okay.
186
00:09:51,580 --> 00:09:53,584
I'll get my things.
187
00:10:02,443 --> 00:10:05,695
Have you... is it supposed
to rain tomorrow still?
188
00:10:05,700 --> 00:10:06,919
Why are you acting so weird?
189
00:10:07,832 --> 00:10:10,103
- What?
- Oh, my God.
190
00:10:10,108 --> 00:10:12,437
Are you uncomfortable because
you kissed me last week?
191
00:10:12,442 --> 00:10:14,914
Wow, just gonna shout that in public.
192
00:10:14,919 --> 00:10:16,321
That's wonderful.
193
00:10:16,321 --> 00:10:18,258
It was actually you who kissed me.
194
00:10:18,258 --> 00:10:21,465
Oh, no siree, no. That's
not how it went down.
195
00:10:21,470 --> 00:10:23,164
- It is how it went down.
- You want me to reenact it?
196
00:10:23,168 --> 00:10:26,340
Look, I'll be you, you
be me, and I'll kiss you.
197
00:10:26,345 --> 00:10:27,807
Grab your butt, and
show you how you did it.
198
00:10:27,811 --> 00:10:28,812
Come on. Come on over here.
199
00:10:28,816 --> 00:10:30,059
- No, no.
- I'll demonstrate.
200
00:10:30,064 --> 00:10:32,184
- Very funny.
- That's how you were.
201
00:10:33,517 --> 00:10:35,099
Oh, you're touching my butt.
You're touching my butt.
202
00:10:35,103 --> 00:10:36,107
- Nope.
- You're touching my butt.
203
00:10:36,111 --> 00:10:39,095
I didn't touch her...
204
00:10:39,100 --> 00:10:41,468
Oh, I love the new sign, by the way.
205
00:10:46,804 --> 00:10:48,872
I want this person arrested.
206
00:10:49,198 --> 00:10:50,501
You even know who did it?
207
00:10:50,506 --> 00:10:52,388
Pretty obvious, mayor of Jessup.
208
00:10:52,393 --> 00:10:54,567
Didn't you see his anti-Patience ad?
209
00:10:54,572 --> 00:10:56,610
Yeah, it's horrible.
210
00:10:56,731 --> 00:10:58,551
Ooh, looking forward
to the corn maze though.
211
00:10:58,556 --> 00:11:01,231
Oh, me too, I heard a rumor,
back in the '70s, a kid
212
00:11:01,236 --> 00:11:03,684
got lost in it for two weeks
and had to eat his friend.
213
00:11:03,836 --> 00:11:06,020
Now, see, that's a goddamn good maze.
214
00:11:06,025 --> 00:11:07,948
Sure, kids eating
kids is fine in Jessup.
215
00:11:07,953 --> 00:11:09,270
We find one foot in our lake,
216
00:11:09,275 --> 00:11:11,780
suddenly people think
our town isn't safe.
217
00:11:11,894 --> 00:11:14,255
Brutal murder of
a town doctor didn't help.
218
00:11:14,260 --> 00:11:16,236
Well, and the next doctor disappearing.
219
00:11:16,241 --> 00:11:17,376
I mean, people just don't vanish.
220
00:11:17,376 --> 00:11:19,234
Kidnapper's still on the loose.
221
00:11:19,239 --> 00:11:20,717
And the whole sign's coming down.
222
00:11:23,681 --> 00:11:25,562
Soon all of this will be over.
223
00:11:25,567 --> 00:11:28,426
Their unending consumption
and gluttony will be done,
224
00:11:28,431 --> 00:11:31,169
and Asta and I will
be safe in the bunker.
225
00:11:31,438 --> 00:11:33,041
But if everyone is gone,
226
00:11:33,041 --> 00:11:35,247
who will keep the bunker clean?
227
00:11:35,629 --> 00:11:36,931
I hate cleaning,
228
00:11:36,936 --> 00:11:38,748
and from the look of Asta's car,
229
00:11:38,753 --> 00:11:40,256
she's a real piglet.
230
00:11:40,256 --> 00:11:41,864
- More coffee?
- Great.
231
00:11:41,869 --> 00:11:43,906
Maybe Asta's giant father could be
232
00:11:43,911 --> 00:11:45,394
in the bunker with us.
233
00:11:45,399 --> 00:11:47,069
He can cook and clean,
234
00:11:47,069 --> 00:11:49,875
and his aftershave
smells like fryer grease.
235
00:11:49,875 --> 00:11:53,816
No, it wouldn't work. They
are father and daughter.
236
00:11:53,816 --> 00:11:56,387
They may turn against me
and make me their servant.
237
00:11:56,392 --> 00:11:58,788
- You look tired.
- I am.
238
00:11:58,793 --> 00:12:02,333
My dreams have turned evil.
239
00:12:02,333 --> 00:12:04,037
Sounds like a nightmare,
240
00:12:04,037 --> 00:12:07,864
mind's way of working out fear or guilt.
241
00:12:08,412 --> 00:12:11,017
So what's going on, Harry?
242
00:12:11,017 --> 00:12:13,145
I'm building a bunker to save Asta
243
00:12:13,150 --> 00:12:15,661
from a total extinction event,
and I'm going to lock you out
244
00:12:15,666 --> 00:12:18,328
and then sweep up your
ashes with a dustpan.
245
00:12:18,333 --> 00:12:19,935
Nothing.
246
00:12:30,654 --> 00:12:32,188
You know, we really need this.
247
00:12:32,193 --> 00:12:34,112
We work way too hard.
248
00:12:34,932 --> 00:12:36,903
You're actually supposed
to be working today, D'arce.
249
00:12:36,903 --> 00:12:40,109
Well "Load" was supposed to
be Metallica's comeback album,
250
00:12:40,109 --> 00:12:42,013
but life comes at you fast.
251
00:12:42,459 --> 00:12:43,846
Can you at least take these sandwiches
252
00:12:43,850 --> 00:12:45,820
down to the VIP group in Sheep's Meadow?
253
00:12:45,820 --> 00:12:48,760
And please don't moon the tour groups.
254
00:12:48,760 --> 00:12:51,197
You got it, and we'll see.
255
00:12:51,197 --> 00:12:52,417
Ready to go.
256
00:13:04,678 --> 00:13:07,741
Yeah, baby, whoo!
257
00:13:07,746 --> 00:13:10,514
- Dead ahead!
- Dead ahead!
258
00:13:10,971 --> 00:13:13,504
Whoo!
259
00:13:22,059 --> 00:13:24,407
Hold still. You're gonna get cut.
260
00:13:24,412 --> 00:13:26,902
I always knew I was
very mature for my age.
261
00:13:27,053 --> 00:13:29,751
I'm not trying to brag,
but I've had BO for a year.
262
00:13:29,756 --> 00:13:30,977
You're not mature.
263
00:13:30,977 --> 00:13:33,436
You still laugh at scatological humor.
264
00:13:33,561 --> 00:13:34,918
What's that?
265
00:13:34,918 --> 00:13:36,858
Poop jokes.
266
00:13:37,123 --> 00:13:39,400
- Poop.
- Wake up.
267
00:13:39,405 --> 00:13:41,603
This happened to you
because you went to space.
268
00:13:41,608 --> 00:13:43,650
I don't think that's how space works.
269
00:13:43,655 --> 00:13:45,803
Well, it's definitely
not how puberty works,
270
00:13:45,808 --> 00:13:47,377
so what else could it be?
271
00:13:48,519 --> 00:13:50,523
I have no idea.
272
00:13:56,354 --> 00:13:57,600
Hey, guys.
273
00:13:57,605 --> 00:13:59,546
I brought you some toaster
strudel and fruit punch.
274
00:13:59,550 --> 00:14:00,835
It's okay, Mom. We're not hungry.
275
00:14:00,839 --> 00:14:02,053
No thank you.
276
00:14:02,058 --> 00:14:03,842
My mom said if you
offered me any junk food,
277
00:14:03,847 --> 00:14:06,873
I should say no because
it will slowly kill me.
278
00:14:07,215 --> 00:14:08,518
Okay.
279
00:14:08,839 --> 00:14:12,084
Not junk, tasty snacks.
280
00:14:12,598 --> 00:14:14,368
What the hell?
281
00:14:20,997 --> 00:14:25,265
♪ Oh, I'm sailing
away my own true love ♪
282
00:14:25,270 --> 00:14:27,070
And we're gonna take things down a notch
283
00:14:27,075 --> 00:14:29,877
by mellowing out with the closing track
284
00:14:29,882 --> 00:14:32,859
from Asta's junior year birthday mix.
285
00:14:32,991 --> 00:14:34,953
Start with a party, end with a vibe.
286
00:14:34,958 --> 00:14:39,476
That's what I always say on KPRJ radio.
287
00:14:40,005 --> 00:14:42,076
Kind of describes that year in general.
288
00:14:42,081 --> 00:14:43,437
Why?
289
00:14:44,934 --> 00:14:47,750
♪ From the place where I'll be landing ♪
290
00:14:47,755 --> 00:14:50,886
Right, I'm sorry.
I shouldn't have put it on...
291
00:14:50,891 --> 00:14:52,923
No, no, it's good.
292
00:14:52,928 --> 00:14:55,172
I listened to this song a million times
293
00:14:55,177 --> 00:14:57,227
while I was pregnant with Jay.
294
00:14:57,522 --> 00:15:00,194
I think she liked it,
too. She'd always kick.
295
00:15:00,524 --> 00:15:02,196
I should have been there.
296
00:15:02,201 --> 00:15:04,383
Me, not just some stupid playlist.
297
00:15:04,388 --> 00:15:07,193
What do you mean? You didn't even know.
298
00:15:09,114 --> 00:15:10,918
But I should have.
299
00:15:11,182 --> 00:15:13,203
I wish you would have told me.
300
00:15:13,208 --> 00:15:14,875
I would have come running.
301
00:15:15,357 --> 00:15:17,453
I just don't like secrets.
302
00:15:18,545 --> 00:15:19,882
I hope you know the only reason
303
00:15:19,887 --> 00:15:21,796
I would ever keep anything from you is
304
00:15:21,801 --> 00:15:23,461
'cause I don't want to dump shit on you.
305
00:15:24,203 --> 00:15:25,759
What are you keeping from me?
306
00:15:25,759 --> 00:15:27,203
What?
307
00:15:27,208 --> 00:15:28,827
Nothing.
308
00:15:31,037 --> 00:15:32,921
I'm talking about Jay.
309
00:15:34,512 --> 00:15:36,717
You know, you were training in Europe.
310
00:15:36,883 --> 00:15:39,354
I knew, if I told you, you would leave.
311
00:15:39,359 --> 00:15:41,429
I didn't want you
ruining your life, too.
312
00:15:42,052 --> 00:15:46,362
I'm sorry, ruin my what?
I have a great life, Asta.
313
00:15:46,367 --> 00:15:47,904
I just watched my
best friend take a piss
314
00:15:47,904 --> 00:15:49,062
off the side of my boat.
315
00:15:50,453 --> 00:15:52,379
It's awesome.
316
00:16:08,710 --> 00:16:11,081
- Hey.
- Not working today?
317
00:16:11,226 --> 00:16:14,189
Nah, D'arcy rescued me from the clinic,
318
00:16:14,194 --> 00:16:15,439
took me to the lake.
319
00:16:15,444 --> 00:16:16,444
Yeah?
320
00:16:16,449 --> 00:16:19,892
I hope you wore a life jacket,
maybe two.
321
00:16:21,064 --> 00:16:22,467
What, why?
322
00:16:22,467 --> 00:16:26,821
You're the only one keeping
that alien from taking us out.
323
00:16:27,209 --> 00:16:30,082
Anything happens to you,
everybody on Earth is dead.
324
00:16:30,082 --> 00:16:32,845
Do you think this blue is too dark?
325
00:16:33,155 --> 00:16:36,017
I can't help that I'm
Harry's only friend.
326
00:16:36,429 --> 00:16:38,533
Maybe he should have some more.
327
00:16:38,985 --> 00:16:40,303
We're a great town.
328
00:16:40,303 --> 00:16:43,208
If he can't see the
value of humans here,
329
00:16:43,460 --> 00:16:46,042
then maybe we should become extinct.
330
00:17:00,977 --> 00:17:04,329
- What's he eating?
- Not sure.
331
00:17:05,064 --> 00:17:07,071
Chowder?
332
00:17:07,376 --> 00:17:09,957
Whatever it is, he just
dipped his pie in it.
333
00:17:09,962 --> 00:17:11,525
Pie and chowder?
334
00:17:11,806 --> 00:17:14,223
That's the meal of a serial killer.
Watch this.
335
00:17:14,228 --> 00:17:15,807
You want to understand a murderer,
336
00:17:15,892 --> 00:17:17,978
you gotta get inside his food head.
337
00:17:17,978 --> 00:17:19,113
Jay.
338
00:17:19,118 --> 00:17:20,556
Yeah?
339
00:17:20,850 --> 00:17:22,504
I'll have what Dr. V. is having,
340
00:17:22,509 --> 00:17:23,876
the exact same order.
341
00:17:24,150 --> 00:17:26,277
- Are you sure?
- Exact same.
342
00:17:26,282 --> 00:17:28,263
If he got a fly in his
thing, I want a fly in mine,
343
00:17:28,267 --> 00:17:29,802
but put the fly on the side though
344
00:17:29,802 --> 00:17:30,804
'cause I don't eat no flies.
345
00:17:30,804 --> 00:17:32,307
They walk on shit.
346
00:17:32,307 --> 00:17:34,143
Okay.
347
00:17:36,235 --> 00:17:38,881
Now Max Hawthorne and his girlfriend
348
00:17:38,886 --> 00:17:43,353
just walked in and sat across from him.
349
00:17:43,358 --> 00:17:44,631
Really?
350
00:17:44,636 --> 00:17:47,676
Oh, what are they doing? Can
you tell what they saying?
351
00:17:47,681 --> 00:17:50,087
I think Dr. V. just said,
352
00:17:50,410 --> 00:17:53,015
"I don't eat with space pirates."
353
00:17:53,015 --> 00:17:54,117
What?
354
00:17:55,487 --> 00:17:57,424
I like your face.
355
00:17:57,590 --> 00:18:01,026
I see you took the trampoline
to the ceiling fan store.
356
00:18:03,116 --> 00:18:05,254
You know it's not from a fan store.
357
00:18:05,259 --> 00:18:07,527
- He had a full-grown beard.
- Hmm.
358
00:18:07,532 --> 00:18:08,613
Obviously, your spaceship
359
00:18:08,613 --> 00:18:10,707
caused gravitational time dilation.
360
00:18:10,712 --> 00:18:12,564
Obviously.
361
00:18:12,767 --> 00:18:15,092
Obviously, your pea-sized brain
362
00:18:15,092 --> 00:18:18,574
is very lonely in that
cavernous skull of yours.
363
00:18:21,004 --> 00:18:23,902
These idiots have no idea
his hormone irregularity
364
00:18:23,907 --> 00:18:26,168
was caused by the alien
technology he stole.
365
00:18:26,173 --> 00:18:27,546
It's incredibly rude.
366
00:18:27,551 --> 00:18:30,574
I'm sorry. I wasn't listening.
367
00:18:30,579 --> 00:18:33,012
I was calling you an idiot in my head.
368
00:18:33,017 --> 00:18:34,923
I have a question.
369
00:18:35,019 --> 00:18:36,556
Uh...
370
00:18:36,561 --> 00:18:39,314
"What kind of toilet would Asta like
371
00:18:39,319 --> 00:18:41,720
to poop in in a bunker?"
372
00:18:42,142 --> 00:18:43,806
- That can't be right.
- Come on, Deputy.
373
00:18:43,811 --> 00:18:45,485
I thought you took a
lipreading workshop.
374
00:18:45,490 --> 00:18:48,025
I could only afford
the first three classes,
375
00:18:48,030 --> 00:18:51,650
but I get lots of practice
at family gatherings.
376
00:18:51,655 --> 00:18:55,395
My grandma talks a lot of shit about me.
377
00:18:57,080 --> 00:18:59,619
We're not answering
any of your questions
378
00:18:59,624 --> 00:19:01,728
until you help him.
379
00:19:01,856 --> 00:19:05,329
Okay, I will help him
380
00:19:06,106 --> 00:19:11,330
if you stand on your seats
and shout, "I just farted."
381
00:19:11,690 --> 00:19:13,459
I'm not your puppet.
382
00:19:13,464 --> 00:19:14,958
I'll do it. I'll be your puppet.
383
00:19:14,963 --> 00:19:16,338
No, not you.
384
00:19:16,343 --> 00:19:19,057
You obviously want to do it.
385
00:19:20,011 --> 00:19:21,948
That's why it has to be her.
386
00:19:23,824 --> 00:19:26,916
Apple pie and plain oatmeal.
387
00:19:26,921 --> 00:19:29,627
Extra, extra, extra milk. No flies.
388
00:19:29,632 --> 00:19:30,940
Enjoy.
389
00:19:31,953 --> 00:19:33,523
He's a damn psychopath.
390
00:19:33,528 --> 00:19:34,597
I just farted!
391
00:19:34,602 --> 00:19:36,639
- Max said, "I just..."
- I heard that.
392
00:19:36,644 --> 00:19:38,166
I heard that part.
393
00:19:38,171 --> 00:19:40,743
Oh, now the kids are leaving. Oh, wait.
394
00:19:40,986 --> 00:19:42,690
Asta just came in.
395
00:19:42,695 --> 00:19:44,893
Like musical chairs in here.
396
00:19:46,172 --> 00:19:49,178
You are late. I finished
eating without you.
397
00:19:49,183 --> 00:19:51,368
I think you'll survive.
398
00:19:51,373 --> 00:19:54,121
I prefer to eat with you.
You order a lot of food.
399
00:19:54,126 --> 00:19:56,238
I like to forage off of your plate.
400
00:19:57,013 --> 00:20:00,252
Well, maybe you should try foraging off
401
00:20:00,257 --> 00:20:02,512
someone else's plate, hm?
402
00:20:03,699 --> 00:20:05,449
I'm like your only friend.
403
00:20:06,050 --> 00:20:08,054
I need only one friend.
404
00:20:08,059 --> 00:20:11,667
And one bunker butler,
but I'm working on that.
405
00:20:11,748 --> 00:20:13,621
Maybe that one.
406
00:20:14,225 --> 00:20:16,764
No, she looks like she may leave hair
407
00:20:16,769 --> 00:20:18,593
on the wall of the shower.
408
00:20:20,390 --> 00:20:21,861
I think you should spend more time
409
00:20:21,866 --> 00:20:23,603
with some other people in town.
410
00:20:25,111 --> 00:20:27,248
I have met all the other people in town.
411
00:20:27,253 --> 00:20:29,559
They are annoying flesh monkeys.
412
00:20:29,564 --> 00:20:32,083
Okay, come on. You got it.
413
00:20:32,088 --> 00:20:33,625
Here we go.
414
00:20:34,305 --> 00:20:36,108
- Hey, Liv.
- Hi.
415
00:20:36,113 --> 00:20:39,401
Sheriff, Harry would like to
join your weekly poker game.
416
00:20:39,406 --> 00:20:41,708
Oh, really? Huh.
417
00:20:44,372 --> 00:20:48,447
Asta said I do, so I do.
418
00:20:48,452 --> 00:20:49,782
Oh, you know what, Dr. Vanderspeigle?
419
00:20:49,786 --> 00:20:50,945
That'd be real nice.
420
00:20:50,950 --> 00:20:52,516
It'd give us a chance to
get to know one another.
421
00:20:52,520 --> 00:20:54,592
Okay. You going to finish that?
422
00:20:57,047 --> 00:20:59,418
- No, go right ahead.
- Thank you.
423
00:21:01,013 --> 00:21:02,195
You see that?
424
00:21:02,200 --> 00:21:04,478
Now, I don't know no normal
man that eat that much pie.
425
00:21:04,483 --> 00:21:08,500
- I don't care how good it is.
- This, too, eh? I mean, thank you.
426
00:21:13,520 --> 00:21:16,065
Okay, players. Game is Texas hold 'em.
427
00:21:16,070 --> 00:21:19,265
Tournament style, $20 buy-in.
Quarter for the small blind.
428
00:21:19,270 --> 00:21:21,816
50¢ for the big blind.
There are only three rules.
429
00:21:21,821 --> 00:21:24,906
No spitting, no crying,
and no funny business.
430
00:21:24,911 --> 00:21:26,431
This guy knows what I'm talking about.
431
00:21:27,130 --> 00:21:28,596
I am glad I am here.
432
00:21:28,601 --> 00:21:29,971
This game will give me a chance
433
00:21:29,971 --> 00:21:33,177
to audition more potential
helpers for our bunker.
434
00:21:33,177 --> 00:21:36,007
Is anybody here worth saving?
435
00:21:36,195 --> 00:21:38,855
All right, well, let's
get this show on the road.
436
00:21:40,296 --> 00:21:42,648
Oh, and everybody welcome Harry who says
437
00:21:42,653 --> 00:21:44,601
he knows how to play.
438
00:21:44,882 --> 00:21:46,800
I call bullshit, but he's a rich doctor,
439
00:21:46,805 --> 00:21:48,207
so I'm gonna take him for all he's worth
440
00:21:48,207 --> 00:21:50,244
and buy a new pair of roller skates.
441
00:21:50,244 --> 00:21:51,703
I know how to play.
442
00:21:51,708 --> 00:21:55,083
I spent 15 minutes on YouTube
to master this silly game,
443
00:21:55,088 --> 00:21:58,625
and I mostly just watched
videos of a dog named Tuna.
444
00:21:59,029 --> 00:22:00,804
Oh, careful there.
445
00:22:01,254 --> 00:22:04,882
This card table is actually
a Hawthorne family heirloom.
446
00:22:04,887 --> 00:22:06,272
Wish there was a story about the table.
447
00:22:06,276 --> 00:22:07,780
- Are you shitting me...
- John.
448
00:22:07,780 --> 00:22:09,203
Oh, there is actually.
449
00:22:09,208 --> 00:22:10,393
It once belonged
450
00:22:10,398 --> 00:22:13,107
to my two-times great
grandfather Dickie Hawthorne.
451
00:22:13,112 --> 00:22:15,377
He built the first saloon
here in Patience.
452
00:22:15,382 --> 00:22:17,527
Burned down in the great fire of '91,
453
00:22:17,532 --> 00:22:19,236
but old Dickie, he risked his life
454
00:22:19,236 --> 00:22:22,777
to save this very table that
we're playing on tonight.
455
00:22:22,777 --> 00:22:24,646
Didn't three people die in that fire?
456
00:22:24,646 --> 00:22:27,013
- Four.
- The thing to focus on, I think,
457
00:22:27,018 --> 00:22:28,587
is that the table is here.
458
00:22:28,587 --> 00:22:30,591
It should actually
be in the town museum,
459
00:22:30,591 --> 00:22:32,794
but someone keeps on taking it out.
460
00:22:32,799 --> 00:22:34,901
We should probably
just kiss and make up.
461
00:22:34,901 --> 00:22:36,982
She's kidding. We're... I'm very...
462
00:22:36,987 --> 00:22:38,574
We kiss a lot though, so it's weird.
463
00:22:38,574 --> 00:22:40,205
In high school, we dated briefly.
464
00:22:40,210 --> 00:22:41,743
Yeah, and recently, we made out.
465
00:22:43,565 --> 00:22:44,749
She's kidding.
466
00:22:54,807 --> 00:22:56,043
What about this one?
467
00:22:56,043 --> 00:22:58,715
Maybe he has use to me in the bunker?
468
00:22:58,949 --> 00:23:02,489
- Can you cook?
- Sure, I cook every night.
469
00:23:02,494 --> 00:23:04,126
- Pie?
- Vegetables.
470
00:23:04,126 --> 00:23:05,799
Raw, if I can, for the nutrients.
471
00:23:05,804 --> 00:23:08,619
- I...
- Like to eat healthy stuff.
472
00:23:08,752 --> 00:23:09,977
Pass.
473
00:23:09,982 --> 00:23:13,678
I would rather just fill
the bunker with bales of hay.
474
00:23:13,678 --> 00:23:17,185
Time to separate the boys
from the men from the girls.
475
00:23:18,789 --> 00:23:21,580
Risk taker, interesting.
476
00:23:21,936 --> 00:23:25,818
I'll raise. Better be careful.
477
00:23:25,823 --> 00:23:28,040
Don't want you to go broke again.
478
00:23:28,040 --> 00:23:30,588
Broke? What you talking about?
479
00:23:31,239 --> 00:23:35,049
Rumor has it our doctor lost
all his money six years ago.
480
00:23:35,252 --> 00:23:37,580
Tried to sell his cabin to my uncle.
481
00:23:38,165 --> 00:23:39,935
I did not sell my cabin.
482
00:23:39,940 --> 00:23:41,868
Yeah, you backed out of the deal,
483
00:23:41,873 --> 00:23:44,588
which is why I'll enjoy
taking all your money tonight.
484
00:23:44,869 --> 00:23:46,068
No one can figure out
485
00:23:46,073 --> 00:23:48,849
how you managed to
hang on to that place.
486
00:23:49,002 --> 00:23:51,107
- You getting all this?
- I'm getting it.
487
00:23:51,112 --> 00:23:52,932
- Anybody got some gum?
- No, no, no, no, no.
488
00:23:52,937 --> 00:23:54,190
I can sure use a piece of gum.
489
00:23:55,022 --> 00:23:56,659
I had an onion sandwich.
490
00:23:56,664 --> 00:23:58,291
It's in everybody's best interest.
491
00:23:58,820 --> 00:24:00,150
Don't mind me.
492
00:24:00,155 --> 00:24:02,938
I'm just gonna rake in
this pile of chips here.
493
00:24:03,244 --> 00:24:06,250
The good news is when I
do win, all of this money
494
00:24:06,250 --> 00:24:09,724
is going into making a Patience
tourism commercial.
495
00:24:10,993 --> 00:24:12,963
This little guy, huh?
496
00:24:14,537 --> 00:24:16,752
- Oh, my.
- There it is.
497
00:24:17,135 --> 00:24:19,944
The mayor can transmogrify matter.
498
00:24:19,944 --> 00:24:22,159
He must be part Anunnaki.
499
00:24:22,978 --> 00:24:25,377
Maybe Mayor Snowflake lives.
500
00:24:25,856 --> 00:24:27,860
His skill could be useful in the bunker
501
00:24:27,860 --> 00:24:30,298
if there's a stray rodent
or a clogged toilet.
502
00:24:34,105 --> 00:24:35,843
Question.
503
00:24:35,843 --> 00:24:37,252
In your medical opinion, you know,
504
00:24:37,257 --> 00:24:38,716
as far as safety goes,
505
00:24:38,721 --> 00:24:42,975
how long can someone
choke a person during sex?
506
00:24:44,689 --> 00:24:46,295
Pass.
507
00:24:46,748 --> 00:24:48,475
We can talk Tuesday about it.
508
00:24:52,242 --> 00:24:53,643
All right, Deputy.
I'm in the men's room.
509
00:24:53,647 --> 00:24:55,682
All clear, go ahead and
give me a double honk,
510
00:24:55,682 --> 00:24:57,482
so I know you still hear
everything all right.
511
00:24:58,220 --> 00:24:59,381
Okay, listen.
512
00:24:59,553 --> 00:25:01,426
We need to find out
more about this cabin
513
00:25:01,426 --> 00:25:03,400
and Harry's money
problems, so I need you
514
00:25:03,405 --> 00:25:05,067
to find the realtor that
was handling the deal.
515
00:25:05,067 --> 00:25:07,207
And then we need to set up
an undercover recon mission.
516
00:25:07,211 --> 00:25:08,380
Do you copy?
517
00:25:08,738 --> 00:25:10,212
Okay, good.
518
00:25:10,217 --> 00:25:13,752
Deputy, it's time for a little
unofficial sheriff's business,
519
00:25:13,752 --> 00:25:16,665
so you might want to
get off this channel
520
00:25:16,670 --> 00:25:18,397
for just a couple minutes.
521
00:25:24,597 --> 00:25:28,350
Candle equipment.
522
00:25:29,216 --> 00:25:33,324
That's not a real IOU.
Your candles are garbage.
523
00:25:33,324 --> 00:25:34,827
Well, five stars on Etsy, Ellen.
524
00:25:34,827 --> 00:25:36,898
I think the general
public would disagree.
525
00:25:36,898 --> 00:25:39,704
Yeah, I have one. It's
rotten bathrobe scent.
526
00:25:39,798 --> 00:25:41,233
That's cardamom.
527
00:25:41,238 --> 00:25:43,233
Don't you usually keep
your bets under a quarter?
528
00:25:43,238 --> 00:25:46,045
Yes, I do, John, but I need
to make this commercial.
529
00:25:46,050 --> 00:25:49,347
And with these cards, I cannot lose.
530
00:25:49,891 --> 00:25:53,230
- You lose.
- So do you.
531
00:25:53,660 --> 00:25:55,134
Thanks for your money.
532
00:25:55,134 --> 00:25:57,342
You can keep your bathrobe candle.
533
00:25:58,880 --> 00:26:00,613
How did that happen?
534
00:26:00,946 --> 00:26:03,475
No, I was supposed to win!
535
00:26:04,108 --> 00:26:05,733
Oh, my God!
536
00:26:07,158 --> 00:26:09,095
Should have kept that
in the museum, bro.
537
00:26:09,366 --> 00:26:12,108
Your grandfather's table is crap.
538
00:26:19,960 --> 00:26:22,335
Now, undercover work is all
about the backstory, right?
539
00:26:22,340 --> 00:26:24,627
So let's just take a minute
to get ours straight, okay?
540
00:26:24,632 --> 00:26:27,064
Now, my name is Justin
Preacher, all right.
541
00:26:27,069 --> 00:26:29,302
You're my wife,
Mrs. Justin Preacher, okay.
542
00:26:29,302 --> 00:26:31,460
Now, I was a starting
pitcher for the Atlanta Braves
543
00:26:31,465 --> 00:26:33,450
until I tore my ACL back in 2007,
544
00:26:33,455 --> 00:26:35,893
but I transitioned right
into sports broadcasting,
545
00:26:35,898 --> 00:26:38,236
was an overnight sensation
for an Atlanta affiliate,
546
00:26:38,236 --> 00:26:41,550
and we moved out here because
I just got a lucrative contract
547
00:26:41,555 --> 00:26:43,525
for a satellite radio station nearby.
548
00:26:43,530 --> 00:26:46,259
I'm also a licensed pilot,
and I'm a horse rancher.
549
00:26:46,264 --> 00:26:49,625
- Huh, okay, quite a life.
- Mm-hmm.
550
00:26:49,625 --> 00:26:51,721
- And me?
- Oh, you?
551
00:26:51,726 --> 00:26:53,409
You got the most
important job in the world.
552
00:26:53,413 --> 00:26:54,668
You a stay-at-home mom
553
00:26:54,668 --> 00:26:57,377
to our three kids Alvin,
Simon, and Theodore.
554
00:26:57,382 --> 00:26:58,688
Actually, you know what? Scratch that.
555
00:26:58,692 --> 00:27:01,011
Now, I wasn't gonna say nothing,
but you looking a little tired.
556
00:27:01,015 --> 00:27:02,718
Probably got like five kids.
557
00:27:03,499 --> 00:27:05,786
Ooh, this is nice.
558
00:27:05,958 --> 00:27:09,231
Well, hello there. I am Bonnie Shaw.
559
00:27:09,231 --> 00:27:11,236
- I'm showing the house today.
- Hi.
560
00:27:11,241 --> 00:27:13,510
Justine Preacher. How do you do?
561
00:27:13,515 --> 00:27:15,945
I'm a big-time sports broadcaster.
562
00:27:15,945 --> 00:27:18,483
This is my cute, little
husband Mr. Preacher.
563
00:27:18,483 --> 00:27:20,760
He stays at home with our five kids.
564
00:27:20,765 --> 00:27:22,960
And that's why he looks so tired.
565
00:27:22,965 --> 00:27:28,530
Wow, let's take a look at
the kitchen first, Mr. Mom.
566
00:27:28,535 --> 00:27:31,046
It's every homemaker's dream. Come on.
567
00:27:31,051 --> 00:27:33,397
Yeah, well, I'm also
a licensed helicopter pilot,
568
00:27:33,402 --> 00:27:35,522
and I put out fires
with swimming pool water.
569
00:27:35,527 --> 00:27:38,323
Well, you must be busy.
570
00:27:40,406 --> 00:27:42,754
This is nice,
571
00:27:42,759 --> 00:27:46,641
but we were looking for
something a little more rustic.
572
00:27:46,646 --> 00:27:49,768
Do you know anything about
that red cabin off of Cove Road,
573
00:27:49,773 --> 00:27:51,180
over in Patience?
574
00:27:51,185 --> 00:27:53,776
It's got a private beach.
We saw it online.
575
00:27:53,781 --> 00:27:56,520
It's funny you should ask.
That's the Vanderspeigle cabin.
576
00:27:56,520 --> 00:27:58,491
I listed that myself a couple years ago,
577
00:27:58,491 --> 00:28:00,495
and it's off the market right now,
578
00:28:00,495 --> 00:28:03,746
but sometimes, owners can be convinced.
579
00:28:04,001 --> 00:28:06,574
You know, honestly, the doc who owns it,
580
00:28:06,579 --> 00:28:07,849
he might be a little bit of work.
581
00:28:07,853 --> 00:28:09,423
He's a real mystery.
582
00:28:09,428 --> 00:28:10,463
So you know him?
583
00:28:10,581 --> 00:28:11,917
Oh, honey,
584
00:28:11,917 --> 00:28:14,637
knowing everything about
my clients is my business.
585
00:28:15,458 --> 00:28:16,627
I like that.
586
00:28:23,941 --> 00:28:25,444
- Hey.
- Hey.
587
00:28:25,444 --> 00:28:26,924
How's it going?
588
00:28:26,929 --> 00:28:29,046
It's all right.
I'm just waiting for my mom.
589
00:28:29,051 --> 00:28:32,826
She's shopping for towels.
590
00:28:32,826 --> 00:28:36,867
Oh, cool, so what's new?
591
00:28:36,867 --> 00:28:39,573
- I got my driver's license.
- Whoa.
592
00:28:39,573 --> 00:28:41,944
I can't really parallel
park for shit, but...
593
00:28:41,944 --> 00:28:43,284
- Me neither.
- Jay.
594
00:28:43,289 --> 00:28:46,982
Honey, why don't you go start the car?
595
00:28:47,096 --> 00:28:49,245
- You can drive us home.
- Cool.
596
00:28:49,726 --> 00:28:51,563
- Later.
- Later.
597
00:28:53,474 --> 00:28:57,282
I always wondered if I would
ever meet Jay's birth mother.
598
00:28:57,337 --> 00:29:02,180
I wanted to someday,
but reuniting a child
599
00:29:02,185 --> 00:29:05,085
with her birth parent
is up to the child.
600
00:29:05,090 --> 00:29:06,510
You know that, right?
601
00:29:07,635 --> 00:29:09,760
Um...
602
00:29:10,134 --> 00:29:12,539
I'm sorry. What I did was wrong.
603
00:29:12,539 --> 00:29:17,515
It's just there she was,
you know, like, at the clinic
604
00:29:17,515 --> 00:29:22,859
asking for work-study,
and, well, I crossed a line.
605
00:29:22,859 --> 00:29:24,596
I just really wanted to help her.
606
00:29:24,596 --> 00:29:27,354
I will never stop Jay from
wanting to be in your life,
607
00:29:27,359 --> 00:29:31,237
but she has to be the one
to cross the street, not you.
608
00:29:33,117 --> 00:29:34,784
I know.
609
00:29:37,372 --> 00:29:38,536
Okay.
610
00:29:46,607 --> 00:29:48,968
So six years ago, he puts
his cabin on the market
611
00:29:48,973 --> 00:29:50,341
- 'cause he needs the money.
- Mm-hmm.
612
00:29:50,345 --> 00:29:52,519
Only to turn around and
pay the whole damn thing off
613
00:29:52,524 --> 00:29:54,160
in cash one week later?
614
00:29:54,165 --> 00:29:56,269
Half a million in cash.
615
00:29:56,274 --> 00:29:58,238
That's some shady shit right there.
616
00:29:59,017 --> 00:30:01,149
Do you think he's a contract killer?
617
00:30:01,527 --> 00:30:02,962
Now, that's a good guess.
618
00:30:03,158 --> 00:30:04,282
Man, ain't no honest man
619
00:30:04,287 --> 00:30:05,693
got that much liquid just laying around.
620
00:30:05,697 --> 00:30:07,234
Hell, I only got 90K in the bank,
621
00:30:07,234 --> 00:30:09,004
and that's just for emergencies.
622
00:30:09,004 --> 00:30:10,930
90,000?
623
00:30:10,935 --> 00:30:14,676
That's... seems like a lot.
624
00:30:14,715 --> 00:30:15,851
Eh.
625
00:30:17,855 --> 00:30:19,415
Is there a problem, Deputy?
626
00:30:19,420 --> 00:30:21,891
Oh, it just needs a new starter.
627
00:30:21,996 --> 00:30:23,688
My mechanic can do it for parts,
628
00:30:23,693 --> 00:30:28,369
but I don't have the $65.
629
00:30:28,374 --> 00:30:29,594
Oh.
630
00:30:30,942 --> 00:30:34,617
Well, you know, I was probably
rounding up to that 90 anyway.
631
00:30:34,622 --> 00:30:37,509
It's probably somewhere
like, I don't know, 85, 87.
632
00:30:37,514 --> 00:30:39,454
Just enough for a rainy day.
633
00:30:39,459 --> 00:30:40,828
Mm-hmm.
634
00:30:40,833 --> 00:30:43,993
Okay, I'ma get out and push.
635
00:30:53,669 --> 00:30:54,705
I think it's cool you're gonna
636
00:30:54,709 --> 00:30:56,696
make a commercial for Patience.
637
00:30:56,701 --> 00:30:59,507
Yeah, maybe if I show
some pretty pictures
638
00:30:59,512 --> 00:31:01,750
of our town, people
will want to come visit.
639
00:31:01,960 --> 00:31:03,462
- They already do.
- Hm?
640
00:31:03,468 --> 00:31:05,704
My friend Scott said all
his California cousins
641
00:31:05,709 --> 00:31:07,837
want to come here this
summer to see dead bodies.
642
00:31:07,842 --> 00:31:10,141
- What?
- Wait, or a murder.
643
00:31:10,146 --> 00:31:12,266
Hey, maybe I can play
a dead guy in your commercial.
644
00:31:12,271 --> 00:31:13,884
No, no dead guys.
645
00:31:13,889 --> 00:31:18,209
Max, Patience is a beautiful
and safe... very safe town.
646
00:31:18,214 --> 00:31:20,063
There are no dead bodies here.
647
00:31:20,625 --> 00:31:23,531
And this is where our town doctor
648
00:31:23,536 --> 00:31:25,907
was brutally murdered by his wife.
649
00:31:25,912 --> 00:31:29,186
The doctor who replaced
him went missing,
650
00:31:29,191 --> 00:31:31,963
but we expect his body
to turn up any day now.
651
00:31:31,968 --> 00:31:34,493
Oh, don't forget to
enter the corpse raffle.
652
00:31:34,498 --> 00:31:38,102
- What the hell is this?
- Look, everyone.
653
00:31:38,107 --> 00:31:40,946
It's our town mayor, Ben Hawthorne.
654
00:31:40,951 --> 00:31:43,924
Great-great-grandson of Dickie Hawthorne
655
00:31:43,929 --> 00:31:47,445
who died the day the mine collapsed,
656
00:31:47,450 --> 00:31:50,063
but not with his fellow miners.
657
00:31:50,068 --> 00:31:53,102
No, Dickie called in sick that day.
658
00:31:53,107 --> 00:31:55,477
His wife found him in the whorehouse
659
00:31:55,482 --> 00:31:57,337
and shot him in the face.
660
00:31:57,855 --> 00:32:00,688
- I'm related to him.
- No, just an old rumor, buddy.
661
00:32:00,693 --> 00:32:02,235
Old rumor, not true.
662
00:32:02,240 --> 00:32:04,745
We're walking. Come on.
663
00:32:04,750 --> 00:32:06,821
Take your pictures if you'd like.
664
00:32:10,098 --> 00:32:11,751
Come on. Let's get a move on, Deputy.
665
00:32:11,756 --> 00:32:14,918
Sir, you're not gonna believe
who just returned my call.
666
00:32:15,032 --> 00:32:19,001
St. Helens Hospital said
Dr. Vanderspeigle was disciplined
667
00:32:19,006 --> 00:32:21,946
after they found him in a lab
he wasn't authorized to be in.
668
00:32:21,951 --> 00:32:23,422
And do you know what
they kept stored there?
669
00:32:23,426 --> 00:32:25,087
- What?
- Botulinum toxin.
670
00:32:25,092 --> 00:32:27,766
Are you shitting me? Damn.
671
00:32:27,771 --> 00:32:30,016
We might have put the
wrong person behind bars.
672
00:32:30,491 --> 00:32:33,009
Looks like it's time to
talk to Dr. Vanderspeigle.
673
00:32:33,014 --> 00:32:34,282
- Yeah.
- But first,
674
00:32:34,287 --> 00:32:35,625
I have to drop off this dry cleaning.
675
00:32:35,629 --> 00:32:38,032
What? Justice doesn't wait
for no dry cleaning.
676
00:32:38,037 --> 00:32:40,008
It's half-price Tuesdays.
677
00:32:40,242 --> 00:32:41,602
This is some shit here.
678
00:32:41,607 --> 00:32:43,649
People, stay together.
We have a lot to see.
679
00:32:43,654 --> 00:32:44,813
Oh, my God.
680
00:32:44,818 --> 00:32:47,924
Oh, another special treat today.
681
00:32:47,982 --> 00:32:51,134
Here we have the Patience sheriff
682
00:32:51,139 --> 00:32:56,705
who single-handedly put
the wife of Sam Hodges in jail.
683
00:32:56,819 --> 00:32:59,891
Rumor has it she's close
to death in her prison cell,
684
00:32:59,896 --> 00:33:04,666
rats waiting to feast
on her killer corpse.
685
00:33:04,888 --> 00:33:07,460
We're walking. Bye, handsome.
686
00:33:16,229 --> 00:33:18,229
_
687
00:33:21,467 --> 00:33:23,509
You're listening to 102.6,
688
00:33:23,514 --> 00:33:25,455
and we have a special
listener request on the line.
689
00:33:25,459 --> 00:33:27,142
What do you want us to play?
690
00:33:27,147 --> 00:33:29,517
Hey, I'd like you to play
The Breeders' "Off You"
691
00:33:29,522 --> 00:33:30,892
for my best friend Asta,
692
00:33:30,897 --> 00:33:33,587
and tell her, if she needs
me, I'll always come running.
693
00:33:33,592 --> 00:33:37,642
Wait, I know this voice. D'arcy?
694
00:33:38,450 --> 00:33:42,146
D'arcy? No, this Sasha. Hello, yes.
695
00:33:42,151 --> 00:33:44,724
Yeah, D'arcy. We dated for five months.
696
00:33:44,729 --> 00:33:47,529
I think I know your voice,
and the night we broke up
697
00:33:47,534 --> 00:33:49,326
you stole six bottles
of wine out of my fridge.
698
00:33:49,330 --> 00:33:51,601
I don't have no stealing wine.
699
00:33:51,606 --> 00:33:54,512
Only vodka, so okay.
Play song for best friend.
700
00:33:54,517 --> 00:33:55,685
- Jesus.
- And then go.
701
00:33:55,690 --> 00:33:58,716
Fine. Here's The Breeders, I guess.
702
00:34:38,469 --> 00:34:40,013
Harry?
703
00:34:45,443 --> 00:34:47,083
Hello?
704
00:34:47,853 --> 00:34:50,125
What's the big surprise?
705
00:35:03,850 --> 00:35:05,450
Harry?
706
00:35:12,345 --> 00:35:13,568
Harry?
707
00:35:16,377 --> 00:35:18,224
Harry?
708
00:35:29,316 --> 00:35:31,052
What the hell is this?
709
00:35:31,057 --> 00:35:36,435
My survival shelter and your new home.
710
00:35:38,416 --> 00:35:40,453
You can choose the rugs.
711
00:35:46,271 --> 00:35:50,426
Why do you have a fallout
shelter under your house?
712
00:35:50,431 --> 00:35:55,325
I built it for us,
so that we can be safe
713
00:35:55,330 --> 00:35:58,138
when my people come to kill everyone.
714
00:35:58,143 --> 00:35:59,613
What?
715
00:35:59,684 --> 00:36:02,016
Oh, I forgot to tell you.
716
00:36:02,021 --> 00:36:04,793
My people are coming to kill everyone.
717
00:36:04,793 --> 00:36:06,013
When?
718
00:36:06,018 --> 00:36:09,859
Octopus thinks it may
be a matter of weeks.
719
00:36:09,864 --> 00:36:11,301
Whoops.
720
00:36:11,402 --> 00:36:13,153
Hello again, stupid human.
721
00:36:13,158 --> 00:36:15,153
God, I hate when you do that.
722
00:36:15,377 --> 00:36:18,708
The bathroom will be over here
723
00:36:18,713 --> 00:36:22,489
if they come before I get a real toilet,
724
00:36:23,731 --> 00:36:25,902
we can use this bucket.
725
00:36:26,318 --> 00:36:28,039
It is unisex.
726
00:36:28,039 --> 00:36:32,565
Oh, and I am getting a cow
if I can figure out
727
00:36:32,570 --> 00:36:34,808
how to get it through the opening.
728
00:36:34,813 --> 00:36:37,685
- You're joking, right?
- You are right.
729
00:36:37,690 --> 00:36:39,795
The opening is too small.
730
00:36:40,703 --> 00:36:43,064
I may get a baby cow and raise it.
731
00:36:43,069 --> 00:36:46,075
Harry, this is not okay.
732
00:36:46,075 --> 00:36:47,813
This was all supposed to be over with.
733
00:36:47,813 --> 00:36:49,471
Why are your people coming?
734
00:36:49,476 --> 00:36:53,205
They are... how did you put it?
735
00:36:53,210 --> 00:36:56,510
Oh, it was "eager to
fry all you Earth pigs."
736
00:36:58,092 --> 00:36:59,763
That.
737
00:37:00,533 --> 00:37:02,432
I can't do this. No, no, no.
738
00:37:02,437 --> 00:37:05,711
You expect me to live
underground with you for weeks?
739
00:37:05,716 --> 00:37:08,994
Oh, no. It will be at least a year.
740
00:37:09,284 --> 00:37:13,292
I know that you like the out-of-doors.
741
00:37:13,449 --> 00:37:15,387
I painted you a window.
742
00:37:15,392 --> 00:37:18,732
You can enjoy the beautiful
Colorado scenery.
743
00:37:22,018 --> 00:37:24,425
Feel the breeze.
744
00:37:26,237 --> 00:37:27,821
Those are dead people.
745
00:37:27,826 --> 00:37:29,768
That is the stupid boy.
746
00:37:29,773 --> 00:37:34,425
You cannot see his frown
because my brush was too thick.
747
00:37:35,574 --> 00:37:37,812
Nope, this isn't happening.
I'm not doing it.
748
00:37:37,812 --> 00:37:39,650
I'm not living in a hole
in the ground with you
749
00:37:39,650 --> 00:37:41,221
and that octo-thing.
750
00:37:41,226 --> 00:37:42,383
Oh, wait.
751
00:37:42,388 --> 00:37:43,402
Well, that's fine with me.
752
00:37:43,406 --> 00:37:44,851
You think I want to spend the next year
753
00:37:44,855 --> 00:37:46,457
watching you shit in a bucket?
754
00:37:46,462 --> 00:37:47,698
Shh-shh!
755
00:37:47,703 --> 00:37:49,229
Huh.
756
00:37:50,103 --> 00:37:52,596
Don't go. It will be fun.
757
00:37:52,909 --> 00:37:56,159
Octopus knows so many cuttlefish jokes.
758
00:37:56,164 --> 00:37:57,814
They are so stuck up.
759
00:37:57,819 --> 00:37:59,790
You're not taking me seriously.
760
00:37:59,790 --> 00:38:01,660
Pizza.
761
00:38:01,983 --> 00:38:04,522
You have to do something about this,
762
00:38:05,000 --> 00:38:08,139
and hiding us underground
for a year isn't it.
763
00:38:08,396 --> 00:38:10,690
You're an alien. You know, phone home.
764
00:38:10,695 --> 00:38:12,440
Call them, and tell them not to come.
765
00:38:13,428 --> 00:38:16,769
Did I tell you that we are
going to have all 20 seasons
766
00:38:16,774 --> 00:38:18,823
of "Law & Order" to watch?
767
00:38:19,168 --> 00:38:20,693
Oh, God.
768
00:38:20,698 --> 00:38:23,346
I would rather die than be
on this planet with just you.
769
00:38:24,133 --> 00:38:27,072
- Rude.
- You don't get it.
770
00:38:27,077 --> 00:38:29,616
So what, I'm just supposed to
come out after the apocalypse,
771
00:38:29,616 --> 00:38:31,162
and everyone I know is dead?
772
00:38:31,167 --> 00:38:33,409
I'm here all alone?
773
00:38:33,824 --> 00:38:35,728
Also rude.
774
00:38:35,728 --> 00:38:40,404
I'm talking about my family.
What about Dad and D'arcy?
775
00:38:40,409 --> 00:38:42,036
What about Jay?
776
00:38:42,185 --> 00:38:44,287
God, no. Don't you understand?
777
00:38:44,292 --> 00:38:47,012
I can't live here if I have
to live without all of them.
778
00:38:47,017 --> 00:38:48,955
So there you go, call them,
779
00:38:48,955 --> 00:38:51,381
and tell them not to
come, or I will just die.
780
00:38:51,724 --> 00:38:53,592
I know what this is.
781
00:38:54,605 --> 00:38:57,763
You are bluffing, like in poker.
782
00:39:00,510 --> 00:39:02,416
No, I'm not!
783
00:39:02,900 --> 00:39:04,987
I would rather stand under
your stupid planet's death ray
784
00:39:04,987 --> 00:39:06,556
and explode into a million pieces
785
00:39:06,556 --> 00:39:09,041
than spend one second
in that hole with you.
786
00:39:09,335 --> 00:39:11,094
She is good at bluffing.
787
00:39:11,099 --> 00:39:13,203
I could possibly contact them,
788
00:39:13,203 --> 00:39:16,042
but I want to kill all
the bags of douches.
789
00:39:16,206 --> 00:39:18,644
It is my turn to bluff.
790
00:39:20,045 --> 00:39:24,106
It's impossible. I cannot contact them.
791
00:39:24,111 --> 00:39:25,527
Now you're bluffing.
792
00:39:25,527 --> 00:39:26,997
I am bad at bluffing.
793
00:39:26,997 --> 00:39:31,640
Okay, okay. I'll call your bluff.
794
00:39:34,269 --> 00:39:37,546
If you don't mind that I die, good.
795
00:39:37,706 --> 00:39:41,647
- What are you doing?
- I think I'll take a bath.
796
00:39:44,131 --> 00:39:48,180
You are not really going
to electrocute yourself.
797
00:39:52,942 --> 00:39:55,735
I've got the toaster all plugged in.
798
00:39:56,821 --> 00:39:59,183
Whoo, nice and warm.
Really good way to go out.
799
00:39:59,188 --> 00:40:00,368
Call it off, Harry.
800
00:40:00,373 --> 00:40:02,391
I told you I cannot.
801
00:40:03,003 --> 00:40:06,258
I do not like this game.
The stakes are too high.
802
00:40:06,744 --> 00:40:09,399
You are not really in the bathtub.
803
00:40:09,675 --> 00:40:10,798
If the toaster is plugged in,
804
00:40:10,802 --> 00:40:12,717
it is because you are making toast.
805
00:40:12,722 --> 00:40:13,991
Asta.
806
00:40:15,828 --> 00:40:17,985
You didn't bring the bread.
807
00:40:21,475 --> 00:40:23,713
This is very dangerous.
808
00:40:23,978 --> 00:40:26,454
Then agree to call your people.
809
00:40:26,459 --> 00:40:27,704
Okay.
810
00:40:35,361 --> 00:40:37,967
It went straight to voicemail.
811
00:40:39,192 --> 00:40:40,922
Goodbye, Harry.
812
00:40:48,441 --> 00:40:50,860
See? I knew you didn't want me to die.
813
00:40:50,865 --> 00:40:52,777
You just took your damn time showing it.
814
00:40:52,782 --> 00:40:55,207
Of course I do not want you to die.
815
00:40:56,128 --> 00:40:59,602
I will try to build a radio
to contact my people.
816
00:41:01,576 --> 00:41:04,016
Be careful getting out of the tub.
817
00:41:04,235 --> 00:41:05,795
Don't slip.
818
00:41:05,852 --> 00:41:08,586
Coming from you, that's
a very sweet thing to say.
819
00:41:10,137 --> 00:41:12,876
I'm going to go eat pizza now.
820
00:41:26,086 --> 00:41:27,834
I'm just gonna keep knocking.
821
00:41:27,839 --> 00:41:29,810
I got hands that can knock all day.
822
00:41:31,613 --> 00:41:33,216
Dr. V., open up.
823
00:41:33,216 --> 00:41:35,621
We know you're in there.
We need to speak with you.
824
00:41:35,733 --> 00:41:37,792
Don't make us come back
with a search warrant.
825
00:41:40,631 --> 00:41:42,201
Hello, Asta, need to speak
826
00:41:42,201 --> 00:41:44,407
with Dr. Vanderspeigle
about that severed foot.
827
00:41:44,412 --> 00:41:45,675
He's not here.
828
00:41:45,675 --> 00:41:47,645
Look, don't lie to me.
829
00:41:47,645 --> 00:41:50,436
We saw him eating pizza through
the window when we rolled up.
830
00:41:50,685 --> 00:41:52,221
I'm not lying.
831
00:41:52,221 --> 00:41:54,571
Asta, I'm telling you this as a friend.
832
00:41:54,576 --> 00:41:55,995
Harry is not who you think he is.
833
00:41:55,995 --> 00:41:58,366
He could be dangerous.
Please don't protect him.
834
00:41:58,678 --> 00:42:00,209
Uh...
835
00:42:01,459 --> 00:42:03,376
Maybe come back later?
836
00:42:03,381 --> 00:42:04,846
Look, if I have to arrest you
837
00:42:04,846 --> 00:42:06,704
for obstruction of justice, I will.
838
00:42:06,709 --> 00:42:09,100
Talking about some "come back later."
839
00:42:09,443 --> 00:42:12,264
Shit! What the hell is this?
840
00:42:13,740 --> 00:42:15,157
Hold on.
841
00:42:24,871 --> 00:42:28,250
Oh, my goodness. Well, I'll be.
842
00:42:28,507 --> 00:42:32,017
Deputy, what's that say right there?
843
00:42:32,262 --> 00:42:34,815
Botulinum toxin. The murder weapon.
844
00:42:34,820 --> 00:42:36,242
Oh, no.
845
00:42:36,242 --> 00:42:38,346
All right, look, I'ma
ask you one more time.
846
00:42:38,719 --> 00:42:42,604
Where is he, Asta? Where is he, Asta?
847
00:42:44,124 --> 00:42:46,295
He went to hide in the cellar.
848
00:42:48,299 --> 00:42:49,890
You wait here.
849
00:42:51,061 --> 00:42:52,912
Dr. V.?
850
00:42:53,398 --> 00:42:55,347
Sheriff's department. We
coming down into the cellar.
851
00:42:55,347 --> 00:42:57,017
I want you to put
your hands above your head.
852
00:42:57,017 --> 00:43:00,023
You hear me? We're coming down here!
853
00:43:01,292 --> 00:43:04,799
Dr. Vanderspeigle, where you at?
854
00:43:04,804 --> 00:43:06,909
Whoa. What's with the guns?
855
00:43:09,408 --> 00:43:10,797
Asta?
856
00:43:11,078 --> 00:43:13,617
What in holy hell?
857
00:43:45,221 --> 00:43:48,221
Synced & corrected by QueenMaddie
www.MY-SUBS.com
62766
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