All language subtitles for Gortimer Gibbons Life On Normal Street S02E10 Gortimer vs Gortimer vs Gortimer 1080p AMZN WEB-DL DDP5 1 H 264-DarkSaber_track3_[eng]

Gortimer, narrating:
I've lived my whole life
on Normal Street.

There's a lake at one end,

and a forest of shady trees
at the other.

But what lies in between
is anything but normal.

When it comes to
matters of the heart,

people always give you
the same advice:

Just be yourself.

The truth is, sometimes
it can be hard to be yourself

because we're always
growing and changing.

And we all have
different sides
of ourselves.

Sometimes literally.

How about something like
a hypnotic coin

or a dancing handkerchief?

Or a magic wand that
turns into a flower?

Abracadabra Con
only comes once a year.

This is our chance
to learn from

the world's
coolest magicians.

Those tricks got old
50 years ago.

They're called classics.

They're called clichés.

You're not gonna find
anything cutting edge

in the back of
a comic book.

Maybe you have a point.

Oh, hey, Abigail.

- Hi.
- Hey.

Hey.

What's that face?

Nothing.

Well, obviously, you're
hiding something. What is it?

[chuckles]
My drawing won second place
at the Normal Art Fair.

Wow, congrats.
That's amazing.

And there wasn't even
a kids' division.

It was second place
among everybody.

Nice.

Win anything?

A gift certificate.

Dinner for two at
Via Normale.

- Ooh, fancy.
- Mm-hmm.

I went there
with my mom once.

Tagliatelle with
pesto and shrimp.

Um, did you--

What?

Did you maybe want to go?

With you?

Yeah.

Oh, uh--

I mean, you--
you don't have to.

No, no, I--

I want to. I--

Uh, great.
Uh, the coupon
expires Sunday,

so Saturday night?

They gave you a coupon that
expires in less than a week?

It's an art fair.

Third prize was
travel size bottles
of shampoo.

[chuckles]
So Saturday it is, then.

I'll make the reservation
for 7:30.

Okay, so it's, uh--

It's a date?

- Uh, dinner.
- Okay, yeah, dinner.

Uh, it's just, uh--

A dinner thing.

It's a dinner thing.

Uh, see ya.

[bell rings]

- Gortimer: Hey.
- Claire: Hey.

- Hey.
- Hi.

- So, uh, Mom.
- Mm-hmm.

Just so you know,

I'm gonna be out
Saturday night.

Got a little thing
happening, so--

Saturday night?

This Saturday night?

Mom, is it so weird
that I have plans?

Just give me some credit.

- Oh, you have your--
- Mm-hmm. Yes.

My six month anniversary
with Adam.

And I said I'd baby sit.

Yes, we talked about this
weeks ago.

Yeah, I know, I know.
I'm sorry.

I'll cancel my thing.

Sorry, bud.

Fascinating.

Before looking at all this,

I would have said,
sorry, Gortimer,

that Abigail wasn't
really interested.

But now,
I think she is.

It's irrelevant.
I can't even go.

Why do you guys
care so much?

So we can deduce how
precisely disappointed
you should be.

Pretty disappointed.

I disagree.

I don't even think
it's a date.

Abigail said
it was a dinner.

A dinner thing.

Gortimer's words,
not Abigail's.

Therefore, not a date.
You're fine.

Stanley: It's Via Normale.

The fanciest restaurant
on Normal Street.

It has to be a date.

To invite anyone
for any other reason

would be a bald-faced lie.

[scoffs]
She won a free dinner.

Exactly. It's like
the universe said,

you have to go on a date.
Now who do you choose?

And she chose Gortimer.

I reverse my position.
It's a date.

Relax, Gortimer.

Let's find a way to
make this work.

Mel: [sighs] Okay. So,
Gortimer's mom is going to be

out on her date
from 7:00 to 10:00,

and Gortimer needs to leave
for his date by 7:15,

which means he's gonna need
a babysitter

from 7:15 until
shortly before 10:00.

Catherine is gonna be at
her brother's birthday party
all night,

and Stanley is...

afraid of babysitting.

Technically,
I'm afraid of babies.

And my parents
won't be able to pick
me and Ranger up

from Abracadabra Con
until 7:30,

which means we
won't get there
until 8:00.

So that leaves a
45 minute gap.

Just 45 minutes?

It's a tragedy.

Just forget it.
I can't even go.

Not unless there's
a way to create two of me.

Wait. We can create
a whole army of you.

That's ridiculous.

Are you in the position to
say no to ridiculous?

Ranger: Send in a photo
of yourself,

and receive an army
of tiny figurines

that look just like you.

Then add water
and watch them grow

into full fighting size.

Results last for
exactly one hour.

Some army.

Man: Big battle ahead?
Don't fight it alone.

Attack the enemy
on every front

with your very own
Army of You.

The battle plan is simple.

Add water, watch it grow,

give it orders and
conquer the world.

[explosion]

Please do not feed
army of you figurines
to animals,

keep away from
small children,

keep away from
large children.

Not intended for
actual combat.

Manufacturer
is not responsible
for resulting wars.

Offer void in Michigan.
Tank sold separately.

First lieutenant you
reporting for duty.

Awaiting orders, General.
One hour remaining.

[stammering]
How did it--
Who-- Who are you?

First lieutenant you,
sir.

Awaiting orders,
General.

You-- you look
exactly like--

Wait, does my hair
really look like that?

Don't understand
the question, sir.

59 minutes,
45 seconds remaining.

I-- I can't believe
it actually works.

Awaiting orders,
General.

For instruction,
manual page one,
step three.

Uh, page one,
step three.

Give it orders.

Give it orders,
give it orders.

Checkmate.

- Good game.
- Good game.

So, what are we gonna do about
this Abigail situation?

I'm really just trying to
not think about it, I--

[screaming]

[screaming]

No, no, calm down,

it's fine,
it's fine. It's me.

Oh. That was easily
the scariest moment
of my entire life.

What just happened?

No, it-- it's fine.
It's just the Army of You
figurines.

They actually worked?

Yeah, yeah,
you just add water,

give 'em orders,
and--

Wow. Look at that.

The effects last
exactly one hour.

You gave it orders to
scare your best friends
to death?

No, no. No.
I gave it orders

to behave exactly like me,

come here
and play chess.

I should have told him to

leave before he evaporated
in front of you, though.

Yes, you should have
done that.

Sorry. I just needed
to test it.

I think I've found a way to
fill this 45 minute gap.

What do you think, honey.
Necklace or earrings?

I don't know.
Both are good.

Why are you
so nervous?

I'm not.
But you seem like you are.

No, no, no,
I'm not nervous.
I'm fine.

I have everything
completely under control.

Well, 10 seconds ago
I would have believed that.

Let's get back to
the earrings.

- I vote earrings.
- Yay.

Either way,
you don't want to be late.

[gasps] Ooh,
you're right.

I gotta go.

And, Mom,
you look great.

Oh, thanks.
Okay.

Call me if there's
an emergency.

And please,
don't let there be
an emergency.

Sounds good.
Have fun.

Bye, guys.

- Bye.
- Bye.

Love you.
[chuckles]

First lieutenant you
reporting for duty.

Awaiting orders,
General.

One hour remaining.

7:23. Okay,
first lieutenant,

I need you to be like me.

But here's the thing,
you're babysitting my
little brother,

so you need to be
really, really responsible.

And you need to
protect him no matter what

until Ranger and Mel
get here and take over.

Also, don't evaporate
in front of anyone.

Great. I'll make
a tentative list

of Gardner's
bedtime reading material.

While you review,
I'll re-read

all the safety manuals
in the house.

So these are the
safety precautions.

To reduce risk of injury
when using your--

Gardner: I already know that.

Oh, you do?
Oh.

You told me
a thousand times.

Well, I just want to
make sure you know

so you're safe
because they're the
safety precautions.

Oh, a spill tray.

**

Ciao.

Are you okay?

Yeah.

Uh--

Thanks.

Well, this is so cute.

Sorry?

You two look
so cute together.

Uh--

You need a minute
with the menu?

Yes, please.

Okay.

What's wrong?

Are-are you sure
this is a good idea?

I mean, we don't
have to do this.

I want to. I--

Sorry.
Excuse me.

[rapid breathing]

Just calm down.

You need to be cool,
self-assured, confident.

You need to be, like,
ridiculously confident.

No problem, chief.

Where did--
where did you--

Oh, no, no,
no, no, no.

Hey, hey, hey.
Relax, all right?

Orders received.
Ridiculously confident.

I got this.

Just talk it out.
What's the situation?

I don't know.
I'm a mess.

It-- it's Abigail.
She's usually
so easy to talk to.

But now,
everything's so confusing,

and I don't even know
what I'm doing yet.

All right, girl problem
not a problem.

All right, want me to
talk to her or--

No.

Yes. Yeah.
Okay, yeah,

just go in there
and break the ice for,
like, three minutes,

and then give me the sign.

Uh, well, what's the sign,
like uh--

[clicks tongue]

No. No, no, no, uh,
something else, like--

- Got it.
- Yeah.

Then you excuse yourself,
I'll swap in,

and you come back here
and hide in the stall
until...

8:34 or so,
until you, you know--

Sounds like a plan.

All right.
Dude, we got this.

[sighs]

Sorry.
That was embarrassing.

Abigail: You okay?

Yeah, I'm feeling
much better, thank you.

Why is your collar
like that?

Why, do you like it?

[chuckles] Uh,
I can't believe
I'm saying this,

but somehow you're
pulling it off.

Mm. Well,
you're pulling it off.

You know.

Your whole beautiful face.

Oh, uh, thanks?

- [gasps]
- I need to talk to you.

You scared me.

Wait, how did you know
I'm really me?

Uh, well, one Gortimer
appears to be
charming his date,

and the other is
hiding behind a plant.

I took a guess.

You need to come home.

What's wrong?

The other Gortimer,
he locked us out,

and we don't know
the password.

There is no password.

That's the problem.

I'm slightly worried
about Gardner.

Keep an eye on him and
don't let Abigail see you.

Why is he here, anyway?

I needed back up.
It's a long story.

Tell me later.

No problem.

What's no problem?

Huh? Nothin'. No.

I just said there's
no problem.

- Orange.
- Gortimer 2: No.

- Pomeranian.
- No.

- Roentgenium.
- Correct.

What is password
number two?

What's the situation?

[sighs]
He locked us out.

Don't you have a key?

I gave it to him.

Open up,
it's me!

The real Gortimer.

How do I know?

Who else would I be?

Clown Gortimer,
super smart Gortimer,

psycho Gortimer.

I'm not taking
any chances.

I have a mission to
keep Gardner safe.

Well, he's not
gonna be safe

if you run out of time
and turn into a puddle
while we're locked out.

Good point.

I'll put some towels down
so I don't damage the hard wood.

- Oh, no.
- You've gotta get back there.

She's not having
a good time.

Oh, no.

Just go! We have this
under control.

Go, go, go. Go!

- Hello?
- Gortimer 3: Yo!

Hey, man.

Wh-- what happened?
Where is she?

I don't know
about this girl.

She's too sensitive
or somethin'.

What does that mean?

Oh, I was just tellin' her
how pretty she was,

and if she
played her cards right,

she might get
a second date.

It's not a date,
it's dinner,

and I could barely
get through that.

I told you to be
confident,

not arrogant.

Yeah, I never really knew
the difference.

If I'm awesome,
I really don't care
who knows it.

Anyway,
she got up and left.

We're playin' a little game
called cat and mouse.

Meow.

All right,
you have about
19 minutes left.

Stay with me.
I don't want you

making any more trouble.

At your service, big guy.

So what do you
want me to say?

You think she's awesome?
You want to be her boyfriend?

What? No, no,
I don't want to

worry about that
right now.

I just want to apologize
for scaring her off.

Great. Just tell her.

I don't know if I can.
I'm too nervous and sweaty.

I believe in you.

[tapping]

What are you doing here?

I came to apologize.

You're forgiven.

[sighs] This is weird.
Go home.

I will in a second,
I just--

I wanted you to know
that I was nervous.

Okay. So?

And I know you're
concerned, so--

I'm just gonna say it.

Yes, I'm planning to
see a doctor

about my sweating condition.

[chuckles] I'm happy
to hear that.

Yeah, yeah,
and I don't know
what got into me.

- You and I are friends.
- Right.

Yeah, and let's face it,
I'm a pretty handsome guy.

I'm super charming
and kind.

Um--

So I totally understand if
I made you a little nervous,
too.

- What?
- What?

Look, all I'm saying is

I think you got
a little bit sensitive

back there
in the restaurant,

and that's completely
understandable.

Just don't go
beating yourself up about it.

[scoffs]
That's so obnoxious.

What is wrong with you?
You know, goodnight.

Are you kidding me?

What? I can't help that
you programmed me this way.

Abigail!

[sighs] Gortimer, seriously,
I don't have time for this.

[whispering]
Neither do we.

Abigail: If you have
something to say,
just say it.

[whispering]
Come on, man,
just talk to her.

[whispering]
I can't.

Gortimer?

Look, whatever I'm doing
is obviously not working.

She likes you.

You're the real deal.

You've got this,
Gortimer.

You got this.

Abigail: What are you doing
down there?

I'm here!

I'm sorry.

I was nervous.

[sighs] Yeah,
you keep saying that.

What's making you so nervous?

Before I met you,

it was just me,
Ranger and Mel.

And that was--
that was my life.

And then you came along,

and you're so cool.

Smart.

Weird.
And pretty.

I've never met
anyone like you,

and lately, it all--
it just--

It seems so different.

And that makes you nervous?

Yes. No.
I mean--

It's more--

What am I trying to say?

Gortimer.

It's me.

Okay.

You know when
we were gonna...

kiss in drama class?

Yeah.

Well, I wanted that
to be real.

I wanted you to
want that to be real.

And that-- that's
new territory for me.

It's weird.
It's scary.

You know, that's what's
making me nervous.

Hold on.
I'm coming down.

[clears throat]

Gortimer...

I don't know if I'm
ready for... this.

[stammers] I mean,
I thought maybe I was, but...

[sighs] now I don't know
what to think.

I'm sorry.

But just then,
when you were talking,

that part at the end when
you were just being yourself--

Yeah?

I really liked that.

Thank you.

You're welcome.

Well, goodnight.

Night.

Mom?

Oh. Gortimer.

Well, so, you know,
the next time that you

suddenly need to help
Miss Hudspeth

with mowing her lawn
at night

while you're
babysitting,

just give us a call
and we'll be here.

I think it's time for
our disappearing act.

Gardner,
close your eyes.

- Claire: Now open them.
- Gardner: They're gone.

Ooh, wow.

Okay, go put on
your jammies, sweetheart.

Just punish me.
I'll do whatever.

What's wrong?

It doesn't matter.

[sighs]

Abigail?

How did you--

A mom knows.

So, how did your night go?

I'm guessing much better
than yours.

That's nice.

Why is it all
so confusing?

[sighs]

I'm in big trouble,
right?

Tomorrow, definitely.

But not tonight.

Gortimer: Just be yourself.

People never stop
saying that.

What they don't say is
being yourself

doesn't always get you
what you want.

In fact, sometimes
it gets you the opposite,

but you still have to do it.

That's what I've
come to believe, anyway.

And I know some people
who agree with me.

- [static]
- Gortimer to
Ranger and Mel.

This is Ranger.
Over.

This is Mel. Over.

[static]

You guys got a minute?

Mel: Yes. Over.

Ranger: Any time. Over.