All language subtitles for Batman S02E29 - The Cats Meow (Part 1)-eng

It's 7:00 in the morning...

...and Gotham City is rubbing
the sleep out of its eyes...

...preparing to meet the new day.

But in the studios of KGC-TV...

...Harry Upps has his morning show
already in progress.

And one of the primary functions
of the Wayne Foundation Fund...

...is to support and supplement
local recreational activities.

We believe that through physical fitness
and organized sport...

...we can help the youth of Gotham City
help themselves.

That's very admirable, Mr. Wayne.

Your foundation is doing marvelous work.

Now, if you'll pardon me
for just 60 seconds.

- A word from the sponsor?
-Exactly.

There wouldn't be a highly-rated Harry Upps
Morning Show without the sponsors.

Friends, the rainy season
is almost upon us...

...and if you ever get caught
in the downpour...

...just reach for a Stay-Dry Umbrella.

Stay-Dry has been making umbrellas
for 64 years now.

I, um-- I know that it's supposed to be bad luck
to open an umbrella indoors...

...but, heh, heh, I'll take that chance...

...because I'd like you to see
the beautiful workmanship...

...that goes into this Stay-Dry Umbrella.

Please note the--

Looks like Harry Upps has lost his voice.

This may be the work
of one of our archenemies.

But which one? An umbrella usually means
the Penguin's waddling around somewhere.

And this is a riddle:
"What's black and white and full of fuzz?"

- Zebra, zebra, zebra?
-No, a squad car.

Yes, speaking of squad cars...

...Commissioner Gordon
always watches this program.

He should be calling us any second.

Are we on the air?

Due to circumstances
beyond anyone's control...

...we now switch you to our midday movie:

The Big Green Thing
That Devoured Pittsburgh.

I'm sorry, sir, he's not here at the moment.

Uh, taking his morning constitutional, I fancy.

Oh, begging your pardon, sir,
here is Batman now.

Yes, you're calling about
what happened on the morning show.

- Why, yes, how did you know?
- I viewed the entire affair.

A criminal has to get up pretty
early in the morning to outwit you, Batman.

Check on the location
of Joker, Riddler and Penguin.

We'll meet you in your office
as soon as possible.

To the Batpoles.

It's really an ordinary umbrella...

...with a mild electric shock device
build into the handle.

Hardly enough to cause a man
to lose his speech.

Well, he's not in any pain,
but he can't say a word for the life of him.

A serious detriment for an announcer.

Poor man has been checked
from toenails to tonsils but all to no avail.

I think we should concentrate on who did it
rather than how it was done.

Commissioner,
did you follow my suggestion?

Indeed, Batman, but the Joker, the Riddler
and the Penguin are all three in jail.

- Wasn't any of them.
-Hm. May we take this with us?

Of course, by all means.

Perhaps one of the instruments
in the Batcave...

...may be able to shed some light
on this baffling puzzle.

It's our only clue. Let's go, Robin.

I don't believe there ever have been
or ever will be...

...two such selfless people.

Well, they've certainly made my job
a whole lot easier, commissioner.

And mine. I think if I were to ask...

...Batman would give me the cape
right off his back.

What a man.

Yes, Bonnie?

Oh, by all means, yes, send her in.

Hello, Commissioner Gordon, Chief O'Hara.

Catwoman. Hello, hello, hello.

- Gentlemen, I'd like you to meet Eenie.
-Hi, commish.

- Meanie, Miney and Moe.
-We're pleased to meet you.

- Commissioner Gordon.
-And Chief O'Hara.

I'm delighted to learn of your new venture
into the world of show business.

- Oh, yes, and, you know...
-Ha, ha.

...it's so much safer on this side of the law.

Show business
is such a rewarding profession. Ha, ha.

Ha-ha-ha.
Tell me, what do you call yourselves?

Catwoman and the Kittens. Ha, ha!
Catchy.

- Don't you think?
-Oh, yes, yes, quite.

We'd love to have you perform at the
Police Benevolent Society Ball. Will you?

With the greatest of pleasure,
it'll be our debut.

We'll put on a performance
you'll never forget.

I categorically promise you that.

Tell me, do Batman and Robin
know I've been sprung?

Oh, dear, I had intended telling them...

...but it completely slipped my mind
in the throes of this morning's incidents.

Well, do me a favor, commissioner.
Let it be our secret for the nonce. Meow.

Batman will learn about it soon enough.
Come on, kittens.

Goodbye, Commissioner Gordon,
Chief O'Hara.

Until we meet again.
Here's a kiss to build a dream on.

I just don't know, commissioner...

...what with her being back in town
and all that commotion this morning.

Do you suppose
she could be the cause of it?

Oh, nonsense, Chief O'Hara,
I can tell a reformed woman when I see one.

And there is a reformed woman.

NARRATOR". And in Catwoman's lair
adjoining Duncan's Dance Studio...

Yeow! Isn't it simply too delicious
for words? Ha, ha.

Do you really think
we'll be able to get away with it?

Of course we will.

Didn't I snatch that silly announcer's voice
this morning without a hitch?

Eenie, get me his voice.

I'll take that chance
because I would like you to see...

...the beautiful workmanship that goes
into this Stay-Dry Umbrella.

Please note the--

So where did it get us?
You risked getting caught just to pull a prank.

Prank?

Eenie, sometimes I think you left
your brain in San Francisco.

I did it to take suspicion away from us.

And set the wheels of justice
skidding in the wrong direction. Ha-ha-ha.

When we complete this caper...

...we're gonna have enough money
to keep us in catnip forever.

Or else I'm gonna give the whole world
a severe case of permanent laryngitis.

Fellas, are you sure that article
didn't mention where they're staying?

-"The popular singing duo--"
-"Chad and Jeremy--"

"Are coming to Gotham City to appear
at the Police Society Ball."

"Due to anticipated rush of their fans--"

"Accommodations for Chad and Jeremy
are being kept secret."

Get the commissioner on the phone.

Are you nuts? You ask him anything,
he'll suspect you for sure.

Let's get something straight.

Catwoman is top dog around here
and let's not forget it, Eenie.

Hello, Catwoman, what can I do for you?

You can tell me where Chad and Jeremy
are staying while they're here in Gotham City.

Oh, no, no. I couldn't do that.
It's top-secret information, very hush-hush.

You don't trust me? I'm deeply hurt.

I thought you, of all people,
would give solace to an ex-convict.

Is there any particular reason
you want to know?

I wanna make certain we won't perform
any of the same songs they will.

You want this show to be a success,
don't you?

Well, since you put it that way.

They'll be at the home of millionaire
Bruce Wayne, stately Wayne Manor. But look:

You must promise
not to divulge this information to anyone.

I give you my word as a lady and a scholar.

Tell me, commissioner...

...they call you the voice of authority
in Gotham City, do they not?

At times, yes, yes, why do you ask?

And if you couldn't speak, it might severely
cripple your effectiveness, would it not?

- What do you mean?
-Just say bye-bye, commissioner.

No more pompous prattle from you.

Hello?

You can win a free dance lesson...

...at the Duncan Dance Studios
if you answer this simple question.

- Sorry, I'm not interested in dance lessons.
-Wait a minute, Dick.

The junior prom's coming up, isn't it?

- Yes, but--
-We don't want you to be a Wallflower, do we?

Dancing is an integral part
of every young man's education.

Gosh, Bruce, you're right, but dancing?

- All right, miss, what's the question?
- Who painted Whistler's Mother?

Why, Whistler, of course.

Congratulations.

- You mean, that's it?
-That's it.

- When do I get my lesson?
-I'll be right over.

Can you imagine that?
First time in my life I ever won anything.

Heh. Congratulations.

I have to go to the store to pick up
a tube for the Bat-sound analyzer...

...we can't make a move without it.
Back in a hour.

Okay.

- One, two, three.
- Ow.

Sorry. You'll get the hang of it.
You're doing just fine, fine.

I don't think I'll ever learn to dance, Ms. Klutz.
I don't have natural rhythm.

Balderdash. Ha, ha.
You'll pardon the expression, now...

I'm a little out of breath.
Could we take a break?

Certainly.

Very nice place you have here, Master Grayson.
Very homey.

Fourteen bathrooms, 18 bedrooms.

- How many entrances are there to the place?
-Three.

Why are you asking all these questions
about the house?

You seem more interested in the layout of
Wayne Manor than giving me a dancing lesson.

When I get through with you,
Master Grayson...

...I'll have taught you one heck of a lesson.

What are those things there?

- Dogwood, why?
-Dog--? I am allergic to--

Why, you're no dance teacher,
you're Catwoman.

Oh! Mercy me.

NARRATOR".
And at Gotham City Airport...

...England's singing sensations,
Chad and Jeremy, are due to arrive.

- Have no fear.
-Chad and Jeremy are here.

Oh, aren't they just the most
adorable twosome in the world?

If you don't count Batman and Robin.

- What do you think of the States so far?
- Do us a favor, we've been here two minutes.

And sometimes it takes us as long as
half an hour to get to really know a country.

- About that haircut of yours, Jeremy.
- What haircut?

I haven't had a trim in weeks.

Actually, he wears it that way
so people won't confuse him with his mom.

Yeah, she's bald, poor thing.

- Is that right?
- Yeah, that's right.

What are your plans
after your appearance in Gotham City?

We're going straight back home.

We've gotta do a command
performance for the queen.

Respect
In hating an enemy

Catwoman.

It's nice to see a responsible citizen
like you for a change.

Thank you, sergeant.

Am I a living symbol of your youth?

Come on, kittens, let's get out of here.
Too many bluecoats for us to get away with it.

Get away with what, Catwoman?

- We still don't know your plan.
-You will, Eenie. Let's go.

Become clear
As you see me sitting there

- What is your favorite group?
-Oh. Chamber of commerce.

- PTA, that sort of thing.
-Yes. Heh.

You might all have slept for a week...

...had I not administered
the universal drug antidote.

Holy Rip van Winkle.

One good thing did come of it, Robin.
We now know who our adversary is.

Poor Commissioner Gordon,
he was so taken in by Catwoman.

Mm. She's a very beautiful,
very enthralling woman, Robin.

When you get older,
you'll see how easy it is...

...to become lured
by the female of the species.

"Duncan Dance Studios,
tango's our specialty, 3741 Laurel Avenue."

To the Batmobile.

NARRATOR". Meantime, it's tea time
for Wayne Manor houseguests.

- There you are. I hope you like it.
-Thank you.

Help yourself to cream and sugar.

I always think tea is so civilized, don't you?

I didn't realize this custom
had reached the colonies.

Oh, my, yes, we serve tea every afternoon.

- Oh, great.
-When Bruce told me...

...that you were going to stay here,
I'd expected--

Don't tell me,
you expected two grubby morons...

...to come barging in here
and start smashing up the place, didn't you?

Well, l... Heh.

All right, Chad, start slashing cushions,
I'll go deal with the crockery in the kitchen.

Right.

Don't worry, love, we're not really like that,
you know, it's just our image.

Oh...

You know, it's funny. But just because our fans
are occasionally over-demonstrative...

...people expect us to be the same way.
Thank you.

Well, for instance,
Chad here was a medical student...

...and I was reading for the law
when our first record came out.

We hope to go back to school
as soon as we can to complete our education.

- Mustn't be a dropout.
-Don't be a dropout. Yes.

Just think of it: Every record our fans buy...

...brings me another notch closer
to becoming a brain surgeon.

Well, mercy alive.

We can't appear at the Police Ball now.

Not after you stole
the commissioner's voice.

Everybody knows
you haven't really gone straight.

Why don't you steal
Batman's voice while you're at it?

Never.

One of the few joys I have in life
is when his rich manly baritone...

...caresses my ears with,
"Catwoman, you're under arrest."

Oh, it makes everything worthwhile.
Ha, ha.

Well, they're going to track us down,
Catwoman. Sure as shooting.

They'll be at the dance studio
in two shakes of a cat's tail.

- And we just wait here?
-Never you mind, my terrible trio of tabbies.

Fear not. I have everything under control.

Batman and Robin,
it will be their final performance.

Now, I want you two
to pretend you're customers.

And I want you...

No, no, no, I'm sorry.
You see, the Watusi is definitely out.

Now, maybe I can interest you in one of our
seven-year courses in Magyar folk dances?

Citizen.

Ha, ha. Well, well, well. If it isn't, uh...

And, um...

Oh, isn't that awful? I know your names
as well as I know my own.

Benton Belgoody.

- Batman.
-And Robin.

Well, how could I forget a thing--
Of course, what can I do for you, Robin?

We're here to see Ms. Klutz,
she's one of your dance instructors.

Oh, yeah, well, I'm afraid
that's impossible right now.

You see, with all the new dance steps
on the way out...

...she's busy trying to find something
that's on the way in.

Just tell her Batman and Robin
are here, Mr. Belgoody.

And tell her fast.

Well, my, my, there's a little bit of the devil
in you, isn't there, young man? Ha, ha.

Just as I suspected, Robin,
she's up to her old tricks.

Catwoman,
can't you see the folly of your ways?

With your beauty and intelligence,
you could go much further...

...helping your fellow man
rather than harming him.

A bit of whimsy that escapes me
at the moment, Batman. Get him, guys.

- You know something?
-Hm?

If he weren't such an old stick in the mud,
I might let him live.

But I think I can handle Batman.
It's just that Robin's all work and no play.

You know,
maybe I can fix you up with Robin. Heh.

No, it'd never work, he's too young.

At that age,
all they're interested in is baseball.

Now, are you ready to come quietly,
Catwoman?

I guess so, Batman.

Batman, can I ask you a favor before
you send me up the river without a paddle?

What is that?

Can I freshen up a little bit with makeup?

I mean, my image might be damaged
if I was seen in public with a shiny nose.

Yes, go ahead.
But don't try anything untoward.

Holy Heidelberg, what did she do that for?

I afraid we've been drugged, Robin.

I guess you can never trust a woman.

You've made a hasty
generalization, Robin, it's a bad habit to get into.

But in this situation, it's entirely apr--

Apr--

Apropos.

Wake up, little beddy-byes.

Have you been beddy-bye?

Catwoman.

I'd advise you to yap
as little as possible, boys.

You've been encased in an enormous
echo chamber weighing two tons.

Every sound in there will be magnified
10 million times.

Even your breathing will sound like thunder.
Ha, ha.

And don't bother
looking for your utility belt.

I've had it burned. Ha-ha-ha!

- So, what's the purpose, CW?
-it's so that the drip...

Why can't I get good help?

Moe, turn on the faucet.

I'm sure you recognize this as a variation
of the legendary Chinese water torture.

When I throw that switch
the noise will become excruciating.

And your eardrums will be shattered.

Shortly following that
your brains will be turned into "yuch."

And then I shall return...

...and then you can be mine forever,
Batman.

True, I'll have to sacrifice your intellect.

Oh, well, with a build like yours, who cares?

After all, one can't have one's cake
and eat it too. Heh.

Ta-ta.