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00:00:16,434 --> 00:00:18,645
NARRATOR".
When last we saw the Caped Crusader...
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00:00:18,853 --> 00:00:21,147
...he was at the altar about to be married...
3
00:00:21,356 --> 00:00:25,860
...to the diabolical Marsha,
Queen of Diamonds.
4
00:00:26,194 --> 00:00:29,113
Only the words "I do"...
5
00:00:29,322 --> 00:00:33,576
...stand between him
and the bonds of wedlock.
6
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l.
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l.
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Say "I do."
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- I...
- Stop the wedding.
10
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This is no time for pranks, my good man.
11
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We are in the midst of a sacred ceremony.
12
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I assure you, sir, this is no prank.
13
00:02:18,598 --> 00:02:19,849
Who are you?
14
00:02:20,058 --> 00:02:22,560
Ethelbert Soames, solicitor at law...
15
00:02:22,769 --> 00:02:25,438
...with the firm
of Soames, Stillwell and Thistlewaite...
16
00:02:25,938 --> 00:02:28,316
...Liverpool, England. My card.
17
00:02:30,485 --> 00:02:33,613
My card. My card.
18
00:02:35,990 --> 00:02:39,494
- What has this to do with the wedding?
-Allow me to present my client.
19
00:02:39,702 --> 00:02:45,375
Formerly Miss Henrietta Tillitson
of Morton in the Marsh, Gloucestershire.
20
00:02:45,583 --> 00:02:47,168
What do you mean "formerly"?
21
00:02:47,377 --> 00:02:52,715
I mean that for the last seven years,
she has been Mrs. Batman.
22
00:02:54,550 --> 00:02:56,386
Mrs. Batman?
23
00:02:57,303 --> 00:03:01,808
Yes. If you'd care
to examine the wedding certificate.
24
00:03:02,350 --> 00:03:05,395
Duly attested by the registrar
at Morton in the Marsh...
25
00:03:05,603 --> 00:03:08,481
...and, uh, dated seven years ago.
26
00:03:08,690 --> 00:03:11,234
Why didn't you tell me about this, Batman?
27
00:03:11,442 --> 00:03:15,655
- Eh, uh-- It slipped my mind.
-Slipped your mind, indeed.
28
00:03:15,863 --> 00:03:19,158
I am not in the practice
of marrying bigamists.
29
00:03:20,702 --> 00:03:23,830
Why, you two-timing Batfink!
30
00:03:24,163 --> 00:03:28,584
How dare you leave a poor, defenseless girl
waiting at the altar?
31
00:03:28,793 --> 00:03:30,503
Not poor, I hope, madam.
32
00:03:30,712 --> 00:03:34,674
We are instituting a lawsuit for $1 million...
33
00:03:34,882 --> 00:03:37,510
...for the alienation
of the husband's affections.
34
00:03:37,719 --> 00:03:40,680
Ah! Let's get out of here.
35
00:03:50,773 --> 00:03:52,900
Mrs. Cooper.
36
00:03:53,109 --> 00:03:56,612
Why, I wasn't sure you'd remember me,
Batman.
37
00:03:56,821 --> 00:03:59,907
Of course I remember you.
I've always treasured our brief meetings.
38
00:04:00,116 --> 00:04:03,244
And I certainly wanna thank you
for the help you gave me here today.
39
00:04:03,453 --> 00:04:04,746
Oh, I'm glad.
40
00:04:04,954 --> 00:04:08,916
I was afraid you'd be angry with us
for stretching the truth the way we did.
41
00:04:09,125 --> 00:04:11,502
Not under the circumstances, believe me.
42
00:04:11,711 --> 00:04:13,755
If we can be of any further service, sir.
43
00:04:13,963 --> 00:04:17,341
- As a matter of fact, Mr...
-Alfred will do, sir.
44
00:04:17,550 --> 00:04:19,510
As a matter of fact, Alfred, yes.
45
00:04:19,719 --> 00:04:24,557
Robin is out of commission, I'd appreciate it
if you would accompany me in the Batmobile.
46
00:04:24,766 --> 00:04:28,186
Certainly, sir. I've always wanted to ride
in that ingenious vehicle.
47
00:04:28,394 --> 00:04:31,981
Good. Again my thanks, Mrs. Cooper.
48
00:04:32,190 --> 00:04:36,068
You were truly superb.
49
00:04:40,573 --> 00:04:44,660
Oh, Bruce will never believe it
when I tell him.
50
00:04:47,538 --> 00:04:50,166
We'll have to get to Robin
as soon as possible.
51
00:04:51,626 --> 00:04:53,878
We'll have to drive it as it is.
52
00:04:56,714 --> 00:05:01,052
Anticipating an emergency, sir,
I've brought along a kit of Bat Antidotes.
53
00:05:01,260 --> 00:05:02,386
Good thinking, Alfred.
54
00:05:02,595 --> 00:05:05,681
Incidentally, I forged the marriage certificate
on the Bat Printer.
55
00:05:05,890 --> 00:05:08,351
A remarkable invention of yours,
if I may say so.
56
00:05:08,559 --> 00:05:11,103
Yes, it did the job this time.
57
00:05:20,613 --> 00:05:23,449
The sleep potion I gave before the wedding
is still in effect.
58
00:05:23,658 --> 00:05:28,120
Good. Pump another potion
into Boy Wonder there...
59
00:05:28,329 --> 00:05:30,122
...and he'll worship me forever.
60
00:05:30,331 --> 00:05:34,627
Then I'll make him lead me to the Batcave,
and the Bat Diamond will be mine.
61
00:05:34,836 --> 00:05:39,048
Hurry, hurry! Before that Bat Bigamist
partner of his shows up.
62
00:05:39,257 --> 00:05:41,050
Yes, Your Highness.
63
00:05:44,136 --> 00:05:45,221
Where are my Guardians?
64
00:05:45,555 --> 00:05:47,682
They were held up in traffic, Your Highness.
65
00:05:48,099 --> 00:05:51,602
Forget the Boy Wonder. Out this door.
66
00:05:56,107 --> 00:05:59,068
Never mind about them, Alfred.
Our first concern is Robin.
67
00:05:59,277 --> 00:06:01,904
Quickly! The Bat Antidotes.
68
00:06:02,238 --> 00:06:07,660
We'll use the general all-purpose Bat Antidote
and hope that it takes effect.
69
00:06:09,579 --> 00:06:11,706
Robin. Robin.
70
00:06:16,252 --> 00:06:18,087
It looks like it's working, Alfred.
71
00:06:18,296 --> 00:06:21,465
What happened, Batman?
How did I get in here?
72
00:06:21,674 --> 00:06:24,510
It's a long story, Robin. I'll explain later.
73
00:06:24,719 --> 00:06:28,222
Alfred, give Chief O'Hara and the commissioner
each one of those tablets.
74
00:06:28,431 --> 00:06:31,684
- Tell the commissioner to meet me at the office.
-Yes, sir.
75
00:06:31,893 --> 00:06:33,936
- Think you can make it, Robin?
-I think so.
76
00:06:34,145 --> 00:06:36,022
- I feel woozy.
-I know.
77
00:06:36,230 --> 00:06:38,900
We'll take you to the Batcave
where you can get some rest.
78
00:06:39,108 --> 00:06:41,903
And we can try to deduce
the Queen of Diamonds' next move.
79
00:06:42,111 --> 00:06:46,407
She'll stop at nothing to get her hands
on the Bat Diamond.
80
00:06:51,662 --> 00:06:54,999
Can't an old lady take a bath
without being interrupted?
81
00:06:55,207 --> 00:06:59,086
Your potion failed, darling. Miserably.
82
00:06:59,295 --> 00:07:02,965
A good hot bath does wonders
for the arthritis.
83
00:07:03,174 --> 00:07:07,595
Please, darling, pay attention
when I'm talking to you.
84
00:07:07,803 --> 00:07:09,639
What is it, deary? The potion?
85
00:07:09,847 --> 00:07:12,808
Oh, yes. Well, I knew it wouldn't work.
86
00:07:13,017 --> 00:07:17,772
Those newts I've been getting lately
are very poor quality.
87
00:07:17,980 --> 00:07:20,524
Well, you're going to have to think
of something else.
88
00:07:20,733 --> 00:07:22,985
I have to get inside that Batcave.
89
00:07:23,194 --> 00:07:27,615
I've been in dozens of bat caves, deary.
They're very dull.
90
00:07:27,823 --> 00:07:30,368
This is a very special Batcave.
91
00:07:30,576 --> 00:07:34,205
Take it from me, when you've seen
one bat cave, you've seen them all.
92
00:07:34,413 --> 00:07:36,958
Suppose you let me worry about that.
93
00:07:37,166 --> 00:07:41,963
You're going to have to think of something
to put those caped clowns in my power.
94
00:07:42,171 --> 00:07:47,927
Oh, all right, darling. All right.
Fetch me my recipe book. It's over there.
95
00:07:52,848 --> 00:07:53,891
Is this the one?
96
00:07:54,100 --> 00:07:57,186
Is there a buzzard's tongue lying next to it?
97
00:07:57,395 --> 00:07:58,437
Yes. Ew.
98
00:07:58,938 --> 00:08:00,398
Then that's the one, deary.
99
00:08:09,907 --> 00:08:13,411
Ah. How about a potion
to make them vanish?
100
00:08:13,619 --> 00:08:15,287
No, no, no, darling.
101
00:08:15,496 --> 00:08:19,291
I want them to lead me
to the Batcave and the Bat Diamond.
102
00:08:19,500 --> 00:08:20,793
Just put them in my power.
103
00:08:21,002 --> 00:08:24,046
Here's a nice little potion
that turns them into tigers.
104
00:08:24,255 --> 00:08:25,506
Too large, darling.
105
00:08:25,715 --> 00:08:26,924
Mosquitoes?
106
00:08:27,133 --> 00:08:29,719
- Too small, darling.
-Ha-ha-ha.
107
00:08:30,219 --> 00:08:32,930
Here's an old potion I haven't used in years.
108
00:08:33,139 --> 00:08:35,391
It turns them into nice fuzzy little rabbits.
109
00:08:35,599 --> 00:08:37,059
That's the one.
110
00:08:37,268 --> 00:08:41,313
Unless, of course, they have type-O blood...
111
00:08:41,522 --> 00:08:46,360
...in which case it turns them
into giant boa constrictors.
112
00:08:46,694 --> 00:08:49,697
Find another potion, darling.
113
00:09:06,630 --> 00:09:08,007
The Bat Diamond.
114
00:09:13,262 --> 00:09:15,222
What about it, Robin?
115
00:09:15,473 --> 00:09:18,434
To think it's the cause of all this trouble.
116
00:09:18,642 --> 00:09:21,771
People call it many different things,
old chum.
117
00:09:21,979 --> 00:09:25,232
Passion, lust, desire, avarice.
118
00:09:25,441 --> 00:09:29,570
But the simplest
and most understandable word is "greed."
119
00:09:29,779 --> 00:09:32,823
Why would Marsha want
that particular diamond? She can't wear it.
120
00:09:33,032 --> 00:09:34,533
You can't wear Michelangelos.
121
00:09:34,742 --> 00:09:39,080
You can't wear vintage cars
or old stamps or coins.
122
00:09:39,288 --> 00:09:44,168
But to certain collectors, they're a way of life.
In fact, life itself.
123
00:09:44,376 --> 00:09:47,421
Cars and stamps and coins
I can understand.
124
00:09:47,630 --> 00:09:51,383
But where would she find a place
to put that diamond of that size?
125
00:09:51,592 --> 00:09:55,179
That's an academic question, Robin.
She's not going to get it.
126
00:09:55,387 --> 00:09:57,640
Gosh, I hope not.
127
00:09:58,057 --> 00:10:02,686
When you got me out of that bird cage,
you said it was a long story...
128
00:10:02,895 --> 00:10:04,855
...and you'd explain it later.
Just what happened?
129
00:10:05,064 --> 00:10:08,609
To you? The same thing that happened to me.
A cupid's dart.
130
00:10:08,818 --> 00:10:11,654
I felt it. But she said it wasn't poisoned.
131
00:10:11,862 --> 00:10:15,574
Probably not in the true sense
of the word "poison"...
132
00:10:15,783 --> 00:10:19,662
...but certainly
it contained some secret ingredient...
133
00:10:19,870 --> 00:10:23,374
...by which your sense and your will
were affected.
134
00:10:23,582 --> 00:10:27,503
We were shot by the same type of dart
and it didn't affect you the same way.
135
00:10:27,711 --> 00:10:31,382
Oh, it did, Robin. it did. I just called
on all my resources to combat it.
136
00:10:31,590 --> 00:10:36,846
I called on all mine too, but all of a sudden,
there I was on my knees, worshiping her.
137
00:10:37,054 --> 00:10:41,392
Oh, it's merely the difference
of a few years, old chum.
138
00:10:41,600 --> 00:10:45,146
An older head can't be put
on younger shoulders.
139
00:10:45,354 --> 00:10:49,150
Commissioner Gordon and Chief O'Hara
have older heads, look what happened to them.
140
00:10:49,358 --> 00:10:50,985
Yes, I know. It wasn't pretty.
141
00:10:51,193 --> 00:10:52,695
But first things first.
142
00:10:52,903 --> 00:10:56,991
If you're back in fighting form,
let's have a go at the Batcomputer.
143
00:10:57,199 --> 00:10:59,910
Instead of Marsha finding the Bat Diamond...
144
00:11:00,119 --> 00:11:03,914
...perhaps the Bat Diamond
can lead us to Marsha.
145
00:11:04,123 --> 00:11:08,252
We know she's surrounded by diamonds,
and perhaps if we set the Batradar...
146
00:11:08,460 --> 00:11:10,754
...at the emanating frequency of diamonds...
147
00:11:10,963 --> 00:11:13,924
...we could calculate the reflection pattern
of the diamonds.
148
00:11:14,133 --> 00:11:17,803
Make them show up on the Batradar screen
and then figure out the coordinates.
149
00:11:18,012 --> 00:11:19,555
Right.
150
00:11:23,392 --> 00:11:25,394
All set, Batman.
151
00:11:25,603 --> 00:11:27,438
What are the numbers?
152
00:11:28,606 --> 00:11:33,861
Got it, Batman. The coordinates
are four, six, seven and nine, eight, one.
153
00:11:34,361 --> 00:11:39,116
Four, six, seven.
154
00:11:39,325 --> 00:11:43,245
Nine, eight, one. Elevation?
155
00:11:44,705 --> 00:11:47,374
Holy stalactites, Batman.
156
00:11:47,583 --> 00:11:49,752
The elevation is minus 80.
157
00:11:49,960 --> 00:11:52,171
Minus 80.
158
00:11:58,052 --> 00:11:59,803
- Just as I thought.
-Where is it?
159
00:12:03,265 --> 00:12:04,516
Yes?
160
00:12:04,725 --> 00:12:07,686
-It's good to hear your voice, commissioner.
-And yours, Batman.
161
00:12:07,895 --> 00:12:12,066
If it hadn't been for you, the chief and I
would be singing love songs to that woman.
162
00:12:12,274 --> 00:12:16,070
And if it hadn't been for that resourceful citizen
who saved me at the altar...
163
00:12:16,278 --> 00:12:17,947
...I'd be on my honeymoon right now.
164
00:12:18,155 --> 00:12:21,533
I'd like to send that wretched creature
on a honeymoon to state prison.
165
00:12:21,742 --> 00:12:23,994
And I think I know where she is.
166
00:12:24,870 --> 00:12:27,915
It wouldn't be that basement
of the building we were in, would it?
167
00:12:28,123 --> 00:12:30,960
Why, yes. She made a remark
about visiting her aunt there.
168
00:12:31,168 --> 00:12:33,712
But how could you possibly know?
169
00:12:34,296 --> 00:12:37,383
Occasionally, we men come up
with a few tricks too, commissioner.
170
00:12:37,591 --> 00:12:39,134
Robin and I are on our way there.
171
00:12:39,343 --> 00:12:41,720
Be careful, Batman.
She may be waiting for you.
172
00:12:41,929 --> 00:12:44,598
Don't worry, commissioner.
We'll be ready for her.
173
00:12:46,600 --> 00:12:50,729
There is no mystery that man can't solve.
174
00:13:03,367 --> 00:13:05,286
Be careful, Batman.
175
00:13:05,494 --> 00:13:10,457
There are some mysteries no man can solve.
176
00:13:18,966 --> 00:13:22,636
As Batman said, if it hadn't been for you,
he'd be on his honeymoon right now.
177
00:13:22,845 --> 00:13:24,471
The Caped Crusader is too kind.
178
00:13:24,680 --> 00:13:28,392
After all, I only did what any citizen
of Gotham City would have done.
179
00:13:28,600 --> 00:13:30,102
And lucky you did, sir.
180
00:13:30,311 --> 00:13:33,022
Yes. Good thinking,
and very inventive, I might add.
181
00:13:33,230 --> 00:13:36,567
Producing a past wife of Batman's
who never existed. Ha, ha.
182
00:13:36,775 --> 00:13:39,069
Oh, but she very definitely exists, sir.
183
00:13:39,278 --> 00:13:41,363
Batman's ex-wife?
184
00:13:41,572 --> 00:13:46,827
No, no, no. The lady who played the part, sir.
Mrs. Harriet Cooper, Dick Grayson's aunt.
185
00:13:47,036 --> 00:13:50,873
In fact, it was her idea.
I'm giving credit where credit is due.
186
00:13:51,623 --> 00:13:57,296
Now I know where I've heard your voice before.
Aren't you Alfred, the Wayne butler?
187
00:13:57,504 --> 00:13:58,797
Yes. Yes, sir, I am.
188
00:13:59,006 --> 00:14:04,136
Well, Alfred, if I ever need a wife
on the spur of the moment, I'll know--
189
00:14:04,428 --> 00:14:07,014
Begorra, I forgot.
190
00:14:07,222 --> 00:14:09,683
Bonnie said that my wife called
when I was out...
191
00:14:09,892 --> 00:14:11,560
...and I haven't called her back.
192
00:14:11,769 --> 00:14:13,395
The same with me, Chief O'Hara.
193
00:14:13,604 --> 00:14:15,939
For the same reason,
Commissioner Gordon?
194
00:14:16,148 --> 00:14:19,526
Well, being a wife, I'm sure she wonders
about my temporary absence...
195
00:14:19,735 --> 00:14:21,570
...from the office as well as from home.
196
00:14:21,779 --> 00:14:24,531
And being a husband,
what do you plan to tell her?
197
00:14:24,740 --> 00:14:26,408
The truth. What else?
198
00:14:26,617 --> 00:14:29,620
That you were hit by a cupid's dart?
199
00:14:29,828 --> 00:14:33,582
That you pleaded for the Queen of Diamonds'
love on your knees?
200
00:14:33,791 --> 00:14:36,460
That you were locked in a gilded cage?
201
00:14:36,668 --> 00:14:38,796
It does sound rather far-fetched, doesn't it?
202
00:14:39,004 --> 00:14:41,590
Sure, and I couldn't have made up
such a story myself.
203
00:14:41,799 --> 00:14:43,467
The wife never would believe it.
204
00:14:44,009 --> 00:14:46,011
If I may interject a thought.
205
00:14:46,470 --> 00:14:47,679
- Please do.
-Please do.
206
00:14:48,222 --> 00:14:52,684
My experience with women has been that
they tend to believe what they want to believe.
207
00:14:52,893 --> 00:14:56,980
So knowing you both to be conscientious
gentlemen and faithful husbands...
208
00:14:57,398 --> 00:15:00,859
...I'm sure that if you just tell both your wives
that you were involved...
209
00:15:01,068 --> 00:15:04,279
...in some special and,
uh, confidential assignment...
210
00:15:04,488 --> 00:15:05,739
...that will suffice.
211
00:15:06,615 --> 00:15:07,991
Have you ever been married?
212
00:15:08,826 --> 00:15:11,495
Eh-- Well, no, no.
213
00:15:11,703 --> 00:15:13,664
Alfred, at the risk of sounding pompous...
214
00:15:13,872 --> 00:15:17,376
...experience with women
and experience with wives...
215
00:15:17,584 --> 00:15:19,545
...are two vastly different things.
216
00:15:19,753 --> 00:15:21,588
Amen.
217
00:15:22,005 --> 00:15:26,760
Well, we've all learned something
from this little escapade, have we not?
218
00:15:26,969 --> 00:15:31,014
And now if you'll excuse me, I must be
getting back to my duties at Wayne Manor.
219
00:15:31,223 --> 00:15:35,519
- Of course, Alfred, and thank you again.
-Commissioner. Chief O'Hara.
220
00:15:39,815 --> 00:15:43,235
If you care to use my private phone
to call home, Chief O'Hara.
221
00:15:43,444 --> 00:15:46,613
- After you, Commissioner Gordon.
-Oh, no, no, no, please. After you.
222
00:15:46,822 --> 00:15:50,159
No, sir. No, sir. It's your office and your phone.
You go right ahead.
223
00:15:53,203 --> 00:15:56,039
Are you sure this potion will work, darling?
224
00:15:56,248 --> 00:15:57,791
I think so, deary.
225
00:15:58,000 --> 00:16:01,795
Of course there's always a certain amount
of luck in these things, you know.
226
00:16:02,004 --> 00:16:05,007
Once, when I was a chemistry professor
at Vassar, I--
227
00:16:05,215 --> 00:16:07,801
Darling, please,
enough of your academic past.
228
00:16:08,010 --> 00:16:10,304
Let's concentrate on the present.
229
00:16:10,512 --> 00:16:13,265
Now, Batman and Robin
have already tripped the outer alarm.
230
00:16:13,474 --> 00:16:15,517
They should be on their way down here
right now.
231
00:16:17,519 --> 00:16:20,772
Ah. Our guinea pigs have arrived.
232
00:16:25,402 --> 00:16:27,279
Holy trolls and goblins.
233
00:16:27,488 --> 00:16:32,034
Welcome, darlings.
Welcome to Aunt Hilda's little den.
234
00:16:32,242 --> 00:16:34,995
- She has a surprise for you.
-Careful, Robin.
235
00:16:35,537 --> 00:16:41,043
I'm sorry, Batman, but I'm afraid
I must turn you and Robin into mice.
236
00:16:42,294 --> 00:16:43,462
- Mice?
-Mice?
237
00:16:43,670 --> 00:16:45,631
Whee!
238
00:16:46,089 --> 00:16:47,841
What is it, Batman?
239
00:16:48,050 --> 00:16:49,384
I can't tell, Robin.
240
00:16:49,593 --> 00:16:51,386
It seems harmless enough.
241
00:16:51,595 --> 00:16:56,767
- You bumbling old hag, you failed again!
-That's no way to talk to an old lady.
242
00:16:56,975 --> 00:16:59,686
You mind your own business,
Boy Wonder.
243
00:16:59,895 --> 00:17:02,731
You're going to be in enough trouble
as it is.
244
00:17:04,566 --> 00:17:05,776
Yes, Your Highness?
245
00:17:06,443 --> 00:17:07,653
Dispatch them.
246
00:17:07,861 --> 00:17:10,239
Yes, Your Highness.
247
00:17:13,367 --> 00:17:15,619
A caldron of creeps, Batman.
248
00:17:15,827 --> 00:17:16,954
Well put, Robin.
249
00:17:27,172 --> 00:17:30,133
I'm sure this one will work.
250
00:17:30,342 --> 00:17:32,636
It's guaranteed to turn them into lizards.
251
00:17:32,844 --> 00:17:37,391
You said the last one would have them
running around on the floor squeaking.
252
00:17:37,599 --> 00:17:43,313
This time I'll add a little more,
just to make sure.
253
00:17:57,411 --> 00:17:59,663
Missed again.
254
00:18:02,583 --> 00:18:07,504
I don't know what's wrong.
Nothing seems to be working today.
255
00:18:07,713 --> 00:18:10,924
This one has to work.
It's one of my best potions.
256
00:18:11,133 --> 00:18:15,387
It better be, darling.
My Guardians are falling like ninepins.
257
00:18:29,109 --> 00:18:30,402
Oh!
258
00:18:32,112 --> 00:18:33,905
Another zero.
259
00:18:34,114 --> 00:18:39,411
Playtime is over, darling.
Let the grownups take charge.
260
00:18:45,375 --> 00:18:47,044
Diamond dozing gas, Batman.
261
00:18:47,252 --> 00:18:49,713
Try not to breathe.
262
00:19:00,599 --> 00:19:04,853
This is my most powerful potion.
It's never failed.
263
00:19:05,062 --> 00:19:06,438
Like all the others?
264
00:19:06,647 --> 00:19:11,401
I'll guarantee this will turn them
into a pair of toads.
265
00:19:11,610 --> 00:19:14,613
I'll stake my reputation on it.
266
00:19:14,821 --> 00:19:16,573
You haven't much to lose.
267
00:19:16,782 --> 00:19:22,496
A pair of wriggling little toads.
268
00:19:26,875 --> 00:19:28,794
No word yet from Batman.
269
00:19:29,002 --> 00:19:31,588
L-- I'm getting worried, chief.
270
00:19:31,797 --> 00:19:33,090
Me too, commissioner.
271
00:19:33,298 --> 00:19:36,718
That felonious female
is a devilish customer, all right.
272
00:19:36,927 --> 00:19:40,055
Batman and Robin can handle
any male criminal in Gotham City...
273
00:19:40,263 --> 00:19:41,848
...but when it comes to women--
274
00:19:42,057 --> 00:19:46,269
When it comes to women,
Batman's the big loser, darling.
275
00:19:46,478 --> 00:19:49,481
A very big loser.
276
00:19:54,444 --> 00:19:57,072
What kind of trickery is this?
277
00:19:57,280 --> 00:20:00,242
- Where are Batman and Robin?
-Right here.
278
00:20:00,450 --> 00:20:03,370
Say hello to the commissioner, Bat Toad.
279
00:20:03,578 --> 00:20:07,249
The woman's gone daft.
She's taken leave of her senses.
280
00:20:07,958 --> 00:20:11,461
I'm afraid it's true, commissioner.
We're right here.
281
00:20:11,670 --> 00:20:13,213
She's got us.
282
00:20:13,422 --> 00:20:16,967
Saints preserve us.
The whole world's come unhinged.
283
00:20:17,175 --> 00:20:19,052
I'll take Circe.
284
00:20:19,261 --> 00:20:22,806
Say something to Chief O'Hara, Robin Toad.
285
00:20:24,933 --> 00:20:28,186
Holy hors d'oeuvres, Chief O'Hara.
Keep that cat away from us.
286
00:20:28,395 --> 00:20:30,772
Robin, you poor boy.
287
00:20:30,981 --> 00:20:33,233
Commissioner, is it possible?
288
00:20:33,442 --> 00:20:34,776
Chief, I just don't know.
289
00:20:34,985 --> 00:20:38,029
But you remember what she did to us
with that love potion of hers.
290
00:20:38,238 --> 00:20:40,741
She's diabolical, all right.
291
00:20:40,949 --> 00:20:45,036
The Dynamic Duo a pair of toads?
292
00:20:45,245 --> 00:20:48,248
Oh, what will become of Gotham City now?
293
00:20:48,457 --> 00:20:51,835
I don't know about Gotham City, darlings...
294
00:20:52,043 --> 00:20:54,838
...but Batman and Robin
will become cat food...
295
00:20:55,046 --> 00:20:57,299
...unless I get my hands
on the Bat Diamond.
296
00:20:57,507 --> 00:21:00,719
Oh. Batman...
297
00:21:00,927 --> 00:21:02,137
...what should we do?
298
00:21:02,345 --> 00:21:04,139
Better do what she says, commissioner.
299
00:21:04,347 --> 00:21:09,728
Otherwise, Robin and I will end up
inside that fat cat.
300
00:21:09,936 --> 00:21:12,731
Gosh, Batman, I'm too young to be eaten.
301
00:21:12,939 --> 00:21:13,982
Don't worry, Robin.
302
00:21:14,191 --> 00:21:18,445
I'm sure Commissioner Gordon will cooperate
with the Queen of Diamonds.
303
00:21:18,653 --> 00:21:23,158
But, Batman,
I don't know where the Batcave is.
304
00:21:23,366 --> 00:21:26,161
That's right, Batman.
Nobody does but you and Robin.
305
00:21:26,495 --> 00:21:30,832
I'm sure you could find out
if you use that darling red phone.
306
00:21:32,042 --> 00:21:33,710
Should we do it, Batman?
307
00:21:34,169 --> 00:21:35,420
Yes, commissioner.
308
00:21:36,129 --> 00:21:38,465
- Oh, commissioner.
-Yes, Batman?
309
00:21:38,673 --> 00:21:40,050
Never mind the phone.
310
00:21:40,258 --> 00:21:42,511
- Who said that?
-Not me, Your Highness.
311
00:21:42,719 --> 00:21:45,347
The real Batman said it. Look over here.
312
00:21:45,555 --> 00:21:47,599
The Dynamic Duo themselves.
313
00:21:47,808 --> 00:21:50,894
Saints be praised. You're not toads after all.
314
00:21:51,102 --> 00:21:53,188
No, we're quite human, Chief O'Hara.
315
00:21:53,396 --> 00:21:58,318
But, Batman, how could those two toads
talk just like you and Robin?
316
00:21:58,527 --> 00:22:00,946
Oh, darling, it was a simple little prank.
317
00:22:01,154 --> 00:22:03,532
- Some prank.
-The Queen of Diamonds was relying...
318
00:22:03,740 --> 00:22:06,868
...on the Grand Mogul's ability
as a ventriloquist to deceive you.
319
00:22:07,077 --> 00:22:11,331
But, Batman, the Bat Toad talked
in your noble voice just a moment ago.
320
00:22:11,540 --> 00:22:12,624
So it did.
321
00:22:12,833 --> 00:22:15,627
You see, Batman knows a trick or two
about ventriloquism.
322
00:22:15,836 --> 00:22:19,506
And a few tricks
about getting out of barred cells.
323
00:22:19,714 --> 00:22:22,259
I was wondering
how you managed that, darling.
324
00:22:22,467 --> 00:22:26,888
Thanks to the extraordinary
transmitting powers of the Bat Diamond...
325
00:22:27,097 --> 00:22:28,431
...which you've been after...
326
00:22:28,640 --> 00:22:32,811
...we were able to carry on some long-distance
computations in the Batcave.
327
00:22:33,019 --> 00:22:36,481
After we wired the bars of the cell
to convert them to a radio aerial.
328
00:22:36,690 --> 00:22:38,775
You see, the tumbler lock on the cell door...
329
00:22:38,984 --> 00:22:45,365
...only had 3,724,521 possible combinations.
330
00:22:45,574 --> 00:22:47,784
Child's play for the Batcomputer.
331
00:22:48,201 --> 00:22:50,453
That was very clever of you, darling.
332
00:22:50,662 --> 00:22:52,455
Take care of them.
333
00:22:52,664 --> 00:22:54,624
Take care of them, I said.
334
00:22:57,711 --> 00:23:00,422
- Pinned like a wriggling toad.
-So...
335
00:23:01,172 --> 00:23:04,926
Well, I suppose this is the end
of my little romp, eh, darlings?
336
00:23:05,135 --> 00:23:07,929
A one- to 10-year end, at least.
337
00:23:08,138 --> 00:23:12,559
I just hope it's taught you that diamonds
aren't necessarily a girl's best friend, Marsha.
338
00:23:12,976 --> 00:23:16,730
Oh, Batman, darling...
339
00:23:16,938 --> 00:23:20,734
...you are so divinely square.
340
00:23:44,841 --> 00:23:49,220
Now, girls, after you've added
the baking powder and salt...
341
00:23:49,429 --> 00:23:53,350
...throw in a dash of ground lizard
to give it flavor.
342
00:23:53,850 --> 00:23:55,185
Ground lizard?
343
00:23:56,144 --> 00:23:59,773
Did I say ground lizard?
I meant garlic, of course.
344
00:24:00,523 --> 00:24:02,776
Then a teaspoon-full of oregano.
345
00:24:03,401 --> 00:24:06,237
All the time Aunt Hilda was a frustrated cook.
346
00:24:06,446 --> 00:24:09,908
Yes, I think she'll be much happier
with her recipes than with her potions.
347
00:24:10,158 --> 00:24:12,953
I just hope
she doesn’t turn the students into toads.
348
00:24:13,578 --> 00:24:17,749
Bruce, would you believe it
if I told you I have a wart on my thumb?
349
00:24:18,041 --> 00:24:20,377
Yes, I'd believe it, Dick.
350
00:24:20,752 --> 00:24:22,587
But who else would?
351
00:24:25,465 --> 00:24:30,220
NARRATOR". Next week, Cliff Robertson
as Shame corrals the Caped Crusaders.
27836
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