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1
00:00:01,710 --> 00:00:04,810
I can't believe little Marty
gonna be a father.
2
00:00:04,820 --> 00:00:07,490
I remember him sitting in this chair,
3
00:00:07,510 --> 00:00:08,926
crying his little eyes out.
4
00:00:10,060 --> 00:00:11,809
You've been cutting his
hair a long time, huh?
5
00:00:11,810 --> 00:00:13,309
Oh, no, that was a couple of months ago,
6
00:00:13,310 --> 00:00:15,057
after he broke up with Necie.
7
00:00:15,070 --> 00:00:16,720
(LAUGHTER)
8
00:00:16,730 --> 00:00:18,030
It wasn't about Necie!
9
00:00:18,050 --> 00:00:19,680
You nicked me, and you know it!
10
00:00:20,740 --> 00:00:23,160
So, Calvin, you're about
to be a grandpa.
11
00:00:23,190 --> 00:00:24,692
You gonna get some Velcro shoes?
12
00:00:24,700 --> 00:00:26,860
(LAUGHTER)
13
00:00:26,870 --> 00:00:28,840
Nah. One of those, uh, pill trays
14
00:00:28,860 --> 00:00:30,710
- with every day of the week on it.
- Oh.
15
00:00:30,730 --> 00:00:32,540
Hey, hey, but don't mix up your days.
16
00:00:32,560 --> 00:00:33,860
My grandmother did that.
17
00:00:33,870 --> 00:00:35,700
She took her Thursday on Tuesday.
18
00:00:35,710 --> 00:00:37,288
She was gone by Friday.
19
00:00:37,290 --> 00:00:38,820
Well, you keep talking smack,
20
00:00:38,840 --> 00:00:40,349
you're gonna see your grandmama today.
21
00:00:40,350 --> 00:00:42,120
(LAUGHTER)
22
00:00:42,140 --> 00:00:44,980
Calvin, you should embrace
becoming a grandfather.
23
00:00:44,990 --> 00:00:47,631
You know, my dad couldn't
be more excited about it.
24
00:00:47,640 --> 00:00:49,800
- Mm.
- I thought your kid was 13.
25
00:00:49,820 --> 00:00:52,160
Ah, yes, but my dad was indisposed
26
00:00:52,180 --> 00:00:53,512
for a number of those years.
27
00:00:53,520 --> 00:00:56,724
A number of years determined by a judge.
28
00:00:56,730 --> 00:00:59,190
(LAUGHTER)
29
00:00:59,230 --> 00:01:01,478
I'm just saying, you should
look for the positives.
30
00:01:01,490 --> 00:01:04,760
You know, as a grandfather,
you'll be revered for your wisdom.
31
00:01:04,780 --> 00:01:07,610
Marty is going to need a lot of
advice on how to raise a kid.
32
00:01:07,620 --> 00:01:10,237
You know what? That is true.
33
00:01:10,250 --> 00:01:12,031
I am the master.
34
00:01:12,040 --> 00:01:13,430
Eh...
35
00:01:13,460 --> 00:01:14,600
Eh...
36
00:01:14,630 --> 00:01:15,749
What?
37
00:01:15,750 --> 00:01:17,328
Look, Dad, you did a great job.
38
00:01:17,340 --> 00:01:19,210
I-I'm just planning on raising my kid
39
00:01:19,220 --> 00:01:21,081
with a lot less yelling.
40
00:01:21,100 --> 00:01:23,900
And a lot less belt.
41
00:01:23,930 --> 00:01:25,669
It's-it's a new era.
42
00:01:25,680 --> 00:01:27,389
- Things are different now.
- MALCOLM: Yeah.
43
00:01:27,390 --> 00:01:29,410
When I fell off my bike and hit my head,
44
00:01:29,440 --> 00:01:30,670
you told me to go take a nap.
45
00:01:30,680 --> 00:01:32,593
Are you alive?
46
00:01:32,600 --> 00:01:35,095
- Yes.
- Then it worked.
47
00:01:36,150 --> 00:01:38,070
Dad, no offense,
48
00:01:38,090 --> 00:01:40,770
but I'm approaching fatherhood
as more of a science.
49
00:01:40,790 --> 00:01:42,379
You see, I'm going to
read all the books,
50
00:01:42,380 --> 00:01:43,760
I'm gonna absorb all the data.
51
00:01:43,780 --> 00:01:45,860
Then I will apply it in the real world.
52
00:01:45,880 --> 00:01:48,066
I'm going to get my PhD in D-A-D.
53
00:01:48,067 --> 00:01:51,380
QUE: So, Calvin, what's
the kid going to call you?
54
00:01:51,410 --> 00:01:53,655
Gramps? Papa?
55
00:01:53,656 --> 00:01:55,031
No. Pee-paw!
56
00:01:55,032 --> 00:01:56,783
Oh, you know, Pee-paw
has a nice ring to it.
57
00:01:56,784 --> 00:01:58,618
You know, I may start
calling you Pee-paw.
58
00:01:58,619 --> 00:02:00,329
You better not call me no damn Pee-paw.
59
00:02:01,747 --> 00:02:04,708
I just started liking you,
Dave. Don't ruin it.
60
00:02:06,600 --> 00:02:11,630
Guys, I'm not some old, stuffy,
grandpa type, all right?
61
00:02:11,650 --> 00:02:13,450
In fact, I'm taking my lady out
62
00:02:13,470 --> 00:02:15,674
- to see Earth, Wind & Fire tomorrow.
- Okay.
63
00:02:15,675 --> 00:02:18,220
- Yeah.
- Ooh, what time's that concert?
64
00:02:18,240 --> 00:02:19,305
5:00?
65
00:02:19,306 --> 00:02:21,683
(LAUGHTER)
66
00:02:21,684 --> 00:02:24,519
Oh, that's gonna get in the
way of his early-bird special!
67
00:02:24,520 --> 00:02:26,750
(LAUGHTER)
68
00:02:28,816 --> 00:02:31,150
- No tip?
- Yeah, I got a tip for you.
69
00:02:31,170 --> 00:02:33,654
Don't clown your customers
before you get your tip.
70
00:02:35,447 --> 00:02:37,770
? Welcome to the block,
welcome to the neighborhood ?
71
00:02:37,790 --> 00:02:39,660
? Welcome to the hood. ?
72
00:02:41,540 --> 00:02:45,120
So you're really going to let
your dad take Grover out solo?
73
00:02:45,124 --> 00:02:46,740
I don't know why you're so surprised.
74
00:02:46,770 --> 00:02:48,835
We're chill. We're not
helicopter parents.
75
00:02:48,836 --> 00:02:50,045
Yes, you are.
76
00:02:51,170 --> 00:02:52,213
We totally are.
77
00:02:52,214 --> 00:02:55,174
(OVER STEREO): ? I pull
up with the blick, blick ?
78
00:02:55,175 --> 00:02:56,719
? I pull up, make your clique flip ?
79
00:02:57,810 --> 00:02:59,137
? I pull off in the whip ?
80
00:02:59,138 --> 00:03:00,555
? And I skert ?
81
00:03:00,556 --> 00:03:02,180
- ? Skert ?
- ? Skert ?
82
00:03:02,210 --> 00:03:03,890
- ? Skert... ?
- ? Skert... ?
83
00:03:07,190 --> 00:03:08,272
What's up, y'all?
84
00:03:09,210 --> 00:03:11,983
Hey, Calvin. Uh, what was that?
85
00:03:11,984 --> 00:03:14,430
Oh. Oh, yeah. That was lit, right?
86
00:03:14,460 --> 00:03:16,988
That was that... That's
that new Lil Side Baby.
87
00:03:16,989 --> 00:03:21,367
Oh. Oh, so, did your radio get
stuck on the wrong station?
88
00:03:21,368 --> 00:03:22,995
That wasn't the radio, dawg.
89
00:03:25,622 --> 00:03:29,000
That-that was on my phone.
I-I made a new playlist. Dope.
90
00:03:29,001 --> 00:03:30,627
Oh. What else is on it?
91
00:03:31,470 --> 00:03:32,795
Just that one song.
92
00:03:32,796 --> 00:03:35,550
Okay, Calvin, is this because
we were ribbing you
93
00:03:35,570 --> 00:03:37,780
at the barbershop about
being a grandfather?
94
00:03:37,810 --> 00:03:40,610
Look, man, I'm nobody's
grandpa, all right?
95
00:03:40,630 --> 00:03:44,057
I'm just a man who has a
son who's having a baby.
96
00:03:45,058 --> 00:03:48,436
Uh, I don't know what
you're talking about,
97
00:03:48,437 --> 00:03:51,314
'cause I cannot wait for that
baby to call me "Grandma."
98
00:03:51,315 --> 00:03:52,315
Aw.
99
00:03:52,316 --> 00:03:54,310
Or Lovey. Or-or Gammy.
100
00:03:54,340 --> 00:03:55,890
Or Gammy T.
101
00:03:55,910 --> 00:03:59,239
Ooh, Glammy T. Let's lock that one in.
102
00:04:01,158 --> 00:04:03,618
Hey, so what's a blick, blick?
103
00:04:03,619 --> 00:04:07,590
Okay, well, if you have to ask,
then the music's not for you.
104
00:04:09,510 --> 00:04:10,751
Boomers, right?
105
00:04:11,794 --> 00:04:14,129
? Blick, blick, skert, skert, oh! ?
106
00:04:16,423 --> 00:04:18,730
- Yo.
- Hey.
107
00:04:18,760 --> 00:04:19,910
Oh, what's all this?
108
00:04:19,940 --> 00:04:22,110
Oh, Amazon Prime delivered
some parenting books.
109
00:04:22,120 --> 00:04:23,137
I'm reading up.
110
00:04:23,138 --> 00:04:24,480
By the time this baby arrives,
111
00:04:24,500 --> 00:04:25,723
I'll know everything I need to know.
112
00:04:25,724 --> 00:04:27,640
Okay. (LAUGHS)
113
00:04:27,670 --> 00:04:29,143
How to Raise a Green Baby.
114
00:04:29,144 --> 00:04:30,895
Mm-hmm.
115
00:04:30,896 --> 00:04:33,148
I would hope you're having a Black baby.
116
00:04:34,250 --> 00:04:36,340
No. No, see, this book teaches you
117
00:04:36,370 --> 00:04:37,985
how to have a kid that's carbon neutral.
118
00:04:37,986 --> 00:04:39,420
- Oh.
- Yeah.
119
00:04:39,430 --> 00:04:40,697
What the hell does that mean?
120
00:04:41,990 --> 00:04:44,870
I don't know, but in 600 pages, I will.
121
00:04:46,245 --> 00:04:48,690
Oh, uh, guess who I'm going
out for drinks with tomorrow.
122
00:04:48,710 --> 00:04:51,791
- Who?
- My old buddy Chili Mangold.
123
00:04:51,792 --> 00:04:53,630
Oh, your old college teammate?
124
00:04:53,660 --> 00:04:55,410
- Yup.
- What's he doing in town?
125
00:04:55,440 --> 00:04:58,170
We're, uh, playing San
Diego State tomorrow.
126
00:04:58,200 --> 00:05:00,091
- He's their new head coach.
- Oh.
127
00:05:00,092 --> 00:05:02,740
Nice. Uh, head coach. That's...
128
00:05:02,770 --> 00:05:04,220
Wow. That's-that's big-time.
129
00:05:04,221 --> 00:05:05,510
Yeah.
130
00:05:06,139 --> 00:05:08,450
- He's a lot younger than you, isn't he?
- (COUGHS)
131
00:05:11,330 --> 00:05:12,670
- Two years, Marty.
- Oh.
132
00:05:12,690 --> 00:05:14,313
(LAUGHS) That's not a lot.
133
00:05:14,314 --> 00:05:17,670
- Oh. Yeah.
- Plus, he has a summer birthday, so...
134
00:05:18,277 --> 00:05:20,111
Yeah, well, good for him.
135
00:05:20,112 --> 00:05:21,760
Uh, okay, I'm going to start
136
00:05:21,780 --> 00:05:23,500
with How to Speak Baby with Your Baby.
137
00:05:23,520 --> 00:05:26,200
Yeah. (LAUGHS) You know, uh,
138
00:05:26,230 --> 00:05:28,580
just because Chili is
a little ahead of me,
139
00:05:28,600 --> 00:05:30,621
that does not mean
that I'm behind, so...
140
00:05:30,622 --> 00:05:32,123
That's fair.
141
00:05:32,124 --> 00:05:34,220
Yeah. Yeah, he's a head
coach, Marty, okay,
142
00:05:34,230 --> 00:05:36,610
but San Diego State...
they are not that good.
143
00:05:36,630 --> 00:05:38,980
Yes, they are undefeated,
okay, but so were we
144
00:05:38,990 --> 00:05:41,008
till we hit that rough patch
a couple of weeks ago.
145
00:05:43,135 --> 00:05:45,690
- Malcolm, are you okay?
- Yes, I am okay,
146
00:05:45,700 --> 00:05:48,570
and I am very, very happy
for Chili Mangold!
147
00:05:49,430 --> 00:05:53,102
Okay. Okay. Uh, you seem a bit fussy.
148
00:05:53,103 --> 00:05:55,731
And according to this book,
you might have gas.
149
00:05:57,065 --> 00:05:58,357
Can I practice burping you?
150
00:05:58,358 --> 00:06:00,234
Can I practice punching you?
151
00:06:00,235 --> 00:06:01,444
Let me burp you, man.
152
00:06:01,445 --> 00:06:03,110
- Come on.
- (OVERLAPPING ARGUING)
153
00:06:03,130 --> 00:06:05,170
Let me freaking go!
154
00:06:05,190 --> 00:06:06,289
- Let me go!
- Let me burp you!
155
00:06:06,290 --> 00:06:07,330
Let me burp you!
156
00:06:09,995 --> 00:06:12,550
It's good to see you, Dad.
You're looking good.
157
00:06:12,570 --> 00:06:13,581
Oh, thanks, son.
158
00:06:13,582 --> 00:06:16,375
Notice anything different about me?
159
00:06:16,376 --> 00:06:18,044
You got your ankle monitor off!
160
00:06:18,045 --> 00:06:19,870
I did. I'm a free man.
161
00:06:19,890 --> 00:06:22,290
Except for weekly urine tests.
162
00:06:24,050 --> 00:06:25,070
Lamar!
163
00:06:25,090 --> 00:06:27,630
- Thank you so much for coming.
- Aww.
164
00:06:27,650 --> 00:06:29,170
Yeah, we both have such crazy days,
165
00:06:29,190 --> 00:06:31,766
it really is helpful that you can
drive Grover around for us.
166
00:06:31,767 --> 00:06:33,050
Oh, I'm happy to do it.
167
00:06:33,080 --> 00:06:35,290
I missed so much time
with you growing up,
168
00:06:35,854 --> 00:06:38,105
because of mandatory minimum sentences.
169
00:06:38,106 --> 00:06:39,815
(CHUCKLES)
170
00:06:39,816 --> 00:06:41,950
I want to enjoy every
minute with Grover.
171
00:06:42,486 --> 00:06:44,650
So Dave says you bought a car?
172
00:06:44,670 --> 00:06:45,696
That I did.
173
00:06:45,697 --> 00:06:48,283
As in paid for? Legally, it's yours?
174
00:06:50,550 --> 00:06:52,162
Yes, Gemma.
175
00:06:54,680 --> 00:06:57,260
Not bad, huh? 1980.
176
00:06:57,270 --> 00:06:59,730
Still got the original tires.
177
00:07:02,930 --> 00:07:03,965
Low mileage?
178
00:07:03,966 --> 00:07:06,760
Odometer's taped over, but I'd guess so.
179
00:07:08,053 --> 00:07:10,096
- So, where's Grover?
- No.
180
00:07:10,097 --> 00:07:11,910
- Excuse me?
- Not happening.
181
00:07:11,930 --> 00:07:13,933
Grover can't ride in
that. It's not safe.
182
00:07:13,934 --> 00:07:15,644
The seat belt is a rope.
183
00:07:18,930 --> 00:07:20,760
You can drive Dave's car.
184
00:07:20,780 --> 00:07:22,274
Dave can drive yours to work.
185
00:07:22,275 --> 00:07:24,080
So it's too dangerous
for Grover to ride in,
186
00:07:24,100 --> 00:07:25,111
but it's okay for me?
187
00:07:25,112 --> 00:07:27,655
It's fine. Just get it back before dark.
188
00:07:27,656 --> 00:07:29,574
Those headlights do not work.
189
00:07:30,730 --> 00:07:32,785
You know what? I-I'll just take an Uber.
190
00:07:32,786 --> 00:07:33,870
Yeah...
191
00:07:34,579 --> 00:07:36,205
DAVE: Oh, hey, Marty!
192
00:07:36,206 --> 00:07:37,331
You remember my dad.
193
00:07:37,332 --> 00:07:40,544
Well, how could I forget
a white man named Lamar?
194
00:07:41,930 --> 00:07:44,088
I hear you're going to be
a father. Good for you.
195
00:07:44,089 --> 00:07:45,297
- Yeah.
- Oh,
196
00:07:45,298 --> 00:07:46,850
you're reading Ready, Set, Toddler.
197
00:07:46,870 --> 00:07:49,130
- It's great, isn't it?
- Well, it's okay.
198
00:07:49,150 --> 00:07:50,469
It's a little touchy-feely for me.
199
00:07:50,470 --> 00:07:52,639
Oh, well, let it touch you, bro.
200
00:07:54,599 --> 00:07:56,490
- Are you sure?
- Yeah.
201
00:07:56,510 --> 00:07:58,320
I mean, trust me, it is amazing.
202
00:07:58,350 --> 00:08:00,770
You know, that book was
my GPS to fatherhood.
203
00:08:00,780 --> 00:08:02,940
It's probably why Grover
has such great life skills.
204
00:08:02,941 --> 00:08:04,108
GROVER: Uh, Dad?
205
00:08:04,109 --> 00:08:07,340
A little help with this hoodie?
206
00:08:07,370 --> 00:08:08,654
Oh, uh...
207
00:08:08,655 --> 00:08:10,449
Son, that's a pair of sweatpants.
208
00:08:13,330 --> 00:08:14,493
Oh.
209
00:08:14,494 --> 00:08:16,540
Uh...
210
00:08:16,570 --> 00:08:19,340
Why don't you go inside and
take another crack at it, champ?
211
00:08:19,370 --> 00:08:20,490
You got this.
212
00:08:22,502 --> 00:08:23,990
Ah.
213
00:08:24,630 --> 00:08:28,110
You know, I thought
I smelled burning oil out here.
214
00:08:28,140 --> 00:08:30,670
Did this thing even pass inspection?
215
00:08:30,700 --> 00:08:32,080
Ha! I wish.
216
00:08:33,305 --> 00:08:35,306
I hear congratulations are in order.
217
00:08:35,307 --> 00:08:37,141
Oh, well, yes, they are.
218
00:08:37,142 --> 00:08:38,690
Welcome to the Grandpa Club.
219
00:08:38,720 --> 00:08:39,970
Tip from an old pro?
220
00:08:39,990 --> 00:08:42,010
Keep hard candy in the
front sweater pocket,
221
00:08:42,030 --> 00:08:43,439
kids go bananas for 'em.
222
00:08:43,440 --> 00:08:47,193
All right, I'm not "hard candy" old.
223
00:08:47,194 --> 00:08:49,000
Well, I don't know, Calvin,
you do make sounds
224
00:08:49,010 --> 00:08:50,800
when you get up, and...
225
00:08:50,830 --> 00:08:52,865
well, and when you sit down.
226
00:08:52,866 --> 00:08:54,366
It's the furniture, Dave.
227
00:08:54,367 --> 00:08:58,030
Oh, so it's the furniture
that goes... (GROANS)
228
00:08:58,050 --> 00:08:59,070
Damn.
229
00:09:00,290 --> 00:09:03,584
Okay. Look, y'all just hating
on a man that's in his prime.
230
00:09:03,585 --> 00:09:06,587
I mean, come on, could
an old man do this?
231
00:09:06,588 --> 00:09:08,250
Oh, watch out now, Daddy.
232
00:09:08,280 --> 00:09:09,924
- Watch out, Daddy. Okay.
- Huh?
233
00:09:09,925 --> 00:09:11,050
Or Shabba Doo like this?
234
00:09:11,051 --> 00:09:12,844
- (LOUD SNAP)
- Oh!
235
00:09:14,260 --> 00:09:15,660
(GRUNTS)
236
00:09:16,515 --> 00:09:17,807
Dad?
237
00:09:17,808 --> 00:09:20,070
- Dad, are-are you okay?
- (GRUNTS)
238
00:09:20,100 --> 00:09:22,019
Yeah. Yeah, I'm okay.
Yeah, I'm okay. Yeah.
239
00:09:22,020 --> 00:09:24,040
(MOANING)
240
00:09:24,070 --> 00:09:25,660
Yeah, this that...
241
00:09:25,680 --> 00:09:27,490
This that new Lil Side Baby shuffle.
242
00:09:29,030 --> 00:09:30,270
It's the Side Baby.
243
00:09:32,114 --> 00:09:33,490
Skert, skert!
244
00:09:36,210 --> 00:09:37,790
Okay, good, they're only a block away.
245
00:09:37,810 --> 00:09:39,099
(SIGHS) Well, put your phone away.
246
00:09:39,100 --> 00:09:40,599
We don't want them to
know we're tracking them.
247
00:09:40,600 --> 00:09:42,832
Well, what are they gonna think
we're doing standing out here?
248
00:09:42,833 --> 00:09:44,501
Crap. Act natural.
249
00:09:47,671 --> 00:09:50,020
Oh, look, they're back already.
250
00:09:50,040 --> 00:09:51,540
(HORN HONKS)
251
00:09:51,560 --> 00:09:53,093
'Sup, Mom?
252
00:09:59,766 --> 00:10:00,851
(CAR DOOR CLOSES)
253
00:10:03,687 --> 00:10:05,000
What's happening?
254
00:10:06,565 --> 00:10:08,691
Grandpa Lamar gave me
my first driving lesson.
255
00:10:08,692 --> 00:10:11,235
In a car? On the street?
256
00:10:11,236 --> 00:10:12,880
Mostly on the street.
257
00:10:14,840 --> 00:10:17,116
You let a 13-year-old drive a car?
258
00:10:17,117 --> 00:10:18,540
Oh, please.
259
00:10:18,560 --> 00:10:20,120
If he can smoke, he can drive.
260
00:10:21,538 --> 00:10:22,663
I can smoke?
261
00:10:22,664 --> 00:10:23,707
- No!
- No!
262
00:10:26,209 --> 00:10:28,280
All right, well, I talked to Dr. Fisher.
263
00:10:28,310 --> 00:10:29,590
He's gonna fit you in.
264
00:10:29,610 --> 00:10:31,922
I don't need to see a
doctor, babe, I'm fine.
265
00:10:31,923 --> 00:10:34,259
No, you're not. Your knee's
the size of a cantaloupe.
266
00:10:38,138 --> 00:10:40,348
Ain't nothing wrong with a big knee.
267
00:10:41,120 --> 00:10:42,391
I think there is.
268
00:10:42,392 --> 00:10:44,510
Look, babe, I'm telling you all I need
269
00:10:44,520 --> 00:10:46,604
is a little Bengay and a nap.
270
00:10:46,605 --> 00:10:48,100
Uh-huh. Okay.
271
00:10:48,120 --> 00:10:50,649
Well, are we still going to see
Earth, Wind & Fire tonight?
272
00:10:50,650 --> 00:10:51,859
Sure.
273
00:10:51,860 --> 00:10:54,560
You know, with the traffic and parking.
274
00:10:54,590 --> 00:10:55,613
You know, we better get going.
275
00:10:55,614 --> 00:10:57,489
- Come on.
- Sure thing. Nothing to it.
276
00:10:57,490 --> 00:11:00,340
Yep, yep. No doubt. (CRIES OUT)
277
00:11:01,360 --> 00:11:03,455
Whoo. Whoo!
278
00:11:04,340 --> 00:11:07,208
All right. Okay, you know
what? I'm sorry, babe.
279
00:11:07,209 --> 00:11:09,543
I know you really wanted to
see Earth Wind & Fire, but...
280
00:11:09,544 --> 00:11:12,000
Oh, no, no, it's fine.
281
00:11:12,020 --> 00:11:13,650
No, it's not fine.
282
00:11:13,660 --> 00:11:16,580
You know... I'm old.
283
00:11:16,600 --> 00:11:18,440
The band old.
284
00:11:18,460 --> 00:11:19,721
Everybody old.
285
00:11:21,560 --> 00:11:23,920
I mean, they're already
down to two elements.
286
00:11:23,940 --> 00:11:26,040
I mean, by the time
they go back on tour,
287
00:11:26,060 --> 00:11:27,896
it'll just be Wind.
288
00:11:31,120 --> 00:11:33,890
Okay, so let's get you to the doctor
289
00:11:33,910 --> 00:11:37,140
- so you could get better.
- Better to do what?
290
00:11:37,170 --> 00:11:38,447
Nobody needs me.
291
00:11:38,448 --> 00:11:39,530
Come on.
292
00:11:39,540 --> 00:11:40,839
What are you talking about, Calvin?
293
00:11:40,840 --> 00:11:42,076
Come on, let's just face it, Tina,
294
00:11:42,077 --> 00:11:43,702
my boys don't need me anymore.
295
00:11:43,703 --> 00:11:46,660
Marty is about to become a father.
296
00:11:46,700 --> 00:11:48,666
But did he call me for advice?
297
00:11:48,667 --> 00:11:51,990
No. He just ordered a bunch of books.
298
00:11:52,020 --> 00:11:55,890
Even Dave fixed his own
lawn mower without my help.
299
00:11:55,920 --> 00:11:58,260
He just looked at some video on YouTube.
300
00:12:00,053 --> 00:12:02,120
He tried to ask you,
301
00:12:02,140 --> 00:12:03,931
and you sprayed him with the hose.
302
00:12:03,932 --> 00:12:05,225
That's our process.
303
00:12:07,700 --> 00:12:09,470
Come on, Grover, we're gonna be late.
304
00:12:09,500 --> 00:12:12,260
Dave, now your dad's texting me
305
00:12:12,280 --> 00:12:14,316
- because you won't take his calls.
- (SIGHS)
306
00:12:14,317 --> 00:12:16,040
Maybe we overreacted.
307
00:12:16,070 --> 00:12:18,470
It was one driving lesson.
Grover's safe.
308
00:12:18,500 --> 00:12:19,780
Is it that big a deal?
309
00:12:19,781 --> 00:12:22,620
It's a big deal to me.
310
00:12:22,650 --> 00:12:24,785
You know, driving lessons
are a "dad" thing.
311
00:12:24,786 --> 00:12:27,430
Ever since he was crawling around,
312
00:12:27,460 --> 00:12:28,760
I've been thinking about the day
313
00:12:28,780 --> 00:12:31,083
where I got to put him
behind the wheel of a car.
314
00:12:31,084 --> 00:12:33,127
Well, you can still do that.
315
00:12:33,128 --> 00:12:35,140
Yeah, but it won't be the first time.
316
00:12:35,630 --> 00:12:37,965
He probably just took
Grover around the block.
317
00:12:37,966 --> 00:12:40,480
Wrong. They drove all the
way to that donut place.
318
00:12:40,490 --> 00:12:42,320
You know, the one with
the big, giant donut?
319
00:12:42,340 --> 00:12:45,390
And even worse, Lamar
only got enough donuts
320
00:12:45,400 --> 00:12:46,840
for him and Grover.
321
00:12:47,892 --> 00:12:49,500
That's just rude.
322
00:12:50,729 --> 00:12:52,450
That driving lesson was a moment
323
00:12:52,480 --> 00:12:53,820
that I'd been waiting for.
324
00:12:54,650 --> 00:12:57,944
Lamar stole it just like
he steals everything.
325
00:13:00,300 --> 00:13:01,322
Hey, man.
326
00:13:01,323 --> 00:13:02,865
Hmm?
327
00:13:02,866 --> 00:13:04,700
You said there weren't any more donuts.
328
00:13:04,701 --> 00:13:06,661
No, I said there were no extra donuts.
329
00:13:08,371 --> 00:13:09,748
Your pants are inside out.
330
00:13:12,792 --> 00:13:14,126
_
331
00:13:14,127 --> 00:13:15,480
- (SIGHS HEAVILY)
- Hey.
332
00:13:16,440 --> 00:13:19,070
Well, it's official.
333
00:13:19,090 --> 00:13:21,383
Your brother is a loser.
334
00:13:21,384 --> 00:13:23,052
You lost the game?
335
00:13:23,053 --> 00:13:26,720
No, Marty, we won the game.
I'm just losing at life.
336
00:13:26,750 --> 00:13:29,450
Chili Mangold is a head coach,
337
00:13:29,480 --> 00:13:31,720
and I'm just an assistant batting coach.
338
00:13:31,750 --> 00:13:33,479
I'm not where I should be in life.
339
00:13:33,480 --> 00:13:36,740
Oh, man, well, I'm sure
you'll be head coach someday.
340
00:13:36,760 --> 00:13:38,067
Yeah, sure, Marty.
341
00:13:38,068 --> 00:13:40,560
As soon as, like, eight
people above me die.
342
00:13:42,864 --> 00:13:44,020
I mean, that could happen.
343
00:13:44,050 --> 00:13:45,492
You guys are out in the sun a lot.
344
00:13:46,743 --> 00:13:48,400
I-I shouldn't have said that.
345
00:13:48,995 --> 00:13:51,639
I mean, man, if I'm really serious
about becoming a head coach,
346
00:13:51,640 --> 00:13:54,320
I'm gonna have to move someplace
where there's openings.
347
00:13:54,340 --> 00:13:55,584
Hello, Tulsa.
348
00:13:55,585 --> 00:13:56,795
I hear Tulsa's nice.
349
00:13:58,220 --> 00:13:59,881
There are no job openings in Tulsa.
350
00:14:01,140 --> 00:14:02,341
Then why you keep saying Tulsa?
351
00:14:02,342 --> 00:14:04,676
I don't know, Marty.
Why won't you just let me vent?
352
00:14:04,677 --> 00:14:06,929
Because I'm freaking out, too, man.
353
00:14:06,930 --> 00:14:08,509
I've been up all night reading
these parenting books,
354
00:14:08,510 --> 00:14:09,880
and it's useless.
355
00:14:09,910 --> 00:14:11,709
It's all psychobabble,
and no two of them agree.
356
00:14:11,710 --> 00:14:13,159
But they all say if you
don't do it their way,
357
00:14:13,160 --> 00:14:14,938
you're gonna end up raising a monster.
358
00:14:15,960 --> 00:14:17,480
What did I get myself into?
359
00:14:18,233 --> 00:14:20,443
I should just move to Tulsa with you.
360
00:14:22,779 --> 00:14:24,572
There's no job in Tulsa.
361
00:14:26,991 --> 00:14:28,519
TV REPORTER: I'm here live at the Forum,
362
00:14:28,520 --> 00:14:31,650
where the stars have come
out to see Earth, Wind & Fire
363
00:14:31,680 --> 00:14:33,950
on the final night of their tour.
364
00:14:33,980 --> 00:14:37,080
And there's a rumor
the Queen Bey herself
365
00:14:37,100 --> 00:14:38,377
might join the band onstage...
366
00:14:38,378 --> 00:14:40,340
(TV TURNS OFF)
367
00:14:42,090 --> 00:14:44,007
I'm sorry, babe.
368
00:14:44,008 --> 00:14:45,240
That's okay, baby.
369
00:14:45,260 --> 00:14:47,260
Who wants to deal with all that traffic?
370
00:14:47,280 --> 00:14:49,763
- Yeah.
- Overpriced food.
371
00:14:49,764 --> 00:14:51,849
Floor seats dead center.
372
00:14:51,850 --> 00:14:53,684
(KNOCK ON DOOR)
373
00:14:53,685 --> 00:14:56,896
And look, we would have missed
who's knocking at our door.
374
00:14:58,356 --> 00:15:00,900
Oh, Lamar.
375
00:15:00,920 --> 00:15:01,985
Yay.
376
00:15:04,821 --> 00:15:06,600
Hi, Tina.
377
00:15:06,630 --> 00:15:08,991
Can I please borrow Calvin for a minute?
378
00:15:08,992 --> 00:15:10,860
- Of course.
- Thank you.
379
00:15:11,600 --> 00:15:13,460
Wow, really hurt yourself there, huh?
380
00:15:13,490 --> 00:15:16,165
I guess that's why they
call it break dancing.
381
00:15:16,166 --> 00:15:17,710
(CHUCKLES)
382
00:15:17,740 --> 00:15:20,462
You are definitely Dave's dad.
383
00:15:22,280 --> 00:15:23,520
And that's why I'm here.
384
00:15:23,540 --> 00:15:25,382
I really stepped in it with him.
385
00:15:25,383 --> 00:15:28,010
I gave Grover a driving lesson.
386
00:15:28,011 --> 00:15:31,973
Really? The boy can
barely ride an escalator.
387
00:15:33,660 --> 00:15:34,690
He did okay.
388
00:15:34,710 --> 00:15:36,936
Took out a mailbox, scared some ducks.
389
00:15:39,105 --> 00:15:41,840
I guess I was trying to share an
experience with my grandson
390
00:15:41,860 --> 00:15:43,720
that I never got to have with my son,
391
00:15:43,750 --> 00:15:46,278
and now Dave's really mad, and
I don't know what to do about it.
392
00:15:46,279 --> 00:15:50,190
Lamar, look, you can't change the past.
393
00:15:50,220 --> 00:15:53,118
You're gonna have to stop
obsessing over what you missed.
394
00:15:53,119 --> 00:15:55,300
But I missed his entire childhood,
395
00:15:55,320 --> 00:15:56,498
and I'll never get it back.
396
00:15:58,180 --> 00:15:59,320
Pop!
397
00:16:00,168 --> 00:16:02,378
I think I've done my whole life wrong.
398
00:16:03,390 --> 00:16:04,796
What are you talking about?
399
00:16:04,797 --> 00:16:06,860
I'm not even close to my goals in life,
400
00:16:06,880 --> 00:16:09,580
and meanwhile, Chili Mangold
is younger than me,
401
00:16:09,610 --> 00:16:10,802
and he is killing it.
402
00:16:10,803 --> 00:16:13,260
Good God, look at the size of your knee!
403
00:16:13,806 --> 00:16:15,266
MARTY: Daddy!
404
00:16:15,270 --> 00:16:16,690
Daddy!
405
00:16:17,790 --> 00:16:18,852
Daddy, help me.
406
00:16:18,853 --> 00:16:21,022
I am not ready to be a father. Whoa!
407
00:16:22,232 --> 00:16:24,067
You need to get that checked out.
408
00:16:25,652 --> 00:16:27,910
Malcolm, get out of my way.
I am having a crisis!
409
00:16:27,940 --> 00:16:29,571
Oh, please, man,
I'm having a crisis, too.
410
00:16:29,572 --> 00:16:31,020
Oh, oh, let me guess.
411
00:16:31,040 --> 00:16:32,400
- Is it Chili Mangold?
- Yeah.
412
00:16:32,410 --> 00:16:34,869
I've had it up to here
with Chili Mangold, okay?
413
00:16:39,020 --> 00:16:41,375
Daddy, I am totally
unprepared to be a father.
414
00:16:41,376 --> 00:16:44,044
I know nothing, and
then I read everything,
415
00:16:44,045 --> 00:16:45,560
and I feel like I know even less.
416
00:16:45,590 --> 00:16:47,047
Like, how do you stop a nosebleed?
417
00:16:47,048 --> 00:16:48,173
- Head forward.
- Head back.
418
00:16:48,174 --> 00:16:50,850
See? See?
419
00:16:50,880 --> 00:16:52,940
What about fevers, or temper tantrums?
420
00:16:52,970 --> 00:16:54,680
Or what if they suck their toes?
421
00:16:54,681 --> 00:16:57,141
Oh, it's so cute when they
suck their little toes.
422
00:16:58,268 --> 00:17:00,500
Is it cute? Sure. But is it okay?
423
00:17:00,530 --> 00:17:02,000
Like, are toes a choking hazard?
424
00:17:02,030 --> 00:17:04,106
What about pennies, Triscuits, Legos?
425
00:17:04,107 --> 00:17:05,640
Legos?!
426
00:17:05,670 --> 00:17:08,240
That baby won't have Legos
for six years, man. Move!
427
00:17:08,270 --> 00:17:09,528
I'm having a problem now.
428
00:17:09,529 --> 00:17:11,573
Malcolm, Marty, that's enough.
429
00:17:13,640 --> 00:17:16,220
Malcolm, you can't judge yourself
430
00:17:16,240 --> 00:17:19,121
by Chili Mangold or anybody else.
431
00:17:19,122 --> 00:17:21,415
You're running your own race,
432
00:17:21,416 --> 00:17:23,340
and if you put in the work, son,
433
00:17:23,370 --> 00:17:26,962
everything that's meant for
you will be yours, trust me.
434
00:17:26,963 --> 00:17:28,422
All right, Pop.
435
00:17:28,423 --> 00:17:32,634
And, Marty, all those books,
they don't mean anything.
436
00:17:32,635 --> 00:17:36,973
In the words of the great Black
philosopher, Mike Tyson...
437
00:17:38,933 --> 00:17:41,700
"Every man has a plan
438
00:17:41,720 --> 00:17:44,647
until he gets punched in the face."
439
00:17:46,816 --> 00:17:49,277
And that's what having a baby is like.
440
00:17:50,560 --> 00:17:52,613
Yeah, but I don't want to
get punched in the face.
441
00:17:52,614 --> 00:17:55,283
Well, it's a little late for that.
442
00:17:56,826 --> 00:17:59,580
But trust me, I will be in your corner,
443
00:17:59,610 --> 00:18:01,873
and I will help you fight that baby.
444
00:18:03,958 --> 00:18:06,200
And-and, Lamar, look,
445
00:18:06,230 --> 00:18:08,962
I know you missed out
on Dave's childhood,
446
00:18:08,963 --> 00:18:12,883
but trust me, no matter
how old your kid is,
447
00:18:12,884 --> 00:18:15,969
he will always be your kid.
448
00:18:15,970 --> 00:18:18,889
Yeah, maybe there's still
a little kid left in Dave.
449
00:18:18,890 --> 00:18:20,720
Maybe? (LAUGHS)
450
00:18:20,740 --> 00:18:23,950
If there is any man that still
wants to be a little kid,
451
00:18:23,960 --> 00:18:24,979
it's Dave.
452
00:18:26,522 --> 00:18:29,030
Okay, fellas, time's up.
Calvin needs his rest.
453
00:18:29,040 --> 00:18:30,610
Move along. Go on, now.
454
00:18:31,360 --> 00:18:33,260
- Thanks, Pop.
- Thank you.
455
00:18:33,280 --> 00:18:34,350
Thanks, Dad.
456
00:18:34,989 --> 00:18:37,480
You know, Calvin, I was listening,
457
00:18:37,510 --> 00:18:40,760
and for someone who thinks
he's old and useless,
458
00:18:40,770 --> 00:18:42,500
you just helped three grown men
459
00:18:42,530 --> 00:18:44,289
- solve their problems.
- Hmm.
460
00:18:44,290 --> 00:18:45,707
I guess I did, didn't I?
461
00:18:45,708 --> 00:18:47,000
Yes, you did.
462
00:18:47,030 --> 00:18:49,840
Oh, well. If I'm gonna be a grandfather,
463
00:18:49,850 --> 00:18:52,923
then I need to get myself together.
464
00:18:52,924 --> 00:18:54,841
- Mm-hmm.
- You mind driving me to urgent care?
465
00:18:54,842 --> 00:18:56,750
Oh, of course, my little baby.
466
00:18:56,780 --> 00:18:58,095
Okay, be easy, be easy.
467
00:18:58,096 --> 00:18:59,560
I got you.
468
00:18:59,590 --> 00:19:01,306
All right.
469
00:19:01,307 --> 00:19:02,460
You know what, babe?
470
00:19:02,480 --> 00:19:06,160
And I'm sorry about missing the
whole Earth, Wind & Fire thing.
471
00:19:06,190 --> 00:19:08,980
But you know who's coming
to town next month?
472
00:19:08,981 --> 00:19:10,440
Who?
473
00:19:10,470 --> 00:19:11,980
Lil Side Baby.
474
00:19:12,000 --> 00:19:13,443
Let me hear that song again.
475
00:19:13,444 --> 00:19:14,540
(MUSIC PLAYING)
476
00:19:14,560 --> 00:19:16,000
? I pull up in a new whip ?
477
00:19:16,030 --> 00:19:17,960
- ? And I skert! ?
- Yeah.
478
00:19:17,990 --> 00:19:19,260
BOTH: ? Skert, skert ?
479
00:19:19,280 --> 00:19:20,900
- ? You skert ?
- ? Skert, skert ?
480
00:19:20,930 --> 00:19:22,560
- ? Then you skert ?
- ? Skert, skert ?
481
00:19:22,590 --> 00:19:25,080
- ? Ooh, it hurt! ?
- Okay, okay.
482
00:19:25,081 --> 00:19:26,820
? It hurt, hurt. ?
Let's go, let's go.
483
00:19:30,510 --> 00:19:32,280
- Hey, son.
- Yeah.
484
00:19:32,290 --> 00:19:34,760
Keep rolling, old man,
I got nothing to say to you.
485
00:19:36,600 --> 00:19:38,460
Well, I've got something to say to you.
486
00:19:39,340 --> 00:19:41,520
I guess I was trying
to connect with Grover
487
00:19:41,540 --> 00:19:43,460
because I wanted to make up
488
00:19:43,470 --> 00:19:45,267
for never connecting with you.
489
00:19:45,268 --> 00:19:46,810
You still haven't.
490
00:19:46,811 --> 00:19:48,560
I know, and I'm sorry.
491
00:19:48,580 --> 00:19:51,440
I overreached, and it
will not happen again.
492
00:19:51,441 --> 00:19:55,986
Lamar, did you teach Grover
how to shank somebody
493
00:19:55,987 --> 00:19:58,489
- with a sharpened toothbrush?
- Come on.
494
00:19:59,550 --> 00:20:03,740
In my defense, that was meant
for dire situations only.
495
00:20:03,760 --> 00:20:05,788
Fighting cavities,
there's your priority.
496
00:20:11,210 --> 00:20:12,628
What are you doing with that tire?
497
00:20:13,540 --> 00:20:15,069
Remember when you were eight years old,
498
00:20:15,070 --> 00:20:17,424
and you really wanted me
to make you a tire swing?
499
00:20:17,425 --> 00:20:18,592
You never did.
500
00:20:18,593 --> 00:20:20,511
Until now.
501
00:20:21,600 --> 00:20:24,849
Dad, I am not eight years old anymore.
502
00:20:25,880 --> 00:20:28,980
So, no swing?
503
00:20:32,356 --> 00:20:34,200
Well...
504
00:20:35,568 --> 00:20:37,069
we can put it up.
505
00:20:38,780 --> 00:20:40,950
But you cannot push me.
506
00:20:42,700 --> 00:20:44,140
Maybe just a little to get me going.
507
00:20:44,190 --> 00:20:48,740
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