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1
00:00:03,130 --> 00:00:04,360
Adult mark (v.O.):I wanted
to be a performer so bad
2
00:00:04,400 --> 00:00:06,030
I could taste it.
3
00:00:06,040 --> 00:00:08,440
Whenever a show was in town,
I volunteered to tear tickets
4
00:00:08,470 --> 00:00:10,170
Just to soak it all in.
5
00:00:10,170 --> 00:00:11,640
[laughter]
6
00:00:11,770 --> 00:00:13,910
Adult mark (v.O.):But there
was nothing like seeing
7
00:00:14,040 --> 00:00:15,310
{\i1}Live comedy for the first time.
8
00:00:15,340 --> 00:00:16,440
The set up...
9
00:00:16,510 --> 00:00:18,850
-This is a beautiful theatre.
10
00:00:18,980 --> 00:00:20,980
I love playing here.
11
00:00:21,020 --> 00:00:23,580
It reminds me
a lot of my own home.
12
00:00:23,720 --> 00:00:25,850
It's filthy
and full of strangers!
13
00:00:25,860 --> 00:00:26,920
[laughter]
14
00:00:26,920 --> 00:00:28,720
Adult mark (v.O.):The pay-off!
15
00:00:28,760 --> 00:00:30,590
It was just him
and a microphone,
16
00:00:30,630 --> 00:00:32,660
But he had the whole room
in his hand.
17
00:00:32,730 --> 00:00:35,700
-Talk about luck.
I mean, luck, I have no luck!
18
00:00:35,830 --> 00:00:39,100
The other day I prayed to god,
I said, "please, god.
19
00:00:39,240 --> 00:00:41,470
"please let me win the lottery."
20
00:00:41,500 --> 00:00:44,270
And nothing. Then this morning,
on my way to the work,
21
00:00:44,310 --> 00:00:46,410
I actually cried out
to the heavens, I said,
22
00:00:46,440 --> 00:00:49,810
"please, god!
Let me win the lottery!"
23
00:00:49,950 --> 00:00:53,110
Then the clouds parted,
and this light shone down,
24
00:00:53,180 --> 00:00:54,750
And this booming voice said,
25
00:00:54,780 --> 00:00:57,680
"ted! Meet me half way!
26
00:00:57,690 --> 00:00:58,950
"buy a ticket!"
27
00:00:58,990 --> 00:01:01,690
[laughter and applause]
28
00:01:01,720 --> 00:01:03,890
Take care of yourselves,
everybody!
29
00:01:04,030 --> 00:01:05,230
And each other!
30
00:01:05,260 --> 00:01:06,960
Thank you very much,
ladies and gentlemen!
31
00:01:06,960 --> 00:01:08,430
Thank you!
32
00:01:08,430 --> 00:01:10,560
[applause and cheering]
33
00:01:10,570 --> 00:01:11,630
-Woo!
34
00:01:11,700 --> 00:01:12,970
Yeah!
35
00:01:12,970 --> 00:01:18,570
?
36
00:01:18,570 --> 00:01:21,780
Adult mark (v.O.):All my life,
I'd looked up to comedians.
37
00:01:21,910 --> 00:01:24,110
But I'd never actually
met one before.
38
00:01:24,110 --> 00:01:25,310
[knocks on door]
39
00:01:25,310 --> 00:01:26,750
-Mr. Turpin?
40
00:01:26,750 --> 00:01:29,120
-Entr�z vous!
41
00:01:29,120 --> 00:01:30,180
-Uh...
42
00:01:30,190 --> 00:01:32,450
I'm a huge fan, sir.
43
00:01:32,460 --> 00:01:34,720
I watched both shows,
the matinee and the evening,
44
00:01:34,860 --> 00:01:37,520
And you were amazing.
45
00:01:37,530 --> 00:01:38,930
-Thanks.
46
00:01:38,960 --> 00:01:41,160
-Could you sign my poster?
47
00:01:41,160 --> 00:01:42,360
-Uh...
48
00:01:42,360 --> 00:01:43,660
What's your name, kid?
49
00:01:43,730 --> 00:01:45,400
-Mark.
50
00:01:45,530 --> 00:01:47,670
Uh, I'm a comedian too.
51
00:01:47,800 --> 00:01:50,370
-Well, if you got jokes,
you should, uh, tell 'em
52
00:01:50,410 --> 00:01:52,940
To the open mic tomorrow
afternoon at the strand lounge.
53
00:01:52,940 --> 00:01:53,840
-Really?
54
00:01:53,980 --> 00:01:55,680
-Yeah, I'm trying out
some new material,
55
00:01:55,740 --> 00:01:58,880
Uh, so I kinda need someone
to make me look good.
56
00:01:58,950 --> 00:02:00,350
You're underage, yeah?
57
00:02:00,350 --> 00:02:01,820
You're not just malnourished?
58
00:02:01,820 --> 00:02:03,350
-Oh, I'm 14.
59
00:02:03,420 --> 00:02:05,750
-Okay, well, make sure
your parents know, okay?
60
00:02:05,820 --> 00:02:09,020
It's a bar, so you get
a note or something, alright?
61
00:02:09,160 --> 00:02:09,890
There you go.
62
00:02:09,960 --> 00:02:12,490
-Thank you.
I'll be there.
63
00:02:12,490 --> 00:02:13,860
Adult mark (v.O.):
I knew two things.
64
00:02:13,930 --> 00:02:15,830
I was going to
take to that stage,
65
00:02:15,870 --> 00:02:18,430
And I was not going
to tell my parents.
66
00:02:24,010 --> 00:02:26,840
[sound of tv playing]
67
00:02:26,880 --> 00:02:29,940
-Hey! Outta my chair
before I throw you out.
68
00:02:30,010 --> 00:02:32,150
-Pop, she's pregnant!
69
00:02:32,210 --> 00:02:34,050
-Well, then,
I'm gonna need help.
70
00:02:34,120 --> 00:02:35,650
-It's really good for my back.
71
00:02:35,720 --> 00:02:37,120
-Ah, yes.
72
00:02:37,150 --> 00:02:38,720
It's nice and solid.
73
00:02:38,750 --> 00:02:41,660
It's wonderful
for people with bad backs.
74
00:02:41,720 --> 00:02:42,990
-Mm-hm.
75
00:02:43,130 --> 00:02:46,830
[sound of tv playing]
76
00:02:49,330 --> 00:02:51,330
Pop: That girl is not
even gonna budge.
77
00:02:51,470 --> 00:02:52,730
She's like a beached whale.
78
00:02:52,800 --> 00:02:54,870
And he's not even
the kid's father!
79
00:02:54,900 --> 00:02:58,540
-I feel for her,
but she's here day and night.
80
00:02:58,570 --> 00:03:00,470
I mean, don't she got a family?
81
00:03:00,510 --> 00:03:01,540
Even et phoned home.
82
00:03:01,680 --> 00:03:03,080
-She's nesting.
-What?
83
00:03:03,150 --> 00:03:04,750
-Full-on nesting!
84
00:03:04,750 --> 00:03:08,420
Oh, I had the same problem with
shrews in the attic one winter.
85
00:03:08,550 --> 00:03:11,080
Once they move in,
you can't get 'em out.
86
00:03:11,120 --> 00:03:13,090
They pick a corner,
87
00:03:13,160 --> 00:03:14,760
And they'll live there...
88
00:03:14,890 --> 00:03:16,690
Forever!
89
00:03:16,690 --> 00:03:18,490
-She is getting so familiar.
90
00:03:18,630 --> 00:03:19,930
I don't know what to say!
91
00:03:20,060 --> 00:03:21,260
-I can't eat.
92
00:03:21,400 --> 00:03:22,630
My back hurts too much.
93
00:03:22,700 --> 00:03:24,500
I think I'm gonna have a bath.
94
00:03:24,530 --> 00:03:26,370
-Oh, hey, mom's got
some special shampoo!
95
00:03:26,400 --> 00:03:28,300
I'll go grab it for you.
96
00:03:32,040 --> 00:03:33,570
-She has got to go!
97
00:03:35,180 --> 00:03:37,180
Adult mark (v.O.):
How does a boy ditch school
98
00:03:37,210 --> 00:03:38,380
To perform in a bar?
99
00:03:38,410 --> 00:03:39,710
I had a plan.
100
00:03:39,780 --> 00:03:41,110
[electric pencil sharpener
whirring]
101
00:03:41,150 --> 00:03:44,850
-Hello, ms. Macdonald.
You are looking lovely today.
102
00:03:44,920 --> 00:03:46,790
Is that a new blouse?
103
00:03:46,920 --> 00:03:48,660
Could I make
a last-minute addition
104
00:03:48,790 --> 00:03:50,260
To the announcement sheet?
105
00:03:50,390 --> 00:03:52,390
Not for me, of course,
but for ms. Fowler.
106
00:03:52,390 --> 00:03:54,460
She asked me to.
107
00:03:54,460 --> 00:03:55,860
The poor woman is swamped.
108
00:03:59,600 --> 00:04:00,730
[announcement beep]
109
00:04:00,870 --> 00:04:02,670
Mr. Chafe: [pa]
the st. Bridget's crusaders
110
00:04:02,670 --> 00:04:05,410
Will be playing
the st. Teresa's trojans
111
00:04:05,540 --> 00:04:07,510
In boys' hockey, Saturday.
112
00:04:07,580 --> 00:04:09,410
Good luck to them.
113
00:04:09,540 --> 00:04:12,280
And would mark critch
please come to the office?
114
00:04:12,410 --> 00:04:14,080
Students: Ooh!
115
00:04:14,150 --> 00:04:16,220
Adult mark (v.O.):Freedom.
It was a jailbreak.
116
00:04:16,350 --> 00:04:17,620
Who needed school, anyway?
117
00:04:17,690 --> 00:04:20,450
I was a professional comedian.
118
00:04:23,630 --> 00:04:25,490
-Can you change the channel?
119
00:04:25,490 --> 00:04:27,260
Mike jr: I got it, babe.
120
00:04:27,400 --> 00:04:28,560
Pop: Huh...?
121
00:04:28,560 --> 00:04:30,630
Linda: Can you get me
another slice of bologna?
122
00:04:30,630 --> 00:04:32,700
-Alright, alright,
you're not expecting twins.
123
00:04:32,740 --> 00:04:34,930
-Hey, mom, can you get linda
another slice of bologna?
124
00:04:35,000 --> 00:04:36,640
-Where are you going?
-The station.
125
00:04:36,640 --> 00:04:38,200
I got afternoon drive till six.
126
00:04:38,270 --> 00:04:39,640
-Oh!
127
00:04:39,640 --> 00:04:41,480
Well, you'll-- you'll be
going with him, then, huh?
128
00:04:41,610 --> 00:04:44,110
-Nah, I think I'll just
wait here 'til he gets back.
129
00:04:44,180 --> 00:04:46,850
Mike jr: You know, I'm only
gonna be a couple hours.
130
00:04:46,980 --> 00:04:48,520
Pop: Oh...
[disappointed] aw...
131
00:04:51,290 --> 00:04:53,190
Linda: Ugh, what's that smell?
132
00:04:53,220 --> 00:04:54,690
-Supper.
133
00:04:54,760 --> 00:04:56,290
-The smell is
making me nauseous.
134
00:04:56,360 --> 00:04:57,660
Can someone open a window?
135
00:04:57,690 --> 00:04:59,660
-What smell?
I'm boiling potatoes!
136
00:05:02,000 --> 00:05:03,600
Adult mark (v.O.):
The strand lounge.
137
00:05:03,630 --> 00:05:06,870
Where people came
to drown their sorrows.
138
00:05:07,000 --> 00:05:09,140
To be drunk at this hour
meant you'd either
139
00:05:09,170 --> 00:05:12,440
Started way too early,
or you woke up there.
140
00:05:12,570 --> 00:05:14,570
My diet cola stood out
more than my age.
141
00:05:14,710 --> 00:05:16,340
[sports game playing on tv]
142
00:05:16,410 --> 00:05:19,150
Ted: Hey!
You made it.
143
00:05:19,280 --> 00:05:21,110
-Hi.
144
00:05:21,250 --> 00:05:22,750
Interesting spot.
145
00:05:22,880 --> 00:05:24,020
-Yeah.
146
00:05:24,090 --> 00:05:27,350
Best to make your mistakes
where nobody will remember them.
147
00:05:27,490 --> 00:05:29,090
So you got your note?
148
00:05:29,120 --> 00:05:31,020
-Oh, yes, of course.
149
00:05:31,060 --> 00:05:33,090
-Okay.
150
00:05:33,230 --> 00:05:34,230
Hey...
151
00:05:34,300 --> 00:05:35,500
You wrote this.
152
00:05:35,500 --> 00:05:37,900
-Well, I--
-ahh... I don't wanna know.
153
00:05:37,900 --> 00:05:40,900
This is, uh,
from the kid's parents.
154
00:05:40,900 --> 00:05:42,970
Okay...
155
00:05:42,970 --> 00:05:44,640
You ready?
156
00:05:44,710 --> 00:05:47,310
-[ice cubes clink]
-liquid courage.
157
00:05:47,310 --> 00:05:49,210
[ted chuckles]
158
00:05:52,920 --> 00:05:54,180
Hello!
159
00:05:54,180 --> 00:05:55,850
Ladies and gentlemen.
160
00:05:55,880 --> 00:05:57,850
How's everyone
doing this afternoon?
161
00:05:57,920 --> 00:06:00,690
[mic feedback]
162
00:06:00,690 --> 00:06:01,720
Ted: Ah...
163
00:06:01,760 --> 00:06:03,160
[someone clears throat]
164
00:06:03,230 --> 00:06:05,790
I love this place. It actually
reminds me of my own home.
165
00:06:05,860 --> 00:06:09,060
You know, it's filthy
and it's full of strangers.
166
00:06:09,100 --> 00:06:11,360
Adult mark (v.O.):That joke
had killed in the theatre!
167
00:06:11,430 --> 00:06:12,870
But here,
among the day drinking
168
00:06:12,870 --> 00:06:15,800
And the hum of the cooler,
it fell flatter than my cola.
169
00:06:15,940 --> 00:06:18,070
Woman: [aussie accent]
oi, yes, I would like
170
00:06:18,210 --> 00:06:19,070
A cab at the strand.
171
00:06:21,240 --> 00:06:22,880
-Yeah, you mind callin' me one?
172
00:06:23,010 --> 00:06:25,950
Just so I can drive it
into the ocean?
173
00:06:26,080 --> 00:06:27,010
Okay, okay.
174
00:06:27,150 --> 00:06:28,610
So, what I'm gonna do
175
00:06:28,650 --> 00:06:30,750
Is I'm gonna
warm you all up right now
176
00:06:30,750 --> 00:06:33,020
With a hot young comedian, okay?
177
00:06:33,090 --> 00:06:35,490
So, it's his first time
performing at the strand.
178
00:06:35,490 --> 00:06:38,620
Please put your hands
together for mark...
179
00:06:38,630 --> 00:06:41,400
Uh, uh,
what's your name again, kid?
180
00:06:41,530 --> 00:06:42,730
-Critch.
181
00:06:42,730 --> 00:06:43,760
-Right, right!
Mark critch!
182
00:06:43,900 --> 00:06:46,230
Let's hear it for him!
[clapping]
183
00:06:46,370 --> 00:06:47,430
[scattered light applause]
184
00:06:47,570 --> 00:06:49,040
Adult mark (v.O.):
My heart was pounding,
185
00:06:49,100 --> 00:06:51,840
My stomach swirled,
and I immediately had to pee.
186
00:06:51,970 --> 00:06:53,710
All the moisture left my mouth
187
00:06:53,840 --> 00:06:55,580
And went straight
to my bladder.
188
00:06:55,580 --> 00:06:59,610
I'd been on stage before,
but this was the big leagues.
189
00:06:59,650 --> 00:07:01,680
-Uh, hello.
190
00:07:03,450 --> 00:07:04,380
My name is mark.
191
00:07:04,520 --> 00:07:07,450
I'm 14.
192
00:07:07,520 --> 00:07:09,860
I-I cut school to be here.
193
00:07:09,990 --> 00:07:11,860
We're learning
about the ozone layer.
194
00:07:11,990 --> 00:07:13,930
They've found
the biggest hole yet.
195
00:07:13,960 --> 00:07:15,730
It's an even bigger hole
than this place!
196
00:07:15,760 --> 00:07:17,300
[pool cue hits ball]
197
00:07:17,370 --> 00:07:19,530
[silence]
198
00:07:21,170 --> 00:07:23,600
I heard they're making
an electric car.
199
00:07:23,640 --> 00:07:26,570
An electric car, folks!
200
00:07:26,580 --> 00:07:29,210
I hear it's gonna cost $30,000.
201
00:07:29,240 --> 00:07:30,680
Ten thousand for the car,
202
00:07:30,750 --> 00:07:33,410
20,000 for the extension cord.
203
00:07:33,450 --> 00:07:35,750
[silence]
204
00:07:38,450 --> 00:07:40,420
Uh, where are you from, ma'am?
205
00:07:40,490 --> 00:07:43,420
-Huh?
-Uh, I said where are you from?
206
00:07:43,560 --> 00:07:45,230
-St. John's.
207
00:07:45,230 --> 00:07:46,430
-Right.
208
00:07:46,460 --> 00:07:48,090
And what do you do for work?
209
00:07:48,100 --> 00:07:50,300
-I lost my job.
210
00:07:50,370 --> 00:07:53,670
[sound of pool and pinball]
211
00:07:55,470 --> 00:07:56,740
[mark chuckles and whistles]
212
00:07:56,810 --> 00:07:58,570
Adult mark (v.O.):I couldn't
have bombed bigger
213
00:07:58,610 --> 00:07:59,710
If I was oppenheimer.
214
00:07:59,780 --> 00:08:02,580
-Thank you.
Um, you've been a great crowd.
215
00:08:02,710 --> 00:08:06,910
[scattered applause]
216
00:08:07,050 --> 00:08:08,850
-Hey, kid.
217
00:08:08,850 --> 00:08:10,380
Don't worry about your set.
218
00:08:10,450 --> 00:08:11,850
You'll get 'em next time.
219
00:08:11,850 --> 00:08:15,050
-Oh, really? Next time?
That was humiliating.
220
00:08:15,060 --> 00:08:17,790
-No, you've gotta get
right back on the horse.
221
00:08:17,830 --> 00:08:21,330
Why don't you come back
tomorrow for cabaret night?
222
00:08:21,400 --> 00:08:24,730
-Really? You think
I'm good enough to come back?
223
00:08:24,870 --> 00:08:28,370
-Well, no, but I had
a guy just drop out.
224
00:08:28,440 --> 00:08:29,570
Look.
225
00:08:29,640 --> 00:08:31,970
Stop trying to be
johnny carson, okay?
226
00:08:31,970 --> 00:08:33,670
We already got one of those.
227
00:08:33,810 --> 00:08:35,880
Just be yourself, okay?
228
00:08:35,880 --> 00:08:39,510
I want to know who you are.
229
00:08:39,550 --> 00:08:42,080
-Who I really am.
230
00:08:42,120 --> 00:08:43,220
Got it.
231
00:08:43,250 --> 00:08:47,290
-Uh, no, no, I mean,
I want to know who you are.
232
00:08:47,320 --> 00:08:48,720
I forget your name again.
233
00:08:48,720 --> 00:08:51,020
-Oh! Oh.
Mark critch.
234
00:08:51,090 --> 00:08:52,630
-Oh, okay.
235
00:08:52,660 --> 00:08:55,430
Okay, give it up
for mark critch,
236
00:08:55,500 --> 00:08:57,700
Ladies and gentlemen!
[clapping]
237
00:08:57,700 --> 00:08:59,030
[scattered light applause]
238
00:09:04,170 --> 00:09:06,170
Adult mark (v.O.):
Ted told me to mine comedy
239
00:09:06,240 --> 00:09:07,170
From my own life.
240
00:09:07,240 --> 00:09:08,780
But what was so funny
about my family?
241
00:09:08,840 --> 00:09:10,640
-I share a room
with my grandfather.
242
00:09:10,680 --> 00:09:13,580
"pop," I said,
"you're snoring."
243
00:09:13,650 --> 00:09:16,920
And he told me...
244
00:09:16,950 --> 00:09:19,450
[mimicking pop]
"well, I'm not snoring!
245
00:09:19,520 --> 00:09:21,450
"I'm dreaming I'm a motorcycle."
246
00:09:21,520 --> 00:09:23,920
[imaginary laughter]
247
00:09:23,930 --> 00:09:25,330
And there's no privacy.
248
00:09:25,390 --> 00:09:28,860
I mean, I lock the door
for two seconds and he's all,
249
00:09:28,860 --> 00:09:32,670
"open up! Locked doors are
for prisoners and perverts!"
250
00:09:32,670 --> 00:09:34,730
[imaginary laughter]
251
00:09:34,770 --> 00:09:36,470
I've been mark critch,
252
00:09:36,610 --> 00:09:37,940
And you've been a great crowd.
253
00:09:38,070 --> 00:09:39,540
[imaginary cheering
and applause]
254
00:09:39,580 --> 00:09:41,470
Oh, that's too much!
Aw, thank you.
255
00:09:41,510 --> 00:09:42,580
[knock on door]
256
00:09:42,580 --> 00:09:43,810
Pop: [muffled]
hey, open up!
257
00:09:43,950 --> 00:09:46,210
Locked doors are for
prisoners and perverts!
258
00:09:46,280 --> 00:09:48,080
-Yep. One sec.
259
00:09:50,750 --> 00:09:53,550
Adult mark (v.O.):My family
{\i1}was both a source of characters
260
00:09:53,620 --> 00:09:55,390
And costumes.
261
00:09:58,490 --> 00:09:59,960
Pop: Hey...
262
00:10:01,560 --> 00:10:02,960
Wha...?
263
00:10:03,030 --> 00:10:05,230
Well, where's all my shirts?
264
00:10:08,100 --> 00:10:09,900
Adult mark (v.O.):
{\i1}They say "write what you know,"
265
00:10:10,040 --> 00:10:11,370
And if there was
one thing I knew,
266
00:10:11,410 --> 00:10:13,910
It was being embarrassed
by my parents.
267
00:10:13,980 --> 00:10:18,380
?
268
00:10:18,510 --> 00:10:20,050
[front door shuts]
269
00:10:22,850 --> 00:10:26,990
[loud slurping]
270
00:10:29,790 --> 00:10:32,060
-Linda.
You're still here.
271
00:10:32,190 --> 00:10:34,460
-Ah...
272
00:10:34,500 --> 00:10:35,560
Too sick to move.
273
00:10:35,630 --> 00:10:36,930
[ominous music]
274
00:10:36,970 --> 00:10:38,400
Adult mark (v.O.):
{\i1}Mom could take almost anything,
275
00:10:38,530 --> 00:10:41,270
Except for a wet spoon
in the sugar bowl.
276
00:10:43,200 --> 00:10:44,600
-Do you have any fresh milk?
277
00:10:44,640 --> 00:10:46,410
I don't really like
the tinned stuff.
278
00:10:46,410 --> 00:10:49,410
[ominous music]
279
00:10:49,410 --> 00:10:50,440
[fridge slams]
280
00:10:50,480 --> 00:10:51,740
Mary: Where do you get off?
281
00:10:51,810 --> 00:10:53,610
I am not your maid, missy!
282
00:10:53,680 --> 00:10:55,610
In this house,
we get up off the couch
283
00:10:55,650 --> 00:10:56,950
And get things ourselves!
284
00:10:57,090 --> 00:10:58,780
-That's what I'm doing.
-Except for tea!
285
00:10:58,820 --> 00:11:00,190
I gets the tea around here!
286
00:11:00,260 --> 00:11:02,690
You're making your own milk.
Drink that!
287
00:11:02,690 --> 00:11:04,490
-Oh, I'm so sorry, mrs. Critch.
288
00:11:04,530 --> 00:11:08,030
I guess maybe I just like the
feeling of being babied myself
289
00:11:08,060 --> 00:11:10,030
Before I gotta go off
and have one.
290
00:11:10,160 --> 00:11:12,330
-Where is your own mother to?
291
00:11:12,370 --> 00:11:13,770
-She's, um...
292
00:11:13,900 --> 00:11:15,770
Not around, so...
293
00:11:15,770 --> 00:11:16,970
I dunno.
294
00:11:18,740 --> 00:11:20,310
-Sit down, girl.
295
00:11:25,250 --> 00:11:26,250
[sighs]
296
00:11:26,250 --> 00:11:28,910
My mother wasn't around either.
297
00:11:28,950 --> 00:11:31,650
I had to figure it all out
on my own, too.
298
00:11:31,720 --> 00:11:33,850
-God, I got a million questions.
299
00:11:33,990 --> 00:11:37,820
-Well, you can ask me
any questions you got.
300
00:11:37,860 --> 00:11:41,190
-How did you raise
such a good kid as mike?
301
00:11:41,200 --> 00:11:42,260
-Mike?
302
00:11:42,330 --> 00:11:44,330
Good?
303
00:11:44,370 --> 00:11:46,330
Oh, I suppose...
304
00:11:46,330 --> 00:11:48,800
Well, he's always
been a sweet boy.
305
00:11:48,800 --> 00:11:51,670
-Honest to god,
if it wasn't for him...
306
00:11:51,810 --> 00:11:55,010
I don't know what I'd do.
307
00:11:55,040 --> 00:11:58,810
I meant to tell mike
right away on our first date,
308
00:11:58,950 --> 00:12:01,950
But I thought it would
just be one date, y'know?
309
00:12:01,980 --> 00:12:04,550
I just wanted one normal night.
310
00:12:04,590 --> 00:12:07,820
I mean, when was I ever
gonna have that again?
311
00:12:07,860 --> 00:12:10,690
But... He was so sweet.
312
00:12:10,730 --> 00:12:12,760
I wanted one more...
313
00:12:12,890 --> 00:12:14,430
And then another.
314
00:12:14,500 --> 00:12:18,530
And when I got so big,
I had to tell him...
315
00:12:18,600 --> 00:12:20,030
He didn't care.
316
00:12:20,100 --> 00:12:22,300
He just said,
"that don't change a thing."
317
00:12:24,470 --> 00:12:26,840
If my kid turns out
half as good as mike,
318
00:12:26,840 --> 00:12:28,610
I'll be over the moon.
319
00:12:30,710 --> 00:12:32,040
-Well...
320
00:12:33,450 --> 00:12:36,480
He still leaves his drawers
everywhere, so he's not perfect.
321
00:12:38,590 --> 00:12:41,920
But I loves him.
322
00:12:42,060 --> 00:12:45,390
And once you're a mother,
you'll see.
323
00:12:45,460 --> 00:12:48,900
Your family will be
your whole world.
324
00:12:49,030 --> 00:12:50,530
Mike sr: Mary,
where's my jacket?
325
00:12:50,670 --> 00:12:52,070
Oh, look up your arse!
326
00:12:52,200 --> 00:12:54,400
Your head's already up there!
327
00:12:54,470 --> 00:12:56,740
[linda laughs]
328
00:12:56,740 --> 00:12:58,400
I'll put the kettle back on.
329
00:12:58,410 --> 00:13:00,240
[both laugh]
330
00:13:06,850 --> 00:13:08,550
-Mike, another psa's come in.
331
00:13:08,580 --> 00:13:11,020
-Gertie, if I told you once,
I told you a thousand times.
332
00:13:11,050 --> 00:13:13,490
The cut-off for the psas
is at 3 o'clock.
333
00:13:13,520 --> 00:13:15,720
-I know, but I thought
you'd wanna read that one,
334
00:13:15,760 --> 00:13:17,060
Seeing it's--
335
00:13:17,190 --> 00:13:20,030
-And now your vocm cares
public service announcements.
336
00:13:20,160 --> 00:13:21,760
Drive-in bingo is as go
at st. Kevin's,
337
00:13:21,900 --> 00:13:24,560
With plenty of parking so every
player gets a "free space."
338
00:13:24,630 --> 00:13:26,570
St. Teresa's is holding
a flea market Sunday
339
00:13:26,700 --> 00:13:27,900
From noon to three.
340
00:13:28,040 --> 00:13:29,440
And the rnc
are holding a moose dinner
341
00:13:29,470 --> 00:13:30,570
At the legion
Saturday night.
342
00:13:30,640 --> 00:13:33,110
And tonight at the strand lounge
there's a cabaret
343
00:13:33,140 --> 00:13:35,710
Hosted by ted turpin,
with the mccarthy sisters,
344
00:13:35,780 --> 00:13:37,580
Al clouston, mark critch,
345
00:13:37,650 --> 00:13:39,310
The clancy dancers, and more.
346
00:13:39,310 --> 00:13:41,450
Show time for that is 7 o'clock.
347
00:13:41,480 --> 00:13:43,520
That's your vocm
community calendar.
348
00:13:43,650 --> 00:13:45,450
Drive safely, arrive alive.
349
00:13:45,520 --> 00:13:47,250
Vocm cares.
350
00:13:47,260 --> 00:13:49,320
-That's sweet about
your young fella.
351
00:13:49,320 --> 00:13:50,320
-Huh?
352
00:13:50,360 --> 00:13:52,330
-Playing the show.
-What show?
353
00:13:52,390 --> 00:13:53,390
Down at the bar.
354
00:13:53,460 --> 00:13:56,130
I didn't know he was
old enough to be at that.
355
00:13:56,130 --> 00:14:00,500
-Mark's only 14.
He couldn't be...
356
00:14:00,640 --> 00:14:02,070
Good god!
357
00:14:06,210 --> 00:14:09,280
[funky bass music]
358
00:14:09,410 --> 00:14:11,140
?
359
00:14:11,280 --> 00:14:13,750
-Oh, ted!
I've got a whole new act!
360
00:14:13,750 --> 00:14:15,920
-Hey, so...
What's in the bag?
361
00:14:16,050 --> 00:14:18,650
-Costumes.
I'm doing characters now.
362
00:14:18,690 --> 00:14:19,750
-Ah... God help us.
363
00:14:19,820 --> 00:14:21,450
[applause]
364
00:14:21,490 --> 00:14:23,360
Adult mark (v.O.):I'd thought
yesterday was my big break,
365
00:14:23,390 --> 00:14:24,560
But tonight was even bigger!
366
00:14:24,590 --> 00:14:28,160
This time they'd
turned the tvs off!
367
00:14:28,160 --> 00:14:29,500
Ted: Welcome!
368
00:14:29,630 --> 00:14:31,160
Welcome to the cabaret!
369
00:14:31,300 --> 00:14:34,430
Ladies and gentlemen, we've
got an incredible assortment
370
00:14:34,470 --> 00:14:38,570
Of some of the finest acts
that five dollars cover can buy!
371
00:14:38,570 --> 00:14:42,240
[laughter]
372
00:14:42,310 --> 00:14:43,640
Adult mark (v.O.):
The acts were terrible,
373
00:14:43,710 --> 00:14:47,580
But to me, there was
no better show on earth!
374
00:14:47,580 --> 00:14:49,620
?
375
00:14:49,680 --> 00:14:51,220
[chuckles]
376
00:14:51,350 --> 00:14:54,720
[upbeat traditional music]
377
00:14:54,790 --> 00:14:57,060
?
378
00:14:57,130 --> 00:15:00,790
[audience exclaiming]
379
00:15:00,800 --> 00:15:03,800
?
380
00:15:03,870 --> 00:15:08,600
[laughter]
381
00:15:08,600 --> 00:15:10,140
[plunger pops]
382
00:15:10,140 --> 00:15:11,670
-Whew!
383
00:15:11,710 --> 00:15:12,740
Thank you!
384
00:15:12,770 --> 00:15:14,710
[applause and cheering]
385
00:15:14,710 --> 00:15:16,210
Ted: Thank you very much.
386
00:15:16,240 --> 00:15:19,680
Okay, up next we have
a promising young comedian
387
00:15:19,750 --> 00:15:21,480
Making his debut!
388
00:15:21,520 --> 00:15:22,550
Please welcome...
389
00:15:22,550 --> 00:15:24,880
Mark critch!
390
00:15:24,920 --> 00:15:26,420
[applause and cheering]
391
00:15:26,550 --> 00:15:30,420
[heartbeat sound
and ominous music]
392
00:15:30,490 --> 00:15:32,760
Adult mark (v.O.):I'd been
making fun of my family
393
00:15:32,760 --> 00:15:36,100
My whole life.
How hard could it be?
394
00:15:36,130 --> 00:15:38,360
Mark: Uh...
395
00:15:38,500 --> 00:15:39,770
Hello.
396
00:15:39,770 --> 00:15:40,900
I'm mark.
397
00:15:40,940 --> 00:15:42,370
Fourteen.
398
00:15:42,400 --> 00:15:46,240
But if anyone's asking for ids,
I'm 27,
399
00:15:46,240 --> 00:15:48,040
And my name's hector.
400
00:15:48,110 --> 00:15:49,240
[someone coughs]
401
00:15:49,280 --> 00:15:52,080
Man: Try again!
402
00:15:52,210 --> 00:15:54,310
Adult mark (v.O.):
"who are you?"
403
00:15:59,320 --> 00:16:01,250
-Lemme tell you
a little bit about myself.
404
00:16:01,390 --> 00:16:03,260
You know, I share
a room with my grandfather.
405
00:16:03,390 --> 00:16:04,920
Yeah, willy wonka style.
406
00:16:05,060 --> 00:16:06,230
It's crazy.
407
00:16:06,290 --> 00:16:07,530
But it's not so bad.
408
00:16:07,660 --> 00:16:10,460
Um, he has a few bad habits,
is all.
409
00:16:10,470 --> 00:16:13,770
I'm trying to get him to
stop biting his nails, yeah.
410
00:16:13,840 --> 00:16:15,170
So I hid his dentures.
411
00:16:15,200 --> 00:16:16,340
[laughter]
412
00:16:16,340 --> 00:16:18,100
Mark: But he never listens.
413
00:16:18,240 --> 00:16:21,070
No, pop's really cheap.
414
00:16:21,080 --> 00:16:22,670
He's so cheap that when he dies,
415
00:16:22,710 --> 00:16:25,450
He'll probably walk
towards the light...
416
00:16:25,580 --> 00:16:26,650
And turn it off.
417
00:16:26,780 --> 00:16:27,780
[laughter]
418
00:16:27,850 --> 00:16:29,420
Mark: Wow, what a family!
419
00:16:29,480 --> 00:16:31,350
You know, my dad's on the radio.
420
00:16:31,350 --> 00:16:33,990
He's a news reporter on vocm.
421
00:16:34,120 --> 00:16:35,820
Mm-hm.
You know my dad, right?
422
00:16:35,890 --> 00:16:37,060
Mike critch?
423
00:16:37,190 --> 00:16:39,160
[applause and cheering]
424
00:16:39,290 --> 00:16:41,290
The only problem with
being a news reporter
425
00:16:41,300 --> 00:16:43,830
In a town this size
is that there isn't really
426
00:16:43,870 --> 00:16:45,360
Any news to report.
427
00:16:45,370 --> 00:16:47,270
[audience chuckling]
428
00:16:51,810 --> 00:16:54,110
[laughter]
429
00:16:54,240 --> 00:16:55,710
[mimicking mike sr.]
"late last night,
430
00:16:55,840 --> 00:16:56,910
"early this morning,
431
00:16:56,950 --> 00:17:00,250
"a moose was struck
on the trans-canada highway.
432
00:17:00,250 --> 00:17:02,510
"the name of the moose
has not yet been released,
433
00:17:02,550 --> 00:17:04,250
"but the suspect vehicle
is described
434
00:17:04,250 --> 00:17:06,850
"as a brown and tan chevette
435
00:17:06,990 --> 00:17:08,120
"with a moose on it."
436
00:17:08,260 --> 00:17:09,990
[laughter]
437
00:17:09,990 --> 00:17:13,790
"two men killed,
one seriously.
438
00:17:13,800 --> 00:17:18,000
"this is mike critch
for the vocm news service."
439
00:17:18,000 --> 00:17:20,430
[laughter and applause]
440
00:17:23,270 --> 00:17:26,340
[laughter and applause]
441
00:17:29,610 --> 00:17:30,680
-Good god.
442
00:17:30,710 --> 00:17:33,280
-That's you, mike!
He got you down!
443
00:17:35,180 --> 00:17:38,220
-And here he is,
ladies and gentlemen.
444
00:17:38,290 --> 00:17:39,690
Mike critch!
445
00:17:39,750 --> 00:17:42,820
[applause]
446
00:17:42,820 --> 00:17:43,760
-Let's go.
447
00:17:43,890 --> 00:17:44,820
Man: Oh, he's in trouble!
448
00:17:44,960 --> 00:17:48,230
-Ladies and gentlemen,
mike and mark critch!
449
00:17:48,230 --> 00:17:50,030
-[applause and cheering]
-oh!
450
00:17:50,100 --> 00:17:52,160
-You've been great, folks!
Ha...
451
00:17:52,230 --> 00:17:54,500
-Let's hear it!
Come on, come on!
452
00:17:54,540 --> 00:17:56,300
Adult mark (v.O.):
I was caught red-jacketed.
453
00:17:56,440 --> 00:17:59,240
I knew dad was furious,
{\i1}but his yelling was drowned out
454
00:17:59,310 --> 00:18:01,240
By sweet, merciful laughter.
455
00:18:01,380 --> 00:18:02,980
{\i1}It really was the best medicine.
456
00:18:03,110 --> 00:18:05,110
Mike sr: This is
the height of ignorance!
457
00:18:05,110 --> 00:18:06,310
I've never been so embarrassed!
458
00:18:06,450 --> 00:18:07,650
Ted: Hey, mr. Critch!
459
00:18:07,780 --> 00:18:09,050
Hey!
460
00:18:09,050 --> 00:18:10,050
It's great to meet you.
461
00:18:10,090 --> 00:18:11,520
I'm a long-time listener.
462
00:18:11,590 --> 00:18:12,990
-Buddy, you got some nerve,
463
00:18:13,120 --> 00:18:14,390
Having a youngster
in here underage!
464
00:18:14,390 --> 00:18:16,390
I could call the cops
and have their license revoked
465
00:18:16,420 --> 00:18:17,520
And you up on charges.
466
00:18:17,530 --> 00:18:19,660
-It's not his fault, dad!
I gave him a note.
467
00:18:19,660 --> 00:18:21,630
-It's not enough
to make fun of me on stage?
468
00:18:21,660 --> 00:18:24,200
You gotta go around
forging my signature, too?
469
00:18:24,270 --> 00:18:26,330
We're leaving.
-Hey, hey, hey.
470
00:18:26,470 --> 00:18:27,870
Hey, before you go, uh...
471
00:18:27,870 --> 00:18:29,270
This is for you.
472
00:18:29,270 --> 00:18:30,400
-What is it?
473
00:18:30,440 --> 00:18:32,740
-It's your cut of the door.
474
00:18:32,870 --> 00:18:34,940
You're not an amateur
anymore, kid.
475
00:18:35,080 --> 00:18:36,510
You're a pro.
476
00:18:36,510 --> 00:18:37,880
Adult mark (v.O.):A pro!
477
00:18:37,950 --> 00:18:38,880
-We're leaving.
478
00:18:38,910 --> 00:18:40,880
[mark sighs]
479
00:18:40,950 --> 00:18:43,950
-Aw, but I wants to see
the fella with the puppet!
480
00:18:44,090 --> 00:18:46,550
-[applause and cheering]
-ted: Okay, that's it, folks.
481
00:18:46,590 --> 00:18:48,820
Thank you very much
and goodnight!
482
00:18:53,030 --> 00:18:55,430
Adult mark (v.O.):I'd never
seen my dad this angry.
483
00:18:55,460 --> 00:18:58,100
I made a mental note
to remember it for my act.
484
00:18:58,130 --> 00:19:01,570
-I have never been
more humiliated.
485
00:19:01,600 --> 00:19:03,370
-I'm sorry, dad, I...
486
00:19:03,370 --> 00:19:05,500
It was just a joke.
487
00:19:05,540 --> 00:19:08,240
-Is that what I am to you?
A joke?
488
00:19:08,380 --> 00:19:10,580
-No, no, no.
489
00:19:10,710 --> 00:19:11,510
I...
490
00:19:11,550 --> 00:19:13,780
If I wanna be really funny,
491
00:19:13,780 --> 00:19:15,650
I have to talk about
my real life.
492
00:19:15,720 --> 00:19:17,380
-And what about my life, hey?
493
00:19:17,420 --> 00:19:19,050
What if my boss had been there?
494
00:19:19,050 --> 00:19:21,320
He would have thought
I'd given you my work coat!
495
00:19:21,460 --> 00:19:22,720
I'd be de-patched!
496
00:19:22,860 --> 00:19:25,190
Impersonating a vocm employee
in public!
497
00:19:25,330 --> 00:19:27,990
Good god!
498
00:19:28,130 --> 00:19:29,130
-I'm sorry.
499
00:19:29,260 --> 00:19:31,600
I should've talked to you
about it first.
500
00:19:32,670 --> 00:19:35,330
I just wanted to be liked.
501
00:19:35,400 --> 00:19:37,340
I wanted to be like you.
502
00:19:38,810 --> 00:19:40,410
Dad...
503
00:19:40,410 --> 00:19:42,410
Everybody loves you.
504
00:19:46,750 --> 00:19:48,010
[mike sr. Sighs]
505
00:19:48,020 --> 00:19:51,750
[poignant music]
506
00:19:51,790 --> 00:19:53,420
Adult mark (v.O.):
I was in big trouble.
507
00:19:53,550 --> 00:19:54,890
But it was worth it.
508
00:19:55,020 --> 00:19:58,420
I was a 14 years old and I was
a professional comedian.
509
00:19:58,430 --> 00:19:59,830
Technically.
510
00:20:00,900 --> 00:20:01,960
-Late last night...
511
00:20:02,030 --> 00:20:03,630
Adult mark (v.O.):I'd lied
more than pinocchio
512
00:20:03,760 --> 00:20:06,170
To book my first gig, but I'd
learned how important it is
513
00:20:06,170 --> 00:20:08,100
To tell the truth onstage.
514
00:20:08,170 --> 00:20:11,100
And when it came to stages,
it didn't matter where it was,
515
00:20:11,240 --> 00:20:12,840
But what you said on it.
516
00:20:12,970 --> 00:20:14,040
-...With a moose on it.
517
00:20:14,040 --> 00:20:16,280
[laughter]
518
00:20:16,410 --> 00:20:18,010
-Two men dead...
519
00:20:18,010 --> 00:20:18,880
One seriously.
520
00:20:19,010 --> 00:20:20,180
[laughter]
521
00:20:20,310 --> 00:20:22,080
Adult mark (v.O.):The
most personal things in life
522
00:20:22,120 --> 00:20:24,080
{\i1}Can also be the most universal.
523
00:20:24,090 --> 00:20:26,320
Comedian: [tv]'cause that's
where all the rock stars
524
00:20:26,350 --> 00:20:27,820
Shop for their guitars.
525
00:20:27,890 --> 00:20:30,490
Adult mark (v.O.):We have
more in common than we think.
526
00:20:30,630 --> 00:20:34,130
[sound of tv playing]
527
00:20:34,200 --> 00:20:37,730
?
528
00:20:37,730 --> 00:20:41,000
?
529
00:20:41,000 --> 00:20:45,840
?
530
00:20:45,970 --> 00:20:48,610
?
531
00:20:48,680 --> 00:20:50,510
?
532
00:20:50,550 --> 00:20:52,810
Adult mark (v.O.):
The most important thing of all
533
00:20:52,850 --> 00:20:55,210
Is to be able to
laugh at yourself.
534
00:20:55,250 --> 00:20:56,950
[mike sr. Chuckles]
535
00:21:00,090 --> 00:21:03,960
-"mike critch for the vocm
news... Service!"
536
00:21:04,090 --> 00:21:06,160
Thank you.
537
00:21:06,230 --> 00:21:09,930
[applause and cheering]
538
00:21:09,930 --> 00:21:13,030
?
539
00:21:13,030 --> 00:21:15,940
?
540
00:21:15,940 --> 00:21:18,300
Thank you!
541
00:21:23,040 --> 00:21:27,250
?
542
00:21:27,250 --> 00:21:30,920
?
543
00:21:30,990 --> 00:21:34,590
?
544
00:21:34,720 --> 00:21:38,120
?
545
00:21:38,260 --> 00:21:41,930
?
546
00:21:42,060 --> 00:21:45,730
?
547
00:21:45,800 --> 00:21:50,070
?
548
00:21:50,120 --> 00:21:54,670
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