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1
00:00:09,379 --> 00:00:10,429
Hello, Mia.
2
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So how have you been?
3
00:00:34,175 --> 00:00:35,075
Quiet.
4
00:00:35,725 --> 00:00:37,425
I hadn't heard from you.
5
00:00:38,315 --> 00:00:39,580
Did you get my message?
6
00:00:39,748 --> 00:00:41,598
Yes. Thanks for your call.
7
00:00:42,824 --> 00:00:45,185
- And how are you feeling?
- How do I look?
8
00:00:45,310 --> 00:00:48,965
That's a lawyer technique, right?
Answer a question with a question?
9
00:00:53,533 --> 00:00:56,319
Well, I thought I'd hit bottom
10
00:00:56,444 --> 00:00:59,236
at the end of the last session,
11
00:00:59,361 --> 00:01:03,057
but it went downhill from there.
12
00:01:04,016 --> 00:01:06,232
I did figure something out, though.
13
00:01:07,038 --> 00:01:08,588
I'm stopping therapy.
14
00:01:13,001 --> 00:01:17,001
In Treatment, S02E31
Mia: Week Seven
15
00:01:31,837 --> 00:01:33,588
I appreciate what you've done.
16
00:01:33,713 --> 00:01:35,869
I know I'm a tough case.
17
00:01:36,087 --> 00:01:37,857
But if every time
you go to the doctor,
18
00:01:37,982 --> 00:01:41,132
you end up feeling worse,
then it's time to move on.
19
00:01:42,338 --> 00:01:46,095
And I could have called, but I wanted
to come in and say goodbye...
20
00:01:47,459 --> 00:01:48,970
and wrap things up.
21
00:01:51,946 --> 00:01:53,096
I understand.
22
00:01:57,806 --> 00:01:59,869
You're not going to
try to convince me to stay?
23
00:02:01,136 --> 00:02:02,997
Is that what you'd like me to do?
24
00:02:03,165 --> 00:02:06,667
I just assumed you'd be all over me,
"therapy this, therapy that."
25
00:02:06,865 --> 00:02:09,302
You want me to hard-sell you
26
00:02:09,427 --> 00:02:12,298
like a guy selling you
a vegetable peeler on the street?
27
00:02:12,423 --> 00:02:13,548
Jeez, Paul,
28
00:02:15,526 --> 00:02:17,922
don't I get to be the angry one here?
29
00:02:18,047 --> 00:02:21,497
You mad because I want to
leave or has something happened?
30
00:02:21,808 --> 00:02:24,185
You look like you want
to take your ball and go home.
31
00:02:24,841 --> 00:02:26,291
Maybe you're right.
32
00:02:27,655 --> 00:02:30,066
If therapy hasn't helped,
33
00:02:30,191 --> 00:02:33,395
the last thing I want to do
is keep you here, make you feel worse.
34
00:02:33,520 --> 00:02:36,270
That's what happened
after the last session.
35
00:02:41,875 --> 00:02:44,265
I felt like... shit.
36
00:02:47,218 --> 00:02:51,044
And I went home and I called my dad,
37
00:02:51,169 --> 00:02:54,548
thinking that I should get
to the bottom of everything.
38
00:02:55,153 --> 00:02:58,358
He came over
and I started asking questions
39
00:02:58,595 --> 00:03:01,795
about my childhood,
all the things we'd talked about.
40
00:03:05,438 --> 00:03:06,988
He turned it on me...
41
00:03:08,724 --> 00:03:12,654
why was I creating problems,
bringing up ancient history?
42
00:03:13,517 --> 00:03:16,375
Maybe he felt threatened.
43
00:03:16,613 --> 00:03:20,498
Especially when I asked him
if it was his idea to sell the piano.
44
00:03:20,917 --> 00:03:22,076
He lost it...
45
00:03:22,343 --> 00:03:25,441
I shouldn't blame him;
I should be grateful;
46
00:03:25,789 --> 00:03:28,792
I wouldn't be alive without him;
47
00:03:29,824 --> 00:03:32,134
that I was impossible
from the day I was born,
48
00:03:32,259 --> 00:03:34,588
and maybe that's why
my mother went nuts.
49
00:03:35,077 --> 00:03:38,229
So it was all your fault.
50
00:03:38,354 --> 00:03:39,944
Yeah and he went on...
51
00:03:40,069 --> 00:03:42,969
it's no surprise
that I can't find a man;
52
00:03:43,094 --> 00:03:44,519
who would want...
53
00:03:46,223 --> 00:03:47,726
a woman like me?
54
00:03:48,721 --> 00:03:51,515
And then he walked out,
55
00:03:51,640 --> 00:03:54,575
saying that he didn't want
to talk to me again.
56
00:03:56,871 --> 00:04:00,250
So therapy isn't the only
reason you had a bad week.
57
00:04:01,170 --> 00:04:05,105
I never would have confronted him
if I hadn't been talking to you.
58
00:04:06,461 --> 00:04:09,273
So thanks to all of this, I have...
59
00:04:09,398 --> 00:04:11,000
lost my father.
60
00:04:11,391 --> 00:04:13,356
You haven't lost your father.
61
00:04:14,387 --> 00:04:16,693
He's still in your life,
62
00:04:16,818 --> 00:04:20,661
but you did lose the father
that you thought you had.
63
00:04:21,371 --> 00:04:24,371
He didn't refute
your mother's version of events.
64
00:04:24,890 --> 00:04:27,275
He just chose not to answer.
65
00:04:28,587 --> 00:04:32,019
And that confirms a lot of the things
that we've been talking about in here.
66
00:04:32,144 --> 00:04:33,647
Okay, Paul, I get it.
67
00:04:34,962 --> 00:04:36,763
I didn't have the perfect dad.
68
00:04:36,888 --> 00:04:39,153
You're right and I'm wrong.
Is that what you want?
69
00:04:39,566 --> 00:04:43,226
So put that in today's session notes,
which I hope you keep now...
70
00:04:43,351 --> 00:04:46,604
"Successfully shattered patient M.'s
71
00:04:46,729 --> 00:04:49,688
"romanticized image
of her narcissistic father."
72
00:04:49,813 --> 00:04:51,373
Actually what I would write is
73
00:04:51,542 --> 00:04:54,212
"Mia, born to a depressed mother,
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00:04:56,230 --> 00:04:59,870
"idealizes her father
so as not to feel completely alone.
75
00:04:59,995 --> 00:05:03,119
"And this week,
after finally confronting him,
76
00:05:04,516 --> 00:05:07,923
"she can see her dad
for who he really is."
77
00:05:11,150 --> 00:05:12,500
It is shattering,
78
00:05:14,367 --> 00:05:17,816
but if you can now move beyond
that connection to your father
79
00:05:17,984 --> 00:05:19,869
it may open the possibility
80
00:05:20,674 --> 00:05:22,542
of finding love elsewhere.
81
00:05:26,012 --> 00:05:28,808
You mean, if I stay in therapy.
82
00:05:28,975 --> 00:05:30,225
That's one way.
83
00:05:30,544 --> 00:05:32,096
It's certainly not the only way.
84
00:05:32,221 --> 00:05:34,389
Good, because I really am done.
85
00:05:36,219 --> 00:05:38,419
In fact, maybe I should get going.
86
00:05:39,169 --> 00:05:40,619
You can, of course.
87
00:05:41,231 --> 00:05:45,091
But since you're here,
maybe we can at least work on...
88
00:05:45,216 --> 00:05:46,216
closure.
89
00:05:46,639 --> 00:05:48,799
I know you were unhappy
about the last time
90
00:05:48,924 --> 00:05:50,631
that we ended therapy.
91
00:05:51,219 --> 00:05:53,669
I'd like to do a better job this time.
92
00:05:54,596 --> 00:05:56,063
How long does that take?
93
00:05:56,232 --> 00:05:57,882
Well, that's up to you.
94
00:05:58,950 --> 00:06:02,954
If this is your last session,
we'll use the time that's left.
95
00:06:03,357 --> 00:06:07,158
And I'll be honest, you be honest.
96
00:06:07,576 --> 00:06:08,575
How's that?
97
00:06:08,845 --> 00:06:10,439
Okay, last session.
98
00:06:15,829 --> 00:06:16,834
What do we do?
99
00:06:17,003 --> 00:06:19,440
You haven't told me what
happened after your father left.
100
00:06:19,565 --> 00:06:21,096
That's how we do closure?
101
00:06:21,221 --> 00:06:23,590
Couldn't we just burn
some sage or something?
102
00:06:26,562 --> 00:06:28,562
I enjoy your humor a lot, Mia.
103
00:06:30,526 --> 00:06:32,926
But sometimes I feel it's a way of...
104
00:06:33,240 --> 00:06:34,790
it's a way of hiding.
105
00:06:45,196 --> 00:06:46,674
After dad left,
106
00:06:47,740 --> 00:06:50,674
I pretty much stayed home all week.
107
00:06:52,901 --> 00:06:53,901
In bed.
108
00:06:57,759 --> 00:07:00,833
And I know that sounds bad,
but I'm here now,
109
00:07:00,958 --> 00:07:02,860
so I got through it.
110
00:07:03,525 --> 00:07:05,525
Did you get out of bed at all?
111
00:07:07,737 --> 00:07:11,188
Bathroom trips, kitchen trips.
112
00:07:11,313 --> 00:07:13,265
I answered the door for deliveries.
113
00:07:13,888 --> 00:07:15,434
Did you talk to anybody?
114
00:07:16,323 --> 00:07:17,939
My trusty assistant Henry,
115
00:07:18,064 --> 00:07:20,397
who threatened to come over
and cook for me.
116
00:07:20,730 --> 00:07:23,067
- You didn't want to call me?
- What would I have said...
117
00:07:23,236 --> 00:07:25,986
"I'm under the covers 'cause
I'm afraid of the living room"?
118
00:07:26,154 --> 00:07:29,120
If that's how you felt, then yes.
119
00:07:32,917 --> 00:07:35,120
Have you been feeling a little hopeless?
120
00:07:36,673 --> 00:07:38,970
I'm not suicidal, Paul, don't worry.
121
00:07:39,095 --> 00:07:40,605
I am pretty tough.
122
00:07:41,169 --> 00:07:45,173
Does being tough mean you have to
suffer through things like this alone?
123
00:07:45,354 --> 00:07:47,504
I just felt like the bed was safe...
124
00:07:49,051 --> 00:07:53,667
and the living room was... scary.
125
00:07:54,060 --> 00:07:55,503
So you took to your bed...
126
00:07:57,190 --> 00:07:58,740
like your mother did.
127
00:08:00,298 --> 00:08:01,805
She had post-partum.
128
00:08:01,972 --> 00:08:04,888
What's my excuse... post-non-partum?
129
00:08:05,589 --> 00:08:08,237
I wouldn't belittle what
you've been through, Mia.
130
00:08:08,405 --> 00:08:09,943
You wanted a child.
131
00:08:10,660 --> 00:08:12,508
You thought you were having one.
132
00:08:12,633 --> 00:08:14,233
That's a painful loss.
133
00:08:17,817 --> 00:08:20,567
And on top of that,
when you were vulnerable
134
00:08:20,855 --> 00:08:22,920
and needed your father the most...
135
00:08:24,484 --> 00:08:26,184
he wasn't there for you.
136
00:08:28,257 --> 00:08:30,759
Maybe the same way
he wasn't there for your mother,
137
00:08:31,236 --> 00:08:33,386
when she couldn't get out of bed.
138
00:08:40,363 --> 00:08:44,256
This is exactly why
I'm done with therapy.
139
00:08:44,835 --> 00:08:46,835
Every time we talk, I feel like
140
00:08:46,960 --> 00:08:50,210
I need to see a therapist
just to get through the day.
141
00:08:50,880 --> 00:08:52,300
Okay, I hear you.
142
00:08:52,425 --> 00:08:55,325
- No more dad. No more mom.
- Is this how closure works?
143
00:08:55,493 --> 00:08:57,647
You remind me
of my miserable family life,
144
00:08:57,772 --> 00:09:00,581
and then my love life, and then what?
Global warming?
145
00:09:05,394 --> 00:09:07,421
So what would you like to talk about?
146
00:09:07,589 --> 00:09:09,989
I was thinking about
getting a parrot,
147
00:09:11,349 --> 00:09:12,299
as a pet,
148
00:09:13,268 --> 00:09:15,718
instead of a boyfriend or a therapist.
149
00:09:16,843 --> 00:09:18,343
I could name it Paul,
150
00:09:19,219 --> 00:09:21,769
and I could teach it to say things like,
151
00:09:22,089 --> 00:09:23,729
"What would you like to talk about?"
152
00:09:23,897 --> 00:09:26,147
Or "Is it me or is it your father?"
153
00:09:26,825 --> 00:09:29,722
But then I found out
that parrots live for about 80 years.
154
00:09:29,847 --> 00:09:32,321
And I don't think I could
stand anybody for that long.
155
00:09:32,701 --> 00:09:35,087
So you want to go,
but you also want to keep me around,
156
00:09:35,212 --> 00:09:37,662
or at least you want to keep my voice.
157
00:09:38,013 --> 00:09:39,359
Look, Paul,
158
00:09:39,997 --> 00:09:41,266
I like you...
159
00:09:42,694 --> 00:09:44,344
as a person.
160
00:09:45,612 --> 00:09:47,377
I mean, that's pretty obvious.
161
00:09:48,770 --> 00:09:50,220
If we were friends,
162
00:09:51,092 --> 00:09:53,130
that would be great.
163
00:09:57,186 --> 00:09:58,386
But we're not.
164
00:09:58,707 --> 00:10:01,369
And I don't imagine you're
going to become my friend.
165
00:10:01,494 --> 00:10:03,018
That's against the rules.
166
00:10:04,444 --> 00:10:07,554
Unless, of course, my name were Laura.
167
00:10:07,941 --> 00:10:10,901
- You're still angry about that.
- Maybe I'm just an angry person
168
00:10:11,069 --> 00:10:13,177
and I should just accept
myself for who I am.
169
00:10:13,302 --> 00:10:16,657
- No, you're specifically angry at me.
- No, I said I like you.
170
00:10:16,913 --> 00:10:19,094
And you want me as a friend
but not as a therapist.
171
00:10:19,219 --> 00:10:21,119
You want what I can't give you.
172
00:10:21,288 --> 00:10:22,314
What else is new?
173
00:10:22,439 --> 00:10:24,998
Maybe the question isn't
why you're leaving, Mia,
174
00:10:25,166 --> 00:10:26,959
but why you came back in the first place.
175
00:10:27,721 --> 00:10:31,171
You clearly knew that I was
being sued for malpractice. And
176
00:10:31,339 --> 00:10:33,986
you believed that I had
failed you 20 years ago.
177
00:10:34,111 --> 00:10:36,343
Think about it.
What kind of choice was that?
178
00:10:36,511 --> 00:10:38,411
It wasn't a really good one.
179
00:10:39,039 --> 00:10:40,739
Or maybe it was perfect...
180
00:10:41,776 --> 00:10:44,309
if you were trying to choose
a therapist in the same way that
181
00:10:44,477 --> 00:10:47,639
you choose the men in your life,
182
00:10:48,759 --> 00:10:51,079
look for someone who's
likely to let you down,
183
00:10:51,204 --> 00:10:53,190
do everything you can
to drive him away,
184
00:10:53,315 --> 00:10:55,612
and when he fails you,
which he must inevitably,
185
00:10:56,879 --> 00:10:59,029
then you get to rage against him.
186
00:11:03,698 --> 00:11:04,798
Nicely done.
187
00:11:05,598 --> 00:11:08,961
You've even doubled back to dad,
without having to mention him.
188
00:11:09,086 --> 00:11:12,589
Look, Mia, of course you're free
to leave therapy,
189
00:11:13,272 --> 00:11:15,872
but my guess is, until you untangle those
190
00:11:17,144 --> 00:11:18,344
crossed wires,
191
00:11:18,768 --> 00:11:22,077
the next man, and the one after that,
and the one after that
192
00:11:22,202 --> 00:11:23,890
they're going to disappoint you, too.
193
00:11:25,112 --> 00:11:26,912
That's my lifelong pattern
194
00:11:28,651 --> 00:11:30,001
because I've been
195
00:11:31,829 --> 00:11:33,734
too attached to bad dad?
196
00:11:37,667 --> 00:11:40,267
Why didn't you tell me this 20 years ago?
197
00:11:40,517 --> 00:11:43,368
- I mean, what the fuck?
- Are you saying it's my fault?
198
00:11:43,536 --> 00:11:46,132
Maybe I would have had a decent
life if I had known that.
199
00:11:46,257 --> 00:11:47,788
It's a little late now.
200
00:11:47,913 --> 00:11:50,693
Would you have even heard me
if I'd said it that back then?
201
00:11:50,818 --> 00:11:52,284
So you waited?
202
00:11:53,702 --> 00:11:56,840
And while you waited,
I hit perimenopause? Great.
203
00:11:56,965 --> 00:11:58,967
- You're doing it again, Mia.
- What?
204
00:11:59,135 --> 00:12:01,849
Blaming me for not giving you
what you need when you needed it.
205
00:12:01,974 --> 00:12:02,971
Now I get it.
206
00:12:03,139 --> 00:12:06,433
Closure is you telling
me that it's all my fault
207
00:12:06,602 --> 00:12:08,202
and that I set you up.
208
00:12:08,710 --> 00:12:10,562
That way we can both
have what we want:
209
00:12:10,731 --> 00:12:13,565
I can be mad at you,
and you can be done with me.
210
00:12:13,733 --> 00:12:16,874
Here's where you tell me how relieved
I'll be when you walk out the door.
211
00:12:16,999 --> 00:12:19,527
And then you're going to say
212
00:12:19,761 --> 00:12:23,556
that you're like a knife in my neck,
that it'll feel good when you're gone.
213
00:12:23,681 --> 00:12:25,320
That how it goes, isn't it?
214
00:12:25,445 --> 00:12:27,339
See, this is your specialty, Mia.
215
00:12:27,464 --> 00:12:30,469
And if you want to keep repeating
that pattern, that's fine. Go ahead.
216
00:12:30,594 --> 00:12:33,283
But if you want to make
a change in your life,
217
00:12:33,408 --> 00:12:35,938
I suggest that you stay in therapy.
218
00:12:37,111 --> 00:12:40,032
And it doesn't even need to be with me.
219
00:12:41,889 --> 00:12:44,111
Can we talk about your patterns?
220
00:12:44,514 --> 00:12:45,614
My patterns?
221
00:12:46,641 --> 00:12:48,157
Like what?
222
00:12:48,282 --> 00:12:50,560
How you like to have a woman on the couch
223
00:12:50,728 --> 00:12:52,979
who thinks she's in love with you,
224
00:12:53,259 --> 00:12:54,959
how you get off on that.
225
00:12:55,649 --> 00:12:56,733
Get off on it?
226
00:12:57,287 --> 00:12:59,237
I've seen how you look at me.
227
00:13:00,771 --> 00:13:02,071
You hold up that
228
00:13:02,473 --> 00:13:05,551
neutral face pretty well,
but I see when it slips
229
00:13:07,245 --> 00:13:09,246
and you're looking at my neck...
230
00:13:11,367 --> 00:13:12,636
or my legs...
231
00:13:13,970 --> 00:13:17,370
or my breasts and you're wondering
what it would be like.
232
00:13:20,356 --> 00:13:22,509
Come on, Paul, you said you'd be honest.
233
00:13:23,899 --> 00:13:25,749
How about you drop the act?
234
00:13:26,185 --> 00:13:28,306
You know you'd rather have
me as a patient than some
235
00:13:28,474 --> 00:13:31,224
hedge fund guy whose
bonus has been reduced.
236
00:13:38,899 --> 00:13:41,985
Don't tell me you haven't
had fantasies about us.
237
00:13:43,258 --> 00:13:45,508
Crazy chicks are hot in bed, right?
238
00:13:47,003 --> 00:13:50,003
What's the matter?
Am I making you uncomfortable?
239
00:13:53,047 --> 00:13:56,042
Why don't we just go in
the bedroom right now and fuck?
240
00:13:59,101 --> 00:14:01,219
Or how about on the kitchen counter?
241
00:14:01,344 --> 00:14:03,467
I bet you never did that with Laura.
242
00:14:05,392 --> 00:14:08,469
So there's nothing to
be learned from therapy,
243
00:14:08,594 --> 00:14:10,794
so let's just go fuck? Is that it?
244
00:14:15,829 --> 00:14:18,544
At least we'd get some relief
245
00:14:19,461 --> 00:14:20,873
from our miserable lives.
246
00:14:20,998 --> 00:14:23,487
So that's your version of closure?
247
00:14:26,255 --> 00:14:28,977
It would make us feel better,
instead of pretending that this
248
00:14:29,102 --> 00:14:31,202
talking nonsense actually helps.
249
00:14:32,349 --> 00:14:35,499
What would it be like if you
broke all the rules for me?
250
00:14:36,222 --> 00:14:38,934
You mean if I said -- yes?
251
00:14:39,170 --> 00:14:40,519
So you want to?
252
00:14:41,089 --> 00:14:42,239
What if I do?
253
00:14:43,910 --> 00:14:45,185
What would happen?
254
00:14:45,310 --> 00:14:46,810
What are you saying?
255
00:14:47,887 --> 00:14:50,441
Would you finally feel special enough?
256
00:14:51,422 --> 00:14:53,721
Would it fix everything,
to win like that?
257
00:14:53,846 --> 00:14:56,311
Or would you just blame
me for crossing the line?
258
00:14:56,479 --> 00:14:58,689
You're a lawyer, for chrissake.
259
00:15:00,000 --> 00:15:01,900
You know what it would mean.
260
00:15:03,093 --> 00:15:05,843
Then I would be truly
guilty of malpractice.
261
00:15:06,377 --> 00:15:08,573
You've probably represented
doctors like that.
262
00:15:08,913 --> 00:15:11,963
Hell of a way to get out of therapy,
I have to say...
263
00:15:12,126 --> 00:15:15,036
- turn me into one of your clients.
- That's not what I'm doing.
264
00:15:15,161 --> 00:15:17,332
Isn't it? Then I would need you.
265
00:15:17,896 --> 00:15:19,515
You would be in control.
266
00:15:19,640 --> 00:15:22,369
And that would be much
more comfortable for you,
267
00:15:22,494 --> 00:15:25,871
to have me back in your office.
268
00:15:32,060 --> 00:15:33,060
Maybe...
269
00:15:38,032 --> 00:15:40,232
Maybe that's why you really do it.
270
00:15:40,669 --> 00:15:41,522
What?
271
00:15:41,691 --> 00:15:43,817
- Your job.
- You're changing the topic.
272
00:15:43,985 --> 00:15:45,635
Are you getting scared?
273
00:15:50,421 --> 00:15:52,871
I'm trying to help you. That's my job.
274
00:15:54,269 --> 00:15:57,664
What's yours, Mia?
What do you do at work every day?
275
00:15:57,832 --> 00:16:00,232
You know as well as anyone what I do.
276
00:16:03,541 --> 00:16:05,338
How is your case going?
277
00:16:05,506 --> 00:16:08,956
I wasn't in last week.
Don't you have a hearing coming up?
278
00:16:09,422 --> 00:16:11,152
So they tell me.
279
00:16:12,268 --> 00:16:14,968
But you're right,
you weren't in last week.
280
00:16:16,015 --> 00:16:19,811
If you had gone in, what cases
would you have been working on?
281
00:16:23,385 --> 00:16:25,922
No trials. I was supposed
to meet a new client,
282
00:16:26,047 --> 00:16:27,736
a pediatrician who
283
00:16:28,057 --> 00:16:30,545
misdiagnosed some nine-year-old kid,
284
00:16:30,996 --> 00:16:32,297
almost killed him.
285
00:16:32,422 --> 00:16:34,322
No wonder you stayed in bed.
286
00:16:35,277 --> 00:16:38,830
I don't judge my clients, Paul.
I protect them.
287
00:16:39,258 --> 00:16:41,447
And how many of
your clients are powerful men
288
00:16:41,572 --> 00:16:44,051
who fail to protect
the vulnerable and the innocent?
289
00:16:44,176 --> 00:16:45,629
They're being sued, Paul,
290
00:16:45,798 --> 00:16:48,298
just like you.
That doesn't mean they're guilty.
291
00:16:48,467 --> 00:16:50,258
And how long have you been doing that?
292
00:16:52,441 --> 00:16:53,569
17 years.
293
00:16:53,795 --> 00:16:55,795
How often do you call in sick?
294
00:16:57,452 --> 00:16:58,852
Since I got there?
295
00:17:00,326 --> 00:17:01,626
Five days, four.
296
00:17:02,086 --> 00:17:03,449
In 17 years?
297
00:17:03,990 --> 00:17:05,190
And vacations?
298
00:17:07,031 --> 00:17:09,455
You don't lose the weeks
if you don't take them.
299
00:17:09,580 --> 00:17:11,279
I see. But after last week,
300
00:17:11,447 --> 00:17:14,636
after confronting your father,
you didn't go in.
301
00:17:15,923 --> 00:17:17,806
According to you, I was depressed.
302
00:17:17,931 --> 00:17:19,086
I think you were.
303
00:17:19,211 --> 00:17:21,060
But I don't think it's a coincidence
304
00:17:21,185 --> 00:17:24,985
that suddenly you didn't want to
defend somebody whose negligence
305
00:17:25,152 --> 00:17:26,602
had harmed a child.
306
00:17:28,293 --> 00:17:30,471
Look, I'm not saying they're all guilty,
307
00:17:30,596 --> 00:17:34,302
but every time you stand in
that courtroom to defend a client,
308
00:17:35,529 --> 00:17:39,029
I think you're actually defending
your father to everybody,
309
00:17:39,308 --> 00:17:40,808
especially yourself.
310
00:17:45,449 --> 00:17:46,449
Shit.
311
00:17:51,776 --> 00:17:53,613
How long have you known that one?
312
00:17:54,923 --> 00:17:56,723
Does it make sense to you?
313
00:18:03,114 --> 00:18:06,428
I never made the connection...
314
00:18:07,151 --> 00:18:09,021
and now I'm stuck with it.
315
00:18:13,590 --> 00:18:17,290
I felt like I had nothing before.
Now I have less than nothing.
316
00:18:17,681 --> 00:18:19,835
I know it feels scary,
317
00:18:20,178 --> 00:18:23,058
but maybe that's a good thing.
318
00:18:23,696 --> 00:18:26,146
It's a good thing that I have nothing?
319
00:18:26,360 --> 00:18:27,434
Thank you.
320
00:18:28,391 --> 00:18:32,303
Thank you. You've helped me
to realize that I've made
321
00:18:32,870 --> 00:18:36,166
poor choice after poor choice
my whole life.
322
00:18:36,688 --> 00:18:39,458
But you also have to realize, Mia,
323
00:18:39,820 --> 00:18:42,786
that you're at a critical juncture
in your life,
324
00:18:43,231 --> 00:18:45,911
that now you do have
the self-knowledge
325
00:18:46,125 --> 00:18:48,133
to make different, better choices.
326
00:18:48,258 --> 00:18:50,950
Don't give me any of this pollyanna shit.
327
00:18:51,075 --> 00:18:53,166
And sometimes when you're
on the verge of real change,
328
00:18:53,291 --> 00:18:56,138
that's when you fight the hardest.
329
00:19:00,175 --> 00:19:02,040
When you first came back
I tried to ask you
330
00:19:02,165 --> 00:19:03,945
about your connection to your father
331
00:19:04,070 --> 00:19:06,497
and you shut me down. You didn't want
to know anything about it.
332
00:19:06,622 --> 00:19:09,773
This past week you confronted him.
333
00:19:10,020 --> 00:19:12,027
Yeah, look how well that worked out.
334
00:19:12,152 --> 00:19:15,649
I'm not saying it was easy.
But maybe it's worth it.
335
00:19:16,785 --> 00:19:19,778
To finally take off the blinders,
336
00:19:20,346 --> 00:19:23,717
even if you don't like what you see.
Because what is the alternative?
337
00:19:23,842 --> 00:19:27,242
Put them back on again
and wander around in the darkness?
338
00:19:28,476 --> 00:19:31,930
Did you have to take them off?
I didn't do it. You did.
339
00:19:35,666 --> 00:19:37,217
What are you thinking?
340
00:19:40,500 --> 00:19:41,889
Nothing.
341
00:19:43,661 --> 00:19:46,561
What am I going to do
with the rest of my life?
342
00:19:48,708 --> 00:19:49,720
I want...
343
00:19:50,096 --> 00:19:54,234
the same things I wanted
when I came here two months ago...
344
00:19:54,681 --> 00:19:57,995
a man, a home, a family.
345
00:19:59,783 --> 00:20:02,029
I'm no closer to getting them.
346
00:20:02,868 --> 00:20:07,149
Do you really think that getting married
is going to make it all better?
347
00:20:08,192 --> 00:20:11,216
Do you have any idea
of how many married people,
348
00:20:11,341 --> 00:20:15,324
how many parents feel as empty as you do?
349
00:20:17,162 --> 00:20:18,550
Let me ask you...
350
00:20:18,836 --> 00:20:22,412
when was the last time
you felt real happiness?
351
00:20:24,505 --> 00:20:27,267
A couple of weeks ago when I thought
that I was pregnant.
352
00:20:27,435 --> 00:20:29,991
And what about
that made you feel good?
353
00:20:30,663 --> 00:20:34,593
That it wasn't just me,
that my life had meaning,
354
00:20:36,882 --> 00:20:38,446
that there would be
355
00:20:39,503 --> 00:20:41,669
this other person, always.
356
00:20:43,131 --> 00:20:46,881
Have you ever considered that maybe
it's not about a child, Mia,
357
00:20:47,185 --> 00:20:48,943
or a husband?
358
00:20:50,500 --> 00:20:53,438
Maybe that's just a picture in your head
359
00:20:53,563 --> 00:20:56,537
from your family, from your friends,
360
00:20:56,662 --> 00:20:58,725
from the culture.
361
00:20:59,401 --> 00:21:01,384
Not everyone needs that
362
00:21:01,751 --> 00:21:04,616
to live a full and contented life.
363
00:21:07,152 --> 00:21:11,120
Maybe what you really want, Mia,
is to feel connected,
364
00:21:11,855 --> 00:21:13,612
authentically connected
365
00:21:14,748 --> 00:21:17,222
to somebody or something else.
366
00:21:17,611 --> 00:21:19,899
And we both know that I can't have that.
367
00:21:20,024 --> 00:21:22,771
- Why not?
- An authentic connection? Me?
368
00:21:22,896 --> 00:21:26,696
- I've never had that. I'm incapable.
- Are you sure?
369
00:21:26,821 --> 00:21:28,601
What about in here?
370
00:21:29,320 --> 00:21:31,257
Are you kidding me?
371
00:21:31,821 --> 00:21:33,682
I'm a mess in here.
372
00:21:34,023 --> 00:21:37,684
I attack you. I've dumped on you.
I've tried to seduce you.
373
00:21:37,809 --> 00:21:41,632
- I've been a train wreck.
- Okay, at times you have acted out.
374
00:21:41,801 --> 00:21:44,907
But if you hadn't,
how could we examine it?
375
00:21:45,894 --> 00:21:49,656
It's been your way of communicating
to both of us what you need.
376
00:21:50,961 --> 00:21:55,302
You've also been honest, caring.
You've made yourself vulnerable.
377
00:21:56,914 --> 00:21:59,831
You've shown me who you really are.
378
00:22:00,280 --> 00:22:02,180
And you haven't walked away.
379
00:22:03,997 --> 00:22:04,989
Yet.
380
00:22:05,579 --> 00:22:08,409
We both know
that you really want to change.
381
00:22:09,448 --> 00:22:11,955
That's the real reason
you keep coming back.
382
00:22:12,699 --> 00:22:15,416
Yes, of course you want
intimacy in your life.
383
00:22:15,541 --> 00:22:16,584
And I know...
384
00:22:17,627 --> 00:22:20,105
I know that you're capable of that.
385
00:22:20,950 --> 00:22:24,496
- Because we've had it.
- When? Name one time.
386
00:22:24,976 --> 00:22:26,627
Now. Right now.
387
00:23:01,623 --> 00:23:02,880
Our time is up, right?
388
00:23:09,259 --> 00:23:10,559
Thank you, Paul.
389
00:23:15,947 --> 00:23:17,353
It was a good session.
390
00:23:30,339 --> 00:23:31,489
Goodbye, Mia.
391
00:23:35,148 --> 00:23:36,148
So...
392
00:23:39,496 --> 00:23:41,546
I guess I'll see you next week.
393
00:23:46,417 --> 00:23:47,666
I'll be here.29855
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